#sorry this makes no sense i just had a lot of disjointed thoughts bc i dont know fully what i think their situation is

[tumbleinthenet]

Tell me more about Sam x Fraize. About the relationship and headcountry with them. I think I'm starting to fall in love with this couple oh my God

funny enough, for all i think about them i haven't completely nailed down their dynamic.

them being kind of strange animal girls is the first most obvious thing i can point to. sam thinks sugarcube is so funny (i like to think if that horse could chainsmoke it would) and frazie's in awe of how sam seems to be able to talk to her like she can.

i've talked to a few friends about them so i'm going to copy-paste what i said there and try to explain it a little more.

1: sam has the upper hand. she has SLIGHTLY more experience with people around her age. also shes sam if she was failing at a social interaction shed just dig the hole deeper until she came out on top (just keep escalating until she sounded normal)

2: frazie does not know what people are like outside of her family and sam is. the way she is. so a lot of their interactions are sam saying the wackest shit and frazie being like haha wow thats so cool *has no fucking clue whats going on*

3: theres a mutual air of razzing?? like theyre definitely making fun of each other but its generally not mean spirited. sometimes frazie goes too far she probably cracks a dead dad joke (me and my friend hc that sam killed her dad because of a bts image from before the game was done, no clue where it came from but it's haunted us since) and hurts sams feelings real bad but she doesnt mean to!! shes just used to going on the full offensive with her siblings

4: sam is probably not used to calling people her friends. i think in her mind she does not have friends, she has allies (and comrades you get it), so neither of them really know whats going on for a while.

i do also think frazie would not bat an eye at sam's food. i think sam probably can cook but just chooses to put varying levels of effort into it and i think if she made something weird, much like raz, frazie would just go for it.

these images are also how i feel about their dynamic.

ANYWAYS aside from that kibasniper wrote a sam and frazie fic (i need to think of a ship name for them that isnt bad) and thats helped inform how i feel about them!! it's called in motion go read it

[blindmagdalena]

thoughts on ep 4?

ohhhh man this is gonna be really long and disjointed because i just finished the episode. i'm just gonna be focused on the homelander stuff here bc i feel like that's what we're all here for lol

the energy he brought to that whole situation gave me the most intense anxiety. i feel like not even he was entirely sure how all of that was going to go down, but as soon as he was there, all these memories that he had repressed started flooding to the surface. obviously his relationship with Ryan is causing a lot of his trauma to come to the forefront, and this is the culmination of that.

i think what caught me the most off guard was how run down the place looked. a concrete basement with shoddy computers and post-its everywhere. a bunch of techs. it was so small, and yet it's like homelander said. it was a lot bigger when he was a child.

it was their day job. it was his whole world.

that very first moment when Marty calls him John, and he corrects "Homelander," in that boyish voice, i almost burst into tears.

the moment where he's staring at the incinerator made me feel ill for him. i already knew what was coming, and it didn't disappoint.

"I had nightmares about that exact moment, and you can't even remember it."

i had chills throughout this entire scene. it was such a succinct way to lay out how dehumanized he was his entire life. that so many people stood by and were so desensitized to his torture. they tuned out his screams entirely and played little games to pass the time. all while he watched.

this time, when Marty calls him John, there's no quiver in his voice. "Homelander," he corrects firmly, smile tight and closed. direct eye contact, waiting for a challenge. but they won't. he knows no one will stop him. not just because they can't... but because they simply won't. they wouldn't save a child. why would they save Frank?

"You're sorry? Now?"

this whole scene is such an interesting parallel to his conversation with Vogelbaum in s1, where he asks, "You want forgiveness? Now?"

something he rightfully denied Vogelbaum. in this instance, however, we see Homelander enacting his vengeance and giving that forgiveness... but only once they're dead. only once they'd paid his price. once they've suffered as he did. I forgive you.

the only time anyone expresses remorse for what they've done to him is when they're faced with it. when the regret eats away at them not for the harm they caused, but the damage done to the world, or to their own safety.

immediately following that, we see him call Marty over and not just apologize, but very specifically he asks, "Can you forgive me?"

it's perfect foreshadowing for what he's about to do to him. can he forgive the same thing Homelander is about to?

the scene that follows is so profoundly uncomfortable i had a lot of trouble watching. the reality of Homelander's life and teenage years is something that we as a fandom have always been very cognizant of, but seeing it addressed so plainly on screen was both nightmarish and vindicating.

i remember being really squicked out by his comment regarding Ryan getting Zoe pregnant, but it makes total sense that raising Ryan is bringing a lot of his own childhood sexual trauma to the surface. there's SO MUCH to be addressed here that it could be it's own post. but what's great is when Homelander calls an end to it: it's the moment Marty says he's sorry.

"I forgive you, Marty."

this is all about Homelander accepting what happened to him. facing it and the people who were part of it head on.

speaking of...

BARBARA. i know she's public enemy #1 right now, and rightfully so, but i found her so profoundly interesting. did she know Homelander was there? she didn't seem surprised at all. why would she come without backup? how did they even contact her with everything shut down? i don't know, but whatever the case, i really got the impression she already knew what she was walking into. she made a real attempt to get Homelander away from the other scientists, but he wasn't going to be swayed. they were already doomed.

she antagonized him. They were just doing what I told them. It's not their fault. It's mine. Leave them alone.

it's very apparent to me that among his fractured personalities, she represents the kinder motherly one. she, like Stan Edgar and Vogelbaum, are elevated above the other scientists. she's a figure of authority and she spoke to him as such.

"They were scared."

"I was a child."

"They were scared!"

and he does recoil at that. we KNOW Homelander hates being feared. it was his trigger with Madelyn, it's what kept him from lasering that crowd, and it's a blatant, desperate lie when he says to Starlight, "...being feared is a-one okie doke by me."

"Everyone was terrified of you from your first breath."

she breaks his heart a hundred times in this scene. from the reveal that he killed his mother in the same way Vogelbaum told him his son did—the source of that lie?—to the statement that their greatest success was making him obedient by withholding love. by turning his heart into a pit of need.

a sharp juxtaposition to Vogelbaum's You're my greatest failure.

and then she says to him no matter what you do, you will always be human.

here's the thing about Homelander's humanity. he doesn't associate it with kindness or love. he associates humanity with all the worst things that have ever happened to him. cruelty. selfishness. betrayal. his entire life he's been used and abused by the people who were supposed to protect him.

of course he doesn't want to be human. doesn't want his SON to be human. look at what humans have done to him. they're vile, they're vicious, they're dirty.

in another life, that desire could have been his drive to be good. if he'd only had a single fucking example of it.

"I'm not human. And neither is my son. And I'm gonna raise him so that he knows it."

in other words, he'll raise his son the way they failed to raise him. Homelander wants desperately to raise his son with the love he never had. he just doesn't know how to.

ultimately, like Vogelbaum and Stan, Homelander can't bring himself to kill her. he tears apart the people she tried to save, and he leaves her to stew in her own fucking mess.

[snobgoblin]

Soooooooo... saw you exploring the concept of "who knows about Danny's patron" once more

and connecting back to my lucio's reaction ask [here], I thought about how all the M6 would react to that knowledge

I'm also gonna link you talking about this and this bc i feel like it's related :3

THANK YOU FOR LINKING i really appreciate that a lot ill also link this one that I've posted since I got this ask

ok so I'm gonna list them and explain when they figure it out and how they react to it then (i am eepy so sorry if this seems disjointed but hey we don't choose when the spark comes do we AND I might redo these later if I think of more well thought out answers later)

Asra

They definitely had their suspicions after he was able to break those chains and bind The Devil but it didn't truly click with him until Danny got his familiar. then he was just kind of like... ohhh. okay that makes sense. he doesnt see it as a negative thing, he's very open minded- especially when it comes to magic and its mysterious ways. basically just... gestures at this fic. it's something he knows quite a bit before Danny does but he lets him figure it out himself, and theyre patient with him because they understand it must be hard to learn you're associated with the guy that quite literally tried to fuck everything up. they do actually see it as a positive thing. like, a challenge in his perspective which he always enjoys, if that makes any sense. in conclusion it doesn't put him off in the slightest even though Danny thinks it really should

Nadia

its hard to say because it's not something she's necessarily looking for. she's a smart lady! she just doesn't have the familiarity with Tarot that say, Asra does, so she doesn't necessarily have the knowledge to put it together besides the card games she would play with her sisters as a kid- and even then that was a completely different deck. that being said her intuition game is insane so she has a *feeling*. you know. she knows there's more to him than there appears to be but I don't think it'd click until he came to her with that information. and- something to note is Danny's associations with this card- well they aren't great. he's only an apprentice after all and he doesn't quite get the nuances completely yet. he has very black and white thinking at times. so he himself takes this as a very negative thing- especially considering everything The Devil has done to everyone. so he's kind of a nervous wreck telling her this but he trusts her and feels like she should know. anyway how Nadia takes it is. kind of like "oh I just knew Lucio was too incompetent to be associated with him" like it makes a lot of sense to her. Danny's smart! so was The Devil. Lucio is well... Lucio. Nadia would also have quite a bit of wisdom about it I think. she really kind of grounds him in that way when he's torn up over it I guess. she's just kind of like "well. destiny is a nice thought but you do have free will so dont worry about this meaning youre secretly evil. youre just Danny and you always will be" i think she's said things in a similar vain before. ALSO ALSO her choice for his masquerade outfit ended up making more sense in hindsight. she does have a feel for these things sometimes without realizing it... like giving Lucio a dog mask. I feel like I did a whole lot of yapping and said a whole lot of nothing with this one. point is she takes it with grace and its not something she's worried about or shocked by

