#sorry guys.. the ugly volcano is my favorite

[flowey-apologist]

Ok tried posting this previously but it didn't post so like😁😁😁 idk I hope it doesn't post at the same time as this or I'd be so embarrassed LMAO

But anyways idk it feels super lame to have some fuckass underrated mostly disliked ugly character as a favorite in a fandom where powerscaling, glazing and favoritism for attractive characters is insane but. Uhugh

Y. Eah. ! Uh

[internationalfandomgirl]

Dad Jokes

Characters: Jared x reader, Jensen (briefly)

Length: 1,279 words (before time markings)

Warnings: ridiculous dad jokes and puns (yes that needs to be a warning in my book. I literally groaned at my own writing several times…)

Summary: Jared loves his puns and he uses them all of the time. This fic jumps time as you go through your relationship with Jared.

A/N: Please note, no hate against Gen, I love her! This is an AU and she is happy with someone else. I am using this as my entry to  @imaginesforthose-wholovefandoms 200 Followers Writing Challenge where my prompt was “Enough! Enough with your puns!” I had a lot of fun writing this one, so many dad jokes! Karissa, I post all of my fics on this blog, but I originally talked to you as @internationalmusicteacher

Congrats on 200 followers Karissa!

**not my gif**

The First Meeting:

You were sitting on a barstool up at the bar drinking your favorite drink waiting for your friends to show up. You were looking hot tonight in you tight red dress and you are ready to dance the night away with your best gal pals, they are just running late. Very late actually, almost two hours to be exact. Turning around and looking out the crowd you could see some pretty good looking guys. There were plenty of fish in the sea tonight that’s for sure. You chuckled to yourself as you turned back to the bar.

“Dang girl are you my appendix, because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling inside my stomach makes me want to take you out,” a very tall, shaggy haired man smiled at you.

“Has that line ever worked for you,” you asked shaking your head in laughter.

“I don’t know,” the man said shrugging his shoulders, “I have never tried it before. You will have to tell me if it works or not. I’m Jared,” he says holding out his hand to you.

You stare at him for a minute taking a sip of your drink before smiling at the man and reaching out your hand, “I’m Y/N, and I guess that line is so stupid it actually works.” Both of you smiled at each other.

Date Day at the Zoo:

You and Jared had been dating for a while now. Today you were at the zoo just enjoying your time with the animals and people watching. Every once in a while Jared would be noticed by fans and asked to take a picture.  The two of you had just came in up to the pen holding your favorite animal, the panda exhibit. That’s when a large group of people came up to Jared and pushed you out of the way. Jared’s eyes looked for and locked on to you. Pointing towards the panda exhibit Jared gives a little smile, “this is pandemonium!” You smile and shake your head at him before walking over to watch the pandas while he talked with the fans.

A while later you hear your name being called. “Y/N,” you turn to see Jared standing across from you by the birds. There is an owl near him. “I’m owl by myself now!” You roll your eyes at him before crossing the walkway to him.

“What every am I going to do with you and your lame jokes Padalecki,” you ask as you wrap an arm around him. “These jokes are getting more and more ridiculous. How can I put up with you and these jokes?”

Jared looks down at you before looking into the aviary. “Well, this is hawkward,” he says pointing at a hawk before pulling you closer to him. You roll your eyes at him as he kisses the top of your head and pulls you along the path.

The Proposal:

Jared had asked you to meet him at the park on the other side of town from your house, near the bridge that goes over the pond. You had no idea what he was planning, but you decided to dress up a bit just to be safe. You were always in the public eye when you were out with Jared. You didn’t want to look like a slob next to him.

You walk up to the bridge and see a picnic set up around the bridge but there is not sign of Jared anywhere. Walking towards the set up you look around trying to find any sign of Jared. You are startled by a voice from behind you making you jump.

“My love for you is like Sam Winchester’s hair. It just keeps growing and growing,” you turn around to find Jared smiling at you running his hand through his hair.

“Did you just make fun of yourself,” you asked laughing at him.

“Shhh,” Jared said pressing his finger to your lips. “I’m ready to stop being cacti and start being cactus.” You tilt your head in confusion at your boyfriend. Jared drops down to one knee, “too many girls think the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it,” he says smiling at you causing you to bring your hands up to your mouth as he pulled a ring box out of his pocket. “Y/N, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“Oh my goodness, are you serious Jared,” you exclaimed. He shook his head yes slipping the ring on your finger and standing up to his full 6’4” height. “Yes Jared, yes. I will marry you and your dumb jokes.” He smiled at you and then look hurt.

“I do not have dumb jokes,” he balks at you.

“Shut up and kiss me moose,” you smile at him before he leans down and kisses you.

