#sorry this is so long. i dont know how to be concise lol

[apopcornkernel]

i dont know if there's even a ppop presence on tumblr but i do also want to promote ALAMAT, a 6-member idol boy group from the Philippines. Its members comprise of Taneo, Mo, Jao, Tomas, R-ji, and Alas. They debuted in 2021, and their creative direction centers on championing the Filipino identity and culture through their music.

sorry that ^ was a copypaste but it's a very useful and concise copypaste LOL but onto my own promo:

(note: also most of these videos have english subs!!)

(extra note bc this issue always pops up whenever locals encounter alamat: mo is always wearing black hairstyes bc he is blasian and not bc he is appropriating from black culture hdfjhdf)

KASMALA, the inverted Tagalog word for "strong" (malakas), is the MV that really did numbers on social media iirc. The video direction focused on the "human zoo" in the St. Louis' World Fair of 1904 (which included Filipinos specifically Igorots), and a general theme of anti-Filipino racism by white people (who are represented as ominous figures literally dressed in all white)

personal opinion: the music video is great but i personally think they have better songs, music-wise. and i'm going to give you an example of that by introducing you to my ALL-TIME FAVORITE ALAMAT SONG!!!

ILY ILY, a transliteration of "Ili-Ili Tulog Anay", incorporates the melody and lyrics of the Ilonggo lullaby it derives its title from. The MV and lyrics both work together to portray the experience of being an OFW/having an OFW parent. OFWs, or overseas Filipino workers, refer to Filipinos who go abroad in search of jobs that have better pay, so that they can remit money back to their families in the Philippines.

personal opinion: this is their best song THIS IS THEIR BEST SONG EVER OF ALL TIME and lyca gairanod is such a perfect singer for this. her ethereal crooning really gave me chills the first time i heard it UGH

DAYANG, the term for the wife of a Datu, is one of their most earworming songs ever. It's a gorgeous love song and what I would recommend to newbies if they want to get into alamat <3

personal opinion: The MV is kinda ass because it's just a super long extended ad for DITO PH (in terms of story and also bc they really missed out on doing a vid that drew more on culture esp bc dayang is a historical noble title and they used tausug words and designs for the graphics an the dance itself already incorporated pangasik dance which is also from the tausug people LIKEEE?? they've always promoted other cultures of the philippines i know they can do it but because of CAPITALISM--). But the song bangs so severely, as a pop enjoyer this is peak pop for me.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT DAGUNDONG

DAGUNDONG, a song basically recounting the colonial history of the Philippines from Spain to America, is just so fucking good you should watch/listen to it rn. There's EN subs don't worry you won't miss out on the context. This is colonial rage it's so satisfying I still remember where I was when they dropped this.

personal opinion: FOREVER OBSESSED WITH HOW THEY SAY "dahil puso mandirigma di papakutsa di papapugon" you guys have no idea how much i sing that line to myself sooo satisfying. Instant earworm this song i swear.

OK ONE LAST one last and i'm done. okay.

MAHARANI, a Sanskrit term for the wife of a Maharaja (translated as "great queen"), heavily features singkil, a Maranao dance which uses bamboo poles like tinikling does. The song also uses SEAsian instruments like kanun, gamelan, and gangsa. Also BINI's Jhoanna plays one of the main characters here!!!

personal opinion: this is their most pop-sounding song, which i think is slightly carried by the video i'm sorryyy. it's catchy though!! and i looove the part somewhere halfway where alas starts his verse, singing it in a more spoken-word way

___

okay 5 songs is. probably enough. this post is already kinda long shdfjskdff but yeah. pls check them out if you can hehe <3

also ppop idols are just really funny. there's no concept of an idol image so they just tweet shit. alamat jao gave out his genshin UID after a fan tweeted about having co-oped with him in genshin, and then after that he started answering questions with the hashtag "#canceljao" making a lot of magiliws (alamat fans) confused, and then he posted a classic iphone notes apology like this 😭

i'll do a bini version after this my girls deserve more international hype. they occupy a more girlcrush pop genre but they're just as chaotic as alamat if not even more 😭 there are entire THREADS on twitter of them just being hilarious jdhfkshgf i love them so much

thanks for reading <3

[stinkcoke]

ur so cool like omg- also do you have any recommendations of someone wants to learn how do a more cartoony style? Like what resources should I use because i love the look of your style and others and im just struggling on how to do it- again- ur so cool- sorry if this is worded weird or blocky I don’t know how to really communicate well

thank u ^^!!! also ur good! as for your question (this might be long and it may not be the best so forgive me)

I wanna give a disclaimer in advance that you're free to just straight up not listen to me at all if any of my advice doesn't sound like it'll help you!!!

I usually try to draw inspiration from different eras of cartoons that appeals to me. I grew up watching ALOT of cartoons from different places and decades and just having that type of exposure really does broaden the line of what a "cartoony style" can be. I don't think there's really any certain way to draw cartoons, I think it all depends on the artist. if you say your art is cartoony then it is! you don't have to follow specific rules and parameters to fit into that category imo, just do what works for you!

For resources I'd say to just look for cartoons and artists* that you think would be good to take inspiration and learn from! (and since you already mentioned that you love the style of others, you can use those as resources lol)

this is a personal thing that i believe would be considered a resource, and you dont have to follow this but if you haven't learned (what I consider) some of the basics of art (i.e proportions and how to see shapes in objects/bodies etc) then i think it's good to start with that first. learning the basics to then know how to use them and break them is probably my biggest advantage when it comes to drawing but thats just me

*when taking inspiration from artists it's always important to transform what you're learning into something that best reflects you and your style. straight up taking someone's style will not feel as satisfying as being able to come up with your own way of drawing. if you like the way someone uses colors in their art then use that as a stepping stone and not as the ONLY way to color. ALSO ALWAYS BE SURE TO CREDIT IF YOU POST IT!!!!!!!!! it's better to be open that you're learning and using an artist as a resource rather than say nothing and have people assume you're copying or something ykyk

sorry that a lot of this is just me repeating the same thing over and over but it's true lol, having inspiration is the best way to transform your art into something that's more appealing to you

also sorry for taking so long to respond to this ^^; i'm not too good with being concise when it comes to giving advice so i was trying to really simplify this and also irl stuff was goin on :3 but if you have any more questions then i'd be happy to answer!

[ashtraythief]

Hey! So ive been a long time reader of ur underneath verse (since like.. 2018? Maybe even 2017?) and i just wanted to drop by and tell u how much im enjoying rereading ur writing! Like in general i think this is one of my fav fics series just bc its so extensive and well done and thought out and fleshed out so well it works so well? Like seeing all the different angles and the way u choose to frame things is really fun for me and kinda inspires my own writing in some aspects.

Ive never read the whole thing all in one go before so ive decided to do that right now and im just about done with the pied pipers song - more specifically willys chapter. And i kinda needed to let u know that ur series really stands out to me just bc of how many glimpses into other characters and all these different povs of the same thing like on it stands out on a technical level but then ur actual writing of these things is so good and compelling and like as an outsider pov bitch it hits the spot for me so well? Like ur writing is never stale and its always interesting.

I specifically wanted to take this time to mention that i really love willy and winstons characters and how u went about it. Like im ngl the way u wrote them kinda makes me want to cry tears of happiness for them bc they have found ppl who appreciate them and they have connections with other ppl but then the bittersweet tang of jensen and willy is kinda fucking me up rn /pos djjdjdjd like in general u really do the bittersweet jensen is stuck undercover angle really well and it HURTS so good

But yes i dont really have a good concise message or comment to leave beyond the fact that i keep stopping every few sentences to get up and jump bc im so excited about what im reading i need to get rid of that excess energy lol so sorry if this is all over the place and a really messy message! I just really wanted to let u know how much im enjoying reading it all rn. Thank you so much for sharing ur writing with us and for continuing to write for this series its so fun!

omg nonnie, I'm kinda speechless here (this is the second wonderful message in two days so I'm kinda overwhelmed. is it send wonderful messages week somewhere??)

I just am so grateful and this message made me so happy. never apologize for maybe not having a five point outline lol, this is amazing.

The underneath verse has always been my fandom baby, so praise for it is already amazing, but the pied piper fic and Winston and Willy epsecially, it just makes my heart so full. Ten years ago, they definitely started out as stock characters of mob drivers, because I didn't think this fic would get so big, but then it did, and Willy especially became a real character. a) because I knew he'd fall in love with Jensen too, as anyone does really and b) because I looooove the bittersweet undercover Jensen shtick where I write from other character's POV and the reader knows how wrong they're getting it but they don't *mu har har* (yeah I'm a little mean sometime. sorry?)

but in all seriousness, the Willy chapter, I'ev been working on that for months. And I kept adding things and rewriting things and trying to get it perfect even though I know that most people who read the story mostly care about Jared and Jensen (which is totally fair and understandable), but I care about him and there are a few people out there who do too (and I love you for it, so much), but with Willy, I just wante to do this /right/. I've come to love him so much, and he's come to be so important to Jensen, it felt like he and Winston really deserve their own story told even though that's kind of ridiculous because they're not real, but they're a little real to me now. All this to say, nonnie, this comment and your appreciation of Willy means so fucking much to me. And my poor alpha reader who read like four drafts of this (seriously, M. is a saint) and my beta readers who then had to beta four iterations of this. To know that this effort is appreciated this much honestly make me cry a little (I am not having the greatest time right now, so I cry easily but the point still stands. Thank you.)

This message was actually such an energy boost I'm currently trying to fix the next timestamp, lol so I'll have something to post next month. You're a true treasure, nonnie <3

[pyr0cue]

Feel free to answer privately if you'd like- i know the Longlegs discussion is getting a bit muddled up in the notes and i'm actually really interested in people's takes on the film, especially when they bring up things i'd never consider, like Longlegs being a bit of a touchy subject when it comes to being potentially transgender, or just repeated (typically negative) stereotypes in horror in general. i find this type of stuff really fascinating!

