#sorry sorry sorry god forbid i talk about something im actively enjoying (this is about mcsn btw)

[llitchilitchi]

sometimes I wish this site had a mute option

[maythray]

reading this is like unearthing some never before seen schoolgirl reaction i am literally here giggling and kicking my feet what the hell

[jeonscatalyst]

just in response to that anon who wrote about the different spaces to enjoy jikook's bond - I for one joined tumblr exactly because of this. That this space offers you a chance to have a legitimate mature discussion. Sure, we all have disagreements and it would be impossible to agree 100% of the time, but it somehow feels not as unhinged as other social media. I do use IG and there are a few content creators that put together cute and honest compilation of Jikook but it still is no space to talk. I wouldnt go near Twitter even if my life depended on it, and it also shows why it is a such a place the most delusional things happen - its limited and only allows shortest message with no space for interpretation, easy to manipulate. And Im sorry but it is exactly why trashkooks have such a loud following there. Somehow it appears that most of them are so very young (which is not a fault per se) so they take things as they are shown without the need to think and discuss, and gods forbid you may have actually sth different to say that doesnt align with the rest (it really does feel like a cult...). YT again too much manipulation for me, although it is the space that I first followed. I have to admit Im no spring chicken and never in my life I actively discussed anything in any fandom but Jikooks bond is truly sth exceptional and rarely seen. I have my share of tragic life experiences and Im no longer hopefull to ever experience love like theirs but just seeing them from afar and being a quiet witness and supporter of them makes me feel a little lighter. And it feels good to be among others who feel the way I feel.

xoxo, Alex

Hi hun,

Sorry it took me a few days to get to your ask. I agree with your observations.

I am also sorry about everything you’ve had to go through in life that made you believe you might never have a beautiful love ever again but always remember that it isn’t over until it is over and there isn’t really ever a time limit for finding true happiness. I am glad that you’ve atleast found something that gives you a little happiness and that fills that void. I hope you get to experience a beautiful love again💜

[merakiui]

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hey! I was scrolling through your blog and I like the theme! Can i please get a cake?

Im 5'3, ambivert, she/her, on the chubby curvy side, i have a short hair (i also bleached it like narcissa malfoy's), my hobbies are reading, watching documentaries about history, writing, painting, listening to music, playing thr guitar and singing. I'm a badminton player, I was a volleyball player and I also did Taekwondo when I was little.

I enjoy having meaningful conversations and I don't really do small talk. I love talking about mythology and stuff. I'm usually silent when meeting new people, I also might come off intimidating to most people, although when I'm with my friends i'm kinda like the one that gives ideas to my crazy friends to do something lol.

I overthink and sometimes that makes me have an anxiety attack that will make me kinda shut down and not be active for a few days. I enjoy giving gifts and I love recieving affirmations and spending time with who I can be myself with, I also want someone who can hype me up lol.

🍰 for @empress-simps

Romantic Matchup...

Kuroo Tetsurō 📓

Ok but like...this man right here fine as fuck please date me

He would be your #1 hype man for sure!

Mans makes sure you know how beautiful you are Every. Single. Day

If you had an anxiety attack near him I feel like he would know how to calm you down

And if you shut down he’ll know what’s going on and IMMEDIATELY try to make you feel better

I get the feeling he’s an ambivert as well which is great cause y’all just feed off of eachothers energy

Loves when you go on rambles about anything your interested about and encourages your passions as well!

I’m sorry but mans makes fun of your height for sure 😭

However one time he bullied you and Yaku at the same time so what did you do? Got on Yakus shoulders to double your height

Overall a really supportive and fun boyfriend

Friendship Matchup...

Sugawara Kōshi 💖

What can I say y’all just get eachother!

