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diamantinasfrilledshark · 1 year ago

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Roleplay Rules!

Status: Semi-Open as of November 2nd, 2023

Feel free to DM me or ask any questions in my inbox! I can't guarantee that RPs will start right away, but we can definitely start setting things up.

In order to RP with me, you NEED to send me the hidden phrase in here so I know you actually read the rules. If not, I will not RP.

Literacy Style:

Literate to semi-literate. I like to write in multiple paragraphs, both with detail and somewhat dialogue heavy. If you’ve seen my writing, it’s a lot like that! I expect potential RP partners to follow in suit/match.

It seems as of late that I prefer literate with multiple paragraphs and details.

I’ve been RPing since I was like, 10. If I see *she smiles* it might summon rage 💀 /hj

Where We Can Talk:

Just starting off? Tumblr DMs! I won’t RP in the comment section of a post.

You can now ask for my Discord. It’s where I’m most active.

Slots:

Don’t really have a cap off but it becomes too much at once I will be sure to let you know.

Genres and Plots:

Almost anything and everything! However, towards strangers and people I’m generally unfamiliar with, SFW are going to be the topics I steer towards. Adventure, drama, horror etc. are all fine the first go around.

I’m pretty flexible on genres so like, hey don’t be afraid to suggest it.

NSFW, I like writing smut, I just need to like you as well lol. Not a slight on your behalf, but I will let you know whether smut is a possibility or not.

NSFW will only be done with other 18+ adults who have verified they are in fact, adults. I absolutely refuse NSFW to “ageless” accounts and minors.

Honestly I don’t want to RP with minors so if you’re a minor, don’t message me. Don’t do it. Thanks.

Pairings:

Gets a little odd here, I don’t actually ship anything, if that makes any sense? Like, canon character X canon character just isn’t in my repertoire unless they’re already an established couple or the franchise is heavily leaning them that way.

That said, I’m totally cool with self shipping and OCs X Canon characters. (If self ship, it has to go both ways. Sorry I’m a simp too 😔)

Platonic, familial, those work best though especially if I am unfamiliar with you as a person.

Honestly I’m not as veered towards romance unless you’re a good friend of mine.

Do:

When first DMing, send me memes to help break the ice! I’m pretty good about speaking to people, but I understand how awkward it can be

If you’re using an OC, please tell me all about your OC! If you have any reference pics etc, send them so I can describe them during the RP.

If you’re playing a canon character and you’ve changed anything about them that’s notable, feel free to mention their quirks, and the lore building you’ve done for them.

Tell me if it gets to be too much or if you wish to change directions. I want you to feel safe and have a free voice during the chat. If something doesn’t click, tell me.

Please talk to me about the RP plot before we start! That gives me a good direction on what bases to hit and which lines to not cross. Your boundaries are just as important as mine and I want to respect them.

Use brackets or some other notation to let me know you’re speaking out of character! I’m very prone to using []

Understand that you can leave for a while and don’t need to apologize. Genuinely, I know you’ll get back to me. If you don’t think you will or it’ll take longer than expected then let me know. I know people get busy, so it’s honestly no problem.

Don’t:

Do NOT ask to RP if you are a minor. I do not wish to RP with minors.

Send me unsolicited NSFW or a starter without any conversation prior to. It’s just kind of ???? On my end.

Do not godmod HEAVILY. I’m okay with like, “and he helped her up and watched as she walked over to the desk.” But fully godmodding is a no.

Send one liners. Self explanatory.

Wildly deviate from the plot in bizarre ways. Like, making things NSFW all of a sudden or cause angst when there was none. I hate saying “Mary Sue the RP” but do not Mary Sue the RP.

Please don’t be upset when I take a hot minute or two to respond. I’m a person that has a life outside of her phone and is actually prone to migraine if I look at screens for too long. I will always get back to the RP unless I say otherwise.

Be pushy for a character or a pairing I said no to.

Go too OOC for canon characters.

Ask for things like rape, beastiality, common DNI criteria.

I understand RP can be therapeutic but remember, I am not a therapist and the RP we have is not substitute for actual mental health help.

Fandoms:

SCP

Call of Duty

Darkwood

Assassin’s Creed

Grimm

Uncharted

My Little Pony (yeah goin' back to my roots)

My OCs (need to ask about those, there’s,,,, many and they’re all intricate.)

Other Things:

Please use third person, past or present tense. Usually past tense.

I feel it goes hand in hand with literate RP but use “speaking” for a dialogue and ‘thinking’ for thoughts.

Try not to rush anything! Let it happen naturally and it’ll all play out.

Don’t be afraid to talk to me outside of the RP either. Like, it’s a personal thing we’re probably going to become friends.

Some Examples of My RP Style:

Mind you, not all of these are going to be extremely long. Things tend to taper out.

All of these examples were lifted directly from one of my RPs.

November 2nd, 2023: I swear not all of my replies are going to be like this. I'm immensely more busy now.

This is a starter:

A young princess sat on the balcony of her mother’s grand palace. The stars of the night were absolutely gorgeous as her dark eyes peered upwards, tracing constellation upon constellation. There, she could see the proud statue of Amun and feel the loving gaze of the beautiful mother goddess, Hathor. Strings upon strings of stars hung in the sky and bathed the desert in a warm white and blue gold, illuminating the darkness so she could observe the night life of her people. At barely eighteen years old, the young princess had been coming to a very startling conclusion as she stared out at the houses amongst the dunes and the boats and their ferriers on the Nile: that one day, all of this would be hers. The thought scared her, as ruling over such a people with the same authority as her mother and her mothers before her… The burden was crushing in its own right.

Sameera, the current pharaoh of Egypt and seated daughter of Isis and Ra, had been gearing her only daughter up for greatness since she had been brought into the world. The palace had served little as a home and more of a house of education, gearing up the little girl for a future in which all would bow down to her. Sameera has been, and will be considered a bountiful ruler. She ushered in an Egypt in which magick and divine favor rained down on the land, where suffering was lightened, and where pain had been naught but a bruise.

To give her daughter, Tavi, a taste of what it would mean to be the seated pharaoh and begin expanding her power besides running the palace, Sameera had placed her in charge of the Festival of Hathor. The festival in itself being amongst the most important task Tavi has been held in charge of to this date. In the morning, Tavi would be heading out by herself to Dendera, the main site of Hathor’s cult and preside over it, and of course, ensure it passes smoothly.

It sounds so simple: let people get drunk and feast, make merry, and enjoy singing and dancing in the company of others, but Tavi has never been a part of such importance in ritual ceremonies. She’s only ever observed, and even that in itself has been something hidden to her as her mother finds the merrymaking beneath her real education under the watchful eyes of Thoth.

Tavi sighs deeply and rests her arms on the balcony for just a moment more, already intending to head back inside and rest for the night before one of her lady maids interrupts her train of thought.

“My lady,” the finely dressed woman begins. “You have a visitor.”

Tavi’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise as she crosses the balcony through the cool night air to come to her lady maid’s side. “What? Who on earth would come to my quarters at this hour?” She inquires, more curious than angered at the thought she has a visitor.

The woman bows her head in the princess’s presence as if to silently ask her if she should address the visitor. “I believe it pertains to the Festival of Hathor, but it was not my place to pry,” the lady maid continues, her voice soft and sweet. “Shall I tell them to leave?”

Tavi blinks before shaking her head. “No, you may leave. I’ll handle this,” she replies warmly, her hand resting on the taller woman’s shoulder. “Go, get some rest,” she hums.

The lady maid nods, thanks her princess, then exits out the servant’s entrance, leaving Tavi to her own devices.

The young princess brushes back some of her black hair, wondering who would ask audience with her so informally and so late at night. She crosses her limestone floor quietly, akin to a ghost as if to tell her visitor no one is present before stopping just shy of the door. Mentally, Tavi remembers what her mother has said about acting regally in the presence of others, how to stand tall and like a future queen, and physically rolls that onto her stance.

With a deep breath, she opens the door.

And here is another response show casing what RPs tend to look like down the line WITHOUT me RPING multiple characters:

Tavi’s eyebrows shoot up In surprise as the listens to Arya’s words. “That is troubling,” she murmurs more to herself than anyone else as she once again brushes back some of her hair.

Her mind wanders, wondering what the right course of action would be. Of course, they would be moving during the earlier morning before the sun would come up, but with the flowers on the line… “perhaps we should leave earlier,” she hums.

But then that would require waking up the rest of the party—and they needed their rest. “We can discuss this inside, please,” Tavi moves aside in the doorway, gesturing for Arya to enter. “I would despise seeing your work go to waste because of the heat and the sun,” she says, already moving to her table to give Arya a cup of water.

[Howdy, here’s the phrase. “An ocean without unnamed monsters would be like sleep without dreams.” ]

And here is a response showcasing me RPING multiple characters:

Abasi mentally rolled his golden eyes at Arya’s childish gesture as he led Tavi through the halls. He enjoyed the feeling of the princess’s hands on his forearm—she felt delicate beneath his touch, and it made his heart beat just a little bit faster.

The area they had stepped into was absolutely beautiful, gorgeous in every which way. The air was sweet and warm, like a mother’s caress.

“Great mother Hathor,” Tavi murmured, her head bowing in reverence to the goddess. “What a beauty and blessing you are,” she murmured to herself, slowly letting go of Abasi’s forearm.

