#sorry i am thinking of some discourse i saw on twitter a WHILE ago

[dashiellqvverty]

i fucking hate the fake progressive transphobia of saying (for example) "ummm well men can wear dresses nowadays, why should i ASSUME someone i perceive as a man in a dress is a trans woman" like okay why are you prioritizing the feelings of a hypothetical cis man over an actual trans woman expressing frustration with being misgendered. and also lets be real its probably going to be a lot less hurtful to this hypothetical man and easier for him to correct you if you gender him as female than if it were the other way around. anyway THIS IS NOT ME SAYING PRESENTATION = GENDER this is me saying i personally feel that its generally a good idea to err on the side of "hey if this person seems to be presenting as something different than what i perceive as their sex, i am going assume they want to be read as that gender." basically if you act like its offensive to ever assume that someone might be trans, you are at best prioritizing cis feelings, and at worst being extremely facetious and saying you HAVE to misgender people for progressive gender nonconformity reasons when actually you just dont see them as the gender they say they are

[bluemusickid]

Hello! It's been some time!! Missed y'all, hope you missed me too!! I haven't been active but I have checked the tags sometime and am more active on Twitter (w my boo @carpediemm-18 💕🤌)

I am pretty sad to see most of my friends leave, and ik how much of a tough decision it must've been. The fandom has changed considerably and tbh, like most, I don't really care about the whole "relationship" and while i've been enjoying it like a really long Reality TV show/season, there are a few things I feel like talking about, which as a Desi and a Hindu, I was pretty sad to see v few people acknowledge.

First off, let me preface by saying that I feel sorry that her nudes leaked. Intentionally or accidentally, no one should have to go through that, at ANY point of their life, for ANY reason. My heart goes out to her for that, and I hope she has been able to recover from that.

But, I have seen so much discourse about her and her friends. Especially in the context of racism. When I first saw those pics, I was disappointed and hurt. Not because I expected any better from either party, but because in this day and age with a lot of exposure to global policies and discourse, being ignorant is a wilful choice.

I saw her picture with a bindi, and honestly, it seems like they were pretty openly mocking Hindu culture and customs. The bindi, the mudra, the sticking out of the tongue? Yeah, all VERY prevalent signs of mocking, or at the very least, emulating what they've seen in media; which again, is not a proper representation of what our culture is. I have seen people say that "oh, well, when people come to India, don't they dress up in traditional attire and click photos? If that isn't a problem, why is this?" That isn't a problem because you are in our country, learning our customs in person. We are welcoming you to our world of traditions in a proper way, which isn't cultural appropriation.

In addition to that, her friends were very openly saying vile, antisemitic and fatphobic things, not too long ago. You might argue, oh that was a long time ago, they were young, they might've changed and so on. And I agree, I would defo give them the benefit of the doubt in such a case. But most of these tweets are from like 2014/15/preeeetty recent if you think about it. I am close to her age, and even as someone who is not from The West, at that age and in that time, I knew that stuff like this is INHERENTLY wrong. Bear in mind, even if they were in their teens at the time, it's not like it was the early 2000s or something. In 2014, you should know better than to quote Ad*lf H*tler. Heck, even my 12 year old cousin doesn't do that, and he's a complete edgy teen extraordinaire.

I come from a place where colorism is still very much prevalent, and to see people from the West pick and choose what they "like" about Eastern philosophies is disappointing and quite frankly, disgusting. You can't claim to "follow Buddhist principles" and continue associating with such vile people. You don't even have to call them out, but you can distance yourself from them.

I haven't said anything about Chris because he's a grown-ass man and if at this point he continues associating w such people, he's a manchild dicko. But Alba has the chance to change, and she should think about getting better friends when she can. Breaking off a friendship in your 20s is MUCH easier than realising and regretting your mistakes in your 40s.

With that, I sign off.

[ecoevoexo]

@miss--celestine

you're right that i'm overreacting to the level of evidence provided and being irresponsible. i don't go on mastodon, and haven't seen it first hand, and the currently circulating evidence is based on multiple accounts that someone revealed LB's identity, and that solid proof is forthcoming. if it turns out to be wrong, i will make an apology and a retraction.

some context: im currently in the early recovery process of being manipulated, abused, and raped by someone, so i'm very triggered around this entire subject. i know people can be falsely accused of things and cancelmobbed; ive experienced that myself multiple times in the past. in fact, LB participated in doing so, back when she didn't have to keep her identity hidden. when i say i'm willing to change my tune with further evidence i mean it. i also am not currently a big fish. only a few people ever interact with my posts, frequently no one. you are the first and so far sole person to interact with the post where im venting about LB, which i made a do-not-reblog so it wouldn't be potentially spread around.

that said, there's a few things i did personally experience around this. firstly, i was mutuals with Slaanesh during the KYLR discourse a couple months ago on twitter. i was arguing that nuance is needed because trans women are so frequently falsely accused, and its therefore important not to jump to conclusions with how response to sexual assault is carried out. on every occasion that she interacted with the discussion, Slaanesh derailed the conversation into vitriol, arguing that anyone pro-KYLR was actually transmisogynist, and generally making it impossible to have a nuanced debate. she was not the only one; there were also people doing the same thing on the other side of the argument. but it raised a yellow flag for me.

then, when people began to leave twitter, a number of posts were made to the effect that eightpoint was the only space for trans women to go to (its not), that it was the only safe space, that no one should stay on twitter, they should instead go to eightpoint. again, i have never been on mastodon, but it raised a lot more yellow flags for me seeing how people were talking about it, and trying to spread around the message that it was the one place people should go. this i witnessed personally, and Slaanesh was only one of the people making these posts.

then, again on twitter, i saw people talking about negative experiences with eightpoint's rules causing them to be isolated, and people defending what looked to me as basically a policy of 'you can never talk about problems you've had with people'. around this time i became aware of certain associations between people involved with eightpoint and the r/antiwork events, which i have not fully investigated yet.

now a claim is circulating without substantiating evidence, and while triggered last night i made this post. again, you are the only person to interact with it, my posts on twitter got a little more interaction but are still a small part of the overall reaction. i do not currently have a big audience, and did not write this post thinking i would have a big social effect. mostly i was in a state of triggered panic (again, im just starting recovery from an abuser whose abuse patterns have some overlap with LB's) and wanted to create personal distance from anyone involved while venting about my frustration with the broader pattern of repeat serial abusers in the trans community.

