#starsdrew. beast boy

[mazeheart]

@starsdrew 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒆 ( 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ) ⬎

[ breaths ] beast boy + terra

" i'm fine , " she lied. tara could barely make out whatever words gar was saying to her ; something triggered her and caused her to be brought back to her time with slade. " just ... " she tried to breathe and failed. " just give me a second. "

[mazeheart]

she was caught. terra blinked as beast boy looked back at her. they both seemed to turn away at the same time ; only she kept her gaze averted. " i'm fine , " she lied. her heart racing ; not in a scared sort of way , but the way after a thrill. she wanted to hit herself for allowing herself to be caught. she lingered , lost in her thoughts of him. she missed moments like this ; quiet moments , in each other's company. she glanced at him. " you have something on your cheek , " she lied again , this time her hand reaching to brush away something imaginary. her thumb swept his cheek before her arm fell. " got it. anyways ... "

◟ ⋆ ❛ answered meme   ; @mazeheart sent ; [ longing. ] for gar & terra . ( still accepting )

◟ ⋆ ❛ he  happened  to  look  over  at  her  in  a  fleeting  moment  ,  and  it  didn't  take  him  any  time  to  notice  that  she  was  looking  at  him  in  a  way  that  he  hadn't  noticed  her  looking  at  him  before  .  there  was  a  look  in  her  eyes  he  couldn't  explain  ,  but  it  made  him  feel  a  certain  way  .  gar  swallowed  nervously  ,  averting  his  gaze  for  a  moment  to  regain  composure  before  looking  back  at  her  again  .  “  everything  okay  ?  ”  he  asked  ,  canting  his  head  .

[mazeheart]

@starsdrew 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒆 ( 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ) ⬎

[ blood ] + reverse beast boy & tara

tara wasn't sure she could handle seeing him right now ; but right as she was going to tell beast boy off , red caught her eye. " come here , " she pulled on his arm , pulling him closer to her so he wouldn't be the one to run away. " you're bleeding. " concern washed over her ; so much so , all other thoughts escaped her. " why ? are you okay ? did someone do this ?? "

[mazeheart]

𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 ; 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 beast boy @starsdrew

" we have to stop meeting like this , " tara said , trying and mildly failing to hide a growing smile.

[mazeheart]

" shocked you aren't thrilled to see me , " tara said in jest. no matter how much they seemed to avoid one another , their paths continued to cross. " i could be asking you the same question , bb. "

◟ ★ ⊰ closed starter. garfield logan for terra markov. @mazeheart

◟ ★ ⊰ a look of surprise crossed his features as he looked the other over, a bit uncertain of what to say. " terra, " he said, his shock evident. " what are you doing here ? "

[mazeheart]

𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 ; 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 garfield ' beast boy ' logan @starsdrew

tara had just wandered in , craving some anchovies on pizza , when she nearly knocked into someone. about to apologize , she instead locked eyes with the other person. immediately , she froze. she wanted to avert her eyes , but she couldn't stop staring. even despite the circumstances , she recognized him. she could only hope it was reciprocated. " hey ... " she breathed out. she tried to calm herself. " sorry , dude ... "

[mazeheart]

" and you don't think that's what i'm trying to do ?! " the words busted out of her. tara exhaled , needing to calm down. " sorry i thought maybe mine had to ... " she huffed. she couldn't expect anyone else to forgive and forget ; so maybe she wanted to forget herself to give herself a clean slate. she couldn't help but notice a wandering eye as the two of them left. tara followed him but gave beast boy some distance. she watched him for a second , unsure how to proceed. maybe this was a mistake ; this whole encounter. she wondered if she should've ran away the minute she recognized him. how this would be simpler if they could both just forget ... if tara could have her second chance ... " i , " she broke the silence , her hand twitching mid - air ; then her hand dropped , forming a fist at her side. she wanted to call out his name. deciding against it , she too closed her eyes. " i guess i should leave you alone. " it was all she could offer. she couldn't stand the pain she was causing ; it felt like the betrayal all over again. " i can find a new pizza place anyways ... "

