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anika-ann · 1 year ago

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Back and Forth - part 1

Part 1 - Snap Back

Type: series; agent!reader, inhuman!reader

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word Count: 7400

Chapter summary:

In which the mission goes to hell and you and Steve clash. Again.

Series masterlist

Warnings: blood, canon-typical violence, mention of gunshot wounds, hints of unhealthy relationship to pain, mention of death, some angst

A/N: ALWAYS MIND THE WARNINGS; dividers by @firefly-graphics 💕; moodboard is for the vibes and does not necessarily reflect reader’s appearance

Steve Rogers was a very large man. Over two hundred pounds of muscle, over six feet three tall, he towered and loomed and hovered above everything and everyone. And yet, his body seemed too small to contain the huge ball of righteous anger, too small to contain the magnitude of the jerk he was being at the moment.

It must have been one of his greatest talents.

And you understood. You understood why he was pacing around, his face the perfect storm with lightning flashing from his eyes, his voice thundering; the mission was a failure, fire and destruction left behind without the important data retrieved. Hell, you understood a little too well how much of that was your fault therefore he had every right to be angry with you.

And yet. Yet, you couldn’t comprehend how that supposedly righteous man spitted around words full of rage when he was to blame himself too.

He was the one to pull you out. He was the one to shake you and break your concentration before your spectre, able to waltz behind locked doors without a key, could deliver the drive to another agent. He was the one to make you snap back, your astral projection dissipating.

Yes, your spectre had been barely walking. Yes, it had got shot in the gut and you really damn felt it. Yes, you – it, really – had been hanging on a tread, with you already at peace with the fact that once you’d snap back, you’d wake up in a hospital bed, because your body wouldn’t handle the strain. Yes, maybe you would have failed anyway, snapping back before you could do what you were supposed to. But now you’d never know, would you?

Because Steven Grant Rogers, Mr. Captain America with the ego of the size of his very moniker, couldn’t have handled you straying from his explicit order to get out earlier.

You were still shaky on your feet, barely having beaten your dizziness and having been walking the fine line of consciousness for way too long, hurting like hell the whole time, but good god, did you have the energy to fight that blonde disaster screaming you down. Especially since he was doing so in front of everyone as you remained seated on the stretcher and kept pulling at the i.v. with custom-made saline to get it from your arm and make the situation at least a bit less humiliating for you.

The audacity. The audacity it had to take for him to call you reckless and scold you for not disappearing faster despite the fact there had been another set of files that caught you eye and needed to be copied. His utter confidence that his plan was as flawless as the first kiss in the early era Taylor Swift songs; confidence that you would have got out safely and the Hydra agent would have never caught you off guard if you just listened to your Captain.

Well fuck your Captain.

You knew you were a failure. You knew that in the end, you were to blame for not getting the intel out in time before the base blown up, the flash drive lying somewhere in the corridor abandoned. Tony Stark might like to tell you that with your abilities defied the basic laws of physics, namely the law of conservation of matter and energy, but you didn’t defy them that much. You couldn’t carry things back by simply grabbing them as the spectre and snapping back to your real body; you had tried countless times, but that wasn’t how things worked, even if you wanted them to – and surely Captain Rogers did as well.

But he was the one to make you snap back. And he was able to do that, because despite the poorly masked hate he appeared to feel towards you at times, he still often made the strategic decision to be the one protecting your actual body; your paraconscious, softly levitating body, completely vulnerable to an attack. Apparently, he was the only one who could be trusted to do it after all.

Whoever called him a golden boy and actually meant it had to be an idiot.

“You should have let me do it! I would have been able to get it to Lincoln or someone else!” you argued, hands pushing at the stretcher to stand up at last, wincing at the ghost of a sharp pain tearing at your abdomen. Never mind that, that was nothing new – Rogers’ unsolicited attack and complete lack of accountability were.

He only scoffed at your argument, crossing his arms on his stupidly wide chest. The bragger. The impossible cannot-do-wrong arse-

“Would you? You were going to pass out! I know the signs by now-”

“So what?!”

“So what?!” he echoed on full volume, throwing his arm out just as wildly as the whole tantrum. “I carried you out of there because you couldn’t walk!”

How dared he-

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you feigned regret, lowering your voice as you finally managed to rise to your feet. “I must have been such a terrible imposition to your superstrength!”

“That’s not the problem and you know it!”

Then what was his problem, you wanted to ask, but you knew that question was futile. You knew the answer already and it was annoyingly fitting to a considerably newer Talor Swift song: it was you. You were the problem he had. And the even bigger problem was that he couldn’t have you delivered back express to Coulson, because lately it seemed this team needed someone with the ability to project more than the new SHIELD did. He was stuck with you; with your apparently incapable ass.

“Do I?!” you questioned. “Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t just walk off a massive blood loss!”

Rogers winced as you spitted out the words; good. Maybe he’d think twice before yelling at you next time when the Quinjet hadn’t even touched the ground yet and everyone could watch your failure in HD since he served it to them on a silver platter.

You winced too as you breathed in deeply and fresh claws of pain dug into your abdomen again; really not good. But not unusual, even as there was no trace of the bullet wound on your body – because it wasn’t your actual body that got hit, not really. Still, the pain remained.

Yet, that was nothing to stop you from staring at Rogers as he glared at you with hard eyes, leaning forward, jaw so damn tense you might cut yourself on the tendons if you touched it.

“You wouldn’t have suffered-- that if you’d have just followed orders!”

“Oh really?! Get over yourself, oh Mighty Captain!”

“Get over-” he repeated as if he couldn’t comprehend you just said that, breathing in deeply to ground himself and failing spectacularly since his voice was still full of accusation. “You should have brought us intel and instead we have nothing!”

You stepped forward to get your retort across almost as quickly as you felt everything in you recoil in guilt – because Rogers was right. Of course, he was right. And you knew that. You wanted to scream and cry and throw up and take a damn nap or maybe just wake up from this fucked up dream but you couldn’t, could you?

You could barely do anything.

“Well, I’m sorry! Okay?! I couldn’t do it and I’m fucking sorry! I know I fucked up! I should have pushed through more, I know, and you have no idea how pissed I am at me! But maybe I would have been just fine, if--- you shouldn’t have stopped me!”

“I wouldn’t have to snap you back if you just did what you were supposed to do!”

You grinded your teeth. Stupid, big-headed pig-headed supersoldier, if he had had any idea-

“What were you going to say just now?” he demanded, standing even taller than before, the mask of anger and disappointment shifting towards challenge.

Fight me. Yell back. Try telling me I’m wrong, when you know I’m not.

Goddamn him. He was so damn self-assured, so overconfident it would get him killed one day and you’d be there to watch like a useless dumbass, because you couldn’t do the one thing every single agent on this team should do: have your teammates’ back.

But you couldn’t tell him that. You couldn’t.

Your shoulders sagged, exhaustion washing over you.

“Doesn’t matter,” you said, minding your volume even as most Avengers and other agents got the memo and tried to give you as much privacy as possible. Bless that useless gesture. “I told you, I’m sorry. I know I need to learn to push myself more despite the pain when the stakes are high, but it’s…” You caught a flash of a new emotion you couldn’t decipher in his eyes and you looked away, scoffing, frustration flaring up again. “Why am I even telling you, what would you know about that, huh?”

What would the perfectly mighty walk-it-off Captain know about you peasants and your struggles. Ziltch. He was perfection personified, never wrong, never weak, never-

The sharp intake of breath had you snap your gaze back – and your heart stumbled in your chest. One brief glance at him and you regretted your words instantly. For one, you were too well-aware of the fact that they were bullshit. For two, you might as well wave a red cloth in front of an already enraged bull.

Steve Rogers bristled, teeth practically bared like those of an animal; he snarled like one too, but it was the tone that had cut you. The tone said so much more than his actual words and that message was like a muleta for you for a change.

“Is that what you think? You think I don’t feel pain?!”

“Maybe you don’t feel anything at all!” you snapped, throwing your arms up, gritting your teeth and closing your fists at the sharp bite at your belly at the movement. For fuck’s sake- “It sure as hell looks like it to me, to everyone! Especially since you’re yelling at me right now! I know I fucked up but it’s not easy on me either!”

The realization that he was acting like an asshole must have been quick – he froze for but a split second – but the fact he cared little for that was even faster, his counterattack coming in hot.

“Well, allow me to correct you, agent, I do feel pain – and I don’t have the luxury to switch it off when I snap back into my real body because I only have one!”

And you laughed. The burst of sardonic laugh tasted like hysteria on your tongue, actual tears burning in your eyes.

Switch it off. Switch it off as you pleased. God, that was funny. That was hilarious. So hilarious you wanted to cry. You pretended that the palm that you lifted to your face was to muffle the laughter and not to check whether some of your tears didn’t escape.

“Ooooh, ohohohooo, you think being me is so great, don’t you? Walk a mile in my shoes, Captain, we’ll see how you’ll like it!” you spat, laughing again. “But I’m sure you wouldn’t only walk, would you? You’d fucking dance en pointe and throw in a few grands jetés en tournant just for the kicks, huh? Because you are Mr.Perfect!”

Despite your challenging words, his demeanour changed in as if you snapped your fingers and the reason for that had your chest tighten in panic.

He noticed the tears. You could tell because he blinked, eyes suddenly roaming your face, his voice falling so quiet you barely heard it all of sudden; but perhaps that was only due to the ringing in your ears, the pulsing in your temples.

“That’s not--- I didn’t mean to--“

You cared shit about what he meant or didn’t mean at the moment. He saw you weak. Again. Not only you had failed, hadn’t handled the mission physically, now you were falling apart mentally right in front of him.

He was going to bench you. Worse, he was going to send you express to Coulson despite needing someone with your abilities and he would never ask you to join the Avengers again.

Fight. Show him you have the fire. Show him you’ve got what it takes. Don’t let him think you gave up.

“Well guess what, Captain, I feel pain too and I don’t have the luxury to heal in a few seconds!”

“I don’t heal that-“ he objected lowly and that was the last drop. The last drop and you cracked.

“I KNOW, okay?! You heal faster than anyone, but you still need to heal, because you can get hurt and you can get killed!” His eyes went wide and you gulped; he heard your voice break. Fuck. “Even if you don’t act like it, because you’re the mighty Captain, after all-“ you added quickly to divert his attention.

And the distraction worked. Too bad it didn’t work for you, words still spilling since the dam had been broken.

“Would you stop calling me-“

“Not all of us can be perfect soldiers, the ultimate heroes! Not all of us can do what you do, just push through everything! We fail, we hurt and we barely survive only to disappoint people like you!” you cried out.

It was the line about disappointment, you were certain – something in his expression shifted again and this time, all fight left your body for good, something inside you breaking. The new emotion on his face almost looked like compassion and you didn’t need that. You didn’t need the demigod amongst men and women to pity you and feel for you, especially not now. Not now when you didn’t deserve it because he was right and now this? You hadn’t been fast enough and strong enough – and he might have scolded you for in front of everyone, but now it seemed as if he regretted that because he needed to be the bigger person just to be fucking more perfect and you couldn’t bear it. You never could.

There was a reason why you always jumped to defence when he showed disappointment in you.

Your voice came out as but a whisper, but you made sure it was firm one. “I failed. I disappointed you and everyone else, I know. I’m sorry. I shall accept the punishment as you see fit even if that doesn’t make up for my failure.”

Nor blind nor deaf, Steve’s demeanour changed too; his eyes were suddenly as kind as his words and that was the worst part.

“I have no doubt you tried your best, Spectre, and that’s all we can ever do. The only punishment which will come is one for not following orders.”

You couldn’t help it. You should have, since you were already in such a mess, most of it of your own making, but hearing him utter those words, him of all people. The irony. You scoffed.

And like a charm, all of his benevolence evaporated in an instant; his back straightened, head held high.

“You’ve got anything to say?”

The words prickled at your tongue but you swallowed them. No. Don’t say it.

“No, sir.” Good girl.

“Clearly, you do,” Rogers opposed, eyes dark as they watched you sharply.

Well, then. Bad girl it was.

“Do I? Fine. You’re a big fat hypocrite.”

You might have as well stuck a bar into a bee hive and poked around, aiming for the queen. Rogers went from slightly annoyed to ballistic in a split second, back in your face.

“Excuse me?!”

“Excused. I bet you were aaaaaaall about following orders in your time, weren’t you?” you mocked him, knowing you were so on point it had to burn him – that was, if he took a moment to actually consider your words, the words of the inferior, painfully imperfect being. “Even now. Never reckless, never out of line if you feel like it’s the right thing to do. Never pushy with your superstrength, never just removing people who stand in your way, because you can and you will get away with it, because you are the saint who does no wrong, not at all-“

It was his turn to scoff, his eyes burning with bright blue flame of righteousness – and disdain.

“You think being me is so great, don’t you?” he threw back your earlier words, bitter, clearly regretting the sympathy he had found for you earlier. He crossed his arms on his chest again, shaking his head, a sardonic smile on his lips. “You have me all figured out.”

“Yes. Yes, I do. So I know you’d do the same in my place and I know that’s why you’re so angry with me. We always get mad when we’re offered a mirror, don’t we?” you pressed, mirroring his bitter smile indeed.

Something flashed in his eyes, voice dropping low. Dangerously low. “I am angry. You have no idea, Spectre.”

Good. Then you had at least something in common.

“Well, so am I. You have no authority to decide when I have enough-“

“As your captain, I actually do-” he interjected, raising his voice again and you just rolled your eyes.

You were insanely grateful for the familiar sensation of slight popping in your ears, the gentle swing of the floor under your feet. You’d be more grateful for it if you didn’t have to stifle a cry, when your body naturally attempted to balance it out and didn’t feel the burn in your abdomen, but you couldn’t always get what you wanted, could you?

Case on a damn point.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, right,” you said, looking straight into your captain’s eyes, sticking your chin out defiantly, saccharine voice of obedience dripping from your lips, heavy with sarcasm. “Well, if you, sir, have anything else to say, say it now, because we’re landing and I’m about to take a shower and sleep for a week. That is if I am allowed. Or do I need to submit an official request?”

You couldn’t tell whether he wanted to shout again or do exactly what you suggested you would do; because suddenly he, too, seemed dead tired, as if your shouting match exhausted him more than the mission or your failure. He stared at you, silent, for a few long moments – a few too many, almost enough to make you feel guilty again for calling him out on his bullshit, enough to make you consider apologizing for that.

Then he sighed. “No, you don’t, Agent. I hope you’ll rest well.”

You blinked, your heart skipping a shocked beat. His voice was surprisingly soft and sincere, his gaze roaming over you head to toe, seemingly concerned.

Did you just break him? Kindness was far from uncommon in him – once you’d calm down, you’d be more inclined to believe that again, you knew as much – but the sudden change genuinely startled you.

