#sorry to be feral animal on main (has no side account)

[mandrakeboo]

ggrrrrrr hoyoverse and their subtle but deniable queercoding and hidden flags.... it hurts sooo fucking bad!!!! reddit would never understand how transgender silver wolf is!!! hoyolab won't admit robin is a lesbian!!! aarrrghhhh....

DID YOU KNOW I HATE THEM!!! AGHHH?????

[rip-in-peace-eraserhead]

All This for a Cat Nap?

Pairing: Erasermic

AU: Fantasy/cat cafe

Summary: Aizawa Shouta owns and runs his own cat cafe which is paired up with a local shelter to get some of the cats adopted. On his lunch breaks, he uses his hidden shapeshifting powers to join the cats in the main room for a short nap. This backfires when he gets cursed by a witch for something he didn't do. Now stuck as a cat, he needs help to get out of this mess. Maybe that nice blond guy will be just what he needs.

For @gegeru within the @bnhasecretsanta2019. Have a happy holidays and a happy New Year.

Ao3 Link

Read under the cut.

This couldn’t be happening. 

Shouta hissed as the young employee reached for him again, This time he swiped at her hand with his claws, causing her to jerk back, yelping as she struggled to stay on the step ladder she had climbed while trying to reach him. 

With her having retreated for the moment, he bolted out of the cubby he had squeezed into and climbed another level to the tracks running along the upper walls. The thick carpeting under his paws along with the traction his claws gave him, he had enough maneuverability to make it to the other side of the room before she could even look for him again. 

Stupid customer. Stupid employee. Stupid witch making stupid assumptions. Stupid everything!

A new voice joined in with the assistant’s worried fretting. This one a bit lower pitched and calmer. Human words don’t translate perfectly to shifters who are in animal form so it was hard to make out. It must have been the guitar guy. He’s the very generous yet extremely infuriating guy who had decided that Shouta would make a good house pet. 

If Shouta were an actual cat instead of a shifter stuck as a cat, it would be insanely nice for guitar guy to offer to socialize an angry and partially feral cat after he paid for the cat. But Shouta isn’t a normal cat and now the guy’s offer is seriously hindering Shouta’s chance to just chill out at the cafe until the curse wears off.

With a moment to breathe, Shouta could consider his options. 

One: He could wait out this curse in the main room for weeks without interacting with a single human and hope that the curse doesn’t wear off in the middle of a busy day (leaving him buck-naked in a cat-cafe). And then pretend nothing happened when everyone asks. ‘Where the fuck have you been?’

Except that was unrealistic. The employees only put food out during the day and the other cats wouldn’t leave enough food for him if he waits. Also, he had no idea what curse he was under, so he might have to explain why he was gone for possibly months

Two: Hide under guitar guy’s couch, escape when he goes to work, find someone to turn him back, get back to his own apartment, and act like nothing happened. Then pretend not to feel guilty when he sees the missing cat posters all over town.

It was shitty, but the best option he has at the moment. Guitar-guy would still have Mochi to keep him company and if he really wanted a second cat, he could come back and adopt one.

He didn’t get the chance to consider a third option before another cat climbed up onto the other end of his perch. Happy to have found him, Mochi made a light trilling noise before mashing her face against his and starting to fervently clean his cheek. 

Being so preoccupied with the friendly tabby, he didn’t notice the hand reaching up behind him until it had a hold of his scruff. He yowled in protest but was pinned against a leather-clad chest  (impervious to wild claw swipes) and dropped into a pet tote. 

Mochi, now worried by Shouta’s protests, started to jump down the levels to reach him but was also scooped up by guitar guy who was apparently the one to use his leather jacket to knab Shouta without injury. She ended up being the one put into the temporary pet tote that the cafe offered to adopting patrons. 

That leads to another reason this situation sucks so much. The reason why the man had chosen Shouta and Mochi to adopt together was that he had seen Shouta taking a cat nap with Mochi and when Shouta ran away and tried to make himself look unappealing, the man decided to adopt both in hopes that Mochi would help socialize Shouta. He previously had everything worked out to adopt Mochi by herself and Shouta ended up being an accessory piece

Tired and frustrated, Shouta let out the loudest yowl he could muster, cursing that damned witch. So what if he had been lounging around as a cat. Making the assumption that he was a shifter who lived there as a cat just to advantage of the people’s good nature was incredibly rude. As the owner of the cafe, Shouta was the one who worked his ass off to get the place up and running and paired with the local shelter.