Julian

I'm struggling here because it's not a belief system he seems to be super invested in. sure he asks for a tarot reading in the prologue but he's always been more of a science guy and he quite literally doesn't know magic when he's staring it in the cauldron- so I don't know exactly how he would process this information? (as for how he learns- he's absolutely not figuring this out himself so Danny comes to him with this) and for the reason of confusion I feel like he'd take it the hardest. Danny's worried and Danny's a skilled magician, right? he really knows what hes talking about. so this has GOT to be bad, or he wouldn't be so worked up, right? and i mean, The Devil is the bad guy in so many fables. what's going to happen to him? is there any way they can stop it? should they just give up trying and stop worrying and give into their "true nature" (woohoo hanged man trait) whatever that means? he doesnt know. he doesnt know how this magic system works. he just tells Danny not to worry about it, just ignore it, but he does plenty of worrying for the both of them. walks on eggshells for a bit. keeps making accidental goat puns and putting his foot in his mouth. goes to Asra for advice. Asra tells him to chill the fuck out. you know how it is

Muriel

he's not... surprised when Danny comes to him. he's known for forever, because of his prophetic visions. he just gave up telling him because he always forgot anyway, and he didn't tell Asra because he didn't want them to take it the wrong way. but it's always something that made him... wary of Danny. he's had dreams of him absorbing The Devil's heart and taking over the world (vision of Lucios reversed end) and he's had visions of he and Asra being stranded in another dimension after making a deal with him (Asras reversed end) ...but he's also had visions of him sailing the world with Julian. or hell, even finding safety with Muriel himself. he's really wary because he doesn't quite know what to expect from him and it makes him nervous- not necessarily because he's The Devil, just, in general, but that association definitely doesn't put him at ease considering Lucio's obsession with him. Muriel hates goats because of it. but, when Danny comes to him he's just kind of like "I know" which catches him off guard and he's just kind of like "didn't see the point in telling you" which Danny's like okay fair, however-

Portia

oh she thinks it's so cool when Danny tells her. she already thought it was cool he came back from the dead (i believe the words she used were "zombie magician") and she treats it like one of her romance novels with the tortured and mysterious love interest. she's just like oh. well now you're even more charming. like a vampire. youre more complex now. WHICH IS NOT HOW DANNY THOUGHT SHED REACT. but she does think it's super cool (her only context for what The Devil is is, The Goat Guy so she sees it as like. you were supposed to be his henchman and then you weren't. if that makes sense) he insists that this isn't a good thing and she insists that he could literally murder someone and she would still love him (platonically or romantically!)

Lucio

JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS he really did identify with that card and he's devastated to learn it's not actually his and he got a "lame" card instead. but it does piss him off a lot because he hates being, what he perceives to be anything but "one of a kind" or "first place" at anything. why does he wanna be a card that sounds like such an insult when he could be a cool goat instead? it's no fair! he would call Arcana managers if he could but instead he settles for- depending on the route either chokes out a "congratulations" which surprises Danny or, if it's Lucio's route, he figures oh well if you can't be em date em. little does he realize just how special his own card is. because he's. well he's stupid. anyway he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him love Danny more

god I hope that makes sense it is 1 am LTDYDLLYDYRYL THIS WAS FUN THANK YOU

[mqfx]

so a passing thought about post-canon sangcheng occurred to me & i would like to receive any wise counsel you'd like to give on my thought processes... 🙇‍♂️ they're a little disjointed. disclaimer that i havent read the novel in a while!

im not super convinced by the idea that nhs was able to control eeeeverything that occurred in his Great Revenge--i imagine a lot of it was incidental and opportunistic.

im not clear on whether jiang cheng would figure out that there was a masterminding aspect to the grand finale at the temple at all, bc while i think he's smart! he's also, like, so uninclined to overanalyse things that might uncover something painful for him (see: wwx's behavior post golden core transfer--unless you have to adjust for shixiong admiration/how jc places wwx on a competence pedestal? if wwx says he can handle it he can handle it, until he doesnt handle it so hard he dies. i guess.)

ANYWAY. i dont think jc would be friendly, or maybe he wouldnt like that he Was friendly with nhs if he thought nhs intentionally put jin ling in danger. im not sure if nhs DID! but im thinking in circles about whether jc would think that would have been the case. in my mind he is both endlessly capable of knee-jerk trust recindication (is that a word.) AND trust extended way past reasonable limits. but do you think that would be discussed (with jiang cheng loudly in tears about it in front of many rubbernecking witnesses, mdzs style?) at all? the most i can imagine is jiang cheng yelling obscurely around whether he can trust nie huaisang! clarifying details & inside voices are for the next generation.

i feel like there something to be said about how he trusts wwx with jin ling's safety, too...

this kind of doesn't have a conclusion im just interested in what you think of post canon sangcheng en generale-- it feels like a very different relationship from anything i can imagine in like... cloud recesses era. they're both miserable i think 😀 but actually post canon jiang cheng is doing better than usual than he has been for a long time, in a sense, and nie huaisang is probably thinking he should be doing better.

sorry this is so long!

ok firstable i must address "rescindification" bc it compelled me and apparently the noun form of "rescind" would be "recision" or "rescindment". heeheehee

now my thoughts on the matter:

2019 me wouldn't have agreed with this but remember 4-5 years ago i was only a college sophomore and was less capable of independent thought. since i was more caught up in fandom back then i generally went along with the headcanon that NHS Planned Everything, especially since it gave him more BAMF-ness(??) to, i guess, make up for the fact that he's not a "strong" cultivator. i would Like to delete the fic i wrote about it then but people like it a lot and i'd feel bad just taking it down. it's kinda like my sorrows of young werther (in that goethe regretted his first published work. not that im like goethe ew)

2023 me obviously thinks that's kinda eeehhh and i agree with you more now bc (flips through my memory of Hot Strategist Tips) no plan survives contact with the enemy. nhs wouldn't have been as effective if he had clear strict play-by-plays from the get-go. i think overplanning is what got jgy, because he kept stacking plots to cover his tracks but nothing makes a crime obvious quite like a cover-up

(unrelated question: if you're stark naked in the street, do you cover your ass or your balls? the correct answer is, you cover your face.)

as jgy's narrative foil and winner of that year's political oscars, nhs wouldn't make those exact same mistakes. not to mention, his strength (i think) is in recognizing patterns and doing the least amount of work for maximum effect--the hallmarks of the "lazy" (efficient) genius. plus it's not like he was starved for opportunity (again, bc jgy really was doing too much..... he really could've not gotten caught if he would just focus on the damn infrastructure)

also re:jc yes you're right my man's the king of repression and sublimation lol the whole "who is the REAL mastermind" would be the LEAST of his problems right nyeow!!! he has to help his nephew secure the succession and keep those scheming little rats of jinlintai away from jl, THEN he has to reckon with the fact that his brother is back, which comes with 15+ year old unopened baggage. wouldn't it be funny if he's like, an old retiree before nhs even tells him "yeah it was me lol" and that's finally the thing that kills him LOL sorry

ok that aside let's imagine a scenario where jc gets a whiff of an inkling of an idea that NHS Risked JL's Life (whether he did or not is irrelevant in this case). i'd like to believe that as an older sect leader, like yeah sure emotionally he's stunted like evel kneivel* but at the very least he should have the presence of mind not to scream at a fellow sect leader in the streets about Serious Accusations. (he is not as logical about wwx in canon because that's his big brother and no younger brother is ever logical about his big brother. also he knows wwx well enough that he can trust wwx Wouldn't Endanger Kids)

*get it. bc evel kneivel was a stuntman

imo jc would go in circles thinking "but no..... nhs wouldn't do that" then "but that's what i thought about jgy too......." and then working himself up to a froth. this will probably result in the most intense assessing death glares and some shady little quips in public. coin toss whether jc would decide to confront nhs about it privately. at least for as long as jl hasn't fully settled in on the role yet, i highly doubt jc would let his guard down for anyone, even nhs. maybe wwx

postcanon sangcheng...... keep in mind i have shipper goggles on. but they're not getting married babes im sorry if i'm keeping it realistic they both have Duties to fulfill and they live in a Society where they don't have time to...... governance is not just Paperwork, it's their lived reality and not everyone has the privilege of a living family to hold down the fort while one goes off traveling (@ lwj, but he can do whatever he wants forever). not saying that they'll get married to other people and have babies, mind you. especially in societies based on martial strength i think it would be less important to have an Unbroken Bloodline than it is to pass down sect techniques

at the end of it IF there's a romance then they're living off of stolen time, sneaking around during hunts and conferences. and i highly highly doubt it'll be a soft epilogue my loves they are two jagged broken people who have given up too much and gotten back so little. they are not gonna make each other better, but hey the consolation is that they also can't make each other worse! at least they'll have someone else who somewhat Understands what it's like. "miserable but not alone" is a boon if you've lost everything else that mattered

[zombiepatch]

sorry for the weird ask but what do you say that about the podcast? haven't caught up with it in some time and now im wondering if i should at all 💀

late(ish) reply bc i struggled to figure out how to word this in a non-rambling manner (failed, ultimately lmao)

i will say, a lot of people liked s4, and there were things i had fun w/ too (smth the show has going for it is the sound design and presentation and that was top notch in s4), so i wouldn't say my own complaints would bother you as much or make it not worth listening to, just that... it might and it certainly irritated me personally to the point of dropping it.