Y’all get into some deep ass convos

When you guys are in a more introverted mood it’s very chill

But god forbid you both are in a chaotic mood

You guys are always doing something mischievous but “as long as we don’t get caught it doesn’t matter” his words

You would probably get him into astrology

Asks a billion questions at first but catches on quickly (he asks everyone he meets their zodiac now)

Overall a strong and sturdy friendship

[trashforcaptainlevi101]

Misogyny in the Anime Community

I can’t even really believe that I have to type this shit but I guess life is full of surprises. Follow my trip down a fucking gigantic shithole. 

THIS IS A LOT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AND IM SORRY. BUT PLEASE READ IT. IN MY OPINION IT IS AN IMPORTANT MATTER. DONT IGNORE DAILY HARASSMENT OF WOMEN ONLINE. 

Since I’m a very sociable girl and I love Anime and I love love love the Tumblr-Anime-Community (except for some minor things but nothing’s perfect y’know) and so I decided to join some local Facebook-Anime-Groups. 

I was happy to gain new information about Anime and I was willing to throw myself into heated discussions about my favorite characters and shows. What I got instead was a shitbunch of misogyny and hatred towards “realistic female characters” that didn’t act like the **waifuuu** these guys wanted so badly. 

From the start I haven’t been as active in this groups as I was here on Tumblr. I didn’t interact as much even though I really tried to get into it something just put me off. Firstly, this was a men dominated group - like 85% AT LEAST were guys in their late teens up to early twenties and they all loved some good smashes in Anime and some hot girls with super big tits (there were even polls about which Anime girls more dudes would like to fuck or something). That was something that I could tolerate - I mean who am I to judge right? I, myself love me some hot pics of my favorite Anime boys and girls so no problem right? 

Unfortunately not. Most of the comments in these section were about what this men would do to this girl if they could have their way with her and I tell you what: these men are fucking disgusting. Actually using the word “rape” and “Taking advantage of” etc. in this context is in my opinion not okay. Especially when there are minors in this group (their parents probably failed to keep them under check because this group is not for minors). 

I still don’t know why I didn’t immediately leave the group (probably because there were like 5 good posts per month or because I wanted a daily reminder of how shitty men can be - of course not all men and women too!) 

Today I was refreshing my facebook page when said group popped up with a picture of one of my favorite Anime - NANA by Ai Yazawa. If you’re not familiar with it and don’t want to be spoiled then skip the next paragraph (I’ll try to not really spoil the plot only the relevant things? idk). 

NANA is a slice-of-life Anime about two girls named Nana, but one of them is frequently called Hachi and I’ll refer to her as Hachi. It’s a very mature and in my opinion realistic Anime and Manga when it comes to the plot and the actions of the characters. And the two female main characters - god forbid - have sex. Nana - presumably - has Sex with only one guy. Hachi on the other hand has sexual intercourse with a few different men. Which is okay and normal - HA! That’d what actual intelligent people would say, but not the dudes from this group. 

This one guy decided to watch NANA and I still don’t know how he even thought it would be a good idea to watch it because it’s about female empowerment and about finding your own path in this world as a girl and about even more but it always comes down to: females. 

And what happened to be popping up on my facebook page was this (I added ugly translations but so all of you understand): 

At first I had to google what “Sharmuta” even means, but at first look I knew it wouldn’t be something like “brave young woman”. I looked it up and - surprise - it means slut, skank, hoe, hooker, whatever term you prefer. You get it. 

Not only is NANA my most treasured Anime/Manga, I’m also a girl who hates being told how to live my life. Especially when I’m told by men who 1. don’t know me 2. think women should hide in the kitchen learning recipes until their unknown husband picks them up to get them pregnant. Ok that was a little over the top but you know what I mean. 

Naturally I felt attacked. I felt attacked because this is one of the works I truly admire and because the reason I love it so much is because of the complex and realistic relationships. I love that it’s not this “ugh I’m a virgin waiting for my prince”-trope. I love that there are female characters who embrace their sexuality and needs because that’s what I struggled with for so long. It portrays strong women who make mistakes (like everyone does) but they stand up for themselves and they own their mistakes and learn to live with them in the best way possible. It helped me find peace with my body and mind and showed me that it’s okay to live as you please. You don’t need to be ashamed of anything and the last thing you should be ashamed of is who and how you love and that it’s not shameful to enjoy sex or anything involved with sex. It’s okay for women to still their sexual needs. 

