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sometimesiwrite · 4 years ago

Text

The Way It Is

Prompt: Fake Dating

Pairing: Lambert & Essi Other Characters: Julian (Jaskier), Eskel/Geralt

Rating: Teen Content Warnings: No Archive Warnings; platonic/queerplatonic dynamics; pressure to engage sexually; coarse language; alcohol/intoxication; modern AU.

Summary: When Essi and Lambert are setup on a blind date, they don’t expect to get along as well as they do. However, when they decide to keep their relationship platonic and non-romantic, they realize they might face some uncomfortable pressure. For the sake of simplicity, they decide to tell people they’re dating, but is it sustainable?

@witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo

Essi fidgeted with the bent corner of her cafe menu, looking around at the various styles of local artworks hanging on the walls. She was early by about ten minutes, but that didn’t stop her from checking the pearlescent dial of her watch every thirty seconds. Finally, the bell above the door tinkled and a man walked in. Essi could tell from the way he was looking around that he was there to meet someone—her. The only other people sitting alone in the cafe were working on laptops and tablets; no one else waiting for a date. And this man was most certainly looking for one.

He was handsome in a ruffled sort of way, though he’d clearly put in a bit of effort. His black casual dress shirt and slim light-wash jeans fit his lean frame impeccably, and a subtle quantity of mousse was clearly doing its best to tame his short, scruffy brown hair. Even his bristly beard appeared to have been trimmed recently. Though there was nothing particularly remarkable about his clothing, there was something striking about the way he carried himself, a devil-may-care sort of presence that Essi appreciated. For a blind date, she thought, it certainly could be worse. Allegedly, they knew each other, at least based on his abruptly out-of-the-blue text, and the closer she looked, the more her memory of him crystalized.

A loud ping! emitted from Essi’s phone and the man looked up from his own cellular device, clearly having just texted.

“Uh, Essi? Essi Daven, right?” He took a step towards her and leaned in, pointing to his phone screen.

“Yes,” Essi stood to shake his hand, “hi.”

“Nice to see you again. Lambert.”

They sat down awkwardly, both struggling to find the will for smalltalk.

“So…” Lambert had become keenly interested in a black-and-white digital photograph behind Essi’s shoulder.

“Listen,” Essi could feel the words start to tumble out of her mouth, and it was too late to do anything about it. Lambert raised an eyebrow, “I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to be honest and probably regret it later: I don’t really do this. Dating. I find it strange and uncomfortable and if I’m perfectly honest I think I’d rather die.” She didn’t cringe apologetically, which would have been the expected behaviour to accompany an outpouring of disinterest. Instead she stared at him, wide-eyed, lips slightly pursed as a muscle in her neck twitched, waiting for his response.

Lambert laughed. Genuinely laughed—a joyful release of tension and dread, “Oh, thank Fuck!” Essi blinked in pleasant surprise and watched as Lambert began to relax.

“Excuse me?” Her startlingly blue eyes widened in amusement.

“No, no, I just mean—I would absolutely and one-hundred percent, without a doubt, rather die in a hole than date,” Lambert slotted the edge of the menu under his fingernails and let his eyes wander a little more freely around the cafe.

“So then… why?”

Hm. Direct, frank, amusing lack of filter… the memories were starting to come back from what limited, heavily inebriated, time they’d spent together.

There was something about the straightforwardness of this endearingly odd woman that made Lambert feel infinitely more comfortable. Usually, any kind of interaction with the potential of building mutual interest made him feel like he was playing a game he didn’t know the rules to. The signals, the code words that never meant what they said: having sex on the first date means you’re a slut; not having sex on the third date means you’re a prude; grabbing coffee means this; having dinner means that; if they your arm but don’t invite you up, it means that they’re actually a KGB operative and need to give you the launch codes for a super secret missile...

Fuck that, we have words for a reason. Say what you mean and don’t waste my time. For that reason alone, Essi was already scoring quite well in Lambert’s books.

He shrugged, “You somehow remembered me from the KM Christmas party almost six months ago, and still asked for my number. I figure that at least deserves a coffee and a conversation.”

Essi was bewildered, “I didn’t ask for your number, you texted me.”

Lambert shook his head, “Impossible. No offense, but I absolutely guarantee you I did not.” He produced their short text exchange and scrolled to the top of their conversation:

Hi, is this Lambert? From the KM Christmas party?

You might not remember me, we got talking about

the political situation in Kashmir after about…

Too many drinks. Eeep!

Anyway, I’d love to get a coffee sometime, if

you’re interested.

Sorry, this is Essi Daven.

You called me Goldilocks at one point and

seemed amused XD

Hope you’re well!

Essi snatched Lambert’s phone, shocked and slightly outraged as she reached for her own device, opening her thread with Lambert. The text at the top was not from her, but from the man across from her:

Yeah, hi, this is

Lambert-from-the-KM-Christmas-party.

As it happens, I remember you and our

conversation quite well. Not many folks

happily get into drunken political discussions

You know what, I wouldn’t mind grabbing a

coffee.

Let me know if you’re free in the next couple

weeks!

Lambert gestured emphatically at Essi’s phone screen, “In what world is this an acceptable way to ask someone out?! I wouldn’t have said yes to that!”

“I don’t know,” Essi fired back, “It was straightforward! I found it charming, okay? Is that a crime?”

“No, but I have some serious concerns about your taste in men.”

“Like you’re in such a fine position to judge after the hollow, paltry invitation you accepted—which I absolutely did not write, by the way. I want to make that perfectly clear.”

“Alright, alright, cool your jets, we’ve got bigger fish to fry.” Lambert narrowed his eyes as he passed Essi’s phone back to her, “You didn't fire the first shot, so who texted me from your phone and cleared the history?”

Essi nibbled the inside of her cheek, “I can think of a few.”

“Okay, next question,” Lambert pocketed his phone, “who added you to my contacts before you texted. Because we did not exchange numbers six months ago, but your name was already there when I received it.”

Essi shrugged, “Who has access to your phone?”

“I dunno. Really just Eskel and Geralt and neither of them would—”

“Geralt.”

“Why him?”

Essi’s bright blue eyes turned steely and murderous, “Julian… They’re working together.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me that Geralt the-last-thing-I-need Rivia and Julian Alfred these-aren't-my-pants Pankratz think we're so helplessly undateable that they decided to secretly set us up?”

“Eskel doesn’t know me that well; he wouldn’t try to set you up with someone he hadn’t vetted. Who did you talk to first when you got that text from me?”

Lambert’s eyes widened, “Holy shit, they’re working together.”

Essi nodded, a flood of embarrassment warming her cheeks. “Sorry to waste your time. You’re very nice but, um, I should just…” she got up to leave.

“Wh-hey, hold up. I mean, if you wanna go, go, that's fine, but there's something you might want to know first.”

Essi tossed her yellow bangs out of her eyes, “Oh? What's that?”

“This,” Lambert produced an Amex credit card from his breast pocket, “is Geralt's.” The cheeky glint in his eyes was a very convincing argument.

“Fine then. Coffee and a conversation.”

The coffee was hot and decent, and the conversation meandered through the usual topics of music, movies, and television, but also dipped into deeper waters as they grew more comfortable with each other’s company. Of course, it didn’t hurt that neither of them had any stakes in the outcome of this “date”. It made it easier to be frank and open, which in turn led to them quickly enjoying their time together. So much so that coffee turned into lunch, which turned into a long walk in the pleasant weather, which finally landed them outside Essi’s apartment, just around dinner time.

“I have to say, this was actually a pleasant encounter,” she said, turning to face him with a characteristic toss of her bangs.

“Yeah, who’d’ve thought two people forced together by meddling friends would actually find it enjoyable?”

“In light of that,” Essi squared her shoulders and found Lambert’s hazel-brown eyes, “I think it’s fair to say I want to see you again.”

He cringed regretfully and scratched the back of his head, “Ahh, yeah, so… I don’t know if that’s really--”

“Oh, relax,” Essi smirked with a casual touch to Lambert’s forearm. “I don't mean like that. I just mean--you're interesting and fun and, well I don't have many close friends and I feel like we connected well today.”

“Well…”

“I'll make it even simpler: I absolutely, one-hundred percent, am not interested in dating you.”

“Easy there, you know I love it when people get all straightforward with me.”

“I mean it, I just want to be friends,” she toyed back, trying her best to look sultry. It kind of worked.

Lambert bit his lower lip in mock arousal, “Mmm, oh yeah...”

She swayed her shoulders forward and back, doing her best to emulate the seductive actresses and models of the 1950s, “I want to Netflix and chill with a documentary about Soviet propaganda.”

Her last comment prompted a playfully stern look from her companion, “Careful now, you’re wading into actual turn-on territory.”

“You're such a weirdo,” Essi chuckled, giving him an endeared shove. “Seriously, though, would you like to do this again? Friends?”

He nodded sincerely, “Yeah, I think I'd really like that. Just one problem, though.”

“If we claim not to be interested in each other but keep hanging out we’ll never hear the end of it?”

“Bingo.”

Essi hummed thoughtfully and nibbled the inside of her bottom lip, “Well… we could always… pretend?”

***

“Sounds like you two are hitting it off. I’m glad. I know Essi’s been feeling a little isolated between work and being new to the city.” Geralt closed the fridge with his foot and headed towards the sofa, popcorn in one hand, three beers in the other. “I’ll take my card back, by the way.”

Lambert reluctantly handed the Amex back in exchange for a beer and perched on the arm of the sofa. “She’s really something. We’re, uh—yeah, hitting it off is a good word.”

And hitting it off, they were. The last ten days since their first “date” had been more enjoyable than all the dates he’d had in the last year combined. Essi was a fantastic companion: sharp, witty, kind, took no bullshit… They had done absolutely nothing but hang out, and no one had pried them for many details about the nature of their relationship. As far as their friend group was concerned, they were simply dating in the way that most adults dated. This also meant more time to themselves without unwanted interruptions (namely Julian barging in with his spare key to gossip about whatever fires were currently alight on twitter). The first night Lambert had been over, it took Julian all of five minutes to “grab something from the fridge” before parting with a knowing wink.

To her credit and imagination, Essi had expertly fielded her cousin’s initial barrage of questions when she first announced their “involvement.” It wasn’t that she didn’t like her cousin, Essi adored Julian, but she was also the first to admit that the man had no boundaries. What he lacked in that arena, he certainly made up for with opinions, which he was always more than happy to bestow on his younger cousin—usually dating advice, almost always unsolicited. Lambert had a much easier time convincing his side that he and Essi were taking it easy to see where things went. Between Eskel being a consummate gentleman and Geralt having his own Delicate Sensibilities, neither of them had demanded any details.

“As long as you’re both happy and everything’s healthy, that’s all that matters,” Geralt’s partner reiterated, reaching into the bowl on Geralt’s lap.

“Jesus, Eskel, you sound like my Nonna.”

“That's no way to talk to your father,” Geralt smirked into his hand of popcorn

“You're no better,” Lambert took a swig from his beer, lips popping as he lowered the bottle. “I swear, you've turned into a couple of mother hens since you two got together. Quit fussing and watch the game.”

Geralt put his arm around Eskel’s shoulders, “We have gotten a little soft haven’t we?”

Eskel huffed out a laugh, “Probably. Hey, Lambert, don't fuck it up or I'll kick your ass into next week.”

“Thank you. See? Was that so hard?”

“Eh,” Eskel shrugged, helping himself to another handful of popcorn, “I stand by my original statement. Geralt agrees.”

“It's true,” he said between mouthfuls. “Essi’s a good woman. Smart, talented, kind, attractive.”

Eskel cleared his throat.

“Eskel, she is, it's just a statement of fact it doesn't mean that she doesn’t have other…”

“I know it doesn't but I still think you could bear to be a little more…”

“Funny thing,” Lambert interrupted, “I still can’t figure out how this smart, talented, kind, attractive woman’s number programmed itself into my phone. Because I may have been drunk the night we first met, but I have never in my life forgotten a successful number grab. Fess up, fellas. Who was it?”

Eskel’s eyes widened, “Geralt, you didn’t.”

“I… may have… helped Julian gain access to Lambert’s phone.”

“Unbelievable. The betrayal,” Lambert shook his head, eyes still on the game. “If only there was some way to square things up…”

“You charged everything to my company card, didn’t you?”

“First two dates and a fresh pair of pants. Thanks, bud.” Geralt accepted a pat on the back as Eskel began gently but sternly berating him.

Lambert shook his head, smirking as he took another swig of beer, leaving the two lovebirds to bicker amongst themselves. His hip pocket buzzed and he checked his phone: Essi.

Next Wednesday? Pizza and a movie? Still can't believe you haven't seen Ocean’s Eleven.

Yeah, okay, fine. Jeez :P 7:30 my place? I'll provide beverages.

If by ‘beverages’ you mean watery beer…

Fuck off, I'll get the good stuff. Unless you prefer Arbor Mist or some shit.

*gasps* I am offended! (but also it's delicious)

*sigh* do you want me to get you some?

*turtles into hoodie* ...peach or cherry pls?

Haha okay, fine, I'll get a bottle. Can't promise I won't judge you forever, though ;)

It's okay, I deserve it. g2g, see you tomorrow! xox

***

Lambert groaned contentedly, massaging his stomach as he sprawled back on his aging brown sofa, long legs resting habitually on the coffee table. The now-empty pizza box lay abandoned on the far edge, accompanied by four empty beer bottles, and a nearly-empty, unfavourably warm Peach Arbor Mist. The toilet flushed and Essi emerged. Her dark gold hair had long ago been pulled into a messy bun, but her indigo skinny jeans had been replaced by soft-looking grey leggings.

Lambert shook his head in amusement as she settled back next to him on the couch, "I still can't believe you brought your own lounge pants"

"That's because I'm a genius," she quipped, crossing her legs and adjusting the height of her waistband. "Besides, when else will I have the opportunity to actually be comfortable during a date?"

"You took your bra off, too, didn't you?" Lambert asked without missing a beat, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Yup!" Essi confirmed, her sparkling blue eyes glinting with joy as she raised her glass to her lips.

The movie continued as the new friends settled into comfortable silence, their food-drowsy, alcohol-fuzzy states lulling them into a new level of comfortability around each other. Legs fell asleep, positions were adjusted, and shoulders leaned on as the two sought maximum comfort for minimum effort. Soon, an arm was around Essi's shoulder as she settled her cheek on a comfortable spot on Lambert's chest.

