#speaking of I might venture into modern au a bit lmao

[cassmouse]

'If you can name every Pokémon, then I get to call you a nerd.'

-Seele, probably

[undergaunts]

Call Me Baby (Chapter 1)

Sebastian Sallow x Ominis Gaunt (Modern!AU)

Summary: The text chat logs between Sebastian Sallow and Ominis Gaunt during their 6th and 7th year at Hogwarts. (or Sebastian and Ominis can't bear to be apart for longer than 5 minutes, so spend their entire summer, winter and spring breaks texting and calling each other)

Rating: Teen & Up (this will go up in the next chapters!)

Word count: 4.1k

Recommended to read on AO3 as the layout is better but it’s also below the cut <3

SUMMER

July 2nd, 2:08pm

SBSTN hey

Ominis Good morning.

SBSTN morning ?! it’s like 2pm

Ominis I’m aware. I was joking.

SBSTN OH

LMAO

sorry im half awake

Ominis At 2 in the afternoon? What a shock!

SBSTN alright grumpy

just because u already miss me doesn’t mean u can be mean

Ominis I don’t miss you. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.

SBSTN oh im sure

brb breakfast

2:42pm

SBSTN k back

Ominis Did you enjoy your ‘breakfast’?

SBSTN ya it was basically just toast lol

Ominis You’ll spoil your appetite for supper if you eat so late.

SBSTN I could eat more AND still eat dinner

im a growing boy!

Ominis Horizontally or vertically?

SBSTN >:(

gonna ignore that

Anne says hello

Ominis Hello Anne, how are you?

SBSTN she says shes good

she asks how u r

Ominis Well, for where I am, thank you. Missing you already! 

SBSTN HEY >:(

u just said u don’t miss me

Ominis Indeed, but I miss Anne.

SBSTN piss off

she’s laughing at me

ur both bullies

Ominis :)

SBSTN >>>:((((

ok she’s dragging me out, imma leave my phone here cos solomon said he wont buy me a new one if i lose it again lol

speak later ?

Ominis Have a nice time. Speak later.

SBSTN phone?

Ominis If you’d like.

SBSTN kewl

BYE

Ominis Goodbye.

July 6th, 10:19am

SBSTN *image*

LOOK

wait

LOL

sorry

basically we saw this like albino cat and it reminded me and anne of u

it had little beauty marks and stuff as well

u sure ur not in feldcroft?

r u an animagus and u didn’t tell me ?!

Ominis Good morning.

SBSTN MORNING

prev mssgs plz

Ominis I’m most certainly not an animagus Sebastian.

SBSTN no i was joking

ik u wld tell me :P

not the point

CAT!OMINIS

Ominis Yes, very sweet.

SBSTN u ok?

Ominis Never been better.

SBSTN :/

sure ?

Ominis Yes, thank you.

SBSTN ok

sure ur sure

Ominis Yes, Sebastian. I’m perfectly well.

SBSTN Alright

July 9th, 12:30pm

SBSTN any plans the next couple weeks then ?

Ominis Much the same. Sit in my bedroom. Ponder life. I may even dare to eat some food.

SBSTN please eat lol

i can come to little hangleton and hang out if u want me to

@ GAUNT MANOR

lol mad ur family is so rich

Ominis I couldn’t think of anything worse.

SBSTN oi

being srs, floo straight in thru ur fireplace

bam, sebby and omi party time

if i was there u might venture further than ur kitchen lol

Ominis Absolutely not. I would send you straight back.

SBSTN :(

u wound me ominis

Ominis It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I’ve heard word is to.

SBSTN huh

Ominis Apologies. Damned speech to text. I was whispering. Some of these House Elves will report anything. Oh who cares. My mother and father are returning soon. Probably within the next week.

SBSTN oh

sorry :(

Ominis No need. I will do my very best to avoid them.

SBSTN i could still come for a day

b4 they get there

might make the next 2 months a bit bearable if u c me again

well not see me but u know what i mean

1:12pm

SBSTN hello?

Ominis Apologies.

I’d like to see you, but coming here is not a good idea.

SBSTN y?

Ominis You know why.