“Princess!” A priest’s voice cut through. “What a pleasure to see you here,” he said warmly. “I presume you’ve come to make an offering?”

Tavi smiled and nodded, gently telling Abasi that his guard could lower. “I have. What a magnificent job you and the priests and priestesses have done.”

The priest beamed and quickly nodded for one of the lower ranking priestesses to fetch a bowl full of offerings they’d prepared for the princess. “It means the world t hear it from you,” he said. “We’ve gone all out this time for her festival.”

“It shows,” Tavi hummed, silently thanking the lower ranking priestess who handed her a bowl full of spices, jewelry, flowers and sweet smelling oils. Gently, Tavi came to the edge of the pool, kneeling down and offering silent prayers to Hathor, a blessed mother, before placing the bowl gingerly on the water.

It rippled as it flowed on the surface, almost resting perfectly in the middle amongst the sparse lily pads and lotus flowers.

On her way back up, Abasi offered the princess his hand, and she took it.

The priest once again beamed. “The goddess is most pleased with your presence,” he noted, barely able to contain his joy. “Would your companions like to make offerings as well?”

#if you've seen this post before it's bc I directly copy and pasted it from my main #rp #rp rules #rp blog #oc roleplay #roleplay rules #my little pony rp #cod rp #Darkwood rp #plz i would sell my soul for good Darkwood rp #uncharted rp #scp rp #assassin’s creed rp

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multifandomwritings · 3 years ago

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chop top and nubbins (alive) fighting over an fem s/o???? keep up the good work!!

Sorry for the wait! I hope this is what you meant! I didn't get too detailed into how it'd be to date them/how they'd be if they liked you because I can do that separately if anyone wants, and focused this on how they'd ~compete~. I hope you like it ^^ (sorry if this is kind of bad asdjfkl)

Chop Top & Nubbins liking the same person would include:

- These two would get so caught up in their own little competition to win your feelings that they’d begin to forget what it was even about

- Nubbins would be doing his best to woo you (which, coming from Nubbins, is unique to say the least) when Chop Top runs over and shoves poor Nubbins into oblivion. It's his turn!

- However, they begin to argue before Chop Top can even shoot his shot, leaving you feeling a bit guilty but also trying not to laugh as their argument would veer off into totally unrelated subjects

- You quickly get overwhelmed by their unrelenting attention, the two both anxiously trying to seduce you to the best of their abilities, which are very unpracticed and chaotic. When one finally lays off for a while, the other will appear

- Drayton and Bubba are *tired*. You're the topic of conversation half the time and their usual antics are amplified greatly by what they view as a competition for your feelings

- Despite the chaos, however, they're both quite sweet and charming in their own ways. Nubbins is particularly sweet around you — he's always doing his best to impress you, blushing relentlessly at any attention you give him. He's a bit more shy than Chop Top, often staring at you and easily getting flustered

- Chop Top is better at getting *you* to blush. He'd also have a talent at getting you to laugh and smile easily, to his satisfaction. Asks you a million questions about your interests and such too, listening intently to whatever you have to say as he's genuinely intrigued by you

- No matter who you choose, it's okay of course. In the end they'll get over it (and will often remind you that you can change your mind if you want lol)

- Plot twist! You choose Bubba or Drayton. Chop Top and Nubbins just blame each other for ruining the other's chance (only kidding of course. Unless you do choose one of them, in which case, good for you!)

#slashers x reader #chop top x reader #chop top sawyer x reader #nubbins x reader #nubbins sawyer x reader #chop top imagines #nubbins sawyer imagines #slasher x reader #slasher imagines

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grapedrien · 3 years ago

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I can't get evil Emile out if my head so I wrote a little thing... so here's how I think Emile died/went into a coma, from her perspective. Also how the peacock miraculous broke. Not necessarily real theories for canon but like... fun storytime stuff lol...

Part 1 》 Part 2 》 Part 3 》 Part 4

Gabriel wouldn't approve of this, but what he thinks matters little right now. I am so close, my victory is so close. All I have to do is find the miraculouses of the Ladybug and the Black Cat, and then I will have all the power I need to reach my goals.

It was a bright summer day when I went into my office to continue studying the grimoire. There had to be something in it that I could use to track down the other miraculouses. Mentions of them have been sprinkled throughout the history of mankind, and all roads have led me back to Paris. My city. My home.

"Emile?" I hear my husband call my name as he knocks on the door, "May I come in?"

Always respectful, my darling husband.

I hide away the grimoire before replying, "Yes, dear, come in!"

Gabriel Agreste, world-renowned fashion designer walks into my office with that kind smile of his he saves for me and Adrien alone. But, and I notice it immediately, I can sense a difference. I- I have a knack for picking up on these things.

"Gabriel, is something wrong?"

"You know me too well." my husband sighs, "Emile, do you think you may be spending too much time on your little projects lately? You wake up before everyone else, you miss half of your meals, and we are lucky to see you before bedtime."

I let out a breath.

"You know how important this is to me." I tell him, "I am sorry if it feels like I am blocking you out -"

"It's not me I'm worried about, Emile." Gabriel cuts in, "Adrien needs his mother."

I cough into my arm, and glance at the white sleeve. All is clear.

"This is all for him, darling. He would understand. He will understand." I assure.

I cough again.

Damn it.

"That cough of yours is getting worse, isn't it?" Gabriel says.

"Adrien needs his mother." I reply coldly, "You said it yourself, right?"

Gabriel frowned and looked to the safe on the wall behind me. He knew better than to pry further. As far as he knew, the miraculouses of the peacock and butterfly were still in the safe locked away. Ever since the incident, we swore not to use them again. And after all, I am his wife. He had no reason to doubt me. He had no reason to... check.

"Will we see you at dinner?" he asked, veering to a new topic.

"I am so close to completing my project." I say, "Tomorrow night, when the meteor shower rains down, you, me, and Adrien will have dinner outside under the stars to celebrate."

Gabriel smiles, and this time, I know it is genuine happiness shining through.

...

Gabriel leaves me to my work and after a few moments, I sigh to myself and look to the safe.

"Nooroo, Duusu, dual metamorphosis."

The Kwamis hidden in my jacket shoot out like stars and swirl together, transforming my outfit into a perfect-fitting purple suit with a long black cloak and cane to match. A dark purple mask flashed across my eyes. Oh how I never tire of the feeling it gives me when I become Lady Butterfly.

I cough again, but shake it off as I glance down at the broken peacock miraculous affixed now just below the butterfly. My days were numbered, I couldn't give up now. Not yet. There was a way to reverse the damage this thing has done to me, and it was with the wish. By combining the powers of creation and destruction, I would be granted any wish my heart desires.

I would wish for the powers of all Kwamis to become my own.

I would be unstoppable. My powers unmatched.

My family forever safe from the threat that awaits us... awaits them... if I fail.

I sense a negative emotion again, I sense them constantly. This city will thank me when I'm through with it. So much heartache and pain. Sadness, desperation, loneliness. It is terrible.

All I need is the Ladybug and the Black Cat!! But how?!

I slam my fist on my desk and send a crack splintering through the thick oak.

The grimoire is undecipherable, and from what I can tell, the Order of the Guardians of the Miraculous have vanished years ago so they are of no use. But those miraculouses, the Ladybug and the Black Cat, I have tracked them to Paris. They are here. I know it. I just need to find a way to bring them to me.

I told myself I wouldn't take the next step unless absolutely necessary, but I am up against a wall. It was time to use my powers again, the full powers of the miraculous, for the first time in nearly fifteen years.

I grabbed the grimoire and opened to the page about the wish and took out my peacock fan.

"Here goes nothing." I say.

I pluck a feather and infuse it with magic as I stare at the wish and think about my desire for the Ladybug and Black Cat. How much I want those miraculouses. How much I need them. For Gabriel. For Adrien.

For me.

The feather goes deep purple-blue and I let it drift down onto the grimoire in front of me, placing my hand on the page and holding the other out straight ahead.

Dark bubbles formed up in front of me as my creation came to life. Another sentibeing made with a broken miraculous - I felt a sharp pain in my head as another crack shot through the peacock.

"Wishtracker." I say to the sentibeing before me, speaking through the pain, "You have been created with sole purpose to track down and retrieve for me the miraculouses of the Ladybug and the Black Cat. If you succeed, I will grant you free will and release you from the binds of the peacock miraculous. Do you understand?"

The creature - it was a creature by far, for unlike other sentibeings, this one was not created to look human - nodded in response.

"Perfect." I grin, "Now go! Bring me those miraculous! For if you fail, I will take back your amok, and you will be released from existence."

The creature nodded again, this time with fear in its eyes, and then sniffed the air. A few seconds later, it was off on the hunt.

A part of me felt guilty for adding the last threat, but it was necessary. Time was of the essence now more than ever. I promised Gabriel dinner tomorrow night. If Wishtracker fails - I won't live long enough to keep that promise.

It's why, as I found out too late, a sentibeing should never use the peacock miraculous.

It will break the miraculous, and then it will break you.

I look down at my wedding band, which I have learned is the object that contains my own amok. I now understand why I was chosen to inherit the rings instead of my sister Amile. My parents wanted to give me the best gift they could: my free will.

If only that gift had come with a warning to never use the peacock miraculous.

...

