#sp0iler free review inside

[televinita]

Just watched 65 and am now 65 (million?) times madder about Adam Driver being cast in it, because while on the one hand it loses some points for being overly invested in gross-out content and PG-13 gore, on the other hand it is stacked with ALL OF MY FAVORITE THINGS:

Opening scene: snuggling on the beach with your wife while you fondly look on at your daughter and Woefully discuss the necessity of your impending leave

GIRLDAD

Foster Girldad -- must keep the orphan child alive, She Is Now My Only Purpose

No extraneous characters, it’s just all these 2 all the time, aside from scene 1 and brief video clips

Would you like a nasty abdominal wound and some field doctoring with requisite grimacing through the pain

What about additional injuries and field doctoring as we go

Angst connected to precious video clips of the daughter you haven’t seen face to face in over a year

So. Much. Peril.

DINOSAURS

Fewer dinosaurs than you would think and also a really blatant level of “listen our dinosaur budget is Limited, we can’t just be showing them for extended periods all willy-nilly,” but still DINOSAURS.

I Would Die For You, I Would Kill For You

Comfort hugging

Tears

So little time wasted on setup or context or explaining what is happening. Full “somehow, Palpatine returned” to get to the good stuff. (did I use that right? idk the original context). 

(It does harm the story somewhat to be this confused -- like, this is definitely not Good Writing, despite the DVD cover proudly and specifically touting the pedigree of its writers -- but then you’re just constantly distracted by Danger, Hurt/Comfort, or Dinosaurs, so in practice what this means is I was glued to the screen and not once was I tempted to read so much as a page from my book.)

Did I mention that the girl reminds me of Maisie Lockwood, which did not hurt in the slightest.

But I can’t fully enjoy any of that with Adam “Ratface” Driver at the center of it. Literally spent this entire movie just baffled as to how it was doing EVERYTHING I LOVE IN A STORY, OVER AND OVER, and losing my mind about how much more I could have loved it if they had just cast. like. anyone else.