SBSTN ya but

surely having a friend over is fine right

i am also pureblood btw

Ominis Sebastian.

SBSTN well i am lmao

ik im not rich and there is probably some muggle blood in me from like … 5 centuries ago but

im all wizard, all man B)

anyway surely they aren’t even gonna be there for a few days yet

and even if they turn up i can just

bam floo straight back home

Ominis No.

SBSTN Ominis.

Ominis Sebastian.

I’ve said no. My decision is final.

SBSTN ok :(

Ominis but thank you for caring

July 11th, 6:00pm

Ominis Bye

SBSTN WHAT

WHERE U GOING

dude what

Ominis Sorry. Speech to text is truly not understanding what I’m saying when I whisper. I’m trying to find my laptop, hold on.

SBSTN bruh u scared me

♫i wish u would step back from that ledge my friend♫

that’s probably not funny but i laughed

comedy with sebastian sallow

one night only

Ominis ok on laptop now. sorry if typing is bad

SBSTN terrible :’(

Ominis what wrong?

SBSTN LOL

when you do speech 2 text i can hear u speaking in my head but when ur typing u just sound like me

Ominis easier to tyoe this way

SBSTN hell yeah brother

Ominis don’t call me tht

SBSTN what brother?

Ominis yes

SBSTN HAHAHA

XD

would u rather sister?

Ominis …possibly

SBSTN LOOOOOL

u weird

ANYWAY

what were u trying to say to me?

Ominis o, my mothr and father have come home

SBSTN ah

my condolences

how r they?

Ominis fine

SBSTN good

and how r u ?

Ominis fine

SBSTN :/

sure?

Ominis not entirly

SBSTN do tell

Ominis don’t want to burdem you

SBSTN rolling my eyes here

theyve popped out my head

bye eyes

enjoy ur life as free balls

lol

dude tell me

Ominis apprently they had beenin paris tofind suitable pureblood fsmilies or somthing

SBSTN what does that mean?

Ominis i think they trying to marry marvlo off

SBSTN OH

Ominis yes

SBSTN i mean it’ll get him out of ur hair right?

bye bitch

Ominis hopefully. think im jus nervous that once theyr done with him theyl look to me

SBSTN oh

Ominis yes

SBSTN ok well they cant do that until ur 18 and we r 16 so i think so we got time to think of a plan

if it comes to it ill kidnap u and we’ll go live in America or something

dw about it ok?

i got u

ok?

Ominis ok

thank you seb

SBSTN np

:)

July 15th, 1:18am

Ominis Are you awake?

1:26am

Ominis Sebastian?

1:31am

Ominis Hello?

8:42am

SBSTN soz i was asleep what’s up

9:32am

Ominis Nothing, don’t worry.

July 18th, 5:51pm

SBSTN sorry for such a late message 

how’s it hanging

Ominis Have you been busy?

SBSTN we went to London with Solomon

he left us at diagon alley for hours lmao

he said he had ‘ministry matters’ but i swear he just went and got drunk lol

he STUNK of firewhiskey 

i can still smell it and hes not even in the house

Ominis Perhaps it’s his cologne? They usually have alcohol in them, I believe.

SBSTN nah

Ominis Perhaps he had drinks with someone from the ministry?

SBSTN oh good theory

maybe

it’s fine

Ominis I can’t see him taking you and Anne all the way to London just for him to drink. 

SBSTN yeh ur right

Ominis As always.

SBSTN now now dear don’t go stroking ur own ego

Ominis Don’t call me dear, Sebastian. It makes me feel like an old woman. 

SBSTN sorry

sister :)

Ominis I’d like to wring your neck.

SBSTN dont tease ;)

July 21st, 2:13am

Ominis Are you awake?

2:17am

Ominis Sebastian?

SBSTN yep yep here

Ominis Sorry.

SBSTN what’s up ?

Ominis Nothing. I apologise. Go back to sleep. 

SBSTN wanna call?

Ominis I don’t want to bother you. 

SBSTN ur not

promise

calling

SBSTN is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 1hr 6min

3:25am

SBSTN ill ask him in the morning ok?

but i don’t see why not

Anne will be happy :)

so will I

in a macho way.

Ominis Of course. Thank you.