“Uhm… thanks,” you muttered, too taken aback to talk back as you walked backwards. He truly looked worn down to a bone, his brain no doubt racing, already figuring out how to fix the mess you had left behind. He looked like he needed a goddamn nap himself. Except you didn’t think he’d take it; that was part of his problem.

Hypocrite.

You swallowed the you too and simply nodded sharply before you walked away, emotions swirling wildly; and at the centre of them all, remorse and puzzlement, wrapped in a familiar sensation of agony.

Winter Soldier was a moniker Steve Rogers loathed; but the reputation which came with that name was not unearned.

When Bucky appeared behind his shoulder out of nowhere, no sound having been made, Steve nearly jumped out of his skin; and it was a true testament to how upset he was that he hadn’t heard Bucky sneak up on him despite his slightly enhanced senses.

“Well, that went spectacularly,” Bucky hummed, instantly making Steve groan internally.

He did not want to deal with this – he wanted to forget about this whole ordeal. The fact itself that Bucky was cheery about a sleeper Hydra cell simply because he had an opportunity to tease him about what had just gone down only added to his annoyance.

He was tired. He was mad. He was confused. He was disappointed – both in you and himself. He was… frustrated. So frustrated; then again, those emotions and the last one in general were no news in your presence, much like many others, but those in particular he wanted to ponder over even less.

“Bucky, don’t,” he warned his friend lowly, glancing at him from the corner of his eye as they made a slow way out of the jet.

It was a waste of words, really: Steve didn’t know what he was thinking, believing the warning would actually discourage Bucky from speaking.

“You know, maybe if you told her that the main reason why you’re so pissed-“

“Buck-“

“- is the fact that she’s challenging your authority which makes you question yourself, and that you’re terrified every time she gets hurt or loses consciousness, be it her projection or, god forbid, her real body, because you care juuuust a little too much for her, then maybe… “

Steve loved his best friend; but if looks could kill, the one he shot him at the verbalized implications, however truthful, could have murdered him on spot.

“Just saying,” Bucky said, shrugging as he kept up with Steve’s sudden strut, a grin audible in his voice. “Communication is key.”

“You need to stop hanging out with Sam,” Steve grumbled. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Bucky snorted, causing Steve’s head to whip in his direction in annoyance. Didn’t Bucky have a lady to tend to? Why did he have to stick around and poke around Steve’s already exhausted brain and feed the already messy whirlwind of emotion? Oh right. Bucky would say it was payback for all the years Bucky spent saving Steve’s puny ass from the back alleys.

“Right. Just like you had no idea what she was talking about when she called you a hypocrite, because you wouldn’t do the same, try to deliver all the files you could even if it meant you’d bleed the heck out, right? Your real body, that is, because you only have one…”

Goddamnit Bucky.

“Bucky, that’s enough.”

“Nope,” his friend quipped, smiling charmingly at the group of agents they passed in the hallway and briefly, Steve imagined what they had to look like; a brooding Captain practically running away from the sunshine-like Winter Soldier. Clint would call them comedy gold; and Steve didn’t give a damn. Today had been a clusterfuck of disasters with you and him in the centre of it.

“It’s enough when I say it’s enough,” Bucky said matter-of-factly. Steve just shot him another glare as they rounded the corner, the corridor now blissfully empty. And sadly, endless with nowhere to hide. “Too bad, punk. You might be the Captain, but you’re still my friend. I’ll be bothering your reckless ass and call you out till the end of the line. And I’m telling you – you two need to get your shit together and make up. And maybe you should finally tell her you’d like to make out. But if I were you, I’d start with that apology.”

Steve stopped so abruptly Bucky nearly collided with him. The flare or anger – because goddammit was Bucky right in certain things and it was truly bothersome to hear those – licked at his gut. As he turned to give his most loyal and precious friend a piece of his mind in return, he found him with a knowing smirk on his face. Why were they friends again?

“Really? An apology?” Steve questioned, the idea absurd even as guilt had already joined the party a while ago. “For what exactly? She should have--- one of those days, she’s gonna-” Steve swallowed against the lump in his throat. He did not like the way the sentence could end. How you could end. But he’d scream at you again before he’d admit that; you brought out that side of him for some reason. You brought out a lot of things, most of them unpleasant. Most of them. “She should have followed orders.”

Bucky’s eyebrows jumped to his hairline – which wasn’t too high given how much he’d let his hair grow, but it still served the purpose of irritating Steve.

“Sure she should. And if you have always followed orders, I’d be dead.”

Steve winced as if he got punched in the gut, all flames of anger put out at once. Bucky just shrugged, unbothered by his hypothetical death.

“That’s a fact, punk. And here’s another: your mother would have boxed your ears for treating a lady the way you just did.”

And this isn’t you, Steve heard the unspoken words and with those he couldn’t argue.

The truth was, Steve didn’t recognize himself around you. He hadn’t more than once but it had never got as intense as it had just now. He felt almost possessed, an astral projection of his own, except he couldn’t control it as it raised its voice like that, in front of the whole team no less. And the worst thing was, it wasn’t a projection; the blame was entirely on him as he failed to contain the onslaught of emotion so sharp and large that he just let it all out. Almost all of it.

The one urge he tried to contain was the one to just slam you to a wall and scream the whole truth before he’d vent his frustration with you in a completely different way, with nips of teeth on that lower lip of yours, always pouting a bit when you got into one of your not so frequent but not so rare arguments, having you scream his name in ecstasy instead of defiance, a breathy whine of Mighty Captain without the snark. He was sure that would have raised a few eyebrows, but hopefully the room would clear in three seconds flat after your back would have hit the wall.

In all honesty, the whole scene had been surreal as it was; Steve had had trouble recognizing you as well. You had disagreed with him a few times, yes, you challenged his authority and questioned his decisions, yes; he had a pretty strong feeling that he was most definitely not your favourite person and more often than not, he didn’t quite understand you – but you had never so blatantly disobeyed an order. You had never endangered a mission or your teammates, never played this much of a Russian roulette, even if one might call you an overachiever which sometimes came with a bit of recklessness by default.

It was true that you could be unpredictable at times; one day you followed instructions to a tee, dutiful, meticulous even; another day, you stood firmly in opposition. One day you dotted on others in almost an overbearing quality, another day it was like you evaporated from the face of Earth, completely absent. But what came over you today, Steve had had no idea – you had been not only reckless, but to a great point, careless. Steve’s mind was blown, but not in the good sense.

That said, he was not pleased with himself either, particularly with the fact was that he had acted impulsively during the mission too. You were definitely right to call him out on it; but that didn’t mean he liked it.

He glanced at Bucky, who was watching him with one corner of his lips still raised knowingly, only fuelling Steve’s ire. Despite all that, Steve knew Bucky was right. And unlike when he was in your presence, he didn’t feel the need to deny that completely.

Sarah Rogers, god rest her precious soul, would have been profoundly disappointed in his behaviour and she would have let him hear it too, despite the infinite kindness and forgiveness she had carried in her heart.

“I know,” Steve sighed. “I shouldn’t have--- she’s just so- I-“

“I know, punk,” Bucky said forgivingly. “I know. That girl has some serious fire in her and she’s not the easiest to deal with, even if she means well, no doubt. Who does that only remind me of…?”

Steve glared at him, unimpressed – he was aware, thank you very much. Not only opposites attracted. Though he was quite certain this attraction was one-sided; and completely insane.

Bucky just grinned and patted Steve’s shoulder.

“Take a nap, Steve. We all deserve one, even if things didn’t go as planned. We’ll get them next time – as a team. Share some of that burden you strap to your shoulders every time to strap on that shield, would you? It can do wonders, believe me.”

“You really do need to stop hanging out with Sam and spend more time with Nat,” Steve uttered, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Shut up, punk, you love me mental health conscious.”

A full grin attacked Steve’s lips now, troubles forgotten momentarily, unlike the fact why Bucky Barnes was his best friend.

“Jury’s out, jerk”

Even as you felt the fire of rage slowly dying, you tried to feed it; because it kept you on your feet. You had not in fact went to lie down, even as you felt those feet dragging more than walking to Natasha Romanoff’ office. She didn’t spend too much time in it, always having better things to do than paperwork, but you knew she’d want her report to be done as fast as possible to move on exactly to those more important things.

And you knew that as long as she was there, her office was conveniently the best place to talk, the camera system disabled.

“Well, hello,” the redhead hummed as she had Jarvis let you storm in, breathless for more than one reason.

Your abdomen was throbbing, but you didn’t have time for that. It wasn’t like you were going to bleed out from a non-existent wound.

“We need to go back there and fix it.”

The infamous Black Widow only raised her eyebrow at your dishevelled state and frantic words, leaning back into her chair. You admitted you had to be a sight to the devil himself since you probably looked like hell, but you rarely let that stop you.

“Water under bridge, Spectre. The base is blown so there’s nothing to go back to and the rest of them will go deep under-“

You shook your head, stalking to her desk, leaning onto your hands, fingers spasming at the bite of pain. Bad idea. And bad phrasing.

“No, Natasha, we—” She scanned you head to toe, her other eyebrow arching as well as you had boldly invaded her space, practically asking to be removed. Violently. You didn’t have the energy to lean back, not right away. You weren’t friends, so you had no right to be so close, but she’d get over it, you were sure. The worst thing to happen would be her breaking off your wrist or something. “What I mean is that we have to act now and get those files. All of them.”

Her gaze zeroed on your face, unnervingly searching and seeing, head tilting to side in genuine curiosity.

“What exactly was in those files that it made you hesitate? You rarely ignore orders,” she stated matter-of-factly, causing you to retreat and step back. Oh. Crap. Black Widow in offensive. She walked around the desk, leaning her weight onto it, crossing her arms over her chest. “What did you see, Spectre?”

You gulped; there was no way around it, even as panic made your breathing even harder. There were so many things wrong with what you were about to say and you had no capacity to analyse why you felt the way you felt about it, let alone why you felt even worse about the fact you were the reason why you hadn’t got the intel to others.

“Steve’s initials.”

Even as her brows had smoothened, they arched again now, eyes growing wide. You swallowed against the lump in your throat.

“I tried to copy it and just opened it for a bit, too immersed to notice the unfriendly. Naturally, I got the bullet for my trouble before I neutralized him, but that’s beside the point,” you said, not missing the corner of her lips twitching. “They were… Natasha, they weren’t just some photos or whatever. Those were… they were inventing some shit. It was physics, chemistry, half of the things I didn’t understand, but I don’t think they were replicating the serum – I think they were trying to neutralize it, neutralize Steve specifically.”

And there was no way I was going to leave that there, was left unspoken, but she heard it. Of course she did; this was Natasha Romanoff you were talking to. She didn’t need you two to be friends to read between the lines of what you were saying.

“I see,” she said slowly, the damn intensity of her gaze not relenting. “And you didn’t tell Steve that when he was yelling you down, because…?”

“It was irrelevant.”

“Bullshit.”

“He wouldn’t believe me.”

She scoffed, glaring you down. “That’s bullshit too and you know it.”

Okay, that was fair. But believing was a lot different from taking action. His damn pride would have still had him snapping you back to your real body even if you had yelled at him through the comms what kind of intel you had been carrying on the drive before he messed it up for you – and him. What the heck had he been thinking, breaking your concentration like that? The utter confusion at his actions – because surely it couldn’t have been he had been so angry with you to endanger the mission – only made the matter of your fight worse.

Natasha was right, however – that was just water under bridge. You sure as hell weren’t about to go ask him what possessed him to be more insufferable than normal and you could hardly fly to the pile of debris you had left behind when the place blew up to search for scraps of hard drives.

“Fine. I didn’t think he’d take it seriously,” you admitted at last.

“Now we’re talking,” Natasha said, nodding, a small smirk appearing on her lips, making you frown.

She sure was taking it in stride all of sudden, almost as if--- was she amused? You hoped that was only a mask and in her sharp mind, she was already building a battleplan. She had to. She was one of Steve’s closest friends, real friends, you knew as much. Sometimes her nonchalance truly irritated you. Would it kill her to show more emotion?

Hypocrite.

“But that’s not enough,” she added. “Steve, bless his heart, can be an ass, but not a complete idiot. Any other particular reason why you’d keep it from him?”

Your face was a mask of neutrality. Or you hoped so.

“Nope.”

Natasha watched you sceptically and you swallowed against the lump in your throat.

Naturally, there was a plethora of reasons and on top of them sat the fact that he’d know. He’d know how much you cared. He probably figured out anyway and maybe he wasn’t one to make fun of you for that – scratch that, he definitely wasn’t, he was too much of a good guy for that – but that meant nothing. Caring for people was dangerous; caring for people when you failed meant they’d be taken away. Having people to care for – good people – was a privilege, a reward, one that could easily be confiscated unless you reached perfection.

And yes. You knew Steve Rogers was a good guy, even when he decided to yell at you in front of everyone and challenged you and made you want to smash him against the wall and bite into his stupid plump lower lip and then cuddle him and tell him he didn’t have to be so strong and that people cared about his safety too. Of course you knew he felt pain, but he just never showed it, and it was just so damn irritating, because you needed him to be only human too, so you wouldn’t feel so pathetic despite your powers, so you’d feel a little more worthy. You were well-aware that your way of thinking wasn’t healthy, especially since Steve was a person you could never and should never compare yourself to because that standard was just impossibly high, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t try to meet it. That didn’t mean your family hadn’t set the standards just as high. Perfection was not an unreachable standard, even as it always seemed to be out of reach for you.

However, knowing that precisely that was one of the main reasons why you admired Steve as much as you wanted to punch him to his perfect teeth didn’t help you coexist with him or stopped you from acting like a five-year-old in his vicinity.

On top of that, you were fully aware of how disappointed he would be in you for failing in one particular task which you were sure he considered the most important one: to have your teammates’ six. And you wouldn’t handle that; you were selfish even to that point. To have Captain Rogers learn you hadn’t been strong and fast enough to retrieve data which increased the chance of keeping a key member of your team safe and watch his reaction up close would break your damn barely patched up heart.

Natasha continued to watch you as you zoned out, her smirk growing. “Right. No other reason at all then.”

Oh, she knew about it all, alright. You had no doubt. She might not show much emotion, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t mastered reading other people’s tells. If you had any emotional capacity left, you’d be ashamed at how your face burned under her watchful gaze.

“Will you please tell the others about the files?” you asked instead, causing her to tilt her head to side a fraction again.

“I will, but why should I? Why, when you can be the one to do it? If nothing else, you should tell Steve,” she said, almost motherly you supposed – not that you’d know. “Those were files about him – he deserves the truth and to hear it from you. I’m sure he’d be less angry with you too.”

Somehow, her last suggestion was even more terrifying than Steve Rogers being all in your face and snarling. You attempted a smile, masking the anxiety curling in your gut by exhaustion.

“Maybe. I just… it might be childish, but I don’t… I don’t have the energy for that now. Tell me what else I can do and I will, but not that.”

