#stage 2 isn’t likely to feel any regret or remorse for this choice

[howlsofbloodhounds]

if any of you have ever been curious about mpreg killer, for whatever god forsaken reasons (/lh), you’ll find it here. Be warned for talks about violent and suicidal urges and thoughts, dissociation, post partum depression, and child abandonment. Basically, killer is on his dead beat dad arc (he is severely mentally ill and believes this is the best outcome for the child, and the only outcome where it survives.)

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Stormlight Archive Character Thoughts - Moash

This is a follow-up to my previous post on Words of Radiance, and traces Moash’s arc in Oathbringer and Rhythm of War. So, Rhythm of War spoilers!

Moash realizes almost immediately that he’s made the wrong decision, both in terms of what he’s thrown away and who he’s given his trust and loyalty to. He misses Rock’s stew. He misses the companionship of Bridge 4. Graves isn’t as “refined” as he seemed on first acquaintance and doesn’t have any strength of character when the chips are down - a constant reminder, by contrast, of Kaladin, who showed determination and leadership under the worst possible circumstances. Moash hates himself, and is miserable at the thought of the trust and friendship he’s thrown away:

Moash sagged, patch in his fingers. He should throw that thing into the fire.

Storms. He should throw himself into the fire.

(It’s a storming campfire, Mo, you’re not going to be pulling a Maedhros here. You’d just get some burns and make a mess.)

And then the Fused show up and his companions are suddenly dead in an instant. His Shardplate and Shardblade are useless to him. Everything he still had remaining from his choice is gone. And what he has left is his training, from Kaladin. Kaldin’s all over the page here; through the whole fight, Moash is thinking about what he learned from him. And he uses that training to kill a Fused. And then he identifies himself as Bridge Four.

(I think this is part of the reason the hatred for Moash is so strong. Every chapter in this 5-chapter mini-arc ends with a moment that could be the starting point for Moash to turn around, to make better choices. We’re constantly being reminded that the possibility is there, the potential is there. And he never does.)

At this precise point, I think there’s actually a chance that Moash would have made his way back to Bridge Four if the Fused had left him there in the Frostlands, but instead they carry him off to Alethkar. (He’s still thinking about Kaladin. The Kaladin-obsession doesn’t come out of nowhere in ROW, it’s here all along.) He’s also still regretting his choice to betray Bridge Four, and despising himself for it. (Well, Bridge Four had been a special case [in being a place where he found acceptance], and he’d failed that test. And I threw it all away. Why do I always do that?) But he’s not seeing it as a wrong decision, something where his regret can push him to change, to do better. He’s seeing it as a fundamental characteristic of who he is.

The next stage of his downward spiral is generalizing from “I’m just screwed-up and unfixable” to “Humans are just screwed-up and unfixable.) He’s doing it even before he encounters Highlord Paladar: Why must we always take some precious, Guff, and find ourselves hating it? As if by being being pure, it reminds us of just how little we deserve it. But the attitude calcifies with the realization that Alethi social hierarchies have survived even occupation and enslavement: He wasn’t broken. All of them were broken. Alethi society - lighteyed and dark. Maybe all of humankind.

This is not, at its heart, a political realization. It’s personal and emotional: when you’ve already decided you’re an inherently broken, contemptible person, it’s soothing to have company by deciding that, at least, so is everyone else. At this point, he’s still willing for Kaladin to be a rare exception. By Rhythm of War, that’s no longer the case - he needs Kaladin to validate his choice to give up by doing the same thing. (As another deep irony of Moash’s arc - seriously, he’s the dark mirror to so many people - Teft is also deeply self-loathing and self-sabotaging, but lets people help him out of that, keeps fighting, and refuses to let that be the end of his journey. Moash simply accepts it as who he is, and then - to disperse the guilt - as who everyone is. Likewise, it’s the dark mirror of Dalinar’s Always the next step. You can do wrong, and then accept there’s no other path and that’s who you are now, as Moash does, or you can choose to keep trying, to grow, to be better.)

And so Moash accepts his friend being beaten as just the way the world works. He sees injustice. He doesn’t try to stop it, because to him it’s inevitable. But underneath this numb acceptance, he still hates himself for it, and volunteers for hard labour. This continues to be a habit for him, into Rhythm of War; even when Odium is keeping back his emotions, it remains a way to express the self-loathing he can no longer consciously acknowledge.

Moash’s days pulling the sledge are the seed of his later actions in other ways, too. It felt good to be told what to do. Not to have to think, not to have to choose, and to be able to tell himself - or be told, it feels like this is the moment Odium starts talking to him - that his betrayal (which he’s now moved to eliding simply as what happened at the Shattered Plains) wasn’t his fault. (The thought I was pushed into it is an obvious lie - he jumped at the chance to be part of the assassination.) And turning away from independent though to blind obedience, and from remorse to rejection of guilt or resposibility, is the path Moash ultimately takes when he joins Odium and gives up his emotions.

And I think this is also why he resists the mistreatment of the singers who Kaladin helped - as long as he can tell himself that the Singers/Fused are better than humans, he can obey them without having to think. Seeing them beat their own people, in a way that specifically reminds him of the treatment of Bridge Four, breaks through that; he has to stop it, lest the whole mental barrier, the decision to regard the Fused as morally superior, come tumbling down. It’s positive action, but in service to his ability to maintain longer-term apathy and inaction. And that apathy and surrender to the idea of the Fused as superior is then strong enough to survive even the realization that they’re treating him exactly like a bridgeman again.

By the last chapter in Moash’s Oathbringer Part 2 mini-arc, Odium is very clearly talking to him, urging him to give up the guilt he still feels over betraying Kaladin, to tell himself that it’s not his fault; a voice that Moash gives in to. He asks the Fused for vengeance, but it’s all wrapped up in this need to not feel guilt, the need to either deflect blame or to justify his actions to himself; and killing Elhokar doesn’t make him feel any better.

I don’t think the Bridge Four salute he gave Kaladin after killing Elhokar was villainous gloating. I think, in a twisted way, it was sincere - he’d talked himself into thinking that Elhokar’s death, that vengeance, was something Kaladin would want (or at least, should want) as well, but couldn’t bring himself to countenance - so Moash did it for him. For both of them. Roshone likewise, in ROW.

So in summary, Moash’s motivations, choices, and non-choices in the Oathbringer mini-arc are the foundation for all his later actions. 1) Renouncing responsibility. He goes from feeling guilty about his betrayal of Bridge 4 and about throwing away the chance they represented; to regarding the choice as inevitable because he’s fundamentally broken; to regarding all humanity as fundamentally broken, so what he did wasn’t anything unusual; to telling himself (or accepting Odium’s telling) that it wasn’t his fault and he was pushed into it, whuch is patently false; to giving up his emotions to Odium entirely so he doesn’t have to feel guilt. 2) Renouncing choice. From ‘Rhythm of Work’ (Chapter 48) onwards, Moash enjoys being told what to do, not having to think, not having to make decisions; this is what produces his killing of Jezrien, which he does without even caring about it. It’s likely founded in the middle part of his guilt-to-rationalization spiral, the belief that making bad choices is just who he is (therefore it’s better if someone else makes them for him). And it drives his entire arc in Rhythm of War, where he flees from Renarin’s vision of the good person he could still choose to be, and desperately needs Kaladin to make the same choice he did - giving up - so that he can tell himself it’s the only choice possible.

This is particularly striking because I would sum of the key themes of Oathbringer as responsibility and redemption (Dalinar, obviously; Szeth, starting on the path of thinking for himself and being responsible for his choices; Elhokar, recognizing his failures and seeking to do better; Teft, letting himself rise from the morass of self-hatred to become a Radiant) and one of the key themes of Rhythm of War as choice (Maya’s “WE CHOSE” and Kaladin’s vision of Tien both reinforcing that volition is important, and one shouldn’t deny a person’s choice of self-sacrifice by treating them as just a victim; similiarly, the common people in Urithiru choosing to support Kaladin; Venli choosing to confess her actions, do better, reveal herself as a Radiant, and return to her people, despite her fear; and Kaladin’s choice to keep trying, keep fighting, in the face of despair and hopeless odds). Moash is the counterpoint to both these themes - the anti-Radiant.