i'm gonna make the post private unless more evidence comes forward. i'm sure my reasoning is not satisfactory to you, but i'm doing my best and am not used to being in this state of being triggered. i should not really be posting about community issues in this state of mind, and if i have misidentified this person i'm sorry. i've also been told there is a pattern of people being falsely accused of being LB, which i am not familiar with--during my interactions with her years ago she did not hide her identity. i do genuinely feel very uncomfortable with what has gone down and even if LB turns out to be in now way involved i think there's some solid questions to be asked about how eightpoint was advertised to people; these were concerns i had well before LB's name was mentioned.

i remain surprised this post got noticed at all, given that other posts where i'm venting more about personal problems i'm experiencing rarely do.

[chrispychiken]

Let's get this out of the way. First and foremost, there's always two sides to a story and there's always more that is always shown. There's some parts that haven't even been and never will be shown. Also excuse my Tumblr profile, I haven't used it since last year.

I am speaking from my pov, and recalling the events as I remember them. I have written things down as I went, in the order that I remember them. I also have examples and proof of certain instances. This is only for clarification and remembrance purposes only.

This is for you, and you only. I don't want any discourse, so I'll do my best to not sound rude.

I'll start off by saying that I do not "talk shit" about you on the internet. What I assume you call the "internet" is mainly Twitter because I blocked you on all forms of social media (except Tumblr because I don't use it and I forgot I even had one) where I use it (Twitter) as a diary/journal and just a place to vent (like most people) who use social media as an avenue to express themselves and to share memes and such. I don't do it for anyone but myself. I have a few friends who follow me and will sometimes interact with my posts and comment but that's about it. It's not for you or anyone else. It's for me and me alone. What I do on my social media is not your concern anymore which is why you're blocked. If I really cared, I would have reached out a long time ago but I'm not like that. The only time I'm reaching out is because I saw your post. To call it reaching is a stretch as it's more of a clarification.

You don't tell people about us? I don't find that believable. Why? Because why would you not? Isn't it healthy to have a group of family/friends who will listen to you vent? Isn't it healthy to have someone to talk to? Here's a recommendedation: You should. Whether that be a therapist, your parents, your sisters, your husband, etc. It's a good thing to have. I'm sorry that I have a friend group that were my thick and thin even before we met that stayed with me during our time together. They usually know me and who I am as a person and what I deal with. While we were together, I rarely spoke about us but when I did, it was only when it was convenient or when I needed advice. They're my go-to and I wouldn't be who I am today without their help. I've seen a therapist for over a year now because you know, you said I should? It helped tremendously. It was hard in the beginning because I hated that you couldn't tell your side and I hated how I could only tell mine. I like to have all the facts before jumping into conclusions.

I know you tell others about us. Want to know how I know? A few assumptions of course but the first one is a fact: 1. Your then-boyfriend at the time now-husband stalked me on Twitter and called me a clown for expressing myself over something terrible that happened to me that you did in regards to my clothes that you kept (which by the way you had no right to get rid of them. That was my property) and 2. I'm not sure you were aware, but a friend of yours (I think Greg? I don't remember his name) sent me a friend request on Twitter; probably to spy on me for you (only assumptions). That AND I keep my Twitter privacy open. Another example could be 3. That post you wrote but it's only assumptions unfortunately (because how are else are you to know I talk about you). Also 4. Your father, whom was very nice and actually gave me SOME closure, messaged me the same day I assume you received your clothes back last year. I assume you all probably had a hay day when you read my letter out loud and exchanged laughs. I felt like I had the common decency and respect for you to send your things back AND write you a letter explaining myself because you know, who likes ending on bad terms right?

To back-peddle on your statement that I "conditioned" you to push everyone away, is false. I have MANY examples through exchanged texts how I wanted you to have friends and family to support you and to talk to so I wasn't holding up the weight all the time. You didn't want to. I also DID NOT condition you to cry every night and I did my best to not upset you. Seeing you cry was something I hated very deeply. I'm sorry, but that's on you and your own emotions how you interpret things. Let me recall all the nights that you kept me up because you didn't like anything I said, hence the crying. Lord knows I reassured you every chance I got. You never accepted my reassurance. It was a problem through the whole relationship. And what's this about it being all your fault? We had discussed on MULTIPLE if not COUNTLESS occasions that it was neither your fault or mine, but OURS and the situation we were in. Keyword: Ours. I never said anything was your fault, you assumed everything was. Since you want to think I made you think it was, let me ask, do you remember you over-thinking? Remember me also over-exemplifying and detailing scenarios of plans to you and in-detail, telling you my thought process to help you? Remember me staying up past my schedule and losing sleep just to make sure you were okay? The only time that I didn't is when it was getting close to the end because nothing was changing. We weren't growing. I guess it went all over your head. At some point I got tired of talking and wanted you to talk to me like an adult instead of saying "no it's fine" whenever I asked you if you're okay or you answering "Yes. It's nothing" when there was clearly something wrong. I was tired at that point.

There's nothing wrong with your accomplishments because they are your own and they're well deserved. I really do hope you have the best success in life. (That's not sarcasm by the way and I hope you know that.) You've worked hard your entire high school and college careers, jumping over to Basic Military Training and getting Honor Graduate and doing amazing in tech school and I'm sure whatever you're doing now, you're excelling at so, kudos to you. I remember watching you graduate BMT with your mom on live broadcast last year. It was a good time.

Again, you not talking to me is your own fault. I don't know how you weren't able to communicate with me when I was so open about us talking out our feelings. I remember you telling me that you were afraid of me at one point and that hurt. That really fucking hurt. I never ever even ONCE physically hurt you or yelled at you and I did my best to explain things as much as possible to you. I never meant to hurt you emotionally or at all for that fact. There were times where it got heated, but I was transparent as glass with you about everything. Where it went wrong, I still ask myself these questions every day.

