#soukoku in the ada together is public menace

[mayday505]

Soukoku headcanons from my Chuuya ADA AU

-Chuuya and Dazai actually get along really well now (after spending 2 years in hiding together), the bickering is simply theatrical because Dazai is a melodramatic piece of shit. The rest of the agency simply adapted to the yelling, although they were concerned at first.

-Whenever Kunikida reprimands Dazai, Chuuya will butt in like "yeah Dazai don't jump in the river" "yeah Dazai don't do that again or you'll get fired" with the most SMUG look on his face. Kunikida almost always shouts at Chuuya for this, to which Dazai will return the smug look

-While in hiding, with nothing else to do, they watched a shit ton of reality TV to pass the time. They once stayed up for 3 days straight marathonning Keeping up with the Kardashians and love island, and they both constantly make references and jokes about it. For example:

Ranpo, *complaining about the fact he's run out of snacks to Chuuya*

Chuuya, looking over at Dazai from across the office and grinning: KIM THERE ARE PEOPLE DYING

Dazai, who was drinking coffee: *spits it all over Kunikida across the table from him*

-Again, because they had a lot of free time on their hands in hiding, they watched a lot of movies. Chuuya is a film nerd now. And Dazai is pretentiously into music the same way. They clash a lot about it. Dazai will make fun of Chuuya's favourite movies and Chuuya will respond with something like "i dont want to hear anything from the person who unironically listens to Radiohead and The Smiths."

-Fukuzawa considered partnering Chuuya and Dazai, but quickly realised that they would get no work done and it would be unproductive as hell. As such, Dazai is partnered with Kunikida, and Ranpo practically begged to be partnered with Chuuya, since now he has his own personal battering ram with a powerful ability. Fukuzawa DEFINITELY regrets this sometimes (all the time actually) because Ranpo is corrupt (affectionate) and irresponsible with his newfound authority over such power, and Chuuya is just chaos personified (he gives the agency more bad reviews than Dazai, simply because he punches first, asks questions later, like one time he punched a woman in the face bc she was suspicious when all she wanted was for them to help find her missing cat)

-Chuuya, upon learning that Fukuzawa is a martial artist too, challenged him to a fight. It is one of the only times that he's gotten his ass absolutely HANDED to him, and since that day he has respected the president immensely.

-Chuuya tried to get Fukuzawa to teach him how to wield a sword, and Fukuzawa was like "no." because the mere thought of Chuuya with a SWORD is absolutely terrifying (I cant remember who originally wrote the post I saw that had this hc in it, but whoever you are, I love u and i've adapted it into my au which I will probably never get around to writing, so thank you.) Also to add on to that, he tried to spar against fukuzawa using a sword once because "how hard can it be?" Turns out, it is very hard. He learns this through accidentally smacking himself so hard in the head with his own sword (he'd applied his ability to it) that he gave himself a major concussion and had to be hacked apart by Yosano to heal it.

-Chuuya loves animals. Sometimes of he finds a stray dog or cat in the street he'll just bring it to the agency and walk in like "GUYS GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" It used to annoy the heck out of everyone (except Ranpo bc they are partners and he is COMPLICIT FR he helps Chuuya sneak the animals into the building lol) especially Dazai because of his hatred for dogs, but once they all see how happy Chuuya is they cant bring it in themselves to say anything because THE SMILE!!

-Leading off of that, one time a bird flew into the window so Chuuya brought it inside thinking it was hurt. Him and Ranpo spent 3 hours taking care of it and feeding it seeds etc. Dazai then tried to pick the bird up, and it got spooked, flying around the office and causing absolute HAVOC for another hour until Kunikida managed to catch it with his skill.

-Atsushi's dorm was originally Chuuya's, but because both Chuuya and Dazai got so used to each other being around during their two years in hiding, and since they're together, they'd always barge in on each other and end up crashing in each others rooms (mostly Dazai's). So when Atsushi joins the ADA, Chuuya offers to give up his dorm since he basically lives with Dazai anyways. Atsushi found a stash of wine his first night in the dorm and was very confused.

Again, Atsushi is just happy to be there honestly and he's so slay for that :)

[mayday505]

Alternate universe where Chuuya joins the ADA w Dazai. The flags never found out that info on his past so chuuya still has no idea where he is from, and dazai just shows up at his door one day like "im leaving come w me" and chuuya is like "bro wtf no i need to find out abt my past" but leaves w dazai anyway. They join the ADA and Dazais tryna become a better person but chuuyas only motive is to find out about his past, which he has no idea about, bc the events of stormbringer never occured in this timeline.