"You good?" Lambert asked, only half-irritated at her seemingly endless search for the perfect angle.

"I'm sorry, I thought I'd found a good spot, but..." A few more adjustments of her head and Lambert couldn't take it anymore.

"Jesus, woman, here. Get up for a sec."

Essi sat up as Lambert rearranged himself into a sort of semi-recline with one foot on the floor so his other leg could make room for the tiny pain-in-the-ass that was taking up the rest of the couch space. At his invitation, she wriggled up to the crook of his arm and quickly settled in. Lambert hadn't really thought about what they were doing. Not when Essi had harmlessly leaned against his arm; not when their weight settled into each other; not when Lambert had put his arm around her; not even as he was rearranging to get to where they were now. It had all just... happened. Now, though, with Essi lying still, Lambert felt the weight and warmth of her body shifting gently against his, and it dawned on him that this had the potential to be, well, weird.

But the strange thing was, it didn't feel weird. He'd fucking cuddled before, but there was always a sense of holding back, a tension in his body, being on the lookout for signals from the other person to move onto the Next Step. But now, he actually felt comfortable. There wasn't anything that was supposed to happen after this. Nobody was asking anything of him, no one sending signals he could pick up on but never read properly, no sinking feelings of dread as the other person moved in for a kiss that always felt too soon. Essi was just there, breathing, content. And Lambert was relaxed.

The woman half-on top of him gave a twitch as the credits started to roll, and Lambert let out a private laugh, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, show's over."

Essi inhaled heavily through her nose and lifted herself up, "Hmmm?"

"Movie's over."

"Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry!" she sat and rubbed her eyes, taking a sip of water to rinse the stale taste from her mouth.

"Eh, only a little." Lambert exited Netflix and tossed the remote back on to the table. "Thought you might wanna start heading home before it gets too late."

Essi nodded in response as she grabbed the pizza box and brought it to the kitchen trash, leaving Lambert to bring the empties.

"You going to finish this atrocity of a beverage?" Lambert waggled the near-empty wine bottle at Essi as he passed on his way to the sink. She merely scowled and shook her head, letting him pour it down the drain 'where it belonged anyway'.

Essi gathered her things and met Lambert by his front door, checking her pockets for her phone and keys one last time before putting her shoes on.

"You okay to walk? Want me to come with?"

It was only 10:30 on a weeknight, and she appreciated the gesture all the same, but it was fine to walk. "Thanks, though. And thank you for tonight. I really needed to get out of the house. I hope, um..."

She trailed off, not sure how to ask. She didn't have the same physical boundaries that most others seemed to have. She was affectionate—often overly so, and it had led to more than a few misunderstandings in the past. She didn't want Lambert to feel as though she had ulterior motives when the simple fact of the matter was that she hadn't really been thinking. Between the instant relief of not actually being on a date and Lambert's easy manner all evening, she'd forgotten that most friendships didn’t generally involve that much physical contact. Would Lambert be confused now? Thinking they were onto something more than friendship? Had he been wanting more? Had she pushed past a point of no return and doomed their friendship?

She inhaled, "Were you comfortable tonight?"

For a split second, Lambert flailed, wondering whether he’d made her uncomfortable. Fuck, she'd seemed comfortable, if anything it felt like he’d been following her lead but maybe...

"I—yeah. That was, I enjoyed that. Were... were you not—?"

Essi smiled and Lambert relaxed again, "No, I was. I wanted to ask in case, that's all. Boundaries and all that. I'll text you when I'm home."

Lambert opened the door and waved her off toward the elevator, "'Kay. 'Night!"

The door clicked shut.

Okay, alright. Fine. Did they cuddle? Yes. Did he enjoy it? Fuck yes. He absolutely didn’t care what anyone might think about how he chose to enjoy his time with other people. However, this didn’t stop him from acknowledging that he was in uncharted friendship territory. More than anything, he was worried about how Essi really felt. Of course, she had no reason not to be honest with him. But the last thing he wanted to do was play fast and loose with someone’s emotions, especially not a friend, and definitely not one as close as Essi. Time would tell. As Lambert’s head hit the pillow, the memory of her warmth and weight settled over him again, and he slept soundly for the first time in months.

***

“Yes Poppet, but have you slept together yet? Honestly, you’ve been dating for almost three weeks now, what could you possibly be waiting for?”

Oh, I don’t know, hell to freeze over? You to mind your own business? Whichever comes first…

“I mean, you clearly adore one another, I’ve never seen you happier. What’s there to lose?’”

Essi scoffed.

Julian placed his hands on her shoulders, “I know it’s been a while for you, but I think you can afford to let yourself go a little, have some fun, hm? Besides, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later if you’re sexually incompatible.”

She took a deep breath, “That’s a very good point, Julian, I’ll think about that.” The dating act was starting to wear a little thin, but it was worth not having to explain to anyone that they weren’t doing exactly what it looked like they were doing.

Julian took time to give his cousin a scrutinizing look, “Well, by the look of things it won’t be long anyway. If you spend all of your time together as tangled up as you were the other night when I came over, it’ll happen sooner rather than later. Just trust your gut, and when in doubt, a little hint never goes awry.”

Needless to say, Essi more or less ignored her cousin’s advice.

As the weeks stretched on, it became evident that they were quickly becoming what most people would consider to be more than friends. The first time they pulled the covers back and climbed into bed, each on their half of the mattress, they were aware that yet another boundary of friendship had been pushed a little farther into the grey zone. But, they woke up the next morning feeling happy, content, and refreshed, and surely there was nothing wrong with two people sharing a comfortable bed. Essi had woken up with crust in her eyes and her nightgown bunched around her waist. Lambert had woken up with morning wood and his hair a mess. Neither of them cared. People wake up in the morning, big deal.

Still, it didn’t stop the questioning that oscillated in the background of Lambert’s mind. Was he unknowingly leading Essi on by allowing her so much closeness without a clearly defined relationship? She’d made her own disinterest clear enough on their first “date”, but feelings change over time. What she’d told him three weeks ago might not be true anymore…

And then there was that soft warm tingle in the middle of his chest every time she lay her head in his lap, every time he ran his fingers through her hair. He knew he wasn't in love. Not that he was an expert, but what was all that "when you know, you know" bullshit if he couldn’t trust his own feelings? He loved her, sure, but more like a... not a sister, that would be weird. He didn't know what like. Whatever. Fuck it. Eskel had said it best three weeks ago: “As long as you're happy and everything’s healthy, that’s all that matters.” Yeah, sure. We’ll stick with that.

As far as Lambert and Essi were concerned, it was what it was, and whatever it was was working… wasn’t it?

***

"Fuckin' finally!"

The door to Essi's apartment clicked closed as the tenant wilted against it, emitting an exhausted groan, "Two. Hours. It took me two hours to get home!" She toed off her penny loafers and abandoned her purse and jacket in a pile by the front door, ignoring the hook three inches to her left. She flopped heavily onto her living room carpet.

"I see you found my spare key," she added, not at all surprised that Lambert had managed to let himself in.

"Yeah, you should probably put that in a less obvious spot," he answered, crossing to the door to hang her things up. "So, I see it's a lying on the floor kind of evening. Can I interest you in a drink to start? Vodka pairs well with the general vibe of Done-With-This-Shit, or we also have tequila if you feel like shouting out the window after a couple shots. Alternatively, there's gin if you want to cry later."

Essi smiled with her eyes closed, feeling her body slowly relaxing into the spongy throw rug underneath her, "You know me so well."

"Vodka?"

"Vodka. Euch, I need to vacuum!," Essi peeled herself to a seated position as clinks and clatters began in the kitchen. She hopped in the shower to rinse the day off, and after a few minutes, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Yeeees?" she called, playfully.

"Drink delivery!" Lambert hollered back, "you want this now or later?"

"Why are you so good to me?"

There was a draught of cool air as Lambert opened the bathroom door, "Because you only marginally annoy me. Here," he passed his hand between the shower wall and the opaque fish-scale-patterned curtain. "What's on the docket for tonight?"

Essi groaned, "I don't know, I'm sorry. I used all my brain cells trying not to murder people on the streetcar."

"Okay," Lambert sat on the lidded toilet, "here's the thing. I kinda maybe figured that might be the case so I kinda maybe picked up a few things to make dinner."

A shampoo-piled head poked out from behind the curtain, "You're kidding."

"Nuh-uh."

"I love you."

Lambert chuckled, "Yeah, you're alright. Come on, hurry up, this bathroom's a fuckin’ sauna, and I don’t want the croutons to get soggy." Essi burbled an answer about conditioner and almost done, and Lambert took that as his cue to leave.

Dinner was simple: pan fried Salmon with crispy skin (delicate and buttery on the inside); wax beans in butter (tender and not overcooked); grilled brussels sprouts (just beginning to brown on the edges); and a fresh caesar salad. Everything done to perfection. Full, content, and ready to take their relaxation to the next step they settled themselves on Essi’s blue-grey sectional to begin the arduous task of deciding what to watch.

This was proving particularly difficult with the addition of Essi's caveat that whatever they chose not be "too plot-heavy" which so far had included Masterchef, an interior design show, and program about shepherding in the Orkneys.

"Sweetheart, you gotta give me some slack here. I thought I was on track with the sheep!"

"I know, I'm sorry!" Essi muffled into his shirt sleeve. "I do like animals..." She gasped loudly. "BLUE PLANET."

Lambert stopped the endless scrolling and pushed play as the soothing voice of David Attenborough filled the small living room.

"Hey! Why'd you pause it?"

Lambert was standing up, "If we're going to do this, then we're doing it right. Hang on."

Essi slumped on the sofa as the microwave kicked on. In a few minutes, there was popcorn in their laps and half a bottle of vodka on the table with an ice bucket and lemon wedges in a bowl. Lambert read off his phone screen.

"We will take a drink when:

-David says 'Extraordinary' -David uses a clear understatement such as 'But then again, living in an active volcano is not without its risks' -An animal is being eaten -An animal is mating -There is sped up footage of a plant growing."

"Oh no," Essi lamented, chewing her popcorn ungracefully, "I'm going to get so drunk."

"You got it, Goldilocks. Fill up."

And with that, they were off, taking it slow with their vodka twists, but nonetheless feeling the warm buzz start to tingle under their skin. The box of microwave popcorn was empty by halfway through, and the remains of Essi's exhaustion had almost dispersed entirely.

"Ooh! Understatement! Drink!!"

By ten o’clock, pink-cheeked and feeling boisterous, they had finished with their favourite parts of Blue Planet, or at least the ones they had patience for, and had moved on to Planet Earth II.

“Holy fuck, that’s a lot of snakes—Go, you little fucker! Go!”

The drama on the screen had caused the two to separate from one another while Lambert invested himself in the success of the small lizard. Once the baby Galapagos Iguana had made it to safety, they were once again able to recline without Essi risking an elbow to the face.

She bundled against him, scooting farther between his legs where he leaned in the corner of the sectional. He gathered her hair and draped it over her left shoulder so it wouldn't get caught in his buttons—they'd learned that the hard way. It was still damp, cool to the touch, and smelled like verbena sea salt shampoo. He felt a pulse of affection ripple through him as her weight resettled. He loved that feeling. It had taken some time to get used to it. But now it was high on his list of favourite things. He was happy. And it was healthy. And that really was all that mattered.

Right?

Eskel’s words turned themselves around again in his mind as he wrapped his arm around the front of Essi’s shoulders. He let himself indulge in the texture of her cotton knit nightshirt under his fingers. He relished in the peace of mind at being able to just be there with someone who meant something to him and made absolutely no demands. He let himself relax.

Essi felt a kiss land on the top of her head with a playful, "Muwah!"

She giggled quietly, "Thank you!" Then, upon further thought… Did he want to kiss her? Her mind did a double take as she tried to get on top of the ball.

It wasn’t impossible. They were close after all, and she wasn’t opposed to the idea. She’d recently found herself in a balancing act of realizing she could, in theory, have a deeper kind of feeling for Lambert. Only if, for whatever reason, it turned out he felt the same way. These weren’t the helpless uncontrollable feelings of ride-or-die infatuation; they were malleable, translatable, general feelings of affection and fondness that belonged in any number of different relationships and dynamics.

No sense risking it, she thought. They'd found a liminal space of comfort and safety that she'd never experienced with anyone else before, and if the options were between being a little confused and ruining everything, the choice was an easy one. Then again, if Lambert was developing feelings for her, she didn’t want to miss an opportunity. Shit. Her cheeks burned as she felt the question rise closer to her lips.

"Lambert?" she sat up abruptly and turned to her friend who was still moulded into the corner of the couch, watching the mating rituals of exotic birds with bewildered skepticism.

He jolted at Essi’s sudden movement, "Hello, yes."

Her bright blue eyes were now slightly unfocused, "Do you—? Nevermind." She lay back against him, suddenly skittish..

"Mm, nah, try again," he said, sluggishly. "What’s up, buttercup?"

She swayed a little when she sat up, "Are you happy with what we are?"

Lambert blinked, caught slightly off-guard. The question was easy enough to answer, "Yeah! I mean I don’t know what the fuck we are, but I’m feeling pretty good about it. Shit, why? Are you not? I can be less… whatever. Or… more?" It wasn’t like he was repulsed by the idea of anything else happening between them—in theory it was a possibility. In practice, however...

Essi put an emphatic hand on Lambert’s knee, her glassy eyes going wide, "Do you want more?"

"What? No! I dunno, I—maybe. I haven’t really thought about it. I mean…” Lambert searched Essi’s face for any clue that might help him know how to proceed, “I don’t not want anything else. Fuck, I don’t know! I’m used to doing things the other way around. You know the drill: uncomfortable date, smoosh faces together, have sex, hope feelings fall out. Lather-rinse-repeat. I dunno, do we have to… But what if we try something and...? I don’t wanna lose this."

Essi leaned in close and whispered, “I have an idea.”

"Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?"

"We should kiss."

Lambert nearly swallowed an ice cube, "What?!"

"Just once. Quickly. Just... in case."

"You want me, Lambert, to kiss you, Essi Daven, on the lips."

She nodded sincerely, "For science."

There was a brief pause during which Essi felt the beginnings of panic brewing in her stomach, but by the time she'd finished grappling with potential consequences, Lambert was filling their glasses.

"Alright. Fine. My friend wants me to kiss her for science? Fuck it. I'll drink to that."

They downed their drinks and squared up, knee to knee on the edge of the sofa as they each prepared for their best form—or as good as they could offer given the circumstances. They counted down, 3-2-1...

