#sorry to burst your bubble but they are both toxic ships .

[magpod-confessions]

i genuinely despise jonelias.

i WISH i could word this nicer but i can't hold it in anymore and i have no idea why it's so popular. it's just so WRONG. if they were together it would be so horrible and toxic and NOT in the fun billford way.

i love both of the characters but omfg why is it the 3rd most popular tma ship on ao3

.

[bonded-by-love-and-hatred]

Can't sleep so have some random lyrics from songs I associate with Jerome, Jeremiah, and Bruce.

Wayleska:

Try to tell you, "No"

But my body keeps on telling you, "Yes"

Try to tell you, "Stop"

But your lipstick got me so out of breath

I'll be waking up

In the morning probably hating myself

And I'll be waking up

Feeling satisfied, but guilty as hell, yeah

- One More Night - Maroon 5

Well, I have called you darlin' and I'll say it again, again

So kiss me 'til I'm sorry, babe, that you are gone and I'm a mess

And I'll hurt you and you'll hurt me

And we'll say things we can't repeat

Put your hand in mine

You know that I want to be with you all the time

You know that I won't stop until I make you mine

You know that I won't stop until I make you mine

Until I make you mine

It's hard to feel you slipping through (You need to know)

My fingers are so numb (We'll take it slow)

And how was I supposed to know (I miss you so)

That you were not the one?

- Make You Mine - PUBLIC

Valeyne:

My girl's a hot girl

A riot girl and she's angry at the world

Emergency, call 911

She's pissed off at everyone

Police rescue, FBI

She wants a riot, she wants a riot

And everywhere we go, she gets us thrown out constantly

But that's okay

'Cause I know, I know, I know my baby would do anything for me

- Riot Girl - Good Charlotte

I'm gonna get you to burst just like you were a bubble

Frame me up on your walls, to keep me out of trouble

Like a moth getting trapped in the light by fixation

Truly free, love it baby, I'm talking no inflation

Too many war wounds and not enough wars

Too few rounds in the ring and not enough settled scores

Too many sharks and not enough blood in the waves

You know I give my lover a four letter name

- Irresistible - Fall Out Boy

Valeskacest/twinleska:

I'm the paper cut that kills you and the priest that you ignored

I'm the touch you crave, I'm the plans that you made

But fuck all your plans, I'm bored

"And can't you hear that scratching?" I ask your eyes

- That Unwanted Animal - The Amazing Devil

You say you're a good girl, I say you're a liar (I say you're a liar)

How could such a good girl, love a vampire? (Love a vampire)

Kisses aren't enough, I wanna bite through you

I would never lie to you, I would never fool you

- your favorite dress - Lil Peep and Lil Tracy

Jerome:

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous

They're always complainin'

Always complainin'

If money is such a problem

Well they got mansions

Think we should rob them (rob them)

- Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous - Good Charlotte

Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me

I don't know they somehow saved me

And I know I'm making something out of this life they called nothing

I take what I want, take what I need

They say it's wrong but it's right for me

I won't look down, won't say I'm sorry

I know that only God can judge me

- The Young and the Hopeless - Good Charlotte

Aaaand I alternate these to whichever ship I feel like in the moment lol:

You're my enemy and my remedy

But if you're not gonna bleed for me, go (Go)

Said he likes crazy girls

But he hates when I act crazy

It takes two to toxic

You've been getting to me lately

I know I can be destructive in the things I do

Will hurt you, and might make you hate me

But I'll still love you

- Crazy Girls - TOOPOOR

Like some kind of sadist

I think that he likes to see the pain in my eyes

He knows that I'm lovesick

He kissed me and promised I will be alright

We both know it's bullshit

The longer I'm with him the less I'm alive

- 911 - Ellise

I have so many more, (literally an entire Spotify playlist dedicated to these three), ESPECIALLY FOR JEROME OMG ahem... Sorry. Not really. If you want more random lyrics lemme know and I'll make a part two!

[byastrodust]

My honest to god opinion about Larry

I do realize that this is a devastating time for the fandom, yet certain reactions to Félicité’s passing got me thinking. ((This post has nothing to do with that but I might sum up my thoughts on that topic later)).

Let me start with a couple of disclaimers before anyone comes at my throat.

