#starsdrew. beast boy

[mazeheart]

@starsdrew 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒆 ( 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ) ⬎

[ breaths ] beast boy + terra

" i'm fine , " she lied. tara could barely make out whatever words gar was saying to her ; something triggered her and caused her to be brought back to her time with slade. " just ... " she tried to breathe and failed. " just give me a second. "

[mazeheart]

" i'm never sure , " she said , trying to play it off as a joke. " about anything. " tara could be indecisive. all her confidence was a lie , after all. it was a mask she fought to keep on at all time. some days , it was easier than other. today , today was a little different. she didn't need it in full force today , at least for the moment with beast boy. he knew just about everything that plagued her , for better or for worse. it was a weird sort of comfort. still , she remained uneasy. " just a lot to think about , " she mused. she eyed him as she was thanked for nothing. " no problem , " she replied with a held back smile. she took in a deep breath and folded her arms behind her head. she eyed beast boy for moment. " dare i say ... reminds me of skipping rocks outside titan tower. "

◟ ⋆ ❛ “  are  you  sure  ?  ”  he  questioned  ,  arching  a  brow  .  he  couldn't  help  but  be  concerned  ,  she  was  just  throwing  him  a  little  off  .  of  course  ,  he  wouldn't  call  her  out  on  that  ,  because  a  facial  expression  was  hardly  enough  proof  to  do  so  .  he  didn't  feel  anything  on  his  cheek  ,  and  he  definitely  didn't  see  anything  when  she  swiped  her  thumb  against  it  ,  either  .  the  touch  did  succeed  in  making  his  heart  race  ,  though  .  he  swallowed  thickly  ,  gaze  shifting  to  look  at  the  ground  for  a  moment  before  looking  back  towards  her  .  “  uh  ,  thanks  ,  ”  he  replied  awkwardly  ,  not  sure  what  else  to  say  .  she  had  a  unique  ability  for  making  him  feel  quite  flustered  at  the  most  inopportune  moments  possible  .

[hollowedmagic]

closed starter for @starsdrew ↝ starfire && beast boy.

❛ it's so beautiful out today, don't you think ? ❜ starfire sighs out, eyes slipping shut and taking a deep breath through her nose. ❛ you can really smell the flowers this time of the year. it's so lovely. ❜

[mazeheart]

𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 ; 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 beast boy @starsdrew

" we have to stop meeting like this , " tara said , trying and mildly failing to hide a growing smile.

[mazeheart]

@starsdrew 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒆 ( 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ) ⬎

[ blood ] + reverse beast boy & tara

tara wasn't sure she could handle seeing him right now ; but right as she was going to tell beast boy off , red caught her eye. " come here , " she pulled on his arm , pulling him closer to her so he wouldn't be the one to run away. " you're bleeding. " concern washed over her ; so much so , all other thoughts escaped her. " why ? are you okay ? did someone do this ?? "

[mazeheart]

" shocked you aren't thrilled to see me , " tara said in jest. no matter how much they seemed to avoid one another , their paths continued to cross. " i could be asking you the same question , bb. "

◟ ★ ⊰ closed starter. garfield logan for terra markov. @mazeheart

◟ ★ ⊰ a look of surprise crossed his features as he looked the other over, a bit uncertain of what to say. " terra, " he said, his shock evident. " what are you doing here ? "

[hollowedmagic]

❛  i don’t expect you to understand.  ❜ beast boy + starfire

@starsdrew ↝ unconventional ship dynamics ( accepting ! )

“ no, can't expect that, but you can at least talk about it so i can try to. ” she explains softly, arms crossing over her chest. “ it's hard when you're being so vague and almost secretive. i'm trying the best i can with what information i have. ”

[mazeheart]