SBSTN :)

go sleep

Ominis I will try. 

SBSTN sweet dreams baby boy

Ominis You too.

11:12am

SBSTN HELLO

HE SAID YES

U CAN COME WHENEVER U WANT BASICALLY! 

U COULD COME TODAY

YAY

11:17am

SBSTN haha solomon said he’ll take my bed so u can bunk in with me

ik u would probably rather share with anne

but i think solomon would kill u before he let that happen lol

and she’s a kicker anyway

11:25am

SBSTN me and anne r gonna go hogsmeade and get some stuff :)

u want anything?

i will make sure to put a little chocolate frog on top of ur pillow :)

hehe

1:09pm

SBSTN ok at HM now 

got a butterbeer sirona says hi

omgs if ernie lark doesn’t shut up imma make him

lmao

1:29pm

SBSTN Ominis?

Missed call from SBSTN

2:11pm

SBSTN yo can u just send me a message to lmk ur ok?

3:03pm

SBSTN Ominis

Missed call from SBSTN

3:48pm

SBSTN om

4:19pm

SBSTN OMINIS

ITS ANNE

WHY U NO RESPOND

Missed call from SBSTN

Missed call from SBSTN

SBSTN hey we are leaving hogsmeade, i got u some stuff anyway but just worried.

6:05pm

SBSTN made an extra dinner portion in case ur coming. 

call me when ur around ok?

7:41pm

Missed call from SBSTN

SBSTN ok, im hoping ur parents just dragged u somewhere today. hope ur ok. 

10:34pm

SBSTN im gonna try to sleep. really hope you’re ok.

July 22nd, 12:06am

SBSTN ok can’t sleep. 

here if u need me

2:38am

Ominis Sorry.

Ominis is calling SBSTN

Call accepted

Call ended, 28min

3:07am

Ominis I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. 

SBSTN ITS OK

dude i only worry cos i care about u

stupid they took ur phone and laptop

ik it’s muggle technology or whatever but everyone uses them nowadays

but yeah I’d wait a couple days to ask them

don’t worry if u cant talk for a bit, but u know where to find me if u need me

alright go get ur beauty sleep

Ominis Thank you, again. I really hope to see you soon. 

SBSTN u will :)

promise :)

Ominis Goodnight Sebastian. 

SBSTN goodnight baby boy

Ominis I think I don’t mind that name

July 29th, 7:14am

Ominis Good morning :)

9:22am

SBSTN HI GORGEOUS

ur back :)

missed u

no homo

lol

Ominis I am indeed back.

SBSTN r u ok?

Ominis I am. Are you?

SBSTN now that ur back !! 

again, no homo LMAO

no but srsly r u ok? been a bit worried, ik u were gonna lay low a bit but still

Ominis I’m fine. Good, even. My father has agreed for me to come and stay in Feldcroft. However, only for the last two weeks of the Summer. 

SBSTN OKAY!

THAT STILL GOOD

:DDDDD

Anne’s gonna be so excited

Ominis It’s a shame I can’t come sooner. I think these two weeks might be the longest of my life. 

SBSTN we’ve gone longer before my dude

we’ve just gone like 4 weeks so what’s like 3 more

Ominis Very true. You are wise sometimes, Sebastian. 

SBSTN flatterer

August 3rd, 10:14am

SBSTN ur right it’s dragging

anne is making me go to gladrags with her 

i want u here so we can do manly things

like skipping rocks on the water

long walks along the beach at sunset <3

LMAO jk but srsly haha I’m bored

August 5th, 12:36pm

SBSTN 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ominis Could you not have sent more exclamation points?

SBSTN srry

Ominis It’s almost like you aren’t excited. 

SBSTN ill do better next time

Ominis I’m rather offended, actually. 

SBSTN :(

Ominis :)

SBSTN :D

August 12th, 2:47pm

Ominis One week, I believe. 

SBSTN UR RIGHT 

I’m dancing

u can’t see me rn but i am

Ominis I can’t see at all. 

SBSTN dude.

Ominis I saw the opportunity and I took it. 

SBSTN u didn’t see anything

cos ur blind

Ominis Haha. Very funny. 

