#stick with it this really is a Rhys post

[hang-on-lil-tomato]

The Aquabats and Rhys Darby, Shark Fighters

[anmwrites]

Beneath the Surface

Azriel x Reader

Hi All! So this isn't one of the Az requests unfortunately, but this is one of my private fics I already had written. I'm still working on the Az request that's in the queue, but I'm lowkey hating everything I've been writing so it'll probably take me a little longer to perfect it.

In the meantime, I wanted to get something put up for you all. Sticking to the fandom that was requested I decided to post this Az fic! Probably very stereotypical trope, but this was what I got. This one is a little heavier than my Xaden fic, so please read with caution. I hope you all enjoy!

Content Warning: Mentions of Suicide, self-sabotage, depression, & guilt

Again, I apologize if I missed any other warnings. Please read with caution.

Talk soon, and please enjoy!

“I’m getting her back,” a low growl cut through the tent. Y/N’s head whipped to the Shadowsinger. “I’m going with you,” her High Lady’s voice intervened. “Then you will both die,” her sister’s cold voice replied. 

Y/N’s head was reeling. In just hours after scrying for the Cauldron, the Inner Circle and then some were gathered around in the middle Archeron’s tent. She was stolen away. Lured by the promise of her human past. And…and Azriel was the first to throw himself into harm's way. 

Y/N was barely there as she watched Feyre shift into the dead priestess. Barely there as everyone began moving, readying themselves for their departure. Azriel hadn’t glanced once at her. His best friend. 

A silent brush of claws filled the Illyrian’s head. Y/N dropped her shields momentarily allowing Rhys’ voice to float into her mind. You are awfully quiet. Y/N snorted. He can do whatever he sees fit. A bemused feeling washed over her as Rhys carefully crafted his next words. I heard what happened. Quite a nasty little argument you had with him earlier. Y/N’s eyes shot to Rhys who was conveniently studying the daggers Cassian was equipping Feyre with. He started it. Trying to sideline me. I may not have wings but I know how to fight. 

Rhys finally met her gaze, You need to tell him. 

Tell him what exactly, brother? Y/N quirked her brow. 

You know. The fact that you are in love with him.

Feyre’s eyes darted back and forth between her mate and Y/N clearly noting they were having some form of silent conversation. He made his choice Rhys. Just as it’s always been for the past five centuries. There’s no point in telling him now. 

Truth be told, Y/N had known this story. Had lived through it with Mor. And now she had to live through it again with Elain. Her best friend, for centuries, after Rhys’ mother had taken her in regardless of her lack of wings, was hopelessly in love with another female…as usual. It was nothing new to Y/N. He only saw her as a friend. A sister perhaps. 

Y/N wasn’t really sure when her own feelings had shifted. Her and Azriel were always more than just siblings like she was with Rhys and Cassian. Everyone around knew there was something special between them. So much so that Y/N had even felt a spark of hope until Azriel met Mor, and then the whole incident with Cassian, Eris, and Mor’s father occurred. She slowly realized he would never see her as more than a friend, and Y/N began to be okay with that. And then she watched him do it again when Feyre’s sister entered the picture. It stung, but she was used to it. 

There is the point that we all may die or he may die. Rhys’ voice cut into her thoughts. Rhys. Stop. I can’t think about all of this right now or I will break. He’ll be fine. Rhys merely gave her a sympathetic feeling before she felt his presence exit her mind. He was right though. Azriel could very well die. She needed air. Or she would lose it. The initial shock of his announcement wearing off, nervousness settling in. 

Y/N quietly retreated outside of the stifling tent. The cool night air brushed over her clammy face as she took a deep breath. Something tickled at her ankles. She glanced down to see a single tendril of a shadow wrapped around it. She gave it a small smile. “I’m alright,” she whispered to it. “Go tell him I’m fine.” 

The little wisp of darkness hesitated before retreating back into the tent. Y/N grimaced, that old, familiar feeling of heartache seeping into her chest. She didn’t want him to go. Nesta and Rhys were right. They most likely would die. Everyone saw what the camp looked like. Elain could be anywhere. And selfishly, she did not want her High Lady and Shadowsinger to go in there. Especially her Shadowsinger.

A single tear slipped down her cheek, and Y/N took a shaky breath. A quiet rustle behind her signaled someone had stepped out of the tent. She felt him before she saw him as she always did. Slowly, Y/N turned around and saw Azriel standing behind her. His face softened as he took her in. “Y/N I…” he started, approaching her. “I–I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” Y/N sighed before meeting him halfway. Her heart crumpled. He was still her best friend, and she still cared. “It’s okay, Az. I understand,” she said quietly, gazing up into his warm eyes. Eyes she was so, so familiar with. His warmth engulfed her, as they were standing maybe just a hair closer than any normal friends would stand. 

“No. It’s not. I just–you’re not incompetent. I know what you can do on a battlefield. It’s just–I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” he signed, taking his hand in hers. Y/N watched as his gaze fell on their intertwined hands. He fiddled with her fingers as a nervous habit. 

“I know. I don’t want to see you get hurt either,” Y/N whispered, her unspoken selfish words hanging in the air. Azriel’s eyes flicked back to hers studying for a moment. Were they closer? Y/N thought to herself. “Say it,” he replied. “Say the words and I won’t do it. I won’t go.” 

Y/N’s heart picked up. She knew if she told him not to go after Elain he wouldn’t. He would drop it immediately. But Feyre’s face flashed in her head. Nesta’s moans of pain ripped through her. They were a part of their family now. Y/N shook her head, more tears slipping down her face. “I can’t do that,” she let out a shaky laugh, casting her head down. His other hand felt warm as he caressed her face, wiping the tears away with his thumb. 

“You’re the only one who has a chance to get in and out without being noticed. You have to get both of them out. They’re family now,” Y/N whispered. Azriel didn’t say anything, but when she met his intense gaze, those three little words felt heavy on her tongue. Looking into his eyes, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him so bad it was like her skin was on fire. Y/N couldn’t breathe. He could very well be walking right into his death. 

But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t drop the biggest bomb on their friendship when he needed his sole focus elsewhere. So, she stayed silent. She stayed silent even as he nodded and said, “I’ll be fine. I promise I’ll come back to you.” She stayed silent when he pulled her into his warm body and hugged her a little tighter. Y/N stayed quiet even when he led her back into the tent and she watched him disappear with their High Lady in the blink of an eye.

•••

Rhys let out a shaky breath after the departure of his mate and brother. As everyone dispersed, he noticed Y/N was still frozen in place, staring at the spot where the pair had just disappeared. He could see her visibly shaking. Cassian passed her and gave her a sympathetic look and pat on the shoulder before he exited. Rhys slowly approached her. 

“I couldn’t do it,” Y/N said without turning to him. Rhys could hear the tears in her voice. The uneven breaths she took. “He told me to tell him to stay and he would’ve in a heartbeat. I couldn’t do that to Feyre. To you. To our family,” she continued. Rhys opened his mouth and then closed it, unsure what to say. His heart was so full of emotions. Terror, absolute terror for his mate and his brother. Love–love for his unselfish sister. The baby he saw that day his mother brought her home. All in a frantic rush to warm up this little, tiny fragile thing she found in the snow, abandoned by her blood relatives because fate was cruel and did not give her wings. 

Y/N let out another shaky sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re also trying to keep it together. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.” 

This. This was why he felt he had to take it all on himself. Rhys’ heart was breaking for her. For his most kind and caring, living sister. This beautiful soul who has slowly fallen in love with Azriel for all of the centuries spent together. He didn’t understand why the Mother didn’t make them mates…his train of thought paused. It was as if he was hit with a brick. Sifting through all his memories and countless conversations with her, it finally clicked into place. 

“How long have you known?” Rhys asked quietly. Y/N slowly turned to face him. Pain and anguish, only that of which someone with a mate would know. The same pain and anguish he felt watching Feyre disappear. Y/N let out a bitter laugh, “Since Starfall five years ago. When you were…away.” Rhys was slightly shocked. He noticed the smallest shift in their relationship when he had returned. But after all it, he expected everything to be different. 

“Why didn’t you tell him? Me? Does Cassian know?” Rhys asked. Y/N shook her head, “I didn’t tell him because we were all dealing with the loss. I didn’t let myself find peace while you were gone. I couldn’t. I knew there were horrors you were enduring. Horrors I couldn’t even fathom, and I just couldn’t let myself be happy. And Az, well Az went to a dark place when you were gone. The only thing he clung to was his love for Mor, and I couldn’t disrupt his entire life. I wouldn’t. We didn’t speak for a few months after you were taken. We were all a mess,” tears flowed freely down her face as she spoke to him. 

Rhys could barely contain his. 

“So I buried it. I buried it so deep inside of myself no one would pick up on it. Or at least notice it without having to scrutinize me. I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I saw how you were when you returned Rhys. I couldn’t do that to you. You were trying so hard to pretend like you were okay and then your mate was with another. I just couldn’t do that to you, so I didn’t. I continued to bury it, but it just…just all got away from me.”

Y/N let out a choked sob that had Rhys moving. His arms wrapped around her engulfing her in a hug. “Oh you sweet, sweet thing,” he whispered, “My sweet sister,” he started, pulling back a bit to look at her. “You never need to hide anything from me. No matter what I am going through, you can always come to me. I am so, so happy for you. Although, I do need to kick Az around Velaris a bit since he cannot see what has always been right in front of him.” Y/N let out a garbled laugh before burying her head back in his chest. 

“We’ll figure it out, Y/N. Whatever is going on in Az’s head. We’ll figure it out together. When all of this is over. We’ll both get our happy ending. I promise you that,” Rhys concluded. Y/N only nodded, before stepping out of his arms and wiping her face. “Cassian suspected it and I’m sure Amren knows. She has never mentioned it to me but Cass has. I didn’t confirm anything with him and he hasn’t mentioned it to Az.” Rhys nodded, guiding her outside of the tent for some fresh air.  

•••

Y/N knew she should have told someone about the mating bond. It was something she could only suppress so much. But the guilt she and the rest of the inner circle felt when Rhys sacrificed himself ate at her too much. How could she let herself be happy when their High Lord and brother was subjecting himself to the horrors Under the Mountain, willingly, to protect them. 

There was no point dwelling on it now. Not as she paced in front of Rhys who was sitting tense in front of his war tent. The minutes ticked by all too slowly as they silently awaited Azriel and Feyre’s return. “Tell me about when it happened,” Rhys said quietly, interrupting Y/N’s nervous pacing. She stopped and looked at him. His eyes were glazed over like mind was somewhere else. He needed a distraction. For her brother, she would tell him everything. 

Y/N took a breath. “Starfall wasn’t the same without you. We knew how much the celebrations meant to you and so did Velaris. We never hosted a grand party anymore. The House was opened to those who wished to join, but it was almost as if the city was mourning the loss of our High Lord. Some came, but it was another quiet celebration.”

Rhys’ gaze flicked to hers. 

“I–I was upset that five years had already gone by and you weren’t able to see this and be there with us,” Y/N continued, “I was close to breaking by that point. My hope was running out. I was up on the private balcony where you and Feyre celebrated. Azriel of course found me. Sitting there, silently looking at the stars or spirits or whatever. Wishing on them so hard that they would return you to us.”

“He sat with me for I don’t even know how long. Let me cry on his shoulder and just be a comfort. Everyone held it together a lot better than I did, Rhys. You were my brother. My first family and the one who took care of me when I had nothing. When we lost your mother and our sister, you were the only thing I had left of them.” 

Y/N sniffed, more tears running down her face as she took herself back to that night. “I honestly debated pitching myself off that balcony that night,” she muttered bitterly. Rough hands immediately grabbed her face. Rhys’ anguish poured off of him as he seethed at her, “Do not ever think that. Even when I am gone. Never.” 

Y/N gazed at him for a moment before slowly nodding, continuing her story, “But Az came up. His presence was like a lifeline. And when I finally stopped moping and looked at him he gave me one of his rare true smiles. Sad, but also his true smile. I felt it then when I looked at him. Like a beautiful golden thread tethering him to me. Pulling me out of that abyss. I don’t know if he knew it, but I knew.” 

“I’ve always loved him. From when we were kids. I can’t tell you when my feelings shifted, but I have always loved him and I always will,” Y/N concluded. Rhys looked at her with a mixture of sadness and pure joy. He was about to open his mouth when commotion snapped them both out of it. 

Y/N’s head whipped so fast to the outskirts of the camp. There they were. Covered in mud and dragging along two petite figures. Y/N let out a strangled cry before tearing away from Rhys. The latter hot on her heels. She smelled the blood before she saw it. 

As she approached the puddle of people, her blood ran cold and she stopped dead in her tracks as she watched Elain plant a gentle kiss on Azriel’s cheek. She heard a faint “Thank you” before Elain was being swept up by others. Feyre reached Rhys first, letting out a strangled, “I’m alright…Azriel’s wings.” That kicked Y/N back into motion. 

