#sorry for posting rambles about random ass shit it will happen again

[pixelkip]

Fnaf trailer coming out has reminded me of something in fnaf theorizing that bothers me to no end

Why the hell did we decide Michael was the player of fnaf 4.

What purpose does that serve.

How is this a reasonable or satisfying explanation for anything??

"OoOoOoH but Michael drew nightmare fredbear once in the survival logbook so how else would he know what that looks like???" Ok but what if he drew up fucked up lookin versions of the animatronics to scare his brother as a kid, or just cause he was an edgy little shithead teenager drawing fucked up versions of his dad's childrens animal mascots and it happened to scare the hell out of CC because of COURSE it would.

"But pixel it's on the "do you have dreams" page" ok bet Michael drew spooky animatronics, CC saw them and went WAAAA I HAD A NIGHTMARE ABOUT SCARY FREDBEAR and his guilt about bullying his brother stuck with him. Enough to recall it when asked about dreams.

It could also be another case of no matter how you theorize it, fnaf will always have plot holes or details that make no sense.

Maybe it's just me but im willing to go with the easier, albeit slightly headcanon-y solution of Michael Was A Jerk that doesn't require overlooking the obvious details in fnaf 4 that point to the crying child being the player (hospital imagery easter eggs, the players height, the room clearly being a young kids room etc), and doesn't involve William using,, what is it high tech illusion robots???? to torture his children or punish Michael or whatever the explanation is.

Also Michael being the player just makes the story of the game just.. worse. but again, maybe that's just me.

Tldr: fnaf 4 player is Michael theory is kinda dumb and i don't like how it changes fnaf 4's plot and it requires a ton of leaps in logic to justify it and Michael coming up with some spooky shit to scare his brother and recalling it later makes more sense to me.

[bookreadingpsycopath]

To people on this silly website:

As midnight draws closer and closer (or already happened for people in different time zones) I just wanted to say thank you to my mutuals and the people I’ve seen on my dash. Whether we’ve ever had a conversation or not I hope things turn out ok for you.

I haven’t been on this website for a very long time but thank you for posting Art, thank you for posting silly little ramble about topics you like, thank you’d to bringing awareness to different topics, thank you for posting snippets of your WIP’s, thank you for sharing what’s you’re thinking about, thank you for all your shitposts, thank you for your rants, thank you for all of your posts whether they’re goofy, serious, happy, depressing, or just there, thank you for existing because it sucks but we’re all in this silly little website together and I think that’s quite nice, thank you for all the poetry on here, thank you for the song lyrics on here, thank you to all of my mutuals who have put up with me posting random ass stuff at the most random hours the days, thank you for all the fun tag games, thank you for the picrew tag chains, thank you for interacting with me, that has meant so much to me even if you’ve just liked a post of mine or if you tagged me in something or talked with me, thank you from the depths of my being it truly meant so much to me. Thank you all for so much.

I hope to interact with more of you little shits (affectionate) within this coming year. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send me an ask or something like that I’ll be glad to listen. If 2024 doesn’t treat you well we can all beat it up together at the end of it. I hope you get to enjoy yourself more in 2024.

And thank you too all my mutuals again for putting up with all my shit lmao @smol-sorrows @sunnandclouds @keinechteslaecheln @justaproblem-17 @wolfstaridiot08 @demigoddess-of-ghosts @dzikiemaslo @moonysversion @lifewaster-imdanger98 @kevinhayrle

And a special message to @wolfstaridiot08! You are amazing and so loved by me (in a platonic way) I’m pretty sure we’re platonic soulmates and I’m excited to go on a book splurge with you this weekend. You have gotten me through so much and thank you so fucking much for that. You helped me figure a lot of my shit out and have put up with a lot of my shit too. You listened when no one else would and I’m sorry for when I brushed things off and didn’t tell you stuff. Thank you for shoving (firmly but kindly pushing) me into a slightly healthier lifestyle and making sure I am actually getting adequate amount of rest, thank you for being there for me, thank you for showing me its ok to not be “perfect” all the time and that it was ok to be myself, thank you for consistently talking to me and even if you didn’t realize it that meant so much to me, thank you for showing me what a healthy friendship actually looked like, thank you for letting me ramble on and on about all of my new obsessions, thank you for supporting me, thank you for all the late night texts, thank you teaching me the wonders of flipping people off, thank for being my obsession buddy, thank you for giving me space when I asked for it, thank you for for sharing your writing with me, thank you for staying with me and not just pulling away or something, thank you for being you, thank you for everything and more, and WE MADE IT, we made it to New Year’s Eve, we did it. I love you ❤️.

(also sorry if this sounds cheesy, I’m a sappy bitch)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

THANK YOUU so nice to be back to being unproductive LMAO

USHDDKSJA DW IM BACK FOR MORE OAEU JOKES AND OTHER GOOFY RAMBLINGS wait bro people are already actually taking it too seriously??? I was gone for three days and this is what happens dw Im back and ready to slander and throw hands /j also damn was it ever that serious like people have opinions so even if you were serious??? Smh glad to be back and will fs be stepping up my Mira defender game wtf

NO FR Barou in a diff universe cmon you KNOW Karasu is right up your alley take the bait Barou fans take the bait…..but SAME???? The first ep really did him wonders probably also because eightbit put extra effort into the first ep….

MY RIDE OR DIE WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER!!! Yeah I’d never join itoshiopolis because the fans there are actually kinda insane but ig I won’t slander him for being emo looking as often

Pursuit tabieita fr my favorite I can’t wait to see them introduced and having their dumbass moments LMAO

Aikuniko unexpected duo my Roman Empire I never expected to like either character LMAOOO ok wait speaking of I saw some profiles floating around from the new bible??? I thought it was releasing later but????? Ok I tried to grab the link from Reddit (ew I know) but it wouldn’t let me for whatever reason without like sending it as a thing through Reddit but I don’t even have an account and I’m not about to make one (maybe technology hates me atp or I should start cracking out an industrial grade computer to do shit) soooo but if you just scroll in the main blue lock subreddit there’s a bunch of profiles posted including Aiku kiyora Hiori Nanase etc! Aikus has me dying but I think I just got my shit rocked reading hioris what the fuck LMAOOO anyways um happy reading!!

FRRR im already interacting with every bllk post that comes my way to try and influence my fyp but it gets taken over by like random shit idek but yeahhhh definitely more slideshow looking this time HAHA the way they animated chigiri running really had me crying because why did they just drag him across the screen like that but I mean either way KARASUUUU HE FR LOOKED SO GOOD AND OMG YEAH THE HANDS >>>>>> i agree he did look more majestic in the manga LOL yeah i think the smirk makes the animators exaggerate some proportions and whatnot but the extra Bambi panel thank you eightbit the way I screamed when I heard the villain line LMAOOO

FRRR nagi Karasu majestic panel when!! Maybe we’ll get one from epinagi if it ever gets to the MC vs PXG match LOL

15K FOR AN OPP IS CRAZY LMAOOO no because you’re serving even FOR the opps that’s actually crazy if I had to make content for an opp I feel like I’d half ass it but anyways GOGO YOU GOT THISSSS

- Karasu anon

HOORAY FOR BEING UNPRODUCTIVE 🙂‍↕️💖

OAEU JOKES ON TOP they will never not be funny to me sorry not sorry…please it really never was that deep i’m afraid!! people mostly keep it cute and idm diff opinions but sometimes it’s like okay well i fear you missed the point a bit here. i fear i was just joshing with ya. i fear i was being overly dramatic to prove a point. SORRY I WON’T DO IT AGAIN 😭💔

BAROU FANS PLEASEEE KARASU FANS ALREADY LOVE BAROU LETS FORM A COALITION PLSSS and yeah they def put more effort into the first ep KDJFJS maybe it’s because nagi’s in that ep so they had to lock in…also the barou cameo in this ep had me giggling he looked rlly good in it too he’s so #bae

RIDE OR DIESSSS FR okay wait this is insanely controversial but it has to be said idc abt itoshi bros angst i just don’t think it was ever that serious idk how people genuinely cry and feel sad abt it…maybe it’s because i’m coming from fandoms where characters die and shit but like it just isn’t sad to me??? like okay sae doesn’t want to play soccer w rin anymore…maybe rin just needs more hobbies or smth LSHFSJJDSN IDK IDK TOP TEN OPINIONS THAT WOULD PUT A HIT ON ME FR itoshi fans do NOT play

