#sorry if i seem low energy
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Not to start shit but there's no non-misogynistic explanation for hating Pattie or Jane
#i guess you could say the same about cyn or mo but no one seems to hate them#it's just the women who stand up for themselves who we want to villify#because omgosh you not wanting to be treated like absolute shit really hurt Paul's feelings :((((#bc as a woman it's your calling to absorb cruelty from ✨special✨ men so they have more time and mental energy to be special little boys#sorry i had an irl conversation about jane that filled me with rage#saying you wouldn't have left 1960s era paul doesn't mean you're super nice and loving and special and better than jane#you're not a loving beacon of tender femininity#you have low self esteem#just the way ppl try to twist it to make jane a bad person just for wanting some basic decency and respect....#if she and pattie did a bunch of fucked up shit that i dont know about please enlighten me#bc all the judgement i see comes from unhinged Beatles fans who can't accept their fav has a history of treating women like shit#(and that they probably continued to have those tendencies even in their fairytale romances)#the beatles#jane asher#pattie boyd#paul mccartney#george harrison#op
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Featured Fic Friday!
Welcome to Featured Fic Friday! A day where I, or someone who suggests one, tell you about a fanfic that I really enjoy! Spoiler's under the cut! Today's featured fic is...
A Guardian's Guard by TheOwlsArchive (Mature, Complete)
Nightmare rescued Cross, beaten and bloody, from the soldiers personal hell. Gave him a home. A safe space. A place away from the castle where Cross could heal and process before the guardian offered the soldier a spot in his ranks. He wanted Cross to come to terms on his own time. Wanted to give him plenty of time to think over the offer, and would graciously accept Cross' refusal if he chose to do so. That unfortunately changed when a demon from the soldiers past decided to shatter that bubble of safety. Now, the guard needs a more secure safety net, and Nightmare is willing to provide it. Himself and his gang would easily take in another soul in need of stability and companionship. Another safe space. Little did he know Cross would be able to provide something similar for the guardian himself.
Recently completed, this fic is good for if you are looking for something to binge with it's large word count. While straying away from canon, the author's interpretations of the characters are interesting enough that it keeps you reading.
Be warned that it deals with some darker topics at times, but that isn't to say that there aren't softer moments. The interactions between the characters are intriguing & fit with how the author writes them.
Spoilers ahead!
I really enjoy how the author portrays the relationship between Cross & the other characters, especially Error & CQ, along with the kids. They're introduced kind of abruptly, but you also get attached to them quickly!
Having Dream grow wings is also an interesting plot point I enjoyed, having him parallel Nightmare in a way. Honestly, the way Dream is written is just really cool, though we don't see him all the time.
I'll also say that having the other Sanses be reluctant to get involved with fighting Ink is a very neat concept. Them not wanting to get involved in something they see as above them is something I don't recall having seen before.
#sorry if this seems low energy#i haven't been feeling very upbeat lately#fic rec#fic recommendation#ao3 fic recs#utmv#cross sans#nightmare sans#not suitable for minors#featured fic#mod sleepy
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Hi I don't really know how to say this so I'm going to kinda do it under the cut so it feels quieter
I don't really like to be too open about personal struggles online, I mean, I share some stuff from time to time but mostly tiredness w work or missed appointments and other simple things. I don't like letting a lot of people know about the specific things that are going on irl, especially if they're heavier so.... Idk but. TW for pet death going forward, so this should kinda let you know what it is
A couple days ago I was told that my bunny died that morning. He was a fairly old bunny so it wasn't a huge shock, and I think he had a good life, but it was still pretty sudden. My mom said that the night before he was running around completely normally and eating/pooping just fine, plus noting unusual at his last visit to the vet, so we have no idea what could have happened. And I think I feel extra bad because I wasn't there, even if I'd be back home pretty often the fact that I moved out and had to leave him there is sad. Of course I still saw him because well he's my pet but I'm bummed because I also wanted more time. I had a dream last night that I went to my parents house as usual and they said they made a mistake and he's actually totally fine, and I woke up sooo bummed after that too. Overall just bummed.