- I’m 23 years old, I’d like to believe I’m a grown ass adult and I rarely concern myself with problems that are not actually mine (I simply don’t have the time ok)

- I DO read (or occasionally write) Larry fanfic for ONE reason: the idea of them as a couple, their dynamic is interesting and appealing and it had a wide audinece. AKA I enjoy the literature.

- there was a time when I was a firm believer of ‘Larry’ but that’s gone now

- also I’m not trying to spread hate, it’s all just my opinion which I’m just as entitled to as you are to yours. If you don’t think the way I do I respect that and we’ll agree to disagree. OK? Cool?

Here’s the TEA ::

1. Larry? Old news.

I don’t think that Harry and Louis are a couple. Tbh I don’t think they’re really friendly anymore even. Why? Because their LACK OF INTERACTION. And for those who will have excuses here’s how I see it. Niall/Harry, Niall/Louis, Liam/Louis had no problem with interacting, going to each other’s shows etc. But all H&L did was awkwardly acknowledge each other’s existence and solo carrier, usually when they’re asked. Yeah they were nice, because neither of them are assholes, but that’s about it. Also, they’re no longer tied to their old management so I highly doubt their lack of interaction comes from a management standpoint. It’s simply not logical. (Also if you really think about it, fans lose their shits when H&L and even mentioned in the same context, what idiot of a management team would not utilize that free promo if they were in fact a couple/friends. This aspect never made sense to me. Let’s be real, show biz is finally(?) realizing that they can market ‘gay’ and it sells. Again, I could write a whole post on that.) So, naturally, their lack of interaction to me clearly indicates that they are not in close proximity to each other. Are they both in London? So am I and millions of other people, it’s simply not substantial enought to count as ecidence.

2. The fandom phenomenon

Is it too late to mention that I’m a psychology major, specializing in fandom mentality and toxic obsessions? Oh well. Here’s my two cents on Larry from a semi(? I’d like to think about myself as a pro but boy I still have years to get there) professional point of view.

Larry shippers are intense, extreme and compulsive. But it’s ok. I’m not here to give anyone that bitter pill of reality and if you want to believe that Larry’s married, living in a cute cottage with a white picket fence, who am I to shatter that picture? Believe it or not, idealization is actually healthy to a certain degree. BUT. The god honest truth is that Larry is a phenomenon created and fueled by obsessive fan behavior and refusal of hard case evidence. I’m sorry to burst a bubble but how many times did they deny Larry? A lot! Even Zayn did in his book (btw who the fuck knew Zayn had a book wow) after cutting all legal ties with 1D. And he was bitter. So if Larry was real, Zayn had the perfect opportunity to expose it. Instead he said that the allegations strained their friendship and it hurt them. Liam said something similar in an Out magazine interview as well (soz I didn’t fact check so feel free to correct me). Why do so many people still believe that Larry is real? Because of the way fans built up their relationship. And here I have to say that I do not exclude the possibility that at some point they might have been more than friends. Boyfriends, fwb, kissed once? Idk. Do I personally believe that any of that happened? No. But it is a possibility. And I see why people would be so hooked on their relationship. But here’s my theory.

You don’t ship Louis and Harry. You ship who you think Louis and Harry are. You ship the idea. Frankly, the fans don’t know them, they only know their public persona, a carefully crafted social construction.

That doesn’t mean that the ‘real’ Harry and the ‘real’ Louis is different from their public persona. It’s more like they’re extentions of each other. Just like you have different personas: who you are with friends, with family, how you behave online or in real life. These personas all build up the personality and they cannot be separated, yet neither is true without the others. (Phew got a little carried away in the shrink bs sorry)

So what fans know is one of their personas (and with celebrities you also have to consider that their public persona is always shaped by the fans’ perception).

In English: fans created Larry and their belief makes it real for them (kinda like in the first season of Supernatural when they hunted a monster that was created by the town’s belief in it)

So for all those reasons, I question the validity of Larry Stylinson. From a completely neutral (well sorta) standpoint it is clear that Louis and Harry are not a couple, but I do see why people want them to be. Honestly, I think this whole thing got a little out of hand and with media outlets like Twitter and Tumblr I doubt it’ll slow down soon. However, the power of the fandom is damn impressive.

