#sorry when i saw matt make that face last night i was like. hang on where's that image i have of noah simes at the back of my camera roll

[lucifer-kane]

same vibes

[starry-hughes]

blurring the lines

matt rempe x reader

navigation

summary: after meeting matt in a bar and hooking up, the one night stand turns into something much more.

warnings: heavy allusions to sex, underage drinking, drinking, hangover, slight angst (it lasts like two seconds), mentions throwing up once, matt is a cocky bitch for a little, creepy guy mention

The vodka redbull in your hand wasn’t strong enough. Maybe it was because the bartender secretly knew your ID was fake. Or maybe it was your friend, Wendy, hanging off the neck of a random guy in the bar like always. You were always happy to support her in the search of a nightly hook up but sometimes you wish you were her, the one chosen by the guys in the bar.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

Matt Rempe filled the space next to you at the bar. He wasn’t twenty one yet but his status in New York City with the Rangers was all he needed for the bartender to hand him a beer. “Tons of fun,” you mumbled taking another sip of your drink.

“I’m Matt.”

You almost scoffed. You were a longtime resident of NYC. You knew who he was the second you saw him and his fading black eye. “Matt Rempe. Yeah, I know. 6’7 right?” Your roommates loved the Rangers games so you had been subjected to watch the whole season. Matt smirked. “Usually the height alone gets people flaunting.”

An audible scoff left your mouth that time. “Oh am I not living up to what your ego needs?” Matt’s jaw locked. He was falling for you more each second. “Lovely meeting you Matt,” you finished your drink, “have a good night.”

The guy Wendy was hanging off of followed the two of you to the next bar. Typically, that meant the guy would go home with her. Another drink in and the buzz was good enough for you, you tried staying pretty sober when Wendy was drinking and flirting with unfamiliar guys. “I’m going to the bathroom,” you told her. She nodded before going back to kissing her new companion.

The line for the bathroom was long. The typical line of drunk girls, vape smoke filling the air, guys trying to shoot their shots when girls were just trying to pee. When you finally got out of the line, your hands felt sticky from the cheap soap and you went to make your way back to the bar.

It was crowded. You were bumping into multiple bodies, fighting your way up to the bar. You lost sight of Wendy, probably still in the darkened corner of the bar with the guy she was dragging along. “You here alone?” The guy’s voice made the hair on your neck stand. Slurring his words and trying to reach out to get a hand on you. “You better back off,” you started, getting defensive, ready to throw a punch. “Calm down Rocky,” a voice mumbled from behind you, Matt Rempe’s tall body was soon separating you and the random dude. “You should leave her alone dude,” Matt said over his shoulder to the guy.

“Are you following me?” you accused. “We’re both at the most crowded bar on this street, I was not following you. Are you okay?” Matt asked. Your eyes softened for a second. “Oh, yeah, nothing out of the normal I guess.” He frowned. “I hate that for you.” Matt was growing on you by the second.

You hated admitting that you didn’t want the night to end. “I don’t need you to protect me anymore,” you teased Matt. He leaned on the bar, looking at you, face inches away, “Then tell me to walk away.” Your eyes flickered down to his lips.

It felt exciting but scary as you dragged Matt behind you by the hand. Once you found Wendy, you quickly told her you were leaving for the night and wanted to make sure she got home. The Uber ride was weird, Wendy and the guy she was bringing home making out while Matt and you softly bumped knees the whole drive.

“Sorry it’s a mess,” he was a little red in the face from embarrassment. It was typical for him, it wasn’t even that messy. “It’s okay,” you swallowed. The nerves were setting in. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” he stuttered. “Shut up and kiss me Matt.”

You were shivering. You didn’t know if it was from the fact that Matt kept his room freezing cold or because he just had you shaking beneath him. The sound of his headboard hitting the wall was still echoing in your ears. “Do you want to take a shower?” Matt asked, kissing your bare shoulder. “I don’t have any clothes.” “Just borrow mine?”

The shower was hot and warm. Matt had given you a pair of boxers for a shirt and a sweater. You were drowning in his clothes. “Hope the boxers are okay,” he said nervously after you exited the bathroom. The sweater he gave you was pretty big on you, the boxers had to be rolled up a couple of times. He was wearing sweats that hung off his hips a little. “It’s good.” “I can sleep on the couch if you want me to,” he said. “No, I’m okay with sharing the bed.” Within minutes, the two of you were knocked out and asleep.

In the morning, you forgot where you were for a second. Your eyes fluttering open. This definitely was not your bedroom. Then you saw Matt and the memories came flooding back. His alarm was going off. He woke up, scrambling for his phone. “Sorry,” he mumbled into his pillow, “got practice in two hours.”

Silently, you got dressed in the clothes from the night before. Matt watched from his pillow as you got dressed, he just wanted to remember every curve of your body. “Hey Matt,” you cleared your throat, “this is really out of the ordinary for me. I don’t normally just have one night stands.” His face showed relief. “I don’t either. To be honest, this was my first one.” The two of you laughed at the situation. “I would love to see you again. Don’t be a stranger,” he kissed you softly as he walked you to the door and placed you into an uber. Your phone felt a little heavier with his number in it.

The one night stand turned into multiple nights. Most of them ending in the two of you talking and getting to know each other as Matt performed after care. It was weird, but a good weird. Friends with benefits. “Why don’t we ever go to your place?” Matt hummed. “My roommates.”

The next night you brought Matt to your place. Your roommates had told you they’d be gone for the night. You didn’t bother holding back noises and Matt didn’t either. By the morning, your roommates were awake and leaned over cups of coffee in the kitchen, all tired from hearing the noises from your room for hours after they arrived home. “Bye Matt,” you squeaked as you walked him to the door and he awkwardly avoided eye contact with your roommates. “I’m sorry. Was that Matt Rempe?” The jaw of your roommate fell open.

The friends with benefits relationship took a turn when Matt invited you over for dinner. “I don’t really know how to cook?” he admitted. “You invited me for dinner and don’t know how to cook?” “I didn’t think I’d get this far!” His laugh filled the kitchen and your heart skipped a beat. His head leaned down, “I think I really like you.” His lips met yours and you didn’t hesitate to kiss back.

It was a routine. Waking up in bed with Matt, his alarm going off for practice, having what you were 99.9% sure were dates. When he was traveling, you would use your spare key to his place to water his plants. Plus the sex was good. “I need a date,” you caught his lips with yours. He hummed, “I’m going to Toronto in a couple of days.” You already knew that. You had memorized his schedule. “My friend is having a dinner party tonight.”

“I have a game,” he whined. “I would love to come but I can’t.” You frowned. You knew he had a game but for some reason, you were hopeful he would still be able to make it. It was almost like this was the moment of clarity. Matt wasn’t your boyfriend. This wasn’t a real relationship. There weren’t labels on this. You two weren’t exclusive. He had no reason or obligation to show up to your events just because you asked. “I should get going,” you swallowed hard. His blanket was wrapped around your body as you sat up. “(Y/N). Don’t be like that.”

“I have to go Matt.” You gathered your clothes from the night before, getting dressed as Matt searched for his own sweatpants. “Let me walk you down.” You shook your head. “I think I want to walk out alone.”

It was a slap in the face. Realizing that you and Matt weren’t really together. This started as a hook up. You were attached now. You fell in love with waking up next to him, smiling at the tv when your roommates forced you to watch his games, having half dates which were mainly eating dinner before he took you to bed.

The Rangers game drowned on in the background of the dinner party. It wasn’t a formal dinner party, more of a potluck with cheap food and booze. “Thought you were bringing someone,” your friend slid in beside you as you made yourself another drink. “Yeah,” you swallowed, eyes falling on the tv, “he’s busy tonight.” The Rangers lost.

Matt was pissed by the end of the night. His texts weren’t being responded to. You weren’t answering. By the time the game ended and he was out of Madison Square Garden, your heavy hand had poured way too much into each of your drinks. It was crowded in your apartment. The food was picked over and theoretically the party should have been winding down but it wasn’t. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, Matt was calling. “I should take this,” you hiccuped, accidentally standing too fast and toppling over the Drunk Jenga your friends were playing.

“Hello?” Your words were slurring together. “Are you drunk?” Matt immediately questioned. Another hiccup. “Why do you care if I am? You’re not my boyfriend.”

The words stung him. He really did like you. He wanted to be your boyfriend. It was just that every time he wanted to ask you, he chickened out. “Are you at your apartment?” he inquired. “Yeah.” Your voice was annoyed, he was pissing you off. Matt’s long legs helped with the power walk to your apartment. He snuck into the building behind some people who were leaving. He knew his way around.

The apartment door was unlocked but he didn’t want to just walk in. Knocking, he prayed someone would hear him. “Hello,” your roommate sang as she opened the door. “Oh,” she was taken aback. “Um, (Y/N)!” she shouted. Within seconds, a commotion was heard, laughter as you stumbled to the door. Your mouth ran dry. “Matt.”

“Can we talk?” his voice boomed in your ears. He didn’t wait for a response, he pulled you along to your bedroom, ignoring the looks from your roommates and friends watching. “Why are you here?” He sat you on the bed, looking for your typical water bottle you kept in there. “I like you. A lot. You got really cold this morning. I know I’m not your boyfriend but I really want to be. But you’re drunk right now and it’s not right for me to ask you now.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “You like me?” He sighed and nodded, “I like you. A lot.”

When the sun poured into the bedroom, you were in your bed, in pajamas now, head pounding and feeling the urge to throw up. Matt was next to you. He felt miles away though. He was still asleep when you stumbled out of bed and went to throw up from the amount of alcohol you had consumed.

You were surprised you even remembered Matt’s confession. But you remembered how much you begged him to stay last night. When you returned to your room, he was awake. “Matt?” your voice was soft. “I like you too. A lot.”

“Kinda gathered that from the way you begged me to stay last night.” Your face heated up. “C’mere.” You embarrassingly made your way to your own bed quickly, sitting there. Matt dragged you into his arms and lap. “Tell me you like me again,” he asked.

“I like you,” you repeated. He kissed you, “I like you too.”

[slafastri28]

You Deserve an Oscar - OP81 & LN4

Note: Impulsively wrote this last night before bed and realized I was writing this while listening to "You Deserve an Oscar - Matt Maltese" so figured I could fit that phrase in here somewhere and make a cute title. Anyway I really like this one 😁 Summary: Landos best friend since school dating Oscar, but keeps it a secret from Lando because you were not sure how he would react

Warnings: Light details of a makeout session (he is in a mood 😉😏), and stuff is implied but not explicitly stated

"Lando, I'm just going out for a bit it's not a big deal," you said. He was always so protective of you since moving back in together. You had known each other since you were 13, your family had moved from the United States due to your parents' jobs expanding to the UK leaving you an anxiety-ridden teenager in a place with no friends and having an accent that would stand out. It was your first day, a student had been assigned to give you a tour of the school, and there he was, Lando. From that moment on the two of you were inseparable even when he was traveling for races, nothing more than a platonic friendship, you had gone to races as your younger brother had wanted to start karting, but your parents refused. Lando was the cool sibling your brother had wanted, but he was the best friend you had been waiting for, and now here you were arguing over driving your car at night. 

"Be careful, and I want you to text me whenever you get to where you are going," he said pointing his finger.

"You're not gonna ask- you know what never mind, Bye Lan," you grabbed your keys skipping out the door. After you closed it behind you making your way down to your parked car you saw the beam of light from the door light up the sidewalk. 

"Why would I need to ask? You hiding something from me?" His eyes narrowed. 

"Nope, just hanging out at a friend's, bye," you said just before hopping in the car. Oh, it was more than a friend, in fact, his teammate you were going to see, you two had been talking back and forth for about a month and had gone on a few dates, somehow getting past Lando. You both weren't really sure what you were yet, were you boyfriend and girlfriend or friends with benefits which is why you didn't want to let Lando know. You wanted to be more, there were so many times you wanted to tell Lando. After your first date, he teased you about your dress wondering who you were getting fancy for. 

You had arrived at Oscar's for the first time, he was waiting outside on his front step. You quickly texted Lando saying you had arrived and put the car in park.

"There you are!" He exclaimed as you got out of the car. 

"Yeah sorry I'm late, Lando kept me held up a bit," you apologized, "he was just being protective."

"Did you tell him it was me" he said opening the door.

"No, no I didn't," you followed him inside. 

"He's going to find out eventually you know, now that you are going to start coming over here," he said sitting on the couch holding out his arm for you to join him. You sat resting your head on his shoulder. 

"I know he's going to find out Osc," you said, "I will tell him eventually, well when we are 'us'." You dropped the subtle hint of wanting to put a label on your relationship. You two had some great dates, that led to great nights in your car.

"Us? You want to be an 'us'?" He asked sitting up straight. 

"Well yeah," you smiled as you slid your hands up to his shoulders and to the back of his neck. 

"Yeah?" He smirked matching your energy as his hands found your waist pulling you closer. 

"Yeah" you said leaning in, closing your eyes, feeling your heartbeat elevate, as your lips found his. Your fingers moved up into the waves of his hair, pushing them out of his face. His hand found the back of your neck, pulling you closer. 

Moments later you both took a breath, 

"So is this official," you said slowly scraping his scalp as he nuzzled into your neck placing gentle kisses, giving you goosebumps. He gave no response,

"Oscar?" You said pushing his forehead back for you to see his face. 

"Yes, Y/N, yes I want you to be my girlfriend," he said taking a breath before leaning in again to lock his lips with yours. You pulled away, 

"You're serious?" You smiled.

"Yes, Y/N I want to be your boyfriend, I want to call you my girlfriend, please let me be that to you!" He begged. You smirked, kissing his forehead as he pushed you back laying his weight on top of you, falling into the comfort of the couch.

"My boyfriend Oscar," you smiled before pecking his cheek. 

"I like that," he grinned. 

The two of you had lost track of time, after one movie, one container of ice cream shared, and many deep breaths later. You two had begun drifting off when you felt your phone buzz on your lap, it was not Lando, however, it was a nice indicator to see that it was almost midnight when you had gotten there at 8pm, remembering your promise to Lando you would be back by 12:30 the latest.

"Oh shit, Oscar I gotta go, Lando's probably asleep thinking I'm home already! Or he's freaking out!" You jumped off the couch jolting him out of his tired state. 

"Come on get up Osc," you pulled his arm. He pulled you back towards him.

"A few more minutes," he pleaded rubbing his eyes.

"No." You said sternly. He stood up looking through the blanket for his shirt, stretching, making it harder for you to leave.

"Please," he smiled holding his shirt.

"No no no," you rushed to put your shoes on, he followed quickly behind you knowing you were serious this time. You ran out to your car fumbling for your keys, with Oscar right behind.

"Text me when you get home," he said leaving you with one last goodbye kiss. 

"I will," you smiled as he shut your door. You waved and drove off once you had seen he got back inside. 

There you were speeding home to your best friend and roommate's place. The panic filled you on what you would have to tell Lando. It made you drive even faster. You pulled up in front of your home, looking in your mirror making sure there was no evidence of what had happened. You were scrambling to get your key and go inside quietly. The place was dark, one light on in your kitchen, you moved towards the light, finding a grinning Lando waiting. 

"Well well well," he smirked. 

"I'm so sorry I'm late, please go to bed I know you're tired." You said trying to shoo him upstairs. 

"Not until I found out what's going on with you and Oscar," all the color from your face disappeared with that statement. How did he know?

"What?"

"I can see your location Y/N, I know you were over there." Busted. 

"Lan I was gonna tell you, we were gonna tell you once we knew," you said ashamed, and embarrassed forgetting that one small safety detail. 

"Well seeing as you almost stayed the night, I'm assuming you know," he said. You sat down across from him with your head in your hands. 

"Okay Okay I get it," you rolled your eyes. 

"Y/N and Oscar" he teased, "You know I knew something was up in the paddock."

"Lando stop it!" you blushed

"I always know," he chuckled, "You deserve an Oscar for your acting on hiding this from me,"

"Ha ha very funny," you rolled your eyes sarcastically. 

"You and Oscar, it was very obvious" he teased again.

"Me and Oscah!" You said making fun of his accent. He pushed your shoulder as you got up, and you stuck your tongue out at him. The two of you headed upstairs to your rooms. He knocked on the wall once you had turned the light off, you glanced at your phone to see messages waiting.

Land hoe 🙄: He texted me, wow great start telling him you would text him and you didn't, he's just like you with the worrying, you two are a perfect match 😍🤢

Osc 🧡: Did you make it?

Please tell me you made it?

I'm assuming you did.

Well Y/N Lando is going to find out cause I'm going to ask if you made it home. 

Oh you were telling him, sorry 😘

"Sorry," you called through the wall. You answered Oscar's messages drifting off to sleep smiling as your eyes could barely stay open any longer. You were at peace knowing that you didn't have to hide this from your best friend anymore, and knowing that Oscar was your boyfriend, and you were his girlfriend. 

[disneyprincemuke]

my reputation's never been worse * fem!driver

her boyfriend's not made for her anger

pairings: matt x rocky (hehe)

notes: let rocky be happy challenge (impossible) LOL

(series masterlist) | (📂 2025: fall from grace)

(prev)

she whines tiredly, throwing her head back. “draw of the luck.”

matt smiles slightly and drops himself into the vacant seat next to her, popping her pepsi can open. “you probably don’t wanna be sitting next to me right now.”

“what?” the girl snorts, snapping her head to him with furrowed eyebrows. “bub, why would you even say that?”

“because you’re sitting here instead of being on the track racing with everyone else, duh,” matt chuckles, offering her the soda can. he sits back in the chair and rests his arm on the back of hers. “i’d totally understand if you’re upset about being here.”

she sighs shakily, craning her neck to look at the small tv hanging in the garage. liam’s car is on the screen, just making the sinking feeling in her chest worse.

truthfully, what a shit start to the year.

the churning in her stomach makes her want to tear the walls of her garage down, but it’s simply too early to say. at least that’s what she’s been telling herself all day since sebastian had broken the news to her.

it’s just one race.

though, the devil on her shoulder is insisting that it’s not as simple as that.

she shakes her head, lips pressed into a thin line. “it was shocking,” she whispers with a firm nod. “but i’ll be back next week.” she leans against his arm, cheek resting on his shoulder and reaches over to take his hand into hers. “i’ll be okay.”

“i know you will be,” matt mutters, putting a hand on her knee. he glances at her. “but you don’t have to keep saying that to me — i’ll be here for you.”

“you’re really okay?” matt asks softly, bending to his side to try and get a look at the girl’s face.

the girl hums with a small grin, darting all over the room to shove everything into her backpack. “why do you keep asking that?”

he sighs, sinking further into his beanbag. “because you finished outside of the points today and you didn’t race last weekend. you haven’t lashed out yet, you haven’t cried… you haven’t even said anything about it yet.”

“it’s only been 2 races,” she shrugs with a small grin, standing up straight to look over at him. “bub, i’m okay.”

“i don’t wanna go there,” he frowns, “please don’t make me go there.”

she tilts her head, “what do you mean?”

“your only crash of last year, you got into a fight severe enough that it almost shattered your entire world,” matt points out softly, truly unsure if it’s even a wise decision to bring up one of her lowest points of the previous season. “you have to at least be feeling some type of way about this all.”

she sucks in a deep breath, tearing her eyes off of him. and he has a point.

right now, it seems like throwing a tantrum over mishaps from 2 races into the season just sounds like behaviour that she could easily get lost in. that’s not how she was raised, after all.

she just takes what she can get and she’ll remain grateful even though these past 2 weeks have arguably been getting harder to cope with. not starting the race felt like the end of the world a week ago — she’s just glad she got to race this weekend.

though she swore, stepping into the paddocks with her chest feeling tighter, that she wanted to cry into matt’s shirt. but when she opened the door to her room and saw him looking at her with sorry eyes and open arms, the anger and frustration seemed to be pushed away.

she shrugs again. “it’s just simply too early to tell.”

she can’t seem to say anything else that’s not an utter lie.

it’s unusual to be woken up by the heaviest sleeper he knows. matt had been woken by snuffling and he initially assumed it to be kidnapper sniffing either of them, waiting to wake them up for some snacks in the middle of the night.

until it hits him that they’re not even in her apartment in london right now — they’re in a hotel for the race weekend. his eyes fly open as he scrambles to sit up. he finds her sitting in a chair, face illuminated by her phone screen as she bites down on her nails.

“bub, what are you doing up so late?” he whispers so as not to startle the girl. “you have a race tomorrow.”

the room goes dark when she immediately shuts her phone. “nothing, i,” her voice quivers, “it’s nothing. i just woke up to use the toilet 10 minutes ago.”

he can’t help but notice the way her voice shakes. “is everything okay? what’s wrong? feeling sick?”

she sighs and shakes her head before she realises that matt can’t see her. “it’s really nothing,” she whispers, starting to climb into bed again. she sniffles and rubs her nose on the sleeve of her pyjamas. “i’m fine. let’s just go back to bed.”

matt scrambles to sit up, swiftly reaching over to turn the lamp on before he turns back to her before she can drop herself on the bed again.

“what are you doing?” he mutters, grabbing her arm and yanking her into his body. she doesn’t do much to fight it; just softens herself up as she lands in his lap, head buried in his chest. “why do you keep saying it’s nothing? i know something’s bothering you.”

“i just–” she grabs at the material of his shirt and bunches it up in her hand. she squeezes her eyes closed as another lump in her throat forms. “i hate feeling this way. you should see the things people are saying about me right now. it’s not fair; they don’t say any of that about liam.”

“rocky.” truthfully, he doesn’t really know what to say. how would he? he rests his cheeks on the top of her head as her soft cries fill the silence of the hotel room. “you really shouldn’t be reading that. didn’t seb tell you off on that?”

“he did,” she choked, shaking her head, “but after my performance in qualifying today… i had to see what everyone’s saying about me.”

he tightens his arms around her, hoping slightly that this would help her feel better. “i’m sorry.”

“it’s not your fault my life’s like this.”

so it seems that matt’s unlocked a part of her that she hasn’t shown anybody else. there’s a certain level of vulnerability now that not a lot of people have had the pleasure, or unluckiness, of experiencing firsthand in recent years.

once upon a time, she had people to turn to when her racing had gone to shit. but realistically, she hasn’t experienced many mishaps with machinery as a driver, which is probably what’s making it so difficult to cope with her current situation.

nonetheless, her only support system seems to have taken a life of their own that can no longer accommodate her. that’s what she tells herself: oscar and logan have lives and are building relationships and there’s no more space for her in their immediate lives.

she dreaded the media pen after another finish, barely making points out of the race in p9.

to her dismay, her predictions were absolutely right. her first question after stepping up to the mic and camera was something about her ending up behind logan in the placings after spending her entire racing career typically ahead of him.

she wouldn’t have noticed if they hadn’t pointed it out and now the resentment grows as the clock ticks.

matt sighs, “you don’t really mean that; they’re your friends.”

“but i do!” the young girl shrieks, throwing her arms in the air. she paces around the room as she heaves, hands tangled in her hair as she finally sighs about her frustrations. “it’s not fair! nobody cared that logan wasn’t producing results when oscar and i were! suddenly, they’re comparing me to him? i have every right to feel like this, matthew!”

“i know.” he grabs her shoulders to stop her in place then cups her cheeks to force her to look him in the eye. “and you do. i’m not saying you don’t have the right to feel this way, but–”

“you are, though!” she shrieks, stepping back and removing his hands from her. “you don’t get it. i spent my whole life better than logan and suddenly now i’m incompetent just because he’s scoring points? give me his teammate’s car — i’ll still beat him in a race by a margin.”

“i never said that,” he argues, throwing his arms in the air. “you grew up with these guys and i understand that you’re frustrated… it’s okay, but take it easy.”

“i can’t believe you’re taking their side right now, matt,” she sighs heavily, rolling her eyes. she throws her arms in the air. “everyone’s already on their side! i need you to be on mine!”

“and i am!” matt huffs. “i am on your side — i just don’t want you to burn bridges like this! it’s okay to be angry, it’s just me here anyway. but these are your best friends!”

“you’re the only one i can be this open to! i need you to be with me!” she stomps her foot on the ground with her hands balled into fists by her side. “i can’t run to my friends and say that that should’ve been me. do you realise how fucked up that sounds?”

“i do!”

“then let me have this one! let me hate them for a couple of minutes before i have to swallow it down and pretend like i’m not fucking jealous of the success they’re all finding this year!” she opens her mouth again to say something, choking up as she tries to speak again.

she pinches the bridge of her nose as a lump forms in her throat. “i can’t say that to them, they’ve worked so hard to be there. and it’s not their fault that i’m not up there with them.”

“you’re right,” matt whispers, taking a step forward and enveloping her in his arms. “you’re right — i’m sorry. it’s just all pent up right now, isn’t it?”

“they’ve been supportive when i’m doing well. i feel like shit feeling like this towards them,” she whispers. “it’s not fair to them, you know? i have to show up for them like they did for me.”

matt calls out her name and the girl simply holds a hand out to him and walks past him in the garage. she pulls the balaclava off her head and shoves the door towards the paddocks to leave him behind.

“hey, talk to me!”

she snatches her arm back just as he grabs it, a bewildered stare on her face. her eyes are teary as she scowls at him. “just leave me alone. not now, matt, god!”

he sucks in a deep breath watching the girl storm further from him. he clenches his jaw and turns on his heel to make his way back to her garage, only to be met by a familiar face.

oscar looks over matt’s shoulder where the girl had strayed off to. “is she okay?”