◟ ★ ⊰ " you can't change the past, " he told her, shaking his head. even if she forgot who she was, she'd eventually remember and have to relive it all over again. " you can only change the future and try to improve who you are as a person, " he said quietly. " fresh starts don't begin with lies. " surely, she had to be aware of that. she was already off to terrible start, and he'd only come across her mere moments ago. he needed to clear his head and focus on his breathing. he was a wreck at the moment, and composing himself was at the top of his list of priorities. he couldn't have some sort of public outburst. he was leaning against the wall of the establishment, head tilted back, eyes closed as he tried to even out his breathing. he hadn't expected to see tara, so he was seriously under prepared for the encounter. in that moment, all he wanted to do was go back home with the rest of the titans and forget about the town of mystic.

[mazeheart]

tara shook her head as beast boy stated no one was going to kill her. it wasn't clear to her if he meant them as some sort of reassurance or comfort ; they provided neither. " shame , " she muttered , just barely under her breath. even if they weren't busy planning her demise , she wasn't sure she wanted to see any of the other titans. perhaps she didn't want to find out where they stood in regards to her. still , she trusted his word. ( after all ... surely the titans discussed her after her downfall. or did they ? maybe she wasn't worth the time. ) thus , she'd live yet another pitiful day or month or year or however long they were in mystic. she had to fight the urge to look back at beast boy as he seemed to agree with her. however , the real shock was the apology. " excuse me ? " her tone genuinely confused as she finally turned to him. her eyes , still softly red and swollen from tears , scanned his features , as if looking for an answer. not finding one , she took the smallest step toward the other. why was he sorry ? he had every reason to be a jerk to her. her hand raised , but it flinched ; unsure what to do before it fell. " no ... i deserved it ... " she mumbled. she covered her eyes and took a deep breath. " i deserved it , " she repeated , louder this time. her arms fell to her side , but she avoided his gaze once more. " i'm the one who should be sorry , anyways. what i did was far worse. "

◟ ★ ⊰ she betrayed him and his closest friends, he knew that they were all impacted in various ways, and they all were still hurting. it wasn't like the titans would let just anyone join them, she was special, she was supposed to be one of them, but she was against them. he still had trouble processing that, because it was just such a harsh blow for him to swallow. " you did, " he agreed. the male was a bit taken aback by her words, head shaking slightly. " i don't think they're going to kill you, " he told her. there were many reasons he was under that impression. no titan would want to draw attention to themselves here, he knew they'd stand out right away if they didn't continue to try to blend into society as seamlessly as possible. plus, nobody knew what was going on in mystic, and he didn't think they'd be foolish enough to take any risks. the risks were not worth revenge, and he believed everyone else would see things the same way. he didn't really know what to say to her, because he was just overwhelmed with emotions. he never thought he'd see her again, but this place brought them right back together, and it was a lot to take in. there were many things he wanted to say, but he couldn't remember any of those things once he first laid eyes on her. he listened to what she had to say, and he knew she was right. he didn't know what she'd been doing, because he'd only just arrived recently and had nothing to go off of other than his own memories. " you're right, i don't know what you've been doing, " he agreed, nodding. " i'm sorry i was a jerk. "

[mazeheart]

tara didn't know how to gauge his reaction to what she blurted out. his silence ; was it a good sign or a bad sign ? she wasn't sure. while she didn't mean to say it in the moment , the words were true for once. " i betrayed more than just you , " she added. " i know. " she hurt more than just beast boy. she betrayed all the titans , then betrayed slade in the end. there wasn't a single person she stayed loyal to , was there ?? not even herself. wasn't that pathetic in a way ?? no one could hate her as much as herself. with her back turned to him , she fidgeted as she listened to him continue. still , her face felt wet , as if the tears wouldn't stop flowing no matter how much she wiped them away. at the mention of raven , she exhaled a pained laugh. she assumed all the titans hated her , but raven especially. " yeah , let them finish me off when they see me , " she let out. " i won't stop them. " she'd take whatever beating , emotional or physical. maybe she'd instinctually fight back , but she deserved what she had coming to her. she shook her head as she was told to live a good and honest life. wasn't that was she was trying to do ? maybe she wasn't the most truthful , but she was trying to live her best life all things considered. she was trying to get by without hurting anyone anymore. that's why she kept people at a distance ; to keep both parties safe from the potential pain. " i'm trying here , beast boy , " her voice pleaded. " i've been trying , and clearly that's not enough for you. you don't even know what i've been doing here. " she wasn't fighting crime , but she was staying out of too much trouble. " i can't change that i'm a screw - up , but i'm at least keeping people out of my radius ... i'm trying not to hurt anyone anymore , okay ??? it's the only way. "

