#sorry i’m posting this hella late i haven’t been checking notifs

[chanstopher]

gnabnahc: Tunnel Vision

[pinoyrella]

“A Love So Beautiful” Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Heartbreak

FT: Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shoyo, Kageyama Tobio, Yachi Hitoka + Coaches + Dateko Volleyball Team + Karasuno Volleyball Team.

TW: Mild Language + Rejection 

Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Angst, Coming of Age + Slow Burn

- Fluff, Angst and Drama mostly in this chapter!

WORD COUNT: 5,800+

“A LOVE SO BEAUTIFUL” Masterlist 🌸

A/N: hi! oh god, i’m so sorry it had been forever, life had been hella wild this past month and as i was going to post this chapter last night, i had forgot a very important detail so i had to restart all over again! n e wayz, i hope you enjoy, and please check out the authors note at the end if you’d like! i love you!!! 💞

PS: this is taking place during season 4, episodes 6-8! omg, i’m getting so nervous about the timeline, i hope it all matches up...

The sound of ringing wakes you from your rest, turning around with a groan, you reach for your phone, immediately answering.

“H-Hello?” You ask with a yawn. “Come outside” “Tsukki?” You immediately sit upright. “It’s-” You open your eyes, looking towards your alarm clock. “5 in the morning.” “Just come outside, but get dressed. It's cold.” He says before hanging up, not giving you a chance to respond.

You throw your phone to the side of your bed, missing the ding of a notification, before removing the sheets. The cold touch of the floor causes a whine of discomfort to slip out before you make your way to your closet, following the blonde’s orders.

Almost dressed, you dig into your dresser as you feel around for your socks, only to find the drawer nearly empty. Peaking your head in, you notice 2 stray socks, each with no pair. Sighing and not thinking too much of it, you take both socks, deciding to mismatch, rather than keep your best friend from waiting in the cold any longer.

Quickly layering yourself in a warm and fuzzy sweater, you slip into your boots, before opening the front door, revealing the still dark sky. You sigh as you quickly lock your door, before turning, immediately finding the blonde perched on his bike right in front of your gate. 

Letting out a tired smile, a huff of cold air leaves your lips as you skip over to him happily. 

The sound of the gate closing causes the attention of Tsukishima to turn, looking down to face your cute and tired face. Sliding his phone into his pocket, he gives you a warm smile as you watch the hot air fighting against the cold leaving his lips.

“Morning.” He greets. The two of you make your way down the sidewalk.

You haven’t met or seen Tsukishima since your birthday last week, but of course as expected, he had spent half of his spring break at Miyagi’s Training Camp. You haven’t spoken to Kageyama either, but you expect the same as well, the boy’s training with the entire of Japan. 

In the midst of strolling, you pause, causing the blonde to stop and turn to look at you. Where were you guys even going? 

“Where are we going Tsukki?” You ask, you watch as his eyes turn away, before looking back to you, replying bluntly. “I don’t know.” “HUH?!” You cross your arms, confused and irritated “You woke me up at 5 in the morning? For you don’t know? Why!” You whine giving him a pout before he turns his head facing forward.

You watch as he hops onto his bike, before turning to look back at you. “Hop on.”

You follow his orders, and cling closely to his back as he faces forward. “Where do you want to go?” He asks, you feel the vibration of his speaking throughout his body, as you lay your head to his back, exhausted. “I’m hungry” You answer, without actually answering his question. He takes this as a sign to find the nearest convenience store to satisfy your needs.

Tsukishima hadn’t plotted his idea through enough. He had only planned to watch the sunrise with you, but in fact, he had just wanted to see you as soon as possible. He had been so packed with training camp, leaving his house early, only to come home late. The only contact the two of you had throughout the first half of the week were through texting and calling, but he missed you physically. As soon as training camp had ended, he took the earliest opportunity to see you. Literally.

You snuggle into Tsukishima before he gently wakes you. The two of you make your way into the convenience store, you still being half asleep, following him mindlessly as he grabs various bento boxes, showing it to you. Your eyelids half opened, as you shake your head to each box he presents, chicken, pork, veggies, seafood. 

You hear him sigh “You’re so picky”, placing the bento box of chicken back on the shelf before turning back to you, noticing your eyes slowly drooping shut. “What do you want to eat?” Without even opening your eyes, your lips turn into a smirk. “Mmm…” “What?”

“Strawberry… shortcake...” Tsukishima blinks as he processes what you’ve just said. The light pinch on your right cheek surprises you, waking you up with a low yelp. He lets go before replying. “Are you dumb? It’s five in the morning, it’s too early for cake. You need to eat food.”

“Cake is a food” You bite back playfully, “REAL food.” Tsukishima replies, crossing his arms. You let out a huff, grabbing the chicken bento he had just places from the shelf. You face away from him, only to slowly turn back, giving him a soft pout with those puppy eyes. 

Walking out of the convenience store, Tsukishima holding onto the plastic bag in his hands, as you hold a container with a piece of strawberry shortcake in yours. “I can’t believe you.” He says before settling onto his bike, waiting for you to hop on. “Hey! Don’t I deserve this? You woke me up so early!” You cry, taking the plastic bag in his hands, gently placing your cake inside as your eyes wander behind him. 

“Can we go to the river?!” “What?” You point excitedly to the Shiroishi River, not too far from your current location. Tsukishima follows your finger, letting out a sly smile before turning back to you. “Hop on.”

Hopping onto the bike’s back seat, you clutch onto Tsukishima’s back once again, as he begins riding off. Feeling the early morning’s cold hair brush against your cheeks, as your hair flows. The warmth of Tsukishima in front of you makes you hug him tighter, closer, as the bike rides away.

Not long, the two of you make it to a spot by the river. As Tsukishima parks his bike, you make your way slowly down the small hill’s incline, running closely towards the river with your arms spread out, the plastic bag in your hands swinging.

“Ocean, I’m coming!” You giggle, as you find the perfect patch of grass, to immediately plop down. “That’s a river.” Tsukishima replies, following after you.

The two of you sit in silence for a bit, before taking out the small meals you both had purchased.

You immediately dive into the plastic bag, pulling out the container with the strawberry shortcake, before hearing a cough. Looking up to Tsukishima, he holds the chicken bento box in his hands, giving you a knowing look.

You reply with a small pout before placing the cake down, taking the bento in his hands and beginning the start of your meal.

-

Kageyama wakes from his rest, turning to his side to check the time. It’s five in the morning, he sits in his bed for what seems like forever. His mind takes him back to last Friday, when he had seen you and Tsukishima. 

His heart clenches, remembering the smile you gave the blonde, and the smile the blonde gave you. Maybe he was overthinking this, maybe it was just a misunderstanding. You two have been friends since childhood, this could be something normal between you too, it can’t be more, can it?

He hasn’t spoken to you at all since then. He hasn’t called, texted, or even seen you in person. He thanks the training camp for assisting in keeping his mind occupied, but still, you always stood in the back of his mind.

‘Should I message her?’

He misses you just as much, but he doesn’t know how to reach out, nor how to react. But with courage, he reaches for his phone, sending you a quick message before getting dressed.