" and you don't think that's what i'm trying to do ?! " the words busted out of her. tara exhaled , needing to calm down. " sorry i thought maybe mine had to ... " she huffed. she couldn't expect anyone else to forgive and forget ; so maybe she wanted to forget herself to give herself a clean slate. she couldn't help but notice a wandering eye as the two of them left. tara followed him but gave beast boy some distance. she watched him for a second , unsure how to proceed. maybe this was a mistake ; this whole encounter. she wondered if she should've ran away the minute she recognized him. how this would be simpler if they could both just forget ... if tara could have her second chance ... " i , " she broke the silence , her hand twitching mid - air ; then her hand dropped , forming a fist at her side. she wanted to call out his name. deciding against it , she too closed her eyes. " i guess i should leave you alone. " it was all she could offer. she couldn't stand the pain she was causing ; it felt like the betrayal all over again. " i can find a new pizza place anyways ... "

◟ ★ ⊰ " you can't change the past, " he told her, shaking his head. even if she forgot who she was, she'd eventually remember and have to relive it all over again. " you can only change the future and try to improve who you are as a person, " he said quietly. " fresh starts don't begin with lies. " surely, she had to be aware of that. she was already off to terrible start, and he'd only come across her mere moments ago. he needed to clear his head and focus on his breathing. he was a wreck at the moment, and composing himself was at the top of his list of priorities. he couldn't have some sort of public outburst. he was leaning against the wall of the establishment, head tilted back, eyes closed as he tried to even out his breathing. he hadn't expected to see tara, so he was seriously under prepared for the encounter. in that moment, all he wanted to do was go back home with the rest of the titans and forget about the town of mystic.

[mazeheart]

𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 ; 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 garfield ' beast boy ' logan @starsdrew

tara had just wandered in , craving some anchovies on pizza , when she nearly knocked into someone. about to apologize , she instead locked eyes with the other person. immediately , she froze. she wanted to avert her eyes , but she couldn't stop staring. even despite the circumstances , she recognized him. she could only hope it was reciprocated. " hey ... " she breathed out. she tried to calm herself. " sorry , dude ... "

[hollowedmagic]

starfire's face drops, the words ringing in her ears. that hurt. it shouldn't hurt so much coming from garfield -- she barely knew him, but it did. he can't talk to her about it. it seems he doesn't want to talk to her about it. not only did it hurt, but it pissed her off. her fists clench at her sides, eyes shimmering a glowing green just for a split moment. “ you can't even try ? you tell me i won't understand without any sort of context and expect me to just... forget it ? ”

◟ ⋆ ❛ closed starter   ; gar logan for starfire. continued from here. @hollowedmagic

◟ ⋆ ❛ how  could  one  look  at  a  friend  who  lost  their  memories  and  be  normal  ?  he  couldn't  talk  to  her  the  same  way  he  used  to  ,  because  she  just  wouldn't  understand  .  “  i'm  sorry  ,  star  ,  ”  he  said  ,  shaking  his  head  .  “  i  just  .  .  .  i  really  don't  know  what  to  say  here  .  i  can't  talk  to  you  about  this  kind  of  thing  .  ”  not  when  she  wouldn't  remember  .  he  didn't  want  to  disrupt  her  life  .

[mazeheart]

tara shook her head as beast boy stated no one was going to kill her. it wasn't clear to her if he meant them as some sort of reassurance or comfort ; they provided neither. " shame , " she muttered , just barely under her breath. even if they weren't busy planning her demise , she wasn't sure she wanted to see any of the other titans. perhaps she didn't want to find out where they stood in regards to her. still , she trusted his word. ( after all ... surely the titans discussed her after her downfall. or did they ? maybe she wasn't worth the time. ) thus , she'd live yet another pitiful day or month or year or however long they were in mystic. she had to fight the urge to look back at beast boy as he seemed to agree with her. however , the real shock was the apology. " excuse me ? " her tone genuinely confused as she finally turned to him. her eyes , still softly red and swollen from tears , scanned his features , as if looking for an answer. not finding one , she took the smallest step toward the other. why was he sorry ? he had every reason to be a jerk to her. her hand raised , but it flinched ; unsure what to do before it fell. " no ... i deserved it ... " she mumbled. she covered her eyes and took a deep breath. " i deserved it , " she repeated , louder this time. her arms fell to her side , but she avoided his gaze once more. " i'm the one who should be sorry , anyways. what i did was far worse. "

