#speaks: devon riggin.

[lovecharged]

starter for: @persephonyed

"can't believe it's been so long since we actually sat down and talk -- and all it took was us being forced to room with eachother, eh?"

[unityfound]

closed for @maldxta based on this.

despite the terror filling his frame at the mere notion of initiating conversation with them, he knows it has to be done. lest he end up falling victim to completing another project by himself. not that he minds that much, but he figures if he doesn't ask...clearing his throat as he hesitantly takes a seat next to them, teeth chewing nervously as his inner cheek as he attempts to tame his stormy mind, distorted by the anxiety that's always on the verge of causing his demise. considering the family he was raised within, it was almost impossible to imagine and perhaps they were the only reason he didn't find himself beaten up every other day. "uh, hi - i hear we've been paired up?" he speaks as though it's a question, even if he's well aware of that being the case. "...did you have any ideas in mind about where we could start?"

[lovecharged]

@neveraftcr liked this. based on: this. made on: beta.

"i'm glad you're okay," he's smiling breathlessly over at them; bruised and blooded but alive and that's all he's really focusing on right now. that and that they are okay; safe and sound. devon feels drowsy, but he tries to blink it back, squeezing at their shoulder. the fear he'd had for them dwindling now, but some still resides in his chest; exposing itself through the look in his eyes. "...you are okay, aren't you?" it pays to check, he supposes, brows furrowing as he takes them in as best he can, even with his blurred vision and pained stance.

[lovecharged]

starter for: @dulcetmuses

"he couldn't take his eyes off of you...was so fucking hot watching it, knowing you are mine."

[lovecharged]

starter for: @housefircs​

“if this is wrong, i don’t want to be right...”

[lovecharged]

starter for: @tkachukmatthew​

“sorry, wouldn’t have come here if i’d known you were busy...”

[lovecharged]

"i will be okay." he affirms, though the way he hiccups mid-sentence makes the words far less convincing. devon knows he shouldn't have called him and yet in that moment of vulnerability, in his height of emotion -- it's as if he's in auto-pilot, dialling the number and waiting for him to answer. "i shouldn't have called you. you don't want to see me -- probably. i just...i needed to hear your voice. i needed..." he exhales deeply, head resting against the redbrick of the pub he's standing outside of. "i can't talk to anyone like i can talk to you....and i miss you. i'm-i'm sorry. i'm really sorry."

"hey,  it  didn't  sound  like  you're  okay."  clearly  —  anthony  is  just  saying  stupid  things  because  he  has  no  idea  how  to  talk  to  them  anymore.  the  hurt  has  barely  healed  and  he  knows  that  he  should  ignore  the  call,  forget  it’s  ever  happened  and  force  himself  to  sleep  again.  it  would  be  the  better  thing  to  do  to  keep  his  sanity,  instead  he  does  this.  call  them  back  after  they  hung  up  because  he  still  cares.  fuck,  he  really  shouldn’t.  “do  you  know  where  you  are?  i’ll  come  pick  you  up.”  

@richlust

[lovecharged]

devon's skin tingles; goosebumps forming and hair raising when the other man touches him and continues to speak. devon knows full well, in the back of his mind, that this is wrong. however he's kept such a tight lid on his affections and desires for jude for so long and now that the lid had been removed and his hunger had been exposed, there really was no going back. "yeah?" he smirks against the other man's mouth, pressing himself so firm and chaste against him. warm skin against warm skin feels heavenly and he sighs shakily, before he's pushing him back onto the chair. "have you thought about it?" he asked gently, since he certainly had. he climbs into his lap for a moment; needing to feel him still, needing too much all at once. he rolls his hips down and gasps over the feeling of the other man beneath him; pressing his thigh between jude's legs, tilting his head to make it all the easier for him to kiss and suck against his skin. "i have, thought about this mouth…" trailing off breathlessly, fingers grasp at his curls, losing himself within the moment with jude.

jude was convinced this had to be a dream. seeing as he's dreamed about devon in scenarios like this multiple times. but this felt way better than any of his dreams did. the fuck he elicits from the other's lips has him shivering, goosebumps prickling up onto his flesh. it was satisfying. knowing that he had a similar effect on devon that devon had on him. jude mirrors the other's action, also working on devon's buttons but sloppily, not in a mindset where he was thinking straight, more just desperate. he moans when he feels devon's nails against his stomach, practically ripping off the other's shirt, desperate to feel flesh against flesh. lips break from devon's, only to trail down his neck, peppering kisses before finding a sensitive spot and sucking. "i've wanted this for so long." he replies feverishly, breathing onto the other's neck.