“she’ll be okay,” matt grins, trying to ignore the pang of pain growing in his chest. “just needs a while to recuperate by herself.”

“are you okay?” oscar asks slowly, flashing him a knowing stare with a comforting smile. “she can get a little angry sometimes, but i promise she’s not always like this.”

“i know.” he forces a chuckle out. “she’s great. but she’ll be okay — just wants to have time to herself right now.”

every week brought around a certain form of unknowing. it’s hard to keep sane when you keep having to adapt to survive.

perhaps that’s the problem: she’s finding it too difficult to adapt.

when she gets out of the car, there’s only ever one consistent thing. it’s always meeting the same pair of warm green eyes in the garage and his arms wide open waiting to receive her.

she crashes into his body, stumbling back a couple of steps from the impact. “i can always expect one thing out of a race,” she sighs, eyes fluttering closed when she feels his hands wrap around her. “and it’s the fact your face will always be here in my garage.”

she feels a hand resting on her back. “well, i want to be here for my girlfriend, you know? she deserves that much.”

“haha, very sweet,” she giggles, pulling away with a small grin. “let’s head out to dinner tonight?” he nods excitedly. “it’s a date.”

perhaps she’s pulled the gun a little too early on that one. the evening had seemed like it was off to a great start with her feeling uplifted from the way she made it to the third round of qualifiers. the interviews and her team meeting hadn’t gone as well as she initially expected.

she leans forward on the table, cheek resting in her palms as she pushes the sole piece of carrot left on her plate. sat across her is matt, talking about something from his audition a couple of days ago.

he stops himself, tilting his head at his seemingly unresponsive girlfriend. “is everything okay?”

she lifts her eyes, lips parted with an empty stare. “yes. sorry, you were saying about your audition?”

“right,” he smiles, “i was saying that i think my audition went great. it’s a good show so if i get the part, it’s going to be–” but the lack of reaction and enthusiasm from the girl makes him stop midsentence again. he lets out a shaky breath, “nevermind. maybe another time.”

“no, matt,” she sighs looking up slightly more aware and attentive than before. “i’m sorry. i just have so much on my mind right now. please keep telling me how the audition.”

he shakes his head and drops his head to continue his meal. he would have asked what’s bothering her, but he’s since learned that she would tell him if he really wanted to, especially after he’d already asked her seconds ago. “it’s alright, bub. when you’re feeling better. what’s on your mind?”

“okay, wait up.”

matt struggles to catch up to the girl after having stormed out of the garage after briefly stepping into it for a mere second. he’d barely gotten a glimpse of her before she started stomping towards the small exit door in the back of her garage.

the girl had stormed through the semi busy paddocks with tunnel vision to the racing home, ignoring anyone and anything that tried to get between that. he had even followed up with soft apologies as she blatantly continued to ignore bigger names.

realistically, they should have taken the look of fury on her face as a clear sign. with her race, she didn’t have the energy to stop and feign a smile to make small talk.

no, because she genuinely feels the world spinning underneath her feet.

the door to her driver’s room flies open with a loud thud as it comes into contact with the wall.

and at the comfort of her floral-scented room, she stands in the middle of it, hands fisted by her side. she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as she does so.

surely the 30 second pit stop that caused her a points finish warrants this, right?

to some degree perhaps, she tries to reason with herself.

she opens her eyes and starts to look around her room for something **— anything — to keep her from tearing the walls down of the building of the team that keeps screwing her over. she keeps her eyes on the picture frame on the wall of her and sebastian from the year before in miami, champagne drenched with her trophy in hand.

at the call of her name, she feels something snap inside her.

her scream pierces through the silence of her driver’s room, followed by the loud thud of her helmet clashing against the wall decorated with a singular picture frame. the helmet falls to the ground followed by the framed picture on her wall.

she drops to her knees with another scream, quickly transitioning into a sob as her fisted hand comes into contact with the carpeted ground of her room with every word she screams. “that’s not fucking fair!”

“rocky–”

“don’t!” she pushes away the hand that hovers over her shoulder, desperate to console her. “don’t touch me!”

she’s been holding it in since the race had started — something felt wrong. every weekend she walks into the paddocks feels like a chore; the only thing constantly in her head is the question of how another race could possibly go wrong for her.

every single passing weekend seems to outdo the previous and there is only so much she can do as a driver with a car that’s uncooperative.

the man behind her can only watch, in agony, as the girl kneels on the ground. she slowly hunches forward, elbows on the ground with her sobs echoing in the empty room. her fisted hands hit the ground with a soft thud as she cries. “i’m not any better than i was every moment before this. maybe i’m not even as good of a driver as i’d thought.”

she throws her head back as she sucks in a deep breath. she breathes out, “i don’t wanna do this anymore.” she twists her body, eyes stinging from her tears and her cheeks stained. a soft sigh passes her lips as the initial bout of anger and frustration finally leaves her. “can we just go home?”

“you still have the debrief to attend,” he says softly and hesitantly. “that might really make you feel better, you know? maybe if you talked to your team about it, they could address what your concerns are and even come up with a solution?”

“please,” she whines with a heavy sigh. “i don’t want to stay here. fuck the team.”

and so he does what he can to help, against his better judgment and the image that he tries to keep around here for her. he helps her pack her bags, wraps his jacket around her and brings her back to the hotel. he’ll just call sebastian later and explain.

she lies on her side, kidnapper nuzzled into her chest as she taps away on her phone. on the other side of the bed is matt, on the phone with his agent, talking about something regarding the audition he had gone to a couple of weeks ago.

she shuts her eyes at the constant chatter filling the silence of her bedroom, irritability growing in her chest. the peace and quiet she’d been hoping for is now gone.

she scrambles up with a soft huff before quickly leaving the room, the door slamming behind her as she leaves. she grabs the throw on the couch and wrapping her body with it. she lies back down on the couch and closes her eyes, desperate to get a nap in before their flight later in the evening.

the door creaks open, matt’s head popping out with the phone against his chest. “is everything okay? you left without saying anything.”

“i’m fine,” she mutters, voice muffled by the pillow she’s pressed her face into. “i just need time to myself right now.”

she hears him sigh. “bub, i’m on the phone with my agent. i can’t do this right now.”

“we’re not doing anything,” she scoffs, lifting her head momentarily to glare at him before lowering her head again. “just leave me alone. i want to be by myself.”

“okay,” he answers, the door slamming closed.

she wasn’t going to cry, at least not until now. all day she’d been dreading leaving for the airport to fly off for another race weekend — there are only so many misfortune a person can take in an underperforming car before it takes a toll on their confidence.

but she does and wraps it up the minute she hears the bedroom door open again.

she urges matt towards the door. “please, please. you have to come up with some lie why i can’t make it out tonight,” she whines, squeezing matt’s arm.

“what?” matt shrieks, turning around to stop her from opening the door. “they’re your friends. you should be the one to tell them why we’re cancelling on them tonight.”

“i can’t face them right now, bub,” she sighs, shaking her head. “i miss them, but i also kinda hate them right now. please?”

she’d agreed to head out to grab a couple of drinks with oscar and logan tonight, especially since it’s one of the rare times that they’re all in london together. but as the clocked would down to the time that they’re supposed to pick her up from her apartment, she abruptly changed her mind.

she just didn’t have the energy to go.

“tell them i’m sick or something or that i fell, i don’t know,” she whispers. “please, do me this favour.”

“i’m back from the store!”

matt furrows his eyebrows at the empty living room. he’s only greeted by kidnapper sitting in front of her bedroom door, mewing softly. the cat turns its head to glance at him, meowing again before turning to the door.

“is rocky in there?” he asks softly, bending down to pet the cat on the head. “and you’re mad she’s not letting you in?”

as if the cat understood what he said, he meows back again with a slow blink. he hums and puts the paper bag down next to the door.

he pushes it open, greeted by a dimly lit room. he flinches back at the figure sitting at the edge of the bed, hunched over with soft sobs filling the room.

“sorry,” she mutters, rubbing her nose on the sleeve of her sweater. “i fell down a rabbit hole. i know we said i shouldn’t but i couldn’t help it.”

“hey, what’s wrong?” he coos, walking around the black cat that’s pouring into the room with him. “what happened?”

she keeps her back facing him, yanking her phone towards the top of her bed. “i read the stupid articles again,” she cries, covering her face with her palms, “i had to know what they were saying about me.”

he sighs her name, a comforting hand on her shoulder. “why did you do that? you know that isn’t good for you.”

“because it’s not fair!” she shrieks, pushing herself off the bed to stand. “i worked so hard the past 2 years to prove that i belong in formula 1 — that i worked harder than anybody else to make it here and be the first woman in the grid in decades. but that doesn’t matter anymore, no, because i’m washed. i’m a fluke; sebastian took the chance on the wrong girl.”

“that’s why i’d said–”

“that kimi raikkonen and fucking jenson button are starting to eat their words about the girl that their friend had taken a gamble on to put in a race car alongside 21 other men on the grid,” she rambles on. she throws her arms into the air. “you don’t fucking get it, matt! and consider yourself lucky that you don’t have to because this shit is fucking exhausting!”

matt sighs, putting his hands on his knees as he takes her spot at the edge of the bed. he watches her intently as she continues her rampage.

“this shit sucks! do you have any idea how i feel? i’ve fallen so far from grace — there’s no saving my career!” she shrieks, turning her back on him to look out the window of her bedroom. “nobody’s ever going to take a chance on another woman if my results keep ending up like that.”

he closes his eyes and takes another deep breath, trying to ignore the way his patience was slowly escaping his grasp. while he likes letting her speak her mind, lately, it just seems like nothing is ever going through her head.

she listens, but nothing ever actually takes effect.

“let’s go get ice cream,” matt mutters, standing up from his spot on the bed. he only has so much self-control. “would make you feel better.”

she whirls around, eyebrows furrowed. “what?”

“come on,” matt beckons her towards her bedroom door. “let’s go. and then let’s pick stubby up from logan’s and go for a walk in the park. how’s that sound?”

“kinda nice actually,” she says softly. “okay, just let me get dressed.”

it’s happened again. she got mad at something minuscule again. if you asked matt, he wasn’t even sure what had happened. he simply asked her if she needed his help, cleaning off the contents of the vase that previously sat on the dining table as decoration.

then she just lashed out.

“yes, fuck’s sake,” she mutters after he’d asked. she lifts her head to look at the black cat sitting in the seat of the dining table, head hung low at her. “and god, kid! i told you to keep off the fucking table! that’s exactly why i keep telling you that!”

“hey! that’s a cat you’re screaming at!” matt stands up from his position on the ground, previously helping her collect the water beads that she’d thrown into the vase for the flowers. “it was a mistake — it’s a one-off thing! what’s your problem?”

“i’ve got bigger things to worry about, matt.”

“oh, my god, rocky!” he puts the vase down on the table and looks at her. “do you even hear yourself right? actually, have you taken a step back and listened to yourself lately? you’re screaming at a cat for doing cat things. your cat.”

she clenches her jaw, tilting her head. they’ve never really fought before. “there’s a reason he’s trained to not be on the table!”

“he’s a cat!” matt emphasises, pointing at the cat that’s now run off towards the balcony of the apartment. “listen, okay? there are two people in this relationship. you can’t always fucking expect me to baby you like this.”

she squints her eyes. “what are you talking about?”

“have you really even tried to look at the bigger picture lately? there’s more to life than your time and results in a race car,” he states. he hadn’t expected to break now. initially, he’d been planning to sit her down and have a serious chat about her mental state. but hearing her lash out again over something that typically wouldn’t be an issue broke him. “everyone’s telling you the same thing. it’s the car. it’s. not. you.”

“yeah, but–”

“and if you’re just going to nod your head and then drag your feet to lock yourself away from everyone else, it’s not going to make you feel any better! you actually have to believe the words that we’re saying to you. you know that, don't you?”

he takes a deep breath to collect himself. he doesn’t even really shout often. he’s more on the reserved side. “if you don’t want my help, fine. but if you need me… when you decide that you finally want my help — when you’re really ready to listen and willing to get some perspective — call me. please.”

matt finally gets a good look at her, hands clasped in front of her, now standing with her head hung low. if he’d taken a second longer to scan her, he’d have noticed the way her lips quivered and the tears that filled her eyes to the brim. “i don’t like seeing you like this,” he says softly, “but i also don’t like being treated like a fucking doormat. and i tried to be there for you, bub, but you’re unreceptive.

“i keep giving you my hand to hold and you just keep fucking ignoring it. when are you going to get in your head that shutting down and keeping to yourself isn’t going to be a viable way around this?”

“matt,” she says softly, her hand reaching out to grab his.

he takes a step back before she can touch him. “this always happens, rocky. you lash out, you hurt my feelings, you apologise then i forgive you. it’s good for a couple of days and then something happens and we’re just stuck in this loop — it’s exhausting. and i love you.

“god, i love you. and i want to keep liking you too, but love just won’t cut it,” he sighs, slouching his shoulders. “i don’t want to get tired of loving you, okay?” he sucks in a deep breath and he knows that he will probably regret uttering these words to her. “i’m sorry, rocky, but i can’t keep doing this cycle with you. i need a break.”

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @vellicora @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @33-81 @darleneslane @nikfigueiredo @happy-nico @namgification @localwhoore @notawc @sadg3 @kazuha-pista-badam @mellowarcadefun @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @woozarts @meadhbhcavanagh @2bormaybenot @a-disturbing-self-reflection @mclarengf @xoscar03 @nomie-11 @green-thots @inejismywife @love4lando @louvrepool

[writingwithciara]

Pair ~Chris Sturniolo~

summary: did the casual hookups change everything between chris and y/n?

word count: 1.4k

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

notes: just like the rest of the series, this part is based off of THIS song by ian mcconnell. [angst with a few swears, implied sexual content]

previous part

masterlist

chris was dead set on bringing up the newfound issue in their relationship. but when he saw the look on y/n's face, he knew he couldn't go through with it.

she collapsed in his arms that night. tears pouring down her face as she stumbled over her sentences, trying to explain what was happening.

"hey, it's going to be alright. i'm here. it's okay." he rubbed her back soothingly and helped her into his bed.

"if it's alright, can we just not have sex tonight?"

"yeah that's fine with me. as long as you're comfortable, i don't care what we do." chris joined her under the covers and pulled her into his chest.

it was beginning to feel like an actual relationship and chris knew that it wasn't one, inevitably breaking his own heart.

he finally decided that he needed some distance from y/n to figure out his feelings. and he didn't see much of anyone else over the next few days.

nick was always out and matt was never around when chris wanted to hang out. obviously y/n was not an option for him. so he was alone.

the times that nick was actually at home, he would question where y/n was.

nick and y/n had only met each other briefly but he knew how much she meant to chris so to him, it was odd to not see her around or even hear her.

on y/n's side of things, she was confused as to why chris was suddenly ghosting her. none of her friends could tell her what was going on and the situation became frustrating.

they just weren't the pair they used to be.

-----

it was nearly 2 weeks later when y/n and chris finally crossed paths again.

of course it just had to be at a party. the same friend was throwing the party that also threw the one they met at so they both obviously had to go.

y/n caught chris staring at her and she smiled at him, even though every fiber of her being was telling her not to.

he grabbed another drink and made his way over to her. y/n prepared herself to be angry when he approached but dropped the act when he handed her a cup full of her favorite drink.

the drink she had the night they met.

"thanks." she sipped it while maintaining eye contact with him. can i ask you something?"

"yeah, i guess."

"why have you been ignoring me?"

"i haven't."

"yes you have. ever since that night like 2 weeks ago where we didn't have sex, you've ghosted me."

"it wasn't my intention. i've just been really busy as of late. i'm sorry. i should've let you know."

"it's okay, chris." y/n sighed. "so what have you been bust with?"

"stuff for my brand. it's awesome." he giggled excitedly and started going into detail.

it was like their relationship was fixed in 5 minutes.

but it wasn't.

despite fighting against himself and his better judgement, chris found himself back in bed with y/n. unlike the first time, they were drunk beyond comprehension and were both hoping they wouldn't remember it in the morning.

chris did. y/n did not. and lucky for chris, she was a heavy sleeper. he was able to get her dressed and made it look like nothing had happened last night.

so when she woke up, y/n was completely oblivious to the fact she and chris slept together.

"good morning, y/n. i brought you some painkillers and some water. hope it helps."

"thanks, chris." y/n accepted the glass and quickly swallowed the painkillers. "nothing happened last night, did it?"

"no. thank god."

"what do you mean?"

"like, not in a bad way. but i like to be coherent enough to remember it happen when we actually do have sex."

"yeah, good point." y/n swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. chris followed her to the door.

"things between us...they're good, right?"

"of course, chris. why wouldn't they be?"

"i wanted to make sure you weren't mad at me."

"you were busy, chris. i'll admit i was a little pissed when you ghosted me but i get it. your job comes before anything." y/n smiled. "it's good to have priorities."

"you should know that i'm making you a priority too."

"as long as your family and job comes first."

"you're family so you're a top priority."

"family members don't do the things we do, christopher."

"touché." chris chuckled and walked her out to her car. "see you later?"

"of course." y/n drove away and suddenly, their relationship was back to the way it was before the party.

it felt like they were strangers again.

but this time, it was y/n who ghosted him, leading to chris' confusion.

he wasn't the same as he used to be. not as happy or goofy.

fans started to notice and luckily, they weren't aware of y/n at all so they all assumed it was something he would get over eventually.

y/n always kept up to date on the triplets and seeing the effect she was having on chris made her feel terrible.

she got in her car and drove to their house, hoping she cold clear the air with chris.

when she knocked on the door, she was not expecting nick to answer it.

"hey. i missed you."

"you barely know me but i missed you too." y/n smiled and walked in. she headed to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "is chris home?"

"yeah he's in his room. knock before you enter though. who knows what he's been doing in there." nick smirked and headed back up to his own bedroom.

y/n walked down the stairs and stopped outside of chris' room. she raised her hand to knock but the room was quiet on the other side so she just pushed the door open lightly.

the room was almost completely dark and if it hadn't been for the light peaking in from behind the curtains, y/n wouldn't have been able to find her way over to his bed. she sat on the edge slowly and gazed over at chris. his eyes were closed but he wasn't snoring so she knew he wasn't asleep.

"chris, can we talk?"

"um, yeah of course." he sat up and turned on the lamp. "what's up?"

"i'm really sorry i ghosted you. it wasn't right of me. i was jsut afraid."

"what were you afraid of?"

"we hooked up that night, chris. i know we did."

"yeah. we hook up a lot."

"but why did you try to hide it from me? did you not want to remember it? was it bad because we were drunk?"

"no. of course it wasn't bad. it's never bad. holy shit. it's incredible each time. i only tried to hide it because i didn't want to face reality."

"what are you talking about?"

"it happens a lot with the hookups. someone always catches feelings eventually & it doesn't last."

"are you saying you have feelings for me?"

"what? no. i'm saying you have the feelings and i was just trying to protect you from getting hurt."

"i don not have feelings for you, chris."

"then why do you always find these shitty men to go out with ? it's literally like you're purposely searching for the worst guys just so you can come over and fuck me."

"screw you chris."

"yeah that too."

"no. i mean it." y/n stood up and looked at him. "i don't purposely find the worst men. it just ends up that way. and the fact that you would even insinuate that is just low. if i wanted to just come over and fuck you, i would, okay? i wouldn't need to waste my time with a shitty guy."

"then why didn't you?!"

"i got worried you would think i had feelings for you if i was over here every night. i wanted to avoid this situation. but look what happened there." y/n sighed and sat back down. "i think we should take a break from our casual relationship."

"yeah that might be a good idea. but please just hang out with me as a friend. we don't need to have sex or anything. because i genuinely enjoy your presence."

chris gave her the look he knew she couldn't resist and was giggling like a school girl when she agreed to stay and watch a movie with him.

he was not prepared for what came next.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings @fearfam69691

[m4ttsturn]

my brother's best friend (pt 1)

pt 2 pt 3 pt 4

pairing: matt sturniolo x y/n

summary: over the years you find yourself falling more in love with your brother's best friend.

warnings: none yet

this is the first story I've ever written, so sorry if it's bad. anyway, hope you guys enjoy.

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

(the first day i saw him)

"mom!" I ran down the stairs. "yeah, what do you need?" "where's Nate? he said he would go to the movies with me over an hour ago." I was beginning to get upset, Nate promised that he would take me to see Spider-Man Homecoming with him. "I'm not sure, he said he would be home by 5" she responded. I let out a heavy sigh before walking out of the kitchen.

I went into the living room and sat on the couch, aimlessly scrolling on my phone. I watched as the minutes on the clock slowly ticked by, my eyes flicking to the front door every few seconds. it had been 3 hours before Nate had finally showed up, laughing as he walked through the door. three boys followed close behind him.

"dude that movie was so good" Nate said as he kicked off his shoes. "yeah, I still can't believe the way Spider-Man saved the Avenger's plane" one of the other boys spoke. I coughed loudly drawing the attention of my brother and his friends in the entryway. making eye contact with Nate, his face flashing with realization. "oh shit, y/n I'm so sor-" Nate tried to speak, but I stood up abruptly off the couch walking to my room and slamming the door.

the second I closed the door I could feel my eyes watering. it was one thing for Nate to blow of our plans because his practice ran late or something, but for him to go without me even though we had planned this out ever since the trailer came out, hurt. especially since he went with three people I've never met instead.

I jumped onto my bed, burying my face into the pillows. I could hear four sets of footsteps approaching my bedroom before someone knocked on the door. I knew it was Nate because he used the secret knock combination we came up with in order to tell if it was each other or our parents knocking. "go away Nate" my voice was muffled by the pillow. Nate had opened the door anyway, "y/n look I'm sorry, I totally forgot that we were planning to go to the movies today" I turned to face him when he spoke "yeah, yeah whatever Nate."

I glanced around him, taking in the appearance of his friends, each looking similar, but I could tell the differences once I looked a little longer. I made eye contact with the boy who was standing behind them all, almost not visible. I blushed and turned my head away so none of them could see it. "you can go, you obviously want to hang out with these people more than me anyway." Nate gave me a sad expression before walking out of my room, closing the door behind him. as I listened to the sounds of footsteps furthering from my door I decided to read a book instead of wallowing around.

the next time I looked at the clock it read 12:37 am. I decided that I might as well call it a night and changed into my pajamas, which consisted of a tank top and a pair of women's boxers. assuming that Nate's friends had gone home by now, I didn't bother to put on something more presentable as I left my room to grab a glass of water.

when I walked into the kitchen I was met with three pairs of eyes on me, with Nate being in the bathroom. "oh, you guys are still here" I uttered as I went to grab a glass. ''yep, seems like it" the one with longer hair spoke. my back was to them as I filled up the cup with water from the fridge. once finished I turned around to face the three boys. "look I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, its just that Nate promised me he would take me to see that movie months ago. anyway I'm y/n." holding out my hand to them. The one with a nose ring takes it first "Nick" he shook my hand. "I'm Chris" the one with long hair spoke, dapping me up. "and you?" I turned to the last boy, realizing it's the one that I locked eyes with earlier. "Matt" he smiled slightly as he took my hand. my face flushed feeling the electricity buzzing through my fingertips.

"okay well nice to meet you guys, but I'm off to bed. tell Nate that I said he better take me to see that movie tomorrow, I don't care if he just watched it." "will do" Chris spoke, Matt and Nick nodded along. I headed back towards my room and closed the door, still thinking about the feeling of Matt's hand on mine. "well this is going to be a problem" I mumbled to myself before shutting off the light and snuggling under my covers.

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

Nate had brought the triplets over again, many times over the next few years. each time my crush on Matt grew a little stronger. besides that I had actually gained a friendship with all of them.

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

a/n: I'm probably going to move this story on pretty quickly I just wanted to get a little backstory out first.

let me know if there is anything I can do to write better, criticism is appreciated

[elletheactualmenace]

Curls

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: Matt really likes your curly hair.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.9k (ish)

a/n: I hate this so much. Started it a while back and finished it now. I think it’s pretty gender neutral, so there’s that. I just can’t express how much this pains me but, here you go. Enjoy.

It has been a long week of work and running around for people, that you have had no time with Matt. He himself has been busy with work on a case. Early this morning you had taken a shower to make up for the one lost to your work last night. So your hair is still slightly wet from the water. And your curls were starting to dry in swirls.

As you finish the last thing before lunch your phone rings. It’s your boyfriend, and you happily take the call.

“Hey Matt.”

“Hi Y/n, sorry if I’m interrupting anything.”

“No, you’re good. I should be thanking you now that I get to start lunch earlier.” You laugh into the phone with a smile on your face.

“Oh? Well lucky you, I'm still stuck on the cross examination. But I'm happy I can hear your voice.“ You can hear the smile in his words.

“Me too. But I can’t wait to get home and squeeze you in my arms.” You joke.

“On that note, the reason I called, I was wondering if you are free tonight?”

“Why are you planning something? ” You ask with a raised brow.

“Not really I was hoping to-“

“I swear if it isn’t just ordering in and talking I'm not interested,” You shrug out.

“Actually that’s exactly what I had in mind” he says smirking..

“Oh thank god,” You breathe.

“Also, be careful with your hair, it's probably still wet from this morning. And I would hate for you to not like the turn out.” Matt notes and you grin.