But now he was stuck in cat form until he could wait out the effects. 

Still not satisfied with the amount fo venting he’d done so far, he tossed his head back and made the most god-awful yowl/howl/scream he’d ever heard out of a cat’s mouth. Both humans and Mochi jumped at the noise.

Before he could muster up the energy for another, a face appeared through the bars of the cage. Vivid green eyes stared right into Shouta’s newly yellowed ones. The only thing Shouta could think was, “What a stupid mustache.”

“Hey....hey...little dude. It’s gonna be okay. Sorry for spooking ya. I know the carrier is a bit stressful but I’ll let ya out when we get home.”

Shouta ended up too distracted by the fact that he could clearly understand this guy to hear the transaction between the assistant manager and him as he was paying for their fees (and making a new account for Shouta because “His account must have gotten accidentally deleted.”)

It took until Shouta and Mochi were firmly buckled into guitar guy’s car before he said something more to Shouta. 

“I bet having a human just start chatting with you is a bit freaky, huh? I set up a spell so I could talk to Mochi and discuss her being my familiar but you ended up in the mix too. You don’t have to work as a familiar though. I just thought you needed a good home and if you like Mochi, it’d be best for you to come with her.”

Shouta said nothing in return as he began to reevaluate his life choices.

-----

Nemuri shrieked, half in laughter and half in fear, as Shouta, finally in human form, chased her around the tiny apartment wielding a mighty couch pillow. “I’m sorry!” She yelped out between laughs, diving behind the couch to get away. “I swear I thought you were just a hobo shifter mooching off the cafe!”

“I was almost neutered!” Shouta roared, trying to leap after her. Thankfully for Nemuri, he wasn’t used to human proportions just yet and landed on the couch, half sprawled over Hizashi’s lap. Hizashi just squeaked, his blush now reaching his ears as he desperately tried to avoid looking at a completely naked Shouta.

The moment it took Shouta to reboot after landing naked on top of a guy was long enough for Nemuri to make a break for it, sprinting out the door, boots in hand, with a hearty, “Good luck boys!”

With her gone, the fight left Shouta, leaving him with deep-set aches and a deeper regret towards the intense chase right after a painful shift back to human form.  

When Hizashi said nothing as the minutes stretched on, Shouta finally looked up to see him looking up and away in the most awkward attempt to avoid glancing too far down. It was funny for a second before the discomfort turned out to be contagious

Shouta readjusted so that he was sitting up like a normal person. ”Sorry.”

When Hizashi didn’t respond, Shouta awkwardly continued. “Y’know that I’m not mad at you, right? This month was batshit crazy and I’m the one who didn’t mention I’m a shifter. With the only other witch I’ve ever met cursing me within two minutes of meeting me, I was a little nervous.”

Hizashi finally uncovered his eyes, relieved that Shouta had placed the pillow over his privates. ”It’s cool, I guess. I just can’t believe I gushed about how the ‘cat cafe worker’ was to your face.”

“Well, you thought I was just a cat, so…”

They were interrupted by Mochi jumping up onto the couch between them, trilling loudly when no one began to pet her immediately. Shouta promptly took pity on her and scooped her up onto the pillow before beginning to rub at her chin.

“Speaking of being a cat,” Hizashi said, a tentative but sly grin crossing his face. “I’d better get a discount for life at the cafe after all the money I spent trying to make the grumpiest, hungriest, largest, fluffiest maine coon happy.”

Shouta rolled his eyes, trying to hide his amusement. “How about I help you pick out another cat, get them all settled, and wave any of the fees for all of that? If you want more retribution, ask your friend. She’s the one who put us in this situation.”

Hizashi pondered the offer for a bit, overexaggerating his uncertainty until it was obvious Shouta was Done. “Okay fine. But you have full visitation rights over Mochi and don’t you dare miss Christmas or I’m telling her you forgot all about her and she’s going to guilt you to death.”

