#sorry this cost of living crisis may kill me by the time i’m 28

[deargravity]

[couragechangecure2020]

Week 2 BA Quarantine Update!

*Hi Friend*!

 Thanks for hanging in there with me, and the rest of the world during the COVID-19 crisis. I HOPE you are doing the best you can to get through this time by staying safe in whatever way you possibly can!

 I am honestly unsure if anyone even reads my posts anymore or are interested in anything I say here!  I haven’t heard much feed back from many on what others think so I may decide later to discontinue and eventually delete this blog if the interest is low.

 Anyway, For today’s post:

It is Saturday-March 28th, 2020 and it’s the end of week 2, of the Corona Virus Quarantine here in the Bay Area!!  

Over the last week, the Bay Area and the world has been hit head on with more deaths and several cases of COVID-19 to date.

 My week began at the start of the week on Monday with an unfortunate experience to my nearest hospitals pharmacy (In person).  This experience for me was by far, one of the worst experiences I have had since being a member with my health insurance.

 One week ago, I realized my medication for my stomach medication which I have been taking since my Ostomy Reversal in November of 2018, was running low.  I immediately went online and attempted to order this prescription however, was at a halt because a message popped indicating approval for my refill was needed.

 I made a call to my pharmacy call center and again my request was rejected.  I told myself and my family I was going to go in person to pick it up.  I arrive at the clinic and before I went in, outside there were medical assistants asking if I had an appointment and/or needed to use the pharmacy.  I said pharmacy.  I shortly realized, the process of what was previously easy to just walk into any clinic on my own was not there anymore.  I-with the rest of the members I was with, were asked to use hand sanitizer and to wear a mask.

 I have been through countless experiences being in and out of the clinic but the protocols these days are definitely different.

 So, to get back to my pharmacy refill story-I was cleared to enter the building wearing a mask and my hands being sanitized thoroughly.  

 I get to Building 3 and ask to refill my prescription.  After about a 10 minute debate with UCSF pharm students and regular pharmacists, I was told my medication was at building 4 and was being filled there. I head over to building 4, wait 45 minutes and nothing.  I go up to pharmacy clerk and she tells me, building 4 (which is them) do Not have it in stock and the hospital Discharge pharmacy does.  I was becoming upset.  Not yet to the point of blowing up but close.

 I go to Discharge, and Discharge tells me they have no idea what building 4 is saying and that 4 has it in stock! By this time in the game, I was furious.  I was irritated, upset and to the point where the medication honestly didn’t really matter to me anymore if its going to take THIS much effort in getting a simple prescription at building 4! I return Building 4 and again see the same Pharmacy Clerk and ask her “What’s going on”! She simply puts it, “You already have had a partial amount of this medication so we can’t give it to you!  I just about Blew up!  Just so you know, this medication strength was brand new and the was a new prescription all together.  There was No way in Hell, I could’ve had any amount of this medication in my possession or even taken it before.  Before leaving, the clerk I was working with also indicated to me “we need to contact the doctor for approval because for some reason there is an issue with authorization”!  I said, “Okay, so how long is that going to take because I didn’t anticipate being here ALL day”?!  She looked at me baffled “I don’t know”!  I left telling her “This is getting a little ridiculous because people like me who are immunosuppressed should not be out and subject there own self to unnecessary exposure”!  I left and since then, I haven’t returned and the status of my medication is up in the air.

            From Tuesday to Thursday, I have been keeping up with numbers and deaths around my county and the USA to make sure those I love are not in an area where they are hit the hardest.  

 Most of the areas my family is in St. Louis, Chicago, Nevada, and Arizona! Just to name a few.

            On the news on Wednesday, my family and I, with every other Kaiser San Jose member was made aware from a local news source that “Nearly ½ of all patients at Kaiser hospital in SJ believed to have COVID-19”!

 Between Here and Santa Clara during the past 23 months, I have been here countless times. This announcement is honestly, not surprising to me as Kaiser across northern California has absorbed many of the cruise line folks.

 What Completely sucks though for me and for even those in my family (I.e parents over 65) is that when we have a true medical emergency many of us will likely Die!  

 Car accident? Sorry, ED is beds are full.  Heart attack? Take a number.  Appendicitis, Bowel Obstruction, SBO, Gallbladder attack, Stroke Alert? Incoming Code 3? If there are no beds people will eventually begin dying of completely treatable conditions.  

 We NEED to flatten the curve and we ALL need to cooperate and listen to direct stay at home/quarantine orders and begin to practice Social Distancing.

