#sorry i dont mean to be rude or expect everyone to engage the same way as i do

[kaurwreck]

The extremely literal approach to interpreting Crime and Punishment in the context of Fyodor's skill is making me gnaw my own leg. The relationship between the Eastern Orthodox eucharist in Crime and Punishment is also reflected in Fyodor's skill and isn't a particularly complicated analysis. It only requires a minimal, Sparks Notes-level of engagement, and y'all won't go beyond the title of the book.

Which, I suppose, is an improvement on the collective refusal to acknowledge bsd's references to the irl Great War, but I'm nevertheless. Tired.

[inadaydream99]

Hate to love you

Ateez Hongjoong

Fluff, slight angst enemies to lovers au

A/N - this is inspired from the Wonderland concept, I don’t know, it just felt appropriate 😂 also to celebrate 200+ followers 😁

———————————————————————

It really is sickening how someone can be so evil yet so unbelievably beautiful at the same time. How you can feel so much hate towards a person and simultaneously find them so attractive.

That’s exactly the way you felt about Hongjoong and you despised yourself for it.

Since the moment you were first introduced to the members of Ateez by your best friend Wooyoung, Hongjoong had been nothing but rude to you. Snarky and spiteful remarks directed your way every time you are forced to hang out together. All the other members welcomed you with open arms and bright, friendly smiles. Which is why you developed such a close friendship with all of them. Well, all of them except the leader.

You had no idea why Hongjoong took such a strong dislike to you. And after several failed attempts at trying to befriend him, you gave up. Deciding that if he is adement to hate you then you would hate him too.

You are distracted from making yourself a coffee by an annoyed scoff emitting from behind you. Turning around, a scour replaces your contented smile upon seeing Hongjoong glaring at you.

“Ugh, what are you doing here already.” Hongjoong grimaces at you. You had arranged with Wooyoung to hang out for the day and arrived early. You were simply making yourself a drink while you waited for Wooyoung to finish getting ready, minding your own business since none of the guys seemed to be up and about this early in the day.

“I’m spending the day with Wooyoung.” You respond, your tone completely indifferent to Hongjoong’s remark as you turn back around to finish making your drink.

“So you just decide to make yourself at home then.” Hongjoong comments as he approches the fridge and takes out some milk.

“Wooyoung offered to make me a drink but I told him to finish getting ready.” You causally respond, not allowing yourself to rise to his little digs at you.

“You’re so bossy aren’t you.” Hongjoong laughs mockingly. “Telling your best friend what to do.” He continues, a shit eating grin on his face as he watches your back tense with annoyance, the deep breath you take filling Hongjoong with pleasure.

“I don’t have time for this.” You say without looking at him, picking up your mug and leaving the kitchen. You were kind of proud of yourself for not retaliating to his rude comments, but as you walk down the hall towards Wooyoung’s room, you can’t help but feel a little deflated.

~~~~

Knocking on Wooyoung’s door it’s swings open to reveal your best friend laying across his bed, the blind shut, leaving the room in darkness.

“Hey (Y/N)!” San cheerfully greets you as you step into the dark room.

“Hey San!” You smile back before turning your attention onto Wooyoung. “Woo, what are you doing.” You laugh as you approach him. Wooyoung crains his neck to look at you, a sheepish smile on his face as you stand looking over him.

“I’m ready I just wanted one more minute of rest.” Wooyoung reply’s with a light chuckle.

“He’s being lazy.” San comments which earns a pillow being thrown at him and hitting his side, an amused laugh sounding from him as he falls back on his bed.

“Come on, let’s go.” You shake your head as you turn around and head out of the room, Wooyoung groaning as he gets up and follows you.

“But you haven’t finished your drink yet!” Wooyoung calls out to you, trying to make a point that you could have let him lay down for a few more minutes.

~~~~

“You seem a little reserved today, what’s wrong?” Wooyoung quizzically asks as you both fall into a comfortable silence, the lull of birds singing in the trees creating a serene atmosphere in the park.

“Oh it’s nothing.” You bashfully reply, diverting your attention onto the gravel path underneath your feet.

You didn’t want Hongjoong’s earlier comments to bother you. You refused to let it ruin your day in the park with Wooyoung. The weather was perfectly warm and the park around you was buzzing with life. So why couldn’t you enjoy it? Why was your mood so affected by someone’s bitter comments?

