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noexit-ff · 7 years ago

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I groaned out “nigga, this is nasty. Why, my god. What do they have in those milk bottles” I am so done with changing diapers, this is nasty. I did what Robyn told me to do but then the shit somehow got onto the new diaper so I had to change that, I wasted two diapers. I am learning but this is hard. His shit ain’t normal either “you need to sort yourself out, this shit ain’t happening like that every day” I was about to be sick, Robyn needs to hurry up and start venturing out of the bed but she looks so peaceful. I mean it’s only been two days since we have been home, Robyn said it can be weeks until she is better. I am done with seeing diaper bags “ok, so you have been fed, diaper changed. There is nothing else you need” I need to wash my hands, I mean I didn’t get anything on my hands but still. He is awake and he can’t really roll off but then how do I wash my hands because I am worried that he can, I am confused now. He is safe, he will be fine. Grabbing the diaper bags and running out of his bedroom and running into ours, running across the room and into the bathroom “what the fuck” why did I bring the dirty diapers with me, throwing them in the trash can in the bathroom. Washing my hands quickly, I am actually tired. This is a different type of tired because I can deal with staying awake doing dumb shit in the middle of the night but this tiredness is different, I guess it is to do with being a new parent.

Picking up Maurice and placing him in my arms “you come out to play now it’s late huh, you all awake and shit” taking his pacifier out “shall we go downstairs and see if you will sit in the rocker again, you are one clever baby though” he knows that he’s not in someone’s arms and just cries, I am going to try it out again. We have those swings but it’s in his room and I need to bring it down and I can’t do that with him in my arms, I already feel nervous walking around with him “if you keep this up, then at nights you can come to my studio sessions” making it downstairs “guess what, apparently well it’s true but. I have to give your mom a push gift, I mean the gift is you. What else does she want, I think it’s just a way for women to get more things so now I have to think of something” my mom said it to me and I didn’t even know what to say, how the hell do I know this stuff “so Maurice” sitting down on the couch, pulling the rocker to me “you need to sit and chill in this thing, let me just relax and watch some alien documentaries. You don’t have to sleep but you need to stay in this” slowly placing him in the rocker “there we go, now be good” strapping him in “you have to face me and not the TV, your momma orders. Your eyes are precious” pushing the rocker back a little.

Moving my phone to the side a little, Maurice came into my eye view and he is awake still. He is one creepy little nigga, I thought this rocking shit was supposed to make him sleep. He is staring at the colours of the hanging toys on his rocker. I have barely caught up on my messages. Robyn and I still need to announce it officially but it’s hectic, we don’t get time at all. Yesterday Robyn thought her stitches got infected but luckily it wasn’t that, I feel for her. After catching her in the bathroom, she has to clean herself with warm water, it’s so much effort to just pee. I am doing my best for her, she did go through all of that for our son. Tapping on Instagram, I think I will post a video for the fans because it’s been a while. Flicking the camera to my face, I look bad and I need a shave. Pressing record “I look like a homeless man right now” I smiled rubbing my stubble “but all is well with my family, I am sure y’all know he was born and life has come at me fast. This shit is hard, I am on some Game of Thrones night watch every night. He don’t sleep, but he good and we good. I thought I would update y’all on that, but to my niggas out there. Put a condom on fellas” I busted out laughing stopping the recording, Robyn will kick my ass but I am posting it.

Placing Maurice’ bottle down, he has his eyes shut now. This boy can drink, grabbing the towel at the side of me. Propping him up and placing the towel with my hand under his chin, I am getting used to it now. Rubbing his back gently, I would do it over my shoulder but he was sick all on my back so he lost those royalties. He looks like a grumpy old man like this, a little bit of milk dribbled out. His eyes opened a little but he closed them again, he is tired and will sleep now “I know, you want mommy breast milk. I want it too son, I miss the nipple also. We will get you back on there son, tomorrow you will have the nipple. Maybe I could be too” nodding my head looking up at the TV “see son, aliens do exist. The government are hiding this shit, I will teach you it all” hearing a slight giggle at the side of me “fuck!” I spat seeing Robyn “you can’t do that to me, I get scared easily” placing Maurice down and wiping his mouth “it’s like five in the morning and I didn’t see you in bed, I just wanted to see if you was ok and then I hear you talking, you make me laugh. Nipple and aliens? No wonder he looks at you like shut up nigga” Robyn rubbed the back of my head “come to bed, I appreciate you so much Chris. Doing this for me, I am able to get better and heal so thank you” feeling a kiss to my head “it’s teaching me though, I saw you suffer, in pain. At one point you was ill with fever and they may have cut you open. You went through it so this is nothing, he just likes being awake at night but now he is asleep” Robyn walked around me “I miss him so much” she took him from me “I want to do so much more but I am useless right now and yes, Junior is getting the breast. I don’t know about senior Chris” side eyeing Robyn.

