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cryinggameff · 7 years ago

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Fifty Six

Randi

I woke up in a cold sweat, clutching the blankets in my hands tightly. My stomach was in knots and my heart wouldn’t stop racing. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to be sick.

I’d been having nightmares for a few days, they were all about Cay getting shot and me crying over him screaming for help. But in my dreams he never made it, he always died in my arms and that’s when i would wake up, panic on 100. It got better when I would see him next to me obviously ok but by that point I already felt sick. Cayden showed up behind me, grabbing my hair and running his hand across my forehead.

“Baby?” He said, voice filled with concern. I was still being sick so I couldn’t answer. When I was done I rested my forehead on the toilet seat, steadying myself. “What’s going on?” He asked.

“I had a bad dream,” I croaked.

“And it was bad enough to make you sick?” He frowned. I nodded.

“It was the worst thing that could ever happen to me,” I said, still emotional.

“What’s that?” He asked as if it wasn’t obvious.

“I lost you. You died, in my arms,” I said, looking over at him.

“I got shot?” He guessed. I nodded. He picked me up and put me in his lap, cradling me like a kid. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s been happening for a few days,” I said. He smoothed my hair.

“You should have told me,” he said. “How do we get them to stop? You want me to take a few days off work so we can spend some time together? Would that help?” He offered.

“You don’t have to do that,” I groaned.

“Yes I do. If my girl not feeling good I gotta,be there,” he said. I closed me eyes, leaning my head on his chest, taking in his scent. That also helped to calm me down.

“I wish I never fell in love with you,” I mumbled. He pulled back looking at me confused.

“What?” He said shocked.

“Because now I have so much to loose,” I explained. He nodded then, returning my head to his chest.

“I get it,” he said. “But I’m not going anywhere so don’t worry about that.”

“Okay,” I sighed, putting my hand on his chest. I trailed down to his ribcage and ran my finger lightly over the bullet hole. I started to wonder if I could really do this shit anymore, worrying about cay because of his lifestyle. But I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind.

“How’s your stomach?” He asked, moving hair from my face.

“Better, I think I can lay down now,” I said. He stood up, picking me up along with him and started for the bedroom. He put me down on the bed and grabbed the remote, turning the TV on. Then he got in and let me snuggle up to his side.

“We can chill till you feel tired,” he said. I nodded. So we watched some cooking shows until I eventually fell back asleep.

The next morning I got up and ready quickly because I had a lot to do to prepare for this dinner for Cole. There was gonna be Hella people in my house and I still had to prepare for food, drinks, all that. I don’t know what I was thinking when I offered to throw it. But I felt the need to, Ty wasn’t up to doing it right now, and I was the next closest person to him. Cayden offered to drive me around and I took him up on it because that would be one less stress.

I pulled up to ikea first because I didn’t even have enough plates and cutlery for everyone. It was gonna be the crew plus his parents, my parents because they loved Cole, plus a few others. Around 20 people. After the plates and cutlery we got back in the car.

“Where next?” Cay asked.

“Grocery store. We gotta start this dinner business,” I said. He nodded and started the engine.

Once everything was gathered we drove back home and unloaded. I put some stuff to start cooking because it was already afternoon. Cay went to do some phone calls for a bit because he hadn’t gone in today as promised.

As i set the table for all the family that was coming Cayden came and offered to help.

“Sure, why dont you do the plates and ill do cutlery,” i suggested. He agreed and we started arranging the seats.

“So Ran, when you gon have my kids?” He asked casually. My face scrunched up naturally and i laughed. ‘What?’ I thought. “I don’t know why you laughing, im dead ass serious.”

My face dropped and i stopped laughing before i got in trouble.

“Well, i didn’t know you wanted kids,” i said simply, denying that this was about to go where I feared.

“Nah, I told you before we got married that i wanted a family with you,” he said in a very certain tone.

“I thought that just meant be together, live together forever, joined bank accounts and what not.”

“You lying. So when?” He asked. I sighed and put down the cutlery i was holding. “I can wait, it doesn’t have to be right now.”

“I don’t want kids right now. Really i may never want them,” i said, not for the first time to him. I was pretty sure i had said it to him before we got married as well. “We can get a dog-”

“What you mean you never want kids. Thats ridiculous,” he cut me off shaking his head.

“What you know about babies Cay? We just got married for goodness sake. Being a mom takes a lot Cayden, and I’m not sure I can do all that. That’s not something I want to mess up.”

“You won’t know until you try. And I know I know for a fact you would be the best mom, you know how to take care of people.”

