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suchalonelysunflower · 1 year ago

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I Hear a Symphony (c.h)

You, Again Spin Off

Pairing: Soulmate! Calum Hood x Soulmate! Fem! Reader

Summary: it’s the most important day of Luke’s life, and, even if Calum doesn’t know it yet, it would be his as well

Warnings: Fluff, kinda angsty but not Sunny’s type of angst. Language. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 4.2 K

Authors Note: OKAY, this does not mean I’m back posting every week like I used to, but it’s something. Thank you for the 2K 🥹🩷 more things are coming, I promise. But like give me time cause I’m moving continents this month. Please remember to REBLOG the works you like, that’s super important to keep writers (me) going, as well as COMMENTS LIKES AND REACTIONS. PLEASE SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading 🥰🦋🌻

My masterlist // tag list in bio!

He could hear the sound of nervous pacing echo through his head as he rubbed the tip of his thumbs over his eyes. It was a normal occurrence as lately, they’ve all grown accustomed to Luke’s endless worrying. But everyone has their limits, and Calum’s all but reaching it at this point.

“Mate, sit the fuck down!” He said, a bit more harshly than he intended in the first place.

“Yeah!” Michael seconded without paying much attention to them, sitting across the room on the couch, with no pants and a bowl of Cheetos sitting next to him as he played yet another game of FIFA “You’re gonna run out your shoes before you walk down the aisle”

Calum glared at him for that comment.

“What?! That can happen?!” Luke shouted as he immediately jumped to the bed and took off his shoes to inspect them.

“Of course not” Calum sighed, going up to Michael and flicking him on the forehead, ignoring his complaint “But you do need to calm down”

Luke’s been erratic these past few weeks as the big day approached. They’ve all had their fair share of laughs at the “bridezilla’s” post on Reddit every once in a while. But they never thought that their best friend would ever turn into a “groomzilla” Calling them in the middle of the night for their opinions about ties and eyeliner color; overhearing phone calls in the office with vendors about how “teal” was not the same thing as “cerulian”; almost having an aneurysm when Ashton said he was going to shave his head… to name a few.

Although - Calum thought - that term was not fair to Luke at all. He could understand the man being nervous about his own wedding and wanting everything to be perfect. Especially as his best man - aka the man who made sure everything was not in shambles after Luke ended up crying on the office kitchen floor at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday - What he did not get was his underlying fear of his soulmate running away at the last minute.

“I’m sorry!” Luke moaned, hiding his face in his hands as he lay down on the bed “It’s just- what if she just decides she doesn’t want this anymore?”

“You’re joking, right?” Calum sighed as he sat next to Luke.

Calum knew the whole story of their love. When he first met Luke on his first day at the company, the first thing he noticed was the mark on his skin. He remembers a blushing Luke smiling shyly at him while he rubbed his fingers unconsciously over the mark as he told them the story of how he met his soulmate. It was the first time Calum met someone so young and so in love, at least until Michael met his soulmate, but that is a whole other story - and albeit a more dramatic one.

When Luke told them he was going to propose, no one took it as a surprise. It was just how it was supposed to be for them. At least that’s what Calum thought. If he was being honest, all the idea of soulmates and having one person to love for the rest of your life seemed… weird.

He knows he should not have those thoughts out loud, and he probably agrees with Ashton’s theory that maybe it was just because he hadn’t found his yet. But, what was he supposed to think? That magically, somewhere around the world, there was someone destined to be with him? And that they would love him back? It just doesn’t seem real.

But then… He turns toward Luke, who’s now observing his mark, touching it so delicately as if it were to fall. He noticed how his lips moved to say his lover’s name as he sighed. Then, he looks over at Michael, whose mark got him a novella out of that story, and how he smiles at the text his soulmate probably sent. He thinks about how their smiles change when they’re around their loved ones; how they talk about them, as if they were the most interesting people in the world and no one could compare to them. And Calum knows. He just knows that’s how love is supposed to be.

And, he knows he’s never felt that before. Not in the receiving or giving end of the bargain.

He has had partners before. Someone to take the loneliness away from his hands and put them to good use. A distraction, maybe, from feeling so empty. But those relationships never lasted more than a season. His lips never uttered the word “love” to someone before.

Maybe he’s not supposed to.

“Ayooooo!” Ashton shouted as he came barging into their hotel suite, letting the door hit the wall and making Michael drop the bowl of Cheetos on the floor “Who’s ready to party!”

Immediately, Luke got up from the bed with erratic eyes.

“Where the fuck have you been?!”

“Whatever do you mean?” Ashton faked innocence. Calum rolled his eyes

“Give it up, Ash,” He said, getting up from the bed as well “It’s getting late and Luke hasn’t killed anyone, yet. And I have no problem letting him start with you”

“You,” Ashton pointed at him “Are no fun. I just went to grab my tux! I left it at home so that I couldn’t damage it as other people did”

Michael raised his hands “In my defense, no one should’ve brought orange soda into the tux fitting!”

Luke ran a hand through his face. Calum thought it was fortunate that he didn’t do his makeup yet.

“Just tell me you got them”

“Got what?”

“The wha- THE RINGS?!”

“What rings?”

“Okay,” Calum said, putting himself between a very confused Ashton and a bull-raging-looking Luke “This ain’t funny anymore, Ash”

“I’m not trying to be funny, 'cause you know I’ll be hilarious. But I seriously have no idea what you two are on about”

At that moment, Calum could see everything in slow motion.

He noticed the way Luke’s neck vein nearly exploded. He heard the slow whistle from Michael as he got out of the way completely. And he watched Ashton’s eyes go from joyful to meet the angel of death in Luke’s stare as he started to run across the room while the soon-to-be groom chased him.

“Hey, hey, HEY!” Calum yelled just in time for Ashton to trip on Michael’s shoes, taking Luke by surprise and making him stop on his steps “Let’s take a damn moment and figure this out, okay?! Ashton, you don’t have the wedding rings?”

“No.” He said from the floor “Why on Earth would I have them?! You’re the best man!”

“Because I gave them to you, you ass!” Luke shouted, nearly on the brink of tears.

“No you fucking didn’t, mate!” Ashton groaned as he sat down “Believe me, I would’ve known!”

“Yes, I did! At the rehearsal dinner two nights ago, I told you to guard them with your life!”

“No, Luke-” Ashton frowned and got up and went to pick something from his bag “You gave me these. Which at the time I thought it was weird, but no questioning the groom I guess”

What he showed the rest of them was a little black velvet box that contained… nothing. It was completely empty.

Luke’s demeanor completely changed from angry to defeated. Calum swore he could see the five stages of grief run through his friend’s eyes as he sat back down on the bed.

“That’s not- those aren’t-” He stammered “That’s the engagement ring box. I- I don’t know-”

In an instant, his baby blue eyes filled with tears that could not stop running down his face. A chain of curse words mixed with painful whimpers and sobs ran through him and echoed into the empty room. The remaining three friends just looked at each other in shock, not knowing how to approach or how to comprehend anything that was happening.

“Oh my god!” Luke cried “She’s going to leave me! She’ll know I lost the rings and she’ll walk out in an instant. I fucked up! Oh for god’s sake, I ruined everything!”

“Luke-”

“What am I going to even say to her?! Oh god, she’s probably thinking of ways to escape this!”

“Luke!”

“I’m going to end up alone and- and - and- and my mark will disappear! I- I don’t wanna be markless again?!”

“For fuck’s- LUKE!” Calum shouted, grabbing the sobbing groom by the shoulders and shaking him out of his state “Calm the fuck down! We’re going to figure this out and you’re getting married today!”

“But how?!”

“Just-” And then Calum realized he had no idea how to actually fix this, but he had to come up with a plan. Fast “You gave Ash the wrong box, we know that and it was an accident. But, is there any way the box with the rings just got mixed up? Maybe the rings are in the other box and-”

“And they’re exactly where you left them,” Michael chimed in. Nodding at Calum and Ash “We can go find them”

“But I don’t know where they are! They could be anywhere!” Luke whined, “Our house, with the bridal party, at the office…”

“Why would they be in the office?”

“I don’t know! I took them everywhere just to make sure I didn’t lose them”

Calum sighed and stood back. It’s game time.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do,” He said, seriously “Luke, you stay here. Try to compose yourself, I’ll call Jack to help you get ready and to help you look through your luggage. Ash, you’re going to their house. Look into every drawer that you can find, even the bathroom and kitchen. Michael, obviously you’re going to the office.”

“Duh”

“And I’ll go to where the bridal party is, if it’s not there I’ll go with Ash”

“Wait,” Luke said, drying his tears “I don’t want her to know that I lost them. If you go there and tell her-”

Calum just put up his hand and smirked “You’re talking to an expert here, mate. She won’t even know I’m there” He then nodded and put his hand on Luke’s shoulder “Let’s get you to that altar”

The bridal party was getting ready at the penthouse on the top floor of the hotel, which later would become the marital suite for both Luke and his new bride. Calum went up to the door, ready to knock. But then he would chicken out and do a few laps along the corridor to gain some sort of courage.

“It’s okay,” He told himself “You’re gonna do great, not embarrass Luke and save his wedding. Yeah. You’re a good friend, Calum. Good friend. Great friend, even. Maybe I should ask for a complimentary gift from their honeymoon-”

“Are you seriously giving yourself a pep talk out loud?”

Calum shrieked and jumped at the sound of the stranger’s voice. Turning around to see a lady smiling at him with her eyebrow raised. She was wearing one of the hotel’s complimentary robes with sandals and had her hair and makeup done, as well as a bucket of ice in her hands.

“I- I-” Calum cleared his throat as he composed himself “I’m just… trying to-”

He blinked a couple of times, wondering the reason as to why he seemed out of words when he looked at her waiting for an answer. With that smile and those beautiful eyes looking straight at him… She was pretty. Gorgeous even.

Calum had seen his fair share of pretty people around and about, but this stranger was just as if she were casting a spell on him the moment he set eyes on her. Like Medusa freezing him over with her beautiful stare.

Soon, he returned to his senses enough to extend a hand to her.

“Sorry,” He smiled “I’m Calum, Luke’s best man”

The girl smiled, shaking his hand “Oh, I thought I recognized you from somewhere! I’m Luke’s cousin, Y/N”

Alarm bells started shouting the words “OFF LIMITS” inside Calum’s head the moment she uttered those words.

“Cousin?”

“Yeah,” She smiled, and oh, how Calum wished she didn’t.

“But- but I haven’t seen you? I mean, at the rehearsal dinner and stuff”

Y/N sighed “Yeah, working out of state can be a pain in the ass sometimes. My flight got delayed a good 24 hours. I arrived last night and I’m already spent” She laughed “Anyway, I’m sure you have something important to do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Being the best man and all”

Then Calum remembered his task.

“Oh shit! Right. Uhm… I’m gonna need your help” He stepped closer to her and whispered “You see, I’m on a mission”

“Like a secret mission?” She whispered back.