"You shouldn't have used the peacock miraculous again, Emile!" Duusu told me when I detransformed, "You are only going to make things worse for you and your family!"

"I have no choice, Duusu." I reply, "I am not powerful enough to do what needs to be done to protect anyone else from getting hurt by these miraculouses. To protect Adrien should he find out the truth about me. About his mother being a sentibeing created by a magical brooch! About how all it takes to kill me is for the holder of that brooch to snap their fingers or for a dumb ring to get broke! About how I don't know what would happen if someone tried using the brooch to snap him away..."

"He wasn't created with the miraculous." Nooroo reminded.

"But his mother was." I state, "Which would make him half-sentibeing. That has to mean he's also connected to this damn thing!"

"Emile-" Duusu began but the holder held up her hand.

"I will do what I feel is best for my family and my world." I say, coughing, "And no one is going to stop me."

...

That night, I meet Gabriel after dinner in his office.

"I need you to make me a promise." I tell him.

"What is it?" he asks, and his concern is palatable.

"I am worried I may not complete my project in time." I confess, "I- I think I may die soon."

Gabriel shot up from his chair.

"Gabriel, relax." I tell him, "Because I have a backup plan. And it's this promise. Okay?"

"What? No! Emile, if you are feeling unwell-"

"It's the broken peacock miraculous, Gabriel." I state, "Hospitals and doctors can't help me, but you can. If my project... if I don't make it, I want you to bring me back."

"What?" Gabriel gulps.

"The powers of the miraculous are immense." I say, "There is a way, I just don't know it yet, but I trust you to be able to continue my work after I'm gone. Bring me back if I fail us. Promise me."

"If that happens, Emile, I won't rest until we are reunited."

I allow a smile to spread across my lips and I give my husband a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm counting on you." I whisper.

I step away and cough into my arm, a cough I had been holding in a bit. When I check my sleeve, I see it's covered in blood.

"Keep Adrien safe." I say as the room starts to spin. I feel Gabriel come to catch me as I loose balance, and fall clumsily into his arms. I hear a clang as one of the miraculouses in my jacket hits the ground.

"Emile?" Gabriel gasps, and I don't know if he's checking on me or asking about the miraculous.

"The Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous." I groan, "Used together can make any wish come true."

And then darkness overtook the room.

#miraculous ladybug #emile agreste #gabriel agreste #first time writing something like this #but yeah #got inspired #there's technically more but word limits lol #lol #lady butterfly emile agreste #flashback thing

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readyplayerhobi · 5 years ago

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Flower | 02

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, future smut

; Word Count: 1.9k

; Warnings: Talk of anxiety, depression, self-hatred

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Yes this is posted fast but it’s obviously not long. As said, this is a drabble series so it may be posted fast, it may be posted slow. It’s purely when I feel inspired by it. Thank you for the love I’ve had on the first part! I never expected people to like it so much. Please note that this is a slice of life fic that will deal with the MC having a lot of issues around herself including anxiety, depression, lack of self-confidence and more. I’ll put relevant warnings, but this fic is basically me helping myself by writing out some of my feelings. If you enjoy reading it, please reblog and comment to let me know! Again, I haven’t proof read lol

Flower Masterpost

Your phone screen is mocking you, you swear it is. The brightly lit screen clearly shows the Flower app message box, which clearly shows the series of messages that you’d exchanged with one seriously, outrageously attractive Jung Hoseok.

And it made you cringe, shrinking further down your seat as you pushed your face into the impossibly soft material of the cat plush you kept on your couch. As if somehow, that might make all your embarrassment disappear.

Because you have never regretted your social anxiety and inability to make small talk more than you do right now. You found it impossible to talk to people normally if you didn’t have a common interest, the conversation often dying down quickly as you struggled to maintain it but that was heightened with text messages.

Your own friends were well aware of this, which meant that no one ever bothered to call or text you to talk. Instead, they simply texted to ask when you were free and then came over or invited you out. You were very much one of those people who just operated best when you were comfortable with the person and could maintain a face-to-face connection.

Which was why you were now seriously regretting setting up this app. Groaning, you let your head fall back onto the couch and restrain the urge to have a childish hissy fit. Because it would be childish. Relieving, but childish.

“Why did I think this would be a good idea? You know you don’t like talking on the phone or by message, you idiot.” You hiss to yourself, grabbing the phone from the arm of the sofa and unlocking it once more.

Re-reading the messages just makes you want to shrink even more. It’s been an hour since Hoseok had first responded to you, and the messages were painful. In fact, it made you want to cry reading them over and how bad you were at conversing. You were trying so hard but you just didn’t know what to say or do.

You: Oh, thanks for responding! I’m okay, how are you?

Jung Hoseok: I’m good, just got in from a gig. You done anything interesting?

You: No, I worked and then just came home

Jung Hoseok: Okay...what did you do when you came home?

You: Watched Netflix

Jung Hoseok: ...what did you watch? Anything cool?

You: Not really

You: I’m watching this Korean drama, The K2

Jung Hoseok: Cool

The conversation died for ten minutes after that and as usual, you’d stressed over what you’d messaged him. It read so stilted and awkward, leading to you grasping at a topic to further talk with him. How did these things normally work? Was he expecting sex if you’d messaged him? Or did he want something more? Was it okay to ask him?

You’d struggled for a few minutes more before you’d finally sent something else to him, resulting in another series of lame messages that had you resenting yourself while also being thankful that he didn’t just give up on you entirely.

You: Who did you go see? Anyone I might know?

Jung Hoseok: Mmm, maybe? Do you know Disturbed?

You: ...no?

Jung Hoseok: Do you listen to any metal?

You: also no :(

Jung Hoseok: Ahhh...you wouldn’t know them then

You: Did you enjoy it though?

Jung Hoseok: Yeah! They’re great live. You should maybe try it, you might like them…

And that was where the conversation had stunted itself, leading to you simply staring at your phone and wishing that you were someone else. Someone who was great at talking and would be able to keep the flow going between him and you. Because he was evidently nice, willing to keep talking even though you were proving to have the socialisation skills of a baby.

Staring at your phone, you bit your lip and rested your head in the palm of your hand, elbow resting on your thigh as tears warmed your eyes. You wished that you could be someone better, someone who didn’t have to psychoanalyse everything that you’d said and every response that you’d been given. Thousands, probably millions of people across the world did this online dating thing every day.

Why was it so hard for you? And on the first guy!

Wiping the tears away with your hand as you sniffled, you grasped your phone and looked down at the messages once more with a frown. This guy, Jung Hoseok, was way too good for you. There was no way that someone this outgoing was going to be interested in you, not when he had to work this hard to maintain a conversation.

Here he was, going to concerts on a work night while you felt insufferable anxiety at the prospect of not being in bed by 9pm. There was no way you could work out, and maybe it would be better to just cut him loose now so that he didn’t have to bother trying anymore with you. You could always give someone a little more...boring a chance.

Wincing, you mentally withdrew that adjective. People weren’t boring, they just had different interests. You had no doubt that by your own standards, Hoseok would probably consider you boring.

Sighing, you began to type out your message to him, this once longer than anything else you’d typed.

You: I’m sorry. I don’t know how this online dating stuff works. I don’t even really know how real dating works. I’m really bad at talking, through text and phone. I don’t really know how to do small talk with you and you kind of intimidate me. I’m sorry for bothering you, I don’t think we’d work out and I don’t want to take up any more of your time.

You: Sorry :(

Sending those messages was hard, and you wipe once more at the tears that slowly trail down your face as you try to soothe your anxiety over what you’d sent him. And then you have to try and soothe down your worry that flares up over not being good enough for anyone.

As much as you wanted to listen to Soyeon and Chungha, and as much as you wanted a relationship, you were terrified at the same time. Because you kept yourself so closed off from people, only letting in the few individuals that your mind deemed worth the time and effort and whom you were positive wouldn’t hurt you too badly.

But a relationship meant letting someone in to a place that friends didn’t go. It meant giving the other person access to your most intimate areas; physically and mentally. Letting them know your dreams, know your fears, letting them into your heart and mind. And it terrified you. Because those people were the most dangerous to you.

With a mind that actively seemed to work against you sometimes, sabotaging yourself and your hopes with crippling anxiety and depression, the idea of letting someone that close to cause even more damage was fear inducing. It was giving someone the power to affirm all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, letting them wriggle their way into your life and your heart in a way that would make it feel like an explosion had happened if they decided you weren’t worth it in the future.

You knew that your fears were silly, that people entered and left relationships frequently and that not every relationship ended badly. Not every relationship ended.

But you were petrified of being the one left, of being the one who finally let down her walls and let someone in deeper than anyone had ever been before and having those fragile, vulnerable places deep within you blown wide open. And yet you still craved the love and affection that you watched your friends go through.

You’d tried to get it in college, dating guys and girls in such a casual way that you weren’t even sure it could be called dating. It was more like friends with benefits half the time, and you had so many fears about yourself that there wasn’t even a whole lot of sex. Nor had it been good, because it was hard to get out of your own head sometimes.

Someone like Jung Hoseok terrified you then, because he looked to be everything that you shied away from normally. Outgoing, attractive, outspoken and experienced judging from what you’d read of his profile. Someone who would probably laugh at the idea of a wallflower like you wanting to be with him.