I'm mostly posting this so at least some people know, because I still do get asks about him from time to time and I'd sort of feel really bad breaking the news every time... I hope that makes sense. And I hope I'm not also bumming other people out too much by doing so. But I also don't want people to think it's not okay to talk about bunnies with me now because I still love them <3 and I hope you will still see me as the bunny guy. Don't feel bad about rbing funny old posts with him or anything I think it's a nice way to keep his memory alive, and I don't want everything to be all sad all the time... He's just a bunny and I think we gave him a good life by the end of it, even if it was a sudden end. I'm sorry little bunny I wish I was there for you when the time came but I think we had fun together too. Thank you
#it's personal stuff for anyone who doesn't care feel free to just scroll on it's ok 👍#but if i seem a little more lethargic or low energy for a while this is mostly why#I'm sorry if i get worse at stuff like replying to asks and such but I'll still do my best to not become impossible to talk to 😅
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It's October 30th which means I've publicly released all of my TRICKS and TREATS so here it is! Let me know what you guys think of the other gifts!!! :D
Links to all of my Simblreen Treats:
Freebie Set | TRICK #1 | TREAT # 1 | TREAT # 2 | TRICK #2
#simblreen#simblreen 2023#sims 4#sorry if I seem pretty low energy#i just got back from traveling lol
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#sorry for my slower activity#I've just had some low energy to post right now#so I thought doing a poll would be fun#and I've always wanted to know since it seems like some don't from their comments#so I want to know how many actually do
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I’m giving you all the hugs 🥺 you are loved and I love you did I mention that I love you a lot? <333
Thank you rose... heh so sweet of you.... I'm sorry for worrying you, but thank you still, it's really soft and warm and your love put a smile on my face. I accept all the hugs.... and I love you a lot too, more than I could express, you are important to me, thank you for everything. I send you many many many hugs back.... and imagine I just stay in the hug for a little while hahaha (seari is really clingy, sorry)
#also.... sorry hahaha its easy to see when my energy is running low... but ill be back on my feet soon#there's just stuff its too difficult to actually bring up... and the last post#the bestie just had the best timing and arrived as i was listening to a song... i feel a lot better now tho#and really... your affection is warm and nice... i really love your vibes and how kind and sweet you are...#its a little funny tho.. that you dont seem to notice just how sweet of a person you are... and how loved by everyone you are...#its still a cute and soft feeling seeing just how many people came together to vote for you on that 'trial' hehe#thank you rose... youve done more for me than you can imagine... the days truly dont feel as monotonus anymore...#of course i still have to deal with my emotional mess but... youve helped to enrich my enclosure and that has done wonders
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Hmmmm, I seeeeee....... You couldn't wait for me to arrive on my own, could youuuu... Hehehehe..... You saw your friend getting attention and wanted to join in, did you? Wellllll..... Who am I to refuse? Besidesssss...... We BOTH get the attention this way.........
~ Moondrop 🌕
Hello!!! I didn't expect that to actually work, I am tired (mentally tired I mean) and was being silly
It's very nice to see you again, you seem like pleasant company, if a bit....ominous at times :3
(And your wording implies...Jealousy or Envy perhaps...? What a strange thing humans feel...I do not understand it)
But it's very nice to see you again, I hope your time with Qwill goes well, it seemed really eager to share plushies with you ^-^
...I wonder if my silly shenanigans have lost me the title of friend XD
#jesterposts#jesteranswers#ask answered#anon ask#anon answered#Moondrop 🌕#Sorry if i seem off with this reply#just bit...low energy mood lets say#:3
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after the next few drafts are posted any other art posts may become more sporadic for the foreseeable future as I honestly hold little love for art or my ocs lately and don’t know if/when that’ll change. thanks for understanding
#whimsy whispers#maybe things will change but when nothing brings you joy and everything feels pointless art and ocs with no use don’t seem that fun anymore#I debated briefly just putting my ocs up as adoptables at this point but I’d probs regret it but also ahdjfktkt they just don’t make me#happy anymore#but also expecting random fake characters from my head to make me happy at this point is silly#so yeah basically my depression has gotten to like rock bottom and while I do art because I get bored I’m not happy with anything I could#possibly make and idk when I will be#and I just don’t have the energy or will or like ✨inspiration✨ to make actual art anymore#also idk what to even do with my ocs they’re useless to me and I’m unhappy drawing them standing stiffly in front of whatever random ass#background I can throw together in five minutes#sorry again for being depressed on my art blog but like I figured it’s a heads up#I’m too depressed and tired to even care to make art anymore and I don’t know when or if I will be#you’ll probably see things here and there from me but like idk just don’t expect anything from me#it’s best to just have low to no expectations#making this my pinned post because I don’t think having my promo as my pinned post did much good#unfortunately I can’t just stop doing art otherwise I would’ve
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i'm so sleepy
#🌙.rambles#really wanted to do so much more today but. i did a lot#i'm really happy w yk yeah bio n literature earlier n then#earlier hehe me n apollo were chilling in our parents' room bcs our dad was playing the 1975 music out loud. bonding over music c:#n then. talking w my friends a bit but.. specifically i'm really happy i managed to. hmm. hopefully those words reached her#i know my friends well i think. more than it seems on the outside#so i really want to do things for them n i know how to convey it in such a way that it wld at least resonate with them more#but i really do hesitate that i'll do it wrong yk? or i'm low on energy myself#but. i'm just. personally proud that tonight at least i managed to tell help her a bit. i really had a feeling she hasn't been doing well#for. the past months. i'm so sick of hesitating i just want to reach out but i really get afraid sometimes n i'm sorry#sincerity n authenticity n honesty mean a lot to me but. my friends aren't usually. as Open yk#goddamn i can't write it well enough bcs i cld write how i perceive it specifically for each n every single close friend of mine#n i really just want to help in any way i can bcs i really do care#i'm. also just really for the friend i said earlier. i really just.. know how it feels to have that hope crushes n for it to#ah. i don't know how to write it but the words are in my head. i really wish i cld just call or hug my friends anytime to just reassure#them or listen or just be company. bcs i know how it feels all too well n when i'm managing a bit better like i am right now i just#want to make the most of it but.. sigh#i'm more. yk more of a writer than your average person. but#writing is just so hard at times isn't it? but i really want to do as much as i can#n then. i don't know i think i need to cry i think. i want to do so much#yk that horoscope.co thing. i'm not too big on astrology i just find it interesting but w scorpio sun & capricorn moon (bcs that's me)#read it again n it a bunch of not rlly resonated with me :^) ffs i just want to do so much n it hurts#bcs i want to be kind to myself but i'm in a constant battle of. yeah really trying not to push myself but it's so hard#when people are put in the picture. humans are social beings. it's inevitable n. it's just so.. it just feels so helpless for me i think.#bcs there's so much in me that wants to just be freed like. i want to be who i am with no restraint but.#there's just.. a lot too but.#thinking of earlier today n how i overcame my anxiety. n we. we bought the tickets. for the 1975. doesn't feel real but my motivation rlly#yeah. n then. fuck the pain i'm channeling that energy to my motivation instead but#i really.. need to sleep. i'm sorry i can't do more right now. i really want to. tomorrow. i hope. i will do more. but i'll rest now.#..n tonight somehow maybe telling you to rest wld reach you somehow. probably not but i'll just leave this here.