Now, I was hurting yes. Taking it out on you is something I regret and I could have done better to avoid. I was hurting not just in our relationship, but in my day-to-day life at that time and I did my best to make that perfectly clear back then. I was being overworked, paid not nearly as much as I would have liked, barely survived off of one paycheck when I lived on my own (which is why I asked for help but I know you weren't living with me yet so I said no for asking money from you) and COVID was a huge issue so I couldn't visit and take leave. No one on active duty could leave during COVID and you took that personally for some reason. Being in the maintenance field, I would work sometimes 14 hour days and not have my phone on me and when I would get the chance (which wasn't often) I would check my notifications from you. I couldn't respond as much as I wanted to, but I tried. I remember telling you that I would at least look at your messages because that way you could see that I saw them. I don't understand why it was so hard for you to grasp that I had huge responsibilities at that time. I just wanted us to grow and understand that we didn't have to talk every second of every day but at least we had it at night. I wanted some trust from you and time to myself once and a while so I could focus on these problems. That's all I wanted from you, and I never got it because whenever I asked for it, you thought I didn't want to talk to you or that I was mad at you and that's far from the truth. To this day I stand by that statement(s).

The big issue was that I was upset because when I said I didn't want you to do something, you did it anyway. It upset me from the time you said you'd do it, to the very end. You've heard this before but I'll say it again: What kind of person would I be if I said "no." to you? What kind of person/significant other barricades something from the person they love? That to me IS manipulative. That's not someone I wanted to be. I didn't want you to join NOT BECAUSE you wouldn't be successful, BUT BECAUSE I KNEW how even MORE difficult it was going to be for us. And on top of that, I STILL helped you through it because it's what you wanted. It was rough, and I didn't like it, but I LOVED YOU so I toughed through it. Does any of that sound familiar? It's almost like you went through the same thing with me right? Through all of that, you told me that I didn't support you, AND THAT IS FALSE and that hurt me when you said that. If I didn't support you, I would have left a long time ago but I stayed. I even gave you the idea to shave your head remember? Because I wanted you to be strong and be a good role model for your family and sisters. AND I EVEN DID IT WITH YOU. I even said BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR BMT, that I COULDN'T write you letter every day because of my schedule and you got upset. I even helped you get through the early stages before BMT, I helped you with the process of enlisting and getting through BMT like you did for me too. I was there every step of the way with you and did I quit? No! Even when it was hard, and I had even thought and said about breaking up (even though I didn't want to) AND I still stayed. It seems like you forgot all of that...

Remember me saying that I didn't want an Easy Relationship? Well I DID NOT MEAN, MAKE. IT. HARDER. I wanted us to get through challenges together but also to think about each other. Is that so hard to ask? I asked and said that many MANY times. Before I left and even when I was in the early stages of my contract, I gave you the option on multiple occasions if you wanted to leave and you could have. I also knew that you would leave me if you joined because I saw that happen to others in tech school and basic training and I didn't want that to happen to us. I even said that to you as well WHILE I WAS IN TECH SCHOOL. I knew exactly what was going to happen and low and behold it did. I was not trying to manipulate you into not joining but I was trying to mitigate everything. I was hoping you would think of me and us before jumping head first into a long-term commitment such as the military.

Going back to the breaking up part, unfortunately breaking up felt like the only option at the time because even though I wanted you so badly and I wanted us to work out, I knew it wasn't going to work. I felt like I wasn't being heard anymore. You were doing your own thing and that's great and all, but it wasn't about us anymore. Eventually I just stopped talking about it because it wasn't going anywhere. Nothing was changing your mind. It came off really selfish to me and I felt like there wasn't a bigger picture in your head at the time.

You can correct me on it, but I don't ever recall a time that I said you didn't deserve anything. I don't know where that comes from but that doesn't sound like anything I would say. I could be wrong and if I ever said that I'm sorry. I would need to know context. You can say what you want, but I prioritized us first and foremost. Me enlisting, was not just for me but for you. I wanted to provide for us and that was something I took pride in. You really made me feel like what I was doing wasn't worth it. I felt like I couldn't provide and my choices didn't matter. I could only do with what I had at the time and I can't change that. My biggest challenge was trying to get you to see that and to this day it seems like you still struggle to see my point of view. On what reality were you in? Because I remember trying to not be so naive and to bring us back on to the same page on multiple occasions. I wasn't going to live in a fantasy forever.

I've definitely thought long and hard about what I've done but can you say the same? If we happened to meet again, would you be able to explain to me what you did wrong? Would I ever get a real apology? Because I have a detailed list of things I've done wrong that I could have done better. But I also have a list of things that you did to me that were wrong that can make a huge difference. It's all about perspective. It's easy to sit across the table and blame someone for what they did but it takes a lot to recognize what we've done and own up to it.

Could I have said things differently? Absolutely. Could I have responded timely and accurately to your needs? Sure! Hindsight is always 20/20. Coulda-shoulda-woulda doesn't help entirely but it's what the actions that follow that matters. So, I have a few choice words for you:

Frankly, your actions towards me speaks way more than what I ever did. You coerced me many times to do what you wanted. I had to bend over backwards on occasions just to please you. I had to cut out time with friends and family to make you happy; and that was even before I left for BMT. I had to ask for permission to even see family. I lost sleep, I was late to work on multiple occasions, I missed out on concerts, get-togethers, parties and social events because of you. Something I don't talk about is I even dropped out of college because I couldn't focus on school because you took priority. Since you want to talk about manipulation so much, you also coerced me into getting married when although I wanted to and I had no money. It lead me to flip-flop a lot over a decision becuase I had to think of ways to come up with money I didn't have (and I know how much you hated it because trust me I hated it way more). As a first term airman in the dorms, I didn't make much and I had made that clear more than once. I had bills and responsibilities that I had to attend to also. Remember how I defaulted on my own funds to travel to Spokane because I had to pay for a hotel when I got here and I had no money after our trip? I was in debt until pretty recently to pay it back. My credit dropped and I was running on one paycheck every month which is why I wanted to deploy at the time because I would at least make more money tax-free. And you know what? I didn't because you told me you didn't want me to deploy so I didn't. There's a lot of contradictory statements that are prevalent in that post that frankly sound one-sided and narcissistic to me with a lack of perspective. I wanted to do so much for you and there's a lot that I did that you didn't see. I was prepping to spend a life with you and I got the latter only because you didn't listen to me and assumed I didn't want you which is entirely false. Those are just a few examples of what I had to deal with.