The kiss was quick, over as soon as it had begun, and both friends pulled away with questioning looks. Inconclusive. They tried again for a little longer, still returning with the same quizzical expressions. They went in for a third time, committing more thoroughly, and for a brief moment it seemed they might have found the semblance of a spark. But it didn’t build. It felt… fine? But no different than if they were lying together on the sofa. It was just another thing they were doing. They each tried to find the right word for what they were feeling, but were soon distracted by the oddness of it all.

Essi started to giggle. Less than a second later, Lambert joined her, and they both pulled away, thoroughly satisfied that their experiment had yielded a strong No on the subject of More. There was a dull thud as Essi slid from the couch and onto the floor, still holding her drink in one hand and laughing hysterically.

Lambert sighed and shook his head, "I think it’s time we got you to bed."

Headaches and dry mouths greeted the two friends the next morning when they blinked awake. Essi’s hair was a cotton-candy mess, having still been slightly damp when Lambert put her to bed. The brunet himself didn’t look much different from his usual scruffy state as he gathered Essi up in an armful of duvet and squeezed tight.

“Gods, Lambert, I still need to breathe,” Essi chuckled, pressing her back into his chest.

“You’ll get over it,” he teased and self-indulgently nuzzled even closer. “You feeling alright? I mean, aside from the hangover. About last night?”

“Oh no,” Essi groaned, “I’m so sorry, Lambert. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just—you kissed my head and then that got me wondering about whether you might want something else, and then I didn’t really know what was happening and—”

“Hey, easy on the rambling, okay, I’m running on limited brain cells, here. Look,” Lambert sat up to find those big blue eyes, now shining brightly, “I have no idea what the fuck this is that we’ve got going on, but I like it fine just the way it is.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And we can keep talking about that. Just, you know, maybe next time something’s on your mind, don’t wait ‘til we’re wasted at 2am?”

“Okay, deal. Can we go get bacon now?”

Lambert chuckled, “Yeah, alright, fine. Make me put pants on, I see how it is.”

Their conversation continued over strong coffee and eggs benedicts. Between their check-in that morning and everything that had happened the previous night, it was well-established that they were perfectly happy where they were. Rather, the main topic of conversation was their growing desire to level with their friends about the nature of their relationship. Eskel and Geralt, they both agreed, would be the easiest—Lambert could tell them that evening. Julian and Essi’s friends on the other hand would be a little more difficult.

Telling Julian together would be best, Essi thought. He was bound to have questions, and if both she and Lambert were there to answer them definitively and explain that no, they didn’t have secret feelings for one another; and yes, they really were just friends and not at all interested in exploring the relationship further thank you very much. Exactly when this discussion with Julian would occur still wasn’t clear. Realistically, they could pick any time, but they decided to wait until Lambert could tell the Old Men. At least then they were assured some less invasive support.

Their reaction was easy enough to predict: Eskel reassuringly repeated his standby “As long as you’re both happy with things…” and twirled a forkful of pasta; Geralt tilted his head thoughtfully and said, “That sounds very nice. I’m happy for you.” Lambert had expected mild disapproval, concern that they were deviating too far from the norm and into a complex dynamic that would be too messy to manage. Instead, Geralt simply said it ‘sounded very nice.’ Lambert smiled into the open refrigerator on his way to get a beer.

The following weekend was Julian’s birthday, and, as per their annual tradition, the group all gathered on Friday evening at the birthday boy’s favourite restaurant—Vegelbud’s. The two decided to tell him the week after his birthday so as not to detract from his Big 3-0. Just one more week, and it would all be in the open. Easy breasy.

The afternoon of the dinner, Eskel and Geralt received a group text: Haven’t told Julian the details yet. Keep the beans to yourselves please (I’m looking at you, @Eskel).

“Why me?” Eskel turned to Geralt over his paperwork, looking a little hurt.

Geralt chuckled, “You have a slight tendency to overshare when you want to be supportive.”

“I do?” He turned on the bar stool to follow his partner on the way upstairs.

“It’s not a bad thing, but…” Geralt sighed, “Lambert has always needed to feel in control of situations like this. He doesn’t want one of us bringing this up before he’s ready to talk about it, especially in a public place, you know how he gets when he feels cornered. And Julian is Essi’s cousin…”

Eskel raised a hand, “You’re right, you’re right. All points taken. Are you showering?”

Geralt smirked as he headed for the stairs, “Come on then.”

Four hours later and halfway through dinner, everything had gone swimmingly. The food had been expectedly delicious, the company and conversation excellent, and so far no one had felt the need to bring up Essi and Lambert’s relationship on any level. That is until Julian got a few drinks under his belt, and decided it was time to document the occasion. Geralt and Eskel were the first victims.

“Aww just look at you two! So in love, so vivacious and full of adoration,” Julian held up his phone as Geralt touched the side of his head to Eskel’s. Beep-Chk! A perfect image of a happy couple was captured and posted to Instagram (#julianturns30 #dinneratvagelbuds #dinnerout #cutiesofinstagram #favoriteotp #gaycouplesofinstagram #livelaughlove…). There were a few more photos of the three of them together, the white chocolate raspberry cheesecake with the candle in it, a group shot taken by the waiter. It was all so close to being over, Essi could practically taste the refuge of the streetcar.

"Come on, lovebirds, show us a smooch!" Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Essi’s stomach lurched and she felt her cheeks start to warm. Lambert’s hand landed gently on her knee under the table, his fingers pressing firmly into her leg as she desperately tried to think of something to say.

"Oh, um..."

Across the table, Geralt and Eskel shared a wordless communication: de-escalate, distract, redirect.

“You’ll want to eat that cheesecake before it gets warm” Geralt offered. “I hear it’s so light it’ll disintegrate in a heartbeat.” Eskel nodded in encouragement, taking a bite of his own.

“I know, I know,” Julian shrugged, “Just a quick one. Say Cheese!”

"Not right now, Julian," Essi tilted her head, her eyes flashing a little.

"Oh come on, Poppet! I know you don't like PDA, it's just one little picture--"

“Don’t call me Poppet.”

Eskel cleared his throat loudly, "Doesn't seem they're that keen on it. Maybe let's try for one another time."

"It's past your one-month-a-versary, let everyone see how in love you are."

"Julian," Geralt growled, "leave it."

Julian covered his mouth in alarm, "I’m so sorry, have you not used that word yet? I didn’t mean anything by it, I just want the world to see how happy my beautiful cousin is!"

“Really Julian, it’s not necessary we—” Essi’s fingernails were starting to dig into Lambert’s palm from the sheer effort of maintaining composure. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to cry or disappear, and with neither of those being an option, it seemed the only possible escape was for them to kiss. They’d done it before. No big deal. It would feel off, but they’d just go back to her place and drink about it after.

“Essi, what’s the matter with you, it’s just one little picture, and we all know you’re not camera-shy. On three, ready? One, two…”

"For fuck's sake we're not dating!"

The table all silently turned their attention to Essi whose cheeks had been turning progressively redder.

“What?” Her cousin laughed incredulously.

“We’re not a couple, Julian. We’re friends. We have been from the beginning, but we didn’t want to tell you because we knew you wouldn’t fucking leave us alone until you could boast about having set us up.”

Lambert shared a brief look with Eskel before lowering his eyes to the tablecloth, his hand still firmly clutched in Essi’s.

Julian gaped, “So, it was all… the cuddling, the laughing, that time I came over and you were asleep on the couch, that was all… a ruse?”

“No, Julian, that was real. I told you, we’re friends.”

“That’s not friends! Since when have friends watched a movie half-on-top of each other?”

“Two people can enjoy each other's company lying flat, Julian,” Eskel’s rich voice interjected across the table and the discussion ground to a halt.

Geralt shrugged with his tea at his lips, “It is the twenty-first century after all.”

Julian’s cornflower blue eyes flitted back and forth between the two friends, utterly bewildered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well what with your complete and utter invasion of privacy for the sake of hooking us up, we didn’t necessarily trust you to believe us,” Essi answered curtly, her hand shaking slightly.

“Poppet, you could have just told me—”

“Stop. Calling me that. And I did tell you, Julian!” she exploded. “I told you the first day I moved here. The first. Day. I said, ‘Julian, I think I want to take a break from dating until I’ve been settled for a year.’ And what did you do? Conspired with my well-meaning former mentor to hook me up with someone I had one good conversation with at a Christmas party. And do you know what? We are happy. But we’re happy in our own way. And maybe our boundaries with each other seem a little strange to you, but we’re not fooling ourselves. We don’t want to kiss each other, we don’t want to have sex, and we don’t want a relationship. And even though it’s absolutely none of your damn business, I’ll tell you anyway: we’ve talked about it. All of it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I don’t think I want to be here anymore.”

The chair legs scraped against the floor of the restaurant as Essi stood to leave, throwing her purse over her shoulder as she went. Lambert looked hesitantly around the table, “I should probably, you know…” He gestured after Essi with his thumb. Eskel gave Lambert the go ahead and he quickly stood to follow his friend out of the restaurant, leaving a very stunned Julian with the other two. He found her perched on the parking barrier in the small lot to the left of the front doors. He called to her and she looked up. Eyes shining, mascara running...

“Ah shit, you know I’m no good with this kind of thing.”

“I’m sorry, Lambert, I just—” she blew her nose, “—he just wouldn’t stop and I didn’t know what to do or say, and it all just came pouring out. I didn’t want it to. The whole time I was begging myself to stop, but I just couldn’t, it’s been bottled up for so long and-and—but it’s his birthday, and—oh, he must feel so awful! I didn’t want to make him feel bad, but—and with Eskel and Geralt there too! They must think I’m horrible! I’m so sorry, Lambert, I didn’t want it to be like this, I wanted to have him over and sit him down and be patient, and instead I’ve just made a complete mess of things. And on his birthday! It’s his birthday, oh God, this is the worst thing I could have done.” Essi choked back bitter tears as she tried desperately to stem the flow with her soggy tissue, “Are you upset with me, Lambert? If you are, I understand. Maybe we should take a break of some kind, you know. Not see each other for a while and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it right there. Look, I’m probably not going to say any of the right stuff here, but I am absolutely not upset with you. You got that? And for what it’s worth, I don’t think us taking a break from spending time together is going to do anything. Unless you’re looking to punish yourself by taking away a nice thing which, okay. But the fact that you’re willing to ditch me instead of Arbor Mist says something about our friendship I’m not too pleased with.”

Essi turned her wide, pleading, bloodshot eyes to Lambert who cracked a smile, “Jesus, I’m kidding! You adorable fucking mess, c’mere.” He pulled his petite friend into a hug and rested his chin on the top of her head until she quieted down. Neither of them was quite sure how much time had gone by, but Essi found herself wishing it had been long enough for everyone to have gone home so she didn’t have to face whatever aftermath she’d left behind.

Meanwhile, Eskel and Geralt had settled the bill and offered to give Julian a lift back to their place for a night cap, not wanting to leave the evening on such an unsettled note. Essi needed space, and whatever company she needed, Lambert was clearly capable of providing. It was for the best, they suggested, and dissuaded Julian from trying to call her.

“Best to sleep on things,” Geralt said, tucking his card back into his wallet and giving the waiter a nod in gratitude. “We can meet for coffee this weekend and sort this out. For now, just let her cool down.”

Eskel clapped Julian encouragingly on the shoulder as they made their way into the damp summer night air. As they turned into the parking lot, they came face-to-face with Essi and Lambert who had clearly just turned to come back inside. Both cousins looked like they had seen better days: Essi’s eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks blotchy and streaked with inky makeup stains; Julian was perhaps less dishevelled, but the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced, his boyish features now dejectedly weighted down with remorse and hurt.

“Juian, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—”

Essi’s cousin raised his hand, “Don’t. Please don’t. Essi, I am so, so sorry. I never meant to push you like that, I didn't realize... you both have been so happy this last month and—"

"It's okay, really, we can talk about this all another time. I'm just so sorry I ruined your birthday. We wanted to sit down with you and talk properly but..." Essi's tears welled up again, and Julian smiled weakly.

"But we both did what we always do?"

She sniffed, nodding emphatically with a tearful, "Yeah.” Julian pulled his cousin into a fond embrace while the other three clumped together to watch the reconciliation.

“Oh! Here,” Essi reached into her purse and pulled out a small, neatly-wrapped box. “Happy birthday!”

Julian opened his gift without a second thought, his face brightening instantly. The box contained a set of premium ultra-light guitar strings and a pair of concert tickets. The perfect gift. Overwhelmed with gratitude, and the atmosphere having been recovered, Julian suggested they all attend brunch together that Sunday morning, his treat by way of apology. Geralt offered to split the bill as a peace offering for his part in the initial setup, and the five made a date.

A fresh start, a promise of spending time together with fewer secrets and, Julian conceded, a few more boundaries.

#witcher rarepair summer bingo #wrsb #Platonic #queerplatonic #no romo #Geralt/Eskel #Essbert #Gereskel #Jaskier #Julian Alfred Pankratz #alcohol #drunkenness #Essi & Lambert #Essi Daven #Lambert

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Liam & Edie

Liam: I dunno how to thank you for the surprise 🎁 as it’s still giving

Liam: what’s her fave scary movie? I never did get as far as jumpscares and chill

Edie: I wish I coulda taken 🧨 to her for you, see if she melted cool too

Edie: All I know is she hasn’t learnt a single thing from any of ‘em, which is unsurprising

Edie: Curtains open? ✔️ Door unlocked? ✔️ Home alone? ✔️

Edie: She should know only virgins survive 💀

Liam: asking for it from her hairsprayed roots to her painted toenails

Liam: but I left her standing for the 6 sequels

Edie: ☢️ fumes makes it even more of a shame

Edie: and that for her, alive, but at what cost

Liam: the twins play with dolls? you could melt her lookalike for me

Edie: I knew you’d like it

Liam: I like that she thinks it was me, that I’ve ever cared

Edie: Yes, you’ve really been biding your time in the shadows 🧛‍♂️

Liam: what shadows, you’re lighting everything up 🔥🎇🎆

Edie: That’s you

Edie: literally and you know, gay shit 😳

Edie: How’d I miss you, when did you drop the box off?

Liam: when I sent you hunting, in case the gay shit was turning too hardcore

Edie: Was it?

