#sorry i got really excited and i really wanted to talk about my dnp songs

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

wait. song exchange. you give me your dnp coded songs and i’ll give you mine

YAY YAY YAYYYY OKAYY!!!!!! YAY :)))) hmmm let me choose. just a few. hhhfdhfhs this is the difficult. also it might get a bit parasocial cough cough dont blame me ok . its gonna be a long one

Fences by Paramore. This is THE Dan Howell song and no one can convince me otherwise like. Just look at the lyrics. It's absurd. "I'm sitting in a room/made up of only big white walls and in the hall/there are people looking through the window in the door/they know exactly what we're here for/don't look up, just let them think/there's no place else you'd rather be/you're always on display/for everyone to watch and learn from/don't you know by now?/you can't turn back/because this road is all you'll ever have/and it's obvious that you're dying, dying/just living proof that the camera's lying". not much else to say it speaks for ITSELFFF

Such Great Heights by The Postal Service. honestly this one is just cute. and the beginning lyrics remind me of just the sappy soulmateism that dan and phil have where they were just obviously MADE FOR EACH OTHER yk??? "I am thinking it's a sign/that the freckles in our eyes/are mirror images and/when we kiss they're perfectly aligned". FOR FUCK'S SAKEEEEEe this song just makes me sappy about Them. hgshdfhsdhfdn. "And I have to speculate/that god himself did make/us into corresponding shapes/like puzzle pieces from the clay".

Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore. DAMN again with the paramore i guess they just write dnp coded songs bc i dont even listen to them that much. anyway this song is just about phil being an optimist and trying to make dan feel happy as well and it's just sooo :((( "rose colored boy, i hear you're making all that noise about/the world you want to see/and i'm so annoyed/cos i just killed off what was left of the optimist in me". it makes me ILL it makes me SICKKK TO MY STOMACHHHH

The Kids Aren't Alright by Fall Out Boy. listennn listen okay fob is like. very difficult to parse meaning from their lyrics For Me okay. it's mainly the chorus of this song that does it for me- "and in the end/i'd do it all again/i think you're my best friend/and don't you knwo that the kids aren't al, kids aren't alright/and i'm yours/when it rains it pours/stay thirsty like before" AND IM SO!!!!!! anyway ive loved this song since i was small and i think it sorta. its just like. dnp are so dedicated to each other they are never leaving each other, it's literally dan and phil against the world and it has been since the day they met. this song conveys that so thats why its on here.

September Told Me by Juice. OOUUHHH THIS SONGGGGG OUHHH IT GIVES SUCHHH 2009 VIBES FUCK MEEEE ok sorry. so this song is all about this person who's spent time with this girl and he's realizing he's in love with her and she's making him feel vulnerable and able to share himself with the world DO YOU SEE THE PARALLELS. "damn i wasn't ready/didnt think shed get me/now i wear this heart on my sleeve./barefoot in the summer/didnt think i loved her/until september told me to leave" IM GOING ISNANEN

Bliss by Muse. this song. is very similar to rose colored boy in lyrics content. it is about. loving someone who is so happy and joyful and they are there adn you are not happy and joyful. in rose colored boy, dan is tired of phil trying to help him be happier and in bliss all he wants IS TO BE HAPPYYYY LIKE PHIL. "everything about you resonates happiness/now i won't settle for less". "everything about you pains my envying/your soul can't hate anything/everything about you is so easy to love/they're watching you from above/give me all the peace and joy of your mind/i want all the peace and joy of your mind".

UHHH these are the ones!!! that i have that i havent seen others mention. specifically. because obvs there are the ones like Naked In Manhattan by Chappell Roan, Matilda by Harry Styles, and Still Into You by Paramore (MORE PARAMORE) that everyone knows and is just very obvious and dnp coded and stuff. yeah uh i have more on my playlist but honestly most of that is just vibes in which the lyrics dont fit TOO well??? im looking for more though so uh. DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DEFINITELY share your dnp songs sorry this was so long i am full of thoughts today. about them.

[gayside-blog]

You have to do them all sorry I don’t make the rules

This about to be so long! But thank you! This kept me busy while at work! I didn’t include questions I answered already so scroll down a couple posts on my blog to see those.

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Male, he/him

Amaryllis: Birthday?

July 18!

Angelonia: Favorite TV show?

The Office will always be a classic

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” I was always very indecisive until I heard this and it just made a lot of sense to me. Along the same line, “Take it easy, but take it.”

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Water! But my favorite special drink is probably hot chocolate in winter and lemonade in the summer

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I shouldn’t! (I don’t think I could)

Baneberries: Favorite song?