“Aww you're worried about my hair? That’s cute Matty. But no need to worry, I have been careful, I'm always careful.” You say with happiness and Matt smiles.

“Good! I can’t wait to-“ Matt gets cut off.

“Y/n! Hey come over here we are about to head out!” Your work friend says, and immediately Matt knew he should be going too.

“I-“

“Go, It’s fine.” He reassures you.

“Ok thanks, can’t wait to see you, ok bye!” Matt chuckles as you hang up just wanting to kiss you more and more by the second.

——

On your way home you hear a sound coming from a building top. It sounds like people are fighting. You look up and you see the tops of two heads being punched simultaneously. 

With confusion you wait to see if anything else will happen. Then as the men fall the one and only Daredevil’s head pops out from the top of the building. You can see a smile plastered on his lips, along with some blood. 

You know he can hear you and your loud heartbeat at the sight of him. And you smile back walking away. He knows that you saw him so he quickly runs off to get ready for your arrival home.

When you get home you see takeout from your favorite pizza place and you hear Matt in the kitchen. You take off your shoes and turn the corner. 

“Honey I'm home!” You say raping your arms around Matt’s torso from behind.  

“Mhhh. Pizzas just in.” He hums, turning and hugging you properly.

“I'm starving ” You say, pulling away from the hug, and grab the two plates on the counter. Matt, honest to god, pouts at the loss of contact. He then grabs hold of your waist while you lead him to the couch. 

“What happened to, ‘I can't wait to squeeze you when I get back?’” Matt asks questioningly.

“Pizza did! But I still love you more, and I always will.” You say before sitting down, Matt follows suit shortly after. As you set the plates in front of the both of you Matt placed the pizza down on each plate.

“How did you get home so quickly? It’s been what? 25 minutes?” You ask while taking a bite of pizza.

“I ordered the pizza before and I ran,” He pauses, “really fast.” You smile at the stupid end of his sentence.

“‘Really fast?’ or just ‘kind of really fast?’” You ask sarcastically, and he shoves you with his shoulder. You just laugh at his smiling face.

You lean in and sniff him. “You took a shower?” He nodded in response, chewing his slice.

“God. you are ‘really fast,’ I could never.” You chuckle at your sarcastic comment and so does Matt.

——

The now empty pizza box lays on the coffee table. You are laying on Matt's chest while he plays with your hair.

“Can I tell you something?” Matt asks, still stroking your hair. 

“Umm, sure, what is it, Matty?” You ask.

“So you told me you have curly hair.” You hum as a response for him to continue.

“It’s always most easily noticeable after you wash it. And I think it’s adorable.”

You look up at his face. His face is pointed towards you but his eyes are looking just above your eyebrows.

“You know, I think you are cute when you say stupid things like that.”

“‘Stupid thing?’” He questions with a wide grin “it’s not stupid. It's you so it can’t be. Plus I've always loved the feeling of your hair and I thought I would make an observation” He retorts crossing his arms around your body to make a point.

“You like my hair?” 

“Love.”

“How so? If I might ask?” You raise a brow.

“Well, it’s soft, and it has texture but in a different way than one might think. I love the way it swirls in small spirals that create more layers or volume. I absolutely love to trace the spirals each strand makes. It’s calming.” It's true and often Matt finds himself doing subconsciously.” I don’t exactly know what it looks like but I think I get more from feeling. Besides, I always did like breaking the rules, feeling not looking.” He referred to the saying “look don’t touch” but clearly the man can’t see so really there is only one opinion.

“That’s true Mr. Devil of Hell’s Kitchen” you playfully hit his chest. “But I mean, I didn’t realize how much you…I don’t know…pay attention to that sort of thing..” you trail off.

“What thing? Hair?” He asks.

“I guess, it’s just in my past relationships they didn’t have enough energy to care or notice. But you do and I love it. I love that about you, how you notice seemingly Insignificant things.” You smile cuddling closer into his chest.

“Well this isn’t just any relationship. I want this to last. And if me pointing out your hair, that I am totally not jealous of, makes you happy then I’m happy.” He says stroking your hair and twisting his finger around the strands.

“Oh shush. Your hair is perfect.” You snort out.

“I think any hairdresser would disagree.” He laughs out.

“I beg to differ, I personally think that your hair is amazing plus it’s attractive. Especially when it's messy bed head hair.” You say with a smile.

“Really so all my years of struggling with my hair have gone to waste? I could have just kept it how it was?” He asks sarcastically.

“It looks good done too, I just also love how it looks when it’s messy.” You smile

“Love?” He asks.

“Love. Always.” You restate.

“I love you. So much. More than anything. Sometimes I forget to show you how much I appreciate you. And I'm sorry, but I hope moments like these last forever.” Matt says switching positions so you are by his side on the sofa.

“Well, shit Matt. How am I supposed to follow up on that?” Matt laughs letting his head rest in the crock of your neck.

“Then don’t say anything and hold me while I hold you.”

——

After a couple days your hair is ready to be washed again. As you are about to get into the shower Matt stops you.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

“Yes Matty?” You turn, towel in hand.

“Can I- I mean if you're okay with it, could I maybe..”

“Matt. Spit it out already.” You huff out in a chuckle.

“Could I shower with you?” He asks you slightly, biting his lip. And dear lord was that hot.

You chuckle striding over to him. “Always. Whenever. I don’t mind at all. Actually if this becomes a usual thing then I will mind if you don’t shower with me at least every once and a while.” Matt grins and picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder. You squeal slightly not expecting his fast movements. 

When you get into the shower you grab the shampoo for your curls. Matt listens to your movements intently with his head tilted to the side. You lather your hair, and Matt does the same with a different shampoo, still listening and noticing your moves. He observes you rinsing it out, without a thought on your mind. He thinks it's incredible how when you are doing almost nothing and thinking about almost nothing, you are the most attractive person on earth.

He snaps out of his daze when the lid to your conditioner bottle opens. He stops your actions by placing a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey, I was wondering, can you teach me how to do your hair routine?” Matt asked in a soft almost unhearable tired voice. All the things swirling in your head stopped simultaneously. 

What? Did he just- did he ask you to teach him your hair routine?

“Umm… of course I can. May I ask why?” You say turning to him as he stepped under the showerhead to rinse out his shampoo.

“Well I was thinking about it, you know mine and can do it, I want to be able to do the same, and I want to know how my favorite person's hair becomes the way it is.” He says it like it is an obvious answer to your question.

“Ok, sure, why not?” He smiles and quickly kisses your temple. You tilt your head to give him a peck on the cheek.

You show him all the steps of your hair routine, and while you do so, you show him the best way to do each step, and what to avoid doing. He listens and mentally notes everything you say. Once you tell him how to do a step, you let him do one side of your hair, with your guidance. After you finish up in the shower you show him how you dry your hair and he listens without saying anything. You do the last bit on your own with him just observing you.

“That was a lot to throw at you,” you laugh at his serious thinking face. “Hope it wasn’t too hard to understand. I'm not good at explaining and well there was a lot to explain. Obviously you don’t have to do that again if you don’t want to, it was kind of a lot.” You say wrapping a towel around your body. He already has one around him.

“No, I would love to do that again. This time I was just trying to possess it all. That was incredible, I can’t believe you do that every time you wash your hair. You're amazing.” He wraps his and around your waist and you lean into his touch. Your hands wrapping about his torso.

“That sweet, especially coming from you. I can’t believe you actually care this much about my hair.” You say in disbelief. “You’re amazing. I love you so much. More than you could ever understand.” You add. You stand on your toes to reach his lips and kiss them. He leans in and wraps his strong arms around your toweled waist. And from that subtle gesture you knew he is feeling the exact same warmth in his heart as you are.

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

illicit affairs | four

*Ellie’s POV* “Let’s go see Matt.” Danielle and I walked downstairs after the show ended, I had to admit that was one of the better shows I’ve seen in a long time, but no one needs to know. We noticed Matt wasn’t at his booth, so Danielle just took us backstage to find him. We walked down the hall and towards the stage, as we got closer, I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions when I saw Matt. He was helping Folio take apart his drum kit, and when he looked down his eyes widened when they met mine. I ran over to him as he got off the lift, and he scooped me up into his arms, clutching onto me for dear life. God, I missed him so much.

“I missed you so fucking much.” He whispered into my hair as I held onto him tightly. “I missed you too.” I felt tears brimming my eyes as I started to feel guilty. “I’m so sorry I’ve been ignoring you.” He put me down and our eyes locked again, “Don’t be. I’m so glad you’re here now.” “Everyone sounded amazing tonight, you still got it.” I chuckled, giving him a light nudge. “I just keep getting better.” He smirked, wrapping his arm around me, “your hair is so short.” “Is that a bad thing?” “No.” He replied as his face flushed, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, “it looks really good on you.” “Thank you.” I mused. He hadn’t changed much, except he cut his hair a little shorter too but he was still the same Matt I knew. “So what are your plans now?” “Tonight was our last night of the tour, so we don’t have to leave until tomorrow. I know the guys are going out after but I don’t think you wanna see Noah.” “Would you be interested in doing something else? We could even just get some food, hang out my place and catch up?” Matt gave me a squeeze as he smiled sweetly at me, “That sounds great. I just need to put my stuff away and we can go.” Before I could say a thing, I saw Noah come back on stage to help. As soon as he saw me, he froze just like I did. We tried to avoid looking at each other, but it was physically impossible. He looked so different but in a good way. He looked stronger than I remembered, as if he was taking care of himself. He walked right past me and I felt my heart in my throat, noticing the small whale charm I bought him was on his necklace. How long has he been wearing that for? Or did he put it on in hopes of seeing me? I turned around to look take another look at him, I couldn’t get over how good he looked. He was talking to Nick and suddenly that smile that I adored so much appeared on his face, making my heart melt. Part of me wanted to go over and talk to him, but I didn’t know what that would solve. I wonder if he even cared, or if it was killing him like it was killing me. The silence was deafening.

[skylarmoon71]

Matt Murdock (Daredevil) - Chapter 13

“Matt, hey Matt!” 

The sudden call made him jolt and he ran right into the post. He fell back, cane dropping to the ground. Foggy rushed to his side, cursing as he helped him to his feet. 

“Geez dude what is with you lately, this is the second pole that you ran into.” 

When he was upright, Foggy handed him the cane with a laugh. 

“Sorry about that.” Matt apologized, dusting off his shirt. 

Foggy was right, he’d never been this uncoordinated. It wasn’t exactly his fault though. His mind was elsewhere and it was starting to affect his depth of perception. 

“You’re acting like me when I get a blowjob.” 

Foggy meant it as a joke, but Matt stumbled off the curb, collecting himself at the last second. When he gathered his footing, Foggy stared. Matt could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. Like a light bulb, he realized Foggy had figured it out. 

“Seriously dude, not in our dorm!!” 

Foggy groaned in disgust and Matt couldn’t stop the blush that crawled up his cheeks. It’s not like he’d planned for it to happen. He knew one thing, any further adventures would have to be at your place. The last thing he wants is Foggy walking in on the both of you. Especially in that state. 

“It’s not gonna happen again.” 

At least not in the dorm. 

“It better not!!” 

Foggy was still making sounds of disgust as they continued to walk to the library. Matt felt fortunate that he hadn’t seen you for the day. He needed some time to gather just a bit of composure. He’d like to say that he wasn’t thinking about it. Last night when you left his dorm with a shy smile and a kiss on his cheek, he realized that you had him completely wrapped around your finger. 

~

“Hey, what’s that?” 

Sitting in class, you were conversing when one of the girls pulled out a small bottle of what looked like perfume. She rolled it on wrists with a smile.

“It’s a pheromone perfume. Abby told me that it works. You just put a little on wrists and rub them together and boom, your man is all over you. I’m going to see my boyfriend after class.”

You stared at it curiously. Of course you were intrigued. The thought of Matt made you blush. A sneaky grin worked its way on her face. 

“Here, you can have this one. I’ve got like a dozen of them in my room.” She handed you the bottle before you could protest, and just as you were to give it back, the professor walked in. The lesson started and she just winked at you. 

It was obvious that she wasn’t about to take it back. You slipped it into your backpack bashfully. By the time your class ended, all you wanted to do was see Matt. Pulling out your phone, you just stared at his contact before you finally got yourself to send the message. 

“I’m free for the rest of the day, do you want to stop by for a movie?” 

You fidget a bit until you get the message. 

“Sounds good, I’ll be there in an hour or so after my class is over.” 

You smiled, liking the message as you hurried to get back home. The second you got through the door you practically tossed your bag as you jumped into the shower. You had a lot of time, so you had a mini concert as you danced around in the small space. 

After a lengthy shower and commendable vocal ability you’d hopped out of the shower. By the time you made it back to the living room, you noticed your bag hanging partially off the couch. You shook your head as you kneeled to put the contents back in. The last item you picked up made you pause. You straightened the bag, staring at the bottle now in your hands. 

“Pheromones..” 

You didn’t exactly believe in that kind of stuff, but there wasn’t any harm in just trying it. At the very least, it was perfume. You dab some on both wrists, rubbing them together, then put a little on either side of your neck. With a little giggle, you place it back in your bag as you move it to the table. Your head turned at the knock. You practically skipped to the door, a smile breaking out on your face when you saw him. He stepped inside and you closed the door. 

“So what do you feel like watching?” 

“How about another action?” 

“You know me so well.” 

You were grinning as you thought of all the great ones you could pick from. You were about to get the popcorn when Matt grabbed your wrist.

“Hmmm?” 

He took another step, brows knitted. You were still very much confused, but then his head tilted to the right. 

“Are you..wearing a new perfume?” 

“Oh, yeah. One of my classmates gave it to me. She swears it’s addictive to guys. I thought it was funny. Does it smell good?” He made another step, now standing right before you. You didn’t think much of it until he dropped his cane and pulled you into a hug. Your cheeks heated, arms extended slightly at the sudden action. 

“M-Matt?” 

His face was buried in your neck as he inhaled. 

“You smell amazing.. “

The words were whispered against your neck and your hands gripped at the back of his shirt when he started trailing kisses at every spot he could find. You couldn’t believe it had actually worked. You always thought that stuff was a scam to get people to buy the product. 

When his teeth grazed your skin, your legs felt weak. One of his hands trailed down and you gasped when he cupped a handful of your ass. Your legs almost gave out, but he caught you, keeping you upright. His free hand moved to your cheek and you barely got a word in before he kissed you as if you were the air that he desperately needed. 

You made a mental note to send that girl a freaking gift basket. 

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Days and Nights are Long

Pairing: clueless!Colin Shea x clueless!fem Reader

Words: ~4K

Summary: You and Colin are being idiots and it’s driving his band crazy.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, squirting), idiots in love, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: It took way longer than I had planned but here’s some more of our drunk, musical idiots in love for you hoes!!! I love them so, even though they’re morons. Tagging my Colin babes @starlightcrystalline and @wayward-blonde because I know they’ve been waiting for this.

I no longer do taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Colin shook his head and shrugged uncomfortably as he stared at his phone, wracking his brain to think of what exactly he should say to you.

“For fuck’s sake, Shea, just ask her to come up.” Matt looked exasperated, twirling his stick through his fingers as he rolled his eyes when Colin scowled at him.

He’d been moping for the past two weeks, ever since the two of you had slept together. All of his bandmates were getting sick of it, the man was the biggest pouty baby on the face of the planet. If they had to listen to him sing Everybody Hurts one more time they were going to kill him.

So they’d come up with a little plan to get him out of his funk, lining up a gig that would really lend itself better to a female vocalist and feigning innocence when Colin pointed that out. They had really enjoyed hanging out with you on that exceptionally hot evening, and if having you join them again was the only way to get their boy out of his funk, even better. He had actually smiled before pulling his phone out, but then he realized he had no idea what he should say.

The two of you had still been cordial whenever you ran into each other, but there was definitely a strain to your interactions now. No matter how much you both told each other it wasn’t awkward, it was definitely awkward. It was also weird that he was pretty sure you hadn’t come home after 1 AM at all in the last two weeks, and you usually at least spent your weekend nights at some other asshole’s apartment. Not that he’d had any visitors either, but he didn’t want to explore that too much.

He was still staring at his phone screen and trying to come up when some nonchalant greeting that would entice you to come sing with them when the phone was suddenly plucked out of his hand by an exasperated looking Keith, who ignored his spluttering as he typed a quick message before tossing the phone back to him.

“You’re thinking about this too hard.” The bassist said, setting to tuning his instrument and chuckling at the indignant look on Colin’s face.

Colin was about to give a snarky reply when he felt his phone buzz and looked down to see a text from you, grinning when he saw you saying you’d be right up. With an exclamation point! He didn’t even notice the pleased grins his bandmates were giving each other as they watched him start to tune his guitar, plucking a happy little tune and humming to himself.

They were all expecting you to come through the main door from the stairs, so when you shouted hello from behind them after climbing up your fire escape, you were greeted with the sight of five grown men almost jumping out of their skins before turning to greet you.

That grin on your face was enough to make Colin melt, all the awkwardness that had been lingering between you disappearing in an instant when you met each other’s eyes.

“Alright boys!” You took the mic Brad handed you with a warm smile, rolling it in one hand as you trailed the cord through your fingers. “You said you needed my help with something Col, what’s up?”

“Right, these idiots lined up a gig for us without consulting me first.” They all avoided his halfhearted glare with doe eyed innocence, focusing on their instruments. “And, well, the set list isn’t really in my range.”

“Lemme see.” You took the sheet of paper from his hand and scanned it quickly. “That’s a whole lot of girl rock.”

“Yeah, like I said, Ann Wilson and I aren’t really in the same register.” Fuck, it was nice to be able to talk to you again.

“Why don’t you just modulate it, then?” You mumbled absentmindedly.

He gaped like a fish at that question. He honestly hadn’t even thought about it, and even if he had, he wasn’t expecting you to know about modulation.

“If we modulate for him, none of us can hit the harmonies.” Craig piped up from behind the keyboards, and he could have kissed him.

“That right?” You teased, shooting a wicked smirk around at them. “You boys sure you didn’t just miss me?”

Colin tried not to sound too hysterical when he let out a laugh, missing the indulgent eye rolls his band mates were giving behind your backs.

“What do you think, we booked a gig where I can’t sing any of the songs on purpose just so we could hang out again?” Good thing he was pretty, the man was clueless.

“No, you’re not that clever, Col.” He made a mock wounded gesture and you grinned at him, looking over the set list some more. “What kind of gig is this anyway?”

“Yeah, Craig, you never told us what the actual gig was.” Colin and the rest of the band gave the keyboardist a variety of inquisitive stares.

“Uh, it’s a bachelorette party.” He mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with his bandmates when they started groaning.

“Fuck, Craig! I do not want to get felt up by a bunch of drunk, horny women!” Colin threw a balled up sheet of music at you when you started laughing.

“That seems right up your alley, Shea.” You teased, dodging when he threw a pillow from the couch at you. “You don’t want to pick up some rowdy bridesmaid?”

“No, they’re scary aggressive.” He shuddered when he thought about the last bachelorette party they had done, they’d practically ripped the band’s clothes off before they could get out of there.

“Aww, well I’ll be there to shield you this time, sweetie.” You winked at him and moved a little closer to everyone. “Let’s practice, boys. Don’t want to give those girls cause to complain.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was the day of the gig, and you and Colin had decided to drive together to streamline things. He was waiting in your living room and tapping his foot nervously as he waited for you to finish getting ready, anxious about what actually performing with you would be like.

“Y/N, we need to go!” He never thought you would be the type to take forever getting ready.

“Yeah, I know!” You strolled out to the living room with a grin on your face and he had to swallow a groan. “How do I look?”

“Good, really good.” The way he was looking at you made your grin grow even wider.

The outfit wasn’t even that special, just a denim mini skirt and a tight v-neck tee with a leather jacket. Oh, and thigh high leather boots. It was definitely the boots he was staring at, his eyes trained on the few inches of bare skin between the top of the boots and the hem of your skirt. You gave him a couple minutes to just stare at you before rolling your eyes and strolling towards your front door, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him after you.

“C’mon Shea, we don’t wanna be late.” You scolded, shoving his amp into his hand and slinging his guitar case over your shoulder before heading down the stairs.

He had trouble focusing on the road as he drove you to the bar the party was going to be at, all he wanted to do was memorize the way you looked in that outfit. It was like someone told you exactly what to wear to drive him crazy. Maybe bringing you into this gig hadn’t been the best idea, because all he wanted to do right now was pull over and let you ride him while you weren’t wearing anything except for those boots and that jacket, and maybe whatever lingerie you had on under that outfit.

“Colin, you’re going to miss the turn.” Your voice snapped him out of his little daydream, and he cursed as he took the turn towards the bar a little faster than he would have liked.

“Sorry, just got a little distracted.” He mumbled, slowing down as he turned into the alley behind the bar and put the car in park behind Matt’s van.

The rest of the band was already unloading, waving at you two as Colin shut off his vehicle and you stepped out. You actually gave Craig and Keith little side hugs before you started helping with the unloading, he hadn’t realized you guys had gotten that close over the past week, and for some reason it made him smile.

“How’s it going man?” He didn’t know how he felt about the look Matt was giving him as he helped carry the bass drum inside, it felt suggestive of something. “Y/N seems excited to be here.”

“Yeah, I thought she might be nervous about performing but she’s handling everything like a pro.” He watched you laugh at something Brad said as you worked on connecting your mic. “Maybe we should make her an official member.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Matt just shrugged, laughing when Colin rounded on him and started spluttering.

“I was joking! We can’t just ask Y/N to be in the band!” Could they? Having you around had been a lot of fun, and the band dynamic had helped alleviate some of the tension that had been growing between you two. But seeing you tonight looking like you did and knowing that you were gonna have to have some on stage chemistry to make this work was making him think twice about things. You got a little intense during rehearsals, and the added pressure of being on stage might make him combust if you kicked it up at all.

Matt shook his head at him and set to assembling his kit while the rest of the band started tuning and connecting their instruments. You just sat on a stool and sipped some water, running through a couple vocal exercises absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. It only took a couple of minutes for everyone to finish setting up and then it was mic checks all around.

Everything sounded good and balanced after a couple adjustments and the sound guys gave you the thumbs up to start warming up. Colin couldn’t stop watching you. You were so unbelievably relaxed on stage and it was just endearing you to him even more. He thought for sure you would have been a bundle of nerves but you seemed to be right in your element, tossing him a couple of lazy grins over your shoulder as you ran through a couple of songs before the partygoers started filtering in.

The band switched to doing some instrumental ambience shit while they waited for the party to really get going, and Colin wandered over to talk to you when you took a step back from your mic.

“Still feeling ok about this?” He asked, beaming back at the soft smile you gave him.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” You bounced on your toes a little, adrenaline flooding your veins as the crowd grew. “Think I’ll get any bras thrown at me?”

“You never know with bachelorettes.” He laughed, strolling back over to his own mic so he could introduce the band.

If he thought jamming with you was special, it was nothing compared to watching you perform. You were a goddamn natural, coming alive and feeding off the crowd’s energy until you were completely lost in the music. Every time his eyes met yours you were grinning at him, and your chemistry with the rest of the band was palpable.

Not to mention, you kept drifting close to him on the stage, brushing your hand over his shoulders or leaning against him when you harmonized and it was making his knees weak. , God, he could do this with you every night, even though he was pretty sure he was going to need to sneak into the bathroom to jerk off afterwards.

The show was over too soon, the extremely drunken crowd of rowdy bachelorettes finally getting crazy enough that the band was ready to make a hasty escape. You were bouncing on your toes with residual energy as you started helping the guys pack up their instruments, grabbing Colin’s amp after he shoved his guitar in the case and you both made a run for it to his car when a wobbly woman started to try to climb on the stage.

“Colin, holy fuck that was so much fun!” You managed to make it to the alley unscathed and were giving him the most heartbreaking grin. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

“Yeah? Well you did a great fucking job.” Goddamn it, he’d missed you. “We can do whatever you want, honey.”

“Really?” You slammed the trunk closed and started to prowl closer to him. “Whatever I want?”

“That is what I said.” He could feel his voice dropping into that low register that meant he was in desperate need of some sort of release, so he really hoped he wasn’t misreading this situation. “Why? Did you want something now?”

“I think I do.” Your chest was right against his and you could feel it heaving, gazing at him through your lashes while you ran your fingers over his abs. “I stole the keys to the van.”

“And, you wanna go on a joy ride?” He breathed deep when you brushed your lips over his, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“Or, we could just fuck in the back while the rest of the guys search for these.” You pulled back a little and jingled the keys in his face, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth while he ran his hands over your hips.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He smashed his lips to yours and let out a low moan, his fingers digging into your ass while the two of you stumbled towards the side door of the van.

You fumbled with the keys for a minute because you didn’t want to take your mouth off Colin for any reason, but then you were sliding the door open and the two of you were falling inside in a tangle of limbs before somehow managing to kick the door closed behind you. Trying to undress each other was a little difficult with how wrapped up you were in each other but you managed, tossing your garments away haphazardly as your tongues curled tangled together. Colin grabbed your hands when you went to remove your boots, pulling them up to his face and kissing your palms before winding your arms around his neck.

“Keep those on.” His voice was a low growl and fuck, you forgot how sexy he was.

