#spencer reid is literally my new standard of a hubbie

[erinnkenobi]

Fall into me | chapter three

"The saddest thing in life and the hardest to live through, is the knowledge that there is someone you love very much whom you cannot save from suffering.." — Agatha Christie

Chapter one - Chapter two - Chapter three

pairing | Spencer Reid x fem!reader

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢 | Things changed after Spencer was taken hostage.

"There was no sun in my sky, No mirrors for monsters, and No love in sight. Then you walked down those stairs And I knew my heart wasn't mine"

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 | +7.3k sorry not sorry hon' and good lucky

TW 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 | bad English, inappropriate language, awful situation, mention of drugs, addiction, mental health awareness, comfort in each other, reader has trust issues, kidnapping, episodes set No way out and Revelations all from season two

Author's note | hope you enjoy and don't kill me, I didn't reviewed the story.

Seriously that you got a call early in the morning? You begrudgingly get up and do what you need to do, you call your neighbour that is usually awakened at this time and ask I'd she could look after your dog for certain periods, to which she agreed.

Arriving at the BAU, you meet the new agent, Agent Prentiss, you have heard this name once, nevermind.

The moment you saw what JJ was showing on the screen, you got it, you have watched plenty of sci-fi movies and action films, it was a biological weapon, but you said nothing since Prentiss started showing off her skills in Arabic, it surprised everyone, but Hotchner face didn't flinch a move.

Well, you know a couple of languages and you still learning in the middle of the night when you're alone while watching a TV show or film by making you company, however since Spencer's visits turned out to be oftentimes, you haven't progressed a lot. The new agent sees smart and hard-working, but as you can notice by her corporal movements, she wants approval.

Hotchner said that you would come with him and Morgan, letting Spencer, Gideon and Prentiss go for Guantanamo Bay. You were not happy, but he's the boss.

–So, see you later?-you say before Spencer left for the Airstrip.

– Yeah, I hope you'll come with us again soon, Gideon seemed not that happy when Hotchner told him that Prentiss would come with us.

– I hope he doesn't scare her.-yo usar playfully, but you're hurt, you weren't made to work in the actual camp, therefore it didn't matter anymore, Hotchner noticed that you could do well in both ways as well as Gideon noticed too, you remained calm and centred, even in the worst possibilities.

But what no one knows is when you come back home, what is inside your mind when you can't show what you want to do right after those awful cases that your team solved? An incoming headache is foreseen, soon or later it will come and you shall crumble.

In a glimpse of time Spencer saw your mien drop off, he stared at your defensive eyes.

– Is something bothering you?-he forgets about his shyness and touches your should, making you look at his face, and your cheeks start burning.

– Ehm... What? NO no no, nothing is bothering me, just I don't think what they're saying is the real issue, there's something more behind it.

– I know, wait.-he still staring at you.– What did you mean by something more? Do you think it's a...

– Spencer, five minutes ended! We're going now.-you give Spencer a weak smile.

– Go and be safe, see you.

– Same thing, be safe OK.

– I'll be, Morgan always says I'm a child so as a parental figure, he says he'll keep out of trouble, I mean, not getting myself harmed.

Spencer wanted to put you in safety, he'd like to come and let you safe, so nothing could harm you even when it wasn't his area.

–Spencer!

–If we don't catch up on time, you know when I'll meet you!-he quickly says before halting away from ye

–Go quickly!

.

–Bonnie Ryan

[...]

– Agent y/l/n.

[...]

– They must have done escape drills.-Hotchner walks away while Derek followed him, you stood still looking around if you could catch any missing points, then you follow their voices to a room where you saw the bio equipment, while Hotchner and Derek are describing the supposed unsub or gangsta and where they might attack.

–Any ideas y/l/n?-Hotchner suggest and you gestured with a more or less.– What do you think it is?

– Don't judge me in a bad way, but what if it is a bioterrorist weapon? I don't know what ingredients are inside but it doesn't seem just what we see on the surface.

The DEA agent is not happy, not with you of course, but with the statement, if it's a bioterrorist weapon, they must solve it quickly. Hotchner and Morgan said nothing until Morgan found a papel, a list filled with chemical components.

You snoop beside his body, not as subtle as he sees yet he let's you check.

Well, you forgot almost all chemistry classes you took while at school, it doesn't make any less dumb, but what you have just seen froze you.