Wedding Day:

“Jared, your vows,” the minister said to your man. You couldn’t help smile at him as he pulled a piece of paper out of his tux jacket.

Jared cleared his throat, “Y/N, as one volcano said to the other, ‘I have a dream I hope will come true that you’ll grow old with me and I’ll grow old with you. I thank the earth, sea, sky I thank you too, I lava you.” Jensen groaned and put his hand over his face over his best friend’s shoulder, you couldn’t help but laugh. “I love you more than I love Nutella. I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls Marathon, even though I know you are a Dean girl.” You laughed harder shooting a wink to Jensen. “I vow to wash if you will dry, just so we can be together in the kitchen, laughing all night, every night. I promise to love you, honor you, but not obey, because that’s a little creepy.” Jared smirks a little at that last comment causing you to drop your head in laughter. “I love you, and I will always be there for you through the good, the bad, and the ugly,” both you and Jared choked up at that moment, “for the rest of my life.”

JIBCon Present Day:

“Hell Yes,” Jensen exclaimed at the comment a fan just told him and Jared.

Jared reached across pressing Jensen to the back of his chair. “If there is a heavens no and a hell yes, why isn’t there a purgatory maybe? Purghaps! Sam is unamoosed.”

“Enough,” your voice boomed across the hall as your pregnant self came out from behind the curtain, “enough with your puns! Your dad jokes are getting out of control and your baby isn’t even born yet!” Jared beamed at you while Jensen threw his head back in laughter. When you got close enough to Jared he wrapped his arms around you pulling you close and kissed your temple. He was seated, so you were the same height. “Seriously, he does this all the time. Did he tell you what he said to me the night we met,” you asked the crowd.

You were answered with shouts of ‘no’ and ‘tell us!’  “Oh god, it’s so bad it’s good,” Jensen exclaims, “you have to tell them Y/N!”

“He walked up to me in the bar and said, dang girl are you my appendix because I don’t understand how you work, but this feeling inside my stomach makes me want to take you out. It was so bad it actually worked on me, and now look at me!” Jared couldn’t help but smile at you as you said this.

“I am so sorry that it worked on you Y/N. You are never going to get rid of them now,” Jensen laughed as Jared gave you another kiss.

[spellyjane]

Big Island Splash, Mash, Dash!

Belated Aloha, forgive me for taking two weeks to write this!

I thought we had landed on the moon as I descended the plane stairs onto the island of black volcanic rubble. After nine plus hours of flying I had arrived at Triathlon Mecca, Kona, a little town on a wisp of land in the middle of a massive ocean, noisy with wind and hot as hades.

Hawaii is halfway between Sydney and Chicago so provided the perfect location for a rendezvous with my Dad whom I had not seen for over a year. (Aww, thanks for coming and sharing this with me Dad. ×××)

“Downtown” Kona is small and super cute but that week was COMPLETELY overrun with compression-wear trussed, trucker hat clad, slightly weather beaten, uber athletic types. I almost fit right in.

I was pleased to get up and out of the hype on my first night, having a home cooked meal with my dear friends Ben and Lillian at their B&B located on a flower farm way above Kona. Ben and Lillian are a fab couple I met running in Jersey City. I laughed off their prediction back in 2013 after my first 70.3 that I would one day race at Kona, thinking of course that will never happen because I will NEVER do an Ironman. I was beyond flattered to receive a message from these guys on my return home from IM Texas with my IMWC slot secured, telling me that they had booked their flights to Kona! Just wow.

At the suggestion of a friend I had signed up for the big charity Underpants run. Yes! Why not? It is for charity, I figured that if I had to endure running along behind ironmen in their tighty whities, well it would be worth it, for the charity of course. I wore a pair of huge granny dacks sporting a kangaroo waving an Aussie flag on the butt and dragged my poor Dad to the start line. He did not run, just observed… (that sounds way more creepy that it really was.) I met up with some friends Mike, a seasoned Kona participant and Jeff a green Kona rookie just like me.

We had a hoot, Mike and Jeff were happy to be stuck behind the Coeur Team girls, how shallow, I mean really? Post run “analysis” and breakfast at Evolution hit the spot. Oh a tip for Underpants Run rookies I gleaned from post race observation: sweaty tighty whities may leave you exposing a whole lot more than you anticipated.

Simon arrived on the Thursday. We had decided to leave the kids solo in Chicago… just kidding, our friends Alex and Theresa stepped in there. Theresa was so super cute, she called the schools to make sure the boys got there ok, drove the boys to their after school triathlon sessions and gave up their whole weekend too! What a load off our minds, we were so grateful.

I was able to squeeze in some down time. Dad, Simon and I spent Thursday afternoon sitting on the lanai of our apartment sipping a beer, watching the sun go down, taking a million photos and solving the world’s problems. I don't get to chill with my Dad too often, spending time with my Dad like that has left a warm little glow in my heart. It was one of my favorite moments of the trip. (My Dad hates being in photos, but I do manage to snag him in a few pics on this trip.)