“Well, cannot say I’m surprised you're a little kinky, Col.” You wound your fingers through his hair and yanked, purring at the groan he gave you. “I’m gonna suck that pretty dick of yours, but then I’ll give it to you nice and rough.”

“God, baby.” He wished he didn’t sound so whiny when you started kissing your way down his chest, but he hadn’t gotten any release except from his hand for the past two weeks and he really needed you to keep doing what you were doing. “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“Yeah? Knew you were a good boy.” You winked at him when you started kissing the skin above the band of his boxer briefs before you were yanking them down his thighs and immediately licking a heavy stripe up the underside of his cock when it sprung up against his abs.

Colin had to brace a hand against the side of the van when you worked him over, spitting on his tip and watching it drip down his length before spreading it over him with your lips. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a nice, smooth stroke as you ducked down between his length to press gentle kisses over his balls while you jerked him off. He almost choked on his tongue when you wrapped your lips around his sack and tugged softly, the hum you let out sending a vibration up his spine while your thumb swiped over his swollen tip.

The sounds he was making from just a handjob were enough to soak through the thin lace of your panties, and when he shouted your name when you moved a little lower and teased your tongue over his asshole, well you almost fucking came just from that. You couldn’t believe you had stupidly waited two fucking weeks before indulging in this man again, you finally felt like yourself again. It was driving you absolutely crazy, the way his hips were wriggling underneath you spurring you on until you couldn’t take it any more.

If he thought your hand was incredible, it was nothing compared to the feel of your lips wrapped around his tip while your tongue swirled around his sensitive head. With all the women he’d slept with, he’d definitely suffered through some mediocre and downright disappointing blow jobs. But you felt like you were about to suck the soul out of him, and you’d only just started.

“Ah, Christ.” He was going to pass out if you kept going like this, your mouth was like fucking heaven. “Honey, fuck.”

You shot him a wicked look when you started bobbing your head, taking him just a little deeper each time while your tongue curled around him as much as possible. Then you opened your throat and swallowed him whole and he lost his mind.

He wrapped his hand in your hair and held your head still as he started fucking your throat, his hips bucking wildly while you choked and sputtered around him. Drool was running down your chin and soaking his thighs as you started breathing through your nose, digging your fingers into his thighs while he used you like a fuck toy. You kept your tongue pressed flat against your bottom teeth to avoid choking on it, moaning softly when you tasted the salty tang of his precum hit your tongue. His grip on your hair was growing painful, and you could tell by the way his abs were twitching that he was close.

“Wait, ah shit!” He somehow managed to gather enough self control to pull out of your mouth, groaning at the long string of saliva that kept you connected even as you bit at your swollen lips. “I’m not coming unless it’s in that pretty pussy. How do you want it?”

“Fuck me from behind, Col.”

He growled as he sat up and smashed his lips to yours, savoring the taste of himself on your tongue before flipping your over and burying his face in your hair. You let out a low moan when he slammed into you with no warning, gasping at the punishing pace he was setting and purring when he started mouthing at your neck.

The van was shaking like some sort of cliche while Colin fucked into you with abandon, his hips bouncing off your ass in an obscene display while the two of you whined and panted together. Colin was going to lose his fucking mind, two weeks with barely even talking to you and now he was finally inside you it was all he could do to not go completely feral.

“Oh god, honey.” He was practically whining against your skin when you clenched around him, sucking your ear lobe between his lips while you arched your back and purred for him. “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet. Pussy so fucking good. Tell me you’re close, I need to feel you come.”

“So close, Colin, shit!” You gasped when he hit you deep, curling your body backwards around him and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair and press his lips to yours. “Need that dick so bad. Feel so good when you’re inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know.” He wound one hand around your neck and the other arm around your waist, holding you close while he kissed you deeply and swallowed your wanton mewls with a deep groan. “Come for me.”

His hips ground against you and you slapped the floor of the van when you came, sobbing into his mouth and vibrating underneath him while your pussy strangled his cock. Your teeth nipped at his lips once you were finished, humming happily as he continued fucking you through your high.

“Need more, Colin.” You whimpered when he started slowing down, trying to thrust your hips back towards him as you tried to bring yourself to the edge again. “Harder, I need it.”

“Fuck, I’ll give you whatever you fucking want.” He tugged at your lips with his teeth, squeezing your neck gently and groaning at your soft whimper as you clenched around him. “Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good.”

You couldn’t respond when he started pounding into you furiously, the way his cock was punching against your soft walls making it a little hard to breathe, never mind thinking. He was hitting every spot you needed him to with each thrust, grunting into your ear each time his hips slammed into you until he felt your breath hitch.

Every time he bottomed out you thought you were going to pass out, the tip of his cock punching against your cervix and making you see stars. It was so good, he was hitting you so deep and smooth you couldn’t believe you’d been denying yourself for so long.

Colin growled when a particularly vicious push had your entire body rising off the floor of the van, your fluttering sigh sending a shiver of pleasure through his body. One more thrust and you lost it, screaming with ecstasy as every muscle in your body vibrated and you squirted all over Colin’s thighs and the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, baby.” Colin was desperate, his rhythm completely gone as he chased his own end while you fluttered around him. “Gonna fill this pretty little pussy up until I’m leaking outta you for the next week.”

“Oh god, please.” Your eyes rolled up in your head while you let him use you, his lips tracing your jaw hungrily as you pushed your hips back to meet his. “Give it to me, Colin.”

He buried his face in your neck and let out a strangled cry when his hips stuttered, thick, warm ropes of white shooting against your soft walls until he was collapsing on top of you with a sated moan. You tangled your fingers with his above your head as your breathing regulated, his breath hot on your neck while the two of you melted into each other.

“We’re not waiting two weeks again, right?” Colin’s arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled into your hair, his lips spreading in a slow smile when he felt you purr contentedly.

“Nope. I’m definitely gonna need this to happen on the regular.” You turned a little so you could rub your nose against his. “You know, in between our other, normal escapades.”

“Right.” His heart fell a little at that, but maybe just interspersing his trysts with you with his other one night stands would help flush his crush on you out of his system.

Before he had a chance to say anything else there was a sudden pounding at the van door, snapping the two of you out of your haze with a pair of exasperated groans.

“Shea!!!” You untangled yourselves as you started to pull on your clothes. “That had better be Y/N in there! If you sad fucked some bachelorette and we have to listen to you sing stupid breakup songs for the next month I’m going to kill you!”

[aliasimagines]

It Was You All Along // Dave Lizewski

requested by a lovely anon 💕

Can u write dave x fem!reader where reader Always had a crush on him but he kinda ignored reader bc of Katie but then someone popular asks reader out and he gets jealous and y/n dresses up super hot and he realizes he fucked up

word count: 1809

a/n: i hope this is close enough! ❤️ (i couldn't think of a different title but this one reminds me of Agatha All Along xd)

"Hey, Dave! My folks are gone for the weekend and I thought we could have an X-men watch party. Wanna come?" 

"Sorry I can't, I'm hanging out with Katie." 

"Again?" you ask a bit louder than intended,causing a few people to look at you in the hallway. You continue with a lower voice "Aren't you like, tired of all the lying? Like, what if she finds out that you're not actually gay, hm? Cause you know she will, eventually." 

"Why do you care so much?!" Dave says, clearly frustrated. 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"Oh why would I? Maybe because we have been best friends since diapers, you stupid asshole!" you say not caring if some students hear you or not, anymore. "But you know what, you are right. I shouldn't care. Go play pretend with Katie but don't come to me, crying when you end up getting your heart broken." 

"Don't worry, I won't." he snaps back. And you turn around and leave but not before flipping him off. You felt the angry tears rolling down your cheeks as you zigzagged between the chattering teenagers. 

You couldn’t  believe how Dave could be so blind! He only had eyes for Miss Perfect. Whom by the way, is a real bitch and would go back to ignoring Dave or calling him a freak if it wasn’t for his little gay act. 

Somehow you made your way over to the restroom and locked yourself into one of the booths.

Dave couldn’t even see you as a potential “love-interest”. Eventhough you were the one who always were there for him, you were always there when he called, running to him like a lost puppy. And he couldn’t even care less. And you hate him for it. But you hate yourself more for still liking him. 

It’s not like you can do something about it, if you could, you would have. But that’s not how it works, so you are just crying your guts out on the toilet trying not to think about Dave.

In all honesty, you have no idea how you made it through the day. You almost cried during biology but you caught yourself after a few lonely tears. You could feel Dave’s gaze on you but there was no way you would look at him. As soon as the last bell rang you were out of school, hurring past Tod and Marty, not being in the mood for them either.

The next day wasn’t any different, you didn’t hang with Dave, Tod and Marty like you normally do. You didn’t sit with them at lunch, instead walked over to the only empty table you saw and placed your tray there. You mounched on your food, completely unaware of your surroundings until you hear the chair next to you being pulled out. You look up to see Matthew Greendale, resident hottie of the school sit next to you. 

"Hey, sorry, it's not a problem if I sit here, right?" he asks. You eyed him suspiciously. 

"No, it's fine." 

It's fine?! You mentally scold yourself. You never even spoke to this guy, outside of literature in first year. Why would he sit next to you? 

"I didn't want to sit with all the other "popular jocks" he answered you unspoken question while taking a bite of his canteen-hamburger. “They’re fun and everything but it’s nice to get away from them sometimes.”

You think of your friends who are sitting a few tables away and you can’t help but agree with Matthew.

“Yeah, I feel you.” you say without thinking.

“Hey..We used to sit next to each other in freshman year, didn’t we? It’s y/n ,right?” 

You nod with a smile, honestly being surprised that he remembers you.

“Yeah!”

“I haven’t really seen you around a lot. But when I do you are always hanging with those comic book nerds.”

“Hey! Comics are great.”

He puts his hands up in a defense.

“Oh no! I didn’t mean it as an insult. Some comics are good, my little brother made read one last month. It was actually great.”

“What comic was it?”

“Oh, uhm..It was about some kind of blind dude in a devil costume.”

“Daredevil?” you ask with a giggle.

“Yes, that one!” he laughs too.

The two of you continue talking until the end of lunch break. He is surprisingly fun to talk to and he even offers to walk you to your next class after lunch. You had such a good time you didn’t even think about Dave, heck, you didn’t even notice him literally glaring daggers into Matthew.

“What’s up with you, dude?” Tod asks snapping Dave out of it. 

“Yeah, Dave. What the shit is going on with you and Y/N?” Marty asks too.

Dave forrows is eyebrows. Yes, what the shit is going on with the two of you? Every since yesterday's 'fight' with you he can't stop thinking. About how he spends most, if not all of his time either with being Kick-Ass or, rather with Katie. It used to be different. He spent every second with you and he just threw you away so he could maybe get laid. And sure, Katie may be hot as fuck but she is.. Well, she is not you. 

"We had a fight, yesterday. I.. And she was right." he explains with a grimace. "But why the fuck is that Greendale asshole is with her?" 

"You jealous or something, dude?" 

"Wha- Of course I am not jealous! Why would I be? You guys are nuts." 

Jealous… The word rolled around in his mouth like a new flavored milkshake he never tasted before. 

Could he be… Jealous? He never thought of you that way, you were always his best friend. Just that. But.. The more he thinks about it the more he can't stop that twist like feeling in his stomach. 

That night he can't focus on crime fighting. All his thoughts are tied to you. Whether he likes it or not, memories of you keep popping up in his mind. How didn't he notice your beautiful smile before? And your laugh? It's like a beautiful melody. And… Gosh! When did he become such a sappy teenager? Oh and another thing.. He kept trying to think of something else, anything else like Katie for example but he doesn't care anymore! 

Dave goes home early with a frustrated growl. The remaining hours of the night he spends with tossing and turning and daydreaming instead of sleeping. 

(the next afternoon, Atomic Comics) 

Dave bangs his head against the wood table once again. A tired groan leaves his lips when he hears Tod almost choking on his iced coffee. 

"What the tunk, Tod?" Marty and Dave ask almost at the same time. The dirty blonde haired boy keeps pointing outside the huge window that they are sitting next to at Atomic Comics. 

"Is that fucking y/n?!" 

Now all three of them look outside the shop and see you, all dressed up nad seemingly waiting for someone. 

"Holy fuck!" Dave whispers. He stares at you, with his mouth a gap before jumping up from the booth they were sitting at and rushing outside the store. 

"Y/n! Y/-" he yells almost tripping on thin air. 

"Dave?" you question, quickly turning towards him. Damn, you missed him. No! Yeah, you did… "What do you want?" 

"What do I- What, can't I talk to you?" 

"If you wanted to talk you would have in these past days!" you say. Yes, you might have missed him, but it's not like you're gonna show it. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am waiting for my date to show up." 

"Your.. Your what, now?!" 

"My date" 

"You can't go on a date!" 

"And why is that, Lizewski?" 

"Lizewski? Really, you're calling me by my surname? Are we in such a bad place right now?" 

"I don't know, you tell me. Are you going to tell me what i can and can't do, hm?" 

"I didn't mean it like that. I just…" 

"What, it's fine when you say it but when I do it with you about Katie I'm the bad friend?" 

"No,it's just-" 

"Sorry. Matt's here." you point to the street across the road where you saw the boy walk towards you. "I gotta go." 

You start walking away but Dave grabs your wrist. 

"Please, don't." he mumbles. 

"Why not?" you snap at him but your expressions soften upon your eyes land on his saddened face. 

"I- because I don't want you with him. O-or anyone." 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"What?" 

He took a deep breath before looking around. Matt was waiting patiently by the traffic light so he could cross the road. Dave quickly began explaining. 

"You were right. About Katie. I was such a dickhead, I am so sorry, y/n. I am sorry for ignoring you over her and and.." from the corner of his eye he sees the traffic light turn green. "Shit! I don't want you to go out with Greendale cause I.. Because I like you. Like really fucking like you. And oh my god you look so fucking hot in this outfit, not that you're not always hot but holy shit. I know we are just friends and you don't think of me that way but I ju-"

"Oh my god! Do you ever shut up?" you yell before pressing your lips to his. Dave stumbled back a little, but quickly recovered and kissed back. Your hands cupped his face and his hands grabbed your waist in response. You both tilled your heads, deepening the kiss earning loud knocking from Marty and Tod as they watched the whole scene through the window. Not that you noticed any of it. You didn't hear the passing by car honk at you nor the yells or whistles. You also did not notice Matthew walking away with a sad smile after seeing the two of you. Your touches intertwine and you're pretty sure you heard Dave moan slightly which causes you to giggle into the kiss. You both pull away gasping for air. You look down at your shoes, hoping to hide your flushed cheeks. Dave scratches his back and looks around nervously only to see his two idiotic friends making kissy faces. He lifts his middle finger for them before clearing his throat. 

"So.. Khm.. I guess you like me too?" 

You let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, I do." you say looking at him with a smile.

"That's.. Fuck. That's great." he replied genuinely happy. "Wanna get out of here?" 

You nod and you take off. You take Dave's hand and he intertwines your fingers with a smile. Maybe he is truly a superhero. He helps people and he gets the girl of his dreams. The happy ending. 

Dave Lizewski taglist : @sethcohenluvr @your-hispanichufflepuff

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Compromised - Part 10

THIS ONE IS LONG. A LOT HAPPENING.

QUESTION: Would y'all rather Y/N become an OC? By that, I mean that I'd give her a name but since we're so far along in the story her description would continue to be vague so readers can continue to picture her how they want, but with a name.

WC: 9.4k

Warning: violence & murder

Y/N felt like the jet couldn’t get there soon enough. She had spent a large part of her night researching and downloading files on Alexei, Viktor, Dominic, Sally, Harry. There was one on Niall, the last it had been updated was 3 years prior and there was only one thing on Axel in the Interpol database, he had been caught with a little too much weed on his person. There was no intel on Matt, Allan, or Liam. But she needed what she could get because once the CIA realized she had gone AWOL they would cut her access off and come find her. She also needed to destroy all of the surveillance she had on Harry because then they’d definitely go after him, just to get to her. As she thought of all of this, as she mentally made plans about what she could do next she came to one conclusion. She had to turn herself in once she made sure Harry was safe otherwise he’d never know a moment of peace.

***********

Harry was more than excited and nervous knowing that Y/N would soon be on her way back home. And yes, it had only been three bleeding days, but he didn’t realize how much time they’d been spending together until he wasn’t hearing her voice every day. After she called to say she wanted to come back he cut his workday short and headed home and asked Axel to meet him there. He wanted to ensure that his little set up was all perfect for her. He had a plan to set up a little picnic in his back yard, he had sent Axel to find some more nails in the toolbox he had in the garage. Harry stayed in his backyard to resume hanging some outdoor string lights to make the ambiance a little more romantic. He was struggling with reaching a particular spot, he was just trying to reach the nail he had put in on the edge of the lining of his roof, he was just an inch or so away. Suddenly a loud bang sounded and he jumped at the fright from the sound, causing the step ladder to become unbalanced and before he even realized it he was on his back on the grass, gasping for the breath that was knocked out of him from the impact of the fall and that’s when he felt it, the burning ache radiating from the top of his arm. He groaned, blinking his eyes open slowly as he processed what had just happened. The pain he felt was making it hard to breathe, he was blinking back tears as he turned to see what the damage was. He frowned when he saw a gunshot wound had nearly obliterated his right shoulder.

“Fuck.” He groaned, unable to sit up, it hurt way too much. Suddenly Axel came running out, “Axel!” He tried to shout but couldn’t as the tears cascaded down his face silently, he was in complete shock. Then another shot was fired and the glass sliding door shattered and Axel ducked down to avoid getting hit. A few more shots sounded and Axel returned several shots in the direction where the previous shots had come from and then it fell silent for a while. Harry was growing drowsy from the pain he felt, it was radiating through his whole right side. In moments Axel rushed down the small deck to the grass where Harry was laying.

“Harry, are you alright?” Axel asked crouching beside him, “Shit.” He said as he saw his shoulder, there was a lot of blood. Axel grabbed his phone with shaky hands to dial the ambulance, he could hear sirens, but it was most likely police. When he got an answer he quickly gave the address and let the operator know that Harry was shot. “I’m sorry, mate. This is going to hurt.” He said as he took off his jumper and used it to apply pressure on his wound. The cry that left Harry made Axel’s skin crawl, “Just hang tight, mate. Hang tight, help is on the way.” He assured.

***********

Y/N’s taxi was finally pulling into the private landing strip where Harry’s jet was just touching down, precisely the time he had mentioned the day before when they spoke on the phone. The jet came to a full stop as her taxi arrived at the tarmac it was at. She then got out of the taxi and the driver helped her with her bag and as she approached the jet, the steps came down and in seconds the flight staff was rushing down the stairs.

“Miss, we were instructed to take a small break since we flew through the night. But head on up and get comfortable, we won’t be long.” the pilot said before they hurried off and into the nearby building where the communication tower was. She then grabbed her suitcase and pulled it up the steps and walked into the jet.

“Hey Niall, do you know how long we’re gonna be. I’m kind of in a hurry to-” she stopped at the sound of the jet’s door shutting and she jumped a bit in fear, turning around to see Niall stepping back from it, “Are you gonna fly this thing or what?” She asked with a smile and he still didn’t say anything, he just came closer until he was standing right in front of her.

“Hi, Y/N.” He finally said and her eyebrows furrowed at how weird he was acting.

“Hi.” She said flatly, “Can we please leave. I’d like to get back home.” She said and Niall cocked his head to the side.

“London’s not your home though.” He said.

“It is now, I work there.”

“You work remotely.” He said and she sighed.

“Niall, what the hell is going on?” She asked nervously. Did he know? How could he know? He suddenly pushed her into a seat and had a gun to her temple and she was frozen. “Listen carefully and choose your next words very wisely.” He warned, “Who the fuck are you?” 

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I swear-”

“Don’t lie to me. I’d like to give Harry the truth at some point in time.”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I saw you with Dominic last year. And again, last night. I have photos of you all over Alexei. So who the fuck are you and what do you want with Harry?” 

“No, no, Niall listen to me. It’s not what it looks like.” She rambled, “I needed to find out what Dominic is up to. I needed to help Harry he’s in danger someone’s supposed to kill him and-”

“S’that someone you after Dominic’s hitmen failed last time?” She shook her head.

“Niall, be reasonable.” She pleaded.

“Who the fuck- shit!” Niall shouted as she kneed his stomach and reached for his gun, grabbing it from him and stepping back, frantically trying to disarm it when she was tackled to the ground and it flew out of her grip. She groaned as his eyes bore into hers, “I won’t let you hurt him! He’s been through enough.” He grunted as he tried to pin her in place.

“I’m not going to hurt him.” She strained, trying to get free. She stopped resisting and he let his grip loosen and that’s when she pulled her hand out of his hold and thrust her palm up to his nose, dislocating it and he stumbled off as the blood poured out from it. She turned on her stomach to grab the gun just a few centimeters from her fingertips.

“You’re dead!” He growled, grabbing the knife in his pocket before grabbing her ankle and yanking her back towards him and as he straddled her hips he brought the knife to her throat but then heard the click of the safety coming off and he glanced down to his chest where the gun was angled down from his sternum. 

“Don’t make me pull the trigger.” She panted, seemingly unfazed by the knife resting at her throat.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” He said back, “Now tell me who the fuck are you? Last. Fucking. Chance. Or we both go.” He warned as he added more pressure to the blade resting on her throat.

“I can’t tell you; it’s for your own good. But you have to trust me. I’m not going to hurt Harry or you or any of your friends.” She spoke slowly, every time her throat bobbed up she swore the blade would cut into her skin.

“That’s not the answer I’m looking for. If you’re not going to talk I’m gonna have to kill you.” He said leaning in closer, she could see it in his eyes, he was going to do it. She’d had that look before.

“Please, Niall.” She whispered and his eyes softened for a flicker of a second before they became hard and determined again, he was going to do it. “You might not believe me but you must tell him that everything I felt was real. I wasn’t pretending.” She said softly and just closed her eyes, waiting to feel the sting of the blade cutting into her skin. There was a beat of calm as she waited.

“Shit.” He whispered and moved off of her. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw him sitting on the ground, leant against one of the seats, watching her attentively before wiping at his nose and grimacing. She sat up and inched towards him.

“I can snap it back into place for you.” She said and he looked at her warily, “I promise I won’t hurt you.” She said.

“I don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth. I’ve always had a feeling about you.” He said and she frowned.

“Niall, I don’t care how you feel towards me but Harry’s in danger and I need to make sure he can be safe and in order to do that I need to get back to England like yesterday!” She pleaded.

“I am not moving this plane anywhere until you tell me everything you know.”

“Then Harry’s a dead man.” She said and Niall sighed.

“I guess he’s dead then.” Niall said and Y/N could not believe his obstinance.

“Niall, please!” She urged him and he shook his head.

“I am not letting you anywhere near him unless you give me a reason to. Now, you can tell me who you are and what you want or you can get off this plane and hope to god, if he’s up there, that I don’t see you anywhere near any of us ever again or else.” He was set on this and as much as she wanted to trust him, there seemed to be a lot of traitors swimming in Harry’s circle. But she needed to chance it and she hoped that Niall was the right person to tell. 

“You can’t tell anyone, Niall. If I tell you what’s going on then you have to promise me that it stays with us. For your safety and everyone else’s.” She insisted and he looked hesitant.

“I promise to keep it to myself, well, depending on what it is you say.” He said and she sighed, what more could she do.

“Fine.”

“And…” he stood and grabbed a bag and brought out some rope and she scoffed, “Put that on and fasten yourself to the table there.” He pointed and she looked at him with disbelief, “What if you decide to kill me after spilling out your secrets?”

“I won’t.”

“Well just how you can’t trust me I can’t trust you. And I actually have evidence for why I don’t trust you.” He reminded and she groaned and tied herself up, after doing a couple of actions to prove that she was really fastened there he sat across from her on the floor again and waited for her to start, but she was trying to articulate it all and he sighed, “Start with the pictures I have of you with Dominic and Alexei.” Niall pressed and she sighed.

“I’m using them, I swear.”

“OK, for what?”

“I’m… in the CIA. I’m an undercover field agent.” She said and he froze. He looked afraid for a moment as the information processed.

“You’re a fucking spy?” He asked and again for clarification and she nodded, “Shit, shit, shit… this was a trap, wasn’t it? To get to Harry? They’re on their way now, aren’t they?” He rambled and leaned over to her and used the knife he had to cut the rope, “You need to leave and-”

“Relax, Niall.” She said, rubbing her wrists, “I mean, technically I’m gonna be fired because I’m going back to England for Harry.”

“What?”

“After the meeting with Allan, Harry mentioned to me that there was involvement from the Bravta. He didn’t want to tell me why, so I organized a trip and I tapped into some of my resources to find people who could help me piece this together. I ended up meeting with a girl in witness protection, she was Dominic’s side girl for a long while and she told me what happened with Nikolai and Harry. And she confirmed that Alexei is Nikolai’s son and he’s back for vengeance. That’s why I was with Dominic and Alexei yesterday; I needed to know what their plan is. I followed them to a back room and I overheard Alexei and Dominic on the phone with someone, an assassin, I don’t know, but they’re trying to kill Harry. Dominic told them to steer clear of getting him at the shop. As soon as I heard that I knew I had to get back to you guys and prevent it. He can’t stay there forever, you know?” Niall went pale and let out a shaky breath.