the biggest thing that is especially apparent to me are how flat and unrealistic the side characters are. like, that's always been a problem in the show, but holy shiiiit dude. there's so much drama and angst surrounding arthur but all of these side characters, who could have their own complex motives and thoughts towards him, are like "no arthur is my special special boy. also i just met him" (oscar cough cough) and it's. well. it makes me want to rip my hair out. like i can say with absolute 100% certainty that if arthur were a woman everybody would be like "god, such a mary sue" but LOL

there's also the feeling that i have constantly with this show of just... diminishing returns for conflict and massive inconsistencies. in the beginning of the show, i was making theories and paying attention to cool little details, but after a while i gave up because i started to feel like... it was difficult to pinpoint what elements of the story mattered / actually stuck and what didn't. if that makes ANY sense ^^;

like, i've whined about this before, but i still can't get over how little impact survival cannibalism had on arthur's psyche. i was just kinda waiting for SOMETHING more there that never came. it really feels like it was just forgotten. like... partly this is a me thing bc i like cannibalism as a horror trope and was like "yessss <- freaks" but surely it's not wrong of me to expect the horror show to have more to say about the whole cannibalism thing that apparently happened 😭

frankly there's a lot more i could say about the show as a whole but this is already long and disjointed so i'm gonna stop there. there's a designated negative tag where people, much more eloquent than me, have spoken about their own issues with the show / the creator if you wanna look through any of those posts. there's also a whole blog dedicated to how weird the show is about women, which is a whole other rabbit hole i didn't even mention here.

in all, after all of that, i still like john and arthur as character concepts, so i have a weird ass relationship w/ this show where i'm a huge hater but also i'm taking these guys with me. dont worry guys i'll get you out of there. CERTAINLY not out of the horrors, that's what i came here for in the first place, but... out of canon ^^;

TO END THAT HERE'S SOME FANART I DID AND NEVER POSTED;

[skaiakin]

👉👈 can i request an art? If not feel free to ignore this! I just been looking for request blogs and i liked this one a lot aaa ><

Hi im sollux o.o umm can i have an art hehe i will try 2 describe me as best as possible but if u need a ref u can message me @biite2iized

Ummm i have kinda fluffy black and white split hair(my blue eye is on the same side as the white hair if that makes sense) and umm long eyelashes (the bottom lashes are blood colored(gold) but the top lashes are black) my small horns are inner and my larger horns are outer hehe, i have a mole under each eye, and soft features. Kinda feminine leaning androgynous but not a girl if that makes sense >< flat chest >< kinda classic eboy aesthetic, kinda dollcore idk how to describe... clothes that would fit are like. Short Cult party kei dresses in a pastel color, black straps/harnesses/whatever and biiig demonia boots lol idk how to describe ><

Sorry im! Very disjointed its hard to formulate thoughts bc im mentaly ill :) but not in a bad way! Im just letting u know thats why my messaging is weird ! :3 thank u in advance hehe

dont worry about being too disjointed i got it, i ended up using one of your pieces that had been posted before as a general reference on accident i hope thats alright, if it makes you uncomfortable though youre more than free to ask for it to be deleted. and as always thank you for your patience, have a good one

. mod d

[priscilla9993]

Alice and Robin for character opinion bingo!

I put blue for Alice and green for Robin since it matches their eye colors and the characters’ themes. I love these characters so much as they are flawed but strong women that both love each other deeply to the point where they’re awkward and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings! Both blorbos in their own respects XD. NGL, I tend to project some of myself or feelings in the moment onto them when writing fanfics or when it comes to a situation they’d probably relate to.

ALT

I’ll go through them one by one, starting with Robin since I put down her circles first. They are super cool with or without glasses! I mean the girl knows how to hunt, shoot a bow and arrows, stands up for others in the face of danger, and knows how to make anything look good or flawless while making snarky one liners. 

I repeat, 👏 She knows how to make an entrance! 👏

While we do get some background on her and how she grew up pretending to be someone she’s not, either popular mean girl in high school or Robin Hood’s successor, she doesn’t have much storyline or nuance besides that. I’m entirely sure that we see Margot and her aspirations more than we see Robin, not that I mind her caring and worrying about Alice by being all lovey dovey (bc that shit is cute). I think Robin had ‘wasted potential’, in the sense that there was so much more that we could have seen had we had a second season continuation of season 7. I think she was underutilized at times but the writing team and Tiera did well in those circumstances bc I connected to her/fell in love with her in a short time. 

As for Alice, they are so CUTE looking. I find myself thinking about this character and writing about them most often on here. It’s funny but I was intrigued yet disapproving of Alice when I first saw her because she was based on the Lewis Carroll counterpart and how I thought she could be written as the standout crazy person. Let's be real, mental illness is not the easiest thing to portray well on screen and I can see why the writers would avoid using a version of the character in the show unless it was a spinoff, where they could build the world to just be fitting. 

However, after the Beauty episode, I found Alice really endearing and I think Rose’s portrayal of her helped because the chaotic, emotional, and energetic traits could have felt extreme or disjointed had it been any other actress. Yes, I’m attributing Rose to this as I can’t see anyone else playing Alice and the same goes for Tiera playing Robin. Point is, Alice drives me nuts by how no matter what she is going through, you want to root for her when things are going good, cry when she does, and just comfort her because she deserves the world! If there was one strong point this character had on me, it was her resilience. I mean she grew up in a tower from birth, imprisoned there for just existing, and she still managed to make it through and try to find her bearings in an ever changing environment.

I genuinely would love if she was just taken around “in a handbag like a tiny dog” because she’d have so much to say and I love driving around to different cities to explore stuff when I can. Think she would like that too and how she’d definitely be able to put up a lot of conversation for thought.

I really do think Alice wasn’t given a chance by most fans just because she was in Season 7, which is fine bc most of the main cast left, but the thing is, she was and still is treated horribly/”done dirty” by the toxic side of the fandom, especially those who are CS shippers. I’m truly sorry to the real Captain Swan shippers for this toxic minority that bring down the fandom’s ship title because you guys are lovely and I still consider myself part of the bunch. What I’m trying to say is most of the things I’ve read from those who hate on her are reasons like because she acts like a child, therefore “Robin has to be stuck annoyed and taking care of her” (that’s infantalizing! ew), could potentially kill anyone and is the villain bc she’s “crazy”, and is the bad replacement for Hope. I would understand that last one if she broke CS, but it’s not even the same Killian Jones and the writers made sure that those two had the same happy ending route they did before. I’m not going to even argue the rest as it goes to show some people just want to hate rather than watch and appreciate the her for who she truly is in the season. Part of the reason why I tag “ouat s7″ so that people can choose if they want to see it and it helps filter out the bad seeds.

Onto Curious Archer/Madarcher topics since the rest of my circles have both of them in it. 

Ahhhh *swoon* “The Girl in the Tower” Pretty sure I can’t state enough about how much I love this episode where the two of them shine the most and get the most screen time with one another. It’s here where we truly see them as individuals and “deeper than they seem”, realizing that they’re more than just their stereotypes or how they are perceived by others. That’s why I put “they work better as part of a dynamic” because even though they can hold their own, they make each other’s lives better being around one another. 

Look at these cute beans that make heart eyes at each other and look out for their loved ones. How can you tell me that they’ve done anything wrong in their lives because they haven’t OwO! “They didn’t get enough screentime” because they both made every minute on screen feel new and exciting. When episodes were still airing, I couldn’t get enough of them and hoped they were in the next episode. If it were up to me, we’d get another season so these two could get a proper conclusion, maybe see a wedding, have more backstories, adventures, dates, comedy, and romance play out. I’m sure so many of us that love them would like a spinoff since the show is done. Alas, only fanfics and edits can keep them alive now.  Lastly, I can’t believe that for characters that had the runtime or only appeared for half a season, I fell in love with them and even got invested back into ouat as if it were season 1 or 2 all over again. They were such a well developed LGBT couple that could have used more spice sure, but were overall such joy to see on screen.