And now let me get to why I finally wrote this damn thesis on Larry.

3. What you think is not real

So with Félicité’s passing, the past couple of days I saw people complain about fans taking pictures with Harry on the basis of Larry. Mostly those comments say that fans should respect Harry’s grief and leave him alone. Here’s a couple things to consider (whether or not you believe in Larry)

- Harry is a grown ass adult and if he feels like fans are disrespecting his privacy he will not take pictures with them. It’s his decision and for the love of god don’t treat him like a child that can’t stand up for himself.

- more importantly (and it might hurt, I’m sorry) Harry might not grief Félicité at all. That sounds mean let me explain. Yes, her death is a tragedy, yes it is awful and unjust. But. Unless you had a personal relationship with the person passing it’s not grief, it’s projected sympathy. And that’s all right, it’s natural, and confusing the two is understandable. Here’s a personal example: when my best friend’s mum died I was devastated and sad but I wouldn’t necessarily say I grieved, because I was not in a personal relationship with her. We talked sometimes, we liked each other but that’s it. And I’m not a piece of shit becuase of it. It’s just natural. Same with Harry. I’m pretty damn sure that he feels awful for Fizzy, for Louis, for the situation but that might not be greif. Because it doesn’t affect him personally. So people asking photos of Harry isn’t the same like they’d ask Louis (now that would be outright disrespectful)

Soooooooooooo.

Tbh this is something I wanted to address for a long time but I never had the time or the will to type it. Of course I could be totally wrong, that’s always a possibility. And if you think I’m just talking out of my arse, I respect that.

Actually, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Especially if you believe in Larry.

Please be civil and kind. I’d love to start a conversation.

There are so many more topics I could and would love to address, so I might be back with another lengthy one.

🖤

//footnote: the whole Larry fanfiction thing is a whoooooole another story, but I personally don’t think that shipping and writing/reading fanfiction has anything to do with actually pushing and believing in Larry. A good fanfic I appreciate lol//

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

How to Write a (Healthy) Relationship:  An Illustrated Guide.

@trappedinfairytales asked:

Hi! Let me start by saying this blog is a god send for more than just writing skills, I even turned on your notifications 😂 Anyway, I apologize if you've already done a post like this, but I was wondering if you could do a post with different kinds of healthy relationships? I feel like it would help, because even though I am a bi girl, I've never been in a relationship so sometimes I don't know where to start 🙈 

@magnificentcollectiverebel asked:

Bro bro I'm trying to write a cute lil romance do you have any tips please I didn't realize writing needs so much planning also thank you for all the tips on characters both of my love interests are girls the tips help

Excellent questions! 

Now, there has been a request for me to make a post about LGBTQ characters, so I will talk more exclusively about queer relationships then; sufficed to say this post applies to all types of healthy relationships.  Even though you could say I’m BI-ased on the matter.  (I’ll see myself out.)  

In the meantime, here are my personal rules of thumb for writing a ship-worthy romance. 

1.  Allow opposites to attract (but do it right!)

No, I’m not talking about two characters who have no common ground or core values;  I’m talking about two characters whose traits compliment one another.  

Maybe one’s analytical and the other’s impulse driven.  Maybe one’s a happy ray of sunshine and the other’s a grump.  Maybe one’s an idealist and the other’s a realist.

Do you see pattern here?  Not only do these proposed pairings balance each other out, but their mutually beneficial to each other:  an impulse-driven character will add spontaneity to the life of their analytical partner, while the analytical character will keep the impulsive one from leaping off cliffs;  the happy ray of sunshine will brighten up the life of the grump, while the grump will keep the ray of sunshine aware of life’s problems;  the realist will keep the idealist weighted in reality while the idealist will help them to get off the ground.

Moreover, as each of them has something the other lacks and needs, it creates a natural magnetism between them.  

Just think of it like the old Greek myth, in which mankind was split in two by Zeus and each of them are searching for their other half to become their best selves.  

In terms of writing romance, pretend your two characters are two halves of a greater whole, and allow them to complete each other.

2.  Create chemistry and attraction (but remember that it does not immediately equal love.)

If I had to pinpoint the source of my frustration with the depictions of attraction in literature, particularly YA romantic novels, I would say it roughly narrows down to the fact that the attraction, as it’s depicted, is largely extremely vapid and hollow. 