(i apologize if i get a little lengthy in this lol)

while i don't particularly see Longlegs as trans, with the idea of Buffalo Bill being in a lot of peoples heads as a reference for Longlegs can definitely nudge them in that direction, and ill never fault anyone on their interpretation on a character in a film, it's kinda what makes films art to begin with. tho i also think (personally) that it may be a bit unfair to a character who, throughout the movie, is not a Buffalo Bill character other than the fact that Bill and Longlegs are both murderers. Bill is regarded as feminine because of who he kills and why he does it, where as Longlegs is sort of guided more towards the 'epitome of evil', to the point where Longlegs isn't even killing anyone directly, because its simply his influence with Ruth, the orbs, and the dolls. the through-lines are surely there, especially in terms of the ambiguity of gender, the cliches, and the harmful stereotypes associated with them. i'm just under the impression that the more you pick at it, the more the similarities kinda dissolve- but that's just me!

not to get long winded and annoying but i perceived Longlegs as not a human at all, but a rendition of the "Beast" itself, with Ruth being the other, forming the triangle that Longlegs seemed to be obsessed with, or less satanically accurate (i guess?? im no where close to religious so hoo boy if im wrong consider me a silly goose) , maybe a portrayal of the Antichrist itself. Longlegs is unnerving to look at and listen to because its desperately trying to be something that it perceives as 'beautiful,' when in actuality, is horrifying, like a 'demon' would present itself (if we want to pretend we know what a demon would do, but its fiction, so wooooo!) there is of course issues that are going to spike up with that- the 'feminine' presentation can set off alarm bells for a demographic that's already viewed in an (unfair, of course) 'evil' sense. but i think that unfortunately makes things more interesting- Longlegs can be perceived as anything, but at the end of the day, is evil, nearly on a cosmic level because we truly dont know what the hell Longlegs even is.

i super apologize for this being long and probably obnoxious but i personally love having discussions when it comes to interpretations of films, ESPECIALLY horror. Longlegs is bringing up a lot of different ideas and concepts for things that i havent seen in quite a while and i think thats really neat.

thank you again for humoring this ask! :) one thing i will fight you on is saw 5 being picked over saw 6, how dare you! the shotgun carousel was a masterpiece!

You are all good!! I also love discussing film and don’t mind long asks at all!! In fact this made my day!!! I just didn’t want to answer rude anons lol) I…also just typed a giant response so I’m sorry for not knowing how to be concise

I actually love your analysis! It’s a lot of things I hadn’t really considered! I think my personal gripe with the movie is that I just don’t find satanic motivations in film scary, I was so much more frightened and intrigued when longlegs was just a killer with an odd obsession with the 14th, when he was untraceable by his own power and not ‘the devil.’ Longlegs wanted you to be scared of both longlegs (the killer) and supernatural aspects, and I just lost all fear of the killer when he started being all ‘hail satan,’ it immediately made the character and their motivation entirely uninteresting and overdone. I spend a lot of time watching bad horror movies just to see if the reviews were wrong (sometimes horror gems were so poorly received and written off), and maybe I’ve just seen more horror about the devil than other people and I’m too jaded about it to find longlegs refreshing or new :/

I do love the idea of longlegs not being human and I can totally see that in the film, it could recontextualize the scene where he smashes his face and his nose falls off as an inhumanity rather than like…hey look at how bad plastic surgery is, which is what it came off as to me at first!! I love that line of thought actually!!

I like the idea that longlegs is portrayed as someone who lacks a gender is less with interpretations like yours which are so fun and interesting to examine is there’s JUST as much, if not more room for bad faith interpretations about trans people. I think my gut reaction of ‘oh no this is about a trans coded killer,’ comes from, both the actor confirming they were portraying a character who doesn’t follow traditional gender roles, and also the social climate rn that is SO violent towards trans people. While I love the idea of a killer who embodies evil, I just think a lot of people are going to walk away with the image of another ‘androgynous’ devil worshipping child killer in their heads, which I think was a dangerous choice on Oz and Cage’s parts. I wish they’d gone in a different direction to show inhumanity, maybe make the killers limbs unnaturally long, get rid of the lipstick and make his lips barely visible, instead of big cheeks have bulging eyes. There’s so many directions they could’ve gone that would’ve led me to immediately think “inhuman” and not “trans stereotype,” on my first watch, but I definitely think there’s a lot of room for interpretation and I loveee the idea of longlegs potentially being infected or changed internally/externally due to close contact with evil and the devil, it’s something to think about!

Ok forgive me for yapping about things you didn’t even mention because my other issue with the film was that it dedicated like 5 whole mins to explain, in depth, exactly how the dolls and Lee’s mom work with longlegs. Like. Ok I can give them the devil worshipping, I wish they’d been more creative but that’s not the ultimate sin, I just WISH they’d let me decide how that supernatural element worked for myself, I don’t want you to explain it to me. Same with Lee’s psychic abilities: you just dedicated a pretty creepy scene to showing that Lee could perceive things others can’t, I don’t then need you to tell me ‼️she’s psychic‼️‼️don’t forget‼️just in case you forgot in the last 2 mins ‼️ our main character is a psychic. This is a movie that held my hand because they were so obsessed with what they wrote that it ruined the horror of the unknown, at least for me. But on the other hand, there’s so many plot holes and issues with the story that don’t really fit in the ‘crime horror’ genre. Idk, this movie left a lot of contradictory thoughts in my brain and I think a lot of why I didn’t like was that I’ve just seen so many better horror movies that do all the things this movie does and more. I don’t think it’s bad but…it didn’t live up to the hype. Whoever was in charge of marketing for this movie needs the biggest raise possible lol

(Ok look the traps in saw 6 are so much better but I love Hoffman and Strahms dynamic in 5 they’re so silly goofy…glass coffin…but ur so right shotgun carousel is one of the best traps in the entire franchise)

[nerves-nebula]

Brain rotting about Leo’s puppeting powers rn,, specifically how they can manifest as silk instead of chains

Like first of all that’s based on consent of all things so it’d be a while before she ever sees silk. But also Draxum specifically wanted them to be powerful mystic warriors so would he know enough about what they should be able to do to tell her that the two possibilities exist?

Or maybe silk would be first because her powers first manifest protecting Splinter who trained him to be loyal & defend him (🤢) but also Splinter doesn’t know about them so could he really consent that first time? (Like does it need to be specific consent or do vague “I’d let you pull me out of danger” count?) Plus he probably wouldn’t consent to his son pulling him out of danger because he’d see such an act as emasculating or whatever & she would kinda know that (like subconsciously) so she’d probably be using it against her siblings that time wouldn’t she? & you mentioned she has other powers so that might not even be the one that manifests in that moment

Either way it’d still be a long time before Leo uses silk for her siblings & she would learn about the consent thing eventually. When she does know about the possibility of the silk instead of chains how will that effect her? Does seeing that clear indicator of consent in different situations help Donnie realize that “you were asking for it” is actually bs? (Is saving Donnie the first time it happens to a sibling? Like Donnie’s about to be hit or something & just closes his eyes hoping Leo will pull him out & when she does everyone’s like “holy shit was that just silk?” & it lives rent free in their heads for the rest of their lives?)

… I really need to learn how to be concise

sorry for taking so long with this i really liked it and havent had time until now to get into it haha.

the consent thing is based on the knowledge of what's happening and being ok with it/agreeing to it. So splinter couldn't consent to being pulled away from, say, a deadly blow by the shredder, because he was not aware that was something that could happen! i dont think he'd mind being saved though, he'd be very proud of Leo for developing powers lol.

I think Draxum would know that there are potentially different forms for the powers to take, but nothing specific. i think every power set is unique so you could only figure stuff out through trial and error.

I think the first time she'd see silk would be with either Donnie or Raph, who know that she has this power and willingly let her take control in order to help them or tug them in some way. it'd be a surprise for everyone, and the brother she did it to would talk about how it didnt even hurt at all!! it actually felt kind of nice!!

one of her other powers is the ability to buff people's strengths/powers. this also works better when they consent to it though, its like WAY stronger when the person getting the buff WANTS it. when possessing people she can also use their senses if she wants to, like see through their eyes or something, but that can get distracting.

i think at first they arent clear on what the silk vs chains dynamic means, other than that the silk is CLEARLY more pleasant for her siblings. im not sure if they would conceptualize it as "consent" until way later and im not sure Donnie would really put together the fact that their magic powers are making strong statements about the morality behind consent lmao.

maybe he'd get there eventually tho.

[petewentzssilkpress]

In my defense, it was 5 in the morning when I made this response. I accept that I was wrong and could have worded my statement better/more concisely.

I don't need you to go off on a long tangent to try and teach me that black people are disenfranchised by everyone, I know that because I am in fact, black. A black woman at that, which is why any picture of me that I post on here comes down within a few days - I don't want weird men looking for my face like that. Also, you claim to be Jamaican so like... look pan mi username lol. I got a caricom passport and everything.

Anyways, I haven't seen the videos of the so called harassment you speak of, and I'm not inclined to believe random claims from some random hotep on tumblr. The only reason I can't "speak on it" and write an essay as you seemingly want me to do is because I'm *not* an "Arab apologist" and I don't know their history back to front like that.

I do however know, that they were standing with black people in the United States I 2020 during the George Floyd protests, and painting murals of him in their cities, and went as far as to send videos of how to stay safe and recover from injuries during protests. They were having protests for us despite facing struggles. I remember Bassem Masri, who was a Palestinian American that showed up to protests in Ferguson until he died. know that Nelson Mandela and Angela Davis and Malcom X and Toni Morrison believed that black liberation and Palestinian liberation were intertwined. They have statues of our people in their cities because to some extent they base their fight for freedom on our civil rights movements.

I dont know what exactly your problem is or why you're so seemingly against the concept this video is trying to share. I'm assuming you're against Palestinian liberation because you think they oppress black people, which...... sorry but

(a) I don't think (in this case, anyway) that support needs to be transactional. We can fight for a cause because it's simply right and not because they did something for us

(b) this movement is huge. Its a matter of international concern and people worldwide are rallying for Palestinians. We need to stand behind them because if a movement this huge ends up being ignored by the government, we have damn near no hope of getting them to hear us when we try to fight for Haiti, Sudan, Congo, or tigray.