So - of course I had to speak up. I think I knew from the beginning that this would be useless but I just felt so infuriated that a men can openly slutshame a character that stands for female empowerment (correct me if I’m wrong, but this was my feeling?). 

FROM HERE ON I’LL POST THE TRANSLATION UNDER THE PIC BC OF SIZE REASONS AND I DONT WANT ANYONE TO THINK I MANIPULATED WHAT I OR HE SAID so whatever

Cucumber Guy: ok ...

Star Girl (me): I had to look this word up on google and the definition I found (slut) is - in my opinion - 100% not fitting. I’m sorry, but to call a girl who enjoys her sexuality and tries different things a slut is just wrong imo. What makes NANA such a masterpiece are the realistic dynamics and constellations between the characters and the lack of perfection. Hachi is not a slut and to call her that just shows your strange view of women. Of course, everyone can do as they like - but in this time and age it is so important to support girls in their decisions and to not always degrade them and question their every move. Stop slutshaming (even if it’s only a fictional character) : - ) 

Mr-Know-It-All: This text only shows me that you can identify with her as a charcter ... maybe you even feel like I was talking to you but sorry - a person like this (with such a foul character) is nothing you can make appear good 

Mr-Know-It-All: Nothing but the truth. 

Star Girl (me): to be honest I expected something like this as an answer. I think it’s horrifying how much misogyny hides behind your words and is something that’s completely unnecessary in todays society. Reality will get to you soon enough and you’ll realize that women have needs and there is no reason for you to judge that. Because I know that I can’t convince you otherwise I’ll just save my energy for something else : - ) 

Mr-Know-It-All: I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Don’t try so hard to defend yourself or that illusion you have. That you even said “how much misogyny hides behind your statement” is ridiculous. If someone has seen the Anime and then reads your comments about it he has to pity you no matter what. Our society is damaged and that you think behavior like this is normal shows truly what you are. 

Mr-Know-It-All: For people who read “this discussion” without knowing the Anime. Just watch it (it’s a good show). But just so you understand: SPOILER: This ******** has an affair with a married an (for a long time period) ... and that’s only the beginning XD XD it only gets better. 

SO, to break this down again: 

- at first he assumes I identify with this character and that would make me a slut too so .. my opinion is not really valid right? 

- I try to reason with him one more time even though I already saw him as a lost cause and he then proceeds to tell me (put bluntly) that my point of view is what’s wrong with society. 

- he then tries to justify his opinion by slutshaming the character even further 

Maybe you don’t see a problem with this. Maybe you think I overreacted, but to be honest: I’m fed up. I’m fed up about being told that I’m only worth something if I’m “pure and innocent” - whatever that means! I’m so fed up with men like him degrading women because of their decisions and actions. Why are men allowed to make mistakes, to learn from their mistakes and to move on - but women have to be haunted by theirs for the rest of their life and through all eternity? And maybe - just maybe - someone doesn’t even see having an affair with a married man as a mistake and if they don’t IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS TO COMPLAIN. Women’s lifes do not belong to men. We are not something you can dictate however you want. We live. We feel. Sometimes we need things even though we know they are bad for us. We do things that we know can get us in trouble. We are human and it’s heartbreaking to see how many men still don’t get the idea that women can live a life on their own. That they don’t need someone to overlook their every move. 

I want the Anime Community to be open-minded, to be inclusive to everyone. I want everyone to feel welcome and safe. And even though there are often discourses - let’s handle them the classy way. I want to feel welcomed no matter what my sexuality is or how often I have sex or how much I admire a sex positive character. Sex positivity is so important, especially for young women, so let’s work hard together to make it something that’s okay. Okay to be talked about. Okay to be admired. And also okay to not be practiced since it’s not for everyone but that is also okay.