[lovecharged]

maybe it should make him feel uneasy, have her climbing into his lap -- but if anything he feels the opposite. all those parts of his frame that had been on edge soften, and comfort fills him to the brim. maybe that should've spoken a million unsaid words, but devon was a fool. dating charity had been nice at first. perhaps not groundbreaking or earthshattering, but…nice. he knew, to a certain extent, that this was an attempt at getting over his feelings for his best friend. the feelings that teetered over the edge and threatened to kill him -- or at the least maim him. arms coil around her naturally; both to keep her steady, but equally to keep her there. "no, it's-it's okay." he's doubting himself and devon's never done that. knows if his father found out, his siblings, charity would be hung, drawn and quartered -- but logic still failed him. "maybe she's right, everyone else might be biased." again, clearly words that were not his own. they've been parroted, and they were slowly infecting his bloodstream, his confidence and belief in himself. everything that made him: him.

she already knows as soon as she says charity's name that it's going to open the floodgates. she's ready for it, it always does. lea does not make a habit of disliking people, especially women. she really stands by all women, supports them before anything else. but charity... she's different. she hates lea just for existing and it takes up too much energy and effort for lea to try and kill her with kindness. "why?" he answers her question almost as soon as she's asked it and lea sees red. god, she fucking hates charity so much. stupid bitch. "even if that were true, so what? it's a job that pays well. you can move up in the business and make a career out of it." for someone whose name is literally meant to be the synonym for goodness, charity was a right fucking asshole. even though she shouldn't and she knows it, lea climbs out of her seat and nudges devon's chair back from the table, climbing into his lap. her hands rest against his chest, brow furrowing as she studies him. "no offence, she can fuck herself. i'm not losing out on any time with you just because she doesn't like me." lea knew that she could be seen as the evil one in this situation, seeing as she does have a multitude of feelings when it comes to devon, but she would never do anything whilst he was in a relationship. her hands raise to cradle his face, shaking her head slightly. "no. god no. of course not. is that what she told you, dev? please let me fight her."

[lovecharged]

"it's really not that simple," it's a gentle clarification, though he doubts it's the best idea to specify or go into detail. after all, she was clearly angry at him and he didn't blame her for that. devon could take accountability for his own actions, and for how said actions have been recieved. "...i didn't avoid you because i didn't want to talk to you," somehow it sounds even more ridiculous and contradictory actually coming out of his mouth. "i know that sounds dumb and it is dumb but…" he says anymore and he's exposing himself, leaving himself open to ridicule and vulnerable. however, if his father had instilled anything into him through the years, it was that vulnerability trumped indifference and impertinence. "i felt like --" a wince, take two. "i felt like i needed you too much. i was too -- clingy. i wanted to cut that off at the source, before you got too sick and tired of me."

the girl couldn't help but be obsessed that her retort had caught him off guard, the slight ego boost more of a motivator than she would've bet. sawyer just couldn't help need that upper hand despite the feelings she unwillingly harboured for devon. this wasn't her, the kind of person who secretly pined and daydreamed, but he had twisted her into this distracted whirlwind of a person that she'd never met before. and the fact that he had the audacity to try and avoid her was embarrassingly infuriating. "why bother saying so?" saywer fiddled with the closest knickknack she got her hands on, mindlessly occupying her hands. "it's not like i would've known regardless. that's the beauty of never interacting, isn't it? you don't have to lie now."

[lovecharged]

"yeah, i think so." although he could do without the pain that now scorches every inch of his frame -- or at least that's what it feels like -- he is glad he'd been here, that she hadn't been on her own. his heart races; adrenaline pumping, fight or flight mode still activated. with a grumble and a groan, he stands himself upright properly, ready to make the short trip to her home. he's shattered, and all he really needs -- he hopes -- is some decent night sleep, and time to work out what the hell he was going to tell his dad and siblings. "...can i hide out at yours for a coupld of ayss, brex?"

brex shook her head as she continued to take him in, thumb gently wiping blood from his face and starting to clean him up as best she could. she didn't believe it wasn't her fault, though at least no directly. " if i wasn't... " here, he'd be fine. " okay, yeah. no hospitals then. let's just get back to my place, yeah? it's not too far and i'll help clean you up and you can get some rest. are you good to walk back? " she asked him, eyes dropping down from his face to take in the rest of him.