“Exactly. Here’s the deal…”

After he explained the situation and pretended not to notice the way in which Y/N’s eyes set on him with such brightness in them or the way her perfume seemed to hold his thoughts captive at her proximity. They both came up with a plan.

“And the bride cannot know, right?”

“For the sake of Luke’s nerves… yeah, better not”

Y/N giggled, making Calum take a moment just to wish it could happen again. And another to wonder why that was.

“Okay, follow me”

Calum walked behind her, careful not to get into her space as she used her key to open up the door. Luckily, the rest of the party was getting ready at the other side of the room, just as she told him they were. So all Calum had to do was sneak up the other side into the room and rummage through Luke’s bags. Easy enough.

But when have things ever been easy for any of them?

“Hey, Y/N!” A voice ran through the room, making them both panic as Y/N pushed Calum outside of the room again, holding the door with one hand behind her “There you are!”

Calum, still in shock from the abrupt shove, couldn’t hear most of the conversation the girl was having with another bridesmaid. He just noticed her hand out to hold the door so that he wouldn’t be shut out. And then, he noticed her mark.

It was as if a bucket filled with cold water had been dumped on him when he looked at the little dove tattooed on her skin. His face morphed into the disappointment his heart was bleeding out. Feeling the way his lungs stopped breathing as a warm, dreaded sensation ran through his body.

He didn’t know, nor could he comprehend that sudden sadness that took over him just by looking at her mark. Why did it matter so much to him? He literally just met her out in the hall. He should’ve known or even expected her to have someone already, how could she not? In the brief minutes that he’d known her, he already knew she was special. Just… just not special for him.

“Calum!” He heard her hiss through the door.

“I’m here!” He whispered back, trying to tint his voice with something other than disappointment.

Y/N then grabbed his hand blindly and pulled him into the room, making them crash their bodies as she closed the door behind him. Her strength was a bit misplaced as she ended up backtracking into the wall and taking Calum with her, pushing them together against the wall.

She looked back at him, and Calum could barely breathe. His eyes went straight to her lips, parting and waiting for words to come out. So close to him that her eyelashes could blow winds into the brown forest of his eyes. Just one more, little push and he could have his lips drinking from the secret poison of her mouth.

But he couldn’t. Not when she already belonged to someone else.

So he stood back, giving her a little nod as he made his way toward the room. Y/N followed him, making sure to stand guard at the door in case any other person wanted to come in.

“His bags are on the right side,” She whispered through the other side of the door.

“Great, it shouldn’t take me lo-oh. Oh shit”

“What?!”

“Luke’s got like six bags here!” Calum whispered-shouted, already wanting to cry “How on Earth could a person own so many clothes?!”

Y/N stifled a laugh “That sure sounds like my cousin. But don’t worry, his bride got like eight. No wonder they’re amazing together”

“Yeah,” Calum agreed as he started to go through the first bag “Can you believe that he’s scared shitless she’s going to run off?”

“What?! She’s totally head over heels for him. I’ve known them my whole life, there aren’t more deserving people of that kind of love. They truly are made for each other, real soulmates”

Calum gave her a small smile even though she couldn’t see it.

“You know?” She said, with a sigh “I have to admit that I never truly believed that could be possible.”

“What?”

“Loving someone like that”

Calum stopped for a moment looking through bag number three, that same tug on his heart appearing that he chose to ignore. Y/N continued.

“I knew soulmates were real. But I always got that feeling that it couldn’t just be that perfect, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it” He answered, opening bag number four.

“The thought of loving someone like that for the rest of your life, it’s scary. So I understand why Luke might feel like that. Like it’s just such a perfect dream you might wake up from one day. But seeing him with his girl, and seeing the rest of my friends live their lives with their happy endings. They are all living in symphonies and I’m just here trying to figure out the tempo” She laughed

Calum looked back at the door, smiling sadly at her words that mirrored his thoughts so perfectly. His hand went through the fifth bag blindly, finally touching a velvety surface. His eyes widened.

“I know one day I’ll-”

“Holy shit I’ve-”

“Find it”

“Found it!”

Both of them kept quiet for a few seconds after that.

“Wait- you found them?”

“What?” Calum turned, taking the small box from the bag and walking up to the door “But- you have a mark”

“I don’t-”

Silence again. Time stopped. The beats of Calum’s heart could echo in those moments. He knows what he saw. He knows the dove is right there.

Then, the door opens. Y/N stood there with teary eyes. Her hand was delicately touching the mark she now noticed. But she wasn’t looking at it, no. Instead, her attention was solely on Calum, who was standing right in front of her, confused.

She took his hand, he offered no fight. She opened the button of his shirt and lowered the sleeve. Finally, the two of them could breathe.

“Cal…” She said, lips forming a smile.

“Oh my god,”

There it was, drawn on his delicate skin: A dove.

“Hey, has anyone seen Y/N?” A voice could be heard saying from the other side of the suite.

Calum looked up, and in a second he had her by the waist as he hurried them over to the closet and closed the door. He put a hand over her mouth and waited as footsteps came closer.

“I don’t think she’s here,” One of the bridesmaids said as they entered the room “Maybe she went to get some more ice”

They heard the person walk back out and exhale the breath they were holding. Calum looked back at Y/N, and she was already looking at him. He took his hand from her mouth but neither of them could form a sentence.

“Hi,” He said, breathing out a laugh. She smiled.

“Hi,” Her hand found his “This is-”

“Weird?”

“I was going to say “right” This feels right” She giggled “But yeah, it’s kinda weird. We have a lot to talk about”

“I know, I-”

“But not right now” Y/N put her other hand on his chest, feeling the way his heart nearly drummed its way out of his chest “It’s Luke’s wedding, there’s a lot of things to do, and I don’t want to take the moment from them”

Calum sighed “You’re right. But when?”

“I’ll find you,” She said, placing a kiss on his cheek “Now, you have to go, best man. Or the groom might collapse”

And so Calum walked back to Luke’s room, smiling ear to ear as he still felt her lips on his cheek. A smile that did not fade until he entered the suite and found Luke in his underwear with an ice pack on top of his groin; Michael with the zipper of his pants broken; and, Ash with dog paws imprinted onto his shirt.

“What the hell happened?”

Ashton sighed “Dude, you don’t want to know”

The ceremony went without a hitch. Luke and his new bride could not take their eyes off each other since she walked into the room, the smile on both of their faces was enough to convince even the proudest non-believer that love truly exists. Their vows made everyone in the room cry or close to, at least. But as they spoke, Calum could only think of one thing: Y/N.

When he saw her walk down the aisle, holding onto one of Luke’s other cousins, he could not help but imagine that one day he would see her walk in white to him waiting at the altar. The looks that they exchanged were a secret to everyone but them. He looked for her throughout the ceremony, almost missing his cue to give the newlyweds their rings - that Luke nearly kissed him in thanks for finding them - And he knew. He just knew that the part of him that he didn’t even think was missing was finally whole.

“... And, I have to admit, soulmates and stuff? I didn’t get them. Not until I met these two. When Luke first told us about the way his bride smiled and how she always got the coffee to taste just right in the mornings, even when their coffee machine broke down, I knew what true love was supposed to look like. Most people search for a love like that, some stop believing halfway through their happy endings. I always thought that love was just something that happened. Now I’m certain that love is something you live through. Something so inexplicably beautiful that’s hard to describe. It doesn’t happen instantly, but it builds and builds until you’ve created a home out of it. I know I cannot wait to start building mine” He said, looking straight at Y/N who sat there smiling widely with teary eyes “Today, the new Mr. and Mrs. Hemmings have invited us to their home, to their love story. And I’m just so thankful to be here sharing this love with them. To the bride and groom!”

The whole venue followed with applause and a few whistles from Ashton after the speech. Luke got up to hug him tightly and thank him for everything he’s done. His wife also got up and kissed him on the cheek, hitting his arm lightly and scolding him mockingly for making her cry again.

Calum just laughed and wished them the best once again. And, when he looked back, he noticed that his soulmate was no longer in her seat. He looked for her through the crown and found her at the door, nudging her head for him to follow.

Yet, when he got there, she was nowhere to be found. That was until he felt a pull on his sleeve and suddenly he was inside a closet once again.

“You really have a lot of upper strength” He laughed, putting an arm around her waist and bringing her closer to him “Hi,”

“Hi,” She said, closing her eyes and leaning forward until their foreheads touched “That was a great speech”

“Thank you, I’ve been practicing”

She hummed as she felt a small kiss on the top of her head, putting her arms around his neck “I already want to hear it again”

Calum held her close, hiding his face inside her neck as he softly placed kisses along it. Feeling like a swarm of butterflies just took flight inside his stomach.

“We have time. I could recite it to you each night”

“We’ve barely just met and you’re already thinking about tonight?” She teased.

“I’m thinking of getting to know you every night and day for as long as you let me,” He confessed, pulling back slightly to look at her “Would you let me?”

Y/N smiled and nodded. Calum took it upon himself to close the distance between them and finally let their lips touch. Kissing her like she wanted from the first time he saw her. Hungry. Passionately. Lovingly. Hopeful for the future they could now share.

But too busy to even hear the door of the closet opening.

“Hey, Cal! Are you there? Where ha- OH MY GOD! WITH MY COUSIN, CAL?!”

tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hemmohoran @flaneurcth @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @hoplessromantic727 @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @fakebetch9694 @5sos-imagine @SunflowerAngel2123 @perfectnouis @in-superbloom @lukeisstillapenguin @sadcupofcoffee

@superstarmarvel @personalmuyverypersonal @cnco.angels @vtte @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @lolzkye @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @pvnkcloud @in-a-world-of-fandoms @The-Ghost-of-Cal @youneedtocalumdown @dasguccier @awritingtree @heyitskelseaj @dawwnya @calumance @writersdare @indianamgc11 @marshallowy

@ashtonsunflower @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @remusismyhousewife @emilyclairesimpson @romanjbittenbinder @bookthingz @voilavouz @gracieboogirl @valentinehrts

@fckingpernico @multistann @a-darneddarling @plaidshirtyears @ihavenoideawhattodowithyou @bittersweetb4by @aria-grace-scott @bvbygxrl @luisa180206 @flyingburrito123 @drugerlime

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fanfictiongirlie · 1 month ago

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5 Seconds of Summer Masterlist:

(Warning: THIS IS A LONG POST)

❥ Smut - ❀ Fluff - ★ One Shot - ✶ Multi-Chaptered - ☹ Angst

(Disclaimer: These were all written, maybe ten years ago, the writing standard isn't what my writing is like now. Bare that in mind please. But honestly, they're fun little imagines, so hopefully some will enjoy them as much as I do - Also most are these are short imagines that rarely pass 1,000 words)

Ashton Irwin:

♪ Your Brother Is In The Vamps, & You Like A Boy From 5SOS ❀★

♪ You're Pregnant With His Child ❀★

♪ You Have a Child From A Previous Relationship ❀★

♪ You Have A Child During a Zombie Apocalypse ❀★☹

♪ You Have A Mutant Power ❀★

♪ First 'I Love You' ❀★

♪ Self Harm (Please don't read if this subject is triggering to you)