This time Shouta rolled his eyes for real, shooing Mochi off his lap and standing up with the pillow still protecting his modesty. “I’m going to go raid your closet so I don’t have to do a naked walk of shame. Give me ten minutes and we can pretend this never happened.”

The humor slipped out of Hizashi’s face before he lunged forward. “Wait!”

Shouta stopped and was surprised by the hand grabbing his wrist.

“One more request.”

“Greedy aren’t we-”

“One date.”

Shouta froze, startled by the sudden boldness from Hizashi considering how blushy and embarrassed he was about his He turned fully, still awkwardly holding the pillow up, to try and gage Hizashi’s expression.

“Are you sure? Because I wasn’t acting like a dickish cat just to be mean. I really am grumpy, depressed, messy, and tired all the time.” It sounded self-deprecating even to his own ears but give him a break, he’d been off his depression meds for almost a month by this point.

Hizashi stood up and moved closer, now taking Shouta’s hand in his. “I’ve seen a bit of that when at the cafe and I think you’re selling yourself short. I don’t know if you remember this but you were the one who pointed out Mochi to me when I mentioned adopting a cat. I’ve never seen someone so compassionate and I’d like to see more of you. Please?”

A million excuses ran through Shouta’s mind as he tried to mentally work out how to say ‘I a mess you don’t want to clean up’. Before he could articulate one, he noticed the soft longing in Hizashi’s eyes, brilliant emerald staring directly into Shouta’s soul. 

“Fine but I’m paying..”

[recentanimenews]

The 5 Most Misused Quirks In My Hero Academia

I’ve always been good at coming up with creative solutions to problems no one will ever have to deal with in real life. For example, if I collected all the Dragon Balls, I wouldn’t waste my time asking Shenron for infinite wishes. I’d ask for a notebook that brought to life whatever you described in it, like a reverse Death Note. LOOPHOLED! Also, I'd tie huge rubber bands to the balls before I summoned the dragon so that when I was done with them and they tried to fly off in every direction, they'd just spring back to me and I could use them all over again. SMORT!

  That’s why I get so frustrated while watching My Hero Academia.

  I keep seeing what all these fictional characters are doing with their Quirk superpowers and I think to myself: there is a smarter way to use those, guys, like, well...

  5. Kurogiri Can Create Free, Renewable Energy

  Kurogiri is the black mist supervillain that Kohei Horikoshi came up with while screwing around with the airbrush tool. His Quirk is Warp Gate–the ability to create actual Portal-like portals that he uses to chauffeur the League of Villains and break up bar fights.

      In all seriousness, though, Kurogiri is probably one of the most powerful characters in the anime, with their being virtually no limit to how far he can extend his Warp Gate portals. Why then doesn’t he use them to create near-infinite energy? Open two portals one above another, throw in a heavy object inside and watch it fall endlessly. Devise a way to hook a dynamo or something to it and, bam, you have free power that would make Kurogiri a billionaire overnight and a hero to the entire planet. But I understand if Kurogiri doesn’t want to do it. After all, he’s already living the exciting life of… a dive bar bartender. Huh.

    Even if Kurogiri only cares about taking down All Might, it would still be much easier to do if he had a literal mountain of money/public goodwill at his side. As is, using his overpowered Quirk to transport other villains is like using faster-than-light travel to be the first in line for Backstreet Boys concert tickets.

  4. Koji Koda Could Help Feed Billions Of People

  Koji is the resident Class 1-A stoner (get it? he's made of rock? come on) with the power to control ANY creature in the animal kingdom. This would logically also include spiders, meaning that Koji could literally end all street crime in, like, 5 minutes tops by swallowing all the criminals up in a giant arachno-tsunami.

    But, you see, Koji is just too shy and nice to be an effective hero. He wants to do good but he just doesn’t have that fighter instinct in him. Which is why he should instead use his Anivoice Quirk to revolutionize agriculture all around the world.