She watched you silently for several long moments, a small smile curling up her lips – almost a compassionate one. What was it with people and their damn compassion today? You had fucked up. Why was Steve the only one to acknowledge that and why was he relatively nice about it in the end, just like Natasha now? Frankly, as much as you preferred not being completely on Black Widow’s bad side, earning her pity was exponentially worse.

“You know, most things are not going to go away just because you pretend that they don’t exist. Least of all feelings.”

It’s been working out pretty well for you, you wanted to throw back, but Bucky Barnes, the love and the lover who was one of the few people who could slip under the hard shell of Natasha Romanoff, would probably argue with you that it worked for her the best when she did let someone in. But unlike you, Natasha Romanoff did not make mistakes and was an epitome of perfection herself so she could afford that. Natasha Romanoff was terrifying; you’d like to watch someone try to mess with her.

You, on the other hand, were no Black Widow. You could and even had to keep pretending in order to exist.

“Just watch me.”

She sighed, letting her hands fall to her sides. “Go to bed, Spectre. I know you still feel that gunshot wound.”

You froze.

Your heart skipped a beat – several beats, you were sure – because your chest suddenly hurt, panic clawing up your throat anew.

She knew. She knew.

How did she--- how? You always fought so hard to hide it, as much as of a pain that was; horrible pun included.

Yes, you sure as hell still felt the gunshot wound. With every move. With every breath. Every time you had strained your muscles to yell back at Steve.

The pain of whatever injury your spectre sustained alwayslingered. Ironically, it was only thing you actually were able to carry when you snapped back. It stayed with you for a while; not the whole time that it would take for the wound to heal, but it still took days sometimes, days of pain whose intensity slowly faded away. An invisible aching wound – like a pain in a phantom limb. There was no evidence of an injury in your body, but your brain still registered it. No therapeutic approach had worked when you finally accepted that despite what you had been taught, this wasn’t normal; only for having to accept that with no solution in sight, it actually was normal. Then again, what was normal when you only had one sample to examine?

“You mostly hide it well, don’t worry,” Natasha’s voice snapped you from your dark thoughts, uncharacteristically soft. “Your secret is safe with me. But that doesn’t mean it should.”

“It definitely should,” you said in at instant, eyes hard despite the tell-tale burn of tears you felt. If anyone knew – anyone else, that was, apparently – you’d be done. Benched forever.

I do feel pain and I don’t have the luxury to switch it off when I snap back into my real body, Steve had thrown at you. If he hadn’t noticed, you were good; you had indeed hid it well enough and that was all that mattered; despite bickering and yelling, he was still willing to work with you. But that would change very quickly; and he had the authority to kick you out of this team and this business completely.

Sure, Natasha had the power to bench you and even fire you as well, but judging by the way she was looking at you now, no matter how disapprovingly and somewhat proud at once, she wouldn’t. It would be okay – as long as she’d keep her mouth shut about it just as Andy had. Andrew Garner, the only person who had known your painful secret and encouraged you to engage with various therapy approaches to rid you off your burden. He had taken the secret to the grave, never having told nor Coulson, nor the rest of his team.

The one person who had known about this was dead; and if that wasn’t a clear enough message that no one else was supposed be trusted with this, you didn’t know what else would.

“It should,” you repeated, inhaling and instantly regretting it. You swallowed as Natasha didn’t miss the tiny hitch in your breath. Dammit you needed to get better at hiding it. And you would. “Please. Tell me what else I can do.”

Perhaps it was your true superpower to make people sigh, not to project into another room, because the redhead observed you for another long moment before sighing again.

“I meant it, Spectre – go to bed. After I’ll tell the others, we might need you. Rested. With as much as you can give.”

One corner of your lips rose in a tired defiant smirk. “I can give everything.”

The look Natasha gave you before you spun on your heels told you that precisely that was both the blessing and the problem. But you didn’t need to be told more than twice to go to bed.

As you walked out, trying your hardest to walk completely straight and not hunch over even a bit, you heard Natasha’s completely exhausted sigh.

Next chapter

Series masterlist // S.R. masterlist

Alright folks, life's been quite busy so this was born through sweat and tears and I don't think it will get better any time soon, but hopefully the result will be worth it 🥰

There are and will be a few distant references to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I think you should be fine whout having watched the show.

Thank you for reading 🥰 As always, if you have he time and energy, I'd greatly appreciate your reblogs and feedback, be it even a key smash or yelling at me should the need arise 🤭

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #captain america x reader #captain america x you #captain america imagine #agent reader #shield agent reader #avenger reader #inhuman reader #steve rogers #captain america #anika ann #back and forth

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thestorygenerater · 1 year ago

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I don’t get why people don’t talk more about crossovers with different versions of the same series/world.

Does no one think about how cool it would be if game sonic met movie sonic and the complex dynamics that can play out? Imagine how Tom would see a sonic that isn’t lonely and more experienced, or have a different sonic appear, there is a lot!

Does no one think Kirby meeting his anime self would work because game Kirby is way stronger? He’s copy ability’s work different then anime Kirby’s does, you can work of that!

Does no one want to imagine having the persona protagonist’s meet because time travel is complicated? Head cannon your own rules so no paradox’s happening so you can focus on exploring the differences in the protagonist’s ideology!

I can’t be the only person who likes this type of content right? It’s so full of potential but nobody takes it! Just imagine any of the Links and Zelda’s meeting, or characters meeting their future selves like with Luz, Ann, or Steven, and even if it has been touched on before that doesn’t mean everything has been explored like with paper Mario and Mario!

I haven’t even started with CROSS SERIES CROSSOVERS! Imagine crypt of the necrodancer and Hi-Fi Rush, THE CHARACTERS ALL MOVE TO THE BEAT BUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS!!!

HAS NO ONE TALKED ABOUT THIS OR MADE WORK LIKE THIS

Anyway here’s a funny clip of the second coming firing a orbital math ray

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ofliterarynature · 5 months ago

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MAY 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) bookclub*]

(100 Cupboards) • The Brides of High Hill • Factfulness • Derring-Do for Beginners • Feed Them Silence* • The Murder of Mr. Ma • The Well of Loneliness • A Dreadful Splendor • Drowned Country • Arabella the Traitor of Mars • Silver in the Wood • The Warm Hands of Ghosts • Arabella and the Battle of Venus • Endpapers • Song of Blood & Stone

Arabella and the Battle of Venus/the Traitor of Mars (4.5/4 stars) - a great wrap up to the series! Since learning these are *not* actually YA, I do wish they had a bit more depth and complexity, but they moved quickly and were very fun to read. Traitor was perhaps not my favorite of the lot, but like, it's got space battles, it's got relationship drama, it was still fun. Also featuring a small reoccurring cameo by Dr James Barry!

The Warm Hands of Ghosts (5 stars) - I was very impressed by Arden's ability to write with her Winternight trilogy, even if I wouldn't call it a favorite. I was blown away by this! Is it because it plays to some of my interests? Yes, probably. I've been growing more interested in the turn of the century and WW1, and the way she incorporated the supernatural elements was just what I love, not to mention a well-earned, bittersweet ending. I might have to pick up a copy for myself.

Silver in the Wood (4.5 stars) - I liked it! I might have liked it more if it were longer, but definitely a good read. I think Drowned Country (4.5 stars) was also good in its own right, but not quite satisfying as a sequel. If this turned into a supernatural casebook-type series I'd have been delighted.

A Dreadful Splendor (4 stars) - on one hand, I would call this an excellent gothic novel on the grounds that it didn't irritate me and I enjoyed reading it. On the other, I do keep forgetting that I read it. Make of that what you will, but I'd recommend it if it sounds interesting to you!

The Well of Loneliness (4 stars) - I'll be honest, this only gets 4 stars on the strength of the fact that I did like the first part of it. Young Steven, who's odd and strange and confused about herself; a mother who's upset but oblivious to why; a father who understands exactly what's going on but is too afraid to tell his daughter. It was so compelling (and pushed me to tears, it's true). But the latter half...I just didn't understand adult Steven, I'll be honest, I found her very unlikable and I think I missed the point?

The Murder of Mr. Ma (4 stars) - a Sherlock-and-Watson-esq duo in the Chinese immigrant community of 1920's London, with a good helping of martial arts fighting to go along with it. This felt like a perfectly serviceable mystery that I had no problem reading, but I can't say if I found it particularly compelling. I'm not sure I'd be interested in reading further if this becomes a series.

Feed Them Silence (5 stars) - what a punch from such a small book! Even before I finished it (in tears I might add), I was so impressed, this was such a smart and clever book. And the main character, despite clearly being a mess and not the greatest person, was nonetheless incredibly sympathetic and compelling. Fully recommend, I might have to get myself a copy (and with definitely be checking out the author's other work).

Derring-Do for Beginners (5 stars) - wonderful! I'm mad at the brain weasels not cooperating so that it took me over a year to finally read this - any Victoria book is a lovely book (now I just need to tackle Bone Harp). I don't want to repeat the entire write-up I already posted, but wonderful, sweet, major Circle of Magic/Sandry's Book vibes. A good place for people new to Victoria's work to start.

Factfulness (4 stars) - this was regularly recommended by a podcast that, admittedly, I no longer listen to. But I'd already picked up a free copy, and not enjoying the podcast doesn't mean it's not an important book. First point, you should read this in print, it's chock-full of graphs and charts that will add to the experience. Second, there will be a poll/quiz near the beginning and you should take it and record your answers. I listened to this on audiobook and did neither of these things lmao, and it could have been a better experience. Overall, this seems like it could be a very important book for some people, but I'm not sure I'm the target audience - maybe I'm being overconfident, but I'm a generalist! I like patterns! I'm clinging on to the good in the world for dear life to stay sane! I don't think I found the info the authors shared quite as shocking as they seemed to think I should.

The Brides of High Hill (5 stars) - delightful as always! I really want to go back and reread the earlier Singing Hills books before the next one comes out. Maybe even buy my own copies :D

100 Cupboards (4 stars) - reread this for the first time since middle school! A little dated, but it hasn't aged too poorly! It was also so very rural mid/western america, it was amusing. I did find it a little bland, but it's probably fine for kids - I'll have to see how the rest of the series goes, because I absolutely don't remember.

DNF

Endpapers - this *sounds* cool (and has a fantastic cover), so I was thrilled when QLL added it on audio! Unfortunately I picked it up right after The Well of Loneliness and wasn't ready or willing to deal with another sad angsty queer book so soon.

Song of Blood and Stone - Honestly it seemed fine, just a bit more YA and focused on the romance than I was really interested in. Looking at the 3 further books in the series filled me with enough dread that I decided to not waste my time picking this one back up.

#bec posts #book log #wrap up 2024 #books #booklr #bookblr #book review #100 cupboards #the brides of high hill #factfulness #feed them silence #lee mandelo #the murder of mr ma #the well of loneliness #a dreadful splendor #silver in the wood #arabella of mars #the warm hands of ghosts

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sokumotanaka · 2 years ago

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I recently saw this giftset of Neo making these copies, like roses fall out of her pants, and she suddenly has one two or more clones appear alongside her. I thought at that moment. “How do semblances even work or evolve?” there’s no rhyme or reason as to how they even works in universe.

The last time they tried to explain Semblance to the audience Ren told us “It either is something, nothing or entirely unrelated to the point I don’t even know why I opened my mouth.” That’s not me being facetious He literally contradicted himself.

“Some people say this, some people say this, others don’t see a connection at all.” It’s like the snake oil of explanations. If you’re trying to get people to understand the process of unlocking their unique super power they need more to go on than guesswork.

For example they watched HXH and stole hunters and technically semblance and Aura cause that’s what nen is and everyone gets a unique super power from said healing protecting aura.

But at least in Hunter X Hunter they have things like the water divition test, which they give you a glass or water and using your Aura near in tells you what you have as a Hunter.

For a short example: 1. The volume of water changes- Enhancer.

2. The Taste of water changes- Transmuter.

3. Tiny impurities appear in water- Conjurer.

---

Now why do I bring this up? Because Neo’s semblance Evolution makes no sense to her prior abilities. When the series started Neo could project a fake image of herself and others as a glasslike substance or transform herself later on. She literally wore a disguise in the Tournament, she didn’t shape shift into someone missing or a new person, she was wearing a wig and didn’t even bother to hide her eyes from the guy she stomped out.

And it seemed like RT forgot that cause she never seems to use the ability to project fake illusions cause that would of been smart as a get away rather than, standing there and letting Oscar a 14 year old get a punch on her...

But now she makes generic clones like Flynt, Sun and Blake do; and I can’t help but think it be cooler if her illusions were fully solid, so she could project creatures to actually attack, or her semblance went out towards a full room illusion. It’s the natural progression for illusion based powers. (And explain her home randomly appearing in the alice and wonderland world)

But honestly in a better series they’d put them under semblance categories like Blake, Flynt and Sun could go under a conjuror field, or Ruby, Yang and Nora a enhancer, since they enhance parts of their body, Ruby’s speed in comparison to Yang and Nora’s strength. And also explaining to the audience how Semblance growth works, so the audience can keep up and predict where a semblance’s growth can go, and even help out the writers.

I don’t even know how to feel about this semblance’s evolution. Like When Katara stopped the rain completely in the last season of Avatar I felt pride cause I watched her go from barely being able to move with it too manipulating it in full. You know what that is? Growth!

Or Steven from Steven universe who goes from barely being able to summon the shield and getting tired from summoning the shield in full and beyond, making giant walls of shields, then you move onto “Ruby has her speed.” To another separate person telling us what her super power is cause the main character doesn’t even know what it is??? What has Neo done growth wise to get this upgrade? What about freaking ren who just exist?

This is the issue with them not wanting to explain anything, with them making WOR and then retconning them consistently, with them talking about how you can’t run into potholes if you don’t make it a plotline or it’s a cartoon. So is Avatar and it has enough respect and care for it’s own craft to make a coherent and functioning world full of characters and creatures and places we care about.

I wouldn’t save Remnant from a Meteor if it made me rich to do so.

Semblance evolution has no structure, Ren’s turned into a lie detector, Neo’s clones, where will Yang’s semblance go? Or speed or weiss’s bs semblance? We don’t know, and neither do they; because it’s so poorly and lazily defined.

Anyway thanks for reading to this point, if you did let me know how you’d make the semblance system better, I’d love to read those.

Thanks again. -Sokumon

#rwby #rwde #Critical thinking post

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lovelymars · 10 months ago

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Writing Commissions 2024

Overview: I am offering literature commissions of short stories and flash fiction about erotica, fanfiction, or original fiction. I accept PayPal only, and payment must come upfront before I can start the story.

Skills/Experience: I have been writing on DeviantArt since 2013 after doing it on-and-off since 2009. My primary medium is fiction, and the genres I work with are fantasy, horror, science fiction, and some realistic fiction. I also work with various erotic topics and fetishes.

Guidelines

- I have the right to refuse any commissions without explanation.

