#sorry guys back on my sonic comic bs

[quartizinedaze]

I’m losing my absolute shit over this rn

[praphit]

The X-People: DP Degrees of BS

Frickin Phoenix!

(What does that even mean? “Every hero has a DARK side?” She kills people! Are all of our heroes murderers? - but I’ll get to that later.)

I'm mad! That's right, people! I'm mad at MYSELF! Why? Well, I could have taken the kids to go see "The Secret Life of Pets 2", so we could laugh our asses off (Idk what kids I'm talkin about - just randomly picking kids up off the streets and taking them to see movies... prob best I didn't do that). 

I could have seen something cultured like "Late Night" or "THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANSISCO"; which I admit is a stupid title, but it seems like it's a good movie. But, no, people! My comic book geekiness would not allow it!

Instead I went to see this bullshit right here - “X-Men: Dark Phoenix”. 

Don't look at me that way, Sansa! You know dag gon well this movie is some ol' bullshit!

You know! The rest of your acting squad knows, the director knows, the writers know - I knew from the first trailer! I knew from the first time they announced that they were taking another crack at a cinematic Phoenix story. Why?? Cuz we've done this before! Yep! 

There it is! - and it was terrible! 

What’s going on with that poster? Apparently, they didn’t have any confidence in that movie either. Why is Wolverine running at me like Sonic the Hedgehog?

I tried to find a better poster, but...

Here they look like they’re posing in some 80′s rock video. TAKE THAT STAND:)

I was mad back then with the first trailer, because I knew that this moment would come. And I actually really liked the first two movies of these particular X-Men. It was Apocalypse that ruined everything. 

People thought that movie was so bad, that it erased all the good that this franchised has done (even going back to the older X-Men):

The ground-breaking 1st movie (tho it prob doesn't hold up),

(Creepy old Magneto is coming for dat ass!)

Wolverine 

(it's hard to imagine anyone playing him better than Hugh Jackman. And he should have won an award for how cut he got... and he was so modest. If I ever  end up looking like that, WHEW! - ladies look out:),  

I loved Patrick Stewart as Prof. X, James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender's intense hot & frigid bromance (though we never got our make-out seen:), Quicksilver (man, I wish we could get more of him), "Logan" (excellent comic book movie), and I'm not sure if we'd have Deadpool without them ruining that first Wolverine movie. Not to mention that they marketed the hell out of this movie franchise and made so much money! But, then this guy showed up and effed it all to hell!

("Everything they built will FALL... ")

- you ain't lyin, jack!

And while that movie was terrible, it wasn't as bad as everyone said. Bullshit sure, but... there are different degrees of bullshit. Apocalypse was forgettable BS, sometimes there's BS that makes us laugh, or think, or cry - what type of bullshit will Dark Phoenix be? -  Let's take a look:

This movie kicks off with the X-Men in space. Yep! SPACE! Since when are the X-Men astronauts? Which movie did they get training for any of that? How did they build an X-Jet for space travel? Did they learn it on YouTube? And even if that were the case, how's the government allowing this? If a group of talented minorities built a functional space craft, do you think President Trump would allow them to come and go as they please? Shiiiiiii In the movie they don't even test it first. Xavier just says that they'll be fine, and sends the kids off.

I think that there needs to be an investigation. Prof. X is trying to kill these kids. He keeps sending them on missions that they shouldn't come back from:

X-Men: "But, professor, we don't know how to disarm a bomb!"

Xavier: "You'll be fine."

X-Men: "But, professor, the X Jet isn't built for deep sea exploration, we don't even know where we're going!"

Xavier: "Y'all will figure it out."

Then, as they come back, he's counting to see if they all made it - "Ten kids left, and coming back, I count... ten DAMMIT! But, wait, one is injured... doesn't look like he'll pull through. YES! (as he drinks some bourbon - which he does at an alarming rate in this movie... prob to block out all the kids he has killed).

While we're on the topic of him - did the movie "Split" ruin James McAvoy's take on Prof X for anybody else? This is all I kept seeing when he was on camera.

But, as you know, cuz they did this exact plot in "X-Men: Last Stand" Jean Grey gets possessed by some space entity while they're up there, and becomes Phoenix.

Jean (played by Sophie Turner, who actually does a good job) is found to have done something horrible. Xavier (and this is no spoiler, cuz again X-Men: Last Stand") blocks out the bad stuff she has done to try to protect her, this eventually wears off, and now we get DARK 

...wait, sorry.

Now we get DARK PHOENIX! 