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so, this blew up on twitter (currently at 15k+ notes and still going ..) which completely blindsided me and now i cant draw again as if i was burnt out right away AGAIN and its rly annoying :I
also on twitter one person called me the r slur on it though and i just blocked them without understanding why they said that .. until i got another one earlier today that said "fuck off with your pronouns and just go make political art" and i realized oh ... people getting mad at pronouns are real after all, its such a non problem to me i didnt see how there was anything offensives about this until that second one spelled it out xD
Empress and her Bodyguard.
(OCs, grey haired lady Zaphira she/her, demon Shargon he/they)
(also some details up close)
and this guy bc i find him funny
#ganondoodles#art#also weirdly enough its doing better on bluesky than on tumblr#like the share to like ratio is much healthier over there for some reason#despite me having only barely 600 followers when i posted it there#(on twitter im at 22k+ and here its 10k+ but most are dead accounts i guess- its so weird to have tumblr be “worst” one)#(bc i have been here far longer than even twitter and feel much more attached to it and the people here)#i wonder if that art block feeling is bc i feel like i should draw more ocs stuff immediately but for others and not for me#idk if that can be the whole reason though#anyway idk what to do now#im so used to oc stuff not getting much attention so it was easier to do it on the side while fandom stuff was the main thing in a way?#and now idk ....................#im also afraid to disappoint people that thought my oc stuff is way cooler based on this art than it actually is#like Shargon isnt a scary demon that eats people#hes an anxiety riddled weakling rejected by other demons and only seems to imposing to humans bc they dont know any other demons#bc they prefer to stay in their world .... except him bc they reject and abuse him..#i have more oc lore and story than i have for the zelda comic but how would i even begin to explain any#id have to draw it all and i cant ..... do that ..... as much as i wish i could im just too slow and low on energy at all times#(the guilt of all the messages i havent answered ... ough .... im sorry)
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tis was a question asked frm sumone thru my inbox . . altho its gone now . . ? at least i cannot access it . . but i wnted to share m words anyhow ♡︎ 📼 i thought a littl vid wuld be fun ? hm ….
#also m sorri abt anon bein turned off . .#it seems low energy ppl feel braver sayin awful tings when they can’t be seen !#aka . . scaredy cats . . hidin behind anon :P#i shuld rllie sleep now .. zzzzz#◛ ‧₊˚#📼
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Hello hello! For Soft Asks, may I have 1, 6, 14, and 21? Thank you! Hope you get some sleep (haha /lh)
hii i'm so sorry about answering this late, i've been busy with school :(
(1) what songs make you feel better? currently it's alright by mother mother and any by madds buckley (she's so good what the hell why didn't i listen to her sooner—)
(6) what's your favorite candle scent? i don't really use candles at all but my favorite shampoo/conditioner scent is coconut
(14) what's something upcoming that you're excited for? uh i get to miss the bad frisbee practice because i'm going to my grandparents house but i still get to go to the good one yay...(:
(21) tea, coffee, or hot cocoa? i like hot cocoa because i cannot handle caffeine lol (i drink drinks really fast so it makes me way too jittery)
#veero rambles#ima!!!!#moots patoots#asks#sorry if this post seems really low energy /gen#i am stressed#sadly#it's okay tho
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oh no its fine im just thinking about pari
nods. valid as hell. pari.
#sorry if I seem a bit low energy I’m soundlessly spinning a guy around in a microwave#insaneilty#does this one go on public then?? i?? don’t know fuck
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Other Misc. Rambling Thoughts on the topic:
(~ !!!!!!!!! if you're just reblogging this post for the Poll section, please reblog the original post without this addition* lol. ~)
(*not that there's anything super personal or weird about the addition, just that it's meant to be kind of casual Side Commentary, not really part of the Main Point Of The Poll, so it would feel kind of weird for it to be emphasized by being included in reblogs unless the reblogs were explicitly about the side commentary, etc..... if that makes sense.. ANYWAY!)
It's neat to read the written descriptions that people are mentioning in the tags, since it's almost like I can see or conceptualize the idea as well, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING it.