Two characters that hate each other are not going to have true chemistry or be compatible for a long-term relationship, even if one of them is equipped with excessive depictions of eye-color and can smirk like a champ.

To create true chemistry, the readers have to crave the characters’ interactions;  they have to root for them to get together, not role their eyes when they finally do.

So how do you do this?  Well, first and foremost, there are different and better ways to convey attraction than the tried and true “cerulean orbs” and obnoxious smirks and whatnot.

First and foremost, save strong, sensual language, like “she leaned in close, and I tasted her breath on mine,” “My heart thudded painfully in my chest as I felt her body press against mine,” et cetera for when your characters are actually in an intense situation.  That way, your audience isn’t desensitized to it and are more likely to root for your characters when they finally shack up.

When your characters first meet, keep the language light and playful.  Unless you’re doing a modern, queer reenactment of Romeo and Juliet (which sounds pretty awesome, honestly -- so long as the ending is happier) most people aren’t righting sonnets about people they first meet.

Let your POV character check out her prospective partner if you so desire, but press hold on the purple prose.  

For instance, instead of something like this:

“Long lashes fluttered like the wings of the butterfly over peridot orbs, a faint gold dusting over the graceful slope of her nose.  Red lips as ripe as strawberries glistened in the sun, and a waterfall of gilded hair fell over her slender shoulders.”

Try something more along the lines of this:    

“She had striking green eyes framed with long lashes, a smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose.  Her hair was a thick mane of unkempt gold, and when she saw me, she smiled.  Her lips were plump and strawberry pink.”

If you’ll notice, both passages convey basically the same thing (i.e. that this narrator finds her prospective gal-pal attractive):  one is just significantly less pretentious than the other, and in my opinion, a lot more readable.

As the story continues, you’ll likely want to build up the tension as the character’s attraction to one another grows.  Maybe your character starts to get butterflies in their stomach whenever their love interest is around, or there’s a tension-filled moment where their skin brushes together.  Maybe they’ve found themselves constantly looking at one another’s lips and mouths.

Keep in mind while developing your characters’ chemistry into something greater that contrary to what most YA novels will teach you, attraction isn’t love.  Finding one another’s meatsuits aesthetically pleasing isn’t reasonable merit for a long-term commitment.  Love, generally speaking, is often just that:  it’s a commitment.  It takes time to cultivate, and it isn’t fun 100% of the time.  But people stick with it anyway, because ideally, the payoff is worth it.

And that’s a good thing.  As an author, you get to build up on your character’s relationship, challenge it, make it stronger.  And that’s a lot of fucking fun.  Plus, you get to write all the cute romantic shit in the times in between.

If you are implying love at first sight (which, sappy bitch I am, I’m a bit of a sucker for) feel free to imply as such, but I’m still inclined to think short, sweet descriptions work best:  “Their eyes met, and for a moment, Ishmael could have sworn the earth had come to a stop while the world kept moving.”  Or perhaps, “Luna looked at Misery for the first time, and knew right away this was the woman she was going to marry.” 

Now keep moving.  Too strong language too fast weighs your story down, keeps the reader from relating to it, and detracts from the satisfaction of when your characters finally end up together.     

3.  Let your characters’ relationship be built on friendship.  

The other day, I got lunch with my best friend and her new girlfriend.  A year or so ago, she’d gotten out of a really toxic relationship that she’d been in since I’d first known her.  

I’d thought she was happy (because at the time, I didn’t have anything else to compare it to) but seeing her with her new girl was like seeing the proverbial sunrise for the first time.  (Pardon the floral language.  Even I’m not totally exempt from purple prose.)

We laughed, we made jokes, we all checked out the hot waitress together.  Overall, it was just like spending time with two close friends -- just, y’know.  They happened to be in a romantic relationship with each other.  And that, let me tell you, makes all the difference in the world.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again:  all the sexual attraction in the world will not make up for the lack of a strong basis of mutual respect, affection, and camaraderie.  

Sorry to burst your bubble, authors of the mainstream publishing world:  even if they kiss in the rain till the cows come home, even if the music swells every time they make contact, even if it’s a love story for the ages, that means your characters actually have to be friends.