[rontra]

Hey Rontra. Sorry is this is too personal, but I was recently diagnosed with autism (high functioning) and even though it didn't tell me anything new per se, I've been trying to wrap my mind around it. Do you have any tips for getting through the transition period?

Hi there friend!Omg yeah getting th diagnosis can be super weird even if it’s not necessarily new information, I totally get what you mean lmao

Even tho it’s personal I don’t rly mind talking about it at all; just remember that this is a suuuuper individual experience and you might not relate to my thoughts on it at all–and that’s okay! I’m happy that you decided to ask for advice, but if mine doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay–and I’m sure there’s other posts out there that can add to this you might relate to more (but I’m on mobile so sadly can’t help much there djfhshs sorry). This kind of advice is hard because everyone’s so different xD ahhhhSpoilers: my tips are very mushy and sentimental ;9

But this DID get long so I’m gonna cut the post fbdbdhdhhs I’m very chatty ;v;

So for context’s sake: I was also diagnosed with autism relatively recently–at 20 years old (am 21 now). While I don’t know how old you are, I’ll assume that you’re an adult or close to it as well–which to me made the diagnosis feel really weird and time-displaced! Like I wasn’t “supposed” to be diagnosed so late, bc it’s “supposed” to be noticed in childhood and thus I’m somehow not “allowed” to relate with other autistic people (obviously, that’s not a correct line of thinking). I felt like, even though it totally makes sense and it’s def the appropriate diagnosis for me, it was weird–definitely difficult to sort of keep up and get my head around it. Everything in hindsight of my life makes 100% sense through this lens, and yet, it felt surreal. Not WRONG; but it was complex.

I think a lot of that stemmed from those two decades of suppressing the traits associated with my autism; things like downplaying or ignoring hypo- and hypersensitive sensory experiences, actively suppressing stims, and expending 90% of my day-to-day energy on just trying to slip “under the radar” in social interaction(let alone do well at it, God forbid). It wasn’t something I did out of conscious self loathing or anything like that; I actually assumed everyone grew up this way, and the world was just supposed to be a fuckin incomprehensible mess of unpleasant sounds and obscure subliminal social cues that people drop just for fun and sometimes things just swirl together into a big mess and you can’t focus and you can’t talk and this is just how the world IS. That we all grow up feeling like aliens and we’re all just pretending. That specific feeling wore off as I grew older and more prone to feeling directly isolated (so now IM the only alien), but the idea that “the world just Is Like This” stuck. It was HUGE to me when I realized that neurotypical people don’t usually relate to that mess. And, more importantly, that all this time-and-energy-consuming self-discipline was suddenly unnecessary, because those things had a reason and they had a meaning and they were mine. That’s weird. It’s good but it’s weird. To take in that those things have patterns and explanations and other people feel them too is overwhelming and beautiful and weird.

It’s weird as hell to feel like some kind of spy in a foreign country trying to blend in with a culture you don’t understand for 20 years, or some kinda alien, an animal in a cage doing tricks for a faceless crowd, only to have that moment where–it’s OKAY and things MAKE SENSE. It’s mine and it’s good and i don’t have to work so hard to be “like them” because I’m not. I can’t be.

I can’t be! Even when people call me (and you) things like “high functioning” it’s measuring my ability to be “like them”–which is something I can’t be. It’s measuring how I function compared to a neurotypical person, and it feels moot, because I’m NOT. It’s a measure of how good I am at pretending to be neurotypical. And guess what: after 20 years, I’m pretty damn good at it! :p

It makes sense, but it’s scary. Because I can finally get to know me, the autistic person–the person I’ve been subconsciously smothering for 20 years. That’s scary, and exciting, and comforting, all at once.

