#sry i am going thru an emotional and spiritual reckoning rn lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

its-sixxers · 2 years

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theme for 2022 was the complete deconstruction of everything i have ever perceived and valued and vivid knowledge into who I actually am free of expectation or opinions of others at the cost of feeling a severance from my family

i feel like I’ve stepped out of a shower cold and naked and shivering but clean

after nearly 30 years of eldest daughter syndrome i am here and while it is sad to realize that i have never really been known by my family and only have ever been cast into an expected role god does it feel good to know what i am and what i want

i feel like my depression and feelings of failure got cured overnight just via seeing what all my preconceived thoughts of what i wanted and desire to please would actually lead to

#tl;dr my mum never spoke up about my myriad bad relationships until they were over #and approved of them until breakup then suddenly she was always suspicious #she’s doing the same w my sister’s bf who has actively admitted to thinking women are snakes #dad is passive and aloof classic dad syndrome #and by being single into my late 20s i am suddenly shunted aside in favor of my mother cooing over my sister #i am a non entity after years of being dutiful older daughter and my sister doing jack shit #i wept so much for being single but one plus to seeing my sisters shithead bf is realizing my family would approve of my nightmare #now i am gonna cling to singlehood white knuckled #sry i am going thru an emotional and spiritual reckoning rn lol

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