The final thing I’m going for in this essay is to emphasize that, to me, Moash is a complex and interesting character whose arc has excellent resonances with many other characters’ arcs. I could be happy with an ending in which he is redeemed, unlikely as that appears (my favoured starting point is are Taravodium - whose personality is very different from Rayse - seeing him as too much of a flat villain for T’s purposes, and casting him off; meaning that Moash would have his emotions and guilt back in full force, and be blind on top of that, and have to decide what to do with himself). I could be happy with an ending in which he isn’t redeemed - as noted, his arc is a dark inverse not only of many other characters’, but of the central themes of the books, and could well continue on that path. But it can be frustratingly simplistic to see the character only discussed in the form of a one-line meme.

[themuzzleofnemesis]

5–Memory of Flames; Scene 2

The Muzzle of Nemesis, pages 178-193

“What—is the meaning of this!?” I demanded of Gammon, with the burning mansion in my sights. “Didn’t I ask you to wait until I arrived?”

“That’s what we were planning, but…Some of the militia men went against orders. It was hard even for me to hold them back.”

“Even so…”

--I had headed for the Dark Star Bureau after killing Tony, but it had already fallen to the militia.

Apparently they had captured Bruno. He had been brought to the militia’s main headquarters, and so was no longer at the Dark Star Bureau.

Also not at the bureau…was Gallerian. From the looks of things he had abandoned Bruno and escaped via a secret passageway.

They told me Gammon and some of the soldiers had followed after him, and so I had immediately left the building to rendezvous with them.

What I ultimately arrived at was here…Gallerian’s home—

I had asked Gammon ahead of time not to lay a hand on Gallerian.

And yet, they had already set fire to the mansion.

…According to Gammon, it was our opponent who attacked first.

“One of the soldiers suddenly caught fire. His body was consumed by blue flames.”

“Was he fired at by some fire arrow or bottle bomb?”

“…I don’t know. It didn’t look that way, at least. It was as though he’d had some spell put on him—”

…A spell, huh.

Thinking on the people Gallerian had known—my mother, and Nikolay, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary if he knew how to use magic.

Mr. Ziz, currently my mask, spoke up.

<Blue flames…In the past I have seen a sorceress who could use those>

“Who?”

<Irina Clockworker. The red cat sorceress, who lived an eternity manipulating other people. As far as I know she’s the only one who can use blue fire. I don’t know how Gallerian can do it>

“Is there…a chance that this red cat lady taught it to him?”

<She’s gone now. She died long ago>

“…”

<Perhaps Gallerian has also contracted with a demon>

“Just like…me?”

<Though even if he has—you can still kill him. As long as you use that golden bullet, there’s no way you’ll lose>

Appearing to believe I was muttering to myself, Gammon peered at my face with a doubtful expression.

“—Nemesis? You alright?”

“Huh? Yeah…I was just thinking aloud. –Gallerian is inside. You’re certain of that?”

“He can’t get outside with these flames. If we leave the mansion be, eventually—”

“…That’s not good enough.”

I couldn’t just let him die without having ever confronted him.

I slowly started to walk towards the mansion.

“Hey, Nemesis! It’s too rash to go in there! Stop!”

Gammon cried out to me from behind, but I ignored him and pushed on ahead.

--As I got closer to the mansion, I could feel the temperature around me rising.

When I reached the entrance the flames were almost touching my skin.

<…Hey hey, don’t do anything excessive, Nemesis>

The moment Mr. Ziz spoke, the fire suddenly parted around me.

“Woah…So a demon can do that too.”

<You won’t die even if you’re fried to a crisp, but it’ll still take a while for you to heal, and more importantly your clothes will burn off. You don’t want to reunite with your Papa naked and charred black, do you?>

“Thanks for your concern towards my being a lady.”

Then I stepped foot in the mansion. Unlike the outside, the fire had yet to really reach the interior of the house.

I could hear someone talking from further in.

I advanced in that direction.

.

From what I could glean from the doorway, this room was the study.

Inside a single man was sitting at a desk, talking to a doll clutched in his arms.

“—The bat’s gone now.”

“…”

“Don’t worry, Papa isn’t going anywhere.”

“…”

“I wonder what kind of place hell will be.”

“…”

Is this…

So this man was my father?

This man with such girlish interests as to talk to dolls?

…The doll he was holding looked familiar.

It was that doll Mr. Ziz had taken from the ocean. They must have handed it off to him after it was recovered by PN.

“Mr. Ziz—now that I think about it, there’s something I’ve always meant to ask you.”

<What is it?>

“Why you went to such lengths to collect that doll.”

<Because that is…another “Vessel of Deadly Sin”, like Grim the End>

“Then there is…a demon inside it after all.”

<--Maybe>

Then did that mean that the “Will of the Forest” I had spoken to—was the voice of a demon?

I emptied out the cylinder of my revolver.

And in place of the regular bullets, I loaded in the golden one from my ammo case.

<Oh, you’re finally using it! That’s good. If he has a Vessel of Deadly Sin then it’s most likely that Gallerian is himself a contractor>

While listening to Mr. Ziz speak, I entered the room—gun at the ready.

“Dark Star Bureau Director Gallerian Marlon.”

When I spoke to him he finally noticed me.

“And you are…Ah yes, you’re finally here. The one who will kill me.”

Gallerian stood from his chair, boldly smiling.

While still clutching the doll.

“You’re alone. What happened to the others? Did they not come inside?”

“…I’m perfectly able to kill you on my own.”

I aimed the gun at his forehead.

Despite that, his faint smile didn’t waver.

“That’s a good gun. It smells a bit like gunpowder smoke—and blood.”

“I’ve recently used it to kill someone. Tony Ausdin…Your friend.”

“I see. So you’re the one who killed Tony. And now you’re going to put me down with that gun—”

“It’s the gun you sent to me—‘Master’.”

When I said that name to him, finally Gallerian’s expression wavered.

“…That you know that form of address—Heheh, so that’s it. You’re—‘Number 8’.”

“Yes, exactly. Nice to meet you—Though we’ll soon be parting forever.”

“I don’t understand. You were my ally, so why are you threatening me now?”

“Because you…are evil. You’ve ruined so many people just to fill your own pockets. This gun that will soon shoot you is the face of everyone’s anger—Come, repent!”

The Dark Star Bureau—the organization that managed the USE’s judicial system.

Gallerian who was the director at its top had used his position to commit evil deeds, time and time again.

His goal was to accumulate money. As long as he received a bribe he would reduce the sentencing of any sort of villain, and conversely would charge those who went against his will with false crimes to bring them down.

That wasn’t all. He would also secretly erase those who might get in his way using assassins like I had once been.

And I guess he plays with dolls at home…

I couldn’t find with a single redeeming quality.

He didn’t deserve to live.

Even if—he was my father.

“…I have one thing I want to ask you. Why did you have me made into an assassin?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Don’t try to bullshit me. I know that you run PN’s shadow organization—Pere Noel. The man Bruno always called ‘Master’…That is you, isn’t it?”

“You are correct on that. I am ‘Master’. I don’t mean to try to deceive you on that point now. But—the last member that I hired personally was ‘Number 7’, Eater.”

“…Huh?”

“To tell the truth, the only things I know about you are your codename of ‘Number 8’ and that you’re an assassin. Until just now, I mean. You were inducted as a member through Bruno’s discretion alone. He has always worked very well on my behalf, you see. I had no reason to object.  I was just grateful to him that he had obtained another asset for me.”

Gallerian hadn’t known anything?

Not even that I…was his daughter?

--So what if he didn’t. That didn’t change the fact that this man was a villain.

I didn’t come here out of a personal grudge. I was here as a mouthpiece for the world’s righteous fury.

I moved yet closer to Gallerian.

“…Select either path. Whether your brow will be shot through, or burned up in this hellfire.”

“Let me give you some advice as a judge. Don’t leave your choice of verdict up to the defendant. If you want to kill me, then you select the method yourself.”

If he had wailed and begged for his life I would have still shot him without hesitation.

But as I was growing irate at his arrogant behavior, at the same time I was beginning to have some unwelcome doubts.

Gallerian showed no sign of reflection. Even if he fell down to hell, he likely wouldn’t regret any of what he had done.

--Was I really satisfied with that?

Maybe I had wanted him to apologize to me.

For throwing away his own daughter. For making her unhappy.

But…Gallerian hadn’t known that “Number 8” was his daughter.

On the contrary, there was a possibility that he hadn’t even been told that my mother—Kayo Sudou, had given birth to a child at all.

I thought about asking him. About whether or not he knew about me…About the daughter named Nemesis.

…What would happen if I learned the answer?

We weren’t eating at some refined restaurant right now. This was a warzone, and I was pointing a gun at him.

Even if I went as his daughter in this situation—it wouldn’t gain either of us anything.