You’re pulled out of the whirlpool of negativity and self-hatred that your thoughts had quickly veered into by the sound of your phone once more, the noise loud in the quiet of the room since you’d turned off your television. Swallowing, you blink hard and take in a deep and steadying breath before looking down at the message.

Jung Hoseok: Oh that’s fine! Don’t feel pressured or anything. I’m useless at talking on the phone too. Would you rather we meet up instead? Casually or as a date, whichever you prefer. I’m sorry I intimidate you, I don’t mean to :(

Jung Hoseok: I know I have tattoos and stuff, but I’m not mean! I swear. I think I’m nice...

Jung Hoseok: And we’ll never know if we could work out unless we actually try…

Jung Hoseok: :)

For a few seconds...there’s nothing in your mind as you stare down at your phone in disbelief. Surely you’d misread that? Suddenly lost the ability to read and your mind had made up what you’d rather it said instead. But when you blink hard, rubbing your eyes to clear them until the words are in focus again, you’re met with exactly the same thing that you’d just read.

He...hadn’t been offended by what you’d said. Nor had he laughed at you cutting him off so quickly? In fact...he seemed to be...understanding?

Your mouth feels dry suddenly and you grab a deep gulp of water, cheeks feeling warm as your stomach swirls with confusion, nerves and tentative excitement. He wasn’t annoyed by you. He wasn’t angry with you. He’d accepted what you’d said.

He’d even...asked you on a date?

And then you realise that he thought that you were intimidated by him purely because he had tattoos and piercings and stuff. Which out of all the things you’d stressed and worried over...that hadn’t even been a top 5 consideration. If anything, those things were just exceptional window dressing on an already outstanding visage.

His words seem to have a strangely soothing effect on your frayed nerves, a balm to your upset and confused mind. Maybe...maybe you could just meet up. You were a lot better in person than you were via text or phone. Your friends liked to say you were funny and sweet, which he might like.

Maybe he was right.

You felt an extreme whiplash that left you feeling a little tired from everything you’d experienced in the last few hours; from the trepidation of signing up to the surge of confidence at messaging Hoseok to the crushing negativity of your flatlining esteem to the small flicker of hope that was now surfacing.

Which is why you feel strangely calm when you message him back, watching your fingers type without really being aware of what you were doing. Completely unaware of the monumental impact your decision was about to have on your future and life.

You: Really? I’d like to meet up...if you want to

Jung Hoseok: I’d love to

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fourdaysofrain · 4 years ago

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Self-Made Man

Summary: A Trans!Tony Stark AU.

(Lengthy, personal author’s note below the cut, if you’re interested.)

Natasha Marie Stark was born twelve minutes before midnight on May 29th, 1970. She weighed a healthy seven pounds and two ounces when she arrived. She was the most beautiful thing that either of her parents had ever seen. And she was screaming loud enough to scare the pigeons from the trees outside.

Read on AO3

Well, hey everyone. It’s been a handful of months since I’ve been on here. I want to apologize for being gone, but that feels kind of phony. I don’t know. I missed this, though. I can tell you that much. I still checked my notifications every once in a while. It made me really glad to see people still commenting on my fics or passing my links around. Love y’all.

I guess it’s about time that I tell you that I’m trans. I have been this whole time. To answer a few quick questions, I first knew sometime in late high school, but it was always kind of in the background my whole life, I just didn’t know how to isolate the feeling. I started socially transitioning (i.e. dressing male, coming out, going by he/him) after my high school graduation, and I started HRT (Horomone replacement therapy, that means I inject myself with testosterone weekly. .33mL subcutaneously into my tummy, if you’re curious) on Oct. 12, 2018. So it’s been almost two years since, and I’ve been completely passing as a man for quite a while. Ass-crack hair, sweat, and all.

This is a pretty personal fic for me, given the nature of it. I’ve wanted to write it for a long time, and I’ve actually had words in the Google Doc since January. It took a lot of long nights to write. It helped that I was back home. I always have an easier time tapping into Trans Emotions when I’m in my home town, for better or for worse. All the memories and relationships I formed pre-transition follow me like ghosts.

I’m leaving for college in two days, conversationally.

I see a lot of trans!Peter Parker fics. I’m not dissing them, I love them to bits. But it makes me wonder why fandom is so quick to headcanon Peter as trans instead of one of the other characters. He’s petite, has a higher voice, and has softer features than the other male cast members. I feel like those attributes definitely play a role. It can be easy to see trans men as “uwu soft bois”, or as Men Lite, or as a more palatable version of “normal” (that is to say, cis) men. Those ideas are often flawed and based on transphobic foundations. The reality is, trans men (and by extension, all trans people) have the ability to be indiscernible from their cis counterparts. Everyone likes to think they can pick trans people out from a crowd, but you’d be surprised how quickly I started being read as male. Androcentrism for the win, I guess.

I won’t be entirely pessimistic. I understand that people my age project onto Peter (I am by no means exempt from that), and that there’s a greater number of young trans people than old, due to a series of depressing reasons. But I still wanted to try a different take on a trans character.

My experience as a trans man is vastly different than the one I write about here. If anything, I’m closer to fandom’s idea of trans!Peter. My parents were accepting, I had the financial and social means to transition relatively early, and I can fly under the radar easily. The most important difference is the time period.

I don’t know a lot about the trans experience of the 80s and 90s, which is what Tony would have gone through. I know of one single trans man who began his transition back then, one of the gender studies professors at my university. Even then, he’s from Canada, which I’m assuming has an entirely different culture around trans lives. There aren’t many older trans men. It’s depressing. There’s a lot of reasons for this. I don’t want to get too deep into them, because it only makes me feel sad. The final scene in this fic is extremely self-indulgent with regards to this. I wrote what I needed to hear.

That’s not to say I don’t relate at all to what I wrote. There are themes that are almost universal for the trans experience. I hope you can parse those out here.

I also wanted to talk about how I showed the change from “Natasha” to Tony. In the early stages of this fic’s development, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to openly say Tony’s deadname (the name trans people are given at birth, and often, but not 100% of the time, change as a part of their transition), but I soon realized that it would make the story much clearer with the inclusion of it. If you’re wondering, I got the name from Earth-3490, where Tony is born a woman (and marries Steve, lol). I chose to show the change between the two with the use of past tense for the first half of the fic, and switching to present for Tony’s life. Often times, it feels like that when you transition. You start living in present tense.

I also want to make it clear that transitioning isn’t as simple as shown here. From the beginning of mapping out this fic, I was stressed about “Oh, how will he be able to graduate as Tony if he doesn’t start transitioning until after he gets to college,” and “How will Howard react to him coming out?” and “How will he have a playboy persona if he isn’t able to have sex with someone without them knowing?” and a zillion other ideas. It was very freeing for me to let go of some of these obstacles and leave it up to the reader to decide. I alluded to some of the solutions that I came up with, but for the most part, I glossed over the paperwork and bureaucracy aspect to transitioning. But in real life, there are countless red tapes you have to cut for even the simplest of actions. I went to the state court to change my name and sex in March of 2019, and I still have cards in my wallet with my deadname. I had a consult with a plastic surgeon for top surgery (the colloquial name for the double mastectomy that trans men often go through to masculinize their chests. If you’re wondering, genital reconstruction surgery is normally called bottom surgery to mirror this) last December, and I still don’t have a date set. It took me a few months to start T, and I only got it so easily because I went through my unviersity, which does informed consent. Some places have to have proof of 6 months of social transitioning and a letter from a therapist. There is a lot of medical gate keeping in the trans community. I don’t know what I would have done had my parents not been accepting enough to help me through the processes. I am extremely thankful for their support.

But it’s a lot easier to write about transition happening smoothly. Money helps, which I don’t touch on a lot in this fic, but oh my God, does money help. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford my ~$20 a month T prescription (which I will be taking until the end of my days, likely), and I’m in the process of saving for top surgery. Thankfully with Tony, I can just presto most of the problems away because he’s canonically a billionaire. Eat the rich, folks.

There’s also the intersection with race that is very impactful for trans people, as it is for everyone. Both Tony and I are white, which gives us societal privileges that trans people of color don’t have access to. As well as the fact that transitioning from female to male is a much different experience than transitioning from male to female. We don’t experience trans misogyny, which is a special kind of misogyny specifically related to trans women. (Think of old sitcoms where the joke is that it’s a man dressed in women’s clothing, and that’s what makes it funny. That’s a fairly tame example of trans misogyny. It gets ugly fast.)

I’m veering dangerously off-topic, but it’s important to talk about. It’s easy for white trans people (and LGBT people as a whole, I suppose) to distance themselves from talking about white privilege or male privilege because they aren’t straight and/or cis. But it’s important to recognize that while we may face unique oppression, we also still benefit from historical white supremacist and patriarchal structures present today in society.

Sorry, not sorry for getting political. And if I haven’t said it on here, Black lives matter. Of course.

If you end up having trans-related questions, I want to be a resource for you. Seriously, I’m narcissistic and love talking about myself I don’t mind helping you understand the trans experience. I can’t promise that I know everything, but I also have my own group of trans friends who might know what I don’t, and we can learn together.

Again, love y’all. Thank you for the continued support you give me. I can’t promise that I’ll go back to my normal level of activity on here, but I might dip my feet back in the pool. <3

#irondad #iron dad #spider-man #iron man #trans #ftm #art speaks #art writes #read under the cut if you want to know my Emotions and Feelings

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knight-elkwarden · 5 years ago

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Please allow me to ramble for a bit

When I do text posts, I’m usually having a freak out due to anxiety and/or depression yeeting me down a deep dark hole.