When Morgan gets what Garcia told him, he first turns his head at you with a worried face, you were right, it wasn't a simple thing that you guys were putting your hands on.

– Are you sure? All right.

– What'd she say?

– Garcia says this looks like a list of additives needed to weaponize anthrax.-and you did it again, Hotchner's eyes are filled with panic even if his face stood as a

Inside the car with Hotchner and Morgan, you're paying attention to Hotch's phone call with JJ.

–[...] And notify Gideon and Reid.-you hear a small okay from JJ, Hotch look at Morgan and Morgan turns to you.

– Are you ready, kid?-your mind says no, yet your mouth betrayed you faster than a blink.

– Yeah, are we going now?

– Right now.-finishes Hotch.

When JJ warned the others about you going with 'em to seek this dangerous place, Reid's heart skipped a painful beat.

Inside the van of The Omega cell with all the right devices you searched along with Morgan for anything that could lead you to a clue, you stopped in your track muttering something under your breath, you felt panic through your veins, you touch Morgan's arm.

–What?

– This is a trap.-you alert with a muffled voice, but Morgan didn't hear you.

– What?

–This.is.a.trap.

– How do you...

[Guantanamo bay]

Reid changes glances between the screen and the unsub hands.

-Something's wrong. His hands.-he reports the man's behaviour.

[...]–Is that Hotch?-Gideon asks while hasting.

– What's the problem?

– Get everybody out of there. Now. NOW. Now.-Gideon demands.

–Everybody out! It's a trap. Now!

You glare in fear at Hotch orders, you just feel Morgan grabbing yoyourand as quickly as possible dragging you out with no problems, soon as you all get out of the container you feel your body being pushed away and a man screaming, but your hears are all buzzing here and there, your body felt weak with suddenly explosion and hot air while pieces from the container were all flying around near ye all, lucky you that Morgan was dragging you before any damage could be done.

The three of you were together when agent Ryan begins chatting, she's sad, you've lost a S.W.A.T member, why they couldn't listen to you for a second? If they heard you all of you would be alive. Morgan after Garcia calls off to apologise, you feel your eyes burning with anger and sadness, you could have done more, you should have screamed that it was a trap, but with your fear you just told Morgan, barely audible.

–[...] Not yet.-Hotch finished his talking with the DEA agent.

[...]

When Spencer and Prentiss heard what happened at Guantanamo, Spencer was all worried, his hands holding tightly a paper scrap. If Prentiss noticed? Yeah, but she choose silence, she knew, she can't just ask "Hey, are you okay? The girl what is she for you? You can call her and see if she's okay if you don't mind" out of nowhere since she met them less than a day.

– Are they okay? Is she okay?-Spencer asks Gideon when he turns off the phone, Gideon ignores the second question.

–we were right about the trap. It was rigged to explode. A SWAT agent died.

Spencer could finally breathe, unfortunately, you guys lost a swat agent, there's no word to describe a loss but since he didn't know whose the person was, he couldn't feel much.

[Break time]

You huffed stressed, when you arrived in BAU, and with no time you're dragged again inside the car with Hotch and Morgan, really? On the back/rear seat again?

– Thank you. We just got a lead

–So we did get a name?-you ask with hope.

–And an address.-Morgan complete.

After the FBI agents get out of that house, they explained what they saw, you just could feel your stomach churn in despair, we're too late.

As you thought, you three come back inside the car.

[...]

Shopping scene.

Your heart was racing when you start running heading towards the security room with Hotch.

You saw how stressed Hotchner was when he reported the men's localisation to Morgan, the minute after this you tried to calm down Hotchner which you did a great job, affirming that his wife probably cancelled the photography shoot with his son, because, according to you, she'd like to do it with her family together.

– Thank you kid, it was such a stressful day.

– A stressful case Sir.-you cross your arms breathing.–Gladly our team were able to finish 'em, you can go back home and hug your family.-he returns you with a soft yet weak smile, that man need a good sleep.

– I'll make sure to listen to you more, Morgan told me you, the minutes before the explosion that you have warned him that something was oddly and all the cases before it too.

– Thanks sir, but now, what do we do now?

– We should head home kid.

[...]

I'm an adult, geez, why do they call me kid or child!

–Nala, do you think Am I a kid?-she barked, you felt a pang into your heart.-No no Nala, mommy is an adult woman, right?-the dog hides it's face under its paws, you just stare at her.