♪ He Leaves Without Knowing You’re Pregnant ❀

♪ Your Daughter In a Coma

♪ Soulmates ❀

♪ You Like Another Boy In Your Brother’s Band

♪ Princess

♪ Marry Me

♪ You get pets together

♪ Party

♪ Don't Stop

♪ Divorced

♪ Peter Pan AU

♪ Teaching you to Drum

Michael Clifford:

♪ Your Brother Is In The Vamps, & You Like A Boy From 5SOS ❀★

♪ You're Pregnant With His Child ❀★

♪ You Have a Child From A Previous Relationship ❀★

♪ You Have A Child During a Zombie Apocalypse

♪ Drunken Cuddles

♪ He Leaves Without Knowing You’re Pregnant

♪ Soulmates

♪ One Of The Other Boys Is Your Ex

♪ Princess

♪ Imaginary

♪ He Remembers When He Met You

♪ You get pets together

♪ First 'I Love You'

♪ I'll Love You Forever

♪ Pretty

♪ Heartbreak Girl

♪ You Meet On A Plane

♪ You Have Mutant Powers ❀★

Calum Hood:

♪ Your Brother Is In The Vamps, & You Like A Boy From 5SOS ❀★

♪ You Have a Child From A Previous Relationship ❀★

♪ You Have A Child During a Zombie Apocalypse ❀★☹

♪ You Have A Mutant Power ❀★

♪ He Leaves Without Knowing You’re Pregnant

♪ Soulmates

♪ Princess

♪ You're an Angel

♪ He Remembers When He Met You

♪ Can't Keep Doing This

♪You’re in a band and one of your band members dies/or is in hospital

♪ Coma

♪ You get pets together

♪ Cafe AU

♪ Ash catches you and Cal and gets really angry

♪ Vampire

♪ Online Dating

♪

Luke Hemmings:

♪ Your Brother Is In The Vamps, & You Like A Boy From 5SOS ❀★

♪ You Have a Child From A Previous Relationship ❀☹★

♪ You Have A Child During a Zombie Apocalypse

♪ You Have A Mutant Power ❀★

♪ Baby, Don’t Leave Me

♪ He Leaves Without Knowing You’re Pregnant

♪ Soulmates

♪ He Remembers The First Day You Met

♪ One Of The Other Boys Is Your Ex

♪ Princess

♪ Knowing You From Birth

♪ You get pets together

♪ Tour Bus Sex

♪ Mr. Hemmings

♪ Ghost

♪ Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?

♪ Smut with Lukey

♪

#fluff #5sos imagines #luke hemmings imagine #ashton irwin imagine #calum hood imagine #michael clifford imagine #5sos x reader

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lovesosweeet · 1 year ago

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

october 2, 2018 san diego, califonia orion

When I imagined waking up in my childhood bed with the person I consider my soulmate, I never thought my stomach would be full of dread. I never imagined that it wouldn’t be a happy feeling, but instead, my entire being feels the impending heartbreak.

I have Cal’s arms wrapped around me, him snoring quietly into my hair, and I find myself trying not to cry. The rest of the band left late last night, and Emelia went with them, taking whatever random room on the floor they have for the band and crew instead of staying here, although I did offer it to her. I don’t blame her. I’m sure she felt the weight of whatever would happen between me and Calum today and she wanted to steer clear.

I’m sure she has no idea what I’m about to do.

I don’t wake him up and try to relish the feeling of waking up next to him, but when I hear him yawn and stretch behind me, I’m relieved that our fate is bubbling to the surface, about to release. He squeezes me tighter to him once he’s awake, and it makes me feel worse. I never thought that I would wake up in his arms and not be happy about it, and yet, here I am.

“Morning,” he says quietly. I wonder how he’s already aware that I’m awake.

“Morning.”

I wonder if he’s able to tell how defeated I already feel.

“How’d you sleep?” He asks, and I don’t know how he’s so able to act like everything between us is normal.

I want to cry, but I try to hold it together.

“I didn’t really sleep.”

I’m exhausted. I could easily fall asleep right now under normal circumstances, but this morning is already the worst day of my life and nothing has even happened yet.

“Orion,” he starts, trailing off. There he is. Now he feels the weight in the room, the heaviness in my chest. He’s paying attention now, and I’m both relieved and disappointed. Maybe it would have been nice to live in blissful ignorance a few hours longer, but it’s nice that I can get everything off my chest now.

“We have to talk about it. I know it’s gonna suck but I can’t… I can’t keep sitting on it.” My words are brash, fast, and I feel his arms tense around me as I say them.

“I know,” he breathes. His muscles unclench some, but he’s still stiff. He still knows this is about to suck.

“Do you have questions? Or do you want me to just talk?”

Without hesitation, even in his sleepiest state, he’s quick. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to put your life on hold.” I’m quick, too.

He sighs, and I feel like he’s saying that my answer isn’t good enough. That’s how well I know him. I can decode what the different tones of his sighs mean, and I hate it. I hate myself.

I hear him heavy breathing beside me, and I try to give him time to say more, but as his breathing turns into quiet crying, it takes so much willpower not to say anything else.

“That wasn’t your call to make,” Calum finally says.

His words make me want to get mad, but I know I don't have a right to be mad right now, so I swallow it and feel the words dig into my esophagus as they creep into my stomach.

“I know,” I finally say in response. It wasn’t my call. He’s not wrong.

“So you felt like telling me in the middle of tour? Thinking that was the better time?” His tone is clipped now, and I can tell he’s not happy, but I don’t blame him. How does any of this not make someone upset?

“I wanted to wait until November,” I tell him. It’s honest. I wanted to hold onto it until it was over. I didn’t want him to have to deal with me at all. I wanted him to go on tour and have fun and come home and be with me.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Ashton made me.” I hope, in telling him that, he hates his best friend less.

“So I didn’t deserve to know? You just told me because he made you?”

It partially feels like he’s twisting my words, but at the end of the day, he’s right. At least, about the second half. He deserved to know, and I know that, but I didn’t want to tell him now. Deep down, I think if I could, I wouldn’t tell Calum until the day before I die. I don’t want him to live a life knowing that mine is working out the way that it is. In an ideal world, he wouldn’t have to deal with the weight of this.

If he was the one sick, I know just how crippled I’d feel by the knowledge. It would destroy me. Honestly, I think dealing with Calum being sick would hurt far more than it does to know that I am.

“Cal, I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“No matter how you phrase it now, Orion — it fucking hurts.”

He’s right and I know he is, but I’d like to think that there’s some universe where I’m right, too.

I’m quiet then, and while I wish I could give words to what I’m thinking, I can’t. I’m just quiet, my mind racing, trying to craft exactly what I should say next.

“I can’t do this to you,” I finally say. I’m crying — sobbing — now, and I feel like I’m gasping for air.

I feel Calum pull back with confusion, and it hurts to know what I mean. He would never predict what I’m going to say. I don’t think anyone could. Even yesterday, I don't think that even I could have predicted that my mind would be where it is right now. I would’ve never imagined feeling how I do, but now that I do, I don’t know how else to deal with everything.

“Calum, I don’t think we should be together.”

As soon as the words escape me, I shrink into myself. I cry. I cry a lot. The sobs shake through me and I can’t stand the way I feel. I can’t stand knowing what I’m doing to him. Calum’s silence isn’t unpredictable. He’s not a rash person. He’s thoughtful, and I imagine that he’s mulling everything I’ve said over and over in his head and trying to figure out how to answer.

“What… what do you mean?” He asks. He gives me a chance to correct, to fix it all, to act like I hadn’t just said what I did. But I did say it. I meant it. I meant it with everything in me, even if it hurts.

“I can’t do this to you.”

He’s silent then, and I guess I take it as a sign to continue, because I do.

“I don’t want you to face the hospital every week and be reminded of how hard things are. I don’t want you to deal with this, with me. I can’t watch you fall apart like this. I just can’t. I can’t watch you watch me die. It’ll kill me faster than anything else ever could.”

“Oh, so you’re just shutting me out completely?” He asks it with a sarcastic flair to his tone, but it doesn’t need to be like that. He’s right. Even if he doesn’t think he is, he’s completely right.

“Yeah, if you want to say it like that, that’s what I’m doing.”

I don’t view it as shutting him out, really. The truth is, I’m sparing him. I’m helping him get through this life less scathed by unfortunate circumstances.

“You can’t just break up with me because you don’t want me to quit the tour.”

I don’t know how we have made it this far into the conversation without so much as looking at each other, but his latest words force me to my feet. I kick off the blankets and hurl my body to my bedside, standing with my feet off the bed on the hardwood floor. I feel like now I have to look at him. He has to see my eyes and see how serious I am.

“I’m breaking up with you to protect you,” I whisper to him, angrily. Even though my tone is malicious, I have tears streaming down my face in thick ribbons, small rivers carving into my cheeks.

Calum sits up then. He’s not crying, but he’s on the verge of it. He looks more annoyed than anything. “What if I don’t let you?” His tone is somehow neutral. He’s calm about it and I hate it. It feels like what I’m saying just doesn’t matter to him.

“That’s not how breakups work!”

“Too bad, Orion. I’m not going to let you push me away when all I want is to spend as much time with you as I can. I’ve already missed my chance to be there for you these past two months and that’s on you. If I don’t get to be there for you now, that’s on me and I can’t do that to you.”

“I don’t want you to be there for me.” I lie. It’s a boldfaced lie.

“You can’t just say that and make it true!” He yells it, undoubtedly waking up anyone who’s in my house if they weren’t already awake. He knows I’m lying and I hate it.

“Calum, I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore.” I have to look away from him, continuing to cry puddles and puddles of tears. “I can’t do this to you.”

Calum is standing now, next to me, his strong arms wrapping around me and pulling me into him. I feel swallowed by him. I want to fight my way out of the cocoon but I can’t. “Stop, okay? I want to be with you through this. I love you.”

His words cut like a knife into my chest and I start thrashing my limbs, trying to wrestle my way out of his grasp. “Calum, I can’t.” I keep wriggling, needing to get away from him. If I stay in his arms, I know I’ll break down. I won’t be able to break up with him. I won’t be able to save him if I stay in his arms. I have to save him from myself. I can’t let him have to go through with watching me die. I don’t want to break him.

All he does is hold me tighter.

I break down in his arms, sobbing and making horrible sounds of agony. I don’t want him to have to see this, either, but he’s here and he won’t let go. I don’t know what’s worse: knowing that I’ll die soon, or knowing how badly it would hurt Calum if he stayed with me. He can’t stay with me. I need him to leave me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give right now to have him leave. I need him to get out while he can.

I need him to cope with a breakup, not with my death.

“You have to leave,” I tell him with a shaky voice. The words are nearly unintelligible, but I know he hears me.

“I’m not leaving,” he says, voice firm.