◟ ★ ⊰ he was a bit taken aback by those words, and found himself stunned into a shocked silence. of all the answers she could've given him, he hadn't been anticipating that. he didn't know what to make of it at all, and that terrified him just a little bit, but he'd never admit it. " you did betray me, " he agreed. however, he didn't know if it was before or after they became friends. he knew he couldn't carry that resentment forever, because that just wasn't the type of person he wanted to be. he couldn't walk through life angry and hateful for all time, and he could acknowledge that. at one point or another, he'd have to let go of the past. he just still found himself struggling to process the grief and denial he'd experienced upon her betrayal. it just didn't make any sense to him that she was capable of doing that. he thought he knew her better, he thought that she liked him. maybe she truly did, but it didn't change her actions either. still, he also couldn't eternally pretend as though he didn't still have feelings for her. it was a confusing process for him. " i can't pretend to know what it was like to be in your position, " he told her, not agreeing nor disagreeing with her actions. " all i know, is that what you did hurt all of us. you don't have to worry about me wanting revenge. i can't speak for raven or anyone else, " he told her, shaking his head. there was no telling what the other titans would do if they ran into her, and he wouldn't make false promises about agreeing to talk to them. she made her own choices, even if she'd been brainwashed. he couldn't tell other people how to feel or react. " you can't change the past, or the fact that you're back, terra. all you can do is try to live a good and honest life here, " he told her. " i'm not going to put you out of your misery. you're going to be just fine. " at least, as fine as a person with her experiences could be. " it's only a temporary solution. you would've had to deal with things eventually. whether you want to admit it or not. "

[mazeheart]

tara did not want to show how much his words stung. did he mourn her death ?? ; but now he regretted even that ?? she blinked back tears. " maybe , " her voice almost cracking. she guessed her betrayal erased anything good between them ; any hopes otherwise crushed. she swallowed back her pride. " i don't want to be that person anymore ... the person who did things she regrets , " she hinted. " a person like that needs a fresh start. " this wasn't jump city. up until now , she thought she escaped her past ; now , it was catching up to her. terra turned out to be a bad person ... but who was she now ? was she really different ? was she better now ? she certainly had much less regrets , but maybe that was due to keeping everyone at an arms length now. she watched as he stepped out. she didn't move , at first. instead , she looked around , eyeing if any other patrons even paid them any attention. after a moment , she exhaled and turned to follow him. tara didn't want this to be over , if she could help it.

◟ ★ ⊰ " observation, " he replied dryly. he eavesdropped, lurked around corners and just listened to what people had to say. " it doesn't matter anyways. i shouldn't have done it, " he said, shaking his head. he just couldn't accept it at first. so, he went and tried to process things on his own. then, one day, she was gone from there. he still wasn't convinced that the girl who he'd met wasn't her, but he didn't have proof. he wasn't going to mention that. " how is it better? " he just didn't understand. he tried to, but he couldn't. even if he was actively miserable in that moment, he wouldn't want to be anyone other than himself. he was still feeling emotional, his desire for pizza flying out of the window. he couldn't think about eating now, not after seeing her. everything was overwhelming to him, and he couldn't even begin to process it. " i need some air, " he said, shaking his head as he headed towards the door of the pizza shop, afraid he'd end up doing something stupid if he stayed in there.