- I will not write what I am uncomfortable with, no matter the price.

- I am not responsible if your commission doesn't turn out how you wanted it and I stated that it was not my strong point.

- Be wary of any additional story or project information you neglected to tell me during the initial request. I may charge extra depending on how much needs to be changed. PLEASE HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION READY BEFORE QUERYING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

- If you decide to cancel, refunds may or may not be given depending on if I started and how much of the commission I've written.

Conditions

- It is the commissioner's responsibility to keep up with their story after completion. I ask that if you order a private erotic or NSFW prose, YOU MUST COPY AND PLACE THE ENTIRE THING ON YOUR OWN COMPUTER. I will NOT post these stories here or anywhere else on the Internet.

- I do not offer discounts or negotiations unless under special circumstances.

- If you decide to post your story on DA or any other website, please remember to give me credit.

Refunds

Not started = full refund

Started, not much done = 85% refund

Started, halfway done = 50% refund

Nearly completed = 25% refund

Finished but not yet shown = No refund

Abilities

Good At:

Spelling

Dialogue

Character Development

Plot

Creativity

Voice

Settings

Character Personality

Character Interaction

Fight Scenes

Description

Neutral:

Grammar

Plot Development

Word Usage

Sentence Structure

Pacing

Style

Content

Won't Do:

Scat

Slob

Reader Inserts

Romance

Crime Fiction

Mystery

Inflation

Underaged Characters

Muscle Expansion

Pregnancy

Foot Fetish

Bara/Hypermasculinity

BDSM

Bimbofication

Lolicon/Shotacon

Real People (inc. the buyer)

Bestiality

Incest

Will Do:

Fetish/Erotic:

Weight Gain (BBW/SSBBW or BHM/SSBHM)

Mutual Gaining

Squashing

Vore (hard or soft), inc. unbirth, cock, anal, & breast

Blueberry Expansion

BE (Butt, Belly, or Breast Expansion)

Lactation

Macrophilia

Futanari

Tentacle

Genderbents

Furries/Anthros

Oviposition

Slime People

Femdom/Maledom

Mainstream:

OC Bios

Fantasy

Science Fiction

Horror

Supernatural

Action/Adventure

Superhero

Realistic Fiction

*Gore and Violence is allowed.

*All characters must be 18 and older.

Fanfiction:

Fandoms -

Tekken

Street Fighter

Soul Calibur

Mortal Kombat

Marvel: X-Men, The Avengers etc (will only do certain characters, ask)

DC Comics: Teen Titans, Justice League, Young Justice (will only do certain characters, ask)

Steven Universe

Big Hero 6

Hotel Transylvania (1st film & The Series)

Five Nights at Freddy's (Video Game Canon)

Dragon Ball

Infinity Train

Animal Crossing

Invincible (animated series)

Victor & Valentino

Little Nightmares

Totally Spies

Craig of The Creek (SFW)

OK K.O. Let's Be Heroes (SFW)

Gravity Falls (SFW)

Disney & Pixar (preferably SFW, but ask for NSFW)

Scooby-Doo (SFW)

Undertale (SFW)

How to Train Your Dragon

Unlisted Fandoms: As long as I'm given the proper information from unlisted source materials, it can work. As always, please ask about any unlisted show, game, or anime you have in mind.

Might Do:

Humor/Comedy

Transformation (Only if it's horror or monsters, yes. However, ask me about this.)

Alien or Monster Pregnancy

Product/Prices

The average price is $30 per 1000 words, with a starting minimum of 3000 words. Prose with extreme themes of NSFW will cost $40 per 1000.

Flash Fiction (Keep in mind that flash fiction is very brief in terms of word count and pages, typically 500-1000 words.) = $35.00 for ea.

One-Shots = 1000-2500 words max.: $60.00

Short Stories = 3000 words min.: $30 per 1000 words

Long Short Stories = 10k words max: $600.00

Proposal Requirements

Present a basic or in-depth story summary of characters, a solid context, and plot.

Tell me your genre of choice.

Give an estimation of how many words you want (this rule is flexible).

If possible, give me a detailed outline for longer works.

Contact

If interested or wanting to ask something, contact me in the notes or comment below, and I'll respond as soon as possible. For quicker responses, send me an email saying 'Commission': [email protected].

#writing commissions #literature commissions #fanfiction commissions #story commissions

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byneddiedingo · 1 year ago

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Rosalie Crutchley in The Haunting (Robert Wise, 1963)

Cast: Julie Harris, Claire Bloom, Richard Johnson, Russ Tamblyn, Fay Compton, Rosalie Crutchley, Lois Maxwell. Screenplay: Nelson Gidding. based on a novel by Shirley Jackson. Cinematography: Davis Boulton. Production design: Elliot Scott. Film editing: Ernest Walter. Music: Humphrey Searle.

Some people think Robert Wise's The Haunting is one of the most frightening movies of all time; they include Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg, who have ably demonstrated their own superior ability to scare us. I don't get it. For me the scariest thing in The Haunting is Rosalie Crutchley's smile. Crutchley was an English actress who exploited her deadpan mien, playing sinister and forbidding characters in scores of films and TV series. (I remember her fondly as the melancholy Judith Starkadder in the 1968 BBC production of Cold Comfort Farm that ran on Masterpiece Theatre in the States.) In The Haunting she plays the dour housekeeper of Hill House who warns the group of unwanted guests that she doesn't stay in the house at night, and that she won't be able to hear them if they cry out for her. Then she bids them good night with a monitory rictus of a smile. Otherwise, I find The Haunting a study in missed opportunities. Things that go bump in the night are scary (except around my house, where it's likely to be a cat), but things that go wham, wham, wham! in the night, as they do in The Haunting, are as annoying as they are frightening. The music cues by Humphrey Searle constantly telegraph an upcoming scare, and the Hill House interior crafted by production designer Elliot Scott and set decorator John Jarvis is so fussily overdone that that it's distracting: I kept wondering what that tchotchke or that dado was instead of feeling threatened or oppressed by it. Nelson Gidding's screenplay gives us no character with whom we feel a strong emotional connection, essential if we are to fear for their lives. Eleanor Lance (Julie Harris) is supposed to be the film's central consciousness -- she is the one who arrives at the house first and is presented as the most physically and emotionally vulnerable -- but her hysterical voiceovers become tiresome. I haven't read the Shirley Jackson novel on which the film is based, and it's possible that she brings her characters more to life than Giddings and Wise do, but the whole premise of putting these people in a haunted house to do parapsychological research is bogus, no matter how often it's copied.

#The Haunting #Robert Wise #Rosalie Crutchley

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hamueltobin · 4 years ago

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behold! i didn't see any otgw icebergs, so i made my own :)

if you think i should add something, lmk!!

Explanations under cut :)

First layer:

▪︎Beast!Wirt au - very popular au in which Wirt stays in the Unknown, possessed by the Beast to some extent.

▪︎Bad End Friends - Crossover AU of Beast!Wirt teaming up with Ice Finn from Adventure Time and Bipper from Gravity Falls; sometimes other 'bad end' au characters are thrown in such as a glitched Gumball from TAWOG

▪︎Irl Copies of the For Sara tape - Limited copies of the For Sara tape were sold at two points. They have yet to sell for a third time. (🤞🤞🤞)

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (pilot) - The Pilot of the series. Can be watched on YouTube.

▪︎Wirt Staying in the Unknown - In a scrapped ending, Wirt was to stay in the Unknown, saying that facing your real problems was scarier than staying there.

▪︎Mystery Kids - Crossover AU with other child-late teens aged characters from sources based on mysterious and supernatural themes such as Gravity Falls and Psychonauts.

▪︎Quincy Endicott's grave - Quincy's grave can be seen in the graveyard that Sara and the others are hanging out in.

▪︎Original Beatrice Voice Actress - Beatrice had a different VA in the pilot, Natasha Leggero. Melanie Lynskey voices her in the actual series.

▪︎The Woodsman's Daughter is Named Anna - The comics have several issues focused on his daughter, in which her name is revealed to be Anna.

▪︎Jason Funderburker's Ax Murderer Story - At the gathering in the graveyard, Funderburker is telling a story about a man with an ax; this story is believed to have influenced the existence of the Woodsman.

▪︎Full Versions of Songs in the OST - A handful of the songs are cut down for their appearances in the series and can only be heard in full on the OST. The most notable example is Old Black Train , which is actually 2 minutes and 15 seconds long, but is only in the series for about 15-20 seconds.

Second Layer:

▪︎Sara is named after the Fleetwood Mac song - Listen to it here :) it is notable that it includes lyrics about "drowning in a sea of love" and that Sara is "the poet of [the singer's] heart."

▪︎OTGW Reanimated - a reanimated project for the first episode. Got taken off of YouTube, but can be viewed on Dailymotion.

▪︎Baby Wirt Audio - In the For Sara cassette, there is a small section of audio that can be heard in about the middle of the recording of Wirt's father talking to him as a baby.

▪︎Funderburker/Funderberker - The two Jasons's surnames are spelled slightly differently to avoid confusion.

▪︎The Brothers Never Ate or Needed to Rest - Although Greg expressed being hungry, neither of the boys actually ate anything (outside of one spoonful of bland potatoes and inedible items such as dirt and leaves) and never laid down to rest, only sleeping when night came.

▪︎Book on Interior Design in Wirt's Room - In Wirt's from, a book on interior design can be seen laying on the floor, backing up the knowledge he displayed when analyzing the interconnected mansions.

▪︎Mad Love was Based on a Dream - The plot of Mad Love came from a dream that Pat McHale had about house hunting. In the dream, while exploring one of the houses being shown, he ended up wandering into someone else's home.

▪︎Beatriceoftheday - A blog dedicated to our lord and savior Beatrice, known for its strange shitposts and intense praise of the titular bird girl.

▪︎Wirt is Jealous of Greg's Popularity - Shown in the Circus Friends issue of the comics, Wirt is jealous of Greg's ability to make everyone laugh and have fun. This may factor into his dislike of his brother.

▪︎Greg was Feeding Fred at the Tavern - At first watching, one may be confused as to where all the food Greg was gathering went, why Fred was wearing lipstick and why he was refusing to talk to Beatrice. Shown in a deleted scene, this all explained, as Fred tells Beatrice that he didn't talk to her because Greg was feeding him.

▪︎Elijah Wood Voiced the Crazy Driver - Exactly what is says on the tin, the nutty driver was voiced by Wood.

▪︎Cloud City is Heaven - A popular theory that Cloud City actually represents Heaven.

▪︎Greg is Greg Universe - A headcanon/theory that has mostly died out that Greg is the same Greg in Steven Universe.

▪︎Bee Beatrice - Beatrice was originally cursed to become a bee, but was changed into a bluebird to match better with the seasonal autumn theme.

▪︎Pat McHale Voiced Wirt's Voice Crack - Wirt's voice crack when asking the Beast Are You? was actually done by McHale, not Wood.

▪︎The Other Actors Harassing Elijah Wood When Singing Wirt's Song - In order to make the performance as awkward as possible, the other actors were asked to yell and demand Wirt to sing. This can be heard in the episode.

▪︎Come Wayward Souls Has the Same Melody as O Holy Night - The song shares a cadence with "O Holy Night", and can be sung to its tune.

▪︎Black Turtles Origin/Purpose - No one knows why the black turtles exist, and McHale has said that they're just one of the unexplainable things of the Unknown.

▪︎Anna Never Left the House - In the aforementioned comics, it is shown that Anna had never left the house, living on her own until the Woodsman's return.

▪︎Sailor Suit Greg - Greg originally wore a sailor suit, but was changed later on to his current, Johnny Appleseed inspired outfit .

▪︎Beatrice Missing Being Able to Flip People Off - In the Art Book, Beatrice's introduction states that one of the reasons she hates being a bird is because she no longer has hands to flip people off with.

Third Layer

▪︎Jason Funderberker is Visually Based on a Teen Pat McHale - As seen here, Funderberker was designed after McHale.

▪︎Babes in the Wood is Based on an Old Alice in Wonderland Cartoon - You can view the original 1923 cartoon here! Starts at 4:25.

▪︎Wirt and Sara are Dipper and Mabel's Parents - A popular AU/hc where Dipper and Mabel of Gravity Falls are the future kids of Wirt and Sara.

▪︎The Tune of Wirt's Song is Improvised - In addition to the aforementioned harassment, in a further attempt to make the performance as awkward as possible, Elijah Wood was not given a tune to sing, only the lyrics.

▪︎Wirt's Costume Origin - As said in the art book and on his tumblr, Wirt's cone and cape come from an attempted rock and roll persona from McHale's teen years.

▪︎Greg is Based on Pat McHale's Son - It has been claimed that Greg is based on McHale's son, but Greg existed before him. The similarities are simply coincidental.

▪︎Old Scratch - The original name of the Beast.

▪︎The Beast Killed the Woodsman's Wife - Shown in the comics, The Woodsman's wife was mortally injured, with her attacker implied to be the Beast.

▪︎Wirt and Greg Staying in the Unknown Until Christmas - Another scrapped ending, in which the brothers stay in The Unknown until Christmas, with their absence unexplained.

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (original plot) - Early concepts had the Beast ( then known as Old Scratch as mentioned earlier ) scattering the pages of the titular book for the brothers to collect. Each page would come to life and the brothers would explore each story.

▪︎Dante's Inferno Comparisons - Check out these videos for full analysis!

▪︎Wirt Panty Shots - In the aforementioned Circus Friend comics, Wirt dons a dress as part of a disguise. Later on, he rips off the bottom half off, revealing that he is wearing bloomers.

▪︎The Beast's True Form was Inspired by Trypophobia - As stated in the art book, The Beast's hole-filled appearance was inspired by Trypophobia, the fear of many small holes.

▪︎The Fight is Over is About Drowning - Give the lyrics another read.

▪︎The Beast Last Minute Design Change - The Beast had a very different design, and it was changed into the current one at the last minute.

▪︎Gnome in Cloud City Representing Wirt - Many people believed that the Gnome with the lantern in cloud city was a parallel to Wirt, or a glimpse into his future. However, this was debunked.

▪︎Send Me a Peach - This song is included in the ost, but isn't in the actual series.

▪︎Fred and the Highwayman's Backstory - The comics expand upon the story of Fred the Horse and his involvement with the Highwayman.

Fourth Layer

▪︎Babes in the Wood Title Origin - The name of this episode comes from an old story of a pair of children getting lost in the woods, dying, and being buried in leaves by robins.

▪︎poorlydrawnotgw - This was a blog created during the poorly drawn series meme period. It consisted of poorly drawn and very strange shitposts and has since been deactivated. I was a part of it as mod Goopy Wirt and only have a handful of images saved from it.

▪︎Read and Listen Book Lost Audio - A read and listen book was created, with the book being read by Greg's Frog, who would stop every now and again to talk about being a frog. The pages can be found online, but the audio is currently lost.