You cannot believe, your own dog getting doctrinesed against you.

–What a meanie.

The day was stressful and you needed a good nap after a good warm shower and Spencer couldn't show up, since they arrived late that day, he didn't mean to bother you.

[...]

SEX, BIRTH, DEATH

Spencer is in a hurry while drawing a boy profile on his notebook, he almost bump in JJ, his hands were moving as the flash as it could possibly do, he picked up the phone talking with someone, minutes before it you were talking with Gideon when you saw your friend agitated.

– What's popping?-you cheerfully ask, but when he answers you weren't spectating for it.– Okay I'm out of this case.

– Oh no, you will come.-Spencer says.-Right, Gideon?-the confidence in Spence eyes made Gideon only nod, he never saw it, not even when playing chess.-Told you.

You two hastens away from them, and Gideon gives a forth look at you both and back then at JJ.

– What's happening between these two?

– I don't know Sir, as far as I know, they're friends with odds way in demonstrating it.

– Friends... I see, if you say, I don't mind, is not my business anyway, call Hotch and tell him he should come with us to the dead-house.

[...]

Oh my J. Why are you there staring at a woman dead body? ok, you knew ehy you were here, because a special lad dragged against your will, but why they needed you in this case? Dummy girl, you thought to  yourself, 'because you're part of their team'

Hence, as you can see, complaining wouldn't help much, wake up and start working, you noticed the woman body and if Spencer is 100% right, the boy that had done it is mad mad, could only be a boy in a sophomore year or a first year university student, but your money's is on the first option, yet your guts don't lie, there's something odd.

While you were heading back to BAU, you complained.

– Why you needed me?

– Because yes, and besides this poor affirmation, did you noticed something?

– We will need to see Garcia and check up, but I bet the boy you met is a horny boy with a wretched mind, but my guess is, he's might be a sophomore year student.

– Okay, but why sophomore year?

– Ill give you a simple answer, because its the horny age, Spence.-he gasped.

– Oh okay, but I don't think it affects everybody at this age.-yeah Spencer, I can believe.-I never.

– Neither did I, but as far as I can know my friends had done a lot of stupid things while I were studying.

–O, gotcha, though I never had friends.

– Okay, okay, do I need to repeat it again? I'm  your bestie right now, what is in the past, must stay in the past ok.-you couldn't notice at first(because you were looking at the pavement movement)but what you said made he open a wide smile

– Right, let's see Garcia.

[...]

Time flies by and BAU is getting the unsub out of hands, now after the sixteen years old girl death you've been set to work with Garcia, you both less than 10 minutes found what Spencee wanted, as a reward suddenly out of nowhere, Reid kisses your forehead while he held your cheeks happily as soon he rushes out of the room leaving you with a speechless shocked face and a shocked Garcia growing with slowly a mischievous grin.

–What the heck have I just seen?

–Don't make me questions that I can't answer.

...

You're passing by Reid table, he called you but you were with your purse on hands ready to go home, when Garcia stopped you holding your arm.

–We're hitting town tonight, you two, let's go.

– I don't feel like the a good company tonight, sorry.

– Neither do I, my precious hacker.-you Tey to fawn her, but you won't get out.

–Hm nope, you two, don't make me bring both of you by force, good boy.-she says when Spencer gives up getting up.

–I don't when drink, my dear!

–Then I pay you a soda.-Spencer continues, making Garcia proud.-What!? Why are you looking at me like that?

– Because I'll rip your bashful smile out of your face.

–Don't brag sweetie, we are going now -Garcia dragged you outside.

However when you arrived near the car Spencer got a call and his cheerfully smiled dropped in seconds.

–What happened??-you came closer him, but he opens the back seat door of Penelope's car, he makes you get inside and then rushed to Garcia.

–It's Nathan.

°°°

After what happened with the boy, Spencer left with Gideon while Penelope were being comforted by Morgan, and you, well with the wind, you shake your head getting out of there going to the nearest bus stop, when the bus arrived you heard your name being called but you were already in.

When you arrived in home you put all of your clothes in the washing machine and took a good shower ready to sleep, the panic and blood that you saw this week were enough, but as you're an unfortunate person someone rang your house's bell. Before opening the door you check who's the visitor,  if is an unknown you would call Nala and pick up your gun, but all what you see is a pale Spencer, you mentally shrugs but open your door.

