#sorry for the cringe censors i just don't... want randos on this post

[cqcandchill]

the fact that s^mteron gets so much wrong about the influence of n^zi aesthetics (something specifically tied to fascism as an overall concept) and ideology on modern culture is almost enough to make me want to start making video essays about What Actually Happened For Real

bc like. there are truly a lot of interesting things to say there! esp bc there was an intersection btwn weimar germany's queer culture and the emergent fascist homophobic hyper-masculinity of the third r^ich. you have röhm, a highly regarded founding member of the party, whose gayness is an open secret. you have a queer underground that is an open secret, gay and lesbian magazines, nightclubs, and a ground-breaking sex institute that revolutionizes early gender affirming treatments for trans ppl. and a bunch of other gender essentialism going on in the background

... i don't know if i could survive going down a rabbit hole that deep w/o suffocating. i am at the point where some of the stuff i write for my ocs has a bibliography of books, primary sources and research papers. and he is missing so much commentary on things like the influence of german philosophy, the changing urban/rural demographic density, pre-wwi german culture, post-wwi german culture, antisemitism, racial ideology/eugenics, misogyny, historiography of wwii, it goes on................ to say nothing about ignoring leyendecker, rockwell, tom of finland etc

[livingfictionsystem]

Related to my last status but lemme tell you how I first got to be really close friends with Sound. (I have her permission to post this. TW: SA.)

So, Sound's my alter, and the whole story was that he had to bail out of Toronto and live with Illusion in Marysville for a bit of time.

And honestly, I loved the fuck out of Sound. Not in a romantic way, more in a "Let me Mr. Ripley you and steal everything you've got going on." Genderfluid, no filter, people couldn't help but laugh at her jokes no matter how dark they were, looking punk af. I was under Kirra's thumb at the time and a lot of my willpower was bludgeoned to death so I felt like that was a contrast compared to what Sound had going on.

Anyway, we're all at this restaurant/tavern in inworld's Marysville. She was probably like 19 and I was 16ish. We'd smuggled in booze we were passing back and forth in a SOBE bottle. And Sound's just doing his whole personal compilation of his fave r@pe-related jokes, all the while saying "lmao this is just from personal experience" because this was the early 2000s and Sound was also an Edgy piece of shit.

And you have to understand, I'd hardly told a single SOUL about what happened to me. Not my besties. Not a counselor. I was trying to convince myself it didn't even happen, yknow? Sound came around probably as a result of my system processing it.

But then this one rando was like "Um hey did... um... You actually get... -whispers- r-a-p-e'd?"

And Sound is like "hold up hold up hold up... has it happened to You?"

Rando: "??? What?"

Sound: "Has it happened to You? Or like even a friend of yours?"

"??? No??"

"Then why are you censoring it? Seriously. It's r@pe. I was r@ped. You can say it."

This girl looked like she was clutching her pearls. Just "It's bad to say it!"

And Sound shoots back with, "Yeah doll? Well it's even worse to go through it."

Idek if this is problematic in these days, but they went back and forth, with Sound was aggressively using the word to try to get this girl to confront how the concept was scarier than the word.

Even to the point of making up like a cheerleader chant. Sound got up on a fucking chair and started doing a dance and was like "R-A-P-E THAT'S WHY I NEED THERAPY! 📣 R@PE, R@PE, R@PE!" And my traumatized ass was just CRACKING up.

I don't even care if that was toxic or cringe or whatever but I gotta say, as a victim, hearing someone speak about it like that-- not in hushed tones, not in gentle words, just in this blunt, comedic way-- that was probably the most healing thing on the planet for me. It was such a pivotal goddamn moment and honestly, just about the only thing I like about myself is that I got over all that self-censorship like with a vengeance.

So yeah sorry for the long post but. I wanted to share that. C:

-Sparrow 🧷