#sorry for the screeds of text at the start but.... y'know

[fullmetalscullyy]

Heya, if you still want prompts: I don't know how much angst you're feeling right now but Roy saying to Riza: "all I ever wanted was your father's research" before walking away and leaving her heart broken While all he wants is to keep her save and out of harm's way to protect her from the military who would make her a living weapon or make her create more flame alchemists... Just a little artwork idea that is in my mind and needs some fuel 🙃 - @2ndlt-rebecca-catalina

something is mentioned in this fic,,, i wrote that roy thinks “success comes from power”. in actual canon i do not think that is something he’d believe, especially after ishval. i think he’d abhor it. BUT that being said, this is 18yo impressionable roy so wanted to roll with it… after all he thought the military would mean him helping people. and,, how many 18yo make clear and concise decisions for real. also i do believe the military would be v v big on propaganda, so what’s a boy to think when he sees the likes of bradley at the top of the military and with flame alchemy newly in his grasp? ANYWAY just something to keep in mind and something i wanted to play with in this oneshot. hope u enjoy and hope this is ok <3

He had to do it.

Roy Mustang took a deep breath and entered the room. He was arrested in his movements at the sight of her. The way her golden hair caught the sunlight. It shimmered before his very eyes, almost blinding him, like an angel’s light would. She was cleaning dishes in the sink. It was so domestic compared to his life in the military academy as of late, that it reminded him of her innocence in all of this. She had no idea the power she wielded on the skin of her back. A power he had just taken from her. He’d poured over her skin, admired the ink for the knowledge it held, but also repulsed by how it had gotten there. The moment had been intimate, sacred… And now he was going to dismiss it all.

She was his best friend. He couldn’t do this to her. But he had to.

Just a few days ago he’d professed this dream of his, laid bare his entire future to her, because she was the only person he knew who wouldn’t look down on him, or think him stupid for having such thoughts. She’d always managed to understand where he was coming from, even if Roy didn’t understand himself half the time. Riza Hawkeye was one of the sweetest, kindest people he’d ever met. And now he was going to have to crush her for her own good.

“I’m heading out,” he announced to the silent room.

She turned but didn’t stop in her actions. A simple nod of resignation in his direction was her response, as if she knew this moment was coming. She returned her eyes to the bubbling water washing over her hands. He’d noticed how her shoulders had tensed.

“Would you like some company to the station, Mr. Mustang?”

It hurt that was how she referred to him, but he wouldn’t put a stop to it. Any closer now and she’d be in danger.

“No, thank you. I appreciate your hospitality, Miss Hawkeye.”

“If you’re ever in town again –” Her tone was hopeful, and he hated himself for shooting it down.

“I won’t be.”

Riza turned and blinked at him once, then stared.

“I got what I came for.”

It hurt him immeasurably to say such a thing, but it was for her own good. Even though his intentions were good, in naiveté, he’d worded it so cruelly.

Riza nodded, turning back to her task.

Roy was no fool. He knew flame alchemy was one-of-a-kind. There were many who sought after it. He’d heard officers talking about it in the academy. Roy had held his tongue, worrying for his former master the more he’d heard. But no one knew where it came from. All speculation was wrong. “Some alchemist up north” or “someone in the west” knew it’s secrets. That may be the case, but Roy didn’t care, so long as it wasn’t “someone in the east”. Despite his master disapproving of Roy’s choice to join the military, he knew just how important and secret Master Hawkeye wanted his alchemy to be. He wouldn’t betray that. Even if Master Hawkeye had disowned Roy after he’d voiced his true goals to him, he couldn’t let slip the man’s research. It felt wrong. Flame alchemy had always sounded so insanely powerful to Roy and he wasn’t so foolish to think that the whole world should have access to it. He only wanted it to make a difference. A good difference. And if Fuhrer Bradley had taught him anything, it was that success came from power. If he could sacrifice himself and protect the likes of Riza Hawkeye and his family with this power, then he would. There was no question there.

That meant that if Riza was tied to him in any way, if they ever did find the source of such an incredible power now that Master Hawkeye was gone, then Riza Hawkeye would be turned into a lab rat. She’d be put on display for countless alchemists as they tried to decipher what was on her back. He wouldn’t let that happen.

But… It didn’t change the fact that he wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that it would all be okay, that he would ensure her safety. He couldn’t. Not now that he had this power. If anyone knew where it stemmed from, she would be targeted.

“I only wanted you for your father’s research.” His tone was cold, just like the temperature the air in the room had now dropped to.

Riza paused as she cleaned for only a second, but then continued washing the plate she’d been wiping down for the last few minutes. At this point it was beyond clean. The sponge was squeaking against it, and it sounded like Roy’s heart inside his chest as it began to crack.

She’s your best friend. How can you do this to her?

“I understand,” she whispered. She didn’t turn around. She never said another word as Roy stood there waiting for something more, and that was worse than yelling. The cold indifference hurt him more, but he had no real right to feel hurt. This was his plan and he’d caused this cold shoulder towards him.

“Okay, good,” he stated firmly. His voice felt anything but. He cursed how it wavered. “Goodbye, Miss Hawkeye.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

She was still washing the same plate in the sink.

Roy picked up his suitcase from the front door and let himself out. He walked down the path with a grim look on his face. A mantra was running through is mind, of how he was doing this for her own benefit and to distance herself from him. Something told Roy that she knew he was lying. She’d always managed to see right through him, but then he remembered how her shoulders had stiffened and how she’d sounded so quiet and defeated… He’d done that to her.

Roy Mustang felt like the worst person in the world. He probably was. She’d been so kind to him and offered him complete hospitality after the death of her father, and he’d paid her in dirt. He’d taken something from her that she despised. Her father had turned her into a walking notebook, and Roy had waltzed in and acted as if that was all she was. He’d reduced her to nothing more than that, and he felt filthy. His heart had been cracking as he spoke to her in her kitchen, but now it had shattered. He paused down the path outside her home. Unable to help himself, Roy cast his eyes back towards the house. He gasped for air as pain ravaged his chest.

How could you do that to your best friend?

Glancing back, he noted how she was still standing in front of the sink. He could see her through the murky glass of the kitchen window at the front of the house. Roy could barely make out the movement of her arms as she continued to clean, and he couldn’t see her face. Her head was bowed down. That was the only change since he’d left the room. If he’d fought to look clearly enough, he may have seen a tear catching the sunlight as it ran down her cheek. It would have mirrored the same one trailing down his own cheek, before he drew himself to his full height and continued on his journey.

Because of what her bastard father had done to her, Roy had to protect her. She would be safer out here, in the middle of nowhere, where the military couldn’t get their grubby hands on the research that was now a burden on her back.

She was safer, yes, but now she was completely alone. Abandoned, by you.

Roy dropped his suitcase clumsily and placed his hands on his knees. His chest was heaving as he drew in breath. He fought past the pain and regret that was crushing his lungs. He had to. It was for her own safety.