05:07 a.m

Tobio: “Hey, want to get breakfast together later?”

Finally getting out of bed, he dresses, preparing for his daily morning jog.

Shutting his front door, he places his headphones in, before pressing play as he jogs out his residence.

-

As you figure the mechanics of removing the lid of the bento, Tsukishima watches, a smile crossing his face watching as you struggle so cutely.

You huff, before turning, catching Tsukishima already looking at you. He immediately turns his head the moment you make eye contact, hoping you didn’t catch him staring. Not thinking too much of it, you huff. “Tsukki, see this is a sign, I should eat the cake first!”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes, taking the bento and opening it for you so easily, as he unwraps the chopsticks, facing it to you.

You stare at the opened bento box, before looking up to him. Blush spreads as you take it, thanking him.

Digging in, you feel his stare, this time catching him before he had the chance to turn away. That was when you realized- the poor boy probably didn’t even have breakfast yet tpp. 

You move scooting much closer to him, using your chopsticks, you grab a piece of meat, bringing it towards the blonde. “Tsukki, say ah~!”

Tsukishima's eyes widened just a bit in shock, before turning his head away just a little. “It’s fine…” Blush creeps across his face, denying your offer. Though, you don’t stop.

Hovering the meat closer to his mouth, his head turns the other way, gently bringing his hand to grab your wrist. “No, you eat it” He tells you.

“Tsukki!” You whine “You haven’t ate yet either too! Please” You plead, giving a pout.

He sighs before letting go of your wrist, turning his head to face you directly.

Giving him a smile for being obedient, you tease “Here comes the airplane~!” Tsukishima rolls his eyes yet again, as he opens his mouth slightly, letting you feed him.

As he chews, you tease him again. “Is that shit bussin’?” Tsukishima nearly chokes, as you let out a quiet fit of laughter.

Tsukishima takes the water bottle that sits between you two, taking a drink before wiping his mouth. ‘This girl’s crazy.’ He smiles behind his hand, before closing the lid.

The two of you sit, telling each other what you’ve been up to, sharing the bento, then finally enjoying the cake. “God, I’ve been waiting for this one!” 

You both sit in silence, watching as day begins. Looking far off into the distance, you see as the sun slowly rises.

“I missed you so much Kei, even though it’s only been a few days, it feels like forever.” You say, not taking your eyes off from the distance.

Tsukishima stares at your features, the daylight lighting your face up as it rises.

“Yeah, I missed you too.” He says before bringing his attention to watch the sunrise.

-

Kageyama makes his way across the Shiroishi River’s bridge, nearly home before he notices two figures. Not thinking too much of it, he continues his route home, but as he comes closer, the two seem very familiar.

He pauses as he reaches the top, removing his headphones, he looks down towards you both. ‘Y/n?’

-

You watch as the sun begins to rise, the warmth of the star makes you feel at ease, watching the sky slowly brighten makes you feel very comforting. You let out a yawn as your eyes begin to droop. Tsukishima notices, and watches from the corner of his, as you lay your head on his shoulder.

Tsukishima stiffens, flustered but calms himself as he continues to watch as your eyes shut, just exactly as the sun reaches the top. Your lashes flutter and the sun hits your face perfectly. The beautiful and warm glow, making his heart beat fast all over again.

A strand of your hair makes its way to cover your face. He takes his hand to move it away, wanting to appreciate the golden glow effect on your facial features more.

His breath hitches, he finds it hard to breathe. You have such an effect on him. He is so taken aback by your beauty, and finds himself falling into you, much more than he already has over the years.

-

Kageyama watches the interaction, remembering the time he had watched the sunset with you at the park nearby Coach Ukai’s shop. He remembers when you had your heart broken, and heavy, your mind racing with negative thoughts, the tears streaming down your face, you looked so hurt. Understanding that it was Tsukishima who had done that, he watches as now, he is the one to feel that way. His heart squeezes painfully, as he turns to run off home.

-

Tsukishima continues to watch as you snooze quietly, in such content on his shoulder. He wishes to stay like this forever, perhaps one day. 

He takes a fallen leaf beside him, bringing it up to your nose and wiggling it back in forth, tickling you.

Your nose scrunches, before immediately sitting up, preparing to sneeze before Tsukishima brings a tissue in his hands, plugging your nose with it, stopping the reaction.

Your eyes flutter open, as your eyes turn to him, you take the tissue as he pulls his hand away, giving you a sly smile before turning back to the sun. 

You slowly remove the tissue, shoving it into your pocket before an idea pops to mind.

“A-Achoo!” You act, looking to the side to see if you had caught his attention. Not at all, he continues his gaze to the distance, as you begin again. “AH-AHHHH-ACHOO!” You try harder, only to look and see, no reaction from him.

Having enough of this man ignoring you, you tug on his sleeve, his gaze turns to you before you try, yet again. “Achoo!” “Gross” “Tsukki!” You whine as he lets out a small laugh.

Giving him a pout, you cross your arms before replying. “You know, in a drama I watch, when someone sneezes, the other person usually offers their jacket.” You peak from your right eye, watching as he removes his hoodie.

You both immediately stand up, as he motions for your arms to be held up.

You follow his instructions as he slips it on you, his hoodie loosely hugging you, feeling oh so warm. It’s so big on you, nearly reaching your knees. Blushing, you look up to him and find him giving you a smile, a too friendly smile.

Before you could ask, he takes the sleeves, tying the ends of it. “Ah! Kei!” You wiggle as he begins to run up the hill towards his bike.

“Kei!” You giggle, chasing after him as he hops on his bike, slowly peddling.

“KEEEIIIIIII!” 

-

Finally arriving home, you hope off the back of his bike, turning to him.

“Thanks for-” “Dropping you home” He finishes. Before you can turn into your gate, he asks. “Will you be coming to the practice match?” You turn, facing him before giving a sweet smile. 

“Yes sir! I’ll be there as always to cheer you on!” He blushes from your statement, before scoffing. “W-whatever…” You wave to him before making your way in.

Just as you were about to fall onto your bed, you receive another notification, from Tsukishima. Immediately opening it.

06:47 a.m

Tsukki: “Bring my hoodie too.” 

06:47 a.m

Y/n: “OUR hoodie!”

You laugh before noticing another message, immediately sitting upright and opening it, it was from Kageyama.

05:07 a.m

Tobio: “Hey, wanna get breakfast together later?”

Looking at the current time to now, you feel so bad for leaving him un-replied for so long. Just as you finish typing a reply, you stop yourself from sending it for a second, thinking to yourself and remembering the script from the week before. ‘I’m in love with Y/n’ The thought comes back to mind.

Would it be alright to talk with Kageyama? I mean, after all, crush or not he’s still one of your closest friends. It would be best to let him down easily now, right?

06:48 a.m

Y/n: “Tobio! I’m so sorry I completely missed the notification, if the offer is still up you already know I’d love to! There is also something I really REALLY want to talk about.”

You watch as not even a few minutes later, you get a reply.