And last year in 2021, I had bought a ring for you. I took out a small loan for an engagement ring to give you and I was planning on asking your family if it was all right to propose. I had to skip on meals to scrounge up the funds necessary to pay for it. Unfortunately I didn't have the time to talk to them because of work and personal responsibilities and I felt so bad. I couldn't even call your family like I wanted to because of conflicting schedules. The ring wasn't much but it was all I had at the time. I was burnt-out mentally and physically and I was not all together but I really wanted you to just listen to me even if you didn't quite understand what I was going through. I was going to surprise you and I didn't want to tell you even when you wanted me to tell you. If you would have just talked to me about everything, maybe it would have worked out different. I ended up pawning off the ring that weekend I found out you cheated on me.

NO ONE deserves to be cheated on regardless of how bad the situation was. You had your reasons, but I also had every right to know what was going on in your head. I had no idea you went through all this and it was because you didn't talk to me. Remember when you told me that you cried that mother's day weekend when your family came to see you at Vandenberg? I didn't know until after you told me once it was all over. I never knew you were going through any of it. All you had to do was speak up. I didn't deserve any of that. I was never mad at you, but I was mad that you couldn't talk to me. Communication is a huge part in any relationship.

After it all I wrote you a letter explaining a little bit of my side in hopes that maybe it would have been more insight into it all. I packaged it in with your things I sent back. What I thought was a good send-off, instead I ended up losing my dignity and was stalked and made fun of (I assume). And I'll never get my stuff back either. I hope you got your things all in once piece by the way. I couldn't get rid of your things because you deserved them back and I didn't have the heart to do so.

Talking about introspection, how about that and a bit of retrospective on your actions as well. I've done a lot with the time I've had to myself. I'm not married and I don't think I ever will be. Every relationship I've ever been in, I've been lied to, cheated on, and mistreated. You were the only one I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. And about those things I said that you did? It's not manipulative. It's calling you out for what it is/was. You've ruined future relationships for me and I will now forever have a hard time forming connections. I still have a hard time accepting who I am and I feel unlovable. I'd rather be single than have to go through another fallout like our relationship was. I don't ever want to have to keep explaining myself over and over and over just to not be heard. I can talk all day, but if you're not willing to see it from my point of view and at least try to understand where I come from, it's pointless. I don't ever want to have to deal with the loneliness I had to deal with even if I've got used to it now, ever again. The past three years of my life haven't been that great but it's been looking up this year so I can't complain.

Let me also remind you that I forgave you and gave you another chance only for you to fuck it up and turn it on me saying that it was all my fault for the way you acted and me acting accordingly to your actions. That's not right. It's not for you to decide if you stay or go if you're the one who left me. Don't leave me wondering if you're going to stay only to leave me anyway. I'm not an option and I'm not going to wait around for you. You didn't even give me enough time to process it all and when I finally wanted to come back, you decided to talk to him again and said that you weren't given enough time. THAT'S manipulation to me so I had enough. I was done. I'm also not going to stay "your friend" only to sit and be made fun of by people who I once loved and wanted in my life.

So look at yourself and your situation and be thankful that you're back home, married, and doing something great with your life and I'm sure doing well.

Never did I think you were out to get me but like I said previously somewhere in this, I felt like you undermined my success. Yeah you said I was "doing something" but when I needed you to sit down with me and see it from my eyes, you couldn't do it. And like I said previously, your actions afterwards there after show the lack of respect you had for me. I was so proud of you for doing amazing and what you wanted but to take an idea that I gave you, and run with it and say it's your own isn't right. I talked about you and what you were doing to others and they were chearing us on. Only a few times did they ever say they were confused on what you were doing but oh well.

I'm not saying you're a bad person and neither am I. We made bad choices and a lot of them were over miscommunication, misconceptions and assumptions.

It takes two to be in a relationship so I'm willing to take part of the blame. But calling me a manipulative victim is something that I won't accept. I don't call myself a victim. You can think what you want though. I would hope me writing this maybe changes your view a little bit but I can't control what you think or your emotions.

Regardless of all of that, I still have everything we did together. I have your blanket you knitted for me, and all your notes and pictures. I have it all and I don't ever want to throw them away like I'm sure you did for me. Maybe I should because it's not going to do any good for me anymore.

But most of all, through everything, through the hardest times of my life so far, you're still on my mind. I will always love you and I wish you and your husband well regardless of what turned out. I hope you get the best things in life and all the success you get. You deserve that much.

And wishing you the best is something I don't say lightly. I mean that wholeheartedly and respectfully. I'm not being sarcastic at all. It's hard to tell sometimes through a screen.

I hope you read all of that with an open mind. I own up to my mistakes. Can you do the same?

Lastly, I hope your family is doing well. I miss your family a lot and I wish you all the best. I think fondly of them all the time. I wish things would have worked out differently.

Wishing you well is not gaslighting or manipulative of me to make you feel bad. I'm saying all of that because I was raised better and I like to think I'm a good fucking person. I pick and choose my circle of friends carefully and who I choose to be with even closer. I'm sorry that I have had an impact to make you feel negatively when all I've ever done is try to make sense of it all and to make sure our interests were good at heart.

That's all.

[cipheramnesia]

I was gonna send an ask about rad fems and terfs yesterday but didnt. Very self conscious. I was wildly uninformed about transphobia in the broadest sense of the word. so I read as much material as I could stomach from both sides yesterday. I’m queer af but I might as well have been living under a rock for the last 5 years when it came to this terf and rad fem divide, I’d never heard the term truscum or transmed.. I’d heard of “political lesbians” tho reading through old queer literature.

my trans friends and I don’t really talk about the queer community as a whole or the politics in it. Just our friends, games, our lives and whatnot.. :/ I feel so wildly ignorant. I didn’t use social media like at all until last year. Like I finally made an insta.. for my bunny tho. And I use imgur and tumblr for memes and reading material. I just got back into tumblr a few months ago.. I deactivated my old blog in 2014 around when this rad fem thing resurfaced.