SBSTN :D

1 WEEk!

August 18th, 6:04pm

SBSTN SO WHAT TIME U COMING

ill walk over and meet u

r ur house elves gonna bring ur school stuff later?

cos there’s not a lot of room here haha

but it’s cool if u need 2 :)

come at like just after midnight haha technically counts

ill wait up

Ominis I’ll probably come around midday, if that’s acceptable. I will have to speak to my father before leaving, I suppose. I am looking forward to seeing you. Very much.

SBSTN me too :)

we’ll have lunch and then maybe we can go exploring or something

there’s an empty cave down by the water that has all these old stones and bricks with weird patterns on them i think you’ll like

like they feel all weird 

good hand feel

oh and the Ominis cat is back so you two will have to meet !

Ominis I cant wait. 

SBSTN me neither

August 19th, 12:05pm

Ominis I’ll be on my way soon. 

SBSTN just helping Anne finish the pie then ill head over :)

Ominis Are you covered in flour by any chance?

SBSTN u kno it baby

im a messy boy ;)

Ominis Looking forward to seeing you like that oh that doesn't make sense

At least look presentable for your guest.

SBSTN but u can’t see me?

lol

will do, dw

12:21pm

SBSTN ok heading over now

Ominis And I am just leaving.

SBSTN c u soon <3

Ominis

<3

WINTER

December 20th, 9:24am

SBSTN changed their display name to xmaSeb

xmaSeb i have ur tie

found it in my bag

idk why i bought it home lol

gonna wear it like a bandana

Ominis How do you know it’s mine?

xmaSeb its got a little og on the inside

Ominis What is an og?

Oh. My initials.

xmaSeb i wrote it in all ur ties so they don’t get lost or someone else steals then

Ominis How sweet

Why didn’t you tell me this before?

Would it matter, as long as I had enough ties?

xmaSeb no

i guess not

i just like the house elves to know whose is whose

Ominis Well, thank you. I’ll collect it in a few days. 

xmaSeb :)

how r the gaunts

Ominis I don’t think you want to know.

xmaSeb probably not

tell me anyway

Ominis Cruel, vicious, muggle-hating? I think about that covers it. 

xmaSeb ah

so not much has changed

Ominis Of course not. 

xmaSeb at least it’s only like what a week?

Ominis 4 days, 5 if you count the day it took to travel.

xmaSeb remind me why they wanted you to come back so bad ? 

Ominis The family of the witch that Marvolo is supposed to be marrying are visiting tomorrow. 

xmaSeb right

Ominis So I had to be in attendance to prove we are a worthy family, stronger together. Always in Power and whatnot. 

xmaSeb right

Ominis So now I’m stuck here listening to my father rant about blood purity when all I want to do is to be with you. 

And Anne.

Even Solomon. 

xmaSeb lol

sure he’d be chuffed

Ominis I’d take 100 Solomon’s over one of my fathers. 

xmaSeb how many mes would u take

Ominis 0

xmaSeb oh

</3

xmaSeb devastated :(

Ominis You know I jest. 

xmaSeb :D

Ominis Excuse me. Apparently after breakfast I’m being taken for a suit fitting. I seem to have outgrown last years’ already. I’ll speak to you later. 

xmaSeb nice

send pics

xmaSeb ;)

Ominis You know I won't do that. 

xmaSeb :(

no fair 

speak later?

Ominis Call?

xmaSeb anything 4 u baby boy

5:36pm

Ominis *image*

I’m not sure if I even got a picture. But I’m sending this anyway. 

xmaSeb damn

u so fine

lol wear that at school and the girls will be all over u trust me

:)))

Ominis I don’t want

Do you really think

Thank you.

December 22nd, 12:32am

Ominis Thnk Merlin thts over

dmn key stuck

does  work?

        .

a a a 

xmaSeb mine a works a just a fine a

Ominis on my laptop stupid

xmaSeb phone?

Ominis dead

xmaSeb charge

electric spell mate tht wht i do

Ominis fool

guests

loud

xmaSeb O YE

im 2 pretty 2 think

anyway how was it

Ominis horrid

apprently marv was makin bedrom eyes at her

thts wat my sister said

xmaSeb LMAO

was she pretty

do you kno

Ominis sis said she looked a bit like a horse

xmaSeb HORSE?

like NEIGH?