She flung herself at the Shadowsinger causing him to let out an oomph. Though her heart ached at what she just witnessed, she still needed to make sure he was okay. “You–your wings,” she cried after releasing him. She frantically began inspecting every inch of him. “Hey, hey…” he said, grabbing both of her wrists. Y/N was too much in a state of horror. “Y/N look at me,” Az said quietly. She finally snapped her gaze to him. “I’m okay. I’m right here. I’m alive,” he said, giving her a strained smile. His hand reached up, brushing a stray hair out of her face. Y/N merely nodded more to herself than anything as Rhys came around and helped lift him. “We need to get Madja before anything permanent sets,” Rhys grunted, hoisting him up. Azriel swayed a bit. Y/N let in a sharp intake, flinching a bit as she felt some of his pain. 

Az gave her a weird look but she just shook her head, burying that golden thread down and down once again. Rhys began moving as Cassian took up Azriel’s other side, leading them away from her. Y/N noticed Feyre and hurried to her. She looked as if she was still in a daze. Y/N gently took her hand and led her to her tent. “You’re okay,” Y/N whispered gently as she settled in to help clean her up. Feyre merely nodded. 

The minutes flew by and soon Feyre was curled in her bed, cocooned by her sisters as Rhys ushered everyone out. 

Y/N took a deep breath once she was away from the commotion. Her mind was reeling between the conversation she had had with Rhys to the state that her family was in. Alive. That thread hummed from deep within herself. She almost felt as if it was calling to her. Tugging her. Her head turned slowly, spying the tent from which that feeling was coming from. Y/N’s feet were moving before her brain. 

The tent was thankfully silent except for the soft crackle of faelights illuminating the space. Azriel’s large form was sprawled across the cot on his stomach. The glimmer of salve and magic lingering on his shredded wings. Y/N’s voice got stuck in her throat. His beautiful wings. 

His head lifted as she entered, a soft smile gracing his lips. “I’ve had worse. You’ve seen me have worse,” he said, trying to comfort her. She still could not speak. “Come here,” he urged, trying to sit up. His muffled groan of pain set Y/N moving. “Don’t–don’t try to move,” she said, shakily sitting on the floor near his head. His eyes softened as he took her in. “You were worried about me,” Az chuckled a bit, reaching his hand up to brush that stray hair out of her face again. His shadows pooled around her, rubbing and twining up across her body in a soothing matter. “Of course I was worried about you,” Y/N hissed.

“Why?” he asked, matter-of-factly. 

Y/N glared at him. “You are my best friend, Azriel! Why wouldn’t I worry about you!” She couldn’t comprehend why he was acting like a snarky bastard right now. “I mean look at you!” Y/N plowed ahead, “Your wings are shredded! You could have died!” She wasn’t really sure what came over her. Maybe from speaking with Rhys, that bond she had spent years shoving down, surfaced again and was not going down without a fight this time. “Imagine if you had!” she exclaimed, “What am I supposed to do if you die?”

Azriel just gave her a small smile before trying to sit up again. “No, no, no. Don’t try to sit up!” Y/N seethed. He started laughing, pushing himself up anyways. That bastard was laughing. “Azriel!” Y/N pleaded, clearly noting the grimace as he fully pushed himself up. Once he was sitting his laugh dimmed. Y/N pushed herself up to her knees so she could at least be near eye level with him. He would always tower over her no matter what. 

“Tell me the real reason you have worked yourself up,” Azriel murmured, taking both of her hands in his. Y/N froze. He couldn’t know. 

“Because you are my best friend,” she whispered, feeling more tears well up in her eyes. “And your mate?” he replied gently. She couldn’t find it in herself to respond or look at him. “Sweetheart, look at me,” he gently placed a finger under her chin and made her head tilt up to look at him. And for once in her life, Y/N saw the love shining so brightly in his eyes. One that mimicked how she would always admire him from afar. If she was being honest, maybe more emotion than he ever let on was swimming through his beautiful face. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Y/N muttered pathetically. The Shadowsinger let out a quiet chuckle. “I think you do,” he said. Y/N just nodded. “How–how long have you known,” she rasped. “Subconsciously…well probably awhile now. Consciously, I felt it snap into place as you were leaving the tent before we left. That’s why I followed you out there,” Azriel stated. Y/N said nothing. “That’s why I asked you to tell me to stay,” he admitted quietly. 

Y/N finally took all of him in. All of his beauty and intensity. So broken yet still somehow put together. She studied his intense gaze on her, those hazel eyes seemingly glowing in the soft light. His tattoos across his very bare torso, and those wings. Oh, those beautiful wings still shimmering with healing magic. 

“How long have you known?” he asked, breaking her out of her stare. “Starfall. Five years ago,” she whispered. Azriel studied her harder, more emotion filling his eyes. “That night. I felt your sadness that night. I think part of me knew then and was scared to admit it,” he confessed after a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me then?” 

“I–I just couldn’t,” her lip trembled before her story finally came tumbling out. 

After she explained, Az slid to his knees on the floor before her, gathering her in his arms, “Oh my sweet girl.” Sobs racked through Y/N as all of the feelings she had bottled up ran rampant through her. Relief, sorrow, love. All of her bleeding heart finally pouring out. 

When she finally calmed down enough to get a word in, she pulled back out of his embrace, “I just didn’t think you would ever see me as more than a friend. With everything you told me about Mor, and then I saw it shift to Elain, I figured you deserved to be happy. Even if it would break me. Your brothers have found two sisters–” Azriel raised a brow at that. Y/N let out a small laugh, “You can’t tell me there isn’t something between Cassian and Nesta.” “Fair enough,” Az joined in with her quiet laughter. 

Y/N sighed and continued, “But I just know you and I didn’t want to ruin anything we had with a mating bond. To me especially. An Illyrian without wings.”

“Y/N,” Azriel said sternly, “Just because you were born without wings doesn’t mean that I will never love you any less than I already have my entire life.” 

“I was an idiot and I was in denial. You have been my entire world since I don’t even know when. I have loved you for so long, but I just didn’t think you would ever see me as more than a friend. I-I thought to myself that you would never love me like that. I have done things, you know what I have done. And I just couldn’t imagine a beautiful soul like yours falling in love with me. A part of me did love Mor. I won’t lie to you and say I didn’t, but I was finally able to admit to myself that I was in love with you. Was finally able to see that my stupid crush on Mor was a way to suppress all of my feelings for you. Every piece of me is consumed by you and belongs to you,” Azriel pressed.

“And Elain?” Y/N could only see that moment when they first returned. When she placed a kiss on his cheek. It made her blood begin to boil. “The thought crossed my mind when we met. It was the only thing that made sense. Three brothers, three sisters. But, I still couldn’t shake what I was trying so hard to hide from myself. And seeing you tonight. Seeing you go through all of this hell has finally given me the courage to be honest with myself and you,” he said. 

Y/N was pretty sure she had gone into shock. This was the most honest the both of them had been to each other in years. He actually loved her. She hadn’t dared to let herself dream of this moment. Especially not in the circumstances they were in with the war and all. 

“Please say something,” Az nearly begged, shaking her out of her stupor. Y/N focused back on his face. There really wasn’t anything she could say except surging forward and pressing her lips gently on his. Az tensed in shock for a moment before processing what was happening. And soon he was fervently kissing her back. 

Her lips molded perfectly against his as he explored every inch of her mouth. They were just as soft as she had dared to let herself imagine. His hands quickly found her waist, roaming up and down savoring the feel of her pressed against him. Over 500 years of knowing each other and they hadn’t once kissed. Even when Cassian put them up to stupid games like spin the bottle. Azriel couldn’t get enough. 

Y/N let out a moan as his tongue found his way into her mouth, shooting a blast of heat through her spine. Az reciprocated the feeling, pulling her closer, leaning back on the edge of the cot. He stiffened, suppressing a groan of his own. But well, mostly of pain. Y/N froze before pulling away. Az tried to chase her with his mouth and whined when she moved out of reach. “Azriel!” she hissed. “I’m fine,” he shrugged, trying to lean in again. “Az,” Y/N said, sticking a hand on his chest. “You are in no condition.” Azriel scoffed, leaning forward and thoroughly attaching his lips to her neck. Y/N shuddered. “Azriel I am not having sex with you when you can’t even lay on your back,” Y/N huffed. He was leaving a sloppy trail of kisses up and down. 

“Don’t need to lay on my back,” he mumbled. “You can hardly sit up,” she responded. “Don’t care. You’re my mate. My newly found mate,” he said into her neck. “Been dreaming of this for a while now,” he sighed dreamily, sucking on the one spot that made Y/N melt. She could feel the bastard grin before he continued his assault. 

It took a lot to shove him off of her. An extreme amount. All sentimental feelings from their confession were out the window and replaced by need. Pure, lustful need. But he was in pain. And he was her mate, so she pushed him off her. He let out the most un-spymaster like whine. “Y/N why are you doing this to me love?” he groaned. “Because you are injured and like I said, I’m not fucking you until you are at one-hundred percent,” she quipped, standing with more clarity than she had in years. She went over to the little table littered with food. 

“And so I can give you this,” she turned, holding a little apple in her hand. Az’s face softened as she approached. A silent request as she held out her hand. “Are you sure?” he whispered. “Azriel, every piece of me has always belonged to you and it always will. I have never been more sure in my life,” she replied. 

He smiled, grabbing the apple gently from her hands taking a slow bite. Y/N smiled in return before ushering him back down on his cot. “Time to rest, Az,” she said, nestling in next to him. “But I’m perfectly fine for other activities now,” Azriel pouted. Y/N just laughed, running her hands through his soft locks. “I promise when you are fully healed we will partake in those said activities,” she smirked. Azriel grinned and pushed himself upwards, stealing another kiss. Y/N giggled, before placing his head back in her lap. “Sleep now,” she mumbled. Azriel hummed softly as she resumed running her hands through his hair. “I love you,” he whispered before his steady breath evened out. “I love you too.”

[onlybeeewrites]

A Dance of Ash and Steel

Requested: No <3

Pairing: Oc!FemElara x ????, platonic!Azriel x oc!Elara

Warnings: blood, gore, violence, cursing, characters being assholes

A/N: Omg??? Bee’s posting again??? Yeah I read the entire ACOTAR series and have been itching to write so I hope you all enjoy! This is my first time writing for and original character so I really hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think! 

A Dance of Ash and Steel: Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breathe.

Breathe. 

Breathe.

Breath.

The pain was hard to breathe through. More so than usual. That was saying a lot too considering she liked to believe she had a high pain tolerance. 

But the pain seeped into her bones like rain into the dirt. Soaking into her being and clinging to her bones with every movement. Every breath. Every heartbeat. 

Yes. She had trained for this. Prepared herself mentally for years. Trained to withhold her tongue. Trained to learn to just take it. To be the warrior that she was born for. To follow the instincts and unrest that flowed in her very veins. She was trained to take the pain and power through it before one of three options occurred.

Number one, she somehow finds a way out of there.

Number two, someone somehow realizes she’s been taken and somehow knows where she is to come get her out.

Or number three, death. 

The third wasn’t particularly her favorite option, but between the three choices? It seemed to be one the Cauldron was favoring. 

How long had it been? Weeks? It had to have been that at least. But she couldn’t tell. There was nothing in that Cauldron damned cell that would help her tell, or even hint. The only thing that allowed her to have an idea of time was when the autumn court soldier would come by with her food. Never anything substantial. Just enough food and water to keep her alive. 

She could feel the weakness of it effecting her. She could only a few days in after her first interrogation. It was the classic beating. The threats. Urging her to share what her High Lord has been up to. What her brother had been up to. 

But she didn’t utter a word. She hadn’t spoken a word, not to them. Unlike her smartass brother, Elara always knew when to keep her mouth shut. Though that always seemed to piss them off more. 

But it told her one thing.

Beron was paranoid. 

Why? She was still trying to figure that out. The concussion didn’t help either but that wasn’t the point. It didn’t matter what she knew if she couldn’t get out.

But that was the hard part wasn’t it? Her eyes could barely stay open those days. Exhaustion settling deep into her bones. Her wings, though cut up, they were still in tact, sagging behind her. Her dark hair matted, sticking to her forehead, covered in dirt and grime. 

Cauldron she really needed a bath. And Madja. And Rhys. Mor. Az. Cassian.

It wasn’t unusual for them all to be away for weeks at a time. Whether it be Cassian to the camps or Azriel when he would be away on a spying mission for Rhys. 

A pained breath left her cracked lips, her head rolling forward, her chin resting against her sternum. It had been hours since she had been fed. Almost a day. Maybe a day? 

Her mind was growing more and more cloudy each day. Weaker. None of it was good. The longer she waited. The longer she was held there the more difficult it would be to escape. 

Her hands flexed slightly against the chains that bound them at her sides. The same ones where her emerald green siphons would be. But those were taken too. Everything was taken. Her blades. Her two Illyrian daggers that were always at her waist; gifts from Azriel. And her Illyrian sword, Avisra; her gift from Cassian. 

She wasn’t sure where they were, but she wanted—needed—to get them back before she even thought about escaping.