“Dominic is on this? You’re sure?” He asked and Y/N nodded, “What the fuck…? But he knows. He knows that Harry never…fuck.” He said grabbing his phone and shakily searching through it.

“He knows what, Niall? Who are you calling?” She asked nervously.

“Harry, of course.”

“Niall, you can’t tell him! I can take care of this quietly.” She insisted as he brought the phone to his ear for a moment before bringing it back down.

“Shit…” he grunted and dialed again.

“Niall, stop!”

“Fuck! I’m not gonna tell him about you!” He barked, “Just need him to stay at the shop. It’s kind of late, but he tends to stay late anyway.” He said, “Maybe he can’t hear his phone.” Niall said aloud as he dialed again, it was making them both nervous.

“What did you mean by Dominic knowing. He knows what?” She asked and Niall sighed loudly as he pulled his phone from his ear again, “He’s not answering?”

“He’ll call back. He will. He always does.” Niall assured, “And by the Dominic thing I mean that he’s one of the few people who know what really happened to Nikolai. Harry never-” he paused when his phone started ringing, he glanced down to the screen, “It’s Harry.” He said and answered right away, he hurried to put the phone to his ear, “Harry, mate, listen! I need you to stay-” he paused, “Mitch?” Once Niall said that her stomach dropped, she felt like she had just jumped from a skyscraper and was just waiting to hit the ground. Her heart was pounding anxiously, “Wait what?” Niall frowned and looked to Y/N with concern.

“Niall!” She pleaded.

“We’ll leave right away.” He said and hung up, “Harry’s been shot. He’s in surgery, Mitch isn’t sure what happened. Axel had to stay at the house to give a police report because neighbors heard the shots and they called them.”

“Shots?” Y/N asked and then she rushed past Niall and into the little bathroom on the jet and she couldn’t help it as she threw up. The idea of losing him made her feel awful and responsible somehow. 

“Y/N!” Niall hurried over as she spit up a bit more before flushing the toilet and slumping against the wall, “Are you alright?” He asked and she shook her head as the tears started falling, “If something happens to him-”

“He’ll be alright. He’s a fighter; if he’s in surgery at least we know that something can be done. Mitch is gonna let me know as soon as he hears something.” Niall said and she nodded “You really care, don’t you?” Niall asked and she nodded.

“I wasn’t supposed to.” She said through her hoarse voice, “But I do…” she trailed off and sighed.

“He’ll pull through. I’m gonna get the flight crew back in, OK?” She nodded and Niall rushed off. She cleaned herself up and in about twenty minutes they were taxing down the runway and finally taking off. She was silent as she stared out the window until Niall spoke up.

“What does the CIA even want with Harry? You know, he’s great and he takes good care of everyone. He knows that maybe he won’t be able to get out, but he will help anyone who wants an out to have it. Usually people get killed for this kind of thing, he could get killed for helping people get out.” He shared and she nodded.

“I know. And they don’t want Harry, they want Dominic and to shut down the North American branch of the B.F. Clan.” She informed, “The first picture you saw with Dominic, I needed to see where he stayed so that I could plant a bug. He talked to and about Harry a lot. Dominic was always so well protected, I thought maybe if I went through Harry I could get to Dominic. I was never going to go after him specifically or supposed to… feel things.” She explained. “The CIA told me that if I came back to England then I was done. All of the leads have led back to America, but once I confirmed that Alexei and Dominic intended to have him killed I knew that saving him was more important than Dominic and his quest for power.” 

“What I was saying before Mitch called, Harry didn’t kill Nikolai, we were in class. Luther, Dominic’s guy, killed him. But Harry was supposed to be an emerging leader and needed some street cred with some of the guys and with Sally so Luther and Dominic just started telling everyone that Harry did it.”

“Dominic has been in with the Russians this whole time. He used to work for them in college, well university for you guys.” She explained and Niall’s eyebrows furrowed.

“He has?”

“Yeah. Maybe this whole thing with Harry has been unfolding for longer than we realize.” She explained.

“We need evidence and we need to tell Sally.”

“Can you trust her?” She asked Niall and he shrugged.

“I don’t know anymore…”

“Then let's hold off and keep this between us. And Sally's the one in charge, right? There’s no one else above her, right?” Niall nodded. “Good. If we bring down Dom, I mean and the stuff in London too, she won’t have much left will she?” 

“No. Not that could stand alone and supply the people she supplies.” Niall informed.

“I was planning on having enough on Dominic to arrest him at the supposed charity ball a few months from now. But I don’t have resources like before anymore.” She explained.

“I can probably help with that.” Niall said, “I’ve been watching him since he turned his back on me and pushed me out. I have tons of shit on him from back then.” He explained.

“Yeah, that would be amazing. I mean, I am no longer an agent since I left, so the CIA will come looking for me. I will leave you anything I can to help you put him behind bars if they…get me.” She assured and Niall nodded, trying to ignore the lump lodged in his throat at the thought of Y/N being killed by her own. But she was technically a traitor, an enemy of the state… and what moved him even more is that she knew it. She knew her fate the moment she decided to leave and she still did it for them. For Harry.

“Are you the one surveilling Harry?” He asked and she nodded.

“I can make all that disappear when we land and we can blame it on whoever shot him. I would also need to erase anything we have as to not incriminate him or any of you. And I promise you Niall, I will find the person who did this to him.”

“I don’t doubt you will. And thank you for watching our backs.” She nodded, “So, if the CIA comes looking for you where will you be? Where will you go? You can’t stay where you were.”

“I can’t.” She agreed, “I’m not sure, but I’ll figure something out, don’t worry.” She said and he sighed.

“Maybe you move in with Harry under the guise of taking care of him. Something tells me you can keep him safer than any of us can.” He said and she smiled, “And the fact that you wanted to leave early from the trip, we can say you got sacked and you decided to just come back but can’t afford your place without the job. We can get you a new passport and visa under another name too.” He offered.

“Thank you, Niall. I’m happy I have someone I can trust with everything. It’s been really awful keeping secrets from him and all of you. I was expecting something else and ummm… I mean, I wouldn’t have dropped everything just for anyone.” She said with a soft smile and he smiled back.

“Well, I’m glad you see us for who we are, not many people do.” He said before going back to what he was doing on his laptop and she remembered Harry’s laptop. 

“Hey, Harry has this laptop that he takes everywhere with him. Do you know what’s on it?” She asked and Niall nodded.

“He’s like publishing some poetry book so he’s constantly writing and revising. He’s been working on it for years and he just adds and adds but he never does anything about it.” He explained.

“Oh. Okay.”

“You thought it was drug stuff, huh? How stupid do you think we are?” He asked and she chuckled.

“Well, it was possible and also you were infiltrated by a spy so that already tells us something about how smart you guys think you are…” she teased and he laughed at that and she smiled. They fell silent and after several moments Niall spoke up again.

“Hey, could you ummm, align my nose now, please? If the offer still stands.” He said and she smiled.

“Yeah, of course.”

************

Everything was blurry and Harry’s head was pounding as he blinked a few times. It was too bright and too cold and too painful. His throat felt dry and like it was full of sand and his body and head felt heavy and when he tried to move he couldn’t.

“Hey, hey, hey.” He heard a soft voice and soon Mitch came into view followed by Axel who looked down at him, “Don’t move. Do you need something?” Mitch asked softly.

“Water.” He rasped out before coughing. It was dry and awful, Axel soon brought over the pitcher from the cabinet on the side of the bed. He was clearly in a hospital. 

“Let’s sit you up. OK?” Mitch asked and Harry nodded. He was careful as he elevated Harry and soon Axel was able to help him get some water in. Once he felt more hydrated he was able to speak up. “What happened? I remember falling…”

“You were shot and the bullet kind of wrecked your shoulder.” Axel said and Harry frowned, “I don’t know who it was. But the initial sound startled you and the ladder you were on lost balance. If you hadn’t toppled over I’m pretty sure the shot would’ve been fatal.” Axel said and Harry wasn’t sure what to think except that it was the Russians.

“This has to be Russians… no one else is after me. Or not that I know of.” He said and Axel nodded.

“OK, that’s the first place we start to look.” Axel said.

“Is Y/N back?” He asked and Mitch shook his head.

“It’s only been about four hours since you were brought in, they should be a little over halfway.” He explained.

“Please let her know I’m OK, she must be worried sick. I know Niall wouldn’t keep this from her.” He said and Mitch nodded.

“Yeah, of course. I called when I got here and you were already in surgery, so I will update them.” He assured and Harry nodded.

“Thanks.”

“Of course, just rest up, H.” Mitch smiled.

************

Even after hearing back from Mitch that Harry was good and that he would recover Y/N couldn’t be on the ground soon enough. Upon landing around midnight she did see tons of missed calls from her unit chief and on her way to the hospital, she tossed her phone. Considering that Harry kept asking for her, Niall agreed to get rid of all of the surveillance equipment for her after visiting Harry for a moment. His plan was to clean out the second flat, break into Y/N’s and plant surveillance there too so that Harry would move her into his place. It was an airtight plan to keep them both safe.

Y/N couldn’t explain the sick feeling she had as she rode up the hospital elevator. The last time she had been in a hospital was when her grandfather died, she was right there with him and with Evelyn, he was gone from one moment to the next. The memories swam in her brain as the doors slid open and Niall guided them to the nurse’s station to ask for directions to Harry’s room and letting her know that Y/N was his girlfriend and that she would be staying over night. She was just looking around, sort of frozen and then Niall came into view with a frown.

“Are you alright?” He asked softly and she swallowed hard and glanced down to her shows, blinking a few times because the floor tiles were the same as the ones in the hospital back home. She glanced back up and nodded.

“I just hate hospitals.” She explained.

“I’m sorry.”

“S’fine. Let’s find Harry.” She said and he nodded and grabbed her hand to guide her down the corridors after noticing how uneasy she was. They finally reached his room and the door was shut. Axel was just on his phone and Niall tapped on the door’s window lightly, causing Axel to sit up as Niall opened it up quietly. Axel rushed over and hugged Y/N tight and she hugged him back.

“How is he?”

“He’s alright. He’s sleeping now, they gave him more pain meds because he was in a lot of pain and it kind of knocked him out.” He explained, “His shoulder is like wrecked though.” He spoke in nearly a whisper, “The bullet broke some bone and some ligaments, they were able to fish out most of it thankfully though.” He explained and Y/N and Niall nodded along. 

“She’s gonna stay the night, I’m gonna take her things back to her flat. You’ve basically been here all day, Ax, just head home and get some rest. I’ll be back early.” Niall told him and Y/N who both nodded along. Axel gathered his things quietly and soon he and Niall were walking back towards the door.

“Thanks for looking out for him.” Y/N said softly and Axel sighed.

“Don’t say that. This should never have happened.” He expressed.

“Look, he’s alive and that’s all I care about.” She said and he shook his head.

“Not because of me. He fell down a ladder and the bullet missed its intended mark. He got lucky. I should’ve been there.”

“Don’t worry, Ax, you’ll find this guy, I’ll help.” Niall assured and Axel nodded.

“Good night, boys.” Y/N smiled and they both hugged her, Niall gave her a pointed look before he closed the door softly. 

Y/N sighed and shook off the nauseating feeling in her bones before heading to the bed where Harry was laying. Even in his sleep, she could tell that he had some discomfort and it was hard for her to watch. She wished that she could take all the pain he was feeling and make it better. She sighed and leaned over him and placed a delicate kiss to his forehead. She didn’t expect her eyes to tear up feeling the warmth of his skin against her lips, but what Axel had said, about him being lucky, was just processing. She pulled back and sniffled, wiping at her eyes.

“No need to cry, m’not dead yet.” Harry rasped out tiredly and she moved her hands from her face and scowled at him.

“Don’t talk like that.” 

“S’a joke, angel.” He smiled through the pain and she smiled back, but it didn’t reach her eyes and she grabbed his left hand, he squeezed a bit and more tears fell, “Hey, none of that. M’here, m’right here and I’m OK.” He assured and she sighed.

“It doesn’t concern you one bit that someone wanted to hurt you?”

“We saw this coming.”

“Clearly not.” She quipped and he smiled again.

“It’ll be OK. My boys will find whoever did this.” He assured. Oh she would make sure of it and make sure that whoever it was paid in full.

“Soon I hope.” He nodded, “I missed you.” She said finally.

“Missed you too. You know, I was setting up the backyard all cute for when you got back. Wanted to surprise you with a dinner and picnic.” He said and she smiled.

“That’s sweet.” She said and he smiled.

“Fuck yeah it is. How was your trip?” She shook her head and sighed.

“I ummmm, I got the boot, as you say.” She moped and he frowned.

“What? Why?” He questioned.

“The company out here ended up getting bought out. I mean, the company I work for only had this international office, so they don’t really have a need for a foreign policy and business person, so the position was eliminated.” She explained.

“Did you come back to pack up?” He asked her and she looked into his eyes and shook her head.

“Not really… I kind of want to stay a little longer. My visa doesn’t expire until next year. Or I could say fuck the visa and stay until they discover that I shouldn’t be here.” She said with a playful smile and he grinned.

“I mean… if you wanted to overstay your welcome here I have people who can help with that.” He suggested and she grinned at him and bit her lip as she glanced down at their hands. It was silent for a moment before she spoke up, her eyes focused on his cross tattoo before gently running her thumb over it.

“W-would you uh-” she stammered, “umm, w-want me t’overstay my welcome?” She asked and then glanced up into his eyes and she watched, full of relief, as his lips curled up into a pretty smile.

“Yeah, I would love that.” He confirmed softly and she smiled at him, feeling like she could breathe again and she carefully leaned in and kissed his lips gently. In the heat of the moment he tried to reach for her to get closer with his right arm and then hissed at the pain caused by his sudden movement.

“Shit, sorry. Sorry.” She said softly and he shook his head with a grimace.

“Wasn’t you, I just forgot my shoulder is destroyed.” He frowned, “Make me so happy that I even stopped feeling the pain. You’re the best remedy, baby.” He hummed and she shook her head.

“Yeah, yeah… you should rest up, though. I’m sorry I woke you.” She said and he shook his head.

“No, s’alright. Was sleeping nearly the whole afternoon already.” He said, “Talk t’me about anything you want, I missed hearing your voice everyday.” He said and she smiled. No one had told her anything like that before and all she felt was tingles running through her body and her tummy felt like it was tying itself up in knots.

“You sure?” 

“Of course.” He promised and so she just talked and talked and talked about memories from her childhood, things about her cousin Evelyn, since she’d been thinking about her a lot recently. She told him about college and about her travels, which were actually assignments from the CIA, but he didn’t need to know that. And then he spoke up and asked her something.

“Y/N, have you ummm -and I’m only curious because you haven’t mentioned it- but have you ever had a boyfriend?” He asked and she glanced down and smiled bashfully. He made her feel like she was in high school all over again, which wasn’t awful because in the CIA she had been taught to shut off and compartmentalize everything she felt and somehow, he made her feel again and she felt so much with him that she wasn’t sure how to deal with it anymore so she would regress to the last time she had ever loved a boy, which was in high school.

“Ummm, no.” she cleared her throat, “No boyfriends for me.” She confirmed in a soft tone as her eyes met his again.

���What fucking idiots.” He whispered and she shook her head.

“Nah, I get it. I was… intense in high school. But also, I mean I saw how guys would treat Evelyn and her friends, even my friends in college…” She explained, “I wasn’t exactly jumping at the opportunity to have a boyfriend.” She shared her reasoning, “And I get that there are things in life you should experience, a relationship being one of them, but I mean, no one was jumping at an opportunity to get with me either, so I just… let it be.” She elaborated and he looked confused, “I mean… I’ve like hooked up with someone before… well two people actually, but I mean, it never went past those times.” She explained.

“Did they at least take you on a date?” He asked and she bashfully shook her head, “Seriously?” She nodded to confirm and he sighed. “I’m glad we talked about this because I was going to just ask you to be my girlfriend, but you need the wooing and the dating and the formality of it all.” He said and she felt her heart pounding in her throat.

“Wait. You what?” She asked and he grinned, “I don’t… need all that, I’ve been wooed already.” She assured and he chuckled.

“Not really, I mean, if anything I’ve flirted and expressed my sexual attraction towards you.” He said and her face grew hot as he spoke so candidly, “But I haven’t really done enough to show you how I feel about you and who you are to me, you know?” He asked and she bit her lip nervously.

“So tell me then.” She said and he smiled a bit nervously, but he cleared his throat.

“Ummmm, I feel care and affection for you. I feel like protecting you and taking care of you. When I see you I want to make you smile and laugh and to just feel happy, as happy as you make me feel. You know, before we met I hadn’t really made anyone laugh or smile as much as I did you in… a really long time and it was refreshing. And it made me want to do more of that for you because for the longest time I thought it was impossible for me to even have a shred of normalcy in my life because of what I do, but you make me feel like everything is possible as long as you’re there.” He finished and her eyes were once again welling up with tears and she sniffled.

“Harry-”

“I want to do it all right because you deserve that. If I’m gonna be your first boyfriend ever I want to make sure that I set the bar so fucking high that if anyone else comes along-”

“There won’t be anyone else.” She cut in. The way that they were looking at each other as she said that to him was almost as if they were playing coy. They were beating around the bush because they loved each other and were trying to express it without necessarily saying the words even if they were both dying to say them.

“Kiss me, please.” He said and she smiled before leaning back in and kissing him tenderly. It was hard, trying to say everything she felt but couldn’t say yet with this kiss. How easy and genuine would it be to just whisper against his hot mouth how much she loved him. Her body was begging her to just get it off of her chest so she could finally breathe. She pulled back a bit to catch her breath, she was getting ready to just tell him when the door to the room opened and the nurse rushed in with some panic.

“Is everything alright?” The look of concern melted into one of slight irritation when she saw Harry and Y/N pulling away from each other and she sighed and frowned, “God, your heart rate was so high I thought you were going into cardiac arrest.” She scolded and they both looked to her with slight embarrassment for being caught, “Just, easy with the PDA, OK?” She warned and they both nodded before she left the room and Harry and Y/N laughed a bit before he pulled her back with a toothy grin.

“M/not done yet. We have three days of you being gone that we need to make up for.” He hummed through his smile and she rolled her eyes before giving in to his suggestion easily.

***********

Everything was gone from Y/N’s surveillance apartment. Niall had ensured to make copies of the content for their safekeeping and then to destroy the content, he would melt the devices and then pull out their trackers and dump them in the Thames. He also made a small mess of her apartment and planted a hacking device, like the ones found at Harry’s place, and then he called Axel to let him know what he saw. Axel rushed over to hers and he found the device and he then suggested that they not say anything to Harry or Y/N until they went to check on Harry in the morning. Which Niall then agreed to. And then he started asking Axel what he knew about what happened to Harry so he could tell Y/N and she could handle it and just like that, he was keeping secrets from his best friends.

************

“I don’t want that.” Harry fussed as the nurse brought him some breakfast and she sighed.

“You’ll need to eat something.” The woman insisted.

“He’s vegetarian, that’s got meat touching everything.” Y/N informed. “Maybe some fruit?” She asked and the woman looked at Y/N.

“This is not a bloody buffet.” She looked at them both like they were mad and Y/N laughed.

“Can I then go and get him a fruit salad?”

“Do what you want, love. I just want him to eat something.” The woman said before leaving. Y/N nodded and turned to grab her purse and Harry immediately started to protest.

“You can’t leave me here alone.”

“Niall and Matt are on the way.” She reminded.

“Then have them pick up the fruit cup.”

“Well, I still need to go and shower and get changed.” She reminded and he pouted. Actually, she was anxious to see what she could find about who had done this to Harry so that she could take care of it.

“You don’t. You really don’t.” He said and she chuckled and shook her head.

“I will be back in two hours tops.” He frowned.

“Two hours? What if I go into cardiac arrest like last night and you’re not here?” He asked and she laughed.

“From what? Are you gonna make out with Matt or Niall?” She asked with a mischievous grin and he cocked his head to the side.

“If I say yes does that concern you enough to stay?” He asked and she giggled.

“No, you can do what you want with whomever you want.” She said and he pouted, “You’re not my boyfriend yet, remember? Didn’t want to ask me yet to do it all proper and whatnot.” She said as she backed away towards the door slowly and he scoffed.

“Really? That’s how you’re gonna play this?” He asked and she nodded. 

“Yep. I’ll see you in a bit you big baby.” She hummed.

“Baby? I got shot!” He reminded and she smiled.

“But you survived.” She sang and blew him a kiss before heading out.

**********

Y/N got an email from Niall with the information Axel had shared with him the night prior. Ultimately, her priority was just to find out where this person was staying. She needed to head to her apartment and get changed before starting her search first. As she arrived at her building she decided that it would be a good idea to then go to Harry’s and see if his surveillance equipment captured anything and then she’d head back to the hospital. The day was kind of cold, so she slipped into a hoodie and jeans and she hid a pocket knife in her little holster around her ankle just in case and she also packed her backpack with her laptop and a gun, just in case. She then went to Harry’s now knowing the gate code, but then going into the house through the backyard since she didn’t have the key to the front door and well, his door was shot out in the back, so easy access. She wandered through the house and to his office, she could hack into his security system with her own laptop, it might be a little more complicated, but she had done it before. As she stepped into the office she suddenly froze at the feeling of someone’s presence behind her and before she could even do anything she felt a sharp blow to her head and her vision went all splotchy before she stumbled to the ground.

“Shit.” She heard faintly before she passed out.

Y/N had no idea how long it had been but when she blinked her eyes open her head was pounding and she couldn’t move, she was tied to a chair. She took in her surroundings as best as she could with blurry eyes, she was in a warehouse of some sort. It was empty though, there was a van in front of her, if only her vision would clear up she could see the plate clearly. 

“No. Tell Sally that I’ve got-”, She suddenly heard a panicked voice from behind her, she tried her best not to move as she listened in, “It wasn’t any of the guys. It’s a girl! I don’t know! She only had a computer and a gun in her bag.” The man said, she then realized that she had forgotten to grab her wallet from her purse, but thank god she had because he had no identification for her. But now she needed to figure out a way to get out of this. She had dumped her phone so that the CIA couldn't track her but now she had no way to call anyone for help, she had to think fast.

“Did she send someone else to get the job done since I didn’t get to? But it wasn’t my fault! He just happened to fall when I- just fucking put Sally on the line!” The man sounded agitated and desperate. Not meeting his objective could result in him being killed too, so she understood where his stress was coming from, “I just want to know if she sent this girl. Fine, have her call me in a bit. Yeah, Damian, yeah.” She could see her way out of this now, she would pretend that she had been sent over by Sally to handle Harry.

Y/N made an effort to sit up and groaned loudly to indicate that she was awake and suddenly, the man was hurrying over and crouching down to her. She made a big show of blinking to try and adjust her vision.

“Hey, who the hell are you?” He asked and she frowned.

“Who the hell are you?” She questioned back.

“You better answer me first, you’re the one tied up.” He reminded and she sighed.

“Sally. She asked me to take care of Styles.” She frowned.

“Shit…” he sighed and stood up.

“I know you didn’t meet the objective, but you’re not exactly on the hit list, so just let me go before she figures out who you’ve got tied up.” She said and he sighed.

“You can’t possibly go after Styles now, you’ve likely got a concussion.” He said and she shook her head.

“Fucking idiot. Then at least let me go so that you can take me to a hospital and then you take care of Styles when he goes home.” She whined and he looked concerned, “If I die Sally’s gonna come after you for sure. Dominic nor Alexei can protect you there.” She said and he huffed.

“Fine.” He mumbled. Fucking idiot. She thought to herself and soon enough she was being untied. “ So the bounty’s mine?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes, yes. I don’t care for that. I was only called in because you dropped the ball.” She huffed and he hummed, “Fucking redeem yourself and hope they still pay.” She mumbled and he nodded.

“Can you walk alright?” He asked as she pushed herself up from the chair.

“Kind of.” She sighed in irritation. “What time is it?” She asked.

“It’s one in the afternoon.” He said and she sighed. She had left Harry at 9am The man was big compared to her and with her current injury, she wasn’t at her best and this could get dangerous, but he did this to Harry. He guided her to the van and helped her in. As he went around she reached for the small pocket knife hidden beneath her pant leg and slid it up her sleeve to hide it but keep it accessible. He settled into the car and as soon as he started up the van his phone started ringing and he looked at the screen.

“It’s Sally’s guy. If they ask, you tell them how I was kind to you!” He warned and she rolled her eyes and leaned back on the seat as if she was disinterested and annoyed with what he was saying and he shook his head before answering, “Hello?” Before he could even get another word out Y/N had untucked the blade from her sleeve and lunged at him, sinking it into his throat. The man dropped the phone and wrapped his hands around her throat but he was losing too much blood as she pulled out the knife. She was getting lightheaded from his grip around her neck and her eyes were starting to burn, but as he lost more blood his hold on her loosened and in seconds he was slumped in the seat and she had freed herself from his hold and starting coughing as she regained her breath. She then reached for the phone he dropped with her sleeve and just turned off the phone.