Ominis quote ‘very long face with very long nose, lovely mane thoug’

xmaSeb why does he want to screw her then

Ominis pureblood

xmaSeb don’t need to say anymore lol

how was it tho

Ominis painful

spent the whole night trying to remmber french 

which i def butchered

and they kept grabbjng my chin to look at me and commenting about my eyes

but I coulndt hear them coming

xmaSeb LOL

so when u gonna speak to me in French?

ik some french 

bonjour mon petit croissant

but yeh that sounds sucky dude

why r they all so weird

its a wonder u turned out so perfect ;)

Ominis not

xmaSeb yes

perfect baby boy :)

Ominis no

xmaSeb yes :)

Ominis no

xmaSeb YES

stop arguing

Ominis fine

xmaSeb i win!

only 2 days now 

Ominis indeed

xmaSeb then u get to see ur bestest friend in the whole world!

Ominis anne

xmaSeb me!

oh

Ominis joke

xmaSeb im gonna sleep now v tired

Ominis talk tomorrw?

xmaSeb don’t even need to ask <3

December 24th, 10:43am

xmaSeb good morrow sire 

ur carriage awaits

(me, waiting for u to carry ur bag back home)

Ominis I shan’t be long. See you shortly.

December 25th, 4:52am

xmaSeb meryy chrismtas omii i lvoeu 

oh ur ruyght there

I stikl lovu

even if i dnttell u

SPRING

March 25th, 10:14am

xmaSeb changed their display name to seabass

seabass haha just seen those last messages

Ominis You love me?

Were you drunk? 

seabass noooooooo

tht just shows how drunk u were if u dont remember me being drunk

Ominis I was drunk too?

seabass we were all drunk baby

Ominis Merlin. 

How do I not remember this?

seabass dont tell me u don’t remember our passionate night together as well?!

Ominis What

What

Sorry, what?

What?

seabass wow

broken hearted

was this why we never discussed it?

Ominis I’m sorry, I really don’t remember, Sebastian. Why didn’t you mention this sooner?

seabass sigh

it was so amazing, so passionate

don’t think i could get u to stop talking about potions for a good hour

how much u HATE it

so much passion in ur heart!!!

Ominis I thought you meant

Oh, haha, very funny Sebastian. I was scared for a moment there. 

seabass what of lol

trust if we ever were passionate we would both remember VERY clearly ;)

Ominis Enough joking around. 

seabass never

but fine i’ll stop FOR NOW

how’s oui oui paris

(read tht with the french accent on paris so it rhymes plz)

Ominis Horrid. For the most part, I’ve managed to keep to myself, but this damned family might end up killing me. 

seabass which one lol

gaunts or delacar

or however u spell it

Ominis Delacroix. I just had to spell that out, this phone is really poor at spelling. 

Truthfully, it’s going to be one or the other. Marvolo is all over this Rosalié like a ravenous mongrel. Eleven year age gap, mind you. Their only topic of conversation seems to be about hating muggles in broken French and English. 

seabass the horse girl

oh so she’s like only a bit older than us?

Ominis Precisely. Only just finished Beauxbatons last year, apparently. She also has a younger sister, who is very timid, unlike the rest of her family, but I’m certain my mother and father are already hatching the egregious plan to marry us when she comes of age. 

seabass shit

i had to look up egregious lol

how old?

Ominis Eleven, I believe. Starting Beauxbatons in the Autumn if I understood her mother correctly. 

seabass oh gross

yuck

but that does give us time to hatch a plan and run away

Ominis I could very well be wrong, but I have sat next to her at every dinner we’ve had together so far. It would certainly not surprise me. 

seabass im so sorry baby

Ominis I’m here for another few days, then back home. I think I may not survive these two weeks. 

seabass plz survive

i wouldn’t be able to go on

itll all be ok, dw :)

Ominis Do you promise?

seabass on my life

March 30th, 8:27pm

Ominis Home now. 

seabass welcome back to to the British Isles

enjoy your tea and scones

me ol mucker

Ominis What on Earth are you on about now?

seabass haha

there’s this american muggle show thing and one of them is trying to do an English accent and its soooo bad

me and anne were watching it and couldn’t stop laughing

ill send a video hold on

u don’t have to see it just listen hold on

*video*

8:35pm

Ominis What did I just hear?

seabass HAHAHAH

absolute shambles

Ominis I think my ears may be bleeding.

seabass nooo don’t lose your hearing ur so sexy aha

Ominis Excuse me?

seabass meme

Ominis Clearly. If I did lose my hearing at least I wouldn’t have to hear you speak again. 

seabass if u lost ur ears how would i even communicate with u? 