It was times like this where she really wished she had some of Rhy’s fancy powers. And it was times like this where she hated it, but she felt completely helpless. Weak. And for once in a very long time….hopeless.

“For an Illyrian warrior…” a voice crooned, breaking the silence of the damp cell, and clearing the running ongoing thoughts that ran through Elara’s head, “I’m surprised it only took a few weeks to get you all broken and quiet like this,”

Her hazel eyes dragged their way up. Looking from the floor under her, all the way up to spot Eris. Heirs to the Autumn Court. And she wanted nothing more than to smack that stupid fucking grin on his stupid face.

“C’mon, little bird. Don’t you want to go home? I doubt you want to stay here with me for longer than you need to,” he taunted, walking across the cell to where she was bound to the stone wall. His hands were comfortably tucked in his pockets, his boots echoing off the floor.

Elara just glared at him. Hating him, first of all because she fucking despised the guy. And she didn’t forget what he had done to Mor; who had grown to be like her own sister. And just like Cassian, Elara became incredibly protective. So she gathered up whatever moisture was left in her dry mouth and *spat* at Eris and staring him down.

Eris’ amusement flickered away, like snuffing out a light. Quick and instant. He wiped away the spit before reaching up and grabbing her cheeks with his hand, causing her lips to pucker.

“I’m trying to help you get out of here. If you stopped being a stubborn brat you’d see that.” He growled before gripping her face tighter and letting go with such force, her hair jerked sideways.

“So I’m going to give you this one chance. I’m going to leave the door unlocked. And you’re going to have about….ten minutes before the next guards come for your interrogation. Good luck, little bird,” 

Eris turned on his heel stalking away from the Illyrian female. His expression blank, though Elara couldn’t see it. Though the last thing she saw was a wave of his hand, leaving the door open. 

And the next thing she knew she fell to her knees. Her torn leathers scraping against the cold and dirt stained ground. 

Her eyes widened in disbelief as she pulled her sore arms close to her. Her wrists red and raw. But free.She didn’t think twice after that, stumbling to her feet, she let out a groan as her body screamed in protest. Cuts, bruises, burns littered her skin along with grime and dirt and sweat.

She sure was a sight to behold.

She stretched out her wings, thanking the Mother that they were unharmed. A few cuts here, but nothing that would hinder her ability to fly. Her wings weren’t the biggest. And she may not have been the strongest. But by the Cauldron, she was fast. Faster than her brothers. And being fast was all that she needed.

Tucking her wings then tightly to her back, she waited for her vision to stop swimming before she moved through the dim corridors of the Autumn Court dungeons. Or at least what she assumed it was. 

Though before she could find a way out, she needed a few things. 

She needed her weapons. Her daggers, sword, and siphons. 

Barefoot, clad in torn leathers, she pressed herself against the cold stone walls, her every sense on high alert. The air was thick with smoke and the scent of blood—not hers, not this time. The guards would notice her absence soon when they came around and she needed to be long gone before then.

The hallway opened into a larger chamber, the dim torchlight barely cutting through the darkness. And there, at the far end of the room, she saw them.

Her daggers. Her sword.

Relief and adrenaline surged through her veins as she staggered toward them, ignoring the way her vision swam. 

Almost there.

But then, she stopped.

Something was wrong.

Very wrong.

The metallic scent of blood was stronger here, more pungent. It wasn’t just the lingering stench of violence. But was fresh.

Elara’s hand reached for the hilt of her sword, but she hesitated as her eyes darted around the room. And then she saw them.

The autumn court guards.

All three of them lay sprawled across the floor, their bodies still warm, throats slit cleanly—too cleanly. There was no sign of a struggle. No sound of a fight.

Just silence.

And then—movement.

The shadows stirred before she could react, curling at the edges of the room, slithering toward her like living things. Her body tensed, instinct screaming at her to *run*, but a familiar presence swept over her, dark and comforting all at once.

Elara turned sharply, her heart still hammering from the adrenaline.

Azriel stood at the other end of the room, his siphons glowing faintly, shadows swirling around his boots like a second skin. His scarred hands were relaxed at his sides, but there was a sharpness in his hazel eyes—a fury barely contained.

She exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Az.” Her voice was hoarse, relief thick in the single syllable.

His gaze swept over her, assessing, calculating. He didn’t miss the bruises and raw red skin on her wrists, the cut above her brow, the way she swayed slightly as if her body was on the verge of giving out. Her usual tawny skin was now a concerning paler shade.

Then, with a single, slow blink, he said, “Took you long enough.”

Elara huffed a tired laugh, though the sound was laced with exhaustion. Her body now relaxing as she felt the security of her brother, “You could have gotten here sooner.”

Azriel stepped forward, his movements fluid, silent—always so damn silent. “You seemed to have things under control.”

She rolled her eyes, but when she went to grab her daggers, her hands trembled. Azriel saw it, of course he did, but he said nothing. Instead, he reached out, gently pressing one of the blades into her palm. The weight of it was grounding.

Elara tightened her grip around the hilt, her fingers flexing as she forced her breathing to steady. Now wasn’t the time to break. She could do that in the privacy of her own room. Maybe while in the bath. After her report to Rhys. Swallowing she then fastened the siphons to the back of her gloves. 

“Cassian?” she asked after a moment, her voice quiet. Trying to remain steady. Trying to remain the warrior she was trained to be.

“He’s waiting.” Azriel’s expression didn’t change, but there was something softer in the way he spoke, in the way his shadows curled toward her as if offering comfort. “Rhys sent me ahead.”

Elara nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Azriel reached for her sword, fastening it to her back with swift, efficient movements, as if sensing she didn’t have the strength to do it herself.

She should have said thank you. Should have let herself lean into the comfort of his presence. But she only nodded again, steeling herself.

Azriel watched her carefully, then, in that quiet, steady voice of his, he said, “Let’s go home.”

And this time, Elara let out a breath of relief, because home had never sounded so good.

It wasn’t long before she bathed, changing into some comfortable clothes. But her mind kept wonder back to how she got home in the first place. It was almost infuriating that she didn’t escape on her own. No. She wouldn’t have been able to break out of that cell by herself. Not without his help.

Him. Eris. The heir to the autumn court. Went and helped her. Why? She had no idea. And she went over it hundreds of times in her head, almost as if she missed something. Anything, really. Though what stuck out was his last words to her before he left.