[lovecharged]

devon had already been aware of his own mistakes regarding this situation, but there was something brutal about coming face to face with them like this, being confronted on them with such passion and fiery and fury. a brow cocks over her honesty, and his heart races the moment that she's stepping closer, that their mere inches apart from one another. is he scared? absolutely. nothing scares him more than the rush of feelings that fill him up to the brim when it comes to her. still, he'd be damned if continued to be a coward. instead of answering her question with words, he's bridging the gap, reaching out to stroke a few loose tendrils out of her hair, the simplest touches electrifying, so devon knows when it comes to more he's risking death. he's okay with that though, if he gets to live even a short while with her pressed up against his frame, with her attacking all of his senses. "terrified." he confirms, before he leans in, and captures her mouth with his own. one arm coils around her frame and pulls her closer and he hopes with every ounce of his body that this wasn't the worst idea he'd ever had in his life. heart racing frantically, so much so he's sure she can feel it against her own chest.

sawyer wasn't sure if it was his lack of care for her or the fact that his head was suddenly so far up his ass that he hadn't seen the obvious staring him right in the eye, but she was over the 'calling it before i can ruin us' excuse. it was bullshit she didn't subscribe to and didn't find as viable reasoning for breaking up with her without warning. "yeah, it's really fucking dumb," the girl affirmed, closing the space between them in a matter of steps, "did it ever cross your mind that might be something i want? maybe i'm into clingy, fucking obsessive, i can't get enough of you and i want to be around you every waking moment guys. i love the thrill and the rush of attraction that knowing i'm so fucking wanted by someone brings, but instead of exploring that side of things with me, you wanted to run." after so many words, sawyer had gotten threateningly close to the boy, their faces were inches apart and her passion was palpable. if she were going to ever love someone, she'd thought devon would be the one — but those dreams were shattering rapidly right before her. "are you that scared of this?"

[lovecharged]

the other man's words hang heavy in his chest, aching at his heart. although he knows full well that they're true, there's nothing that breaks him more than knowing how he'd fucked them up. anxiety filled his frame whenever he thought about it too hard and knowing that he'd lost the other man from his life for good was enough to make him physically unwell. deep down, his sober self is cursing his entoxicated mind; for dragging ant into this, for not leaving well enough alone. he deserves better. he deserves more and whilst that hurts him all over, whilst nothing could ever cause his eyes to burn faster, his stomach to drop harder -- it's something he has been, at the very least, attempting to get over. "…the queen's head." the words are murmured, as if offered involuntarily. seeing him now would surely be humiliating, but that didn't change how desperately he wanted to. perhaps he was merely codependent, unable to feel as though he can thrive or even survive without anthony's presence. "i'm sorry," he sniffles, trying his best to disguise the tears that burn in his eyes, and in turn his throat. "i really -- there's nothing i regret more than breaking your heart."

he  hates  this.  he  hates  that  no  matter  how  much  he  tries  to  push  his  ex  away,  how  terribly  he  wishes  to  erase  all  their  memories,  devon  will  still  come  back  and  he  will  still  be  unable  to  keep  him  afar.  he  hates  that  his  heart  still  aches  from  the  raw  pain  in  devon’s  voice,  or  how  he’ll  still  worry  every  time  though  it  isn’t  him  who  makes  these  reckless  decisions.  i  don’t  know  what  to  do.  don’t  know  who  i  fucking  am  without  you.  ant  lets  out  an  exasperated  sigh,  his  fingers  rubbing  his  temple  before  he  cracks.  “maybe  you  should  have  thought  of  that  before  you  broke  my  fucking  heart,  dev.”  he  stops  then  and  there.  anthony  doesn’t  break  often.  over  the  years,  he  has  mastered  the  art  of  hiding  his  true  emotions  when  they  will  burden  others.  but  somehow,  devon  always  manages  to  get  the  best  of  him  and  this  is  why  they  should  stay  apart.  however,  his  actions  always  betray  his  reason.  “just  tell  me  where  you  are.”  please.  “i’ll  drive  you  home.”  it  is  a  bad  enough  idea  to  navigate  one’s  way  home  when  intoxicated,  not  to  mention  when  said  someone  is  in  the  state  of  an  emotional  trainwreck.  