  Give him a megaphone and fly him over American fields, telling feral pigs to stop causing $1.5 billion worth of damage a year in destroyed crops. Fly him to Australia to tell the invasive cane toads and rabbits to kindly lemming themselves off a cliff. Have him tell the aggressive lionfish the get the hell out of the Atlantic. FORCE HIM TO GET OVER HIS FEAR OF BUGS AND MAKE AGRICULTURAL PESTS A THING OF THE PAST. If Koji was utilized properly, he could travel the world undoing mankind’s mistakes and creating organic, pesticide-free crops instead of doing what he does now, which is largely sitting around on his ass roleplaying Snow White.

    3. Inko Midoriya Would Have Made A Great Nurse

  Izuku’s mother in My Hero Academia has mainly done two things so far: jack and squat. She did try to be a good mother but kind of failed at that when she tearfully apologized to her son because he was born without a Quirk, essentially telling him: “I’m so sorry I gave birth to such a loser.” So, she doesn’t really have much going on in her life. That’s why she should try nursing instead.

  I realize that becoming a nurse takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but Inko would be a natural fit for it. Despite her initial shortcomings, she is a very caring person with loads of empathy. She also has the power of limited telekinesis.

    Inko can move small objects over short distances, and while that would not be helpful for stopping crime, it would be great for, say, removing kidney stones. Or things stuck in people’s throats. Or coins from children’s stomachs. Or, well, anything out of people’s buttholes, all without having to actually… you know, get in there. Not only would it save any hospital god knows how much money on gloves, Inko would be doing something worthwhile with her life and making a real difference. But sitting at home alone while Izuku lives it up in his dorm is just as fulfilling, surely.

  2. Uraraka Should Go Work For A Shipping Company

  Ochaco Uraraka has one of the most well-rounded Quirks out of all the main characters: Zero Gravity. With it, she can make objects and people float, which is great for offense, defense, and rescue operations. As a superheroine, she is doing everything right with her Quirk.

    I just think Uraraka should never have become a superheroine in the first place. Uraraka has actually always been honest about her motivation: she wants dem YEN YEN BILLS YO (for her struggling family.) Superheroes are paid a lot in My Hero Academia and even get endorsement deals and the like—in the future, I envision Bakugo endorsing some brand of hot sauce. But regular jobs also exist in that world, and that must include shipping companies that would instantly hire Uraraka to Zero-G their freighters, trucks, and planes.

    Even if she cannot make them float, she can still remove enough gravity from them to save the company tons of fuel. Company profit margins are razor thin. There’re probably accountants out there who specifically don’t use semicolons in their print documentation because those use more ink than regular commas, and that means lost profits. The notion of saving even 1% on fuel costs would be game-changing for them, and Uraraka could probably go way higher than that while collecting a check fatter than the boners some of those company accountants would be sporting.

  1. Momo Could Solve Literally All The World’s Problems

  I bet Kohei Horikoshi was really proud of himself when he came up with Momo Yaoyorozu’s design: No, see, she HAS to dress scantily because her Quirk is Creation, i.e. the ability to create any object she wants through her skin, which must be constantly exposed. Peachy.

    What’s not peachy, though, is Momo’s motivation. Momo is supposed to be a genius. As such, she should know that she’s wasting her Quirk on superheroics when she should instead be, oh I don’t know, actually saving the world.

  Momo can apparently create anything as long as she understands its composition, and seeing as she’s made an ethanol spray can, infrared goggles, a lighter, and a tracker, it seems like there’s nothing she cannot make. Cool. MAKE US SOME HELIUM THEN. The world is running out of the gas and we need it for MRI scanners and the like. Momo could make more of it. Or thorium. She could make thorium that we could use to make thorium-based reactors that are apparently way safer than uranium ones.

    Medicine, fresh water, cheap electronics that we could send to developing countries: Momo could crank all of those out in an afternoon. An hour sitting in a room and filling bucket after bucket with free insulin would do more good for the planet than defeating 10 Leagues of Villains. And while spending your life as a walking Everything Faucet might not seem that glamorous, it actually has the potential to change the entire planet for the better.

  Are there any other Quirks that you think are being misued in My Hero Academia? Share your theories in the comment section!

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Cezary writes words on the internet. Follow him on Twitter or check out his websites here and here.

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