#sorry wish you're getting bombarded with my yapping

[star-lights-up]

here’s a random question because i’m bored: what’s your favorite fic out of all the ones you’ve wrote?

oh mein gott choosing between my babies ummmm

I feel like honestly they're all my favorites for different reasons?!

Like, I absolutely love the first fic I ever posted because, I mean, that's MY FIRST FIC. I am proud of that little guy. And the next three after that were so, so fun to write while I was still experimenting with my style and learning how to use ao3/tumblr.

(And then there was the whump/flufftober stuff that.... honestly i don't remember most of it, that month was a fever dream. Which probably means that's not my favorite so we can move on. )

Pink pony club was a big one for me, since, like, that really helped me work through some of my own identity stuff alongside charles. I'd had the idea for weeks, but I new as soon as i sat down and started writing it there was no turning back. I was going to be processing some shit. And that was really valuable and I'm so glad I did it, even though it felt scary at the time.

I like my gilmore girls and charles!billionare aus a lot, but since i've been kind of having writing block with them it feels like they're just hanging over my head.... not my favorites right now but maybe once i finish them up.

If I can't have him, written in response to me remembering DSMOM existed and this one tumblr post I saw, was really cool because I figured out a really valuable tool: weaponized fluff. Set up a potentially adorable thing, make everything sweet and happy, and then throw it all to hell and bring back reminders of the better times while the characters are grieving. I sound like a sadist. but it's fun.

And my superheroverse is fun too! I liked writing those.

In all honesty, though, it's probably going to have to be either WDDSDYAIMH or Hear Me Out. Those fics are special. Hear Me Out is my baby, my first finished fic, my most popular one, and the one that I feel really brought me into the fandom the most. And WDDSDYAIMH is my safe space -- I've been living in that world for months.

I'm an incredibly indecisive person by nature -- if you can't tell from this long ass post of me weighing the pros and cons of every single fic i've ever posted -- but I think I'm going to choose WDDSDYAIMH. It's special. It's a constant in my life. It has pretty much every character I've ever loved in it -- loki, cherik + first class kids, the agents of shield (okay maybe not EVERY but a lot). I've grown with it, as a writer, as a person, as someone in a fandom space -- heck, even as a student (finally figured out how to COMPLETE THE DAMN SQUARE during like chapter 20).

Since we're apparently just going over my entire catalog of fics, I would also like to give honorable mentions to the fics of my childhood. My first fic, with an oc who was just me, for the stacyplays rescuer wolf minecraft whatever novel series that I wrote when I was ten, that fic I made a wix website for and sent to my crush that was a rayllum fic from when I was 12, and that 200 paged reylo fic I spent the entirety of last year on and never posted. Haha, good times.

[traceytries]

I don't know what made you think that everybody in fandom has to worship you now. You used to be someone I look up to but meanwhile it's only annoying to watch you whoring for attention and literally making everything about you and only you. Yes, your INAP fic was successful. Many people used to love it, me included. But the last 2 chapters were so bad, the quality deteriorated drastically. Same with your new fics. A mere one shot posted in 5 million tiny parts? PLEASE! You wonder why nobody really gives a shit about those fics? Well, it's because the writing just ain't it. You think you can just write anything, just sneeze onto the paper, and people will worship you. You think you deserve praise and admiration for works that most people think just suck because they are neither well written nor well thought-out with all those plot holes and things that don't make sense. You ask for people's opinion on something, making polls, only to do what you prefer yourself anyway. What's the point of asking then? You ask people for recommendations but if they don't say that your stuff is the best, you ignore it. You go on other people's posts only to make things about yourself. You CONSTANTLY ask for feedback, begging for comments on your fanfics, yet you don't even reply to them. You are not the least bit thankful. You are just a huge bitch who craves attention and it's high time you need to learn how to humble yourself. Go outside and touch some grass. You take a shit in the toilet just like the rest of us. But you act like you're a celebrity, saying you will answer the comments on the last chapter as if that's such a generous graceful thing for you to do. FUCK OFF! Other authors are always happy to engage with their readers and fans, yet you act like some queen who's above us peasants and sooo much better than everyone else. You constantly yap and bitch about not receiving as much attention as you think you deserve, yet you never even support other writers. Never leaving comments yourself, hardly reblogging anything - no. This is a one-woman show. The Tracey-show. Where everything else is insignificant. And then you have your 3 clowns who always come to your aid when you cry about lack of attention again, spouting ridiculous nonsense like 'you hold the fandom together' while there are literally hundreds of others, posting fanarts and fanfics daily. What a joke. You and your 3 devoted cult-followers insult the whole fandom by acting like you are the only one contributing. And then you have the audacity to post these fake anon-asks, just as a way to get attention from your followers again, hoping to gain pity and that everyone will tell you how amazing you are. Well, here is a real one. I wonder if you dare to post it. But you probably will, since this will be the perfect chance for you to play the victim-card again.