So after all that rambling, here’s one tip: lean into that. Hard. Indulge in something that makes you go “wow, this is pretty autistic” (whatever that might entail for YOU; I get really into obnoxiously elaborate organization systems for my hobby supplies, as one example) and just…let yourself enjoy it. Try a bunch of stim toys if you haven’t had the chance. Find a friend who has an hour or five to spare and tell them about your special interest, if you have one. Explore how you feel when you’re treating yourself to this kind of thing. Feel it all the way through. Take your time to get to know it.

I didn’t really go out and do research and look up more than I already knew–I focused way more on what I was feeling and how this new set of facts interwove with that, that it all made sense and for the first time I was in control of that and could indulge it consciously in a very pleasant way. I am more at peace than I have been in a long time because I’m expending less energy suppressing myself, while simultaneously spending more time being gentle to myself and indulging those autistic traits to bring an overall soothing. I think reviewing your own history and figuring out what makes your autism tick is super helpful in making you comfortable with it–finding what things appeal to you and utilizing those tools fully with the “armor” of your diagnosis. Before, I was often worried because “other people don’t do this” or “doing that is weird”–now, I do these things (stimming, accommodating for my sensory needs, etc) without feeling as bashful about it, because I know now that this is part of my experience with autism. I have that word, I have this diagnosis, and I can use that as my shield against those 20 years of pressure and shame. And if someone thinks my stim or my avoidance of certain touch IS weird–well, that’s their problem, lmfao. I spent 20 years suffering; I’m going to take full advantage of this new flourishing beauty.

To me, this experience isn’t about learning something new (as you said; it’s not new information)–but leaning into it and embracing what was there from the start. If you’re like me and have spent most of your life suppressing these things, indulging them may help you transition through the “whoa” into the “this is good” :p leaning into it HARD was def one of the best things I did hahahaha

another thing I did a lot was just reflection–I’ve spent a lot of time going over my own behaviors, reflecting on the past through this new lens, that kind of thing. I’ve been exploring my own mindset and how my brain works all over again, and connecting the dots to my diagnosis like some huge constellation chart, and it’s one of the most soothing things I’ve ever done. Maybe it’s because I’m big on organization :p Just kind of training myself to apply this new sexy word to it was important to me. To be able to say “oh, I do this thing because autism” or “hey I’m autistic too” and use these terms in a real way helped make the diagnosis and how it applies to me “real” to me as well.

People (neurotypical people, that is) talk to me about “acceptance” and “coming to terms with” and such–and they’re saying the right words but they don’t mean the right thing. They say it like I feel bad about autism. They’re saying it like autism is bad. It’s not. This wasn’t a difficult diagnosis to get–its not really one i struggled to cope with receiving. But they’re right that it is about acceptance, and it is about coming to terms–it’s just a far gentler thing with a different emotional starting point. I was learning from scratch how to take care of myself, with a whole new box of tools and terms to help me; it was flourishing, it was thriving. It was not a scary new disease or some threatening Autism $peaks rhetoric; it was merely understanding, and accepting, and giving myself positive things I’ve been keeping away for too many years.

Step 1 to managing my difficulties is understanding them. Step 2 is being kind.

Upon receiving this diagnosis, things may simply seem to make a lot of sense. Maybe you don’t really feel like it’s a “big deal” the way people around you seem to. It might just be that perfect moment when a puzzle piece clicks into place and it was always meant to be there. That dissonance between other people’s behavior and how you feel might be confusing too (I had this!).

Now, you probably understand things in a new light. It’s a good thing to become closer with yourself. Be nice to yourself and explore your experience of the world with a new light–you don’t necessarily have to do anything huge with that new info, but acknowledging it and naming its root and learning to use it to be kind to yourself in the future is cool. Don’t pretend like it isn’t there; name it, in your head, when you notice a trait in yourself that stems from it. Let yourself know what those things are and what they come from, and make adjustments where necessary to accommodate them. Be kind to yourself and don’t worry.

It’s good. You are good. You have always been good. Thank you.