◟ ★ ⊰ she betrayed him and his closest friends, he knew that they were all impacted in various ways, and they all were still hurting. it wasn't like the titans would let just anyone join them, she was special, she was supposed to be one of them, but she was against them. he still had trouble processing that, because it was just such a harsh blow for him to swallow. " you did, " he agreed. the male was a bit taken aback by her words, head shaking slightly. " i don't think they're going to kill you, " he told her. there were many reasons he was under that impression. no titan would want to draw attention to themselves here, he knew they'd stand out right away if they didn't continue to try to blend into society as seamlessly as possible. plus, nobody knew what was going on in mystic, and he didn't think they'd be foolish enough to take any risks. the risks were not worth revenge, and he believed everyone else would see things the same way. he didn't really know what to say to her, because he was just overwhelmed with emotions. he never thought he'd see her again, but this place brought them right back together, and it was a lot to take in. there were many things he wanted to say, but he couldn't remember any of those things once he first laid eyes on her. he listened to what she had to say, and he knew she was right. he didn't know what she'd been doing, because he'd only just arrived recently and had nothing to go off of other than his own memories. " you're right, i don't know what you've been doing, " he agreed, nodding. " i'm sorry i was a jerk. "

[mazeheart]

tara didn't know how to gauge his reaction to what she blurted out. his silence ; was it a good sign or a bad sign ? she wasn't sure. while she didn't mean to say it in the moment , the words were true for once. " i betrayed more than just you , " she added. " i know. " she hurt more than just beast boy. she betrayed all the titans , then betrayed slade in the end. there wasn't a single person she stayed loyal to , was there ?? not even herself. wasn't that pathetic in a way ?? no one could hate her as much as herself. with her back turned to him , she fidgeted as she listened to him continue. still , her face felt wet , as if the tears wouldn't stop flowing no matter how much she wiped them away. at the mention of raven , she exhaled a pained laugh. she assumed all the titans hated her , but raven especially. " yeah , let them finish me off when they see me , " she let out. " i won't stop them. " she'd take whatever beating , emotional or physical. maybe she'd instinctually fight back , but she deserved what she had coming to her. she shook her head as she was told to live a good and honest life. wasn't that was she was trying to do ? maybe she wasn't the most truthful , but she was trying to live her best life all things considered. she was trying to get by without hurting anyone anymore. that's why she kept people at a distance ; to keep both parties safe from the potential pain. " i'm trying here , beast boy , " her voice pleaded. " i've been trying , and clearly that's not enough for you. you don't even know what i've been doing here. " she wasn't fighting crime , but she was staying out of too much trouble. " i can't change that i'm a screw - up , but i'm at least keeping people out of my radius ... i'm trying not to hurt anyone anymore , okay ??? it's the only way. "

◟ ★ ⊰ he was a bit taken aback by those words, and found himself stunned into a shocked silence. of all the answers she could've given him, he hadn't been anticipating that. he didn't know what to make of it at all, and that terrified him just a little bit, but he'd never admit it. " you did betray me, " he agreed. however, he didn't know if it was before or after they became friends. he knew he couldn't carry that resentment forever, because that just wasn't the type of person he wanted to be. he couldn't walk through life angry and hateful for all time, and he could acknowledge that. at one point or another, he'd have to let go of the past. he just still found himself struggling to process the grief and denial he'd experienced upon her betrayal. it just didn't make any sense to him that she was capable of doing that. he thought he knew her better, he thought that she liked him. maybe she truly did, but it didn't change her actions either. still, he also couldn't eternally pretend as though he didn't still have feelings for her. it was a confusing process for him. " i can't pretend to know what it was like to be in your position, " he told her, not agreeing nor disagreeing with her actions. " all i know, is that what you did hurt all of us. you don't have to worry about me wanting revenge. i can't speak for raven or anyone else, " he told her, shaking his head. there was no telling what the other titans would do if they ran into her, and he wouldn't make false promises about agreeing to talk to them. she made her own choices, even if she'd been brainwashed. he couldn't tell other people how to feel or react. " you can't change the past, or the fact that you're back, terra. all you can do is try to live a good and honest life here, " he told her. " i'm not going to put you out of your misery. you're going to be just fine. " at least, as fine as a person with her experiences could be. " it's only a temporary solution. you would've had to deal with things eventually. whether you want to admit it or not. "