Opening my eyes slowly seeing the baby lounger on the bed and Maurice awake in the middle of the lounger “sorry, did he wake you?” looking to the side of me seeing Robyn out of bed “a little, I heard him cry” stretching my body out “how long did he sleep for?” I asked “about four or five hours and then he woke up, he needs feeding but I need to use the toilet. Can you watch him while I do” nodding my head, reaching over and gripping the edge of the lounger, pulling him closer to me. He is all quiet now she got that pacifier in his mouth, seeing him just moving his arms around “stop scratching your face” moving his hand away, shuffling up on the bed “come to me son” slowly lifting him off the lounger, lifting up my legs and placing him on my lap so he can see me. Taking his pacifier out “morning son, it’s me again. I know you sick of seeing me” Junior stifled out a yawn “I feel the same way, it’s hard out there having to open your eyes and play havoc at night, I get it” Maurice stared at me intently, moving my head to the side and he moved his eyes also “everyone laughing saying you going to have a big forehead, I know. I gave them the same look. They are just jealous because you are one beautiful ass baby, they haters anyways” he kicked his little legs and moved his arms “the milk producer is coming, she needs to clean her booty and actually we need to clean you, we can do that today. Give your stank ass a bath” I think I want to do that today, but I want to do it with Robyn’ help.

Watching silently as Robyn breastfed Maurice “I think I have date with my hand again” I sighed out saying “besides you being a horny dog I am at a loss of words for you, initially it was me. I wanted this and I made all of the noise about wanting a baby, you just sat back. Just seeing you step up the way you are, you are doing more than I even asked for Chris. I didn’t think you would have done this, I expected you to tell me you are going out and you will be back. I always did say to you that you will be a great dad and you are, you are bonding and spending so much time with him and I love it. I can’t wait to be fully there for you both, things will get back to normal. I am trying, there is only so much you can do” rubbing my chest smiling “I try, it’s hard work though. Women have a big job and I am living it, I can only imagine what it was like for my mom being a single mother. Juggling a crying baby and then getting him his milk because I didn’t want to disturb you it was hard, his cries can actually mentally get to you” Robyn poked her lips out to me “you should have woke me, I will pump for you though but for now. Come to me, I want to feed him myself” Robyn is looking better, the more rest she gets the better she is looking and feeling “I want to give him a bath, can I do it? I need help though” I asked “yes of course, we can do that today” I think that is the only thing I need to learn to do.

“I was thinking Chris, we should have done it in the sink. It may have been easier but it’s ok, we have set out the baby bath and it’s done. I am new to this too” I am holding a naked baby and now she mentions it “just put him in, I mean like lean over. Gently put him in, these new baby baths are good but just have your arm around him, just supporting his upper body. Like a cradle, you can do it” I wish Robyn did this now, I sighed out getting down on my knees “this is new to me too, do not pee on me either” leaning over the bath and slowly placing him in the bathtub “yes that is fine” Maurice scrunched his face up and let out a cry, lifting him back up “is it wrong? What is it? Is it too hot” slightly feeling panicked “no, it’s ok. He is new to it, this is different for him. Just put him back in, it’s ok” Robyn walked over to me, I attempted it again “it’s ok baby, we are here” doing what Robyn said to me, keeping my arm under his head for support “he didn’t cry this time” I said “he will get used to it, so the washcloth, use that to gently wash him” how do women do this, how do they support a baby and clean them “I can’t do this, how?” I questioned, this is hard “it’s ok, just stay there. I will wash him” remembering Robyn can’t strain herself “no, don’t. Your stitches” looking behind me “I’m fine, I will do it quickly” I need to learn this better.