“(Y/N) I know it’s not nothing. Come on you can tell me anything.” Wooyoung comfortingly places a hand on your shoulder, prompting your head to turn and face him. “Did something happen this morning?” He questions, his eyes gazing at you, filled with genuine care.

“Well, it’s stupid really. Gosh I feel like a little kid by telling you this, but Hongjoong came into the kitchen while I was making a drink and made all these snarky remarks towards me and I don’t know, I guess I’ve let it get to me.” You confess quietly, a little annoyed with yourself for making such a big deal out of something that really shouldn’t bother you at all.

“He’s still on that? Honestly, we agreed he would stop.” Wooyoung becomes a little tense, his irritation becoming very obvious.

“What do you mean we agreed he would stop?” Your face contorts in confusion as you become perplexed with the vague statement.

“Well, dont tell Hongjoong I’ve told you cause he’ll kill me, but the other day he came to me with a dilemma. It was after you had the argument where he accused you of being stuck up.” Wooyoung begins to explain a little nervously.

“That evening Hongjoong approached me and explained that he felt really bad about what had happened. I was a little shocked cause I never thought he would care about upsetting you. Anyway, after explaining everything, I asked him why he hates you so much and...” Wooyoung trails off, pausing for a minute to think over his next words.

“And what.” You softly ask him after a moment of silence. Wooyoung looks spaced out, his eyes glued to watching the long, uncut strands of grass softly move in the wind.

“And- you know, I really think you should hear this from Hongjoong himself.” Wooyoung breaks out of his daze, his eyes flicking up to meet yours.

“What? You can’t do that to me.” You lightly hit his arm which makes Wooyoung throw his head back in laughter. “I was getting very invested in that!” You shout with a giant smile.

“Just one quick question.” Wooyoung asks, his face turning serious as you both calm down from your moment of joking around.

“Yeah?” You answer him, a little unsure of what he could possibly ask you.

“Could you by any chance have feelings for Hongjoong?” He speaks so softly you almost miss what he says. You’re eyes widen, taken aback by the unexpected topic.

“Umm, I mean he’s insanely good looking but he’s so horrible.” You reply, a little dumbfounded at the question.

You, yourself, were unsure of the real answer. You have always found Hongjoong extremely attractive but his personality was an instant off put. He’s just way too much of a rude person towards you to even consider the prospect of having feelings for him.

You’re not sure why you’re heart flutters at the thought of thinking about Hongjoong in a romantic way. But now you realise that maybe under the burning hatred towards him that you have all along.

~~~~

You and Wooyoung arrive back at the dorms late in the afternoon. By this point the dorm was no longer the silent apartment you had left this morning, but one filled with loud laughter sounding from the living room.

As you enter the room you behold the sight of all the guys engaged in an arm wrestling contest. It was currently Jongho vs Yunho, with the rest of the guys chanting around them.

“And I win again!” Jongho cheers as Yunho rubs his wrist, a small pout on his lips as he stands up and Seonghwa goes to comfort him. You send a knowing glance over to Wooyoung as you join in with the group.

“Who’s next?” Jongho asks, his brow raised in slight cockiness as he eyes everyone around him.

“I’ll go. I think you need to be taken down a peg or two.” Hongjoong laughs, a cheeky smirk on his face as he kneels opposite Jongho and they both rest their elbows of the coffee table in between them.

You would normally roll your eyes upon hearing Hongjoong’s comments, even if they weren’t directed at you, but this time you can’t help but feel like you want Hongjoong to win. You watch intently as he rolls his t-shirt sleeve up, tensing his arm to show off his bicep before Jongho links their hands.

You are snapped out of your daze by Mingi commencing the arm wrestle.

“3, 2, 1, go!” Mingi shouts passionately, excitement evident in his tone which makes you giggle at him.

Everyone shouts and cheers as the match unfolds. You really didn’t expect Hongjoong to put up such a good fight against Jongho; being that Jongho is the proclaimed strongest of the group.

“And the winner is... Jongho!” Mingi cheers as he lifts Jongho’s arm in the air.

You clap for him, happy that he won yet again, but you can’t help feel a little disappointed that Hongjoong didn’t win. What was happening to you?

You watch as both guys stand up and shake hands.

“Well done, you were a tough opponent.” Jongho bows to Hongjoong.

“It’s a pleasure.” Hongjoong politely reply’s, a genuine smile on his face in return.

“(Y/N)? Are you there?” Yeosang teases as he waves his hand in front of your face making you flinch out of your zoned out state.

“Sorry, I just got a bit distracted.” You turn to Yeosang, a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

“Sure... anyway, I asked if you wanted a drink?” He asks.

“Oh um, I’m fine actually. But thanks for the offer.” You politely decline, sending him a small smile.

“Woah, Pincess isn’t ordering everyone around for once. Finally tired of having people run around after you?” Hongjoong condescendingly speaks, drawing the attention of everyone in the room onto you both.

“That’s not cool Hongjoong.” Wooyoung speaks up, defending you as you fall silent, stunned by the audacity he has to pick you out just for fun.

“No, I think it’s perfectly justified. Everyone falls at her feat all the time.” Hongjoong continues. Your line of vision falls to the floor in embarrassment.

Normally you would retaliate, make snarky comments back and have a harsh exterior. But you can’t seem to find any words to comeback with, your mind goes blank and your eyes well up with tears as you are made to feel so small in front of your friends.

Before anyone can say anything you rush out of the room with your head down, avoiding Seonghwa’s hand as he reaches out to you to try and comfort you a little.

Wooyoung glares at Hongjoong who doesn’t notice until he turns his head, from the direction you walked off in, to catch Wooyoung’s stare.

“You should go and apologise.” Is all he says, the room silent as all the guys become awkward with the thick atmosphere that has been created.