–Hey, you shouldn't be here after what happened, you should've be at..-y/n is interrupted by a tight hug that almost made her fall on the floor, confused you trust in your guts  and just held his hug the warmest way possible.-Shushh, it's okay, it's okay, Spence, what we saw today it's over now, right?-He kept holding you in his arms,  you thought Gideon calmed him over past hour, but as you can see, Spencer is here, his hands trembling as hell.

You had to force him sit down on your sofa and drink a calming tea, not coffee for tonight, Spencer apologised for his abruptly visit but he also remarked that he'd told uou earlier that day he'd come to you house, it's was awkwardly after the hug because you didn't know what to say when you and he shared minutes that seemed hours staring at each other. You moved haste first, holding his hand and making him sit down while you were preparing the tea.

Nala leant her head on his lap, which seems to distract him, that's a good girl.

After the tea, Spencer quickly sleeps on your comfy large sofa, which causes you to cover him up, you mutter lowly to Nala.

–Keep an eye on our boy girl, mom will sleep too.

And after that day, something happened in both heart's,  but no one would do anything, not now.

Spencer had been visiting you lately at night times, you never asked why he's coming when you both finish your cases, because deep down, his company doesn't make you feel lonely, not ignoring Nala's existence, but having another human near, laughing and telling secrets and stories could never be replaced, even if that person its always bringing you scientific facts.

....

Derek Morgan's case close — you were mad at everybody, you were paired to work with Garcia, check as quick as possible to get your friend out of his prison. You couldn't believe either Hotch or Gideon were doing, how could be all of them fools, the moment you realised was the same moment you read the letter that Carl Bufort sent to the judge, your tears were burning your eyes and cheeks, Garcia asked worried why you were crying, she never saw you crying like this, eyes filled with a quiet anger.–"Hon' what happened, why are you crying? This is just a letter".–"Garcia... Haven't you noticed why Derek never told us about his past? Is because he have a scar, a deep scar that is private, why do you think he doesn't wanna us to know, I'd feel the same.Yet your friend couldn't understand.–"Garcia...All the clues have dots and those dots links each other" when she connected then her face fell.

The case went by and you two said anything, you'd didn't wanted to make Morgan sad or get him angry, since the stress of this case, this is a matter that isn't your place to say anything if the person wants to forget about their scars, thing that Gideon and Hotch unfortunately opened again, you know, somehow it was needed yet in a unpleasant way.

...

No way out (part 1 of 2)

Nala is the star of this episode, your brave girl helped a lot, you didn't enter the house, your dong sniffed something as she ran you followed and alerted everybody foretelling that you found the trailer, you dog haven't enter3d but barked, Hotchner came in first, then Spencer, Prentiss and you the last, your eyes googled in dread and further you see more your stomach churn, Spencer approached you pulling you out of the car, he seemed pale as a ghost.

–Are you okay?- you ask him first.

...

After that case, Spencer was once again at your house, eating and watching something you didn't know what it was, you didn't complain, seeing him distracted and calmer is enough, after dealing with that psychopath who still ran away right above your  nose, twas enough.

You sat beside him, giving him a tea cup, while you were sipping your mug with coffee and milk mixed, he stares at the tea cup followed by your coffee mug.

–Why tea?

– You need rest.

– I can sleep by drinking coffee, your coffee is good.

– Caffeine is considered to be a stimulant, which means it increases activity in your brain and nervous system. It also increases the circulation of chemicals such as cortisol and adrenaline in the body. In small doses, caffeine can make you feel refreshed and focused, yet beyond that I surely consider, enough for you today.-he stares at you with those eyes of an abandoned dog that has given up pestering, you were right and he tasted his own poison.

– If this is the reason, you should've a cup of tea then.

– Milk softens the effect of caffeine and despite of it, coffee gives me a reverse effect, I usually get sleepy when my belly is warm.

He roll his eyes with a tiny smile while his head hangs back.

– I can't really believe in what I have heard.

– It's up to you mate, wether you like it or not, this is what happens.

You guys stays in a silent for a couple of minutes when until he question you:

– How you can do that?

– Do what specifically?

– You never flinch when you see mutiled bodies, dead bodies either being of a woman or a child.