So ask yourself these questions:

Do your characters have any shared interests or hobbies?

Do they actively take interest in their partners’ hobbies?

Do they crack each other up, tell each other jokes?  Exchange playful jibes that aren’t pointed or hurtful?

Do they do the above more than they fight and bicker?

Would both your characters feel comfortable with their partner seeing them at their most comfortable (e.g. stuffing their faces with Nutella and watching bad reality shows)?

If so, would they join in?

If one partner feels hurt, neglected, or insecure, will the other partner take notice and attempt to comfort and reassure them?

Can they confide in each other?

Do they share the same goals, desires, and core values?

If you answered  ‘yes’ to most of these questions, congratulations:  your characters’ romance is more akin to Gomez and Morticia than most YA pairings today.  And believe me, that’s a good thing.

  4.  Make sure your characters are more or less equals.

She’s a ridiculously hot, intelligent, accomplished twenty-something.  He’s a an out-of-shape manchild in his thirties who makes lots of fart jokes and probably has a neck-beard.  

This pairing probably would raise quite a few eyebrows in real life, but it happens so much in movies and TV (particularly comedies) that no one even questions it.  Do I really need to remind you that the entertainment industry is largely male dominated?

This doesn’t always equate to characters being equal in conventional attractiveness:  movies such as Legally Blond and Hairspray, for example, both have adorable pairings featuring lovely plus-sized/chubby women and thinner, more conventionally attractive men.  Tucker and Dale vs. Evil consisted of a satisfying romance between a chubby, kindhearted hillbilly and a thin, conventionally hot girl.  Moreover, they don’t leave anything resembling the bad taste in my mouth that the aforementioned Manchild + Hot Girl trope does.    

But your characters will need to be more-or-less equals in terms of positive attributes.  Even if they differ significantly in conventional attractiveness or status, they’ll probably roughly even in out in terms of intelligence, good manners, kindness, conscientiousness, et cetera.  

It’s also best to avoid blaring power imbalances when writing healthy romances.  I’m inclined to avoid huge age differences (though there are instances where it can be healthy), and definitely avoid huge age differences where one of the characters is underage.    

Basically, if your pairing looks like they could belong in a Woody Allen movie, no dice.  (If you think I’m kidding, just look at his fifty-six-year-old self with a nineteen-year-old love interest in Husbands and Wives.)

Differences in wealth and status are also generally be okay, but be conscientious that they can easily become abusive if one person misuses their power (lookin’ at you, 50 Shades.)    

Last, and certainly not least, your characters will almost definitely need to be equals in terms of three-dimensionality.  No exceptions.    

Which brings me to my final point:

5.  Give your love interest purpose (outside of being a love interest.)

I’ve talked about this before, but why do you think there’s such a huge following for Kirk and Spock’s romance (besides that one episode where Spock gets super horny and the two of them role around in the sand for twenty minutes), when there are droves of female love interests for both?  

Why are Dean and Castiel AO3′s most popular pairing (besides the recurring prevalence of romantic tropes throughout their narrative), when the following for their more canonically established relationships are practically nonexistent?  

What about Holmes and Watson (besides the blaring case of queerbaiting in the BBC version, and the fact that Doyle’s Sherlock was rife with gay subtext), or Steve Rogers and Bucky and Barnes (besides the fact that the writers somehow find the possibility of making Steve a Nazi less offensive than having him love a man)?   

Internalized misogyny and fetishization of MLM by straight women is sometimes a factor.  But considering the popularity of these M/M pairings amongst queer women, I’m inclined to think its simply because these male main characters are simply the most interestingly written in their respective franchises. 

It also works the other way: why do you think everyone hates Kara and Mon El’s romance so much? Because Kara is a wonderfully developed, benevolent character (surrounded with equally developed, benevolent characters who would work much better as love interests, I might add) and Mon El is a callous, entitled jerk who only wants to become a hero to woo his prospective girlfriend. 

This is also why heterosexual pairings with equally well-developed characters have no problem at all finding followings.  Just look at Han and Leia, Mulder and Scully, Booth and Bones, Monica and Chandler -- both characters hold roughly an equal amount of weight in the narrative, so we give a fuck what happens to both of them. 