06:54 a.m

Tobio: “It’s okay, and of course I’m always here to listen. 7:30? I have to go home afterwards and get ready for the practice match later.”

06:55 a.m

Y/n: “Perfect, sounds good to me 🕺🏻 “

06:56 a.m

Tobio: “I’ll come to your house in fifteen. Also can you please bring one of your hair ties? See you soon.”

You read his text confused, ‘one of my scrunchies?’. You reply back before going through your dresser, pulling out one of your favorite scrunchies.

-

“I’m heading out!” You call out to your parents before shutting the door. As you make your way past your gates, you check your phone, seeing it is still a bit early.

Just then, you hear someone call to you. Looking you notice Kageyama jogging to you. 

“Goodmorning Tobio” You give him a small smile, he greets you back as the two of you make your way to a nearby cafe.

-

“Will that be all?” The cashier asks. Just as you were about to respond, Kageyama lightly pushes you to the side, before ordering and handing the cashier money to pay for both meals.

“Tobio! It’s okay, I can pay for myself-” You watch as the cashier hands Kageyama his change, as he hands you the receipt with your order number.

“Don’t worry about it boss” He gives a smile as you two find a place to sit.

“Thank you again, please enjoy your meal.” The employee sets your breakfast in front of you, before walking off. What the employee had placed on the table was definitely more than you ordered.

Your mind begins to race with the thought of the script, but you scoot it away, wanting to enjoy and spend time with your friend before bringing up that topic.

“Thank you Tobio, next time let me treat you!” You say, as the two of you begin your meals.

Throughout your meal, your mind keeps racing back to the script. Little did you know, Kageyama’s as well with you and Tsukishima.

“So, new style?” “Hm?” You let your fork down, looking to him. “Your sweatshirt, looks very big on you” He says, and you blush, looking down remembering you are still wearing Tsukishima’s hoodie. “Uh- Yeah...” You stuff your mouth, obviously flustered and too embarrassed to say it’s Tsukishima’s. 

"Well, I-I have a lot of hoodies, I think they’d look big on you too... If you ever want to borrow” He says quickly, stuffing his face as well as he begins to fluster.

You nearly choke at his offer, immediately chugging the water in front of you down before giving him a laugh. Just then, you remember.

“Oh, Kags” The boy’s attention falls to you, as you reach for your bag pulling out your scrunchie.

“You said to bring one of my hair ties? Well, first of all, scrunchies, but yeah what did you need them for?” You hold the scrunchie in front of you, as he pulls away from his food, digging into his pocket.

“I wanted to make an exchange.” He says.

You blink, before replying. “An exchange?” “Yeah.” He pulls out the medal he had received from the Interhigh Spring Preliminaries.

You blink again, “What?!” “I want to make an exchange, with my medal, for your hair tie- scrunchie.” He places the medal on the table.

“I want this to be the kind of exchange, like a promise sort of.” “A promise?” You ask confused. “Yeah.” He pauses, sitting up taller as he continues. “I want you to keep this medal, and I want to keep your scrunchie.”

“Only until I finally get the olympic medal, is when you can give this back to me.” He slides his medal over to you, before reaching over and taking the scrunchie from your hands. “And, only until you finally get really good and find that somebody who’s even better, will I give this back to you.” He waves your scrunchie as you process what he had just said.

A smile leaves your lips, before holding your hand out. “Deal.” The two of you shake on it, as you slide each other’s significant belonging into your pockets, well for you, in your bag.

The two of you continue your meal, and talk as friends would always do, enjoying each other's company. Kageyama thinks to himself, maybe, he does have a chance.

As you walk home, the thought of the script comes back. You stop in your tracks, before calling out to Kageyama.

“Tobio?” He turns around, looking down and immediately coming to your service. “What’s wrong-” “Um…” He steps back, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable, as he waits for whatever you want to say.

“I-” You take a deep breath, pulling out the script you had brought along with you, handing it to him.

“I know you wrote this, I know, that you have… feelings for me…” Kageyama freezes, as he takes the script in between you hands, rereading the confession he had written for you that night. Could you be confessing? Could you be reciprocating the same feeling- 

“I don’t like you.”

Kageyama’s heart stops, his eyes not leaving the script.

“I-I mean! I like you, you’re one of my best friends, but I just don’t like you that way! You are like my brother, well sort of- maybe not brother that’s kind of weird to say, but like an uncle! No-wait that’s even worse, my cousin? No you’re just, you’re just my very very very close friend, and I like you but only in that way and-” As you ramble, Kageyama’s mind closes off before it comes back to you.

“I’m in love with someone else.”

There it is.

Kageyama drops his head down, and you don’t even notice before looking to him after not receiving a response. “To...bio?” You look under his drooped head, still no reply. You poke him, feeling a bit worried. “Tobio, I’m so sorry… Please don’t be mad… Please don’t hate me” Just then, he chuckles, surprising you a bit.

You watch as he brings his head back up, for some reason his nose seems a bit redder than before. “You know it was just a game.” He begins, as you tilt your head in confusion.

“Don’t take it too seriously, it was just a joke, for a stupid game of that stupid Hinata’s.” He forces another chuckle. 

You watch as his gaze softens, bringing his hand on top of your head. “You know you will always and forever be my boss, I won’t ever feel that way about you.” He lies, as he ruffles your head.

Your lips turn into a smile, before tackling him into a hug.

“You scared me! I thought you were crying, I felt so bad! Don’t joke like that ever again!” You laugh as he hugs you back.

You pull away, before waving to him goodbye. As you walk off towards the direction of your house, you miss the grip he had on the script, as he drops his hand down. A single tear slowly making his way down, as he watches the first girl he ever loved walk away from him.

But as he turns his back, beginning to walk off, a number of tears stream down uncontrollably, making his walk home, a very heartbreaking stroll.

-

Before the time knew it, it was time for the practice match. Kageyama hadn’t been able to realize the time, for his mind has been fogged. Just as Kageyama leaves, he passes by his grandfather’s tamaya shrine, stopping right in front of it. ‘Grandpa, why do I feel this way?’

He feels the warm presence comfort his heart and mind. The words of his late grandfather, repeating back into his mind.

“If you get really good... I promise you... somebody who's even better will come along and find you."

-

Kageyama keeps his current pace, as he makes his way to the gym. His mind completely occupied of you. He feels sad, hurt, confused, but also frustrated. Not at you, at him. “Kageyama!” He barely even hears someone calling out to him, not until he reaches the entrance of the gym. Stepping in with Hinata. Hinata gives Kageyama a side glance, noticing his off state. 

“Hey!” Sugawara’s voice calls out to them from behind, bringing his arms to swing around the shoulders of his kouhais. “Hinata, Kageyama! You guys made it back in one piece!” Kageyama glances to his senior, giving a low nod as Hinata replies. “Heya, Suga-san!” “Heya, Heya” He greets them both, ruffling their heads as he makes his way to Tanaka by the net. 

“Yo!” Kageyama feels a hand slap playfully to his back, along with Hinata as Nishinoya makes his way past the two who were still standing by the entrance. The two boys following after him.