[kenobihater]

(I hope u dont mind me sending this as an ask i was gon do a reply but it ended up being long ;o;) idk if this classifies as romanticization but i love stories or hcs where witcher mutations are a bit more otherifying than we see in canon - such as changes in blood color/viscosity, maybe muscles that are anatomically different than nonmutated humans/elves, and the fangs like you said - the closer they hit Uncanny Valley the better. mainly because i think that its a little cheap that witchers look exactly like a normal human/elf (besides the eyes, depending on the canon, since i think in the books they keep their normal coloring - geral's eyes are described as "dark" often enough for that at least). visualizing the trauma inherent to witcherhood and making the metaphorical stripping of humanity/personhood manifest physically just Hits Harder, yanno?

and also i absolutely adore stories/settings/hc that actually acknowledge the witchers' enhanced senses and apply them realistically. cause like, we don't really know how far their hearing stretches, for example (at least i can't recall any specific details) but I think it's mentioned that witchers can hear heartbeats well enough. so they could easily be overwhelmed by sound even in a room so still and quiet that a normal person could hear a pin drop, simply because living beings are within that room - how difficult it must be for them to sleep in human settlements or share barracks freshly after the trial of the grasses when nobody speaks yet everyone is defeaned by their hearts and lungs and blood thundering in their eats. and hell, stomachs make lots of sounds that we can't usually hear - the witcher probably have a front row seat to all the fucked up noises all bodies make.

i dunno why i sent all that besides wanting to start a discussion to hear your opinions on it so i am a) sorry for bursting into your ask box like that and also b),,,,could you,,,,Rant About Things?? like both the whole discussion that prompted this and also whatever thoughts you have about witchers bc i love that (once again i am sorry)

i love getting asks, don't apologize! this is gonna be a disjointed and rambly response, so heads up for that lol! firstly, yeah, idk if that counts as romanticization, but i love the trope of a more heightened otherness too, and that's the kind of romanticization (if you wanna call it that) that i enjoy! anything that really makes them not quite human really helps to, as you said, stress the changes both mental and physical they go through during the trials.

secondly, yeah, acknowledgement of enhanced senses is totally my jam. i struggle to remember to do this in fics sometimes, but i've been getting better about it because it's just such a cool concept, yanno? balancing the right amount of enhanced senses in writing kind of reminds me how in my star wars fics i had to learn to acknowledge the force as a baseline sense for my force-sensitive characters. it's there, but you don't want to draw undue attention to it that would distract from the story. you want to use it to enhance, not hinder your plot, but it is important to recognize when it could actually be a detriment to the story you're telling and allude to that in the text (like, for example, in one of my upcoming fics i have someone lie to lambert and he mentally acknowledges it's a lie bc he can hear her heartbeat, but doesn't call her out on it for a reason. if i didn't acknowledge his superhearing now with the lie but bring it up later, it could ring false to the reader).

also, in the same vein of enhanced senses those are all wonderful points! sensory overload is something i occasionally experience and it is a cruel bitch, so having that due to enhanced senses all the time, and you're unable to turn it off and just have to learn to live with it and tune things out? oh, it's so good!

thank you for sending the ask, and also you're offering me free rein to rant? thank you! currently, the only thing i feel i could rant about is how psychosis is treated in the fandom by non-psychotics, particularly in regards to cat witchers.

you can't just decide to go the route of writing them as psychotics and then just go "oh yeah, this character is psychotic :)" and NOT elaborate properly! that's literally like saying "oh yeah, this character has Symptoms of a Disease" and not fucking telling us what disease they have! because at the end of the day, that's exactly what psychosis is - a symptom for several different diseases! usually, the only elaboration fic writers do is going "ooooh, they have psychosis so they are Evil and Violent now" which, i cannot overstate this enough, is the single worst misconception about psychotic people i know of, one that has real life repercussions for psychotic people and has caused untold pain and suffering. putting this dangerous misinformation into your fics because you want to write a character as Edgy and Morally Bankrupt and blame it on the psychosis is fucking disgusting, and if anyone reading this does this you owe me and every other psychotic person in the fandom $50.

also, i don't like the take that mutagens can cause people to be psychotic. to my knowledge, drug-induced psychosis is possible, but isn't permanent, meaning even if the cat mutagens caused acute psychosis in the people receiving them, it wouldn't last more than maybe a few months, and while it could trigger an underlying, latent mental disorder, it could not create one. there's no such thing as injecting someone with fantasy steroids and accidentally giving them bipolar disorder (because it's always bipolar, when the writers do deign to name it). brain damage is another thing entirely and can cause personality changes, but i don't know nearly enough about it to talk about it with confidence.

bottom line, if you're non-psychotic and wanna write psychotic cat witchers, do your research, don't imply the mutagens did it, don't act like their psychosis is linked with their violent tendencies, and really think about why you want to write the characters that are almost entirely referred to as evil and morally bankrupt (except for lambert about aiden) as psychotic. psychotic people can write whatever they want, hell, i'm writing aiden as bipolar, but the difference is i'm doing it to see myself in the character and i'm also not implying he's unhinged and violent. i don't speak for all psychotic people, but those are just my two cents on something in the witcher fandom that REALLY irks me, and i think i'm gonna write up an actual proper post on it. thank you for letting me rant, i really needed this because i'm Fed Up lmao!

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 15

death awaits!

oh god the cover. I aint ready 

the cover of overlords open mouth w/rodimus floating inside or w/e,,,,the overlord mouth fixation continues i see

and of COURSE its by nick roche. of course

oh god the tension and dread in the first page, as we get overlords sinister promise to murder everyone, starting with rewind, and then seeing chromedome rush over to open the door, and knowing that 30 minutes have passed already...

that full page spread of everyone vs overlord is amazing

also I always thought that ambulon was trying to kick overlord but now that I look closer he’s actually jumping away from overlord, having just crashed one of those hover...thingys....into him...which is honestly cool as hell. also I'm never over the fact that ambulon kinda looks like he’s smiling here, just having a grand ole time as overlord tries his best to murder everyone

and chromedome just seeing this and saying ‘rewind?’ is fucking killing me thanks

PIPES NO DONT DO THIS. YOURE JUST RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND. PLEASE don't talk about how much fun you're having on your wacky space adventure oh god, that’s just asking to be murdered,

GOD AND THERE HE GOES, DRIVING TO HIS DOOM. PIPES NO

AUGHHHHHHHHHH AND THERES OVERLORD WITH HIS GIANT FOOT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PIIIIIPES ;_; 

his messed up goodbye thoughts are brutal...plus the final shot of him laying all busted up....god :( 

that guy seriously had some awful luck this trip. rip lil guy

BUT he sounded the alarm!!! so good for him!! that's a pretty amazing final act right there

oh my god I forgot abt this scene where rewind is like ‘so brainstorm why is my husband saying your name in his sleep :))))’ and brainstorm is like ‘haha idk its certainly not because we’re working on a secret project together, so jot that down!’ lmao brainstorm....

also dw rewind brainstorm is not fucking ur husband, just look at his evidentially extensive collection of perceptor-style microscopes...my man is microscopesexual 

I forgot abt the metabomb omfg

‘some of my favorite words are monosyllabic’ rodimus ily, himbo of my heart,

fort max :( rung :( 

oughhghghg I forgot abt the scene of tailgate making cyclonus a new horn ;_; and then cyclonus materializes menacingly bc tg dared to volunteer their room for movie night hvbfshdjkfbaskj cyclonus anti-social icon

AUGHHHH GOD THE PANEL OF RATCHET TALKING ON THE COMMS AND OVERLORD IS JUST, RIGHT BEHIND HIM, WITH HIS BIG STUPID LIPS, OH MY GOD

what the fuck, is drift a flying car??? hello??? what the hell????

seriously he’s got like, rockets and shit, what the fuck

anyways, the entire exchange b/w ratchet and drift here kills me, for multiple reasons.... ‘my faith and my sword’ lmao love it. and then ratchet refusing to leave drift and calling him his friend ;_; aughhh

rodimus w/the squad like ‘lets go gays!!!’ 

also I guess cosmos WAS on the lost light lol, totally didn't remember that, I'm guessing he left at some point to go be in the other series lmao 

I'm sorry but ‘amazing. you speak entirely in name’ is so fucking funny, but also like stfu overlord you're not allowed to be funny

MAGNUSSSSSSSS

now I'm confusing myself lmao, rodimus DID know abt overlord, didn't he??? wasn't that the whole thing???? I don't remember if he was involved w/the whole mnemosurgery plan but he at least knew that overlord was there...but we haven't been told that in-story yet so now I'm questioning that lmao

oh god I forgot that overlord almost kills magnus, jeeeeesus. good thing he’s a russian nesting doll otherwise he probably would've died fr 

also damn that's gotta be scary for everyone else, bc magnus is The Big Guy, and a renown fighter...plus drift got all fucked up...yall are in for a bad time 

tailgate gettin his panic on I see

swerve w/the meta narration lmao 

cyclonus ily sm.......

rodimus charging at overlord....ohhh my boy not your best idea

cd and rewind both saying ‘I thought you were dead!’ HHHHHHHH I'm destroyed fuck it all

rodimus (inadvertently) saving the day by saying ‘til all are one’...iconic!!

FORT MAX IS HEREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

drift just casually chillin w/no legs

chromedome going into extreme detail about all the mnemosurgery he’s been doing on overlord for WEEKS while rewind is Right There....my dude.

this issue has a LOT of completely white backgrounds but I cant even rlly blame milne bc this seems like more drawing work than usual

oh god cd don't say ‘we’ll finish this conversation later’ at a time like this, that’s never a good idea,

rewind no don't do it :( :( :( 

that panel of cd’s arm getting cut off...AUGHHH

GODDDDDDD IM FUCKING CRYING. AUGHHHHHHHHHHH I.....

so incredibly fucked that cd does what’s best for rewind by blowing the pod up....hhhhh god 

and then that last panel of cd laying on the ground....fucking destroy me!!!!!!!!

also I love that at the beginning of the issue we see whirl with the missile launcher thing, and that’s what cd uses at the end here....good bookends. jro is really great about putting stuff in the story that just seems like innocuous filler/fun character building but turns out to ALSO be plot relevant later

HOLY SHIT I forgot about the cast page with the big red X’s thru the dead people’s profiles....jesus christ 

AUGH this issue was a rollercoaster, phew...and the emotionally devastating conclusion to this arc is still yet to come! 

