#sorry if this sounds pretentious but i think im allowed to be annoying abt this since the whole world tells me im just a crazy freak

[kidfur]

either way more and more im disliking referring to my delusions AS delusions. idc if other people cant see the Magic thats their problem. only really care abt My reality. and the reality of other schizospecs bc they Get It but mostly mine because im actually the correct one and most people don't understand the truth

[topflights]

tagged by @sldghmmr thank u so much for the tag!! i always end up being rlly excited to be tagged in these and then forget to do them for a couple days then come back to it and am like. oh no. oh no i didnt do it. and then get worried it would b awkward and never post it so im doing this RN IMMEDIATELY thank u!!!

relationship status: single! im not great w talking to ppl every day or texting ppl first so it’s for the best trust me akjdufhg

favorite color: oooo if we’re gonna do like, general color, probably blue. i like any shade of blue. but if i get to be all pretentious and annoying, then i really like sea foam green.

favorite food: im... so sorry. my favorite food is pizza. ill show myself out now

song stuck in your head: ok so at this VERY moment it’s that tiktok song with the kid talkin abt how much he loves corn. before like three minutes ago it was 2 minutes to midnight by iron maiden

last thing you googled: this is so embarrassing but uh. plagiarism. just plagiarism. so i could basically plagiarize google and not sound stupid when i defined it for my college course 

time: 12:22 am

dream trip: italy!!! id love to see rome and pompeii in particular. ancient rome is so interesting and pompeii is so fascinating and horrifying and it would be amazing to visit and see everything up close

last book you read: song of achilles

last book you enjoyed: also song of achilles actually!!

last book you hated reading: i think the last time i REALLY disliked reading a book that wasnt entirely based on the fact that school was forcing me to read it was crispin: the cross of lead back when i was in... sixth grade? but i think it just freaked me out more than anything and i feel like it was probably an important read since it DID make me so uncomfortable

favorite thing to bake/cook: I REALLY love baking cake and cookies. i have a problem baking brownies specifically bc i dont have a good recipe yet but. im workin on it ill figure it out then onto the next thing

most niche dislike: oil pastels. i cant do it. i just cant. the texture is so so bad and aaaaa nooooo!!!

opinion on the circus: dont know enough abt it. got a friend that was a clown for barnum and bailey for a long time but im also terrified of clowns so hes not allowed to show me any pictures from back then. 

do you have a sense of direction: not even a little bit. i got LOST in MANHATTAN. the streets are NUMBERED!!! it’s a GRID SYSTEM and i was COMPLETELY LOST!!! ive lived in the same area of georgia for all 21 years of my life and i still dont know anything past a 5 minute radius from my house

tagging: anybody who wants to do it!!! this was super duper fun!!! i rlly liked it!!

[gayspock]

ok current random thoughts on severance

- first of all tempted to rewatch from the beginning at some point. unsure when, but hm.... maybe before not next ep, but the ep after? i think bingeing- its like i couldnt NOT binge a lil<3 - some things do blur a little, as opposed to weekly releases, and i'd really like to reabsorb some things >:3 - i really like dylan!! SORRY, just want to give him some love- and i hope they do more with him, whilst still maintaining the balance theyve struck with him bc... i think... hm. THIS IS LESS ABT SEVERANCE, HERE! but its moreso an unguided ramble in general abt, like, the functions of certain characters i guess? bc thus far i feel like... you know. dylan serves to add a bit of levity, and to cut some tension; he's a very good balance to the office dynamic, as well as being a very... necessary perspective. not just in terms of contrast to the others, but like his genuine existence as a more complaisant type of character not like irving or even how mark tends to be, but like.... the normal guy who kind of doesnt buy into it, and isnt reverant to the systems, but also isnt kicking up a terrible fuss and sort of doesnt question it in like a . "well its just sorta like that ehhh<3"

or only does so in a nonserious way, conspiratorial stuff that airs more on the side of fun poking at shite, or like. in general he will defy lumon in moreso little ways- so i guess it probably still fancies himself as having some agency (unlike irving, in his opinion) but also does think himself rational (unlike helly, in his opinion) bc by his measure its like fucked, sure, but also whatever- when like at the end of the day he's still very much playing the game even if he's very casual about it all- AND . anyway thats all to say i would like to see MORE of him, in some sense! but also i reocgise that like. hmmm. a lot of this and how he functions is kind of inherent to him NOT being so centre stage, of him not having too much "up" with him and that sense of normalcy being integral to him BUT