Liam: not for me

Edie: not for me

Edie: I’ve not stopped thinking about you since we met

Edie: as you can see

Liam: numbers don’t lie, you’ll see I’ve been listening to your tracks since you sent them

Edie: If I sing loud enough will you come find me

Liam: if I don’t show up rapid enough would you lose your voice

Liam: before that happens I wanna hear the thoughts you’ve been having

Edie: If that happened, I think I could still show you

Liam: what you could do is where my thinking stops

Edie: What are you doing today

Edie: Thinking is overrated

Liam: my dad unlocked his memories of me and wants to make more

Edie: Great timing

Edie: Is he at least taking you bowling?

Edie: The single dad’s first and last idea of what to do with their kids to seem ‘fun’

Liam: was about this time last year, scrolling back

Liam: he’s taking me ⛺️

Edie: Thank God for campfires

Edie: don’t forget your 🔦 for the scary stories

Liam: and the faked found footage

Liam: don’t forget about me

Edie: It IS a great location, give him that, but I’d need an invite for top marks

Edie: I couldn’t

Edie: How are you feeling about it though, really

Liam: scary stories do start with 🚗 and you’d fit in the boot easy

Liam: how long can you hold your breath?

Edie: [send a video as you did with the staring contest]

Edie: I’ll find the nearest body of water and work on it

Liam: long enough to fool him, but I’m not gonna tell you not to play dead in your 🛁 like a killjoy

Edie: What else can I do in your absence?

Edie: we’ll be having about as good a time as each other, that’s something

Liam: to Alexis or to me

Edie: Both if I do it right

Liam: how extra she is will make up for everything I’m not

Edie: you are everything

Edie: sorry

Liam: only from behind a lens or a screen, sorry

Liam: take away the sfx and yeah, we’ll be having as good a time as each other

Edie: Are you afraid?

Liam: I’m not anything, that’s what I’m trying to get across to you

Liam: you’ve got killer eyes with so much behind them, I don’t

Edie: There’s something

Edie: here, between us, even if it’s not of us

Edie: it’s real, we should follow it ‘til it isn’t

Liam: 🦎🧠

Liam: reflex behaviours ain’t enough for someone as braindead as Lex

Liam: you’re smart

Edie: they’re enough for me

Liam: if I had anything to give you, I would

Edie: I don’t want anything

Edie: I’m not like her

Edie: Whilst you’re around, I want to be around too, that’s it

Edie: you don’t have to do or be anything, I swear

Liam: I want to want things

Liam: but I don’t have the cheat codes for 🐒🧠

Edie: However small that bit of you is, it clearly exists, to even want it at all

Edie: I have nothing to lose with trying with you

Liam: yours is massive

Edie: I’m younger, there’s time for my hope to die

Liam: I’m not letting that happen

Edie: Protect me

Edie: and let me try for you

Liam: I have nothing to lose, already lost it

Edie: has it always been like this or could you access 🐒🧠 before

Liam: my ma didn’t raise a 👶 psycho, I used to react normally to stuff

Edie: You could again then

Edie: not saying it’d be easy or any patronizing shit like that though

Liam: but are you saying you’ll help me or any gay shit like that

Edie: Yeah

Edie: don’t worry, my god complex won’t make it culty

Liam: offer it me and I’ll drink it

Edie: Going ‘round acting like my cunt is magical seems like a Lexie kind of move

Edie: Everyone else is boring, you’re not, and I’m not, if nothing else

Edie: I’ll be better company than her or KM or any other twat

Liam: it was, doing the most to make herself killable is her only move

Liam: but I couldn’t do it and you were already better company anonymously

Edie: She’s a grief thief

Edie: and I’m definitely doing more than call her next time

Liam: she don’t matter, it was never about her

Edie: no, ‘course not

Edie: it’s about you for me though

Edie: I’ll fuck up anyone you want

Liam: start with my dad and I can skip this guilt trip

Edie: Okay, let’s think

Edie: it wouldn’t take a lot, if he only manages once a year as an average

Edie: has he got a new missus?

Liam: she wasn’t his but he liked my sister more, thinking about it

Liam: not that I know about, maybe it’s how short he is

Edie: a kid that isn’t here is easier to love because there’s less to do, nothing to do now

Edie: you reckon he’d call it off for a potential hook-up then?

Edie: might be desperate

Liam: there’s no calling it off, he’s too scared of my ma still and she’s had these days circled and !!ed

Edie: She’ll fuck me up if I ruin your bonding sesh?

Edie: I could catfish her instead but how exciting can a middle-aged man ever feasibly be 🤔😒

Liam: big tesco is gone, how many other places do you wanna have to avoid

Liam: I know something else you can do for me

Edie: I’ll take my chances 👊

Edie: Go on

Liam: if you set up to record and I stream it as often as the fucked wifi will allow we can kid ourselves I’m at your window 👀

Edie: We’re definitely doing that

Edie: You have the best ideas, seriously

Edie: not knowing when you’re watching and what you’re gonna see… 🥴

Edie: mine isn’t as good but [one of the nights he’ll clearly be away like if not tonight, tomorrow or whatever] you should be able to see this comet really clear at [a time] we can watch together

Edie: I’ll take the stream outside

Liam: your idea overtakes mine by miles, I’ll lose my dad in the woods or something before then

Liam: and if he stays MIA I’ll try and call you, when you’re not busy talking to Lexie

Edie: There’ll be a pub or something nearby, failing that, find a high point and push, you can be back by the time he regains consciousness

Edie: I’ll leave her alone now, if you want

Edie: I just don’t like her for you

Liam: she’s not for me, you can have her to do what you want with until I get back

Edie: 😈

Edie: She’s not invited to that either but I’ve got some ideas

Liam: me too

Edie: Surprise or secret?

Liam: neither, I wanna spend time with you, in person

Edie: When are you back?

Liam: 4 days

Edie: 4 days, I can do that

Edie: just about

Edie: patience isn’t my strong suit but I’ve been waiting a lot longer to meet you, it feels like somehow

Liam: when he drops me off, I’m yours

Edie: You won’t regret it

Edie: Summers not over yet, there’s so much we can do

Liam: I won’t regret focusing on you instead of school either

Edie: School is a different kind of torture

Edie: at least now I can see you every day

Liam: torture walking away after I have seen you

Edie: I won’t make you

Edie: we can stick together

Liam: we will

Edie: I miss you

Edie: even though I’ve not actually met you in person yet, and you’re not gone either

Edie: still

Liam: [send her your own version of the staring contest footage like I’m going nowhere bitch]

Edie: There’s something behind them, I swear I can see it

Edie: Do you believe me?

Liam: I said I’d keep your hope alive

Edie: It’s okay if you don’t, I know my 👀 don’t deceive me

Liam: your eyes are something else, they’ll wear my zoom and pause out on this 📷

Edie: I wish I had the words to explain how you made me feel, and I could explain it so good that you could feel it back

Edie: because it feels really good

Liam: we’ve got time, for you to find words or show me without

Edie: if 🎇🎆 wasn’t so overdone

Edie: or maybe when you’re on a 🎢 the second you drop and it feels like the world has fallen out from under you and there’s nothing you can do

Liam: when you’re finally coming up after waiting twice as long as usual for the 💊 to kick in and thinking you got scammed

Edie: exactly like that, but you’ve just taken a 2nd and you know it’s going to get even more intense

Liam: I’ll hunt for 🍄 while I’m here, you trust me not to accidentally kill you, yeah?

Edie: I do

Edie: have you done lots of 🍄s?

Liam: made tea out of some but fuck all happened, they were probably from big tesco, I was younger and didn’t know anything

Edie: 😆

Edie: Me either, but more because my dad only deals in synthetic crap, not because I’m young and don’t know anything

Edie: not a total drug noob, only hold my hand if you want to

Liam: I only got them up bc my sister wanted to put a twist on the tea parties she forced me into as a 👶 I was a drug noob

Edie: How annoying they didn’t work, that would’ve been fun

Edie: maybe more for your sister than you but still

Liam: she was 💔 but it ended up being fun after I cheered her up with my 👒👙 recreation

Edie: How could that not cheer anyone 😅

Edie: when you’re back I’m gonna need to see that myself, honestly

Liam: I’m not gonna fit in the one from then, but I’ll be able to get another 👙 close match to the 👶 pic or show you the vid of us if not

Edie: I’d like to see it, I bet you were real cute kids

Liam: she was

Edie: do you have lots of videos of you guys as kids?

Liam: not really, either they didn’t want it to be like they were hoarding the happy shit for when she wasn’t here anymore, or they thought they wouldn’t have to bc there’d be loads more of it, I don’t know

Edie: Either makes sense, you’re not planning for that to happen and then I can see why you wouldn’t want to when it becomes apparent

Edie: I wish I’d known her more than just another face and name at school, she sounds cool

Liam: you can get to know her, from me picking up my first 📹 there wasn’t much that didn’t get videoed, it was how she wanted it

Edie: I respect it

Edie: and you do have a good eye, you made me look 🤩 from the most basic footage

Liam: you don’t need editing, but I was trying to show off to you

Edie: I thought you were impressive before that point, but it still worked

Edie: especially when most act like face-tuning a selfie is a great feat of skill

Liam: [a selfie facetuned to a pisstakey degree so it looks wild]

Edie: [very much imagining that pillow face filter/handsome squidward]

Edie: 😱 catfished again, gdi

Liam: this has to work, me and you meeting, I can’t rewind to before we talked as if we never have

Edie: There is no going back

Edie: It will work, we’ll make it

Liam: it gets thrown out casually and fucking constantly, but I haven’t found anyone like you before

Edie: It has to mean something that it was you, and me

Edie: it’s so improbable, and we could’ve gone our whole life living in the same place and not ever getting to know each other

Liam: it means I’m not letting go of this, it’s me and you now

Edie: I want that too, I need to

Edie: nothing else makes sense, it’s not complete, it’s not right, I don’t want it

Liam: even if I’m 🤖 I’ll be trying to override my shite programming, harder than I’ve done, to do this right

Edie: 🍄💊 aren’t the only things that can rewire us

Edie: I’m not going anywhere, I won’t leave you, even if it takes forever, even if it never happens

Edie: trying with you is better than feeling like a failure with anyone else

Liam: anyone who’s made you feel like a failure is getting worse than the Lexie treatment

Edie: we’ll make sure the school doesn’t find the hit-list 😏

Edie: it’s like, everyone is so comfortable, and they do the same boring shit every day and never get tired of it, but none of it fucking matters

Liam: 🏫🔥

Liam: I’m down to make everyone uncomfortable

Edie: They need it

Edie: not that they’ll appreciate it but that’s not the point

Edie: I wanna make you feel everything

Liam: you’re so alive, that’s the point for me

Edie: I can be that

Edie: and I can share

Liam: I wanna be a reason you are

Edie: I’m so mad at your dad, full offense

Liam: get in line, but cut in front of me so I can 👀 at you

Edie: You can do more than look when I’m really in front of you

Liam: I keep thinking about what happens if I can’t

Edie: There’s still things we can do

Edie: that only require you to want to

Edie: and you can tell me if you don’t

Liam: I don’t wanna tell you things that’ll make you feel bad

Edie: I don’t wanna make you feel bad either

Edie: or force you to do something

Liam: you won’t, I’m not 😡 at my dad for forcing me to do this instead of being there with you

Liam: block works for negative emotions too

Edie: Okay, but still, it’d make me feel bad if you felt like you were performing for me

Edie: we don’t want that

Edie: when we do meet, you control it, okay?

Edie: Do what feels right

Liam: no crap ARG acting, I can agree to not do that

Edie: Good

Edie: so, you leveled up with drugs, what about girls or did that first nightmare put you off fully

Edie: I mean like, do you hook up with people or is it all ❌

Liam: she put me off, or how desperately I could tell she wanted me to want her did, she’d touch me and nothing would happen and she’d look at me like 🥺

Edie: It’s pressure

Edie: but I don’t think any boy has met her expectations, judging by how fast she gets through them so

Liam: pressure I piled on myself in the first place, thinking about my sister and how nobody ever wanted to touch her, like it was catching or when the lad she was into wouldn’t ask her out and I asked him why and he admitted it was bc he was shitting himself she’d drop dead, so I thought I should, bc she wanted to live those cliches and fucking couldn’t, I don’t know

Edie: People are shit

Edie: they don’t do or say the right things and they can’t handle the stuff you and your sister had no choice but to

Edie: and it’s fucking unfair there’s so much stuff she wanted to do and didn’t get to

Edie: of course the weight of that is going to make that near impossible

Edie: it sounds horrible but you aren’t dying though, and neither am I

Edie: so make the list, see it through, but the pressure is off with time

Liam: r/emo teens would have a post like, we are both dying, just at a slower rate than her

Edie: 🙄 they can do one, I’m never dying

Liam: yeah, please don’t

Edie: I promise

Edie: my ma’s wife died and I can barely remember her but enough that it fucks with my head

Edie: like she was always there, and some memories I have, she would’ve been, and it’s like, fragments, if I try really hard

Edie: but it could all be made up, I don’t know

Liam: I remember her so vividly I think I know what she’d do or say if she was in memories she’s not, but do I

Liam: or am I just lying to myself bc she should be there and it’d be less shit if she was

Edie: You were close, you did know her that well, that’s obvious

Liam: maybe she’d wanna tell me I fucked it and not to do all the shit I’ve done with her name attached to it

Edie: maybe

Edie: but right or wrong you’re the one that’s here and still has to do shit

Liam: if she becomes a fragment to me I don’t wanna be here

Edie: I don’t know if it’ll happen, I don’t think so though

Edie: I was a toddler, you weren’t

Edie: you have more to keep hold of

Liam: if I live for 50 more years then I won’t, I’ll have new memories pushing out the old and outdated tech

Edie: You aren’t relying on just your 🧠

Edie: You have ��🎞📹📼

Edie: and you can make that last forever

Liam: do you have that of your step-ma

Edie: Yeah, she was more camera-shy than my ma, but there’s still lots of it

Edie: and she’s everywhere, you know, throughout the house and stuff

Edie: memories are important but so are those more physical, tangible reminders

Liam: my ma’s kept her room but she don’t exist downstairs, as if the 🚪 is to a hidden level and you have to earn your way there 💎💰❤️

Edie: It’s good you have somewhere

Edie: and your memorial

Liam: you should meet me there, my house, on day 5

Edie: okay

Edie: 😍😸🤩

Liam: pick a time bc I’ve stolen the place

Edie: I just hope it’s a time you’re there and not just your ma because who knows how much of me will be left to come back to at that point

Liam: I’ll be there to protect you, get used to that

Edie: I’ll try my hardest but wow

Edie: Right now that still gets me so

Edie: I’ve never had this before but I love how it feels

Edie: As for a time how’s [a time so early to prove how badly and ASAP we wanna see him] or [a more socially acceptable suggestion] if not?

