#sorry if this is a mess of disjointed ideas im a tad messed up due to sleep problems but i hope the core concept at least lands

[asheternal]

[DO NOT REBLOG PLEASE.]

(THIS IS NOT FACT, IT’S JUST MY PERSONAL VIEW. Keep that in mind! How I interpret media is probably different than your own perception! This also has one  vague personal anecdote about my past with abuse as forewarning.)

(Also I avoid canon names as to keep this shit out of tags so this may sound incredibly dorky, apologies.)

 This by no means is meant to discredit or harm abuse victims- please take this as a “bringing some nuance” to the discussion rather than an outright attack on someone’s ideas/beliefs. If I wanted to or planned to attack people- I’d reblog them and go off. This is a discussion on the concept, not anyone specifically. If you see the ship as abuse personally- that’s your perspective. I have no right to tell you not to think that way and this mini-essay does not carry that intent.

C*tradora is a ship people are starting to consider abusive and while I agree in present context it might be to a degree (though I’d call it TOXIC, not abusive) I feel like people forget that things between both of them can very much change.

 Abuse cycles only exist when the line is indoctrinated into believing that their behavior is right- when it’s a situation where they can’t find outside support to break that thinking... though Cat has two key characters who will most likely push her to a redemption arc- Scorpy and Entra. Both can be easily re-goodguy-ised due to their already neutral stances on the horde vs. everyone else, and it’s clear Cat relies on them both to some degree as she’d have never fully gotten the chance to overcome BADMOM without them.That can lead into Cat trying to make amends with Ador- bringing up her abandonment issues, possibly finding her homeland- finding out that she’s the princess of beasts or idk attractive cat people. It’s a very open plotline if you look at her original iteration from the 80s.

 Sidenote- this argument was a common one back when barnmates was released and people shouted that lap//idot was abusive when it really wasn’t. It was toxic, that is until Peri learned to respect Lapis’ identity and allowed Lapis to approach her on her own merit. It took true redemption to finally push both of them to their true selves- to true recovery. Both had to lose everything before they could remotely consider healing, be it limb enhancers or having to flee to the moon out of fear. (Even if their progress wasn’t really shown, rushed writing of a subplot is a valid crit. of their relationship.)

 The abuser in that ship was neither of the two involved- it was the abuse they suffered from their upbringing, from homeworld, which is very similar to the evil horde. In ALL of their cases, they only learn and heal once AWAY from their abusers, the narrative of “cat is becoming an abuser BAD SHIP” is one that is very.. understandable to some extent, but also sort of harmful to people who suffered parental abuse or other forms of systematic abuse. It’s saying “this pair is bad- all people who were abused will become abusers” and that’s frankly untrue and very nihilistic. I’d say if you’re a victim who never got help/didn’t fully recover long after escaping, you have a higher probability of becoming an abuser or showing abusive tendencies, but the notion that Cat WILL become an abuser or IS becoming one is highly flawed IN MY OPINION.

 I’d argue that cat struggles with being toxic herself while in the horde, though once she distances herself she’ll become less and less consumed by it. We won’t see this until we see more of the show- it’s only the FIRST SEASON, so making big assumptions like “this ship will ALWAYS be abusive” is incredibly shallow. This isn’t an issue you can apply black and white thinking to- it’s an incredibly grey sort of relationship. Likewise- cat is still a TEENAGER (I know it’s hard to remember with some animation styles) and until you hit a certain age (it varies from 18-21, it’s an ongoing argument I’d rather not open up as I have a very individual based belief that it’s all on your personal development rather than age) who is living under AN ABUSIVE DICTATORSHIP where they intentionally brainwash these youngins into being super soldiers. It’s very much implied that cat was abused more heavily for developing feelings for her equal, hence why BADMOM was so keen on abusing cat. It’s why she was seen as “poisoning” Ador and was responsible for behavior Ador did that she was by no means in control of.

Alright, anecdote time because abuse and abandonment issues are like.. a big thing with my past. I used to, when I was in an abusive relationship/friendship, do what Cat does to some degree- when I could escape I didn’t. When I could do the right thing I didn’t. When I could hold my own view on the world I didn’t. When everyone told me I could get away from the abuse I didn’t and yknow why?

 It’s easier to let it keep happening while being fully aware it happens. Hence why Cat KNOWING BADMOM was abusing them was such a hit in the face. Cat is a VICTIM, she doesn’t know anything better than what she has and the thought of having NOTHING is far more horrifying than the “comfort” of your normalcy- which is far from normal, it’s abuse. As an outsider, even as a possible victim yourself, it can seem so.. irrational for someone to keep going back, it can seem like they’re just reveling in the “power” aligning with abusers as a victim can have, but it’s anything but that. Sure- you can ham it up and act like that’s your intention, that you’re no victim, that you’re just “doing what’s right” but in the end all you’re doing is admitting you’ve fallen to the parasitic existence that is being a true abuser.

 What happens when the victim, the host, is subject to repeated failures in the eyes of an abuser? You’re abandoned, thrown away. You’re demoted, mocked, called a “traitor” and left to fend for yourself. (In a hypothetical horde that is. Real life isn’t as theatrical... I’d hope.)  Those people who wanted to help you may not be around still- you may have scared them off, they may have forgotten about you, they may have given up. Though in time alone you start seeing the world for what it is, eventually people come back once they see you’re away from your controller- you begin healing. People will return, just not the people you expect to- not your abuser, not your abuser’s abuser. Friends, people who saw the good in you but couldn’t handle seeing you destroy yourself or others for a twisted, sick abuser.

 Though, with healing comes guilt, and with guilt comes understanding. The road to redemption isn’t a single action, it’s a chain that starts once you realize how messed up your situation is. I see that in Cat- starting with when she gave Ador her sword back, admitting without her she has no purpose to her abuser, no purpose for herself. “Letting go” of her feelings for Ador is not literal- it’s never that simple, they fester- it’s a sign that the grasp her abuser had on her is starting to break, so she has to do more drastic things to justify her actions, she has to desperately find some form of “usefulness” to the horde otherwise Ador was right. Otherwise BADMOM was, to some twisted degree, right. Cat is, by the definition of the Horde- weak, because she LOVES her lifelong teammate, her role model, her best friend. Love is not allowed under the rule of the Horde as it means she’d turn on them if it meant helping who she loved, so that was routinely beat into her. Ador never showed the same “weakness” in her- she could ignore her feelings and get results, she was always useful to the horde and losing her to her discovering she is capable of feeling things the horde deems unfit made her undesirable to the big bad guy.

 If I am proven wrong and cat is later on shown to be 100% abusive, then yes- I won’t defend the ship at all on that. Though in the current state it’s a far more complex situation than “is cat an abuser” or not.

This sounds like a youtube script I know, so I’ll leave you with this last thought:

We can’t mend an abuser, but we can clean off the toxicity from a victim, thus preventing good people from becoming that which torments them. It’s not going to be solved by asking people to leave their situations- it takes a lot more effort to push someone to their own conclusions which is ultimately the best way to help someone caught in that sort of situation. You cannot force someone blinded by an abuser to “see the truth” if they refuse to, though you can influence their views and offer perspective to a situation they once saw as black and white.

  In the end- the true evil is the system and parental figures these characters were raised by, not each other. I hope this could bring even just a little grey thought to those reading.

Thank you.