▪︎Skinless Witch - A scrapped episode concept involved a skinless witch that kidnapped Greg and rode him like a horse.

▪︎Gentleman Burglar Wirt - A scrapped concept in which Wirt breaks into a woman's home, who is charmed by this young man who has come to visit her.

▪︎Animal Transformation - It was originally planned for Wirt and Greg to be turned into a bear/dog and a duck and remain that way for several episodes. This was later used in the comics.

▪︎The Unknown is influenced by Wirt's mind/interests - The Unknown is influenced by those who walk in it, in this case, Wirt. This includes the old timey mystical nature of it, as Wirt has been stated to have an interest in old folk tales.

▪︎Good Guy Beast/Black Train Scrapped Concept - In an earlier draft, the brothers were on a train, heading to what they assumed was death. They jump off, ending up in the Unknown. The Beast tries to get them back on the train, which turns out to be heading back to life.

▪︎Evil Woodsman - At one point, the Woodsman was intended to be under the influence of the Beast and tried to sabotage the brothers's attempts to return home.

▪︎Lorna Reading the Tome of the Unknown in the Epilogue - In the epilogue, Lorna can be seen reading the titular book from the aforementioned scrapped plot.

▪︎The Beast was Originally the Devil Himself - The Beast was first designed as a devil-like character, the aforementioned Old Scratch.

▪︎The Brothers Never Went Home/The Hospital is Part of The Unknown - a theory based on the fact that the edges of the screen are still blurred at the end of chapter 10, the rushed narration, and the lack of consequences of nearly drowning.

▪︎Beatrice Seeing Wirt Nude - In one of the comics, Beatrice accidentally sees Wirt while he is washing his clothes in the river.

▪︎Sara is a Descendant of Lorna - A theory that Sara is a distant relative of Lorna.

▪︎Exists in the Same Universe as Clarence and Home Movies - The most well known piece of evidence is the overhead shot of the town matching the town that Clarence is set in. Wirt and Greg also have a cameo in another episode, and one of the final episodes shows Brendon Small of Home Movies runs a movie rental store in the town, connecting all three series together.

Final Layer

▪︎Beast x Wirt - Also known as Poetree.

▪︎Candycone - Greg x Wirt.

#otgw #over the garden wall #iceberg #iceberg meme #iceberg image #otgw iceberg

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dogcopter · 3 years ago

Note

my question about steven universe is how on EARTH did a melon bird evolve

ok my conspiracy theory about this: the other melon species showing up may have to do with Mask Island’s properties.

The invisible gem monster Sadie fights in Island Adventure is named Moonstone in the artbook. She wears a mask:

Earlier in the series Watermelon Island used to be Mask Island. the fishes and even the worms had masks!

Moonstone in monster form is missing hers, but it looks the same - it almost looks like her head was torn off!

Did the island eat Moonstone’s face and spread its appearance through the organic population? Might it not have eaten one of Steven’s watermelons and done the same? I choose to believe nightmares are real.

It’s interesting to think about a place on Earth naturally having an ability like this to copy data through organic forms. It reminds me of gems, maybe it has to do with gems’ presence there thousands of years ago.

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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 3 years ago

Photo

Crossover AU: Sans’s Lion & Bubbled Monster Souls

----------------------------------

Credit for Deltarune & Undertale goes to Toby Fox

Credit for Steven Universe Series goes to Rebecca Sugar

------------------

while watching the episode where Lion first appears,

I got inspired to draw Lion as a Pink Skeleton with blue ethereal...?

I’m just gonna call it ethereal (I think it is a type of magic energy)

anyway like I was saying, Lion as a Pink Skeleton with a blue ethereal mane and even at the tip of his tail has the ethereal.

all the Monster Souls in Rose’s Room, are all the Monsters that were killed by Frisk, Sans bubbled them all and send them to Rose’s Room....which would technically be Steven’s and then Sans’s.

I was going to have the background be all black, but then I got the idea to have Lion in Rose’s Room.

the idea is that so long as the Souls remain in Sans’s Bubbles

they wont end up disappearing, and when Sans escape the Undertale Timeline and moved to the Deltarune Timeline,

he took his little brother, any other survivors and lastly

Lion and his Room that is known as “Rose’s Room”

like in a Steven Universe/Undertale/Deltarune Crossover AU.

Lion is kept instead and mostly keeps Papyrus company,

all while Sans is at work.

this version of Lion, when bring brought back to life a second time.

ends up getting a new ability, and that is being able to travel to different multiverses and AUs.

even to the place where Error-Sans & Ink-Sans normally hang out.

and maybe even where Core-Frisk is.

there could be different crossover versions of Lion,

at least I think there might be.

try picturing a Underfell version of Lion being really protective of Sans and any time Papyrus tries to make a grab for him or threatens him,

Lion would growl at him and hug Sans close to him in order to protect him from his Boss/Brother.

I still think if Sans and Steven are one in the same, then it is possible that how Steven become Sans can have different outcomes.

either he starting aging backwards when he is about to die,

and in his last moments he stops at the newborn age and he becomes a babybones and then is found by Mr & Mrs Wingdings

who adopt him, but also make him biologically related to them,

by taking each fragment of their souls and placing it into San’s Human Looking Soul which after the two fragments merge with San’s Human Soul, it transforms into a Monster Soul.

the Soul would also be “reborn” in a way, while still having traces of the Light Genetic Magical Makeup that makes up the Gem’s Essence.

as well as Steven’s Human Soul, which is now a Monster Soul.

it also has traces of Mr & Mrs Wingdings Genetic Magical DNA,

thanks to their two fragments being placed into Sans’s Soul,

and causing Sans to be fully reborn as a Monster and being reborn as Mr & Mrs Wingdings’s biological son, too.

I believe that the name “Wingdings”

is actually Gaster’s Family Name, this would mean that Sans and Papyrus’s full names are:

Wingdings Sans and Wingdings Papyrus.

just like how some humans have their family names come first,

it can be the same for monsters too.

so if this is true, then “Gaster” would not be the family name

but would technically be Gaster’s given name when he was born.

Lion could of been with the Baby Steven when Gaster and his wife,

found them (at the same spot Asriel finds Chara)

but instead of just being a skeleton, Steven could of still been human,

but after he left beach city,

he ended up deciding to check out mount ebott

but accidentally fell and when Lion sensed he was in danger,

he went to go save him but it ended up being too late.

Steven was age fluxing from when he was 14, 17 and even to middle age and elderly age.....but at his final breath, his last age flux stop at newborn Steven.

that was when Gaster and his wife came into the picture,

and notice the Lion had what appeared to be a human baby.

Gaster picks up the baby and notice the heartbeat had stop,

and with much convincing from his wife, the two decide to place a fragment piece from both of their souls into the newborn.

which caused not only the baby to brought back to life,

but it also caused the baby to transform from a human

to a skeleton monster baby.

which bewildered and shocked Lion and the Two Married Wingdings.

Gaster and his Wife [Redacted] decide to take the baby and even the Lion, home with them.

Gaster being a Doctor, did some tests and found out that by reviving the human baby with fragments of their souls, it caused the human soul to change into a monster soul and even have the baby become “reborn” as the Biological Son of the two of them.

there can be different ways that Steven becomes Sans,

this idea is just one of them.

plus when Steven becomes Sans and is reborn thanks to his new biological parents: Mr & Mrs Wingdings.

it also made him biologically related to his brother Papyrus.

and if there is a Gaster Jr. (because of the whole Gaster being Papyrus and Sans’s Brother too.) aka “Aster”

so not to confuse him with Gaster Sr...

he would of been at home during the time when his parents found Steven who would then be reborn as his new little brother Sans.

Sans could still have his Gem Powers, and when Lion ends up dying again....the Lion is brought back as Skeleton Monster thanks to Sans’s tears.

Sans could of brought Lion back to life when he was no more than 2 years old.

during this time Sans hasn’t yet remembered his past life as Steven Quartz Universe.

but at some point when Papyrus was a baby, his memories started to flood back to him and he remembered everything.

from his trauma that started in his childhood (Steven Universe)

to the breaking point he had a few years later (Steven Universe Future)

the only one he could talk to about it, would be the only one from his past still with him, and that would be Lion.

Sans’s Mom and Dad (Gaster and [Redact]) know very little about Steven’s past before he became their second son who they named “Sans”, all they know is that their magic and two fragments from each of their souls merged with his former human soul and brought him back to life and changed him from a human to a skeleton monster.

this version of Sans would end up having to move to the Deltarune Timeline, because the non-stop geno route that Frisk played through.

in the past resets, Sans didn’t think about saving everyone by placing their souls in bubbles, that is until he discovered he could

when he bubbled Papyrus’s Soul after Frisk killed him.

after figuring out that he could bubble monster souls,

Sans started to follow Frisk, and after they were finished killing a monster, Sans would then bubble them and send them to Rose’s Room.

any other monster that Frisk didn’t end up killing,

Sans would have them go into Lion’s Ethereal Mane.

knowing how Rose’s Room works, he knows it will likely try to make copies of the bubbled monster souls.

so in order to find them if they should get mixed up wit fake copies (that ends up being made by the room), Sans would have to use the new trick he learned, and that is using blue magic to grab at the souls.

if he tried to use the blue magic on a fake bubbled monster,

it wont react the same and will only burst into pink clouds.

he would then take the real bubbled monster souls

and place them in Lion’s Ethereal Mane.

when entering Lion’s new mane, at first glance it looks the same as how it was before, but now it is dark and the only thing that is the same is the two trees that belong to both Lion and Lars, as well as the small hill that has Rose’s belongings as well as the Portrait of Rose.

but the place is now in the Dark World/Void.

which means whenever someone goes in through Lion’s Ethereal Mane, their existence would be forgotten by the outside world.

the grass/hair/mane, could end up having the ability to have Darkners/Tulpa not end up transform into inanimate objects as soon as they leave The Dark World/Void.

this can be because of the new magic of Lion’s Mane.

on one side that makes up Lars’s side, the grass and Lars’s tree are still pink, but has bits and pieces of blue leafs in the tree.

on Lion’s side, Lion’s tree is fully blue

and becoming what looks like a Echo Tree and the grass ends up being blue too. all being same color as Lion’s Ethereal Mane.

even if Lars’s tree and grass hasn’t changed very much, it still ends up in the Dark World/Void.

if Lancer ends up finding that new place in the dark world,

he would end up finding the spot in the blue grass/mane

that would lead him outside, like he would end up falling out of Lion’s ethereal mane.

but he wouldn’t end up turning into a inanimate object but instead stays how he is.

so any darkner (Headcanon Name of Race “Tulpa” )

ends up finding that place with those two trees, where one side of the grass is pink and the other blue.

going through them and ending up popping out of Lion’s Ethereal Mane, will let them be able to keep the forms they had in the dark world/void.

not everyone has to agree about the whole Dark World being the Void and it has the power to make those outside it forget,

and only those who have been to the void will remember Kris and Susie if they end up going back there again in Chapter 3, cause the whole Noelle and Berdly being to the Dark World/Void,

and if they both are still in Alphys’s class, and Kris and Susie went to the Dark World/Void.

only Noelle and Berdly would remember them.

it would explain why there wasn’t a search party for those two

and no one seem all that worried about them.

at least not until they remembered them when they came back from the Dark World/Void.

it is possible when Kris and Susie ended up in the Dark World,

those in their world, still remembered them but at the same time as a hour past the memories of those two became foggy and when a few hours past the memories of them all but faded.

but if Noelle and Berdly have been to the Dark World/Void,

they wouldn’t be effected and would be immune, same would be for anyone else who might end up going to the Dark World/Void.

I don’t think Ralsei is Asriel, but could still end up being technically a creation of his.

but even if I and other fans had theories that Ralsei might be a bad guy, that might not be true for the real Ralsei that we meet in Chapter 1.

I believe the Ralsei we meet in Chapter 2, is a Fake and the real Ralsei is that Faux-Ralsei’s Prisoner and is being kept in a room we can’t get to yet.

another theory is that Ralsei is Flowey from one of the Geno Timeline from Undertale, when he ends up being killed by Frisk...

he doesn’t just cease to be, he ends up falling into the Dark World/Void and having a type of Amnesia, and when some of the essence of Asriel of Deltarune, entered into the dark world, it transformed that version of Flowey into Ralsei.

we know when Ralsei falls in battle, he at times will end up leaving behind just his hat and clothes, which makes you wonder what is under there and could it be dust?

it is likely Flowey is under there and whenever Ralsei falls in battle and there is nothing left of him but his hat and clothes, what is hiding in them might turn out to be Flowey.

that is just a theory after all.

anyway I’m going to go back to watching Steven Universe now.

see ya later and stay safe.

#crossover au #steven universe future #steven universe #undertale fanart #deltarune fanart #steven universe fanart #lion steven universe #skeleton monster #monster souls #rose's room steven universe #crossover fanart

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angeryspeedo · 2 years ago

Photo

another one, continuing from this post

EDIT: made a fourth installment, which is likely my last.

references under cut again

left-right, top-bottom

Crash - based on Pink Diamond and her tantrums (as well as Pink Steven). still ends with a nuclear explosion. this one’s meant to be terrifying to be up against. Mike - used Steven’s performance outfit from Sadie’s Song, as well as “Handsome” Steven’s pompadour from Steven And The Stevens. also Steven’s gem changes color based on the copy ability, so here it’s purple. Wing - Steven’s Archimicarus cosplay from Open Book. this one was kind of a given

Beetle - no reference here, just the usual hat. i would have incorporated the Heaven and/or Earth Beetle but i couldn’t make it work since their horns are too blunt for the Beetle ability Festival - Steven’s feathery getup from the big finishing number in the movie, with lots of rainbows. i mainly made this for pride month, so might as well share it now! happy birthgay everyone Fighter - Steven’s roadie outfit from Drop Beat Dad. i would have outfitted him like Ryu or something but i think this makes him look tougher

Poison - no reference here, just the hat from KPR. i wanted to include Spinel’s injector somehow but i couldn’t make it work Cleaning - again no reference. i’ve wanted to do Cleaning for a while, it’s one of my favorites and i think Steven looks good with it Artist - outfitted Steven in Adeleine’s getup, except it’s pink to match the Artist colors

#steven universe #kirby #pride month #lgbtq+#happy pride #kirby copy ability #pink diamond #pink steven #steven universe the movie #adeleine #kirby copy abilities #steven copy abilities series

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picturejasper20 · 4 years ago

Text

Nephrite Character analysis

Nephrite (also known as Centipeetle) is a secondary character that was first introduced in first episode of the series (Gem Glow) as a gem monster. Her form resembled a giant centipede with the ability of making copies of herself and spiting very acidic venom from her mouth. She was like the ¨mother¨ of the centipedes since they all were born from her.

Like many gem monsters, Nephrite in her true monster form was extremely agressive. In the episode itself it was not explained in detail why she attacked the Crystal gems, though it is easy to assume she just was trying to defend her ¨kids¨ or was confused as many gem monsters would be in that type of situation.