Liam: [soz to his mother but we are obvs picking the early af time and so soz to his dad too if it means he has to bring you back early] is cool with me

Edie: Serious?

Edie: I’ll see you then

Edie: should I wear something so your ma doesn’t hate me forreal though

Edie: 👒👗🥿

Liam: she’ll be happy I invited someone over, wear what makes you feel how you want to

Edie: 🎩🦺👙🧤🩰

Edie: Cool though, I’ll bake her something, tell me if she has any deadly allergies or hates now, like

Liam: 🚫👓🕶🥽🤿 I’d hate it

Edie: I know what you wanna see, don’t worry

Liam: everything

Edie: everything

Liam: ㊙️

Edie: 🎋

Liam: I wish you were here 🌠

Liam: I could be filming you instead of what’s going past the car window

Edie: definitely B-roll compared to me

Edie: but think of all the laughable monsters you can stick in the frame 🏞👹🏞

Liam: I’ll think of you laughing

Edie: I won’t use my wish on hoping you think about me then

Liam: unless there’s another specific thing you want me to imagine you doing

Edie: If I tell you now, you’ll know

Edie: you’ll have to tell me what you thought about when you get back instead

Edie: see if it came true

Liam: or I’ll show you when I get back, make it come true

Edie: that’d be a lot of wishes coming true

Liam: we’ve got a couple of weeks before summer ends

Edie: There is a lot we can do in a couple weeks

Liam: even more if we don’t waste time going back and forth between my house and yours

Edie: Another thing I can do before you get back

Edie: find somewhere to stay

Liam: you won’t even have time to feel tortured without me

Edie: and where’s the fun in that, right

Edie: you still need to hurry 😜

Liam: it’d be popular on the thread, beautiful girl in ⛓ but I’ve probably got competition enough from other lads with your tracks blowing up

Edie: you have literally no competition

Liam: I still need to hurry though 😏

Edie: only ‘cos I only want you and I’ll be lonely and bored

Edie: some of these dms could fuel an incel-gone-rogue storyline though, they wildin 😅

Liam: I’m about to subvert the cliche and make my dad turn the car round

Edie: + XP

Edie: power move on 💯

Liam: [sends her a virus or something] don’t click it, but do what you’ve gotta until it looks irresistible to the 👹

Edie: the sexy singles in MY area have prepared me for this moment

Edie: not to hit you with the 🥺 but you’re so sweet sorry

Liam: if Lexie’s denied me 🥺 off you forever, I’ll hit her with a 🔨

Edie: Tempting, very tempting

Edie: [showing him the bratz doll she’s found in some charity shop moment]

Edie: 🍀

Edie: If this works as a voodoo doll she’ll be 🥺 for the 🔨 by the end of today tbh

Liam: I’ll be 🥺 if you keep working this hard

Edie: gotta make you proud

Edie: also if I can find a way to get it into her house when I’m done fucking with it it’s game over 🤣

Liam: [tell her about some way that you sneaked in so her parents didn’t know about it when you were going out so she can use that]

Edie: [pretend we are not thinking about that lmao] 👍👍

Edie: you wouldn’t even need a ladder

Liam: don’t be upset

Edie: I’m not

Edie: you’ll sneak in my window soon

Liam: we’ll have a place of our own, just me and you

Edie: what do you want

Edie: town, country, cursed, uncursed

Liam: pick the 🏡 making you feel like you’re home and you don’t ever wanna go

Edie: 🥰

Edie: no spoilers whilst you’re away

Liam: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: don’t break my willpower I barely have

Edie: I wanna give you all the surprises and it might be a fixer-upper

Liam: I’ll stop testing you, I know you’re gonna pass

Edie: You don’t have to, I can take it, like

Liam: you’re gonna say no spoilers on how you’re gonna prove it and break the 🖤 I don’t have

Edie: Never

Edie: I don’t quite know what you want yet but I’ll do anything you ask, you can test that

Liam: you’ll do anything for me

Edie: I will

Edie: I’m probably not supposed to say that, right

Edie: but it’s true and you should know

Liam: abusing what you’ve said would fall into letting your hope die, which you know I’m not gonna do

Liam: you can trust I’ll keep you safe

Edie: I trust you

Liam: that’s what I want

Edie: 🌠🧚‍♀️

Edie: Does your da still live in Dubo?

Liam: Greystones

Edie: Fancy

Edie: Not going to find anything like that for us

Liam: a holiday cottage that’s empty’s easy pickings

Edie: let’s go

Edie: this place is trash

Liam: when school starts everyone’ll have gone out of them all

Liam: and most don’t change their alarm codes from the default

Edie: we’ll have the whole town to ourselves between 9-5

Edie: can we can we 😍😍

Liam: Yeah, if they’re not gonna treat them like somewhere they wanna be more than a week out of the year, why shouldn’t we

Edie: so wasteful

Edie: why would you even want that kind of money

Edie: I want what you said, somewhere that feels like home and you never wanna leave

Edie: no matter how nice the location or whatever else of anywhere else, home is still the best

Liam: it’ll be homey, how you said, things around that remind you of me and the memories we’ve made in it

Edie: It can all be real, can’t it

Liam: or pretend if you want 🏠🧸🎠🍭

Edie: I’m never opposed to pretending

Edie: it’s weird

Edie: I feel like I know what I want already but that’s a new thing

Edie: like a ⚡️ hit and everything makes sense now

Edie: maybe it’s superpowers

Liam: what else do you want

Liam: a garden to bury Lexie in and

Edie: obviously 😏

Edie: NOT a basement to bury the kids in though

Liam: they’ll be with us, getting their wellies on so they can splash in the massive puddles

Edie: and go rock pooling

Edie: and then take the dog on a massive walk so we can come home and fall asleep on the sofa in front of an old movie

Liam: you’ll be watching the movie I’ll be looking at you

Edie: but then I’ll look up at you

Liam: and we’ll both be thinking about how we’re gonna edit the footage from today bc we don’t wanna cut nothing out

Liam: except maybe the dog getting bullied by a 🦀

Edie: 🤭 save his shame at the dog park

Liam: kids’ll have no fear

Edie: all they’ll know is love and good times and fun

Liam: we should bury something other than 💀🦴 they can dig up when they’re not 👶

Edie: an actually cool time-capsule

Edie: just with all the things we want to show them, that they won’t remember, or happened before them

Edie: if we get the right storage, we could even bury the 📼s

Liam: yeah, we can do it right

Edie: why not us

Liam: we’re different, we already know it

Edie: you make different feel alright

Edie: well, better than actually but you know

Liam: if I can’t do this with you, I’ll never be able to do it, more pressure than 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sorry, but if we’re keeping it real

Liam: this is the closest I’ve come to a rebooted 🧠 since it was fucked up

Edie: If we can’t we’ll just 💀💀

Liam: you promised you wouldn’t and I already should’ve

Edie: Then I can’t fail

Liam: you test too well

Edie: and we’ve got time

Edie: if you don’t feel it straight away

Edie: have to give me a fair chance yeah

Liam: I’m not just saying I’ll meet you bc I know you want to, that’s more of a chance than I’ve given anyone in years

Liam: and you can have all my time after if you ain’t decided you don’t want it, I’m not lying about handing it over to you either

Edie: The only way that would happen is if you were a massive disappointment

Edie: and I know you won’t be, so all I have to do is make sure I’m not

Edie: It’s going to work, I can feel it

Liam: [shows her that he’s been playing her songs over and over during this entire car journey because of course he has and also let’s pretend he’s rigged up some way of counting how often he’s watched those not blinking or breathing vids so he can show her that too bc he wants to feel something honey and he wants her to know]

Edie: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: I need to write you more

Liam: who sorts your shows for you, you should build on this hype

Liam: and give me a chance to see you perform live

Edie: I don’t have management, but I’ve done a lot of gigs with the same people at the same places so we kinda hook each other up, keep in the know

Edie: There is a show [a few days after his bday moment] in [a town a few over]

Edie: I weren’t sure if I could get there but we can, if you wanna see me

Liam: [deets of people he knows who might or might not be genuinely helpful for booking stuff and letting you play places cos might as well make use of all those connections boy]

Liam: cool, I’ll get us there, even if none of the @s I dropped on you go anywhere else longer term, but they should, you’re mindblowing

Liam: by next year they’ll have built a festival round you here and my dad will have to give camping a fucking rest

Edie: You’re actually incredible

Edie: No one ever takes my shit seriously

Edie: I mean family, friends, it’s just this fun thing I do to them

Edie: but you get it, there’s no alternative, I have to get this shit out, to say and show it

Edie: Only if he buys a 🎫 but he’s not getting VIP with you

Liam: I understand

Liam: nobody respects mine, which I get when there’s probably 45k off the thread running round with a camera and I ain’t got your talent with it

Edie: You do have talent though

Edie: but I respect it regardless

Edie: we have to make cool shit together

Edie: not just 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶

Liam: I’ll put together something to play behind you at the show, how long are you gonna be up there

Edie: it’s 15 if you’re lucky 10 if you’re not, so you need 5 songs prepped to go but you might only play 2 or 3

Liam: what songs, are you surprising me

Edie: [send him a list of 4 so clearly one is a surprise]

Edie: so you can compliment them with what you make

Liam: 🤩

Liam: wtf did I listen to before you hit me with your link

Liam: you’re fucking sick at this

Edie: idk but I can soundtrack your whole life now

Edie: all I can write rn is 🥰🥺 cos that’s how you’ve made me

Liam: I’m down but if we go with it you should probably have less 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶 to soundtrack the lives of

Edie: okay just one

Edie: the perfect 👶 with the perfect life

Liam: perfect bc she’s got your 👀 and 🧠 and 💓

Edie: so we might need to have two

Edie: I want them to be perfect like you

Liam: 👶👶 wouldn’t ruin you physically or musically, she can have a brother

Edie: 💕👦👧🐶🧒👱‍♀️💕

Edie: that feels good

Liam: I used to really want a 🐶 when I was younger and my ma got me one of those 🤖 ones, it's probably still barking in a box somewhere

Edie: Awh, we’ve gotta find him and free him!

Edie: I had so many weird robot toys but they’ve all been used for parts by now for sure 🤖💔

Liam: he's not been melted, gotta be some proof I felt things before

Edie: You did, you clearly did

Edie: when you talk about your sister, it shows

Liam: I'd offer to talk my dad about you and see what shows but he's too easy to trick

Liam: most people are if it stops at a convo

Edie: Not caring is more convenient

Edie: not even like people are trying to be bastards, but if they don’t know what to say or do then it’s easier to take you at that one convo and pretend

Liam: I don't remember him ever not being his own bonus level of crap, but it's like you said, nobody else is loads better

Edie: Did he stick around, when your sister got sick?

Liam: for a while, when hospital wards covered in shit like 🌞🌈🦋 wasn’t a fuck you and 👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️ had answers he didn’t mind hearing

Edie: ‘til it got really real and really hard

Edie: gotcha

Liam: he’d show up with a 🎈 before the end so that makes it alright

Edie: 🤡 energy

Liam: ordered pennywise but charlie chalk showed

Edie: [sad clown noise voice note like womp womp]

Liam: [a video or pic of his dad like putting the tent up or something with that voice memo playing over and his eyes crossed out like miss you because bringing that detail back from when we first did these two]

Edie: [it’s a good detail, so we must, just adding some more detail like a red nose or whatever so you can have a lil back and forth here]

Liam: [add clown shoes or something boy because we love a cute back and forth, very JJ of you]

Edie: [not seeing those parallels for no reason later lmao, fully clownify this oblivious man soz not soz]

Liam: [honestly deserved I’d rather have an Ian than such a wet wipe of a person]

Edie: [tbh, wet hen]

Edie: you were not lying though, your da is so short

Liam: not lied about nothing

Edie: I’d never guess you were related

Edie: too bad for mine we look like him

Liam: I’ll ask for the 🎁 of a tube full of spit but he ain’t as happy to do what I ask as you are

Edie: Spoilsport

Liam: won’t be harder to be a better dad than him, however fucked I am

Edie: that’s the thing

Edie: it doesn’t even take that much

Edie: I could do it better now

Liam: I’d stay, even when it’s ugly or I don’t know what to do, I could make you that promise now before we’ve met

Edie: Me too

Edie: It’s like, the least you can do and loads don’t even do that

Liam: maybe I shouldn’t bother getting my 🖤 back, keep caring about nothing instead of only caring about myself

Edie: you’re not going to be like that

Edie: you weren’t before

Liam: how are you this sure

Edie: I don’t know how I just am

Liam: it’s gonna be the longest 4 days

Edie: [a timer you’ve made as you can]

Edie: 🥺

Edie: make him keep you busy, and I’ll keep busy with all the plans and surprises

Liam: I’ll keep busy thinking about finally seeing you

Edie: and watching the stream when you can

Edie: I’ll make sure it’s entertaining

Liam: let me know when you’re set up

Edie: I will, not home yet

Edie: hope my fam only embarrasses themselves in entertaining ways too if you see them

Liam: not calling you an 🚑 but I’m calling it you’ll steal every scene better than they do

Edie: 😇

Edie: I better

Liam: at most anyone else is gonna register to me as a shite ARG sound effect 👻🚪

Edie: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my fam

Edie: they might disagree but that can be explained away as the wind or house settling noises

Liam: you’ve got my full attention, inexplicable at first but it’s making more and more sense

Edie: 🌌

Edie: Random or fate, I want it

Liam: there's nothing to convince you of

Edie: Nope

Edie: You’re perfect

Liam: I’m buffering bc I ain’t used to it but I don’t want you to ⏸⏹

Edie: I can 0.25 speed though

Liam: don’t

Edie: I 👂 you

Liam: seriously, I’m still here when I can’t work out what to say

Edie: I’d feel if you’d gone 👻

Liam: not a feeling you've gotta get used to, I'll stick with protecting you

Edie: Promise?

Liam: I've already committed to drinking whatever you wanna pass me and a drop of your blood ain't gonna make wine taste any worse but I dunno how you're gonna deliver it

Edie: You going to your dads 🏡 at all?