As amiable and easy going as you all know me to be, I knew I would be prone to a little pre Ironman World Championships fretting. I did not want to expose my loved ones to my potential dragon lady side so I sent Simon and Dad off to explore Volcano National Park on the other side of the Island on Friday. A rather unwelcome visitor arrived on Friday, perhaps the best euphemism I can use is “Aunt Flo”, what a cow, she was not invited and I was not expecting to see her. She threw me in a bit of a spin, but I pulled it together and added dealing with that to my race plan.

I got my race gear together, checked my bike and checked in. What an awesome hype! I had forgotten that I had listed my occupation on the Ironman registration form as “Secret Agent.” As I walked down the red carpet to check in they called me out, “Here is Kelly Phuah, she is competing in the women’s 45-49 age group…” [pause] “she is a secret agent!” Haha, cover blown!

I was welcomed into Transition by my very own volunteer escort, Craig. Craig and his wife,  from Seattle, have been coming to the big Island for the last 10 years to volunteer for IMWC!

Whaaat!? I know right? Gulp, I felt a little overwhelmed at that moment. I racked my bike, hung my transition bags.  Then I stood for a few moments on the red carpet, I let myself feel special for being there before heading off to eat and find an air conditioner!

I found my friend Mike and we talked race stuff and spectator logistics tips while sipping protein shakes with our feet up. It was the perfect pre race afternoon.

Dinner that night was right down in the middle of all the action at Honu’s, overlooking the athlete area and swim start with Ben, Lillian, Dad and Simon. There was much discussion over the spectator plans and I shared my hopeful race splits to help them know where I would be at certain times. I was worried about how the day was going to be for everyone who had come all that way to watch. I knew it would be a long hot day for them too.

I had to have the Hawaiian Pizza, oh wow, caramelized pineapple and kalua shredded pork, It was awesome!

I got antsy all of a sudden in the middle of dinner when I realised that I was doing a freaking Ironman the next day. I rushed our farewells with Ben and Lillian and dragged Dad and Simon home. I have no clear memory of going to bed or how I slept, my mind just leaps to Simon and I driving down Alii Drive at 4am!

Race Day

Goal: under 11hrs.

Gosh, how much detail can you handle? Do I make it sound epic and glamorous? I guess if you are reading this then you are either a really good friend or a weird triathlon junkie so I will just give you the ugly truth.

Treading water with 600 other women waiting for the start canon was crazy. Everyone was apologetically kicking each other. I looked back at the crowd on the shore and the pier and let the swell of excitement pick me up. I sighted the 1st boat and wiggled a little closer to the front. The cannon boomed and we turned from polite and apologetic to tiger sharks. I was kicked, swam over and grabbed, I had to restart my watch 3 times because the stop button was kicked. I am quite sure I did my fair share of kicking others too, it was impossible not to. And at one stage I found myself laying completely on top of another athlete, I have no idea where she,came from!

I found my rhythm eventually and was able to start really swimming. By about half way I could feel my speedsuit cutting into my neck and throat as I was sighting and turning to breathe. It left quite a good chafe and I looked like I had been strangled. I snuck a peak at my watch as we made the turn at the boats, I was happy to see I was on schedule for my goal of a sub 70min swim. I was enjoying the water, it was clear and fairly calm. I could see the bottom. I picked out a blue swim cap on the bottom and wondered if it’s owner was down there too. I made the last push to the pier and grabbed the stairs, I ripped off my speed suit with glee and made my way around to T1 on wobbly legs.

1:09:42

I rinsed off my face with some fresh water, grabbed my bag and dove into the tent, and with the help of another volunteer it was suit off, socks on, shoes on, glasses on, food in pocket, loo stop #1 and out to my bike. Helmet on and go go go.

4:44

Yay!! Spotted my posse as I took off on the bike.

Lol, my Dad showing me the way to go…

I settled in and got out onto the Queen K thinking ok Kona, show me what you’ve got, bring it, do your worst.

I had a plan, hold watts for an IF around .68-.69. Yeah, naa, that just did not feel right. I was hot and pushing those watts just felt a little more taxing than it should so I backed off a little and kept a closer eye on my effort than my watts. I guess the wind was kind because even at the lower watts I was still on schedule for a 5:40 bike.

The best tip from Mike, stay wet all day. So at every aid station I was grabbing a cold bottle of water and pouring it all over my body, it was keeping me relatively cool.

I was keeping an eye out for girls in my age group, I passed a few and but noticed as we got closer to the finish that we were all getting a little feisty and not letting each other get too far away.