I will say that it’s super interesting looking back on this, in the sense that rewind & chromedome are introduced as the first ever gay tf couple, and a few issues after we get told this explicitly, rewind is killed. this doesn't really end up being an issue representation-wise bc literally everyone is gay and there are a bunch of other significant gay characters/relationships later on, AND rewind comes back later 

but still! it’s interesting to think about how, at the time this came out, the phrase/concept ‘bury your gays’ wasn't really something that was talked about a lot (or like, it was, but not as often as nowadays, and not really under the term ‘bury your gays’ iirc), but at the time of publication this would have fallen under that trope (though rewind coming back later negates it imo). I think it would've been tough for this story to come out nowadays due to the backlash that would've occurred from rewind’s initial death (it also makes me wonder if there was any backlash when this DID come out) 

to be clear, this isn't a writing criticism - in fact, the reason this is able to work at all is because of the crazy amount of representation mtmte has. it’s like, youre able to kill off gay characters without it being ‘bury your gays’ if literally all your characters are gay by default, and there are a bunch of significant gay relationships happening - technically speaking, any death in mtmte is bury your gays lmao 

this is a completely disjointed rant but my point is like, if this issue came out in 2020 people would probably be pretty put off by rewind dying (understandably), but in the context of the series as a whole I don't consider this to be bad writing/bad representation/bury your gays 

and like, WERE people really mad about this in 2013? I am curious now, bc I would definitely feel kinda betrayed if I didn't know all the stuff that happens later 

but its pretty nice, because now I'm free to enjoy the writing and be emotionally devastated by rewinds death in a normal way, and not a ‘I'm angry at the writers for killing off one of the only gay characters’ kinda way

anyways I'm tired as hell so I'm going to bed, ill continue the emotional devastation later, phew

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[quietlysomethingalso]

What makes Chuck the bad guy?

AKA, some extremely disjointed, overly-long, informal and fever-dream-esque thoughts about Jimmy and Chuck’s relationship. AKA a big rant-y meta post of the sort that I have said in the past that I was too lazy to actually make. And yet here I am. Spoilers for BCS season 4 (and earlier) ahead.

I also, though I know I probably shouldn’t, feel the need to point out that all of this is just my interpretation, and I’m not trying to say my take on things is perfect or (least of all) better than anybody else’s. Just tossing in my two cents is all.

So, first things first, I... don’t actually think Chuck is the “bad guy”, not exactly. That characterization is way too simplistic and I definitely do not think that is meant to be the ultimate takeaway from Jimmy and Chuck’s relationship. There is a scene at the end of season 3 where Kim makes it clear that she is wracked with guilt about the events of the bar hearing. Jimmy has no such scene- instead, not long after this, we get the scene where Jimmy sabotages Chuck with the insurance company. Not as a strategy, but just to lash out, out of spite. In the aftermath of Chuck’s death, as Jimmy and Kim grow more distant, we see Kim’s lingering humanity being juxtaposed with Jimmy’s stubborn refusal to accept any responsibility, or feel any remorse, for what he did to Chuck. It is the spark for Jimmy’s incredible season 4 descent into total, Saul Goodman moral bankruptcy. And I think this is evidence of the fact that Jimmy mishandled his relationship with Chuck.

But with that said, to say that Chuck mishandled his relationship with Jimmy in turn would be an understatement, and I do personally believe that he bears the brunt of the responsibility for the conflict the two of them had.

Chuck is a widely hated character across a lot of the Better Call Saul fandom (and yes, there is definitely a part of me that irrationally hates him, too), so it feels weird to be saying that lately I have been feeling like Jimmy needs someone to go to bat for him against his brother. Recently hollenius has made some incredibly insightful and well-articulated posts describing the nuance in Jimmy and Chuck’s relationship and explaining their reasons for identifying with and sympathizing with Chuck as a character. I’m absolutely not trying to call them out; they made really good points which I am not trying to criticize or “debunk” or anything (or even really directly address). But they did get me thinking more about my own thoughts on Jimmy and Chuck. I have never found Chuck to be more sympathetic than Jimmy- not by a long shot- and I think I just wanted to articulate some of my reasons for that. Partly just to get it down on paper, but also because I think it might help me to better understand my own thoughts on the show.

Better Call Saul is, just as Breaking Bad was, all about how characters change. In BCS, a major part of that is the characters’ attitudes about how people can change, if at all. The final scene of season 4 is so heartbreaking because it is the culmination of something we have seen over and over again in Jimmy and Kim’s dynamic- Kim believes that Jimmy can change, and that he can be a good person, and Jimmy is ignorant to it, and squandering it. (I have said before and I will say again, the tragedy of their relationship is that Jimmy has from Kim what he always wanted from Chuck, and he is just too stubborn to realize it.) We know what Chuck thinks about change, too. He puts it in as plain terms as possible. “People don’t change! You’re Slippin’ Jimmy!” In Chuck’s eyes, Jimmy was bad once, and so that’s all he will ever be, no matter what, full stop.

Is he wrong? Everything Chuck says about Jimmy seems to be true. Jimmy breaks the rules all the time even when he says he will try to change, and you can hardly pin that directly on Chuck (Chuck didn’t make him take a bribe from the Kettlemans, or go around Cliff’s back at D&M, etc. etc.). I believe it’s perfectly reasonable to look at the two of them and determine that Chuck simply knows Jimmy better than Jimmy knows himself, and is right not to trust him. But that’s not how I interpret it. In fact, I believe that Chuck’s beliefs about Jimmy have virtually nothing to do with Jimmy’s behavior in the first place. And I also believe that Chuck’s prophecy for Jimmy is self-fulfilling.

Here’s what I think: I think that Chuck hates Jimmy. Hates him not for his deeds, but hates him as a person. And he uses Jimmy’s troubled past as an excuse to let himself off the hook for it. I am actually extremely confident that this is what is going on with them. Chuck has a deep-seeded resentment of Jimmy. Mistrusting him is a foregone conclusion, and a crutch.

I think it’s really about jealousy. Specifically, Jimmy is good at making people like him, and Chuck is bad at it, and Chuck resents that. I don’t have any interviews to pull from off the cuff but I believe there are quotes from people involved with the show to this effect. It’s also really apparent in the flashbacks we get. Chuck is deeply disturbed by Jimmy’s platonic chemistry with Rebecca. And he resents Jimmy for being the favorite child of their parents. It goes hand in hand with Chuck constantly expressing his frustration that people have affection for Jimmy. This personal struggle that Chuck has with relationships is actually an incredibly sad and moving story that, in a certain way, makes me very sympathetic to him. What I find unacceptable is that he turns around and resents Jimmy for this. He blames Jimmy for being more loved than he is- after all, Jimmy is the “bad” one and he is the “good” one.

To answer the question of what makes Chuck the “bad guy”... well, really, a better question would really be, what do I think Chuck did wrong? In my opinion, it’s not really about what Chuck does to Jimmy, exactly, but how Chuck treats Jimmy. Was Jimmy entitled to a job at HHM just because he passed the bar? I certainly don’t think so. Not even after bringing in the Sandpiper case. (Although it obviously proves Jimmy could potentially be a major asset to the company, that doesn’t oblige Howard or Chuck to actually hire him; even if he were a flawless candidate, which he isn’t, that’s a decision they have the discretion to make.) The reason those decisions of Chuck’s are wrong isn’t because of the decisions themselves but the reasoning behind them. Chuck doesn’t reject Jimmy from HHM just because he doesn’t think Jimmy is qualified for the job (that’s something two brothers with a healthy relationship would be capable of having a rational conversation about, for goodness’s sakes!)- he does it because he actively wants to avoid giving Jimmy a chance to succeed. If Jimmy ever actually did succeed and improve himself, that would invalidate Chuck’s justification for resenting Jimmy. That would take away his crutch. And that is unacceptable to him.

Why did Chuck continue to pretend that he believed in Jimmy? Why did he make Howard take responsibility for him? Why did he allow Jimmy to idolize him and attach to him? I believe it is because Chuck knows on some level that his beliefs about Jimmy are wrong, and that’s what he is trying to hide.

I think the tragedy of Jimmy’s devolution into Saul- what we are meant to take away from his relationship with Chuck- is that Jimmy was, at one point, able to change, and Chuck prevented it. Not that Jimmy is flawless, but that his motivation was genuinely to be a better person. Would Slippin’ Jimmy have ever been concerned about whether it was ethical to take a bribe? Would Saul? Jimmy is ashamed of himself for it. The same way he is ashamed of himself for the billboard stunt to the point where he hides Chuck’s newspaper, just because he knows Chuck will be disappointed in him.

After Jimmy learns the truth about what Chuck thinks of him, he has a complete crisis of confidence and returns to Cicero. As Slippin’ Jimmy, he believed that trying to do the right thing just made you vulnerable (wolves and sheep!). He let his guard down when he tried to change for Chuck, and he got burned because of it. I don’t think Jimmy could ever get over that (again- the tragedy of Kim and Jimmy’s relationship!) Ever since, Jimmy slowly stopped questioning the ethics of his actions, and committed to his “the ends justify the means” mentality. And now he has found security in the old Slippin’ Jimmy mindset. Every man for himself.

Once again, to be clear, I’m not trying to say that I think Jimmy is free from blame, or that Jimmy was right to do what he did to Chuck. Absolutely not. Jimmy is incredibly flawed, and he makes bad decisions constantly, virtually nonstop; it’s one of his defining character traits. But I do believe that Chuck’s mistreatment of him is the reason for Jimmy’s downfall. And in that sense, it does make Chuck the “bad guy” of Better Call Saul- the reason that Jimmy went down the path to becoming Saul, in the end.