[mazeheart]

" and how do you know how this place works ? " tara retorted. she'd been here two whole years , and not even she grasped the whole extent of this place. then again , maybe she took it at face value. she wasn't sure what beast boy meant when he said he visited her. she wasn't sure how there was anything to visit after her destruction. " i don't know , " she simply replied , unsure how else to respond. maybe it was to spit on her grave , or cause he had some ounce of pity for her. she was pathetic , after all. she didn't deserve his pity , never mind forgiveness. " maybe that's true , " she tried not to agree fully. ignorance is bliss , after all. " but maybe it's better than the alternative. " she didn't suggest what the alternative was. she couldn't admit to it ; but he was right. maybe she was in denial , lying to even herself ... but it was the only way she could let herself have an ounce of joy in this new world. it was the only way for her to have her new start. if she couldn't actually forget , she could at least pretend to. " i wish it wasn't a lie. "

◟ ★ ⊰ her words made him tense up even more, he didn't want to have this conversation before. he didn't even want to listen to tara. he exhaled slowly, refusing to turn around and face her again. he couldn't look at her, not right now. his emotions were unstable, and he hadn't felt this way in years. he was usually pretty relaxed, but something about her pulled out the darker emotions every person had that beast boy preferred to repress. he was surprised to hear her admit to her lies so easily, but he still didn't turn around. " well, that's just not the way this place works. " he didn't want to be in mystic, either. he didn't want to be away from home. " i visited you, you know, " he said. he didn't ever want to admit it, but the words slipped out when she mentioned she should've been dead. he didn't want to see her dead. " you're not living in a fantasy ... you're living a lie while you sit there in denial. "

[mazeheart]

" strangers seems simpler than whatever we are , " tara said in a volume barely audible. she continued to rub at her face , until it was fully dry. she allowed a single sniffle before she composed herself. she was still on edge , but much better than moments before. " i thought i was here for a new start , not to relive the past , " she admitted. the charade was up , yet she remained cryptic ; like she couldn't admit to everything just yet. she wasn't ready. he could come in , guns or powers blazing , and she'd still be stubborn to an extent. she needed time. " i should be dead , if i'm being honest. not sure you'd agree , but ... instead i'm here ; so maybe you can see why i think this is all a little fucked up , " she exhaled. " and maybe i'm living in my own little fantasy , but it's what's keeping me sane. " her appetite , for once , was gone. she debated if leaving would make her the bigger person , or just the coward she always was. however , she knew better than to beg for a new beginning with beast boy ; something that was apparent he wasn't willing to give.

◟ ★ ⊰ he needed to take his attention off of her, because he could feel his own hands beginning to shake. the urge to shift and run off to decompress strong. he couldn't do that in a pizza shop without attention turning to him, though. he didn't need that. at least turned away he could focus on his breathing and center himself. he didn't want to cause a scene. he was trying to steady his breathing and his own heart rate, needing to center himself as best as possible. he clenched his jaw, hands balling into fists before relaxing back by his sides. she was cutting into him, and he was certain she had to know that by now. " is that what you want, tara ? " he questioned. " you want to be strangers? " he wasn't sure if he could fully deliver, but he'd be damned if he sat around and let her mock him. " i assure you, it's reality. "

[mazeheart]