If he didn’t know, that was fine with me.

I would have Gallerian die without knowing of Nemesis.

I pulled back the firing hammer of my gun.

All I had left to do was pull the trigger.

…

But no matter how I tried I couldn’t carry out that last act.

<My my, are you hesitating at the last moment, Nemesis?> Mr. Ziz said mockingly, but I ignored him.

Yet even so he continued to speak to me.

<So then…How about this? You give him a chance for “atonement”>

Atonement?

<If he sincerely regrets his sins, then save his life>

He couldn’t seriously be suggesting that at this stage—

<Naturally, that comes with the condition that you do so right here. As long as you have my power, you will be able to slip through the flames with him. After that you should hand him over to Gammon. Even after everything’s said and done, the Tasan Party is a proper political organization. If Gallerian surrenders himself they aren’t likely to kill him then and there—the fact that they captured Bruno alive is proof enough of that>

“…”

<Whatever the case, Gallerian will be ruined…But if you want him to feel any remorse for his deeds, this option would probably be better than killing him>

In a sense, that suggestion was very appropriate for a demon to give.

It wasn’t based off of any benevolence, but rather a simple desire to see Gallerian suffer more.

But—perhaps it would be good to give him a chance, in order to make my decision.

“Gallerian—if you have any thoughts of repentance…Relinquish your fortune.”

“Oh?”

It wouldn’t be enough for him to just turn himself in. Even if the Tasan Party pardoned him, the world would most certainly still wish for his death.

In order to weaken the pressure of society against him even a little bit he would need to show some self-reflection with a tangible act.

“You stole a great deal of money and goods from people…If you promise to give it back, then I will spare your life at least.”

Gammon seemed to also want back the sword that had been stolen from him. Maybe if he learned it was in this mansion he would even move to stop it from burning down.

Gallerian had run away too readily from the Dark Star Bureau. His fortune probably wasn’t there.

Then the only other place I could think of—was his home.

“You would…spare my life?”

“Yes, Gallerian. You must have something you’ve still yet to do. If you live then maybe you’ll be able to obtain the chance to achieve it. If you die then that’s it for you!”

I tried to persuade Gallerian now in much the same way as Mr. Ziz and Gammon had done for me.

In response to their arguments, I had chosen to live.

Even Gallerian would surely—

“…My fortune—”

Yes, as long as you let it go, I will save you.

“—I won’t ever hand it over to the likes of you!” he…replied without a trace of doubt on his face.

“Everything…All of it, it’s mine! Why would I need to give anyone what I worked so hard to obtain? You lot…don’t even know why I gathered all of it in the first place!”

“…”

“And let me say up front, my fortunate isn’t even in this mansion! My precious money and items, they’re all hidden somewhere else! Somewhere you’ll never find! And if living means giving it to others, then let it sleep there for all eternity!”

“…You’re trash that can’t be helped.”

I had known it well. This man had no notion of “atonement”.

Even if he were to survive and go to prison, he would go the rest of his days without renouncing his acts.

So it’s as I thought—I had to end him here, by my own hands.

I thrust the muzzle of my gun at Gallerian’s forehead.

“Let mine and the people’s hatred wash over your body…and then sleep.”

“Oh? So, it seems you’ve chosen to kill me with the gun. …If you’re going to do it, then hurry up. You’re scaring my daughter.”

“—Your daughter?”

“Can you not see her? She’s right here.”

He looked at the doll that he was carrying.

“It’s alright, don’t be afraid.”

He patted the doll’s head.

“This young lady here only has business with your Papa. You have nothing to worry about.”

Gallerian spoke to the doll with kind eyes that he had most certainly never directed at me.

.

Could he honestly think this doll was his daughter--?

Did he think it was me?

Then…he really did know about me.

He'd thought I died.

And then went insa--

.

"--Don't worry, it'll be over soon…Michelle."

.

…

…Heh.

……Ha ha ha.

That's right.

Of course not.

Gallerian had had a daughter with his proper wife.

Her name was Michelle.

She--had been aboard the ship that I sank.

She was already gone.

.

…And yet.

You don't look at me.

Just at the doll.

You just keep looking at that dead girl.

Even though--I'm still alive, right here.

.

Hey, Father.

Look at me.

.

Look at me too.

.

--With this it's truly over.

Let's make everything end.

At some point Gallerian had quit speaking to the doll, and was gazing at my face in utter stillness.

In his eyes there was neither the affection he had directed at the doll.

Nor any fear of death.

Nor anger at me.

There was none of that.

Merely—the empty eyes of a madman.

.

"--Farewell."

You sinful “evil”.

My father.

.

I pulled the heavy trigger.

And then—the golden bullet was fired from the muzzle.

.

Ordinarily this would kill instantly, with no time for words.

But as he collapsed backwards--

He murmured in the end:

"I'm fine with this…Thank you--Nemesis."

.

………Huh?

<<prev------directory------next>>

[aki-chan2014]

And So It Begins playlist

imiSome of you might know that I started a new DanganRonpa fic called ‘And So It Begins’, which happens to be an SYOC. A lot of songs have inspired my writing of it so far, as well as some of my planning, so I figured I may as well begin a playlist of sort. It is a work in progress, so more songs will be added over time, and the links (put in the song name) to the videos will also only be put in as and when I can. But yeah, I hope you enjoy: (Quick note 11/11: I have also decided to add some quick notes next to certain songs to explain why they have been chosen for the playlist, where I did have specific things in mind for them. If anyone else has interpretations of how certain songs relate I’d be all for sticking those in here too-with credits, of course)

Mafumafu-Keep Out

Fantastic Youth- DAYBREAK FRONTLINE (rap arrange ver) (This song is for the happier moments in the story, particualrly those between the whole group/ larger parts of the group, and any moments that, in a different story, would have simply been carefree and youthful. Also check out this dance version, as I will be making an Ending Song chapter based on it)

Nuyuri ft flower-Proto Disco (This song is meant to be reflective of how the characters are descending down a dark path in the choices they make and the events that draw them closer to creating a killing game.)

HENSHIN ft GUMI- One Moment’s Crime (This song can relate somewhat to the system Hope’s Peak has in this story. It is also the ‘opening song’ for the story, as you may have noticed)

THE SIXTH LIE- HIBANA

Eve-Dramaturgy

Jonas Blue ft Jack and Jack-Rise (This one is about the rebellion aspects of the story)

Police Piccadilly ft Miku Hatsune-Separate (This song is meant to relate to certain pairs and possibly trios in this story, and the bittersweetness of the fact they have developed such closeness in such bad circumstances. I’d say I have Mizuki and Mokomichi in mind particularly here, but it could easily apply to others too. This is also the first ED song of the story)

Do As Infinity-Kenshin no Kemono

Foreground Eclipse-When Innocence is Just a Mask (This one is definitely also about the rebellion aspects of the story, but perhaps at a later stage of the story, where some characters may be more fatalistic about it. When they are further down the rabbit hole, so to speak.)

Natsushiro Takaaki-Endroll (also check out this chorus cover done by CATINABOX for round 2 of the Ascencion Chorus Battle 2019-my personal headcanon is that Reirei’s voice is like Emiko’s singing voice)

brave elements-Bakudan Ma (cover)

Zutto Mayonaka de ii no ni-Humanoid

Wowaka-Unknown Mother Goose

Luschka-Moratorium (This song is related to the remorse some people might feel from being involved, wondering if they’d ever be forgiven)

Sayuri x MY FIRST STORY-Reimei

Dima Lancaster ft BrokeN-Feed the Fire (cover) This one is definitely related to the point of the story where everything gets awful and there’s no turning back

ONE OK ROCK-We Are (This song can relate in some ways to how some characters see themselves as doing something good in the situation. Also a song for how they may have started off feeling when setting off on this endeavour, or the general feelings of Reserve Course oppression. )

AmaLee-Again (English Cover) (This song could link to some relationships within the story)

Cepheid ft Un3h-Chronos (this one is about feeling helpless about the situation, and how some characters are having regrets about it)

Minstrel-Fiction

AViVA-Blame it on the kids

Hanatan-Niwaka Ame

Misumi ft flower and Miku Hatsune-FAKE (see also this cover)

Dean Lewis-Waves

nameless-Toumei Elegy (cover)

HarryP- 泥中���咲く(blooming in the mud)

MurasagiYT-Little Parade (English Cover)

DECO*27 ft Miku Hatsune-Otome Dissection

Three Days Grace-Riot (Thanks to tobi-is-an-artist-too for this one. I am sure the reason for it’s inclusion is self explanatory lol)