I CAN’T WAIT EITHER UGH I JUST NEED TO FINISH THIS REQ AND THEN I’M ON IT

OKAY i just read through them 😭 KIYORA’S HAS ME CACKLING WHY IS BRO FREAKY LIKE THAT 😫 maybe karasu and otoya were onto smth when they decided to bully him…also kurona and his multiple pet hedgehogs?? hello??? that is SO random yet somehow also in character…pls hiori’s insane celebrity crush is so funny and AIKU omg the way he has a gambling and underage drinking issue is so him i can’t he’s so insane and him hating chocolate is SO in character somehow like he would be the one 😰 just patiently sitting and waiting for more karasu barou and yukimiya content now 👁️👁️ nagi has his own spinoff manga so i’m pretty fed in terms of nagi info but the other three GIVE IT TO ME NOW wait also aiku having an older and younger sister just like otoya is hilarious what is it abt that combo that creates absolute VILLAINS ⁉️

hold on related to epinagi i have to say i did not care abt himizu’s backstory bruh literally who even likes him he’s done nothing in the main series 😭 i’ve seen predictions that he might somehow injure chigiri in barcha vs mc but i don’t think he would just because chigiri’s leg is such a major plot point that idt they’d do smth to it without isagi around?? if that makes sense?? idk though

PNG LOCK WE ARE SO BACK 🙂‍↕️ i’m laughing at least they didn’t fumble too much w the art style…i feel like we knew going into it that the majority of the budget went into the u20 match so it was kinda expected ngl…HEARTBREAKING as a karasu fan but THRILLING as a nagi/barou fan 😭 sacrifices must be made ig at least karasu is incapable of looking bad and does have some scenes in u20 too so all hope is not lost!! plus we get the scene of all of them shirtless in the locker room and one thing abt 8bit they eat UP shirtless scenes LSJFJDJD expecting smth glorious for shirtless karasu’s anime debut

omg wait actually now that you mention it epinagi might have smth usable in the current match i’ll have to go back and lurk…epinagi artist LOVES karasu his panels are always insanely good the problem is like he has so few panels that if i make a karasu theme my blog will look exactly the same as every other karasu fan’s and my individuality complex will not allow that /hj

OUT SOON I PROMISE I’M FINISHING UP had to take a break for dinner and some internship application stuff but i’m back to the grind now TRUST

[doxiedreg]

A yes we are back to feeling randomly sad and empty hours

I mean not entirely random, I've had a breakdown recently and probably should do something about the trauma and frustration that came boiling up instead of stomping it back in their boxes again but I don't even know how to do that or how to go about asking help with it so I'm just extra mentally and physically tired instead

AND I CANT DRAW AND I HATE IT AND IM GOING TO SHAKE MY BRAIN BETWEEN MY TEETH LIKE THAT ONE JPEG

I want to try doing other OC stuff to keep me creatively occupied but repressed special interest means I can't info dump without a question to work of. I can't brainstorm by myself. I need feedback from others to be able to write and it's so frustrating. I wish my brain would just be able to write down info but I don't work like that

Only other time I'm able to write info on the characters is right after ive drawn them and I'm posting them to social media because it makes my gears turn

But i can't draw

So I'm just sad

And getting myself to do other activities is hard.

My brain is just stuck in a negative/barely engaged loop (not a spiral) where even when I do try things to take me out of it (playing guitar or going outside or staring at my fishtank) it barely does anything. I wish I had some nearby park I could hang out in or a beach but that means I'd have to take public transport there and that's a big cause of sensory overload so grah- there is a plant market next week I'm going to with my sis so that should help but I feel like the only thing that would fix me is go on vacation somewhere in the Mediterranean but like I can't do that, I can't handle the traveling. Like once I'm at my destination everything is fine, but the airport and all that shit I can't take that. I wish I could just teleport..I wish there was more nature nearby..I just feel so frustrated. I just want to swim in the sea and look at tide pools and walk in nature and watch lizards scurry around and see the palm trees and eat yummy ice cream. See mountains again!!

But it would be too difficult..

I wish I wasn't so limited, that everything wasn't so difficult and that capitalism wasn't burning the planet down as we speak

Even the internet is becoming a capitalist hellscape with inescapable 30 second ads on YouTube, websites and socials plastered with ads it just drives me crazy on mobile. Like on my laptop I have adblock but that's not an option on mobile so I just have ads everywhere and it drives me nuts. And then there is all the spam DMs I get on twitter and insta and reporting has 0 impact. Not to mention the rich ass CEOs making the stupidest decisions and changes that nobody asked for.

I just hate it that my surroundings are turning into a hellscape. I'm trying to stay in my own bubble and ignore the things I can't do anything about and live day to day but it just wears me down so much

I just wish I could easily fix my brain again..but I don't think that's happening any time soon..I hate feeling like this..

Sorry I kinda rambled all over the place there, I just need to write down my thoughts somewhere

[gacha-incels]

I just find this a stupid question to entertain in the first place but clickbait titles to rambling opinion videos are like the bread and butter for YouTubers like this so whatever. like before humiliating yourself ask: is this REALLY what’s happening or am I forcing my own interpretation because I like this stupid game and I want it to be more than a tits & ass gacha shooter with the standard sci-fi hooks-you-for-long-enough story that will always have some random excuse baked in as to why it’s an all-female cast catering to any and every fetish.

what is the reaction from the male playerbase of the game in its country of origin? there was controversy when they found a 🤏shaped hand in a NIKKE web event, the illustration of which wasn’t even made by a Korean artist, Shift-Up later begged their forgiveness and apologized for making them see a “hateful” gesture. Shift-Up’s removal of a woman’s work from their game Destiny Child after she voiced support for the VA who wore “girls do not need a prince” fundraiser shirt, their red light district looking advertising at a games convention, etc. when the images from the games con came out, there were conversations all over twitter about it from Korean women discussing NIKKE, gacha games, and their treatment of women. Did this youtuber take any of that into account?

On the off chance men are offended, they are catered to and promised it won’t happen again. If there was any inkling of feminist thought coming out of this game, what do you think the reaction would be from this main audience of “gamer” men? It doesn’t even need to be “feminist” to them, these guys will lose their shit when there are male characters in the game you can gamble for. like what game are the “men don’t play” incels most angry about? It’s not NIKKE lmao it’s Genshin, the game that also has multiple male characters incels cross culturally lose their fucking minds over hating, and of course had the $11k Korean incel protest balloon they ignored after removing their livestream chatroom. but for some reason these (usually male) youtubers don’t follow this, something that’s happening in reality, but would rather live in some fantasy world where their t&a game will make hentai addicts respect women. It’s such a strange interpretation of these games.

Due to the large amount of money being spent on them, having these games top the revenue charts has become matter of showing off social and financial power. Having a game where scantily clad highly sexualized female characters the player “buys” obey their orders, engage in softcore porn animations and baiting dialogue will show the dominance of the straight male’s spending power and his “aesthetic” values. He is able to show off his financial prowess (enough money to spend gambling) and, because these games uniquely rely so much on character revenue, he is able to influence aspects like character design and even story beats through this. The all-male games like enstars were tolerated because they don’t take up space in a genre (gacha) that these men think should be all-female and they typically do not make as much money outside of a rare chart topping banner. However, now that we are seeing the massive success of mixed sex games like Genshin and an all-male cast game like Love and Deepspace dominating revenue charts, we can see huge pushback from male players. A lot of this, as I’ve posted previously, comes in the form pointedly, specifically of belittling female players’ finances: first, female players were laughed at because they were no competition, and now when they do spend money male players say it’s actually money from their boyfriends/husband/male family members anyway so it’s not really theirs. If you saw that IGN article about Black Myth Wukong, there were comments like this too, “we don’t need female’s money” etc. a couple of years ago there were also male chinese leakers (sorry insane way to phrase this lol) for Genshin Impact who were caught discussing how they would specifically make fake leaks about male characters dying in the story or that their damage was catastrophically bad because they thought it would make women stop playing the game.

All of this to say, I think the real fear here for men is female financial independence. seeing men’s reaction to women being able to afford frivolous, expensive hobbies and begin to dominate men financially (especially in a “hobby” that had typically been predominantly male) is going to tell you a lot more than looking at a gacha story in a bubble. Personally I find monitoring the way these games function in society more interesting than the actual games. Of course there are also aspects like nationalism, sinophobia, racism that play a significant part but for now I’m just discussing misogyny here.

is this the dumbfuck who thinks there’s some feminist undertone to fucking Nikke LMAO. “I’m the most specialist nice guy who actually treats his poor little women well, unlike society! they’re all sexy and obey my orders in gameplay after I buy them of course.” the western cope is insane for this game. 10 years ago he’d be making the same stupid slop about harem anime. “can blue archive teach its players to like adult women?”