Literally changes every hour but The Good Side by Troye Sivan has been up there for a while. Iscariot is stuck in my head at the moment. Boy Meets Evil gets an honorable mention. This question is too hard

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

I have my mom who’s a teacher, my brother Scott who’s 20 (21 in a few weeks!) and studying applied math, my sister Amanda who’s 18 and studying animation! I also have a (beautiful) dog Lexie who is 10 and practicing vigilance. I also have a whole extended family that I love and who support me and a bunch of compassionate friends who I want to give the world to

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I have many! Amanda, Lio and Alex, and Annie and Gabe :) And Lexie!

Begonia: Favorite color?

Yellow probably! The pale kind!

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Literally any animal, but especially dogs and cats and squirrels and guinea pigs!

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

I think I’m going to be a morning person but I love staying up late & in college, everyone kind of has to be a night person

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

What happens to the animal when I become it?? If I become an animal does that animal then become me? Who’s going to my classes? Do I have work? Do people still know I’m me? Can I talk? What about to other animals? Am I still in Ann Arbor? I have a lot of questions

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

I like kids! I really am excited to be a parent! My number one priority in life is to be a good one

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

Uhh I remember none of it!

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

I’m not dating anyone right now

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

I think it’d be cool to leave the country! But I haven’t really travelled much so I still think going anywhere is exciting !

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

Nope!

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

Nope!

California Poppy: Height?

5’5

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

I don’t know! I think it’s a bit silly to say no because I don’t have any evidence that they /don’t/ but I don’t that they do either. The world is weird. I’d like to be a ghost for a bit so I hope they do!

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

Boots and jeans and a red t-shirt (I realize I wear this most Thursdays)

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

Yeah!

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My friend Kelsey

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

An ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

Hind

Columbine: Are you tired?

A little, yeah. I haven’t slept much these past few days & I think it’s time for a good night’s sleep

Coneflower: Dream job?

I recently am thinking I’d like to teach some college nursing courses one day but I’m not sure! I’d love to get my MSN or DNP and practice as an NP

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

A little bit of both. Almost an extrovert

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

This is hard. I would do almost anything for someone I care about. I don’t think I would let someone abuse me mentally, physically, or emotionally, but also I would save someone I really cared about over myself if it came down to it. Does that make sense? I think it matters that they also care about me and that what I do for others is out of mutual respect and love not manipulation or abuse.

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I did! Her name is Rabby and she is a rabbit. She was initially my brother’s but he wasn’t interested so I got her when I was born. I also had Baby Blue and he is a very small blue bunny & Rabby’s adopted son.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Cancer

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Depends who you ask, but I think so!

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Becoming a kinder person

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

Amanda, I think!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

I’m generally a good student! I have a good work ethic

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

Typing :( I failed fifth grade typing, so I still use the two-finger method. Also I’m not good at dancing but I’d love to be!

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

I had a really great spring break with Alex and Lio!!

I went to the Arb with Alex the other day and saw a bunch of deer right up close!

I’ve learned more about myself!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Honestly I’ve been feeling pretty anxious today but I did get lunch with Lio and it’s a pretty chill day at work so it hasn’t been too bad!

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Yes. I appreciate where I’m at and how far I’ve come and I’m unbelievably proud of that, but I also have so much more to improve upon and grow with so I’m excited for the future as well.

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I’m uhh considering coming out to my nursing friends as gay. We’ll see what happens

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

Music. If my thoughts are very loud then I turn up the music really loud and it drowns them out enough to calm down. If I’m anxious, very quiet music helps. The more anxious I feel, the quieter the music. I don’t know why it works but it does. (Note to include here is that what doesn’t help is touch!)

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

Actively working towards bettering myself and my life (still and always working more, but that doesn’t negate the progress already made)

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

I just love spending time with people I care about. It’d probably involve staying up late up to antics or chatting and cooking (and eating) some good food and not anything extravagant. Ideally there’d be pets involved too.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

Usually I like to just take time for myself. Self care, working out, meditation, Netflix, reading, or practicing the things I’d like to learn (recently, this has been handstands). I think it’s good to enjoy spending time with myself!

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Like I said, I have many! I’ve known Amanda for my whole life. We got Lexie when I was almost 9. I met Gabe in seventh grade, Annie in sophomore year (but we didn’t become really good friends until senior year!) and I met Lio and Alex September last year when I moved to AA!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Amanda

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

A lot! I probably have like 15 close friends but I couldn’t really sit down and list everyone

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I don’t know! It’s nice when people believe I’m kind or cool!

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

I think I’m a pretty kind and genuine person. I tend to be optimistic and I like that because it took a lot of CBT to get to this point. I do think I’m smart but I also feel that a lot of that comes from work rather than natural kind of ability. I’m also becoming more assertive which is a big deal for me and makes me feel more confident! I think most of the time I look good but I want to work towards being more physically fit and feeling like I look cool because I’m not a big fan of the clothes and things I wear right now. Other than that, I think I come off as a good person and people tend to trust me and depend on me which I appreciate.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I tend to be a pretty open-minded person and I like that I try to empathize with and understand other’s positions and adapt to them

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

I don’t think I’m very fun, especially around people I don’t know very well

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

My siblings and I would spend a lot of time playing the colony game which I loved! It’s a simulation game we made up and as we grew it got more and more complex which was awesome

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

I had a few! Mallory, Lindsey, Kirsten, Summer!