Yunosuke ft Miku Hatsune-Spiral

2NE1-Come Back Home (Japanese unplugged ver)

Tears of Today-Corregret

Zutto Mayonake de ii no ni-mabushii DNA dake

Pizuya’s Cell X Barrage Am Ring ft Meramipop -my temperature is zero degrees

Rupert Pope and John Robertson ft Isla Meller-Coming Round

After the Rain (Soraru x Mafumafu)-yuudachi (evening rain) (this one could relate to some of the character dynamics between certain pairings, particularly between cast members and some side characters as the relationships become more distant/deteriorating. It can also relate to the feeling some characters might have at their youth slowly slipping away as the story continues)

ONE OK ROCK-Mighty Long Fall

Akiakane-FlashBack (I am planning to use this for a second OP song chapter at some point ^.^, and the actual PV of the song will inspire the sequence I write for that. Also, this is such a good song about falling apart and grief and betrayal so it fits really well with later events)

*Luna ft  來 -Epilogue (Also check out the chorus cover done by EncripT for round 1 of the Ascencion Chorus Battle 2019. Anyway, this one is about being able to make one’s own choices and how the idea of doing this has served as a motivation for some characters)

Fractured Light Music-These Final Words

Fractured Light Music-We Dream of Stars

Fractured Light Music-Goodbye

Ludovico Einaudi- I Giorni

Eve-Yamiyo

Tokyo Teddy Bear English Chorus Cover

YURRY-CANON ft GUMI-Humanly

Eve-This World To You (For the bittersweet moments and the bereavement)

CYPHER-Redmoon (another one for the rebellion themes, and also the theme of doing something that you cannot go back from)

Misumi ft Hatsune Miku-Weird Beast

chorus cover of ‘Bolero’

Zutto Mayonaka de ii no ni-Seigi (justice)

After the Rain (Soraru x Mafumafu)-The equation for the beginning of love (a particular couple relationship is what I have in mind with this song, because the song characters are sweet awkward dorks and so are the characters of the couple)

Fantastic Youth-Mairieux (acoustic arrange)

Nathan Wagner-Innocence (because well, they will end up losing it, won’t they?)

Fantastic Youth-I thought I was an angel (cover and rap arrange) (Kinda self explanatory-they started out trying to do the right thing, thinking they were the ‘angels’ in this. Of course, they aren’t really, are they?)

Jayn-With Love (for the slightly more supportive/positive aspects of various character relationships, both platonic and romantic) UVERworld-Touch Off Dasu x Ensou ft Len Kagamine-Jet Ammo

Memai Siren-Ajisai

Crusher-P ft Miku Hatsune-Propaganda! (both about the elitism of Hope’s Peak and how they’re trying to present this very particular image, and also how dangerously close-knit the cast get)

ALEXANDROS-Pray (There’s a lot of cases of characters wanting to help each other, and not knowing how. So this song is about that, and those particular relationships)

FELT-Until Tomorrow

MAN WITH A MISSION-Remember Me

Aron Wright-How You’ll Be Remembered

JubyPhonic- Häagen-Dazs Ika no Sappuukei (English Cover) (This inspired the scene with Keiko on the roof in Party Time, part 1. I guess this could be a song for the main event of Preparation/Party Time in general)

BRAVES ft Nikki Reed-World’s On Fire

Fantastic Youth-Totemo Suteki Na Rokugatsu Deshita (cover)

Wolpis Kater-1% (Melon soda no hoshizora wo)

Studio Yuraki-Mukanjyo(English cover) (this fits with the themes of the story so well in general)

Misumi ft Hatsune Miku -Alter Ego (there’s something about the darkness of Misumi songs that fit so well with ASIB aaaaa)

chorus cover of ‘0verf10w’

Raon Lee X KOBASOLO-Philosophy of Adversity

chorus over of ‘Yankee Boy Yankee Girl’ 

Eve x Rib-Lear

Pizuya’s Cell-Midnight Liberty

Studio Yuraki-MAYDAY (cover)

Mitei no Hanashi-Drown in the Night

YOASOBI-Racing into the Night (check out this group cover too)

Fantastic Youth cover of no title

chorus cover of Los!Los!Los!

Sou-Mr Fixer

Techniken ft Lollia and Sohly-Make Me, Hate Me

Eve - ‘Love & Destroy’ (cover ver-originally by Mi8k ft GUMI) There are a fair few good covers of this really, but I picked this one because Eve.

FUZI x Neru ft Luschka and Mas Kimura-Optimi2er

Chorus cover of ‘RENEGADE’ (come on, tell me this isn’t a Shino song. Or even an Emiko song, for that matter. I dare you.)

SYND!CATE-In The Elegy (a chorus cover mash-up of ‘In the End and ‘愛迷エレジー ‘. Yes, really.)

Nathan Wagner-New Horizon

Neru ft Len and Rin Kagamine-Becoming Potatoes

Wild Fire- Everybody Knows (cover)  (about the elitism, obvs)

Harry-P- 徒花の涙

Ivy Adara-Rebels

GRIMES- We Appreciate Power (feat Hana)

Opening song for ‘Get Even’ (BBC drama)

THE BINARY- 花に雨を、君に歌を

MILGRAM-Undercover

Mafumafu- 悔やむと書いてミライ

Sou’s cover of ‘Penguin’s Detour’

HANDEAD ANTHEM-Why Not?

MARETU- ドクハク  (The link leads to a dance cover because why not? But this one would link to the more violent events and mindsets that develop over the story)

Stray Kids-District 9

KIRA-RISE UP NATION (Quite a few of the cast could be seen as misfits in some way, and they are all for causing trouble and making changes)

*Luna ft GUMI-Black Out Stray Kids- SLUMP (English Ver) (Deteriorating relationships of all sorts, and the emotional conflict that some of the characters are going through especially as they realise that they are at the point of no return.)

Red-The War We Made (Well, it’s more or less a war anyway)

Citizen Soldier-Hope It Haunts You (I’ll let you all theorise over this one lol) Citizen Soldier-Would Anyone Care? (Suggested by PainX65, as fitting certain characters, moments and even Hope’s Peak’s actions over the story)

Eve-How to Eat Life

MYTH&ROID-Remembrance (Goes without saying that Remembrance is in a way one of the stronger motives behind what our cast are doing, in a macabre way)

No Resolve-What You Deserve

Nine Lashes-Guilty Hands (They all have them)

Nathan Wagner cover of ‘The Kill’

Mako Niina-Sensen no Realism (The implications/consequences of what they are all doing hitting them)

After the Rain-Kono Yubi Tomare

Mashiro cover of ‘That Summer Saturates’ (the heady fallout of being involved in a crime with friends, and the general intensity of adolesence, and how the two combine)

chorus cover of ‘Nocturnal Creatures’

Fumiko Uchimura-Dotte Koto Nai Sympathy

[pallideinanis]

DISHONORED: DEATH OF THE OUTSIDER NOMINATED FOR OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN VIDEO GAME WRITING.

Really?

(rant ahead, feel free to ignore this)

Don’t get me wrong -- I love Death of the Outsider and the world that it gave us but.. Compared to the last two titles and the two DLCs, I easily find this game to be weak in terms of its writing. It completely undermines the character development and growth that occurred in a past titles and in my opinion, really compromises the integrity of some of the series’ key characters. The entire plot was “just because”, and while I’m hoping Dishonored’s team is scrambling working to correct that in the upcoming Return of Daud book, I don’t foresee this character development massacre to be remedied.

I understand that there are certain guidelines that restrict the past titles from being nominated this year, but if it up to me, I would seriously give it to one of the other games. The writing is so much more cohesive in the other Dishonored games than the disaster that is DoTO, in my opinion. 

Dishonored 1 hugely capitalized on a theme of revenge and introducing the series gimmick: agency. The player can run around in the destitute world of Dunwall, making whatever violent or passive decisions they see fit while ultimately learning that even someone who has been stripped of everything can still play an integral part in what’s to come... And that sometimes, the easy answer isn’t always the best answer.

The Knife of Dunwall and The Brigmore Witches come in with HUGE character development for series antagonist-turned-anti-hero, Daud. Further solidifying the idea that your choices matter, these DLCS drive two new themes of regret and redemption as we watch Daud, who was wallowing in regret for what he has done, come to peace with his evil actions and dark past, willing to accept the price for the choices he has made.