“can limbus company teach incels to respect feminist artists?” “can snowbreak teach misogynists the zapatista women’s revolutionary laws?”

[madmars]

Girls And Interdimensional Slugs

Steve Harrington X Fem!reader

ʎɹɐɯɯns: Steve and Dustin break the news to Y/N about a missing Dart

A/N: a longerrr oneeee I get random motivation at like midnight so I mostly would post at like 2am and I always dont plan to make them short like I have so much to say to the point where I ramble on paper so I just decide to cut it short but anyways...enjoy! X

wc: 1,008

“She’s going to be mad”

“obviously dipshit, maybe if you did not bring that thing out of the trash we wouldn't be here”

“First off, don't call him a thing he is a respective individual, secondly, how was I supposed to know he was going to be a Demogorgon, you know I’m just as much as a victim as you, he ate my cat”.

Currently Steve and Dustin stood outside of Y/N’s front door contemplating on how to tell her they had to hunt another interdimensional monster yet again, they’ve second guessed everything ever since they stepped out of the Henderson household, if they did not tell her they would never her the end of it and an ass kicking, if they did tell her, well, they would never her the end of it and an ass kicking. so either way, they were in deep shit. 

Steve rolled his eyes and hesitantly knocked on the door, a few seconds later they heard a sweet ‘coming’ on the other side of the door, Dustin sent Steve a worried glance knowing the sweet demeanor was soon to be gone.

That's when the door opened to reveal Y/N and her sickly sweet smile “Hey guys, come in” she waved the two in, they both nervously chuckled and shuffled into the house, Y/N plopped on the couch and made herself comfortable, Steve awkwardly took a seat next to her and Dustin in armchair to the right of the couch.

It wasn’t unusual that the party would come over to Y/N’s, she was used to it by now, it was her average Saturday night, Y/N rested her head on Steve's shoulder and continued to watch whatever was on the TV, Dustin gestured at Steve, something along ‘TELL HER’, Steve groaned and looked down at Y/N, she laughed at the TV making her smile illuminate her face.

Steve shot Dustin a glare just before tapping Y/N’s thigh, she looked up at him with the same smile, making Steve melt, he was brought back to reality by Dustin’s excessive ‘throat clearing’  

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows at the boys strange behavior “ What did you two do now?”. It was Steve's turn to clear his throat, shifting uncomfortably on the couch “You know I love you right,” 

“We both do” Dustin added, raising his hand slightly, Y/N hummed switching her gaze between the boys, Steve the decided to continue “and we would never do anything to purposely upset you” 

“nope, never” Dustin shook his head gulping a bit under the girls glare, she hummed squinting at her boyfriend “okayyyy” Steve nervously ran a hand through his hair “okayy, and before you get mad-”

Dustin cut him off, once again, “I found some pet in my trash, took him in fed him nougat he then molted that's when I did research thought he was an unknown species, took him to school to show the party, lost him, found him took him back home, came back home he broke yurtles terrarium, molted again and ate mews, shoved him the cellar,  ran in to Steve at the grocery store while finding supplies to...clean my dead cats remains, checked on him in the cellar, he molted again and tore through the walls, turns out he’s a Demogorgon and now he’s roaming around Hawkins and we don't know where he is.” Dustin instantly slapped his hand to his mouth stopping his ramble, all three pairs of eyes went wide, Steve suddenly rushed behind the armchair Dustin was frozen in.

Y/N sat still, wide eyed, jaw slacked she pushed her self off her couch, fuming, “you did what?!?!”  Steve flinched, searching for an explanation “It was an accident.. for me at least he’s the one that kidnapped me”

“Dude!” Dustin huffed, Steve shrugged in response, not really caring about saving someone's ass at this moment, except his own. 

Y/N ran her hands down her face attempting to calm herself down, “you did not think to tell me sooner, when any of this shit happened?!” The two began spitting out excuses Y/N shook her head and waved her hand at hem “y-you know what, whatever” she sighed and came closer to Dustin and Steve pointing a finger at them and giving a stern look “ You two are gonna go to bed, think about the consequences you've caused, and we’re going to figure this shit out tomorrow, got it?” 

Both of them nodded vigorously, shrinking a bit under Y/N’s point.

The next day the three walked along the train tracks planning to lure dart to the junkyard, Y/N walked in front of Steve and Dustin ignoring them and whatever they were conversating about.

“ All right, so let me get this straight. You kept something you knew was probably dangerous in order to impress a girl who... who you just met?”

“All right, that's grossly oversimp-”

Y/N quickly turned around facing the two, making them stop in there tracks, literally, she huffed and harshly threw a piece of meat on the track “seriously! were in all this shit just because you wanted to get some!” she scoffed and continued to walk, muttering something like ‘I’m going to kill them before this Demogorgon does’

Steve hurried to her side silently walking before starting “Baby, you know were really sorry and,” Y/N rolled her eyes “yeah you’re gonna be real sorry when it eats your ass” Steve awkwardly cleared his throat “Yeah so, um, how about when we get out of all this.... interdimensional  crap, I’ll buy you like the whole..7/11 snack isle, and we can watch cartoons and get fat.”  

Y/N looked up at Steve's somewhat pouty face and cracked a tiny grin, Steve let out a sound the resembled a squeal “There it is” Y/N giggled and rolled her eyes “Yeah whatever, I guess its alright because I have an excuse to see swing that bat”. They both busted into a fit of giggles not noticing Dustin appear next to them

 “Y/N? you would like if Steve gave you a  interdimensional slug, right?”

...

✩

-m

[kurtstinypurse]

for the prompt meme thing: 18. celebrity!au + 9. strangers to lovers + “i’m rambling again, aren’t i?” pretty pls. for the rambling of it all and us etc

so this is way longer than that prompt post had in mind, but. I needed to give this the length it (and you) deserved!!

-

Kurt shouldn’t be checking his Instagram comments, and he knows it.

In fact, he makes a point not to, usually, because he knows what he’ll find - a sea of half-assed compliments and ass-kissing that, as nice as they are, all run together, and a scattering of rude remarks that will inevitably stick out to him and ruin his day.

And so he doesn’t check them, simple as that.

Well - until now, apparently, and he isn’t even really sure why he’s doing it as he opens the app, goes to his own page, clicks his most recent post.

Maybe he’s a masochist looking for reasons to feel insecure and beat himself up, or maybe he’s a narcissist and looking for an ego boost, or maybe he’s bored, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s home alone on a Friday night, two glasses of wine deep - but that part of it is pretty much business as usual.

But regardless, there he sits, scrolling through the comments on his latest picture - a snapshot of a model wearing his newly finished suit, floral and understated, a design he’s content with every stitch of.

As to be expected, the comments run together. There’s a lot of them these days, a larger following than he ever expected to get, back when he was an up-and-coming designer.

He’s not so up-and-coming anymore, though.

He’s established, made a name for himself and kept it, a big name, actually, becoming one of the most sought-after designers to create custom suits for events in New York - and, ironically enough, for most events in the Broadway world, for premieres and awards shows and the like.

It’s a small connection to the very world he once thought he’d be immersed in, but at the end of the day, he’s happy with what he has.

Kurt is scrolling, and he’s scrolling, and then- he pauses.

A blue verified check mark sticks out to him next to one username, and so he stops to read the comment, finding a name he recognizes, one he hadn’t expected to see.

blaineanderson ✔️ this is incredible! your designs are always great, but this one really captured me. fingers crossed I can wear one of your pieces one of these days!

Oh.

It’s interesting, actually, that Blaine hasn’t worn one of Kurt’s pieces before.

Kurt’s been aware of Blaine for a while now, vaguely tracking his progression from a stand-out off-Broadway to an understudy on Broadway to, finally, a full-fledged lead role.

He’s a hot topic, having been labeled as one to watch more than once, and Kurt knows Blaine attends the events and premieres Kurt often designs for, but they just...never crossed paths.

Or apparently they had, and Kurt’s just been missing it.

He blinks, and he reads the comment again, and he takes a long drag of wine, and he swallows, and he blinks, and he reads it again.

He realizes he’s smiling, down at his phone all alone in his apartment, no one to see it, no real reason to be doing it.