I found a bunch of terf carrds somewhere with pages and pages of twitter and tumblr screenshots. Calling lesbians transphobic for not wanting to deal with p*nis. Thats how I found you. you were the only person who answered a young lesbian about transphobia in a kind way, that’s why I followed you.

Anyways I’m sorry this is so long.. I’m not even sure what I’m really asking. It was just shocking to see how much has happened in the queer community.

Thanks for being one of the people trying to bring young people back into a trans inclusive space instead of like these more militant black and white trans and trans allies. I really saw someone call young lesbians transphobes for having rape trauma around p*nises. There was even one anon who threatened a 15 year old with very graphic rape via girl dick :/ That doesn’t seem right.

Okay so I was gonna answer this when I got it, but then my power went out and I don't like to get into complicated stuff on mobile because of the difficulty typing stuff.

Anyway, I'm glad that post stood out. I'm not always able to be kind all the time and a lot of the times radfems (radical feminists, basically a broader term for terfs, swerfs, aphobes, biphobes, etc) tend not to engage in ways particularly conducive to real conversation.

I'm gonna go off on some tangents about radfems and honestly if you're happier not being deep into gender politics or whatever, no harm in skipping. As long as you're kind and respectful to you queer friends of all stripes. you're good. And it sounds like you are, and that makes me happy to hear. Not everything needs to be discourse-y but also I kinda am so here we go!

There's some interesting stuff in the ask you're referencing. It's one of my favorite bits of writing because it's pretty unrelentingly positive and while I don't have much ability on the emotional labor scale to engage with full on radfems and terfs, I hope maybe someone sort of teetering on the edge sees it and maybe pulls back from going into a full on hate group. It's really great they have it screenshotted. I couldn't ask for a better way for it to find its target audience.

What I think is most interesting personally was that primarily I was discussing how a question could be or seem innocent, and put someone on the track to being groomed into an exclusionist hate group. It's fascinating to dissect the responses, which tend to try and distract from the core point (don't let this hate group recruit you) in a way that suggests that central point very much hits home with radfems. There was a bit where they found the post and en masse tried to shout me off Tumblr which wasn't super fun, but I'm here and they're blocked.

Anywho, the tricky bits I wanted to dwell on here are terfs and screenshots. Let me preface this even further by saying: not all trans people are angels. Trans people are people - some of us are assholes, some trans people are even genuinely horrible and nasty. So when I talk about those screenshots, I'm not suggesting all trans people are good and pure, but a specific issue about the screenshots you were mentioning.

This plays back into some of that earlier post and it comes up sporadically, but radfems and especially terfs habitually capture information out of context so they can use it to push an authoritarian and oppressive agenda. What's most common is to engage in campaigns of long term harassment in hopes of provoking an anger response either from one particular target, or harass someone with a larger social media presence to provoke anger responses from their followers. They collect the enraged responses and post them as if some trans person (or queer person, or asexual person, or etc) has just without provocation said terrible things and behaved in a dangerous or threatening way. That doesn't necessarily make all that stuff good, but it's a bit like the kid who hits back after getting shoved a dozen times by a bully being the one who gets punished.

Also, radfems have got notoriously terrible senses of humor, and pulling dumb comments out of context is another way they make it look like they've been terribly harassed. Point being, take terf screenshots with a big dose of salt.

This is why I tend not to engage with radfem narratives when they talk about a trans cult or whatever. They're operating on a false premise with the goal of making someone validate it by debate. You'll probably find a great deal of them with supposedly legitimate articles or studies suggesting some sort of inherent criminality for trans people, lack of medical safety, hurting or endangering cis women, etc. What you'll find, if you feel like it, is all of those stories inevitably trace back to either a blatantly made up story on some variety of white nationalist website, deliberately misinterpreted data often supporting the opposite point, or a story taken completely out of context specifically to make a trans (or etc) person look cruel, dangerous, etc.

By way of example, there's an absolutely wonderful interview with Judith Butler which has an interviewer trying to lead them into a terf narrative, only to have Mx Butler flay the premise of the questions. If you go through the notes, you'll find radfems levying some horrible accusations and eventually far enough down someone posts context and shock of all shock it was radfems taking something out of context to make it look like Judith Butler supported awful things while the opposite was true.

Now obviously I have a vested interest in this, as a trans woman, and I'm sure it's arguable I'm doing the same thing. But think of it like Fox News versus something like, I dunno, MSNBC. You know MSNBC has a slant, and you have to question what they say and how they present it. That's good and right. But you also know Fox News is about 90% blatant falsehood and while you could spend your days unpacking every wrong thing they say, if you never listen to Fox News again, you'll be fine. Your life will probably be better. If you never listen to a radfem again for the rest of your life, you're not missing any real information, and your life will be better.

[tonyglowheart]

This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 

[zayadriancas]

Since I don’t think anyone from Degrassi Twitter follows me on here

I just want to share some thoughts I know I would get dragged for on there. I honestly am mad at myself cuz years ago I told myself I’d never join Degrassi twitter because it’s toxic and like I actually have met some genuinely great people on there and the one fear I had years ago of being dragged for liking Zaya because of all the negativity towards them actually isn’t as bad as I thought it be, actually there’s people on there that love Zaya or are starting to like Zaya which is great (I don’t care if people don’t like them I just hate when people are disrespectful towards shippers about it)

Anyway back to my main point. There’s a widely popular ship on Degrassi twitter that I actually like myself and actually grew to like more because of fanfics that some lovely people wrote on there. But I still have my criticisms about this ship, there are actually quite a lot of issues I have with this ship in canon, but I know if I ever shared this on there I’d get made to feel guilty for criticizing them or I’d get called “tasteless” or just made to feel like I’m not allowed to criticize them. And that kind of discourse gives me extreme anxiety, I don’t wanna fight with people, especially since I genuinely love the people I talk to on there, Hell the people that post about this ship are my favorite people on Twitter, but I still feel like I could never criticize this ship in any way and its starting to bother me. I also just feel like it has been kind of overhyped too