That was it. He was gone. Not that there wouldn’t be more looking for Harry after him, but knowing that there was a bounty on his head and that Sally was also in on it gave her a lot more to work with. She couldn’t tell him that Sally was in on it too, but she would tell Niall, so that they kept her in the dark. But once they found this body they’d realize something was up. She got off of the man, Damian, and sighed tiredly after catching her breath. She still felt like shit and so she did comb over of the car and saw that when she leaned back in the seat the blood from where she’d been hit in the head had stained the upholstery a bit. She huffed and searched around for something to clean it off a bit. She found hand sanitizer and just squirted the gel on there and wiped at it vigorously with the sleeve of her hoodie. When she was sure she hadn’t left anything else behind she grabbed her bag and started walking. She had no idea where she was, but it was far from where she had come. She finally reached a gas station and hurried inside, after much begging, the man at the register let her use the phone and she searched up the tattoo shop and dialed. That was the only place she knew, she hadn’t memorized anyone’s number yet and how she wished she had as she waited for someone to pick up. Finally, she heard Mitch’s familiar voice answering the call and she sighed in relief.

“Mitch! It’s me, Y/N.” She interrupted his introduction.

“Oh my god! Are you alright? Where are you?” He asked and she sighed and looked to the shop owner and asked where they were and she let him know and gave him the name of the station. “Harry’s losing his shit in the hospital, tried to rip his fucking meds out of his arm when you weren’t picking up.” Mitch explained and she sighed, she really needed to get another phone.

“I’m so sorry for worrying you guys. Look, someone...tried to take me.” She informed him quietly, “But can you have them send Niall or Axel? I’ll be here waiting. And I need a doctor or something, he hit me over the head and I’m sure I have concussion.” She said and he assured her that he would call them right away. She said goodbye and thanked the man before giving back his phone. Now he was looking at her with some compassion and asked if she was alright.

“The jackass that tried to take me hit me on the head, do you have anything for the pain?” She asked and he nodded.

“Are you hungry or thirsty?” He asked and she nodded, “Go grab whatever you like.” The man said pointing to the aisles with snacks and the fridges with drinks.

“Thank you so much when my friend comes for me I'll pay you back.” She assured with a smile and he nodded.

“Should I call the police?” He asked her and she sighed.

“I don’t know who it was and I didn’t get a good look. Someone drove by while they were dragging me out of the car and they got scared or something and just threw me on the ground and took off.” She fibbed.

“I’m sorry.” The man said, not really sure what more to say. As she stopped in front of the small refrigerated section she saw a fruit salad bowl and opened it up and reached for that, she had promised Harry. After waiting about half an hour she saw a car pulling into the parking spots of the shop and then Niall burst into the shop, breathing out a sigh of relief.

“Thank fuck you’re alright!” He exclaimed as he pulled her in and hugged her tight, he was shaking. She was glad she was alright too, “You need to go to the hospital, Mitch said?” She nodded, “Alright. Must be a couples’ thing.” He teased lightly and Y/N sniggered.

"Ummm, I also owe for some water and food I've eaten. Can you please spot me?"

"Of course." he assured and reached for his wallet, “Thank you so much for looking after her, sir.” Niall said to the man as he handed over  £ 1,000 to the man behind the register, "That should settle it. Plus little extra for your discretion." Niall said and he just nodded before they walked out and he helped Y/N into the car before getting in. 

“What the hell happened?” Niall asked, “And why didn’t you have your phone?” and she sighed.

“I got rid of it! Remember?" she asked and he sighed.

"Right...you need a new one. I'll take care of that today." he said and you nodded.

"Well, I was just gonna see if I could pull anything from Harry’s surveillance to see who did this to him. I switched bags and thankfully forgot to put my wallet in there.” She explained and Niall shook his head as if she were an amateur. “But it’s good I did, it was him Niall. The man who shot Harry took me.” She explained and he looked worriedly at her.

"At yours or at Harry's?" he asked.

“Harry's. He was already in the house when I got there. He was waiting for one of you to come home with him and he hit me over the head and knocked me out. But when I woke up I heard him talking on the phone with someone from B.F., he didn't say a name. But Sally, she’s in on this.” She told Niall and he nearly hit the breaks out of shock, but instead his hands tensed around the steering wheel.

“What the fuck is happening?” He whispered in disbelief and she sighed.

“I don’t know, Niall. He thought that Sally had sent me to kill him for failing his objective and then get Harry. I played that angle and promised him I would let him take care of Harry if he got me to a hospital and the idiot fell for it." she explained, "There’s a bounty for him, Niall. They want Harry dead.” She shared and Niall just seemed to get more and more stressed, he swallowed thickly and just nodded as the information processed.

“And how’d you get away? Where’s the guy?” he asked instead, not wanting to think about there being what he was certain to be a hefty prize for his friend's life.

“He’s dead.” She said flatly, her voice was low and she was just staring out the wind shield. “After I convinced him to take me to a hospital he got me into the van and ummm when he got distracted with a phone call I…” she trailed off and looked down at her hands, she fell silent and Niall glanced to her as they came to a stop at a traffic light.

“Hey, look at me. You did what you needed to do to survive.” He stated and she looked over at him.

“I know I did, it's not that. I'm just...I always feel remorse. Every time i've done...this I feel remorse. Even if they were bad, that was still a person, you know? But this time I'm struggling t-to feel that, t-to humanize him...Is it wrong that I don’t feel that bad?” She asked him and Niall sighed.

“I don’t know, but… he was a hitman. A stupid one, but one none the less. He’s killed people without even caring if they were good or bad,  he doesn’t deserve your sympathy.” Niall reasoned and she nodded. 

“What are we going to say happened?” She asked, changing the topic as these feelings settled at the pit of her stomach and he sighed.

“Dunno, I’ll think of something… we haven’t told Harry about your apartment supposedly being ransacked, we could say whoever it was, was waiting for you to get there?” She nodded in agreement. They feel silent for a little bit and then he chuckled lowly, “Fuck, I’m so fucking glad you’re alright.” Niall said softly, he looked so relieved and she smiled at him and he smiled back, “We should probably call Harry now.” Niall said and she sighed and nodded.

*********               

Once they got to the hospital they had her checked and she did have a mild concussion. Harry was going to be released in the evening if all of his tests came back normal is what Niall had told her while they waited for her own results. Soon enough they were heading down the corridor to his room and as soon as she walked in his face was washed over with relief and he struggled to sit up, but as soon as she was before him he wrapped his one good arm around her and just held her quietly. And Niall offered them a smile as he headed over to sit with Axel and Matt.

“Scared the shit out of me, angel.” He scolded quietly and she sighed.

“M’sorry.” She said and he shook his head.

“S’not your fault.” He assured, “How’s your head?” He asked pulling back some.

“It’ll be fine.” She assured him and he kissed her forehead gently.

“After this I don’t want you living alone.” He said softly but with determination as he stared into her eyes intently.

“It’s fine, Harry.”

“It’s not. You’re gonna stay with me. I have another house, my house isn’t safe either anymore.” He explained, “And we don’t need to share rooms or anything, the other house has plenty of space and whatever room you want, s’yours! But please, you have to come with me.” He appealed and she bit her lip, “If you stay with me you won’t need to find a job or-”

“I can’t mooch off of you.” She said and he shook his head.

“S’not mooching. I’m taking care of you. Remember, a while back I promised that despite the shit I’m involved in I would take care of you? Let me do that.” He insisted and she looked at him pensively for a moment before she nodded in agreement, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He whispered as he pulled her close again. He kissed her lips briefly and then she helped him adjust the bed to have him sit up more comfortably. 

“Oh, I brought you something.” She said and he smiled.

“What? Why?”

“Because I said I would.” She said softly before going to grab her bag that Niall brought in with them and she pulled out the little plastic bowl of fruit salad, it wasn’t as cold as it was when she grabbed it from the fridge at the gas station, but it was still intact and he smiled.

“Thank you, baby.” He hummed softly and she had no idea why, but him calling her baby made her heart flutter in a way that she hadn’t felt in years and she just leaned in and kissed his lips with a smile. 

“I’m so happy you’re OK.” She whispered against his lips.

Part 11

[highqueenofelfhame]

I’m not posting a tag list for this part because it’s late and I’m exhausted and wanna get it out for you guys. If it does poorly I’ll go back and tag but right now I’m just very over tag lists. Follow the “#hqoe f&f” tag or “falsehoods & fistfights” or “Hqoe writes” tags to more closely follow my work. You can also follow @highqueenofelfhamewrites and turn on post notifications if you want to be notified of my writing! I’m not doing this to be mean, I’m doing it to save time and frustration when the tagging system fails (as it often does)

Hugest shoutout in the world to @punkassbookjockey26 for being the best beta in the entire world. She helped so much with this update!! Give her a pat on the back.

Part One // Masterlist

Rowaelin // 5681 words

~*~

For the last several hours, the clatter of her clicking keyboard and the flipping of pages had been on a continuous loop. At some point, Aelin had opened Spotify and forgotten to turn on any music, clearly content to keep to her rigorous work pace in near-silence. The door to her office was closed, and no one had stopped by to bother her since she’d arrived. Only a handful of phone calls had disrupted her this morning, which meant she had gotten plenty of work done.

Except that it wasn’t morning at all— it was two in the afternoon, and she couldn’t quite figure out how the hell that had happened. She was still squinting at the time on her computer screen when a firm knock sounded at the door, and she called out, “Yes?”

“Have you eaten today?” At the sound of Rowan’s voice, Aelin’s head whipped toward the door. She was unable to stop the smile that spread wide across her face or stop herself rising from her chair to meet him. Aelin perched against her desk, accepting the brown paper bag he held in his hands. No, she hadn’t eaten, not since her half a bagel and cup of coffee before she arrived at work. She’d left a banana in her car for a snack but hadn’t wanted to run back down for it.

“Barely. I didn’t even realize it was past lunch,” Aelin sighed, looking back up at his face. Rowan was grinning down at her as she tore a bite of croissant off and popped it into her mouth. The man looked criminally good, wearing jeans that hugged his legs in all the right places and a white button-up shirt. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, and her eyes lingered on his tattoo that swirled down to his fingertips.

“Can I kiss you in here?” His question caught her off guard, a laugh bursting from her lips. “Because this whole…” Rowan gestured to her outfit. “It’s really doing it for me.”

“You like librarian Aelin?”

“Yes,” he said, leaning down to press his lips to hers. The get-up he referred to was a pinstriped pencil skirt that hit just above her knees and patent black stiletto heels that had her only a few inches shorter than him. She had a red tank top tucked into the skirt and, at some point, had discarded her white cardigan over the back of her office chair. Her lips matched her shirt in a bright, matte, red lipstick that she’d neglected to touch up throughout the day. Still, when Rowan pulled away, his mouth was tinged with the outline of hers. “I like this a lot. Fuck.”

“For the record, you can kiss me anywhere you want to,” she told him. “Especially in my office, especially when the door is closed.”

“Noted.” Rowan tugged on her high ponytail before sinking into one of the leather armchairs in front of her. Aelin continued to munch on the variety of pastries he’d brought for her while his eyes seemed to be glued to her legs. Aelin wondered if he was thinking about laying her out on this desk and having his way with her here, but she also knew he wouldn’t let that be their first time. No matter how badly she wanted it to be.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr. Whitethorn?” She asked, nudging his thigh with the toe of her shoe. The way he raked his teeth over his bottom lip before looking up at her told her that, yes, he was thinking what she was thinking. The way he quirked his brow at her also told her that, no, it wasn’t going to happen.

They were kind of dating, in the sense that they had been on a handful of dates. They had shared many heated kisses against the door to her apartment when he dropped her off, but he was being such a godsdamn gentleman about all of it that they hadn’t had sex yet. Aelin would have fucked him in the bathroom of the bar that first night, and they both knew it. But something was holding him back. To be fair, she couldn’t place all of the blame on him. She was holding back as well. Whatever this was between them felt like something that could be extraordinary, and she didn’t want to be the one that fucked it all up because she couldn’t keep it in her pants.

“I have a fight on Saturday, and I was really hoping you would want to come. Obviously, I would give you tickets, plus however many extra you want to bring whoever.”

“Just Aedion, I think.” Her cousin would likely die to be personally invited to one of Rowan Whitethorn’s fights, the same way Aelin knew he’d been having a bit of a mental breakdown when he found Aelin with him at the bar.

“Not your friends’ cup of tea?” He teased with a grin.

“Not even really mine, but you get like, almost naked for these things, yeah?” Rowan’s head tilted back as he laughed, reaching out to catch her fingers between his own. He squeezed them, shaking his head at her. “I’m just saying, any female fans you have are not because they want to watch you fight. I Googled you.”

“Of course you did.”

“And if coming on Saturday,” she paused, fighting the twitch of her lips at the innuendo, “is what gets me to see you sweaty and naked, I will be there.”

“Apparently, you can find that on Google also.” Aelin started to jerk her hand from his, but he laughed again and tugged forcefully enough that she dropped into his lap, his arms settling around her hips.

They didn’t have sex on her desk by the time he left, but he did have a trail of lipstick down his neck and red smudges on his collar.

~*~

There had only been a few times where Aelin had seen Aedion this excited. He was practically jumping out of his skin, trying and failing to keep his wide grin at bay. The whole way there, he’d talked about Rowan’s stats and how likely it was for him to win this fight. Apparently, it was very likely, and according to Aedion, if anyone bet against Rowan in the gambling pools, they were going to lose a lot of money.

This version of Aedion was almost completely opposite the one that had shown up an hour late to the bar a few weeks ago, only to find Aelin perched in his personal hero’s lap.

By the time Aelin spotted a familiar head of golden blonde hair making his way through the crowd, Rowan had stayed true to his promise. He’d bought her not one but two drinks, and she had a very happy buzz flowing through her.

“Aedion!” She hadn’t bothered to get out of Rowan’s lap; she liked the way his hand felt on her thigh, the other twirling a piece of hair around his finger while he talked to the tall, broody one— Lorcan.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay; I made friends! And a fiancé!” Rowan laughed then, sticking his hand out for Aedion to shake.

“I’m the fiancé. Rowan Whitethorn. You must be the cousin she’s been waiting on.”

“I got held up at work. Aedion Ashryver, nice to meet you.” Despite the cool and collected exterior Aedion was giving off, Aelin knew without a doubt that he was dying inside. She spent several nights curled up on his couch while Aedion and his friends watched Rowan’s fights, though she’d never cared enough to pay attention. Usually, she disappeared to his guest room to read a book or snuck out after an acceptable amount of time to hang out with her own friends.

Aelin had heard about Rowan’s victories time and time again. When Aedion showed her different self-defense moves, he would say that Rowan Whitethorn took someone down with the same simple maneuver. To say that he admired Rowan would be an understatement. He damn near idolized him.

“Nice to meet you? That’s what you’re going with?” Aelin asked, mouth dropping open as everything Aedion had ever said about the man beneath her flooded her memory. Aelin looked at Rowan, shaking her head and pointing at her cousin. “All I ever hear about when you have a fight coming up is ‘Rowan Whitethorn this’ and ‘Rowan Whitethorn that.’ Yet now he’s here, and all he says is nice to meet you. Unbelievable.”

“Rowan doesn’t look like someone who particularly cares for fan service. Though if I’m wrong, correct me, and I will rectify that immediately. On my knees even, if he decides he’s interested in men at all.”

Aelin’s lips dipped into a drunk pout as she said, “I saw him first.”

“Technically, I saw you first,” Rowan interjected, a teasing tone in his voice. “And you rejected me.” A wrinkle appeared between her brows as she looked up at Rowan’s handsome face, disliking that she was already being ganged up on.

“I’m sorry— you rejected him?” Aedion sputtered in disbelief. Aelin flicked Rowan’s nose, and just like that, they settled into an easy banter that tugged on Aelin’s heart entirely too much.

Now, though, Aedion seemed to be nearly vibrating out of his skin with excitement. At will-call, they’d learned Rowan had set aside special floor seating just for them. When they walked into the arena, Aelin was pleased to see Rowan’s group of friends from the bar. She’d spent the most time with Fenrys than anyone else, and he welcomed her with a big hug, insisting she sit beside him instead of Lorcan. Aelin was more than happy to oblige, as Lorcan didn’t seem to have a taste for her. He didn’t even bother saying hello.

They settled into their seats, Aelin sitting between Fenrys and Aedion, both of whom had skipped the pleasantries and moved right into a conversation about the upcoming fight. Aelin leaned back into her chair and took in the surroundings. There were bits and pieces she remembered from her time barely watching matches with Aedion, but it was still different than what she expected. There was a large octagonal ring in the center of the room surrounded by black fencing that had to be about six feet tall. She wondered briefly if the fence was to keep people out or to keep the fighters in.

People were milling about, but Aelin realized that the arena itself was three levels high, and seats were piled around the room from floor to ceiling. There had to be thousands of them, and from the look of the crowds filing in, there wasn’t going to be an empty spot in the house. She hadn’t realized that MMA had such a following.

After about twenty minutes, the lights dimmed and the booming voice of the announcer filled the arena. People cheered wildly as the introductions for the fight were made and the sponsors were thanked. And finally, Aeling knew it was time. The announcer over-dramaticized the entrance for the first fighter and Aelin watched as a lean-muscled man walked up to the ring. He entered through a gate on the side, and people cheered as he made his rounds. Aelin sat on the edge of her seat for the announcer to start his next introduction, ready to see Rowan walking through the tunnel, when a different name was announced and a different man came strolling out. The confusion must have been all over her face when she looked at Aedion because he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Rowan is the main event,” he said. “Which means there are a few fights before his.”

“Seriously? You mean I have to wait?” Aedion nodded and her scowl deepened. “How long?”

“Looking at the schedule, Rowan’s fight is slated to start in about two hours.”

“Two hours?! I have to wait two hours!?”

“Come on, Ace. It won’t be that bad. Just try to enjoy it.” Aedion turned away and was immediately drawn into the fight that had begun in the ring just a few feet in front of her. Aelin pouted, remembering all the reasons why she never stuck around to watch these matches with Aedion previously.

“All I wanted was to see Rowan sweaty and half-naked. I literally don’t care about anyone else,” she grumbled, mostly to herself. Beside her, Fenrys chuckled and threw his arm around the back of her seat as she settled back. Aelin frowned down at her phone, opening Snapchat to get a quick photo of her expression, which she promptly sent to Rowan.

It took him a good ten minutes to reply back to her, and it seemed he knew why she was pouting because the text across his photo simply said be patient.

After that, she didn’t want to bother him, and whatever pre-match rituals he may have, so she settled for scrolling through various social media apps to bide her time. When she found herself restless, she gave in and opened her book app to continue reading a romance novel she’d started the day before. The male love interest may have been a boxer and may have been incredibly sexy, and she may have downloaded it after searching for fighting-related books.

She had just reached a particularly steamy part of the book when she felt Aedion nudge her arm. Godsdamn him, the leading male was just about to give the girl the orgasm of her life when he’d interrupted. Aelin scowled up at her cousin, but the expression morphed into one of incredulity and excitement when she heard Rowan’s name announced, and he walked out into the arena.

Aelin immediately perked up in her seat, sliding her phone between her thigh and the chair. Rowan strolled out like a king surveying his kingdom, and the cheers were deafening. He wore absolutely nothing but a pair of forest green athletic shorts that left little to the imagination and some sort of fist guards over his hands. A wicked grin formed on his lips as he jogged up to the ring and hoisted himself up over the side with practiced ease. There was a very dramatic introduction, one that had the entire crowd screaming and getting to their feet. Aelin couldn’t help but join them, giving a standing ovation to the man she’d spent so many stolen hours with lately. Beside her, Aedion was absolutely losing it. It only made her smile more.

Even as the arena quieted while the referee explained the rules, nobody returned to their seats. Everyone stayed on their feet, and Aelin could understand why. Once the fight started and the hits and kicks started to get thrown around, she found herself filled with a restless energy that she couldn’t push down. Every time his opponent’s fist swung toward him, her heart began to beat frantically in her chest.

But Rowan ducked and dipped out of reach almost every time. The way the muscles of his arms and legs rippled every time he took a swing at the other man, Cairn, her mouth went dry. She hadn’t walked into the arena tonight expecting to find anything about the fight beautiful, but it was. The way that Rowan’s body moved was like watching a dance unfold before her. Every swing of his arm or swift kick of his leg sending her heart racing just like it had when she’d watched ballets growing up. It felt like such a bizarre comparison to make, but Rowan Whitethorn’s body was nothing short of a work of art.

But there was also a ferocity in it. Where ballet was soft and demure, Rowan was a force of nature. His face was hewn from stone, each strike with his hands or legs precise and controlled, but with an element of chaos surrounding it. He unleashed himself on Cairn, throwing punches and kicks swiftly, so quick that Aelin could not keep up with where the next one was going to land. With brutal efficiency, Rowan managed to get past Cairn’s guard to deliver several painful-looking blows in quick succession that had the crowd collectively wincing. It seemed that Aedion’s idolization hadn’t been misplaced.

Rowan breathed heavily, sweat dripping down every inch of his torso. His abdominals flexed with every exhale, showing off every hard line and sharp curve. The tattoo that swirled down his left side glistened under the bright lights of the arena. He looked like a god, and Aelin discovered that she found it quite difficult to keep her mind from falling off into the gutter when he looked like that.

When he made the final blow, a hit to Cairn’s face that had him unconscious before he even hit the floor, Aelin was surprised by how wholly turned on she was. He dominated the fight and looked damn good while doing it. Rowan was announced as the winner, fierce triumph written all over his face as the crowd completely lost their minds. Pride swelled in her stomach, and she couldn’t help her wide smile as she cheered along with the thousands of people in the arena. Even though it was televised, it felt special when he made eye contact with her and grinned before exiting the ring and heading her way.

Of course, he was intercepted about a dozen different times by dozens of different people offering their congratulations. When he finally got to her, he dipped down and hugged her tightly to his chest, pulling her feet off the ground. She could feel the heat of his body through the thin layers of her clothing, scorching her skin. The smell of him, a musky scent of sweat and the pine body wash she had come to associate with him assaulted her nose and she breathed him in deep. She felt the want ratcheting up in the most delicious way and knew that she would no longer be content with a night of only being pressed against her apartment door. Their kisses, no matter how desperate they had been, wouldn’t be enough to sate the need she felt for him. She needed all of him, and she needed him as raw and unrestrained as he had been during that fight. He pressed a kiss to her cheek as her feet met the floor, and he stepped back.

“Sorry, I’m sweaty.”

“You were amazing.” Amazing didn’t quite cover it, but it was the only word she could think of that came anywhere close.

“Does that mean you’ll come out with me tonight? To celebrate?” She wanted to say yes immediately. But with him in front of her, covered in sweat and looking like the only thing she wanted her mouth to touch for the foreseeable future, Aelin shook her head as her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. The disappointment began to cloud his handsome face, but she shook her head faster as though it would dispel his negative thoughts.

“I was kind of hoping I could steal you away. Celebrate with you alone.” Her voice was low and sultry, and she almost laughed because she could see him calculating just what that meant. The two of them. A celebration. Entirely alone, with no one else around.

“I— yeah. Yes. We can— yes. I have to wrap up here and then we can go to my place?” At all of his stuttering, she couldn’t help the bright laughter that bubbled out of her as the usually confident man in front of her stumbled a bit. His attention was drawn away temporarily when Aedion clapped Rowan on the shoulder and began to spew his admiration and congratulations. Rowan took it with grace, thanking him for coming while trying to keep his eyes off Aelin’s face. The way she bit her lip clearly wasn’t helping because his eyes kept dropping down to her mouth.

When a member of his team told him he needed to hurry— he had a short press conference post-fight and still wanted to shower before— Rowan dropped a chaste kiss to her lips and headed back to the locker room.

Aelin waited not-so-patiently, standing on the outside of Rowan’s group of friends in the parking lot while they talked. Aedion fit right in, pointing out the highlights of the fight with renewed vigor. He still seemed to be riding the adrenaline high from watching Rowan fight , and Aelin was sure he would implement something of what they saw into her self defense training.

When Rowan finally came out, they all cheered and shoved him around their little circle in celebration. He was grinning from ear to ear as he reached for Aelin and pulled her into his side, dropping a kiss to her hair. It was impossible to stop the tug she felt in her stomach, something between excitement and nerves. Everything inside seemed to be tied up in delicious knots as she leaned into him, enveloped by the scent of his body wash, the smell of pine equal parts comforting and arousing. “Where are we going tonight?” Fenrys drawled, throwing his arm around Vaughan. The quiet, dark-haired man tried to shrug out of it, but it only ended with him in a headlock.

“I will actually be stealing him away,” Aelin said before Rowan could even get a word in. Rowan’s hold on her shoulder tightened as he squeezed, and she squeezed him back where she had her arm around his waist, secretly thrilled that he was as on board with this plan as she was. His friends groaned in protest but Aelin and Rowan laughed. Lorcan looked particularly displaced about the revelation and was the first to step backward out of the circle and bid farewell. It didn’t take long for the others to follow and for Aelin to lace her fingers through Rowan’s and tug him toward his car.

While their pace could be described as leisurely, Aelin felt anything but. Now alone, she felt that want from earlier return with a vengeance. Rowan squeezed her hand, and her mind immediately wandered to those strong hands touching elsewhere, all over. A quick glance up at him left her reeling when she caught his gaze on her, and swore she saw every dirty thought that crossed his mind. It excited her, knowing that despite his cool, calm exterior wrapped around all of that cockiness, Rowan Whitethorn was just as affected as she was by what was to come.

When they arrived at his car, a sleek, black sports car that was perfectly him, Rowan opened the passenger door for her, ushering her in. Aelin turned her head towards him, and under the parking lot lights, she could see where Rowan had taken a bit of a beating.