With it your body language changed, you tensed reflecting about it, it's true, every case when you're exposed to dreadful backgrounds, your face is neutral, your eyebrows and shoulders just tenses and recoil, you're always with a cheerfully smile, lightning the room even when you stay shut saying nothing only when you have something. Why and how can you just simply act as if nothing happened as each case passes by worsening than the latest case?

Your mind turned numb, your eyes for seconds with no light, Spencer panicked seeing your silence, you usually snaps back.

– Sorry, you don't need to answer if you ...-you tilt your head toward him.

– Honestly or the basic resume?-he hesitated before looking at your eyes.

– The first one.

– Honestly,  I don't know since when I'm like this, I think it's because I don't want to be seem as a weak person, as well I either flinch or cry, I shall not show it, because inside of my head it shows me how weak I am.-Spencer halts his cup of tea on the small table near the sofa, with a quick move he approached his body near your, side by side.

– Why do you say that? Flinching is not a demonstration of weakness nether crying showing them doesn't make you any less brave, in my opinion, it just shows that you're a human and that you care ..

– You didn't get it Spence, before I make it at the BAU, I saw plenty of things that followed my dreams turning them into nightmares, I couldn't even sleep, always crying and in the next morning Id have to put on a makeup so none would noticed that I've been crying the whole night and my mental health wasn't getting any better, but then some episodes later...-his attention is all on you.- Some how I manage to surpress everything that scared me, because I thought to meself, this is the career I've chosen and I shouldn't be scared or surprised anymore, cuz deep down I knew what would happen. I've built a China's wall around my feelings and that why I try my best at not showing you guys any reaction, I longed for become my strongest version of meself.

Spencer took mental notes about what you said and he understood the meaning of all of this, but he also knew you're not all good up here (mind) and that it might be a little fucked up, he gives you a tender smile, his hand struggled but he messed your hair making you frown, what he really wanted to do was stroke your loosen hair, but well, he's such a gentleman.

– What was it?

– Nothing, by the way, I think you should, step by step if you'd like, show more reactions when we see dreadful things, you know, when you don't do it you make all if us look silly.

– Oi! I'm not the only one doing it, Hotchner barely changes his humour and the new agent also never flinch and I mean, mo offending.

– You understood what I meant, don't compare yourself with the others, there's only a Morgan as so  I have only one y/n.-you bubbly laugh.

– After my dim statement you managed to make me laugh, you have an odd way to flatter me Spence.

– Just because your mind is different from others.-you lean in, catching by surprise with such closeness.

– Why? You're saying Am I weird?

– No! Well, I mean, only if you consider me weird as well, because the way your mind works is same as mine, different, oddly.-you back off still staring him with a sassy smile, around him you naturally have a side smile spread.

– Two weirdos then, cheers.-Nala is sleeping when you get up.– If you still coming at my door at night I think I should buy a new bed and put in my office so you could sleep properly while you're resting here.-he urgently denies.

– There's no need for it, if you want me to leave, I'll leave rig..-he stands up faster than you thought.

– Heck no! Back off genius, you're staying with me tonight and in any night time you'd want, you're always welcome Spence, I was just joking silly boy.

– Ah... So I'm nor leaving?

– If you dare to put a toe out my doorstep, I'll drag you inside by your hair.–Spencer begins to laugh sitting again on the couch, inside you something stirred, you'd like to ask him, why is he always coming at your door, doesn't he thinks that you're boring?

Spencer noticed you dull expression, you're thinking in something, because when you're doing it, he knows you lost yourself in your thoughts being em not very pleasant.

– I'd pay billions of dollar's to know what's inside your mind right now.-he snaps you out of your reality.

–What? Were you profiling me right now?-you scoffed a laugh arms crossed.

– Kind of, what you were thinking?

Nothing important you'd say, but you rather started an another subject.

– Do you wanna visit my little piece of heaven? I think I haven't shown you where I work when I ain't at the BAU.-Spencer again quickly haste from the sofa, making you giggled, you show him the way past the hall going up the brief staircase to a singular door made of polished wooden. – When I was a child I've always dreamed of having my little special place so I could run in and stay safe.

– Are you sure you want to share it with me then?-you violently nod with a pout.

– You're my very being person, Spence, you're my best friend.-his heart doesn't want only it.– And I haven't been a good hostess, I just showed you the loo, kitchen and living room, except the most exciting part of my residence.