Healthy, well-balanced WLW romances with happy endings are difficult to find in media, but some of my favorite examples of ship-worthy pairings that fit this criteria are Korra and Asami from Legend of Korra, Willow and Kennedy from Buffy (even though I’ll never forgive them for what they did to Tara), Carol and Susan from Friends, and Alana and Margot from Hannibal.         

And of course, there’s these lovely ladies from Sense 8.

Bottom line is, make sure both your characters are important;  don’t follow the trend of meaningless, forced heterosexual romances in media in which one party could almost invariably be replaced with a sexy lamp or a dildo.

Make the love interest a hero in their own right, and the audience will root for them.

Best of luck, and happy writing!  <3 

[illuminatingcomics]

I miss you!

It’s too late. It was only a matter of timebefore this happened. Out of cash, out of a job, out of my house, I only have thisplace where to vent out. I don’t want to supplicate for help, or bore you withmy sad story, I only want to open your eyes, be honest for once. This blog, andall the work published on it, was just a desperate attempt to fight back thegrowing insanity that overwhelmed my mind ever since I‘ve learned about thetruth…

And the truth, you shall learn, if you’rewilling to listen.

It’sa well known fact that Marvel experienced a terrifying financial crisis in themid nineties. Corporate greed and shady business practices saw Marvel’s stock value collapse; shares once worth$35.75 each in 1993 had sunk to $2.375 three years later. The market crashed.Retailers lost their shops, speculators jumped ship, and titles that soldmillions because they had twenty-three variant cover plated in gold and withattached trading card now sold only a few thousand copies. It was hell, and inthe back alleys of Wall Street, executives and editors were ready to cut eachother throat to salvage what little was left. Neil Gaiman compared it to thetulip mania, when back in the 17th century, the price of tulip bulbsexploded only to drastically collapse in 1637.

       Now, what happened after?How did Marvel survive? The official version of the narrative tells us theyremained afloat selling the movies rights for some of their biggest and mostremunerative franchises (Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, the Sub-Mariner), before finallyentering the Disney family in 2009, other meat for the unstoppable everconsuming grinder that company became. But that’s not the real reason. I knowthe real reason. I saw the real reason.

       I worked as an intern forMarvel from 2002 to 2003. It was a strange period in the company’s history.Modern classics like Grant Morrison’s New X-Men and Millar’s Ultimates were published side by side with stuff like Marville and that War Machine book madeentirely of 3D models. You could tell by entering their offices that editorsweren’t giving second thoughts to any idea, threw everything on the wall to seewhat stuck, a process that resulted in both masterpieces and ugly catastrophes.

       I said I was an intern, Iwas more like a glorified janitor, paid in food stamps to empty out the trashcans, make photocopies, walk out Perlmutter’s pet South Pacific cannibal, andstuff like that… I’ve never met anyone important, so if you’re expecting astory about certain famous writers being secretly lizard people, I’m sorry, thisis not it. I’ve only ever crossed roads with Joe Quesada, and aside form hisconstant need to gift me autographed copies of the issues of Ninjak he did in1993, everything was normal… everything, not everyone. There was an editor.This man… he’s why I’m writing this.

       Howard Gardner was his name,but you won’t find it printed in the credits of any book, I assure you. Yet hewas an editor, that was his role. Asking around the building, I’ve learned thathe had been working at Marvel since before the bubble burst, but only oversawfew, scattered books. Apparently he was the guy that came up with the basicideas for Avataars:Covenant of the Shield, Fantastic Four: Unlimited, and he hadghost written at least two issues of Uncanny X-Men… you know the ones.People didn’t like working with him, writers didn’t like talking to him,artists didn’t like the notes he put on their pages, yet, in an era of constantbudget cuts and people losing their job, he was still part of Marvel’s staff.

       He was a tall, lanky man,of an auburn complexion, maybe… I say that because there’re few things abouthim I can accurately describe. Something about him slips away from my mind, Ican’t put a face to a voice, can’t connect it all to a name, and I’ve met himseveral times. The harder I try to remember the less I do… or perhaps, I simplydon’t want to remember, as if my memories are protecting me from something. There was a certain oddness about the way he behaved, and the requestshe made at every editor’s meeting, all promptly ignored by the rest of thosepresent. Now, you think he was asking for something gruesome and horrifying,but knowing the graphic shit Marvel published in their MAX line, would youreally believe they wouldn’t have the stomach for something in particular? No,his requests were just strange.

