#sorry it was long as frick

[sketchthetofu]

Is this how you draw Dakota Cole???? Have I finally done it??? Is this the silly redhead superhero from Prime Defenders???

[kineticallyanywhere]

I know your interests have long since moved on from rvb but I just stumbled across your really old post giving a summary and description of that reincarnation fic idea with locos machine and was wondering if you happened to have any sorta old docs about it you could share? I'm rlly curious!

y'know what? merry christmas!

[ganondoodle]

everyones more than welcome to send me asks about stuff* btw, i know i havent been that good in answering, but i think thats largely bc i always want to do too much, like .. drawing entire character design sheets and everything and then never having the energy or motivation for it so it sits around like all of my hundreds of wips i never finished bc i lost energy/motivation, waiting for it to come back .. which might never happen (and i still dont know how to handle compliments ,, i might never will tbh- if i havent answered a compliment its very very likely i dont know how to properly convey my gratitude- feeling like theres no amount of things i can do or say to 'pay back'? ... kinda weird if you think about it .. but i am weird so what do i know jsklfnhsdk, i promise you i treasure it)

im pretty sure not everyone that sends an ask expects a drawing or multiple and pages long text right? thats my skewed perspective isnt it?

*stuff being like .. about my ocs, about my zelda comic, about the totk rewrite project, suggestions, ideas, rants too, kind of anything though im less likely to respond to personal things (and in case theres anyone newer to tumblr, asks dont have to be literal questions, you can write in those what you want, i like them alot bc its a lil message without the chat type of commitment to it ... im even worse at keeping up responding in chats (not intentionally .. my short term memory sucks) o3o)

[reactionimagesdaily]

[ghostcreaturetypething]

Alright. So I am very new and naïve to the Supernatural fandom. But I am also autistic as hell, meaning I get very into things very quickly, and I’ll be damned if I spent all that time in A Level English lessons and doing endless revision for nothing, so listen up.

I am halfway through season 1, episode 12, Faith. Quick synopsis of the first few minutes, maybe quarter: Dean gets electrocuted and almost dies; he’s in the hospital, looking like hell, and Sam has just found out that the amount of electricity that Dean accidentally tazed himself with caused a heart attack that severely damaged Dean’s heart. Suffice to say, Dean did not just almost die: he is dying. Dean has weeks, tops, and he knows this. So when Sam comes into his room, distraught, Dean says,

“I know it’s not easy, but I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it.”

And Sam says, “Watch me.”

Now. Now. By god do I have feelings about this.

For some quick context, I am an older sibling, and I see my relationship with my sister as being quite similar to that between the Winchester boys, give or take a few traits.

That said, I… Hm. To me, this short exchange holds an unbelievable amount of weight. Just to begin with —

“I know it’s not easy, but I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it.”

The first phrase,“I know it’s not easy” is directed at Sam. Dean is in hospital, dying, in pain, and his first focus is to acknowledge that the situation is not easy for Sam. Because that is his baby brother, and even at this very early point in the series, we all know that he loves him an unbelievable amount. And, god, the way he says it — “I know it’s not easy.” It’s so matter-of-fact, and yet so gentle. It’s almost as though Dean is apologising for being at death’s door, almost like he only cares at all because of the effect he knows it is going to have on Sam. That — yeah. That makes me feel… things. But moving on swiftly:

“I’m gonna die.”

Stupidly casual. Not that we would expect anything less from Dean but, dude. Now is not the time to be using contractions. But more than being very casual and very typically Dean, it is very certain. More so even than a phrase like “I’m dying”, which describes a state of being but not a definite destination. “I am going to die” leaves no room for nuance or last minute rescues. This coupled with the “I know it’s not easy” implies that already, despite everything the boys have been through and overcome, Dean is resigned to his fate. He has given up. He believes he is going to die, and the only concession he has made to this not being an ideal situation is his acknowledgment of how difficult it must be for Sam. I mean. Fuck.

Now, the second phrase: “And you can’t stop it.” This. This is three things and all of them stab me directly in the heart. Firstly, I wanna talk about the fronted conjunction ‘And’. It’s unnecessary. Without it, the statement is gentler; less combative, and more of a way of saying to Sam, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. There’s nothing you can do, and we both have to be okay with that. But, BUT. With the addition of the “and”, Dean has made that statement into a challenge. A mock dismissal of anything Sam may or may not be able to do to save him. The two phrases now have the very typical structure of the way one would talk to a sibling: “I’m going out tonight and you can’t stop me.” “I know you don’t want to do that and I don’t care. Let’s go.” It’s PETTY. It’s unnecessary, and it makes it sound almost like Dean is… triumphant, in some way. Like he’s won, in his blunt laying out of what Sam can’t do.

“I know it’s not easy, but I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it.”

It’s a juxtaposition of gentle and combative, the most sibling-relationship-coded combination known to humankind, and it just goes to show that, on a meta level, the writing for the interactions between these two is incredible. But going back to the second half; I said it was three things. This is the third: as well as being contradictorily resigned and strangely triumphant, this phrase is also proof that actually, Dean is decidedly neither of these things. “And you can’t stop it” is not a definitive condemnation of Sam’s ideas. It is a plea. For help. For Sam to save him. “I’m gonna die”, aren’t I? “You can’t stop it” can you? I’m fucked, right? Dean is scared. This is proven to us later when Sam says, “You know, this whole… ‘I laugh in the face of death’ thing? It’s crap, I can see right through it.” But here, here is his very first admission of it. And that realisation would be emotive enough, but it gets better. Or possibly worse. Because Sam really does see through Dean. He already knows he’s scared. And so, he… Well. In my opinion, as an older sibling… Sam’s response is… staggering.

He says, “Watch me.” He says fucking “watch me.” Are you fucking kidding??? Because hell, Sam is the younger one. He is and always will be Dean’s baby brother. There are four whole years between them. He very well could have taken Dean at his word. He could have accepted his brother’s fate alongside him, and then sat by his bedside and watched him die. But he doesn’t. Because, as Dean said to him over the phone in Scarecrow, Sam is his own person. Dean tells him, “you’ve always known what you want, and you go after it”, and he’s right. Sam is not just the baby brother. He is incredibly smart and incredibly driven and most importantly, he does not take orders. From his dad or from Dean. So he does not take Dean at his word. He does not believe him when Dean says that he is dying and there is nothing Sam can do. He lets Dean tell him that, and then he lifts his chin and he says, “watch me.” Watch me save you.

And it is an act of unimaginable love.

Furthermore, it is, yet again, the most sibling-coded way he could have gone about it. Like Dean before him, he is pushing back. He is challenging his brother. He is disagreeing, he is being stupidly contrary, but it isn’t actually against Dean, like it might be normally. It is for him. And, like, fuck. Sam sees that Dean is scared, and he tells him not to worry in a way that is not only incredibly familiar to Dean due to the fact that it follows the pattern of their normal conversations, but is also incredibly confident. “Watch me.” Like there’s no possible way he’s going to fail at this. Because he knows Dean needs to hear it, but also because Sam cannot imagine a world in which he fails. In which Dean actually dies. And he’s going to make sure he never has to. But then. But then. Sam calls his dad. And it is a perfect fucking parallel to when Dean calls their dad in Home — except it isn’t. Both brothers call their dad when they are faced with their worst fear. Dean’s? It could be argued that it’s having to face whatever is in his childhood home, whatever it is that killed his mum. But the first thing he says to explain to his dad what’s going on is, “I’m with Sam” before following it up with “we’re in Lawrence and there’s something in our old house.” Dean is scared of his old house, there’s no doubt about it. But I would argue that his worst fear is something happening to Sam. And Sam’s is the same. But Sam’s attitude towards his fear is very different. When Dean, the daddy’s boy out of the two, calls his father, he is crying. He says he knows he’s left messages before but “I don’t know what to do”. He asks his dad to “get here”, because “I need your help.” Faced with his worst fear, he asks his dad for help — as he should, by the way — because he has spent his life under his dad’s rules and mentorship, he’s never left home, never lived alone, and even at twenty six he trusts his dad to keep Sam safe more than he trusts himself. Now Sam, Sam’s phone call is very different. He’s crying too, for obvious reasons, and at the beginning he mirrors Dean in other ways too, acknowledging that his father probably won’t even receive his message before saying his brother’s name — “It’s Dean” — and laying out the problem. But then he takes on a very different tone. Because Sam decidedly does not ask his father for help. He simply tells him what’s happening before saying, “don’t worry, because I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get him better.” I. Not you, or we. I, as in, just Sam. Because Sam is the independent one. He is the one who always pushed back against his father, he is the one who went off to university and has been living alone for years by the time Dean comes to find him. He knows he can take care of himself, and he trusts that he can take care of Dean, too. In this way, Sam is actually more mature or grown up than Dean, despite being the younger, and I think he knows it. Furthermore, I think Dean knows it. He knows that in this area, his baby brother is ahead of him, and I would argue that his phone call to Sam in Scarecrow is proof of that. I believe that it was this knowledge that allowed him to, even incredibly indirectly, ask Sam for help.

