#spent too much time in my head and now they're all warped and weird. but like. like. for some reason.

[moe-broey]

Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.

[salty-an-disco]

*thinks about how there's several different versions of Hero who acts a little different depending on which route you take him through–*

*thinks about how the Hero that appears in the middle of the final battle describes himself as being 'all of them'*

*thinks about how all those different Heroes might not have been able to completely integrate themselves into a single individual*

Conclusion: Hero would develop a system (a median system, to be more exact)

Yep. This was the main reason I started drawing different variants for Hero in different chapters and givin' them different names, everyone can go home now /lhj /silly

Anyway, since I already drew all the guys, might as well talk about them in the context of Hero being a system

(note: I've semi-recently found I, myself, am a system, so a lot of this is me processing this stuff and trying to puzzle things out through my blorbo. shout out to Hero for making this discovery a lot easier to digest. that means a lot of what I'm writing here comes from my own experience and perspectives. Also, I'll be calling the different Heroes 'facets', as that represents better what they are to him)

Since they all come from the exact same source (forms through Chapter I), they don't really see themselves as all that separate or different people. The different titles are more nicknames than anything, they're all 'Hero', just– from a slightly different angle and with different roles/priorities. Hero doesn't hear distinct voices in his head like Quiet, he's more like Shifty, in a way, having their feelings and different texture affect his behavior.

Hero is vaguely aware of these different facets, even giving them those titles as a way to organize and understand himself, but doesn't worry too much about it. That's just how he is.

As for the different facets and their role within the system–

– Hero: Host; front-stuck – Technically speaking, his route would be the Stranger one, as that's where he spent the least amount of time in Chapter I and didn't develop any other identity besides 'Hero'. Not necessarily the 'original', and would rather not worry about that lest it triggers another existential crisis, but is definitely the 'main one'. The main face that's always there. Behavior and thought-process can change depending on other facets present.

– Savior: Protector/Persecutor – Formed when his will power was broken and subdued by someone far stronger. Is intent on not letting that happen again. Very headstrong and certain of himself; he has to be, or else their willpower will break again. Mainly appears to help deal with threats much bigger than them. (Fun fact: in warped AU, he and Hero were fused together)

– Champion: Physical Protector – Formed by a desire to fight and persevere against an opponent that can kill you. Very strategy-minded, focused on better ways to get out of a confrontation alive. Will always try to get out of battles with the least amount of injuries to the body possible. Does not like confrontation, but will go through it if it means survival. Appears anytime there's a need to fight and/or survive. Often alongside Savior or Fledgling.

– Liar: Social Protector/Caretaker – Formed when forced to betray someone you previously intended on helping. Despite the title, Liar is very aversed to lying, and despises when others are being dishonest. Why play these weird games that just makes things more difficult? Can't we just be blunt with each other and makes things easier? Appears when the host feels judged or like he's being given an unfair assumption during a social encounter, or later on, when the host is thinkin' back to a certain social situation that didn't go to well. Helps process those leftover feelings and make sure the host is doing well emotionally and socially.

– Fledgling: Protector – Formed when made to feel cornered by a dangerous creature and clawed to death. Similar role to Champion, in theory, though he appears, more broadly, when the host starts feeling cornered in any way. Which doesn't happen solely in physical fights. Very helpful when appearing to deal with a physical threat, not so much when the threat is more emotional or social.

– Dashing: Emotion Holder/Uplifter – Formed from a desire to do nothing but good to someone else. Not as positive and optimistic as his paired voice during The Damsel, but still makes sure the host knows doesn't forget there's always a bright side and some hope to hold on to. Makes sure the host is taking the time to appreciate the things and people he love and that he isn't getting to caught up in worries and anxiety.

– Accomplice: Memory Holder/Cheergiver – Formed when despite your misgivings, you put your trust in someone else. His role is more vague than the others, but is generally there to give support to those outside of the system. Makes the host take a step back and let someone they trust take the reigns, for once.

– Haunted: Caretaker – Formed while spending a good few lifetimes in Nothingness. Not exactly sure what he's supposed to do here, but tries his best to help. Took some pointers from Cold and encourages the host to put feelings aside for now, if only to focus on taking care of the body before diving back into them. The one that knows self-care, and appears when the body desperately needs it.