" it's means i was more worried about you ! " the words busted out. tara covered her mouth , holding herself back. it should have been obvious , but both their perspectives were blurred. she let her hand drop after a moment , now pulling at her clothes. " i fear i betrayed you before i knew we were friends , " she half - admitted. when she first met the titans , she trusted beast boy and only beast boy with her secret regarding lack of control ; then she thought he betrayed her trust by telling the rest of the team. by the time she realized her secret was merely discovered , she'd already made the deal with slade. it was too late to turn back. what she thought was one betrayal for another ... turned out to be a one - sided fight. " yeah , well , i was blinded ... " she crossed her arms across her chest , trying to maintain her composure. " slade got me a very low point , okay ... he was very persuasive ... " she mumbled as her posture fell slightly. " yes , beast boy , " she finally called him by his code name. " i did think how it would make you all feel ; and at that point , my head was so clouded by hate by a certain someone that i wanted you all to hurt , okay ? " she couldn't speak his name. not aloud. " but in the end , the only person i killed was myself and him , okay ??? and clearly that didn't work ... cause i'm here , so what does that mean , huh ??? that even my lame ass excuse of a sacrifice was for nothing ??? put me out of my misery , beast boy , because i fucking couldn't. " she spat out the words as tears stung her eyes. she rubbed at her face as she turned away from him. " someone doesn't easily move forward from that. " who was he to even talk ? he didn't know what deeds she'd done here. sure , she'd been a bit mischievous in her time in mystic ; but she wasn't some evil villian anymore. she had to force herself to think beast boy didn't know who he was talking about anymore. tears flowed down her cheeks now , but she tried to keep them hidden from him. " bottling them up worked just fine before you got here. "

◟ ★ ⊰ " what's that supposed to mean? " he asked, slightly offended. of course they could hold their own, but he knew that the titans were better with him. they worked well as a team, despite occasional differences. he cared about the team, and he would always be willing to fight beside them, no matter what. since joining, his loyalty had been to the titans, and he wouldn't change that. he didn't understand how tara could swear loyalty to the likes of slade. " you had friends until you betrayed them, " beast boy countered. " we all cared. that just wasn't good enough for you. " he scoffed at her words, shaking his head. " you're right, that doesn't excuse anything. any one of them could've been killed. did you ever stop to think about how that'd make me or the rest of them feel ? did it ever matter to you ? " for a moment, he found himself wishing he could forget everything he knew. he pictured it'd be a much easier life to live not knowing who he was. he then thought that perhaps it was selfish to feel that way. he could still do good things for people while knowing who he was, and it put an end to those thoughts. " you can't change your past, tara. you can only move forward, " he told her. " you can try and do good deeds and go from there. " he didn't want to fight, yet, here he was. he completely forgot about the injury that was still left untreated. " i don't know what those things feel like, and i'm sorry you experienced them, i don't think anyone deserves to feel that way or go through all of that. " except maybe slade. beast boy wished he could get his hands on that guy. " you can't avoid it forever. bottling it up will only make things worse. "

[mazeheart]

beast boy was probably the only person who could read what was happening to her. the tingling remained , but lessened as he backed off. as he turned his back to her , she allowed her facade to drop. staring at his back , she felt tears welling in her eyes. she unclenched her fists and wiped at her face ; desperately hoping he wouldn't turn around as she let herself silently cry. " i don't blame you , " she replied , voice steady as it could be. she debated if the charade was up yet ; he clearly wasn't buying it. she just didn't know what was worse : having to confront what she did outright or continue hurting him with more lies. " my word means nothing to you , " she stated the obvious. " as a stranger or as a liar or whatever you see me as ... " she swallowed hard. " but i shouldn't even be here ; i'll agree with that. " she should be dead in a volcano , far from here. " i just think this is some warped sense of reality or purgatory. " or hell , where she most deserve to be.

◟ ★ ⊰ he knew what was happening, and knew he needed to back off. the cardinal rule of these gifts was to not expose them unless absolutely necessary. a broken heart did not justify putting the both of them at risk of becoming spectacles. there'd be questions and the chance of people trying to poke and prod at them. he was not so keen on becoming some sort of weird government experiment. she was losing control, he knew it. and if she lost control, he was bound to lose it, too. " i know, " he replied dryly. he didn't need her to state the obvious. he was capable of knowing the difference between certain things. " i don't believe liars, " beast boy told her, shaking his head before turning his back to her, needing to catch his breath and get himself under control.