For those of you reading who do not have younger siblings, you should know that that is not something older siblings tend to do. Ask our younger ones for help. I can only ever speak for myself of course, but this is definitely something I have noticed outside of my own family.

But Dean asks Sam for help. Because he trusts him. Because he knows what Sam is capable of, and that he is capable of this. Therefore, as well as being a plea, Dean’s “And you can’t stop it” is also a fragile admission of hope, proving that he is not nearly as resigned to his fate as he would have Sam believe. Which brings us to the NEXT point:

Later, when Dean stumbles into Sam’s hotel room, looking like he already has one foot in the fricking grave, Sam tells him his plan to save him, and Dean says, grumpy as ever: “You’re not gonna let me die in peace are you?” And Sam smiles and says, “I’m not gonna let you die, period.”

I mean COME ON. Yet again we have Dean pretending to be stoic, yet feeling the tiny hesitant flicker of hope that his little brother is lighting for him, and Sam, said little brother, being so damn confident that he can save Dean’s life it’s almost cocky. And then, to add to that, we have the word “let”. “Let me die”, “let you die”. A word not typically associated with things that are outside of one’s control. And a word which Dean uses first, despite his alleged resignation. As thought it’s a choice. And Sam agrees. “I’m not gonna let you die, period.” And then he doesn’t. That crazy motherfucker actually pulls it off, snatching his big brother from the jaws of death seemingly with never more than a second’s doubt that he could.

Are you fucking kidding me???

Anyway, I have to stop now, abruptly, before I either lose it completely over this or before it becomes a full blown essay but IN CONCLUSION: The Winchester’s have probably the best, most realistically written sibling relationship I have ever come across in media, and I love them, and they are fucking insane. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[enoughofyouau]

This one's a double!

@sonicphobia0601 and @roze-moonie-x21

The au has several things going on (sorry I suck)

But basically Evie is trying to gather evidence of the monsters in the lost city in order to stop her town from being murdered by the curse, and Billie and her friends are trying to learn about their past after reading something in Aristotle's book about the lost city. They eventually get wrapped up in Fantoccio's play because

1. They're worried about him dying alone here

2. He has something to do with Arthur, but they don't know what

3. They feel bad :(

Nobody is allowed to speak of fanto because Evie's kingdom doesn't belive his existence and the entirety of goatshire would never let Billie out again

[technicalknockout]

im legally not allowed on most playgrounds now and i hate that so much. ive played here since before i could write wdym i cant anymore ???

[twigstarpikachutroll22]

Openly curious. What are your personal headcanons about Clay.

This dude. Like phobias, little hobbies he wouldn't admit to things like that.

Hmmmm.

Honestly, I’m having trouble coming up with any for some reason. I’m very sorry for that. I’ll keep returning to this and reblog it with some if I do come up with any.

The one main headcanon I do have regarding Clay, which I do wanna talk about, is less of a small detail headcanon and also not solely about him individually. It’s that I like to think he and Viva, in contrast to broppy, have NO romantic feelings between them and are purely platonic besties. I think that’s more interesting for them. They have some similarities to broppy for sure, but there are differences between Poppy and Viva, and there are differences between Branch and Clay, and I think we should be thinking more about that. It seems incredibly reductive and honestly boring to me for them to basically just be broppy a second time.

[vxmpirehunterd]

{I can’t believe this has to be said but I guess this was a long time coming. But please don’t harass the people I interact with. It’s one thing to harass and spam me cause IDGAF. But please don’t spam and harass those who I rp with. I’m REALLY REALLY trying to enjoy rping on this blog again, and for years I’ve dealt with obsessive anonymous and a few rpers that stalk this blog that seem to seriously desire my attention to themselves.}

[dirt-nerd]

Hate to add to an already long and brilliant post, but a lot of these examples are about language and I also want to point out how Americanisation severely affects politics too, including in other English speaking countries.

For example in New Zealand we receive little formal education about our own political system but are bombarded daily with information about US politics. As a result many Kiwis vote in elections as if we were Americans, which is bad because our democracy works completely differently from the states.

Beyond elections, political discourse on both sides of the political spectrum is heavily impacted by Americanisation. The amount of times I have seen people (including myself) uncritically repeat some American turn of phrase with zero thought on how that applies their country is absolutely maddening. This is not helped by the deliberate meddling of American interests either; for example after the Christchurch mosque attacks (committed by an Australian who was partially inspired by Donald Trump), the New Zealand government banned automatic weapons and Americans (likely backed by the NRA) began bombarding NZ online spaces with heavy anti gun control rhetoric. This led to the hilarious yet worrying situation of far right Kiwis yelling about their "second amendment rights".

DO NOT LET SOCIAL MEDIA TURN YOU INTO AN AMERICAN

[xxblueberrythefoxxx]

Okay, is it just meh or does it feel really weird to look at Lu and Melancholy's old designs now dat I've grown so accustomed to their new designs- Like it feels really odd to look at every time I do look back- Especially after seeing an 1-month-old mix of Fale V2 before their redesigns- I swear I was like: Wait Lu used to look like dat? 0-0

[bluebeary-jay]

Damage done

Pre/No-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: during a fight with Joel, he unknowingly sends you into a panic attack caused by your previous experiences. he deeply regrets it. (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: heavy ANGST, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending (there's also fluff), established relationship, petnames, soft!Joel (he's trying his best fr 🥺). Several years pre outbreak. please read the warnings carefully

Warnings: fighting, talk and mention about previous abusive relationship, panic attack, emotional distress, self-destructive thoughts

Word count: 4K

A/N: i wrote it partially based on experiences with my own panic attacks, but i know everyone's is different. if there's a warning i missed, please let me know. also i want this man to take care of me so much 😢 anyway, stay safe, darlings, and as always: happy reading and i hope you'll enjoy!! 💕 comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 😌

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Things at your work were rocky to say the least, what with your boss firing several people every week and cutting your salary. Joel didn’t have it much better – from what you understood, two clients suddenly canceled their order, and Tommy got himself thrown into jail, again, breaking his longest record to date. On top of that, little Sarah went down with some kind of flu that was raging in schools recently, and for the last two weeks one of you had to be home with her almost all the time.

So it was probably no wonder that the tension and stress became too much at one point, and you both snapped.

It was about the play at Sarah’s school.

“You promised her, Joel! She was talking about it for the entire week.”

“It’s not my fault we have to go out of town on this date,” he answered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose and not looking up at you. “I tried to reschedule, but the commissioning party refused. I can’t help it, for fuck’s sake.”

You were glad Sarah wasn’t home right now to listen to your fight. You dropped her off earlier at her friend’s house because she wanted to practice lines for the play they were doing next week. The play that Joel was apparently planning to miss.

You adored Joel – god, you loved him with all that you had – but he could be so stubborn sometimes, it was driving you up the fricking wall.

“It’s your kid, Joel–”

“Yeah, it’s my kid!” he raised his voice, only now lifting his head. His stare was cold and hard, so unlike how he usually looked at you. “Not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?!” you shouted, hurt by his words and the tone he used. “I’ve been taking care of her, loving her– She is like a daughter to me!”

“But still not yours,” he repeated harshly. That was a low blow, especially when he told you so many times that you might not be Sarah’s biological mother, but it’s obvious you love her like she’s your own blood.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” you snarled angrily, and Joel huffed a humorless laugh.

“Of course. You always know better, dont’cha?” He stood up, towering over you, but you didn’t back down. If anything, it only made you more mad, as if he was doing this to intimidate you. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible father in your eyes, but I have to think about earning money. Especially since it’s only a matter of time ‘till that asshole boss of yours will fire you, too.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?! You really think so lowly of me to say it won’t be long until I get fired?”

