#standwithstockholm

[wordsforthekill]

This day will forever be a day that I was happy to NOT be at the place where the TERROR attack happened. I usually stand EVERY day at exactly that place where the truck drove right into the shopping mall Åhléns. It shook me up completely, because if it had been just two hours later or three then I would have been dead. I would have been at that place where that truck stopped. I am lucky that I have a few family up in heaven, that looks down on me and keeps me safe. All of my thoughts and prayers are with the people who lost their lives and their family and friends. I have lots of gratitude to all of my friends and family who thought of me and my family and asked if everything was fine with us. #standwithstockholm #openstockholm #stockholm #terrorattack #terrorwillneverwin #terror #terrorist #prayforstockholm🇸🇪 #prayforstockholm #pray #love #lovetoall #family #friends #gratitude #sad

[thetexpatriatemama-blog]

Expatriation 101 

Telling Terror to Take a Hike

Of course my SIM card would expire yesterday afternoon when every person I know wants to make sure the littles and I are safe...

Stepping out of the grocery store around 3:40pm, my son and I see a helicopter hovering about a mile away. I take the opportunity to teach my son what the word “hovering” means and don’t think anything else of it until we reach our front door. The wi-fi connects before we step out of the elevator and my phone immediately lights up. 

I know it’s my husband telling me he will probably be home late again, since it’s a busy week at work...but he sounds relieved when I answer the phone. He pauses.

“What...?” I ask.

“I guess that means you haven’t heard...There was an attack on Stockholm this afternoon.”

We live about 1/2 a mile away from where the attack took place. I had been one decision away from shopping there today...

After I finish reeling, I ask myself if there is an ideal way to talk to my child about a situation like this. He is young but so very perceptive. He can tell right away something is off. My in-laws and I seek information from any news source we can find. They are all equally (un)reliable these days, right? We try to determine the best way for my husband to return home from work safely with public transportation shut down and the media telling people not to enter the city.

After three hours of unusually irksome threenager behavior, my husband makes it home and we get our kiddos ready for bed. After his bedtime book, I chat for a few minutes with my son.

“It seems like you could tell we were a little worried about something tonight, huh?”

“Yeah...”

“Well, do you know the ‘lion’ street that we shop on sometimes? There was a car accident there today that made the city shut down all of the trains around Stockholm. We were trying to help Daddy find a safe way home. That’s why we were worried. But, we are all safe and sound now that we are all home together.”

He was relieved to hear that things had calmed down for us and the rest of the city. It may not have been the whole truth, but I wanted to give him some semblance of a concrete answer to questions about a tragic event that I, myself, had yet to wrap my head around.

He slept more soundly than usual.

In fact, he slept so soundly that he didn’t hear me wake up in a cold sweat at 2:30am. He might not have been worried anymore, but I was. With the police on a manhunt for an alleged terrorist, it was hard to rest comfortably knowing that he might be anywhere. The helicopters had given up for the evening and it was finally dark. If I were him, this is when I would make a move...

Our son was sleeping so soundly that he didn’t even wake up when our (incredibly loud) intercom buzzed with someone trying to enter the building at 2:45am. And then again at 2:47, 2:50, and 2:52. I think my heart shot up out of bed two whole seconds before I could. 

What if it’s the fugitive trying to get someone to let him in the building? I am calling the police.

After being schooled by a police officer on how to pronounce the name of my own street (That’s what I said, “Booty traps!”), he assured me that they would look into it.

I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. On the one hand, I know the point of terrorism is to make everyone feel afraid, regardless of locale, color, gender, or religion. On the other, I felt indignant that I might actually be giving them exactly what they want. I wanted to be brave and try to stay positive like so many others have done before me.

I gave myself the evening to feel the fear that my body refused to ignore. It’s hard to stop yourself from physically shaking like a leaf, after all.

The next morning, I was determined to look my fear in the eye and tell it to take a hike. Instead of wasting one of the first spring days in the city, we ventured out to find a little beauty in the city on this sorrowful weekend. Seeing the juxtaposition of the city’s iconic blooming cherry blossoms next to the melancholy of flags at half-mast, it made me wonder how such hate and tragedy can exist in this colorful and truly resplendent world that we live in.

I may feel a little more afraid than I did the day before, but I also feel stronger than ever. 

So, to those who are afraid, I say, I understand.

To those who refuse to succumb to fear, I say, You are my inspiration.

And to those who would like to propagate fear and hatred, I say, You are only making us braver, more unified, and more passionate about promulgating peace. So put that up your cancer-causing pipe and smoke it.

So today, whether you find yourself at home abroad or at home at home, stand strong friends.

Hej då,

TheTexpatriateMama