Like for example: I can imagine a vase, it's a muted mint green and slightly translucent, elaborate golden birds sprawled down the side in streaks of thin rough watery paint, the base material shimmers gently in the light, there's a small chip where it's cracked on the handle, etc, etc. .. But as I'm thinking about this I see literally nothing.
It seems like perhaps some people can visualize an object first, and THEN describe what they see. But I sort of work backwards. I am building the object in my mind, I can never see it, but it's a collection of concepts. Rather than visualizing all details as a whole at once, I am adding each detail one by one, building onto the IDEA of the thing.
The vase doesn't have a crack on the handle because I just automatically visualized a vase with a crack. It was more that I cognitively understand the concept of a vase, what they tend to be made out of, how they tend to look and feel, the properties they have. So based purely on that knowledge, I can imagine "a chip is something that a vase could have, it would look this way and behave this way" - more like... I'm constructing a bullet point Fact List about the object rather than seeing it.
So if you tell me to imagine an object, I can, in a way, imagine that object in great detail, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING those details, more just knowing it's qualities in a purely conceptual way. Sometimes in the tags when people are like "yeah I can see the skin of the apple, texture, little dots on the surface" it's like… I can imagine that too, I can know it's there, but just with no visual attached.
I guess rather than SEEING something and going ''ah. I know what this looks like because I have seen it''. I more just skip that visual step entirely and go ''I know what this looks like, I just randomly have a list of information about the concept in my mind.'' etc. Maybe similar to how sometimes in dreams, even though a house may look completely different and be in an entirely fake 'dreamlike' environment, you just somehow KNOW intuitively that it's meant to be your childhood home or something. Even when it looks nothing like it in reality. There's a built-in base knowledge of the properties or information of some things within a dreaming mind, etc.
--
This also makes me wonder about like.. how storytelling and myth is so important to cultures all across time. Or how this could tie also into concepts of religion.. etc. etc. If so many people really can kind of conjure these vivid images in their mind, then maybe that's part of why certain things are so meaningful to them? Like a "religious experience" being something you can actually really SEE/feel/lingering with you in your head, rather than just abstract words on a page, detached purely theoretical ideas, etc... hmmm
.
Plus also just for average emotional stuff too, even outside of broader cultural conceptual attachments..
Like, I don't think there's a direct 1 to 1 link (obviously not all people with mental illnesses that significantly reduce their emotional or expressive capacity also MUST have aphantasia or vice versa), but it's interesting as someone who DOES also have a much more lessened emotional range/pretty flat affect/etc. etc. to think like.. Maybe I WOULD be more emotional, in a way, if I could have these vivid experiences..?
Perhaps memories would hold deeper significance if they could really stay with me vividly. Or storytelling would evoke more of a deep emotional reaction to me if I could really picture and feel the things that are going on. If things were more TANGIBLE in my brain, rather than always merely conceptual highly abstracted ideas.
Kind of like, it's probably easier to get over the death of a pet or something, if after not seeing them for an hour you already don't remember what they looked like (beyond just a vague fact list of traits), and you have no vivid memories or mental reminders of them (beyond just factual information stores). COGNTIVIELY you can appreciate the idea of their absence, of course, you still miss them, but there's just no remaining visceral sensory ties. A very "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing in terms of attachments, memories, emotions, etc. Maybe certain things are easier to "get over", when you're not having constant mental sensory reminders that occasionally rekindle your feelings about the event or etc.??
(like for example, maybe someone could remain angry about an argument longer if they could vividly replay it in their head over and over again. VS just like.. 'Yes I can factually recall the fact I had an argument, and I do have knowledge stored about what precisely was said, but any sort of sensory data such as sights/smells/feelings, etc. from the actual moment of the event are long gone and can never be conjured again in my mind." etc.)
Which again, I think lessened emotional permanence and image permanence in the mind are NOT inherently linked, can all be caused by different things for different people. And, since I can't visualize anything in my head, maybe I'm misunderstanding how it happens and the effect it may have on stuff like remembering things you miss or replaying arguments, etc. etc. But it's still a little interesting to think about, if they could influence each other to some degree.... :0c --
Lastly, It's also weird because I'm actually pretty good at estimating distance and spaces? I can quickly assemble furniture without an instruction manual, pretty easily have a concept of how much space a chair may take up in a room, how two mechanical parts might fit together - BUT, I am literally not actually visualizing anything. I cannot see 3D objects in my mind at ALL. It's like.. just based on the pure List Of Facts About Things Which I Have Observed.. I can intuitively go "oh this works like this/this is this size" just because.. I know it's that size. I don't have to see anything to know..?
But then on the other hand, I'm terrible at directions without a map (I guess because a 3d outdoor environment has WAY more complexity than like.. "Will this square fit into another square?"etc. lol ).
BUT, I also draw/sculpt/etc. entirely without references, and seem to do mostly okay at that..? Like.. I can't even remember the last time I actually used a reference or looked at anything whilst drawing. It's all muscle memory, and me just adjusting as I go until something "looks right" on paper, I never have a set image in my head (or external reference) before hand.. Hrmm....