“Good luck, little bird,”

~~~~

The night air was cold as Azriel pulled them through the shadows, the tendrils of darkness wrapping around them like a second skin. Elara clenched her jaw, forcing herself to stay upright, but the exhaustion was creeping in, threatening to drag her under. Her body ached, bruises deepening with every breath, but she refused to let it slow her down.

She had fought her way out of that cell. She had survived. She could make it home.

Azriel’s grip on her arm was firm, steady—grounding. The first tingling of comfort she’d felt in weeks. Three weeks maybe? It seemed to have been that long according to what Eris hinted at.

“Almost there,” Azriel murmured, his voice cutting through the stillness between them. But his grip tightened slightly on her, urgent, eager to get her back home. 

She swallowed hard, nodding even though her legs trembled beneath her. Shadow traveling had always left her disoriented. She didn’t do it often, always opting for flying. But after everything she had been through, it felt like her bones were being pulled in a hundred directions at once.

The wind shifted, and then, in an instant, Velaris came into view. The soft glow of the Sidra, the twinkling lights of the city—home.

Elara barely had time to process it before they landed just outside the townhouse. Her knees buckled, her balance slipping, but before she could hit the ground, Azriel’s arms were around her.

“Steady,” he murmured, holding her against him.

She gritted her teeth, frustrated by the weakness in her limbs. “I’m fine.”

Azriel huffed quietly, unimpressed. “You’re barely standing.”

She wanted to argue, but before she could, the door to the townhouse was wrenched open.

Cassian.

His face was a storm of emotion—anger, worry, relief all crashing together as his gaze landed on her.

“Elara.”

She barely had time to brace herself before he was there, his arms wrapping around her tightly. The impact sent a fresh wave of pain through her ribs, but she didn’t care.

She let herself sink into the warmth of her brother’s embrace, let herself breathe for the first time since she had been taken.

“I’m fine,” she murmured against his shoulder.

Cassian pulled back just enough to cup her face, his eyes scanning every bruise, every cut, his jaw tightening. “You are *not* fine.”

Before she could snap back, more figures appeared in the doorway.

Rhys. Mor. Amren. Her family. 

Their eyes were sharp, their worry evident, but Elara could barely focus on them before Cassian was turning on Azriel.

“What happened?” His voice was low, dangerous.

Azriel didn’t flinch. “Autumn Court ambush. She escaped on her own. I tracked her before they could find her again.”

Cassian’s fists clenched at his sides, fury simmering in his hazel eyes. “They’re dead?”

Azriel gave a slow, cold nod. “Every single one. That I saw at least.”

Elara swallowed, watching as Cassian’s shoulders tensed, his breathing heavy. But then he looked back at her, and all the fight drained from his face.

“I should have been there.” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Elara shook her head. “You were. I just had to find my way back.”

Cassian exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair before pulling her in again, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

Then, Mor was there, stepping forward with soft but determined eyes. “Let’s get you inside.”

Elara wanted to protest—wanted to tell them she was fine—but her body betrayed her, her exhaustion catching up all at once.

Azriel’s hand brushed against her back, a silent reassurance, before Cassian lifted her effortlessly into his arms.

She didn’t fight him. Didn’t argue.

Because for the first time in weeks, she was safe.

She was home.

[nobibiname]

Elain’s Soft Power🌸/ ✨different strength✨ and the Cauldron bond

I’ve said this elsewhere but wanted to have a complete post to drive this point home, HOFAS spoilers, you’ve been warned.

Back in CC1&2 we learned that thanks to the Asteri, there’s a lot of obsession about “breeding”, esp among the Fae, on Midgard. And then we learned why: to create the strongest food source for them.

Now in HOFAS, enter Bryce in Prythian, we find out these same Asteri corrupted the cauldron .

So at this point honestly, yeah I was surprised that the majority of the fandom didn’t call out the mating bonds in prythian, and start looking at them more critically. What is the meaning of a mating bond from a corrupted cauldron? What will be the ultimate point of them?

Remember when in ACOMAF Feyre asks Rhys “why not make them mates?” One of the things he says is “… probably to produce the strongest offspring” (paraphrasing)

Strongest for what? the point of the Cauldron mating bonds is breeding, the strongest food for the Asteri. That’s it.

The mating bond is not what the Fae believe it to be. It may have been sacred at some point, but now it’s just the outcome of a magical calculation resulting in highest calories for intergalactic parasites.

I think for this reason it was really important (thematically at least) for Feysand and Nessian to fall in love first. They just “happen” to also have a mating bond. If their relationships mainly hinge on the bond, the romance is diluted. And we have plenty of examples of failed relationships of mates, (Rhys’ parents, Tamlin’s parents). I also want to acknowledge that the Mother’s power is also still there to some extent (we see that when Nesta gives up her powers and gets to keep a bit from a “gentle hand”) , and could have guided those bonds, but it doesn’t change the fact that the main point of the cauldron now is still food for the Asteri.

Lastly this also shows courage in rejecting a Cauldron bond, it’s actually an act of defiance. Asserting your will over your own fate, a “fuck you” to the Asteri and their corrupted manipulation of a sacred object and institution of Fae culture.

And I wonder is this the “different strength” that Elain will exhibit? Rejecting her cauldron bond. I think we’ll find out exactly why she hasn’t yet, and I actually think whatever the reason, that takes strength too. She’s stuck between a lot of willful minds and stubborn powers. Sticking to her guns is probably not easy. But also is this a strength that maybe Feyre and Nesta don’t have? I’m definitely speculating here, but maybe resisting the cauldron’s will like this could be something beyond them?

Elain is heavily foreshadowed to be a Gardner of magic of sorts; cultivating and growing with her magic, rather than fighting. So maybe rather than yielding to the cauldron’s will for her, she might assert her will on the corrupted cauldron and heal it? The ivy around the gates of her mind growing so strong around the iron to be able to crush the iron itself….

It would be in line with both how she’s foreshadowed, and how Feyre sees her. She will still be the gentle dreamer, but strong in her soft power.

I might never have been the biggest fan of the mating bond, (though I acknowledge it’s a staple of the genre) but given what we now canonically know about the history of Prythian, I urge the fandom to view “who you want to be mates” through a different lens. Bc that word truly no longer means what we thought it meant.

[redbleedingrose]

I got a Rhys x chubby reader request in my inbox that I just started working on! Here is a little quote for you all:

"Leaving so soon, my pretty little peach?"

Anyway, my laptop is about to die so I will continue working on it tomorrow and hopefully have it posted asap. I really hope you all like it! I am so out of touch with writing, I feel like this is about to be a huge flop. But thats okay! I love y'all so much and thank you for sticking by me and waiting around on me! It means the literal world.

[im-am-not-a-weenie]

Loved the period comfort hcs!!!!! How do you think our forge husband Dammon would be in this situation?

🍓omg it's been like forever, being an adult is hard. but im finally getting to my inbox🍓

I'm going to include Zevlore and Rolan bc like I love all three of them dearly. shorter than normal but I'm working on a longer fic with these 3

no beta and lots of grammar and spelling errors <3

🍓Dammon

this man is the sweetest, he's so gentle and caring

Doesn't really know what he's doing but is trying his best. he listens to your wants and what you need. hungry? he's ready to make you something or go get whatever you're craving. he makes sure you stay hydrated and offers you water like every hour.

cuddles galore, he'll rub your lower tummy and give you forehead kisses

while spooning, his tail will wrap around you too

"why are you giggling love?" "Dammon you know why" You couldn't help but giggle as his tail lazily swiped along your side. "it's not my fault you're so sensitive

expect soft touches like that the whole night, he'd sit there and play with your hair, maybe even put in a few braids if you let him

would definitely take the day off if you asked him too

🍓Rolan

Rolan would be the type of guy to act like he didn't want to take care of you the phrase "I suppose if I have to" is said so many times

"Rolan I'm fine really" "No no if you're going to keep complaining I might as well do something, it's the only way I'll get some peace and quiet around here"

he kinda knows what he's doing. he has a sister. him and cal took care of Lia when she was cramping so he knows a few things

wouldn't let you out of bed. but would never admit to fussing over you. or loving the cuddles

"I'm just holding you until you go to sleep. I have work to do" Spoiler alert he spends about 30 minutes just watching you sleep. he smiles to himself and brushes hair out of your face. stroking your face lovingly letting out a small chuckle because you subconsciously lent into his hand. he pulls you closer and falls asleep himself

🍓Zevlore

this man definitely knows what he's doing. he's been around for a bit and knows how to treat a person right.

the moment you mention cramps he's drawing you a nice hot bath and making chamomile tea.

so many kisses. on your face, arms, and hands. nowhere goes untouched by his lips. I mean nowhere. this man earned his red stripes (or is it red wings?)

"ew, Zev that's gross" "You could never be gross to me my dear"

gives the best massages. will rub your back or your feet. he just wants to make you feel better. especially during the most uncomfortable time in your life

he holds you tightly against him. whispering sweet things in your ear. "I love you, I love you more than any god. more than the sun and moons and stars. you are mine and I'm never letting go"

you fall asleep on him with a smile. knowing he means every word

HEY! im back! At least I'm trying to be lol. imma try and post a long fic every other week and will do short post like this randomly. or I might not stick to a schedule and disappear for a few months again who knows. anyway

see you later alligators - Rhys 🍓

[elrielbaby]

I find it highly amusing that the same people who ship Elain with a character that she has been uncomfortable around in canon (as well as having absolutely no chemistry with) find ‘red flags’ in the bonus chapter - they call it uncomfortable, disturbing, gross etc.

Elain sticks up for herself in ACOSF, finds her ‘boldness’, yet loses it around aforementioned character. How is that not a red flag?

And I’m sorry the imaginary red flags from the bonus chapter are non existent. You are not reading these books as SJM intended them to be read. We can all have our interpretations of things, but to say that the first half of the Azriel POV is ‘disturbing’ is being wilfully ignorant (and offensive - but that’s a post for another time).

Azriel acts like every other Fae male in SJM’s series.

Where was your outrage when L*cien began growling at Azriel taking Elain into the garden, despite the fact they’d have ONE very uncomfortable conversation at this point?

Where was your outrage for Cassians part of the Nessian bonus chapter? For how Rhys acted with Feyre? For how Rowan acted with Aelin?

For people who claim to be a font of all knowledge when it comes to SJM you really don’t seem to have a clue how she writes her male love interests - or you do, and you’re wilfully misleading people. I don’t know which is worse.

[theladyofbloodshed]

What do you think of the whole Mor/Cassian/Azriel dynamic? In real life it would read to me that she’s worried her friends only care about her because of the possibility of a future relationship and doesn’t want to lose them, but she keeps getting inbetween Cassian and Nesta, which doesn’t make a ton of sense because she could always find a new buffer or make something up? Is she actually into Cassian?

This will probably be a long post.

SJM changes plans. If you look back in tags, Moriel was very much a ship before ACOWAR was released. I posted this before (better quality):

So basically,

Mor wanted to lose her virginity to a great Illyrian warrior so chose cassian a) to ruin her engagement b) she knew he'd be a great warrior c) azriel already had feelings for her

If Moriel was meant to be endgame, I could kind of understand the love triangle. Mor chose Cassian and Azriel tried to talk to her once but she walked away so he pines. He has to realise that he is worthy and she needs to let go of Cassian to have something with Azriel because he'll always compare himself to Cassian.

It wasn't until ACOWAR when Mor tells Feyre she's bi that the ship was sunk, so to speak. Then we have the uncomfortable foot rub scene and then lingerie for solstice. It's meant to push Azriel away, but it only makes him wonder why Cassian is preferred over him.

It makes Mor look like an awful character. She interferes with Cassian and Nesta, but rather than it coming across as her being protective of him, she looks straight up jealous. It's weird to have Cassian giving her foot rubs and exchanging lingerie. It's reinforced by Cassian thinking she's so beautiful it takes his breath away.

The buffer also makes Azriel look like a complete weirdo for being fixated on her for five hundred years. If, as originally planned, they got together then maybe it would be sweet that he loved her for all that time. Now, it's just odd. He's not reading the room. But he's reading that Cassian and Mor are still flirting. Rhys refuses to get involved and tells Feyre not to - but can't somebody take Azriel to the side and say, "look buddy, let it go".

And Mor can't tell them her sexuality. Despite loving them deeply and not being worried about their reaction, she can't tell them. Why? Seems like a good way to emphasise to Azriel she doesn't want him - but then she'll have to deal with the fall out of him pining for 500 years and her not dealing with it sooner - again, Azriel can't read a room apparently despite being a spymaster. Mor's sexuality is her business, but she constantly sticks her nose into the IC's business. She is suddenly Feyre's bestie and needs to know everything. She involves herself with Cassian and Nesta, even from the start after the battle of Adriata when Nesta asks where Cassian is, she's told to keep her forked tongue behind her teeth. So does Mor care about Cassian or is she scared of losing him and having to be honest with Azriel?

It's all so MESSY. I think sjm really wrote herself into a hole with it. Azriel will suddenly get over Mor after 500 years. And she will come out or keep her LI (who will probably be Emerie) a secret instead?

Messy.

Cassian, grow a spine and tell her where to go challenge

[icarusflewsworld]

Rhysand & Cassian & Azriel X OC

Hello, here is the chapter 36 of a fanfiction on the world of Acotar where our three favorite Batboys are the mates of a single woman.

I'm back, guys!!

I'm sincerely sorry for the huge delay, but I'm going through some pretty uncool stuff down here. But I'm getting back on track. Thank you for sticking with it these past few weeks and for continuing to ask for more. I love you guys. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Well, I'm also sorry, I think this chapter is so bad, really not great, and I'm only posting one. But It's for posting two incredible ones next week so I don't leave you wanting more!

Yeah, so in the next chapter, we're going to see Luxiana badass and super powerful, and I think you can already imagine how it's going to go.

Anyway, I'm back.

The next two chapters on March 19th!!

It's been 3 weeks.

It's been three weeks since she wasn’t with them anymore. It's been three weeks since Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel last heard the sweet voice of their soulmate. It's been three weeks since they took a deep breath when they heard her laugh. It's been three weeks since their hearts ached.

They'd been missing their soulmate for three weeks. Three weeks since they'd had nothing to live for.

Azriel cursed himself. The nights were now sleepless for him, spent regretting having left. Spent regretting not having kept her by his side. His anguish, his fear, his jealousy, his pain, and his longing ate away at him painfully from the inside. He wanted her. He missed her, and he was so afraid she would forget him. He knew she would be happier away from them, but selfishly, he still wanted to keep her for himself.