[ravenmill]

Het darling ☺️

Can you please tell me what important changes will happen in the next 2 years? + any advice if u want to 🤗

My initials are Ab Capricorn sun ✨

Thanks ❤️

Hello and thank you for your question today. Your reading had a lot of cup cards. You seem to be growing creatively and spiritually. Also, a lot of compassion toward other people.

The back-of-deck energy for you is the World card. In the next two years, you'll be taking on new responsibilities and new roles. Your position in the future is going to affect a lot of people.

I'm getting the feeling that there might be a move. With the 5 of cups, you're leaving behind something that no longer benefits you and going on to new and better things. You definitely could be changing houses or moving across country, so that you can pursue a career.

The first card I pulled for you was the death card in reverse. I feel like a lot of people are going to be coming to you asking for your opinion and advice. Or there's a bunch of moving parts around you. A lot of movement of others around you at home and at school. This is going to tire you out. I definitely feel like you'll get burnt out for a short period of time. Try to lower your stress levels when working around other people. Other people are playing a factor in your ambition and drive and they're going to drain your energy.

We also have the 6 of cups in reverse and the King of cups in reverse. I'm definitely getting the sense of learning. A mentor and mentee. An academic institution or a new community-led organization. You'll be around new people, but I think either someone from the past will come back or you yourself are stuck in the past and that'll hold you back somewhat. But also, the past has lessons for you. You'll definitely want to think back to school and teachers that have taught you, so that you can guide yourself effectively.

With both of these cards, I see you joining this new group and it may work out for you in the beginning and fulfill a requirement for you, but it's not all peaches and roses, you know? There's definitely some misinformation and deceptive practices within this group. You have to be on your toes and mindful of what you're being told. Don't let someone tell you how to think or how to do your job.

Finally, that 3 of cups is symbolizing that you'll have a great support network that'll help see to it that you reach success. A dream is coming true and you're reaching new heights. If you stick with one organization, despite its faults, you'll still find your people and you'll rise above together.

Overall, teamwork with others are going to play a huge role in your future. And making a big decision about where to live or which school program to choose. You're going to be helping others either through a professional role or an internship. I see you connecting with art a lot and spirituality. Whatever you're doing, it's working! Success is coming your way but be mindful of advice and wisdom others have to give you. Take others' criticism toward your work with a grain of salt. Be on your toes and work toward your goals.

Possible nurse, teacher, community service corps, the arts? That's the energy I'm getting. Hope that resonates with you!

[graffitibible]

PLEASE dig more into the intricacies of ghoul and gogo's relationship I'd LOVE to hear more!!

OH THANK GOD, i have SO MANY THOTS about this relationship

im putting this under a cut because it got. ridiculously long lmao. im sorry you can indulge me if you want

one of the hardest things about writing ghouls pov is that he is, consistently, a ridiculously unreliable narrator. their awareness of themself and other people is on so many different levels of disordered thinking and his sense of self is so distorted by a chemical cocktail of neuroses, compartmentalized trauma, and a lifetime of severe self-loathing. they’re like ten layers deep into this mental bullshit and don’t have the tools to unpack it. whenever ghoul meets someone new, theres a fundamental paranoia and fear regarding what their motives might be in regards to him. thats why they approach everything with so much defensiveness and the general assumption that someone has an ulterior motive. this is actually pretty common coming from kids with roughed up backgrounds like ghoul’s. unprompted kindness absolutely terrifies him because they assume theres some kind of trick there - historically, all the people in his life who were supposed to be “safe” weren’t so this is one of the rules of the world that ghoul’s internalized as fact. and because ghoul is scared basically all the time they tend to grab that fear and channel it into being angry instead because that nets him more control of the situation.

basically: ghoul is two thousand tons of radioactive maladaptive coping mechanisms packed into a five foot two goblin who hates the idea of being scared all the time and has chosen instead to channel all that fear into being An Absolute Nightmare.

narratively, i needed ghoul to have at least one positive relationship in his life so that there was a basis for some good relationships in the fabulous four collective. i needed ghoul to have some kind of context of “this is what it’s like to trust someone, this is what it’s like to love someone so goddamn much you’d do unspeakable things to keep them safe, this is what it’s like to have someone in your life who has your back unconditionally.” granted, thats not how this relationship ended, but at least for a minute there, gogo and ghoul had each other’s backs. that was important because i needed ghoul to have some experience in navigating a positive relationship. 

it wasn’t originally gonna be newsagogo, but i did know that gogo was gonna cross paths with ghoul prior to their run-in with poison and kobra - this was something i settled on sometime while i was writing part two of “starry-eyed.” gogo was meant to be a) one of the ways to contextualize a lot of the Shit in the zones that ghoul didn’t have an opportunity to learn about on their own time and b) one of the key ways that ghoul gets to cement a real genuine sense of justice. prior to that, ghoul had this unfocused hatred of bli the way most people in the zones do but didn’t have a real big picture understanding of how best to chip away at that kinda construct. the closest thing to it was gangs that were super bloodthirsty and liked to hunt dracs for sport but these groups weren’t interested in dismantling the institution of bli, just the catharsis of blasting dracs to hell and back. so when i got to this run-in proper, there were enough similarities in their characters (both tech-heads, both with some deep-seated vendettas against bli, both prone to couching their Real Problems in humor and deflection, etc.) for me to go “hang on.....what if....” and i could kill 2 birds with one narrative stone.

that being said oh man i did not expect writing that relationship to hurt the way it did. 

because on a lot of levels, these two really got each other! ghoul can read gogo’s expressions and body language so easy. ghoul, like jet, is an extrovert; he recharges best around people they trust. gogo’s the same. like, one thing i feel like i didn’t do well enough in that chapter was cement that, objectively speaking, gogo didn’t strictly need ghoul’s help. newsagogo is fully capable of setting up and running that station all on their own. ghoul suspected this from the start, sure, but gogo has a good grasp of tech and could probably do most of the setup herself. BUT she offers this hand to him because she doesn’t like running this station alone. she likes people and likes being around people - hence why she’s so desperate to get herself really networked into the desert and capable of calling up other dj buddies of hers. it’s pretty common practice for a dj to have a partner or team to back them up (in case they need a runner, in case they need to pack their stuff and go, in case they need someone to spot them, etc.) so gogo was in the market for that - and ghoul was a good candidate. a tech-brain, someone good with radios and obscure gear? that’s ideal runner material, and gogo doesn’t have to do this shit on her own.

and newsagogo was a really good influence on ghoul in a lot of ways. she’s the first person to go “hey let’s just do shit for fun” without any ulterior motive. takes them out drinking for fun, likes to drink soda on the roof for fun (this did not always end well but the intention was in the right place). that’s a new thing for ghoul, who’s always felt fundamentally unwanted. in every group and crew and relationship he’s had prior to this one, there was always the undercurrent of “they’re using me. they’re using me and once they’re done using me they’re gonna ditch me or kill me.” so while gogo’s doing these casual bonding activities ghoul is like WHAT IS THE ULTERIOR MOTIVE HERE and their paranoia is eating away at him and theres really honestly no other shoe that needs to drop here but thats not something that registers on ghoul’s radar.

even with that rocky start ghoul was picking up a lotta stuff from gogo, like that aforementioned sense of justice. and it was with a positive relationship like that one that i could bring out just how person-oriented fun ghoul is. like, the way i write the fab four, someone like party poison is task-oriented. fun ghoul (and jet star, actually) are both person-oriented. that’s why fun ghoul becomes so ride-or-die for newsagogo. this is actually like...their default state of being if allowed to get close to people lol. fun ghoul has a distorted sense of self that causes him to rank their own safety and self-worth way below everyone else’s along with a default propensity to love people...deeply. ghoul loves people ungently. they love people with everything they are. will easily put himself in a position to die if it means that the people they love are safe. part of this is setting up just how easy it was for the fab four and ghoul in particular to make that suicidal, sacrificial call in “SING” but part of this is just who fun ghoul is as a person. so when gogo gets hurt, ghoul goes ahead and conjures up every scrap of leverage he has against tommy chow mein and basically sets it on fire because that’s what ghoul loving someone is like. it’s ghoul trying to take apart anything that threatens the people they give a shit about and being wholly capable and willing to set himself on fire to keep the people they love warm.

they complimented each other incredibly well in a way that surprised me. like, ghoul gets people in a way gogo doesn’t, and vice versa. gogo has the attack plan and knows how they intend to set about dismantling bli with careful, calculated movements, but ghouls the one that suggests “hey, you know that if youre a dj you actually have a lot of political capital in the zones, technically??” like not with those words but thats the basic gist behind what they suggested. prior to that it didn’t occur to gogo to use DJing as a route to get what they needed but DJs have a lot of clout in the zones with the right crowds and ghoul’s hunch turned out to be correct. gogo’s the person who can do the face-to-face interactions in a clear and concise way, who can sell good headlines on the airwaves, but ghouls the one who comes at those interactions with the requisite suspicion to realize when things could be off - it’s that paranoid initiative that saves gogo’s life when that bomb goes off.

ofc once ghoul realized that they gave this much of a shit about newsagogo he immediately tried to stop thinking about it because this kind of unconditional caring for someone? that’s brand new. and it terrifies the shit out of him. because all of a sudden, ghoul doesn’t have the handy back door that they’ve always had. if shit really gets bad, he tells himself consistently, they can just leave. they can ditch whoever they’re with and it’ll be fine. but when ghoul gives this much of a shit about someone, the idea of leaving feels like trying to carve your heart out with a spoon. every time gogo expressed this casual affection ghoul does his best to brush it aside or willfully forget it - but they dont, really. subconsciously that’s always there. and no matter what kind of bad blood manages to end up between them, ghoul can’t forget that this is the first person who he actually wanted to call a friend; they keep that pendant gogo gave him for the rest of their life.

but ultimately, the pair of them fell apart because they both grew in such a way that they couldnt be in each other’s lives forever. gogo prioritizes the cause over her interpersonal relationships; that’s just the kind of person they are in this stage of rebellion against bli. gogo can look at her personal happiness and acknowledge that something like that is secondary to their goals. war is about sacrifice and gogo understands this. newsagogo knows that she might not survive to the end of it, knows full well that their agents might not survive to the end of it, and has accepted these consequences. losing some of their agents doesn’t shake gogo the same way it does ghoul.