What the fuck man. This is the meanest message I have ever received, are you the same anon as before? I don't know what to say to this, you obviously have been wanting to say this to me for some time. I'm sorry if maybe I've hurt you somehow?

I'll try to get through everything.

Yes, you're right, I guess I am a bit shameless in promoting my work. But I think I yap about my fics as much as the next writer. I'm proud of what I've made/am making and I want to talk about it. I sometimes tag #tianshan when talking about my fics, but oftentimes it's just #inap or #ddd because I don't want to bombard the tianshan tag with my silly posts.

And what sucks is what you're seeing as attention-seeking is half true (everyone makes posts to get attention, that's neutral fact), the other part of it is: I'm trying to make a connection. The way I wish someone would just DM me and talk to me directly about tianshan, or the latest ox chapters or hell, my fics - that would make me so happy!! Not many people do, and so I continue making posts about tianshan, making polls, asking for engagement from the fandom because bruh I've been into tianshan for practically a decade - I want to talk about them!

That bit about replying to every comment on the last chapter of inap is a weird thing to criticise. Over the years, I've struggled with replying to comments, and though I know it's not a requirement to do so, I've always felt bad about that. But by leaving that end note, I was holding myself accountable, making sure that I appreciate everyone who got to the end of my fic and left a lovely message for me. That's all man. There wasn't some superior mindset behind it. Someone leaves a message, I'm going to say thank you!

I answered that previous anon message because I know it's true, I'm not a good writer. I get stuck describing scenes very literally, I'm not good at metaphors or romantic wording, and I use italized words as a crutch to illustrate internal thoughts. When I was replying to the anon I was agreeing with them, to like idk, take the wind out of their sails?

I suppose I should've just deleted the message but idk, I didn't think much of it. And just so you realise, I didn't tag anything in that other message, so the only people that should see it are people that follow me? Unless Tumblr put it in like your For You tab or something? That'd suck, I hope Tumblr doesn't do that.

Also I do comment on fics wtf? When I love a fic, I make sure to leave comments. Especially because I know how good they feel to receive them. And I do reblog and promote other people's fics and fanart too! Go back to my teanshan blog and search the #fanart #fanfic #fic #toread tags! Also do you guys remember when I literally commissioned powerandpathos a few times?? They're the best! And everyone knows it!

I have never said I'm 'holding the fandom together', and I don't think anyone has ever told me that either. I just post about tianshan dude.

With your last lines of your message, you're putting me in a shitty position. Either I don't post this and you're leaving me to feel shitty by myself. Or I post it to respond to your accusations and you make me feel like I'm only doing it for attention! Well, I think this message is really fucking shitty and I need to tell you that this sucks. I hope you work on yourself in 2025.

I've turned off 'reblog control' so no one can reblog and defend me. I'm not sure about replies tho. I'll just say no one has to reply to this either. I don't need defending. I'm going to ignore future anon hate. and I'm going to carry on making posts about tianshan, talking about my fics, self-reblogging my work, and engaging in the fandom as I normally fucking do.