Smiling down at my son “he likes being free of clothes” he is kicking his legs “they do, let’s put your bracelet on while we are getting you ready handsome. Pass me it” Robyn said, I actually forgot where I put that, I paused thinking “oh yeah” it’s in the hospital bag, I know where it is “my mom asked if we getting him circumcised you know” I said walking to the walk in closet “she did it for me” opening the bag “yeah we will, that shit is nasty so yeah we will” that was easy, I knew Robyn would say yes but still, she may not want too “ok, I will book it in” grabbing the box and jogging back over to Robyn “do it on a day I can come out” opening the box and holding the bracelet out to Robyn “I will, we need to post something too. Even if it’s something small” I been wanting to do this “you telling me the list because I am out of bed but we can do it once he is dressed” Robyn fixed the name bracelet on his wrist “that is so adorable, I love it” Robyn beamed.

“I think we about to give him a bath every night before sleep, look at him. He has loved it and now he is asleep” Robyn finished brushing his hair down, the struggle hair “that seems like a good idea, bath and milk and he will sleep through it” Robyn may be on to something with that “so shall we take a picture, I was thinking. Unofficial photo of us, I could hold him over my shoulder and we take the picture in the long mirror in the closet. You can be behind me, I just don’t want to show his face off yet” nodding my head “but truthfully, look at me now. Does my stomach look bad or is it going?” Robyn lifted the tee up “it’s gone down, putting cocoa butter on while pregnant and after is working it’s magic. You will be back to normal soon” Robyn let the tee fall “thank you Chris, now let’s do this. You can take the picture and I will repost it from you so I can climb back into bed” getting up from the side of the bed “cool, I am about to make some lunch. What do you want?” I questioned walking off slowly “can you go to Popeye’s for me, I been wanting that” now she making me leave the home “I will go for you” I can’t say no.

Placing my arm around Robyn as I took the picture “let me see” Robyn said, turning my phone to her “ok I like that, better than the first one” Robyn thinking this a damn photoshoot “place your finger in his hand, the hand he has his bracelet on. I want to take a picture of it” Robyn moved the strand of hair back before grabbing his hand, she placed a finger between his balled up fist “his skin is so soft, I love him so much” Robyn said, taking a picture of it “I like that, your tattooed hand looks dope too” tapping on Instagram “I am uploading them both and you can repost” tapping both pictures “ok, I am just going to put him in the bassinet” Robyn said walking off with him, captioning the pictures ‘Christopher Maurice Brown Junior, born May 6th and weighing eight pounds and seven ounces (he would have been 9 pounds if he was full term) we are both proud parents but I am mostly proud of @badgalriri she bought our king into the world, it wasn’t easy but she pulled through. Thank you for all of the love and we good! A mini us in the world!!’ pressing send on the post.

I am wondering who the hell is this Rolls Royce outside my home, I go to get lunch and now there is a random car outside. The elevator doors opened, we aren’t expecting any visitors so I am wondering who this is, placing the bag on the dining table and following the voices in the living area. I know that voice though and I was not expecting it, seeing both Jay Z and Jay Brown, Robyn stared at me “Chris” Jay Z got up from the couch, I wonder what his creepy ass wants. He shook my hand “congratulations, we have just come and I was telling Rihanna how I am here as a friend, that is it” he walked off to sit back down “ok” I am confused “I have known Rihanna as long as you have and I had to come and personally congratulate her on something she always wanted, I bought a few things for him. I am happy for you both” sitting down next to Robyn slowly “thank you” I mumbled “it’s hard, I was the same with Blue. This little baby, I didn’t know how to hold her. My big hands might hurt her but you get used to it” I smiled a little, he don’t like me and I don’t like him so why is he here.

I am staying ever so silent “what are you doing with yourself now? Are you wanting to go back into that line of work? If you need any advice I am always here for you” he would probably charge for that “I will be, I will be doing the tour with Chris. I have the make up line again, Chris got me that. I do have things to come, I will be signing with Chris or stay independent but it will be either one of those. My son will be first though, even if I don’t I still have money coming in from the clothing lines” Robyn knows what she is doing with herself so he can go away “I heard that your tour has done well overseas, sold out stadiums. That is very impressive, at times I feel like your record label does not deserve you” Jay Z said to me “I guess but I be doing my own thing, they are just there to say yes” Jay Z is only here to be a nosey little fuck.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanficiton

