#stardew valley got a new update and it's taken over my entire life

[poorly-drawn-scumvillain]

Everything is finnnnnneeeee

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[dandelliongirl]

Self care

day

And by self care I mean being super efficient and productive.

I’ve been feeling really depressed lately. I’m still not sleeping at night, money issues bother me a lot and I’ve been in a lot of fights with friends and boyfriend. I’m hungry and tired and irritable and self-loathing all the time. Also, having the bunny staying at my place means that I’m giving up my freedom to come and go as I please and spend time traveling and such. I’ve been so down that I’ve questioned my entire life, hated myself loads and haven’t been able to do the tiniest tasks such as unloading the damn dishwasher. So today I got up early, did my quota of thesis stuff, did some work from home, did today’s and half of tomorrow’s JLPT quota, cleaned up my house, did a workout, washed my hair and now I’m catching up with the blog. I feel a lot better having accomplished something for the first time in a while. I mean all my relationship and monetary trouble are still there but at least my head is a lot clearer.

I spent a fun weekend at our summer house with mum and dad. Dad just moved his stuff over to a new town a lot further away than previously to start his new job tomorrow, so we celebrated his birthday and the end of summer vacation by eating delicious food and spending time together. The summer house really and truly is the only place where I don’t need to keep accomplishing stuff to keep my mental clarity. In there my chores include playing ACNL and HHD, reading books, enjoying the nature and watching YouTube videos. Lately I’ve been super into Stardew Valley let’s plays and my boyfriend was sweet enough despite all our fighting to buy the game for me. I started life on my own Ruusula farm, named after my little sleeping cottage at our summer house. The sleeping cottage is in turn named after my stuffed rabbit that dad brought me from Norway when I was little.

So it was rally season again last weekend and I loved it. I’ve come to really love sports events and I’m even considering sending the organization my resumé and asking if they’d get me to do social media there as a volunteer like I do for nordic ski events. I love getting emotional over and cheering for athletes, and I love the buzz of an international event. I also live for the feeling of being important and a part of something bigger working in a team. We’ll see. Unfortunately I wasn’t in town that much this year but I still got to watch some of the courses on TV and listen to the radio. And see the cool rally cars in traffic and all the fans and helicopters and roadblocks and yeah. I just love when there’s life and people, even though I’d rather look at them from my window.

I cannot believe I haven’t blogged since before our convention 3 weeks ago. Wow. That said convention was a lot of fun. I was dressed as my ACNL mayor and nobody recognized me so I got to stay in peace and help my guy out when he got his pictures taken. There was no drama regarding me dropping out of our group for at least a year, and I ended up enjoying myself a lot. I got to play ACNL with my friend and collect street passes. It was also sunny and super hot that weekend so I enjoyed myself. I actually enjoyed myself so much that my guy was the one who wanted to leave before I did on both days. A true miracle. My guy was irritated because he hadn’t fixed his cosplays on time but everything worked out in the end and I had fun now that I was stress free for once! It was a fun little road trip together, and a couple of days of us staying at my guy’s parents’ house with just the two of us.

After the convention my days have consisted of either thesis or JLPT work, and depression naps/binge watching YouTube. Our summer course students had their last few free time events, and I went in to take their picture at the handing out of diplomas. My friend has been coming over to play ACNL weekly and now that I have Stardew Valley that and ACNL are taking up a few hours of my day. I’m at a frustrating point of my MA thesis where I have to go through pamphlets that are anywhere from 4 to 90 pages long and I’m trying to stick to my weekly quotas of at least a year per week so that it’ll take me 8-ish weeks to go through 10 years of source material. At most there are 41 pamphlets per year, and going through them is super time consuming. I just want to get this stage done with so that I can email my seminar professor in the beginning of September to update him on my progress over the summer, and move on to more writing. I want to stick to my goal of more research literature and last of the sources in September, writing in October, finishing in November and submitting the finalized draft version in December. Then I’ll do what needs to be done based on the feedback I get, and submit the final final final MA thesis in March at latest. That way I’ll be able to take my degree out in April/May/June and be done with it! I just hope I can keep up with everything and my personal life won’t get too hard. One thing I like about my self-hatred is that it keeps me going. Many people procrastinate because they can persuade themselves into idleness. I on the other hand fear inadequacy so much that I have no interest in laying in bed all day. When you’re as disgusting and stupid as me, you really need to work your hardest because you’ll never amount to anything anyway. Cheerful but at least it keeps me working on the stuff that I need to work on, and thus keeps my head clear. Self-hatred truly is the driving force in my life.

I think I’m going to go do my ACNL chores, and then maybe play some Stardew Valley to finish off this productive day. Going to work on my thesis for the next few days as well and hopefully taking the weekend off again. This is one of those 41 pamphlets -weeks so it’ll take me at least 4 days to go through them ten per day. Ten really is the maximum, when I did twelve to thirteen last week I was straight up crying by the end of it.

Origin games aren’t working with my Nvidia drivers and it makes me so sad. I can’t play DAI without getting the damn “GetDeviceRemovedReason” error and ME3 crashes with flashing colorful pixels, which forces me to restart my PC. I hope to whatever higher force for a fix SOON because my friend is about to finish ME3 and my guy is about to finish DAI and play through Trespasser. Also I’m about to start MEA and if the same problem goes on I’m going to cry. I really can’t afford a new graphics card or a new screen anytime soon...

Last day of July, welcome August 2018! I dread the end of summer but at least I was able to end this month on a slightly higher note.