#sorry i WAS going to elaborate more on that 'giant inexplicable locations that love you' post from earlier

[erstwhilesparrow]

mm. man. now i'm sad i don't ~like math anymore. not that i know for sure that i ever did, but i miss not flinching from it. i was scared of a lot of things in first year! but the doing of math wasn't really one of them. and it's still like. i'm not uniquely bad at it or anything, but sometimes i'm a little jealous of people who get the... mechanics of it. or have the creativity for it. the... ability / willingness / desire to think through a difficult proof or problem and enjoy that process. my dad told me once that he thinks everyone should learn math because math is beautiful. most of the time i am willing to let that statement stand, just accept that i basically get it but am never going to love it like he does, but sometimes. i wish this was still fun to me. i wish hearing about a new math concept wasn't so closely associated in my brain with feeling terrified and alone.