Liam: if I insist we’ve got to, to check the post

Edie: then do

Edie: no need to tell me his address though 🔎

Edie: it’ll be waiting

Liam: a drop, yeah ❌🧛‍♂️

Edie: it won’t be dripping out onto the carpet

Liam: the jumpscare my dad would get isn’t worth draining you

Edie: fake 🩸 for the scares only 🤞

Liam: there’s a bigger cliche that’d make this official whenever you want, but it’d only scare off the lads in your dms

Edie: do it

Liam: [idk how teens are making shit facebook official when facebook is dead but do something so people know you’re claiming her sir]

Edie: [probably a feed photo or something on insta I imagine, which would actually make you die because now it isn’t just private so clearly it’s not just a prank, han]

Liam: [yeah and probably also commenting on whatever she’s been posting lately in a way that’s obvious you’re a thing ™️ not just a fan of the bops]

Edie: [when I’ve already had to stop you saying ily, as if that’d be the wildest thing lmao but now truly 😖 we’re deffo crying wherever we are rn]

Edie: [do the same energy back because that’s your safest bet atm]

Liam: [loving imagining everyone’s IRL and online reactions tbh]

Edie: [it’s all the drama mick]

Liam: you’ll really have to skip big tesco now like

Edie: I’ll survive

Edie: you can forage for us 🌼🌿🍄

Liam: and if any families show up I’ll check their tents for 👶🐶

Edie: I bet there will be loads of cute 🐶🐶

Liam: when pick your fave out of the photo line up I’ll grab it

Edie: make sure it’s not a biter

Edie: you aren’t allowed to bleed out either

Liam: I dunno what being careful looks like, but to come home to you unhurt I’ll try copying what my dad’s doing

Edie: 🐒 see 🐒 do

Edie: evidence please

Liam: [all I can imagine is a David style wildlife documentary so do that please, soz not soz to his dad who is never gonna see this]

Edie: [that is literally exactly what I imagined too so yes]

Liam: [if the first time she hears his voice is when he’s doing a David impression though I will kms cos I think it is]

Edie: [lmaooooooooooooo oh you guys]

Liam: [keeping it #goals before JJ even exist as a couple byeeee]

Edie: [also the way we know your phone is blowing up right now, send the funnier ones through like]

Edie: 👀

Liam: [send the one from Lexie and the one from your mum for the very different but extra energies LOL]

Edie: Is she sOoOOoOOo happy for you

Edie: not your ma, obvs

Edie: missing those hands, barely

Liam: 😱 for you, I think she’s mixed you and the twins up and you’re 9 to her

Edie: 😒 She wishes I was

Liam: my ma is 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 that’s honestly worse

Edie: I could be anyone, like

Liam: in russia

Edie: maybe she’s done some light stalking

Edie: not hard enough to find anything off-putting but enough to know I’m ‘real’ or whatever

Liam: done the ma version and asked her mates if any of their kids or kids mates know you

Edie: 🤞 no fuckers dobbed me in

Edie: prefer to make my own impressions, bad or otherwise

Liam: she don’t have many left who know what to say to her, you’ll be able to put either a good or bad word in for yourself

Edie: Did she go to any groups, during or after?

Liam: yeah, any of them gonna know you

Edie: nah

Edie: my ma did too but their timelines wouldn’t have overlapped

Edie: not saying they gotta go shop for hats right now

Liam: 🚫💍 with the 👶🐶 is it, you're gonna chuck me then

Edie: never 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Liam: she's been living in dubo since uni, she ain't gonna force us to march us down the aisle, but my ma's still northern irish enough to be pleased if we did

Edie: have you ever thought about it?

Liam: I had to when my sister brought it up, like loads of things I probably wouldn't have otherwise

Edie: You have time to think about everything important, that makes sense

Edie: what did she think about it? All the 👰💍🤵

Liam: it's on us, she couldn't think of anyone she'd accept a 💍 from

Edie: It is a pretty important part of it, when you really think about it

Edie: people who fantasize about it only think about the dress and the diamond and everyone staring at them

Edie: not the actual person they’re legally binding themselves to

Liam: she wasn't short of stares and you can wear what you want when you're dying 👑💎 everyday if you feel like it

Edie: Why not

Edie: though if you’re already sick of the stares

Liam: 👀 that weren't from a specific lad

Edie: What’s he doing now

Edie: he’d be out of school, right

Liam: [more deets than you should know or admit to knowing about this random boy years later because that's your brand]

Edie: She could do better

Liam: people are gonna be saying that about you

Edie: that you could, probably

Edie: I don’t care what they say

Liam: the lies they tell don't matter unless you think there's any truth to them

Edie: I believe you

Edie: and you say you want this

Liam: I can't do no better than you, Edie

Edie: There is no one else

Edie: even if I wasted my whole life looking from now, no one is topping you

Liam: even if you wanted to, I'm not gonna let you waste your life

Edie: I don’t

Edie: I want real and happy and you

Liam: this is real and I’ll keep you happy

Edie: I can’t wait to meet you

Edie: I don’t know how I haven’t seen you in person or heard you speak or all the things that come with it

Edie: I feel like I’ve known you forever

Liam: I should know more about you

Liam: what secrets are you keeping from the people who've known you forever, start there

Edie: Aside from the 💍👶🐶

Edie: Well, you know my dad is a dealer, yeah

Liam: I know he’s a dealer bc he’s supplied me at some raves and your dad bc people talk

Edie: Yeah, so the other’s dad is too, and they were raised together, which is like super fucked up of my ma, whatever

Edie: but if I’m getting stuff, I go to their dad and I hang out with him

Edie: he wants to be more involved, but they hate going to see him, it’s really sad

Liam: I’ve bought off him before too

Liam: don’t you wanna hang out with your dad

Edie: He’s not interested

Edie: And idk, I think my ma loved Caleb, but I don’t think she ever loved Drew

Liam: he don’t sound like he can love or be loved, anyone who could have you around and ain’t saying yeah to it is fucked

Edie: Maybe

Edie: his mum did leave him

Edie: I’d love to find her but there’s nothing to go on

Edie: Caleb is cool though, but they’d all be mad at me if they knew

Edie: Your turn

Liam: send me what there is and I’ll help you look, fresh 👀

Liam: my ma would be upset if she knew anything I’m up to

Edie: I feel that 😏

Edie: your secrets are safe with me

Edie: All I’ve got is a name, and when she was last seen, [give that info]

Edie: Maybe Caleb’s ma would know more, as she informally adopted them, but she also likes to pretend I don’t exist so

Edie: she’d not tell me

Liam: we don’t have to ask her, I’ll go round when she’s not in, see what there is to find

Edie: you’re so hot

Liam: what do you do when you’re hanging out with Caleb

Edie: smoke, usually

Edie: and ask him about when they were all kids, the cool shit they got up to

Liam: did he love your ma back

Edie: Yeah, they had the twins later so it definitely meant something

Edie: they’d probably be together but Billie’s ma had just died, it wasn’t good timing

Liam: have you ever tried to get them together again

Edie: not since I was a kid

Liam: now you’re not and you’ve got me, perfect timing for another go

Edie: you’d really help me?

Liam: yeah, you want happy and I said I’d keep you feeling it

Edie: [picture of your happy face ‘cos genuinely v overwhelmed]

Liam: [obvs put that as your phone background and show her and everyone else that it is]

Edie: [I definitely have a pic I can send you I wonder if there’s like a phone background generator ‘cos that’d be fun to do]

Liam: [oooh I hope so]

Edie: [If not we can change mine and screenshot fr though]

Liam: [unrelated but zeoob does fake tiktoks now btw so JJ and flatwhite energy will be even funnier]

Edie: [omfg, no way, gonna die]

Liam: [I haven’t found a background one yet though people be thinking I’m trying to design one for my phone, nay nay]

Edie: [yeah I don’t know how to search it either, we can just do it on mine though]

Edie: can I have a new one for mine?

Liam: [do send her one of the many pics of you I have where we’re on the grass]

Edie: I’ve never seen someone as cute as you

Liam: [send her her own pic back like HELLO look at you and this image]

Edie: you’re next level

Liam: your level but you completed it faster and unlocked more shit

Edie: [ARG where they make fake games as is a thing]

Edie: I wanna do this

Liam: so let’s do it

Edie: I’m home

Edie: just setting the stuff up and then I’ll storyboard as I stream

Edie: tune in when you can 💕

Liam: 🔁 bc you’ve said you’ll feel when I’m not

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chiisai-fukurou · 5 years ago

Text

About my hiatus :)

Long time no see... It has been a while since I published an article here...

A lot has happened and I think I cannot look at my blog the same way I did... I’ve been to Japan again last December and it was wonderful. I’ve spent a lot of time helping my friends and a lot of time visiting a neurologist for some troubles I’ve had for as long as I could think. It took a lot of time off of my schedule that I had to work hard to get back.

For a long time I had to fight with that feeling of being alien and not being able to fit in. For as long as I could think a lot of things just went over my head and I couldn’t fathom some things that happened around me. I cannot share a lot of things people around me think and talk about. There has been this suspicion that I’m autistic for a long time now so last year I decided to bite the bullet and get an appointment for a diagnosis.

It took 7 month of waiting for me to get to my first appointment. I chose a reputable neurologist/psychologist because I’m not a fan of “I think I have XX and just need a doctor to sign the diagnosis I made myself.” because if you want to improve your situation an accurate assessment of your current status is kind of paramount. I had several, hours long appointments that were quite costly but to me it was worth the time and money I paid for it. It was a very interesting experience too. There is a lot of testing and there are a lot of questions being asked to make sure it isn't something else causing you these troubles. There are a lot of things that can cause similar symptoms that are not autism. So carefully getting to the bottom of things takes time and multiple appointments to make sure that a bad or a good day didn't impact the diagnosis. I had to get a MRT too to make sure it is not brain damage that is causing the symptoms. I’m happy to declare that my brain is okay :) I’m however impartial to the diagnosis of autism/Aspergers.

I’m very happy I did this. The diagnosis allows me to get adequate help should I need it and it helps me understand my surroundings a lot better. The neurologist had a great analogy for my situation too: Autists have a different operating system running their hardware. Stimuli get processed in a very different way and there is no filter or automation happening that could help you with even simple conversations... Hence the seeming inability of autistic people to do smalltalk... Imagine the hell that human interaction can be, having to think of every sentence you say because you cannot do it casually or automatically, not being able to read the mood, knowing that you disappointed or hurt people without any chance of preventing it in the future... To many people this sounds weird and like I’m not even trying... I’m and the Neurologist told me I’m really well adapted but there are limits to how well one can adjust. Basically “normal” people have a social autopilot that handles a lot of things for them and autistic people don’t. We can never really relax in a social event because we get battered with details that we can't filter out. It’s tiring and yet I wish it wouldn't be tiring... because I wish to share things with friends and people. It took some time to get things sorted and deal with this experience.

I’m fine and in some way I felt liberated and happy I finally know what is up.

I had to weed out some connections that caused me grief and think of many things that happened in the past. A lot of things make sense now :)

I had an accident too this year breaking my left arm (;_;) and some stuff on my bicycle... I had a strained neck too... the surgeon didn't want to believe how quickly my bones healed (°_°;) The crack that ran through 75% of my Ulna wasn't visible or detectable anymore after 3 weeks... The accident happened while I was riding at 40 km/h on my bicycle and touched a curb with the wheels... It happened after a long long day at work right when the whole COVID19 thing started to take off in Germany. I couldn’t get lunch at work and had spend the whole day on water with a empty tummy... I was tired, hungry and worn out. I just wanted to go home and didn't pay enough attention...

Anyway I’m fine now :) My bike is fine again too :)

However because of this a lot of tasks at work were piling up and when I came back I had to do a lot of stuff trying to get on top of things... Because I work at a company that makes medical devices the current situation kind of overwhelmed the company as well... basically we get as many orders per month as we used to get within a year... This is incredibly challenging as our suppliers often can't keep up with the demand but I’m very happy to report that everyone of them is doing their best to keep up and to stay on top of the whole situation :,) I’m happy i can do my small part in saving lives and I think that a company where people stick together and try to do their best in trying times is incredibly valuable :)

Last year, while travelling through Japan, I once again noticed how awful tourist spots have become (-_-) Japan is close to my heart and I like the country and its people a lot. Many tourists behave badly, not out of ill intent but out of ignorance... Japanese value quiet, peaceful and clean behaviour but a lot of tourists seem to be unable to behave this way... They litter, leave toilets behind that are disgusting, are rude, don’t pay attention and seem to think Japan is a theme park. I like this country and I’m saddened that other foreigners tarnish the image of visitors and are taking advantage of incredibly kind people who welcome you as a guest :,( I felt bad that I wrote all those articles that might have inspired this kind of people to go to Japan :,( I want this kind of people to stay at home. You're ruining it for everyone else. My friends cheered me up a lot. Still the sight of drunken tourists puking on Takao-San in Tokyo or yelling loudly in a group at a shrine, throwing their cigarets and garbage on the streets in Kyoto, running through the streets while yelling or necessitating the fencing in of neighbourhood shrines because some dippshit thought it would be fun to put graffiti on them makes me incredibly sad. I’m sorry for the negativity but this has been troubling me a lot.

I received some questionable messages too... I’m a guy but some people seemed to assume that I’m a Japanese girl for some reason...

Anyway I kind of came to terms with things and will start writing again.

I hope people will become more respectful over time :)

I’m sorry for the rant I put in this article m(_ _)m I felt like I had to get it off of my chest because this has been bothering me a lot.

P.S. if you think autism is caused by vaccines, being autistic is better than being dead or to suffer from the consequences of an otherwise preventable disease. You do not “get” autism, one of the conditions that has to be met to get a diagnosis is that you had to have symptoms right from the start. Things that can cause similar symptoms are brain damage, PTSD, ADHD (you are born with that too and cannot get it) and certain medications. These however are different from autism in that they have to be treated differently. Hence the focus during diagnosis on making sure not to diagnose one of the other things as autism. I showed symptoms for as long as I can think back.

I hope you’ll forgive me for my long absence and won't change your attitude towards me :)

I’m still me albeit more confident and accepting of myself since I don't need to pester myself with questions like “why didn't i understand that.”, “Why can't I do that?”, etc. :)

Thank you to everyone who read through all of this :) I wish you a great time with sweet daydreams (^-^)/

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limjaeseven · 5 years ago

Text

You’re My Light

Pairing: Hoseok X Reader

Word Count: 5,336

Genres: Smut, Fluff

Summary: A call from your best friend inviting you to the yearly Diwali celebration has you and your boyfriend really excited but what would happen when you stumble across your troublesome ex on such a good day?

