#spam emails

[fangirltothefullest]

You need to go on this spam journey with me.

I will never open spam mail. Ever. But GODS I love peeking into my spam box sometimes and just reading the headers. TONS of fake paypal invoices, randos telling me about penis enlargement supplements and watches. My College sold my email which is fucking wild but that's why I have so much now and it's fun to take a peek and laugh at the silliness of the headers alone. My new favourite is tracking the ever fake and weird "life" of one totally real and not an automated bot Pace Kross, the everyperson with the email of jmackcross29 that have been dropping in my spam box since June.

"Pace Kross" is so busy in my spam box you guys. It begins on June 23rd, so simple..... (Read this in the most soap opera voice you can)

They're trying to link me totally not suspicious New York Times pet care articles. How lovely! They follow up with one of these:

A true person of culture: pets and traveling. And this of course is followed by a no subject email....

I am not interested, Pace Kross, you must step up your game. I shan't be swayed by your little games.

But then it gets intimate!

(don't be fooled it was not sent on June 17th, Pace Kross is a bit of a fibber)

They have photos they want to give me to send their love! Aww~! How very sweet! But then! Pace Kross's life takes a TURN!

Suddenly they want me to call because it's an "emergent"!! One that their physical health problems are causing them to be unable to do anything about!! TRAGIC!

I will never answer you Pace Kross.... what will you do?

Turns out I don't have to! And neither does whoever Kelsey is! My sister? My lover? My mother? Either way, crisis averted! And then we get more lore on my new relationship with this mysterious Pace Kross......

What am I celebrating 10 years of? New Development! I simply must know! am I engaged to this Kelsey? Am I married? IS it the anniversary of my birth? When I got my first car? What will their next email be?

July 1st- of course it's time to talk about fireworks. I now have new information! I must live on the East River! I learn new things about myself every day, thank you Pace Kross.

We are presented next with what must surely be photos of 4th of July. But who is Mack Danger? Is he with me? Is he my beloved? Is it our anniversary? The intrigue! Why is Pace Kross sending me these photos for Mack Danger's eyes and Mack Danger's eyes alone???

I will receive no answer, for I shan't open them.

July 5th, it is Christmas in July, of course, how could I forget. The plot unfolds- I have spent time with Pace Kross. I surely must know Pace Kross intimately to have such moments as reflecting on commercials that remind us of one another. Do not fret dear Pace Kross, I shall always be reminded of you whenever I see a commercial that establishes very little and leaves me questioning the product <3

But things take yet another turn.....

One must never argue politics, Pace Kross, you do not know what will be coming after all, immediately following your email.....

Is one from who I can only assume is your angry spouse! Alas, it too goes unanswered.

What follows are more emails for Mack Danger's eyes only. Impeccable curiosity spiking here... but I respect the privacy of anyone named Mack Danger.

Mack Danger must surely be a spy, after all, to merit such secrecy, and Pace Kross must be his informant. It only makes sense. It even says "top secret". The machinations unfold.....

And now the day arrives....

July 8th: It is my 10 year anniversary and I finally have context as to why Pace Kross was so upset they could not attend..... I am their beloved daughter! SHOCKING REVELATIONS ALL AROUND! A reel for my big day follows, of course.

Reminiscing got to them because they follow the big day with this:

I can only imagine this is Mack Danger they are speaking of in Philadelphia, followed by the pain they feel in missing me.

It leaves only more questions.

Was I put up for adoption at a young age? Dear me, what could have separated us?

July 16th: Mack Danger is now in Togo..... perhaps he knows why we are estranged. Was I kidnapped? Is there a ransom spam bot wanting you to pay to free me, Pace Kross? It's me I am here, your totally real and not fabricated estranged daughter and whoever Kelsey is... is likely here with me. Was that the emergent? Is Mack Danger on the case? Is that why I needn't have called any more?

July 20th, the last thing Pace Kross has sent to me. It holds no information, just an attachment I can only guess at. *stares into the middle distance*

I can only assume that whatever government had all those secrets has gotten to Pace Kross. I hope their dear angry spouse, Joan Kross, who is also probably from jmackross29@gmail, does not miss them too much.

[mad-rieux]

I keep getting these spam ads, but I kind of save them. The ones with like the weird pictures. Because they're those fake emails where it's some "horny lady" looking for someone, but they have some really bad ai generated photo along with them. So it makes me feel like I've gone schizo and am being drip fed messages by the Handler from Cruelty Squad.

[thundercatwaffle]

Happy Presidents day sale!!!!!!!!

[bash-js]

don't be so down on yourself, natali, i'm sure your face is just as nice as your ass

[yellowlaboratory]

if y’all don’t get your asses in gear and vote -

https://www.mtv.com/movie-and-tv-awards/vote/best-kiss

[coutelier]

Well this just popped up on my screen. Yeah I've had a few of these kinds of emails claiming they recorded me through my webcam while visiting a porn site or something. To me they're just funny because I don't have a webcam.

Sometimes you'll get an email that has an actual password you use on it. Again there's no reason to panic - it just means a load of passwords have been leaked from somewhere (Playstation Network, for example) and whoever has gotten it is sending these automated messages to everyone on the list. If you ignore it, most likely nothing will happen, but if you are worried obviously just change your password.

Just as general rules, don't reply to anything if you don't know who the sender is, and definitely never give personal info to a stranger who contacts you - for example, someone claiming to be from your bank; if there's an issue you call them.

[chocolateteapotsvis]

Rating: General Audiences Additional Tags: Fluff and Crack, Influencer Marketing, spam emails, Trolling, Dick Jokes, Dick Grayson - Freeform, Oneshot, pure silliness, Halbarry Week 2023 Series: Part 2 of Whining and Dining

Subject: Green Lantern – Exclusive Brand Opportunity with Relationship Building Potential

For Halbarry Week Day 3: Hazards of the Job

[skelkankaos]

goddd i got a spam email where the plot is a guy is asking me to help him buy raw materials so he can produce pharmaceuticals with them and i am so so so curious about what kind of major Raw Material this fictional man is trying to convince me i am funding but i will never know because i am smart enough not to reply to spam emails

it's also just like, a really bizarre one because there is no appeal to emotions or attempt to build rapport. we're just rawdogging the business proposition without any mention of a tragic inheritance story or a cheating husband

[generalnuisance0]

being professional and courteous on my public email for inquiries about my utau :3

[deviantstormtrooper]

Spam emails are wild. I have just read this sentence: I am welcome to be happy, social, generous, horny and spontaneous. Those are an interesting choice of words to group together.

[regallibellbright]

Today in “Well THAT’S certainly a spam email I’ve just received, there:”

Horse management and grooming hacks survey from CVS.

That is super legitimate and I will totally click your link, Definitely Real CVS. I am sure it contains no malware whatsoever.

[maeshelix]

Many beautiful women named oysmgjskakrjr tpgmdnfk are emailing me for my opinions on a pharmacy I haven't visited in years

[worldofdreamweavers]

The most annoying/idiotic spam emails for me are the ones from car insurers, because I don’t drive. Literally, I do not even have a driver’s license.

Know your damn audience.

[birdsintheory]

This is by far THE funniest spam email I have ever gotten

[aliveandalsodead]

Spam emails can be so goddamn funny