“You have to.”

“I won’t. Not now, not ever.”

“I’m telling you. You have to leave, Cal.”

“O, I’m not—”

I don’t know where the strength comes from, but I finally manage to free myself from his hold and take five steps away from him.

“I need you to leave.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own. It’s cold and harsh and sharp.

Calum stares at me blankly, and I think he finally realizes just how sure and serious I am. There’s no use in trying to change my mind. He has to go. This has to be the end for us. It has to be. I need to know that he can go back to his life without me, and the only way that will work is if we end things now.

We stare at each other for a few minutes, salty tears pouring down both of our faces. I never thought there’d be a day that Calum and I broke up, but it’s here, and it hurts just as much as I could’ve expected.

No — it hurts worse.

He searches my face for any signs of change of heart.

“You’re sure this is what you want?”

I nod. “I’m sure.”

He shakily breathes in and out.

“I don’t want to go, but I will. I just need you to know, without a doubt, this is not what I want. I want you. I’ve always wanted you and I always will. I love you.”

His words hurt. They’re words anyone else in my shoes would want to hear, but nobody else, in my shoes, would be pushing him away. This conversation wouldn’t happen for anybody else. I’m an anomaly. I know it won’t make sense to anyone else. No one will agree with me. No one will think that I should’ve done what I’m doing right now.

I want to tell him that I love him. I do. Of course I love him. That will never change and I know that. I’m sure he knows that deep down, too. When I don’t say anything in response to him, he takes a few more moments to stare at me and search my face for any other signs of things to say, and then he breaks our staring contest. He quickly walks across the room, grabbing the handful of items he had brought with him and shoving them in his pockets. He throws on a shirt and grabs his shoes from the floor.

“I’ll call an Uber,” is the last thing he says before opening the door to my bedroom.

“Cal,” I find myself saying, and he stops in his tracks immediately.

He stares back at me, pain written all over his face, eyes red and puffy, lips chapped, and wet cheeks. He has a glimmer of hope in his eyes at the thought of me stopping him, but I extinguish that just as quickly as it appeared.

“I’m sorry.”

And then he’s gone, ripping my heart from my chest as he leaves.

read next chapter

a/n: idk if y'all saw that one coming and I'm sorry :')

#apologies in advance lolz #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #ashton irwin #luke hemmings #michael clifford #fanfiction #5sosfam #fanfic #5sos #imagine #calum fic #calum 5sos #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum imagine #calum x fem!oc #calum x ofc

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5sosfanfictioncatalogue · 5 months ago

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Fics Written In 2024 (so far) Masterlist

Always In Spring (ao3) - loveliketheweather luke/calum, background michael/ashton M, 17k

Summary: Luke and Calum’s friendship has gone through many highs and lows, and it’s so full of parallels and full-circle moments that it’s almost like the universe is set to make sure they grow, love and stay together.

Between the Sheets - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) calum/ashton, michael/luke E, 19k

Summary: the one where Calum recognizes the hot stranger in his record store from porn but doesn't realize it.

cream, no sugar (ao3) - strxngersagain luke/calum T, 15k

Summary: Calum loves his job.

Travelling so often is just a side effect of his job, and of the promotion he’d been given almost six months ago. One perk of all the back-and-forth he does in order to keep his fancy new title of Senior Project Manager of Copyright & Publishing is: Luke.

Luke is a flight attendant who works for United Airlines. When Calum’s lucky, he’s a flight attendant on the flight Calum is on, to wherever his next hotel room turned conference room is located. He’s been lucky more often than not lately, because Luke has been on every flight that Calum has been on for the past eight weeks.

detours and déjà vu (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum E, 34k

Summary: “Yeah, you can come along,” Calum says, smiling while he rocks the porch swing with his toes. “I could use a co-pilot.” After all the time he spent reminiscing on his bedroom floor, it feels like in a strange way he misses Luke.

Or actually, it’s not really Luke he misses, it’s being young and carefree, just happy, with no caveats.

But still, Calum craves the reconnection, curious to see if the Luke that’s next to him now can still make him feel even a taste of what seven-year-old summer Calum felt.

Just Drive (ao3) - heart_is_gonna_flatline luke/ashton N/R, 4k

Summary: Luke loved driving. He also really liked Ashton.

Or, Calum forces Luke to have his driving license and Luke has a crush on the driving instructor. That's it. That's the story.

michael wants another slice - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) michael/luke T, 3k

Summary: Luke is Ashton's nerdy next door neighbor, and he also just happened to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Michael crushes on him as soon as he meets him. Cue the endless teasing from Ashton and Calum. And Luke helps Michael get a job.

N (ao3) - HolyAFIx94 calum/ashton G, 17k

Summary: ☆ Nurse. The touch of a soulmate can heal you from affliction and vice versa. ☆

New - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) luke/ashton E, 10k

Summary: Luke doesn’t remember whose idea it was to chain him to the fucking ceiling but he’s decided he’s going to get their name and send them a goddamn fruit basket, because he has never seen Ashton look at him like this before, and he has that crew member to thank.

off track (ao3) - galacticsugar, kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum E, 113k

Summary: Calum’s bumped into exes before, of course, but not all his exes are Luke Hemmings, who’s the sort of person that Calum had gotten used to the idea of never seeing again. And Calum had long since reasoned that it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t see him in the flesh ever, because Luke Hemmings is an itch in the back of his brain that never quite goes away, that he’s never been able to scratch, the someone that features in his dreams when he lets his subconscious take the reins.

He’s Calum’s the one that got away.

oh nostalgia (be your own spotlight) (ao3) - nightskeletons calum/ashton, michael/luke E, 142k

Summary: Born and raised New Yorker Calum Hood is temporarily reassigned to a job site in the middle of nowhere New Jersey for six months. After accepting his fate of being miserable the entire time, he ends up meeting a group of three boys who quickly become some of his closet friends and help him to see all the things he's been missing by never leaving his own backyard.

Cue a playlist of early-2000s emo music, unexpected farm animals, summer nights under the stars, discovering who you are, falling in love, and a whole lotta nostalgia.

on purpose (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/ashton T, 20k

Summary: The desire to kiss Luke is overwhelming. Calum knows he looks ridiculous right now, but Luke’s right there, face inches away, smiling fondly at Calum’s stupid face caught between his careful palms. His eyes are different too. He’s not looking at Calum like he wants to fuck him. He’s looking at Calum like he wants to gently cradle Calum in his giant hands like a baby chick. Somehow, that’s even worse.

Pick You Up If You Fall To Pieces (ao3) - heart_is_gonna_flatline michael/luke N/R, 19k

Summary: Luke's stepfather is cruel and abusive, his life is a mess, and Michael just wants to be friends with this shy boy who sometimes hangs out with Calum.

running from something (running back to you) (ao3) - elsie (the_technorats) luke/ashton M, 23k

Summary: the one where Luke is the District Four male tribute for the Hunger Games and he loses everything. Everything, that is, except for Ashton.

the cat's plan (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum T, 11k

Summary: Calum would like it to go on the record that Luke never wanted to keep the cat in the first place.

Luke would argue that’s not entirely true.

Not that it matters anyway, because when Calum shows up in their flat after work, hoodie soaked through, a pitiful mewing coming from his pocket and a beseeching look in his eyes, there was no way Luke would have had it in him to say no.

there's something that you should know (ao3) - cxmp michael/calum T, 4k

Summary: Every summer, skater boys Calum and Michael travel to a sleepaway camp like no other — Camp Woodward — to hone their skills, meet new friends, and take their talents to the next level. But it's what they're not expecting that will change their lives forever.

the skies falling down (end of the world) - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 4k

Summary: Luke is severely hurt, and Ashton is desperate to find something to heal his best friend. He's on the brink of giving up when he meets Michael and Calum, who happen to be from a community that has medical supplies.

twink boy bottom erotica. (ao3) - badomensbaby luke/calum E, 13k

Summary: in which luke agrees to be calum's model for his photography project.

We Could Be Anything (ao3) - CalsAcousticSet michael/luke E, 14k

Summary: It’s become a habit now, a routine, almost normal for Luke to find himself outside of his dorm room, on the wrong side of the door, in the middle of the night on a weeknight. It was the third time this week (and it was only Wednesday) that Luke had been sexiled from his own dorm room by his roommate Calum. But he had to admit, Luke didn't mind being exiled nearly as much as he let on, because it meant that he got to spend time on the floor above. With Michael.

Or: college AU where Luke's sexile from his dorm room leads him to Michael's room instead; from the floor to the bed, from friends to lovers

#5sosfanfictioncatalogue #5sos fanfic #5sos #5 seconds of summer #masterlists #2024fics #2024fics masterlist

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sup3rbloom · 2 years ago

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my thoughts are yours

Title: my thoughts are yours Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44722282 Squares filled: Calum Hood for @anyfandomgoesbingo Pairing: 5SOS - Calum/Ashton, Michael/Luke Rating: Teen+ Word count: 4,452 Summary: Soulmates can hear each other's thoughts, and Ashton's had to listen to Calum's depressing thoughts for years. One night after a particularly bad night for Calum, Ashton finally gives in and wants to meet Calum, to make his soulmate finally feel better.

#anyfandomgoesbingo #5sos #cashton #muke #myfics #ashton #luke #calum #michael

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ashtcnirwinx · 9 months ago

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AHTON IRWIN is twenty-nine years old and is currently IN A RELATIONSHIP and residing in LOS ANGELES, CA. Here's his list of connections. Feel free to dm me to get added to the list.

—— PLATONIC CONNECTIONS. ❜

best friends

children

confidants.

role model.

ride or die - Josephine Skriver

childhood friends - Alycia Debnam-Carey, Louis Tomlinson

golfing buddies

wing(wo)men

squad - Cari Fletcher

sibling like friends - Lauren Jauregui

platonic soulmates - Luke Hemmings, Calum Hood, Michael Clifford

unlikely friends

positive influence

new friends

seem like a married couple.

former lovers to friends.

—— ROMANTIC CONNECTIONS. ❜

partner - Harry Styles

flirtationship

one night stand.

friends with benefits.

blind date.

forbidden romance.

exes on good terms - KayKay Blaisdell, Kendall Jenner, Gemma Styles

exes on bad terms - Bryana Holly

tinder match.

first love.

love / hate.

unrequited crush.

celebrity crush.

summer romance

(former) publicity partner

one night stand or fling that was regretted later.

—— NEGATIVE CONNECTIONS. ❜

former (best) friends.

fell for the same person & fought over them.

frenemies.

rivals, direct opposition.

negative influence.