Warnings: oral sex (m&f receiving) sub!reader, dom!Hoseok, Sir kink, ass spanking, sex toys, bondage, overstimulation, creampie, dirty talk

[A/n]: I’ve been working on this for so long and I’m so glad to finally post it. Thanks to @uwugalore for giving me the honour of starting this project off. Shout out to @jamaisjoons for writing that last part and all the other people in the collab who helped out every step of the way

25 Days of Christmas: A BTS Anthology Masterlist

You had just finished an important business meeting when you got a call from your childhood best friend and partner in crime, Dhiraj.

“Hey D, what’s up,” you asked as you jammed the phone between your ear and your shoulder as you pressed the button on the lift.

“Nothing much, kiddo. Just called to invite you to the Diwali function next weekend. Knowing how busy you were, I knew it wasn’t likely you’d see my email. And when I didn’t get a response, I decided I had to call you. So, please check your emails more often,” he scolded.

Working at KM Entertainment was hard work and it left you little time for yourself. You were pretty sure half your friends were going to leave you for not responding to their texts for weeks. The only person you had time for was your boyfriend, Jung Hoseok.

“I’m sorry, D. You know how busy I am. I’ll check the mail and I’ll come for sure. See you there, bye,” You said before cutting the call.

Now, to convince your boyfriend to come along with you.

It’s not that Hoseok didn’t like your family, he loved them. He just didn’t enjoy the questions of ‘when are you getting married’ that all the uncles and aunties asked. That’s why he didn’t like to come along with you when you went home. He loved meeting your parents as long as it was either at your guys’ place or a restaurant.

You had grown up in a small Indian community in Seoul, full of people who mainly worked at the tech companies or hospitals in the city, i.e. it was a typical Indian society. Everyone was a doctor or engineer. That’s why when you sought out to become a music producer, the uncles and aunties weren’t happy. Your parents on the other hand were very supportive and encouraging.

That’s how you met Hoseok. He was a choreographer at KM Entertainment, the record label you worked for. One of your co-workers told you about him and basically got you to go on a blind date with him. You guys had instantly hit it off and became the most loved couple in the office.

So, coming back to the Diwali celebration, you really wanted to go. Diwali was your absolute favourite festival of all time. Where as everyone was excited for Halloween and Christmas, you were the only person who cared about Diwali. You loved the festival because it was a night full of adrenaline, fire crackers, and sweets. It was six hours of good, pure, unadulterated fun. Especially, when it was with your friends.

You had four best friends growing up: Arshad, Rajveer, Dhiraj, Alex. The five of you were truly the best of friends. All of you lived in the same building and went to the same small public school together. You guys lived by the ‘one for all, all for one’ philosophy. If you got a new boyfriend, they would have to approve him first before he was allowed to date you. Being the only girl in the group, they were quite protective of you.

So, the fact that your friends hadn’t met your boyfriend i.e. Hoseok, was driving them crazy. That’s why they had Dhiraj personally call you, cause they knew you wouldn’t turn him down. You had always had a soft spot for him. You were just hoping Hoseok would say yes because you yourself hadn’t seen the boys in a while.

“Hey, babe,” you said as you entered the house, calling out to your boyfriend, who was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Hey love! How was your day,” Hoseok asked as you sat down on the couch next to him.

“It was alright. I do have some news to share though."

Seeing your nervous expression, Hoseok got a bit worried too and sat up straight, looking concerned.

"Don’t tell me you’re breaking up with me,” Hoseok said and you burst out laughing.

“Of course not, babe. I’m not breaking up with you. I wanted to ask you if you’d accompany me to the Diwali celebration this weekend with my family and friends,” you said. Hoseok had known you enough to tell that you were hiding something, so he raised an eyebrow at you.

“The catch is it’s at my home,” you said and Hoseok immediately refused.

“No way.”

“Please baby, I really want to go,” you pouted and managed the best puppy eyes you could.

“Alright fine!"

Hoseok sighed and you hugged him, thanking him continuously. Smothering his face with kisses, you told him how much you loved him.

"Babe, what is Diwali,” Hoseok asked out of nowhere and you facepalmed. You had completely forgotten that your boyfriend didn’t know about this famous festival.

“It’s a long story, so brace yourself,” you said. “There are two major epics in Hindu culture, the Ramayan and the Mahabharat. Diwali is based on the former. Dasharath is the King of Ayodha and has three wives, Kausalya, Kaikeyi, and Sumitra. They bear him four sons, Ram, Laxman, Bharath, and Shatrughan. Ram is the perfect son and the heir to the throne. Kaikeyi, Bharath’s mother loves Ram just like her own son. But she is manipulated and convinced that it is her son that should be the ruler of Ayodha and so, she approaches King Dasharath.

“She brings up an old debt he owes her and tells him to exile Ram to the forest for 14 years and to make Bharath the crown prince. The king is devastated but has no choice and so Ram, along with his wife, Sita and brother, Laxman, leave for the forest. While living there, Shurpanakha, a demoness becomes infatuated with Ram and tries to kill Sita. Laxman ends up wounding her and she runs to her brother, Ravan and asks him to avenge her. Ravan had heard of the beautiful Sita and decides to abduct her as revenge.

“Ravan is able to trick both Ram and Laxman into leaving their house in the forest, leaving Sita behind. While they are away, he manages to abduct her and take her away to the island of Lanka. Ram and Laxman travel far and wide to find Sita, but to no avail. They finally come across a band of vanaras, or monkey-men, who pledge to help him. One of the warriors of the vanaras, Hanuman, becomes Ram’s devotee. The vanaras seek out traces of Sita and find she has been taken to Lanka. Hanuman flies to Lanka and contacts Sita and informs her of Ram’s whereabouts, promising that they will be back to rescue her. Before returning to the mainland, Hanuman sets fire to the whole city of Lanka.

“Ram, Lakshman, and the vanaras army build a causeway from the tip of India to Lanka. They travel to Lanka, where an epic battle follows between the armies. Ravana is finally killed by Ram, and Sita is freed. The day Ram returns to Ayodha with Sita and Lakhman after his 14 year exile, and after having slayed Ravan, is celebrated as Diwali.”

“Wow,” Hoseok said, overwhelmed.

“I know it’s a lot, but I’m so happy that we’re going. Let me call Jiwoo, we need new clothes to wear,” you said before getting up to call your best friend. You met up and she helped you design the outfits.

“We’re here,” you said excitedly as you stepped out of the car. You picked up the box of sweets and headed towards your building. Hoseok knocked on the door and your dad opened it. “Y/n, Hoseok! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? Come inside,” he said. You both stepped inside and were greeted by your mom. The four of you had a chat over chai and sweets.

“You both look so good. Where did you get these clothes from?” Your mother asked and you told her how Hoseok’s sister was a designer and you both designed them together. It was your idea and her expertise made them perfect.

A navy blue lehenga comprising of a short blouse and a full length skirt for you and a sherwani that fell till Hoseok’s knees for him. Detailed with gold embroidery, Jiwoo had gotten in touch with a woman who specialised in that type of work. Small mandalas that you designed decorated the dresses.

“It’s time for puja. The three of you, come with me."

You and Hoseok followed your mom and headed to your prayer room. She taught Hoseok how to do the prayer and he happily helped. You father smiled at you as you both watched your mom bonding with your boyfriend. After you finished praying, you gave your boyfriend a kiss on the cheek and complimented him for doing the puja.

"It’s time to go,” your mom said. You nodded and the four of you got up to leave.

“Where are we going,” Hoseok questioned. You just smiled at him as you guys walked towards the local school. As soon as you reached the school grounds, Hoseok’s eyes widened.

“Welcome to our yearly Diwali Mela,” you exclaimed as you gave him a tour. There were multi coloured tents that sold everything from snacks to jewellery. The scent of cardamom and cinnamon flooded the air as you crossed the stall selling biryani. There were a good selection of rides as well, all of them bringing back memories from your childhood.

You were about to buy yourself and your boyfriend some Pani Puri when someone hugged you from behind. Just the scent of his perfume could tell you who it was. In the 15 years that you knew him, he never wore any other perfume.

“D! It’s so nice to see you again,” you shouted, turning around to hug him properly.

“Hey, y/n! Hey, Hoseok! I’m glad you guys could make it. The guys have been waiting for you,” Dhiraj said before dragging your away.

“Look who’s here,” Arshad said when he saw you. Individually hugging each one of your friends, you introduced them to Hoseok.

“This is Arshad, Rajveer, and Alex. Don’t take anything they say seriously,” you warned Hoseok but your friends just laughed.

“Y/n, Seema has some work for you, why don’t you let us have a friendly chat with your boyfriend over here,” Alex said.

“Okay, fine. Don’t you dare trouble him,” you warned before turning to leave. On your way, you gave Hoseok a chaste kiss on his cheek and whispered, “They’re harmless, don’t worry."

You went to find Seema when you saw her standing by the stage in the middle of the ground.

"You needed me?"

She turned around and gave you a hug before asking you a couple of questions. You agreed to what she said and followed her backstage.

"So, Hoseok, how long have you two been dating,” Rajveer asked. They were sitting in the back row on some plastic chairs that were arranged in front of the stage.

“Our second anniversary is next month,” Hoseok replied. The boys seemed pretty nice. They knew you inside out and really cared for you.

“Don’t worry, we aren’t going to ask you when you’re getting married,” Arshad laughed. Hoseok looked mortified. He thought you told them about him.

“Did y/n tell you that,” Hoseok asked. All four of them burst out laughing.

“No, she didn’t but we were sure you would have been asked that question a million times cause y/n is our community’s sweetheart. She has always been the perfect friend, daughter, niece, student, you name it. She was really popular in school for being the best dancer. All of the people here want her married off to a good guy,” Dhiraj explained.

Hoseok took a sip of the beer they gave him when he realised something. “Wait a minute, did you say dancer?"

They nodded. Hoseok was confused. He never knew you danced. You had never mentioned it before. Just when he was about to ask the boys another question, the lights on the stage turned on and the music started playing. It was a peppy Bollywood song. The dancers danced gracefully on the stage. But what shocked Hoseok was the person standing center stage.

You, in all your glory, were standing in the middle of the stage, dancing to the beat. Your movements were fluid and flawless. Hoseok’s jaw dropped as he watched you go through the choreography. Being a dancer himself, he could see the technique as well as the grace in your dancing. Your skirt swirled beautifully, complementing your each movement.

Hoseok stood there, mesmerized as you finished performing and stepped off the stage. The crowd clapped loudly and you folded your hands together and bowed. When your eyes met Hoseok’s, you were quick to look away.

Dhiraj gave you a tight hug and complemented your dancing. Hoseok was still with the rest of the boys when someone called for you and you disappeared.

"She’s a wonderful dancer, isn’t she,” Alex asked and Hoseok agreed. He told your friends that he needed a drink and went to look for you.

You were speaking to one of your childhood friends when you noticed something. It was an old dirt path that went behind your school. The memories came back to you. You walked along the path and reached your hideout from when you were young. It was a small patch of grass atop a small hill. You sat down and looked up at the sky, reminiscing about the good times you had had in that very place.

Someone sat down behind you, but you were too lost in your own thoughts to notice them. They cleared their throat and you turned around and gasped. Your ex smiled at you and you quickly stood up.

“I’m leaving,” you said as you walked away. He grabbed a hold of your wrist and pulled you to him.

“Where are you going, love,” he cooed.

“Leave me alone, Jimin,” you said.

Jimin was the only non-Indian kid in your school and you helped him around and ended up falling for him. It was you, who introduced him to your community. They absolutely loved him and he ended up moving in when he graduated. The both of you dated for about three years before you found out that he had cheated on you with your best friend. He begged you to forgive him and you eventually did.

But then, the day before your fourth anniversary, you walked in on him fucking the same best friend. It was only when he realised that you were absolutely ready to leave that he confessed that he had been with her off and on for almost a year. That day, you applied for a college far from your home and made sure not to come back often so that you didn’t have to meet him.

“Still feisty, huh? I missed you so much, love,” he said. His hand stayed firmly on the small of your back, exposed due to the short length of your top. You squirmed in his hold but he tightened his other hand around your wrist. Trying to push away from him, he pulled you closer to him and kissed you. You didn’t reciprocate the kiss but tried to get away from him.

“The boys said you’d be he—” Hoseok gasped as he saw you kissing some random guy. Jimin finally release you and you ran to Hoseok.

“It’s not what it looks like, baby,” you said as you hugged you.

“Who are you,” Hoseok asked Jimin.

“Park Jimin,” he said and Hoseok immediately understood the whole situation. You had told him about your ex before.

“Get away from me, you cheater,” Hoseok said and pushed you away.

“Please, Hoseok, listen to me,” you begged and Jimin smirked. He was really enjoying watching the scene unfold. The anger and resentment was evident on his face. Hoseok walked up to him and grabbed his collar.

“Stay away from me unless you want your pretty face broken."

Jimin looked genuinely scared. He quickly scurried away and Hoseok looked back at you.

You were sitting on the ground, crying. You had gone through a horrible break up with Jimin and all the memories flooded back to you. Hoseok was your everything, you wanted to marry the man someday. Your boyfriend sat down next to you and put his arm around you.

"I know that you didn’t kiss him on purpose. I just wanted to make sure and seeing him smirk when I called you a cheater, I knew it was him who kissed you,” Hoseok said. You hugged him tight and explained exactly what happened.

“I know you wouldn’t do such a thing to me, y/n. I just hated the fact that he hurt you so badly and still had the audacity to touch you. I would have broken his nose if I could” Hoseok comforted you.

Caressing your face, he cooed and tried to calm you down. That’s when you heard a loud sound. The frown on your face disappeared and you pointed at the sky. Beautiful colours filled the sky and the sound of sizzling filled your ears as the crackers burst above you. You had once told Hoseok that your favourite memory was laying in your hideout and watching the crackers.

You both layed down and watched them, fingers interlocked. Hoseok struggled to keep his eyes on the sky as his gaze would always wander back to your face. He couldn’t help but admire your flawless features and pretty smile. You looked at him and saw him staring at you, specifically at your lips. Turning onto your side, you held the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss.

You don’t remember most of it, but you somehow said your goodbyes to your family and friends and got to the car. You were wrapped in Hoseok’s spare jacket as Hoseok played his ‘songs for sex playlist’. You had always found the playlist ridiculous mainly for including songs like 'Give It To Me’, 'Singularity,’ and most importantly, 'Expensive Girl’.