“I don’t– Christ, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth again.”

“Again. Of course.” You spat out and took your sweatshirt from the couch, done with him and this conversation. “I’m going to my home,” you told him dryly. Joel’s nostrils flared and he took a step forward.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuckin’ watch me,” you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“We are not finished!!” Joel screamed, his booming voice echoing throughout the house.

It felt like a slap. In one second you froze, all your muscles seized up and a feeling of coldness gripped your heart and throat, sending panic flooding your veins. The sweatshirt you were holding slipped out from your stiff fingers.

Joel has never raised his voice at you like that. Never with such anger and fury. There was a bite to his tone that you couldn’t explain, but which you knew very well – the telltale sign that you went too far, and the other person’s patience was at an end, that now you were going to pay for it.

Your previous boyfriend taught you what it means. It meant bruises and split lips, and screaming when you started crying…

Joel noticed the shift in your behavior right away, and his anger immediately ebbed, replaced by confusion and concern.

“Darlin’?” he murmured the pet name, though it rolled off his tongue heavily and with difficulty.

He was still furious at you and your refusal to understand what he was going through, but it all died down when he saw how wide, how empty your eyes were. Your knees buckled, and you looked like you could fall down at any moment.

Joel didn’t have any idea what was happening with you – but knew that whatever it was, it was his fault.

You, in the meantime, felt like you couldn’t breathe. The man in front of you – you weren’t even sure anymore who that was – took a step forward with his hand lifted, and you quickly backed away, stumbling in the process.

“No! N-no, no, please, I’m sorry–” you started blabbering and sobbing, wrapping one arm around your middle to protect all the main internal organs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, you didn’t…”

“Please… I’m sorry, I swear,” you cried, trembling at this point, but not daring to escape the room. “I’ll be better, just don’t… Please, don’t…”

Joel’s heart broke when he saw you bursting into tears and trying to make yourself as small as possible. All his anger disappeared in a cloud of smoke, replaced by the overpowering need to comfort the girl he loved.

But you seemed so scared when he wanted to come closer… And he didn’t know how to proceed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated in an even softer tone, his eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Sweetheart… M’not gonna hurt you.”

He took another slow step forward, but that seemed to already be too much, because the trembling intensified and you practically slumped against the wall, one arm around your stomach, and the other squeezing your throat tightly. Joel feared to know the reason why you would do that to yourself.

“Stop, plea– I can’t– I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, my baby, it’s alright…”

He fell down to his knees next to you and reached to take you in his arms, but you started shaking your head violently, backing away and squirming out of his reach.

“No, no, please, I’m sorry! Don’t– don’t touch me!!”

A bile rose up in his throat, and he retreated his hands, holding them low in front of him to show he’s not going to do anything.

“It’s alright, babygirl,” he muttered chokingly, feeling completely helpless and lost about what to do. “You… you’re safe.”

You were crying uncontrollably now, though it seemed like you tried to stifle the never-ending sobs and tears flowing out of your eyes, in result making your entire body shake. You flinched – actually flinched – when Joel opened his mouth, and your fingers around your throat tightened their grip.

“No,” Joel said decisively, breaking your wish and grabbing your wrists, moving them away from your neck where red crescents started to form. “Baby, please, don’t.”

“Let go!!” It was hard to distinguish the words from between your cries, but the message your body language was conveying was clear as day. “No, don’t… me…” You sobbed again, quickly weakening despite your efforts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Come ‘ere,” Joel whispered in a voice full of pain, carefully shifting closer and wrapping his arms around you, though being careful not to make you feel too crowded or trapped. “Shhh… it’s Joel, darlin’, m’here.”

Surprisingly, you let him hold you – maybe it was just because you didn’t have strength to resist and fight back anymore, Joel thought, but maybe you recognized him. Maybe it was both. But the tears didn’t stop. No matter how gently he stroked your back or whispered reassuring words, you couldn’t seem to stop crying.

Several times in the next couple of minutes you tried to grasp your neck or arm again, but every time he delicately, though firmly, moved them away. You still babbled half-intelligible apologies and pleas, and each time your voice broke or hitched on another fearful word, Joel’s heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed again, trembling in his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me, p-please–...”

“My darlin’...” Joel held you closer and more securely in his arms, rocking you back and forth. “Sweetheart, my sweet, sweet girl… I’m never gonna hurt you, I swear.” He planted soft, delicate kisses on your hair. Even though he wanted to hug you tightly, to show you how much he loves and cares about you, he restrained himself and tried to keep his touch as gentle as possible. “I swear, my babygirl, m’sorry, so sorry for screamin’... Didn’t mean to.”

You were still crying, albeit weaker now, in his arms, clinging to him like your life depended on it. Joel could feel your nails digging themselves into the skin of his back, but it was the furthest thing on his mind – hell, he could start bleeding and still it wouldn’t be as important as comforting you at this moment. Better him than you.

“I love you s’much, my babygirl, my life,” Joel continued murmuring into the top of your head, feeling close to crying himself when your tears seemingly couldn’t stop flowing. “M’so sorry. I won’t ever hurt you like that again, I swear…”

His words, though full of love and compassion, rolled off you like water off a duck’s back, and you still couldn’t locate yourself, couldn’t tether your being to this world and make sense of the difference between what you knew should happen, and what was actually happening.

Your whole body was hurting, yes, but it wasn’t the pain of being repeatedly hit. You could barely hear your own cries, but it wasn’t because of vicious and cruel words being thrown at you. You knew it was Joel you were clinging to, and he never hurt you in this way, but… but you also were never so angry at each other. You never fought like this – and experience taught you that crossing that invisible line will carry certain consequences.

You weren’t angry now. You were scared. And confused.

“Joel,” you whimpered between gasps, struggling to breathe through your rapid sobs. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t– don’t go.”

“M’not leavin’ ya, babygirl.” He spoke into your hair, closing his eyes. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”

You were calming down a little now, the sobs wrecking your body and breaking Joel’s heart dying down, though you were still shivering. Joel continued to hold and soothe you the best he could.

And wondered who must’ve hurt his darling so much that you’d react so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a while, sniffling into Joel’s chest, but trying not to get snots on his shirt. Joel sighed sadly, but his hold on you just tightened.

“No, babygirl, my darlin’...” He pressed his lips to your hairline, stroking your back with his other hand. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, I swear. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you whimpered pitifully, unable to stop another wave of tears from falling. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I know… Joel, I know you won’t hurt me. Baby, please.” You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes with fear painted across your face. “I’m so sorry, wasn’t thinking and…”

“Hey. Love, it’s fine.” He placed his own hands on your cheeks, stroking lightly your damp skin with his thumbs. “Don’t say that. M’not angry at you and would never be because of that. It’s… it’s okay.” He petted your hair, trying to relax for your sake, but his chest remained tight. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

You nodded weakly, though you weren’t sure if you believed him. Joel swallowed heavily and nodded after a while, too.

“Okay. I… I’ll run you a bath,” he whispered, but you held his hand tighter and shook your head with tears gathering in your eyes again.

“No, no! Just s-stay with me, please.”

Joel took your face in his hands, but you closed your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and exhausted to even try to maintain eye contact.

“I’m here, baby. C’mon, just hold onto me.”

He waited until your arms were around his neck before slowly standing up and tucking you securely in his arms. You hid your wet face in the crook of Joel’s neck, breathing in his soothing smell and trying to calm your breathing, which you still found difficult.

Neither of you said anything when he took you to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet seat and started to fill the bathtub with water and soothing oils. You just watched him, wiping your nose every once in a while.

Still remaining silent, Joel extended his hand and helped you stand up. Then, almost with fearful hesitation, he touched the hem of your shirt, sending you a questioning look. You just nodded, not having strength to undress yourself, and lifted your arms, letting him take your clothes off.

You didn’t let go of his hand even after he guided you to sit in the tub. You couldn’t bear being alone with your thoughts right now, and Joel, being as wonderful of a man as he was, stayed by your side as the warmth from the water seeped through your tired bones.

Another several minutes passed before he finally asked the question that was gnawing at him since the very beginning. You must’ve subconsciously known it was coming, cause it didn’t even surprise you.