Cassian had a dull, sad look. He wandered the corridors like a lost soul, and despite his large frame, no one noticed him anymore. He kept his head down, his attention immersed in his mind, in his memories of his soulmate. Sometimes a smile would appear at the hollow of his lips. It was when Luxiana's laughter echoed in his mind. But otherwise, Cassian no longer spoke. He no longer laughed. He no longer had the desire to. He lived only for her, and she was no longer by his side.

Rhysand immersed himself in his work. He didn't take a second to sit down, to think, to breathe. He knew that if he didn't keep his mind occupied, his thoughts would take great pleasure in hurting him by imagining scenarios, each more horrible than the last, concerning his soulmate. He couldn't bear the thought of something bad happening to his Luxiana, and that was why he had sent her away. But not being close to her to protect her if necessary was killing him with anxiety. If he didn't keep his head occupied, his vision would blur, his throat would tighten, his breathing would catch, and he would be in pain.

So the three of them would immerse themselves in their work so as not to dwell on the absence of their soulmate by their side. They would drown themselves in their work, hoping to forget how their hearts and souls were being torn apart every second they were away from their wife.

But in truth, they were mainly focused on finding the Illyrians who had tortured Luxiana when she was a child. They monopolized every resource at their disposal. They called upon everything they could. But they were never able to find any of these Illyrians.

When they met in the hall of the Wind House, it had been three weeks since they had really spoken to each other except to discuss the progress of their research. But otherwise, they only glimpsed each other briefly in the hallways. They didn't even look at each other anymore. They didn't even eat dinner together anymore. Azriel had moved back to the Wind House, far from Rhys in the Town house. And Cassian now lived elsewhere essentially in places where he could get drunk.

They couldn't see their brothers anymore, otherwise they knew the anger and pain they were keeping from feeling would eventually explode. And they also knew that their brothers would undoubtedly remind them of Luxiana.

But today, they had no choice but to meet. Today, they had to go to Tamlin's house to share their plan. They needed Feyre, and although they were already scared to death of seeing Luxiana again, they had made a promise to her. They had to keep them informed of what the translation of the book of breathings had revealed.

So that was why they joined.

They glanced at each other quickly without even greeting. They hated their brothers and they hated themselves for letting her go.

But they were strangely relieved, with a pang in their heart, to see that their brothers were as tired and sad as they were. All three of them looked pitiful and it was fully deserved.

They hadn't seen Mor again either. Cassian had insisted—when she'd returned from dropping off his soulmate—to know what had happened and how Luxiana had reacted... If she had been happy to see Feyre again... But Mor hadn't said anything and had just insulted him copiously. But Cassian would have liked Mor to tell him that his soulmate had smiled broadly as she threw herself at Feyre to take her in her arms. But Cassian reassured himself, thinking that was surely what had happened, so everything would be fine for her.

Without further ado, Rhys teleported them to the front of Tamlin's manor, stirring their anxiety and fears a little more. What if she was here? What if she wasn't here? What if she was in danger or hurt? What if... what if she'd found someone else?

Trembling, they walked up to the front steps of the manor, ready to climb them and enter the house, but Feyre flung the front door open.

She ran down the stairs two at a time, her face furrowed in anger as Tamlin ran after her with a panicked expression.

Feyre couldn't believe her eyes. Today her best friend was feeling better, and finally went out of her room, but that was when they decided to show themselves.

She hated them. She hated them so much. She remembered those last few weeks of watching her best friend suffer, cry, scream, and feel so bad that she wanted to tear her skin off. Luxiana no longer ate, no longer drank, no longer laughed. She was no longer living. They had killed her best friend.

Feyre's tears welled up in her eyes when she remembered that particular night a few days ago. It had been Luxiana's screams that had woken her. So, like every other time, like every other night, she had rushed to her.

But she had found Luxiana's balled-up body—emaciated—kneeling on the floor in a dark corner of her room. She no longer slept, and when she did, she was always awakened by painful nightmares. And that was what had happened that night. She had had some kind of night terror and had actually still been sleeping—like a sleepwalker—when Feyre had arrived beside her.

Luxiana was screaming, crying. But mostly, she was trying to tear her skin off. She was asleep, but she had grabbed the skin on her throat, shoulders, thighs, and arms, and she was trying to pull it off. She was clawing at herself with all her might, creating deep wounds in her body to grab pieces of skin and tear them off.

It was at that precise moment that her best friend's suffering had become so evident to Feyre. It was at that precise moment that she understood the magnitude of Luxiana's words. "They are my soulmates and they think I'm a monster." It was at that precise moment that she understood the extent to which they had destroyed and killed her best friend. It was at that precise moment that she realized that Luxiana could not be saved. That it was too late.

That night, Feyre had taken her in her arms and held her tight, knowing full well that nothing she did would make her feel better. That night, Feyre had understood that nothing could save her best friend. That night, she had thought that maybe... maybe... the only way to stop her best friend's suffering was to let her do what she was begging to be let do. That maybe, the only way Luxiana could stop hurting and finally have peace was through death.

Feyre knew that letting her best friend go—as she sobbed in her ear, “I want to die. I want to die.”—was the right thing to do. That she was too broken to live. That every second of life was now nothing but pain for Luxiana. But selfishly, Feyre could do nothing but cry and repeat, “I need you. I need you.”

And Luxiana was suffering. She was suffering, but Feyre needed her. So the day after that night, she got up, put on her smiling mask, and disinfected the wounds she'd made that would leave scars. She even forced herself to drink and eat, hiding from everyone the fact that she'd thrown up right afterward. But Feyre needed her. So Luxiana had to try to stay for Feyre.

And Feyre felt so bad for inflicting this pain on her best friend who was now desperate to find peace. And she hated herself so much for not being able to let her go. Because in the end, maybe it was the three Illyrians who had destroyed her, but it was she who forced her to suffer every day.

The three Illyrians froze at the foot of the stairs, frowning and asking why Feyre was charging at them with such a hate-contorted face.

They tensed with crushing anxiety in their stomachs. Was Luxiana okay? Had something happened to her? Their hearts began to beat even faster as their chests burned with anxiety.

But the young fae lunged at Rhys and he couldn't even react as she slapped him with all her might, sending his head flying to the side.

"You bastard!" she screamed at the night lord at the top of her lungs. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and her heart was as hot with anger as her eyes were with tears.

She turned to Azriel, eyeing him with a grimace of pronounced disgust before hitting his torso with her two fists and with such a strength he was forced to take a step back. The Illyrian let her push him, uncomprehending, while trying to analyze Feyre's expressions to find an answer to his questions.

"How dare you come back here? Go away, you sons of rats!" Feyre ordered, yelling at them.

Rhysand gritted his teeth as a flash of fake anger crossed his eyes. He had to pretend. Well, he didn't even really have to pretend because he was angry. Angry at himself, at the Illyrians who had hurt his soulmate, at Luxiana who had seemed happy to leave them, at his brothers, at Feyre, at Tamlin, at the whole world.

He fixed cold eyes on Feyre as Tamlin finally reached them. The blond grabbed his wife's arm and pulled her behind him protectively.

"How dare you…," Rhys hissed, staring coldly at Feyre.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Tamlin interrupted, growling an animal sound.

Feyre shifted to the side to avoid Tamlin's imposing stature. Her fists squeeze at the ends of arms stretched out at her sides. She was so angry, she felt like she was burning and couldn't breathe. They had broken her best friend's heart. "How dare you be here after doing that to Luxiana?"

The three black-haired faes flinched, throwing confused glances at each other. "How so?" Azriel asked worriedly, taking a step forward.

"She seemed quite happy to leave," Rhys remarked with a sarcastic grimace, almost in disgust.

"You're assholes," Feyre gasped, unable to believe her eyes. How could they be so stupid? So mean?

Cassian was worried sick. What did all this mean? Was Luxiana okay? His heart skipped a beat in worry. "Is she okay?" he asked, his face scrunched up with stress and his voice a little too high. He shifted a step to the side to look toward the mansion and try to catch a glimpse of his soulmate.

"What do you think? Asshole! You used her and threw her away like an old sock," Feyre insulted again, glaring at him in disgust. He turned to Tamlin with a mixture of surprise and anger. She couldn't believe it. She pointed at the Illyrians. "I'm hallucinating, you're right, they are completely stupid."

A wave of anxiety rippled through Cassian, making his chest ache unpleasantly hot even though he hadn't even heard Feyre's last words. Did that mean his soulmate wasn't okay? Maybe what Rhys had said had hurt her? But she looked so happy to be back with her best friend. She didn't look particularly sad three weeks ago. The last shred of hope he'd fueled these past few weeks by telling himself she'd been happy to be back was completely shattered when he remembered how good his soulmate was at hiding her true feelings. He whitened.

Azriel's throat tightened painfully like in barbed wire. He looked down, trying to hide his rapid breathing in repercussion to his bruised heart. Had they hurt her? Was she unwell because of them? He hated himself. But they had done it to protect her. She would eventually forget them and no longer suffer being away from them. She had been through worse anyway, and besides, she wasn't in love with them yet, so it was the right thing to do. She would get through this and move on.

Rhysand gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. Their soulmate was safer here, and at least, this way, they couldn't hurt her. She wouldn't be physically or emotionally tortured by being with Tamlin. The thought tore at his heart. She would be safer and happier away from him. It hurt so much. He couldn't make his soulmate happy. But it was true. So he lifted his chin. He had to focus on the objective. "We're here to..."

He could no longer finish his sentence before a burst of laughter echoed through the garden around them.

The three Illyrians were electrified by a paralyzing shock. That laugh... They could have recognized it among a thousand. It was the one of their soulmate.

They all turned to the right—where the sound was coming from—to see Luxiana and Lucien walking towards them.

Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel felt their hearts sink.

Their soulmate clung to Lucien's arm, holding him close to her chest. She was laughing, and so was he. But the way they were looking at each other... with eyes shining with tenderness and... love.

They were walking towards them but didn't even see them, too absorbed in each other's gaze.

Cassian had to take a step back as the blood drained from his face, turning him ominously white. His expression faded further, and his already bruised heart felt like it was being stabbed a thousand times through and through. She'd already replaced them with that damned carrot. He clenched his fists, trying to replace his endless pain and grief with anger so he wouldn't drown.

Rhysand's chin trembled for a second before he recovered. But his eyes still burned. He looked away, unable to bear the sight that turned his stomach and tore at his heart. Except his pupils rested on Tamlin's beautiful flowering garden, the blue sky, the birds singing, and the sun warming them. It was a beautiful morning, and Lucien must have taken advantage of it to take his soulmate for a walk. He closed his eyes; he couldn't see this. He couldn't know this. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't breathe. But it was better this way. She'll be happier with that bastard than with him, than with them.

Azriel's entire heart burned with rage. His breath caught, and every muscle tensed. He was about to explode. This son of a bitch had dared to approach his soulmate. And she had dared to fall in love with him!? They were in love?? His soulmate was in love with someone else. He couldn't breathe, his throat was tight, his chest was burning, and his eyes were wet. She had already moved on. She had forgotten them. She had played them, him. In fact, she had never loved them or even appreciated them.

Tamlin glanced sideways at the three Illyrians, and a wave of surprise ran through him for a second. Seeing their reactions, he understood that all three of them really were Luxiana's soulmates, and that they hadn't manipulated him into believing that. Not when they themselves now looked like they were being violently tortured right there.

Feyre followed Tamlin's gaze and understood his thoughts. But as for her, a smile emerged at the corners of her lips. The three Illyrians looked like they were in pain, and that was exactly what she wanted. They deserved it after making her best friend suffer so much. But she frowned. Why send her back here and tell her they didn't like her when they reacted like that to seeing her near Lucien? There had to be something behind it, and Feyre intended to unravel this ball of mystery to help her best friend. In the meantime, she still wanted to make the three brunettes suffer.

Approaching them unknowingly, and feeling piercing gazes on them, Luxiana and Lucien finally turned their heads in their direction.

They both froze in their steps, losing their smiles and fading their cheerful expressions.

Luxiana had to cling to Lucien's arm a little tighter to keep from falling to her knees, crying, or running, even though her heart was aching. Her three soulmates, who had rejected her and thought she was a monster, were just a few feet away. Rhysand wasn't even looking at her. Azriel stared at her with disgust, and Cassian with sadness, surely disappointed that his soulmate was such a monster.

Luxiana began to tremble as her eyes burned. She couldn't breathe. Why were they here? To come get her? A spark of hope ignited in her chest before being swept away and extinguished by a cold wind of sadness and anger. She was in too much pain. Her heart. 

Only Feyre hadn't hurt her. Only Feyre mattered. She had to pretend only for Feyre. She needed her. There was only Feyre left who mattered. No matter what her soulmates thought of her and no matter how much it hurt that they rejected her. No matter how much she wanted to die, she had to stay for Feyre.

She lifted her chin and smirked haughtily so as not to show them how destroyed she was and how much she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. She tried to move forward, but her body refused to. She could only dig her fingers deeper into Lucien's bicep.

The redhead, turning his gaze towards her, noticing her confident and haughty air in contradiction with her muscles tensed against his body and her fingers dug into his arm, understood that she was not well but that she was forcing herself not to show it. His heart ached for her. She did not deserve to suffer like this because of them. He knew what it was like to lose a love, he could not even imagine what she must feel having lost three loves, who were also her soulmates. She must feel so bad that they rejected her. He sighed as he forced her to let go of his arm to place his hand on her back and push her towards them as he walked beside her. He leaned towards her to whisper inaudibly to the others: "You can do it. It's going to be okay. I'm here."