[mogruith]

Your OC's Personality

Aaaaaa! Thanks for tagging me here again, @majorasnightmare ! Although Coran and Dirge could not be more different, I do find it fascinating that they have something in common! Thanks for sharing your lore, it's been a joy watching you dissect and analyze bits and pieces of Dirge under a microscope while I've been following you! And thanks for inviting me to yap about my poor little drow meow (thanks to Solananana on Novarex's drow server for that term). Apologies, I do tend to yap a lot. And I am up quite late writing this, so I apologize if this is a bit ramble-y. In turn, I'd like to tap @susann-noir @nemo-of-house-hamartia @mystxmomo @vspin @the-weeping-dawn and anyone else I might've missed (sorry I am sleepy, forgive me) to chat about whichever OC of whichever fandom (or original content) you'd like! No pressure tag of course.

How would you describe their personality? Coranzan has a charismatic Type A personality fueled by ego and insecurity. A winning combination! But he also exhibits an unusual amount of empathy for a person that grew up in the Underdark, so it's not all bad. He's also a bit impatient and careless (to his sister's chagrin). Initially, he may come off as reserved and guarded until he feels like he's read you and if you're not a "threat", he will bombard you with his charm and affection - a tactic he's found is generally successful at getting him what he wants. It's one part manipulation and one part genuinely wanting to be affectionate - a relatively new experience he's enjoyed exploring, even though he's a bit clumsy at it.

What brings your character joy? Being a Type A, he gets very laser-focused on mission objectives and will pour himself into whatever it is that will get him there, so accomplishing related goals will give him the most satisfaction. Besides that, he's picked up some hobbies depending on his life goals in a given moment: Singing, songwriting, and dancing. He has gained enough of a proficiency that he's found them to be grounding activities and it's also an activity he shares with his twin sister, so it's been something they've grown together doing in some fashion or other. His hobbies have transformed their purpose over time - now they've been partly channeled into his worship of EIlistraee. He'll enjoy singing a good murder ballad for the camp but also finds peace in the Evensong and other rituals.

What does your character strongly dislike? Dirge and Coranzan have this in common: Being talked down to is a huge issue - it's something he used to get a lot in his youth as male drow and a dirt-poor commoner to boot. It strikes at the heart of his insecurity. Someone telling him he can't do something fills him with rage and spite and he will make it his life's goal to do that thing. As an example: Coran was told he couldn't be a Cleric of Eilistraee several times. It took him 130-ish years of spite-filled trying to finally get there. Finally, he's fiercely protective of his sister - this is because she stuck her neck out for him countless times in their youth, despite that it would've been better for her if she hadn't. If someone dares target her with cutting words or violence, Coran will target them back.

Is your OC scared of anything?

Coran's insecurity is fueled by a couple of things: The obvious one is the degrading experience he had growing up as a male in the poorer parts of Menzoberranzan. The second is a fierce need to protect himself and his sister from experiencing anything like that again on the surface. Being subjected to the old hierarchies is a big fear of his - he'll never return to Menzoberranzan, if he can help it. For emphasis: Coranzan straight up murdered a former lover who tried to force him back there against his wishes. There's something to be said about the fact that he is nonetheless subjected to a similar hierarchy under the Eilistraeens - but it seemed relatively benevolent, he didn't see it for what it was. Once he was convinced of it (by his sister and, later, Minthara), he's shaken by the realization and abandons the Church of Eilistraee in order to worship his own way.

What is their alignment?

Coran is generally Chaotic Good these days. His heart's in the right place usually and his goals generally serve the greater good (as he understands it). But they are also fueled by his personal experiences and hatred for Lolth and the system she's subjected upon the drow of the Underdark. But ultimately, he's a bit selfish and ego-driven at times, so it can waver depending on his whims.

Thanks for inviting me to talk about this again!!