Then comes Dishonored 2, a game that surrounds an over-protective and loving father and his daughter, a daydreaming, but well-meaning empress. This game really shows off the dynamic between these two characters and their symbiotic relationship. One can’t and doesn’t want to exist without the other; they’ve been through too much shit together and have come to rely upon the other’s presence for emotional support. Further, the Heart of a Living Thing plays a key role in hidden themes of mourning loss and moving on with the reintroduction of Jessamine’s spirit, as well as her final release, fading into the great unknown.

This is the part where Death of the Outsider comes stumbling in all sloppy and drunk and disoriented and this is where I get angry. Dishonored 2 left us with an interesting cliffhanger. We see Meagan Foster staring at the antiquated, iconic Whaler mask, as well as the Assassins Blade, which certainly must feel comfortable and familiar in Meagan Foster’s hand. All while The Outsider watches from an open door, a mysterious blue glow shining in from behind him. We learn that Meagan Foster has faded from the shadows, and from them, Billie Lurk has risen. The events of Dishonored 2 have brought back haunting memories of the bad things that have happened to her and the bad things that she has done to others, and it has displaced Billie Lurk. That body has seen many identities and many lives and she just doesn’t know who she is anymore and she seeks guidance. Familiarity. Family. The ending of Dishonored 2 leaves us to believe that she is remorseful and has been seeking Daud through this whole adventure. Daud was like her father and she believes he can help her find herself.  

Cue up to E3 2017, the familiar, haunting Whaler shanty of Daniel Licht’s (rest his soul) echoes in and we’re met with a familiar face. Billie Lurk. We witness Billie kick the asses of several very large sailors by herself and it’s absolutely glorious. We’re getting the resolution to Dishonored 2′s ending--she’s finally found that old fart Daud and this was going to be a grand new adventure of finding oneself and accepting her past and--

What’s that, Daud? One last job? 

Wh-- ...weren’t you going to fade into obscurity? Isn’t that what you promised to Corvo when he confronted you and nearly took your life in Dishonored 1? And Billie, weren’t you lamenting all through Dishonored 2 about all of your regrets and mistakes? If these were weighing so heavily upon your shoulders, why are you so willing to just accept Daud’s offer? In the game itself Billie expresses initial shock towards Daud’s idiot idea, but she doesn’t display any unwillingness to listen to The Knife. I mean, I guess I can understand this considering how much trust she puts into this man because of how high she places him on that pedestal, but... the moment Daud is introduced, he just seems to shove Billie’s problems and identity crisis on the back burner, so Daud and his massacre of character development can take center-stage. Why? We’ve heard from Daud, we know he’s sorry for his past and we know he’s finally accepted what he’s done. So what’s Daud’s angle, why does he feel the need to make another stupid decision?

Because everything he discovered about himself and The Outsider in the two DLCS that starred him is absolutely moot. Inching closer and closer to the edge of his final chapter, apparently Daud no longer feels content with his decisions and chooses to throw blame onto a third party whom he knows remains neutral...or usually does. 

The Outsider is a deity who sees all things. He has a habit of giving power to those who have been scorned and likes to watch them rise from the ashes and regain the control that was taken from them. Corvo, Daud and Emily are great examples of this. However, Daud and The Outsider seem to have an interesting relationship. The fandom likes to make jokes about how The Outsider plays favorites and prefers Corvo over Daud, but truthfully the Outsider, at least in the past DLCs, displays a strange attachment to Daud. Going out of his way to guide Daud towards redemption -- something he has said is very rarely seen from his four-thousand years of issuing marks. 

So why murder your guiding light? 

There isn’t really much of an answer outside of Daud sort of randomly believing that everything will magically be right with the world once The Outsider is eradicated. This notion seems incredibly ignorant, especially from Daud. It’s no secret that the Outsider finds entertainment in chaos, but the player is quick to learn from waaaaaay back in the first game that it isn’t The Outsider that causes chaos...it’s the player. So why should Daud, knowing what he knows and after experiencing everything he has, demonize The Outsider? 

What’s the point of undermining the very core of your game’s primary mechanic, Arkane? 

The Knife’s absurd and uncharacteristic change of heart, alongside Billie being shoved into the dark, (as well as how the end-game saw The Outsider’s character being reduced to but a weak princess needing saving, and how Billie is apparently stuck in some fucking timewarp--but those are other rants for another time,) are some of the biggest issues I take with Death of the Outsider’s writing. That is why I find it undeserving of this nomination. These are all my opinions and you’re welcome to disagree. 

Thanks for sticking around so long, if ya did. 

[thesouthsidefitness-blog]

The Road To Fitness

For a large portion of us, deciding to be fit is more a trial of will than a one time choice. Being "fit" covers an adjustment in our way of life considerably more than simply setting out upon another activity or diet program. For me, the decision came around 15 years prior. I was around 24 years of age when companions of mine persuaded me to begin setting off to the rec center as a gathering. Around then, I realized I didn't generally like the manner in which I looked, so I figured it would be a smart thought. How hard might it be able to be? All things considered, it didn't take some time before I knew the response to that question. What's more, to come clean with you, around then my exercises were not unreasonably troublesome. In any case, getting up at 5am to be at the rec center by 5:30, absolutely was, Also, since there were 4 of us and just 1 truly comprehended what he was doing, the exercises were VERY long. Too long when you blend in the water cooler talk that regularly assumed control over certain exercises.

In this way, in the wake of attempting this methodology for around 3 weeks despite everything I wasn't spurred nor did I anticipate working out and was going to stop. As it would turn out for me, 2 folks in the gathering beat me to it, leaving just myself and the main individual who knew anything about turning out effectively around then. That made a huge difference.

With only 2 of us now, we were substantially more engaged and I got some great training on the nuts and bolts. Following a month of 1-1 time, we began expanding the force of the exercises and blending in some truly fun cycle classes. Some place inside the following month, I saw a change. In my appearance, yet my standpoint and frame of mind were altogether affected. By then, I was snared. I turned out reliably at the exercise center 5 times each week fusing cardio, running and loads. I looked and felt great reasoning this would consistently be my lifestyle.

What's more, it was, until around 5 years back. In 2007, my mom was determined to have cerebrum disease and flipped around my life. I immediately lost enthusiasm for a large number of my typical exercises including wellness. During the following 2 years, I truly let myself go and didn't a lot of care to get once again into the swing of things. A significant extraordinary occasion will do this to an individual, and I was no special case. My better half turned out to be truly worried about my decrease in wellness and started urging me to get over into it. I attempted yet completely couldn't get spurred. After much examine and a hard look in the mirror, I had the option to pull back the self-control I once had. It was difficult, and it took a ton of arranging and difficult work. In this way, today, I need to share what helped me vanquish my wellness evil presences. Expectation these assistance you.

The explanation I'm giving such a great amount of foundation of my own wellness experience is to show that every one of us will battle in various manners with picking fit. Lifetime wellness truly is certifiably not a "one size fits all" approach. We as a whole have various circumstances that start our enthusiasm of getting fit as a fiddle, keeping us inspired and supporting the way of life as long as possible. Be that as it may, I do accept there are some basic practices we would all be able to embrace to assist us with beating obstructions at any of these stages and become an improved, more advantageous and fit individual.

1. Start - This might be the simplest of the 3 phases since it just expects us to choose to get fit, however not really do anything. All things considered, don't think little of the significance and key factors that ought to be use to start your wellness venture. The fundamental things to recollect here are these:

Do this for you! Be certain you're not simply surrendering to pressure from others. You should be happy to make this stride and feel great its the correct methodology for you.

Start in view of the end. Set objectives and envision what you need your body and wellbeing to reflect during the adventure. Shed 25 pounds, Get tore, lower cholesterol, feel much improved, stay aware of the children.

Pick the correct program.- The correct work out regime for you is significant and will differ contingent upon your wellness beginning stage. Picking one excessively hard, or that doesn't yield results quick enough will rapidly dishearten you and risk bailing too rapidly. Discover the parity of pleasant exercise that challenge you enough to hit early objectives. Try not to limit the intensity of demonstrated top choices like strolling, running and biking to begin. These can enable your body to begin getting into a standard that will be a base to embrace going ahead. Simply attempt to play out your activity simultaneously day by day to get your inside clock realize what's in store. As you build up a beat, and hit a few achievements you've set, it might be an ideal opportunity to attempt new projects or increment the trouble of your present schedules. For a rundown of some amazing schedules, simply leave a remark mentioning it.