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margoism · 7 years ago

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"No Nubs Land" Sometime in March 2018, a good friend of mine finally got me to download and play the game. Imagine, he kept pestering me eversince it was available in the apps store. My sorry excuse was that I have retired from online gaming (the original Ragnarok Ph, Iris Server, MacWorld Clan guild) and I am done with playing among kiddie trashtalkers plus my introvert self is quite content with self-paced playing on the PS4 - no human interaction needed: just me, my tv, the PS4, and well...because I am quite "senti" and perhaps "kuripot", reruns of Skyrim, Fallout 4, and Persona 5. Anyway! As soon as the Mobile Legends icon appeared on my phone, he and his sister (we were together the night) gave me a quick run down of how things work and I kid you not...it was so fast that I don't even remember taking the tutorial, hahaha! This was then followed by tons of brawling (dayum, click everything! swear like a sailor in real life! Run away!) until they decided we can play Classic. I don't remember much about my first game but since I used to play a priest, I had my first noob experience: Rafaela (for some stupid reason, I keep calling her Angela...must be the wings, dammit) was my thing. Stupidly. Yes, good thing there is healing for everyone. I'd eventually graduate loving Estes but that is another story. ...even before 24 hours that I had been introduced, I forgot I own a PS4. So it has been almost 2 months now since I started and so far, depending on how a game goes, I am a noob/nub or just that ordinary player who randomly joined a game of brawl or classic...and occassionally rank. From my experience, people are so critical of new players during the game itself but when you have a friend who also plays, they tell you that it is fine to play even if you know nothing (then go berserk when they have a noob/nub on their team in a non-rank game) and even recommend not to read the chat. Just play, they said. But the again, the chat drama can sometimes be entertaining though I don't get the point of trashtalking your own team mate/s. For me, it's a sign that that asshole doesn't have any leadership skills or is having a bad day and decided to pour it out on some poor soul having a bad play day (it could be lag, a newbie, a new hero, etc). Oh, one time, a tank dude tried to tell me I was being a noob for staying in the mid lane because I wasn't helping out at a heavily ganked area (I was Lesley). Politely, he told me (towards the end) that he wasn't just saying it to sound like a dick. Hey, happy to learn mehn, I actually thanked him and experienced my other noob/nub thing: chatting while playing. It kills. On the other hand, sometimes some things can just be annoying regardless of gamer status. I once played a classic game and our Estes would not actually heal anyone...if he ever did, it was as if he accidently clicked on the first skill. I jokingly asked if he has no heal but he just stood there silent and casted his 2nd skill for the nth time. Healing for everyone mehn! I played Estes in my first rank season and the problem of being him or Rafaela is, players tend to depend on you heavily, forgetting that they have great heroes who can actually survive/hack/slash/kill/magic their way to the enemy base/throne. I mean, people...support characters have cool down time too. Don't trashtalk them if you died because of your own miscalculation or if the support chose to preserve him/herself. They aren't exactly tanks (though let's not count Minotaur or Angela here). Speaking of ill manners ingame, while jesting and jeering may be part of the game, sometimes it is just too much but the report button does not have an option to choose "person is a being jerk" or "harassment/bullying" or "unruly behavior" - the nearest choice would be "using profanity" which they aren't really doing. It is easy to say it can be ignored but I guess, being old and all, it just kills the mood and group dynamics. Which brings me to the last thingy on my first Mobile Legends post in this really old and neglected acct (I was on Tumlr when tumblarity was a thing) - so just last night I learned I can buy heroes using the BP card. I have 3k of it and a friend helped me buy heroes as he showed me how to use them, hahaha. Before that, I was telling him how fascinating Alucard was because it was the recurring hero that loves to kill me (not sure if he is just commonly used) to the point I used his trial card in AI play. Poor noob/nub me, thinking life was that simple played one classic game using him. It was my shortest classic game ever; my team mates called me names and conceded defeat before 5 minutes. I would learn some hours later that he was actually pretty tricky to play, much to my embarassment. Oh well, I told my friend, I would have to content myself with using him only on AI play and trial cards. In jest, he converted some of my BP points to buy Alucard then accidentally shared it on my FB on "friends only" post. So now the image above is the horrifying truth that I have a hero I am afraid to use (I don't like frontline heroes) and omg, an image visible among my fb friends. ..on the other hand, they say that he ranks as #1 on a list of 10 handsome heroes in the game. Whoopie. For me, the most handsome hero is Guisson (?) and Alucard would probably come 3rd but then again, I can't think of a 2nd. Lancelot has lotsa haters but then being an Odette player, I actually ship them...for as long as I don't hear "Experience the handsome" (I pray he gets an image makeover or a really normal, long haired man skin), he can probably be the 3rd...but summer skin Clint is handsome so dammit, rank down. I am noob/nub is realz.