AND.. I used to say that I had a photographic memory when I was younger, which I know NOW is not true (I always thought it was just an expression, not that people could literally see things in a photographic way). But what I was describing is, I do often associate information with imagery, just... without imagery....
Like "Oh, I know that I took my medicine earlier today because I have a distinct memory, a snapshot of a moment in time, of me rattling the pill bottle in my hands as I looked up at a stop sign while in the back seat of a car". When I say this, I can't ACTUALLY see/feel/hear a pill bottle, or vividly picture a stop sign, but it's more just a factual recall, of. Even though I don't see these things, I know they happened, the information of them happening (me hearing a sound and also looking at a stop sign at the same time) has been stored in my brain as a memory, a collection of linked facts. --
As for other senses, I cannot taste or feel anything in my head AT ALL.. wild that some people mention that. I mean, again, I can have a purely factual recall as if reading a textbook, knowing the information of 'X item typically has X texture, therefore I can imagine what it may be like to feel it' or 'X usually has this taste' etc. - but I can never actually experience those senses in any capacity in my mind alone. I would say audio is my strongest mental sense (maybe a 2.5 or 3 (if it were translated onto the above scale where 1 is most vivid and 5 is nothing)), then visual (4.5 at most, usually 5), and then taste and smell and such are just complete 5, absolutely nothing, I didn't even know people could experience taste or feeling just in their mind alone.. lol...
I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
-
(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#repeat reblog#Hrmm.... this must be why you all like reading books so much lol… option 5.. so few of us…#Also I wonder if this is why I'm a more detail oriented writer. Like if I was making a story I would first have to plot out information#about the location. draw a map of the room the chararcters are in. sketch the characters. their outfits. do a lot of plotting and planning#about how the world and the setting works and what plants might be there and so on and so forth. Because I'm working#more from a factual knowledge base of like 'bullet point list of things I know about this setting/object/person/etc'#rather than actually just being able to see it in my mind. So to really conceptualize a person/place/thing - I have to build it#from the ground up conceptually. Gathering and organizing all the information about it until I have a Full Mental Concept of it - and THEN#I can work with it from there. But maybe someone who just Pictures all that in their brain from the beginning can kind of skip that step.#Like for example I literally have NO idea what any of my characters look like until I draw them. I have to actively decide what they look#like and think about all of those details and create the List Of Factual Information (black hair. green eyes. this tall. etc.) from scratch#. where the friend I talked to on the phone recently said that they literally just like... picture the character. like they just SEE them#doing stuff and know from there. And of course i have an IDEA of what I may want a characters appearnce to be or properties that would suit#them based on their Concept and Personality. but I literally do not know. And even when writing or thinking about characters doing things#I cannot visualize them no matter how hard I try. It's all theoretical factual recall for me. Also my friend said that to THEM the saying#''the characters write themselves'' was interpreted to mean.. they can literally sit down & watch the characters do things and it's as#if they are just creating a story in their mind from thin air. it writes itself. Where for ME I have always interpreted it to mean ''I have#undertaken the process of analyzing and plotting every detail of this character SO deeply that I know them SO well down to even#how they would walk or hold a pencil. and thus because I have such an intimate understanding of every intricacy of their personality. It's#extremely easy to just Put Them Into A Situation and assume exactly how they'd react/ exactly what they'd say because based#on what has factually been determined about them and their personality/worldview/etc. it's just.. literally automatic. The same way that#if you knew a friend's preferences extremely well you could probably easily predict how they'd respond to a birthday gift'' etc.#hmm.. ANYWAY... Which my friend may be an extreme example. I feel like it'd be obvious even for writers without aphantasia to STILL sit#down and plot out details & intimately understand their characters/setting/etc. But the idea that for ANYONE it's like ''yeah I dont have t#think much about designing the layout of a room/place/etc. I just kind of SEE it in my mind and know automatically''.... wild... lol#It makes it seem like I'm always having to do like 500 tons of extra work that other people can just skip .. oughh#''well after writing them for a YEAR and fully conceptualizing their personality and going through 15 sketch drafts. i have FINALLY#decided on an appearance for my character'' ... ''erm.. i have been seeing my character since day 1.. what do you mean?'' ... lol#ANYWAY.. and thank you to those who have sent in asks abt your experiences.. very inchresting.. sorry not posting/responding yet since im#still a bit sick feeling and energy is very scattered/low social ability/etc... even this post i typed over the course of days lol..
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i have junho, daeseong and minho on my brain today and them only
#out of candy : ooc .#i have to mssg ppl that liked the post to plot w them#im so sorry for the delay#ive just been so low on energy#but today is a menace trio day again it seems
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˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝑻𝒐 𝑩𝒆 𝑬𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 | Jonathan Crane
NOTES -> Hello hello! im gonna be in uni full time again starting first week of september so uploads will be much slowerrrr im sorry. I’ll try to write as much as i can for u my little loves!
REQUEST -> Based off the prompt 15 from this list here
SUMMARY -> Your boss, Jonathan Crane, plans on isolating you away from your old life, consuming you whole until you become nothing but devoted to him...and you're too naive to see the mind games that the expert psychiatrist is playing.