Luxiana looked up at him, and his reassuring smile comforted her a little. They were the only ones left who mattered. She didn't care about her three soulmates. She owed it to herself. They had rejected her. Her heart ached so much she wanted to vomit. Her soulmates had rejected her. She wanted to cry. She clenched her fists. She wanted to cry like she had these past few days, but she had cried enough for them.

Today, she had managed to get out of bed and agreed to go for a walk with Lucien. Today, she had decided to get up and continue pretending for Feyre. She had seen how unhappy Feyre was to see her unhappy, so she had managed to decide to pretend to pull herself together.

But she hadn't expected to see them again. Except now, it didn't matter. Only Feyre mattered, and Luxiana didn't want to show her that she was still unhappy.

So she let herself be dragged towards her soulmates by Lucien, trying not to appear forced or too rigid in her gait.

"What are you doing here?" Lucien spat in a sharp voice that hardly sounded like him as they arrived in front of them.

Azriel had barely heard what the son of a bitch had said. The closer they both got to him, the more concrete it became. He was seething with rage, so much so that he was shaking. He took a step forward, pushing between Rhysand and Tamlin and standing in front of Lucien. "You son of a bitch, how dare you..."

Luxiana was electrified through and through. First, by a mixture of sadness and realization: They clearly weren't there to apologize, and she felt stupid for even thinking it. Then she was overwhelmed by hatred. They dared to insult Lucien, while he had tried to help her up after they had thrown him into a dark, damp hole filled with pain and suffering. "Watch how you talk to him, or I'll beat the shit out of you so much you'll have to feed yourself out of your ass," she exploded, interrupting him, her voice, though low, filled with hatred.

The three Illyrians were surprised for a second by her tone, their eyes widening. It was the first time she had spoken to them like that, with such anger and resentment. She made them feel as if she hated them, and it made their hearts feel as if they were being stabbed.

Azriel almost jumped at the angry electricity that violently shot through him. She was defending him as if she loved him. She had never loved them, and they were being played. His chest burned with hatred. He took a step forward, towering over Luxiana menacingly. "Oh, you're defending your boyfriend because he can't defend himself?" He didn't wait for a response as he began to stare at her in disgust. "And you said you were falling in love with us, I see you've moved on quickly. So you're just a little bitch after all..."

Rhysand grabbed his arm savagely, almost hitting him to make him stop talking, but he couldn't move anymore or even speak. His heart was being trampled on. But this was what he wanted. She had to hate them, right? She had to find someone else and love someone else, right? That was what was needed... But then why were his heart and body punishing him by hurting so much?

Luxiana let out a small laugh. She didn't even know how the adrenaline pumping through her body kept her upright and not let her collapse, but she was really acting well because of it. "Yeah, I've already moved on. Well, it wasn't really complicated, you know, it's not like I've actually fallen in love with you," she smiled almost pityingly for them. But it was all fake. She was hurt so much, and part of her hoped she could repay them with her words.

Cassian couldn't believe his eyes or his ears. She only got so angry when someone touched the things she loved, like Feyre and now... Like Lucien. She loved Lucien. He wanted to double over, his heart ached so much. She'd moved on so quickly. And now she was telling them she'd never loved them? But she'd told him she loved him. She'd lied? She didn't love him? She couldn't do this to him. "So everything you told us was a lie?!" he snapped, despite himself. He was disgusted.

"Oh, because you believed it?" she mocked. "Oh, sorry, you're so cute." Then she went seriously cold, slowly losing her hilarity. "You were never anything to me, and now that the favor Feyre owed you is gone, I don't have to pretend anymore. So don't think I ever liked you. You were always just a chore."

Cassian took a step back. He was in agony. He was in so much pain. Had she never loved them? Had she pretended with them because she had to?? Had she never loved him? Never? His eyes burned, his chest felt like it was tearing apart. She had never loved him. He hadn't been able to make her love him.

Rhysand didn't know how he was still standing when he just wanted to collapse. He wasn't even looking at her. He couldn't. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing while his brain kept telling him it was a good thing. That what she was saying was a good thing. That she must not have loved them anyway. That the further she was from them, the safer she would be. The happier she would be. But his heart ached and seemed to push against his ribs, only to crash into the arms of his soulmate.

Azriel didn't want to believe it. He couldn't believe it. How dare she say that? How dare she think that? How dare she love another when she was his? She was his. Why did his chest hurt so much? He couldn't breathe. By heavens, how could he have let her go? How could Rhysand have convinced him it was a good thing? When she was his and when she belonged by his side. He gently lifted his arm to gently place his hand on Luxiana's throat possessively. "How dare you say that?" he asked in an almost inaudible whisper. His throat was so tight that his voice was soft, almost high-pitched. "You're ours. Have you forgotten that?" His voice was pleading.

Luxiana's heart filled with life and swelled with hope as she took a breath. She was theirs? She was theirs! Her eyes sparkled. But it only lasted a moment before she recovered. Her heart and her expression faded. He was playing her again. They had made it perfectly clear last time that they thought she was a monster. She wanted to move, to push him away, to spit in his face, but she was just paralyzed by sadness. She could only hold herself back with all her might from breaking down. The lump in her throat only grew bigger. She wanted to cry so badly, but she wouldn't. She was now only here for Feyre.

Fortunately, Lucien reacted. He pushed Azriel away with all his might, forcing him to let go of Luxiana. "Don't touch her, you bastard, and don't even talk to her."

This was too much for Azriel. How dare that son of a bitch claim their soulmate? HIS soulmate. She was his! His shadows raged around him. He was about to lunge at the redhead to kill him, but Rhysand, still holding his brother's arm, violently yanked him back to place him by his side.

"We're not here for that," the lord managed to utter dryly, giving his brother a warning glance. He felt as if he were out of his body. As if he were now on automatic mode. He felt nothing anymore and didn't even feel himself trembling under the adrenaline rushing through his blood vessels. "She can do what she wants, we don't care," he tried to remind his brothers, and himself, why they had sent her away. To protect her. But he bitterly regretted every second.

Luxiana felt as if her heart was being ripped out all over again. And when Tamlin noticed the faintness in her eyes and the sadness in Feyre's as a reflection, he growled heavily. "That's enough, tell us why you came or leave before I tear you to pieces."

Rhys was violently propelled back into his body at his enemy's words. He hated him. He wanted to kill him. His fists and teeth clenched even tighter, but he held himself together and said nothing. His anguish, sadness, and anger boiled inside him, but he had deserved to feel this bad. He swallowed his resentments and tried to breathe.

He curtly explained to them about the book, that Amren had finished decrypting it and that to neutralize the cauldron, they needed Feyre. He quickly spoke of his plan to infiltrate the King of Hybern's castle without even giving anyone time to interrupt him.

"We need you," he repeated to Feyre. "Are you in or not?"

"Of course," Feyre assured without even thinking twice. If she had a chance to save her sisters and the humans on the other side of the wall, she had to take it. Even if it came from the bastards who had hurt her best friend.

Rhysand nodded and wanted to end the discussion to leave as quickly as possible, but Tamlin interrupted him.

"I'll come with you," the blond growled, shooting a disapproving look at Feyre, who had made this decision without consulting him, before looking up at Rhysand with dark eyes. "And it's final."

Rhys gritted his teeth, but he'd expected it. "Fine, but you won't be able to follow her inside. You're a high lord; he might detect you."

Tamlin gritted his teeth. He didn't like this, but at least he'd be closer to intervene if necessary. He nodded, but his throat tightened. He was so worried about his wife, and she had made this decision without asking his opinion. He groaned again. He hated this, damn it.

Luxiana had tuned out and was only just managing to stand as her mind and heart went blank. But suddenly, thanks to Tamlin's worried grunt and the realization that this could only concern Feyre, she came back to herself. She realized everything that had been said and everything that was about to happen. It was far too dangerous. "I'm coming too, and I'll go inside with her," she said suddenly, her voice worried.

"Out of the question," Azriel replied sharply. There was absolutely no way she was putting herself in danger like that. He would be completely distracted by the anxiety and worry of knowing she was by his side in that castle.

"I wasn't asking for your opinion," the white-haired woman countered, glaring at Azriel.

"It's no," the night lord hissed, his voice cold and his gaze cold and authoritative. The thought of his soulmate in Hybern's grasp made him tremble as anxiety echoed in his chest. What he might do to her simply because she was his soulmate... he shuddered. It was far too dangerous.

Luxiana took a step toward Rhysand, her gaze shining with threat. "I wouldn't leave Feyre alone with you for a second in enemy territory, in danger."

Cassian grimaced in empathy and sadness. He understood her concern for her best friend; he felt it fourfold at the thought of her soulmate in Hybern's hands. But selfishly, he couldn't take the risk of knowing his soulmate was in danger, even if that was what she wanted more than anything. And Luxiana was a free spirit. She was unpredictable and always seemed to have a knack for getting into trouble. He grabbed his soulmate's arm and turned her toward him. "Lux, we'll protect her," he insisted with all the sincerity he could muster.

The blonde gritted her teeth as she violently pulled away from his grasp. "Don't call me that," she spat disdainfully. Her heart ached so much at the nickname. It had brought back so many memories. So many feelings. "And what tell me you won't abandon her at the first sign of trouble?"

Cassian was overcome with a mixture of hurt and anger. How could she think he would do this to her best friend? "We wouldn't..."

"I don't trust you!" Luxiana interrupted, almost shouting. She was breathing fast because of the adrenaline that was burning her blood vessels to keep her from crying.

The three Illyrians felt as if they had been struck through the heart by a sword.

Cassian had to take a step back, his eyes wide. She definitely couldn't trust them after what had happened, but he'd hoped so much that that was still the case. He'd hoped that despite everything, she'd still be able to believe they were good people.

Azriel was breathing quickly and his fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. His stomach felt like it was being squeezed by a thousand hands. Why did it hurt so much to hear that? Damn it, she was their soulmate, she should trust them. She should know she could count on them. None of this should have happened like this. He was going to have to talk to Rhys. She had to get back to their side. He took one look at Lucien and wanted to throw up. There was no way she was staying with that redhead for another second.

Rhysand remained frozen, impassive. He hated that she couldn't trust him. He hated himself. But they didn't deserve her. It was for her own good. She would be happier away from them. He turned to Tamlin, completely ignoring Luxiana. "We'll meet at the meeting point tomorrow. If she's there," he spat, pointing at Luxiana without even looking at her. "We'll cancel everything and leave. We won't do anything, and Hybern can do whatever he wants."

"What?" Luxiana yelled in shock. She turned to Feyre with a fake laugh. "It's a bluff!"

“Don't make us do it, because we will,” Rhysand said, but he still wasn't looking at her. Then he blinked his attention back to Tamlin and Feyre. “Then you'd better leave her here.”

"Rhysand!" Luxiana called out, stepping in front of him so he could look at her, but the night lord turned his head to the side so he wouldn't see her.

He knew that if he laid eyes on his soulmate's face, he would give in in every way possible. He knew he would fall to his knees in tears, begging her to love him.

"You have no right to do this. You..." Luxiana continued in a panic. She paused to take a deep breath and steady herself so she wouldn't cry as her throat tightened. "I can't let Feyre go there alone," she continued more calmly. She swallowed her pride. They had hurt her and she wanted to hate them, but for Feyre she had to take it upon herself. "Please. Please, Rhys," she tried, her voice pleading with a last hope.

And the hearts of the three Illyrians were torn apart.

Azriel couldn't take it anymore. She was theirs. She had to come back to their side, and forever this time. No matter what Rhys thought, he needed to have her with him. When he returned from Hybern, he would rush here and take her in his arms, and he would never let her go again.

Cassian had to close his eyes and turn away from the others. He had to hide the tear that rolled down his cheek. He missed her so much. He wanted to reassure her, but he couldn't; she probably wouldn't want to. And that was destroying him. He needed her so much.

Rhysand gritted his teeth until they almost broke. They thought for a second about giving in, but it would be too dangerous for her. His body was urging him to look at her—imagining her pleading, sad face that ripped his heart out even more—and it took all of his being not to give in. "No," he said coldly as his last words before teleporting all three of them to Velaris, leaving Luxiana there with a gaping hole where her heart should have been.

[nikethestatue]

Can I ask you how long you've been in the fandom? When did you join? Was it because of Elriel? And how did you become an Elriel?

I joined the fandom in the summer of 2020. I reread the OG trilogy and then I read ACOFAS and I knew that the next book was coming out in early 2021. So I figured that I'd stick around till then.

I only joined to read fanfics and talk about Rhys. :) I was and am a Rhys stan first and foremost. And I've been on Tumblr for various things since 2010 so I was very familiar with it.

I didn't really start posting until like March of 2021, when the shipwar started. I guess I was always an Elriel? LOL. It never even crossed my mind that they wouldn't be endgame.

When I read the end of ACOMAF for the first time, and Elucien happened, I totally remember my own grimace. And I was like 'ew. What? What?" Then in ACOWAR I was like 'phew, I see what you are doing SJM!!!'

And then suddenly this whole Gwyn thing started and I just sat there and went 'huh? what? what Gwyn? what do you mean?"

It just didn't make any sense to me at all.

Still doesn't. Never will.

And that's pretty much it. Did I think back then that I would be here in 2025 talking about dancing shadows and the definition of 'skitter'? Nope.

[elainsgirl]

everyday the other side gets more and more unbearable, filthy & disgusting. they say all these nasty and mean spirited things about elain, in favour of propping up their favourite redhead who’s been here for no less than five seconds. really? really. just. what the hell. it blows my mind how immature they are. the argument that elain can’t have azriel’s children because of her anatomy? is that stupid take making a comeback? get out😐 i swear they piss me off so much and it takes every ounce of energy i have to not to interact with them cause they’ll just spout bullshit and irrelevant things all the time. they want gwyn to be a spy? why, cause she hid in a tree and waited for the right time to come down? or how about that time when she couldn’t keep a secret? GIRL. COME ON. they want her to be nyx’s favourite aunt (still the funniest take to me imo), rhysand’s bestie, wanting her to fight elain for azriel (pls as if canon gwyn will ever do that) the most she’ll do if she does get a book is sing, fight and train, heal. sing again. maybe go visit her supposed grandpa eris vanserra. i-

i think i’ve said enough. i also think you’re my favourite elriel blog and the GAs in your inbox— girl. i can’t. they test my patience all the time. 😊