because ghoul’s the kind of person who can’t accept that. this is the first positive relationship he’s had in their life and he doesn’t wanna lose it. he doesn’t wanna lose newsagogo over a big blanket cause. the seeds for that kind of “will die bleeding for this cause” are there, but ghoul is a socially-oriented person and very person-oriented in general. and fundamentally, fun ghoul is a deeply compassionate person who can’t help but empathize: the micro will always supersede the macro. it’s easier for ghoul to charge into battery city to save a little girl than it would to charge into battery city for a vaguely defined reason that might further a broader cause.

unfortunately, because gogo and ghoul had two such different approaches to this and because ghoul is a volatile person, they did that thing where uh. again, this is pretty common in abuse survivors, but ghoul did that thing where he detonates their positive relationships because this was always a foregone conclusion to someone ensconced in so many paranoid maladaptive coping mechanisms and at least this way, with ghoul going off, the relationship gets to detonate in a way that ghoul can control. a lot of those moments where ghoul acts like an absolute little nightmare have to do with that notion of control; this way, fun ghoul gets to decide when and how the relationship ends and for someone who did not get a lot of control over anything in their early life, this is how he compensates.

i wrote this fuckin. tragic “friends who drifted apart, who didn’t see the cracks in the foundation of their relationship until they were using them to splinter themselves away from each other” with no basis in anything canon and fucked myself up over it and why did i do this?

this was an essay and a half but yeah feel free to yell at me about newsagogo and fun ghoul cause THATS a niche fucking friendship i didnt expect to mess me up the way it did

[imacrowcawcaw]

1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 17, 20, 23, 29, 38 😘❤️ Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

Hi mimi thank you so much for all the questions!!! This is gonna be really long lol - also, sorry it took a while, Tumblr kept glitching and erasing EVERYTHING

1. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? Oh my god SO MANY! I have roughly 50 works in progress, and so many more ideas running through my head - I just haven't had the energy or the time lately to actually work on them. One that keeps coming back to me is Sam and Danny chilling in bed on a lazy Saturday, after a sleepover, and Sam announces that if they had sex, it would be the best either of them ever experienced. They debate for a while, and of course end up getting it on... it'll happen someday.

4. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic. There's a lot of fluff and heartfeltwords; I try to keep it lighthearted too, though, and throw in what I hope is some funny stuff; smut of course, or at least some kissing; metaphors and figurative language galore. I feel like I'm still very much trying to find my voice and my style, so I think my fics differ a lot in their styles, but there are things that I generally like.

5. Share one of your strengths. Hmm, I was going to say that I know how grammar works (that feels rude but- ) actually I'm going to say that I always turn out things that I really enjoy. That may be more of a personal strength - i.e. it only matter to me - but if I post something I am satisfied (enough) with it. I like my work! I write what I want, even with requests, and I put my all into my writing because I want it to be such good quality that it would make me squeal if I came across it.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Dude, that's disgusting."

Danny just smiled at Josh, showing off a rather gross mouthful of mangled food, and kept eating his pineapple pizza.

"Seriously, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. Can't you just eat regular toppings like the rest of us?"

Danny shook his head and swallowed. "Nuh-uh, I can't. I'm not like the rest of you."

"Hmm, you know, you're right: you're not like the rest of us. It's way hotter in the Wagner corner." Josh looked at him coyly, licking BBQ sauce from his chicken wings off of his fingertips.

Danny froze and Josh laughed, using a napkin to scrub away the rest of the sauce and continuing to messily eat his 'regular' pizza. Danny shook his head, closing the lid of his box to save the rest for later.

Idk if anyone other than @satans-helper would be interested in Josh and Danny (like, together, or at least flirting) but.... I thought this was good. It was fun to write - still not anywhere near done, though - and I think it captures them pretty well. I think dialogue is good when the characters speak for themselves, literally, without having to rely completely on prose to give it meaning.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"The bass pumped through Sam in the same rhythm as his cannabis-speckled blood, sludgey warmth crawling in his veins as he took a second hit of the blunt being passed around. Hidden away from the eyes of management constantly trying to tighten the reins, as if they weren't rock stars in - or perhaps even before - their prime, he let the dark corner he and a few new acquaintances occupied be his cover from an eventual scolding."

Let this be a little teaser for the Collab Zara and I are doing (!!!) lol. I think it's some of my best writing; lyrical but not too long as I'm learning how to do it right, offering information with every little part, setting the scene in a concise but not info-dump way, some bit of irony and humor.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write? Ohhh man, well there have definitely been MANY that I've gotten stuck on for months, if not over a year -- but, the finished fic that was hardest was probably "Forever", to be totally honest. I think it turned t out very well, but I revised over and over and over, and scrapped a very large portion of it. I know what I wanted, but it wasn't coming for a very long time.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write? "Blood Brothers". It just flowed so well, I sat and types furiously in my phone for a good 3 hours without stopping, and it was born.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? There's quite a few pieces that I always think of: write what you want to read, adjectives and adverbs slow the pace (learned this recently and it's very handy), sometimes straight-forward is best, don't be afraid to scrap things and start over.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? Oh man, that's a hard choice. I think that "Eyes of Juniper" (metallica fic, not finished 😔) would actually be the best choice, because it's funny, I would love to see the guys in the 80s, and, while it deals with bodies/nudity/sexuality it wouldn't be a straight up porn film lol.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? A mix of both, I think it just depends on how my ideas are flowing. If I'm really on a roll and know I won't be interrupted, then I'll just write it chronologically. But, if I have a small idea, or I know how I want to end but dont know how to begin, then I'll just start writing something. I'm always afraid I'll forget what I want if I don't write it down, so I work on what I'm able to and fill in the rest later.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions. Well, I usually end up doing the most of my writing hunched over sitting on me bed in the dark and furiously typing on my phone lmao. I would love to get a laptop and a dedicated space, but it's just not gonna happen rn. So, I'll go with dark, undisturbed, comfortable

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? there are quite a few that I can look back at and be like noooo what was I doing. I think, though, one that could be really really amazing if revised would be "Black Dog", a guns n roses fic I wrote. It was good, but one of my firsts. My style has improved, and I think I could just make it a lot better, and the dialogue at the end could be a lot more clear and realistic sounding

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? Oh mannnn there are so many fics that have made me want to somehow write/find more, I'll go with "Angel of Apple Valley" (pairing: Duzzy fandom: gnr, on rockfic, I cant find it rn though sorry). It was so amazing and I still think about it. I don't think I could do anywhere near justice to the original, so of course I wouldnt actually, but I just really want more

38. Talk about a review that made your day. Ohhh ok pretty much every review makes me suoer hapoy, but the lovely helena_s_renn left me a comment on Ch. 4 of "Skin on Skin, Hearts Laid Bare" and it nearly made me cry

"Girl, I think you've discovered your voice. This has an intensity beyond any of your other work that I've read thus far (not saying the previous isn't good - it is!!). I was glued to my phone by the eyes, didn't want it to end, and yet it did in what seemed like 5 seconds. Danny's acceptance of Sam's physical needs without asking anything more of him than "just sleep with me" is love. On that subject, I think you've thrown more words at the wellspring of Sanny Love from Sam's perspective than one would have thought possible, and they all ring true."

Like, holy shit thanks?!?! Lol. But really, I've been seriously trying to find my style, and to hear this from one of the writers I respect the most was huge. I felt like a favorite teacher was giving me a hug and telling me i did good!!!

[7-oh-ta1]

Soso sorry i dont think yoshiki was trying to shut her up by yelling back at her. Wasnt he just arguing same as her? They were both yelling & i get she why she was scared but dont think he’d considered their size difference, or that he expects anything from her for helping her from being a vegetable. I am sorry about how the fandom is though & yeah i feel kinda pathetic trying to defend a fictional ship but I’m pathetic lol. You don’t have to dignify this with a response or whatever

Nah dude, you're fine! As long as you're not arguing just for arguments sake and vaguing about me on other platforms, I don't mind having a conversation. 😌

!!!HOWEVER!!!

Dude, if you like this ship, please go bonkers over it. Go write a fanfiction and make some fanart. You don't need to gain validation from me or anyone to like a ship. Instead of talking about it to people who dislike the ship, I implore you to find like minded people (Ay*shiki shippers are e v e r y w h e r e you can't miss em) and explore what you enjoy about it. I will never be able to validate your belief that it's a good ship because I think it's a toxic ship with too many red flags. That's why I'm saying this. And I'm not saying you can't talk to me or anything cause it's just a ship!! I'm just saying I can't fulfill the Ay*shiki need, you know?

That being said, let's talk the entranceway scene. This scene isn't a bad scene, I think it gives a good insight on the difference between these two and how they perceive things.

"They were both yelling & I get she why she was scared but [I] don't think he’d considered their size difference..."

You're right on your mark here, they were mutually arguing, and Yoshiki wasn't thinking about their size difference. That's the thing: most men usually don't think about that. They just think it's an argument and naturally they want to win the argument, which winning is the other person shutting up (therefore he has the last word and the argument is over).

However, that's the point. Yoshiki wasn't considering Ayumi's feelings at all. He wasn't considering why she started calling him names (not thinking about size difference), and he just lashed out back.

"She hurt his feelings >:( He has a right to be angry and yell in her face!" (in quotes cause it's an opinion I used to have)

Here's the thing. Without getting into a personal example, I can tell you 100% that the way Ayumi responded in that situation to him raising his voice at her was a defensive response, from the way she worded it but also the way her VA portrayed it. Not defensive because her feelings were hurt, but defensive because she is alone with her delinquent classmate who is larger than her and instead of understanding what she was saying beforehand, he gets aggressive and starts yelling and she needs to cut him down with words before he gets anymore aggressive. It's not my go-to response but it's actually very realistic, I've seen my sister react this way multiple times when a man is physically aggressive towards her. (She's 5'0 and so most men are very much so larger than her)

"I don't think Yoshiki was trying to shut her up by yelling back at her. Wasn't he just arguing same as her?"