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Just every inconsiderate thing I’ve ever said or done

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

Being trans/gay

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Charles means masculine! My mom just liked I guess and it’s also a little bit of a family name! Fun fact though I really love that my mom picked my name

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

I grew up in the house I live in now! It was always very cozy. The house is really a communal space 100% so I never felt like I couldn’t be anywhere growing up which is so good and it also has a nice backyard and we had a trampoline which was my favorite thing!! I would spend all day out there just being a kid and it was incredible

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Sparse! We didn’t have many toys besides a couple stuffed animals each but my (and Amanda’s) room had a bunk bed, two dressers, and a bookshelf

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

From what I can remember, I was going through it from about age 10-16. When I started junior year, I ended a toxic relationship and started going to therapy a lot more and it’s only gone up since then!

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

She’s a fifth grade teacher and you’d know that as soon as you meet her! She talks a lot and is very excitable but I love that because for a long time she’s been mentally and emotionally not doing great. It wasn’t easy growing up with her the way she was but now we are both in such better places and I feel closer to her than ever. It’s a work in progress. She is big into physical contact in a way that I’m not comfortable with but that really allowed me to practice being assertive and setting boundaries in a healthy but kind way which has been good for me. She really loves me and my siblings and most people with her whole heart. I love her a lot even though we’re very different people.

Onions: Tell us about your dad.  

Oof. I don’t have much to say about him I guess.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

They’re awesome!! Pop can be a lot sometimes but we all know it and he’s working on it. They both have such compassion and my grandma is the most graceful person in the world (she’d never let me say that about her if she could hear it but she really is incredible.) Pop is the person who pushes me the most academically but I know he is looking out for me and sometimes he softens up for a sec and goes on about how proud he is and I could cry every time. Both of them give the best hugs. I love them a lot and I’m so grateful they’re in my life.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

I’m not sure what year it was—I think 14—but my sister had a softball tournament in Wisconsin that week so we were staying in a Wisconsin Dells hotel and it was very hot and I didn’t really want to be at the game. Then, the other team didn’t show up!! So we went back to the hotel and we spent the day at the waterpark and it was so fun and already a great day and then when we came up to the room, my mom pulled out a gift for us that I had no idea she had snuck along and it was just the nicest surprise of a day I’ve ever had :’-)

Peony: What was your first job?

Babysitting! But I guess the first proper job I had was as a janitor

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

At school!

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I think I have a pretty high physical pain tolerance. Most of it is a mental game for me

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

I don’t know! I’m a strong believer in the butterfly effect so probably nothing (@alex this is a Jin move) but if everything else would be the same, I’d start focusing on recovering/therapy earlier and transition immediately

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to so many people but I haven’t talked enough about my brother yet so. He’s so cool! I always admired him for being smart and creative (he would make up the most fun games when we were kids!!) but he’s also super charismatic and likable and he’s great in social situations! And still overall, he’s a kind and reliable and caring person. I love talking to him about philosophy and things because he’s super passionate about it and he thinks through things thoroughly and in a way I never thought about before. We’ve grown so much closer in the past few years and I love that.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

I just want to be happy and make the people around me happy!

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

Santa!

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Amanda

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Rain outside when I’m inside and it’s just a little chilly

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

I have so many great memories and I can’t pick just one!! I have nice memories of my family spending winter weekends all in pjs and sitting in our family room reading with fire in the fireplace and those are very nice! I also have a lot of great memories at the Culver’s by my house bc that was the high school place to hang out and it was always a fun, chill time :)

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

The most loaded question?? I have some bad memories from being a kid but I’m not going to talk about them in a Tumblr response

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Usually kind of difficult if it’s got to with emotional things because I’m still working on distinguishing which emotions are which so articulating that can be a challenge when I’m already not feeling good

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Lexie :(

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

5-6 hours

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

I try to get excited for something happening that day! I also will make time for meditation or something if I’m anticipating a rough day

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I like it a lot! I work in the nursing clinical simulation lab and I’m learning a lot and it’s exciting to be getting the chance to practice stuff before doing it for class

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

I’m into the pastel inspirational quotes and things because they make me feel very calm. I’m also a big fan of things with symbols and stuff

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I think the last non-textbook I read was The Stranger over winter break! It was really good!

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

I want to be applying for CNA summer jobs and spending time with my best friends and feeling accomplished about being halfway through nursing school!!!

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

I think so but I don’t want to

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

One day I drank like 150 oz of water in 3 hours and got very sick