Acknowledge that your dietary patterns MUST change. Like it or not, it is a piece of the game. By not grasping the way that the exercises alone won't cut it, will undoubtedly bomb when results don't come. The uplifting news is, the adjustment in dietary patterns can really be a positive encounter. You'll feel incredible and have the vitality to exercise the correct way. Totally evacuating all that you like about nourishment is the WRONG method to move toward this. You can at present eat great tasting and fulfilling nourishments without disrupting your difficult work. There are even approaches to sneak in your top choices and not feel remorseful about it, so don't stress over that. Simply realize that what and how you eat has a significant effect at last.

2. Remain Motivated - Everyone is propelled out of the entryway when beginning a work out regime, yet that rapidly blurs for some individuals when they understand the procedure is more troublesome than they envisioned. No doubt about it, getting fit is HARD, however the test isn't not normal for whatever else worth having throughout everyday life. You should submit and keep persuaded utilizing a few strategies, of which I've attempted many. Attempt these to assist you with remaining on track.

Go for some snappy outcomes. Everybody needs this, yet it is vital to see some speedy outcomes right off the bat with the goal that the energy of beginning the program doesn't lessen. Losing a pound or two, dropping a gasp size, finishing an exercise ceaselessly, whatever makes you feel better. Be reasonable about this, yet have something you go for so you can taste achievement and drive you to proceed.

Find out about being fit. This is genuinely a major inspiration as it gives you examples of overcoming adversity and gives a ton of thoughts regarding accomplishing objectives. So set aside the effort to peruse a magazine or web article about your preferred exercise, or sound nourishment. You'll be amazed how drawn in you may immediately turn into.

Get the perspiration streaming. For me, an exercise that doesn't do this leaves me to some degree unfilled. Getting your pulse up (and perspiring) enacts the entirety of the key things that makes practice so powerful. It consumes calories, reinforce the heart and cardio framework, and discharges endorphins in the cerebrum that make you feel extraordinary. You'll see!

Never settle - Set, Reset and Reset your PB (Personal Best). Continually testing your last record is a wonderful method to remain in the game. Run that mile quicker, go longer, additional reps, additional sets, higher hops, further thrusts, better structure. The rundown can continue forever. You can be your best challenge and there's not at all like challenge to propel the central core. So kick your own butt! You'll appreciate it.

Do what you can! We as a whole have limits and regularly blame them that meddle with our wellness schedules. Time, stress, throbs, and tiredness all add to our support to deviate or totally stop a program. Try not to allow that to occur. On the off chance that you end up surrendering to one of these enticements, attempt to at any rate accomplish something. Persuade yourself you can in any event do 1/2 or even 1/3 of an exercise. (10 minutes? Try not to go as serious or quick. Offer yourself a reprieve, without really offering yourself a reprieve. You might be shocked by persuading yourself to at any rate begin, you'll be additionally ready to push more enthusiastically during the exercise.

Try not to entice yourself or yield to nourishment addicts. Everybody I know experiences this during their wellness venture. It includes either being acquainted with a nourishment circumstance that makes it hard to state no, or being urged by others to "cheat" in any event, when they know how you feel about remaining on track. By yielding to it is possible that, you will probably feel regretful thereafter, which strangely expands your odds to keep tricking. The negative sentiment of blame are ground-breaking and can really start an endless loop of proceeding with the example, so don't allow this to occur. The first of these is really simpler to manage by basically arranging around it, or altering the bits of nourishment you have accessible so they at any rate fulfill a portion of the guidelines of your eating routine. For the second, on the off chance that you wind up in this circumstance regularly, have a strategy. Either be prepared to shield your position on swindling or plan to manage it in another manner. Perhaps use it as your cheat dinner, make up for it on the following day or week, or adjust the segments so you can in any event control the harm.

Keep an encouraging group of people. Family, companions, interpersonal organizations, whatever. Have some individual you can trust in about your battles that can offer positive help. Does some amazing things at the outset.

3. Continue the Life Style. This part can appear to be somewhat simpler once you accomplish your objectives, however the long haul way to deal with wellness is really one that must consistently be top of psyche. While this stage is an act of control, even an "iron will" can be twisted when the way of life is excessively a long way from what an individual appreciates. So how might you drive yourself to grasp a long haul way of life that doesn't coordinate what your identity is? All things considered, really you can't. I think individuals are stunning and able to do pretty much anything. Be that as it may, not enabling yourself to be YOU endangers your character and basically stated, isn't directly for anybody.

Along these lines, how about we see this test from an alternate methodology. How make a way of life that is both fit and matches your character? The appropriate response might be somewhat extraordinary for everybody, except for me, I can give a couple of tips that made a difference. Conside

[aion-rsa]

Perry Mason Episode 6 Review: Chapter Six

https://ift.tt/30Og5yn

This Perry Mason review contains spoilers.

Perry Mason Episode 6

Perry Mason, “Chapter Six,” delivers the title character’s courtroom debut. For a man who is going to embody an icon of courtroom drama, Perry Mason is off to a much less than auspicious start. Matthew Rhys coughs, stammers, makes self-effacing jokes as he stumbles into objectionable oratory and forgets to bring water to court before he even makes it through the first paragraph of his opening statement.

His worthy opponent, District Attorney Maynard Barnes (Stephen Root), is just finishing his two-hour opening statement as the episode opens, and we can tell it went flawlessly. He is a veteran attorney and an effective showman, who is so fully prepared he even brought an extra glass for Mason. The defense attorney goes as long as he can before he takes that glass, and immediately tries to douse the prosecution’s fiery salvos.

The trial scenes are fun to watch. The actors treat the trial court like a basketball court and the guilt and innocence is the ball. Root plays keep-away, not exactly dominating the game, but covering Mason so tight he can barely dribble. When Mason finally spins out, Rhys sinks a 3-pointer into nothing but net from 40 feet out, only to get called on a shooting foul.

Things get better for Mason on cross examination. While Matthew Dodson (Nate Corddry) doesn’t break down and confess on the stand, Mason certainly gets under his skin. Is Herman Baggerly (Robert Patrick) a wealthy guy, the attorney wants to know about the witness’ recently discovered father, who has a vested interest in the case. “Up there with Vanderbilt and Ford,” Mason informs the jury, which is more than Matthew did for his wife.

The judge has to repeatedly warn the witness how close he is to being jailed for contempt. But the contempt Mr. Dodson throws at his wife Emily (Gayle Rankin), registers on the jury in ways which still sting at Mason’s case. The testimonial breakdown must be signs of things to come, as this will be the defense lawyer’s signature gimmick.

Stephen Root can play off anyone, but some witnesses refuse to play nice. In DA Barnes’ courtroom scenes with Mason there are multiple connections made between the two actors. In his briefing with Detective Ennis (Andrew Howard) there is a major disconnect, but not in the acting, which is amazing.

Ennis is very reluctant, a hostile witness even in the friendly environment of the District Attorney’s office. Ennis’ partner pulls a great scene out of the wreckage. He smashes up a beloved car and ends with a vow to protect his corrupt partner even if someone has to die over it.

Ennis is a compelling antagonist and Howard does a fantastic job unambiguously playing moral ambiguity. He’s corrupt, so what? He was trained to be corrupt by the best. It’s just a job gone wrong. What’s the big deal? I got mouths to feed. Howard gives these one-dimensional excuses meaning and depth. He, more than any other actor on the series, is a time capsule of the period.

Read more

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By Joseph Baxter

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Officer Paul Drake feels the crush of the period, and Chris Chalk allows him to awaken to it with strong reluctance.  When Drake goes on the stand and allows Mason to hold back damning evidence because of some promise he made, Chalk walks an emotional tightrope. He goes from utter fear to a palpable desire to come clean, occasionally within eye-blinks. He has a love/hate relationship with the one piece of evidence, a denture-break-off, which can save an innocent woman from the gas chamber.

Mason’s “just fishing” line is very telling. He keeps a promise and loses an opportunity, but Drake’s anguish is a creaky doorway to a scary cellar. As a Black police officer, Drake can’t even arrest a white criminal. A white murderer gets to look down on him. When he takes the money for making the whole division look good in court, Chalk makes it look like he’s playing Judas bagging blood money.  His pregnant wife has to get out of town while he makes it right. Of course, this being HBO’s Perry Mason, it all starts with a bit of legal trickery.

Mason and Peter Strickland (Shea Whigham) chafe over their new distribution of duties. There is a great scene where Strickland basically spoon feeds Mason his investigative findings. Strickland goes on to get spit on by a toothless old-timer, commit ad hoc mail fraud, and ultimately be out-wiseassed on the job by a lady county clerk. But between him and Della Street, who wills success through the power of pertinent curiosity, Mason’s team comes up with the goods, as bad as they are. George Gannon was stealing from the church for the church.