Most men never see their behavior as aggressive. They don't think towering over you and tensing their shoulders and yelling is aggressive. They think they're just making their point. In fact they do it almost subconsciously. (Bonus Points if you call them out on it and they scream, "I'm not being aggressive!!" in your face) But they're not just making a point to a girl OR boy that's that much smaller than them. It's physical intimidation, whether Yoshiki thinks he's doing it or not. And he did get what he wanted, no? The argument stopped, at the low low price of towering over a tiny girl and making her feel smaller than she already is. Did he see anything wrong with this behavior? (as in, did he think he was physically intimidating her?) No. In his mind, he would never do something like that, in fact he's trying to protect her!

But he still did it. How Yoshiki feels about what he did literally doesn't matter. It made Ayumi uncomfortable and small enough to shrink away and shut up. How it made Ayumi feel is what matters because it affects her. He didn't have any consequences for the way he acted, she did. Ayumi was flinging insults as a defense, and Yoshiki was standing over her as an offense. The fact that he failed to realize how wrong his behavior was and at least apologize is a major red flag to me on toxic behavior. (Because from his POV, his feelings were hurt! :( She was the meanie!)

The problem (to me) here is that you're treating Yoshiki like the victim in this scenario. "But what about him? How did he feel?" when regardless of how he felt he still physically intimidated her.

TL;DR:

I saw your other ask saying you don't blame Ayumi, and that's wonderful, but you're still treating Yoshiki like he's on the short end of the argument when the truth is we only see this scene from his POV, so it's easy to sympathize with him.

I also want to say that while this scene is one of the major driving points for me, it's not the only reason I hate Ay*shiki. It's just the one I brought up for that rant. I've already said a lot of my reasons before and quite frankly do we really want to go into all that? Maybe on a concise bullet list but that seems arbitrary to me.

As for your last line:

"...or that he expects anything from her for helping her from being a vegetable."

I'm not exactly sure what you mean here and it's certainly not anything I talked about in that post. Also regardless of his actions she is most definitely in a vegetative state at the end of BD and beginning of DP, if that's what you mean. You'll have to elaborate further, if you want!

I'll say it: you're not pathetic or dumb. There's nothing wrong with liking or LOVING this ship. You just won't get any validation about how swell from me and that's okay. You don't need my approval to enjoy things. I'm glad you liked my headcanon about Satoshi and I hope you know you don't need to apologize! You have every right to like what you like, you just won't find it's content here anymore. It's all well and good you don't find the ship toxic, but I do find there to be too many red flags for me and I'm going to say it regardless.

[shiningliive]

Ooh I’m pretty interested to hear you favourite Utapri voices too. Also do you have a favourite group?

First of all anon, you have to know that I saved this question for last in my ask box to use as incentive. I love fun questions like this so I wrote out a (very long) answer as soon as I got this ask, but my computer died and I lost it all yaaay. This is going to be a SUPER long post because I have a lot to say about these good boys and I dont think ive ever concisely written it down before. 

I’m going to split favourite voice into a few categories; favourite speaking voice and favourite singing voice. I’ll try not to be too biased by favourite songs for the favourite singing voices, but we’ll see how that goes lol. I will also mention the characters that have my favourite songs overall. I wonder how much other peoples answers for these vary.

Favourite Speaking Voices:

Ai: Okay so, I know these might seem kinda biased because these are my top 3 characters pretty much, but i think a lot of what makes them my favourites are their voices? At least initially. I’ve always been one that loves kuudere and dandere characters (both male and female), and as soon as I saw Ai, he slowly started taking over Tokiya as best boy (sorry Toki.)

Tokiya: Obviously Mamo is quite the Seiyuu legend (having won quite a few best male voice actor awards)

Shion: You don’t even know how many times i relistened to the Heavens introas at the end of revolutions. Especially Shions, such a beautiful voice. Forever surprised that hes voiced by

*Shout out to Van’s dialect too, we always need more dialect characters.

Favourite Singing Voices:

Camus: Thank you Maeno for the blessing that is Camus’ voice.

Ai: again, this may seem biased because Ai is my favourite character and Shouta is aan angel, but it think that I like both of them so much because of the voice. If yall haven’t heard some of Shoutans songs, go give them a listen.

Natsuki: Don’t really know what to say about this one, but just, Kiiyan gets so many of those high notes. He performs super well live too.

Favourites Songs Overall:

Camus: Northwind and Sunshine, Aurora, Saintly territory, Junketsunaru Ai Aspiration, Double Face, Zettai Reido Emotion, need I say more? His voice is such a good contrast to a lot of the other characters, so he always works so well in duets too. The first utapri live I saw was 3rd Stage, and Zettai Reido Emotion was just performed so well, I think it influenced a lot of the reason why I love Camus’ songs. (Shoutout to the pimp cane.)

Cecil: I think I really like the instruments that are often used in Cecils songs. I’m also a fan of mixing different genras, and a few of his songs do that.

Natsuki: Super biased for violins basically. goes hand in hand with natsuki having a great voice.

And one point to Masa for Koi Sakura and a lot of his duet songs.

Favourite Group:

See, now this one’s a bit harder to answer. I love all the groups and all the boys and yall know that I’m a heavens advocate (they get too much hate, seriously) but it does probably come down to Quartet Night and Starish. I like all the groups (including Heavens) in different ways, so I might explain a bit of that too.

Heavens: love their dynamic. I feel like the main moment I started to notice their group dynamic was when they defended Shion in Visible Elf? It was such a nice moment, it seems they really care about each other. I really want to watch them learn more about each other and how they change along the way. I really want to find out more about them over time. They feel like the type of people who would support each other and band together a lot. It was really fun seeing a new group of Seiyuu together in 6th stage too.

QN: While I know this was a lot of their whole group development (learning to deal with each other and become friends when they initially didn’t really like one another,) I do wish we saw Quartet Night interacting in slightly more positive ways with each other. Having said that, I certainly don’t dislike their current dynamic (and I love how they’ve grown overtime;especially in Legend Star and Revolutions) I guess it just makes me more excited to see them get even closer (or at least for it to be shown more directly in the anime.) Quartet Night also has this great sense of determination. fighto da yo. Quartet Night also has my favourite group songs AND my favourite IRL dynamic when it comes to the voice actors. I mean seriously these boys impersonate their characters in a line chat but thats a conversation for another day.

Starish: How can I even convey the way that I love Starish. They feel like such a solid unit of 7 very different people. Seeing how comfortable they are as friends around each other makes me so happy. I do feel like my main reason for loving Starish is that they have had the chance to be so fleshed out in the anime, every duo and group of them makes sense, they all have such great connections together. I’ve been into Utapri for so long now, so looking at them somehow feels really nostalgic?

TLDR; I guess I have to say that QN has my favourite songs, but Starish is probably my favourite group overall, if just because I’m nostalgic for them/

But yes, please feel free to ask me more fun questions like this yall, they’re really interesting to answer. I’m thinking of maybe making a new Utapri month/30 Days of Utapri? The current one is pretty outdated at this point (I think it was made around the time 2000% came out, so if any of you’d be interested please let me know. I’m sure it’d be fun.

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

Can you write a scenario (angst) where Nishinoya and his fem!s/o have an argument and it ends up in her running out of the house but she gets it by a car. it would be great if you could do oikawa too but dont if its too much work. thank you! xx

I’m just really thirsty for an angsty Nishinoya scenario. Could any of you satisfy my thirst? (This sounds so dirty, I didn’t even mean to omg)

I’m just going to add these two requests!!! Both are asking for Nishinoya angst PLUS an extra Oikawa angst for funsies! I am so beyond happy that you all like my level of angst… Which isn’t actually a level it’s more like an assortment of angsty shit I’ve read and watched lol! I hope you all like what I’ve come up with! Thank you for requesting! - Admin Satori

Nishinoya Yuu:

“______! Check out this awesome bruise I got today from Ryuu’s spike!” Nishinoya bounded up next to you as you walked home from school. You looked over at what he was showing excitedly; the insides of his elbows and forearms were covered in dark purple bruises, and you almost felt sick to your stomach looking at them. But his excitement was out of this world, he looked completely pleased with himself and stood up straight as he walked next to you, he was just barely taller than you, but his hair made up for most of it.

Rolling your eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest, smacking away his hand when he tried to grab yours, “Yuu, bruises are only cool and awesome and badass to a specific point…. You passed that a long time ago… your bruises look bad, Yuu.” Your eyebrows furrowed, “Like… ‘Oh my god, does he get abused by his girlfriend’ bad.” You explained yourself better, glancing over at him when he let out a bark fo a laugh.

“Oh no way! No one thinks that, _____! I promise!” He smiled widely, feeling his body buzzing at your admittance of being his girlfriend. It wasn’t something brand new, you’d admitted it before, you’d talked about dating him on a daily basis to his friends and yours because you knew he liked it. He liked everyone knowing he was going out with you and that you were his first real girlfriend and he’d actually beaten Tanaka to the punch of getting a girl to go out with him. It was a pride thing. A boy thing.

You let out a long sigh, “That’s no the point, Yuu. Not every practice needs your 130% effort…. It’s practice, sweetie, you’re supposed to work on things you have issues on, not rock the whole gym with your mad skillz…. Yo.” You knew he wasn’t taking you seriously, and you knew it was probably because you weren’t taking it too seriously either. He wasn’t going to take your concerns seriously, and you knew that the moment you’d met him.

And it wasn’t because he just didn’t care, but because he knew what his body could and couldn’t handle. He knew his limits, and he’d assured you about it day in and day out that he was doing just fine! But still, it was your job to worry. You’d known him as a kid, and how he was now in high school was a radically different person altogether.