When the Crystal gems were hiding from the acidic spit of Nephrite, Steven threw a refrigerator to her, electrocuting her. The Crystal gems took advantage of the situation to finish Centipeetle and bubbled her gem.

(Nephrite trying to reform to her original gem form but she's unable to since she is corrupted)

In the episode ¨Monster Buddies¨ Steven accidentally released Nephrite from her gem bubble. She tried reforming to her original gem form but noticing she was unable to she took a very small form which looked very much alike the small centipedes from ¨Gem Glow¨.

Instead of hurting Steven, she remained in her spot shaking in fear. This is very likely due to being released in a new enviroment that she had not recollection of. Seeing that she wasn’t trying to attack him unlike the last time and that was actually very scared, Steven asked her to approach him, showing he didn´t mean to do any harm.

(The images show that when she calmed down, she pulled her mane hair down much like a feline would)

He tried explaining to the gems that Nephrite was different from the other monsters since she acted friendly around Steven and seemed to use her powers only when she saw a weapon or something tried hurting Steven.

¨No! It didn't do anything! Garnet, don't hurt it! I accidentally let it out of its bubble, but it didn't even try to hurt me. It's not like the other monsters, it's just scared and confused. Please Garnet. I'm begging you.¨

In her small monster form, she was capable of understanding other characters when they talked to her. She could also followed orders, like when Steven asked her to use her spit to melt the rocks that prevented them from accomplishing their mission.

Her behaviour was a mix between gem and animal behaviour. She could understand when Steven spoke to her and she reacted when he reminded her that she wasn't a monster anymore by near the end of the episode. On the other hand, she behaved like a dog when Steven fed her with chaaaaps and learned how to do tricks.

She also had her own "trigger" in this form: When a gem summoned her weapon she would act by pure instinct and start spitting acid. This was when even the gem in question didn't want to hurt her, just by seeing a gem weapon was enough for her to make her panick.

(Example: Garnet summons her gaunglets to grab the shooting star and when Nephrite notices this, she gets visually very stressed).

Unfortunalety, later in the episode when they found the shooting star and Garnet tried grabbing it with her gaulglets, Nephrite became extremely frightened and threw her acidic venom all over the cave ceiling making the cave start to collapse.

Before she hurted the Crystal gems, Steven intervened by reminding her of their friendship. He told her about the moments they bonded together and how she didn’t have to fight.

¨Stop! You don't need to fight! This isn't you! You're not a monster anymore! You're more than that. We have so many memories now! Remember the chip times? And how you saved me from that vicious seagull? And how we became best friends? You have to remember! This all happened today!¨

This made her calm down, knowing that Steven wasn’t his enemy and was trying to help her.

Suddenly, she saw how a stalagmite was about to crash the two of them. Quickly,she pushed him out of the way and sacrificed herself to protect Steven.This showed that she could be healed and was a well meaning gem that cared about others.

Steven promised her that he would find a way to heal her and the rest of the corrupted gems. He bubbled her and the bag of chaaaaps as a remider of the time they bond.

¨It's alright Steven. Remember, she's not cracked, she's corrupted, and that's something different, something nearly... impossible to describe.¨

¨It's sort of like if MC Bear-Bear didn't tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.¨

In ¨Monster Reunion¨ Steven regained his healing powers and asked the gems to try healing Nephrite. The gems were skeptical at first but after insisting in a few times they allowed to him to unbubbled her.

When Steven used his healing spit on her, Centipeetle’s gem form turned more human like: She was standing on two legs and had two arms. Her head, however, was still pretty much like his corrupted form. She could only growl and squawk. This became an issue when Steven tried communicating with her.

In this state, Nephrite was more conscious of her sorroundings and didn’t attempt to attack the Crystal Gems. She was able to write on her own gem language and remember what her life was like before she became corrupted. Her only problem was not being able to speak properly.

Her friendly personality remained intact as well as her memories when she befriended Steven back in ¨Monster Buddies¨. She still remembered when she ate chaaaaps and the song that Steven sang to her. She showed to be intelligent since she quickly understood what Steven asked her to do.

After being asked to tell him about her origins, Nephrite used some crayons to draw what happened to her when she first arrived on Earth: She used to be the captain of her Nephrites crew. She was sent to Earth to help with building the Gem colony. When the gem war started she joined the fight along with her crew.

After the shattering of Pink Diamond, all the homeworld gems were asked to leave the planet as quickly as possible. When her commander give her the order to return to her ship it was too late, Nephrite was separated from her team and corrupted by the Diamond light.

Talking about her memories made her start crying and losing control of her form.It’s likely that this being remined of her past and the Diamond corruption light caused her great turmoil. While trying to get to her ship, she kept changing between her humanoid form and her corrupted form.

When she and Steven arrived to the ship it was revealed that Nephrite was just trying to meet with her friends who had waited for her and became corrupted as result.

¨You brought the Centipeetle back to her ship. You brought her back to her crew. They've been waiting here for her. They didn't want to leave her behind.¨

Nephrite made a brief cameo in the episode ¨Legs From Here to Homeworld¨: Steven, Blue and Yellow tried healing her from her corruption. For a few moments she returned to her original form before she was corrupted and apologized to the Diamonds for failing her superior’s orders.

¨Nephrite! Facet-413 Cabochon-12! I’m sorry for my failure to heed my Hessonite's evacuation orders... My team and I tried our best to make it out before the attack, but... You're here and it must've worked! You finally avenged Pink Diamond! You destroyed Rose Quartz!¨

She was finally cured along with the rest of the corrupted gems in ¨Change your mind¨ and met with her cured crew members. It’s implied that she now lives on Little Homeworld and assists Little Homeschool to learn how to live on Earth.

Gifs and images source: Steven unieverse wikia.

#Steven universe #Nephrite #nephrite steven universe #Centipeetle #healed corrupted gems #gem monsters #corruption #Diamond light corruption #Monster buddies #monster reunion #legs from here to homeworld #SU Analysis #su character analysis

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quirkwizard · 3 years ago

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Clone quirk idea, the user can create four clones of themselves that are stronger as well as more durable then the user. The user shares a hive mind with the clones and can combine with them in order to form into a larger version of the user. Thought of this with Ectoplasm’s Clones quirk and the quintuple rubies fusion from the Steven Universe series in mind. I don’t know what to name it unfortunately.

I think there is something in the idea, but it would need some revision. I believe that the core idea of having a small group of clones that have some improvement over the user could work just fine. But as I see it right now, I just think that it does too much for a single ability. Having powerful copies of the user under their control, even if they are in such a low number, is already a great power since the user can summon up these impressive bodies guards whenever they wish. So having that in addition to the hive mind and the body fusion. Plus having all that in a cloning ability is rather similar to "Clones". Besides the fact that they are in a hive mind, the idea of combing the clones together into a larger form is rather reminiscent of what Ectoplasm does with some of his clones. Personally, I would drop both, upping the number of clones the user has to about eight or ten. If you really want to, you could have one or the other for its major draw. Of the two, I would suggest fusing with the user, as that makes it more distinct from "Clones" and leans it more into the combat side of things. Though it may need a bit of reworking to properly combine the two ideas, but I do think it is possible. Now all it needs is a drawbacks, like how far the clone can travel from the user or how hard it is to make them.

#My Hero Academia #Quirks #Quirk Reviews

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p1nkwitch · 4 years ago

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If I may one last director's cut: And the Nightmare Collapses? 👁️

Ask as many as you want i dont mind.

Oh my monster au, what to say? I had this in the backburner for a few months now. Originally i was going to make a series of one shots from different characters perspectives.

So first it was going to be Jon waking up from the coma and realizing that everyone were monsters but him sort of like a walking dead scenario. I had the clear picture of him seeing Georgie in her hald deaf state being like, what the fuck happened???

Now the entire idea came to mind with how pissed off i was at everyone in season four acting like Jon was the worst for no discernable reason. Like, Melanie, Basira and Georgie, all treated him in different levels rather cruely. Georgie wasnt so mean, but she was playing blind eye to the whole thing being fucked.

So Jon is the only one who remains human because he tries so hard to keep his humanity despite everything. While everyone else becomes more monstruos, Basira and Melanie in particularly were much more affected, i had a clear vision of a slaughter Mel. But had to keep it brief since Georgie wouldnt want to dwell on her becoming a monster, since now she had no way to deny it. Daisy gets a pass because while on the coffin she regains her humanity by her regret of what she became, its why her changes are minimal in the text.

The other one shots were supposed to be from Elias and Peter perspective with the last being them reuniting.

Now my original idea had no reasoning as to why they were monsters all out sudden. Its not until i realized the potential of the entities just dropping in a world similar enough where they already existed and they end up overcharging, while still carrying the vestigies of the apocalipse that i went like-

Hoy fuck.

Ultimately i am happy with the one shot the way it came out, with Elias being able to see, he was capable of tying up those little threads i wanted to make and make the reference to having an anchor. Anchors tie you to humanity, people are fundamentaly capable of good if they wish too, kindness even in the face of despair, destroys the horrors of the world.

The world wont fix itself, but you adapt and grown and try to make it better.

Now as for the story itself? I just wanted to go buck wild with the scenery of reality fracturing itself and Elias just losing it while perceiving the horrors and understanding far more than possible.

I like eldritch horror i just dont use it enough, or horror shorts in general, maybe i should put up the small ones i made in tumblr they are like a paragraph long each.

For realsies, I really like the idea of monster Elias for several reasons and i wanted to go with it. I have another different take on this verse of how things pan out too, but i will see eventually if i want to write it. There is... also the horny aspec of Peter being, as the fic implies, a monster fucker, not really he just loves Elias whatever shape he comes even if its some weird owl spider thing. If i ever feel brave enough to go thought it in an extra will shall see.

Anyways Jonah goes through life replacing people while manipulating them and toying with their sanity like he did to the ogElias in his interview. Despite being beholding, as per the soup theory, at this point he also represents the stranger, web and spiral fairly well. I have a soft soft for him losing the ability to recognize himself after a while. Because as i pointed out? He kept sort of a more or less stable life, sure, but it must be jarring having to go from one face to another, to have to pretend to be someone else, at least enough that its not glaringly obvious that something is wrong.

So he loses it. The fears overcharge and it all stacks up on him, causing his transformation to be so strong, it ends up consuming him. Not only that but he is vain too, so to be changed into something so horryifing it breaks something else in him, it gives him the idea that no one could want him now, he cant make people do as he says like this, he doesnt know himself and now no one would want to know him anyways. The more he changes the more he loses his sense of self, its not only him, he was so many people it feels weird to be just him, it doesnt fit anymore, so through the story he starts to use they until its what he mainly uses at the end, because he grows and its happy with it by the very end.

His body changes when he doubts himself, the more time it passes the more he forgets. Now the main reason he didnt become a puddle of ink and die, was because as i mentioned he thought about being alone, and it made him think of Peter, that was his last connection, the last thread to a humanity he wasnt sure he still had. When he thinks that he loves him, even if a little, its enough to let him move.

That small lifeline is what actually saved him and what kept him more or less stable for longer that he would have otherwise. Same goes to Peter whos last action before becoming one with his siblings was pick up the phone, the same though went through him, its why even if he was already at the brink of being melded he kept himself alive for longer.

Then there was the idea of copies.

Because, eyes? just the eyes?? I know it works with supernatural energy but, the doubt, the idea or posibility that Jonah Magnus actually died the moment he transplanted his eyes the first time and that Beholding merely put the copied memories of Jonah that it reatained into the new body was such a good concept, i have a special love for it, to not be sure if you are you, but ultimately chosing to live your life despite knowing that you may not be the real one.

I like to point out at the end that he does, that he is the original and that he is not a copy but... its not really proof, Jonah wants to believe it is. Wether is true or not? Thats up to anyone.

Also his monster concept, i toyed with a few options, and ended up adding it somewhat in the final product, originally he was going to be sort of an owl monster sort of mixed with a cat, no not for the joke, i saw really nice fanart of owlcats and i was in love. But as it is i went with something similar to his body in the afterlife beach party.

Instead of tar it was the ink of the letters he wrote, the static remains because he doesnt know his face anymore and he wont again. The fur... i just wanted something nice for later when Peter made his appearence, less sticky more fluffy. 8 arms like a spider, more eyes because of beholding- you get it.

Speaking of Peter!!

Here is the deal, i know or at least believe that the curruption? Is the oposite of the lonely and viceversa. Wanting to be alone vs being consumed by what you love? Perfect.

So the Lukases become amalgamations of fog trapped in a hive mind that they cant escape from. Forced to be together and then to be alone once someone manages to impose themselves like Nathaniel did. Peter could have theorically left his siblings become him, after Elias saw them, but in this, the closenes they shared was enought that he could not do it. <3<3

I wanted to play with the fact that being stuck with so many people, mainly his sisters while slowly melding into one, made him switch from pronouns feeling comfortable in all of them. Lydia, Judith and Clara were all nice and accidentaly he wanted to feel that nice, so he switches more often to her. It too, because at one point he was litreally nothing since the rest were rather happy being one.

Reality check comes and they all realize that, oh shit we fucked him up. Hence the road trip, unfortunately the melding was inevitable, either they became one or someone took charge. Still it gives them time to bond too, which adds to the decision to let them stay with him despite everything. Peter plays into a similar idea, but from a different perspective, you lose yoursef but become a different person. Luka is all of them being at peace with being one, being happy and wanting the same thing, but still mantaining some way to be apart. If i was being sappy i would liken it to a fusion in Steven Universe.

It wasnt as such at first, but later once Peter is the main body they can do it with less fear of dissapearing. It is also true that his feelings bleed out onto them and likewise to him. Its hard being a single being while simultaniously be 5 people in one.

They do love Elias, except for Clara who is mostly just enjoying the company while judging everyones tastes. It is also true that if this hadnt happened they would never have tried it. But life works oddly. Plus they are happy.

The world cant be fixed, but life sort of goes on and people adjust as they can.

Final note? I really, reeeeally wanted to have JME corpses just drop and have everyone freak out. There was a brief idea of having them alive and react to what they did to the world, but i did not want to deal with that many explanations. So yeah, they are dead.

AGAIN SORRY FOR GOING OFF!!! I NEED TO BE STOPPED.

If you want to ask something in particular go ahead i have the ideas still fresh for this one in my head.

#ask #i go off too much #someone shut me uuuuup

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years ago

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The Tragedy of The Thirteenth

Looks like Jodie Whittaker has gotten bullied out of Doc Who. That sh*t is unfortunate. I thought Whittaker had a real opportunity to do something different, to be great, but cats never gave her a chance. Of course there were your requisite man-children complaining about the fact that the Thirteenth had a polly instead of a peepee, but all you really have to do to win those assholes over is write a great character. Starbuck from Battlestar is a great example of that. That character was originally a dude in a series as beloved by it’s fans as Who, but no one gave Katee Sackhoff sh*t when she took over the role because the writers wrote a dope ass character. The people who developed this iteration of Doctor Who did not do that. The fact that Who is so bad wasn't Whittaker’s fault. There are a myriad of people to blame, from BBC, itself, to episode directors, to the props department for never really hammering down a look for Thirteen. The thing is, that’s all part of the show and, especially for BBC productions, there is singular person in charge of all that; The Showrunner.