The climb up to Hawi was the first time that I really felt good, not being familiar with the course had made me a little reserved but when I hit that climb I felt like I just had this one hard bit and I was more than half way. I made the turn for home at the top and launched myself down that descent with a mission. So much fun! I was ticking down the miles and aiming to be out on the run course in under 7hrs and that kept me on the gas all the way back into Kona.

Ugh, triathletes are disgusting, the visor on my helmet was totally aero but also saved me from taking a snot rocket the face. “Dude!!” I shouted as I passed, he looked really sorry, but still, look over your shoulder before you launch. Same goes for the girl taking a wee. Being splashed by someone else's piss is not cool either.

My guts were feeling a little sketchy nearing the end of the bike, I took a couple of Imodium hoping to hold off the horrible tummy cramps etc I seem to be prone to on the run.

I came hurtling down the bike finish chute, eyeballing my volunteer bike catcher, I dismounted like a swan gliding in for a landing on a lake while seamlessly passing my bike to the catcher. They will probably be playing that footage in the Kona highlights, because it was so  freaking pro.

5:38:48

Into T2 in my socks, grabbed by bag, ripping off clothes as I ran, sort of like Superman - until my arms got hopelessly snagged in my super tight bike jersey and I resembled something more like a mad person trying to escape a straightjacket.  Yay for those volunteers. So, shoes on, race belt in hand, loo stop #2 and off on the run.  

4:33

Bahaaa, happens every time, my body rejoices for the 1st 2 km and I am lulled into a false sense of, “Oh hell yeah, I am going to be so amazing.” A quick glance at my overall time on my watch had me out on the run course in under 7 hours, yessss. I felt so confident that I was going to make that 11hr goal.  All I had to do was manage a 4 hr marathon. Then at about kilometer 3 it began to suck.  I saw my posse again at around this point, Simon and Ben ran alongside, giving me my position in the field and who was where, at that moment, they could have told me that there was a lion chasing me and it would not have made the bit of difference to my pace.  

I ran on in misery, downing a couple more Imodium for my increasingly cranky gut.  I had been taking salt tabs every hour, I had had mucho electrolytes and fluids on the bike and about 200 cals/hr all tried and tested and to plan.

Anyway, my mood began to shift, the discomfort in my gut was relieved for a little while.  I was given a huge piece of ice at an aid station. I sucked it, rubbed it on my body, down my legs and sides, down my arms and over my face, I bit little pieces off and when it was small enough it put it down my top. (My gosh, that almost sound erotic - it quite possibly was!) By the time I was heading back along Alii Drive and saw my posse again, I was a different girl.

I got down to business, thinking, tidy posture, keep hydrated and wet.  I was sad to see a few girls in my AG glide by but just kept to my own race and reminded myself that a sub 11 hr race was my goal and that racing someone else's game was not smart. There were 2 more loo stops on the run course, the last being out on Energy Lab road with about 16k / 10miles to go.  After that I was feeling much better. I made it up out of the Energy Lab climb and headed for home gritting my teeth to hold on to that 4 hr marathon but intermittently smiling because I totally knew I was going to do it.

I was surprised to see another friend Liz cheering me on as I turned off the Queen K down Palani rd. Eek, that downhill was ugly, ouch, I felt like a robot, horrible form that I just could not fix at that point. I nearly cried when Simon told me I had a mile to go. A mile! Oh just make this OVER! Finally I entered the finish chute with an idiotic grin, feeling emotional, tired and proud. I punched the air 2 times as I crossed the finish line.

3:58:44

Total time: 10:56:31, 16/88 F45-49 

So much room for improvement!

A friend asked me that night if I was keen to do it again, it only took one sleep for that answer to go from no way to yeah, I need another crack at that.

I got to spend another couple of days with Dad before we took off to opposite sides of the earth again. I was glad we got to see the town transform back into the cute little town it is 51 weeks of the year.

Mahalo!

I am surrounded by really hard working and intelligent people, people who inspire me to push myself and to be humble. (Well, I try with the humble bit.) I don't know many people more hard working and intelligent than Simon, he blows me away with his own dedication and humility and I live my life struggling to keep up with him. He is my biggest fan and I would not be doing any of this without his support.

My race experience was made really special with the support and fun with Ben, Lillian, Dad, Mike, Jeff, Liz and and Simon. Oh guys, thanks a million.

The online messages and texts from my family, my INTENT team mates, and friends were wonderful!! Pre race pep talks from my very good friend Jeff kept me in check. Much love to everyone who was following my race online and cheering along at home

My coach Rick Schopp at INTENT is also one of those inspiring people, I have put myself into painville at his instruction so many times but I am still here, I am still keen and I am getting faster. He has shown me that the pain pays off. Sending me the Urban dictionary definition of whinge when I slightly lost my shit during my second last intense training week leading into Kona was just the kick in the pants I needed.  