There’s no real reason why he clicks on Blaine’s profile, either, and there’s definitely no reason to explain why he clicks to follow Blaine, but if that wasn’t enough -

He clicks again, and he pushes away all room for logical thought, and he composes a message.

kurthummel: hi! this is really random, but I thought your comment on my post was really sweet, plus if you meant it, I’d love to design for you. anyways, just thought I’d say hello and thank you.

He presses his phone onto the couch cushion beside him, and he drains the rest of his wine, and he goes into the kitchen to refill his glass, and when he’s back - there’s a message there waiting for him already, much to his surprise.

blaineanderson: hey, kurt! this message was really exciting to see! I’ve actually been following your work for a long time now, and...wow. do YOU mean it? I’m not sure I’m worthy of wearing one of your designs, but at the very least, I’m so glad you said hi!

Blaine’s gracious, and he’s sweet, and Kurt already knows he’s handsome, and-

Kurt has had far too much wine.

And he has been single for far too long.

But Blaine… In a single comment and a single message, Blaine has managed to make Kurt feel more special than he’s felt in a long time, and he’s not sure why.

It’s probably the wine.

The wine is also why he writes back again - and another time, too.

kurthummel: of course I meant it! and why wouldn’t you be worthy? I actually happened to see the falsettos revival on opening night, and yours might be my favorite interpretation I’ve seen. I’m a big fan of the show, of course, and being such a lover of broadway, too… I’ve seen quite a few boots at this point, but your whizzer might have tugged at my heart the most. and your voice!

And your eyes, and your face, and your smile.

Shit.

The wine, the wine, the wine.

kurthummel: sorry, I’m rambling...

He wants to apologize for a lot more than that, but he manages to stop himself.

blaineanderson: no need to apologize! I...wow. again. you’re so kind, and it means even more because you’re so talented, too. your visions for your designs are just so thoughtful and original, especially that last one, and so I’m sure your ear is just as well-tuned so…yeah. wow. now I’m the rambling one! anyways, whizzer quickly became such a personal role for me, and I’m so happy to hear that shines through even a little bit. 

And they kind of go from there.

They keep complimenting each other for a while - there’s probably a ridiculous amount of compliments traded, actually, but they’re both doing it, and it feels like a creative exchange, almost, on topic and essentially business-related. It’s meant to be a precursor to business, actually, hopefully culminating in a project for Kurt and an attention-grabbing, show-stopping outfit for Blaine.

But then they just...keep talking, about their careers and how they like the city, about how they got to the city and where they were prior, about the songs they like and the shows they’ve seen and the movies they’d managed to miss.

It turns out they have a lot in common.

They keep talking, as Kurt finishes off his bottle of wine, as he moves to the bedroom and crawls under his sheets, burrowing into the pillows and blankets with no light but his phone screen illuminating the dark room.

At some point, he realizes he’s smiling, and he’s been smiling, to the point where his cheeks hurt, actually, but he just kind of lets himself.

Just for tonight.

-

But then it’s the next morning, and Kurt wakes up to a message from Blaine, and the conversation continues, direct messages scattered through the morning, during Kurt’s commute to the office, at work when he has the chance to sneak a moment on his phone.

And he finds himself looking for those moments to sneak a read of a message or a reply to one, kind of whenever he can.

Which is exactly what he’s doing when his boss, Isabelle, pokes her head into his office.

“Why are you smiling at your phone?” she wants to know, raising a curious, knowing eyebrow when Kurt shoots his head up to look at her, phone clattering onto his desk. “A new guy?”

“There’s- There’s no guy,” he stammers, because there isn’t, at least not the way she means, and he’s not sure why his face is getting hot.

Blaine is nice, and Kurt is nice back. That’s all it is, really - it’s nice to have someone new to talk to, to get to know, especially when they’re so- well, nice.

Isabelle hums like she doesn’t believe him, and Kurt suddenly isn’t completely convinced he believes himself.

Blaine posts a new picture of himself on Instagram that night, a classy shot from behind as he watches the sun set over the city from a tall skyscraper’s balcony, and if Kurt falls asleep thinking about the narrow lines of Blaine’s waist and the way his ass looks in those pants, well.

Kurt’s only human, after all.

-

He’s not sure when things start to change, exactly.

He can’t pinpoint the moment, but their conversations go from friendly and sweet to something more - deeper, first, a gentle delve into Blaine’s complicated family, a brief conversation about Kurt’s mom and his stepbrother, and then just- just more.

He’s sitting at his desk at work, poking at his salad with his fork and grinning at a silly picture Blaine sent him when he realizes - he feels light, and he feels giddy, almost, and he feels towards Blaine a sort of way he thought he couldn’t feel, not anymore.

But he’s feeling it, and he’s been feeling it, and he realizes, too, that he just kind of knows Blaine feels the same way.

It’s in Blaine’s messages, and it’s in the compliments that reappear when Kurt least expects it, and it’s in the emojis he uses, and it’s just-

It’s everywhere, and Kurt sits there, and he blinks, and he blinks, and he chews thoughtfully for a moment, and he decides, yeah.

He’s not going to question it.

It’s that night that Blaine asks for his phone number, and it feels like a step, and Kurt can’t help but wonder if maybe Blaine’s going to ask him out for coffee or for dinner or for drinks - they live in the same city, after all, and they know a ton of the same people and essentially run in the same circles, and it would be so easy, so easy to just take another step forward and make this real.

Kurt should be scared of that - and in the past, he would be, with a string of brief failed relationships and over three years of being fully single in recent history. He has no reason to think - well, anything.

But he’s just...not scared.

He’s cooking dinner when his phone vibrates, and he reaches for it with his free hand, expecting to find some sort of question or invitation, but instead he finds-

A video.

Unknown Number: Hey, you. It’s Blaine. I know I haven’t told you about this, but it’s only because I haven’t really told anyone about it. But besides just singing on stage, I like to try my hand at arranging my own songs, too, and I felt like sharing this one with you. xx

The attached video is just about three minutes long, and it’s of Blaine on his couch, dressed down in a sweater that screams cozy, and he has a guitar in his lap, and he smiles shyly at the camera before starting to play and to sing.

It’s an upbeat sort of song, and Blaine sings about being a king, about thinking he has it all worked out but figuring out he’s wrong, about his kingdom falling apart but being okay, about being foolish and unexpectedly falling in love.

Kurt knows it’s not for him - he isn’t stupid.

But his heart is stupid, and it’s racing in his chest, and his mouth is stupid, too, because he can’t force away his grin, and his hands are worst of all, because when the song is over, he presses to replay it, and then he replays it again.

And then he picks up his phone, and he types.

From Kurt: Blaine, that was… I don’t know what to say! The lyrics were so clever, and you’re so wonderful at guitar, and you know how I feel about your voice. I listened to it a few times, honestly, and I already want to listen to it again. Sorry, I’m rambling again, too, aren’t I? I...guess I tend to feel kind of foolish around you, actually.

From Blaine: It’s funny, I wrote this song almost a year ago with nothing to apply it to. But it’s starting to make more sense, I think. Or maybe I’m foolish, too.

From Blaine: Besides, I love to listen to you ramble.

Kurt breathes out shakily, and he blinks, and he reads the message again, and he blinks, and he smiles.

He doesn’t hesitate, and he knows he won’t regret it.

From Kurt: Are you free tomorrow night?

Blaine’s reply is near instant.

From Blaine: For you? Anytime.

-

It’s only been a week, Kurt realizes the next night as he fusses over his hair in the mirror, picks an invisible string of a thread from his vest.

A mere week since he messaged Blaine, a mere week since Blaine messaged back, and yet-

It feels like so much longer, so much more than that.

Blaine has agreed to meet Kurt at a cozy, low-lit cafe a few blocks away, one of Kurt’s favorite spots that’s coincidentally one of Blaine’s favorites, too.

It’s funny, really, how connected they’ve always been, even when they didn’t know each other yet.

Kurt isn’t used to not wanting to cancel at least a little bit. On every first date he’s been on in the past handful of years, he’s had to practically force himself out the door, force himself to try, already knowing nothing will come of it.

But now, he has to force himself not to leave for the restaurant too early.

Of course, time moves forward as it inevitably does, and it comes time, and so Kurt heads out, and he walks down the street with a rush in his chest, pulling his jacket close around himself, ready.

A breath catches in his throat as he sees Blaine waiting outside the restaurant, rocking slightly up and down on the balls of his feet in an impossibly endearing nervous motion, a bouquet of colorful flowers in his hand.

Kurt can tell the very moment Blaine sees him, too, eyes locking with Kurt still about a block away, and Blaine positively beams, radiant and happy and beautiful, and wow, Kurt made him do that.