The investigation and courtroom scenes play off each other well. Each adds context and suspense to the other. The music helps piece it together as discovery gets its own theme music. The new player in the conspiracy, Seidel, is a church man. Everything points back to where it begins, ends and centers. Street and Strickland dance separately around the clues, but pirouette into Mason’s lane. Sometimes it is a trapeze act, and sometimes they miss each other by inches.

The matron Barbara Frye probably breaks a commandment on the stand and the charge against Emily goes from kidnapping to murder. This is a huge moment. It is done with an orchestral grace with Maynard conducting and the judge completely drowned out in the mix. It escalates to the symphonic glissando. The press runs to file copy and question the defendant on her way out of the courthouse. Led by Elder Brown (David Wilson Barnes), the Sister Alice (Tatiana Maslany) protesters block the steps with signs counting down the days to the resurrection. Jesus did it in three. Alice has ten until she is exposed.

Alice has taken beating after beating on stage and is ready to fall from grace if that is the divine plan. Her mother Birdy McKeegan (Lili Taylor) has a contingency plan: Run. She’s all packed, probably needed to get out anyway. But the slap across the face Birdy gives Alice is a shock.

The way Alice recoils, the shake in her hands and full body language, shows this has happened before. She is waiting for the next blow to fall. It is a brutal second of time. Alice is remembering a lot of things, Mama. Meanwhile Emily believes she will get off if Mason finds the real killer. We don’t know if she’s once again suffering hunger pains or truly out to lunch, a choice Della visibly ponders without saying a word.

In “Chapter Five,” John Lithgow’s son Ian Lithgow gave a drop dead impression as Byron Jonathan, the son of EB Jonathan. Tonight Rhys does it in his car after the trial. “How did it go, EB,” he asks himself and then mimics “a few observations” from his former mentor. It rises until he breaks down and Mason is screaming at EB. It is almost daring, yelling at a dead person like that, calling him a coward with true anger and no regret. Until you see it is all remorse and desperation.

“I’ve been waiting for you to find me,” says the man with the gun at the very closing scene, which encapsulates the pulpy fun of the series. Perry Mason isn’t only a good courtroom drama, it is good drama. All of the performances have necessary flaws. The action builds to nerve-wracking levels, and the breaths in between are mirrored by the characters.

Rhys wears his frustration openly. Chalk barely contains self-loathing. Rankin is naked in her misguided faith. Maslany welcomes failure. Mason’s girlfriend Lupe Gibbs (Veronica Falcón) is getting to be an annoying detail on the show. It is an unnecessary added blemish of cynicism. Rylance offsets this by bringing a sense of wonder into mundane snatches of paperwork. “Chapter Six” makes the most of its motley crew of ensemble players in a decisive win for a losing defense.

The post Perry Mason Episode 6 Review: Chapter Six appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[iwishiwasdeadandcold]

The 3 Stages of My Borderline Personality Disorder Episodes

Before I had a diagnosis or engaged in any kind of treatment or made any kind of attempt to understand what was going on, triggers were subconscious. Imagine looking out your window. There is bright sunshine and not a cloud in the sky, and suddenly you are absolutely drenched with ice cold rain the second you walk outside your door. Imagine all the emotions that would come with that. Confusion, anger, disbelief and most important for me was that sense of injustice.

For me, triggers would be instantaneous and unpredictable and the immediacy of the intensity would catch me by complete surprise. This was pre-diagnosis. I didn’t know I was being triggered, so forget about having any kind of coping mechanisms to identify and manage those triggers.

Now imagine you’ve gone outside expecting sunshine, but you’re instantly soaked by rain — and the people you’re around haven’t been. They can’t understand your reaction as much as you can’t understand their lack of reaction. How dare they not feel what you feel? Are they all monsters? Do they not care about the situation you’re in?! I’ll speak more about the emotions involved in stage two.

Triggers are different since I’ve been diagnosed. For me, a diagnosis meant validity and responsibility. Validity that I knew I thought differently to other people and responsibility that I had a choice in how to manage these feelings. Now I am able to identify what triggers me and this is an ever-growing list. I’ve only recently (almost three years after diagnosis) realized my hyper-critical self comes out when I’m anxious about something for example — but hey, I know now. So now “the other guy” in me can be triggered and I have to remain in control to manage that trigger.

The first step for me is acknowledgment — it’s impossible to be stalked by darkness if you turn the light on. After that, I may separate the feeling from the thought. The saying goes that thoughts aren’t facts, well neither are feelings for me. It’s a work in progress to figure out when to go with my gut and when to box those feelings off. Sometimes I can trigger myself with imaginary events that haven’t even happened and I haven’t yet figured out why I do that, though I suspect it’s to do with my self-loathing and poor self-image. Maybe it’s self-sabotage. Maybe it’s a corrupted coping mechanism because life is too “normal”?

This all seems very controlled right? Easy when you know your triggers, surely? The problem with thoughts is they tend to dissolve, whereas feelings and emotions just “sit.” They stay there corroding my already fragile and unstable sense of self. The identity I am frantically trying to remember is not this twisted, disgusting, unlovable beast, but is actually an OK guy. But that emotion just gnaws away, sometimes for weeks burning through the faux veneer I’ve pathetically been trying to create. Trying to dress up in the Emperor’s new clothes until finally… sometimes… “I” happen again.

Stage 2: The Eye of the Storm

“Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create immense suffering.” – Marsha Linehan.

I have no better way to describe it. When I have lost control, when I have not managed that trigger, when I have been soaked through when I expected sunshine — I feel like a primal animal. All that matters is survival and protection of me because my perception of reality has become so distorted that nothing anybody says resonates with me unless it is reinforcing my own negative thought patterns.

I will verbally push away whoever has previously been supportive of me. I will treat everyone with suspicion. I may physically shake, cry, shout… even growl in solitude. I’ve had both auditory and visual hallucinations in my worst periods. There have been times I’ve self-harmed and it’s important people with no experience understand this is not a “cry for help” — I did it because it worked. As hard as that might be to read, it’s the truth as a short-term, high-risk solution. It stopped the mental pain and transferred it to physical pain and physical pain is infinitely easier to manage. I want to believe people are trying to comfort me. I want to believe people are genuine. I want to believe this episode is the anomaly rather than the reality, but when I am triggered, absolutely nothing will convince me I am anything other than a freak who doesn’t belong in the same social contract as the rest of humanity.

At the very worst, I will dissociate involuntarily. And while this removes me from feeling and needing to manage the emotional explosion, it unleashes the other thing in me that uses up all my chances in my friendships. I say that because surely, at some point, people will say enough is enough and at that point, the “other me” will comfort me and remind me he was right all along. He wasn’t of course, I just couldn’t control him. The price of dissociation is a complete freedom for every maladjusted emotional reaction. I can see this happening, but I can’t stop it. I don’t know what stops it but something must. This is the stage I liken to the Incredible Hulk when Bruce Banner gets in an uncontrollable rage, devoid of guilt, intent on destroying anything around him. When the rage subsides, the Hulk fades away and he awakes dazed and confused back as Bruce Banner once more.

Stage 3: The Aftermath

Exhaustion.

Numbness.

Calm.

No more racing thoughts for an hour or two. It’s like my inner world has reset and it’s a blank slate until something reminds it how I process things. Literally an hour or two respite from existence before the clock starts ticking to the next stage two and I begin to manage the triggers once more.

If dissociation is the exhilarating liberation from the intensity of my borderline emotional state as a means of self-preservation, then the reattachment to society is equally painful. Sounds are too loud, lights are too bright. I struggle to see people interact, even strangers. I don’t understand the rules of the world where they have this connection and I don’t. Where they can have this connection and I can’t. All these things feel like they physically hurt and then I feel conflicted by the knowledge that they can’t physically be hurting me… so what’s wrong with me?

Guilt.

Regret.

Remorse.

Anxiety.

Self-loathing.

These charge back into my consciousness like a thousand wild horses rampaging through budding farmland, stomping on any signs of inner peace I felt for those blissful few minutes. I would give anything to believe that short time could be my constant mental state. I experience guilt, regret, remorse and self-loathing either due to the behavior I am ashamed of or the result of debilitating anxiety over what I know I’m capable of, but have no recollection of. Such is the intensity of BPD, anything I feel here is amplified and I know this… I just don’t feel this.