Another thing that’s bothered me is that, there’s one character and ship that’s widely hated on there, I actually myself don’t even like the ship or character in question that much. And I recognize that this widely hated character is very flawed. But not only do I feel like it’s brought up just a little too much to the point it’s like okay I get it but also it’s like this particular character wasn’t the only one flawed in the relationship. And recently I’ve seen a post about how okay fuck it I’m gonna stop being vague, I saw a post about how basically Tristan doesn’t deserve for people to care that much about him after the bus crash (mainly Miles and Zoe) because he treated them like shit. Like it was “unfair” to Miles even though Tristan was the one with a literal brain injury and if wasn’t his fault. Miles and Zoe clearly didn’t hold his behavior against him and it was their choice to stick by him Tristan didn’t force them to. In fact in the next season Tristan broke up with Miles because he didn’t want to hold him back, one of the most selfless things he’s done, he showed growth there. He’s made lots of mistakes and I’m not even a fan of him really but I honestly think it’s kind of fucked up to act like those mistakes mean he doesn’t deserve to be cared for especially after such a traumatic event. The thing the post mainly was talking about was when Zoe was saying to Miles that they needed to make things easier for Tristan and the post was saying they don’t think it’s fair to Miles and that he wasn’t “married” to Tristan like no he wasn’t but he was his boyfriend and he chose to be Tristan’s boyfriend and sure he didn’t choose for Tristan to be in a coma but again that’s not Tristan’s fault and obviously Miles isn’t obligated to stay with him forever but the thing is he chose to stick by Tristan’s side even though it was hard. No one forced him to do that. The only thing unfair here is acting like Miles feelings only matter but not Tristan’s. I really am not surprised because this has always been a problem in the fandom not just on Twitter and like obviously everyone’s entitled to their opinion but it just gets irritating to see over and over again. And it honestly seems like the main reason they’re upset is because Miles chose Tristan over Lola and they act like he was guilted into choosing Tristan but like Miles stopped giving a shit what people thought of him a long time ago, and Tristan even asked him who he wanted to be with and if he wanted to be with Lola he could have and I think he would have if that’s what he really wanted. Like I’m not denying he liked and cared about Lola but it wasn’t enough to choose her. Hell I actually like Mola better than Triles (I don’t hate Triles though) and I still can see this. The thing is these things wouldn’t bother me so much if I feel like it wasn’t discussed at least once a week. It takes a lot to start getting me irritated at a ship that I actually like but it’s starting to get the point where Mola annoys me. Not to mention, for awhile mainly last year but a few times this month the Degrassi writers were getting multiple tweets kind of bullying them into talking about Mola and I never wanted to say anything but I think it was a little much honestly. They aren’t obligated to like, talk, or care about the ship as much as fans do.

As for my actual Mola criticisms, I just once again can’t get over that not only in the fandom but on the show as well it’s always all about how Miles benefitted from the relationship. Miles was accepted for his sexuality(which is great I’m not denying that), Miles had someone to lean on while his boyfriend was in a coma, Lola made Miles happy. But what exactly did Lola get out of this relationship(that wasn’t even a legit relationship). She got her virginity taken by a guy that ditched her almost immediately, she got an unwanted pregnancy, the guy ignoring her when she tried to talk to him about said pregnancy . Yes, Lola knew that Miles had a boyfriend and that they couldn’t date for real but Miles put himself in that situation even when Lola tried to say they shouldn’t spend too much time together because it could lead to both of them getting in trouble. Miles chose himself to cheat on his boyfriend and didn’t care about the consequences of his actions until Tristan woke up. Like if he didn’t want Tristan to find out he shouldn’t have done it in the first place and once again, Miles can only think about himself and his dumb play that made fun of coma patients which no one ever fucking talks about, instead of this girl that was there for him when he had no one and was understanding and patient like, she wasn’t asking him to tell Tristan to fuck off and be with her only like fuck. Honestly, what’s weird is Lola seems to be very loved and popular in the twitter fandom yet somehow her feelings never seem to be considered when it comes to this ship. Like yes there were positives in this ship but most of those positives were something Lola did for Miles. Yes Miles said some nice things to and about her but in the end it wasn’t enough because in the end he still hurt her and she was still second choice which she’s made clear she doesn’t want to be so...again I do like Mola, mainly cuz of fan fics where this ship actually was mutually beneficial and was good for both of them, but I just needed to get this out and this is the only place I felt safe enough to do so without getting my head bitten off. And I feel like I’m such a shitty person for posting this and I’m paranoid someone from Degrassi twitter might see it like if you guys do see it I’m not trying to start drama or be hurtful or anything like I genuinely do love you all and I love the Mola fanfics, I just have started to feel like I can’t share anything slightly negative about them without getting hate and as messy as the Degrassi tumblr could be back in the day I’ve always felt safe sharing my opinions here. I’m sorry if anyone feels attacked by this I genuinely am not trying to do that.

[shirtlesssammy]

15x07: Last Call

Then:

In case you forgot, Dean and Cas are  f i g h t i n g. 

Now:

Texhoma, Texas

It’s bar time at a lonely little dive bar and two friends are stumbling to their car. Well, one is helping the other. Sally needs to vomit and runs to the bushes. Her friend, Angela, gets in the car instead of holding her hair back. I’m side eyeing your level of friendship here, ladies. Sally turns around from her puke-athon to find Angela and car gone. 

Cut to Angela tied to a chair in a basement. There’s a line slowly draining blood from her arm --and a monster feeding on it behind a door!

At the bunker, Dean continues his nihilistic spiral by drinking all the beer in his room and surfing the internet for cases. He finds one!

Cut to Dean wandering into the kitchen where a very cozy Sam and Eileen are making all the breakfasts. 

Dean knows when he’s a third wheel and decides to check out the case on his own. Sam and Eileen are living their best lives. He doesn’t want to get in the way.

Dean arrives at the Texhoma sheriff’s office and meets Sheriff Dillon. He asks about the disappearance of Angela. The sheriff isn’t convinced she’s gone. Her car went with her. He suggests that maybe she ran away to LA. Kids do that. They usually return within the week. He boasts that he stayed for a month. 

Ok, I can’t recap this with a straight (*wink*) face anymore. WHAT THE WHAT was happening here? There is SO much staring and awkwardness. I loved it but also wanted to hide under a rock. 