For those of us here in the States that don’t know what a Showrunner is, think Kevin Feige and the MCU. Sure, you can bring in directors to create your films and you have writers crafting the narratives, but the buck stops with Feige. He’s the big picture man. It’s his vision, his playground. Sure, he let’s other people into his sandbox to collaborate, sometimes even letting them do their own thing, but the games they play are always structured by Feige beforehand because it’s his f*ckng playground. If you don’t want to play by his rules, you can get the f*ck out of there. This is why the DCEU is so bad. They don’t have a Feige. In fact, Warner Bros. refuses to install a proper Feige because Marvel did it and they don’t want to be seen copying the competition. But you need a Feige to build what Feige built. Star Wars is another franchise that needs a Feige. George Lucas was the Feige of that franchise for decades.. He was the Feige before the Feige. However, when he sold to Disney, the Feige they installed was a very bad Feige. Kathleen Kennedy had an ego because she was genius-adjacent for most of her career. While she was getting coffee for Lucas and Spielberg, they were creating Indiana Jones and the Star Wars trilogy. She felt some kind of way and had opinions, opinions that immediately went into destroying everything George built after lying to him about being the gatekeeper for his legacy. Kennedy is the worst kind of Feige and that’s the Feige the BBC put in charge of Who.

The direct line of responsibility for Doctor Who being so bad ends with the Showrunner, the Feige, and Whittaker’s run, unfortunately, was saddled with the worst Showrunner in Modern Who history. Chris Chibnall is a hack and has been a hack since he was just a writer on the show from way back. His episodes were some of the worst. They always seem to have a ticking clock; Artificial pathos created with the most mundane tropes in writing. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship is a perfect example of this. What the f*ck was even going on in that episode? It’s bad, man, and makes next to no sense. But that’s Chibnall. That’s who he believes Who is. He’s on record, years ago, as a fan, stating as such. Even then, there as this possessive pretentiousness, this Know-it-all assurance about what makes the character work. For him. That arrogance never left. He carried it with him into writing for the Revival’s first Showrunner, Russell T. Davies, who immediately recognized the lack of ability and never brought him back. Chibnall’s first episode for Who was 42 and guess what the whole thing centered around? A ticking f*cking clock. Chinballs didn’t write another episode of Who until Steven Moffat took over. His first episode? A two-parter, The Hungry Earth and Cold Blood. Guess what the primary conflict in those episodes was? A f*cking ticking clock. That’s who Chibnall is. That’s how he thinks Who should be. Dude’s writing is pedestrian, his creativity is fraudulent, and his passion is misplaced. He has a sense of entitlement to the character he’s carried with him since he was a child and it’s not from a sense of community but possession. And, on top of all that, he’s got ideas and options. Just like Kathleen Kennedy.

I’m not a fan of Identity Politics. The second you attach “politics” to something, it becomes divisive, controversial. I do believe that, anytime anyone creates art, you install a little bit of yourself into it, even if you don’t know it. Your experiences and beliefs always find a way to bubble up toward the surface. The key is to guide that bias in a way that it benefits the narrative. Mask it so that your perspective comes across but in an organic, subtle, manner. People don’t like to be told how to think, even if what your saying is the obvious and unassailable truth. Someone is always going to be willfully obtuse. I mean, we live in a world of racism. That’s literally someone being obtuse to your existence, because the color of your skin is different. Of course there’s going to be a very vocal portion of any fandom when you change a character they love so much, so dramatically, especially with absolutely no transitional period in between. The Doctor is a women now? Fine. Take your time and build the character. Shape her into something that not even the most egregious incel fanboy can attack without fervent rebuttal from the rest of the fandom. Chibnall did not do this. Instead, he f*cking double-downed on the identity bullsh*t and forced just SO much nondescript, ideology, into every episode of his run so far, while objectively neglecting character development, plotting, and motivation. Dude’s whole run with Whittaker has been an exercise in SJW gaslighting, defended by the BBC themselves because they’re in the business of fake Wokeness.

Thirteen found herself in the unenviable position that Rey Palatine was in before. The idea of Thirteen, juts like the idea of Rey, was exceptional. There was a ton of potential there, so much that could have been organically grown and nurtured. Jodie Whittaker is a great actress from what I've seen of her. The Doctor had never been female before. This was a brilliant opportunity for Whittaker to really carve out a position for hrself in BBC history. But just like Kathleen Kennedy, Chibnall was more concerned with tearing down everything that made Who what it was, in favor of sh*t he wanted to see, sh*t that would secure his legacy. F*ck the, what? Seventy years that came before? This is MY sandbox now and no one get s to play with any of my toys! That was made as clear as day when The Timeless Children aired. What the actual f*ck was that episode? Look, i was on board with that one Black Lady Doctor because the War Doctor is a thing, but this episode, man? This spat in the face of decades upon decades of Who lore. F*ck The Doctor having a cooter, this episode and the one following it, dismantles everything we know about who and what The Doctor character even is. Also, there’s a ticking f*cking clock.

It’s a goddamn shame that Jodie Whittaker never got a fair shot at The Doctor. I was all in the second she was announced. I loved her in Broadchurch. I can’t say the show was good, but she was, in it. Honestly, Chibnall probably should have stayed with Police serials like that. A ticking clock works in those episodes because the pathos is more intimate. Someone is going to die. That sh*t doesn’t work as the direct focus of a Doctor Who episode, especially when you have a fully realized Doctor to play with. Even worse, you can’t have The Doctor just trumping though The Civil Rights Movement for no f*cking reason other than to say something every person with a shred of humanity already knows: “Racism bad.” No sh*t, clown. What even was that episode, man? It’s so disingenuous, so goddamn disrespectful, and then you go nowhere with the villain in that sh*t. What the f*ck was the point? How did that enrich your Doctor? How did that do Jodie any favors for developing HER version of The Doctor. It was a non-episode, a showcase for Chinballs’ politics and that’s the entirety of his run so far. It’s not fair to blame Whittaker for the failure of her Doctor. She never had a chance to be great. She was set up for failure from the jump and, even after she’s gone, nothing will change. Whoever is up next for The Doctor is still going to have to deal with Chinballs and his creative bankruptcy.

#Doctor Who #Chris Chibnall #Chinballs #Jodie Whittaker #The Thirteenth Doctor #The Doctor

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 4 years ago

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A Dash of Morticia

PART THIRTY-SEVEN OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: discussions of anxiety/panic attacks please read with caution, yelling, mentions of familial abuse, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 5K

Summary: After an argument with Jess, Ella storms out of the apartment.

A/N: The descriptions of panic attacks in this chapter and in this fic are based on research and my own experiences. Everyone is different. If you need to talk, I am always here. I just felt Gilmore Girls always kind of ignored Jess’s trauma, and the after-effects it would have had on him.

A few stray streaks of blue paint had dried on her forearms, but Ella was eager to get home and had done a haphazard job of washing up after class. She had sent the kids home with their final projects, the extra time at the end of the day used for free painting time. It was bittersweet to say goodbye to the kids she had spent all three months with, exploring all different mediums through the summer art program at the college. But she was glad to be only two weeks away from the beginning of her final year of grad school. The end of her time as a student was so close, she could almost taste it. Still, though, she found it hard to believe at some point her life wouldn’t be dictated by study guides and test scores.

Her keys stuck slightly in the lock, as they always did, as she entered the apartment. The clock read half past six already; Ella had been too caught up clearing out her room at the college to leave anywhere near on time. The walk home had been calming, the sky just beginning to turn a pinkish orange hue. Her heart was light as she set her keys on the counter and bag on the coat rack. Jess sat on the couch with the third draft of his book in his hands, a crease of concentration between his brows and a red pen in his hand. He hadn’t looked up at the sound of her coming in, but she wasn’t surprised. Lately, he had been totally absorbed in his work.

Over the course of the summer, she had watched his nerves growing over the new project. Though she did her best, she found it hard to understand why. He had already sent preliminary published copies out to certain vendors, and most responses were enthusiastic. The more she found him startling awake in the middle of the night, or snapping at herself or their friends over the smallest things, or growing quiet at things he would normally have spoken to her for hours about, the more she suspected his behavior had little to do with the book. Even when he wasn’t working on his writing, he was stand-offish. Distant. It was though he was somewhere else. A place which made his hands shake and his eyes dart around anxiously.

She chewed at her thumb nail as she approached the couch. The longer she felt out of the sync with him, the more frustrated she grew. If it had been anybody else, she would have told him off months ago. But she knew she needed to be patient. Each time she felt the old, familiar anger rise in her throat, she reminded herself of where they had come from and the way he always listened. But she would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit her faith in his ability to recognize what had been going on with him for more than just the past few months was wavering.

Letting out a small sigh, she plopped down on the couch next to him and ran her nail-bitten fingers through the ends of his hair, her hand on the back of his neck.

“Hey, cutie,” she said quietly.

Still, he didn’t look over at her. But he let a small smile cross his lips. “Hey.”

“We got Thai last week, so do you wanna get Chinese or Mexican tonight?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not that hungry.”

Ella furrowed her brows and scoffed in disbelief. “But we always get takeout on Friday. It’s universal law!”

“Well, you pick,” he said, underlining something on the page.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she took a long pause and a deep breath. “Jess, just take a break. You’ll make yourself nauseous reading it over and over again.”

“You’re one to talk,” he shot back distractedly.

“At least look at me,” she continued, insistent.

He heaved a sigh and finally tore his eyes away from the words. He smacked his lips together and raised his eyebrows expectantly as he faced her. “I’m looking at you.”

Ella took a look back at him. She just couldn’t help it as she rolled her eyes and stood up from the couch. “God, you’re such a dick sometimes.”

“Great, so I guess we’re fighting now?” he asked, tossing the manuscript on the coffee table in annoyance.

Ella turned back to him before she could make it to the bedroom, crossing her arms over her floral t-shirt. She huffed out a breath. “Yeah, I guess if that’s what it takes to get you to talk to me.”

“Okay, Norma Desmond, since apparently we’re acting like we don’t talk to each other every day, what do you wanna talk about?” He shot her a thin, sardonic smile. “You wanna talk about how you’re allowed to get invested in your work but for some reason I’m not?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. For a moment, she thought about apologizing and letting it go. But, then, she realized she didn’t know what she would be apologizing for. The gnawing hunger in her stomach after a long day of work did nothing to help her mood, either. She’d come home excited, ready for some dinner and to celebrate her last day of summer camp. And Jess had played the part of the storm cloud over her head once again. She’d had enough of it.

“Y’know what?” she wagered.

“What?”

“You don’t get to do this,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t get to act like you wouldn’t feel the same way if I was doing this. If I was barely saying a word and being a jackass to everyone and having nightmares almost every single night!”

Jess ran a hand over his mouth and rose from his seat. “Oh, I don’t get to, huh?”

“No, you don’t!” she said, voice raised. “This thing of ours is a two-way street! You can’t shut me out like this!”

He sighed. “Eleanor-”

“Stop it, Jess. Just stop bullshitting me. Just tell me what’s really going on.”

“Look, I’m sorry if this book thing is bothering you, but I-”

“It’s not about the book!” she yelled, cutting him off and throwing her hands at her side in anger. “I know publishing a book takes time, okay? Hell, I’ve edited the book twice already! But something is up with you! Something’s been up with you for months! Just spit it the fuck out!”

“Nothing is up with me!” he countered, matching her volume. His brow was heavy with agitation. “I’m just trying to get the damn book published! What can’t you understand about that?!”

She shook her head again. “I am so sick of you making excuses, Jess! Just tell me! If you tell me, I can help you, alright?”

Something passed across his face and Ella could practically see the walls go up around his heart. “You are so much like Luke sometimes.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, exhausted and dejected.

“Maybe I don’t have a problem, maybe you have a problem,” he said, crossing his own arms defiantly. “Maybe all of this is just so you can ignore how upset you are about what happened at Adam’s graduation.”

Ella almost took a physical step back, surprised at the accusation. “I’m not upset about that.”

“Really?” he scoffed. “Have you called your brother since then? Or Lane? Or anyone in Stars Hollow? Or have you just been too busy here trying to create problems to solve instead of the ones you already have? I mean, just look at your hands! You’ve barely got any nails left!”

“Stop trying to change the fucking subject!” she spat out, a bite growing in her voice. “What the hell are you so afraid of? Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong so we can figure it out?”

“I’m not a project!” Jess shouted. “You can’t fix me, Eleanor!”

“I’m not trying to fix you, Jess! I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong...I’m trying to get you to talk to me before I wake up one morning and you’re gone!”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. They stood across from each other, the coffee table in between. Outside, the light continued to wane. Jess’s face flushed in embarrassment and anger.

“That was five years ago! I was a kid! My dad showed up after-”

“I know!” she shrieked. “I know! Believe me, I know! You were upset, so that made it okay for you to leave me without saying a fucking word, I know!”

“That’s not what I said!” Jess matched her volume, breathing hard.

“You didn’t have to!” she shot back. “And maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about it if you weren’t pulling your Holden Caulfield bullshit again, but you are! This is just like it was then! But, guess what? I’ve been trying so hard, but I can’t deal with it anymore! I’m not doing it again!”

His eyes darkened and a frown deepened on his face as she stormed towards the door. “Where are you going?!”

“I don’t know! Maybe to California!” she growled, tugging on her converse and throwing her bag over her shoulder again. “When you’re ready to grow the fuck up and be honest with me, then call me! If not, then just leave me the fuck alone! You’ve been getting pretty good at that recently!”

The door shut with a hard slam! behind her before Jess had a chance to respond. As soon as she was out of sight, his chest became tight. Out of breath, he felt his heart beating hard against his ribs. He almost ran after her, but he chose to relish in his anger at her instead. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he struggled to decide what to do with himself. After a moment, he looked down off the balcony and saw her car was gone. Satisfied at the low chance of running into her on the way out, he grabbed his keys and stomped out of the apartment, a five-dollar bill burning a hole in his pocket. A pack of cigarettes from the corner store was the only concrete thing on his mind.

. . .

Thumbing through Mabel’s copy of A Streetcar Named Desire, Ella tried to quiet the restless buzzing of her nerves. Almost two whole days without a call. Not that she’d expected him to come grovelling to her, begging for forgiveness. But she hadn’t expected to stay at Mabel’s the entire weekend. The air was balmy and the sky was full of thunderheads, but no raindrops had yet fallen. There was the constant threat of a summer thunderstorm, but it hadn’t yet come. She was sprawled across the light pink couch, doing her best to concentrate on the words in front of her.