A month ago now my parents had a pool party with their friends an family, I was just in my room playing video games with my friends. Later in the evening my aunt came into my room to chat with me. A few minutes into the conversation, I could tell she was drunk.

Don’t worry, nothing bad happened, she’s the kind that gets emotional and lovey when drunk. She asked me if I had “a special someone”, as family members often do, I said I didn’t, and since she seemed drunk enough to probably not remember the conversation, I admitted that I did kinda crush on some girls. (For context, it would probably help to say that I still identify as female to my family members)

It didn’t bother her! Not at all! She said that whoever I end up with, she and my entire family would support me! She mentioned that since I was young the majority of my family had some idea that I was... well... “odd” for lack of a better word. (She said it in a nicer way, I’m just bad with words lol)

The talk then veered off into the topic of anxiety and depression, saying that if I ever needed anyone to talk to, she would be there for me. I still think about that conversation, it felt validating to know that my family would support me regardless of my orientation or gender.

She left soon after that, returning to the party that had since moved to the gazebo.

I was thinking about it lately, and it made me realize in how much of a better place I am mentally now.

Back in high school, and even in middle school to some extent, I wasn’t doing too great. I had friends, but I felt that I was at the bottom of all of their lists, I was the one they hung out with when all their other friends were unavailable.

I’d often get ditched, or ignored if I was in a group with them, I’d often be alone or left behind. Around this time, my cousin, who was the closest thing to a brother I had at the time, slowly stopped having contact with me (We still don’t talk to each other, I miss how close we were)

Eventually, in tenth or eleven grade, I broke down, my mood got so bad that multiple teachers contacted the school counsellor and got me to go see her. I admit that I was on the verge of being suicidal at that point, I hadn’t attempted anything, but I was seriously considering it.

My parents were informed, as required by law if a child mentions considering suicide. They were very worried obviously, and so was the rest of my family, though I only learned that much later. My mom brought me to the family doctor, who prescribed me medication. I’m still not sure if it’s for my anxiety or if they’re antidepressants but they do improve my mood so I’m not complaining. He also recommended what I think was a psychologist, though I’m not sure of the proper term.

I kept seeing the school counsellor for the remainder of high school. We deduced that the majority of my anxiety came from being abandoned by my friends, which also didn’t help with my already low self esteem.

Please note that I don’t hate any of my high school friends, and I’m very much sure that they didn’t perceive their actions as being mean to me or abandoning me. I sincerely wish them the best and if any of them happens to see this, know that I love you and don’t want you to feel sorry about anything you may have unknowingly caused me.

Things did get better in twelfth grade, I still had occasional break downs but I started hanging out with a good friend that I’m still in regular contact with so that’s a win in my book.

College was scary for me at first. Change scares me, even still now. New place, new people, I was terrified that everyone was gonna hate me or pick on me. Instead, my class practically became my second family.

I am extremely grateful for my college class, every single one of the people in there made my life actually worth living. Every single one of them was a kind, talented person. They’re all more successful than me, yet I never felt inferior with them. They helped me make my drawings better and even comforted me when I was having another one of my break downs. They never abandoned me, always waited for me and always listened, even if I was talking about something they didn’t know a thing about.

It was the first time I felt like I could truly be myself around others, and that makes me happy.

Thanks!

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fictionkinfessions · 2 years ago

Note

oh my god okay i am a full entire week late to the canon quote game but i saw the prompt when it got posted and then went offline for a full entire week because my sibling was here and i wanted to be fully present bcuz they hadnt stayed over in a bit AND im not sure i actually understood the prompt now that ive read other peoples responses but i miss submitting here so

i actually can sort of quote myself? like. i would say “dont overthink that”/“dont think too hard about that” a lot, basically whenever i said something that could possibly be a little bit, uh. concerning, if you thought about it too long, usually because i had just finished thinking about it too long and then gone. fuck. wait. god dammit im doing it again arent i. and anyways this was not a common thing for most folks to say as far as i can remember so when i first remembered this (read: figured out why i suddenly kept saying this thing that i couldnt have picked up from anyone in this life because none of my friends ever say that) i was basically like lmao dumbass didnt realize this was not even in the top three problems of the day for most other dragons around him but um. recently i figured out that i actually picked this up from thorn. who… didnt really say it very often to pretty much anyone who wasnt me. for reasons that are becoming increasingly obvious. so technically i uh. technically i can actually quote thorn, it turns out, basically, is what im getting at here.

weirdly writing all this out kind of triggered a couple memories of specific things that got said that might fit the prompt a bit better but theyre all a little too personal to share here honestly. mostly because it would be super fucking obvious who else was involved in the conversation and that feels… weird idk. (and also technically i guess all of this is just my brains awkward translation of a language that does not exist (that i couldnt really recreate or transcribe even if i remembered it accurately) and theres a certain connotation to what was actually being said at least in the first case that i cant really explain and that is killing me right now omg. sometimes i forget why i dont even bother trying to explain my memories to most people anymore and then i try to participate in an ask game or an ongoing conversation or something and im like. ah. right. the vocal chords. lmao.) anyways sorry this kinda veered off topic a little but i cannot sleep right now and its seriously been ages since i submitted here. and also i really dont know what else you would expect from me lol -qibli (wings of fire)

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #qiblikin #wingsoffirekin #canon quites #memories issue #mod party cat!

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officialthiamlibrary · 7 years ago

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Happy Friday!! We’re back at it again, with an exclusive profile of the one, the only @fandomtrashwhore, aka Marie! You’ve seen her instagram aesthetics, from Hunger Games to Parent Thiam AU to New Years’ AU. And now, we had the opportunity to learn more about her creative process and her life well…behind the screens. Let’s get it started!

Marie! Why not start us off with a simple introduction. Who is fandomtrashwhore? Or the artist behind her? The twist: the word count should be equal or less than the # of letters of the characters in your favorite TW rarepair ship.

Theo Raeken + Mieczyslaw Stilinski = 29

My name is Marie, I’m 19 years old and from Germany. My life is dedicated to my fandoms but besides that I’m an apprentice as an technical product designer.

Ha, I see whatcha did there with ‘Mieczyslaw.’ Smart, very smart! A Technical Product Designer! What does that entail? Do you like it so far?

I don’t know if there’s a perfect translation for it and I’m bad at explaining (that’s why I’m not a writer and my answers in this interview are gonna be shit :’D). I like the 3D drawing part most and till now I’m quite good at it and even ‘job school’ is pretty good. I feel like Hermione cause I always know the answer and my grades are on point af (which definitely wasn’t like that in my previous schools. I never said anything in class).

Pst, who said you have to be a good writer to have a good time? Just do you haha. That’s what we’re all here for any. That’s super interesting though. What’s another thing our fandom would be surprised to know about you?

I have to confess that I didn’t really mind Theo or Liam before season 6? Like I knew they were there and I liked them but I was too focussed on other characters + I didn’t know they wanted to end Teen Wolf then and felt like they wanted to shove the main pack away to replace it with Liam and his gang. (Now I’m all over the puppy pack ).

AND I watched the whole show till 5B or season 6 (not so sure) in one go and that’s why it felt like Theo and Liam both joined around the same time. (Even if there was one whole season between them…wtf.) I remember that I sometimes couldn’t even tell who was Liam and who was Theo cause I thought that they ‘looked alike’…BITCH WHERE? This is more than embarrassing, but every time I watch a show in one go I have trouble learning the names (when the name is said in the show I usually know who they mean but if I talk about it to someone I sometimes can’t remember the names cause I watched 3 seasons within a week…. :’D ). I definitely need to rewatch and appreciate them more this time cause they’re such amazing characters.

*Actually Cackling* Were there any other characters you were hazy on? Like, would Garrett be the “angry, tiny blonde one” to you?

No it’s embarrassing af. :’D And I know who Garrett is and what he did and he was indeed an angry tiny blonde kid, but I don’t remember details. Sadly (I mean I think he only was there for a few episodes so I don’t think there was much detail so I’m good as long as I know his storyline). :’D

Truth. When I started watching Supernatural, until (at least) midseason 2, I called both Sam and Dean, DeanSam cause they were always together when someone addressed them. So, you’re not alone, eek. Now, THAT’S embarrassing.

So, how did you go from ‘kid, what’s your name?!’ to Thiam instagram aesthetics and our fandom? What drew you in?

I think I jumped on the train quite late (cause as I said I didn’t really mind them), but I think I shipped them before but just realized it last season. So, I think I first felt something for them during their fight in the hospital because I was ‘fun-shipping’ them (not really fun but I wasn’t deep into it cause I didn’t bother checking their ship name or anything but I was like ‘lol. They’re gay for each other) during 6B and then I completely lost it in episode 6 of that season and realized that it is a real thing and it’s love.