In any event, the sheriff admits that Angela’s friend has issues that usually keeps her at Swayze’s Bar 24/7. Before Dean can head out though, the sheriff tells Dean that he could go to LA and look for Angela. He could give showbiz a try himself. Cue camera zoom and, “You’ve got the look.” 

Dean    is    confused. 

That night Dean arrives at Swayze’s Bar. Dancing, drinking, and live music greet him. Also, a flirty waitress asks for his phone. This is a No Phones Allowed bar (guns are ok #AmericaYouAreTheWorst  -and what’s even worse? As an American, I didn’t think twice about this line until international fans vomited on Twitter. Sigh.) Dean, who’s currently on a case, just drops it in the basket. I guess he won’t be calling Sam if he needs anything. He asks about the friend, Sally. The waitress, Lorna, hasn’t seen her yet. She does slap Dean’s ass as she walks away though. Sigh. <Insert discourse on all the times Dean’s been sexually assaulted and harassed throughout the years.> He turns around to watch the waitress walk away when he notices the lead singer of the band. 

“Lee Webb.”

They’re old friends and ecstatic to see each other. Lee owns the bar. I wonder if they watched Swayze movies together in their youth?

Back at the bunker, things are snoozeville in Research Land. Eileen suggests they stop to do something fun. ooooOOOOOooooo. Sultry looks and awkward glances ensue. Sam takes her hand, she looks expectantly towards him, he leans forward, and...CAS INTERRUPTS! Bless the angel and his timing. Sam deserves it after 12 years of doing it to Cas and Dean. Cas and Eileen meet. Yay! 

*Classic SPN Dialog Alert*

Cas: I thought your were…

Eileen: Dead? Yeah, I got...better. 

Then Cas asks the important question in life: “Where’s Dean?” Lol, you two are divorced, remember? Anyway, Cas comes with ideas. He thinks that Sam and God are connected through their wound. 

At the bar, Dean tells Lee that John died 13 years ago. Damn, when you put it like that, it’s overwhelming to think about how much of their lives we’ve watched. Lee’s sorry to hear it. They toast to his memory. They talk about the last time they saw each other. (A cult thing in Arizona.) Lee did one more case and hung up his hunter spurs. Dean asks if he regrets walking away. Nope. 

At the bunker, Cas is going to probe Sam. Well, his wound really. Cas does his angel magic and that leads to Sam getting tossed against the wall. Ooops. 

Cas calls and leaves a message with Dean (on all his many, many phones it seems.) Cas growling directly into the phone is all kinds of wonderful. 

Dean’s busy reminiscing about orgies Lee and him had with triples. Yeah, they split triplets up “fair and square.” Um? <Insert lady doing complicated math gif here>

Cut to Sergei. Remember him? He sold Cas “archangel” grace back in the day. Cas needs his help. Cas goes all BAMF on him and we collectively swoon. Cas also makes another phone call. 

For Hand Porn Science:

At the bar, Dean tells Lee all about Ghost Sickness (ah, that very funny episode, until it wasn’t. Andrew Dabb’s first episode. Lilith makes an appearance.) Lee asks about his current case. Dean shows him a picture of Angela. Lorna sees it and is surprised Lee doesn’t recognize her. She’s in the bar all the time. WHERPS. Someone’s a lying liar. Anyway, the conversation moves on and Lee tells Dean he could have this life. (*crying Rocky’s Bar noise*) Dean wants to know who’ll kill the bad guys? “You deserve a break, bro.” Ok, fair. 

Lee then gets the band to play “Good Ol’ Boys” AND convinces Dean to join him on stage. Dean takes another shot and joins his friend. Dean’s on stage, but HE IS FREAKED OUT. Poor boy. He starts singing though. 

And he can sing?? Ok. I will accept. Because I have to. Why would he pretend to not be able to sing for all these years? I mean, I guess, why does Dean pretend to be something he’s not is the main question we have about this poor soul in general. 

A fight breaks out in the back - Blondie’s getting harassed. “Road house rules?” Dean asks, invoking our lord and savior, Swayze. Hell yeah. Dean and Lee make quick work of the bullies and Dean discovers that Blondie’s actually Sally Anderson, the best friend of the girl who disappeared. 

Cas lets Sergei into the bunker. Sergei is positively ENAMORED by the bunker and all the delightful treasures within. Cool your jets, man! “You’re here for a reason,” Cas growls. 

“Aren’t we all?” Sergei replies, and my eyebrows go WAY UP high in the air because that is some straight up authorial intent nonsense. They head in to the infirmary and Sergei uses a crystal to scan Sam like it’s a medical tricorder. Sam’s dying, according to Sergei. 

Sally spills the details, including the disappearance of the car. “You can’t rapture a car,” Lee protests. 

“It was a good car,” Sally tells him and I am definitely not now thinking about the Impala getting sucked up to her eternal rest in Heaven. Nope. Not thinking about that at all. 

Instead of Heaven, Lee suggests that the car may have gotten dumped in the lake. Lorna, who is probably a TRUE CRIME enthusiast, suggests the scrapyard, though. Dean marks that as his first stop. 

Sergei delivers some truth about Sam’s wound. It’s a soul-deep wound and connects his soul to something that wanders the world. When Castiel probed it, Sam’s soul was squeezed out of his body. Please be like me, and envision Sam’s soul as the toothpaste in a half used toothpaste tube squeezed by Castiel’s fist. If Sam’s soul wanders too far, he dies. Or, as in my analogy, the toothpaste tube of the soul explodes. Soul toothpaste everywhere!

In the junkyard, Dean discovers the victim’s car and more appallingly, her body hidden in the trunk. A gun is cocked behind him. It’s Lee! He knocks Dean out cold. 

Sergei smears a potion on Sam’s wound. Sam begins to thrash violently while Sergei chortles to Cas about deliberately hastening his death with his “cure.” Wherps. Shockingly, trusting the villain who cheerfully harmed Jack has backfired! Sam flashes on Chuck’s conversation with Amara - particularly on all the bits where they discuss Chuck’s current weakened state. While Sam flashes, Eileen drives Sergei into the wall and chokes off his airway. FANS SELF. 