(That sounds rough, he may have added a few additional kind words in there too.)

Much love to Alex and Theresa for taking great care of our boys while we were away.

Many thanks to the volunteers who gave their time and to the super cute little town of Kona for letting us take over!

Mahalo xo

Now I count down just a few weeks to Ironman Cozumel before we pack up and make the very exciting move to Denver, Colorado!  Two more years in the USA before we head back to Australia.

Pic credits: Thanks Ben, Lillian and Simon

[warriorqueen1991]

Memoria (pt. Four)

Pairing: Sam X Claire Warnings: pretty damn angsty some people may find this chapter triggering :( Notes: once again I'm very sorry for the lack of a "keep reading" option it's unavailable on my mobile device which is the only way I can post this fic...I hope this doesn't turn any of you away :( thank you so much for all of the support, you guys are amazing ♡♡♡♡ --------------------------------------- Sam glared at the closed door, his breathing heavy, his hands clawing at his denim covered knees. Hazel eyes burning a hole in it's cold steel, a deep snarl rising from his chest. It felt as if a mac truck was sitting directly on his lungs, sweat forming at his silver temples before he slowly began rocking back and forth on the edge of his freshly made bed. Fucking, fuck, fuck fuuuuck...he couldn't do this, he didn’t want to do this. Sam huffed out a defeated sigh, his head dropping between his knees. Gripping the back of his head he tangled his long fingers through his hair, absentmindedly pulling on its strands to the point of pain. His left knee bounced nervously before he pushed himself to his feet with a loud growl. “Fuck you” he hissed giving his door the bird, he didn’t need to do anything, he could stay here. In his room, safe. Sam hummed nervously, shaking his head as he made a solid attempt to wear a hole in the floor with his pacing. Pushing his brows together he narrowed his eyes once again at his self-made barrier. All he was missing was a tumbleweed and The Good The Bad And The Ugly chiming in the distance. Snorting at the absurdity of him dueling his door he strode forward gripping it's cold handle before pausing. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. Claire would understand, she would tell him being antisocial was normal given his situation. Sam nodded to himself, yeah...he could stay in here, what's the worse that could happen? As if on cue his eyes fell to the side of his mattress where he had stashed the scalpel. Sam swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing noticeably. It felt like he just swallowed a fucking baseball. “Fuck this” he grunted striding to his bed as he grabbed a cream colored sweater from his bedside drawer. His eyes once again falling to his hidden weapon. Sighing he pulled the sweater over his messy hair before finally yanking his door open. Sam remained frozen on the other side as it banged close behind him, his shoulders jerking at the uncomfortable noise. His hands shaking as he ran them over his salt and pepper beard. What the hell was he thinking? he never left his room unless he was smoking or going to the restroom. This was fucking stupid, he didn’t want to be around the others. He didn’t want there judgmental eyes tearing into him. But then his thoughts drifted to Claire, he knew he couldn't trust himself to be alone. It was just one day. Plus, maybe Claire would appreciate his effort to gain some normality in his life, despite his discomfort. The thought of bringing a smile to her face never failed to bring one to his own, and rather he ever admitted it or not, he did enjoy it. ●●●●●● The activities lounge was just about as lively as two day road kill, a fact that Sam was grateful for. The last thing he wanted was to be overwhelmed with through traffic. Having himself freak out in front of an audience was something he would rather avoid. The surrounding walls were the color of celery, void of anything that would suggest this was a medical building. Instead they were decorated with pictures of landscapes and baby animals. Ceramic pots with fake flowers in the corners, two gray lounge chairs, a love seat the color of blood and a large tan couch pushed against the opposite wall. Anything and everything was arranged to incite peace and serenity. Sam’s lips curled in disgust, if Claire asked him what his favorite color was again he could definitely mark some off the list. At the center of the room was a large table, round of course, the more he looked the more he noticed the lack of corners and accessible means of destruction. The room wasn't completely devoid of life though, a older woman wearing gray sweatpants and a neon pink tank top sat in one of the lounge chairs. Her long spiderweb like hair hanging around her face like a curtain. A young man was sprawled out across the couch, a book with the sleeve missing perched on his chest. He had blond hair and a cast on his left arm, Sam glanced over at the large caged off room to his left. Danny, the orderly who normally brought Sam his meals everyday was sitting behind the counter. Sam took a deep breath before making his way to the love seat. “Sam?” Danny stood up from his chair smiling as the man in question turned to face him. “Wow what's the occasion?” Sam stammered a bit as his eyes drifted around the room “decided to see what all the fuss was about I guess” he sighed. Danny chuckled “bout time” a small smile quirked the edge of Sam's lips as he plopped himself on the loveseats soft cushions “yeah”. Danny smiled, sitting back in his chair, flipping through his magazine as he sipped his coffee from a foam cup. Sam closed his eyes as he leaned back stretching out his long legs this wasn't so bad... “Well aren't you a tall drink of water” Sam’s eyes snapped open as the cushion next to him sunk down, a hand running roughly across his leg to his inner thigh. Growling he caught the offending limb by the wrist jerking it from his leg. His fuming gaze falling on bright blue eyes. Sitting far closer than necessary was a woman probably in her mid twenties, her strawberry blond hair in an elegant pixie cut. She had her standard white t-shirt tied in a knot above her navel, her faded blue jeans hanging low on her hips as she crossed her legs bumping his knee with her foot. Sam glared at her, scooting as far as he could in the opposite direction. The woman smiled leaning toward him causing him to lean farther away. “awww, you're so timid, it's adorable” Sam snorted “I'm cautious” she chuckled softly “same difference honey”. His eyes narrowed down at her “uh could you…?” he gestured to the opposite end of the loveseat. The woman giggled, her tongue peeking out between her lips “I don't bite sweet thang” much to Sam's discomfort she scooted closer flinging her arm around his shoulders. “I've never seen you out here before, what's your name handsome?”