#sria whipping out Also Feel Hatred Towards as the most stilted ass replacement to saying Hates

[snow-system-wol]

Thinking about Valdeaulin...

Some situational spoilers for Weapon Quests up through Emerald below cut.

Valdeaulin was looking out over the water, sat thoughtfully on a ledge, when S'ria approached him. He hopped up to sit a short distance away. They waited in a silence that was neither particularly comfortable, nor hostile – but certainly an awkward one. It was clear that S'ria had come here for a reason, not to share a moment of quiet companionship. The two of them were anything but friends.

For several long minutes, he simply dangled his feet over the long drop into the sea, and let the ocean breeze wash over him. Eventually, S'ria did speak up.

"For the record, I also feel hatred towards Gaius."

Valdeaulin looked more than a little thrown off by the unusual conversation starter.

"Is that what you walked all the way over here to say?" He scoffed. "Your past exploits already speak for themselves."

S'ria pulled his legs up onto the ledge and turned to face Valdeaulin. "No, that wasn't all. I feel that way towards him, and yet – I do feel guilt for killing three of his children, for steadily destroying what's left of his family. It's possible to feel both."

S'ria could see that some part of that struck home, but any reaction was quickly smoothed over.

"Is this you expressing reservations about going on with this?"

S'ria shook his head. "No. As ever, I'll do what must be done. If destroying the weapons means more death, I won't change course."

"Then please, say what you actually mean."

"Remind me what that deal you made with Gaius was, exactly?" 

Valdeaulin looked aggravated by S'ria's roundabout approach to the point, sounding increasingly terse as he spoke. "I will stay my hand until either he has finished righting his wrong, or he strays again from this path."

"Yes, that is what I remember. And I respect that, given I thought I'd taken care of him years ago." S'ria's jaw tightened. "What part of that includes harassing a grieving man for the sake of cruelty alone?"

Valdeaulin turned towards him so quickly that it was a minor miracle that he didn't slip off the ledge. "He– You don't understand. That bastard took everything from me! He doesn't deserve your compassion, not after the lives he's ruined."

"You think I don't understand?" S'ria didn't raise his voice, but there was a sharp edge to it.

S'ria hesitated for almost long enough to lose his nerve. He inhaled just a bit too shakily, and committed to following through with this conversation, despite the many reservations he felt. S'ria tilted his head back, fully exposing his throat to the taller man. He held down his growing sense of panic at being unable to properly watch Valdineau and stayed still long enough for the man to get a good look. S'ria let him make his own assumptions about exactly how the scarring came to be.

"Gaius van Baelsar and his ilk – Gyr Abania – he –". The words sounded like curses, the way he spat them out. S'ria paused and took a deep breath. "It is… impossible to overstate the impact Garlemald has had on my life. But I want to try to be better than they are. Execution is one thing, torture is a completely different transgression. I'd like to think that… I'm acting in a way my family could still be proud of, even if I couldn't know that."

S'ria could see Valdeaulin hold back a dozen different responses, looking as though S'ria had struck him. He turned to stare at the horizon, lost in thought. 

"Do you really think he's trying to redeem himself? Men like him don't change, can't change. One of these days… the Black Wolf will show himself for what he is."

S'ria sighed. "I don't know. I'd like to believe he is trying – and you'd like to be proven right. Just know one thing. If he snaps because you keep prodding at him over his dead children, it won't be proving anything about him. It will only prove something about you."

S'ria held back the urge to add that he'd possibly also lash out at Valdeaulin if he kept this up. It wasn't going to help, and they'd cross that bridge if they came to it.

Valdeaulin hadn't turned his gaze away from the water, but what of his face S'ria could see looked deeply conflicted.

"Leave me. I need to think."

S'ria dutifully dropped back onto less precarious ground. He hoped that conversation was worth it, risky and emotionally taxing as it was. They both could do well with a little space after that.