equally i guess i started rambling abt it bc gosshh OMG OK<- ANNOYING MOMENT INCOMING. <-A BLOKE IS ABT TO TALK ABOUT D*CTOR WH*..,. <-OH EEK THIS IS A WARNING!! bc like if we're talking the current dw specials yeah? i feel like (at least, i at first) tried to allow for, and to be like "ok!" the addition of dan, to supplement graham and ryan's loss; he would be the new comic relief, the new balancing force in the tardis. and its like sigh. how laughable to even try to compare the ufcking messy clumsiness that is chibnall's writing, to the show above but like........ my point is, in the nye special (since flux is kinda too sloppy to rlly even poke at omg..oops) its like yeahh sure he serves tht purpose and hes a good character in his own right. but ALSO sighhh. he is sort of... still unnecessary im bc its like- there's something so.... functional about it. certainly he's what the show does need- but also there's other ways of serving those purposes, that would have been so much more enriching? LIKE: i LOOK at yaz, yeah? and... is it literally so insane to try and let HER be funny? is that such an absurd thing to propose? bc you can do that! but it wouldnt be with the immediate obvious quips you can have someone like dan fire out. but equally it would have given her more depth, it would have made the show so much cleaner in how it functions, but ultimately it would have been "harder" to do so- and its like, there's something very lifeless abt the current era of companions. and i think thats... sorta it. theyre all kind of put in for very rigid purposes and then thats it and theyre never allowed to be more than that or for even to be meaningful in the context of the story and its like- its SUCH a shame you know its suchhhh a shame

and my point. oh what was my point. that had me thinking a lot in general abt the way characters like dan exist in stuff (THAT sounds. vaguely pretentious i h*te that) and how characters who kkind of cut tension but also arent wholly. necessary-necessary and im LOOKING at dylan . BC HE DEFINITELY IS NOT THAT, MIGHT I SAY! he isnt- at least not right now- bc as i was saying he does strike a nice balance and i think his perspective is meaningful to the show but also... going forward i do think. like i said, i want more from him but i wonder how the show could go on to do that? its a balancing act. bc also- it probably WILL need to do that at some point as the status quo changes, as i presume it will in the show and as its doing so right now and i DO hope... i DO hope that they manage to do well by him, is all im saying! bc i feel like- i feel like it'd be very easy to use him for the sake of function alone, but... it'd be nice, still, to realise him in other aspects <3

- vaguely related but not so deep. im actually not that fully committed to helly yet! and oh that sounds a little impolite... I DO-I DO LIKE HER I think shes also a characrer though where hmmm. god i am obviously drawn to the horrific fucking nightmare shes clearly living in and she really. does make you realise how fucking fucked it all is- but also... hmm. i feel like that a lot of what we have been getting of her, is that immediate horrified response and whilst i can obviously go fucking bananas for her personality (the tenacity she has and everything) she has thus far existed in that extreme- and thats not a bad thing!! just like a. im sitting on the edge of my seat for her... like think she's going to get SO much better as time goes on, is the thing, and as we get more of her outside self. obviously we cant see that yet but it slike... how do i even say it. i feel like i cant quite explain it well? its like im at the beginnig of something rlly fucking good with her, and im seeing the groundwork laid out and im waiting for the drop first. ino idea if my sentinmence are making sense any more its almost 5am here<3

- similarly theres other characters that i KNOW theyre teasing something soooo good with them but also im vibrating bc it hasnt DROPPED yet fullyh- like cobel, casey and milchick- all have like ushc a fascinating things proposed this far and i would ramble more of them but obviously so much of thmem are ambiguous right now and im screaaaming bc like. i do I DO hope that with cobel in particular, that they give her her depth but also hm.... ive said it a lot, you know, about how i dont like it when "bad guys"'s presumed storylines are that theyre either 1 ) redeemed or 2) they were always justified and had sth awful going on tht made them that way (and certainly thats an oversimplification of the matter) but theres a possibility with her that they could try to sympathise with her in some way and i dont WISH for that i dont!! but i DO want some nuance in there and to see whatever the hell her perspective is and how she is a victim to whats going on whilst still being very much at fault for it... THEN with milcheck im squainting at him in general i feel like theres more to him. and with casey casey casey also unsure of her deal thus far, a thing we will surely see later... but i do hope sheis severed and shes another . interesting perspective bc