~~~~

You are sat on the edge of Wooyoung’s bed, your face in your hands as you take deep breaths to try and stop the unwanted tears that stream down your face. Your head shoots up at hearing the latch of the door open.

“What do you want now? Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” You weakly speak as you realise it’s Hongjoong who has entered the room.

“I actually came to apologise.” His tone is remorseful which makes you look at him in disbelief as he turns around to face you after shutting the door.

“I’m really sorry for everything. I don’t just mean for my comments today, but for the way I’ve treated you since we first met.” Hongjoong speaks sincerely, his voice soft and controlled as he sits on the bed next to you.

“Why do you hate me so much?” You take in his expression, the way his brows are slightly furrowed and the frown on his lips as he looks at you.

“I guess I was jealous.” Hongjoong mumbles reluctantly.

“Jealous of what?” You encourage him to continue, wanting to find out his reasoning.

“Because I saw the friendship you had with Wooyoung. When I first saw you I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever laid eyes on and then I saw how you interacted with the guys and it made me mad because I knew I would never have a shot with you. People fall at your feet and I didn’t want to be just another one of them. I realised that if I couldn’t be more than friends with you then I didn’t want to be anything at all.” Hongjoong explains, the way he finally looks at you after revealing everything makes you believe that he is telling the truth.

“But why did you assume that? How could you possibly know how I feel?” You answer him with more questions.

“I’m stupid, I know.” Hongjoong laughs at himself.

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I understand what you mean.” Hongjoong’s eyes widen in surprise at your responce, his mouth falling agape, taken aback by your understanding.

“I actually thought you were the most handsome guy I’d ever seen when we first met, until we spoke and you sneered at me. You remember, I introduced myself and you just rolled your eyes and went ‘whatever’.” You chuckle recalling memory which makes Hongjoong lightly laugh along, a small smile replacing his frown.

“I never actually hated you.” Hongjoong confesses after a moment of silence. “I think it was more I hated how much I was completely mesmerised by you. And the more I got to know you, and saw your interactions with the guys, the more I fell.” Hongjoong’s face falls into a tight lipped smile, regret taking over his features.

“You know, in an odd way, that’s really sweet.” You giggle as you place your hand on top of his, the action making Hongjoong snap his head to look at them before taking your hand properly in his and intertwining your fingers together. A shy smile forms on your face as you look down at your interlaced hands, your heart beating a million miles an hour just from the simple act of affection.

“Could we start again?” Hongjoong gets your attention away from your hands onto his face. You meet his eyes and realise how close your faces had become without realising.

“I’d like that.” You nod, smiling happily at him as you both begin to lean in and close the space between you.

Your lips meat softly, the kiss equally firm and delicate, full of unspoken words and pent up emotions that you have both been harbouring for a long time. You pull apart slightly breathless, grinning at each other like a pair of idiots.

“We should go back and join everyone.” You whisper millimetres from Hongjoong’s face.

“Just one more minute.” Hongjoong chuckles before pulling you back into another kiss.

You had no idea that you could ever resolve the bickering you had with Hongjoong. The eventful day, filled with high emotions and lots of tension, turning out to be for the better and you wouldn’t change its outcome for the world.