WORD COUNT -> 3.3k
WARNINGS -> Smut, p in v, soft!dark Jonathan, doctor/nurse relationship, boss/employee relationship, creampie
MASTERLIST
MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Jonathan felt his chest tighten as he narrowed his blue eyes behind his glasses. His focus was locked on you and only you, along with the orderly speaking to you for the last few minutes.
You were a nurse at Arkham, young and bright-eyed, so full of energy — and that caught Jonathan’s attention. Your unusually cheerful demeanour and sweet aura drew him in, whether he liked it or not. Maybe it was how you’d always give him a cute little wave every time he’d pass by you, or maybe it was how you’d smile at him when everyone else seemed to cower away from the stoic doctor.
Or maybe it was because once he saw you leaving work in your everyday clothes instead of your usual scrubs, and when you seemingly bent over to pick up your keys which you dropped on the ground, he could see the lace of your pink panties poking out of your low-rise sweatpants — but I guess we’ll never know.
See, that was the problem. You were so sweet, but you were like that with everyone you worked with; which made Jonathan feel inferior in many ways, but he promised himself that he’d have you eventually.
He didn’t want to hurt you by any means — oh god, no. He’d rather torture himself than watch you suffer through any anguish. However, he did want everyone around you to fall victim to a rather sinister fate if it meant they stayed away from you.
Jonathan didn’t really consider himself a sadist, but watching those around you seemingly go missing and suddenly quit their jobs at Arkham (unwillingly, of course), derived an innate sense of pleasure within him.
That was one of the perks of being the chief psychiatrist — he had all the power in the world to do whatever he pleased within the walls of Arkham, no matter who he hurt in the process. Jonathan would quietly fire many employees who he felt were “too friendly” with you, but he’d always tell you that they’d mysteriously quit or that they had changed jobs.
“Perhaps they just didn’t have it in them to help the…unique patients we house here,” he’d say to you. “Not everyone is as dedicated and as kind as you are, you know?”
Foolishly, you let his flattery get into your head; you let yourself fall for him without even realizing it.
You believed that the universe divinely guided you to him. You were sure of it — he was just so kind and understanding. You couldn’t believe the other staff of Arkham didn’t see him the way you did! How could they dislike him? Fear him?
To Jonathan, you were like an angel that fell from above, capturing his cold, dead heart within your warm, beating, and very alive one. You were so kind to the patients, so gentle with them — and your patients only ever had good things to say about you.
As you spoke to the orderly in front of you about what you did over the weekend, you noticed your boss looking rather tense from the corner of your eye. His jaw was clenched slightly, and his expression unforgiving. He exhaled sharply before ushering you over toward him, causing you to excuse yourself from your current conversation.
“Doctor Crane,” you greeted sweetly, “how are you?”
“I’m rather stressed today,” he answered softly, taking on that same gentle tone that he always seemed to take with you.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, but I'm worried about you.”
“What do you mean?” you asked innocently, cocking your head to the side slightly as if to emphasize your confusion.
“I think perhaps we should speak in my office about this,” he offered. “Come with me, please.”
Your smile suddenly faltered slightly as anxiety and paranoia ran rampant through your veins.
Your paranoid thoughts had to be put on the back burner as you took a seat across from him in his office, watching him as he sat down at his desk. His suit was pristine as always — and today, he opted for a brown sweater vest underneath it.
You’d count every thread and stitch on his suit for him if he asked you to.
“Doctor Crane—”
“Just Jonathan is fine,” he interrupted before clearing his throat. “I wanted to speak to you in private about a certain concern of mine.”
“What is it?”
He sighed before he took off his glasses and meticulously placed them on his desk. He leaned forward slightly, and you stayed quiet as he hesitated for a moment before his smooth voice finally cut through the silence in his office between the two of you.
“I’m worried that you may be overworking yourself,” he explained, looking at you with his tantalizing eyes. “I notice you pick up shifts and work overtime frequently, and I worry that you may be taking on more than you can handle. As your boss, I just want to make sure that you’re not burning yourself out as that can’t be good for you, and I believe in a healthy work-life balance.”
You made an ‘o’ shape with your mouth, unsure as to what you could say to him — that wasn’t what you were expecting him to say to you. Perhaps you had been overworking yourself, but that was just a part of you. Having a strong work ethic was something you strongly believed in, but maybe he was right. You couldn’t care for your patients if you were too exhausted to, right?
Now that he mentioned it, you were quite tired today. You started to think about it — as of recently, you’d been slamming coffees left right and center to stay awake at work, hadn’t you? You just wanted to help out since you were fairly new around here, but maybe it was doing you more damage than good.
Jonathan saw your usually cheerful demeanour deflate in his office, and he looked at you sympathetically, “I know this is not something you’d want to hear, especially from your boss of all people — but I just want to ensure that all my staff are doing well, you know?”
You bit your lip for a mere second, hesitating to speak before you let the words fall from your lips, “You know, Jonathan, sometimes I feel like you’re the only person here who actually…cares about me.”
He internally applauded himself — in a moment of vulnerability, you sought out comfort in him. Just like he had planned. Just like he wanted.
“I think you’re an exceptional nurse,” he mused, “and truthfully, I do enjoy working alongside you. So yes, of course, I care about you. I remember when I first started working after finishing my residency, I would exhaust myself constantly. I’ve learned through many years that it’s just not good for you.”