Nishinoya smiled, continuing to brush off your worry, reaching out a bit and wrapping his arm around your shoulders as he walked next to you, “But if I don’t give all my effort, how am I going to know if I’ve improved?” He pointed out, not realizing that his logic didn’t really make too much sense to anyone who had a brain. But you sighed as a response and his smile faltered, “A-are….. Are you mad at me, _____?” He asked curiously, sensing tension in the air around the two of you, knowing you’d let out sighs as a way to get out all the steam from the rage boiling inside your very soul. Which is something he liked about you; While he was bouncing off the walls with all this positive energy and radiated so much light, you preferred to keep it bottled and hidden for the most part, only showing who you were to those you deemed worthy…. Like Yin and Yang. Two sides to the same coin.

“No… Yuu… I’m not mad… Just a little worried…” You assured quietly, reading over and pressing your lips to his cheek before you stopped at the crosswalk, “I’ve got to go drop off my friends homework since she missed today… I’ll catch up with you.” You gave him the softest smile you could muster in this trying time before turning towards the crosswalk and making your trek to the other sidewalk as the sign dinged in approval.

Of course, not everything worked perfectly 100% of the time. Not even in Japan.

Suddenly you were thrown into the air, your body coming into contact with something that cracked hard, before tumbling over the roof of something made of metal and falling to the street on the other side. Your head cracked against the asphalt and you lost consciousness. Nishinoya stared from the sidewalk, not believing what he’d just seen, but his body was moving before he could come to terms with it, and suddenly you were being cradled in his arms in the middle of the road. “H-H…. HELP! HELP! Someone! Please!!! Call an ambulance! Please!” Nishinoya’s voice strained to be heard, not because he’d yelled too much that day but because his entire body was in panic mode; his throat was closing in on his volume control and he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to yell before he was thrown into coughing fits. “Oh my god…. Please, ____, open your eyes… Look at me… Please wake up. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.” His voice broke, not even realizing he’d started crying until after he saw one of his tears fall on your face and trail down your own cheek.

An annoying beeping sound pierced into your conciseness and you felt your spirit reaching out to try to shut it up, but nothing of your physical form moved to stop the beeping. Nothing moved at all. You could hear voices, hear people’s strained and stressed tones; At one point you could have sworn you heard panicked yelling and arguing. You wanted to tell them to shut up. To let you sleep. You were tired, exhausted.

Then suddenly you were filled with pain, every single nerve in your body imploding in on itself before splattering out in multiple instances of fire and burning ash. It got so bad, it felt so terrible, it stabbed your very soul for so long… You thought there was no end to it. Maybe this would be the rest of your life, just pure pain. Nothing but pain and loud voices - what an awful existence. What a terrible way to live. Were you even living anymore? You didn’t feel like you were. What kind of God would allow you to suffer so long while still alive?

Was this hell?

Finally, the beeping became too much to handle, and your eyes flashed open, your lungs inhaling oxygen as if they’d been suffocated for weeks. You blinked a few times, trying to understand what it was you were looking at, what it was you were feeling pulling at the entirety of your body.

You were in a hospital. A bed. You were the patient. It was dim in your room, the rising sun’s orange rays bathing your hospital room in visual fire. There was someone in the room with you, someone leaning their head on the bed, someone sleeping just a few inches from where you’d been. Without moving too much, knowing there’d only be more pain if you did, you looked over to see a boy. Young. High school. Jet black hair falling on his forehead, a blond streak being the only spot of color in all the black. You briefly wondered if he dyed his hair or if it was just a genetic thing. His expression was a mix of anguish and worry, and you wanted to reach out and stroke his face, wanted to stroke his eyebrows smoothed so he didn’t get any wrinkles. His face was too delicate to have something like worry lines marring it.

But you must have moved too much because suddenly his eyes snapped open, staring up at you before widening and his mouth tugging at the corners into a wide smile.

“______! Oh my God! You’re okay! You’re awake!!” He reached forward and wrapped his arms around you as best he could so as not to pull on or mess up any of the equipment you were hooked up to. “Are you feeling alright? Do you need to me to get a nurse?” He asked, his voice showing his relief at your well being, “Oh thank God.” He sighed, pressing his lips to the side of your head and closing his eyes.

You felt awkward, reaching one hand behind him and patting his back soothingly but mechanically. You cleared your throat and he pulled back from you, his eyebrows furrowing again in confusion at your reaction to his affection - his relieved affection at that. “I’m sorry…. This is terribly embarrassing…” You blushed a bit, looking down at the needle in your arm, keeping you hooked to an IV bag just off to the side. “Um… But… Who are you?”

Nishinoya’s eyes dimmed, his heart breaking in his chest.

This was definitely hell.

Oikawa Tooru:

“Tooru! You need to take it easy! You’re going to end up damaging you knee so much you’ll be in a walker by the time you hit 40!” You pleaded with your stubborn boyfriend, watching as he limped over to the front door, grabbing his coat. The two of you had been at this time and time again, always fighting about his safety, his health, his knee. You’d been there for his accident, when his knee had connected so hard with the polished wood during a game you could hear his bones clack together above all the noise of the gym. The doctors deemed it a career ender, something he’d never be able to play with anymore, but Oikawa was…. well, he was Oikawa. Stubborn as hell.

“I’m fine, _____-chan! Nothing a little icy hot won’t fix.” He assured, brushing off your concern once again. You huffed and walked over to stand just behind him, and you could see his shoulders set firmly, He was ready to fight you on this again. Again. And he would continue to fight you on the subject, no matter how stupid he was being or how repetitive it got. “Seriously, _____-chan, you don’t have to worry about me so much~. I’m fine.” He tried to assure you again, but the serious look in your eye gave him chills. “Come on, Iwa-chan is waiting for us with Makki and Mattsun!” While Oikawa was many things, a sweet talker being one of the many skills he possessed, he’d never been able to completely convince you to let go of a subject.

Your hands clenched by your sides, “Tooru.. Seriously…. You only get two knees… One’s already busted really bad and the other… You’re putting too much pressure on your legs by walking around while wounded…” But he only pulled his coat and scarf closer to his neck and chin before walking out of the house in front of you. “Tooru!” You yelled, surprised he’d just ignore you like that and take off without you. You quickly pulled on your shoes and jacket before rushing after him, grabbing his coat and tugging him to a stop, “Why aren’t you letting me help you? That’s all I’m asking of you, Tooru…. Just let me help you. You let everyone lean on you for everything - for games, for support and foundation, for guidance… And as annoying as you are, everything you do is greatly appreciated by those who receive that help…. But that leaves you wide open for your own faults and misleadings…” You tugged his jacket again, “Tooru… Just let me be your support. Let me help you. Lean on me.”

Oikawa froze, his eyes staring ahead of him at the sidewalk on the other side of the road, wanting so badly to just run away from the situation. He rarely let down his guard, rarely pulled down his walls for you to see him as he truly was. But somehow you always found your way in regardless if he was willing or not. You were there. Through everything. From the moment he found out his knee was going to be ruined forever, to now when he’s feeling the ebbing pain of that same knee coursing through his bones. He knew you were right, and he wanted so badly to lean on you for support. But he was scared. Oikawa Tooru, the grand king of Seijoh was nothing more than a scared baby.

Taking a deep breath, Oikawa allowed himself to nod, looking down at his shoes in shame for wanting to run away so easily. He bit his bottom lip and turned his body to be able to see you a bit more clearly, hoping you didn’t see the way tears were starting to brew in his light brown eyes. You felt your heart squeeze in your chest. You’d never wanted to hurt him, never wanted to make him cry, but you had to be rough with him to show him his ways, to show him that he wasn’t alone. Just like in his games, he wasn’t alone off the court. You reached up and stroked his cheek gently, “Don’t cry, Tooru…. I’m here…” You smiled gently, leaning on your toes before kissing a tear away from the corner of his eye before it was able to trail down his cheek.

He sniffled, reaching up and wiping his tears away furiously, “Aw, _____-chan~, you think I was crying? There’s no way~ I’d ever cry in public~.” His voice broke a bit and you giggled at the way his eyes widened just the tiniest in embarrassment. He cleared his throat a bit rougher than usual and took your hand in his, pulling you towards the walkway between the sidewalks of the road, “Come now, _____-chan~ we can grab a knee brace for me before meeting with our wonderful friends!” He reached up again and rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve, his focus being on trying to look good in public… and not on the road he was crossing.

Before you even knew what you were doing, you’d reached out and pushed Oikawa out of the way, just barely catching a glimpse of him falling before your body collided with a car running the light you were crossing at. The front bumper hit your legs first, causing your body to crumple into the windshield of the car, creating a spiders web of shattered glass before you were flying over the roof of the car and landing on the hard, wet asphalt of the street. You laid there, barely finding any strength to keep your eyes open, not even being able to feel your body - your mind was shielding you from that pain, and you weren’t sure if you were grateful or if you should be panicking at the fact. But you didn’t have much time to think about it before your vision was obscured by soft chestnut hair.

Oikawa was there, his hands shaking as they hovered over your limp body, he leaned his head down to just barely rest against your chest, trying to find a heartbeat. It was there, but it was very faint, weak. He cupped your face in his hands, “______!______! Can you hear me? Please… Oh god…. Please be…. Look at me, _____… Can you see me?” He called to you, the panic in his voice was clearly evident, and the sound of his voice was actually lost to you. There was a deafening ringing in your ears, but you could just make out that he was calling your name, over and over, like a mantra, like a prayer. Oikawa looked up from your fading existence, “Someone! Anyone! Please! Call 911!! Call an ambulance!” He begged, seeing a few people already on the phone with the authorities. The driver of the car had, thankfully, stopped, and was just to the right of Oikawa, waiting to see if he’d be charged with vehicular manslaughter.

He was babbling now, and you just stared at him blankly, almost completely forgetting you’d been hit by a car not but a few second ago. You felt numb, like you weren’t even in your body anymore; Almost as if the force of the car hitting you had caused your spirit to be forcefully removed from your body.

“No…. No! ______! Don’t close your eyes! Look at me! Wake up!” You could feel more than hear Oikawa’s sobs, the jagged breaths felt like something was constricting your chest, his tears falling on your face felt like something was stabbing into your very soul over and over again. Closing your eyes hadn’t been your choice, it’d just happened, and suddenly you weren’t there in the moment anymore.