[mazeheart]

tara did not want to show how much his words stung. did he mourn her death ?? ; but now he regretted even that ?? she blinked back tears. " maybe , " her voice almost cracking. she guessed her betrayal erased anything good between them ; any hopes otherwise crushed. she swallowed back her pride. " i don't want to be that person anymore ... the person who did things she regrets , " she hinted. " a person like that needs a fresh start. " this wasn't jump city. up until now , she thought she escaped her past ; now , it was catching up to her. terra turned out to be a bad person ... but who was she now ? was she really different ? was she better now ? she certainly had much less regrets , but maybe that was due to keeping everyone at an arms length now. she watched as he stepped out. she didn't move , at first. instead , she looked around , eyeing if any other patrons even paid them any attention. after a moment , she exhaled and turned to follow him. tara didn't want this to be over , if she could help it.

◟ ★ ⊰ " observation, " he replied dryly. he eavesdropped, lurked around corners and just listened to what people had to say. " it doesn't matter anyways. i shouldn't have done it, " he said, shaking his head. he just couldn't accept it at first. so, he went and tried to process things on his own. then, one day, she was gone from there. he still wasn't convinced that the girl who he'd met wasn't her, but he didn't have proof. he wasn't going to mention that. " how is it better? " he just didn't understand. he tried to, but he couldn't. even if he was actively miserable in that moment, he wouldn't want to be anyone other than himself. he was still feeling emotional, his desire for pizza flying out of the window. he couldn't think about eating now, not after seeing her. everything was overwhelming to him, and he couldn't even begin to process it. " i need some air, " he said, shaking his head as he headed towards the door of the pizza shop, afraid he'd end up doing something stupid if he stayed in there.

[mazeheart]

" and how do you know how this place works ? " tara retorted. she'd been here two whole years , and not even she grasped the whole extent of this place. then again , maybe she took it at face value. she wasn't sure what beast boy meant when he said he visited her. she wasn't sure how there was anything to visit after her destruction. " i don't know , " she simply replied , unsure how else to respond. maybe it was to spit on her grave , or cause he had some ounce of pity for her. she was pathetic , after all. she didn't deserve his pity , never mind forgiveness. " maybe that's true , " she tried not to agree fully. ignorance is bliss , after all. " but maybe it's better than the alternative. " she didn't suggest what the alternative was. she couldn't admit to it ; but he was right. maybe she was in denial , lying to even herself ... but it was the only way she could let herself have an ounce of joy in this new world. it was the only way for her to have her new start. if she couldn't actually forget , she could at least pretend to. " i wish it wasn't a lie. "

◟ ★ ⊰ her words made him tense up even more, he didn't want to have this conversation before. he didn't even want to listen to tara. he exhaled slowly, refusing to turn around and face her again. he couldn't look at her, not right now. his emotions were unstable, and he hadn't felt this way in years. he was usually pretty relaxed, but something about her pulled out the darker emotions every person had that beast boy preferred to repress. he was surprised to hear her admit to her lies so easily, but he still didn't turn around. " well, that's just not the way this place works. " he didn't want to be in mystic, either. he didn't want to be away from home. " i visited you, you know, " he said. he didn't ever want to admit it, but the words slipped out when she mentioned she should've been dead. he didn't want to see her dead. " you're not living in a fantasy ... you're living a lie while you sit there in denial. "