Tanaka tucks the gym’s keys in his pocket before turning to Kageyama. “Kageyama, how was the youth training camp?” From the mention of the training camp, Nishinoya runs over in excitement “Yeah, that! How was the All-Japan?!”

Kageyama takes a moment to collect himself. “The floors weren’t made of wood.” He states bluntly, trying his best to not sound too off, hoping his seniors would stop there. “You’re talking about the court?! Tell us, were there crazy good players from all over?” The two ask happily, Kageyama giving them both a silent nod, “Yeah.”

Hinata watches Kageyama before his senior calls behind him. “Hinata, you didn’t try to sneak into the All-Youth Training Camp?” Sugawara teases. “W-well, I- Uh-” “Apparently he didn’t try because he’d get arrested.” Kageyama stays silent, feeling his blood boil to the sound of Tsukishima’s voice while the others in the gym turn their heads to Tsukishima who had just arrived, greeting their teammate. 

“Tsukishima!” Hinata growls as the blonde makes his way in. “He was actually planning to sneak into the Tokyo camp.” He continues, Nishinoya beaming before facing his kouhai. “Nice, Shoyo!” 

Tsukishima stops in his tracks as Sugawara jumps to him, placing a hand to his head. “Did you learn more at training camp, too, Tsukishima?” “Yeah… I guess…” He says quietly as his senior ruffles his hair. Sugawara laughing as he moves to the right of the blonde, continuing his actions to his head, “Did you grow taller?” he laughs.

“Are you his aunt or something?” Asahi jokes as he and Daichi walk in. “He’d better not have grown taller in five days.”

“Goodmorning kids.” Takeda-sensei greets, Coach Ukai by his side. “Enough chatting, let's prepare for the practice match.” “RIGHT!”

-

“Futakuchi-san!” Koganegawa calls to his senior, setting the ball to him. Kageyama and Tsukishima watch the ball as they stand side by side, preparing to block Futakuchi from scoring a point. Just as they jump, the boy lightly taps the ball, sending it over lightly.

“Feint!” Tsukishima calls as Nishinoya sprints. “Rolling…” Kageyama turns his glance to the ball about to touch the floor, before Nishinoya sends it back up, not realizing his stance in front of Asahi. “Thunder!”

“Nice, Nishinoya!” Sugawara calls from the stands, as the teammates watch the game.

“Nishinoya-san!” Kageyama shouts, earning the attention from everyone. “You’re in the way!” Karasuno goes into shock as Nishinoya processes his words. “HUH?!”

Kageyama proceeds to set to Tanaka, as he spikes the ball down to their side. “Nice, Tanaka!” Daichi calls out as Tanaka slowly turns his head to Nishinoya.

“What’d you just say?!” Nishinoya approaches the setter, looking up to him in anger. Kageyama looks down to him, before bluntly replying. “You were blocking the back row attacker’s approach.” The gym goes silent before Nishinoya’s mood goes back to normal. “Oh- Gotcha!” He replies going back to his position.

“Oh my god that was scary…” Yachi lets out to Kiyoko besides her. “I’m impressed, I didn’t even notice that at all.” Sugawara admits. “The fact that Kageyama realized that while they were playing and the fact that Noya realized it after he was told is pretty amazing.” Ennoshita joins. Yamaguchi freezes in his spot, “I’m more amazed that he talked to Nishinoya-san like that…” he trails.

Kageyama walks off from Nishinoya, resuming his position towards the net as Tanaka makes his way over to him. “You could have said it in a different way.” Tanaka defends. “Like how?” Kageyama replies, riling his senior up. “The hell did you just say?” “All right” Daichi grabs onto the head of Tanaka’s, stopping him. “I’m gonna stop you right there.” Before turning to the referee. “Sorry about that.”

Kageyama keeps his head down, frustration and irritation bubbling in him, trying his best to not let his mind go to you. Tsukishima glances at Kageyama from the side, before the game restarts.

“Chance ball!” Kageyama adjusts himself, setting towards Tsukishima as he sends it straight down to the opponent's side. “Nice kill!” Hinata and Yamaguchi let out in sync, Kageyama’s eyebrows furrow as he frowns, glaring at Tsukishima.

Daichi extends his hand to slap Tsukishima’s palms, just as the boy turns, he makes eye contact with Kageyama’s before he turns away. 

“What?” Tsukishima calls out, Kageyama keeping his eyes to the floor. “If you have something to say, just say it.” He says bluntly as Kageyama walks away, completely ignoring him.

“You know damn well you’d start fighting if he said it.” Sugawara teases from the stands. “Or rather, if you actually think Kageyama can effectively put anything into words, you’re greatly mistaken!” “He’s right!” Hinata joins. “Though…” His teammates turn to the short boy. “If something was going on in-game, he’d usually bring it up. So it’s weird that he hasn’t said anything.” “Yeah, Kageyama seems very different today…”

The sound of the referee’s whistle causes their attention to go back to the court, only to see Kageyama give Tsukishima a look of anger. “You should have tried harder to block that. You could have totally jumped again.”

Yamaguchi stiffens, “I’m pretty sure Tsukki realizes that without him saying anything…”

Tsukishima keeps his eyes in front, before letting out a scoff, turning to face the setter with a cocky smile on his face. “Oh? What are you so irritated for? Did the king miss his nap today?”

“Huh?!” Just as Kageyama begins to charge, Daichi pulls him back by his shirt. “Hey, Kageyama stop!”

“Well that’s not good” Coach Ukai stands, his hands cross as he tries his best not to laugh at the situation. Takeda-sensei rises from his seat as he adjusts his glasses, “Should we call a timeout?” “Nah.”

The game resumes, and Kageyama sets once more to Asahi, unfortunately, the ace sends the ball out. 

“Man, Asahi can’t catch a break today. What’s wrong? He’s like an unwritten script.” Sugawara jokes out loud.

Kageyama stiffens to the word, remembering the script he threw away last Friday, and his script you had given him before the rejection.

“Damn it, sorry! That was a good toss-” “Then make the damn point.” Kageyama says, the tone in his voice being something very similar to of years before high school.

-

You had just arrived to school. “Ah!” You sigh in relief, making your way past the school gates. Still in Tsukishima’s hoodie, you clutch onto the purse that dangles the strawberry milk carton keychain Kageyama had given you a while back. “Let’s see, turn here, and make a right there…” You say to yourself, finally seeing the gym coming to view. 

You make your way in quietly, watching the game as Yachi motions you over. “Should we call a timeout?” “Nah.” You hear Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai say as you walk past the stands, waving to the team before taking a seat besides Yachi. 

The sound of the referee’s whistle causes you to look to the scoreboard before returning back to Yachi. “Oh man, I missed so much already” You cry as she shakes her head. “Not really! Though, you did miss a lot of-” “Then make the damn point.” The harsh tone of Kageyama causes your attention to turn to the court. “That…” Yachi finishes.

The referee whistle blows indicating a break.