You didn’t know where you were. There was nothing. Pitch black. In this darkness, you didn’t even have a body, or maybe you did but it was just too dark to see. You felt like you were wandering, as best as you could feel in this void of silence; You were looking for something, something to end this maddening darkness. But there wasn’t anything to look for. Just the void. Never ending. Unforgiving. Unyielding in it’s torment on your mind. You couldn’t remember how you’d gotten there. Couldn’t even remember if there was anything to remember before this. Maybe this is just how your life had been. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. A void. Nothing but the void.

You stopped searching. You stopped looking. Instead…. You allowed the void to envelope you, and pull you further into it’s recesses of complete emptiness.

The feeling of falling caused Oikawa to jump out of his shallow slumber, and he looked around the room quickly before seeing Iwaizumi in the doorway. He looked exhausted. But Oikawa looked worse. He knew.

“…. it’s been…. 4 weeks… Hajime…” Oikawa croaked out, staring at your limp body in the hospital bed, hooked up to all these machines to keep you alive, to breathe for you, to make your heart continue to beat. He sniffled, reaching up and rubbing at the ghost tears, he hadn’t been able to actually cry in 2 weeks - he barely had enough water in his system to pee every day let alone allow himself to produce tears. “Wha…. What if she doesn’t wake up? What am I going to do?” Hesitantly, Oikawa reached out and took your too cold hand in his own, trying to warm it back to a comforting temperature but soon realizing he wouldn’t be able to; his own blood had started to run cold the moment the doctor informed him of your condition.

Iwaizumi felt a knot in his throat, something restraining him from telling his best friend the bad news. Not wanting to break the man even more than he already was. He looked down at the linoleum floor of the hospital room, “I…. I don’t know… Tooru…” He finally got out, taking a deep breath, gathering his strength before he was actually able to look at you. Well, what was once you. “Tooru… Um…” He cleared his throat, and looked away from your hospital bed, looked away from his best friends hopeless love. “T-The doctor told me… What he’d told you… About…. Pulling the plu-“

“NO!” Oikawa yelled, not even looking at Iwaizumi, not daring to take his eyes off your ‘sleeping’ face. “No… Please…. They can’t…. I won’t let them…” He sniffled, his voice becoming thin as his throat closed at the thought of losing you forever. “She’s going to be okay… She’s going to wake up, and she’s going to be alright.” Oikawa sobbed out, feeling his already broken heart shattering even further into tinier pieces than before. “Please… Don’t take her from me…. I love her… I believe in miracles, and if there is a God….. He’d see how much I need her in my life, how much I love her…. How I can’t function without her here with me….” His hands held your one tighter, like he was holding onto a lifeline on the brink of drowning, “Please…. Come back to me, ______.”

[emperor-lover]

hi. loved your minhyun college!au. can i request for tutor!minhyun whom your mother hired since you're struggling with a certain subject. something like tutor to lover. thank you btw! ♡

hi anon, thank you so much for being the first request i’ve gotten and i’m glad you enjoyed the college!au, it really means a lot to me!

Hwang Minhyun Tutor!AU

it’s your final year of high school and you really want to get into a good university but one of your subjects in particular is dragging you down

it’s chemistry btw (i hate chem lol)

because your teacher sucks and does not help at all 

so you’re complaining to your mum about it and she’s like “I’ll get you a tutor”

and you absolutely refuse, you’d rather try learn it all by yourself than get a tutor

because one of your friends had a tutor for maths and apparently she was super intimidating and the sessions were overpriced af

but nothing stops your mother once she’s decided on something

a couple of weeks later you’re coming home from school

and your mum is sitting in the kitchen with a young man

you don’t think too much of it, like you just assume it’s one of your brother’s friends or someone 

but you don’t want to be rude so you just nod your head and give them a smile

the guy doesn’t exactly return the smile, but they still give you a nod back

it’s a bit awkward and you don’t want to continue the awkward eye contact 

because his gaze is so cold and piercing, you’re a bit flustered

it’s a Friday afternoon, you’re exhausted and you can’t wait to just relax and enjoy the weekend

so you quickly grab an apple from the kitchen bench, and turn to head back to your room, but your mum is like “where are you rushing off to y/n?”

and you turn round with your mouth full of apple like ???

“this is your chem tutor, Minhyun. Minhyun, this is my daughter, y/n, I hope she pulls her act together for you and….”

your eyes widen because you were not prepared for this at all

you were not expecting someone….as visually stunning as Minhyun

which you then are ashamed of yourself for thinking because hey, tutors can be hot too, you cant just dismiss them like that 

but Minhyun is like god level, your ideal type visuals so you’re just a tad stunned

you’re caught up in your own thoughts because you hear your mother sigh loudly before telling Minhyun that you have a tendency to zone out mid conversation

and Minhyun laughs

and his laugh is sO BEAUTIFUL

it’s such a genuine, happy laugh, which is a contrast to the cold first impression you got when you had the stare down less than a minute prior

but, back to business, you start your first chemistry tutorial with him 

and you realise that wow, without a tutor you probably would’ve failed

Minhyun is really clear and concise, and you’re a bit embarrassed by how little you know

But he’s super understanding

“chem is hard y/n, don’t worry I struggled at first when I did it last year”

he says as he blinks 10x a second

you note down somewhere in the back of your head that he’s only a year older than you lol it’s useful info to have you know, who even needs chemistry

“how did you get so good at it then?”

“uhhhm, I listened to my tutor?”

“don’t lie, you’ve always been good at chem, haven’t you?”

he looks away in embarrassment and nods

the first tutorial goes smoothly, he refreshes your memory on the basics 

your mother brings the two of you some fruit and snacks to eat while you study

and you notice that Minhyun’s a really polite and nice guy

like after the two of you had finished eating he had gotten up and was going to go wash the dishes you’d used

“Minhyun it’s fine really, I’ll wash them later, just leave them”

but he insisted on washing them, and there was no stopping him

The next few tutorials went well and you feel like you’re slowly starting to get the hang of chemistry

and you’re also getting more comfortable around Minhyun and vice versa

conversations aren’t awkward anymore and you find out a bit about him

He’s in his first year of uni and studying health sciences, which surprises you because you wonder how he has time to be a tutor and study

Minhyun just shrugs it off, but from then on you notice whenever his dark circles are clearer than usual

or when he asks you if it’s okay for him to eat his food he brought with him because he didn’t have time to during lunch

but he never complains about being tired at all unlike you lol

and over time Minhyun practically becomes your confidante, and you tell him a lot of your concerns about school and your future etc

he gives you really good advice, and always listens to every word you say and takes it all in like a sponge

So usually you have your tutorial sessions in the dining room

But one day your mum had guests over so she ushered the two of you into your room

you only have one chair in your room though so before that you had to go into your younger brother’s room to get a chair for Minhyun to sit on

His room lowkey stresses you out though because it’s as if a wild animal has torn through the room with dirty clothes and books strewn everywheRE

Minhyun follows behind you, and when he sees your brother’s room you swear his eyebrow started twitching

“uh, yeah sorry, please ignore my brother’s mess of a room, it’s actually disgraceful”

Minhyun looks at you in concern

“Please tell me your room isn’t like this too.”

you have never been more thankful to yourself because you like to keep your room clean and organised.

when you two sit down in your room, Minhyun breathes out a very audible sigh of relief

and you can’t help but laugh at how adorable he is

Minhyun doesn’t know why your laughing at him but he does know that he really likes your laugh

your brother comes home a little while later and he barges into your room demanding where his chair is

and he sees Minhyun and proceeds to freak the f uck out

“HYUNG!!!”

Minhyun’s eyes widen and he looks back and forth between you and your brother like a deer caught in headlights

“oh my god y/n, your little brother is Yoo Seonho????

that’s when you realise that this Hwang Minhyun, your chem tutor, is the same “Minhyunnie Hyung” that your little brother idolises so much

From then on Seonho tries to crash your tutorial sessions much to your dismay, so your mother decides to permanently move the tutorial sessions to your room

You apologise so much to Minhyun

“if you’re uncomfortable we can meet in the library instead?” 

“Seriously y/n i’m fine! If you want to move to the library, we can, but it’s probably more convenient for both of us to just continue having them at your house”

He’ll usually make sure that you’re listening to his help and that you’re studying for the two hour sessions you have

But sometimes he comes over a bit earlier or stays a bit later and the two of you have good chats and eat snacks and drink tea because you both dislike coffee

sometimes you feel bad for rambling on about your worries to him because he must have worries too and you dont want to dump it all on him

so you decided that the next tutorial you wouldn’t talk as much and just focus on chemistry

and as you’re finishing up for that day, you start clearing up your books but Minhyun looks at you in concern

“are you alright y/n? you haven’t said much today”

tbh you’re surprised he even noticed 

“I just thought that you’re probably sick of hearing about my life every week..”

“I like listening to you talk about anything though”

His ears go as pink as your blushing face, and you both shy away

Around university exam time Minhyun had to take a break as your tutor in order to focus on his studies

but he felt really bad so he made you a little care package and he came round in the weekend to personally deliver it to you 

and it had all his chemistry notes and your favourite snacks and chocolates

he had even put a little fox plushie in because he said it resembles him

and when he gave it to you, you were so touched

the funny thing is that you had made him a similar care package too (minus the chem notes lol), to cheer him on for his exams

and the two of you were a blushing mess when you gave them to each other

like it’s become so obvious that the two of you like each other

Minhyun gives you a quick hug before he turns to leave and is about to get in his car

but he has second thoughts and turns around

“um, y/n…after my exams, do you want to go on a date with me? 

After his exams (which went well ofc), you start dating, and you go on little dates here and there

the two of you try to keep it a secret from your mum and Seonho

but one day your mother asks if Minhyun wants to stay for dinner to thank him for being such a good tutor and boyfriend to you

the two of you were originally going to go watch a movie that night but because you were now stuck at home to eat dinner you didn’t see a reason why minhyun shouldn’t join your family

lol regrets

because minhyun can’t lie for shit remember (you’re not that much better either)

he’s so suspicious at dinner and keeps blinking constantly your mother can see right through the two of you

and then she dead ass asks “so how’s the dating going?”

and minhyun replies “it’s good!” before realising that she said dating not tutoring and he’s like asdfghjkl shit.