#connections #plots

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wiiildflowerrr · 2 years ago

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@Calum5SOS, 7 March 2020

"Calum is the best-looking man in the world." Ashton Irwin, 2015

#king of camera angles #this day in 5sos history #5sos #calum hood #ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #ashton 5sos #calum #ashton #soulmates #2020 #face filter #7 march

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softforcal · 6 years ago

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Coverup : Soulmate!AU C.H

summary: Soulmates have the same matching mark/tattoo at birth. Calum has a mark and doesn’t believe in love, angst ensues

word count: 3k

warnings: angsty slow burn stuff

special thank you to @notoriouslyhood for letting me bounce this idea off of her

---------------------------

when Calum was born, the doctors and nurses in the delivery room marvelled over the small, perfect black mark on his skin.

only half the population was lucky enough to be bestowed a mark that could identify them to their soulmate who would, in turn, have the exact same mark.

growing up was difficult for Cal. other children always wanted to look at the beautiful design on his bicep. From an early age he always found himself looking for the same mark. it was exhausting.

and he never found it.

he watched as the lucky few found their matching mark in another. watched the smiles and the laughter, the instant connection.

he began to hate his tattoo. opting to cover it but the hot summers in Australia made that near impossible.

Calum was 15 when he had his first love.

his first i love you left his mouth like the most natural thing in the world and the girl reciprocated. but every time she looked at his arm her smile would falter. she broke his heart a year later, he wasn't hers. no matter how much Cal had pleaded and told her that his mark didn’t matter, she refused to stay.

Calum joined a band and distracted himself with music which generally worked, until his band began to gain popularity and he realized what being famous and having a mark would mean.

he’d heard of musicians who were openly marked. heard of the crazy fans getting the same tattoo and convincing the celebrity that they were soulmates.

Calum had lost his trust in love and in people the day the girl who promised the mark didn’t matter left and all her words became lies.

He got his first tattoo a short time later in the hopes that if he decorated himself, it would be less obvious which mark was the original soulmate tattoo.

he fell in love with the needle and would spend hours looking at different designs. meaningful designs to remind him of the true love in his life, his family.

and then he came across a piece that reminded him of his roots. a Native Headdress.

walking into the tattoo parlour, Calum explained to the artists: “i got this tattoo a while ago and i really hate it and want is covered, do you mind putting this on top of it? would it work?”

the artist agreed and a few hours later the small star mark that had always been on his arm was gone, replaced by a beautiful piece that Calum already adored.

and life for Cal continued.

he no longer found himself looking at other peoples arms and for most of the time, Calum could forget that somewhere in the world was his soulmate.

he tried not to think about it.

and in some ways he harboured resentment against them too.

but he also tried not to think about that.

only a select few knew Cal’s secret and Cal preferred it that way.

his band got bigger. and bigger. and bigger.

he distracted himself with a new girl in every city, skin unblemished by the mark that had haunted Calum for years. he enjoyed the simplicity. the freedom.

Calum met you at a bonfire party in LA. wrapped in a hoodie you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. he talked with you while people danced around, drunk on life and being young and rich and famous.

sitting next to you in the sand and talking until everyone else had either fallen asleep in the sand or gone home. the sun rose and you stood to leave, Cal standing to offer you a ride. “i’d rather walk.” you responded, giving him a hug, “i’ll see you around Calum.” and then you walked down the beach, Calum watching you disappear.

weeks passed with you constantly on his mind. it was the most connection he’d had in... well... ever. But Cal refused to think it was anything more than sexual attraction and friendly interaction. after all, he didn’t believe in love.

a month later he was at a party and felt the need to grab a smoke. going outside he was shocked to find you sitting there, once more wrapped in a hoodie. you grinned when he approached, “fancy seeing you here.”

“could say the same to you.” he smiled, sitting on the lawn chair next to you, “what are you doing out here?”

“just needed some air.” you answer, watching him take out a cigaret and put it between his lips, switching on his lighter.

“this doesn’t bother you does it?” he asked, stopping.

“as long as you don’t blow it my way.” you answer.

Calum chucked, taking a long drag and blowing it the other way before turning back to look at you. you looked so cute in the oversized hoodie.

he tore his eyes from you, “so uh... JFK an inside job huh?”

and just like that the two of you began a discussion that lasted well into the early morning, covering all sorts of conspiracy theories. Calum found himself laughing more than he had in ages.

once again the two of you watched the sun rise and like a princess leaving at morning light you stood again, “i should get going.”

“let me grab your number.” he suggested, “or i could just cross my fingers and hope to bump into you at the next party.”

you laugh and give him your number, “catch you later Cal.”

and like that, you were gone again, prompting Cal to whip out another cigarette, that always seemed to help him think.

girls were always just sex. they could never be anything more because they would always leave. they’d find out about Calum’s original mark, unless he lied the entire relationship, and then, just like the first girl he’d ever loved, they would leave.

and his real soulmate? well where the fuck was she. Cal knew that the mark wasn't her fault, i mean she couldn’t just choose to not be born but part of him blamed her. no matter how unmerited the feeling of distain and resentment was, Cal couldn’t shake it.

a week later, Cal was invited to a party and messaged you to see if you were going. you say you are and agree to meet outside at around 10.

you were so perfectly situated when he finally got outside. sitting all cuddly on a deck chair, wrapped in the same hoodie Cal always saw you in, smiling at his approach.

after a bit of back and forth you let out a sigh, “Cal i need to tell you something.”

“okay?” he laughed, already on edge from your tone.

“whatever this is... it can’t happen. i’m marked.” you explain, “and i’m waiting for whoever he is.”

“thats okay.” he answered, “i’m marked too.”

“have you found her yet?” you asked, “i mean you haven’t mentioned-”

“no. and i don’t want to.”

“what? why?” you laughed, “thats crazy!”

Calum shrugged, “just don’t really believe in the whole thing.”

“you can’t just not believe in it. you had a mark at birth!” you pointed out.

Calum shrugged again, “my mark never brought me anything but trouble.”

“well, i’m sure that won’t be the case when you finally find her Cal.” you smiled, “she’s out there.”

“i like being alone. i’m on the road a lot.” he answered, “don’t have time for a distraction.”

“a distraction? did you seriously just call your future soulmate a distraction? wow i feel so bad for the girl.” you teased.

“she would be a distraction!” Calum grinned.

“yeah whatever, you’re heartless.” you rolled your eyes, “hey, wanna see my mark? everyone always asks but you havent.”

“thats because i have a mark so i know how annoying it is to be asked constantly.” Calum shrugged.

“makes sense. i’m sure you’ll see it soon. it’s getting warmer. i can’t keep wearing this hoodie forever.”

“it’s a nice hoodie.”

the night continued and for a third time, you talked until the sun came up.

it almost made it easier knowing that you were marked. taken. spoken for.

and you knew what it was like to keep yourself secluded. at a distance.

it was different. Cal kept people at a distance because he hated his soulmate. you kept people at a distance because even though you had never met your soulmate, you loved him.

Cal didn’t understand it. but he respected it.

a week later Ash decided to through a big party celebrating the completion of their new album. Cal messaged you right away. he was already depending on you as a party buddy and he kind of liked that. he needed more friends. or at least, more female friends.

and you were safe. because of the mark.

of course you agreed to go.

“so whens she coming?” Ashton asked the day of the party as Cal helped him set up.

“i dunno.” Cal answered, “she’ll be here.”

“so she’s just a friend?” Luke asked, already sipping on a beer.

“yeah she’s marked. saving herself for her soulmate that sort of thing.” Cal answered absentmindedly.

“so you actually like her?” Michael grinned, “that’s new.”

“you guy don’t know what it’s like to be marked. she does. its easy with her.” Cal shrugged.

“i think it’s a good thing. can’t wait to meet her.” Ashton grinned.

you arrived an hour into the party, Calum grinning at you as he opened the door to let you in. “you staying inside for a bit or are you going straight to the back to find a lawn chair?” Calum teased.

“i think i’ll stay inside for a bit.” you laugh.

“let me take your jacket.” Cal suggested.

“thanks.” you say, pulling the hoodie over your head and handing it to him to hang up. once it was put away he turned to look at you, eyes landing on your bicep. you noticed his gaze and grinned, “oh yeah! here’s the mark! people always say it kind of looks like a small star.”

his mouth was dry as his eyes stayed fixed on your arm. he hadn’t seen that mark in years. not since he got his own covered up. he’d almost forgotten what it looked like but there it was, clear as day.

he could hear the blood pumping through his body.

“Calum?” your voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“i guess it kind of looks like a star.” he agreed, “i want you to meet my friends, let me go grab them.”

he turned and left in a hurry and you looked around.

Calum found Ashton and Luke in the kitchen, “Y/N’s here and you two have to meet her but you can’t bring up her mark.”

“what why?” Luke asked.

“because it’s a small star.” Calum stated.

both of their eyes widened as they realized what that meant. “she’s your soulmate!” Ashton whisper screamed.

“did you tell her?” Luke asked.

“no and i’m not going to.” Cal answered.

Ashton opened his mouth to say something when his eyes landed on you entering the kitchen, “you must be Y/N!” he grinned, pulling you into a hug.

“and you’re Ashton and Luke?” you asked.

“that would be us.” Luke grinned, hugging you, “nice mark.”

“thanks.” you smiled.

“have you found the lucky man yet?” Luke asked, looking at you over the rim of his cup.

“nope. but i’m sure he’ll find me when the time is right. sorry, i’m kind of sappy about it, i’m a bit of a romantic.” you grinned, hiding your face with your hands.

Cal felt a twinge of guilt in his chest and frowned, “what if he’s an asshole?”

“have you ever heard about two soulmates and ones an asshole?” you laughed.

“she’s got you there mate.” Ashton laughed.

“i just think... Soulmates are kinda rare and they always work. always. and i’m hopeful, even if you aren’t Cal. i can be hopeful for both of us and when you find yours i’ll be there for you to admit she’s not just a distraction.” you grinned, poking him, “hey what’s your mark look like?”

“its on his ass.” Ashton said before Cal could make an excuse himself.

“oh, so i guess i don’t want to see that.” you laughed.

“Cal when do you think you’ll find your soulmate?” Luke asked.

“i’m not looking.” Calum answered, grabbing a beer, “Y/N there’s a super nice pool chair outside with your name on it.”

“you sure know your way into my heart.” you teased, “nice meeting you guys.” you said before following Calum outside.

“are you sure you’ll find him? your soulmate?” Calum asked.

“i know i will. it’s fate. thats how this works.” you answered.

“and you’re sure it will work out?”

“Look Cal, if you’re worried about finding your soulmate i get it. i do. but you have to have more hope dude, she’s out there, i know it.” you smiled, nudging him gently.

once more, the guilt made Cal’s chest hurt.

this night was not like the others.

the conversation wasn't easy. Cal kept finding himself distracted. he was conflicted but he tried not to show it.

so he’d distract himself by looking at you. and that made it worse of course.

Ashton watched most of the night and he could see Calum floundering so he jumped in to talk to you as well. and so became that dynamic.

Calum needed to be near you but he was conflicted, Ashton would act as a crutch. he would be there until Calum could walk on his own and tell you the truth and Ashton was okay with that.

the three of you were together at Calum’s place a few weeks later, Calum was cooking while you and Ash talked about them being a band. “i can’t believe you two have known each other for so long.” you smile, “i bet you guys were such cute kids.”