- hmmm like- i think tthats actually. LIKE MY GRIPES WITH THE SHOW THUS FAR ARENT LIKE. proper proper fair gripes theyre moreso like "i am ANTICIPATING this in the future" kind of situations and i dont think it'd be tooo fair to speak of them all when the showis still in progress. bc like- in general its like... i dont have BIG, HUGE AHHRGH issues with anything anyways? its moreso little things- certain perspectives and takes and worldbuilding matters that i sort of wish would be touched on more, but i cant tell if theyre like 1) leaving it for later OR 2) theyre going to be left ambiguous in general but by the end it wont feel incomplete as we see other takes OR 3) they really just wont at all and HEY i suppose thats the thing when youre following sth ongoing like this, but OMG i know its goofy googoo but theres a trepidation babygirl sniff sniff BC THUS FAR ITS LIKE- i actually love it so far you know, like thats one thing i do like a lot about the show. certainly it isnt perfect by any means, but they ARE committing to their concept. like it feels like it could be so... lukeworm? LUKEWPRM. SORRY I - TYPO EEPING THAT. but i feel like Fafjipsdfpkosd. IT COULD be so lukewarm is what i was intending to say but they are leaning into it. like i feel like a much lesser show would take this concept but not fully commit to the actual... horrific nature of it, and also not the actual implications of it? of like- what the "innies" would be, and how they would be as their own sort of culture? and theres still room for improvement- but like omgg....

- also also also also. i hate the term innies and outties it makes me think of belly buttons and absolutely i think these terms WOULD pop up, theyre the sort of casual things that people would just say but like i HATE using them but jHELP HELP HELP HLEP theres something that gives me the ick that i dont hold against the show bc theyre right but also i hold it against myself ahhrhg

- i like how marks brother in law whose name i cant hold onto... FIRST OF ALL. i keep merging him with the bloke from ointb. obsessed with the weird brother energy he just radiates. but like- GOD .... the way his shitty book with the dodgy platitudes and all sorts..... its actually so. the way its scoffed at by outie mark (or at least, his sentiments are) but revered by innie mark. like its just so... SORRY cant quite articulate it right now but GOD its like such a fucking fascinating shift in perspective as to how sth like that feels so laughable and kinda. shallow?n perhaps not the right word- but its something so different to us but recontextualised its revolutionary like UH HUH........GOD.

- im also so crazy abt burt and irving. like im not shipper brain rotted but god its just so nice to see two older men developing a relationship and its sincere and its not, like, subtextual its like THERE-THERE, and its stated openly like.... :3 <3 its really moving. happy for them... i am, i am, i am. bc its also like- its also not forced, hell! or like just. incidental.

- erhm waht else<3

- i think i had more thoguths i'll leave it hear now tho LOL kiss kiss

[katsukisbimbo]

hey sorry for always dumping my problems on you (though you probably wouldn't be able to tell) but i don't really have friends to talk to abt this. we were taking family pictures today (it's all very pretentious anyway we all don't like each other) and i have an rbf (everyone in the fam knows that, they 'jokingly' call me a bitch bc of it). it just so happens that im also extremely sleepy so that just made my expression worse. anyway, as i had that look on my face i happened to look into my mom's eyes and as always, she took it the wrong way and started talking shit and yelling at me. i tried explaining that that's just my expression but nah she didn't listen to me and instead told me that she'd slap me if i don't shut up. lol anyway that felt like my twelfth reason, im nearing my thirteenth :))

i’m so sorry that happened. i understand how it feels to already be mentally and physically exhausted and have someone make it worse. you’re not dumping anything on me and you’re not bothering me at all. you’re more than welcome to come into my dms and talk to me whenever you need someone to talk to. as for your family situation, i’m sure it’s upsetting and has taken a toll on you mentally and i can’t really say “oh it’ll get better!” or “oh! it’s okay!” because we both know i’ll be bullshitting. also because it’s annoying, like what do i know? but the only advice i can really give you is let yourself feel your emotions. don’t allow yourself to pent up and hide your emotions just because you think you have to put up a front. let yourself cry and be miserable. get it out of your system and let yourself go through it. i know it feels like absolute shit and not to be hazel grace or anything but feelings demand to be felt. i know your situation isn’t easy but trust me when i say that dying is not an option. it’s not something you should resort to right away. there’s so many options you can take, so many people that are willing listen to you and your problems because it sounds like that’s what you need and i’m here to give it to you if you want me to. i cant say much because i don’t know you or your situation but i want you to know i’m here for you if you need me to be.