-

You make your way over to your friends, offering to help Yachi and Kiyoko pass out water bottles. Making your way to Tsukishima, he tries to hide his smile, seeing you still in his hoodie. “Thanks” He takes the water bottle, squeezing the sides. “Y/n-chan!” Sugawara greets, pulling you into a hug. “I like your hoodie! How’s my favorite Tsukishima doing?” Tsukishima chokes at his seniors' joke, causing your attention to go back to him. “Tsukki?!” You bring the towel in your arm up, patting the sides of his jawline, drying the water that drips down his neck. 

Kageyama turns his glance towards Sugawara after hearing him call your name, only to watch as you tend to Tsukishima. You are both close to one another as you pat his face dry, he sees the look you give him before bringing his attention back to the ground.

Asahi turns and begins to approach Kageyama, he calls out to his younger teammate. “Hey, Kageyama! There’s something I want to try-” Asahi stops, slowly tilting his head to the side. The attention of everyone in the gym turns to Kageyama as he begins, his mind racing, he isn’t sure if he wants to shout because of volleyball or because of you. “I…” His mind is jumbled up, what did he want to say?

Dropping the towel down, you look over to Kageyama, the feeling of concern for him coursing through you. “To...bio?”

“I know my tosses are good!” He stops, his head still faced down before cocking it to the side. “So please, tell me why?!” He shouts, his head immediately drops to the ground. His eyes widened in shock, realizing what he had just said. A mixture of frustration between volleyball and you.

The gym freezes at his sudden outburst. You stand in shock, feeling as if half of that statement was meant for you. You gulp before Tsukishima scoffs. “Well would you look at that. It’s the return of the king.”

Bringing his head up, he looks around the room, his eyes falling to yours. “I’m sorry-” “You know, I’ve been thinking…” Hinata interrupts, the attention landing on him. “You’ve been pretty off today…” He begins. “You’re usually really focused when it comes to matches, but…” He turns to face Kageyama, his head cocks to the side in confusion. “What’s so wrong with being king?” Kageyama blinks, “Is it because he’s too bossy? Because he’s too self centered? Either way...” Hinata turns to face his team. “No matter what Kageyama says, if I don’t like it I’m not going to listen to him.”

Kageyama stares at the boy in absolute confusion, processing his words. Before Tanaka joins in. “Yeah! No matter what he says, I’m not going to listen if I don’t like his tone.” You watch as Tsukishima removes his glasses, bringing the ends of his jersey to wipe the lens. “What he said.”

“So, no one really cares if you’re the ‘king’ or not.” Hinata takes the towel from his neck, wrapping it around his head. “And plus, king’s are supposed to be cool.” He pauses, before turning back around. “Don’t let obstacles block you from the chances you can take in the future. Get back out there and win!”

Kageyama sucks in his breath, before subtly turning his gaze back to you, then to his senior. “Asahi-san” “Sorry about that, Kageyama.” Kageyama looks up to his senior in confusion. “I’ve been trying to time my hits so they don’t match their blocks, but it just hasn’t been working against Date Tech. Your tosses are great though! So keep doing what you’re doing.”

Just as Asahi was about to turn away. “Ah- I’m probably gonna get caught by their blocks again, so I’ll just apologize now. My bad-” “And I’m not going to give up trying for that super sharp cut shot, so you’re not allowed to get mad at me for missing.” Tanaka yells. “If you don’t like it, that’s your problem!”

Kageyama turns to his senior, determination spread across his face. Tanaka looks at the boy, before letting out a laugh. “Bring it on!”

Before the second set starts, Kageyama’s eyes fall to you. “Don’t let obstacles block you from the chances you can take in the future. Get back out there and win!” The quote from Hinata replays in his head, as he turns to glare at Tsukishima. Tsukishima notices his gaze, and looks back to him “I’m not gonna lose to you” Kageyama states before the whistle blows.

“Huh?” Tsukishima questions, irritated by Kageyama’s random statement. Before looking back to you, knowing exactly what he meant. “I see, that’s perfectly fine with me.”

-

Kageyama finally arrives home after a long, and successful practice match. He drops his sports bag as he slips out of his shoes, slipping into his house slippers. 

As he makes it towards his room, he passes by his grandfather’s tamaya, stopping right in front of it. A look of great determination spreading through his face.

“I’m not giving up.”

A/N: hiii hiiii i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter i’m so sorry for being so inactive! i appreciate you all so much, and how sweet of the asks and submissions you guys have been sending in, it means the world to me, and i’m really fortunate to have you guys here! i love you!!!! stay safe, and see you in the next chapter!!! 🥺💞💖

- love, a very sleepy ani 🌸

i go nap now hehehe~

TAGLIST: @cvlliesstuff , @strawberries-en-cream , @beanst0ck , @kimiiiiiiiiii, @lucyheartfilias-wife , @lanatheawesome , @owlnymph , @poggerschampers , @nachotrash , @kac-chowsballs​ , @bbyboibinnie​​​

PLEASE LEMME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS (OR IN ASKS) IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST!!!

“A LOVE SO BEAUTIFUL” Masterlist 🌸

[vanaera]

Unread Messages

15. Things you said with too many miles between us (online friend!namjoon + idol!you)

Summary | In which Namjoon has beaten stress, pressure, and also time differences with you by his side but he has yet to beat to know that whom he's talking to through the screen of his phone is the same person he fawns on TV screens along with millions of other people.

Genre | Fluff + Super slight angst

Wordcount | 3, 193

Sequel : Missed Calls

     Light suddenly illuminates the pitch black room and it shines against every curve and ridge of Namjoon's face, pricking his eyes to open as he blindly reaches for his glasses.

    Once finding his bedroom clear through the lenses, he grabs his phone which alerted him of a new notification.

1 New Message!

SunnyY/N 1:32 AM

Hi! I just finished watching Predestination and holy shit how dare you rec me something so mindfucking??!!

    Namjoon types lethargically with a smile hanging on his lips.

MonJoon 1:33 AM

Glad you found the movie compelling though it's 1:33 AM here in the fucking morning, I've got AP exams later, and you woke me up just to say that?

SunnyY/N 1:33 AM

I'm sorry oh my gosh I thought you were awake! God, I didn't think of the time difference! Okay okay, go to sleep now.

MonJoon 1:33 AM

It's alright, I’m having trouble sleeping lately anyway. Where are you currently?

SunnyY/N 1:33 AM

I'm in Italy now though I haven't find anytime yet to travel around :((( Anyhow, go to sleep now! You need that sleep to defeat those tests later!

    Namjoon raises his brow. It must be nice to travel around different parts of the world because of your parent's work. The constant jetlags may be troublesome but he'd rather have that than take on a pile of homeworks and exams he doesn't even need for his major.

MonJoon 1:34 AM

Okay, stay safe there. Good nytie night!

SunnyY/N 1:35 AM

Nyt Nyt!!! :DDD

    Around six o'clock, Namjoon wakes up to the blaring noise of his alarm clock and another notification.