“i have pictures!” Ashton grinned, whipping out his phone. he opened a folder and clicked on an old picture of him and Calum in his basement, showing it to you.

your eyes scanned the phone, “oh.”

the sound left your mouth and Ashton frowned, “what is it?”

“is that...” you zoomed in on the photo, “on Calum’s arm... I... uh...”

Ashton’s heart sunk in his chest. he never really worried about the mark because he didn’t have one.

“oh that?” Ashton asked, taking the phone back, “Calum used to love drawing all over himself-”

“Ashton please.” you said, looking into his eyes then at Calum through the window who was cooking in the kitchen, “that mark on his arm looks like mine.”

“you really have to talk to Calum.” Ashton answered with a sigh.

you stood, walking into the house and closing the door behind you. Calum grinned, “hey, food’s almost done.”

you walked past him, turning the stove off, “what are you-” Calum began but you cut him off, “shush.”

you grabbed his arm, looking at the beautiful headdress tattoo on his arm, you could barely see it but the original mark was still slightly visible.

the small star.

“Y/N-” Calum began.

“why did you lie?” you asked, letting go of his arm, “you know how much this means to me.”

“i was scared.” Calum answers.

and you’re kind of shook because it’s a real and raw answer.

“i never believed in the whole thing.” Calum sighed, “you know that. i told you how i felt about it. when i saw your arm at the party... i dont know... i got scared.”

you looked into his eyes, at the guilt. you wanted to be mad. you did. but you understood. ‘maybe this is the whole soulmate thing’ you realized. because looking at Cal mad all of those negative feelings disappeared.

and he could see your expression soften, “i’m really sorry, i get it if you’re mad.”

“im not. i should be. but i’m not.” you cut him off, “i understand Cal. and i get it if you don’t love me right away-”

he grabbed your face before you could finish your sentence, lips pressing against yours. you melted. the way he kissed you felt right. it felt complete. it felt like nothing you’d ever experienced in your entire life.

when Calum pulled away, the dazed look in his eyes told you he felt the same.

“i’m really sorry. i want to make it up to you.” Calum sighed, pressing his forehead against yours.

“you just did.”

he grinned, “i haven’t believed in love in years. and you came around and part of me knew it before i even saw your mark. part of me always knew. and i do love you. it scares the shit out of me. but i do. i’m not used to being vulnerable-”

“i would never hurt you Cal.” you whispered.

“i know. i’m worried i’ll hurt you.” he sighed.

“you won’t. Cal. you just lied to me for like a month and i’m fine.” you laughed, “i mean, don’t go doing stuff you know will make me upset to see if this whole soulmate thing actually sticks because if you do that i will kick your ass.”

you both laughed as his fingers brushed against your face, “i won’t lie to you again.”

“i know.” you paused, “i can’t believe you covered your mark, i always thought the little star looked cute-”

“it looks cute on you.” Calum grinned, fingers moving down to trace the mark.

you smiled up at him, “so are you going to change my contact name on your phone to ‘distraction’ now or what?”

#calum hood #calum hood x reader #5sos #5sos!au #soulmate!AU #soulmate!calum hood #soulmate calum hood #soulmate 5sos #soulmate!5sos #coverup #calum hood oneshot #calum hood one shot #oneshot #5sos oneshot #softforcal

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suchalonelysunflower · 2 years ago

Text

Had My Chances (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Fem! Reader

Requested? Yes, by the lovely @getsojaded

Summary: Based on the One Direction song "loved you first" Calum can't help but feel jealous to see you with another man.

Warnings: Angst! Language, mentions of alcohol, smoking. Some grammatical mistakes (English is not my first language, I'm sorry)

Word count: 4.6K

Author's note: I've finally wrote an angst that broke my heart again, and I'm so happy with it. Remember that REBLOGS are very IMPORTANT AND MEAN A LOT as well as COMMENTS AND INTERACTIONS. PLEASE SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading

My masterlist // taglist on bio!

Calum was choking the hell out of his beer can, leaving the imprints of his fingers as evidence for the poor soul that had to clean this mess up later.

It was an unconscious type of thing - he’s been doing a lot of unconscious things lately, none of them his fault, he would argue - but the intent behind it is nothing innocent.

There was a time when he used to be the life of the party. Or at least a bit more vivid than just standing in a far-off corner glaring at someone who barely paid attention to him. He didn’t mean to glare or to even look in their direction, but it was impossible to take his eyes off them. It was almost as if he wanted to hurt so badly he’d find a way out of heartache. Battle fire with fire and those sorts of things.

“Okay, who are we hatin’?”

He didn’t even need to look to his right to know that Ashton was standing there even before he spoke. His friend - the ever more intuitive when it came to talking about heartbreak or breaking hearts - should already know the answer to his question, and Calum knows he knows. Ashton just wants him to admit it.

Still, Ashton followed his gaze till it landed on the target.

“Cal,” He sighed “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Nor her, for that matter”

“I’m not doing anything” Calum mumbled into his drink.

“You’re overthinking”

“And you should mind your own business” He spat, leaving the poor, abused can on the shelf behind him.

Calum walked outside, trying to get some air before his hands started roaming through his pockets looking for his pack of cigarettes. He tried to quit it, and many times he tried in vain. There was always something that pulled him into the vice again. Tonight was the selfish need of having the power to hurt himself without people noticing. Something he could regret tomorrow. Something that didn’t involve making the mistake of spilling and saying what he should’ve said years ago.

The lighter provided the only gleam of the outsides that night. As Calum inhaled the toxins of his favorite weapon, he closed his eyes and hoped to wake up and let all of this be a dream. But that wish went away with the smoke he pulled out of his lungs, watching it disappear into the night till it merged with the stars above.

He was not a man used to not getting what he wanted. So is this a gut punch to his ego? Yes, of course. But had he not been in love for some time he’d believe that it’ll come to pass, ignoring the heart-wrenching reality of him not being able to lightly caress your hair with the tip of his fingers; or not care about how his body moved him toward your space every time you were around; or claim that the times you were both in a group laughing, he would stare at you, drinking on your reaction and getting drunk of your laugh, while you stared at someone else.

It was just usual for him not getting what he wanted. But this was beyond any desire of his. This, for a lack of better words, was beyond his reach. And he hated it. He hated every moment of it since the first time he realized it, hoping it’ll go away.

But what could he expect from falling for his best friend?

Calum always believed in past lives and how you’re meant to reconnect with people that have meant something important to you. Whether it was in the form of a mother, a father, a pet, a friend, a teacher, a lover… Soulmates will find their way.

He also believed that his brothers were his soulmates. He knows deep in his heart that Luke, Michael, Ashton, and himself were meant to meet in every life, making music and sharing their message across the world for other people to hear. He also believed that his dog, Duke, might’ve come to him as a guide. An old teacher who bound his life to appear in the moments he needed most. He believes that his family would always be his family, maybe in different ways, but they’ll always come together one way or another.

Now, there is one thing Calum isn’t sure of, and that is you.

What were you to him before? Why are you here with him? And why does he feel compelled to be your everything?

When you met years ago, Calum didn’t think much of that first encounter. You were just a friend of a friend, a normal acquaintance. But then you kept meeting each other, whether at a party or a concert. And every time you grew closer. Whether it was the jokes you shared, the similar tastes in music and movies, the way you made each other laugh, or the secret codes you accidentally created. He was just eighteen back then, but he knew it had to mean something.

He just couldn’t figure out what role you played in his life. Not yet, at least.

“I don’t think that because you had a bad experience with milk you become lactose intolerant,” You said casually as you applied your mascara in the mirror.

It was not unusual for Calum to find himself pressing the facetime button to call you every day now, especially given that he was on the other side of the country touring with his band. The calls would mostly consist of him telling you about his day and you doing the same as the two of you would go on with your lives as if you were in the same room together even though you’re miles apart.

The two of you would indulge in conversations that could be as deep as a puddle of water - as the one you’re having now - or as deep as the sea. Never once feeling uncomfortable or falling silent. And even in the quiet types of calls, when you only need to feel each other’s presence after a long day, you would embrace the silence as a comfort rather than an inconvenience.

And Calum loved that. He loved these little moments with you. It didn’t matter if they lasted two minutes or three hours. He just knew that talking to you was one of the top best moments of his day.

He just didn’t understand why yet

“I could be, though” He pouted, watching as you applied blush to your cheeks “And the next time you take me for ice cream I might die and it’ll be your fault for playing it down”

You chuckled “I don’t think that’s how it works, babe”

And there it was, that little, weird feeling that made him all warm and fuzzy inside, triggered by a nickname. Calum quickly swallowed it down, just marking it up as the victory that was to make you laugh.

Still, he changed the subject.

“Why are you getting all dolled up?” He asked. Ignoring the way Luke looked at him for a second before going back to playing subway surfers on his phone.

“I’m going out”

“Where?”

“Dinner I guess, probably dancing afterward” You shrugged, trying to decide on which lipstick would suit best with your outfit.

“Girls' night?”

“No, it’s more like a date, I think. Well, he didn’t actually say “date - date” but I mean, he did everything you do when you ask someone for a date and-” You looked at your phone screen “Are you okay?”

Only then did Calum realize he clenched his jaw. He blinked at you and disguised it with a fake yawn.

“I didn’t know you had a date,” He said, trying to sound uninterested, but Luke’s eyes on him told him he was a bullshit actor.

You didn’t seem to catch it, though.

“I told you I was going out with Jessie”

“I thought you meant Jessica”

“Does it matter?” You asked, cornering him to a wall - metaphorically.

Calum sighed “Nope, just be safe and have fun, alright?”

You rolled your eyes and sarcastically said “Yes, dad” as you applied some gloss. Just in time for the doorbell to ring “Oops, that’s him. Wish me luck!”

And it might’ve been your smile and the way your eyes lit up when the doorbell rang knowing it was Jessie on the other side, or it might’ve been the spoiled milk he had in his coffee earlier. But there was an uneasy, foreign feeling in Calum’s chest as you said goodbye. Almost as if he didn’t want you to go at all.

But that was crazy. It’s probably nothing. So he smiled tightly and said “Bye, Y/N/N” and watched as you faded away before the facetime call ended.

Calum closed his eyes for a moment, frowning upon discovering this sunken feeling in his chest.

However, it didn’t last much as Luke was suddenly blasting “Jessie’s girl” through the hotel room’s speakers. Calum - rightfully so - smacked him with a pillow.

“Shut up” He groaned.

“I didn’t say anything!” Luke laughed

“You were going to!”

“How the fuck should you know?!”

A string of grumbled curses left Calum’s lips as he got up from the bed and went through his suitcase.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going out with Ash, wanna come?” He said, putting on a clean shirt.

“I didn’t know you were going out” Luke commented as he got up and went to find a shirt as well.

“We are now, c’mon”

To say the other two were surprised by Calum’s sudden need to go partying was an understatement given that Michael already was in his pajamas when the bassist went and knocked on their door, but neither of them was opposed to the idea. Soon, the whole band was dancing and drinking out at a club neither of them knew about one hour ago.