Jonathan’s plan was being executed perfectly — he wanted to isolate you. He wanted you to come running into his arms, far away from everyone else around you. He was on his worst behaviour today, but he believed you brought out the best in him.
You weren’t overworking yourself, but with Jonathan’s quick wit, years of training in psychology, and exceptional gaslighting skills, you thought perhaps he was right. Maybe you should take some time off of work, you thought.
“Tell you what,” he said softly, “how about you and I have drinks tonight instead? Forget about work and such. I think you need it.”
His words caused your cheeks to heat up. He was your boss, and this was way out of line for a boss to ask an employee. However, it didn’t help that you were very attracted to him.
“Drinks?”
“My place at eight. I have a bottle of cabernet I think you’d enjoy — If I remember correctly, you said it was your favourite?”
“Y-yeah,” you stammered. “It is.”
“So I'll see you tonight at eight, then,” he smiled softly, causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach. “I’ll text you my address.”
You nodded, slightly starstruck.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Once you’d parked your car on the side of the neighbourhood street, you stepped out into the chilly night, your high heels clicking against the pavement of the ground loudly as you made your way onto his porch.
You gave three soft raps to his front door before you heard shuffling coming from inside the house. After a few moments, the front door swung open gently, and Jonathan stood there with a small smile on his face.
“Come inside,” he ushered you, “make yourself at home, darling.”
And so you did.
You two talked over a few glasses of cabernet, bringing up the topic of work a few times here and there, but he mostly attempted to get to know the real you. What you did in your spare time, what your hobbies were, if you were seeing anyone…
“Out of curiosity, are you seeing anyone?” Jonathan asked you casually, but his voice dropped an octave as he looked directly at you, resting his hand on your thigh rather boldly. “I’m asking because I've seen the way you look at me…”
“I-I’m sorry?” you stammered, your cheeks feeling warmer and warmer by the second with the way his hand was now resting on your leg. You couldn’t deny it now. “I didn’t mean…um, I just — you’re always so kind to me…and I–”
He shushed you softly, creeping his hand up a little further. “I’m quite flattered, darling. Not to worry,” he purred. “I figured it wouldn’t be very appropriate of me to tell you how hard it is for me to not look at you when you’re at work, but after today, I just don’t think I can help myself anymore…”
Suddenly, his lips brushed up against yours, and as if it was instinct, your hands came to wrap around his shoulders. He let you pull him in even closer, his hands now coming to rest on your hips as you two kissed feverishly on his couch.
You and him were like a chemical reaction — explosive, unpredictable, and potentially fatal.
“You’re perfect,” he whispered against your lips in between kisses.
A shiver ran down your spine as his hold on your hips tightened slightly, his words causing your brain to short-circuit for a moment before you could think clearly again.
“Jonathan, I–”
“Don’t speak, just give into it, my darling.”
You let yourself get lost in the constellation that was Jonathan Crane, letting him run his hands all over your body and kiss you with an insatiable hunger. Soft moans left your mouth as he peppered kisses down your jawline and neck, nipping at the delicate skin gently.
You would’ve been worried about him leaving marks because you wouldn’t want your boss to see the next day at work — but you had to remind yourself that he was your boss.
But none of that mattered when it felt so right; when his lips felt so good against your skin.
“Can I take this off?” he rasped, toying with the strap of your dress.
“Mhm,” you hummed. “Please, Jonathan…”
Slowly, he took the dress off of your body, gently tossing the garment to the side as he looked at you in absolute awe. It was like looking at a priceless piece of art in a museum exhibit to him — nothing could compare. Even a picture wouldn’t do the sight in front of him justice.
“Should we go upstairs?” you suddenly asked.
Maybe it was the handful of wine you’d shared that evening, or maybe it was just sheer arousal; you weren’t sure which one, but all you knew was that you needed him to have his way with you.
“Yeah, of course,” he agreed, taking your hand in his. “Just up the stairs to the left — I think I'll let you lead the way, darling…”
The two of you got up from the couch, hand in hand, and Jonathan’s eyes roamed your body from behind as you made your way up the stairs together.
Of course, you came prepared — you know, just in case things were to happen. Before you left, you threw on your sexiest, laciest, lingerie underneath your dress, and it was a good thing you did because that investment certainly paid off.
He watched your hips sway in your lingerie, along with the heels you were still wearing (because we simply can’t forget about those), and he could feel his cock straining against his pants. “Pretty girl,” he mumbled from behind you. “Your body is heavenly.”
“Shush,” you giggled, grabbing him by his tie and pulling him close once you reached the bedroom.
He looked down at you in the dim lighting of his bedroom, noticing the way your skin was glowing under it. Your hair was slightly messy from making out on the couch earlier, and you had a small smile tugging at your lips — you were perfection if he’d ever seen it.
Jonathan kissed you rougher this time, his hands finding their way into your hair, tugging ever so gently against your scalp. He backed you up onto the bed, pushing you down onto it as he undid his tie, looming over your delicate body which was sprawled out on his king-sized bed.