#mobile legends #online games #mobile games #alucard

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abigloss · 7 years ago

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1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Nope, it was my mother.2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope. 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nope.4. Is trust a big issue for you? Not anymore.5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? I have.6. What are you excited for? An upcoming job interview. 7. What happened tonight? Went to a football game, ate a salad, cried. Normal Friday night.8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Tag yourself I;m the girl getting really wasted.9. Is confidence cute? Suuure, cute isn’t quite the word I’d use though.10. What is the last beverage you had? Water!11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Like one.12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Several.13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Sleep hopefully.14. What are you going to spend money on next? Food most likely.15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yep.16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? For better I’d hope.17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Can I say myself because if so.18. The last time you felt broken? Earlier.19. Have you had sex today? Nah.20. Are you starting to realize anything? Stop talking to your ex. It does not work for any parties involved. Someone always gets hurt. 21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah.22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? For the thrills sure.23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? No.24. What do you want right this second? My mind jumped to pizza.25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Breakup with that boy, cheating will not be tolerated in my lobby. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? It is!27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? NOOO.28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Holy shit, at Applebee’s tonight my friend Evan dropped two of his mozzarella sticks into his water by like a freak accident and I cried.29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Not really.30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Sometimes.31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? I talk to a lot of boys, but I’m assuming this means romantically and I’m gonna say no.32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yes.33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I’m really trying to quit guys.34. Listening to? My fan.35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Barely.36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yep.37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Awe honey yesss.38. Who did you last call? My mom.39. Who was the last person you danced with? My friend Kaleb. 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love him.41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Last Saturday. 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No.43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Multiple times.44. Do you tan in the nude? I don’t tan period.45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No, why y’all so obsessed with kissing?46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? I think so.47. Who was the last person to call you? An unknown number.48. Do you sing in the shower? Nah.49. Do you dance in the car? Heck yeah.50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yep.51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Probably high school.52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? NO AND Y’ALL HATERS IF YOU DO.53. Is Christmas stressful? No.54. Ever eat a pierogi? I laughed, yes.55. Favorite type of fruit pie? I’m not huge on pie.56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A firefighter. 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah man.58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Have I seen this question before? I’m sorry that was lame, yes I have.

59. Take a vitamin daily? Vitamin C because I refuse to get ill damnit.

60. Wear slippers? Nope.61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes, I need a new one.62. What do you wear to bed? Usually just my underwear because you gotta be free, but not too free yo. 63. First concert? Panic! At The Disco.64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Wal-Mart.65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas.66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Fritos.67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Give me the seed. Again I apologize. 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I don’t know her.69. Ever take dance lessons? Girl yeah.70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? A K-9 officer.71. Can you curl your tongue? For the record, I just did it just to make sure.72. Ever won a spelling bee? I cannot spell.73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes, I’m a very emotional person.74. What is your favorite book? The Great Gatsby, is that lame?75. Do you study better with or without music? Without.76. Regularly burn incense? No, gives me a headache.77. Ever been in love? Yep.78. Who would you like to see in concert? Fall Out Boy is coming in October and I swear.79. What was the last concert you saw? P!ATD80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold.81. Tea or coffee? Tea.82. Favorite type of cookie? Macarons are cookies right?83. Can you swim well? Like a mermaid.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Cue holding breath, yes.85. Are you patient? Relatively. 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Nah.87. Ever won a contest? Nope.88. Ever have plastic surgery? I’m like nine, no.89. Which are better black or green olives? Neither, ick.90. Opinions on sex before marriage? When the time is right and you are safe go for it, but please be responsible and don’t just have sex with anyone all the time. 91. Best room for a fireplace? Dining room.92. Do you want to get married? Yes.