And if Calum was seen dancing and making out with a girl that looked like you, it was no one’s business but his own. And when he woke up next to a said girl a few hours later, no one needed to know.

The night was turning warmer, though that could be because of the alcohol and the three cigarettes he had since he came outside. The party was still in full swing but he wanted no part of that. Not when you were there with… him.

It’s stupid and he knows it. To have this unsolved grudge against you and every person you date.

You don’t owe him anything, no explanation or justification for any relationship you had or the one you were currently in. But he can’t help it. It’s just that every time he sees you wrapped around your partner’s arms he just wants to rip them off you and shield you from anyone’s eyes. From the moment he first noticed his feelings toward you it was clear that he couldn’t act on them to not ruin the relationship you two have.

He hates them. Every single one of them, every bloke that broke your heart or made you cry. He hates the ones you fell in love with, the ones that loved you back. The one that’s sitting on the couch next to you with his arms around your shoulder and the one that makes you laugh. He hates him the most and he’s not above showing it.

It’s not healthy but he doesn’t know how to stop.

“Why are you so protective of me?” You asked him once and he didn’t know how to tell you, so he made his heart quiet as his mind gave him a logical reason.

There were so many times when he could’ve fessed up and just tell you as it is. To make him the one that you would share your nights with instead of useless men who are not worthy of you.

Was he worthy of you?

Time for another cigarette.

Calum opened the door to find you there with a friendly smile; a pint of ice cream; a skin-care kit; and a bottle of wine. He couldn’t help but laugh as he stepped back so you could enter his house.

“I told you I’m fine,” He said, shaking his head as you made yourself comfortable on his couch, settling all the post-break-up necessities on the table.

“And I believe you,” You shrugged. “But I also know you, Cal. And you say you’re okay now but in a week it’ll all crash down as it always does because you bottle up your feelings. So let’s get them out of the way while we avoid the wreckage”

“I thought you didn’t even like her,” He said, sitting down next to you.

“I never said that!”

Calum gave you a look.

“I just didn’t think you were a good fit… that’s all” You confessed sheepishly.

Calum sighed “Well, you were right”

“I didn’t want to be” You scooted closer to him “I’m sorry, Cal. You truly seemed happy with her. And I liked seeing you happy”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. The break-up happened just a couple of days ago, and you were right when it came to talking about feelings now rather than later. But it was all so very new to him.

“I just- I never had a relationship like this before” He confessed.

“You really liked her, didn’t you?”

And yes, he did. For the first time in years, Calum could actually focus on a relationship. He had met his ex at a party, they talked all night and then he went home with her number saved on his phone. What followed were almost two years of amazing moments and memories filled with love but… something wasn’t right.

It wasn’t something any of them did, it just sort of happened. Blame the routine and the lack of effort from both parties, but they didn’t feel as if the relationship should continue. Yes, he would always feel something for her and would treasure those memories with care. Yet, he can’t say he’s sad and broken.

All his past relationships ended in heartbreak because his partners felt like a third wheel in their own relationships. And they had every right to break up with him. For all he knew, Calum just jumped into those relationships to get over you or to distract himself into loving another person that wasn’t you, all for nothing. Yet this relationship seemed like the real deal, the one that could actually sweep him off his feet and take his mind off of you, truly making him feel alive. And it worked until it didn’t. Until she called things off saying

“I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s you, but this is not working. We haven’t been working for a while now, have we?”

All he could do was agree and let her go. He loved her enough to do that without a fight. Or didn’t love her as he should. And maybe all she wanted was for him to fight for them, guess he let themselves down on that one. But if all these break-ups had something in common, is that you would always be there by his side to cheer him up.

“She deserves someone that can provide her with what she needs,” He said as you both sit with face masks and two glasses of wine filled to the brim “I guess it was not meant to be me”

“I’m sorry, Cal” You gave him a small, apologetic smile, while your hand went to his shoulder and squeezed it. His hand soon fell on top of yours “I’m proud of your decision, though, you and hers. It’s not healthy to be hung up in a relationship that’s just not going anywhere”

“Yeah, I know” He sighed, hiding the small smile that popped up when you didn’t retrieve your hand from his “It’s not like I’m heartbroken or anything, it’s just- I guess I’m just frustrated that we couldn’t make it work. None of my relationships seem to last because of that”

“Well, have you wondered why?” You sat up with interest, turning toward him and moving your hand to his thigh. Something completely innocent on your part, but that still made Calum’s heart beat a little bit faster.

“Of course I have”

“So what is keeping you from going after what you want in a relationship? Is it a previous heartbreak?”

“No… I don’t think I had one of those before” He said like a liar.

He knew that his heart was in perpetual mourning because of you, he was just too proud to admit it. All his past attempts at love were only meant to get over you and forget about the person you were currently hung up with.

Whenever you would tell him about a date or a new partner he’d made sure he’d have another story for you. Some of them made up on the spot, some taking inspiration from one of his friend’s dates, some of them real but without the same, genuine excitement you showed for your love life. A love life that didn’t include him.

Unconsciously, he made it a competition. Did you go on a date? He went on two. Did you kiss someone? He spent the night in another bed. All just so you could give him some type of reaction. Any indication that you were mad or uncomfortable about it. About him dating someone that isn't you. But every time you were supportive, feeling happy for him, and even encouraging him to call girls he didn’t even want to know more than just a one-night stand.

Calum only ever wanted for you to feel like he feels whenever he has to hear about the new guy that brought you flowers; the one that took you on a spontaneous trip to the Grand Canyon; or the one that cooked you a homemade meal for your first date. All the things that were killing him, he hoped you could feel at least a small amount of it. Waiting for you to realize it sooner rather than later.

“What?” You chuckled, nudging him with your elbow “The great Calum Hood never had his heart broken, he just breaks all the hearts along the way”

He laughed, pushing you slightly “Not all the hearts”

“Oh yeah, the other ones are Ashton’s job”

Calum just shook his head, quieting the voice in his head telling him that he didn’t break all the hearts because he was not going to break yours if given the chance to have it.

“Laugh all you want, you little gremlin,” He said

“Aww, Cal, I’m sorry” You pouted “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just really want you to be happy, you know? Find your person and all of that”

“I am happy, Y/N” He stated matter-of-factly “I have the band, the fans, Duke… I have you”

“I know, and I’m also so happy to have you” You smiled, lacing your fingers with his “But I’m talking about “the one”. You know, the one that makes your heart go crazy and the world spin around slower. The one that occupies your mind and every time you think about them you can’t help but smile. Someone that you can actually fall in love with. I’m not talking about marriage or things that we don’t believe in most of the time. But the one that makes the heartbreaks and disappointments all worth it because it led you to them”

Calum stared at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. How could you describe exactly what he was feeling but still have no idea that he has those feelings for you?

It has been a long time since he accepted you as being more than friends, or at least in his heart he knows you could be more. You were just perfect in every way, made just for him. And he loves you, he loves you so much without a hint of fear or doubt. But you just can’t see it.

“Maybe there is someone…” He mumbled, ready to spill his heart out to you on a silver platter.

But before you could register his words, your phone started ringing.

“Shit, wait a second,” You said, grabbing your phone from the table. Calum saw the small smile that formed on your lips before you declined the call “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Y/N, I-” He started again, and once again your phone interrupted him. He sighed “You should get that”

“What?” You asked, already silencing the phone again “No, it’s nothing, I promise”

“Who is it, though?”

“Oh, it’s just Matt”

“Matt?”

“Yeah, I told you about him, remember?” And he wished he didn’t.

You told him you were going on a date with someone called Matt a couple of weeks ago. He didn’t know you were still talking, let alone that you moved on to the “call” phase of the relationship. And now he couldn’t help but notice the gleam in your eyes when you said his name, a gleam that he knew would never be reserved for him.

“I forgot to tell him that he needn’t call me tonight” You sighed, already texting him. Calum could see the disappointment in your eyes.

“You should call him”

“What? No, Cal, I’m here for you and nothing is going to change that”

“I know, and thank you for that,” He said, faking his smile as much as he could “But I know you, and I know you want to call him so go ahead. I don’t mind”

You sighed “Thanks, babe. I’m just going to tell him tonight is off limits, it’ll take five minutes and then I’m all yours”

Oh and how it hurt him hearing you laugh from the kitchen as those five minutes went on. You sounded so happy and full of joy… he couldn’t take that from you now and, plus, would you even believe him?

Matt… what does he have that Calum doesn’t? Apparently, all the necessary to make you come back all giddy and blushing.

And when you sat up next to him and changed the topic back to Calum, his glass was already half empty.

“Hey, mate” Calum heard after the door slid open. Ashton soon stood next to him “Ready to go back in there?”

“Would Michael miss me if I don’t sing happy birthday to him?”

“You will break his heart” Ashton chuckled, trying to make him laugh as well but to no avail “You can’t avoid her forever, you know? She’s starting to notice”

“Well about fucking time” Calum spat, throwing the last of his cigarette to the floor.

Ashton sighed “Cal, c’mon… It’s not fair on her”

“It’s not fair to me either! What do you think, Ash? Do you think it’s funny for me to see her with him? To know every fucking detail of her happy life with Matt as if it didn’t kill me inside? It’s been years! Years where I have been so fucking close to telling her how I feel but there’s always him in the middle!”

He wasn’t crying, and he would not cry either. But he stopped hiding the rage he felt as his true feelings came spilling out of his mouth like a fountain of truth. He’d never said any of this out loud but now it seemed impossible to stop it.

“I’m just so fucking tired of seeing her with him. Seeing her kissing him, holding his hand, going on dates… All the things I should be doing with her”

“Cal…”

“No, fuck it! It’s true! It should be me! It always should’ve been me” His voice broke a little in the end “I should be the one in his place. I should’ve told her everything that night years ago, then I could be the one sitting on the couch with her, laughing and sharing those touches she thinks no one sees. But I do. All the fucking time those moments play on a loop inside my head and it’s making me want to scream. She’s the first girl I ever loved, the one that breaks my heart every single day because I keep letting her. She’s the one that’s making me feel like this without her knowing and it’s not fair! I could go in there right now and tell her how I feel but that won’t change a thing! She’ll still choose him! But I loved her first, Ash. I loved her first!”

Suddenly, all the air in his lungs was being crushed as Ashton brought him closer for a bone-wrenching hug.

For the first time that night, Calum relaxed. He let his body fall against Ashton’s frame as he hugged him back, hiding his face in his neck as the high of his confession wore off.

“I know it hurts,” Ashton said, lowly “But you can’t keep doing this to yourself, Cal”

“I know,” He sighed, pulling himself from the hug and patting Ashton’s arms “I don’t want to feel this way but I just can’t- I can’t let her go”

“Then try. You love her, do that for her”

“But what if-”

“If she feels the same and realizes that someday, then she’ll come to you. Don’t keep on waiting for an “if” Cal, you deserve more than that and so does Y/N”

Calum sighed and nodded, shaking his head a minute later from the overload of feelings. It wasn’t normal for him to snap like that, but it has been years since he kept it all in. It was bound to come out sooner or later, but he’d hope for a better outcome.