There we go!

(”Where’s my money?!”)

Now, Jessica Chastain is in this as well seen here, experimenting with bleach,

 who's leading a group of aliens to manipulate Jean (I'll get to them later). But, if JC is in the house, you can be sure that a women's rights message will be in there somewhere (#drinkinggame) And BOOM, there it was - "Don't let some MAN in a chair tell you what you are? - what you can and can not be! Don't let him controoool you!" 

I'm all for girl power, buuuuuut she HAS been on a bit of a carnage streak, and she has been killing people, annnnnnd isn't Jessica Chastain also trying to control her? But, imma let all that go... what do I know?? :)

I gotta be honest, I was digging the first half of this movie. They were capturing everything I love about the X-Men: social issues, political issues, teen struggles. They have lots of real drama going on amongst themselves. There are times when you'll cheer the X-Men on and times when you'll agree with some of the humans that THEY GOTZ TO GO! I love the flaws of the X-Men; it makes them relatable. I even love the struggle with having so much power, and yet having to try to walk a line of morality - which they suck at btw.

The professor sucks at it the most, which made me kinda sad, actually. BUT, to be fair, he has the power to control people's minds... would any of us with that power be able to consistently resist certain temptations?? Def not giving him a pass though. He does a lot of messed up stuff (some things they draw attention to, and others that they don't). Some things that made me cringe, even though MOST of what he was doing was out of love. I can't depend on none of my fave leaders anymore - not even the fictional ones.

We were getting into some deep stuff! BUT, then it was as if some big shot walked on the set and reminded them that they have a "Blow shit up" quota to meet, and that the plot points were slowing them down. Soooooooo, they burn the script and start blowing things up. Some people might say "Praphit, this is a comic book movie, how much script can you expect?" If this were 20 years ago, I'd agree.

Plus, it's more the fact that nothing makes any sense at this point.

Magneto (who's always the voice of reality in these movies, in my opinion) wants to kill Jean (for very good reasons), but he knows that he can't take Phoenix by himself, so why is he trying? He's a smart dude; why not come up with a better plan? Prof X wants to talk to Jean, to reason with her... the problem with that is that they just tried that a few days ago, and that couldn't have gone any more terribly than it did. The aliens in this movie (which lack all personality btw), who's objective is to control Jean, also know that they can't really do that or take her out (which was plan B), so... what the hell are we doing? The aliens are supposed to be the smart ones!

Prof X should have just controlled everyone's minds, and played a big game of immoral chess to take Jean out - that would have been a cool movie. But, this (though the effects are VERY COOL:) simply became a shoot-out! Not to mention, that right before all of this awesome, but confusing damage takes place, they have a big speech about restraint and not doing harm. Literally, a minute later, the X-Men are blowing buses up!

But, all of that is not even what makes this movie bullshit (grade: D+ btw). What makes this movie bullshit is the fact that it's the last one before Disney takes over.

You'd think that they would have given it their best, so that they can go out making us miss them! But, it felt like half way through the movie the team was told that this is all over, and that Mickey Mouse is coming to collect, but instead of going out with their best, they said to themselves "bleep it" and mailed-it-in.

The way that the final battle scene ends doesn't make any sense. It's one of those scenarios where "If you could do that... why didn't you do that earlier and save more destruction?" and a lil bit of "Well, if you had THAT much power, then none of these other altercations should have even been close."

The way it ends after that too! Man! It's like they just fast forwarded through the parts they didn't feel like acting out. This is the last one, people! Just lazy!

Yeah you!

I've got a spoiler, sooooo if you don't want it, skip through the text after Patrick Stewart - and start reading again when you see his handsome face again:)

(this is back when I learned to love this man)

So, Jean is... gone (possibly dead), and the X-Men name the school after her "Institute of Jean Grey" or something like that. Also, Prof X steps down (maybe due to guilt of his misatkes with Jean, who knows for sure, cuz they didn't act it out), and leaves Beast in charge in with the other teen X-Men to instruct the 'young kids at the school. "Other TEEN X-Men" Did they just make these kids professors? And what qualifies Beast (at this stage in his life) to run the school? Plus, Jean Grey was kind of a murderer wasn't she (and this wasn't a secret from the rest of the world)? Come on,kids, let me sign you up for "Ted Bundy's School for gifted youngsters" Would you be onboard for that? Hell no!

(Here’s PS fresh off a bender. “I promise, Timmy, I’ll try to think about never touching the sauce again, but this hair says that I will.”)