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chadpetersondatingblog · 7 years ago

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8 Couples Halloween Costume Ideas That Perfectly Represent 2017

Remember when the internet declared 2016 the year of the dumpster fire? LOLz. 2017 is the year of actual fires: wild fires and hurricanes have decimated entire communities, tiki torch-wielding white supremacists were called “fine people” by our nefarious dotard, and a “fire and fury” threat triggered Kim Jung Un to re-up his nukes. (Excuse me while I pop a Xanax.) The not-even-really silver lining? From Don and Kim to Don and Ivanka, couple costume ideas 2017 are fit to be lit. (Pun semi-intended.)

As I sit here mulling on how many months are left until the world ends, I realize that now more than ever, Halloween is the escape from reality we all need. I for one am pumped to get dressed up and pretend I’m a kid again for one night. Since 2017 is inherently terrifying, why not go the topical route this 10/31? I love a good pop culture reference in the form of a costume. I would posit that a meme-inspired costume will collect 1.5 times as many Instagram likes as your run-of-the-mill movie character duo. You could just wear a Romphim, or you could grab your salt bae, and pick from this list of 2017/apocalypse-inspired costume ideas together:

1. That La La Land Producer And An Oscar

Get the name wrong? We offer 24hr grace periods to correct minor errors. So you won’t be left in La La Land. #Oscars https://t.co/OJfTN8vOrA http://pic.twitter.com/NVtD9TDeB3

— Ryanair (@Ryanair) February 27, 2017

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An oldie but a goodie. In perhaps one of the few moments of “right” triumphing over “wrong” this year— sorry, La La Land fans — actors Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty accidentally announced Damien Chazelle’s musical as the winner of “best picture,” when Moonlight had most definitely won. The cringy-est part? The La La Land producers made it all the way up onstage and cradled their Oscars before realizing the mistake. Woof.com.

This costume is simple, especially if you’re dating a boring-looking dude. Just pop him into a tux and then pop yourself into this gold bodysuit. Make sure to make the envelope that correctly reads “Moonlight” as the winner and feed your partner a tequila shot to give them that “excruciatingly-uncomfortable-but-trying-to-be-brave” look. There’s a reason that “SNAFU” is an acronym that stands for “situation normal: all fucked up.”

2. Salt Bae And His Meat

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Yeah, you knew this was coming. In a colorful moment of meat-dusting exuberance, Turkish chef Nusret Gökçe became a meme god when he posted a video of him preparing a steak. This sh*t went so viral that Leonardo DiCaprio requested a personalized “show” from Salt Bae himself.

Since Gökçe is nothing without his steak, one of you can be the meat while the other can rock the white tee, retro round sunnies, low ponytail, and draw some facial hair on to complete the look. Your real life bae can wear this cheap AF meat costume and you can throw salt on them all night. (Thought: If you are in a hetero couple, have the dude be the meat and you can be Salt Bae because, #feminism? Maybe?)

3. Dr. Phil And The “Cash Me Outside” Girl

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OK, so I’m admittedly the most excited about this because of the dressing up like Dr. Phil part. Still, this strange slew of offenses to the English language was an internet fire-bomb, and it will be more recognizable in a couples costume situation. Your bae’s Dr. Phil outfit will explain why the F you’re wearing those super huge hoop earrings and terrifying claw nails. Add a tank top, make sure your white bra straps show, and straighten your hair to complete the look. Your partner can wear this Dr. Phil wig and mustache and an ill-fitting suit, and you’re good to go.

4. Melania And Michelle On Inauguration Day

Michelle Obama is not impressed by Melania Trump's gift giving ability. http://pic.twitter.com/QxJzQGnQDa

— Adam Johnson (@AdamJ_NBAGL) January 20, 2017

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Melania Trump can wear this or any long-sleeved light blue dress or coat. Michelle Obama can sport a burgundy wool coat. The most important part of this costume? The Tiffany’s box. (Weirdly, you can get them on eBay.) If you’re the “Michelle” in the situation, make sure you perfect the “what-alternate-reality-is-this?” look.

5. The Ryan Gosling Whispering Meme

gosling literally had her SHOOK and ready to dump her fiancé on live television lmao #oscars http://pic.twitter.com/v4KSO8ABFY

— joseph™ (@maloonds) February 27, 2017

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Remember the bizarre “let’s parade some plebes by the stage!” moment at the Oscars this year? That was gross. Still, it produced a great meme that you and your partner can recreate easily. All you need is a gray hoodie, black windbreaker, a selfie stick, and a look on your face that says, “Holy sh*t, Ryan Gosling’s warm whisper is in my ear right now.” For Gosling, a tux and smug look will do. Definitely act the moment out.