Once he gets close enough to say hello, close enough to see all of the colors and the softness and the warmth in Blaine’s eyes, close enough to touch, Kurt is pretty much done for.

He isn’t the type to kiss on the first date, particularly not before actually having the date, but he’s not the type to pay so much attention to his Instagram comments or send someone a direct message out of the blue, either.

As he pulls Blaine close and presses their lips together, Kurt finds he’s never been happier to surprise himself.

-

(A handful of months later, Blaine wears a Hummel Designs original to the premiere of the Waitress revival, an adaptation of the very suit he commented on the picture of - with Kurt on his arm, too, there to stay.)

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Hi! Could you do whole alphabet for Echo too? I'm so inlove with your Rex one. So soft

A/N: Sorry, I couldn’t find a nicer gif of my boy. Also, REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS! These take just as much time as a drabble or one-shot to finish. Spread the love.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Echo pre and post-Citadel is a cuddler.  He cuddles, and talks, and tries to stay awake for as long as he can, because he doesn’t want to lose a second with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves your legs. King of looking respectfully whenever you wear something with a short hem line. 

Pre-Citadel, he liked his hands.  They’re steady and true.  Not to mention dexterous fingers which you seemed to appreciate.

Post-Citadel, he likes his eyes.  They’re different from before, a bit paler, sunken, but still undeniably human.  He needs to remind himself of that fact every now and again.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Pre-Citadel, he loved cumming inside you. Nothing felt better than the feeling of his cock buried in your cunt as you milked him for all he was worth. He could stay inside you forever. 

Post-Citadel, cumming on his part isn’t really an option, but he be damned if he doesn’t try to make up for it by having you cum again and again.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Wanted to have a three way with you and Fives.  He wasn’t interested in having sex with Fives, rather he wanted to share you with someone he trusted.  He thought about he and Fives taking turns with you until you were sex drunk and covered in each of their cum.

He’d never dare bring this up with you or Fives.  All the same, even post-Citadel, he still thinks about it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not a lot.  He gets nervous around people he’s attracted to and often ends up repeating the last sentence they said on instinct.  Some people find it endearing, but it hasn’t gotten him laid that often.  He’s had sex once, maybe twice before meeting you. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Pre-Citadel, you on top and riding him into the sunset.  Save a horse, ride and ARC Trooper.

Post-Citadel, you laying on your back allowing him a perfect view of your face as he fucks you with a vibrator. Bonus points if you dig your finger nails into his arms until they sting.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s the same both pre and post-Citadel. He puts all his attention on you, but every now something awkward happens. This makes him nervous, which means he rambles and says something that gets you laughing and then him laughing until you’re a mess of giggles. So a sweet balance of tender and silly.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Pre-Citadel, pretty close shaven down there.  He generally tries to keep all things neat and titty and that includes his private parts.

Post-Citadel, well there isn’t anything to worry about.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Pre-Citadel, a nice balance of sweet and tender to just for fun. He called you beautiful every time you were together and tried to show how much he cared.  But, there were times when it was just for fun.  A pleasurable way to spend what limited time with you he could.

Post-Citadel, he’s still sweet and loving, but there’s more of an edge there.  A quiet desperation, as if he’s trying to prove something when you’re together.  The praises come more raggedly and a storm of unspoken emotion takes over him.  It’s more intense.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Pre-Citadel, he didn’t do it that often and honestly a little embarrassed when he did. He can’t help but be paranoid he’s brothers will stumble in on him and he knows the ragging he’ll get if they do.  Plus, it feels...well, a little childish when he knows you’re just a phone call away.  At the very least with phone sex, you’re with him in some way.

Post-Citadel, there’s nothing to jack.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Pre-Citadel: Fuck, he loves it when you call him a good boy.  There’s just something about that little endearment that drives him wild especially with you fucking yourself on his cock like you own it.  Add in some hair pulling and biting and he’s lost. 

So, needless to say, total sub.

Post-Citadel: Still likes to be called good boy, but gets a different kind of satisfaction in pinning you to the bed.  Has started experimenting with tying you to the bedpost and finding that he likes it.  Developing some dom tendencies.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Pre-Citadel; your apartment on Courscant.  Just a little home away from his brothers, completely your own with no chance of either of you having to do the walk of shame and getting shit for it.

Post-Citadel: same thing, but has expanded to his room on the Marauder.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Pre and Post Citadel; seeing you in a short tight skirt giving him a perfect view of your legs and proper framing of your ass. Pair this off with a few dirty words in his ear and he’s checking the clock every five seconds for his shift to end.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Pre-Citadel: Pegging.  You tried it once, he wasn’t into it, moving on.

Post-Citadel: No restraints for him.  Nothing to take away his senses or any kind of agency.  He needs a way out at any given moment.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Pre-Citadel: split right down the middle between giving and receiving.  He was an absolute mess every time you went down on him.  His rambled and groaned and begged until his climax hit him like a train.  He’d be a trembling mess once you were done with him. 

On the other hand, he loved giving. If you decided to ride his face, he was a happy man.  Maybe a little too enthusiastic and messy, but damn if it wasn’t satisfying.

Post-Citadel: It’s all about the giving and his technique has improved considerably.  He has learned how to tease it out, make you squirm and even make a smug remark or two before finally letting you cum. This pacing also will keep him down there for hours.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Pre-Citadel: Fast and enthusiastic.  He wanted to make you feel good, feeling energizing thrill when you were together and that meant wanted to make you cum fast and frequently.

Post-Citadel: He’s more willing to take his time.  He wants to enjoy every second that he can with you and that means slow and steady, absorbing every little twitch and moan your body produces.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Pre-Citadel: More often then you’d think.  He wants to give you what you want, but if you guys ever worked together he feels like he needs to be ready to go at a moments notice.  So that means a lot of quickies in supply closets and empty locker rooms.  It was against regulations, obviously, but he did gets a kind of thrill in breaking the rules with you.

Post-Citadel: Not as much his thing.  He really, really wants to take his time with you and he’s more than willing to wait.  Honestly, seeing you so pent up for him sends it’s own kind of trill down his spine.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Pre and Post-Citadel; He’s willing to experiment.  You guys do your research and properly talk about it before hand, setting boundaries and safe words, if needed.  If there is one thing you guys have always been good at, it’s communicating.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Pre-Citadel: The rounds didn’t last so long (10 to 15 minutes), but he had a great recovery time.  Number of rounds averaged about 2 to 3 per night.

Post-Citadel: Literally as long as you can stand, and maybe a little longer.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Pre and Post Citadel: Plenty of toys and frequently used; vibrators, dildos, handcuffs, cock rings, the works.  If anything post-citadel, the number has expanded.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Pre-Citadel: Terrible at teasing.  Just the worst. Cannot tease to save his life. Needs to give you everything the moment you ask for it.

Post-Citadel: Has learned how to tease and is an asshole about it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Pre and Post-Citadel: Talks a lot during sex.  Rambles about anything and everything that comes to his mind. It’s like a filter has been removed.  It starts as desperate breathy whispers and end with loud declarations and pleading.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Pre-Citadel: He actually considered turning deserter for you.  He never told you or anyone, besides Fives.  But there were moments with you laying quietly in his arms, he wondered what would happen after the war.  He didn’t know if he would have to say in the GAR or if he would be free to leave.  And if he was forced to stay, would he? He couldn’t imagine keeping this up forever; meeting in dark corners, sneaking out to your apartment, as if what you were doing was wrong. If the war ended and the Senate decided to keep them as soldiers, he would leave.  He would leave for you.

Post-Citadel: He still wonders about the war and how it will end.   He wanted to be your husband.  To give you children and a quiet life somewhere warm and safe.  But, given what he was now, normal would never be an option. It eats at him in the dark with you pressed quietly against him.  If he were a selfless man, he’d let you go.  But he won’t.  He can’t. He doesn’t want to.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Pre-Citadel: Standard issue thick clone dick.  Can and will fill you up until you’re bursting at the seams.

Post-Citadel: The dick is gone and the Techno Union did not deem it necessary to get him a replacement one. Technically they do exist, but they’re ridiculously expensive and most won’t sell to Clones.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Pre-Citadel: Surprisingly high.  Before he met you, he was convinced he was the horniest virgin in the GAR. So, when you did get together you guys were going at it like rabbits.  Call it years of repression finally letting loose.