So... I'd say, entertaining bullshit. The effects (especially) at the end are great! But, the rest... and to go out like this... ugh.

There's a cool quote in here from Mystique (played by J.Law) who clearly didn't want to be there. It was a quote about how the women in the X-Men seem to be sticking their necks out and saving the day way more than the men, and that  maybe Xavier should change their name to “The X-Women”. I thought that was not only funny, but a damned good point. I say do it!

I'd love it if you had a a big strong manly man of the team go ahead of the action and stand up to the enemy, and when asked "Who are you?" he replies

"We're the X-Women."

[geneshaven]

Grounded (Arrow 613)

After watching 613, I kept thinking how a lot of the characters on Arrow (sans Oliver, Felicity and John) should be grounded and sent to their rooms. Leading the pack is William and the Newbies. And maybe the writers as well, for the lame way they killed off Cayden James and slipped in Diaz as if no one would notice the tepid turnstile the villains came through this season.

So, William sneaks out of the Bunker after Oliver told him to stay put, that it’s dangerous out there. He shows up in the field and cries about being scared and not wanting to lose his dad like he did his mom on Lian Yu. Thanks for that reminder, William. Oliver needed to stay focused while he faced the bad guy and William uses his dead mother as a justification for following his dad. Did Felicity’s talk with him in 611 mean nothing? Did she not convince the lad that what Oliver does is dangerous? After 611 and the heartfelt family feels, William seemed to have a handle on his dad’s vigilante lifestyle, that he understood why Oliver is out there protecting those he loves and the city they live in. Felicity told him that he (as she does) has to believe Oliver is going to be okay. William conceded to this and appeared willing to follow in his step-mom’s footsteps.

Does William not trust Felicity or John or Auntie Thea? Does the boy not understand what Team means? All four of his new family members (and yes, I am including John) have knocked on death’s door. They understand what it means to have one another’s back. They understand that they are stronger together than on their own. It is all about trust---and faith. So disregarding the team’s safety because William was afraid---it doesn’t track.

So William, you’re grounded.

**

The Newbies. Since they went their separate ways and created their own facsimile of a Team, I have felt nothing for them but a slow burn. Their self-righteous, we-are-the-victims mentality is one of the most ridiculous storylines Arrow has served up. Okay, I’ll just say it---without Oliver’s influence and guidance, Curtis and Rene and Dinah would still be adrift in the mess of their lives, angry and in pain and without direction, without a  place and purpose to channel it through.

Rene is the worst of the three. He was wearing hockey gear before Oliver brought him into the fold. He was running in blind (aka Barry’s early days) and taking on the villains who were clearly elevated in skills and tactics and just plain menace. I mean come on; Anatoly got the drop on him and shot Rene with his own gun. Apparently, the writers would have us believe that Rene lost track of and the reasons for trusting and being loyal to Oliver when he caved in under the pressure and manipulations of Agent Watson. He should have trusted Oliver the same way Oliver trusted him. He should have instinctively known that Oliver has his back. The Green Arrow has saved Rene’s ass multiple times. But over the last couple of episodes, Rene has become a stranger to what he was becoming under  Oliver’s tutelage.  He was doing well at the Mayor’s Office, as well as part of Oliver’s elite team of vigilantes. He was almost close to becoming endearing to some of the fanbase who has hated him from the start. Wasn’t it Oliver who saved him from Church? Wasn’t it Oliver who risked his own life going over that highway overpass to rescue Rene before he was crushed from the fall? Wasn’t it Oliver who cleaned up the mess Rene created by going solo after Samson? And wasn’t it Oliver who opened the door again on winning back Zoe? The way Rene is now blaming Oliver for all that is bad in his life, (most of which he created himself) warrants canceling his Team membership card.

So Rene, you’re grounded.

**

Curtis, as always, has been written so poorly. Okay, if you roll the series back two years, Curtis had some promise at the start of Season 4, but the episodes were few and far between. He had tech skills. He was married (happily?) He did develop Felicity’s chip that made her walk again. He hacked a bunch of bees and saved the day. And if I remember correctly, Oliver inspired him to stay in Star City and fight for his home.

We all knew (via the comics) that Curtis was going to morph into Mr. Terrific; T-Spheres and all. I remember there being a sense of excitement by this. But at the start of Season 5, after being beat up by street thugs, Curtis was already putting conditions on Oliver bringing him onto the Team. Oliver asked him if he could identify the ruffians who whooped his ass. Curtis said yes and he will happily tell him--- under one condition. Oliver was right in his assessment that Curtis had the least amount of experience then the rest of the candidates when it came to mixing it up with the criminal element of Star City. His nightly beatings cast doubt over his ability to hold his own. He lost heart. Then he lost Paul (maybe he blames Oliver for that too.)  Then he lost his appeal.