. Sam got to his feet wincing at the sudden pressure in his leg, the sudden movement causing the woman to flop onto his previously occupied cushion. “I'm Deanna” she purred stretching out on the cushions like a cat, Sam cringed at the display. Sure there was no denying her beauty but she was beautiful much like a poisonous tree frog was beautiful. “Could you leave me alone please” he grumbled moving to the now unoccupied couch, he hadn't seen ware the man had gone, but at the moment he couldn't care less. Deanna hummed deeply pushing herself off the loveseat, grabbing his hand before he could sit down “lord have mercy, look at these!!” she gasped running her fingers delicately over his “god your hands are gorgeous” she practically moaned before leaning up to his ear “I bet they look absolutely breathtaking covered in blood”. Sam grunted pulling his hand away, his eyes wide “what the fucks wrong with you lady, back off!!” his breathing began to increase. What the hell did she mean by that? Deanna laughed leaning forward “you got a killer's eyes gorgeous...so how many people have you killed?” Sam looked around nervously, he needed to get out of here. “I can't remember anything, I was in the military so I guess the eyes are justified”. Deanna shook her head “No this is different” she slowly ran her hand halfway up his chest before he pushed her wandering digits from his body. “I know a murderer when I see one, I'll give ya a tip sugar. Keep your memories to yourself, even if they come back”. Sam furrowed his brow in confusion “why would I do that?” the woman circled around him running her finger across his broad shoulders. “because handsome, if you're crazy enough to remain here then you're crazy enough to avoid the death penalty”. Sam turned to peer at her over his shoulder “who I was, is not who I have to be” Deanna’s eyes widened before she burst into laughter “and who the hell told you that garbage? Trust me honey, they want you to remember”. She raked her hands down his back before leaning up so her chin was resting on his shoulder “and when you do” she hissed “it's lynching time”. She erupted once more into hysterical laughter before pushing herself away from him skipping to the loveseat. Sam felt his chest tighten, that couldn't be true. Deanna was obviously off her rocker, Claire wouldn't lie to him...would she? Sam ran his hands through his hair as his breathing picked up. Is that all this was, some elaborate way to draw him in and convict him for something he couldn't even remember? Sam growled, fuck this, he should of known. He should've realized he was never in control. From the moment he gained consciousness he had been told what to do and what to expect. He was stuck in this hell, forever wading through the mess his previous life had left. He breathed heavily through his nose before taking off back to his room at a brisk pace. Fuck them, fuck this, he was gonna gain control one way or another. If he couldn't gain control over his life than he sure as shit was gonna have control over his death. He'd be damned if he failed to go out on his own terms. Sam shoved open his door letting it slam against the wall before walking over to his bed. He felt sick, the rage bubbling up in his chest like a volcano about to erupt, he was such a fool. A stupid, worthless fool. Sam roared flipping his mattress onto the floor, the scalpel tumbling to the edge of his toes. “Stupid, stupid, stupid” he growled smacking the side of his head before his eyes landed on the gleaming steel at his feet. His eyes widened, his breathing ragged, slowly he bent at the waist picking the scalpel up off the floor turning it over in his hand. Squeezing his eyes shut he sat at the edge of its frame, this time he was gonna be in control. Sighing he pressed the tip of the scalpel to his tan wrist, wincing as a small drop of crimson blood oozed out around the blade. Sam breathed out heavily as he pressed the blade deeper into his skin sending small rivulets running down his arm before dripping to the white floor. His hazel eyes darted from his wound to the growing puddle on the floor. “Fuck this” he hissed running the blade the length of his wrist as the loud clank of his door opening crashed like thunder to his ears. Sam jerked his head up to stare into bright green eyes. The blood soaked blade dropping to the floor with a small tinkling sound, “Claire?” Sam gasped his heart clenching as he fell off of his bed frame into the pool of blood at his feet. Claire screamed sliding to her knees as she turned him over on his back “Sam?...Sam open your eyes” His eyes fluttered open as a fresh gush of blood drained out of his wound. Claire turned to her side, her skirt and legs covered in his blood as she snatched the emergency call button from the side of his bed slamming her thumb over it. “Stay with me Sam, goddamnit” she gasped pressing both her hands over his wrist, blood hemorrhaging up between her fingers. “ Ahh” Sam groaned, his eyes snapped open rolling around before he attempted to sit up, clearly in shock. “Sam, no don't move, helps on the way” she placed one blood soaked hand on his chest shoving him back to the floor holding his wrist above his heart. Same gasped, his choked breaths feeling like ice in her veins. Suddenly he surged up from the floor once more shoving Claire away from him “no!!” he growled through his teeth snarling at her. The door to his room knocked against the wall for the second time that day as three orderlies barged inside. Sam shook his head, his face and hair streaked with blood as he attempted to fight off their assistance. Claire slid to the side her wrist over her mouth as her bloodied hands shook with adrenaline and fear. Sam growled as he was once again shoved to the floor. His body weak from blood loss collapsed with a defiant huff after one of the men straddled his chest to stop his movements, finally allowing them to wrap a temporary bandage around his wrist. Grunting in protest they hauled him off the ground by his arms and legs. Claire was thankful the infirmary was only two doors down from Sam's room. ●●●●●● Claire paced outside the infirmary, her hands caked in dry blood as she rubbed them against her shoulders. Fuck she couldn't stop shaking, What the hell happened? Shit, this was all her fucking fault, she knew he had been upset when she told him they wouldn't be having a session today. How the hell did he get a scalpel? A fresh wave of tears flooded Claire’s eyes bringing a halt to her frantic pacing as the realization hit her like a freight train. Of course, the damn medical kit. Claire sighed dropping into one of the nearby guest chairs lining the wall. God please let him be ok. She couldn't bare the thought of failing him. All she could think about was his deep hazel eyes full of hope when he asked if he was gonna see her today. Jesus, what the hell had she done? If she had just showed up an hour earlier. Or just...she ran her hands through her hair stopping when she noticed how sticky they were. Claire grimaced leaning her head against the wall. “soooo pretty” Claire’s eyes snapped open at the soft almost child-like voice. A young woman stood in front of her, her blue eyes bright as she reached out to touch the dried blood on Claire’s face. Claire stared at her in shocked confusion before the woman skipped down the hallway. Who the hell was that? --------------------------------------- ☆☆TAG LIST ☆☆ ~please let me know if u want on or off the list ;) @zoesmama2024 @fuck-yeah-lets-do-negan-ff @noodlecupcakes @dixonsbait @ashzombie13 @artemisxeros @chunex @magikat409 @memphisgirl1977 @jdmfanfiction @jdms-network @hereforthejeffrey