The moment Hoseok parked the car you rushed out to call the lift. Hoseok followed behind silently before he pinned you against the wall of the elevator when it arrived and kissed you roughly. He pulled you out of the lift when you reached your floor and quickly unlocked the door. You haphazardly took your heels off while Hoseok closed the door.

He throws you over his shoulder before you could utter a word, cause a yelp to escape you and took you to the bedroom before dropping you onto the bed. Your clothes, quickly discarded and you were pinned beneath your boyfriend. He devoured you with deep kisses as both your lungs strained for air, his soft lips coming down on yours aggressively.

Hoseok makes his way down your body, littering kisses here and there. His fingers snake around you to take your bra off before it is thrown away into a corner. Mouth attaching to one nipple, he uses his hand to massage your other breast before switching. He nips at your skin till he finds your sweet spot and sucks hard, making you moan and squirm in his hold.

He placed a chaste kiss on your belly button before getting up to walk to the closet. Rummaging through the drawer, he picked out a few things before returning to you. He pried open your legs and settled between them before grabbing both your hands and bringing them to the front. He tied your wrists together with some red rope.

You knew he was pissed off about the whole Jimin thing and the only way he would calm down was by punishing you. Not that you minded, though. You were such a brat that you would go out of your way to ask him for punishments or act bratty just to get him to punish you. Once he finished tying you, he tapped his thigh and you got up off the bed. Over the years that you’d been together, you both had developed a sort of non-verbal communication system.

You bent over his lap, your ass in the air. Hoseok grabbed the leather paddle from the nightstand and ran it over your backside and thighs. Goosebumps rose on your skin as you awaited the first blow. It came down harshly and you hissed at the pain.

“One, thank you, Sir,” you muttered.

The rough edges of the paddle made dark blue and purple lines on your ass. Bruises formed all over you as Hoseok continued to deliver hits. The hits got harsher as they came down on your skin.

“Twenty, thank you, Sir,” you said as tears streamed down your face and your boyfriend finally dropped the paddle on the floor. He tapped his foot twice on the floor and you immediately got up.

Kneeling in front of him, you settled between his spread knees and looked down at the carpet. You winced as you sat down on your sensitive ass.

“What an obedient slut you are, aren’t you? But you still had to make Sir mad and you’re going to pay for it. Open,” he commanded and you immediately dropped your jaw, opening your mouth as widely as possible. Digging his thumb into the hollow of your cheek, he made you open your mouth wider, making your jaw hurt.He pushed his boxers off letting his already hard cock out of the dark material.

“I’m going to fuck your throat and you’re just going to take it all, understood?” he warned and you nodded.

A sharp pain blossomed across your cheek as Hoseok slapped you.

“Yes, Sir,” you corrected yourself. Without further delay, he stuffed his cock down your throat making you gag, but he didn’t relent and continued until your nose brushed up against his pelvis. You willed yourself to breathe through your nose as Hoseok thrusted in and out of your mouth. Tears and saliva dripped down your face, making you look like a mess. Hoseok smirked down at you and thrusted even harder.

Your muffled moans and his grunts filled the room. Your throat felt all rough from your boyfriend’s relentless pounding. His balls slapped against your chin, making your face hurt. You were just about to tap out when Hoseok gave out a broken moan and came down your throat. You swallowed it all and opened your mouth to show Hoseok. He patted your head before tucking his hands under your armpits and lifting you onto the bed. With your head down and your ass up in the air, he spread your knees apart after discarding your panties so that you couldn’t move.

You moaned as you felt his tongue flick your clit. He immediately stopped and lifted you up by the hair. Grabbing the ball gag, he fastened it around your head.

“Shh, babygirl, you don’t want to make Sir angry, do you,” he cooed and you whined.

Getting back to work on your core, he inserted two fingers inside you, curling them and finding your g-spot. Muffled cries escaped your lips as your orgasm drew near. Just when you were about to cum, Hoseok pulled away.

“My little slut knows better than to cum without Sir’s permission, right,” he asked before pressing his favourite vibrator against your lower lips. Tears streamed down your face as your orgasm started building up again. Your legs shook as you tried not to cum. Hoseok didn’t stop even though your moans were getting more and more desperate. Before you could tell him to stop, he threw the vibrator away and without warning, he sheathed himself inside you in one smooth stroke. You squealed through your gag as started thrusting.

Gripping your thighs harshly, he pounded in and out of you at a slow yet hard pace. You whimpered and tried to tell him to go faster but were muffled by the gag.

“Want me to go faster, whore? Then beg for it,” Hoseok hissed and you continued trying to beg with the gag still in your mouth. He just chuckled. He slowed down further just to frustrate you.

“What a pathetic bitch, can’t even beg properly.” Hoseok pulled the gag out of your mouth and let it hang around your neck.

“Pl-please, go faster, Sir,” you begged, which he rewarded with a slap to your already bruised ass causing you to whimper. He humoured you by going a tad bit faster but not fast enough to get you to cum.

“Faster, Sir, please. Please,” you begged further and Hoseok finally gave in, pounding into you at an inhuman pace. Broken moans escaped you as he abused your g-spot and grinded against it.

“So tight,” Hoseok gritted.

“Are you close, babygirl,” Hoseok asked in a soft voice. You nodded which resulted in another slap to your ass.

“Use your words, slut,” Hoseok said.

His fingers tightened around your thighs, sure to leave bruises, not that you minded them. You loved to see marks that your boyfriend left on your body.

“Please Sir, I’m s-so close. Please, let me c-cum,” you muttered. The pleasure was getting too much to handle. You needed to cum but you knew very well that if you came without Hoseok’s permission, you wouldn’t be getting any sleep.

“Go ahead, cum for Sir,” Hoseok cooed and you let your body fall over the edge.

You chanted his name as you came. He helped you ride out your orgasm, but didn’t stop even after you came down from your high. Fucking you into overstimulation, you cried as he reached his own high. Cumming deep into your pussy, he pulled out and rolled over to lay down next to you. Both of you laid there in bed for a few minutes to catch your breath.

He untied you and ran a bath for the both of you before picking you up from the bed and carrying you into the bathroom, setting you on the counter. He sat in the tub and pulled you in to sit between his legs. After a long relaxing bath, both of you collapsed on the bed, limbs tangled.

As you stared at your boyfriend’s beautiful face, you recalled the incidents that had taken place over the course of the previous hours and felt an indescribable feeling towards him. Your love for him was infinite but it somehow continued to grow.

Over the next couple of days, you didn’t leave your studio at all. You barely interacted with Hoseok during this period of time. You slept on the couch in your studio a few times and other times you would get home really late and leave really early. Your boyfriend was getting nervous and was confused as to why you were behaving in such a manner. He was worried that he went too overboard that night and that you were mad at him.

In reality, you had gotten this idea stuck in your head since the day of the Diwali celebration that you just needed to get out and the only way you knew how, was to make a song about it. So, that’s exactly what you did, spending those days composing and writing nonstop. When you were finally done, you recorded it to send it to the team for approval. Once you got the thumbs up from the higher ups, you send it to the group you were in charge of for final recording.

Hoseok was in his dance studio when one of his co-workers came in to give him a new song for him to choreograph. The track was titled, 'Lights,’ and he played it on the speaker to hear it and start working on it. He heard the signature synth sound that you added to every song that you produced, a sort of signature, if you will, to indicate that the song was made by you. As the song played, his eyes filled up with tears.

“When I close my eyes

In the darkness, your light

Lights the way for me

We can walk forward without fear, you & I woah

You’re my light you’re my light

Always shine into my heart

You’re my light you’re my light

No matter how far apart we are

Your light shines on me”

He realised why you hadn’t been interacting with him and he also felt guilty for doubting your love for him. He concocted a plan to surprise you. You had revealed to him quite a secret recently that helped his plan perfectly.

You got a call from Hoseok in the middle of a writing session, asking you to come down to his dance studio in half an hour. You finished your session just in time and headed towards your boyfriend’s practice room. When you knocked on the door, Hoseok asked you to come inside. The members of your group and your boyfriend were sitting on the floor, clearly exhausted after a long practice session.

“So, as you all know, our lovely producer, y/n, over here made you guys a new song. I got the track today and was asked to choreograph it. But after a long discussion with the CEO, Mr. Kim Seokjin, we’ve come to the conclusion that I won’t be choreographing the song."

Loud gasps filled the room as the boys looked at their teacher with confused expressions on their faces.

"Instead, your choreographer for the song will be y/n herself!"

You were shocked at Hoseok’s sudden revelation.

"What,” you asked, confused. The boys started asking Hoseok why you were going to be in charge of the song.

“Your noona here is a wonderful dancer. I didn’t know this fact until recently, either. But after having a conversation with Mr. Kim, we’ve decided that this song should be choreographed by noona."

You told them that you’d come in tomorrow for working on the song and you and Hoseok left to go home. "What in the world just happened?” You asked your boyfriend and he just smirked. You felt confused and happy at the same time because this was a big opportunity that you weren’t expecting at all.

The articles said everything. 'Lights’ had set innumerable records on the music charts and was the group’s best selling single. When asked about the song, the boys all credited you for producing and writing it. The choreography was also applauded as one of the best ones that the group has ever had. Your fan following and popularity skyrocketed to the point where the CEO offered you to quit your job as a producer, and join as an artist and you immediately agreed.

You and your boyfriend curled up on the couch after coming back from a party that was held by KM Entertainment for the success of 'Lights.’

“I’m so proud of you, baby,” Hoseok cooed as he ran his hand through your hair. You snuggled into his chest as he praised you.

“I should thank you for letting me choreograph the song,” you muttered.

“By the way, why didn’t you ever tell my you danced,” Hoseok asked. You had never actually had a conversation about this topic since that night.

“I was too insecure. I always thought I was never as good as you, Hobi,” you confessed. Hoseok chuckled.

“Are you actually kidding me? You’re a way better dancer than I am. I almost lost my job because of you. If Seokjin hadn’t asked you to join as an artist, I was sure he was going to make you the new choreographer."

You hit your arm playfully against his chest before you turned to look up at him. The pride and adoration on his face was so evident that it made your heart beat faster.

You placed a chaste kiss on his lips, whispering, "I love you."

Hoseok hummed in response, the sound echoing your own sentiments. Arms wrapping around you tighter, he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I love you too.”

25 Days Of Christmas: A BTS Anthology Masterlist

#25DaysOfBTSXmas #magicshopnet #ficswithluv #rainbowbtsnet #bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #jung hoseok #jhope fluff #bts jhope #fanfic #bts fanfction #bts jimin #bts jin #bts jungkook #bts yoongi #bts taehyung #bts namjoon

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koizumicchi · 5 years ago

Text

New Album Tokuten English Translation Nonfantasy Trio Album: Sukisugite Yabai ~Kokuhaku Jikkou Iinkai Character Song Collection~

T/N: As usual, there may be mistakes. This is only a rough translation + I only translated the parts I understand. So you may notice there are gaps. Anyway, I put the duration so it's easy to pinpoint the parts.

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Hiyori: Hello, everyone! I’m Suzumi Hiyori, a first year of Sakuragaoka High. I will do a report about the high school idol unit LIPxLIP’s Someya Yuujirou’s and Shibasaki Aizou’s school life!

0:26

I’ll do my best so I can show you their ordinary days much different than their idol persona!

0:38

Hiyori: *nervous laughter* Will I be okay? I was asked to do this… but if I’m found I will be teased again. Ah! There they are! I found them. I wonder what they’re talking about? I can’t hear it well. I’m approaching danger but I think I have to get closer… to hear them. Ah, I’m scared!!! Quietly, so I won’t be noticed…

Aizou: About the shooting of our mv for our new song, have you heard something about it?

Yuujirou: Just a bit.

A: I wonder how would it go. I’m curious.

H: They are talking about the mv of their new song! This is information obtained immediately from hearing (?). I wonder what will it be. I’m also looking forward to it!

Y: But the shoot will be in a jungle.

H: EHHHH!?

Y: Just now, a voice…

A: Jungle!? Where!?

Y: I don’t know. But wherever that jungle is, you’ll only be the one in there.

A: Just me!? Why!? Where will you be, then!?

Y: Not a clue, I won’t be on standby. (???? or is he talking about not having idol work that time??)

A: Why is it only me in the jungle!? Why is it only you in standby!? Together we are LIPxLIP, aren’t we!? If I’m going in the jungle, then you are going as well!!

Y: Eh? But I don’t want to.

A: I don’t want to either.

02:16

Hiyori: I wonder what the MV will be like?

02:23

Hiyori: It seems like a jungle adventure. Then, I think that would be interesting!

Aizou: Wait, where did you get that information?

Yuujirou: From HoneyWorks-san. They said “Next time let’s do it in a jungle, with a Koi wo Shiyou vibe.”

Aizou: Eh? Love in the jungle? With what? With a gorilla?

Yuujirou: With only Aizou, you know.

Aizou: That’s too sudden. Although I’d gladly be in NG, why is it only me? I really don’t understand this!

Yuujirou: If you feel lonely on your own, should we let our manager come with you?

Hiyori: Eh!? Me!?

Aizou: Suzumi? If I take her with me, she’s the type who would get lost.

03:35

Hiyori: Those two! What do they think of me? Just like this, those two seem like princes in their idol persona, but ordinarily they’re like this, making fun of me. They’re the worst!

03:50

Aizou: But wait, what you’ve said are lies right? There is no shooting in the jungle and all that.

Yuujirou: Of course. Did you believe them?

Aizou: Eh?

Hiyori: Eh?!

Aizou: Ah, no. I didn’t believe you. I didn’t believe you in the first place. I know you are that kind of guy.

Yuujirou: *smirks* You believed me.

Hiyori: That assures me. I really thought what would I do if I were brought in the jungle. I don’t have a passport and I haven’t even been in a plane. Sadly, the new MV won’t be in a jungle. For a bit, I wanted to see it. However, being in a jungle with Shibasaki-kun is something I slightly dislike. (she dislikes the thought of it because he’d probably sacrifice her if it all comes to worst lol).

05:12

Aizou: She’s continuing more than expected, huh.

Yuujirou: I really thought she’d give up much earlier.

Hiyori: Eh? Are those two… slightly complimenting me?? Even though they don’t say that to me directly. I wonder why. I will go closer so we can hear them a little more. Quietly…