Outside the window, she caught a flash of lightning out of the corner of her eye. A rumble rolled through the air, vibrating the ground. Ella sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment and staring up over at the vintage French ad hung up behind the couch. The apartment was beautiful; decked out in feminie floral patterns and extravagant accents. Mabel had welcomed Ella with open arms, even after Ella insisted she would just find a motel or something. Or perhaps go back to her and Jess’s apartment. But the idea of stepping foot through the door without Jess calling her made her blood boil. She could no longer feign ignorance, especially when she knew something was wrong. Tough love. That’s what she told herself. He just needed a dose of it, along with a bit of his own medicine.

His words echoed in her head. It was true, she hadn’t called anyone in Stars Hollow since the graduation. She didn’t care to. The thought of ever visiting the town again made her stomach do a flip, as did the thought of seeing her father once more. She had hardly had time to decipher what her actual feelings were, between the summer camp job and her worry over Jess. She only knew they were unpleasant, and she didn’t much care to dwell on them. Was it worth it to think about it more? Was she just projecting? Certainly she wasn’t. Something was up with Jess. It had been for a while and there was no denying it. But she couldn’t shake the pit of guilt in her stomach. Part of her knew he was right; at least somewhat. It would all have been better if she had been able to talk it out with Jess, if they were able to press pause on the fight somehow and just be best friends. But they couldn’t. It was the hardest part of being away from him, and it made her feel even more bitter.

Everything would be so much easier if he didn’t loom so large in her heart. She would care less about her constant, sinking worry about him leaving. About him realizing he wasn’t happy and taking off for somewhere new without a word. Or any other consequence of whatever his recent problem had been. His inability to open up to her as he once had. An amorphous, nondescript fear which was recently always whispering in the back of her mind. Having the time to ruminate on her thoughts for such long periods of alone time, with Mabel off at work, seemed to only be making her feel more conflicted. And Ella was aware actors sometimes had erratic hours, but Mabel had been at Sunday night rehearsal for five hours.

Her sketchbook had not seen such angry, horrifying drawings in a significant number of months. At times, the thought that this was the fight which would break them up crept into her mind. Surely he would be able to find someone less quarrelsome, who would be more patient for him. She wasn’t it.

The sound of her cell phone broke through her train of furious and fearful thoughts. She jumped slightly, startled at the noise. She put the book aside without saving the page; it was no use trying to read. Her heart jumped into her throat for a moment, wondering if Jess had somehow managed to call her just as she was thinking about him. But when she made it to the kitchen table and looked at the screen, she deflated. It was Matthew.

“Hello?” she answered, hand on one hip of her faded blue dress, borrowed from Mabel. Mabel was taller than her, and the dress hung loosely on her frame. The only clothes she’d brought with her were the ones on her back as she left the apartment, now stale and stuffed into her purse.

“Ella? Are you still at Mabel’s?” Matthew asked, voice with a slight, frantic edge.

She furrowed her brows. “Yeah? Why?”

“Look, Jess said you guys are fighting. So, I don’t know and I...can you get over here?” Matthew said, struggling to get the words out.

Ella felt her nerves beginning to course through her veins. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed through the receiver. “We were at Truncheon having a few drinks. Everything was normal. But then Jess started getting really upset and now he’s saying he can’t breathe and he’s shaking like crazy. But he won’t let us take him to the ER or anything, and-”

“Okay, just hang on. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Try to get him to drink some water and tell him I’m coming,” Ella instructed him, phone between her ear and her shoulder as she slipped her shoes on and grabbed her bag.

“Is he okay? He said he was fine, but-”

“Yes, Matthew. He’s fine. Just don’t panic and keep him calm until I get there,” she continued hastily, locking Mabel’s door and shutting it behind her. She’d have to shoot Mabel a text as soon as she got off the phone. She was just starting to pick up on the slight slur in Matthew’s words. He could handle his alcohol much better than Chris or Jess could, but she still felt herself doubting whether Matthew was capable of helping Jess through a panic attack at all if both of them were plastered.

“I’ll try,” Matthew said, noncommittal, before bidding her goodbye and hanging up.

Her face was set in determination as she rushed down the stairs of the apartment building, texting as she went. As she hurried out the front door and tried not to let her car keys slip through her fingers, she felt the first drops of rain finally falling.

. . .

The drizzle had turned to a downpour by the time Ella made it to Truncheon, nearly tripping on the sidewalk in her worn converse as she ran from her car to the front door. She was met with the aged, familiar smell of the main room as she entered, immediately heading for the stairs. Her steps were heavy and she was damp and out of breath when she made it to the door of the apartment. She didn’t bother knocking. Instantly, she saw both Chris and Matthew huddled together across the living room, casting nervous glances at Jess, who sat on the couch with his hand on his chest. Several empty green beer bottles sat on the coffee table, glowing lowly in the yellowish light of the lamps. A full glass of water, untouched, also sat on the table directly in front of Jess. Ella shook her head softly and clicked her tongue in concern, throwing her bag down by the door and going to Jess.

His eyes were glassy, and she saw a couple tear tracks shining on his stubbly cheeks. The words tumbled from his mouth in short, panting bursts. “Elle...you...we’re fighting...don’t-”

“Hey, Mariano, don’t worry about it, okay?” she said, offering him a small smile. She sat down on the couch next to him, so close their knees were almost brushing each other. She kept her tone and face even as she looked over her shoulder at Chris and Matthew. “How long has he been like this?”

Chris blinked at her hard a couple of times before processing her question. He squinted down at his watch. “About twenty minutes. Maybe more.”

Ella nodded, facing Jess again. She could smell the scent of beer wafting off of him. It was the drunkest she had seen him in a long time. “Okay, that means the worst is probably over. And you’ll be fine in just a few minutes.”

He shook his head, hands trembling violently. Chills rolled through his body, making him shake more. The palms of his hands were slick with sweat. His chest was tight and painful, and there was a wild fear in the back of his mind that he was having a heart attack. He had never had a panic attack which felt so intense before. Intoxication certainly wasn’t helping. When it first started, he had truly wondered if he was about to die.

“I…” he began, swallowing harshly, “I told them...not to call you...I-I don’t…”

“Cutie, don’t worry, okay?” she repeated, soothing and slow. “Can I touch you?”

“Y-yeah,” he replied after a moment, shaking so bad his teeth were nearly chattering.

Her kind smile grew a little as she cupped his face with her hands, wiping his tears with the pads of her thumbs. “Hey, just listen to me. Everything is fine. You are wasted. And you’re having a panic attack. But everything’s okay. You are okay. All you have to do is breathe, Jess.”

“I can’t-”

Before he could continue, she shifted her hands from his face to his wrists. Gently, she brought his hands to her chest and began breathing, long and slow, just as she had at the courthouse months earlier. He began to mimic the rise and fall of her chest as soon as he recognized her movements.

“Breathe with me, honey,” she said. Then, she began counting in fives as she inhaled and exhaled. She could feel Jess’s tremors with his hands in her grasp.

About five minutes of breathing, and the fire in his lungs finally began to burn out. He was still having trouble catching himself and his breath, but the tears had stopped. He did his best to choke out even words.

“I’m fine, Elle,” he said.

“You sure?” she asked, releasing his wrists.

His gaze was wavering, but he nodded and sniffled, running a hand over his mouth. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Good. You did so good, James Dean,” she murmured, leaning in with her hands on either side of his face again, pressing a long kiss to his forehead. She smoothed circles over his back as he turned forwards again, finally taking a few sips of water. From their spot across the room, Matthew and Chris still looked unsure, nervous. Ella shot them another smile. “Everything’s fine, guys. Thank you for calling me.”

“And here’s hoping you’re both too drunk to remember this tomorrow,” Jess muttered, downing the rest of his water and staring down at the carpet with a flush of embarrassment reddening his cheeks.

Matthew only shrugged sheepishly.

“Oh, I definitely am,” Chris said, nodding. His eyes were bloodshot against his pale skin, and he had a goofy grin on his lips.

Ella rolled her eyes. “Shocker.”

Breathing a sigh, Jess rubbed drunkenly at his eyes with the heels of his hands.

After another moment of slightly awkward silence, she rose from her seat and held a hand out to Jess. “Let’s go home.”

Jess bit at his bottom lip, his mind swimming. “Really?”

“Really.”

. . .

In the morning, rain was still pattering steadily on the roof of the apartment building. Drops raced down the window in the bedroom, glistening with muddled gray light from the cloudy sky. The constant shower warmed Ella’s ears, mixing with the whisper of her name, as she crawled out of her dreamy sleep. For a moment, her heart sank into her stomach. She wondered briefly if Jess was waking her up because of another nightmare, another panic attack. But her fear dissipated as she cracked her eyes open, blinking a few times, and saw Jess sitting upright on the side of the bed, facing her.

He didn’t look particularly rested, but his brown eyes were clear with sobriety, if red. She could see the slightly greenish tint of his skin. The severity of his hangover didn’t surprise her. After practically dragging him up the stairs, he’d collapsed on the bed before she could shove any pills down his throat. The best she could do was prop him on his side, pillows in a protective wall behind his back as he snored. The recovery position. She remembered it from the times he’d put her to bed.

“Hey,” he said quietly as she finally awoke.

She cleared her throat, sitting up against the headboard. “Hi.”

Licking his lips, Jess brought one nervous hand out from behind his back. In it, he held a bouquet of dark purple tulips. Slowly, she took them, raising a doubtful eyebrow. It was still pretty early, and she wondered if the sun had even been up whenever he’d gone out to buy them for her.

“There’s thirteen,” Jess said as she inspected the flowers. “For good luck.”

She laughed half-heartedly. “Thank you,” she said, taking one last look at them before placing them on the nightstand beside her. “Pretty Nora Ephron. Even for you.”

“Look,” Jess began, glancing away from her with shame. Her voice didn’t have any anger, but also held no amusement. She sounded tired in a way that struck him and made even more guilt weigh on his shoulders. “I’m really sorry. About all of it. I know I’ve been kind of a wackjob. I’ve been freaking out and having those nightmares and-”

“That’s not anything you need to be sorry for,” Ella interjected, tone firm but not unpleasant. Her face was stoic as she waited for him to continue, raking her fingers through her hair.

He swallowed thickly, then went on. “And I’ve been shutting you out and...I’m sorry I didn’t call. I started to about a million times, but I just...I didn’t want you...to be disappointed in me. Though I know you already are. I wasn’t ready to...have to hear it.”

She felt slightly taken aback. Such naked, plain speech seemed like a rarity for Jess. Usually, his inner world was cloaked in metaphor and wit as a makeshift mask. But, in the gloomy light of the morning, she was seeing him just as he was. And, this time, he was actively deciding to show her.

“Jess, I’m not…” she paused for a moment to take a deep breath and collect her words, “I’m not disappointed in you. Not even a little bit. I’m just...I’m so worried about you. And it’s fucking...it’s just so fucking difficult to have to sit back and watch you...put yourself through something you don’t have to be going through alone.”

“I know,” he said solemnly, nodding.

“And I know I push you. I mean, I’ve pretty much always pushed everyone. I’m sorry I’m not patient enough with you sometimes,” she said, biting at the inside of her cheek. “But, seriously, Mariano, I feel like I kept quiet as long as I could on this one.”

Jess let a small, fond smirk pass over his lips. “I know, Stevens. It’s not your fault. I didn’t mean to...sometimes it’s just hard for me to actually listen when you’re telling me something I don’t wanna hear.”

She matched his smile. “Well, that’s because you’re a jackass.”

He shrugged. “I’ve made my peace with it.”

Ella chuckled in response, smoothing her hands over the gray quilt which still covered her lower half. “As valiant of an effort as the flowers and the apology were, Jess, I’m still more interested in what’s wrong. Whatever it is...it’s okay. Just...please tell me.”

Nodding again, Jess ran a hand over his mouth. He brought his legs up from the side of the bed and sat cross-legged in front of her, their knees only inches apart. “Ever since Doula was born...I just can’t stop thinking about my mom and...everything that happened in New York. I mean, when Liz was pregnant it wasn’t great. But since we met Doula? Since I actually got to see her...it’s just been so much worse. When I think about her having to...fight with a stepdad, or get left with some stranger across the hall, or wander the library alone all day while Liz goes off to work or God knows where else…”

Ella placed a hand on the knee of his jeans as he paused. He bit down hard on his lip again. He didn’t feel as though he deserved that kind of affection from her after what had happened over the past few days. But he swallowed down the nerves which rose in his throat and continued.

“I just keep remembering and thinking about it and...I can’t get it to stop sometimes. And now I’m even remembering in my sleep...I’m remembering so clearly. It’s like...there’s never gonna be an end. I’m never gonna actually get away from it all,” he explained sheepishly, fighting the lump in his throat and the way the tips of his ears burned.

“Hey, James Dean,” she said, and he finally looked up to meet her eyes again. “You did get away from it. You did. I know it doesn’t feel like that sometimes, but you did. No matter how bad you’re feeling, you’re safe now. We’re both safe now.”

He scoffed out a doubtful, tearful laugh, but managed to keep himself together. Sometimes, the simplest reminders hit him the hardest, shocked him the most.

“And we can figure this out, okay?” Ella continued earnestly. “I know you still don’t have insurance, but this is a big city. There’s bound to be some kind of free service somewhere. And even if we can’t find anything right away, I’m always here. You can talk to me. Whatever it is. Whenever it is. I’m not gonna be as good as an actual counselor, but I’ll do my best until we can find you one. I’ll do some research.”

“Okay.”

“Seriously, Jess,” she said sternly. “I need you to hear me on this. I want you to talk to me. Nothing you could say would disappoint me, or anything like that. I mean, I know you got attacked by a swan. What could be more embarrassing than that?”

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head a little, though he couldn’t hide his amusement. “My God, every chance you can get...”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said. “But it’s just too easy sometimes.”

“Says the girl who once took a bite out of a decorative apple.”

“Says the boy who took a whole month to figure out how to pull a coin out of my ear,” she retorted.

Then, with a moment of giggles exchanged between them, Jess’s expression shifted back to one of sincerity. “I’m sorry, Elle.”

“It’s okay,” she replied easily. “I’m sorry, too. I know it’s not like it was in high school. I know you’re not gonna leave. I trust you. Sometimes...I just get so caught up and I don’t...sometimes I forget who we are now and I go back to being the little girl whose mom died overnight and whose dad never calls.”

Jess tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear with an affectionate gaze. “But, hey, she turned out to be the next Georgia O’Keefe. With a dash of Morticia Addams.”

Ella shrugged. “Her boyfriend exaggerates, but she’s trying.”

“Thank you,” he said after a comfortable beat of silence. “For last night and...pretty much everything else since the day we met.”

She snorted a laugh at his hyperbole, rolling her eyes. “Don’t mention it.”

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