There’s that scene near the end of season 2, when Chuck is trying to convince Kim that Jimmy sabotaged him. Kim knows that Chuck is right- she knows that it is exactly the kind of thing that Jimmy would do, and that Chuck knows that, too. But she defends Jimmy anyway. And she lays into Chuck.

“I know he’s not perfect. And I know he cuts corners. But you’re the one who made him this way. He idolizes you. He accepts you. He takes care of you. And all he ever wanted was your love and support. But all you’ve ever done is judge him. You never believed in him. You never wanted him to succeed. And you know what? I feel sorry for him. And I feel sorry for you.”

I think it’s the single most important exchange in the entire show.

[bugborgs]

Hi, I hope I'm not the only one who found it weird that they made Nebula show compassion for Thanos at the beginning of Endgame?? I mean she deserved revenge more than anyone specially after that Infinity War scene omg. I was expecting her to at least make a killing blow on him during the final battle, I feel robbed tbh

I feel. Some Kind Of Way about it all. Honestly Endgame was A Lot™ and i’m still trying to process all my emotions and feelings jdsfjhs

UM. I have? mixed feelings I guess?? Like YEAH honestly it was a bit odd and kind of off-putting but it was also extremely reminiscent of the scene in Infinity War where Gamora thinks she killed Thanos on Knowhere, and Gamora also had a very emotional reaction to that and after thinking about the scene a bit I saw it as Nebula having a very similar sort of reaction which......i think? is understandable and even realistic to some situations

abuse from a parental figure is so insidious and it can be hard to deal with and process and heal from it, even if you absolutely loathe your abuser. I don’t really know if I would call it. compassion because that doesn’t really feel right to me, but I also don’t know what I would call it. but. i dunno. it felt very real to me, i guess, especially knowing how nebula was raised and how desperate she was to make thanos proud of her when she was younger. not to get Too TMI™ but i thought the reaction (and also Gamora’s in IW, for that matter) was pretty relatable and hit a little too close to home for me

THAT BEING SAID– i am just one person and i know what might not bother me as much or i might find relatable is not the same case for other people

and, yeah, it leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth bc the movie also never really gave either nebula or gamora a chance to actually CONFRONT thanos about the abuse he inflicted on them and actually lay it out for the audience (because god fucking dammit there are actually people out there who think thanos actually loved either of them or was a sympathetic dad lmfao fuck off) that he was a Shitty Abusive Dad. Nebula and Gamora should have absolutely had a scene that allowed them to do as much and the fact that they didn’t get one is extremely disappointing

also i ABSOLUTELY agree that Nebula should have had way more of a role in killing thanos like. the motherfucker died TWICE in this movie and she wasnt??? involved EITHER time?? she didn’t even get to participate in directly fighting him time either!!! nebula killing thanos was on my endgame wishlist but tbh i kind of expected they wouldn’t let her do it since endgame is like. the big sendoff for the og avengers so like :\ but i’d also hoped that they’d AT LEAST let her participate more directly in the fight but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

im sorry for the such a rambly and disjointed reply but i hope i’m making sense?? at least a little bit?

i would also like to emphasize that i absolutely do not think anyone that is extremely uncomfortable with the scene at all, btw, is in the wrong or overreacting or anything. the mcu can be really messy about how they handle serious situations and such like abuse, and people have different experiences that lead to different responses to how things like this are written. For me, personally, it was ultimately a mixed bag. I’m not fully satisfied but I also don’t feel gross and upset like I did after processing Infinity War.

[latinalesbi]

Bittersweet about the show ending. The early seasons were so good, family based drama with humor on occasion. It turned into a disjointed drama where the main characters barely interacted towards the end. It became a social justice show which is to be admired but I never tuned in for that I watched for the family aspects and that just diminished. It was too focused on Callie. Her storylines went on forever and began to bore me. I get the kids grew up but there was much more they could’ve done.

I mean, the moms were sidelined from the moment Freeform took over. The election though, ugh, it turned this show into this social justice drama. The thing is, the show was already fighting trump, it didn’t need to treat us like idiots with these after school specials. And all of them focused on Callie, or rather on side character, that then Callie spoke for her. The people going through the issues never had agency. They could have done a lot more. It is very unlikely that their foster kids would all be ready to live alone and they aren’t even 25. The reality is kids linger and linger. I would have like to have seen that. What’s it like to be an adult and still live with your parents.  

Anonymous said:                                                                      I think the Moms are gonna decide to move into a smaller place .. the kids are all out of the house and on their own now . It'll only be them and Corey .. makes more sense than anything about breaking up bc THAT'S A HELL NO 😭 

My guess is that Stef has a flexible job. Lena accepts a job that takes her away from where she’s at. And all that means: selling the house. I am not sure what the Corey thing will be about at all. Here’s the thing, the episode is home is where the heart is. It’s all about the house. The last shot will be of them in front of the house.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I really feel the creators don’t get it at all. All their decisions have upset a huge part of the fan base.Then their fake promises just made it a hundred times worse. They can’t take criticism at all. We’d understand the show ending, it happens. But, the new show has all the same crew, writers- the only difference - Stef, Lena and the boys have been cast aside. We are allowed not to be interested in the spinoff, it’s just not for me, yet it seems to be an offense to feel that way.

Yeah, it’s pretty obvious to everyone that it’s the show minutes the riff-raf that FreeForm didn’t want. It’s a betrayal. The show should have ended. They are under this delusion that their political message is making a chance. They are just preaching to the choir now. Nothing changes.  Message without heart is meaningless.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Since Sherri is Catholic I understand that she has to forgive the producers but I don't understand how see could continue to support them and work with them on side projects ie. Feeling Seen, Jlo's Dinero launch after  the way they treated her, Teri and the Fosters fans. It's disheartening and sad.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Don’t think Sherri likes conflict. My thoughts she would try and be peacemaker and bring people together. Not sure I could be such a saint to people who essentially put me out of work. They were a family behind the scenes apparently. Imagine having your family treat you that way. 🙄🙄🙄🙄        

     I am not going to walk that line of speculation because I go by her actions. Sherri has done nothing but support and promote Stef and Lena. Every celeb will disappoint if you try to apply your reactions to theirs. I know I am not Sherri, and nothing like her. I react the way I do. She reacts the way she does. I know she fought for Stef and Lena till the very bitter end. I can’t say the same for pretty much anyone else. And for me characters over actors. Always. People disappoint. Your definition of support is different than mine, she’s certainly not in charge and doesn’t have the power required to earn my resentment.  I do think Sherri would try to downplay conflict and I can respect that. The world needs Sherris and people like me as well.

Anonymous said:                                                                      They should have just ended the show. We would all have been upset and sad but we’d have all appreciated what it had meant to us and most probably come together. Instead they have managed to spilt what was a relatively harmonious fandom right down the middle. Alienating people left, right and center. And now they are making it worse by making false promises. Jesus, learn from your mistakes, you’re not stupid people. Be good people and don’t lie to your fans, it’s pretty easy. X          

Yeah, our fandom pretty much was peaceful. No fan wars. No attacks on anyone. I still don’t believe in organized attacks. I am speaking my mind and only speak for myself. But you can see that the fandom is upset. And they keep bringing this useless spin off at times when the fandom is excited about what’s to come in June, but it kills all the enthusiasm. I begged Joanna to let us mourn.

Anonymous said:                                                                      They are assholes- the spinoff for Stef and Lena was lies. I fell for it I’m ashamed to say. Never thought they’d treat us with such disdain tbh. They are doing it now with the Brallie fans too, there is no way Calli and Brandon will be together. They need Calli single for the spinoff otherwise the spinoff would’ve been about her and Brandon setting up home together- never gonna happen. Used to love the creators of the show, felt like they really cared about us as fans- they didn’t.

            I am sorry you fell for it. I didn’t fall for it, but I would be lying if I didn’t have a corner of my heart that lit up with hope. Thank god my logical mind took over because I knew they were lying. Yeah, I feel bad they’re using fans this way. Brallie to them is just them being in a scene together. For the Brallie fans, it means much more than that.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Really hope we get some Teri and Sherri promo interviews over the next week. The last we’ll probably see of them in that capacity 😢

          I would love that but  who knows. The network only cares about the kids. It’s really sad.  

[thediktatortot]

First off I wanna say that the fact you wrote this whole thing on mobile is a form of art in of itself bc the time it takes for two fingers to span a screen vs 9-10 fingers on a keyboard is time consuming and I definitely don't have time for that lol.

There's definitely a lot of my initial opinion that comes from the heart of jealousy when I think about the works of like Rothko & other artists who use the large canvas, minimal color & shape paintings which is mostly due to the direction of art I myself have taken (Realistic illustration & portraits I would say. Not sure if they fit into another category.) because of the whole aspect of one art form feeling more desired due to it's awe-ing factor with the public eye. (will touch on this again)

(There's a lot I want to say so this might be disjointed as I come too and away from points I want to touch on sorry.)

I really do think there is a space for these types of works (including but not limited too installation art & performance art) and everyone walks to and away from each separate piece of art with their own expectations, reactions and emotions because art really is subjective at the end of the day. There's something my college art history teacher told us when we were in class and it was that 'regardless of the artists intentions, thoughts and feelings on the art they are putting out into the world, no two people are going to see that piece the same way or experience it the same way due to how wildly different people experience the world around us, let alone how the social changes of the world can change the perception of each different persons view of art and the world it lives in' (Summarized quote from memory not exact.)