[lovecharged]

it's the last thing he expects jude to say; plead with him not to marry his sister. whilst they'd always gotten on well, there had always been something brewing beneath the surface, at least on his end, he hadn't ever anticipated it actually rising from it, making itself known. lips part, but words fail. then their lips meet, and whilst he knows he should pull away, ask the other man what the hell he's doing -- he doesn't. instead his mouth decides to reciprocate the gesture, eyes coming to a delicate, fluttery close. it's better than he'd ever imagined it'd be. and he had imagined it. arms coiling around his waist, tugging him even closer; suit-clad bodies flush together as he deepens the kiss. loses himself in it. forgets where they are with it.

open to: m

connection ideas: fiance of his sister, fiance of his best friend, his best friend, step-anything, open to any and all.

"don't marry her." the worst timing, seeing as it was about twenty minutes before he was in fact supposed to get married, yet here jude was, blue orbs full of desperation as he slowly closed the distance between the two. they'd been doing this dance for years now. the shameless flirting. the prolonged touches. though they never acted on it. until now. and before he could react, jude's grabbing the other's face, capturing his lips within his own and doing what he wished he'd been brave enough to do years ago.

[lovecharged]

"it's good," he smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. he feels bad, he's not entirely there with her right now; replaying the words that his girlfriend had shouted at him before he'd even left the house that morning. it was exhausting, he felt as though he must've been a really, really bad person and he was struggling to work out how to change that, how to be -- what she wanted him to be. "just not very hungry," unlike him -- concerning, even. "i've uh -- it's been...weird day, y'know?" though he figures she might not, since the weird days had only started occurring since he'd made charity his girlfriend. so here he is, mindlessly twirling the noodles around the fork; his favourite food, no less.

starter for: devon riggin ( @richlust )

"you're not eating your noodles," she says, muffled around the food in her own mouth. seeing devon not eating wasn't something she was used to. most of their time together was spent eating and catching up, having ridiculously in depth conversations over a joint. and now, devon has hardly touched his food. lea frowns and reaches over to stab at his bowl with her chopsticks. "dude, what is going on with you? this is good. i made this! damn, is it not good or something?" she knows it is, it is the same thing she always makes. so something else is else and she doesn't need a prize or three guesses to figure it out.

[lovecharged]

his heart sinks, despite the words being no surprise to him. devon couldn't be surprised that he'd ruined this, he ruined everything. he always had and of course his relationship with anthony would be no different. he wishes he'd worked it all out sooner. he wishes his own personal shame had dissipated earlier on. so many wishes and what ifs and he knows it's all for nothing. he knows and yet he still holds onto a chance. a slither, almost impossible to grasp onto, but devon tries. he has to try. "i know i'm the last person you want to hear from. i know-i get...i get that." tears blur his eyes, and he tries to keep them there or blink them back but it hurts his head, and he winces, free hand rubbing at his forehead. "i don't know what to do. don't know -- don't know who i fucking am without you. don't want to. don't like that person." even if he knew he had no choice. "fuck, i'm so sorry for callin' you. i'll be alright. i'll - i will." he lied. to the one person he suspects would see right through any and all lies, even through the phone.

“it's not very convincing.” sounds more like he’s about to throw up somewhere and get mugged at the back of an alleyway. ant knows that despite how much his rational mind wants to leave it alone, he won’t be getting sleep tonight unless he knows the other is safe. he sucks in a shaky breath from devon’s slurred apology from the other side. in another world, these words should have no influence on him. in another world, he’d be back to seeing them as strangers again. his hand grips the edge of the kitchen counter, his voice shakes. “i know you are.” but what has happened has happened and neither of them can unwind time. “i’ve — “ part of him wants to admit that he’s missed him too, their late-night conversations and laughter loud enough to wake his neighbours, but what good would it do? “but it doesn’t change anything, dev. you know this, don’t you?” it doesn’t undo the hurt.