– Go on.-he anxious yearns, what's behind the door? So this is the space you do your things? It's the place you are comfortable in, it's your special place, it means a lot for you.– You're making me interested and curious.

Saying nothing more you open the door revealing what behind the door, his face just enlighten with the view, getting in before you in excitement, Reid its definitely on cloud nine, his fingers began to do theirs strange movements when he's thinking as well his tongue.

Behind the door you have hidden a mix between where you'd called it a mix between an office and a library, high bookshelves with loads of book yet there's still space to fit more of em and in the center there's an office table with your PC sided by a laptop aside by a lampshade, your office chair in position, near one of the bookshelves there's there's a comfy armchair beside it a couch-rest bed, where your body fits perfectly but not Spencer, if he'd want to use he'd have to shrink a wee.

– Book!-he's already checking on them like of he was a little boy fan of dinosaurs visiting a paleontology museum for the first time seeing his favourites stuffs.-You have never interested me more.– and his heart and brain comes to terms, he wanna marry you, when? He doesn't knows, but he'll even not knowing what to do with it.– And you hide it from me, how dare you.-you look astonished coming closer his side.

– You know, I thought you'd find me weird

– More than people think about meself? Not in a hundred times, that's the place you find come to work, study and also relax?-you positively nod making his heart beat faster.

– Here's where I can find an escape, mainly when I'm alone after arriving home due to a stressful work day also when you don't come, I stay here until I fall asleep, I think the day I marry, if I marry and don't get killed, I'd like to buy a bigger house just to have a library inside home and don't mix with office business.

Reid is holding a handcover book, turning his entire body in front of you. The moment you mentioned marriage, buying a bigger house and make a library stirred his being.

– Do you wanna marry some day?

– Pretty boy, who doesn't? But if I don't find anyone worth of my love in the future, my prince and his dark horse, Imma just marry myself.-he falls into a laugh, you're unbelievable.- What? Why are you laughing at me?

– The mind of yours have an enchanting way to catch me off guard.-you gasp, he isn't cooperating with you when he's just simply and bluntly tells you what he thinks, making your heart skip a beat, it's unfair.

The more you make him laugh, open a wide smile, listen to him when he's telling unfortunate facts or fun facts, make him feels out of breathe when you walk in saying good morning or good night, the more you make him skip a heart beat, the more your intimacy growths.

It should be illegal, your mere existence should be illegal, he's not safe around you.

[Revelations]

In this case you stayed with Gideon and Spencer, but along the way everything started to crumble.

Garcia couldn't access the serial killer's IP, this issue were giving to everyone a headache the killer was a psychotic, a sick person who was commenting crimes desecrating sacred verses from the Bible for Christians in his every murder case.

Albeit everything begins downhill when Spencer and JJ were sent to go to Hankel's house

When they found JJ, only her returning from the mission, you for the first time in one of the cases with the BAU, you stepped back, your heart races as Sonic were in a desperate  hurry, yet it did not allow you to cry, you could only tremble when everyone went searching for clues to find Reid.

However nothing was working, why!?  Why!?

Until the video reaches you and Penelope also joins in person with everyone at Hankel's house, seeing him in that chair made your body tense, an anger you hid for so long, one of the feelings you deprived for long years for her to be sane as well as the sadness that filled her heart at seeing Reid so vulnerable.

You couldn't take it and left the room, Prentiss after the video was over went to comfort you and you, the person who seems a little difficult to hug, hugs her, that showed how fragile you were.

Prentiss wasn't the only one, JJ too, but you didn't want to forgive her, she should have stayed together with him, they both should have stayed together, she could have taken care of him, but here she was.

Of course!  You don't really blame her, I was just as in shock as you are and if I were you in her shoes I'd understand, her empathy was sometimes a pain in the ass and sometimes a blessing.

Morgan and Penelope went to talk to you shortly thereafter, both to reassure and to see if you were still in a position to stay on the case and you said that you wouldn't go anywhere without seeing until Reid is safe and sound.