From that moment I was a mess and died the last few episodes cause I thought they either make it canon or kill Theo off (and maybe make it canon) but neither happened so….ok. :’D I’m sad that I only had like two weeks left with them but since then it’s been a wild ride and they brought me new internet friends ( a whole pack) and made me tumblr fame … it’s crazy how inspiring they are for edits. I just can’t stop. :’D

BUT how I found my way into the Teen Wolf fandom is a bit funnier I think…(at least for me) :’D

This has now become the moment where I ask, “Marie, can you tell us how you got into the Teen Wolf fandom? Lol”

Idk if it’s funny if you don’t know my friends and me personally. But I always had this little group to talk about series with. Mostly The Walking Dead and Game Of Thrones but sometimes other series. A friend of mine, Lucas, once mentioned that there’s a series called ‘teen wolf or something like that’ and that he knows that one character looks like one of our classmates (his name is Tobi). He was talking about Derek and even showed me a pic AND HE REALLY FUCKING LOOKS LIKE HIM (I mean in close up you know it’s not him but you know…).

He already had a beard really really soon (he looked like 20 when he was 15 or something because of it) BUT NOW he looks even more like Derek cause I met him again, like a year ago, in a club and he lost weight and is working out now and….he’s really a Derek look alike (I wish I could show you but privacy…).

After laughing about that I never heard about that series again till I watched the trailer on youtube, and I have no idea why, but it was around new years eve 2015 to 2016 cause I thought about starting it and told a friend of mine on new years eve and showed her the trailer and she also thought it was cool and we started it about a week after that and binge watched the shit out of it.

BUT I ALWAYS HAD THAT PICTURE OF MY CLASSMATE IN MIND WHEN I SAW DEREK. And I still call Derek Tobi when I talk to my best friend who doesn’t watch teen wolf about teen wolf and want to explain something to her.

Lol are you kidding me?! That’s hilarious! And, I’ll raise you. I have a friend Michael who is a spitting image of Scott–skin tone, jaw, hair and all. I wonder if your Tobi/Derek and my Michael/Scott met, would they have a Scott-Derek-esque relationship haha! Since we’ve veered towards Friends, let’s say you, 4 characters from TW, and 1 of you personal friend were living in a Friends-type sitcom. Who’d you bring into your inner circle and which antics would yall get up to?

Ok! This is exciting! So it would be Stiles, Theo, Mason, Liam and my best friend Michelle (she doesn’t watch teen wolf but the hell do I care). We would just be such a funny sassy pack. Do you know that ‘meme’: ‘My friendship comes in 3 levels: Sass, insults, inappropriate sexual humor’? That would be so us. Michelle and me are basically Stiles and that meme describes our friendship so well; we’re really soulmates so I want the whole pack to become that close too.. Theo is a sassy ass anyways and Mason is also on fire.

Liam would suffer under our jokes and always be the one who makes bad jokes only he laughs about and the rest just laughs about him, but we still love him. Michelle and me would ship the hell out of Theo and Liam (and Mason and Corey are goals af). Mason would be sceptical at first but together with Corey–I can’t have Mason without Corey…sorry?–we get him to join us.

Sometimes, Liam and Theo even go with it and flirt for fun just to piss Stiles off who somehow ended up stuck with us after Scott left for college and Stiles decided to quit the FBI and now works as a police officer at the station. Of course, Thiam gets real and no one really notice it at first cause we think it’s just another prank on Stiles until we catch them making out in my kitchen during a pack meeting. There are also a few other pranks since we’re the sassy pack. Stiles mostly uses his position as a police officer, like towing our cars or getting us a ticket. Theo’s pranks are a bit shocking at the beginning since he needs to learn how to be a decent human being. Liam and my pranks fail most of the time. Michelle and Mason are the prank master team; they always come up with the craziest ideas.

Yassss of course, Corey would be there. There’s always a significant other who’s there so often, they become part of the group lol. That sounds like my kind of party, all the chaos and sassy destruction. All the creativity, it’s the perfect segway to our next topic of the day: fandomtrashwhore, aka your creativity.

If your creativity was a person, what type would they be? What would they do? Wear? Listen to? Handle conflict?

I think it would just be a furious working single mother? Cause during the week I’m working and even if I have nothing to do after work I only seem to be able to edit at weekends and then I sacrifice my whole weekend to it like it’s my child. And furious cause once I have an idea in my head, I drown myself in pic finding which can be so exhausting and I bet I look like a stressed single mom during that cause I’m having so many tabs open and so many search phrases to throw at google in my head at the same time.

I also have specific pics in my head and I could cry if I don’t find a perfect pic to fit that image in my head. I mostly listen to the Airplanes playlist I made while editing but I also love artists like Ed Sheeran and Halsey so that would also fit quite well to keep that person calm and grounded. I also think my creative process is quite vulnerable and moody cause sometimes I can’t wait to edit and other times I feel like I never want to edit again and I need to force myself to (during editing I love it again tho). And vulnerable cause like I said I hate when I can’t find a decent pic and could cry. Same goes for if the app crashes during a long edit or if something won’t go how I want it and my patience dies.

Does that single mother furiously create outside of the Thiam fandom too?

Yes, I do social media au’s for all my fandoms (at least I want to, till now I only have a few.) I’m not a writer but I have a started Sherlock fanfic with a trailer (I like the trailer tho and some one shots to several fandoms on wattpad. I’m ashamed of them cause I’m a bad writer but I can’t stop trying :’D So here’s my Wattpad. Don’t expect too much!!

I mentioned the trailer for my Sherlock before and right now I’m also working on a trailer ( more like ‘short movie’) for and OC (who ended up to be Marie Avgeropoulos) x Negan from The Walking Dead.Till now it’s 13 minutes long and I love the shit out of it. I never drew for a fandom before (german youtube back in the days, I had instagram fanpages. I still have them but I don’t edit for them anymore cause series took over my life. If you know german youtube and are interested contact me but they’re not that important for most of the people reading this, I think. ANYWAYS, what I wanted to say is that I want to draw something Thiam or rather Airplanes themed soon.

Oh AND I and my best friend (Michelle from before) used to write our fanfics (mostly about german youtubers) over whatsapp back in the days. It was legendary but also very unrealistic and hilarious. Sadly, we lost most of them when we got new phones which breaks my heart.

Dang, that’s tragic. Thankfully, you still have the memories. From trailers to Whatsapp/Wattpad fics, they’ve all led you to this moment: Instagram aesthetics. How’re you inspired when choosing a theme?

Most of the time I find a pic that inspires me to an edit theme. E.g., I saw the 3rd pic of The Buck’s party pic on Liam’s profile for the engagement & wedding edit coincidentally on tumblr or something and was like: “Yes, that could be Liam carried by Stiles and the boy on the right is Scott and the girl is Lydia and the pic was taken by Mason….why would something like this situation happen….A BUCK’S PARTY! I NEED TO DO A ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING AU. Then, the other pictures and ideas just find their way.

I also accept requests (like the new year eve one) or I’m inspired by a post (like for example when I did the Thiam Mykonos one.

And when you search for photos, what’s your process for choosing the best ones?

Most of the time, the story of my au’s is formed by the pics I find. Like I have an idea and look for pics and then I see which pics make a logic story. Most of the time, I don’t know myself how I find so good pics and I bet I could never find them again (I tried once after I lost some), cause I found them so deep in the internet. Mostly, I google pretty weird sentences and I wonder what the NSA is thinking of me. :’D For example, I googled “Throwing Tampons” for an Airplanes related edit once. I bet whoever observes me thinks I’m a killer when I look for aesthetics (especially when I did the The Walking Dead aesthetics) and googled for bloody pics. I nearly threw up a few times tho while doing so.

Finding pics is a harder job than you might think; I would say it takes more time than the editing itself, but I can’t say for sure cause once I start editing I’m lost in some sort of tunnel and suddenly it’s dark outside. When I want to google for ‘natural’ pics, I mostly add ‘snapchat’ or ‘instagram’ behind it (e.g. ‘couple eating take out food snapchat’). Also, you can find good pics on pinterest (my Pinterest name is ‘Marie Rosa’ btw), especially aesthetical and gay couple pics!

Deciding is even harder cause I often have 50 pics in my folder and can only use 12. Then, I check which one I definitely want to have in the edit and which I liked best and are the most decent ones to the images I had in mind.

When there are people on it, it’s also important that they look like the characters they should portrait. After that, I still have 20 pics left and cry because I love them all. Then I make two new folders to decide which ones are for Liam’s and which ones are for Theo’s profile and then I delete some more pics with a hurting heart (or I save them for other edits some day) and look which pics fit best together (when I edit aesthetics, similar color is a big topic). The biggest mess is when I get more ideas during editing or realize that one pic I thought I liked doesn’t fit at all and stop to look for more pics and the whole order I had is thrown away again and I need to start again. :’D

My goodness, I remember seeing you and Sammy (@glitter-cake20) talk about finding pics before on Discord, but that is…really involved. Are there times when you create your own images instead? If so, which edits/manips have been your favorite?

I would say the Hunger Games one was my best manip, but I also like the one in the Thiam parent AU where I replaced Cody’s cat with a baby two times. And, nearly all manips I did for my Airplanes series, especially Disney Kiss (I just edited Dylan on Cody’s ex-girlfriend…lol…no regrets), the bowling pic, all the pack video calls in which I added some more heads and the ones of Derek and Stiles in NYC. I also love the one of Mason and Liam carrying watermelons in the Dirty Dancing AU and the whole Daredevil Thiam (+Morey) AU is also one of my favorites cause it’s so aesthetical. I mean in the end I nearly love them all cause I wouldn’t have posted them if not.