 As of now in California 4,0000 cases are confirmed and they are quickly on the rise.

 We as a community need to come together and do what we need to flatten the curve in this trying time for the entire world.  I am sitting here writing with the CNN on in the background as I listen to how other states are “beginning” to quarantine.  

If you are someone who fits in the categories of being susceptible to this virus, I ask you to please take the proper precautions according to where you are to stay safe. It is Imperative for those who fall in these categories to keep themselves safe.

 Before I go, I know a lot of people, Including-myself are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety and similar symptoms.  During the past 2 weeks, I have tried incredibly hard to concentrate on the positive and to not look too much into the future.  Each day, I worry about what’s going to happen.  My biggest fear is both contracting the virus and also having anyone in both my immediate and extended family contracting it as well.  

 I have literally done everything I can to Stay hopeful.  My heart hurts though and on Tuesday, I broke down in private because I have a lot on my heart.  COVID-19 is killing our economy and our people.  I want to do so much to help, but with the condition I am in and the conditions I have, I am likely not able to.  Joining the many others who are making masks for physicians and nurses among all of the other medical Personal, I am going to add to the numbers and make some for the members on the Med/Surg floor I was on, The PACU, ER, and the numerous of surgeons at Kaiser Santa Clara.  In addition to Masks, I will be contributing my efforts in making scrub caps for my surgeons as well.  I am sure JP and her Colleague will appreciate it very much.

 Depression and anxiety though this time is very common. So they say, I have experienced it during the past 2 weeks and I just wonder how and what about those who are in need of psychiatric help are able to seek it?  Yes, I have to admit, I have been admitted (once at UCSF & once at Stanford) for depression.  On Tuesday, when I broke-down I felt I didn’t have anyone-With all and every medical professional being understandably inundated, we who suffer from symptoms like these are felt they are either being left out or are totally forgotten about. With the case-loads, and acuity of the worlds issues everyone is experiencing, there are Not enough clinicians to go around and ask everyone “How ya doing”!  I understand that, but, What happens to those individuals who-Like me break down and symptoms of depression come on and want help and there really isn’t any out there? Some individuals may even require hospitalization but who in their right mind would want to expose and subject themselves to COVID-19? Esp. at Kaiser San Jose or Santa Clara? I don’t GET that when someone, yes, possibly me, becomes too overwhelmed and even may have thoughts about taking their lives (NOT ME), How and where is that psychiatric help?  Is the ER really the place to go in a psychiatric emergency at this time?  What do we do, where do we look?

 I’m not sure I really understand what resources are available to those with psychiatric illnesses.

 For me in particular, I feel my medical team has forgot about all of us in general and everything other than COVID-19 is currently on hold.  Which they are. Sadly.

 I totally feel it is vitally important for those of us who have such symptoms seek appropriate care.  I feel like I’m in a bind.  There IS a place (the county hospital) which has a psychiatric service however, when I was there the last time, I was there, I was abused.  And if you are thinking or believing I am exaggerating this issue, I’m not and there is No Way, I will Ever go there again to seek help in a place where medical professionals who are supposed to have your best interest at heart, treat you like a piece of dirt.  During this terrifying experience, I have never been treated so horribly and with such disrespect in an environment where doctors, Nurses, and Nurse managers are supposed to keep you “SAFE”!

 Just a head’s up-This is the very 1st time I have EVER opened up about these medical professionals abusing me at this place.  What is sad, is that since these incidents happened to me, I will more than likely NEVER ask for mental health assistance again.  For the past month and a ½, I have held in what happened to me. Maybe there will be a day, I will be able to open up further about what happened but for now, I will avoid, at all costs, Valley Medical Centers Emergency services while a Kaiser Patient.

 With that said and off my chest of wonder and worry, my family and I are continuing to do the best we can.  From California-Nevada-St. Louis-Chicago-Arizona, we all have continued to support each other in every way possible. I believe the world is taking it day by day and that’s what I am going to continue to do until this Continued Chaos is over.  

 This ENTIRE situation Sucks for all of us! No Doubt. I just hope that God for-bid, I (or anyone close to me) don’t die of this onslaught of disease!  

 Many continued Prayers for My team of Doctors, Surgeons, Nurses and those who are working on the front lines.  Your work is very appreciative to each one of us and is above and beyond anything I could ever give. Lets ALL continue to Focus on keeping everyone inside, Practice social distancing, staying positive and join together by making a difference to flatten the curve

 *Thank You all for continuing to follow me*

Stay Safe my world, I LOVE YOU!

 Best,

Kimmie