:(

Ominis No communication with you? Sounds like a dream come true. 

seabass yeah but if we couldn’t talk at all i wouldn’t be able to do this

seabass is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 2hr 3min

10:51pm

seabass <3333

Ominis Goodnight Sebastian.

seabass sleep well lovely <3

Ominis And you. 

<3

April 3rd, 11:36am

seabass good morning angelface 

Ominis Angel face. That’s a new one. 

seabass do u like

Ominis It’s not something I’ve heard before. 

seabass so u DO like it

Ominis Hang on, I never said that.

seabass what do u prefer, sister or angelface

remember that hahaha

Ominis I do remember. It was only a joke. 

seabass ikkkkk

k of all the names I call u what do u prefer

angelface

baby

baby boy

gorgeous

lovely

perfect

or dumbass motherfucker

Ominis You’ve never called me that last one. I dare not repeat it. 

seabass not to your face >:)

Ominis Really? Then to who?

seabass just in my head

to myself

whenever i look @ u

Ominis You are an idiot, Sebastian Sallow.

seabass i think my fave ones r baby boy and perfect because that’s what u r :)

Ominis I honestly can’t tell if you’re flirting

I’m really getting mixed signals

I think you’re more perfect

Such a charmer. 

I think I just prefer my name. 

seabass ahhh no fun :(

i only give u these pet names because ily :(

Ominis What?

Sorry

In what way

I love you too, I have for

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck oh stupid phone stop listening to me I’m not trying to

11:52am

seabass sorry was that weird haha

ur just my best friend and stuff

sorry

Ominis Oh, of course

Oh

I thought you meant

Idiot

Don’t

Don’t apologise, if I’m honest I don’t mind the names. It’s certainly better than some of the things I’ve been called. Haha. 

Ominis And I L Y too. 

So much

seabass :D

<3

i shall continue to give you cute little names then

Ominis Alright. Don’t expect any from me though. 

Sweetheart. 

seabass YES

hahaha

seabass changed their display name to sweetheart

sweetheart look

i changed mine

mine display name 

change urs baby boy

Ominis What?

Oh, I’ve just heard it. Really?

sweetheart CHANGE UR NAME SO WE MATCH!!!!!

Ominis changed their display name to Baby Boy

Baby Boy Did that work?

sweetheart YEA

haha

this is dumb

still love it tho

NEW MESSAGE

From Natty<3 to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:55am

Natty<3 It's happened! Congratulations guys <3

NEW MESSAGE

From QUIDDITCHQUEEN to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:56am

QUIDDITCHQUEEN So you finally got your shit together then?

NEW MESSAGE

From pops to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:56am

pops just saw yours and Ominis’ names! :)

very sweet :)

happy for you both :)

NEW MESSAGE

From Gazza to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:57am

Gazza always knew you two would get it on haha

NEW MESSAGE

From LEANDER1 to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:57am

LEANDER1 r u an gaunt gay or smth wots wiv the names

not judging idc

April 3rd, 11:58am

sweetheart we can change it back lol

Baby Boy Why?

I thought you loved it

sweetheart idk

im gonna

sweetheart changed their display name to sebastian

sebastian leave urs then

Baby Boy OK.

sebastian k

gtg c u friday 

Baby Boy  Is everything ok?

Baby Boy changed their display name to Ominis

Ominis Ok, goodbye then.

Love you.

April 4th, 12:07am

Ominis Sebastian?

12:19am

Ominis Are you there?

12:28 am

Missed call from Ominis

12:32am

Missed call from Ominis

12:40am

Ominis is calling sebastian

Call declined