You’ve mentioned CaptainMintyFresh’s Airplanes a few times. What inspired the idea to make instagram posts for the guys’ journey? So far, which has been your favorite chapter to conceptualize? And why?

I don’t really know how it started but I was editing my other ones and Tagan kept mentioning certain pic scenarios. (I think it was around the waterpark chapter.) I was just like: ”She’s giving so many good patterns why don’t you try to make Insta profiles to the chapters.” It was one of my best decisions cause I loved it, even if it was a pain in the ass! I finally managed to catch up and since then I feel so empty…sounds strange but my past few months were spend with Thiam and Airplanes and suddenly, I’m free. I was looking forward to editing other things again and I did but on the other side, I feel lost and don’t even know what to edit or I’m not in the mood. I have an Airplanes hangover or something. :’D

My favorite to conceptualize were probably the Disney chapters (it used to be the lake chapter but since editing Disney, I like that more) but every chapter was fun in it’s own way. (I’m planning on doing a commenting on the airplanes edits after Airplanes is finished).

I also think you can see how my skills improved while editing when you look at the first chapter edits and the last ones. That’s maybe the thing I’m most grateful about; it gave me the chance to experiment and grow along with the Fic and the characters.

Aww, that’s quite poetic. And, now we have Chapter 39 out, so you must feel the inkliest bit complete!

And, now I can feel the inkiest bit better about the next question to come.

CHALLENGE TIME! If you seen how BTS works, you know we love giving you the Time to Shine! For your first challenge, you can bring any of your insta posts to life in the TW Universe. Which would you choose? Set the scene for how that pic was taken.

I mean I would say the airplane series but it’s not my story so I’m gonna go with one of my single edits.

Then I would say the Parent AU cause I’m a bitch for parent Thiam. I’m gonna go with the pic of the crying baby with the title ‘Great. My son has my husband’s attitude’.

Liam sends Theo to the store with Leo after a discussion so he has some peace and can clean the house without interruptions. Leo won’t stop crying on top of his lungs in the middle of the store and Theo sighs while resting his forehead on the shopping cart (I hope that’s what it’s called).Then, he looks up again and gets his phone out to snap a picture and post it to show everyone that not only Liam is a whining little shit torturing him but now also his son. He laughs at himself for the joke which makes Leo stop crying and laugh with him instead. Theo takes that as an encouragement for his joke and carries him on his arm for the rest of the shopping trip, When they return home, he’s greeted by Liam who’s trying to look pissed but fails and just smirks at him and giving him a slight slap on the arm.

Hahahaha, yes! Dig it. And yes, it’s totally called a shopping cart (at least in my state). One final challenge before we wrap up? Since your images are always so unique to the theme, which pictures/ types of pictures would you use for these one word/phrase prompts:

Celebrity

Stuck at the Airport

Blind Date Gone Wild

Do you just want one pic or a collage of some good pics I would use? BUT I would love to do the whole edit. :’D

Heck yeah, we’d love a whole edit!!

FINALLY, done! Amen.

Wow!! I’m stunned. Over 80 pictures. 6 Days. 3 WHOLE POSTS!?! Plus Comment Posts! Honestly, how do you do it? Everyone, definitely go check these out; their linked with their respective challenges below!

[ Celebrity | Stuck at the Airport | Blind Date Gone Wild ]

While we all marvel at that, can we expect any other Thiam instagram themes from you in the future?

Of course. I have an Thiam folder with 357 a folder for the upcoming Mockingjay AU with 37 and my airplanes folder with still 194 pics. Somehow and someday I’m gonna use them all. Planned is to finish the Hunger Games series, cause I still need to do Mockingjay and I also have so many good parenting pics left so there’s definitely going to be another parent Thiam AU and some random ones.

It depends on my mood and requests I get or if I’m suddenly inspired by a pic to edit a specific theme. I also want to make more of Thiam x other fandoms, like Maze Runner, Divergent and so on but I also want to edit for so many other fandoms and ships. Why is there so less time in my mortal life?

Who knows? If only time stopped during the Fandom spurts of our lives, then we could enjoy it as long as we wanted to. Aww, I’m sad to see us come to an end. Marie, what’s next for you?

Finish my apprenticeship in 2020 and have a job after that + moving out. The next thing I’m saving money on right now is my own car till august (I also want my first own TV and playstation and need a new laptop any maybe smartphone :’D). Other fix dates this year are german comic con in december or turning 20 on 27th June.

Of course, I’m gonna drown myself in more fandoms and editing (I mean I’ve already watched 7 new series in 2018).

Oooh, which new shows? (I know I said we were ending lol, but shows are my drug!)

I finally got myself netflix since streaming became officially illegal (it wasn’t actually legal or illegal before but they couldn’t do anything to you and it was safe) here last year and I used it to watch all the marvel netflix productions like Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Daredevil, The Defenders, Luke Cage (which I haven’t finished cause Netflix won’t let me, every 30 seconds it crashes) and The Punisher. Jessica Jones and Daredevil are my favorites out of them. Then, I also watched How To Get Away With Murder….IT’S MY FUCKING NEW RELIGION! Coliver is giving me more than life. They’re goals.

(In case anyone is interested in what I’m watching and stuff here’s my TV TIME name: MarieRo)

OMG, Ok, Ok, let me end this before I start a rampage about all things Marvel. Thanks so much for hanging with us at the Thiam Lib and letting us get to know you! Is there anything else you’d like to add, including any life/creating wisdom? Write until your heart’s content.

There are SO MANY intelligent things to say, but I’ll go with: Don’t give a shit about what other people think but always be open for other people’s opinions and teachings BUT don’t believe anything blindly. Just survive somehow tbh.

I have some other blogs on tumblr: @marierosaurus (random shit I like, sexual or funny af, just everything) @music-is-all-i-need-in-life (my music fandoms) @edsheeranfanblog (as you can maybe tell….a blog for Ed Sheeran?) @youtube-fan-live (blog for mostly german youtube)

(Instagram (about my traveling and just random private instagram shit): marierosarius)

I also want to thank you Minna for doing all this (bts is such a cool idea and keeping us inspired with the movie fest and stuff has to be so much work!) and especially for inviting me in the Thiam Discord pack chat 4 or 5 month ago. It’s been a wild ride and I maybe would’ve never known about that chat without you.

I love that chat and how we spend the christmas holidays together and thiam got so much more intense and it’s not even only about thiam anymore we also exchange about many other fandoms and we cried so many smut tears together (I mean that nsfw chat is on fire and I remember voice chat talks between in that christmas holidays we will burn in hell for and I love it :’D) and also fluff and angst tears but mostly smut tbh.

Just thanks for everything the Thiam community gave me, I said earlier that thiam gave me ‘tumblr fame’ and that sound stupid but it did, cause I edited before and nobody gave a single shit and reblogged or liked anything. Thiam was the best thing that could happen to me, even if I mostly edit for myself cause I like it and it’s fun, I can’t deny that it motivates you and makes you happy when other appreciate your work. Even not Teen Wolf or Thiam related posts / reblogs are noticed and it makes me so happy. Ok, sorry for bothering you with all my stupid talking. All I have left to say is: Meow

Awww, thanks so much for the love! Hahaha, our first Discord chat feels like so long ago now lol. And I also wouldn’t be here without my other Thiam Library Mods, esp Tiffany, Esme, Lizzie, Euthoxia, and Vis. They keep me inspired and grounded when life gets crazy. Just as you all, the Thiam Fandom, keep us inspired with your interactions and massive talent. We love you all!

With that, Behind the Screens presents Marie to you! If you want even more, you can read her questions that didn’t make it into the official interview here! Of course, the conversation doesn’t stop here. Not only can you chat with her on her 4 other blogs AND TV TIME, you can find her at these places too:

Main Tumblr: fandomtrashwhore

Inbox/Ask: fandomtrashwhore ask

Wattpad: Marierosarius

Instagram: marierosarius

Snapchat: marierosarius

Twitter: MarieRosarius

She’s also accepting prompts and the like, so hit her up!

We’d like to thank Marie for entertaining our many questions and challenges!! We have tons more BTS coming in the next few weeks, so stay on the look out for those <3

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over? Send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

#thiam #teen wolf #officialthiamlibrary #fandomtrashwhore #mod: minna

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boyswanna-be-her · 7 years ago

Text

goretober: eyes

“For fuck’s sake, Jeff, put the glasses back on before somebody sees you.”

I hate the way my voice hisses but it gets the job done and Jeff fumbles to push the sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose. I do a quick sweep around the restaurant and nobody seems to have seen what I just saw.

I mean. Shit. There’s no way that I even saw what I just saw. So for now I’m not going to try and deal with it. But I do have to be back at work in--oh, Christ--forty minutes.

“What do you want me to do with this information?” I ask.

I spot our server before Jeff has a chance to answer and I flag her down as politely and urgently as possible. In a voice that I struggle to keep businesslike, I order a whiskey double. Yes, neat.

“What do you mean what do I want you to do?” Jeff asks. So, he’s still as useless as he was the last time I saw him face to face. What a plot twist.

I picture what’s sitting behind those mirror-tint aviators and shiver, instinctively fighting it, trying not to show it because I don’t want Jeff to know that I’m creeped out.

That’s right. I’m worried about hurting this guy’s feelings. The person who texted me abruptly and begged for lunch in the middle of my work week, only to show up with his… freaky bug eyes. Whatever it is I just saw.