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. His hand was still caressing your palm with the gentlest of touches, but his eyes were like ice, full of hidden rage and hatred. “Who did this to you, darlin’?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, not sure whether to answer or not. Ever since you got to know him, Joel has been nothing but kind and understanding, never pressuring you into doing or saying something you didn’t want… but you had a feeling he wasn’t going to let the matter drop.

And honestly, you were afraid to tell him. To admit how your previous relationship looked and what exactly happened to make you act so strongly about something so small. Because… what if he’ll realize how broken you are, how much effort it’d take to put up with you, and he’ll leave? Even if he was willing to take care of you, it was really unlikely that he’d stay – even if he says that now.

You were doing good until today. You managed to hide the issues you had with yourself and all the pain you carried inside, never letting Joel know that something was wrong with you. But now he… he will…

You didn’t want him to leave. He made your life so much better and you loved him to pieces with all your heart, as weak and broken as it was.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Oh, baby…” Joel’s hands cupped your cheeks so carefully and lovingly that you almost started weeping again. “M’not goin’ anywhere. I love ya so much. You’re never gonna lose me.”

You didn’t realize you said those words out loud, but even so, somehow his affirmations didn’t make you feel any better. You wanted them to comfort you, but if anything, they just made you feel sick.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna leave someday,” you whispered hoarsely, keeping your eyes on the slowly disappearing bubbles. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Joel. I…” Tears spilled from your eyes again and you shook your head. “I know I’m too much. And… and broken. And I know it sounds like I wanna guilt-trip you, but I’m not, I’m just–” You choked on a sob, and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. “I don’t– don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” Joel’s hands were rough to the touch, but so incredibly gentle when they guided you to meet his eyes, and a big pit formed in your stomach when you saw how they shone. He was on the verge of tears, too. “Don’t say things like that. Nothin’ is wrong with you. Who…” He sighed again. “Who made you believe such things?”

You didn’t answer at first, but Joel kept staring at you, and – finally – you relented.

“My previous boyfriend. The one I didn’t want to talk about. He– Look, I know he was a horrible person.” You let out a short laugh, but without any joy – or emotions altogether – in it. “And I hate him so much, but he… he was right. About some things.”

“He’s not.” Joel didn’t back down, feeling despair growing inside his chest as he saw the girl he adored with his whole heart put herself down like that. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect, darlin’, and you didn’t deserve to be treated or talked to this way. M’so sorry it happened to you.”

He brushed some of your hair to the back and sighed silently. He seemed so lost and sad, it made you feel even worse.

“What can I do?”

That stopped the train of your thoughts, and you looked up.

“What?”

“What can I do?” he repeated softly. “To prove t’you that I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Your lips parted, and you were unsure what to say. Joel took your hand in his, delicately tracing patterns on the back of it.

“Babygirl, listen to me. You’re the most precious thing t’me. I don’t care what this asshole told you, but… but none of this is true. And it’s not gonna drive me away from you. Nothin’ is gonna make me leave,” he repeated more firmly, never taking his eyes off you. “Because I love you. More than anythin’ else in the world”

Joel sounded so sincere and desperate, tugging at your heartstrings with his gentle, sad eyes and loving words. The water became cool some time ago, but your insides felt like they were on fire – as if the next breath you were about to take would be your last.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’re a bad father. I think you’re the best and most amazing dad Sarah could ever ask for. I didn’t want…” You sniffed and your shoulders started to shake again with silent cries. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t–”

The sob that you tried to stop with all your might suddenly escaped you, and Joel’s forehead scrunched in worry. He pulled you closer, leaning over the edge of the bathtub. Neither of you concerned yourself with water dripping off your skin, only feeling relieved from each other’s closeness.

“I know, babygirl. M’not mad.” Joel left a lingering kiss on your tearstained cheek, and then a second one on your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. For how I acted and for–” he sighed heavily into your shoulder, “for shouting at ya.”

“You couldn’t have known,” you mumbled, but he shook his head.

“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t ‘ave done it in the first place.” He relaxed in your arms, and somehow it made your muscles less tense, too. “I’ll see what I can do about that job. So that I can see Sarah’s play.”

You nodded and let your eyelids drop, giving in to the feeling of calm and security that always came with being with Joel.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” you asked quietly. You still were a little afraid that he’s going to turn you down after what happened, but you really didn’t want to stay alone. “With you?”

“‘Course you can. D’ya want to go now?”

You nodded again. Not bathing seemed like a big waste of water, but you didn’t feel strong enough to actually wash your body. And Joel didn’t pressure you – he just bent over and wrapped his strong arms around you, practically pulling you out of the tub by himself.

His clothes were completely soaked when he put you down and reached for the fluffiest towel you had, wrapping it around you like a little cocoon. He got rid of his wet shirt, kissed your head gently and, without a word, scooped you up into his arms again.

“I can stand,” you offered when he started walking towards the bedroom, forcing you to wrap your hands around his neck for support.

“I want to take care of you.”

“But your back pains…”

“I’m not that old yet, sweetheart,” he answered with a half-smile, slowing down and gazing into your eyes softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips tenderly, eyes flickering across his face. “But you’re always taking care of everyone, Joel.”

His throat bobbed and he almost immediately looked away. It was clear what he was thinking – that according to himself, he wasn’t doing a good enough job. Because you got hurt. Because he was the one who unintentionally hurt you and sent you into a panic attack.

He was silent when he put you down on the bed with care, turning around to fetch one of his shirts from the closet. During this whole time you didn’t say anything, either. Your mind was still a little closed off from when you tried to separate yourself from the painful memories that started to haunt you, and despite Joel’s efforts, it was still difficult to move past the experience.

But your head snapped up when Joel, after helping you put the shirt on, knelt in front of you, took your hand in his and leaned forward to kiss your knee gently.

“M’sorry,” Joel whispered with pain tinging his deep voice. “I’m sorry for sayin’ all those things about you and Sarah. I know you love her.” He pressed his lips to your knee again, and lifted his head, revealing how misty his own eyes were, which in turn made your heart ache even more. “My sweet girl. I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you answered quietly, but Joel shook his head and took a deep breath.

“What can I do?” he repeated his question from earlier, and this time you knew exactly what you needed him for.

“Can you… can you hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Joel raised from his position and enveloped you in his embrace, making you feel safe and protected like never before. You sighed heavily, breathing in his scent and feeling like just by touching you with such love that only he was capable of, he helped you to lift some invisible load from your shoulders.

Despite the headache from all the crying and your chest still tightening with every shallow breath you took, you felt a little better now. You didn’t feel alone.

You knew you were safe with Joel.

It took some time for you to fall asleep, but even when you did, Joel could not find peace in the silky darkness of the evening.

Before you dozed off, Joel vowed again and again how much you mean to him, how you and Sarah are the best things that ever happened to him, and how he’ll never let anything happen to any of you – and he could clearly see that you believed his every word, and that you weren’t mad at him. You weren’t flinching when he rocked you back and forth, or later when he pressed small kisses to your forehead.

But you still were quiet and your face miserable, and several times Joel tucked you in closer to himself when he felt you shaking and sniffing. There wasn’t anything else he could do but hold you and whisper soothing promises into your hair. Once your eyelids started to drop, he began humming a familiar melody he knew you liked, and you nuzzled your face into his neck, curling up in his embrace.

And you whispered ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to an uneasy sleep in his arms. And before he could even answer, you thanked him for loving you.

When he heard it, he had to keep himself from breaking down with the last bit of his strength.

“You mean everythin’ to me, love. Everythin’,” he murmured after a couple of seconds, not even knowing if you were still awake. The guilt in his chest made it hard to breathe, but he pushed through it, and then he softly kissed your forehead, making a promise to himself.

He will find time to go to Sarah’s play with you. And he’ll make it right.

[xotoru]

Boyfriend Hc's➳❥

Wc:554

Synopsis: what I think the MHA boys would be like as boyfriends :3

Warnings: Mentions of weed/vaping, changing infront nt of someone, Swearing, super cute fluff!