SunnyY/N 6:01 AM

I hope you have a nice day and good luck on your exams! Fighting!!!! 🙆🙆🙆 ( P.S. : I computed the time difference, credits to Mr. Google and I figured you'll be awake now :)))) )

    A grin spreads on Namjoon's face as he ruffles his bed hair and heads to his bathroom. He's got enough of good luck now to tackle on anything that will get on his nerves.

    The day passes and so do his three exams with Namjoon fortunately being still alive. He feels he should ask you to wish him luck everyday because God knows how his luck hasn't worn off yet today. And just like every hard work he gets done, he thinks his reward just came with a "ding!" and a Twitter update.

Y/N Official™ 7:20 PM

Y/N models new collection of Flyday "Missantrophies"!

    Namjoon has never tapped so fast in his life only to see pure beauty before him. Y/N wore frilly dresses painted with classical paintings his art major friend, Jeongguk, studies that made her look like an artwork instead while she daintily posed around some museum in Rome he knows he'll never have a chance to go to anytime soon. The pictures were breathtaking but what made his heart almost combust was the behind the scene shoots with her barely there make-up and a bright grin on her tired form as she hugs a huge teddy bear by her side.

    Too cute, too cute, too cute, gosh Namjoon wants to know how to become that teddybear now.

    Namjoon taps on the Send Me icon and immediately taps the image with your username.

MonJoon 7:20 PM

HAVE YOU SEEN THE RECENT FLYDAY PHOTOSHOOT???!!! Y/N LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE ART

- see 10 photos

SunnyY/N 7:21 AM

Yes hoe, but look at this babe

-see 1 photo

    Namjoon opens the pic to see Y/N lazily looking at her self-camera with tired eyes and bare face that looks like the meme "I don't fucking care anymore". He laughs with his heart squeezing with affection. He's always a sucker for pictures of Y/N looking like everyday college students. But wait -

MonJoon 7:22 PM

She looks so cute!!!! Btw how did you get this pic???? I haven't seen it on her social media accounts yet. Tell me how??????

SunnyY/N 7:22 PM

I have my ways 😏😏😏 Let's just say I'm really resourceful :DDD

MonJoon 7:23 PM

Meanie

"You're chatting with your online girlfriend again?"

    Namjoon raises his head to be met with his roommate (and friend, though he wants to regret such title sometimes) Seokjin's teasing smirk accompanied by a click of the door. He just came home and the first thing he does is suggest that out-of-nowhere-conclusion he kept bringing up. "Uhh yes, online girl-space-friend, not girlfriend," he corrects before he lets his fingers fly across the screen of his phone.

MonJoon 7:30 PM

How are things going around you by the way? Just finished this hellday and I wanna say I think I passed them but I think I'm gonna jinx myself so I'd rather not.

SunnyY/N 7:31 PM

You're not gonna jinx yourself! Just think positive! I know you're smart 😎😎😎 so of course you're gonna pass!!! I'm okay though I'm deadly tired. Been through another flight and now I'm in Sweden.

MonJoon 7:32 PM

So soon?! You're in Italy just like a few hours ago and you haven't traveled around yet!!!! You're missing opportunities, hoe!!

    Namjoon thinks you're hella insane going from one country to another without even staying for a while to travel.

SunnyY/N 7:32 PM

I'm really sad too 😥😥😥 but can't blame my parents for deciding to go from one country to another. Oh I got drunk earlier and fortunately I didn't accidentally open another account in some social media platform. I've already got too many shits, don't need to let the whole world know I'm such an embarrassing person ahahahha

    Namjoon chuckles and he could hear Seokjin yell "There you go again laughing like a lovesick fool. Stop denying she's so your online girlfriend!" over the kitchen but he didn't mind that at all when he remembers the first time he knew you was through the same odd antic you do when you're drunk.

    It was two years ago around some November midnight when Aym a BaBe suddenly messaged him on Send Me with "I'm really sad, can i take up this space for a while?"

    Namjoon was used to receiving shady or nonsense flirty messages from questionable usernames, not to say he automatically deletes messages from people he have never heard of at all. But that night was an exception since it was also the first time he saw someone's pain without even looking at their face.

    Just like what you said, you then filled up the convo space with "I'm just really sad right now" and "I can't even let out my true feelings at all to the people around me," and lastly how you admired his courage for posting the only post that got over 100 notes in his entire Tumblr life defending female solo artist Y/N.

     Y/N, the apple of Namjoon's eyes and his wife-to-be in his own dreamlamd started from scratch and slowly built her career in the music industry with her navy blue guitar and songs about broken glasses and misplaced loves. Namjoon thinks she could have already taken over the world with her now inactive small Youtube account Y/N sings with her original songs about sex, love, and drugs - things usually sung by men artists and topics that were avoided by females in fear of being silenced and judged by a misogynist world.

    Though her fame only started with break up songs as she delved into TV and radio shows that prevented her from trying bold moves such as her compositions in her Youtube career, Y/N still writes and sings her heart out and Namjoon cheered for her continuous success.

    Around one year later, her upbeat breakup single Go F*ck Yourself gained worldwide popularity that made her voice be known on all ears. That's why yesterday, when news broke out about Y/N's new album No More You was about the trifecta that killed every other female artists' career in such a traditional industry, all hell broke lose over the net.

    A couple of  "You're promoting bad things with your song," "You're trying too hard,"  and unnecessarily mean "You're so ugly, try getting a plastic surgery maybe you'll be more tolerable in every viewer's eyes," Namjoon just have to type down a massive text post about such cyber harassment and downright misogyny and inhumane comments against a person who wanted to convey the reality of other people now that her voice can be heard by all over the world.

    You suddenly appeared then with a weird username in that one'o clock haze. Namjoon let you rant out your complaints on the convo space, read each message you sent without replying because not everyone needs advice, just someone who can listen to them. When Namjoon checks his inbox some day later, he found that you changed your username to SunnyY/N like every other fan who uses their idol's name on their username but there's something about yours that drove him to know you more. Maybe it's because he wouldn't associate 'sunny' to Y/N unless she's smiling so wide - he wasn't really sure. And just like that, he formed a stable communication with someone he calls "Sun" whose face he hasn't seen yet over a two year course of friendship that is still staying strong now.

MonJoon 7:35 PM

Good for you that you didn't start up another account. Why are you drunk anyway?

SunnyY/N 7:38 PM

Nothing, just sad. Not a big deal. It's 1 AM here btw, I gotta go. Nytie nyt!

    Namjoon can sense you didn't want to talk about it so he sends his good nights too before going to the table for dinner. After getting his homeworks done, he counts time differences and sets another alarm aside from his morning call.

    Around seven, you wake up with the hundredth notification on your phone but the latest one is what only mattered.

MonJoon 7:01 AM

Good morning! I hope you have a great day. Stay safe, hoe :)

 //

      In the middle of writing an essay about the fundamentals of quantum physics, Namjoon's My Only Friend ringtone makes the man jump on his seat, pen almost flying from his grasp. In his defense, Y/N's MOF is the best of her recent album, Friends & Foes, and it's made him feel so much anyway-

    Namjoon swipes the green button. "What is it, Jimin?"