[dearjerryyan]

Dear Jerry,

Long time no write. How are you? You look great! When my son saw my cellphone wallpaper, the one of you in a teal-colored baseball jersery, he said you haven’t aged a bit! I couldn’t agree more. Seeing you every time I swipe that screen, I smile and feel so happy.

Happy, indeed. I’ve been that these past days. Quietly happy, if I may say so myself. Contentment is such a priceless thing and I am grateful that I am finally capturing these feelings.

If it weren’t for the security issues the world is going through right now, life would be idyllic. On the night of the Ariana Grande concert bombing in London, a city two hours away from ours was bombed by ISIS-aspirant terrorists. It’s been three weeks, and today as we celebrate our country’s Independence Day there is a nervous vibe permeating the city. Aircrafts are hovering over our communities as the ISIS aspirants have infiltrated our city. I just spoke with a lady from the police force, a mother of my preschool student, she said that the confidential information is that these terrorists have already achieved two of the three assignments given to them by their topdog. They are yet (and I pray they don’t succeed) to do a suicide bombing. We all must stay vigilant.

I know I had to take time writing you otherwise I wouldn’t release this gnawing feeling dancing in my chest. My research proposal for my masters degree will be due tomorrow and I have yet to finish it. But with my mind inundated with thoughts of the love stories that are Wonder Woman and Goblin, and the Asian holiday that is Kevin Kwan’s Rich People Problems and the real time security threats, I couldn’t quite concentrate on finishing that damn requirement.

Perhaps if I write you, my thoughts would be put in order and the clearing will give me the space to write my paper.