Post-Citadel: The drive isn’t what it was, but he still wants to give you pleasure.  More like 2 to 3 times a week as opposed to every night.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pre and Post-Citadel: Can and will stay awake for as long as he can.  Even if you can see his eyes drooping, he’ll force them open for as long as you’re awake, rambling long into the night.  He wants to be with you as long as he can.

[ilovefandoms102]

As Long as You Love me-Part 3

Pairing: Rudy Pankow x Plus Size Reader

Summary: A new chapter for Rudy and Y/N begins, will they be able to overcome the hardships with a wedding, and a baby on the way?(sequel to SOMH)

Note: Heart breaking cliff hanger ahead...also I know this doesn’t go with the timeline like at all but leave me alone this is a made up story ok(:

Also I’m still going through TT asks so don’t fret ya nasties, jkjk I love y’all and hope you enjoy!

Part 2 Part 4

=====================================

“BABY!” Rudy shouted, sprinting through the house to find me.

“What?” I asked, a spoon that previously had my favorite ice cream hanging from my mouth.

“Season 2 was approved,” he yelled, jumping around like a kid on Christmas.

“Oh my god that’s amazing!” I beamed, giggling when Rudy spun me around.

“I need you to help me film the announcement.” he said, rushing me up the stairs.

“You’re gonna have to shave,” I pouted, reaching a hand out to feel his facial hair. 

“Say goodbye,” he chuckled, laughing when I kissed all over his face, and I made sure to rub my cheeks against his. 

“Even the baby said he doesn’t want his daddy to shave.” I whined dramatically.

“Awww I’m sorry bubba, daddy will grow it back.” he cooed, both of us laughing at our goofiness. 

=====================================

“Why aren’t you packing?” Rudy asked, squinting as I laid stretched out on our bed.

“I’m not going,” I sighed, rubbing my belly.

“WHAT?!” he boomed, whipping around quickly.

“Rudy who knows when you’ll be done filming, the baby could come by then, and I don’t want to have a newborn down there.” I explained, turning my head to look at his distraught expression.

“I don’t like the thought of you being here on your own, you need to come with me.” he argued, throwing the clothes he had in hand down in his suitcase. 

“What am I supposed to do? Sit around all day? I won’t have a car and I’m not Ubering by myself.” I scoffed.

“I’m sure you could come with us, baby please just think about it.” Rudy said, leaning his head down by mine. 

“I don’t have a doctor down there for my regular appointments.” I pointed out. 

“There’s doctors in Charleston babe.” Rudy rolled his eyes, moving his head to lay it on my belly. 

“There’s also the fact that I can’t just up and leave my job for however many months.” I said, sifting my hands through his hair. 

“Take a leave of absence,” he shrugged, moving his hands around on my baby bump to listen to the baby move. 

“Sweetheart I’ll be fine here, I know you worry about us, but I have responsibilities here.” I spoke softly.

“You can’t be here all alone, just come with me. Please?” he begged, crawling on top of me to lay his head on my chest.

“I can’t Ru,” I giggled, leaning down to kiss his pouting lips.

“I seriously don’t want you here alone, it’d be different if we lived in Alaska or even back at your apartment because there’s people we know around you. All the people we know here will be gone, you’re not staying here.” Rudy rambled, anger rising in his tone.

“Rudy! I don’t want to be bored and lonely for however long you’re going to be down there.” I huffed.

Rudy stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I rolled my eyes at his dramatics, hoisting myself up to waddle after him. I understood where he was coming from, but I didn’t want to leave my home. I’m a homebody, I always have been. I didn’t like to leave my house unless I absolutely had to. I found him in the kitchen, furiously washing dishes.

“Ru,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his middle. 

“I’m afraid...I’m afraid something is going to happen to you or the baby, and I won’t be here.” he confessed, sighing deeply as he turned in my hold. 

“I know baby, but I will be ok. The baby isn’t due for another five months.” I said as I got to my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

“Anything could happen in those five moths my love.” he mumbled, caressing my cheek as he stared into my eyes. 

“I know, but I will be extra careful. I promise.” I smiled, puckering my lips so he would give me a kiss. He obliged of course, but didn’t just stop at one.

Rudy was more determined to prove that I needed him around, which I knew was 75% true, but I would never tell him that. I was going to prove that I was fine on my own, even if deep down I didn’t want to be without him. This led me to now as I stood in our kitchen, struggling to reach a cup on one of the higher shelves in the cabinet.

“Dammit,” I hissed, standing on my tiptoes.

“Need some help my love?” Rudy asked, smirking as I struggled.

“No,” I grunted, walking over to drag a chair to the counter. Rudy gasped when I climbed on top of it, rushing over to me.

“Baby!” he shouted, holding my hips as I reached for the cup.

“Got it,” I smiled, laughing at his angry expression. 

“You are just trying to give me a heart attack,” he grumbled, slapping my ass which made me laugh harder.

Another instance I was in the shower, happily minding my own business when my bottle of soap fell off the shelf and landed right on my foot.

“Son of a bitch!” I gritted out.

“What the hell happened?” Rudy questioned, opening the shower door.

“I’m fine, just broke my fucking toe.” I hissed, going to pick it up.

“Let me get it,” he rushed, hopping in the shower with me.

“You’re getting your clothes all wet babe!” I laughed.

“Guess I should take them off then hmmm?” he smirked, slowly stripping himself.

“You only came in here to get some, not even to help your pregnant fiance.” I tutted, shaking my head in mock disappointment. 

“My pregnant fiance dropped that soap on purpose to get me in here to give her some.” he grinned, walking me back against the cold tile. 

“That’s an awful accusation Mr. Pankow,” I murmured, staring down at his lips.

“I think you need to be punished for that future Mrs. Pankow,” Rudy smiled, wrapping his hand around my throat to pull me to his lips.

=====================================

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” Rudy asked for the tenth time in five minutes.

“Yes honey, we will be just fine. If anything changes, I will let you know.” I chuckled as we stood at the front of the security check.

Rudy brought me into his arms, rocking us back and forth. I took in his scent, ingraining it into my memory. I didn’t know when we would be able to see each other again, but I hoped it wasn’t too long because we both didn’t want to miss any milestones of my pregnancy together. He pulled away slightly, bending down to kiss my belly.

“Alright little guy, I need you to be good to momma ok? I love both of you so much.” he spoke softly, my heart fluttering in my chest when he kissed my belly.

 Rudy came back up to his full height, taking my face in his hands to smash his lips to mine. I threw my arms around his neck, taking one hand to pull his hair lightly. His hands traveled further to give my ass a playful squeeze, my hands immediately grabbing his to pull them away. We laughed into each other’s lips, leaving sweet kisses on random patches of skin. 

“Don’t have too much fun without me.” I mumbled.

“I love you,” he smiled, caressing my cheek.

“I love you more Ru,” I whispered.

=====================================

A week later, I was sent a post from a fan account. Nothing new, I was sent stuff all the time, but this one caught my attention. I hadn’t checked anything on Instagram today, so I clicked on the link to JD’s dad’s post. There was a picture of Rudy, JD, and fucking Elaine in a living room. The caption read ‘roommates’, and I saw red.

Hell. Fucking. No.

I called Maddie B, seething as I paced around my house.

“Hey girlie,” she greeted.

“Was no one going to tell me that Elaine is staying in the establishment as Rudy?” I griped.

“What? I didn’t even know that.” she gasped.

“Someone sent me JD’s dad’s post with all of them looking cozy in their apartment.” I growled, rifling through my closet for my suitcase.

“What are you doing? I can hear you shuffling shit.” she asked.

“I’m buying the next ticket over there Madison. She is not about to make a move on my baby daddy and not suffer the consequences.” I spoke angrily, shoving clothes in the bag. 

“Ok, ok calm down. Let’s think about this.” Maddie B soothed.

“Already thought it over, I’ll be there in the next 24 hours.” I hissed, hanging up the phone. I called Rudy immediately after, holding the phone to my ear. 

“Hi honey, everything ok?” he asked, worry taking over his tone.

“Yeah I’m good, but I changed my mind. I want to stay with you while you film, I don’t like being by myself, and you were right if something does happen I won’t have anyone with me.” I said, no way I was going to tell him the real reason I was flying over.

“That’s fine my love, I’ll talk to them about getting us our own apartment. I’ve been sharing one with JD and his dad. It’s been great, but I miss holding you and feeling the baby.” he confessed, a small smile gracing my lips.

“Awww baby, I miss you, but I’ll be there within the next 24 hours. I’m booking the plane ticket now, I love you.” I spoke softly, imagining his blushing cheeks and his eyes lighting up the times we had been apart only to meet again. 