Izuku.M◡̈

He’s just the sweetest little pumpkin

Seriously whenever he takes you out he’s all nervous and giddy the whole time

Will buy you as much stuff as you want, and he doesn’t even have money like that

Has a customized plushie of you and you have one of him

Was really worried at first to show you his room cause well…it’s all might themed

Falls asleep everywhere so you guys end up cuddling in the most random places

Will cry about movies with you

When you change in front of him he kinda freaks out and gets super nervous

Katsuki.B☠︎︎

Loves loves LOVESSS cooking for you

No matter how much of a burden he says it is or how tired he is he always will

Isn’t mean to you but can’t change his tone so some things come off as mean and freak you out

Unfortunately hates going shopping with you

Will bitch and moan the whole time and you will not get a single second of peace

Wears really yummy cologne that’s probably mad expensive

Although he’ll never admit it, he lovessss cuddling after a mission or just a long day in general

Fighting with him is not fun…

Denki.K˘͈ᵕ˘͈

Loves making you laugh, like whenever he can he will

Food dates are his favorite

It doesn’t even matter just as long as it involves food and you he’s excited

Will match your energy so well

Although he tends to be unserious and silly he knows when your upset and always knows what to do to help

Best 2am 7-11 partner

Loves sharing AirPods with you

Has zapped you a few times cause he gets really nervous around you

Eijiro.K ♞

Takes gentleman to a whole new level

Hold every door, carry’s everything, cooks and cleans whenever your tired

You can’t help but feel bad at times but then remember he finds personal pleasure in it

Will try any sort of spicy food with you

And if you don’t like spicy stuff, no worries cause he takes it all!

Will beg for you to dye his hair cause your the only one he trusts to do it right

Loves playing video games with you

Would 100% wear matching clothes with you, even if they are kinda girly

Hanta.S♣

Biggest fricking movie nerd

You guys have seen like every “classic” movie there is

Unfortunately a fein

Will chief the fuck out of your vape/pen and will not be sorry abt it

Loves hugging you from behind!!??:!@

He loves binging your favorite shows with you, even if he has no clue what’s going on

Just shows up at your dorm in the middle of the night through the window

Buys you little stuffed animals and trinkets as gifts cause he knows you love them

Shoto.T☾

buys you overly expensive things and won't listen when you tell him to return it cause it costs too much

never have to worry act him flirting with another girl cause he's so quiet and closed off

on the off chance a girl does try and flirt with him he politely declines(too politely)

genuinely loves watching you try on clothes and asking his opinions

#2 biggest gentleman!!!

you in fact will not be meeting his family...

really clingy when he's tired

is willing to heat up your tea or food when it gets cold:'(

[that-was-anticlimactic]

[ID: a digital full body drawing of Reigen and Serizawa from Mob Psycho 100. Reigen is drawn transformed with the fox miraculous from Miraculous Ladybug. Serizawa is drawn transformed with the turtle miraculous from Miraculous Ladybug. Reigen is on the left. is fox outfit is mostly orange. he has fox ears on the top of his head. they are mostly orange but the middle is white and the top is black. he has an orange mask over his eyes. the neck and shoulders are black and the chest is white. his is wearing black gloves that go to his wrist. there is a bit of white in a diamond-ish shape after the gloves. the sleeves are orange. he is wearing black boots that go up to his thighs and end in a point. the rest of his bodysuit is orange. he is wearing the fox miraculous necklace. he has a cape that is in place of a tail. it has a triangular end. it is orange except for the pointed end which is white and then has a small black outline above it. his eyes are closed and his cheeks are puffed as he blows into a long, orange and white flute. there is yellow light coming out the other end of the flute as if something were about to be created. his right foot is crossed over his left, almost as if he were posing. the text near the left side of his head reads: "intense flute".

Serizawa is on the right. he is holding his miraculous shield over his head. shell-ter has started to appear above him. he is wearing a light green mask that is tied in the back. his outfit is all green and is very similar to Carapace's outfit. the parts that are lighter green almost look like padding. like knee pads and a chest pad. the gloves are a darker green. his boots are a darker green. he has a small, thin belt that is black. Serizawa is looking up at his shield. he appears concerned or worried. his mouth is partially open. there is text to the right of his head that reads: "Shield! :3". the artist's signature, "jascurka" is between them. /End ID.]

Do I miss miraculous? a bit yes. So here's Reigen and Serizawa with the fox and turtle yeahhh *falls over* Now, how do I tag this to annoy as many people as possible

[phyrestartr]

Deal With It (P.1) | Gojo x M!Reader |

W/C: 2.8k C/W: depictions of self-harm, depictions of depression, poor mental health, stress, mental illness, arranged marriage, hostile relationships, smoking, language, violence Tags: SFW, hurt/comfort, drama, canon-typical violence, character growth, eventual romantic feelings, eventual fluff and good vibes, kouhai gojo, senpai reader, plot and lore

Tag List: @pleniluneg4ze @aizen-lover @easnowpw @tomiokasecretlover @snoweclipsese @mef0rg0r @soulsire @kiiyoooo @reiluvr @fricking-ur-mom @cucumbertoptier @enchantingkitty @mira-la-sol @deepestartisanhumanoidshark @animadi888 @cloudserenity @sageofspades @dietothemusic @prettorett @animadi888 @playboygeniusphilanthropist @chikai-k @starrykie

1.

“So, you really don’t care what he thinks?” Shoko asked as you lit her cigarette. “Even I think he was kinda harsh.”

You pocketed your lighter and leaned back against the cold college walls. “He’s got a thing for that black-haired guy.”

“Getou.” 

“Sure.” You shrugged and tried to rub the ache out of your neck as you stared up at the bleak, grey skies. The air reeked of petrichor. Thankfully you’d brought an umbrella that day. 

“And you’re not bothered he’s in love with Getou?” Your friend continued, her cute bobbed haircut swaying with the tilt of her head. She always looked so charming like that, when she was being a mischievous brat while pretending to be anything but. 

“Dunno.” And that was the truth. “He’s not even my type. I’d rather hitch up with someone like you or Nanami. Someone less annoying. Less loud-mouthed.” 

“Ooh, that'll hurt his ego.” Shoko smiled. “Well, guess you'll have to learn to deal with it.”

You took a deep breath and rubbed your face as you nodded. “Yeah.”

–

“Forever is a long time,” You mumbled, leaning your forehead against the cool touch of the window. Rain pittered and pattered, exploding off the glass like trillions of kamikaze planes. It almost birthed some sort of hurt in your chest. Best not to dwell on it, you decided.

“Hah? Are you talking to yourself again like a weirdo?” The one and only Gojo Satoru yowled before kicking you in the rear like a petulant child. “Pft! Figures. Knowing my luck, I would have to get married to a creeper.” 

“Even if you married Getou, you'd still be marrying a creep,” you grumbled, dusting the dirt off your behind. “You need something? Or did you harass me just for the fun of it?” 

You heard Gojo, your fiancé, scoff and shuffle behind you. “I just wanted to remind you to humble yourself! Just because I'm forced to marry you doesn't mean you're accomplished or cool or anything, got it?” 

Being in his presence had you craving a cigarette. “Yeah, got it.” 

“And Suguru's better than you,” he added, aloof voice bowing down beneath hardened, steeled words. “Don't forget that either.” 

You bit down on your cheek to ward away the heat building under your skin, the magma sinking deep into your eyesockets and threatening to pour down your esophagus. The taste of iron washed against your tongue, and you released your flesh from between your molars. Sometimes, you wanted to keep boring down on yourself to see how much you could really take, but a fear of the answer too often made you think twice. 

“This is starting to bore me,” you said, tilting your head as you caught a flicker of red in your rain-muddied reflection. You touched your fingers to your tongue and found blood coating the tips. 

“Pah. I was gonna say the same!” You watched his reflection turn away. “Good luck trying to impress me.” 

I'm not interested. You watched him walk away, slouching and with his hands in his pockets like he was emulating some kind of yankii character. He might have fit the bill, if he hadn't had such a ridiculous, brat side to him.

Just deal with it. You wiped the red on your uniform with a sigh. Tomorrow's a new day. 

—

“Sorry about Satoru,” Getou said. He'd found you outside, tucked close against the stone wall with a cigarette in your mouth as you watched the downpour. Apparently, he liked the rain, too. 

“You don't need to apologize,” you said after a drag. “It's not your fault.” Probably. 

The younger sorcerer smiled a little bit wider. “In a way, it almost is; Satoru wouldn't be coming after you if it weren't for my, ah, sheer existence, I guess you could say.”

You shrugged. “You didn't ask to exist,” you said, secretly cringing as the words left your mouth.