“Knock-knock!” Someone said behind them “Am I interrupting something?”

The two of them turn around to find you standing at the door, smiling at them as if nothing happened.

Immediately Calum started to panic, fearing that you’d heard everything. He said he hated your boyfriend, that he wishes he’d take his place, that he loved you… And you might’ve heard all of it while he was on a rant.

“H-hey, Y/N! Not at all, what’s up?” Ashton played the calm one, giving Calum time to freak out internally.

You were still smiling at them as you pointed back inside “We’re about to sing happy birthday, didn’t think you wanted to miss out”

You were acting so calm, with a big, kind smile on your face. Maybe you didn’t hear anything and just watched them hug awkwardly for a minute there. Calum could only hope. But then you smiled at him and nudged your head toward the party, and all he could do was breathe out and smile back, calming his nerves a little bit.

The three of you went back inside, quickly surrounding Michael as Luke brought out the cake and you all started to sing.

Calum looked back at you, standing next to Matt and leaning your head on his shoulder as your hands laced together. You looked briefly at your boyfriend and smiled, looking as happy as ever.

“Happy birthday dear Michael…”

And then it happened. For just one moment you looked back at Calum when he was already looking at you and his heart stopped.

You gave him a small, sad smile and shook your head no.

“Happy birthday to you!”

And all his hopes went away with the blow of the candles. * * tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @heyitskelseaj @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @fckingpernico @multistann @averageantichrist @a-darneddarling @plaidshirtyears @ihavenoideawhattodowithyou @bittersweetb4by @aria-grace-scott @thestarsandtheircoffee @bvbygxrl @luisa180206 @xxxlaura @iamdayanaz @flyingburrito123 @drugerlime

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calumbringbackthewatermelonshirt · 6 years ago

Text

Music for the Soul

a/n: wow, yet another piece that was supposed to be a one shot but I got carried away with.

Cal had officially decided his soulmate sucked. Who in their right mind played the cello at all hours of the night, especially some fucking irish dancing sounding tune? Sure the way the music skipped and danced, seemingly alive was beautiful, but at 2am? On a night when Cal had and early tour promo the next day? Hell, the only reason he’d be interested in finding her would to tell her that this shit wasn’t okay. Eventually she slowed it down to a soft melodic tune, something sweet and sorrowful. It sounded like something out of a movie soundtrack, and executed just as perfectly. Still, every once and awhile, she would stop and repeat a specific few bars over and over again until she could play them at quadruple the correct speed. While Cal may have been pissed at her timing, he had to give her credit where it was due. The discipline of her playing, the emotion conveyed through her music, it was like living art. It was all he could think about as her sorrowful tune lured him into sleep.

In your opinion, your soulmate had some weird fucking taste in music. The songs were just strange. They were, as far as you could tell, bass lines for the most part. All of them were decent, composed of a few deep notes hitting in repetitive patterns, occasionally switching to a more powerful rift. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t your taste either. To you, it sound like a pop/rock sort of mix, songs played on the radio probably. You weren’t sure though. Your musical knowledge was severely limited, seeing as you almost exclusively listened to the same types of classical music you played. The tunes were catchy, though, often implanting themselves in your brain with no hope of a resolution to a song you didn’t know. They distracted you as you played, and you found yourself adding them into your own songs. It was pretty fucking annoying. Especially when you were onstage. Once, you even caught yourself adding one of the basslines into a Beethoven, having to improvise so you didn’t embarrass yourself in front of Carnegie Hall. But, sometimes, you would pick up your own upright bass and pluck out the same tunes that ran through your head all day.||

“It feels good to be back in New York.” Luke was breathing in the smog of the city, the smell of hot dogs from the vendor across the street.

“What makes New York all that special, huh, Luke?” Cal, personally, didn’t give one fuck about the city either way. He did appreciate how easy it was smoke in this city, however.

“I don’t know man. I guess I just love the energy. The vibes, ya know?” Luke pulled a face as he spoke, raising his eyebrows up and down. Calum gave him shit often, but it was all in the name of friendship.

“Listen. I got all of us tickets go see a concert at Carnegie Hall. Y’all need some culture.” Ashton had been scrolling through places he wanted to visit on his phone. Being in this band took him all over the world, but Ashton barely got time to travel.

“Bro, why? No offense, but that’s not really our scene. How about we try and visit a club of some sorts instead? Discover the next big thing?” Michael was being truthful. Classical music really wasn’t their scene.

“Classical music is quite beautiful if you take the time to listen, Michael.” Cal kept thinking about his soulmate, her own music resonating in his ears. Her music, classical music, truly was beautiful.

“What the fuck, Cal? Since when are you some musical snob?” Luke was confused. He really didn’t know much about his dark haired band member.

“Oh, fuck off, won’t ya?” Cal took another drag of his cigarette, exhaling the smoke out of his lungs as he gazed at the skyline. He hadn’t ever told anyone about his soulmate. Everyone had their own versions of discovery. Some said their entire worlds turned to color as they touched for the first time, some had tattoos that matched the same in their partners, some even having necklaces that matched their significant others. Cal loved his, though. It really fit him, he thought. A few unlucky people didn’t have soulmates, destined to be alone. Cal had, for the most part, convinced everyone in his life the same was true for him. They were sorry for him, pitiful. He didn’t care, however. Cal knew, and while he had no intention of finding his soulmate, he was still content to listen to the soft melodic tunes flowing from the strings of his soulmate’s cello. ||

“Again? A-fucking-gain?” Your best friend, Emily, was freaking out. For no reason, in your opinion.

“Yes again. They somehow found the decency in their hearts to invited me back after my botched attempt at Beethoven. I can’t believe I let that fucking bassline get to me in the middle of a performance.” You were still incredibly angry with yourself. You prided yourself on your professionalism, your dedication and perfectionism. So when you let a few fucking notes corroded into a symphony like that? It was fucking wild that she let it happen.

“Bitch. This will be the second time in two fucking months you’ll have played Carnegie Hall. At twenty. You’re not even old enough to drink, and you’re selling out the most famous concert hall in the United States. Fuck you, bitch.” Emily took a sip of her coffee. The two of you had attended Julliard together, had been roommates all four years. Emily had been a surrealistic painter, however, as opposed to your musical capabilities. The two of you posed a nice contrast to each other, her flighty and always down for adventure, while you were studious and always considered every decision carefully.

“Whatever. I’m just ready to go on the tour. People just don’t appreciate the arts like they used to. This is pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I’m hella excited. I even did a little shopping and got a few dresses.” You had splurged a little, sure, but it was totally worth it. Like you had told Emily, this was a once in a lifetime thing. You were damn sure to make the most of it.

“You’re still going to the concert with me tonight right?” Emily had been blabbering on nonstop about this concert for weeks. Normally, you would have insisted she take someone else, especially this close to such an important concert. But, for reasons you couldn’t explain, some strange feeling had said you need to be at the concert, persistent and foreign to anything you had felt before. So you had told Emily that you would go with her.

“Yeah. I mean, I said I would. What the name of this band again? I keep forgetting.” You didn’t really care about the band, but it was supposedly sold out at Madison Square Garden. You figure that you had a decent chance of meeting your soulmate among almost twenty thousand people. Especially with that damn feeling you couldn’t shake. It made you start thinking about everything, all the variables and potentials. Without noticing, you started absentmindedly tapping out the bass line you soulmate was playing on the table with your nails. Emily noticed and smiled a little. She had already been lucky enough to have found her soulmate already, and while you had resisted as much as possible, she was always trying to help you find the one.

“5 seconds of summer. I really think you’ll like them, even though they’re not exactly your scene.”

“Wait, I think I’ve heard of them actually. Aren’t they that one band with the song young-something?”

“Youngblood, dumbass. I thought you were going to listen to some of their songs.”

“I’m sorry this Bach is really kicking my ass. I should get going, actually. I need to practice some more before tomorrow night.” You gave Emily a quick hug and walked to where your car was parked on the street. Maybe you could find the time to listen to a few tracks, at least.||

“Well, well, well. Here we are. Madison Square Garden.” Luke was standing in the middle of the stage, looking out over the stadium that would soon be filled with almost twenty thousand people.

“Madison Square Garden, sold out.” Ashton corrected Luke. They deserved it after everything.

“You good, Cal?” Michael, Luke and Ash were all standing together in the middle of the stage, but when michael looked over and their fourth bandmate, he found him sitting almost dejectedly against an amp. Michael studied his bassist for a moment, taking in the furrowed brow and almost scowl on his face.

“Hmm? Yeah, yeah, I’m great. Madison Square Garden.” Cal stood, brushed himself off and walked to join his other bandmates in the center of the stage. He had been finding himself thinking of his soulmate more and more each day. Sure he had always wondered about her, but why couldn’t he get her out of his head lately? He was starting to get concerned that it would interfere with performance tonight. She hadn’t even been playing much lately, and yet she was in his head more than ever. ||

“Why did I let you convince me to wear this? It’s not me.” Emily and convinced you to wear a tight and short blue plaid skirt, doc martens, and a white tube style tank top to the concert. She had even done your makeup and hair.

“Shut up, you look hot as fucking hell.” Emily was really paying attention to you. She was bouncing on her heels with anticipation, and was even more excited for being first in line. She had dragged you out here about five hours prior to when the concert door opened and the line had just started forming behind the two of you about an hour ago. Still, if it made Emily this happy, you supposed it was worth it. The concert was supposed to start in less than half an hour, but all you really wanted was to be at home, running though pieces on your cello. Instead you settled for fingering through them and humming the melodies softly to yourself. It was barely audible, but as you closed your eyes and concentrated in the music, your expression slowly slipped into a smile. ||

Cal couldn’t quite figure out why, but he was nervous. For the first time in about a year. His feelings had been all out of whack lately. No matter how hard he tried, Cal couldn’t stop thinking about how nervous he was for the show tonight. He was sitting with his head in his hands in the dressing room when it started. The melodies of Bach, Beethoven, even a few du Pre. They weren’t the same as before, though. No, this time, his soulmate was singing. Her voice was soft, like she didn’t want to be heard, but Cal could still tell there was a sort of power behind it. This voice made him feel the same way that hot chocolate on a cold day did, warm and safe. It lit him up from inside, calming him and wiping out any nerves that he felt, leaving mere shadows of the butterflies in his gut. Cal’s lips curled up, and he stood. Cal had never felt more excited to get up on stage. As he did, he couldn't help but sense that you were in the crowd, watching him, perhaps even dancing as he sang. It gave him a different kind of rush, the type that alcohol nor sex could. When he was on stage, all the other boys could tell there was something different to his performance that night. Something more energized and excitable. Tonight, passion reverberated through the basslines he played. ||

@marshmallowtraver

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