    "Hey have you seen the announcement of Y/N's concert tour?" Jimin rattles, "Man, the ticket prices are up and I swear to God I have to sell at least one kidney to get the VIP seats and -"

    Jimin's rambling turns into white noise as Namjoon hesitates. He's in the middle of doing tons of essays and shit, he's gonna get distracted again with Y/N's face. He already promised himself to tone down his “stanning” a little and just - fuck it. His hands are already pounding against his keyboard, the tab he opened for his references already in the back of his mind as he clicks the news of your new concert. When it comes to Y/N, he easily pushes away his priorities and God, it's just so stupid but still -

Y/N Official™ 10:50 PM

Y/N Sun + Moon Tour ticket prices are up! Concert dates in other countries will be further announced.

    Namjoon scrolls down and sees listings of dates in California, New York, Los Angeles, yadah yadah, Italy, and Sweden - wait.

    He mumbles a "Gonna get back to you Chim, I'm busy right now" through the phone, ends the call, and goes to Send Me to tap your icon.

1 Unread Message!

    Oh right, he hasn't opened Send Me the past few days because he and Seokjin forgot to pay their net bills. Shocks, you must have been pissed off he hadn't replied you yet.

    However, he didn't expect to read something aside from your memes or your whereabouts and concern for his.

SunnyY/N 1:20 AM

Hi Joon, I'm gonna be inactive for a while but I think i can send a few somethings whenever I can. Just send me anything you want, complain about school and friends, fanboy over Y/N or whatever, I'm gonna reply to that once I can. Hope you have a wonderful day! :DDD

MonJoon 11:00 PM

Hi Sun, sorry I only read your message now. Jin and i forgot to pay bills on time again so yeah. Btw, Y/N's gonna go there in Sweden on July 5 and I hope you can come there! Send me pics if you can! Stay safe hoe and enjoy travelling around!

    Namjoon closes his phone as well as his previous tabs aside from his references and leans on his chair. When you've both started opening up to each other online, you mentioned that once a year you're gonna be hella busy with your folks to the point you barely have time for goofing around the net. It sounded weird but he didn't question you about it and typed "gotta detach yourself away from your phone somehow someday. I’m like that too when finals come hahahahha.", afraid he'll sound prying. 

    After two years of hanging around and being fond of you, he can't help but be constantly curious of what you're actually doing. You're born in the same year as him (though you're only two months older than him) and you've been travelling around the world with your parents while Namjoon's stuck in college with a Philosophy degree and hating every other subject that has nothing to do with making music. You're sick rich and you have your own studio at home (you showed him a pic) because technically you enjoy music too while he's almost dying with the constant tutoring sessions he have with other kids just so he can save up for his Mon Studio-to-be.

    He wonders how he can connect with you so well when you've never had a common ground in your lives aside from liking music and also Y/N. What it would be like if you are a normal college student like him? Are you really small like you say? What will you probably major in? You'll pass out if you had the same schedule as him, Namjoon snorts. He'll probably be that friend who'll constantly check up on you, and you'll probably smile so wide, and maybe your eyes would turn into tiny curves like crescent moons. You haven't sent him a selca yet but he thinks you'll be pretty.

    Namjoon sighs. He wants to meet you so badly.

 //

      September comes and Namjoon counted 23 small candles his friends stuck in the cake Seokjin made. His friends told him to make a wish first but he didn't really have anything that came to his mind. Yeah, maybe he wishes for everyone's health and happiness - he could do with that, and then he blows the candles along with the worries of the past year.

    When the party died down and Yoongi and the rest of the squad bid them goodbyes, Namjoon finds himself slumped against his chair, tired of cleaning all the confetti from party poppers and the piñata Hoseok brought from god knows where.

    He opens his phone and scrolls through his Twitter feed for any updates on Y/N's tour and just then a Send Me notif pops out and he smiles. He never managed to beat through coincidence to be online the same time as you do so he settled for unread messages and leaving messages for the past month as well as sending each other pictures of what you've been doing at the meantime. These kept a smile on his face but he knew right then it would never beat the grin he has now he's got to finally talk with you again.

SunnyY/N 1:01 AM

Happy Birthday, Joon! 😆😆😄

🍕🍕🍕🍟🍟🍟🍔🍔🍔🍲🍲🍲🎂🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰🍦🍦🍦🍫🍫🍫

Hope you ate a lot!

MonJoon 1:01 AM

Thanks! and yes i ate a lot! Seokjin's food is ever 👌👌👌 And oh my god, you're finally online! I miss my hoe!

SunnyY/N 1:02 AM

Yes, some things came up but i'm gonna be fine now. Hey, I'm coming back home in Korea this September and holy gosh Y/N will also hold her concert the same month here! Go come, I will be there and we can finally meet up!!! (I won't be free until after the 26th anyway and i want to meet you so bad now that we're gonna be in the same country!!!!)

    Namjoon's heart thunders. You've never suggested a meet-up before since you told him six months ago you're not yet okay showing yourself to him when it happened that you stayed in Korea and he requested to meet you. However, the small pain in his heart whenever he has to type this cannot be drowned by its overwhelmingly rapid beating.

MonJoon 1:03 AM

Sadly I can't :(

SunnyY/N:1:03 AM

Hey why? I can buy you the VIP tickets if you're feeling a little burdened with the price. I just want to have my main hoe with me

MonJoon 1:03 AM

Thanks for the offer but my finals just have to be scheduled the same day as her concert and guhhh, I don't even want you to spend so much on me. But god, you don't know how happy you made me when you finally agreed to meet up; I just wanna hug you irl!!!! I'm so excited to finally see you, This must be the best birthday present anyone has gave me, hoe!

SunnyY/N 1:04 AM

But I can't wait that long, what if I say I want to meet you now?

    What?

SunnyY/N is requesting for a video call. Accept? Decline?

    Namjoon's brows furrow; you told him before you don't want video calls and now you're doing this? It's confusing but Namjoon clicks on Accept anyway because he doesn't have it in his heart to decline your requests.

    The image of a room and a yellow-hoodied-figure fills his screen. Namjoon can see a bottle on the far corner of your room and before he can scold you for drinking your problems away, a very familiar voice fills his ears and makes him stuck frozen in his chair.

    "I've been feeling sad lately and I tried to get off my phone for the past months but I can't do that now," you sniff, "It's your birthday, I have to greet you. And I know sober me won't do that so I got drunk just to have enough liquid courage to wish you a happy birthday and that I want to meet you."

    Namjoon blinks his eyes twice, this must be a fucking dream - why is he seeing Y/N's bare face and hearing her voice live what - how could you be-

    "By the way, I wrote MOF while  thinking about you," you wipe  the tears forming on your waterline,  "I'm shit right now, but I don't care. I'm saying stuff I'll not remember so you have to remind me okay? I'm gonna end the call now. It's a stupid reason - I just wanna see you."

    Before you tap the red button Namjoon could hear you mutter, "I didn't imagine you'll be this fucking handsome God, I should have fixed myself."

    The screen goes back to the convo space with you now offline and Namjoon can't feel his heart.

    What the fuck, you're Y/N?!