Seonho is horrified but your mum loves it, she thinks Minhyun is perfect boyfriend material and was hoping something might happen between the two of you wow matchmaker mother in the house

However, Minhyun still insists on being the absolute professional when he tutors you

but he’ll schooch his chair closer to yours

or feed you fruit when you’re busy writing stuff down

and sometimes he’ll hold your hand under the table

or sneak in a kiss here and there

he also cleaned Seonho’s room “it’ll be good bonding time!”

and one time he fell asleep on your bed after a long day at uni and you didn’t have the heart to wake him up because he had been so tired and he looked like such an angel and you realised then that you really really love him so much because how can someone be so perfect 

you end up falling asleep at your desk but when you wake up the next morning you’re all warm and snuggled up in his arms in your bed and he kisses your forehead and gives you the sweetest eye smile that you feel like melting and you can’t help thinking at that exact moment that you’re the luckiest person in the world

[melodramaticmelon]

hi so i feel like i owe an explaination for the lack of art so this might POSSIBLY get long but ive had an emotionally draining day so who knows ((read more))

putting this in front bc just in case yall need a reminder im a 21 y/o guy from asia [i am mixed asian/eurpoean-ish. i am not latino. i feel i have to say this since most of the art portayed are of 2 mexican boys] and i have a lot of followers who arent of legal age and i need u 2 know youre following an adult. this blog is sfw, but i want to be transparent about it.

ok so firstly i got depressed in januarry bc of my military service and it started to get better around feb when i got really busy so idk if doing things helped or distracted me either way it worked lol. since then its been up and down, recently got bad again

since then lifes been rlly busy tbh with office and ive been a aprt of my language community but overall the lifestyle and lack of sleep, tumblr time and generally time to surround myself with art has left me depleted for the past almost year and ive honestly gotten super out of touch with art, tecnical skill wise and emotionally and ive been having a had a ahrd time drawing and feeling like i like drawing or getting any kind of catharsis im v sure this is still depression lol, its just been extremely difficult to get back into art, esp the emotional aspect as i feel that i cant let off emotional steam or deal with stuff like i could before. 

i will continue to draw and stuff but updates will be far less frequent until i sort out some of my own things. 

also re: aridante bc i feel like i need to say this like... as much as i love them [and maybe this will change when the new book/movie comes out] i feel like ive become disconnected from them, the experience, the book, the message etc 1. bc its been so long since ive first read it 2. again i dont feel the catharsis from producing fanart, which was what motivated me to draw so much 3. these characters are 17 and im 21 lol it was different when i was 19 but now as an adult like... out of respect for characters and individuals of the age who read the book and empathize and share similar experiences, i dont feel comfortable drawing them as much in a way that fulfills my needs bc my own needs have changed and it doesnt align with what i can portray with these characters. i`ll obviously still do fanart and stuff but itll be much less as i`ll need to find other ways to deal with my own internal nonsense and negotiate what i can show with pre-existing fictional characters vs say my own intellectual property.

this is probs as concise as i can make it also im tired, im rlly sorry for the sudden lack of art and i do feel bad about not posting as much because i remember how happy and vibrant I was, how vibrant my interactions were a year plus ago when i posted things more consistently. 

I`m still active tho like everyday and stuff on my main @fudeh​ so im not ~gone~ per se

ye if u read all this thanks a bunch <3

[rotworld]

ok sorry for coming back but I just saw that u said u might do more edo period aus????? thank u for giving life to me?? also I've been meaning to ask for a while! How do u write so much, and so OFTEN? I've been working on fics since like last year and they're not finished... and those are one shots and 4 chaptered fics,,... what keeps u going? How r u motivated? please take care of ur self ily

aww oh jeez anon no apologizing for coming back, im glad you are here! ;v;

ive been asked something similar before and gave a super vague and probably not helpful answer lol so ill try to make this one a little more candid

(but not concise apparently lmao sorry this is long)

->i know how i am, and thats important. i get bored easily so i can get tired of my own ideas, or at least their execution. this is often a matter of timing. for example when i sat down to write relapse i started it too early, beginning with a scene where the protagonist wakes up and goes about their morning ritual while thinking about their history with ren.

this is boring lmao i was bored writing it so its gonna be boring to read. i cut the whole thing and skipped ahead to when they were leaving instead, and that made it easier to write because i was interested again. also the information i wanted to get across in that scene ended up being presented a little more gracefully throughout the fic rather than front-loaded at the very beginning lol

i also know that i like having a little direction (but that ill inevitably wander away from whatever concept i start with lol) so i give myself vague outlines. for one shots this is just a sentence or two that encapsulates what i want to accomplish. for a series or longer work i get a lot more specific, sometimes down to the conversations i want to take place and what i want to be accomplished by having that conversation.

->ive heard this metaphor for writing about how when you first turn on the faucet a bunch of gross crap comes out before the water does (unless you live in a place with decent water/a filter but i have neither of those so just bear with me lol) this means that youre going to feel like youre writing complete garbage. it doesnt look good and it isnt what you wanted or expected, but you have to write it anyway.

it can be as minimalistic or verbose as it needs to be, it can be choppy and fragmented and jumping all over the place and a total disaster compared to what you actually want it to sound like. all that matters is that you power through it and let the faucet run because the water is going to start coming out eventually. you cant let yourself get discouraged that it doesnt happen from the very beginning.

something i do when i feel like ive written a scene or even a whole piece thats just utter trash is i take a break, do something else for a while, and then come back and write it a second time. i understand that other people do this from memory but i usually just have another document open beside the first. this is a very specific thing that works for me because it helps overcome a mental block so i cant guarantee itll work for anyone else lol. i just like being able to see the old copy as i work with it without actually interacting with it.

->ive been doing this for a little while. i dont know how long ive been writing because that goes back a long time lol but ive been posting work online for three years now. before i did that, i would start and stop things whenever i felt like it and i finished absolutely nothing. but suddenly there were people leaving me feedback saying they wanted more and i had an audience, however small, that was interested in the story i was telling. the expectations of total strangers helped me develop good habits.

i mean mostly lol i cant claim to have figured it all out. i still lose motivation or bite off more than i can chew sometimes. katabasis is in limbo because i was in a very particular mood when i started it and i dont know when or if ill be ready to go back to it. but thats ok! all of the pieces ive done up until now have been good practice and a lot of fun. i think every time you bounce back from a block you get a little better at dealing with them overall because you know whats worked for you before.

[heartsoftruth]

01- This is gonna be very long but I am mad. Don't wanna be rude but your anon that keep dragging up that stuff about Larysa.. IS CRAZY! first of all it was years ago and people start dragging that shit out now only to prove Ney is a bad person. And clearly she is just copying info from tabloids. Second I followed his private life much closer than remember what his friends and him and everyone that saw it were saying. He didn't invite HER there, he was generally inviting his friends in a GROUP

Anonymous said:02- whatsapp chat of about 20 ppl saying he misses them in Barca and to come whenever. When she and her friend were going to Barca they went cuz THEY wanted to go and see it for holidays and visit him while there were there. And Gil rought them over to the house, not Ney. And Ney agreed cuz they were friends and in the city and why not… You can’t see Laryssa in the photo as she is taking it. On the left next to Gil is her friend Any Alves (Who at the time was a minor and ren away to Barcelona

Anonymous said:03- parents, and was begging ppl not to spread pic with her when it all started.. lol.. moron, that alsone tells you they are trouble makers) Next to Ney is Tatiana, HIS friend that has nothing to do with those 2, she was there on work and is a serious person and not in public eye with no reason to lie. She was the first to say they caught him by surprise and were just guest for a day and nothing happened and they planned this. There wasn’t some “girls brought there and ordered not to take

Anonymous said:04- photos” like anon says. It was just her and her friend. Clearly Ney knew she is taking a pic but it was a friendly moment and he didn’t know bitch will send it to Brazil media.. THE SAME DAY. (or to a friend in Brazil that than spread it) and same day it was all over portals and same day Bruna saw it and broke up. Can you imagine how bad he must’ve felt to be used like that by someone he knows few years? He didn’t even have time to explain to Bruna what happened. And he didn’t sue Laryssa

Anonymous said:05- right away he told her to stay out of his private life and what did she do? Got back to Brazil and went doing interview and talk shows talking about it on and on, inventing things and literally changing her story and details 4-5 times!!! She even said how he didn’t sue her yet but maybe will and she knows all of this mess is her fault bla bla bla.. and still continued doing it. There are still interviews of her on youtube. Chick is crazy she was doing that almost till 2016.

Anonymous said:06- She also said she didn’t have anything with him at first, but later said she did and when fans started attacking her that he was in relationship she said oh but it was years ago. She also said he paid for them to get there, later said her concise is clear she was just there on holiday on her own with friend and invited over by someone else (Gil). Gil and Ney even had a fight over it and unfollowed each other for a short time then. I am sure Gil didn’t mean for all of this to happen.

Anonymous said:07- So many lies… So of course when that shit was dragged on tv and she was enjoying fame even saying now she’s ready for new career, he sued her for using him name and lying. who wouldn’t?? I would! Your anon should investigate the shit they are saying before talking smth they don’t know about. Stop making him the devil all the time. I totally feel sorry for that boy surrounded by this piranhas. :(((

LOL, well this is probably why I had so many question the last time *cough* and the reason why I always do my own ‘research’ with things like this haha*

But what was said in those audios she released? Do you know that? I mean she can she this or that but those audios can’t be lies. 

SO you’re saying - like Tatiana said in that article - Laryssa is indeed a leach who’s out for fame? But on the other hand Bruna immediately believed some tabloid rumors of Ney having girls over/cheating - who dont look sleazy or anything just normal girls - in a heartbeat and ended it with him… I mean good that she didnt do that after that Playboy ta gata-gate from a week ago then. But it does show the fragile state they were in. But I feel you. It was someone who he knew long and if she really screwed him over I can’t imagine how me must feel. But sadly he has had these kind of things happen to him after this incident too. Let’s hope he now has finally learned his lesson.