Getou laughed. “Ho, that's a good point, I didn't think about it that way.” Another chuckle left him as he leaned against the wall beside you and stared at the rain. “It's definitely Satoru's fault, then.”

You hummed in agreement and offered him a cigarette. He blinked, but plucked one out of the box and looked it over before fumbling to tuck the end into his mouth as you held the lighter's flame out for him. You blocked the wind as he leaned in and inhaled deeply until the butt hissed to life with molten red. A beat later, Getou sputtered and coughed wildly, waving his hand through the air to dismiss your stare and the smoke's mockery. 

You frowned. “You don't smoke?” 

Your company wheezed and laughed, leaning back against the wall with a humbled smile. “Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about,” he said. “You and Ieiri—I feel like I never see either of you without a cigarette.”

“Life’s stressful, I guess.” You looked at the half-spent smoke in your hand, exhaling smoke through your nose as you thought.

You saw Getou lean in out of the corner of your eye. His dark hair brushed against your shoulder, though it could have just been the wind, too. “It doesn't affect you?” 

“Shoko reverses the negatives,” you grumbled. You stuck the cigarette into the corner of your mouth again before pocketing your hands. “Lung cancer would be an easier out than getting ripped to shreds by a curse, besides.” 

“Ho? You think so?” Getou teased. “You don't think you'd go mad? Laying in bed, suffocating in your own body, just waiting to die?” 

You shrugged. “It's a human way to go, at least. Random. Maybe self-imposed, sometimes. But…normal.” 

Time slowed for a second as Getou stared at you. You hazarded a look for once in your life, and caught the enigmatic thing's warm, obsidian eyes. They gave you pause, made you wonder, sent your mind reeling as you caught glints of jagged edges disrupting smooth, volcanic glass. 

“Are you alright?” You asked without thinking. 

Getou blinked, then smiled. “I just think you're interesting, senpai.” He glanced down at the smoldering stick caught between his fingers. “It's a surprise, to be honest. I think Satoru'll be in good hands with you.” 

You stared down at the puddle pooling around your boots. Another self stared back, his image ruined and distorted by raindrops crashing into him, yet he was still clearer than the version trapped in your skull. Maybe the mirrored image was your real self, and you were just the distortion. “I don't have much of a choice, I guess. But I’ll try my best.”

“That’s all we can really hope for with partners, right?” 

“Right.” A moment passed. “You’re oddly okay with this.” 

“I’m not taking it personally,” Getou said. “How can I? Neither of you want to do this, anyway—you hardly even tolerate each other in the first place, and now Satoru’s gone extra crazy about it.” 

The ground felt a little more solid under your feet, and you were a little more real, after those words were spoken. Even the reflection in the puddle grew clearer, revealing fresh colours once concealed by grey thoughts. Something would drain the world of its saturation again, but that moment would stay with you until that day came. 

“Thanks,” you said with some difficulty. “The thought’s appreciated.” 

“It’s the least I can do.” His hand clasped your shoulder and squeezed gently. You forced yourself not to shrink away from it like a slug trying to flee a grain of salt. “Thanks for putting up with him, senpai. Most people aren’t so charitable. Besides,” he said, leaning in close enough for his breath to brush against your ear, “I get whatever Satoru gets, and you get whatever he has, no? What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours, and all that?”

Heat scattered across your face and prickled the length of your spine. You were foolish to forget that Getou was a menace, just like Gojo, yet somehow more lethal. 

“Sure.” You didn’t look at him. You couldn’t look at him. It’d be a death sentence. “You’ll get as much as he gets, I guess.”

Getou chuckled and backed off. “We’ll see.”

–

Gojo threw open the door to your room and zoomed inside, socked feet sliding against smooth hardwood. “It’s me!” 

He slipped and fell as soon as you turned to look at him. “It’s you.” You snatched your walkman out of the air as it tipped off your desk following the sorcerer's tumble. “Why is it you?”

“Rude!” Gojo spat out in-between his pained whining. “I'm your fiancé! I'm allowed to be here!”

“That's not really how that works.” You watched Gojo melt into a starfish, stomach down, cheek smooshed against the floorboards. 

And you turned away, back to your work of flipping through astronomical charts and comparing the dates and info with the briefs sent to you, the one third year who bothered to stay. The admins relied on you too much, yet thankfully left the role of guidance counselor and teacher to someone older and more tolerant like Yaga. Still, the sparks of hope that were Utahime and Shoko promised some future relief for—

“Mou, why aren't you more concerned for your fiancé’s well-being?” Gojo whined. 

“I'm more concerned about your sudden desire for me to be concerned,” you offered. 

Gojo gasped and sat up in a whirlwind. “I never said I desired your concern! That's so salacious.” 

“Is this because Getou spoke with me?” You asked, leaning back into your chair with a sigh. 

“No!” He rebuked. “Maybe,” he said. “You better not be trying to win him over ‘cause you’re jealous.” 

“I’m not interested in him,” you snapped. “I’m not interested in you.”

“Hmmm, sounds fake. Everyone loves me.”

“Right.”

“You think there’s any chance they’ll call off the engagement?” 

“No.” 

“Can’t you, like, look into the future and figure it out?” 

You frowned and sent him a look. “What?”

Gojo swayed side to side, hands tucked in the middle of his criss-crossed legs like a kindergartener. “Isn’t that your thing?” He huffed. “Doing pre-op stuff, predicting future events, never really going out on missions ‘cause you’re low-key kinda weak in the field?” A ghoulish snicker left him. “I mean, you’re waaay weaker than me, so—”

“I don’t divine for myself,” you said, voice sharp and jagged. “I help avoid disasters. I help foresee assignment outcomes and the best way to move towards or away from them. I don’t—” You swallowed and caught your breath. “I don’t divine the fates of people.” 

“Well, maybe you should,” Gojo said, sobering slightly. “I don’t wanna do this, you don’t wanna do this, why don’t you just check and see how we can avoid it, huh? This is kind of a natural disaster in its own way.” 

“It’s just an arrangement,” you rasped. “You’ll get over it.”

“I shouldn’t have to.” Gojo frowned in return. “I’m gonna be the strongest sorcerer in the world. I don’t have to settle for an arranged marriage.” 

Your heart thudded dully in the back of your skull, its rising pace shaking the cage keeping it safe. Your throat tightened, too, while your thoughts warped and rippled into one another like your reflection, unable to stay whole under the devastation of falling rain, until you heard everything but nothing at once.

Your face must have done something strange for Gojo to look at you like you were a kicked puppy. You hated it, the way his expression flickered and the way his posture lost its self-righteous poise despite his childish way of sitting. He looked less-than. You didn’t mean to make him look that way. 

“I—” He tried, but you raised a hand. He fell silent. 

“I’ll look into it,” you said. “You’ll know if I find anything.”

If Gojo said anything more, you didn't hear it. You shut the rest of the world out and lost yourself in the positions of planets and the elements of each sorcerer available for future missions, comparing and contrasting the direction of energies to decide who would be best suited for which job. Losing your mind in the charts and data calmed your mind and spirit, easing you back down to an equilibrium until the sun rose again and you’d forgotten the turmoil of the hours before. 

Morning already. You squinted looking out your window and closed the blinds with a quick snap. Right after the blinds settled, you heard a snore. 

Gojo Satoru was asleep in your bed. His gangly arms hugged a pillow to his chest as he laid on his side, facing your way. The odd sight of peace on the younger sorcerer's face drew you in, bringing you close enough to get a good look at the snowy lashes resting against porcelain skin. He always looked odd to you, as though he were some kind of inhuman human, like an alien trying to put on the guise of your fellow terrans. But he was very much human; the glimpses caught of him during a distantly shared childhood proved as much. 

I don’t wanna do this, you don’t wanna do this, why don’t you just check and see how we can avoid it, huh? 

You'd never tell him you already tried to divine that. You could never relay properly how your mind burned with ways to discount your work and force self-doubt into what you knew to be true time after time after time; you were going to marry him. There was no way out. 

But there were still some things you could judge.

You sat down at your desk and skimmed through files until you happened upon Getou Suguru. Your heart hit your ribs a little faster, a little harder, as you found his birthdate and recognized his element as metal. It suited him. Gojo, on the other hand, held earth energy. That coupled with the more Western-normalized fire sign Sagittarius, explained him in a way that could be regarded as violating by those who didn't understand. 