I can’t watch TV because I attach to the fictional emotional states in such a way that it’s too painful to watch or because I attach to the fictional characters in a way that isn’t healthy. I can listen to music and be in tears thanks to my attachment to the lyrics or the memories the songs trigger. That’s the intensity, the hyper-intensity in stage three, before I settle down back to normality and re-enter stage one. That just leaves me with sleep and sleep becomes a favorite pastime. My bedtimes become earlier and earlier until my body just isn’t tired so now I just lay there, unable to entertain myself or relax. I see this as a positive sign now that I’m past the initial stages of reattachment which are the most painful for me.

None of this excuses the cycle. Yes I understand it, but I would hate if people thought I saw this understanding as an excuse. I don’t want to have these cycles. I am confused and frustrated that other people can see when I’m in stage one and I can’t. I’m even more frustrated when I can see I’m in stage one yet still progress to stage two. Amid this intensity, I am also intensely grateful for people who accept this about me and still stick by me. Those people who see the good in me when I struggle to. Those people who simply ask, “Are you OK?” when they see stage one and I don’t. Those people who contact me in stage three or allow me to be quiet if that’s what I need. Thank you.

[thecloudlight-blog]

New Post has been published on Cloudlight

New Post has been published on https://cloudlight.biz/soon-you-will-be-able-to-try-out-a-health-insurance/

Soon, you will be able to try out a health insurance

This supposed that if an insurer plans a product that might, for instance, offer dynamic pricing based totally on how lovely a person is, they might release it for some months and test it with a few customers. If the response is effective

Your coverage organization may quickly offer a product on trial to peer if it works inside the marketplace. With the insurance regulator allowing general insurers and health insurers to convey out pilot products, agencies are readying products for a soft launch.

In July 2016, Insurance Regulatory and Development Authority of India (IRDA) notified a hard and fast of revised health insurance policies. This added an exchange to numerous of the prevailing guidelines around medical health insurance sales, pricing, and product shape, which includes the sale of products.

In the coverage journal added out by means of IRDA on medical health insurance,

Chairman TS Vijayan said that general insurers or health insurers are accepted to provide pilot products to give scope for innovation.

This intended that if an insurer plans a product that would, as an instance, offer dynamic pricing primarily based on how energetic someone is, they may release it for some months and test it with some customers. If the response is advantageous, they may carry it to the mass market.

Since IRDA has asked insurers to inspire the wellness and preventive behavior of the policyholders, it is anticipated that most of the pilot products might be an aggregate of functions that encourage fitness and wholesome behavior.

Health insurers, especially, are trying to tie up with gymnasiums and swimming pools to become aware of if any in their clients visit those places on a normal foundation. Based on the quantity of days of interest and a wide variety of hours that a person works out on a weekly foundation, custom designed coverage and higher pricing may be supplied.

Laser Weapons – They Are Here Today, Soon Ubiquitous In The Modern Battlespace

Ronald Reagan was all about selling the concept of Star Wars laser guns with the capacity to shoot down incoming ICBM guns, Soviet Bombers or something else that changed into deemed a threat. The Space Race and Cold War was in full bloom and coming to an give up, specifically because of the U.S. Jogging out of money and economically imploding trying to hold up. Back then, we did not have laser guns, however, wanted them, a lot become a bluff, however quickly, these laser weapon systems could be anywhere and used for all varieties of makes use of. Let’s speak, shall we?

Not lengthy in the past, I was interviewed about the future of superior laser weapon structures. Daniel the interviewer asks; “Do you believe you studied we can soon see laser weapons? Why?”

Yes, and within the US we’re sincerely already there, now onto the project of miniaturization.

Perhaps building a small laser system the dimensions of a small fridge to in shape into the bomb bay of an F-35 or F-22 and I have no doubt as a way to occur within 5-10 years, terrific for our allies who purchase our stealthy F-35, but horrific for any and all adversaries. We are running on a smaller system mounted on truck and Humvee, we have demonstrated a concept.

In the USA we additionally have the ship set up laser guns gadgets for protection too. In the close to future possibly even a handheld device, no longer like a Star Trek Phaser, but more like a larger model of an assault rifle. There are still demanding situations with those types of weapons such as air density and the sort of laser in airborne applications. Also, the strength wanted, especially within the case of man-transportable devices. Another problem is the time required on target for a great kill whilst the usage of lasers to shield against swarm assault.

Laser guns do no longer make sense for every area of interest inside the battlespace or future battlespaces, however,

They are viable, however. It might be the technological know-how fiction loving minds of researchers or our love for Star Wars which keeps assuring the funding for such things. But excessive-tech weapon structures simply for the sake of it, makes no feel. Cash-strapped nations have to recollect fees of such systems, and they’ll.

The US has many allies who would like to have these structures, and BAE and others are running on systems in their very own now. The Russians have a studies software too, and the Chinese as properly, yes, an awful lot of its miles borrowed tech, were given to like the spy international and cyber hackers – it appears in recent times Top Secret = 1 Month, and then there is WikiLeaks, you understand how it’s miles?

Healthy Living – Don’t Take Your Health For Granted

I am going to assume you live busy lifestyles and it is tough to find a hazard to do whatever no longer without delay vital. It is not going this assumption is inaccurate considering maximum adults are inquisitive about work, friends, and own family, or other each day topics. If you are like most, it’s miles hard so one can locate time to do whatever new, in no way mind exercising.

What you could now not recognize, however

Is often running out isn’t just a beneficial hobby: it is a vital one. Physical interest is broadly overlooked in spite of its significance, which sadly comes at a steep price. Don’t make this error.

Finding time to workout can be difficult, however, you need to be sincere with yourself. Are you clearly so occupied you can not squeeze in some weekly workouts or are you making excuses? Going for a workout is not the most fun manner to spend an hour of your precious unfastened time, however, it is also no longer as bad as it is able to seem. Rarely will you ever regret an exercising, now not to say there’s a surge of endorphins to enhance your temper when you are done along with your ordinary? Especially if you do cardio, which is an extraordinary manner to burn fat and enhance your coronary heart.

Whether you are aware of it or not, you can discover the time to workout,

Even if you are the busiest you’ve got ever been. Waking up an hour or so in advance 3 to four times every week may be all you need. Or, cut down your television and internet time by an hour in the evenings for some vital physical hobby. As previously mentioned, whether or not you recognize it or now not, you need to consist of bodily pastime on your existence if you are to preserve your fitness and nicely-being.

Don’t take your fitness for granted. Crippling diseases like Type 2 diabetes and the headaches it brings are extraordinarily probably within the “right” situations. An aggregate of bodily inactiveness and a dangerous weight loss plan are sufficient for the majority to increase excessive blood sugar stages and emerge as obese, that is the core recipe for one of the most debilitating diseases recognized to man.

Finding time to exercising can mean the distinction among a healthy life and an ill one filled with remorse,

Worry, and pain. You could choice to be healthy, even if your will to exercise is not wholehearted yet. You cannot understand what may show up, but prevention is in no way unwise.

Take movement now even as you may set up a buffer against common health troubles so that they by no means become an issue on your lifestyles.

Although managing your disorder may be very hard, Type 2 diabetes isn’t always a condition you have to just live with. You could make easy adjustments in your daily recurring and decrease each your weight and your blood sugar tiers. Hang in there, the longer you do it, the simpler it receives.

Understanding Caravan Insurance Covers

If you’ll be the use of your caravan at some stage in the holidays it’s always encouraged which you insure it in order to protect yourself from any danger that might come to your manner.

Types of caravan insurance covers

There are three styles of caravan coverage covers you can cross for: journeying, static, and trailer tent cowl. Caravan insurance covers are inclusive of the caravan this is being towed at the back of every other vehicle.The static cowl covers a caravan that you vicinity at a hard and fast area. For instance, the caravan that your area at a vacation park. In maximum cases, the quilt protects even the contents in the caravan. It covers the tent and once in a while the contents in the tent. Since the tent is typically exposed, most of the insurance groups pull away from protecting the content. The few that accept to insure the caravan often charge an excessive fee.

Factors to don’t forget whilst getting a caravan insurance cowl

To keep away from misunderstanding within the event you’ve got a coincidence or your contents are broken, you ought to get the proper caravan insurance cover. The first issue to keep in mind is the reputation of the organization you are running with. As rule of thumb make certain that the company is of excessive reputation and can’t rip-off you.

You should also bear in mind the size regulations of the duvet. It’s commonplace for agencies to cover caravans of a sure weight or length. To keep away from troubles in the future you need to weigh your caravan which includes its contents and ensure that the agency you’re shopping for the cover from will ensure it.