#sorry i don’t ship them!!! but they are my Number One God Tier Friendship Goal

[firebrands]

Social media AU + rhodeytony?

Before Tony leaves on a business trip, Rhodey snaps a selfie with him and posts it with the caption: gonna miss my other half

Tony laughs, flips out his phone to comment with approximately fifty heart emojis, and says to Rhodey, “I’ll see you when I get back, bubu.”

Rhodey only ever shows affection for Tony, and they’ve been together for so long that it just makes sense to be this way: flippant and careless and sweet.

Tony wakes up when the plane lands and checks his phone. There are around a thousand notifications, and ten missed calls from Pepper, so he calls her back before reading through them.

“Pep?”

“Tony, what—were you napping.”

“...yes.”

Pepper sighs, then starts laughing. “I think you and Rhodey need to talk.”

“What? Why?”

“Everyone took his post pretty seriously,” Pepper says, then laughs again.

“Okay, let me call you back,” Tony says, clicking off the call and opening Instagram. His comment has over ten thousand likes, and Rhodey’s post is full of heart emojis and congratulations.

His phone buzzes with a text from Rhodey: what in the shitfuck

Yeah i just woke up from a nap babe i have no idea, Tony replies, continuing to scroll through responses. He’s gotten a few emails requesting for comment, and Pepper has sent him GIFs of women laughing.

You are not my boyfriend, Rhodey responds, and Tony can hear how panicked Rhodey sounds. His phone buzzes with a new message: TONY I JUST STARTED SEEING CAROL I CANNOT FUCK THIS UP

Tony’s laughing so hard he can’t form a reply, and Rhodey sends him another text: IF I DELETE THE POST CAN YOU ALSO JUST DELETE IT FROM SOCIETY’S CONCIOUSNESS, I KNOW YOU’VE FIGURED OUT SOME BLACK MAGIC BIG DATA SHIT

Tony starts to type out a response, starting mostly with HAHAHAHA, but Rhodey keeps texting. PLEASE RESPONSDSE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

Tony decides to put Rhodey out of his misery and finds a video he’d taken of the two of them on Rhodey’s last birthday. They were both wearing silly party hats, and both their faces were covered with white birthday cake icing. In the seven-second video, Tony pulls Rhodey close and kisses him on the cheek, then they both burst out into drunk giggles.

He posts the video on his own account. The caption reads: my main (platonic) squeeze. maybe in an alternate universe we’re dating. but in this one i’m more than happy to have u as my bestie. besos

Tony steps out of the plane and into the car. His phone buzzes.

TONY HOW COULD YOU HAVE MADE IT WORSE

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 YOU’RE DEAD TO ME

please just marry someone already so we can end this, you’re in vegas anyway, right??????

TONY ANSWER YOUR PHONE

###

AU list from A-Z