You rubbed your brows and squeezed your eyes closed until sparking colours and inky black splotches danced against your eyelids. Charting the stars, understanding people, contrasting energies and suggesting changes to ensure favourable outcomes—all were the culmination of onmyoudou, the ancient art that carved the path and existence for jujutsu, but people feared an onymoji’s ability to read people more than the destruction caused by sorcerers. Onmyoji helped empires move, assisted in bringing them good fortune and positive outcomes; they could foretell what a person should and shouldn’t do. Clairvoyance born from calculations, and the wielding of shikigami by those clairvoyants, reeked of power and the abuse of it. 

Curiosity wrenched your eyes back open. You blinked away the stars and darkness until your vision and mind cleared enough to let you draw up a timeline of events and planets you’d already looked over a thousand times. 

You frowned and double checked, triple checked, quadruple checked the facts after a first look. You glanced at birthdates again and again. You looked for anomalies in the calendar and cross-referenced your sources. All stayed the same, all were as they’d been five and sixty minutes ago—you were too good at your job to be wrong, yet you still always held out hope for errors and your own incompetency. 

You leaned back in your chair and picked at a hangnail. You can always redirect energy for the sake of a client, you recalled; your mother had taught you as much. It might not be perfect, but we can try. You pulled at the sliver of skin until you gouged it out of your finger, leaving a bloody wound and a shred of relief in its wake.

You jumped as your door slid open to reveal Yaga. His train of thought stopped dead in its tracks as he spied the bratty Gojo curled up in your bed, snoozing without a care.

“What the hell is he doin’ here?” Your teacher groused. 

“He came in to harass me, I guess,” you said. “Then apparently fell asleep when I started ignoring him.” 

“Hah. Yeah, that kid can't function unless someone's giving him attention.” Your superior sighed and crossed his arms. “Anyway, you have those predictions?” 

“Yeah, I—yeah, just one second.” You rubbed your eyes and begged the rest of your lifeforce to lock it in as you saved documents and compiled them in an email for all the higher-ups to view. Something about the process made your spine rattle; it must have been the fear of not CC-ing someone by accident. “Sent.”

Yaga checked his phone as it dinged. He took a moment to skim through the forecast and nodded, letting you stand impatiently before him. 

“Looks like you touched on everything,” he said as he tucked his phone away. “Good job. Now get some rest, you look like shit.” 

Yaga took his leave, and you stared at the oversized baby hogging your bed. 

Rest. You nudged and pushed Gojo into the wall before collapsing beside him. Right.

[lucimaaie]

runaway ✧.* spiderwoman au

pairings - ellie williams x fem!reader

summary - things in your relationship have changed since ellie got shot, some of them good. some of them you don’t talk about.

warnings - fluff mixed with angst, gets a lil suggestive but no smut as always, unspoken trope because plot, 3k word count, not proofread cuz i was too excited to post

playlist | spidey masterlist

Who or whatever was up in the sky, you prayed to it. Pleaded that every bad thing you'd ever done, every bad thing you'd even plan on doing would be forgiven all to save her. It made you look even more unstable to your father lingering outside the door, but you didn't care.

And whatever else you added worked. The constant beeping of the machine became the one thing grounding you to reality. You didn't get a wink of sleep, a crumb of food, or speak a word to the very curious, almost invasive police. All so you could see Ellie's eyes flutter open.

The first sound she let out was a tired, pained groan as she tried to sit up. "Are you crazy?" You blurted, rushing to her side to guide her back down. It was then that you seemed to realize she was awake, emerald eyes staring back up at you in confusion and a hint of fear. A loud gasp fell from your lips as your fingers traveled from her arms up to her face. "You're awake." You said, lip quivering in a failed attempt not to cry. "A-Are you hurting? Can we get some in here! She's awake!"

"Is that a question?" Ellie's voice was rough. Had she not been so grateful to be awake, laying her eyes on you it'd have come out with more snark. She was stubborn on trying to sit up just hours after surgery, pushing herself up on her fists.

"Are you making a joke right now?" You were more a mix of dumbfounded and relieved than annoyed right now. Lord knows you should be. Your girlfriend was fricking Spider-woman. That was a big thing.

"Now that you're crying? No, of course not." Ellie reached up to swipe your tears before they could fall off your face and onto the sheets. Her hand was ever so gentle in cupping your face. She swallowed as she took you in, not sure what to say to make this right.

None of this was right. She had unintentionally sprung everything on you when she landed at your window tonight. How long had it been, actually? Had she been out for days? What did they do to her? Ellie's mind was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming need for answers.

Her hand slipped down to rest on top of yours. She licked her chapped lips, brows furrowing. "Did they find me in—“

At the mention of the suit, you pulled away and wiped your face. “I hid it.” You said quietly. “I hid the suit and whatever..came out of you," The words tumbled out of your mouth as you were forced to think about the panic you felt just hours ago. The swirl of emotions sat deep in your stomach, threatening to rise up and come out in a way you couldn't control. So to stop it, you pulled away.

Ellie could sense it and it made her want to climb out of the bed just to hold you and apologize a million times over. Somehow that still felt inadequate. "And they're still at your apartment?" She dug her fingers into her palm. It was a better thing to focus on than how she messed up.

"I'm sorry, is that what you're worried about now?" You hadn't meant to sound pissed, but maybe you were. Maybe you were more than scared out of your mind you were gonna lose her. Maybe you were frustrated and pissed—beyond pissed—that she had kept this from you. And maybe mad at yourself thinking of all the times you should've known, all the times she was hurt and you weren't there—

Once again, she didn't know what to say. For the first time, she wasn't looking at you. It was a painful sight to linger on, her sunken features downcast under fluorescent lights and surrounded by beeping machines and wires. You were still fuming, but you couldn't be now. "I'm not mad. I'm not mad." You whispered, more to yourself than her, as you sat back next to her because what were you doing pulling away from her in the first place?

"It'd be okay if you were. I mean, if you are." She said with a humorless laugh. That wasn't the sound you wanted to hear. "If I were you, I would be. I get it—"

"Ellie, I'm not." You rubbed your brows. You shook your head as if it would make all your thoughts fall right where you wanted them to be. "Ok, that a lie, but— I don't want to be. I just wanna be happy that you're okay and I am. So, I'll be that. Only that." You grabbed her hand in an attempt to remind yourself that she was alive and okay, so everything was fine.

If you weren't convinced by your disjointed rant, you know Ellie wasn't. She wouldn't say it though. She wouldn't dare tell you how to feel when she came to your window bloodied, bruised, and shot. "I'm sorry," Her eyes welled up with tears she had failed to swipe up before they fell. She couldn't bring herself to. For years she felt like she had this band over her mouth, reminding her she had this huge secret she had no one to share with and only now had it given up and snapped. "I'm sorry," Was the only thing she could make herself say.

"Oh, baby—“ You tried your best to pull her into your side without aggravating the recent wound in her side. She had hid certain parts of her life behind a wall and you had learned to live with it, hoping that one day she'd feel comfortable enough to let you in. This was it, you thought.

She had let a few more tears fall, along with "I'm sorry"'s, before the sobbing had gotten to her gut, almost like a literal knife twisting in just to make things extra hurtful. Even then, she hadn't had the right words in mind. Instead, she held on your arm like her life depended on it. And that worked for a while. Though, not forever.

"Ellie." No response. "Ellie, can you look at me?" Her eyes flicked up to you with glassy eyes. It a sight you'd never experienced before and never wanted to again. "From now on, you're gonna tell me everything, okay?" You were persistent in wiping each tear as it fell. "And..I tell you everything, even if it's something you quite frankly won't give a shit about. And you tell me everything, even the-" You lowered your voice. "Even the Spider stuff."

"Yeah, okay." Her hands grabbed yours from her face and brought them to her lips. She sniffled as she gripped your hands. "I can do that,"

Healing from a gunshot wound was no doubt hard. It was harder when you were antsy to get some action. No, not that kind. (Though, she wasn't opposed.) The superhero-ing kind. Ellie missed swinging through the air and feel the wind all around her as all her problems became like tiny specks on paper. Of course she missed saving people and feeling needed by her city, but that had seemed to increase her risk of losing you. She had decided that wasn't an option, so she put Spider-woman on the backburner for right now, mostly.