Ducking inside the car, Aelin turned to look at Rowan, her thumb coming to brush over a bruise that was forming on his cheek. It was already a blue-purple color, indicating that it would only look worse over the next few days. Luckily he hadn’t taken too many hits, so this seemed to be the worst of his injuries. There was one other place near his temple that had drawn a little bit of blood but it was already on the mend, cleaned by the medics backstage.

“I’m okay,” he reassured her, his hand coming over to rest on her thigh. Aelin pulled hers away, startled by the softness in his voice. Her eyes searched Rowan’s for the lie that he was more hurt than he let on, but she saw nothing. She supposed it should have comforted her that Rowan knew what his limits were, but still, it seemed crazy that this man before her was the same one that had attacked Cairn in the ring and ended the fight in the first round.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said, her voice echoing the softness of his own.

“You just saw me get pummeled a few times and you’re worried about hurting me?” His voice dripped with disbelief, remnants of a laugh bubbling out. Aelin shrugged, cheeks stained a rosy blush.

“I don’t want to accidentally push on places that hurt.”

“I can assure you that anything you inflict upon me will be the sweetest kind of pain,” he promised, lacing his fingers with hers and bringing them to his mouth to press a kiss to her knuckles as he started the car and drove out of the dimly lit parking lot. Those knots in her stomach unspooled themselves into liquid heat as her bottom lip slipped between her teeth. “Don’t do that.”

His voice was rough with want, and it scraped over her, leaving small goosebumps on her skin. She shivered in anticipation, and ached to hear more in that deep, rumbling timbre. Reaching out a hand, she coyly ran her fingers slowly, softly up the taut skin of his arm. “Do what?”

“Bite your lip like that when I can’t kiss you.”

“If you drove faster, you would be able to kiss me,” Aelin teased, leaning over the center console to press a lingering kiss to his shoulder. Rowan’s knuckles turned white where he gripped the steering wheel, glancing over at her as the car rolled to a stop at a red light. Soaking up the opportunity they’d graciously been given by the gods, he deftly captured her chin and crushed his lips against hers, kissing her in a way that stoked the smoldering want inside her into an inferno. She felt the sinful slide of his tongue brushing against hers, of his teeth tugging over her bottom lip like he wanted to take a bite out of her. Aelin hoped that he would.

When he pulled away, Aelin’s eyes stayed closed, her lips stayed parted. A shaky breath tumbled from them, filling the tense silence in the car. It took everything in her to sit back in her seat and let him drive. If she were to do what she truly wanted to do, she would have him pull over and climb with him into the backseat, his apartment and privacy be damned.

Aelin wasn’t so sure that Rowan would stop her if she tried to coax him into it. How they had managed to go this long without tearing each other’s clothes off was a mystery to her. As she looked over at him, her eyes lingered on those strong hands gripping the steering wheel, hands that she wanted gripping her in the same way. She desperately wanted to have his fingerprints bruised into her thighs, to see the imprints of his teeth all over her chest. The idea of his back being covered with the marks of her nails only fed that growing fire within her.

The drive seemed to take an eternity, consisting of stolen kisses at stop signs and longing looks. It was hard to keep her hands to herself, and that seemed to be the case for Rowan, too. By the time they reached his apartment, his hand had drifted so high up her thigh that it was burning a hole straight through her jeans.

Rowan held her hand loosely while they walked inside the building and to the elevator. As soon as the metal doors slid shut, however, he was tugging her toward him and pressing her back against the wall. His hands slid from her hands to her waist, dropping down to her thighs to lift her up on the railing. Aelin couldn’t help the moan that she breathed into his mouth, her fingers twining into his hair while he tugged at her lip.

When the elevator dinged on his floor, Rowan was dragging hot kisses down her throat. It seemed to be too much for him because he had to take a moment before he pulled away. Rowan’s mouth stayed against her neck while he caught his breath causing goosebumps to rise all over her skin. The doors were beginning to close again when he finally pulled away and shoved his hand out to stop them.

Aelin laughed then, sliding down from the railing and tugging him down the hall toward his apartment. At the door Rowan fumbled with his keys, pressing kisses to the side of her neck as the lock tumbled and gained them entrance.

Any restraint he had left seemed to dissipate as soon as the door was shut and locked. Once again her feet left the floor as he carried her to his room and laid her down on his bed. Their kisses were hungry, starving as he lifted her shirt and tossed it onto the floor. His hands made quick work of the rest of her clothing, and before long they were just skin on skin, his mouth drifting lower and lower down her body.

All of it was pure ecstasy, almost too much for her to handle. It didn’t take long before she fractured beneath his mouth, her nails digging into his back, scratching desperately over his skin as he moved back up her torso to press his lips against hers.

When he pulled back to look at her, something had shifted. Gone were the frantic kisses, replaced by deeper ones that stole her breath from her lungs. An impossible feeling was tugging at her heart as their bodies moved together beneath the sheets. This time when she fell over the edge, Rowan went with her. Their bodies were so tangled it was hard for her to think clearly enough about where he started and she ended. Their gasping moans were a harmony she wouldn’t soon forget as he collapsed on top of her.

Aelin’s heel pushed down the strong muscles of his thigh, his calves, silently begging him not to move. His lips ignited sparks over her collarbones as he settled atop her while her fingers ran softly up and down his sides.

Eventually Rowan rolled off of her, and she would have frowned had he not tugged her into his side a heartbeat later. Aelin draped her leg over his waist and nuzzled her face against his chest, pressing a single kiss over his heart.

The last thing she remembered was the feeling of his hands in her hair and his low humming of a forgotten melody as she drifted off into a blissful sleep.

~*~

Soft kisses were being dropped over her bare back, leaving a trail up and down her spine. Aelin hummed in approval as a grin spread across her face. Her eyes were still closed, ignoring the rays of sunshine that were likely illuminating her face, when Rowan pressed a kiss to her cheek and the corner of her mouth.

“Good morning,” she said hoarsely, her lack of voice another reminder of everything that had transpired last night. She had woken Rowan a handful of hours after their first time, rolling on top of him and placing teasing kisses over his neck and chest until his calloused hands guided her into position. That time, Aelin had been control, her hands gripping the headboard through wave after wave of pleasure. There was an ache between her legs that made her want to beg Rowan to touch her despite how exhausted she was.

“Hi, baby.”

Aelin’s smile widened as she rolled onto his back and looped her arms loosely around his neck. Rowan kissed her properly then, long and slow until she was sure they were going to go for a third round in under twelve hours.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, fingers brushing her hair back from her face. Aelin wanted to snort in response, knowing last nights makeup was likely smeared around her eyes and she reeked of sex and sweat. But there was such reverence in his tone that she couldn’t bring herself to disagree, his green eyes bright in the morning sun as they traced over every feature of her face. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Her hand moved from his neck to the side of his face, thumb brushing lightly over the bruise that marred his skin.

“You saw me fight. You watched me beat the hell out of someone and you didn’t turn and run. You didn’t balk. You still wanted me.”

Aelin was positive the confusion was written all over her face from the downturn of her lips to her furrowed brow, but still she said, “Has that been a problem before?”

“Yes.” Rowan pressed a series of kisses over her face starting at her temple and ending at her jaw.

“It’s not a problem for me,” she promised, voice barely a whisper against his cheek. Rowan was quiet for a moment, turning his face to look at her. “You’re a fighter. That’s what you are. I wouldn’t want you to be anything but what you are.”

A mix of emotions fluttered across his face, whatever he felt being a catalyst for kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, nose, and finally her lips. When he pulled back, he looked hesitant and unsure. It was the first time Aelin had ever seen him like that and it felt raw. Like he was exposing a part of himself he seldom did. She was ready to ask him what was going on when he kissed her so thoroughly she’d nearly forgotten the conversation at hand.

“What if I wanted to be something else?” Rowan gazed down at her, teeth grazing over his bottom lip. Again, she swore she saw uncertainty on his face and in his tone as the question rushed out in a single breath.

“Like what?”

“Like your boyfriend.”

She couldn’t help the joyful laughter that bubbled up and out like champagne. Rowan grinned too, so widely that his dimples were deep in his cheeks. Her thumbs ran over them as she kissed him, both of their smiles making it almost difficult. It was too cute, the way he’d seemed almost nervous and bashful in his delivery. It felt like high school all over again in the most innocent way.

“You can be that, too.”

[butgilinsky]

there are answers in your silence // mb

warning; language, asshole (kinda toxic ngl) barzy, a sprinkle of asshole tito too, toxic relationship, mentions of cheating, angst- the whole thing is angst, carter hart 

summary; where you and mat are falling apart faster than you can try to fix it. 

word count; 8.3k+

a/n: hi guys! this is a rewrite/continuation of this blurb i wrote. the main pairing is mat x reader but there are a lot of carter x reader themes throughout. there won’t be a part two seeing as i don’t normally write for carter, and i like where it left off. if you have any questions i’d be happy to answer any(: enjoy!

add yourself to my nhl taglist!

You loved your job, truly. You loved photography, and you loved the opportunities you’d been given by joining the islanders organization, but you managed to make things messy for yourself. It wasn’t written into your contract that you couldn’t date the players, but it was assumed that you would distance yourself from them. 

Mathew Barzal, however, threw caution to the wind when it came to that unspoken rule. 

You were knee deep in it by the time you realized it was a bad idea. Most days were fine, the two of you were professional in the walls of the rink and you knew how to keep it under control. On any other day, you were capable of keeping it all under control just fine, but going to the rink and smiling at Mat from across the halls was not the same as coming to the rink when the two of you were neck deep in an argument. An argument that had been oncoming for a long time now. 

You couldn’t focus on anything when you were arguing with Mat. You had fallen behind on editing this entire week, and now you were tiptoeing around the rink that you worked at because Mat was everywhere you turned, it seemed. 

You kept your post at the glass throughout the entirety of the game against the Devils, trying to get yourself out of your head when Mat was in your camera’s line of sight. You took pictures of the whole team, you had to, it was your job, but it was hard to do that when Mat was smiling like an idiot after Tito scored, and you had to take a picture of their shared celly. 

Even when he turned towards you and you sent him a gentle smile, the sight of his falling from his lips was heartbreaking. You knew he was mad at you, but the ache in your chest wasn’t able to recognize the fact that the two of you weren’t on the best terms. 

Truth be told, this was anything but out of the blue. Mat had been on edge for a while now, and while you knew it had everything to do with hockey and how he was playing, it wasn’t easy to accept everything he had been continuously throwing at you. You had a lot going on, just like he did, and you didn’t have the time nor energy to exude on this week-long argument. A week long argument that had eventually shifted into radio silence from your boyfriend. 

The next few days proved to be harder than you initially expected, no conclusion being found between the two of you. It was getting out of hand, if you were being honest, and now you had to fly to Philadelphia with the team for two games. You didn’t think all that much about the ride over to Philly until you were faced with your boyfriend happily sitting beside his best friend, not a seat for you in sight. 

You sat at the front of the plane, shoulder bumping against Marty’s while you kept your head low and hopefully out of sight. 

“What’s up with you and Barzy?” you huffed, shrugging gently and telling Matt that he could tell you as soon as he figured it out because at this point, you weren’t entirely sure what the two of you were arguing about either. All you knew was that Mat was mad at you and had been ignoring your calls and texts for the past three days. 

It was confusing to most, given that when you and Mat were on good terms, it was impossible to not see the two of you together. You were both all smiles and giggles when you were around each other, but not recently. You were worried that your spark had died out, that whatever you had built over the last year was fading away with every passing moment, and you were out of solutions. 

You had been lost in the Wells Fargo Center for upwards of thirty minutes when you ran into a boy who seemed like he could be your saving grace. He had a granola bar hanging out of his mouth and his eyes were glued to his phone screen while he walked down the hall in your direction. You weren’t sure who he was, but the Flyers shirt on his torso paired with the backwards hat on led you to believe he was a player and would therefore know the layout of the rink quite well. 

“Hey!” you called out, just loud enough to have him looking up from his phone and over to you. “I’m really sorry to bother you, but I have no idea where i’m going.”

He laughed gently and slid his phone into his back pocket, not overlooking the Islanders logo on your shirt or your name tag that hung around your neck. His eyes were soft and his smile was endearing in a time where you barely had anyone else look at you over the last few days. 

“No worries, though i’m not sure i should be helping the enemy.” you laughed gently, about to make a remark about the Flyers not being your favorite team either, but he spoke again before you had the chance. “Where do you need to be?”

Some time later after you learned that the boy’s name was Carter and he was the Flyers’ goalie, he showed you everywhere you’d need to be over the next few hours. He pointed out different rooms and halls that would be of great use to you and now the two of you were sitting in the middle of the empty seats, looking down on the empty ice. 

“It’s weird, seeing it like this.” Carter whispered softly, more to himself than to you, but it caught your ear nonetheless. 

“Not used to seeing it completely empty?” he shook his head, telling you that there’s usually always someone down there. Whether they’re cleaning or moving things around, there’s almost always somebody down there. 

“Why are you here all alone, by the way?” you hummed softly, letting out a deep sigh with a smile that Carter was easily able to identify as forced. “Don’t you have a hot shot boyfriend that could show you around?”

“And how would you know that?” your voice was light, playful, and it showed in your smile that Carter easily matched. 

“I’m not sure there’s a single person that doesn’t know what Mathew Barzal’s girlfriend looks like.” he tore his eyes away from the rink, looking over at you with a look that had your stomach turning, a lump starting to form in the pit of your throat. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” your voice was soft but the silence across the rest of the rink was enough to lift your words up to his ears, the far corner of his mouth twitching up ever so slightly as he registered them. 

“Y/n!” you jumped, startled by the outburst from the top of the section, craning your neck around to lock eyes with your boyfriend. “Where have you been?” 

You groaned, one that resided in the back of your throat and was only heard by Carter due to his close proximity. He sensed the agitation in your body language and the way your eyes fluttered shut while you took a deep breath to compose yourself. 

“Y/n!”

“I’m coming!” you yelled back, muttering a small ‘jesus’ under your breath before pushing yourself onto your feet. “Well, Mr. Hart, thank you for showing me around. I’d be lost without you, literally.” 

He laughed at your joke, though corny he thought it was cute. He shook your hand playfully and watched you climb the stairs to your boyfriend who was glaring at Carter even from his place all the way at the top of the section. 

“What are you doing down here?” 

“So you’re talking to me now?” His jaw clenched, muscles tensing as he soaked in your question. He had almost forgotten the two of you were arguing currently, too focused on getting you away from Carter to assess the situation properly. 

“What am i supposed to do? Watch you cozy up beside the goalie I'm about to score a hatty on?” in any other scenario, you’d be laughing, chirping him for claiming that he was going to score a hatty tonight, but you couldn’t do that right now. All you could do was laugh bitterly, focused on the fact that the only reason he was speaking to you for the first time in three days was rooted in jealousy. 

“I wasn't cozying up next to anybody, Mat. I was lost and he had time to spare so he showed me around the rink. That’s all-”

"That’s not exactly how it looked to me just now.” you rolled your eyes and walked past him, ducking around his shoulder and walking in the direction of the room Carter pointed out for you a few minutes earlier. “Y/n! We’re talking!” 

“I’m busy! We’ll talk later!” 

It felt like you were running across the arena during the game, opting to tie your hair back halfway through the first period when you realized you wouldn’t have your own post like you normally would. You were doing your best to get the best shots you could possibly get, but that unfortunately had you breathing heavily and worn out by the time the second intermission rolled around. 

Mat hadn’t scored once yet, and you could tell he was getting aggravated. He was playing rougher than he normally would, and you could see chirps being thrown around the ice, almost always directed towards your boyfriend. He took them in stride most times, only opting for a clenched jaw or maybe a hard hit against the boards. 

When the second intermission began, you were given the okay to take a breather from your job while your boss flipped through the photos on your camera, laughing when you opted to lean back in one of the stadium seats with your limbs spread out around you haphazardly. 

When you were switching sides for the nth time of the night, you ran into Carter again, decked out in his gear void of his helmet, the same charming smile shining in your direction once he saw you. 

“To what do I owe the honor?” he joked, earning a few questioning glances from the few teammates gathered around him, all turning towards you with soft smirks and knowing eyes. They knew who you were, a lot of guys in the league knew who you were. 

Everyone knew who Mathew Barzal was, and his need to show you off to the entire world once the two of you began dating was loud and in everyone’s face. Everyone who followed Mat on instagram or opened up a gossip article every now and again knew your face, knew how you looked tucked under Mat’s arm. It also didn’t help that the boys surrounding Carter had heard about his adventure with you around the rink earlier today. 

“Well if it isn’t Mrs. Barzal.” You bit the inside of your cheek, holding back the insult tickling the tip of your tongue and deciding to focus on Carter nudging him in the ribs. 

“Ignore him, he’s not even sure what the word filter means.” One of the taller ones, hair down to his shoulders and bright blue eyes sending you a gentle look, tried to assure you that his friend was anything but thoughtful in moments like these. 

“I guess that’s why they call him the team rat, huh?” Travis, who had no idea you even knew who he was, narrowed his eyes at you just before a small smile stretched across his lips. 

“How’s the game?” Carter’s smile practically hung off of his lips, confidence bursting at the seams as he silently referred to the fact that Mat had threatened him with a hatty not too long ago, and the Islanders had only scored once all night long, and it wasn’t even Mat’s. 

Going into the third period, the Flyers were up 4-1. 

“I plead the fifth.” you said gently, hearing a few laughs erupt all around you. 

“Looks like your hubby’s not getting his hatty tonight.” One of the boys who you didn’t know the name of sent you a gentle elbow into your arm, offering up a smile with his chirp. 

“Looks like he’s not getting a lot of things tonight.” your eyes found Carter, who was already looking at you with a wide smile. You took a deep breath, prying your eyes away from the boy and looking around the small circle that formed in the hall. “Well, boys, if you’ll excuse me-”

“Y/n!” you sighed then, unable to suppress a physical reaction to having your name yelled across the hall for the second time today. You were annoyed, given that this was only the second time Mat was speaking to you today and it had all of the same intentions as his last attempt. 

“Yes?” you turned over your shoulder to see not only Mat but Tito as well, both looking at you as if you’d grown two extra heads. Tito looked to Mat, expecting him to answer your questioning eyes, but he never did. He just stared at you, lips parted but never speaking. 

Truth be told, you needed him to say something. You needed him to say something because he was the one that had left you in the dark this week. He was the one that was going through a time so tough he took it out on you. You did your part, but Mat had yet to do his part, and it was killing you on the inside. 

“I have to go.” you took off in the direction you were originally walking, searching for your next post in the stands. 

You tried to distract yourself, but it didn’t seem to be working. Your hands were shaky while you tried to snap shots as much as you could, and when Mat had a breakdown on the ice, it all went even further downhill. 

Carter didn’t take the brute of it, which surprised you in all honesty, but you weren’t all that surprised when your number 13 was going hit for hit with their 11. Gloves were dropped in the last three minutes of the game, both of them walking away with sore knuckles and five minute majors. 

You weren’t even sure what started it, seeing as you were trying to snap a picture of Tito taking a shot on goal, the other two dropping their gloves on a different part of the ice and out of your view. You couldn’t watch it, instead dug your chin into your chest and tugged on the roots of your hair in frustration. You knew that the Flyers were going to win, given their four goal lead and the Islanders’ inability to get their shit together it seemed. You knew Mat was going to hit a rough practice tomorrow, and it somehow made you more excited to have a hotel room to yourself and the morning off. 

You didn’t see Mat until you got back to your room, shoulders slumped and exhaustion raking through your body. You pushed the door to your room open and jumped a foot in the air at the sight of your boyfriend sitting at the foot of the bed, hands clasped together in his lap and head hung low. He was anxious, you could tell by his posture and the fact that he wouldn’t meet your eyes. 

A sick feeling resided in your stomach when a minute passed and neither of you spoke up, both waiting for the other to take the leap. Mat tried to collect his thoughts, despite having plenty of time to do so while he waited for you. He wasn’t even sure how he made it back before you, if he was honest. 

“Where have you been?” it was a bad lead in retrospect, given that he showed no real care as to where you were at any other point in the week. That on top of the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place made for a bad start to a hard conversation. 

“Working, Mat. I do more than snap pictures of the team at games and run back home.” he knew that. He knew because he’d been the one that woke up in the middle of the night to you relentlessly editing things and piecing things together for a deadline. He was the one that woke up to an empty bed, finding you posted up at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee beside you and your head burning from the strain on your eyes. 

You didn’t, however, tell him exactly what you were doing. You were working, yes, but you kept specifics to yourself. He didn’t deserve specifics when he was acting like this. You deserved an apology, an explanation, quite literally anything more than you currently had before you had to give out your whereabouts. 

“I’m sorry this week’s been the way it has. I just- there’s a lot going on right now and I can’t get it all under control.” you sighed, setting your camera bag down on the desk before standing in front of Mat

 “It’s fine if you don’t have things under control all the time.” you set your hands on his shoulders and waited for him to look up at you, eyes filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite map out. “It’s not fine that you take things out on me when I didn’t cause you this distress.” 

“I know.” he spoke softly, understanding that he was doing something wrong but not entirely providing a solution for it, nor figuring out a way to fix it. “I’m going to figure it out. I’m sorry.” 

You nodded, accepting the soft kiss he silently asked for. You let him stay the night, though you couldn’t fall asleep. You leaned back into his chest, held his arm that was wrapped around you close to your chest, but you couldn’t sleep. You didn’t sleep for more than an hour or two before Mat’s alarm went off and he left for practice. 

You were able to sleep after Mat left, only logging about three hours before your own alarm went off and you had to make it to the rink. The day seemed to be uneventful for a while, but when you finished all of the things you had to do for the day and found a seemingly decent restaurant to stop in on your way back to the hotel, you were met with four smiling faces that you recognized easily. 

“Y/n!” Carter’s voice caught your ear easily, making you spin around in line, seeing the smiling boy give you a gentle wave from the table he was sitting at with the others, all who offered you a similar expression. 

You held up one of your fingers, seeing four boys nod at you in response as they waited for you to order your food. By the time you ordered and paid, grabbing the number that the cashier slid across the counter to you and spinning around, there was a chair at the end of the table that Travis was sitting in, leaving the spot in the booth beside Carter vacant. All four of the boys were pointing at the seat, ushering you into it with wide smiles. 

“Well this is a pleasant surprise.” you smiled warmly at the boys as you approached their table, sliding into the seat they vacated for you. 

“You’re telling us.” Carter offered, his smile cutting through you just like it did every other time it was given to you. 

Carter was cute, that much you could admit to. You hadn’t spent much time with him other than the other day when showed you around the rink, but you’d talked to him more than your own boyfriend in the past week so that was saying something. You were grateful for his hospitality, and even if you knew there was something else brewing beneath the surface, it wasn’t anything you were going to acknowledge and you certainly weren’t going to act on it. 

The rest of the boys were nice. Travis was a bit of a pest, but Nolan was able to keep him under control most of the time. They balanced each other out and you were aware of that from the very beginning. Joel was a nice kid, not the loudest in the room but certainly not the quietest either. Overall you had a good time sitting with and talking to them, appreciating the good company in a time where you had felt pretty isolated. 

They showed you a few places around Philly, sticking things within walking distance of the restaurant the five of you came from. It was fun, being able to forget about the chaos going on in your life for once. They even walked you back to your hotel, leaving you with each of their phone numbers to assist you in the rest of your time in Philly, and warm smiles. 

Just as they were leaving, Carter hung back for a bit to offer you a softer smile than the one he was giving you throughout the day, his eyes telling you that there was something brewing in his mind, something he had been holding back about all day. 

“I just wanted to say that you’re doing great. I don’t know what’s going on in your life, that much is obvious, but you deserve better.” he gave you one last smile and told you to call him if you needed anything at all before turning to catch up with his teammates. 

Carter’s words hung in your mind longer than you would’ve expected. They made you rethink everything that had occurred in your life over the last few months, every up and down, every bridge you built both by yourself and with others. You wondered if you were where you were supposed to be, if this is where you were meant to be in life and how long you were meant to be there. 

You loved Mat. You loved him completely, but there were things missing. You weren’t sure what it was, and part of you wanted to believe that you were just in the middle of a rough patch, but a greater part of you knew better. You knew that Mat was going through the thick of it, and your mind couldn’t help but wander over the chance that the time for you and Mat had run its course. 

You went another night without sleep, the stress from overthinking yourself into oblivion making it impossible to get any consistent sleep throughout the night. It showed in the way that your bags were deeper, darker than normal and the way you yawned every few minutes. However, instead of dozing off in your seat or complaining about your lack of sleep, you grabbed a coffee with two extra shots of espresso on your way to the rink and threw yourself into your work. 

You were neck deep in assignments, legs tucked under you and headphones stuck in your ears when a flash of blue entered your sight, prying your eyes away from your laptop and casting them up to the blue eyed boy from Quebec. He was looking at you like you’d done something wrong, like the world was on fire around you and you were holding a match. 

You and Tito were good friends, especially after you started dating Mat. with the two of them being inseparable and Mat making a special place for you in his life, you and Tito naturally spent a lot of time together. You were good friends, honestly, but there was never a time when Tito took your side over Mat’s. Sometimes he passed judgment without hearing every side of every story, but you understood. You knew that Mat needed people to lean on when the two of you were in the thick of it, you just wished it didn’t morph Tito’s opinion on you. 