I won’t even get into the writer’s thinking he could fill Felicity’s computer and hacking shoes. I think they tried too when she was plummeting down her rabbit hole, but it was only annoying and felt just wrong.

There was one more instant when Curtis tried to be appealing to the fanbase. It was in 520. He brought, or had Oliver pick up, Chinese food and bring it back to the Bunker to go with wine in the garage.  (Clearing my throat)….He brought our OTP together. Okay, it was a flashback, but we got some nice Bunker sex out of it. So good on you Curtis.

Now, he has added indignation and being a professional victim to his resume. He has sided with a traitor (Rene) and a secret-keeper that could have compromised the Team (Dinah.)  All of them broke the #1 rule in vigilanteing---trusting one another.

Curtis, you’re grounded.

**

Dinah. I’m sort of on the fence where she is concerned. On one side, Dinah has blown away any doubts of who the more effective Black Canary is on the show. Her fighting skills make Laurel Lance look like she is slap-fighting her opponents. Dinah is more fluid and is one mean mother with the staff she uses. Her fights are just more exciting to watch.  And her sonic cry? Come on, really? She can stop a speeding train with it. Laurel could muster up a loud noise to disrupt her opponents hearing, and she could occasionally cause glass to shatter. So yeah, I am way more of a Dinah fan for reasons.

Having said that, the whole Vigilante/Vince thing kind of seemed last minute to me. When Vigilante came on the scene last year, even then I did not really invest myself in him. Maybe it was because I was in numb disbelief over what was happening with Olicity.  Then Vigilante went away and Adrian Chase became all the eggs in the bad guy basket. Did the writers already envision Vigilante’s part to play in Season 6?

(Me speaking for the writers--- (“Okay, let’s bring Vigilante back. Wait, even better, let’s make it Dinah’s ex. Yeah; he was killed the first time, but what if he was caught in the same meta wave that turned Dinah into a sonic badass? We can throw him in with Cayden James and Diaz and Anatoly and Black Siren. But we’ll also make him a double agent, with his old feelings for Dinah still intact. Hot damn, it will be some wonderful contrived drama and it will keep the fans guessing.”)

Uh sorry writers, but I could not climb aboard that toxic ship. I think it ruined the potential of Dinah being a good character. That is not set in stone---there are still ten episodes left, so who can tell at this point? And now because Vince was killed the second time by Black Siren, (a conflict of interest if there ever was one) Dinah has gone off the rails, the same kind of train wreck she was when Oliver convinced her to come  make a difference on his team. She wants revenge and is blinded by it. No more Mr. nice guy (uh, I mean girl.) No more self-reflection or trust or belief. Oliver made  all of it happen (through the pain surging through her mind) by calling her on keeping her new, reunited relationship with Vince a secret, an act that could have seriously hurt the team.

Dinah, you’re grounded.

**

So, all the Newbies had a part in screwing the pooch. To them, it was Oliver who instigated their righteousness. Do any of them remember Evelyn? Do they remember being put in Gilligan’s Island style cages, and the island being blown up? Heck, Evelyn even gave them all cute, handmade Christmas stockings. They might as well have been filled with razor blades.

So yeah, Oliver put you all under surveillance. He was not going to be compromised in that way again. Maybe the question he should ask the rookies is---if one of them (say Rene) decided to throw the other two under the bus to save themselves, wouldn’t  you want to know what each was doing.  Wouldn’t you want to see it coming? It’s pretty simple for the kind of lives all of them lead. Oliver made some pretty harsh sacrifices over the years to keep integrity in his crusade. Apparently, the Newbies are not willing to go as far.

Episode 614 looks like all this is going to come full circle. Hopefully it will end this awful storyline and put everybody back on track for a strong finish to the season. If Dinah and Rene and Curtis can realize that they bit off more than they can chew by taking on OTA, maybe taking a bite of that humble pie will fulfill  their hungers of becoming stronger than what might be out there that could destroy them. And it doesn’t include blaming the ones who invited you to the crusade.

One quick note…Lance has completely gone up around the bend. Maybe it’s time for another intervention, before Black Siren (not Laurel) shows him that drinking is safer than listening to her BS.

Lance, you’re grounded.

Everybody is grounded.

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