#sorry i didnt mean to order whump today

[desolateyears]

have we talked about burn out student Eddie?? (cw: brief mention of alcohol abuse, ED's, drug use)

wc:782

oh yeah dude. kid was a straight a student, honor roll, did safety patrol, was on student council, and everything. his English was his best subject, reading level of a 6th graders when he was in 2nd grade. had amazing attendance. loads of friends. loved school, really really enjoyed learning.

then his mom died. and his dad, well. yeah he died, too, in a way.

his dad stopped caring about things like reading logs and report cards. only cared about having cold beer and if Eddie was around. his dad missed him so much when he was gone, was one of the only things that made his dad ever feel better. and yeah, Eddie was too young to know that it wasn't normal for your dad to need you around. to literally not be able to function without him.

so he started staying home. school days flew by but it was fine because his dad approved. he loved his dad, his dad was his best friend, right after his mom, so of course he wanted to stay home. he was sad and he felt like the only other person who could understand that was his father.

teachers don't get it. his friends don't get it. no one understands him. so he still does alright in school but he's distracted. gets his card pulled to red more often than not for talking too much to the kids in the desks next to him. or for being too focused, on a book, on doodling, something that wasn't part of the curriculum. he starts getting these cards that sort of grade his behavior. and he has to get them signed every single night by his dad.

his dad doesn't care either way. stopped caring a few years ago about things like that. and his drinking gets worse.

so now he doesn't really feel like a best friend to Eddie anymore. he feels like another person that doesn't get Eddie. he scares Eddie honestly. locks himself in his room and holds his breath, praying to God his dad's booming footsteps don't creep closer to his door in the night. just politely stays out of his way when he's at home.

which is almost all the time now. no more binging tv shows together. going to the gas station so Eddie can get a treat and his dad can get another 24-pack. no more talking about things that matter to Eddie anymore.

he doesn't wanna be at home, but he doesn't wanna be at school. so he starts ditching. hiding beneath bleachers. hiding himself in the boys locker room.

doing the bare minimum to get by in school. and he can feel the judgement rolling off of his teachers, it almost makes him sick. what were once straight A+'s have turned into straight D's. all of his potential has spun straight down the toilet.

right about where his lunch starts ending up. he's too sick to eat most days. gets stuck in bed more often than not.

he hits high school and it hits right back.

teachers fucking hate him and most of the student body does too. no one gets surprised by his fuck ups anymore.

and it fucking digs a hole so deep inside of him where passion once bloomed and now pitch black depression eats at it. the only thing that gets him by is getting high now.

he gets high with other burn out kids whose parents don't know what to do with them anymore. sometimes when Eddie parties, he'll talk about old passions and the stuff he was good at. laugh about this old anecdote, this old friend, this great teacher he had, about his dad. his mom.

and he really is fine talking about it until the next morning. and the next morning he fucking feels soul punched because he just wants to feel good at something again. agonizes over the wasted potential and wasted time doing stupid shit instead of keeping his head down and putting in the work. missed his mom and his dad. knows that he could do all of these amazing things if someone gave him a chance. but he dug his fucking grave.

it's way too late now.

he didn't graduate. missed his SATs, ACTs, all these stupid fucking tests. doesn't have the support system you need to get into college. doesn't have money at all. he's stuck working stupid jobs that make him want to evaporate.

way, way too fucking late.