“What can I do for you, Beau?” he hummed, a noise of disapproval that you had heard from him too many times to count. He sat beside you, not surprised to see you shut your laptop and turn your attention towards him. 

“The two of you need to figure this out soon. You need to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it, and by god you need to get him out of his head.” You could tell his intentions were genuine, that he just wanted his friends to be happy, but he wanted the two of you to be happy together, and you weren’t sure there was any more room for that. 

“I’ve tried, Beau-”

“No, you haven’t. You haven’t tried, because when the two of you try, things get resolved.”

“You’re right. When the two of us try, we fix things. When the two of us work through things together, we come out of it alive. But you’re missing the big picture, Tito. the two of us aren’t trying. I’m trying. I’ve been trying. I try so hard, and he gives me absolutely nothing. He ignores me for days, only speaks to me when we fly out to a different city and he sees me interacting with somebody who isn’t him. It’s not my fault, Tito, and I know that’s hard for you to see because you’re so far up his ass that you can’t see the bigger picture but here I am. I’m here telling you how to see things for once and I’m begging you that you just hear me out.”

He was speechless, but nodded. He didn’t know what to say to you, but he wanted to hear you out because the crack in your voice and the exhaustion that was bringing tears to our eyes was breaking his heart right in front of you. 

“I’m trying, whole heartedly. I ask what’s wrong and I offer solutions, and he takes none of it. He comes into my hotel room with a key, that I'm not even sure how he got, and he tells me he’s sorry but then nothing changes. He stopped coming over after practices, and gets annoyed when I have deadlines I can’t miss. I try and he doesn’t, and if that makes us fall apart then so be it, Tito, because I can’t fucking do it anymore.” your eyes burned, filled to the brim with tears you tried to suppress as Tito looked at you like you were fragile. He looked at you like you were the broken one, like if he even touched you on the shoulder you’d break into a million pieces. 

“Y/n-”

“I have to go.” you stood up, grabbing your things that sat around your seat and took off in any direction that looked safe enough for you to escape the headspace you were slipping into. 

You’d made it down one hall and around a few corners before you ran into somebody, the impact shaking you enough to have you distracted from the intrusive thoughts you were having. You looked up, met with soft eyes and a look of concern that had your heart sinking further into your stomach than it already had been. His hands reached out, brushing hair out of your face and holding your head back long enough for him to try to piece together what could be wrong. 

“What happened?” your lip wobbled then, enough for your chin to twitch and have you bite down roughly on your bottom lip. 

Carter grabbed your hand, the one that wasn’t gripping onto your laptop, and pulled you into a room not too far from your place in the hall. It was a small room, only met for equipment that had no other home, but it was enough to get you out of the wide open hallway where anyone would be able to see the breakdown you were about to endure. 

He pried the items out of your arms, set them on the shelf beside you so your mind would be at ease with their safety, and wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t know you very well, but he saw the way you reacted to physical touch. He saw the way you leaned into hugs or shook people’s hands for a second longer than most. He made a judgment call within seconds, but he knew he did the right things when you pressed your face into his chest and let out sobs that you’d been holding back for weeks. 

He didn’t pester you nor rush you, just held you in the room that could be classified as a closet and let you get everything out. You clung to him, and he held you softly, hands running up and down your back in a soothing manner while he waited for you to catch your breath. 

When you did, he pulled back, soft smile still as heavy as it always had been. He waited for your cue, something to tell him it was okay to pry. He didn’t want to overstep your boundaries, and he had no idea where the lines were drawn so it was a dangerous game. 

“It’s too much.” you whispered softly, closing your eyes gently while Carter hummed, not entirely understanding your words. 

“What’s too much?”

“Everything. Everyone’s expectations, everyone’s thoughts and opinions. The fact that i’m trying to fix a relationship all on my own and still getting the heat for it not working out. Having a full time job where I can’t run away from problems in my personal life. I wish I was still in college, wish I wasn’t surrounded by these people who are staring at me like I’ve burned down the entire planet when I’m the only one that’s trying to save it.” 

He listened the whole way through, not interrupting nor giving his unwarranted thoughts and while it was just a common courtesy, it was groundbreaking for you. To be able to pour out everything you’re feeling and thinking without someone trying to pick your brain on the subject was refreshing. You couldn’t remember the last time you put everything out on the table like that without seeing it knocked off right after. 

“Hey” you looked up at him, sniffling softly and watching his lips turn up in a smile at the sound. “You’re okay. It’ll all be okay. If you feel invalidated or uncomfortable in the situation you’re in, there’s always an out. Even if it feels like there’s not, even if it feels impossible to claw your way to the exit, there’s always a way out. And if you need help getting there, I know a guy or two who’d be willing to help.” 

Carter had a way of knocking you off of your feet with a simple sentence. His words cut through you like a song you’d never heard before, like lyrics that dig so deep you feel like it was written just for you. Carter was picking your brain in the gentlest way possible, and you were eating up every single second of it. 

You thanked him for his comfort, for his ear and his wisdom. You were sure that there were things you would have to do in the coming days that would be harder than you could’ve ever imagined, but you were sure that they were necessary in order to better your life for yourself. 

You were going to get through this.

All was said and one until the door swung open and you stepped out of the equipment room, locking eyes with the one person on the Flyers bench that didn’t know the meaning of the word silence. Travis meant well most of the time, truly, but that didn’t mean you’d spill all of your secrets to him. 

But he smiled at you softly, noticing your red rimmed eyes and tear tracks on your cheek. He saw the look that Carter gave him from behind you and so he simply put his fingers up to his lips as if locking them shut and tossed the key over his shoulder. It was simple, but effective, and he truly had every intention of keeping the knowledge to himself, until he was standing on the ice face to face with the centerman that dropped his gloves opposite him the other night and well, Tk found an opening. 

You weren’t sure what was said, nor who started it, but you were sure that in the middle of the second period with a tied game, tensions were not high enough for there to be multiple scrums on the ice. 

No other fight mattered until your eyes locked in on Mat saying something, neck vein popping out and spit flying. Whatever he said must have struck a chord with Travis because in an instant, you saw Travis’s lips moving and Mat’s fist flying. It was his second fight in two games and it was highly unlike him to fight this often, but it seemed that he was on edge. 

The tension didn’t boil down for the rest of the game, chirps only growing more intense and penalties being called more often than not. It was a head banger, a nail biter, and you were almost distracted from your work to watch it. 

Mat was enraged by the time you got to him. His body picked up a couple more cuts and bruises, one that landed on his right cheek bone from a high stick in the beginning of the third. His knuckles were bruised from punching Tk and his eyes were darker than the bright blue color you adored. 

You knew it had everything to do with you when the rest of the team sent you careful looks, both of disapproval and warning. You knew something was wrong, something had happened and you were unintentionally standing in the middle of it. When Tito passed you, a scoff dropping from his lips and his shoulder knocking yours gently, you knew it was bad. 

“Beau?”

“Oh I'm not helping you out of this one.” he said softly, a careful look thrown over his shoulder at Mat who was glaring at you from his place against the wall. “You have to go fix that one by yourself.” 

You wanted to shove him away from you, wanted to tell him that he was being ridiculous and unfair, but you didn’t. Instead, you let him grab his back and walk out towards the bus that would take you all to the airport. 

“Mat-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” his voice was low and dark, an animosity dripping from his tongue that you’d never heard him use before. He walked past you, leaving the rest of the guys to let out low whistles and shoot you apologetic looks because in retrospect, they witnessed what happened on the ice. You still had no idea. 

“It’s bad, y/n.” You looked over at Marty who stood a few feet away from you, throwing his bag over his shoulder and shooting you a careful look. “I’ve never seen him so mad.” 

You sighed and thanked him, giving him one more thanks when he said he’d save you a seat on the plane and took off after Mat. he wasn’t too far ahead, but his angry strides took him far enough to send you into a jog through the facility. 

“Mat, wait! Mat! Jesus, Mat just talk to me!” he paused in stride, turned on the balls of his feet and glared into you from his place across the hall. 

“Frankly, I don’t want to hear it, y/n. I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to be round you. I want you to leave me the fuck alone.” he went to turn again, hoping that that was good enough to get you off of his back for now. 

“So we’re just going to ignore it until it blows over? That’s not going to fix anything Mathew!” he dropped his bag, loud and harsh against the tile beneath his feet. He spun around and strode up to, face to face with mere inches between you. 

“There’s nothing to fix. You made your point, you chose your side, and you chose to throw me out to the wolves like I never meant anything to you. So yes, we’re going to ignore it for now but no, it won’t blow over. If you wanted to fix things you shouldn’t be shacking up with goalies in closets.” 

“I wasn’t shacking up with anybody in a closet you douche. I was crying in that closet because you’re too stubborn to talk to me. I’m trying so hard, and you’re giving me absolutely nothing to work with. You send Beau to convince me to fix things but you’re not even trying, Mat! You’re the one ignoring me and I’m supposed to fix things?”

“You’re not supposed to cheat on me!” you bit down on your bottom lip, trying to suppress the emotions bubbling over currently. You were trying to get through this conversation but it was defeating, and having him yell at you in front of his entire team was not helping. 

“I didn’t ch-”

“That’s bullshit! You expect me to believe you were just hanging out in there for fun?”

“She was crying, dude.” Mat looked over your shoulder at the same time you let out a string of profanities under your breath. Why he was here right now, you had no idea, but you had a feeling it wasn’t going to help any. 

“You’ve got some nerve to be here right now.” Carter shrugged, showing no intimidation towards Mat at all. He wasn’t scared, wasn’t backing down, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to stand by and watch Mat scream at you for something you didn’t even do. 

“You’ve got some nerve to scream at her like that.” When Mat moved you pressed both of your hands into his chest, steady and hard enough to keep him in his place, not even taking a step towards Carter. 

A silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable like polluted air that clogged your lungs. Everyone could feel it but nobody made a move. Nobody stood up or down, not weighing in to the conversation with a viewpoint on either side. Everyone simply watched, waiting for you or Mat to say something to the other one, or maybe for you to say something to Carter. 

Mat looked down at you, eyes still dark as they were earlier, jaw clenched and breathing fairly regular. He looked angry, angrier than he ever was off the ice. You wanted him to know you didn’t do anything with Carter, nothing more than crying into his chest about problems like the one you were currently stuck in. But then he spoke, he spoke and you felt everything around you wither away. 

“Get on the bus right now, or we’re through.” he picked up his bag and gave both you and Carter one final glance before taking a few steps backwards. He was waiting for you to move, waiting for you to choose your side right here, right now. 

“Y/n.” Carter’s voice was much more gentle than Mat’s, giving you a break from the screaming and crying. It broke his heart when you glanced over your shoulder and showcased red rimmed eyes and wet cheks just like you had earlier. He knew you were hurting, knew you were in a sticky situation that you couldn’t find your way out of, and all he wanted to do was help. 

“Now, y/n.” you looked back at Mat, who had stopped walking by now and was raising his eyebrows in your direction. 

It was harder than it should’ve been. You’d known Carter for just over 48 hours and while you appreciated everything he had done for you in the short amount of time, Mat was your boyfriend. Mat was there in times you thought you’d never make it out of. He knew you, knew how you operated. He knew things about you that you didn’t even know about yourself, and he held a piece of your heart in his hands, even if he didn’t protect it the way he used to. 

You couldn’t walk away from Mat, but there was a hesitation in your movements. Your slow movements as you wiped your cheeks and walked towards him, head hung low and accepting the arm that was thrown around your shoulders. 

You didn’t turn to see Carter’s face, didn’t even look up to see Mat’s. You didn’t want to see either of them, didn’t want to talk to them or hear what they had to say. All you wanted right now was to crawl into your bed at home and cast out the world around you. 

“You made the right choice, baby.” The kiss that dug into the side of your head was anything but comforting, if anything it was degrading. It was his way of showing you that choosing him was the easier path, that he would’ve flipped the world completely upside down if you had turned on your heels moments ago. 

You and Mat didn’t come to a conclusion that night. You didn’t resolve anything nor did you truly talk about anything. Instead, you let him into your bed and you let him drive away the pain that he caused over the course of the last few weeks. You let him convince you he’d be better, that he loved you and he’d do anything to be there for you. You let him convince you that he was the one for you, that nobody could make you feel the things that he did and while you believe all of this at one point, you weren’t sure you still did. 

You added another night to the count of sleepless ones, basking in your thoughts and the ache in your chest after Mat dozed off. Having him just behind you was oddly comforting despite the fact that thoughts in your head were too loud for sleep. 

Another week went by before anyone said anything, despite the few Flyers that were blowing your phone up with messages to check if you were okay and ask why you went with Mat when he clearly didn’t deserve an ounce of your attention. You explained that you loved him, that he was your boyfriend and you owed him a clean break if that’s what ended up happening. You also worked with the Islanders, and you couldn’t just stay in Philly with no way to get back home and hours away from work. 

Carter had been receptive and understanding, though you weren’t sure you expected much else from him. He didn’t expect you to stay, didn’t even expect you to choose him over Mat, but he expected you to do better for yourself. He expected you to be strong for yourself, to offer yourself a better future than the one you were seemingly drawing up for yourself. 

It wasn’t until you got a peculiar phone call that you were even thrown out of the routine of clawing your way through the night and chasing it down with a large coffee and one too many espresso shots. 

“Hello?”

“Hello, Ms. Y/l/n?” 

“This is she.” 

“Hi Ms. Y/l/n, this is Chuck Fletcher with the Philadelphia Flyers. I was wondering if you had a minute to talk.” 

You did a 180 after that phone call, pressed with another decision to make and seemingly no time to make it. You didn’t have many people to turn to about the decision, seeing as most all of your friends were biased in their decision making. Your friends loved Mat. They loved Mat and they loved going to Islanders games. 

You called Carter after you hung up the phone, anger bubbling over to the point of tears by the time he answered the phone just to let you rip into him. You accused him of getting you the job as the Flyers’ photographer just to have you closer to him, just to pry you away from Mat and New York as a whole. You accused him of not even knowing your skill level, just using this as a ploy to ask you on a date if you showed up. 

He listened the whole time, waited for a break in your words to ask if you were serious, to tell you that he’d seen your portfolio because his GM brought it over when he noticed Carter had spoken to you. He told you that he had no say in you getting this job offer other than him telling his GM about the sincere interactions he’d had with you. He put in a good word for your personality, but he never made a comment about your skill level. 

Now, you had a decision to make. A decision that would lead to many other decisions, so you thought. You thought you’d have to make a yes or no decision that would snowball into so many decisions you’d be left to suffocate in unanswered questions. Little did you know that by making one decision, the rest were made for you. 

“You’re doing what?” you sighed, trying to find the point in this conversation where you’d be left with a new job and a happy relationship, but it seemed as though that wasn’t in the cards for you. 

“I’m moving to Philly-”

“It’s because of him isn’t it?” you shook your head gently, feeling the weight of the world trying to shove you beneath the surface. It was weighing you down, pushing you further and further until you reached the core of it all. 

“It’s because it’s a better job for me, Mat.”

“How in the hell is a better job for you?” he didn’t believe you. Not after everything that happened. He didn’t think there were possibly any other explanations for your move. 

“It pays more, the cost of living is cheaper in Philadelphia, I get more benefits with the Flyers and I get-”

“A new boyfriend.” you paused, took a deep breath. You tried to breathe through the panic coursing through your body, tried to assure yourself that you must have heard him wrong.

“A what?”

“If you move to Philly, you get a new boyfriend. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You don’t want me anymore, you want him. So he gets you a big new fancy job and you get to leave New York, right? Because you didn’t want to live in New York your whole life so this is the time to get out. This is the time for you to leave your life behind, to start fresh and meet new people. It’s time for you to start looking for studios, right? For you to start booking freelance shit.” 

He comes to the realization too late, when he’s already said enough things to hurt you for a lifetime. He realizes that you moving makes more sense than he wants it to. You never wanted to stay in New York for your whole life. Sure, if things with Mat ended up better than they did, you would’ve stayed for him in a heartbeat. You would’ve gone wherever his career took him because yours can truly be done anywhere, but he knew New York wasn’t your preferred state to live in. 

The Mat you fell in love with, the one that took you on dates to your favorite restaurants and brought you home flowers just because, was finally coming back to the surface. The one that offered you his heart on a platter without asking for it, and treated yours with the gentlest touch. You were seeing him again, for the first time in a long time. You wanted to hold onto him, to open up your heart and make room for him again but the truth was there was no more room. You’d vacated a space for him a long time ago and he threw it away. It was too late for that Mat to come back.

“It’s giving you room to grow right? But the growth is different this time. The growth is away from me, apart from me. The growth is individual now, all on your own, but that’s good. That’s good because you need to grow and I- I’m not right for you anymore.” he started shaking his head, letting the dam of tears that he had kept in for so long finally burst. 

You were there to catch him, to hold him tightly and kiss his damp cheeks. You were there to assure him that he deserves the world, that you tried to give that to him but truthfully, maybe you just weren’t trying the right things. You assured him that he wasn’t a bad person, that he wasn’t good for you but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be good for somebody else. 

You were there to catch Mat when he fell, and you helped him stand back up again. 

Now you were walking away, your head held high and a smile finally living on your lips as you assured him that this was good for both of you in more ways than one. You were going to be okay, and you were sure that Mat was going to be okay too. 

So you moved to Philly. You moved into an apartment not too far from the rink, one with a cheese steak place right around the corner. You started working with the Flyers and seemingly fell right into place with them. You made friends and found your footing, feeling like everything leading up to now was exactly for this. All of the pain and hardships you endured was for this, for you to feel like you had finally done the right thing for yourself rather than for everyone else. 

You made the right decision. 

-

italics mean it wouldn’t let me tag you!

barzy taglist; @extratragic @babytkachuks @heybarzy @teenagekook @stfukie @smit41 @kiedhara @sidscrosbyy @golfergirl810 @baby-cat-nol-pat @c-hartsy @storiesbymads @aasimarr​ @bucky-ish​

and the himbos, as always; @barzysthighs​ @damndunner​ @anxietyandtacos​ @dmonchld​ @sortagaysortahigh​ @bricksatlandyswindow​ 

[anothergolddustwoman]

After a complete lyrical breakdown here is my list no one asked for.

Songs from Red (Taylor’s Version) and which One Chicago couple I think they apply to. I added which lyrics reminded me of their relationship as either a whole or parts of it. The whole song might not actual apply just the specific line. Now my main ship is Brettsey therefore I can more easily apply lyrics to them.

Putting under the cut cause she long.

Feel free to add to it.

Some are very angsty so pre apologies.

State of Grace

Brettsey: "I never saw you comin'" "We learn to live with the pain"

Upstead: "I never saw you comin" "But this love is brave and wild"

Red

Burzek: The whole chorus The whole song

Treacherous

Stellaride: "I'll follow you, follow you home" See Stella following Kelly into the fire in 9x15.

I Almost Do

Brettsey: "And I wish I could run to you" Why do they have to be long distance?

Burzek: "In my dreams, you're touching my face And asking me if I wanna try again with you" Just let them get back together. They are angsty so I related them to angsty lyrics sorry.

Stay Stay Stay

Brettsey: The whole song except for like the first couple lines.

Stellaride: "I just like hanging out with you all the time"

Upstead: "Who took all of their problems out on me, But you carry my groceries and now I'm always laughing." Ope got all angsty again.

The Last Time

Burzek: "Find myself at your door just like all those times before" Adam always showing up at Kim's door for any reason.

Holy Ground

Brettsey: "But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you" I truly believe that Matt only dances with Sylvie.

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Brettsey: "And we both wake in loney beds, different cities." Had to throw in some angst for them too sorry.

Everything Has Changed

Brettsey: The whole song

Upstead: “All I knew this morning when I woke is I know something now I didn’t before” SCREAMS morning after their first kiss 8x4 and the whole song.

Burzek: Giving me early days vibes, but I can't really pin down any specific lyrics.

Starlight

Brettsey: “Ooh-ooh, we could get married Have ten kids and teach ‘em how to dream” this is very self indulgent of me as I want this to happen SO BAD.

I feel like everyone else could too cause its just a good happy song and when they are at the height of happiness they would be vibing with it. If that makes sense.

The Moment I Knew

OK PLEASE DONT HATE ME FOR THIS BUT I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.

Burzek: “You should’ve been there Should’ve burst through the door With that “Baby, I’m right here” smile” I read this and only could think of last seasons finale and this seasons premiere with them IM SORRY.

Come Back...Be Here

BRETTSEY: I only think of them when I hear this song. You can’t convince me that Sylvie doesn’t scream this song when she is wine drunk missing Matt.

Message In A Bottle

Brettsey: All of this song.

Burzek: “‘Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of” “You could be the one that I keep, and I I could be the reason you can’t sleep at night”

Stellaride: “‘Cause now you’re so far away and I’m down” Only cause Stella is gone and Kelly might not really show it but he is very sad about it.

Run

I feel like this could apply to any one of them. I just can pin down anything.

The Very First Night

The very happy lovey lyrics I feel could also go with any of them when they are happy and in love.

Brettsey: “Im the one on the phone as you whisper “Do you know how much i miss you?”” HELLO they have said this at least once on the phone.

Stellaride: Same line. Kelly def has said this while Stella is away.

Upstead: Same line. Give me vibes from that phone call when Hailey was in New York with the FBI.

Taking nice criticisms.

[love-fireflysong]

Hi ! Sorry to bother you but your writing is absolutely amazing hvbevbhrfnfe please never stop! Also if you're sitll taking request for the valentines day drabbles I would love to see you write about the number 7 with chris and ashley :> The way you write them seriously makes me so happy :D Thank you and have a great day !! <3

7. kissing scars

They had all been stuck in this room for hours now. Sam and Matt and Emily and Jess and Mike and Chris and Ashley. Everyone that successfully had been evacuated from Washington's apparently cursed mountain. Stuck to sit in the uncomfortable collection of plastic, wooden, and metal backed chairs, the thin cushions that covered the seats and backs doing little to comfort and soothe likely any of the wounds that they had all gathered and collected through the night like the pokemon cards that Sam remembered Beth secretly collected for as long as she'd known her. Had been collecting until Beth vanished last year, having run out into the snowstorm after her sister, both never to be found again.

Despite the fact that it was almost mid-morning now (the old analog clock on the wall telling Sam that it was nearly nine o'clock), the room was quiet as everyone tried to sleep. All accept Sam of course. She couldn't sleep, and was frankly in disbelief that anyone else was able to. Every time she closed her eyes the same images kept flashing in front of her, running through the basement beneath the lodge, her knee bleeding profusely from where she'd tripped on the stairs and that man in the mask behind her and laughing darkly as he continued to call her name over and over and over again, waking up with a gasp when the terrifying mask appeared in front of her face and the needle in his hand plunging toward her neck.

It's during another one of these unintended bits of fitful sleep that she's jolted awake by a poorly muffled sob and Sam immediately scanned the area to see just who (and why) the sound was made. Jess and Em are both in their corner of the room, Em's jacket placed over top Jess as a makeshift blanket as she huddled underneath it. While some rudimentary first aid had been applied when they all first arrived here, it was very clear that Jess would be needing far more than that, and once again Sam hoped that the ambulance would be able to get through the storm quicker and arrive soon.

Matt and Mike aren't that far from them. Despite Em's threats, the two of them had made it clear that they refused to be out of sight of poor bloody and almost blue Jessica, and had spent the time in-between their separate interviews to hash out and apologize for that fight they'd (almost) had in the lodge. They had been among the first to fall asleep and neither stirred as the sobbing continued.

In the opposite corner, Sam turned to regard Chris and Ashley. The two of them had somehow been able to maneuver themselves so they had both been able to curl up in the largest chair available, and had been sleeping in what Sam assumed to be the most uncomfortable tangle of limbs known to man.

Sam didn't know exactly what had gone down with everyone yet, there hadn't been time for anyone to talk or compare notes, but whatever had happened to Chris and Ashley had apparently been one hell of a doozy. The last time she had seen the two of them, they had been doing that awkward flirting of theirs when Chris had turned up in a monk's robe just as she retreated upstairs for her bath, and then next her and Mike and been releasing them from the chairs the two of them had been shackled to with saw blades hanging menacingly over their heads. And then, barely an hour later, she had watched the two of them kiss before Chris left with that stranger to go and get Josh from the shed.

He had come back from that trip alone, no heavily scarred old man or Josh in sight. He and Ashley had refused to let the other out of their sight since, and had been practically dragged from each other for their respective interviews.

Now, Ashley sobbed with Chris in his lap, her fingers desperately running over every inch of his face as she they pressed their foreheads together, their tears likely mingling as they fell hot and heavy down bruised faces. Chris's hands were tight fists on the back of her sweater as he held her close, trying to rock the two of them back and forth. Sam had to assume it was likely a cheap imitation of comfort considering how little he was actually able to move them in the chair that they shared.

It was all Sam could do to watch them, her two friends who had once been so subdued and unsure with their affection, now blatant and uncaring as they sought what little comfort and reassurance that they could manage. She wasn't able to avert her gaze until Ashley had started kissing that angry, red burn on Chris's jaw and he only held onto her tighter in return.

Josh had finally managed to get his best friends together, and he had completely managed to break them in the process. Wherever he was, Sam bitterly hoped that he was happy with himself.