Well, first off, if you’ve seen Wonder Woman, my golly, Chris Pine’s Steve Trevor and Gal Gadot’s Diana – their dynamics, their chemistry, their love story is so sexy, it’s making an active volcano of my dormant libido. Hahaha! Finally, Hollywood has redeemed itself in bringing back clean, fresh, strong and old fashioned romance to the silverscreen. The ideals of an equal partnership that is not enslaved with wanton sex waiting to be consummated is just so beautiful I could stay in that place with Steve and Diana forever.

That Steve doesn’t take advantage of Diana’s naïvete in terms of normal human dealings, that he isn’t the least bit insecure by Diana’s capabilities, but allows her instead to do what she can while doing what he can (which above average by human standards, even from this perspective) pulls at my heart strings. Though Diana is obviously superior by virtue of being a goddess, she does not emasculate. They are equals in that Steve has brawn and brains and Diana is attracted to this, as Steve is attracted to her uniqueness, wonder woman strength and beauty. The ingredients of a perfect love story. The ideals I have been seeking out for so long – finally, if not in real life, at least I can go back to it in the big screen, for Gal Gadot and Chris Pine have delivered this divinely.

I suppose I will stay in my Wonder Woman cloud for awhile before going back to the magic of Gong Yoo’s Goblin, which I started before the explosion of WW. Funny how my mother’s former co-teacher and I have bonded in FB over Gong Yoo and Chris Pine. She’s in the north, while I’m in the south of the country, yet we are together as women longing for our Steve Trevors and Oppas. She sent me the youtube links to Gong Yoo’s CNN interview and Chris Pine’s duet with Barbra Streisand (I’ll Be Seeing You, my favorite!/ I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face) which is on repeat play in my cellphone. She has not seen Wonder Woman yet as she is still immersed in work – this week perhaps. And then we go back to the chatbox. Which reminds me of my own masters assignment.

In contemplating the simple and beautiful ideals of the Wonder Woman love story, I think of my cousin who is embroiled in her own quarter life drama. Her boyfriend, a professor ten years her senior from the north, has been calling me, my sister and my cousin’s sister, asking for advice for their relationship on the rocks. In a nutshell, I am ashamed to say my poor cousin is playing around with two guys. Her sister, my sister, and I have advised him to break up with her. In love with her as he is, her carelessness, selfishness ought not be condoned especially by him. I told the boyfriend that I am withdrawing my support for their relationship and that the best thing he could do is to endorse her back to her family (as she made the big leap of flying to the north to try their relationship out, only to jeopardize it by deceit). She’s pulling an ugly Daisy Buchanan to his unwitting Gatsby. So I told him that if you love her, you will want her to be a better person, and you will want to be a better man. Look at how Steve and Diana in the last quarter of the movie went their own ways doing what they had to do in the name of saving the world. But, a day after my cousin (the sister), my sister and I advised him to leave the relationship, he texted me, “Sorry, Ate (big sister), I cannot leave just yet.” Apparently, Tiffany won. I heard myself singing “Love is Blind” after more than 20 years.

I wonder what I would have been had I been raised in a happy household headed by parents of a successful marriage. I wonder if I would have naturally made me a good, happy, empowered wife.

Just for a moment, I recalled how I felt like Diana to what I perceived to be ex-soulmate’s Steve. Equals. Empowered to do what I can, secure that he could do what he could. For awhile, he was my guy best friend whom I could actually kiss and hold hands. It was a dream that was almost a plan. I cried for a moment early this morning for the bursting of that dream. That was the closest to a heartwarming love story in my book. Apparently, it was not meant to be. (Remember, it was Meteor Garden that cried with me.) So here I am, in my own Themyscyra, a land of women, just women – strong and fierce – offering strength, love, hoping to save the world. So much for Chris Pine’s Steve, there’s only women, and no, I will always be attracted to men. Your kind, Chris Pine’s kind, (I wonder if) Gong Yoo’s kind.

Before I end, I also want to share that, OMG, my eighteen year old son and I are talking about American Pie already. After hiding all my American Pie VCDs from him when he was a little boy, there he was in his classmate’s house watching those damned movies. But we did share laughs about MILF (who looks like my beautician), Stifler and the engagement ring in the poop, the asshole who banged MILF (the one who looked like Sheldon, my son said). I told him that watching American Pie with his dad was telling of our doomed relationship: he and I didn’t laugh together at this hilarious comedy. My son replied, I think I’ll make that a criterion in seeing whether my relationships will work in the future. I can’t believe I’m a mom to a big guy now.

Well, this is it, Jerry. Thank you for being my sounding board. I wonder if I’ll ever get to listen to you, or any available men my age at this time in my life, for that matter.

Still, thank you.

Fan love,

Kai