“Cay-”

“I took a bullet for you, you owe me,” he said.

“Thats not fair,” i shook my head. “I know I could take care of a baby, it’s not that. It’s the sacrifices that come with it. I don’t know if that’s the kinda life I want. And its my body at the end of the day, ill do what i want.” I finished, done with the subject for the night. Cayden looked at me like i had betrayed him before storming away. I took over his job and finished the plates he had not set.

When eveyone arrived and we sat down there was an awkward distance between me and Cay and i just hoped nobody could sense. He didn’t ask me to make his plate for him, he didnt hold my hand under the table. Cole stood up then to make a speech. I smiled and tried to be as jovial as I could despite the desagreement earlier.

“Well first thing, I’d like to thank Randi for putting all this together,” he said, looking at me. I blushed and nodded, “and I’d like to thank you all for coming through to support your boy. It means a lot to have my family all here,” he said, looking at them. I knew how much that must have meant considering the years of them not accepting him, but the relationship was better now. “And to have all my friends who always there, either to kick it, or in the stands watching me play. Yall real ones. That’s why I’m excited to tell Yall that I’ll be playing ball again next year…” he said. My brows came together and we all stared at him. He had told me he thought he was done. “Because Dallas signed me to play proball,” he smirked. I think I squealed, and other people cheered and clapped.

“I hate you for not telling me,” I said, teary eyes with happiness.

“I told no one, well i told Ty… I wanted to wait till now, when you were all here,” he said. “So ya, it’s lit,” he finished, lifting his glass. “To the future,”

“To the future!” We all shouted raising our glasses.

When we were finished eating i cleared the table with the help of my mom and Cay took everyone else outside to the patio.

“Ill wash you dry,” my mom said, as we entered the kitchen.

“Okay,” i said. She started running hot water while i scraped any food off the plates.

“So. What happened with you and your husband,” she asked. It was uncomfortable when she called him that and she knew so she did it to tease me.

“Oh nothing. Cayden is just mad at me.”

“Why is he mad at you?” She asked, handing me a wet plate. I wiped it with the cloth.

“I told him i dont want kids,” i said. My mom paused and turned to me.

“You don’t?” She sounded dissapointed which i hated. I shook my head.

“I really dont think so,” i said apologetic. She paused for a moment.

“So Cayden does. Thats why he’s mad.” She said.

“Exactly. Thats stupid right?” I asked, expecting support. She was silent.

“I shouldn’t get involved,” she said. My face fell because it was rare for my mom to not support me.

“So you agree with Cayden then.” I didnt ask.

“That’s not what im saying. But you cant just shoot his wishes down and make a decision then expect him to not be mad. Thats all.”

“Shouldn’t that not matter. He seems to forget really ill be doing everything. I think i get the final say,” i huffed. My mom sighed.

“Oh sweetie. I told you marriage was no joke,” was all she said. I gave up trying to win her over to my side. She was just making me feel bad.

Once everyone left and cleaning was done i went upstairs to our bedroom and took a long bath. I was getting ready to be alone with Cayden and for whatever drama may follow. He never came up though. I came out of the bath and chilled in the blankets for a while, and still nothing. I turned the light off and pulled the blankets tight around me so that it would kind of feel like his arms.

Cayden

My blood was boiling. I didnt know what i had done to her that she never wanted to have my kids. To me that was like saying she didnt love me because thats what people who love each other do. They get married and start a family. Then there was the fact that she didnt care what i thought and pulled that its my body nonsense on me. Obviously i understood she had most of the hard work in this but i wasn’t her boyfriend, i was her husband and i thought she respected that. I tried to be chill during the party so I wouldn’t kill Cols Vibe. But I’m sure people could tell because Ty came to me after when people we chatting outside. He was out and waking now which was good to see after 2 weeks in hospital.

“Who hit you?” He said. I shrugged.

“nobody man, it’s nothing. Dumb shit with Randi,” I mumbled.

“Married life not what you expected,” he chuckled. I let out a little smirk.

“Nah bruh,” I sighed. “But we ain’t fighting or shit like that, we had a disagreement on some serious shit, and I don’t know how we supposed to get past that shit.”

“Hmm”

I decided to sleep in another room for the night.

The next morning i had a very rude awakening. It was Randi slamming the wall with the door as she threw it open.

"This is where you slept!” She was livid. I sat up a bit.

“Why does it matter?” I asked groggy.

“Because you don’t sleep in a whole other bedroom just because you’re angry. If i ever slept in another room besides our bedroom you would kill me. Hell thats why you made me sell my place!” She threw the pillow at me.