The anatomy arguement has got to be one of the most desperate attempts at trying to “prove” gwynriel when in reality it just shows how misogynistic and small minded they are.

It must be so easy to be an anti, basically just taking Elriel theories and arguements/parallels and replacing Elain with Gwyn. Do they really think Sjm is going to make Gwyn a spy…when a book ago she wrote 800pages about Gwyn becoming a warrior? Do they think Mass will break away from her archeron x batboy bestie pattern to write Gwyn and Rhys? They’re not even in each other’s orbits.

A gwynriel book will be nothing but bland. Perfect for those who enjoy generic, basic trope-filled books. Don’t forget she’s going to banter w Azriel, revive the prison, wield made weapons and basically save the entire massiverse all whilst finding out she was the long lost archeron sister.

And thats why anon I stick to my elriel tag. Antis are always SS elriel posts or writing up passive/agressive responses to our posts trying their best to debunk our takes when in truth…it just makes them look silly and you basically understand how it’s possible they’re a gwynriel/elucien. The elriel tag is perfect as Im completely oblivious to what antis are doing and what they’re saying - im pretty sure 98% of them want to start fights with elriel or strive to have our attention (looking at you stalkers) and im just there in my little elriel bubble unknowing to it all which brings me great peace, especially knowing theres an anti out there getting themselves worked up over my and other elriels’ posts.

Thank you so much for the kind words 🫶 I love just being able to yap about elriel and how existential I am for their story. I think most of the antis are just attention starved trolls, I’ve learnt not to give them any time and just enjoy the anticipation for the announcement which is hopefully coming soon 🌸🦇

[londonspirit]

Sarah's Starfury Republic Of Pirates Con Ramblings

Now then… it’s been a whole week, my brain’s more or less functioning again so let’s try and remember, shall we?! 

Just… this is NOT a real con report, I barely remember things that were talked about (although I will attempt to collect posts and such from Bluesky and Discord) but mostly HOW the whole weekend make me feel. If you wanna read about that, knock yourself out. If not, you need to go and find people that posted about it (#SFROP, #AirportCon and #StarfuryPirates seem to be the hashtags used on assorted social media) 

Anyhow, my R and I arrived Thursday afternoon, dropped our stuff at the hotel and went into London for some Christmassy sightseeing (did NOT know you need a ticket for the just opened Winter Wonderland but we got in anyways). It was FREEZING so perfect for a Christmas market. We got back ‘home’ late - and we were the only ones on the bus back to the hotel!!! 

Friday morning started … not as planned. I’d forgotten that I had the event set in my calendar. WITH alarm. So it woke us at SEVEN freaking am when we could’ve slept much longer as things wouldn’t start before the afternoon. 

Well, we were up way too early so we went to hunt for breakfast. I had checked out the area and I knew there was a breakfast cafe only 15 minutes away. The weather was amazing (sunny, blue skies, cold) so we walked. 

Karma is a fucking bitch, but every now and then, she does the right thing. 

While we were wandering, a guy came towards us: blond, bundled up stylishly against the cold, sunglasses on his nose, with not a care in the world. There was something familiar about him. My breath literally hitched. 

“Uhm, R, is that… Mr Darby?” I asked my friend, keeping my voice down as he came closer. 

She nodded carefully, not looking at me. “It is.” 

Trying to keep our shit together and NOT scare the poor man, we kept walking; he kept walking, ignoring us (rightfully so; we weren’t wearing anything pirate related so hopefully he thought we were regular passer-bys). 

And FUCK ME, that man is HOT!! I mean, usually he doesn’t do much for me (I'm a Taika girl!) but that morning? With the sun shining down on him, being all casual and stuff? Reader, my knees were buckling and my heart was RACING!!!  We waited until he was out of earshot (we’re considerate like that!) before we lost our shit - and losing our shit we did!!! There was lots of squealing and giggling and our morning was sooo made (See, waking up too early did have its advantages then!!!) 

Breakfast was nice (The Flying Egg cafe https://maps.app.goo.gl/oyZ3YED3bkq5oamF6 is really good and cost less than hotel breakfast!)  After that we did some shopping (some snacks and drinks to save some money; which has led to me having the most ridiculous bottle opener ever!) and went back, starting to get ready for registration. 

God, this fandom is the LOVELIEST. I went down to the lobby to check how things were going; instantly were met with somebody asking my name and pronouns, giving me a name sticker and explained the newbies how things usually went.  Met some folks I’ve met before, finally met some I only knew online, the usual.  Registration went smoothly, and then we went to find dinner before it was time for the opening ceremony. It still feels weird to actually SEE them, in the flesh, in all their beautiful pirate glory!!! 

It went by quickly, just a few words, hi, happy to be here, bit jetlagged (Rhys and Vico), drove down with his equipment (Kristian), we’re going to have a great time! Barely 10 minutes or so and they were off again, like a gorgeous dream. 

BUT there was the ‘speedating M&G’ right after so we wandered over, loosely sticking with the people from our table. And we ended up with some of those back at another table, waiting for one of them to sit down and talk to us/us talking to them!!! 

We had BARELY any questions, and trying to figure out what to say/ask was hilarious! BUT we made plans for the switching seats so everyone could sit next to them and not only two people. 

I think Kristian came first and it was a bit awkward as we didn’t really know what to talk about. I asked him how he was, somehow nobody has asked him (?) so it went from there, just a bit of chit chat, mostly German swear words, bits of GoT (which he liked that I’ve never watched it O_O)  and stuff like that, and then he was off again already. 

After that we got Rhys which DAMN, up close? Even more devastating, the grey in the stubble was KILLING me (in the very best ways!). He was a tad tired but we got him to talk about his foster cats which was lovely. 

After that we waited for quite a while (lots of Gold tickets and only 5 guests); we were joking they were avoiding us as we didn’t have anything interesting to ask. But then came Nathan (I REALLY don’t know the order anymore, sorry) and he was such a surprise. He straight away asked where everyone was from and EASILY got the conversation going which I had NOT expected! He was amused about the many Germans at the con, told us he’d be here this weekend (Comic Con in Stuttgart). [He was sat next to me, and touched my arm a few times while talking which O_O]. 

For Con and Vico we had people who wanted to sit next to them so we devised a plan to switch seats (we didn’t know who would be next) and when Con came over, people stood and switched and he somehow thought (jokingly) we were running and wanted to race them. 

He started with a dad finger trick to break the ice (which worked beautifully) so I told him a stupid dad joke back (Which bees give milk? … booBEES! I don't know, I heard that just a few days before!) The scolding and eye-roll I got for that was gorgeous! *hehe* That man’s just the sweetest; I don’t really remember what we all talked about but he was sadly gone way too quickly. (My R sat next to him and she was in heaven!!). Oh, and she asked him about theatre and/or musical and the answer was basically that theatre isn't really what he wants to do unless it's the right play and the right director (and even then probably NOT in London which is a shame but yeah...)

Next up: Vico. GUH!!! I fucking LOVE them. Their energy was through the roof and they were talking a mile a minute! What did we talk about? I can’t remember. OH! They loved my earrings (as did a few others) which made me very happy!!! What I do remember (and I begged R before to NOT let me do it) was that I had to gush about Vico’s hair. I'm a hairdresser, and their hair journey from the mohawk to the curly mullet now is just so GAH for me. So yeah, I told them how much I love it and their face fucking LIT UP!!! I mean, I'm passionate about hair but they just fueled that passion and GOD, their eyes are insanely beautiful!! HNGNGGH! (also got touches on the arm so yeah… *heart eyes*) 

(Also, their handler had to remind them thrice that their time was up as they didn’t manage to find an end! Aww.) 

Eventually it was over and everyone floated out, clearly very high on pirate love!!! 

After that there was the party where the music BEFOREHAND was just horrible (more suited to a SPN con than ours) so of course my R went up there and taught them about pirate music!! I'm still laughing about her gesturing passionately while our table watched in awe!! 

We signed Kristian’s massive birthday card (made and passed around by Fyre; I REALLY hope he’s got it!) and went to bed not too late as we had a BUSY Saturday ahead of us and we didn’t want to look like ghosts!! 

So yeah, that was (Thursday and) Friday!! 

(pics from SF's Twitter page)

Saturday morning, getting up, getting ready for photos!! PHOTOS WITH VICO AND CON, cause I KNEW I just had to have these two!!! (auto were included with Gold so I could get these signed; I brought Kristian’s book and we got posters so I could have Rhys sign one of these. Nathan was an extra guest and NOT included which was okay with me.) 

I had two separate outfits, one for my Vico pic, one for Con. I was a bit  worried about timing but it all went super smoothly and quickly so I had time to change. 

Con was first. And set the stage quite Con-style!

“I had fucking coffee. Bring it on!” or something like that when he came out!!! I love that man.

We were pretty much first in queue; I went up to him, still VERY calm and collected which I do NOT know where that came from. (Maybe because they’re not celebrities, they’re fans of the show just as us and it shows!!) He wanted to put his arm around my shoulder when I stepped up and then fucking ASKED if it was okay. Mentally I was screaming. Outwards I was like, sure but I want a hug anyways if that's okay. 

“Sure,” he said and then pulled me against himself so hard I almost stumbled against him (*I* can see that in the pic) and then wrapped his arms around me and my brain went offline. It was over way too soon. I said thank you and wandered off, brain still going eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh! *lol* 

After that we queued for Vico. (What I LOVE about the SF cons (or this one, at least) while you queue you can watch everyone else which was soo fucking lovely. Again, they’re FANS like us and it fucking shows in everything they do!!! 

Once it was my turn with Vico their bright smile almost knocked me back over (esp since apparently they had been up since THREE FREAKING AM for an audition or so; they posted a video). 

“Can I have a hug?” I asked, and they were against me in a heartbeat! And they were the only one I could actually smell. And GOD, they smelled so good. And they’re soo freaking tiny!!! And yet, soo much strength. Of all my pics I love this one soo fucking much. And it shows which I love even more!!! 

After that we were done and sadly had to leave the room. 

Back to the panel room we went, blocking a table for the few lovely people we connected with and just after noon, Con and Nathan took the stage. 

These two together are fucking LETHAL!! It went downhill VERY VERY quickly. I can’t remember shitall, I know my belly hurt from all the laughing, at one point I might have teared up (first of many many more over the weekend) because of Con’s intense plea to look after each other in these times. This cast, I swear. 

There were cakes to bake at knifepoint, Con O’Neill being very very passionate about cheese: he will scold you HARD if you pair it with the wrong everything; Nathan VERY devastated that he had to wait to see Wicked until AFTER the con! And so much more, there’s a lovely person here on Tumblr, who posted about the panels which I will reblog in a sec! 

After these two manics where Vico and Kristian. This was tad more subdued even though Vico was still their bubbling, hyper self. I think there were talk about them loving dragons, music… god, my memory on the actual panels is shit! SORRY! 

Next up was Rhys (solo). He talked about a lot of things but what stuck with me (naturally) was the love and respect he has for Taika and his genius. He said he wished Taika would do cons so he could feel the love just like they did!!! I might have made noises. Rhys would love to work with him again, he’s brilliant… he was praising him a lot and my heart melted!! Their friendship is the most beautiful thing!!! GUH!! 

There was talk about Costa Rica which made the whole room explode with laughter, him talking about his craft, and how very much he still loves Stede and the show. (if anyone has more concrete things, PLEASE TELL ME, my brain’s a sieve. I kept staring at the man, still baffled to actually be in the same room as him!) 

He closed out the panel portion of the day; after that were autographs! And we had decided to get them all on Saturday so we had the Sunday for panels and no need to rush anywhere. (HA!) 

Again, what with being Gold and single numbers on the badge we were there early. I had my pics from earlier with Con and Vico which I wanted signed; Con looked at it and nodded approvingly: ‘That’ll do’, he said a few times; sadly I didn’t have much else to say to him so I thanked him and wandered over to Vico. 

 Ugh, I love them soo much. ‘Look at how CUTE we are’ they said (and wrote on it). And yes, we are. Told them how much i loved the pic, and that I’ll be replacing my DT pic on my socials with ours! Their FACE!! Guh. Seriously, they’re fucking GLOWING from the inside and it’s blinding!!! 

Kristian was next. I had his book; he asked whether I read it (not through yet, started a few weeks ago which he wasn’t too bothered about) and then… he bloody showed me two german words somebody had written down for him (or possibly he himself had found) and wanted to know what they meant. (they were rude words describing people with a lively sexual life)! I mean, i did NOT have teaching Kristian Nairn German words on my bingo card but here we were. Corrected one word as it was written wrong (WHAT?) and tried to explain it - not entirely right- but he was satisfied. His grin was very happy when he said goodbye! *shakes head* This cast, I swear. 

I had Rhys sign one of the posters as I didn’t have anything else with me. And can I tell you, being smirked and fucking WINKED at, does things to you you’re not ready for!!!! HNGNGGN!!! (which def sold me on making CHOICES the next  morning!)  I know I thanked them all for coming over and hoped they were enjoying the con and themselves so not being a total idiot, I guess *hehe*

After that we needed food and got ready for the Cosplay contest later that evening. 

The WHOLE DAMN CAST came out to judge it!!! ALL OF THEM! 

And GOD, this fandom is soo fucking talented!!! The costumes, the CARE people put into it, the blood, sweat and tears… it’s INSANE!! 

The deserved winner was wearing coat that depicted ALL OF SEASON 1!! They went and added ALL THE TINY DETAILS onto it… it‘s madness and the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Also, TEARS because FUCK ME, having the the creator and cast talk about it and the love for our show and start choking on tears is NOT helping me stay calm!!! 

After that, more party which we did since Kristian was dj’ing and Vico was dancing their little heart out until 11 or so (Nathan was also still there). We stayed a bit longer once they’ve left as we didn’t have much going on on Sunday… 

… or so I thought!!! 

Sunday morning started quiet with a late alarm as only R had things happening before the panels. (And the morning photos had been pushed back half an hour anyways!)  We went for breakfast… and somewhere between coffee and cornflakes I was like ‘I cannot leave here with only two pictures when there’s FIVE cast members here, can I?!’ S was NOT helping and soon we were ordering pics, racing back to paint a face on and then we were queueing again for more photos!!! 

Nathan was first and I was the 2nd in line and he was tired *lol* So that one’s a bit boring! 

Kristian remembered a) my name and b) that I was German so he greeted me with ‘Guten Morgen’ which was lovely, and I love that we’re both a tad unhinged in the pic from the giggling! 

And then Rhys. I swear that man wants to kill  me with that casual unexpected HOTNESS. That morning he was wearing what he was wearing and I WAS NOT READY!! *breathes heavily* But then again, you never are so yeah. 