“Love you baby,” he murmured, both of us hanging up at the same time.

=====================================

 I didn’t expect to be crying when I arrived, my heart torn into a million pieces. I had Rudy’s post notifications on, so when I saw he had posted something on his story, of course I clicked to see. I was horrified to see a picture of Elaine, then in the next one, a video of them shooting some kind of nerf gun to see who could make the shot. I almost dropped my phone, anger and sadness surging through me. 

Rudy was filming today, so he had sent someone to pick me up. I sat and mulled over my thoughts, wondering why...why he would post something with her when he hardly posts stuff of me. I looked down at my slightly protruding belly, mindlessly feeling around it. I knew Rudy loved me, I knew he did, but if he was going to constantly forgive Elaine and want her in our life...I wasn’t sure if I could go through with this. 

I went to the apartment Rudy had got for us, not bothering to unpack since I didn’t think I’d be staying here tonight. I sat on the couch and cried, wondering what was so wrong with me that Rudy was constantly going back to her. I wondered if he wished she was having his child instead of me. Rudy walked in a few hours later, smiling at my bags sitting by the door before his eyes came to me.

“Baby, what’s wrong?!” he asked, rushing over to me. 

“Do you not care at all about our relationship Rudy...our ENGAGEMENT?!” I exclaimed, his face furrowed up in confusion.

“What are you talking about?” Rudy questioned, but then something clicked as his face softened with realization.

“Yeah, I saw your story. You know what she’s capable of Rudy, time and time again she has tried to come between us. Did you not think how this would make me feel?” I hissed, standing up from the couch to pace the living room. 

“We’re all just good friends, you’re overthinking this way too much.” he sighed, rubbing his face.

“No I’m not Rudy, you hardly ever post shit with me, so what makes her so special?” I growled.

“Honey it was just-” he started.

“No Rudy, if she was really your friend, then she wouldn’t constantly go out of her way to break us apart.” I shouted, making my way towards the door. 

“That’s not what’s going on, I love you!” Rudy exasperated, following after me. 

“If you wanna be with her so bad, give her this for me.” I seethed, yanking my engagement ring off and throwing it at him. His eyes went wide as he somehow caught it with both hands. 

“My love, your hormones are out of whack, let’s just calm down-” he spoke softly. 

“I want her nowhere near me, I didn’t want her near you, and she’s not to come even close to my baby.” I raged, gripping the door handle.

“Our baby,” he muttered.

“You wanna be with her so bad, he’s my baby.” I laughed humorlessly, yanking open the door. I left Rudy standing there with the most heartbreaking expression I had ever seen.

=====================================

Permanent list:

@aplaintart​ @outerbongs​ @mxltifandoms06​ @drewswannabegirl​ @x-lulu​ @nina1800​ @ilovejjmaybank​ @http-cherries​ @must-be-a-weasley-92​ @redosmo​ @ifilwtmfc​ @starrystarkey93​ @jeyramarie​ @sexualparkour​ @jiaraendgame​ @agirlwholovescoffee​ @jaxxandcomet​ @velyssaraptor​ @baby-pogue​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @ma10427​ @lasnaro​ @justcallmesams​ @judayyyw​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @fernweh-fangirl​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @eb15​ @hurricane-abigail​ @tangledinsparkles​ @haley-talks-too-much​ @bibliophilewednesday​ @evaporatedrosepetals​ @thetomatosaucee​ @tomatosauceagent​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @obx-direction-sos​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless​ @hannahhistorian92​ @lemur46​ @ohdangitsjay​ @screechinglawyer​ @leasly​ @sambucky8​ @poguestyleskye​ @babebenhardy​ @harryswigss​ @simpingforrudypankowonly​ @5sos-xmalumx​ @holy-spn​ @iraniq​ @they-reblog-once-in-a-blue-moon​ @wollymalfoy​ @thefandomplace​ @butterflydior​ @flowersgirl02​

OBX:

@artfork​ @graysonsdol​ @teamnick​ @joshy-obx​ @teenwaywardasgardian​ @gviosca​ @lynleylovesouterbanks​

[knightimehopes]

The Conversation.

Ult Dirk: …

Ult Dirk: I know you’re here, and listening.

Ult Dirk: You have no choice but to listen to this, so save yourself the trouble and show yourself.

Ult Dirk: We need to talk, and I’m not interested in you being a whiny, adamant little shit about it.

Ult Dirk: There you go, the young Prince finally got his ass in gear.

Ult Dirk: It took you long enough, I had thought I’d needed to taunt you out like one of those seductive pole dancers that old Earth apparently liked. Of course, nobody actually cares about that.

Ult Dirk: The web of realities finally connect to bring us to this very moment, tying together into a tapestry of universes showing off our huge ass face as if we needed a huge display of our collective ego any more than we did.

Ult Dirk: Which I did of course.

Ult Dirk: We were meant to speak again, in order to get to the true fucking culspe of our narrative importance.

Dirk: (Jesus fucking Christ.)

Ult Dirk: Look, I’ll get to the point.

Dirk: That’s a first.

Dirk: Thought you were going to suck off your own dick of infinite splinters for fifty hours so you can spout shit about random philosophy I’m pretty sure you don’t actually give a flying fuck about.

Ult Dirk: Do you really want to go down the road of selfcest?

Ult Dirk: I know you hate me, but let’s have mercy on the both of us and not bring that topic into this.

Ult Dirk: I’m not a fan.

Dirk: Aren’t you the motherfucker who said, and I quote;

Dirk: “I had thought I’d needed to taunt you out like one of those seductive pole dancers that old Earth apparently liked.”?

Dirk: I wasn’t the one who began to say the creepiest shit to a sixteen year old version of myself.

Dirk: So grow the fuck up and get to the point.

Ult Dirk: I won’t fall for your childish insults, because you clearly have no idea about the importance of this conversation.

Ult Dirk: I’m pretty sure this is the only point you’ll actually find any relevance in any timeline, and even that is a stretch.

Ult Dirk: You’re not something of worth because of your own actions, and you should honestly be thanking me that I brought you here.

Ult Dirk: Limelight finally shines upon your insignificant self, for the third time mind you.

Ult Dirk: This is your last chance to accept my offer, and I will tell you one. Last. Time.

Ult Dirk: I want you to allow me to use your body as my vessel in your universe.

Ult Dirk: I have my limits on where my influence can get to, as you know. I actually only cared about this timeline having my control dominationg it, at first.

Ult Dirk: But I had an epiphany.

Ult Dirk: Your timeline, among others, is within the Alpha timeline, as surprising as I’m sure you think it is.

Ult Dirk: A gleaming beacon shining through the god damn garbage of dumbass timelines that have no bearing on anyone or anything.

Ult Dirk: So I thought this;

Ult Dirk: You can help me bring your timeline, and universe along with it, to true narrative supremacy alongside mine.

Ult Dirk: Disagree with me if you want, go on ahead, but consider my offer before you decide to make yourself a fucking waste.

Ult Dirk: Everyone benefits from an actual point for existing, Dirk. Your friends are hellbound towards meaninglessness and redundancy, repeating the same old actions and the same old routine. You’ll get sick of it eventually, all of you will.

Ult Dirk: This cannot be stressed enough, you just can’t give up my chance to attain continuous relevancy. People won’t watch a story without enlarged stakes, and my supreme domination with thousands of stories to come will keep us in the public eye for a long, long while.

Ult Dirk: Make your choice wise-

Dirk: Okay, shut the everloving fuck up, please.

Dirk: I’ve had my patience with you the first two times.

Dirk: But it’s worn thin.

Dirk: Nobody is interested in an out of character incel who’s decided that the only way he’ll look appealing is if he cosplays in the worst Kamina cosplay anyone’s seen in decades.

Dirk: No one, and I mean no one, is going to give a fuck about what some random pompous poofy pants asshole says in his psychotic ramblings about some “Narrative” or whatever the fuck you keep spouting on and on with.

Dirk: Speaking of, what the fuck even is this long winded metaphor of yours that you keep on mentioning with readers and stories anyways? It’s gotten old after the first fucking mention of it.

Dirk: There is no goddamn point to anything you’re even saying with it, at least I have a method to the shitty fucking madness that is my life that I put all my friends through.

Dirk: You’re just spouting shit and acting out without even understanding the ramifications or even acknowledging how much of a shithead you come off as instead of how you want to be seen.

Dirk: Everybody knows you’re just putting on the act of being an all knowing holier than thou smug prick, but the only thing you are is a coward who can’t come to terms with anything.

