#sorry if i went a bit overboard i love apocalypse aus

[hermitcrossovers]

So boat boys apocalypse AU

Etho found out he can cure people with his blood after joel accidentally eat some of his blood

About two years after the apocalypse broke out, the two of them found eachother after ending up in a lightly populated zone, they worked together and ended up trusting eachother with their lives.

Then Joel got bit.

It was a stupid mistake, both of them had been confident there weren't any infected in the area, but all it takes is one idiot getting bitten and running away to turn for everything to go bad.

They decided to spend whatever time Joel had left, Etho promised him he'd finish him off before he turned all the way. But, despite everything, he hesitated, it had been just them for so long, the only person he could trust. It was just long enough for Joel, what was Joel to get to him.

In the end maybe it was for the better, it saved both of them, Joel's life, Etho's pain. When Joel came to, he found Etho sitting near him, with the most confused look on his face, staring at a bite on his own arm.

And maybe it was selfish, to keep it to themselves, but the world out there is cruel, and as friends come by, and their community grows they know at the very least their slice of the universe is safe from the plague that endangers their cruel world.

-Mod Jer

[florbelles]

lyra and john for the ship ask?

thank you lovely! 💕

GENERAL

rate the ship awful | ew | no pics pls | i’m not comfortable | alright | i like it! | got pics? | let’s do it! | why is this not getting more attention?! | the otp to rule all other otps

how long will they last? as long as some part of either of them exists tbh

how quickly did/will they fall in love? when i say they have no chill and lyra moved into the ranch after living in hope county for two weeks i mean it

how was their first kiss? john’s nose bled, next question

WEDDING

who proposed? technically john. sort of. ( i’m sorry for this long answer but i haven’t really discussed it so ) lyra had already joined the project, lived with john, begun her training with jacob, and had taken up the rudimentary form of what would eventually become her role as the judge. it had only been a few months, but joseph believed he recognized her from his visions and wanted to bring her into the family Officially; at this point john and lyra were already 100% in it and he was straight up like if she’s going to become a seed it’s going to be through me, because, well, john. lyra just looked at him when he came to her with it and said “what of it? are you not my husband? am i not your wife?” and that was that; lyra doesn’t live by half-measures, she was married in every way that mattered to her the second she stepped across that threshold with her bags. ( well. shaggy carried the bags. but you get it. )

who is the best man/men? no one, but if you listened carefully you could hear shaggy sobbing outside the church. is he happy for them or crushed by the revelation he’s really stuck with both of them forever now? who can say!

who is the bride’s maid(s)? no one; faith was Not pleased when she heard lyra had gone and married her brother without telling her ( but it would have been her, if they’d had attendees. )

who did the most planning? there wasn’t much, but john ( and joseph, i suppose, since he officiated. )

who stressed the most? the only one who had any amount of stress was john.

how fancy was the ceremony? back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 ( i’ve been informed inflation adjustment was necessary by virtue of lyra’s aura ) | 4 | normal church wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

who was specifically not invited to the wedding? everyone, with the exception of joseph by necessity; while the significance of the two most extra drama fiends to ever step into the valley having the most understated ceremony in existence could be elaborated on with sentimentality — they can come as they are with each other, etc etc — it was partly a tactical move; lyra couldn’t fairly well maintain her cover with the locals if she publicly married john seed in an elaborate ceremony. they intend to have one officially in the new eden with all of the family and faithful; they never get that chance.

SEX

who is on top? either/or tbh

who is the one to instigate things? either/or

how healthy is their sex life? barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they are humping each other on the couch right now

how kinky are they? straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head ( no horse head necessary in the sex dungeon. just kidding. they don’t have a sex dungeon they just hook up in the normal torture one )

how long do they normally last? before everything went to hell, as long as they want ( rip, get the ice packs ); after the reaping begins, as long as they have

do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? okay listen i’m going to be brutally honest, they fuck a lot, they’re not counting but they’re not complaining

how rough are they in bed? softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | the bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make dwayne johnson blush. also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. ( their walls are premium )

how much cuddling/snuggling do they do? no touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | a little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. ( lyra is actually the biggest offender but she blames his needy ass. also if she knows you know this she’ll commit homicide. this is not hyperbole )