       “I want Black Widow tofight iridescent orbs” he told a writer, “Make the furniture blue, it’s myfavourite colour” he asked a colorist, referring to an inconsequentialapartment shown during a fight scene. Just bizarre non sequiturs like those, atevery meeting when he wasn’t pitching some outlandish stupid book. He behavedlike he wasn’t entirely there, the best way I can describe it is that he actedlike a tourist from another country, that didn’t know anything about thecustoms of the area, but still tried his best to awkwardly fit in.

       Eventually I got used tomost of Howard Gardner’s strangeness, but one thing I just couldn’t wrap myhead around were his visits to Marvel’s “boiler room”. Sometimes he went downthere two or three times a day, sometimes once every few weeks, and neverfailed to announce it. “I’m going to the boiler room everybody!” he woulddeclare, sometimes in the middle of a meeting, standing up and marching out theroom. Nobody seemed to care, or at least, they pretended not to care. I triedto ask Quesada once, and he just replied “He’s a funny guy like that” beforehanding me over issue #3 of Sword ofAzrael.

       Such was my morbid curiosity, that oneday, after yet another announcement, I decided to follow him. He didn’t takethe elevator to reach the boiler room, but stairs. I waited five or six minutebefore chasing after him, as cautiously as possible. He was already about fourfloors lower than me, so I kept that distance, walking by the wall rather thanthe rails, only once in a while peering out to ensure he hadn’t notice me. So Iwalked, and I walked, and I walked… after several minutes I began to wonderjust how deep could Marvel’s basement be? We were already far below ground level,and yet we kept moving. I had no idea the building was that big, and thefurther down I went, the more the environment started showing signs of decay,and disuse, like nobody had been there for years, or decades…  It gradually shifted, looking more and moredecrepit, walls covered in incomprehensible, ruined graffiti, garbage coatingthe floor, huge, old stacks of Jim Lee’s X-Men #1 stuffed inthe corners. The air was filled with a stale and odd smell, a mixture ofvinegar and paper, it made my eyes watery and my mouth dry, but still, I moveddown, as an unpleasant, sweaty warmth surrounded me.

       Finally, the stairs ended, and only onelong, shadowed corridor appeared in front of my eyes, scarcely lit by orangetinged lamps. No trace of Gardner,he just vanished in the darkness. There was a noise, a rhythmic noise,reverberating in the air. The shuffling of pages, of a book, no, many books, anarmy of people skimming through hundreds of books, all at once. It wasstrangely hypnotic, and I began following it, carefully moving across thecorridor.

       The floor was wet. Puddles of a wateryblack liquid covered it. The intense smell I perceived in my descent was allaround, and I finally identified it as the acute scent of ink. Shreddedcomicbook pages were all around, so utterly cut up and ruined I couldn’t tellwhich issues they were from.

I proceeded across thecorridor, and it seemed to stretch out without end. The further I went, thedeeper the ink lake turned. I was in it up to my ankles, when finally, afterthe seemingly endless walk, I reached a single iron door, left ajar. The boilerroom. The heat was unbearable, coating me like a blanket in the summer. I wasviscous and sticky with sweat, so thirsty my throat was sore, yet, I entered,following the noise, constantly skimmingin the my ears.

       It was dark inside, Icouldn’t see anything, but still I understood, the place was bigger, muchbigger than it had any right to be. It was as if I was entering an entirelydifferent building, another place, better yet, another world. The floor was a dense, gooey swamp of ink and soaked paper, the airbasically unbreathable, polluted by the toxic smell of industrial paint. I tookjust a few steps forward into the alien world, and the marsh reached my knees. I stopped, gazed into the darkness… and I saw Gardner. He was far away,and the entire lower portion of his body, from the belt down wasn’t visible:he was immersed in the ink… I have to wonder now, was it really ink, orsomething else? And if it wasn’t, then what?

     I shivered, glaring at the scene. Gardner had his arms up. He was looking atsomething. I narrowed my eyes, looked up, saw nothing at all.