After taking his tie off, he threw off his suit jacket and started to unbutton his shirt. You hummed softly, running your heel against his leg as he rushed to get himself out of his clothes. The tent in his pants made it all the more obvious how desperate he truly was for you, but you stayed patient.
Once he was on the bed with you, he helped you out of your bra and panties, causing your cheeks to heat up from how exposed you felt. “You’re cute when you blush,” he commented when he noticed your blush, making you all the more flustered while he undid his belt.
After freeing himself, his thick, veiny cock caught your attention, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. He was big — you weren’t sure how that was supposed to fit, but right now you were so wet, you were almost certain your walls would stretch out around him with ease.
He lined himself up with your dripping entrance, giving himself a few strokes before looking at you with his lip caught between his teeth. “Are you sure?” he whispered, and you nodded feverishly.
“Please,” you whimpered.
Your back was arched and you let out a filthy moan as he slid himself into your warm, sticky cunt with little resistance. The sheer size of him alone had you feeling so full, and he stilled as he bottomed out in you so that you could adjust to him. “Tell me when,” he said softly, his hand coming to brush up against your hips softly.
“You can move now,” you breathlessly said, giving him the green light. Your breath got caught in your throat as he started to set a gentle but deep pace, the tip of his cock brushing against that spongy spot inside of you with every thrust.
“O-oh–” you moaned.
His hands found purchase on your hips, and his eyes trailed over your face as he fucked you sensually, but slowly, eventually going harder and faster as you got accumulated to him. “So fucking tight, Jesus—” he choked out. You’d never heard him curse before, and his smooth voice had you clenching around him, to which he let out another moan. “Fuck, darling — you feel so good.”
“Mm-hmm!” you squeaked, taking his cock deeper and deeper into your soaked cunt with every stroke. “Jonathan, fuck—!”
“Right there, darling?” he cooed softly, slamming his cock into your hole much rougher now, causing you to see stars as he stretched you open on his thickness. “Feels good, baby?”
“Yes, yes, yes — oh my god!” you chanted, grabbing onto his biceps as you felt his fat cock drilling you. You were letting out feverish moans, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you became increasingly more cock-drunk by the minute.
Your moans were like music to Jonathan. Like the sound he would hear being played once he died and went to heaven — because to him, this was heaven. You’d come running into the arms of the man who was slowly isolating you, breaking you; cornering you into his heart.
But there’s always something so right about something so inherently wrong, isn’t there?
“I can feel you squeezing me,” he groaned, watching you with furrowed brows as he concentrated on your pleasure. “Are you close, darling? Fuck, you are, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” you whimpered breathlessly, moans being forced out of you with every delicious thrust he gave your cunt. “Gonna– oh, I’m gonna cum!”
Jonathan watched in a mixture of pure bliss, awe, and satisfaction as you fell apart in his very hands. Yes — this is where he wanted you. He just wanted to love you, to show you how perfect he was for you, to take care of you and make you see that everyone else around you was just a waste of time.
No more talking to orderlies who’d flirt with you, no more going out for after-work drinks with the other nurses. No, none of that. He was going to make sure that you’d work under him only, figuratively and literally.
“Gon’ cum,” he groaned, feeling his cock spurting ropes of cum into your warm, tight hole as he gave you a few more lazy thrusts, not bothering to pull out. Your mind went blank as he filled you up wholly, stuffing you with his sticky, warm seed as you lay there fucked out from what just happened moments prior. “Why don’t you stay over tonight?”
You looked up at him groggily, mind still foggy from your orgasm. “What? I work tomorrow–”
“Take a paid day off,” he shrugged, pulling his softening cock out from your worn-out hole. “Use as many as you’d like darling, I won’t tell.”
His teasing words caused you to throw your head back into the pillows blissfully with a sigh, genuinely believing that he only had your best interest at heart — he just didn’t want you to overwork yourself. It’s not like he was planning on totally locking you away from every living being in Gotham besides him or anything…
“I feel bad though,” you murmured sleepily. “I feel like I’m – I dunno – abusing my privileges.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, pretty girl,” Jonathan assured you softly, turning off the lights so that only the moonlight was dimly shining into his bedroom. He placed a soft kiss on the top of your head as he pulled the covers over you both, cradling you in his arms like you were made of fine china. “You know I only want what’s best for you.”
“You’re so lovely, Jon. You truly have such a kind soul.”
“Surely nothing compared to yours, my darling,” he whispered against your hair as you closed your eyes. “Now, get some rest. We can talk about moving your things in here in the morning…”
Unfortunately, you had already dozed off in his embrace; too busy being washed away by sleep to hear his words. Jonathan smiled to himself — he’d never let you go now. You’d lost all control the moment you stepped into his house, unknowingly making yourself a hostage of some sort.
In the end, as you clung to him, believing he was the saviour from your exhaustion, you failed to see that it was his “love” that had slowly consumed you whole, leaving you nothing but a hollow shell, devoured by the very hands that promised refuge.
Sometimes, the most dangerous traps are the ones we walk into willingly, thinking they’re the key to our freedom, as they say. But the cruel irony of it all is that we think we’re being saved from the jaws of this terrible world, only to be eaten alive by those who we call our saviours.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
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