“At least I stay under the same roof even though im fucking livid, I don’t run away at the slightest bit of discomfort,” I mumbled.

“Oh thats how you feeling.”

“Ion wanna see you right now,” i said. Her face dropped and i felt bad for a slight moment. “I dont really wanna talk to you either.”

“Fine,"she said with a shrug, turning for the door. She left, closing it a little harder than necessary.

I grabbed my phone to see if I had any messages or calls. I had shit to look over at work then Pat needed to see me, so I got up and started getting ready. I was just gonna do my own thing until Randi actually took a chance to hear me out instead of up and deciding shit on her own. I really didn’t even wanna see her though because it made an anger rise up in me. How could I want this so badly with her and she not even interested. We weren’t on the same wavelength which was a first.

I pulled up to the original warehouse to see Pat in the afternoon. I went up the stairs and to the office. I knocked once before going in. I immediately noticed the new look from Red’s old, sleezy office. Now it looked reasonable with black leather chairs, a big desk, and a pool table by the little bar. Similar to how I had mine.

"I like what you done to the place,” I said.

“Man I had to get rid of Red’s strip club shit, I think that sofa actually had STD’s on it,” he said. I cackled because I knew for a fact it did.

“Smart.” I sat down in the chair in front of the desk. “Aight man so let me holla at you about the Dominicans,” I started.

“Red’s niggas,” he sighed sitting as well. “You think they really all want revenge?”

“see that’s what I was thinking but using my connections to get info, it seems it’s just a few niggas who was loyal to him like that, and we got 2 of them, the one who got me and the one who got Ty. My homie at the Dominican warehouse by Barlow says he don’t think the others will try anything because word spread we got they friends. So I think it’s handled, imma still limit our deals with them though, cut em off slowly.”

“See I was just thinking I’d much rather risk getting into business with these Jamaicans. They wild, but they about their money. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said. I nodded.

“Tell you what if you trust em,” I shrugged. “I trust you so, if you tell me it’s legit, I’m down.”

“I’ll look into it. I know some niggas.”

“Aight cool,” I said, sitting back and getting comfortable.

“You ain’t gotta be somewhere?” He chuckled. “Like with your new wife.”

I thought about how I had promised to take a few days off to be with her but all that was out the window now. I was too bitter to be by her side right now.

“Nah,” I said simply.

“Shit, well let’s hit up the strip club then,” he suggested. I nodded. We got up and left the office.

We went out for a few hours because we hit up a bar first, then we went to the club. I left the club around 10 to go home. Pat and some other niggas were still inside. I got in my car and started for home.

I pulled up around 30 minutes later because the club was so out of the way. I opened the door sort of quietly because I figured Randi was sleep and if she wasn’t awake we wouldn’t have to deal with each other. I put my keys down by the door and went to the kitchen. When I got there the lights where all off except the small amount coming from the open fridge that Randi stood in front of. She glanced back at me and I stared back at her as she ate ice cream from the container. After a moment she turned back without a word and continued. I grabbed my water from the fridge and a banana all without uttering a word, then I went upstairs to my new room.

I wasn’t sure how long I was gonna not talk to her but the next morning I woke up feeling the same way, betrayed. I didn’t wanna open my mouth and say something I’d regret because with the way I was feeling I would. So we went around each other quietly for that day as well and things got real awkward when her mom came over.

“Hey mama,” I said holding the door open. She gave me a hug.

“Hey baby, how you doin?” She smiled.

“I’m alright, how you been?”

“I’m great. Is Randi home, I didn’t call ahead,” she giggled. My smile faltered.

“Im…not sure,” I admitted.

“Wouldn’t you know if she were home?” She laughed for a minute before going quiet. “Yall still fighting aren’t you,” she realized. Apparently she knew. I scratched my neck. There was an awkward silence.

“I’m here,” I heard Randi come up behind me. “Come on in mom, we can go sit on the patio.”

“Okay sweetie,” her mom said, going further into the house. “Nice seeing you baby,” she said to me before trailing behind Randi to the back.

That night I had my first bad dream in a long time, and I knew why. I just refused to admit it or give in. I knew, thinking about it, Randi was having them too. I was torn between reconciling things with her, but not wanting to give I’m so easily. Having kids and a family was very important to me. I felt if I gave in first in this silent warfare I was agreeing to her terms and I’d never get what I wanted. So I decided to play it casual for the next few days and keep icing her out till she came running to me. I didn’t mean it in an evil way but I just needed her to get how strongly I felt about the issue.

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