6. BBC Dad And His Toddler

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I LOVED this clip and may have watched it upwards of 14 times in a row. The moment the daughter busts into her dad’s home office like she was busting into the club on a Saturday (yes, I stole that from the meme-version of the incident) had me on the crest of peeing my pants every time.

Here’s the thing: You can dress as the BBC dad in any navy blazer and red tie — I personally think you should be pantless in true WFH fashion — and his yellow-shirted, kiddie-glasses-wearing daughter, OR you can choose to be the baby boy who comes in hot on wheels. The second baby seems tricky though, unless you can somehow fit this around your mid-section somehow. (Or put a baby doll in a walker on a leash and pull it around.)

7. The Distracted Boyfriend Meme

http://pic.twitter.com/Ll1gM4N84J

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) August 23, 2017

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One of the more solid memes of the year, the Distracted Boyfriend costume is super easy to put together, especially if you are in a couple IRL. The “distracted boyfriend” just needs this shirt and the “girlfriend” just needs this light blue top. Add a blow up doll — I’ll let you Google that one on your own — in a red shirt and the meme is complete.

8. Kellyanne Conway And A Couch

I have so many questions about this photo, but chief among them is why nobody is telling Kellyanne Conway to get her damn feet off the couch http://pic.twitter.com/tU0CBS36Fe

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) February 28, 2017

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Ah, yes, the moment we knew we were all in good hands (feet). Putting your feet on a couch in the oval office is perhaps the ultimate “F you” to the haters. The couch component of this costume is tricky, but I found a very in-depth couch-costume manual here. For Kellyanne, wear this dress and skin-tone socks/shoes on your feet. Was she wearing shoes? Who knows. Also, iPhone required.

OK, so that is the best I could do in terms of 2017-specific costumes. I hope you and the Kellyanne to your couch find a ridiculous and relevant costume to match the year we are in. If none of these float your boat, don’t worry, because you know something ridiculous is going to happen between now and October 31. Happy never-ending Halloween, America!

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8 Couples Halloween Costume Ideas That Perfectly Represent 2017

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ashleyjacksonblog · 7 years ago

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8 Couples Halloween Costume Ideas That Perfectly Represent 2017

1. That La La Land Producer And An Oscar

Get the name wrong? We offer 24hr grace periods to correct minor errors. So you won’t be left in La La Land. #Oscars https://t.co/OJfTN8vOrA http://pic.twitter.com/NVtD9TDeB3

— Ryanair (@Ryanair) February 27, 2017

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This costume is simple, especially if you��re dating a boring-looking dude. Just pop him into a tux and then pop yourself into this gold bodysuit. Make sure to make the envelope that correctly reads “Moonlight” as the winner and feed your partner a tequila shot to give them that “excruciatingly-uncomfortable-but-trying-to-be-brave” look. There’s a reason that “SNAFU” is an acronym that stands for “situation normal: all fucked up.”

2. Salt Bae And His Meat

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3. Dr. Phil And The “Cash Me Outside” Girl

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4. Melania And Michelle On Inauguration Day

Michelle Obama is not impressed by Melania Trump's gift giving ability. http://pic.twitter.com/QxJzQGnQDa

— Adam Johnson (@AdamJ_NBAGL) January 20, 2017

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5. The Ryan Gosling Whispering Meme

gosling literally had her SHOOK and ready to dump her fiancé on live television lmao #oscars http://pic.twitter.com/v4KSO8ABFY

— joseph™ (@maloonds) February 27, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

6. BBC Dad And His Toddler

youtube

7. The Distracted Boyfriend Meme

http://pic.twitter.com/Ll1gM4N84J

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) August 23, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

8. Kellyanne Conway And A Couch

I have so many questions about this photo, but chief among them is why nobody is telling Kellyanne Conway to get her damn feet off the couch http://pic.twitter.com/tU0CBS36Fe

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) February 28, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

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8 Couples Halloween Costume Ideas That Perfectly Represent 2017

from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2xuytQ6 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Meet Positives

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