And that in of itself I think touches on a fact that the average populace both artist and enjoy-er of art alike can either not see, see too late or not understand: Some art pieces really do have a time and place and their time and place can be left behind at a certain point due to how social structures, societies and the world change in both point of view and the aspects of social commentary that are needed to push further ahead.

So, pieces like color field paintings really did have a time and place during their time of existence when the world needed to understand that art can be more than just details and realism, that it can be color and experience and expression as well. The world took that, understood it (mostly obviously non-art people and people tend to not even think about those things) and we as a art community have grown because of those works pushing those boundaries we've held ourselves into.

But once we've taken that lesson and gotten a step because of it, the meaning of those art pieces completely change within the eyes of the world. (I'm trying to figure out how to word what I want to say in a way that doesn't just sound like garbled feelings but please bare with me.)

Each piece of art is steeped in the meaning and expression that existed during the time it was created. The artist and art was created within a world that, once moved on from would change and grow around it, so the meaning and expressions of people as they grow change and adapt to the world. Once that art piece has been left behind in the time it's been created, it no longer functions as a representative piece within the modern time, but essentially a time capsule of expression and meaning that was once applicable to the world it first existed in. (I really hope that makes sense).

So for these pieces to be shown to modern populaces, they will never understand the meaning and expression those pieces were supposed to have had, were taken by people of the time, and were adapted to the lay of the land due to social & political commentary warping over time which thus changes the integrity of the piece as time goes on.

Something that I wish more museums did (i can't remember which one I went to where I saw this but I think it was in DC.) there were a few pieces that had the history of their meaning as well as recent events that inspired them to be created and why those artists had created those pieces in response.

We as a class had to read the history and the meanings before we could understand fully the art we were being shown, and at the time if we were never given those pieces of information we would have never fully understood the reasons behind them. I think that is one of the larger reasons why these art pieces sort of degrade over time is the history and surrounding events that inspired those pieces are lost in time and thus the meaning becomes useless. The original artist's intentions in those pieces no longer matter because people have moved forward in time, either growing or changing beyond the meaning they were supposed to have.

At one point, realism for the sake of realism was seen as the desired effect because we as humans had figured out with our art mediums that we could create things that look like real life, we could make fully fleshed out paintings with our new art materials that lasted longer so we could take our time and accurately represent the world around us to he point of individually painting each blade of grass. That was monumental in our progression as a society in art and it's understandable to me that we as a artistic community had to step back from that and think about the other aspects of art and where they can take us.

Jumping to the topic of Galleries (not museums. Specifically galleries that showcase and sell art through purchase agreements or by artists renting space). I think that galleries specifically are one of the biggest reasons we have such wide views on art as a whole, varying degrees of enjoyment or disgust due to how they really do control the markets, the eyes and the desires for art in it's time at whatever time those pieces are being created. They create a rift between artists as well as art enjoyers to capitalize off that emotional disconnect because anger, buzz words and their credibility sells well.

(Side piece about skills & dedication: (I feel) that within the world of art we live in today, with the addition of AI art, digital art and the ease at which art can be created by anyone now a days, these aspects have skewed the perception of the innate talents and time it takes for people to developed the skills that go into creating detailed pieces of art. Time and Skill (in our time period) aren't things that are desirable by galleries because they turn a faster profit off boosting the prices for quicker more easily ingested pieces. They tell enjoyers of art that THIS is what it means to be an artist so those people go 'wow i didn't know that let me this this art because it really is art.' and then take everything they say for word because money moves all hands at the end of the day.)

So, the meanings of pieces which would have been enjoyed by those who needed to experience it, are bottled up, watered down and sold to everyone, lending the original meaning moot and void because it's no longer sitting in the context of it's creation.

I think the thing I'm trying to say is that art is something that really can only be understood in the context of it's own time period to a point. It's a tool and a necessary thing to be needed, to be expressed and as time moves on those meanings crumble because the world no longer needs them, or no longer needs those tools to understand the meaning behind them. Every piece could be completely understood if each person sits there and learns the history and reason behind it's creation, but overall those pieces will never get that treatment and thus the watered down experiences behind those pieces will only further divide the people who are experiencing them.

Cave paintings of animals and hands are art because we know they communicated information, learning and bonding through expression they hadn't otherwise had before.

Realism paintings of humans and landscapes are art because we learned we could create mediums to use that could last us long enough to sit long enough and observe long enough to get something exactly as we can see it.

Abstract paintings are art (even against my own emotions on that which I acknowledge) because we learned that sometimes expression and emotion cannot be portrayed through detail alone.

Hot Art Take

I don't care what the meanings behind modern abstract paintings are, I'll still never like them. 3 years of art school didn't change my mind, and neither will people telling me that 'oh its to make people angry!' never will either.

The literal ONLY exception to this is brush stroke skills & Color skills. Otherwise I will not look at a ten foot canvas of Blue 01 and call it art.

Everyone is allowed their own opinions though so that's as far as my hot take goes. I also just don't like galleries bc their predatory and always have been. Mostly just money laundering systems as a way to make money off the backs of artists they pick and choose to gain popularity and in the olden days were used to make money off the backs of impoverished artists who got next to nothing in return for sales.

[mikeshanlon]

goddd I cannot believe u have read iwwv u don't know me but for some reason we watch like.. the same shows and now books lol. anyway can I ask what were ur thoughts on the ending? like to me at least it was onvious Oliver had not done it and he wasn't gonna pull a unreliable narrator last minute (despite being an unreliable narrator) I'm talking abt the whole uhh James is a**** thing.. like what HAPPENS NEXT? is he w wren? also I feel so bad for meredith like girl love urself.. sry 4 the essay

omg yes taste!!!! Also no I’m dying to talk abt this novel so don’t apologize if anything im sorry bc I wrote way too much answering ur question LGRNLRGN

IF WE WERE VILLIANS SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT go read it if u haven’t it’s legendaric

Okay the ending!!!! AH!!!! Okay yeah so I think it’s clear Oliver did not do it, I think the ambiguity lies more whether or not James intentionally killed Richard or if it was an accident. Like, did he see Richard stumbling out in the woods hella intoxicated and think to himself that this was the perfect opportunity to get revenge for all the abuse and torture Richard had been terrorizing him with??? Did he lie to Oliver? Personally, I believe James that it was an accident… of sorts. I don’t think James set out with the intention to kill Richard at all. But Richard was goading him and fighting him and after the buildup of cruelty and tension between them over the past few months, Richard be a homophobic dick and calling James and Oliver qu*er and prodding at the most important relationship in James’ life struck a nerve. So when Richard wanted to keep fighting and hurt him again he was like fuck this and he hit Richard too hard with the hook and that in tandem with Richard being drunk caused Richard to fall and die. And, like the others, James felt awful but there was a sort of sick sense of relief.

(Also, I’m not exactly sure Oliver counts as an Unreliable Narrator. I mean he is certainly keeping some things from that detective guy but, and I was reading something from M.L. Rio about this, like he’s literally just oblivious and dumb as fuck sometimes LKGNLRGLKNRG. So idk how often he’s intentionally Unreliable but I also get what you mean)

Anyways I’m totally a believer that James is alive bc despite enjoying dark stories im like okay but I need a happy ending LGKNLKRGlkenlgneg. Like c’mon they never found the body……….. A metaphorical death and shedding of his past life bc he blames himself for Oliver taking the fall is like the MOST tragic hero Shakespearean shit ever like it just works so well!!!!!! The part where Oliver describes the last time James visited him in jail…

“Oliver I’m begging you,” he said. “I can’t do this anymore.” When I refused again, he pulled my hand across the table, kissed it, and turned to leave. I asked where he was going and he said, “Hell. Del Norte. Nowhere. I don’t know.” (343).

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd. God. Anyways I think that was very telling of his plans. Hell (for “committing suicide”, moreso for all of his wrong doings). Del Norte is the beach that him and Oliver slept on that one night and so I feel like that place holds a lot of significance for them, but it’s a place only those two know the significance of. So, I like to think he ran away there and started a new life. He wrote that letter with the disjointed Pericles monologue I think to hint to Oliver that he was at Del Norte, if he wanted to find him, because even though his “death” was a self-punishment for ruining Oliver’s life, he still cares for him a lot and doesn’t want to be without him. Like a whole monologue about the sea????????? The fact that he literally said the monologue to Oliver while they were at Del Norte?? “To give my tongue that heat to ask your help; / Which if you shall refuse, when I am dead, / For that I am a man, pray see me buried.” LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAT god !!!! Also water is gay<3 and in my heart Oliver goes and finds him and they like work through shit and are together.

Anyways I don’t really think he’s with Wren. Their relationship during senior year was always sort of ambiguous to me…. Like they definitely got super close, they probably were romantically involved in some capacity (since other characters like Alexander who is much more perceptive were like Oliver how did it take you this long to notice LRGNRGNK) though idk if it was like the Encompassing Love Affair Oliver thought it to be bc he’s oblivious and jealous. And also like James was very much enamored with Oliver so idk. (EDIT i just remembered they slept together LMAO but i think my point still stands) In the epilogue Wren is in London and is a recluse and doesn’t reach out to any of the Villains which like. Good for her LRGNRLG even though I hated Richard I can’t imagine like how much of a toll that took on her to see her cousin die and all their friends be like uh yeah we should let him die and then have to keep up a lie like… even though she agreed Richard was awful that has to be so heart wrenching (badumtss) and life ruining. So I think she especially wouldn’t want to be with James seeing as he essentially led Richard to fall into the lake, though I’m not sure if she knows that or not.