     Then, it moved. That nothing, was everything. Therewas a shape, filling the void, in its entirety. It was grandiose andstupendous, it was horrifying and atrocious. I couldn’t comprehend anythingabout its anatomy, it was as if a thousands sails moved at unison, shifting inspace, like billions of pages stacked one on top of the other. The rhythmicshuffling belonged to it, the supernatural, diseased sound of its existence.

     If it had eyes, I can’t tell. If it had consciousness,or it was just an endless sea of living flesh, I can’t tell. It was ancient andunending, primeval masterpiece of a bygone era. It existed long before anyonecould recount, it filled our dreams and our nightmares. It was the reason ofthe company’s endurance. It was its protector. The god they had swore to serve.And it, in turn, served them. It was Marvel.

     The moments that followed were a blur. I barely hadthe time to contemplate my insignificance in the greater cosmic theatre and wetmyself before I decided to run. Out of the boiler room, out of the building,out of the city, out of the goddamned country. Some would say I am coward, andit’s true, because in front of that archaic force, we’re all cowards.

     It’s been fourteen years. Itried morphine, I tried cocaine, I tried coke. I still cannot forget. The imagesare burned in my mind. Mocking the thing with silly internet edits was my wayof fighting its power, and maintain my sanity, but it’s not enough anymore. Ah!It was never enough to begin with, and anonymity only got me so far. I believethey found me. I realize now the truth about Howard Gardner. More than a man,more than an editor, he was an instrument of its hateful design. He saw meescape, and he’s been looking for me, hunting me down every waking moment hewasn’t busy green lighting projects like Marvel DIVAS and Curse of the Mutants.

       Theend is near. I hear a noise at the door, as of some immense slippery bodylumbering against it. It shall not find me. God, the hand! Thewindow! The window!

[feudalspacewarrior-blog]

So I finally got around to watching episode 8 of Samurai Jack. Spoilers below so if you haven’t been keeping up with the series but intend to watch it at some point, don’t read any further.

Okay so I noticed some awkward sexual tension between Jack and Ashi in the last two episodes so it didn’t surprise me that they finally “sealed the deal” in the latest episode. I thought the pacing was a bit too fast, but then I learned that this season is only getting 10 episodes (much to my despair) so I guess it had to be crammed in before the final confrontation with Aku.

Also I don’t think Jack has actually thought this thing through with Ashi... I mean if he does manage to find a way back to the past and destroys Aku, then Ashi will have never existed. Regardless though, I’m happy for him. Both Ashi and Jack deserve some happiness after a lifetime of Aku’s bullshit.

I’d have happily ended the post there, but I can’t help but notice the mountains of salt coming from the fandom - although I guess this is nothing new when it comes to a ship becoming canon. Seriously though people, give it a fucking rest. I’m indifferent towards the relationship but I’m having a hard time believing that some of you have read the shit that you’ve typed and actually came to the conclusion that it was worthy of posting.

Firstly, the posts saying it’s homophobic. Wait, what? I mean, seriously? I’m seeing this argument of all things? Sorry for bursting your bubble here guys, but it was never implied that Jack was homosexual in any of the previous episodes throughout the whole show, however there have been at least 2 scenes that I can think of where he has displayed an attraction towards women. I could play devil’s advocate here and say that it’s still possible that Jack could be bisexual, but A) to my knowledge there has never been anything in the show which implies he could be attracted to men and B) the fact that you’re calling a heterosexual romance “homophobic” just because it exists makes me want to distance myself as far away from you people as possible.

Also, the age gap argument holds no merit whatsoever. At the beginning of every episode in this season so far, Jack even states himself that he does not age. Not only that, but he was technically thousands of years old when he first got to the future. I could go further into this but as I write this, I am really tired and I cannot be bothered with writing about the whole concept of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff plus some people might have addressed this one already anyway in much better ways than I ever could.

We’re like 2 episodes away from finishing this show for good (it hurts every time I write that) and like I said before, this romance has a really high chance of ending in tragedy (Jack could go back and defeat Aku but in doing so he’d wipe Ashi from existence, or Aku could simply end up killing Ashi). It really wouldn’t hurt to refrain from making your final judgments until the last 2 episodes are over and done with. Enough with the bullshit drama and let your fellow Jack fans browse the Samurai Jack tag in peace. I swear the shipping side of fandoms becomes more and more toxic with each passing year...