I’m going to be talking about this hallucination in therapy for months, and I’m the one worrying about making him uncomfortable.

“I mean, isn’t this something you ought to be talking to your family about?” I say, desperately trying to set boundaries weeks too late, as usual. “Or, I don’t know…”

“I don’t have anybody. I don’t know who to call.” He shakes his head as he says it.

I lose control of my mind and the image of his eyes flashes back into my imagination. Do you think those bug eyes can even cry now?

Fuck, fuck. Don’t think this shit.

Jeff is looking at me like I’m his last hope on earth.

Fuck. I know full well that Jeff has no goddamned friends in town. That’s half the reason I ended up hooking up with him in the first place and one hundred percent of the reason why I terminated things pretty quickly from there. I could tell I was going to be nothing but a security blanket to this half-grown kid. Maybe that sounds frosty--and maybe it is--but I like to tell myself I was doing the best thing for both of us.

Kid like this needs friends--not a fuck buddy from hell like me.

The waitress arrives with my bottom shelf whiskey. I let her get a few paces away and throw my stupid shifty eyes all around the room to make sure no one is watching before I throw back the enormous shot and gulp it in one go, conspicuous as fuck.

I don’t bother trying to look cool. I suck down sweet tea to wash away the paint thinner taste until I can no longer feel the burn in my throat.

Fuck you Jeff. Fuck this freaky bullshit.

How am I going to go back and write website copy in 36 minutes from now? My sites-per-hour rate is going to be in the absolute garbage today. As usual, another stupid boy costs me money.

“Francis? Will you please say something?”

“The fuck is it like?” I ask desperately.

Or rather, the big shot of whiskey that kicked in just in time asks. The voice doesn’t even sound like me.

Jeff snorts and shakes his head and for the first time since he met me in this grimy sushi hellhole, I remember why I slept with him in the first place. When he’s not so busy being insecure and getting in his own way, he can be kind of cute.

When I broke it off, I thought, Someday somebody’s gonna break his heart and give him some real angst. I wish he’d call me then.

Well, the human being across from me just lowered his sunglasses to reveal a pair of bug eyes--or alien eyes or… who the fuck knows? I’m not drunk enough for this.

But I do know that whatever it is, Jeff has a real reason to angst now.

There’s no way I’m gonna fall for this particular broken boy though. Christ. What a nightmare.

“Would you believe me if I said it was absolutely exquisite?” Jeff asks. I’ve already forgotten that I asked a question.

“No fucking way.”

“It’s lovely. It’s… I don’t know how to even begin to explain.”

His posture sags and one corner of his mouth crooks up. It sounds like he’s talking about the love of his life--not some inexplicable mutation or morph-ation or whatever it is that he says has been slowly transforming his human eyes into segmented, multifaceted insect eyes over the course of two weeks as he fretted about it, alone in his depressing apartment.

He hasn’t shaved in a few days and he looks exceptionally tired. He has no right to look this good right now. It’s so weird that this is suddenly doing it for me. What the fuck is my damage.

“Do you see a million of me right now?”

I wave my hand a few inches from his face and Jeff jolts backwards. “Please don’t do that.”

“My bad.”

“No. It’s not like movies. It’s more like seeing a pixelated screen.”

“Christ. I’m picturing Minecraft. Please tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re completely wrong,” he says, tilting his head back. “It’s like everything I see is a painting. Things don’t flow together the way they did before, and I find myself… pulling back. Does that make sense?”

I shake my head, no. “That’s okay, though.”

“I’m seeing the world differently--”

“Yeah, no shit--”

“I don’t mean the eyes. It forces my brain to work in another way--like it’s building a whole new structure in there. I feel like these entirely new parts of my mind are lighting up and growing to compensate for… whatever it is that’s happening. I feel better than I did before.”

Does he seriously kind of have a boner for this? Gross.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“What if someone finds out? What if they want to study me? What if--if there’s something wrong with me, Francis?”

Oh Jeff, baby, you’re a white boy at a landlocked sushi joint with a dating app hookup who ended it after three goes and occasionally sends you a pity LOL when you pester me with memes via text. There’s plenty wrong with you even before the bug eyes enter the equation.

Fuck. Whiskey makes me such an asshole.

“Does it hurt?” I ask, veering off topic wildly because I know my lunch hour is ticking down and this particular brand of hallucination is at least more entertaining than the weird half-buzzed dissociating I’m sure I’m going to be doing at my desk all afternoon.

He winces. “It didn’t at first.”

Shit. I didn’t expect him to say it hurt. Goddamn it, I’m starting to care about this.

“But they’re growing. I think. It’s hard to tell. I don’t know if I’m being a hypochondriac or if they’re really starting to bulge more than a normal human eye would. I feel… enormous pressure in my head. And sometimes it’s like theres--like there’s something--I don’t know--moving and I started taking decongestants a few days ago. It’s really hard for me to focus my eyes on an image of… my eyes. You know?”

I nod stupidly. Of course I have no clue. Did he say there is something moving in his fucking skull?

“Do you want me to… check if I think they’re bulging?” I gulp sweet tea as if steeling myself for this. I hate to admit to myself that I kind of want to see them again.

He shrugs and sighs and obviously wants to say yes but doesn’t want to admit that he wants it.

Fuck, this is exactly like our first hookup. I hate this fucking asshole.

“OK, let me look.”

“You seriously don’t have to.”

On that first night, I ended up telling him, “I’m not going to beg you to suck your cock.”

I contemplate saying the same thing today but I’m pretty sure he’s distracted enough not to remember.

“Whatever, I know I don’t have to. Just let me see.”

I lean over the table, careful not to dip my tie in the tiny bowl of soy sauce, and Jeff leans in too. He lowers the glasses to rest on the tip of his nose and tilts his head up just so.

He’s got skin like a fucking marble statue, I think for a split second before I remember the problem at hand.

Closer, here in the light, the eyes look less like a dark, terrifying void. Or maybe it’s just that I’m semi-prepared to see them this time, now that I know what I’m getting into. Or maybe it’s that I’m halfway into talking myself into blowing him again, just for the hell of it.

The eyes sit in his sockets just like a normal human eye would. But instead of the white sclera, the corneas, the pupils--all the normal jazz we know and love about the windows of the soul, staring out from his smooth, pale skin are two eyes the texture of a housefly’s.

Under the buzzing suspended light, their surface bursts and spirals out into fluorescent kaleidoscopic patterns, glittering in an oilslick rainbow. I’m torn between thinking of my sister’s most coveted nail polish named, aptly, “Demon Unicorn Shit,” and my own memory of the last time someone talked me into thinking that dropping acid would be a fun Thursday night activity.

They’re kind of lovely, I think. Christ, I could slap myself.

When Jeff blinks over them, it looks painful and clearly takes a lot of effort. His blink is slow and audible, like the sound of someone with drymouth parting their lips. I shiver again and he notices, sitting back and pushing the sunglasses quickly back up the bridge of his nose.

Oh god, he’s so damaged. I’m absolutely going to end up getting involved in this shit. I could hang myself.

“Sorry,” he says. “It’s disgusting.”

I snort and shake my head. “I was actually thinking they were kind of pretty.”

“Francis, don’t tease me,” he says, shaking his head and sounding miserable.

“I really was. Thinking they weren’t so scary, I mean. I wouldn’t pull your leg right now.”

He won’t look up at me.

“What am I going to do?”

Christ, he’s pitiful. The whiskey is sitting warm at the base of my skull. The whiskey says, Weren’t you just slumping in your beige cube, wishing that life would hand you an adventure--even if it was a terrible one?

Aren’t you dying for something different, even if it’s gruesome?

I let the whiskey do what it wants for a moment, slipping my nice leather shoe forward under the booth table, sliding our bare ankles together.

Cool relief floods my chest when my skin meets the warm skin of another human. I don’t know what I’d expected. Tarantula hair? Spiny barbs? An exoskeleton?

No, this is pathetic, sweet Jeff. Not some overgrown housefly. It’s Jeff who needs my help. Me. Specifically, Francis.

I sigh and put my hand face up on the table. Jeff doesn’t understand at first, and by the tilt of his head, I can tell he’s looking from my palm to my eyes and then back again. I wiggle my fingers in a completely un-suave way of enticing him.

After a moment, he understands and slips his palm over mine. I grasp his hand, warm and dry, and look at my own reflection in his sunglasses.

I realize that I’m not going back to work and wonder when, exactly, I made that decision.

Maybe I didn’t make the decision. Maybe I just know better than to fight it when I can feel my entire life changing because I decided not to ghost this guy today. Maybe it’s the manic thrill of finding a new and novel way to fuck everything up.

I should drop him at the ER and run in the opposite direction. I should call out sick and check myself into an ER.

And instead, I’m about to pick up the check for sushi and… Damn it, this isn’t even my adventure. I didn’t work this hard to be a fucking sidekick.

“Everything’s gonna be OK, Jeff.” My voice doesn’t belong to me. It’s strong and cool like an ancient river. “We’ll figure this thing out.”

I swallow hard and flag the server down for another double with my free hand.

#goretober #cw insect imagery #cw sex mention #cw flippant suicide joke #cw narrator is a giant NB asshole #body horror #sorry i forgot the body horror tag for like two hours christ

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