[mazeheart]

" well , i thought they could handle themselves , " tara answered , annoyed. not that she didn't think beast boy couldn't handle slade's scheme , but she didn't want to risk it. she only mentioned it to prove she was concerned for him. the rest of the titans was a different question all together. she did worry for them , but what she felt for beast boy was different ; she wanted to protect him more than the rest. that's why his words that night caused her to completely abandon any hope she could remain a titan. " you said so yourself ... i don't have any friends , " she reminded , fighting back any emotions from showing in her voice. she keenly avoided his question directly. " and they turned out fine. not that excuses it but ... but everyone turned out fine in the end. " everyone but her. she made sure she went down with slade. it wasn't that she deserved to be the hero ; rather she deserved to go down with the villian. " i don't , " she simply replied. " a false hope , maybe. " she fidgeted. " i told you ... a fresh start ... i don't wanna be who i was. wish i could forget. yadda yadda. " she wanted a second chance , with beast boy especially. he was the closest thing she had to a best friend ... " more or less like a volcano collapsing around you , " she mumbled. it took all her power and control to do that final act ; even remembering stung. " or maybe thinking your only friend revealed your secret. or being told by your closest friend that you don't have friends after all. or , i don't know , literally not having control of your own body. " though she deserve it all , but she had to argue back. " cause it hurts. a lot. all of it ; but it's the price i had to pay. it's what i'm trying to avoid feeling here, okay ?! " feeling herself getting pent up , she exhaled. she was just trying to help , and now they were having another useless fight.

◟ ★ ⊰ he wasn't too certain if he believed her, and even if she had been telling the truth, it didn't make things okay. he had his team to worry about. " that doesn't matter. the titans are my friends, " he countered. " do you honestly believe i'd have ever forgiven you if something happened to one of them? " he asked, arching a brow. he cared about the titans, they were important to him, and she had to have known that. just because it would've been easier, didn't mean he actually wanted it to happen that way. if she genuinely didn't know who she was, it'd be a different story. he couldn't hold past actions against someone who couldn't recall them. " what makes you think it's even possible for me to trust you again? " he questioned. what she had done wasn't something he could easily get over. " why are you so concerned with trying to change things now? " he didn't understand. he had so many questions, and wasn't getting the answers he really wanted. he shook his head, taking a small step away from her. " you betrayed me, and my friends. and then you lied to me. do you have any idea how much that hurts? "

[mazeheart]

her knees buckled. terra fell to the ground suddenly , causing a tremor in her wake. her eyes glowed a yellow hue. frustrated , she started hitting the ground. her powers caused the earth to break beneath her fist. she heard his words , but they weren't sticking. she refused to believe him ; the fear paralyzing. her pounding stopped , only a sizably hole of cracked earth left beneath her folded knees. she looked up at gar , tears now streaming as the glow dimmed. " don't make promises you can't keep , beast boy. " she flexed her hands. looking down , even with her powers , she managed to make her knuckles bleed. the sting grounded her , bringing her back to reality slowly. she blinked. she wiped her cheek with her palm , smearing dirt in its path. " i look so pathetic , don't i ? " she mused. she let out a pained laughed. she continued to rub her face , replacing damp tears with dirty streaks. she didn't care. this is how slade left her. what's the difference ??

◟ ⋆ ❛ beast  boy  wasn't  sure  what  to  say  to  her  ,  he  felt  terrible  ,  seeing  her  like  this  .  he  wasn't  sure  if  there  was  anything  he  could  do  at  all  .  the  one  thing  that  he  did  know  ,  was  that  he  was  determined  to  protect  her  .  if  that  guy  ever  dared  to  show  his  face  around  mystic  ,  beast  boy  wouldn't  hold  back  .  he'd  handle  him  himself  if  he  had  to  .  he  wasn't  going  to  let  slade  ruin  her  life  all  over  again  .  he  could  understand  her  fears  ,  because  there  truly  wasn't  any  guarantee  that  slade  wouldn't  return  ,  but  gar  was  confident  in  his  ability  to  keep  her  safe  .  he'd  never  let  him  destroy  her  or  break  her  down  again  .  he  could  keep  her  safe  .  he  shook  his  head  at  her  words  .  “  i  won't  let  him  get  near  you  ,  terra  ,  ”  he  told  her  .  “  he's  not  going  to  hurt  you  .  ”