A/N | Hi anon! I combined your requests into #15. Hope you like it! Sorry for the long wait! BTW, Send Me is a social media platform I made up and so is the brand Flyday!

09.07.2018 : Update! This will become another drabble series of mine so expect more dynamics and shenanigans of fan!namjoon and idol!you :D

All Rights Reserved © Vanaera. No reposts, modifications, and translations of content is allowed without direct permission.

[oak-and-thunder]

Is everything okay? You’ve been quiet lately. Do you still do meditations and stuff?

Everything’s still good! Sorry if you’ve been waiting forever for an answer, I haven’t checked my notifications in like 27 years :X

But yeah, I’m okay. I still do mediations and stuff, but I’m starting to keep those written in a physical journal as opposed to posting them, just out of personal preference. I don’t meditate as often as I used to, just cause work’s been keeping me hella busy, but I still meditate. I’m trying to get back into the swing of being more active on here. If you ever wanna know something specific about my practice though, you’re totally free to ask!

[journal-of-j34n31]

wednesday, june 14 2017

10:00 pm;

now it’s REALLY been a cool minute since i’ve been on here and it’s crazy how much life changes within’ a short amount of time. i will most definitely catch tumblr up on everything that has been happening like i’ve been meaning to, however, i’m just going to start at the point i’m currently at in this very moment. to sum it all up, today has been a really shitty day. last night, me and ae (his initials for tumblr purposes) planned on going to the fair today. we looked up what time it opened and it said 11. as i woke up this morning, i deadass jumped out of bed thinking it was already 10 am. after looking at the clock, i realized it was only 7 am. i checked my phone to see if ae had texted but i got nothing. i figured he was still asleep and decided to get ready anyways. i didn’t know whether to do my makeup or hair first because it was already 9 am and i didn’t want to curl my hair only to end up finding out he didn’t wanna go anymore. i still haven’t heard from him until i checked my snapchat at 10 not even realizing that he might have since i turned off my notifications. i forgot i had to do my streaks and found he sent me a snapchat asking what time we should leave, we ended up deciding 2 pm was fine because we were just going to walk around. i get ready and get a phone call around 12:45 while i was making an acas bowl. i went to meet ae and bhris over at fedex because ae’s car battery died. after all that was situated, he met me at my house around 2 pm and instead of risking it, he asked if we can drive one of my cars to the fair. my parents agreed as long as adrian was driving and not me. we leave my house and on the road. as i’m looking at his phone for the directions and music, all i hear is “BABE!” and an arm that gets thrown over my chest. i look up and see that we are about to run into a car stopped at a stop light trying to make a right. he slams on the break but that wasn’t good enough so we ended up rearending the small, red car infront of us. all i hear ae saying is “babe i’m so sorry, it’s my fault. it’s your car, i’m so sorry. babe.” and he was about to start crying. i was more concerned about his well-being so i kept trying to calm him down by repeatedly saying “stop that, you are fine. don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out.” so we pull into a parking lot where we exchange information and whatnot. i was scared out of my mind with what was going to happen but i knew that ae is probably having it harder since it was him that had the incident. i tried doing all i can to comfort him but i know he didn’t want to be touched. the best i could do was calm him down and assure him everything was okay. the damage to my truck was not even bad, it was just the front license plate, thanks to the grill thingy in the front (my grandpa was definitely by my side), however, the other car was small and the back was wrecked. the car infront of that one ended up pulling over too, but there was not even the slightest scratch to it. after the cops pulled up, they were about to be fine and go without a written report or anything right? then this bitch that LITERALLY had no damage just had to call her boss and ask if they wanted a report because it was her company’s car. so they had to do all that stuff. the drive back home he was just in complete shock with how it all happened, he didn’t remember how he got to that point. i got home, walked inside, and spilled the news to my mom. she walked outside and gave adrian a hug telling him it’s okay and her main concern was that we were fine. i almost started crying right then and there. we just stood out there, talked, and ae called texted his parents. we went inside and talked even more. ae just sat there and my mom was hella worried, saying how she feels bad because she feels responsible for having him drive this and that. he gets up and texts the people involved letting them know that although he was the driver, it was not his car and gave him the right insurance. he calmed down after that but he had been scared of how his mom and my dad was going to react about the whole situation. as we waited for my dad to come home, it was quiet and whatnot. he comes home and was completely fine, ae told him everything that happened and my parents were trying to help. their main priority was that we were okay and ae was not going to get an ass whooping (at least not that bad) when he gets home. me and ae go to my room after talking and eating and watch a movie. he was fine, calm, and normal-ish. he left early to beat his mom home so she wouldn’t be more upset than she already was. i called him as he was driving to make sure he made it home safe because it’s what i usually do. he made it home and told me he would talk to me later. i laid in bed for a while and then took a shower. post-shower and i’m not feeling too good, not in a physical way. we ended up getting off the phone at 7:40 pm and i text him at 8:20 pm telling him to let me know what happens/i’m here if he needs me. it is currently 10:40 pm and i have no idea what to do. i am lowkey freaking out and i feel like i should just sleep because i am just overthinking everything. i told him not to beat himself up about it because it was an accident, he is fine, and we can’t do anything about it anymore.

10:43 pm;

everything is just going on in my head all at once right now. i know what happened had an impact on him and he needs space but i just want to comfort him. i want to make sure he is okay and let him know that everything will be okay. i was talking to jen earlier and just everything we were talking about has just been stuck in my head, not that i have never thought about all this before, but for some reason i just can’t shake it off. we realized that all of ae’s ex’s names end with an ‘a’ and how they were all mexican. i looked at some of them in the yearbook because i was just browsing through it and i got super insecure. they’re all GORGEOUS and they are all mexican. if any one of his ex’s said he downgraded then that wouldn’t be false. i can’t help but pick out every bad thing about myself. my natural eyebrows are trash, my skin is hella acting up and breaking out, i’m not losing any weight, my face is red and peeling because of this new skin care thing my mom is having me try, i have no talent, my jobless self doesn’t have money, my brain is not as intelligent as everyone else’s. my biggest fear is that he realizes how out of my league he is and he’ll leave me. he is truly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and i fear that i won’t ever find anyone as good as him. i will be completely heartbroken, and a different kind of heartbroken i have ever felt, if anything ever end up taking us apart. i feel like one day i will be so scared to lose him and i’ll push him away to the point where i end it before it ends me first. he has such a close relationship with his sister and mother. his sister is drop dead gorgeous and she is two years younger than me. i feel like she looks at me and thinks how much better adrian can do. same with his mom. ever since he started being around me, he’s been getting introuble with her. whether it be staying out too late, or a mishap occurring (getting sick at six flags and falling asleep on the way home). i don’t want to be the girl his mom does not like her son dating because i change him into a person she fails to recognize. i feel like i am set at such a high standard to be his girlfriend and i’m not living up to it. he is so perfect to me in every way and i can never look at myself being enough for him. i’m scared that college is going to be the starting point of a continuous downhill tragedy. well i’m going to sleep before i cry out all my tears lmao.