Also that for 2 years Kunikida Ranpo and Yosano have no clue what in the gay shit is going on between the new recruits, since none of them know about their mafia ties, so they end up placing a bet for when theyre gonna get together, and pool together a prize pool for whoever is closest. Even Fukuzawa places a bet. But it goes unsolved for 2 years until Atsushi arrives. And atsushi just.. asks because apparently the others never thought of that, not even genius Ranpo. And dazais like "Yeah we're together" which sends the agency into a MELTDOWN BECAUSE WHEN THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN AND WHO WINS THE PRIZE POOL??? Turns out Dazai and Chuuya had been together for like the entire time and knew about the bet, but found it funny so didnt say anything to see how much they could get away with before being caught out.

Dazai: Hm im stuck on this case.

Chuuya: *solves it*

Dazai: *grabs chuuya by the cheeks in front of the whole office, kisses him on the lips for 3+ seconds* Your so smart Chuuya this is why your my.... (the agency is holding their breaths thinking this is the moment).... BEST FRIEND. what did i do to deserve a friend as good as you Chuuya?

They ended up getting away with it too, because the whole ADA cannot for the life of Odasaku distinguish between platonic and romantic affection.

*another instance*

Chuuya and Dazai are late to work, so Fukuzawa sends Kunikida to get them from their shared apartment. He walks in, using the spare key, and finds the two together under the covers of Dazai's futon just cuddling together. Like the most sappy gay shit you've ever seen.

Kunikida, getting his hopes up bc holy shit he's won the prize pool: ...What are you two doing..?

Dazai, smirking bc this is way too funny: It's cold. We have no heating. Chuuyas skill makes everything warm so im using him as a radiator

Kunikida believes this despite knowing about Chuuyas ability, overlooking the fact that Dazai literally just lied to his face because Chuuyas ability does nothing to the room temperature.

In the end the prize pool goes to Atsushi for his bravery, whilst Kunikida is just sobbing because how did he not realise. And Atsushi does not know whats going on he's just happy to be there honestly.

[queer-and-fullof-existentialfear]

This is so funny to me

Alternate universe where Chuuya joins the ADA w Dazai. The flags never found out that info on his past so chuuya still has no idea where he is from, and dazai just shows up at his door one day like "im leaving come w me" and chuuya is like "bro wtf no i need to find out abt my past" but leaves w dazai anyway. They join the ADA and Dazais tryna become a better person but chuuyas only motive is to find out about his past, which he has no idea about, bc the events of stormbringer never occured in this timeline.

Also that for 2 years Kunikida Ranpo and Yosano have no clue what in the gay shit is going on between the new recruits, since none of them know about their mafia ties, so they end up placing a bet for when theyre gonna get together, and pool together a prize pool for whoever is closest. Even Fukuzawa places a bet. But it goes unsolved for 2 years until Atsushi arrives. And atsushi just.. asks because apparently the others never thought of that, not even genius Ranpo. And dazais like "Yeah we're together" which sends the agency into a MELTDOWN BECAUSE WHEN THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN AND WHO WINS THE PRIZE POOL??? Turns out Dazai and Chuuya had been together for like the entire time and knew about the bet, but found it funny so didnt say anything to see how much they could get away with before being caught out.

Dazai: Hm im stuck on this case.

Chuuya: *solves it*

Dazai: *grabs chuuya by the cheeks in front of the whole office, kisses him on the lips for 3+ seconds* Your so smart Chuuya this is why your my.... (the agency is holding their breaths thinking this is the moment).... BEST FRIEND. what did i do to deserve a friend as good as you Chuuya?

They ended up getting away with it too, because the whole ADA cannot for the life of Odasaku distinguish between platonic and romantic affection.

*another instance*

Chuuya and Dazai are late to work, so Fukuzawa sends Kunikida to get them from their shared apartment. He walks in, using the spare key, and finds the two together under the covers of Dazai's futon just cuddling together. Like the most sappy gay shit you've ever seen.

Kunikida, getting his hopes up bc holy shit he's won the prize pool: ...What are you two doing..?

Dazai, smirking bc this is way too funny: It's cold. We have no heating. Chuuyas skill makes everything warm so im using him as a radiator

Kunikida believes this despite knowing about Chuuyas ability, overlooking the fact that Dazai literally just lied to his face because Chuuyas ability does nothing to the room temperature.

In the end the prize pool goes to Atsushi for his bravery, whilst Kunikida is just sobbing because how did he not realise. And Atsushi does not know whats going on he's just happy to be there honestly.