Sergei demands the “Key to Death” in exchange for saving Sam’s life. It’s a key with a skeleton handle which can open the door to Death’s library. OKAY GUYS THIS IS NOT A DRILL I am very excited! First: a trip to the library! Second: it’s a SKELETON key, pardon me while I savor this pun with all I’m worth. Please, please can we visit Billie with a magic key? PLEASE????

Um. Anyway. Castiel isn’t taking any of Sergei’s bullshit. He pulls out his phone and shows a photo of Sergei’s niece, under surveillance by Bobby. At Castiel’s order, Bobby will kill her. This takes all the wind out of Sergei’s sails. 

Cut to Sergei chanting over Sam just before Sam wakes up, mostly intact. “We good?” Sergei asks. Sure! BFFs. 

Dean wakes up tied to a chair in a basement with an IV in his arm. “You awake, Buddy?” Lee asks, and isn’t that just an improper endearment to use at this time? Lee heads downstairs to deliver his villain monologue to Dean’s face. No sense in killing him while Dean was knocked out, right?!

Lee reveals that he had a very bad hunt that caused him to despair ever winning against the evil in the world. When he did his last hunt in this town, he found the monster who is now locked up in the cage in the bar’s basement. “As long as you feed it, it gives you money. It gives you health. It gives you anything you dreamed of.” Lee feels that the world owes him for his many monster kills from his younger days. The world isn’t divided into good or bad, nor does it care for anybody’s moral high ground. “But I do,” Dean says, and it’s like a rallying cry for our poor hot-dog-pantsed hero.

Lee releases the blood and it begins to travel up towards the monster’s cage. “Dean Winchester, the righter of wrongs. You’re gonna keep digging. You’re gonna figure me out.” Lee pats him on the shoulder one more time, bro-like, and heads up the stairs again. 

Dean sizes up the situation, rocks the chair and shatters it on the floor like he’s made out of granite, and pulls out the needle. It’s monster fightin’ time! 

Upstairs, Lee hears the commotion. It’s basically a lot of loud snarling and banging. Just a typical Friday night for Dean Winchester, amirite? Footsteps climb the stairs…and the monster’s head is thrown through the doorway.

They engage in a good ol’ fashioned shootout before confronting each other face-to-face. “I am you,” Lee tells Dean. But he’s a version that realized the world was broken and bought into it. 

“Then you fix it,” Dean insists. “You don’t walk away. You fight for it.” And, as it turns out, they fight for justice, I guess. They fight and Dean skewers Lee with a broken pool cue. 

“I’m glad it was you,” Lee says about his death which is twenty flavors of fucked up. Look, I know there’s all this meta about how this is Dean’s unrealistic fantasy and it shows him his true calling isn’t tending bar. That is all ABSOLUTELY accurate. But GUYS this also reads like another lesson from Chuck to poke Dean back into hunting and eventual fratricide again. Hot dog pants don’t kill people (EVEN THOUGH they straight up murdered fandom a few weeks ago). What parts of these episodes are meant to be Chuck and what are meant to be “free will”? I have no idea and I’ve never been more in love with this show!

!!!

Um. Anyway. 

Dean returns to the bunker. Castiel, just striding innocently through the war room, is ASSAULTED by Dean’s surprise presence. “Dean,” he says, so very softly. GAAAAAH. 

Dean asks after Sam. Castiel delivers the good news and can NOT maintain eye contact. WHEN WILL MY SUFFERING END? Castiel strides away and Dean follows him to check on Sam. 

Sam, bless this poor clueless bean, is ecstatic with his new knowledge from his near-death visions. He realizes he saw Chuck’s memories, and knows he is weak now. Sam’s ready to take the Team Free Will monster truck and just rollllll it right over Chuck. Easy peasy! 

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Gimme a Bro-Quote, Bro:

Duke? Like put up your dukes?!

I need a break and so do you. Why don’t we do something fun?

Livin’ the dream!

Can’t just keep lip syncing Eye of the Tiger while no one’s watching

You can’t rapture a car

Best friends don’t just leave without saying goodbye

I like this you, Castiel. It’s very…Russian

Good or bad. The world doesn’t care. No one cares, Dean.

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[salzrand]

I'm so upset I feel I'm becoming blind, sorry that I'm coming here to vent out, your the 1st blog that came to mind. But I hate going to the bleach/Tite Kubo tag despite loving Bleach with all my heart!! There's just so much hate!! If they hate the series all of a sudden, why still talk about it? Still crosstag & look for attention? I just literally blocked a blog, NoMoreB****h cuz they were crosstagging & hating on Bleach Reddit for no reason at all. A few weeks ago I even saw someone's poor..

(2/3) ..poor attempt to make Orihime's abuse seem like it's nothing compared to Rukia losing her rukongai friends!! And it was tagged under Hime's Own tag!! I never wanted to participate in this fandom discourse, but this is way too much!! Crosstagging adulterous art, character bashing etc etc. even randomly searching for Orihime's name on twitter, it's just all hate & some being paranoid that IH/RR fans still stalk them. We don't, their stuff is all over the place you can't help but see it...(3/3) Nevermknd that I STILL see people saying Renji was ABSUIVE??? THEY SHIP ULQU****!!! Wth? I feel sick to my stomach, I wanted to delete my blog write after the Disney event, but I still wanna support this fandom, their hate is all over the place, I can't go to the Rukia tag w/o bleach/Kubo hate. Even the RR tag is sometimes infested with anti BS. I hate this, I hate it so much. If this is a bother please just ignore my childish rant, but I feel like I'm gonna explode with anger 😖

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I am sorry it took some time for me to reply, I hope you didn’t wait for too long I missed a couple of messages while being on tumblr mobile the last couple of weeks orz. And I totally feel you. It’s truly annoying me as well, from outside the fandom Bleach gets hate from people of other series just because it seems to be cool to hate Bleach (usually they can’t even say why they hate it.. or when they bring points it’s nonense) and then you have the hate inside the fandom from still-butthurt children. I mean think about it, being that mad about a manga so you still have to vocal your hate even three years after the last chapter. Instead of ... moving on or something and let it be. #facepalm

It’s okay to be pissed for some time but at this point it’s just ? I am not even sure. Pathetic.