Every minute when you were with them and alone, you try to stay positive, attracting only good things like "Spencer will be saved, he'll be in safety soon, we will find him, you'll find him"

You could barely sleep, even when you closed your eyes to sleep, your anxieties were still awake

And it was then that after the dead couple you gave up, you decided to help Penelope, not knowing that it could work, you took a local map and tried to memorize a bit of what you saw of the video, the place behind what it was

The time now was your worst enemy, the sand in the hourglass reaching to its limits, a valued time that you didn't have, that Spencer didn't have

You didn't know how long he could stand being in the hands of that crazy Raphael, you just wanted to cry, but the tears didn't fall, not while everyone could hear, leave them for later

Garcia told you to rest and you agreed, but when everyone went to sleep, you returned, sleep could not take effect as your mind was dominated by adrenaline

You stayed up all night again until everyone was surprised to see you with the exhausted look and a bad mood, but you got something in the middle of the night, yet it barely escaped your hands and you told Garcia, she asked how it is you only managed to say "I don't know how I let it slip, but I was so close to find"

Before the nightfall you captured the signal and IP address of that video, you managed to decode whatever your input was, as if it were a plague of locusts that wiped out the entire corn crop, quickly and decisively.

You trembled and stuttered with words while the map was in your held,  the map that you manually drew on the computer screen and handed to your team.

— "I found it, I I I saw the details behind the doorstep, there's trees and a graveyard nearest, please, just believe me without making question when we don't I have time, is a damnit gun shoot deep in the dark, but I'm sure we will find our boy"

And then you fainted, Morgan's arm quickly held you when your body and consciousness betrayed you, Morgan had to carry you to a bed and lay you on it, right after all of they left to find Spencer while a cop were looking after you.

You couldn't sleep well, you didn't even were able to sleep, then your body claimed for its well deserved rest when your work is done.

Reid is rescued, all of em were relieved when they saw him alive, in a bad and desperate state but alive, godforsaken, all seemed so relived when your guidance leaded them at the right place

Hankel got shot, anyway

Spencer was so weak, he was a definition of a mess, a mix of feelings  that he couldn't even describe, seeing the whole team coming for his rescued. All the tight hugs he received, except one, yours.

– Where's y/n? Why she's not with you?- he asks Gideon who huffs in worry.

– Agent y/l/n fainted before she could make it.-he became paler than he was, he babbled.

– W What!? What happened with her, is she okay? Is she safe?

– Safer than she could possibly be, kid, she found your localisation, Garcia told us she barely could rest, she stayed up all night, she haven't grip a nap then her body claimed for its own rest when it recognised that her work was done. -Gideon pat his shoulder, let's go home boy.

So it means, because of you, he is safe now, not in a condition indeed yet alive he remains.

– Can I have... Can I have a second alone?-Gideon didn't wanted, but his lips shrink agreeing.

And then, Reid comes back and took the drugs.

Then the weekend came, at 06 a.m you left your house in which you dedicate this time to walk your dog. Your mind filled with the scenes of Reid being captive,  you haven't seen he since then.

You returned home an hour and thirty minutes later, took a good shower and then left again, but Nala stayed at home this time.

You went to a shooting club, you have calmly put on the headphone protectors while you loaded your gun looking at the target(using eyes protectos too), the first shoot in the left side of the chest straightforwardly in the lungs was enough to make your mind weak against the demons that you once make a oath that you would never let em win you mind over.

A flashback knocked down your mind guard.

Unknown years ago

Before working for the BAU at Quantico you used to work in London before your transference and recommendation letter, you used to be just like Garcia, without the twisted nicknames, an assistant rookie with your work friend, they used to be your best friend, until the day they had been take as hostage, you truly tried, yes you did, every effort to make em get out that situation, racing against a time you barely had.

She got shot, the right in the middle of its head, you saw the photos and you blamed yourself for that day, you should've be at they side, you'd do anything to be in their place, yet they wouldn't return, but what freaked you out was knowing that your another colleague were a traitor that also made the trap which get your friend killed, how could you let it happen?

That was the very case that you got yourself into depression, no one could be trusted enough, they'll bite you back. After their death, you couldn't stop sobbing nor crying when you're left alone in your flat, but you had to fake it, because if people from  work felt that something is up with you, they would make you resign and go to therapy or a psychiatric, well, you should've go but you didn't, so you faked every single day the most brightest smile, covering the wounds that the past left in your life.

And seeing that same scene after those years happening with Spencer, your mind entered in a frenzy, too much for your poor heart.

"- not again please."

You felt a gentle hand touching your forearm snaped you out of your mind.

–Are you all right kid?-it was Morgan voice, what is he doing here? You thought.