CHILDREN

how many children will they have naturally? none. ( in aus they do; one in the cult wins verse because lyra’s iud expired but she was not willing to sacrifice her sex life, and fairbrookseed have three; the twins via wes and a younger son via john. )

how many children will they adopt? three at the beginning of the reaping — boomer, peaches & cheeseburger. ( john unwilling. )

who gets stuck with the most diapers? not applicable, but hypothetically shaggy

who is the stricter parent? it would have been john

who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? it would have been john; lyra would have taught them the dangerous stunts they’re doing after school

who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? it would have been shaggy

who is the more loved parent? the furbabies love lyra more. obviously.

who is more likely to attend the pta meetings? it wOULD HAVE BEEN JOHN

who cried the most at graduation? same answer; lyra would have waited until they got home and then cried in the shower for an hour

who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? either/both, but in practice probably john

COOKING

who does the most cooking? neither/shaggy; lyra if you count her Attempts when she staggers in at 3am after hunting sinners or gathering intel at the spread eagle

who is the most picky in their food choice? john; lyra behaves like she is but in fact thinks it will be a shame when casey’s non-testicle related recipes are lost when he burns in the collapse

who does the grocery shopping? neither; lyra’s the most likely to bring things back from town, but it’s usually liquor she swiped from the bar ( so that mary may can’t sell it, of course! )

how often do they bake desserts? they don’t bake

are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? whatever shaggy puts in front of them; it’s probably meat and it’s probably unfortunate

who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? john, but he’s only responsible for the theatrics; everything was 100% still prepared by the flock

who is more likely to suggest going out? for the truly exceptional hope county cuisine, served in businesses they definitely didn’t try to get shut down, in which they are most definitely both still welcome and could appear together without blowing her cover and/or getting shot on sight? neither. in a “let’s physically go out by the fire pit” sense, lyra.

who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? honestly, both of them, because in the event they were cooking one of them probably decided to be distracting~ while they waited~ and oh no they forgot about it oh no everything’s on fire oh no shaggy put it out oh no shaggy how could you let this happen

CHORES

who cleans the room? shaggy

who is really against chores? both to an extent, but especially lyra

who cleans up after the pets? neither, but since john philosophically opposes their presence in the first place and tries to ship them off to jacob every tuesday, it sure as hell ain’t him

who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? if, inexplicably, they’re sweeping, it’s lyra, both proverbially and literally

who stresses the most when guests are coming over? if the guest is joseph ( or even jacob ), JOHN. otherwise they’re unconcerned.

who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? a dollar? one (1) dollar? john keeps literal stacks of thousands of dollars in cash just sitting around. the answer is hopefully not the resistance.

MISC

who takes the longer showers/baths? john ( but lyra usually joins. )

who takes the dog out for a walk? shaggy, boomer has almost taken his leg off on fifty separate occasions. ( it’s lyra. )

how often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? canonically they never have the opportunity, really, but lyra probably would have decorated for the winter holidays. some mistletoe on the antlers, a garland on that sinner corpse hanging out by the porch. beautiful.

what are their goals for the relationship? to make it to new eden, tbh. they found unconditional love in each other when that was an impossibility for them for most of their lives; they just want to keep what they have and prove themselves worthy.

who is most likely to sleep till noon? JOHN. lyra’s up before dawn every day ( and drags him out of bed to watch the sunrise with her; he’s very excited for the apocalypse. )

who plays the most pranks? pranks? lyra, but not the funny sort, it’s like...whoops, sorry, i forgot to mention i was roasting sinners out back, the grounds will smell like burning flesh for a bit! did you bring home any flayed skin today? <3 ( i jest, it’s more to the effect of “the sinners were terribly dull today so to amuse myself i told them i heard rumors about the judge and the reason they didn’t know you had a wife is because you kept her locked in a sex dungeon. also, adelaide wants you to spank her. how went the confessions?” )