Anyhow, I knew I didn’t want an ordinary pic with him, and was pondering what pose to do. And somehow a ‘back to back’ felt like the right choice. R wanted to do the same so once she was done and he wanted to turn back again, I was like ‘nah, just stay like that, I want the same’ which made him smile. So yeah, I REALLY like that picture!!! *sighs happily* 

We were still lingering about, just watching them ‘work’, waiting for our new friends but eventually we had to leave! I saw some wonderful pics done (I think this particular one was take the day before:  everyone looking everywhere BUT the camera, which was hilarious!) 

After that we went back into the main hall only to find our new friends having saved us spaces at the table (that’s why I LOVE those cons, you just find YOUR people!) 

First panel was Vico and Nathan which I remember shit all about!!! *hides* I can’t for the life of me remember any specifics. 

I'm pretty sure there were some Wicked stings which made Nathan wail; oh and I think that was the one where the poor man disclosed that he hates CRABS which naturally made Vico tease him merciless about it!!! *lol* According to Discord there was also talk about carol singers in everywhere else and then in PR which apparently is them yelling at people in their houses until they let them in (Vico REALLY needs to do more comedy, their timing is fucking IMPECCABLE!!) Also, audio work (which reminds me I REALLY need to check that out, I need some Vico readings in my car!) 

After that: Rhys and Con. That was a pairing I was looking forward to a LOT as they’re usually not put together in a one on one. And BOY was that a hoot!!! 

Con his grumpy lovely self, Rhys a bit less jetlagged (yet still annoyed at the tech people chattering backstage when he’s trying to listen to questions; they stopped talking after that and he was fine.) 

KEVIN!!!

It’s THE running gag already (Rhys said it’d be dead in a week, Con doubted that,, and he’ll win THAT bet: there’s stickers and SHIRTS already which will make an appearance at random Rhys gigs next year so yeah…) It’s got something to do with Con assuming there just has to be a sex tape with Rhys (no idea HOW he got there) and that it had to be with someone named Kevin (Rosie’s name fell a few times too; it was CHAOS I tell ya!) and I think it was Rhys who yelled ‘Kevin, give me the tape(s)’!!! Which is now a thing and I’ll be randomly yell that at pirates and/or Kevin’s I will cross paths with in the future!!! It was fucking hysterical and I'm still giggling just thinking about it! 

Rhys did take a fake phonecall with his agent, about Star Trek and Star Wars, about cities to visit in Japan and Con was cackling in the most delightful way while Rhys looked very smug about making us all laugh. 

Their back and forth was AMAZING; for some reason that surprised me, but they’re soo good together (another reason why I'm sad there's not more!) I think there was a dinosaur question in there too; the hour was over way too fast, I could’ve listened to them so ages. But R and I had tickets for Con’s fan meet so we left a bit early eben though the man in question was still on stage (which makes me sad because apparently we missed that ‘Izzy wouldn’t officiate Ed’s and Stede’d wedding, he’d rather watch them fuck.’ EXCUSE YOU?!?!? (and yes, i'm pretty damn sure there’s another Steddyhand fic in the making for me if I can find the energy to write again)  

So yeah, Fan Meet. (I bought it as a present for R in case she’d miss out; she did on the Saturday one; and it was planned as a gift but she bought one herself in time so I went along; what a hardship! *grins*) 

About 20 of us in a room, with one Con O’Neill. Oh, that man. The sweetest grumpiest man I’ve ever loved! He’s sooo fucking kind and lovely; loves his dog desperately; is in fact married (which we assumed but it was nice that he eventually got tired of trying to stick with ‘partner’ and just switched to ‘husband’ - my heart soared at that.) Fyre did a lovely write up of that one, so I’ll link to that. (R asked the last q about Cooper and my heart is still aching for him!) 

We floated back out once it was over and back into the main hall where Nathan was Kristian’s guest for WJW. And no, I don’t remember one bloody thing about it, sorry! 

Hm, when did Sean announced the gifted pic? Was it before the first panel? Anyways, since basically all pics and autos were done on Saturday, everyone got gifted one of the group pics and we ALL could get them signed: Gold even WITH Nathan. FOR FREE!! (So yeah, not one bad word about SF - they’re not perfect, I know that, and Sean’s not the most people'y person but that was a VERY nice thing!) 

So yeah, after the last panel back to the auto room we went… where we would stay for the next 2 hours or so, waiting our turn because especially Con and Vico took their time chatting. 

I didn’t mind one bit; I could watch them for hours; we chatted with fellow crew and I personally had the most wonderful time. 

I'm now the very proud owner of a signed pic, got to talk a bit more to them all (gushing to Vico some more about their hair) and in general got way more for my money then I could’ve ever hoped!!! 

Once we emerged we were famished and went for food before it was back into the main hall for the Closing. 

And once again, this cast is the most magical out there!!! Everyone said a little bit, most of them told us to stick together, look after each other in these hard times ['FUCK 'EM' - Con O'Neill about everyone who wants to fuck with us!] and were the most beautiful souls out there. I teared up more than once and barely kept myself from just wailing loudly! Such wonderful people who love our little show almost more than we do. *sighs* 

The room was so full of love and joy and happiness. And sadness, yeah but there was one last party to go to. Which we did. Vico came out as well although they stayed in the foyer, just chatting to people and from what I’ve heard it was wonderful for everyone. 

We went to bed rather early as we still had to pack because we had to leave rather early. 

Goodbyes were said, hugs were hugged and off we went. 

Now it’s been over a week, and im still not really back in the real world. It still feels surreal to have these memories, have the pics and autos, have all the AMAZING gifts people handed out which I will treasure massively. 

Sadly we already know that this was a one off (which makes me unbelievably glad we went) so I will always have the most incredible memories of this wet and windy weekend in November in a hotel full of pirates and queer joy and happiness. Which will stick with me even more than meeting the cast: seeing everyone just be their beautiful unique self, without fear, without having to hide themselves away, be loud and proud and as queer and diverse as they can be!!! EVERYONE understood, everyone cared and GOD, isn’t that the most amazing thing? 

That Jenkins' little show was able to do this?! One of the many many reasons I fucking adore this show and everyone involved!!! 

So yeah, that’s it. Probably the longest I’ve written about an event I’ve been to; as I said, it’s more about feelings than proper report but I’d like to have that here. And if you’ve read it all, CONGRATULATIONS, you deserve ALL THE COOKIES for sticking with my insane ramblings! 

#CrewForLife has never been truer than with this show and its beautiful people!!! 

[summerlinenss]

I don't know, maybe it's just me but Taika's fans (not just Ed's fans) seems like practically left OFMD fandom. The fandom only supports Darby out of all the actors. Any appearance of him on the red carpet and people go crazy. Any poll - again he gets the biggest support. Taika's not noticed or deliberately ignored. No one cares about his new projects or appearances on the red carpet in this fandom. Almost no one in the fandom even congratulated him on his birthday... He appears in the thread for their discussion only when they want to judge him (for the cancellation of the third season for example). Taika Waititi in this fandom exists ONLY in connection with Darby. He OUGHT to make We Are Wolves because their beloved Rhys needs it. TBH I can't even look at their joint photos anymore because of it. Again Taika appears on my TL only when Rhys is around. I won't even mention Con! Rhys is the only one who needs support in this fandom, who is pitied and loved. Taika apparently doesn't deserve it because he always wears the mask of a confident guy. In any case, I hope Taika just continues to quietly pursue new projects. Yes, Ed will probably remain his brightest and best role and we are unlikely to see him in leading roles (only small cameos) in the near future but we need to move on. Although of course he gets hate here much less than in Marvel fandom. Some ppl here even love him. Thanks for that, I suppose.

…i hope assume this is bait but regardless, yes, i think it is just you, anon. i don’t think any of what you’re saying is fair or accurate, and it’s actually pretty rude and disrespectful.

i can tell this is prompted by the photos from the red carpet of his new film today, but claiming rhys is the only cast member to get (and need) any support from the fandom is a massive exaggeration and blatantly untrue. one of the best things about this fandom is that everyone supports the cast & crew’s other projects, from samba’s new film to nathan’s play to rachel’s directorial debut (and they all support each other, as well).

going off that, this is the first time rhys has ever played the lead role in a tv series, and that was mostly because of taika. no one is demanding for we’re wolves to be made because rhys “needs it,” they’re hoping for a sequel they’ve been anticipating for years to finally be made (and yes, rhys getting another leading role will be nice). rhys deserves love and praise just as much as taika does. they’re our co-leads. and i hate to break it to you but they’re best friends + collaborators going on 30 (?) years now, so he’s not going anywhere from taika’s life or work any time soon.

frankly, the real reason most fans don’t explicitly talk about taika as much anymore is because they’re afraid of literally being harassed. it has nothing to do with not caring about him, but it gets exhausting when you can’t even write his name in a post without people sending you awful false accusations and graphic death threats towards him. but many people initially took interest in ofmd because they love taika’s work and heard of his involvement (i’m one of them). and many of us still vocally love and stick up for him.

i feel like this is an issue of needing to curate your tl better, honestly. find and engage with the people who post what you want to see, block and mute those who post what you don’t. and if it bothers you that other people talk so much about the leading man of their favourite show, i don’t really know how to help you with that.

[rosanna-writer]

for the fic writer asks!! K, M, V, and Z 🩷

(love love love your fics!!!)

hi anon, thank you!!!

K:  Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)? Hmm...this one is a hard one because I'm mostly here to have fun, and my taste often leans towards things that are a bit bonkers/silly. So I'm always a little like, "is it really a guilty pleasure if we're being cheesy on purpose?" But I love all the soulmate identifying mark tropes, "soulmate's injuries appear on your skin," "can't see color until you meet your soulmate," "tattoo of your soulmate's first words appear at birth" etc etc etc

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with?  Did it turn into a story? One of my greatest joys in fandom is taking something I goofed about with friends and turning it into a fic, so yes, my weirdest AUs have def become stories! Goatsand and that temperature fic both came into the world that way <3

(I also can't mention those fics without shouting out a few others that are not by me but are the result of Being A Goof: Lavender Haze by @thesistersarcheron, birds of a feather (we should stick together) by @belabellissima, and the tragic story of the vienna sausage by @itsthedoodle)

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you? I've spent a lot of time thinking about recovery and what that looks like while writing we said hello. Everything that Rhys and Feyre go through Under the Mountain is so enormous, and I wanted to do it justice. There are comparatively few fics that explore what Rhys and Feyre healing together would actually look like (though A Court of Faded Dreams by @the-lonelybarricade immediately comes to mind, and LB is legend-fucking-dary for a reason <3), and I think that's because tackling it feels intimidating as an author. So when a commenter told me one of the post-UtM chapters helped them re-live the sense of hope from moment they'd realized their antidepressants kicked in, it meant a lot to me—not only because that's such a vulnerable thing to say and I treasure the fact that they felt safe enough to say it in my comments section, but because it reassured me that I was handling some pretty heavy stuff well in that fic. It still really blows my mind that anything I've written connected to someone on that level.

Z: already answered here <3

[themusingsofacurlyhairednerd]

I just want you to know, I’m eating up “Love and War” and your Rhys fics in general.

Sadly, Rhys doesn’t get a lot of love on this app in fan fiction and I get so happy when you post the vamp! Rhys and the “love and war” parts.

I just wanna bite into him, lovingly

Hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself sweetheart💜💜

This made my day!! 🫶🏻 I’m so glad you’re enjoying them! Rhys really is my comfort character and I figured if I couldn’t find fics to read about him then I might as well write them myself 😂

More parts of Love and War and the Vamp!Rhys will be coming soon, I’m trying to get myself on a schedule to post more regularly, ‘cause I know I’m all over the place 😅 Thank you for sticking with me through the madness 🫶🏻

[ennawrite]

Thanks for the tag @sonics-atelier (& someone else but i can’t find the post😭)!!

Answer the questions below & tag whoever you want, or make it an open tag!!

Who's your favourite ACOTAR character?

Nesta & Lucien. Tamlin is at the top as well :)

Who's your least favourite character?

Amren. She is not interesting to me at all. I can forgive a lot but I draw the line at boring characters.

Say something nice about your least favourite character.

I think she could be a cool character but SJM hasn’t given us much in regards to the IC, even though they’ve been part of the series since the second book. Maybe she can rectify that in the next few books but I’m losing hope, especially after HOFAS🤷‍♀️

Who's your favourite High Lord? (If you picked one for your fav character, then who's your second fav!)

I absolutely adore Tarquin. I think he has the potential to be a really good HL, especially since the bar is so low😭

Favourite MINOR character?

Probably Jurian, if he counts as a minor character lol. The Bone Carver too, though his death was very anticlimactic for being a DEATH god lmao

Favourite ship? (Crackships included!)

Tamsand, Azris, Targwyn when it comes to crackships. Elucien for real ships!!

Favourite court and why?

I loveee the beach so I love the Summer Court, I feel like it’d be so nice there. I also really like Tarquin & Cresseida and I just know they’d be so fun to party with

Make up a brand new court RIGHT NOW, NO PREP JUST VIBES.

I’m making a court for the girlies, gays & theys. No straight men allowed.

What relationship would you have wanted to see more of in the books?

I wanna see more of Tamlin & Rhys rectifying their past friendship. I would also like to see Lucien/Eris & their mother interacting.

What's your unpopular opinion?

I don’t really LOVE any of the mating pairs we’ve gotten so far, but I’m still a ride or die for Elucien. But also, I loved the idea of feysand & nessian until they actually got together and now I’m doubting SJM’s ability to write a good, healthy romantic relationship. Which is a bit ironic.

What's your favourite headcanon/fan canon?

That Tamlin & Rhys had a brief, violently passionate love affair hundreds of years ago and that’s why there’s so much tension between them (outside of the family murders lol). On the flip side, I also like the idea of Tamlin having a romantic relationship with Rhys’s sister and that she didn’t really, but escaped through the Starlight pool w/ her mother and Tamlin glamoured random heads to look like theirs. That HC gives me peace because it actually utilizes the magical element in these books lmao

If you were swept away to Prythian, what's ONE thing you would want to do?

Oh baby I’m going to all of the Soltice parties. Especially in Spring & Summer. I’m avoiding all the warnings and heading straight to the faerie wine. And then I’m gonna stick realllll close to Tamlin during Calanmai 😏

If you could have ONE faerie ability seen in the books, which would it be?

Ooh probably shapeshifting. I know we haven’t seen too much of it from Tamlin or Feyre (which is a shame) but Lysandra from ToG made it seem so badass. I love it. Also, winnowing sounds amazing.

Again, I’m late to the party so consider this an obligatory tag to YOU if you haven’t done this yet :)