[mazeheart]

tara let out a dramatic gasp , feigning offense. " i'm hysterical , and you know it , " she insisted. she may have deep seeded self - confidence issues , but if there was one thing she had pride in : it was her sense of humor. she tried to make light of most of her life when she could. it was easier that way. " oh , but it's so fitting , " she teased as a smirk painted her features. she knew he hated the name , but she couldn't help herself in the moment. " you love a good vegetarian lasagna , don't cha ?? " at the idea of being a geologist , tara made a face of near disgust. " just cause i control rocks doesn't mean i know anything about them , " she countered. " it's like me saying you should be a vet ... or zookeeper. " as for being a professional skateboarder , she hummed to herself in thought. she was a casual rider , but she could be quite fearless on her board. " drop me in a half - pipe , and we'll see. "

◟ ⋆ ❛ “  i  agreed  you  were  full  of  jokes  ,  but  i  never  agreed  that  the  jokes  were  good  ,  ”  logan  pointed  out  .  he  was  teasing  ,  of  course  ,  and  it  just  felt  so  natural  to  be  doing  it  for  a  change  .  he  could  only  assume  that  was  a  good  sign  .  maybe  they  were  growing  past  all  of  the  tension  and  turning  into  something  positive  again  .  nose  scrunched  at  her  words  ,  fixing  her  with  a  disapproving  look  .  “  come  on  ,  dude  ,  don't  call  me  that  ,  ”  he  protested  .  he  couldn't  believe  he'd  been  stuck  with  a  name  like  that  to  begin  with  .  he  shook  his  head  at  her  words  ,  lips  pursing  slightly  .  “  you  could  probably  be  a  geologist  or  do  some  professional  skateboarding  .  who  knows  ?  ”

[mazeheart]

terra hated when she lost control of her powers. it was the whole reason she trained under slade in the first place. however , in moments like this , it felt like the only release. the surging feeling , building loudly within. it had to come out one way or another. she had chosen to direct it , along with her frustration , at punching the ground. it'd be a lie to say she didn't feel better now. " why are you so confident ? " she asked pointedly. " how are you not scared of him ? " she was terrified of him ; how come beast boy wasn't ? what was she missing ? she shook her head. a pained smile pulled at her lips. " you're a terrible liar. " she knew how she looked. she examined her state. she ached. she was tired ; exhausted even. flexing her bloody fist , she let out a heavy sigh. she wondered if this feeling would ever go away. it was the anticipation that killed her the most ; the agony of the potential. " i'm going through what the rest of you are going through. i'm just handling it worse , " she shrugged. in one way , she knew she wasn't alone with the titans here. in another , they had every reason to abandon her again. she proved her worth with her betrayal. she wasn't even looking for pity. she didn't deserve it.

◟ ⋆ ❛ he  watched  in  a  mixture  of  confusion  and  horror  as  she  fell  to  the  ground  ,  losing  control  of  her  powers  .  that  was  not  a  good  sign  .  they  didn't  need  to  draw  attention  to  themselves  in  a  place  like  this  ,  to  disrupt  the  flow  of  normalcy  most  of  these  people  were  likely  accustomed  to  .  he  looked  around  in  a  panic  ,  relieved  to  see  that  nobody  had  been  out  and  about  to  see  the  scene  .  he  wasn't  sure  what  he'd  do  if  someone  did  .  “  terra  ,  ”  he  spoke  quietly  ,  hoping  she'd  be  able  to  pull  herself  together  if  she  didn't  want  to  be  touched  .  “  i  can  keep  this  one  ,  ”  he  insisted  .  he  wasn't  careless  anymore  ,  he  was  someone  who  wouldn't  let  a  guy  like  slade  walk  all  over  him  or  his  friends  .  if  he  had  to  take  matters  into  his  own  hands  ,  then  he  would  .  slade  wouldn't  get  to  her  ,  or  any  of  the  titans  .  he  moved  to  crouch  down  ,  shaking  his  head  in  response  .  “  you  don't  look  pathetic  ,  ”  he  assured  her  .  “  you're  just  going  through  a  lot  .  ”