And Meredith!!!! Like I’ll be real sometimes she frustrates me but I think she’s also SUCH an interesting and realistic character (which is something I love about this novel, all the characters are interesting to me and I like how the female characters are portrayed.... like i LOVE Fillipa she is such a bad ass bitch but again she’s not just like. Expected to always be strong and clever like she’s got feelings too. Anyways love her). As I said before I was perusing through the author’s tumblr a bit and ppl were like “omg why did Meredith go through all the male friends” like BYEEE literally feeding into the stereotypes that made her feel insecure and weak… (Also again, they’ve known each other for four years… so its not that insane lmao). I think Meredith’s relationship with her sexuality and beauty is very interesting and relatable for a lot of women (I mean I am not. Like a seductive femme fatale like she is but LGKNKRGN). On one hand she is definitely a multifaceted person who is more than her sexuality, on the other, she’s constantly Literally Cast by Gwendolyn in sexualized roles and seen as sexualized by her friends/bf (Richard) and constantly told her worth in and out of the theatre is her body. Like there is an interesting duality about the power she possesses with her sexuality but also the extreme insecurity that is bred by being constantly sexualized and this struggle of like knowing she has worth outside of her body but also sort of … not in the eyes of others. That scene where they’re doing those exercises of their strengths and weaknesses really Hit. Anyways yes Meredith love urself queen… get a hot respectful gf… become a powerful successful legend…..

Related-ish sidenote, obviously I like James and Oliver together the most though I will say Meredith and Oliver’s relationship was interesting though ultimately unhealthy…. Like one of the aspects I like about their relationship is Oliver respects Meredith and when he realizes he is falling into that idea that Meredith is this super sexualized person he’s like hold awn that’s shitty of me… But also I think the fact of the matter is that their relationship was catalyzed by shitty stuff,,, like lust and the need for revenge. Like I honestly don’t really think they would’ve gotten together if not for the extreme animosity with Richard and the adrenaline of like that whole show run and more particularly That Night…. It feels like they got together because they were drunk and they’re attractive, which like yeah fine valid, but also, subconsciously, to be like fuck you Richard. Like, guess what I’m with the guy who you’re constantly saying doesn’t matter. And also seeking comfort and validation when their most important people are not valuing them (Richard being literally fucking awful to Meredith, James sort of pushing Oliver away—again I think subconsciously was sort of a revenge jealousy type thing where Oliver is with the person that James doesn’t really like and makes not amazing comments about being promiscuous). And then their relationship I think keeps going because like. Wow grief is a bitch and they want some comfort. Meredith is drawn to Oliver because he’s one of the only people who values her for more than just a sexual object which like is What She Deserves but their relationship is like a mess of sex and guilt and Oliver is in love with James (the parts where Meredith drags Oliver for caring more about James… iconic as she should! Like when Oliver is like sorry James is visiting me I’m not coming or when she’s like are you more jealous of him or me when they kissed for that scene….. OOP!). Anyways idk if that makes sense but I find Oliver and Meredith’s relationship interesting bc it’s not like… the worst unhealthy relationship ever or anything and I think there is genuine care and love/attraction there between them but like Oliver is never going to totally Be What Meredith deserves especially because like… he loves James more. Also the part where Meredith slaps Oliver when he gets out of jail and he’s like yeah I deserve that is so GLKNRglkenrgnrg to me.

Anyways I probably have more thots but wow. This is long. Sorry LGRNLKRGNng

[roundthatcorner]

Do you think John making Double Fantasy about him and Yoko, was a final act of love for her? In terms of their marriage. Sort of like the closeness before the end, like a husband buying his wife jewels before telling her it's over? (Probably a crappy example but I digress)

Okay, caveat that basically EVERYTHING about John’s last five years is shrouded in deliberate obfuscation by the entire John INDUSTRY, so it’s hard to say wtf was going on, since so many people (chief among them Yoko, obviously) have a vested interest in presenting John a certain way. 

My point is that I can’t know for sure about any of this, though I will say that I...resent any superficial ‘lalala, John was a happy househusband’ painting of it, because it implies that John was psychologically ABSURD in a way that does not stand up in the slightest. I mean, are we supposed to believe that John was unique among humans in being wonderfully happy NOT working, NOT having friends, not leaving the house, not creating anything, not controlling his own life, not having a genuine relationship with his wife, not having a healthy relationship with food or drugs, not really talking to people who weren’t working for him, etc etc, when we know that those are psychological needs for humans generally? If we disregard as basically nonsensical John and Yoko’s (and Elliot Mintz’s) public claims, that they made while they were hustling to sell an album, we end up with a pretty bleak picture of John’s last five years.  

The rumors regarding the state of their relationship are generally along the lines that SHE was going to be the one telling him it was over -- every suggestion I’ve heard regarding their marital dis-accord is that she was the one on the verge of filing for divorce, because she was sick of John and she was deeply involved with Sam Havadtoy already. Her plans to file for divorce were put on hold by her desire to fill up half of what he thought was to be his comeback album with her own music (in Jack Douglas’ telling, she decided that and wanted to keep it from John). So I don’t think it was necessarily a ‘final act’ on his part, so much as possibly him ceding to her wishes in hopes that she would 1) not divorce him (because I think he really did still love/NEED her, he was just incredibly frustrated that johnandyoko had turned into johnsittingathome and yokoeverywherebuthome) AND 2) let him work with ‘the boys’. Whether he actually thought that duality could be sustained...is questionable, though, right? Because Yoko and Paul cannot really coexist in his life, and John wasn’t blind to that fact. 

So...maybe John and Yoko were essentially working towards an ‘amicable’ separation, where John has worked his tail off to launch Yoko into the 80s music scene, and he can move on without guilt or feeling like he destroyed her career (lol), and nobody loses face (!!) and they can pretend to the press that their living totally apart is very feminist and all that. Guilt seems to have played a strong role in their relationship (ie, don’t try to work on your relationship with Cynthia at Janov’s behest or I’ll kill myself), so I could see her guilting him into setting her up to thrive after the separation even if essentially she is the one driving the separation. 

I think this may explain the contradiction between:

 1) John talking SO MUCH shit in the press in 1980...bc he is trying to sell an album! And every album of his own that he tries to sell has to be accompanied by denigrating the Beatles/Paul, because EVERY ALBUM he could possibly make would be BETTER (he knows it, we know it, everyone knows it!) if Paul, George and Ringo were on it. We can’t forget that John hasn’t had a hit in a long time, and Paul had a massive hit just that summer (directed at John, with love (’a love to last forever’), but still grating to John’s ego). John needs a HIT to get up to parity with Paul -- so he can get back with Paul. It’s the same thing as in ‘74, where he got some hits and he starts angling to work with Paul again. Also, it seems like nobody who spoke personally to John in 1980ish says anything but that John was speaking VERY warmly about P/G/R -- ie, he was talking shit to the press in order to sell Double Fantasy, at least while Yoko is sitting next to him (and he gets carried away by the sound of his own voice, ugh/lol)

2) Paul making comments in ‘79 about ‘when Sean goes to kindergarten and John can make music again :) :) ’ or w/e; John giving depositions (~three weeks before his death)about imminent plans to record/perform with the Beatles; NYC officials being asked about permits for a reunion concert; John saving a song like ‘Nobody Told Me’ for Ringo (uh, they wouldn’t have given a song that good to Ringo during the Beatles, lol! but if Paul is going to be at Ringo’s sessions, too, that’s a very good reason to save it for then), etc; I think possibly they were quite a bit closer to a reunion than any of them admitted (then or subsequently), that it was put on hold for John’s album, and that John’s statements to the press came as a nasty shock to Paul, who had thought they were ‘nearly there!’

John is in a very precarious position in 1980, really -- he’s in a marriage that is disintegrating, and any attempt to save the marriage necessitates that he crap all over his fallback position (Paul). What public narrative can they apply to the end of their marriage? How can John cope with it? I mean, if possibly John didn’t really mean to break up the Beatles (which I think is very likely, actually -- Paul just took him too seriously, not that he wasn’t within his rights), then from 1972-3 or whenever the anger starts fading he has to live with the fact that he destroyed the BEST thing that ever happened to him basically on a heroin-crazed whim, and if he breaks up with Yoko, he has to admit that he was WRONG about her -- and that he broke up the best thing for...nothing. They ‘solved’ this for the Lost Weekend by claiming that she kicked him out, that he was miserable without her, etc (none of which holds up, really); maybe their way of ‘solving’ this for a second, lasting split is like I said above: he has a hit with Double Fantasy (no matter what he needs to say to get there), she gets some hits to establish her separate from him (which is what she has always wanted), they tell everyone about their new feminist living arrangement for the 80s, and he gets to be a Beatle again.

I’d suggest listening to the Something About the Beatles podcast on Yoko (and John and their relationship)...I think that episode is called ‘Oh, Yoko!’. I don’t believe or agree with everything they say (about any topic, not just this one), but their opinions (and the opinions of the guys who do Fabcast - listen to the 1980 episodes) come from a lot of knowledge. 

(Sorry this is quite disjointed, carpal tunnel is telling me to stop right now! Hope it makes sense!)