–W...What? Wait, what are you doing here?- you put down the gun.

– Sometimes I come here to de-stress, I think you're doing the same, but you look awful.

– Thank you for the compliment.-you replied grumpy.

– Easy girl, but since you're here, wanna bet just to see who shoots better?

– You're making my hour worth now.-you take a deep breath.-And don't tell the others that you saw me here, none need to know my whereabouts when I'm enjoying my weekend.

– Not even Garcia and Reid?

– If they ask, you can, but they won't, I'm boring and let me be boring in the weekends.-Morgan denies with a smiling face nod.

– Whatever the little princess wants.-you shyly smile.-But I think you should visit Spencer after getting out of here.-your eyes googled at him, Reid isn't okay? Of course he isn't but you don't want to bother him.

–Why should I? Have something happened?

– You're his friend, I dear to say the closest and that would understand his geeky speeches, besides it I think something is popping inside his mind.-your eyes softens, your heart just listening about his name and what might be happening give you such a pang in the heart.

– I don't want to bother him.

– Bother him?-Morgan loads his gun.-I think, besides me of course, you're like the one that make that boy smile in a way that I, as a common person with a common sense could sense that he loves you when you're around.-your cheeks starts to warm-up, you load you gun once again.

– Don't say things that you might be wrong.

– I used to say the same about your guesses and in the end, you 95% was right.

– Where is 5%?

– I am a proud man kid, I have to maintain my esteem.-you laughed.

– Okay, I'd visit him anyway, but thanks for explaining your thoughts, you might be 100% right.

– Then let's see who's better with a gun.-he declared.-Beware girl, I'll win.

–What a cocky conclusion and, please, tell me where Spencer lives, I forgot his address.

– It's a matter of fact that I'll win and ok, after our deal, I'll give his address, ready or not, there I go.

Well, Morgan won and as a prize, he asked you to bring your special brownies.

You just lose for a slightly difference, Ouch, with a pout on your face you left heading towards home, but in the middle of your track you remembered and as you were not far away from his home, you changed your route.

You toc-toc his door, arm's crossed anxiously waiting, what would you say? You have no subject to talk about, and you're also afraid what are you supposed to do with your visit.

You knocked again and no response again, you inhale and toc one more time.

–Reid, please, open the door..-you're giving up.- Reid I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when they rescued you, I am really but you know, I really wanted to make it, so please open the door and then shuts it again, I know that friends are supposed to support each other in their darkest times, Reid if you don't want to see me because of this, I'll leave, but you won't get rid of me that easi..-And then the angels answer came, the door is wide open as your eyes due to the suddenly action.– What th...

You're caught off guard, because the moment Reid opened his door, pushed you in closing the door behind him,he quickly pulled you into his embrace, holding you in as if you were a precious dragon's gold, and he'd be the dragon in his most desperate way to protect what belongs to it. Although this isn't the real meaning of all of his action.

Reid tightly hugs you, notnwant to letting you go and in a moment of shock you did nothing, but then your gentle hands fondle his back soon turning in a reciprocal hug, if he takes off your lung ait, you'd let.

– Thank you , thank you and thank you again.-he whispers under his breath, fraught in his voice. You had to shut down your eyes.-You saved me, I know the others did the same, but you found me, you found me y/n, and I'll be always grateful for it, I owe you and I'm so sorry...What I did when I chos..

– Shhh... It's okay, It's okay, I'm here and you didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing to apologise for.-you slowly untangled of his hug, just to hold his hand gently stating into his eyes, you hardly do this, you can't keep it for a long period.

His deep red eyes with the bags under his eyes, steaming glowing eyes, he sniffing his nose to not cry, his vulnerable state, his soft hair all in disorder.

Your face trembled, seeing he in this way, how to control your own breathing? You should be strong, you're always have been the strongest, even when you crumbled.

But you couldn't say much, your lips shavers when you tried to say something or smile, your bidy shifted the weight side to side, as you opened your arms, inviting to another hug, as if this action speak for itself: "Hush now, it's alright, you're no longer alone." And Reid hugged you again, a mix of gentle, starved touch of a hug.

Morgan was right, he needed you.

Hence the moment Reid saw you in his doorstep, and heard everything that you were saying (he was in the bathroom until he recognised your voice) he knew that his heart was no longer his to keep.

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