She was slightly hunched over her computer in your newly shared apartment. There was no way you could back to your apartment after what happened and not enough space in Ellie's for the two of you to live in, so insert the supposedly inexpensive--totally expensive, it's new york let's be real--one bedroom, one bathroom beauty you now lived in.

Ellie brows furrowed as she felt somebody's hands wrap around her neck. The fact that her senses were relaxed and your scent was filling the air told her it was you. "Whatcha doing?" You nosed at her neck. "Fucking up your posture or just trying to get your dailies?"

She let out a snort. "Why not both? I like to multitask."

"Of course you do." You came up to stare at the screen. It was opened up youtube on some gaming video, but you weren't convinced. Your hand was on top of hers in a second, moving the mouse to click the other tabs. "Hey—!”

You weren't far from letting out an 'aha!' now that your suspicions had been proved right. She was knee-deep in articles about her absence, the surfacing of alien tech, the effects of the first alien invasion a couple years back in 2012. Deep in the rabbit-hole. "El..you said you were taking a break." Your hands fell to your sides.

"I was! I am." Ellie turned around in her chair, slowly so as not to feel that familiar sting in her side. "I'm just reading. That's not illegal." Ellie’s hands chased yours in an attempt to soothe your disappointment before you voiced it.

“Ever since you could walk again, you’ve been at this computer for hours, hun.” Her attempt fell flat as you moved to sit on the edge of desk, eyes glued to bright screen as it would change any moment. You wished it would. Then, you could have your girlfriend back.

“I’m at home for hours. I have to find something to fill the time.” Even her shitty excuse didn’t convince her. You were still practically sulking at the edge of the desk. “Hey,” She said softly. “I’m still relying on you to get up and down the stairs. I don’t think I’m gonna be swinging any soon.” She said, lighthearted. “Babe?” You hummed, eyes still glued to the screen. 

You weren’t sure you were ready for her to get back out there again, nor was her body. Well, the first part was a lie. You definitely didn’t want her to go back. It was selfish, that was obvious, but that didn’t change your mind. That didn’t change the fact that she was still hurting because some asshole on the street shot her with some superpowered gun. 

Ellie leaned closer, reaching her hand up to angle your chin down to her. “You don’t believe me.” She said in realization, eyes flicked between yours with a hint of hurt. She really couldn’t blame you, she wasn’t convincing herself either. 

“No, I don’t.” It hurt to peel her hand from your chin and walk away, but you did. You ignored her attempts to call after you, closing the door behind you and dragging your feet in the kitchen. You had concerned yourself with some attempt at cooking a dish you cared nothing about, but lucky for you your shitty cooking could keep you busy for hours.

Ellie had wandered into kitchen to check on you, shoulders going limp at the sight of you pitifully pushing food around in a pan. She approached you carefully and slowly, turning the stove off and setting the pan aside. "So," She inhaled slowly, hands wringing together. "You're mad at me,"

"I'm not mad at you." You shot back, taking the pan from the counter to put it right back on the still-hot stove. With a passive aggressive smile, you flipped it back on. "What would I be mad about?" Now that was a stupid question.

"I've got some idea." Ellie was quick in turning the stove off and snatching the pan from your hand. She sighed at the slosh of opaque orange liquid painting the counter and the floor. "Great." She said under her breath moving to grab a wad of paper towels and crouch down before a stabbing pain in her side reminded her to slow down.

Your irritation softened as you shot out to stable her and guide her onto the island. "You gotta be careful, El. You can't move like that yet." The mess on the other side of your kitchen was the last of your worries. "Are you okay? Does it still hurt?" You rolled up the bottom of her tank top to lay your eyes on the wound. No bleeding, okay. That's good.

"I'm fine. I'm..more worried about you, I swear you haven't breathed in a two minutes." Ellie's cold hands on your arms were oddly grounding, pulling you from your small moment of panic.

Your first breath in a while sounded something like a wheeze. Rolling her shirt back down, you pushed yourself off the counter—and away from the palpable concern from Ellie's eyes alone. Now the spill was helpful in distracting you, allowing you to distance yourself from the very familiar conversation you had been pushing back for weeks. You had realized your were practically buffing the polish of the counter until Ellie pulled at your arm, her other hand holding your waist.

"It's clean and I'm fine." Her voice was quiet and yet it cut through your raging thoughts effortlessly. It took the same amount of effort to turn you around to face her and to pry the towel out of your hands. "Let's get you clean," She could see you coming up with a way to decline and she was having none of it. If she couldn't even clean up her own mess, she'd at least calm your worries. Or at least try. "We'll both get clean, okay?"

Steam became a curtain around the two of you as you both worked up a lather. (No, not like that you perv.) You didn’t want to admit the hot water hitting your bare skin had been quite calming, though it didn’t do anything to stop the force that was your overthinking mind.

“Hey, I can hear you thinking.” Ellie’s arms around your waist was a pleasant surprise. You could feel a few strands of her damp hair tickling your neck, making a few giggled escape your lips. “This is the no thinking zone, babe.” She mumbled against your neck, trailing kisses down your neck to your shoulder.

“Then..how can I talk?”

"You don't need to do that either." She kissed your cheek, hand loosening it's grip on your waist and slipping lower. You gasped, grabbing her hand.

"Is that why you wanted to shower together?" You turned around, taking a step forward just to watch her inevitably back up to the tile. A raise of her brows told you she was shocked, but not unreceptive to what you were doing. The mix of needy haze and admiration in her eyes fueled your confidence to tease her even further. "You just wanted to get me all distracted?" Your rested your arms on her shoulder, fingers combing through her wet locks.

"Maybe I was being a good girlfriend and wanted to calm you down, which succeeded at." She usually wasn't this smug but she felt she'd earned the right. She was forced to sit on her ass almost all hours of the day, but that didn't mean she was completely useless.

"You are a good girlfriend." You blurted. "You're the best girlfriend, you know that?" Your teasing smirk turned into something genuine. "And I'm not just saying that because you literally saved my life. I'm saying that cause I.." Love you. "because I need you." It wasn't what you wanted to say, you were too scared to say the real thing. Scared that if you said it and allowed your relationship to progress any further, it'd be harder to watch her go everyday and know that might be the day you lose her to some supervillian with a vendetta. Besides, it was true. You needed her.

Ellie looked stunned at your admission and everything behind it. She let her forehead touch yours, sighing shakily as she took in your words. "I need you more," It was funny, if you were imaginative enough you could replace the need with love in a beautiful reality where New York didn't need saving and you could have her to yourself.

You were yanked out of your mind by Ellie's lip crashing into yours. A surprised sound made it out your lips only to come out muffled. You kissed back with just as much, if not more, intensity as she gave you. Your hands tangled in her hair as you lost yourself in the feel of her, no longer stuck in your mind. However, when her hand started to slip down, you hesitated. "Ellie, you haven't been cleared yet-"

"Don't care," She mumbled against your lips. "It'll be worth it." She pulled back to look at you, eyes dark with a need you haven't seen in her before. Between school, her internship, her secret vigilante-ing and then her getting hurt, you hadn't exactly made the time to have that talk.

"You say that now," Your brows were furrowed in concern. They only tightened when your eyes traveled down to her wound. It was healing for sure, but the idea of her in any pain at all hurt you too.

"Hey, it’s healing." Her hand was warm on your neck, finger swiping over your jaw. "Super-healing, remember?" She tilted her head so your eyes were drawn to her face instead of her wound.

"How can I forget?" You said sarcastically. "What other super things can you do?" You asked, genuine curiosity drowning underneath the tease in your voice. “Catch flies?”

"Keep it up, bug.” Ellie snorted, using her strength to hoist you up an inch from the ground. “Air-jail, how bout that?” 

“Ellie!” You yelped as the water came down the strands of your hair and your back, making you feel something like a wet dog. She knew how much you hated having wet hair and was using it to her advantage. “Put me down, right now!” You were only in the air for a few more seconds before she had you situated in her arms. If you could see how you looked clinging onto her, you would’ve busted out laughing. 

“Just showing you my super-strength.” She nosed at your collarbone as she put you down. “And being a really good girlfriend.” She was aware being a good girlfriend would mean being completely honest with you. She hadn’t been before and she was for sure stalling now, but she could make it up later. She wasn’t ready to deal with the complexities brought into your relationship by a certain arachnoid persona. For now, she’d enjoy making you happy for once. 

thank you for reading!