– Dreamer: Trauma Holder – Formed as you tried to close your eyes and pretend there's no danger just in front of you. This one is Trauma Personified and mainly only appears when the host is triggered. When he appears, it's very difficult for Hero to differentiate reality from delusions, and it feels like he's back in the construct, fighting for his life and sanity.

– Ribbons: ???/Shell – Formed across 4 chapters; as more pieces broke off, very little was left of him. Less of a facet and more a general feeling of Nothingness. That can be useful when the host is feeling too overwhelmed to think. Just kinda makes Hero zone out and shut down when he appears.

Bonus: what it looks like when some of the facets are close to front. Whether or not Hero will shapeshift depends on how long a facet lingers, and how much they're affecting him. Often, he doesn't shapeshift at all despite the many facets that appeared throughout the day

[runawaymarbles]

7, 15, and 18 for the ask meme?

Weird Writing Ask Meme

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

It's hard to narrow it down, but one of my favorite parts-- that's a genuine pure favorite and never makes me want to bang my head against a wall-- is when I find unexpected ways to bring things I'm interested in together. When I realize that a weirdly niche rabbit hole I went down a few years ago could suddenly be plot relevant, or some analogy lines up to something else I'm doing. (Getting to bring Caravaggio's Artichoke Toss into a GO fic or when I was binging Myths and Legends's Arthuria episodes and realizing it worked perfectly with an x-men fic I was struggling with, etc.)

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

It depends on the book. I don't dog-ear pages, and I don't write in hardbacks, but I've been known to underline paperbacks. I will read hardbacks in the bath if they're not too long. If I saw someone writing in an old book or a fist edition or something I might have a moment of "aaaahhh!" but I don't hold mass market books as inherently precious

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

“Our traditional design ties together the partners’ initials with the blue line of Life and the deer of Death... For where Life goes, Death always follows; and where Death goes, Life continues. Theirs is the most profound of bonds, and one we try to emulate with each marriage.”

(From The Mixtape, Or: Six Things You Learn in Thursday School)

I spent a lot of time revising the bits of "scripture" in this fic, because I was trying to walk the line between what I could imagine someone treating as sacred text-- looking for meanings, lessons, comfort, etc-- and what would be funny for the reader who knows the actual plot of Supernatural. (Especially for those reading it during the pandemic: I still think that the Council of Nicea equivalent being the "Teleconference of Lawrence" is funny. That's also why settlements are called "pods" in this fic.)

Originally, this passage was explaining how Castiel was the Angel of Death-- the joke being that he doesn't cause people to die, but that he is in the more literal sense Dean's angel. But I figured he'd need a job or purpose to be of ritual significance. And since one of his main functions in the canonical narrative was to angel ex machina Sam and Dean out of trouble and/or back to life and be a celestial badaid, the Life/healing connection seemed natural-- but I also didn't want to make it seem like he and Death were at odds, each racing to see who got to someone first. So instead they're following each other around (as they did in canon) in the ciiiiiiircle of life. Of course, something that's overlooked by the characters who came up with the wedding rituals is that if they're constantly following each other they are never actually connecting (as they didn't in canon.) .....I'm now realizing that I could have worked in a joke about Schroedinger's box: the only place Life and Death can successfully stop and rest. Alas. I tried to keep the Angel of Death as one of Life's alternate names but between the conflation of Dean/Death/Hell/Heaven/Purgatory and Cas/Life and merging John-Chuck and Sam-Jack another name was going to make me lose track of what's going on, much less the poor suckers reading this.

Anyway it's all very Deep and Symbolic except that they think Dean's impala is a literal deer, they've forgotten what neckties are, and they used the phrase "profound bond" in conversation. Also the irony that Dean and Cas's frankly deranged, unstable, and occasionally toxic friendship rife with communication issues has been warped in the historical record as something that should be emulated in a stable marriage.

This whole fic was really an exercise in what jokes I could imagine a specific priest I know saying with gravitas and full sincerity.