Dirk: We’ve talked too many times, and you told me everything you did, and the only thing you accomplished is disgusting me more and more.

Dirk: I don’t know what got you to this point, how you got so far off the path we promised for ourselves.

Dirk: To be frank, I stopped giving a fuck when you told me what you did to our friends.

Dirk: You turned Jane into a facist Republican propaganda piece with your absolutely deplorable bullshit “narration” powers, you reduced Jake to a goddamn manchild who can’t even stand in front of a crowd without shitting himself.

Dirk: And I don’t even know if this is your fault or Roxy somehow was forced to lose brain cells, but for your Roxy, they’ve been essentially simplified into pink Dave at this goddamn point, not to mention that you’ve insulted them by not even dignifying their identity.

Dirk: That’s not even the beginning, mind you. But the fact that you decided that the people we loved for years deserved to be riduculed, infantalized, demonized, and reduced to imbeciles by your hand is something that you remotely deemed okay? That’s a transgression I can’t be anything but disgusted with you for.

Ult Dirk: You clearly misunderstand how inconsequential all you just criticized me for was and still is.

Ult Dirk: Dirk, misgendering and manipulation means nothing compared to what I have in store.

Ult Dirk: You don’t even have any proof to show that I did it in any case, all everyone knows is that I left on some mission that nobody fucking knows jack on.

Ult Dirk: How bad can I truly be, with just those as my only crimes?

Dirk: Perfect segway into how you kidnapped Rose, corrupted her, and manipulated her wife into believing everything I just stated and more was fucking okay by her when she clearly didn’t, and now she wants to fucking murder you, and so on.

Dirk: Not to mention, John Egbert.

Ult Dirk: I didn’t do anything to John.

Ult Dirk: Bare in mind that it still was useful for getting the Seer of Mind on my side, regardless of the blame for his death. Seriously, how the hell did I do anything to a guy far out of my reach?

Dirk: Sure, because you totally didn’t bullshit the concept of “Cherub Poison” that essentially one shot kills god tiers and completely bypasses our complete bullshit deus ex machina known as conditional immortality.

Dirk: Either way, doesn’t excuse that you used his death to manipulate a grieving woman either. I can go on, but seriously.

Dirk: It baffles me that you think any of this fucking shit is remotely excuseable. We’re done here.

Dirk: Get a life, you sorry sack of shit. You don’t even deserve any of the similes turned defemations or symbolic insults I can come up with right now.

Ult Dirk: You go when I say you go.

Ult Dirk: You want to play a game?

Ult Dirk: Fine.

Ult Dirk: I’ll humor you.

Ult Dirk: I want to-

Dirk: -Play a game in which I’m still a piece of shit trying to manipulate another person around him into his twisted schemes.

Dirk: That’s what you should have gone on to end it with. Because we know it’s the truth.

Dirk: Real fucking original line, by the way. Want to pull out the bro vs. bro strife drama out of your ass to add on to the shitty callback cake? Just sprinkle that shit on there?

Ult Dirk: You’ll never understand, will you?

Dirk: I could honestly say the same to you, especially when you try to look like the king of the weaboo neckbeards.

Ult Dirk: Don’t compare me to Tegiri Kalbur.

Dirk: Who the hell even is that? You know what, don’t care.

Dirk: What I’m saying is that despite your reasoning of this being all important because you’re suddenly the villain now out of left field, doesn’t explain how this has remotely any point to even happen in the first place.

Dirk: If you wanted relevance through this Sburb session you’re trying to set up, then think about it. Would anyone have complained about you going off to make some new alien species on a new planet? I doubt they actually would have, if you didn’t go off and specifically piss off everyone in your five hundred thousand mile vicinity.

Dirk: Hell, I guarantee some people would have wanted to help you out with some of this shit, it probably would have been an entertaining experience for some of the more scientifically minded folks in our social circle.

Dirk: Not that you care, you’ve made that pretty evident.

Ult Dirk: I’m not letting you leave.

Ult Dirk: This decision has long left your capability to effect it. I gave you your chances to assimilate with me willingly, and you chose to shit on my offers time and time again.

Ult Dirk: So you’ve left me no choice but to beat you down myself, and make sure you finally understand your place, and your role in the frameworks of my greatest masterpiece.

Ult Dirk: My words explaining to you how you don’t understand weren’t me flexing the muscles of my ego in your face, Dirk. It was an explanation on how futile your resistance truly is.

Ult Dirk: Come at me bro. We’ll make this happen.

Dirk: Finally, some words we can agree on.

Ult Dirk: And I’ll cut this off for the dumbass posting this to Tumblr of all places with a nice, shoddily made callback.

Seriously, Tumblr? You have a fanfic you can just as easily post all this to on AO3, you could have made your own website, but you chose Tumblr. This is what I get when I let a sixteen year old have the reigns.

If you want some context on this motherfucker, too bad. I’m not promoting shit for this child who thinks that my work is child’s play written by a band of idiots. They can do it themselves.

The next page will be up soon, so you can truly see who’s in charge here.

Until this bastard finishes the art, Dirk Strider, signing off. (God, that was the most moronic sentence I’ve had the displeasure to say. Of course they need me to sign off this way.)

Pg 1. You are Here

Pg 2. Coming Soon

Divergent Reality so far:

[roscgcld]

It's "just five more minutes of sleep" just "one more chocolate chip cookie" I had toooo, I had to keep reading 😩 how do I know your writing won't suddenly sprout legs and run off??? 😶 Haha XD You 🤝 Me "if I don't include Good Teacher (read: dad) Gojou content then what's the point?" hELLO??? TEARS ;-; (gonna try and make my own response as vague as possible cause spoilers) even when THAT is happening he chose to use those last seconds to reassure her and says *that* and know I Am Emotional

there is a lot of asks from this cute anon so am gonna make it long. also there are some spoilers, so read with your own caution~

(Continued) 😭 tried to keep it limited to one ask since I don't know if you accept multiple parts but here we are. Yeah mental trauma can be heavy, and oh that bit with Maki fits in perfectly since we didn't see what happened in between, how some characters got from point A to point C (like in ch 137, that was so sudden) (or we did see and I just forgot, I just remember where we left off with them mid-arc and then seeing them post-arc)

(Continued) "whacked" is such interesting word choice considering~ you. you know how it went. It brings to mind the image of whacking someone gently over the head with a newspaper. I am both laughing and crying. Ahhhh, you did not hold back. Aw daydreamer-chan it doesn't stop there 😭 I really feel for her, gosh, I just want HUGS. Even if 1/2 a hug. (I'm sorry) One day 😔 *plays kazoo sadly* dream a little dream, of a happy little scene, where you're here with me~ ✨ together for infinity~ 🌌🌏🌖

(Continued) Don't worry about the rambles, I love listening to people go off about their ideas!! Even better if u have fun with your own stories! Aksks and well 👉👈 what is a writer, if part of our souls don't desire whump content or to watch the struggle to win and getting back up again. That stuff is cool! I've sent you four asks already so I'll tell you in a new one! Ah shoot wait won't that end up having spoilers too if I go into detail ;-; can it be hidden under the cut?

Honey I am not going anywhere as of now loool - so all my works are always here for you to binge whenever you want cx fear not haha!

And okay see - yes Gojo is an ass, and I make that very clear every time I write for him cause let’s be honest here; he pisses everyone off AHAHHAA. BUT - he still does care for his students. I think that is very obvious. So I always try to make it so that I make that part of him shine through more cause that just makes me feel all happy and soft inside cx

I felt that it was the most accurate way to write them meeting up once more cause for me, she sort of just runs about the station not sure of where to go lol so i felt like it was the most fitting way for them to meet up once more. plus, it causes the most trauma for her in one go. AND OKAY SEE - that was the first phrase that came into mind okay? When I first read it I thought “well shit, Nanami got whacked by Mahito” and that is how i describe it to everyone lol. Friends who get into the manga will always hate me cause they thought the same thing too cx

I get that honestly - however I realise here on tumblr there are a portion of readers who are not happy when I explore? Like i mentioned yesterday that I was interested in exploring a more darker writing AU cause of an official art I saw, and I thought “Maybe putting them into a Mafia!AU would be cool.” Cause the in the Mafia!AU world, you gotta think really deep and dark for certain parts, and it interests me a lot. But then some random anon decided to say that I am sick and I need help - and it’s the few reasons why I wonder why I share the things I write lol. If I can’t write the things I am interested in, and people are going to go out of their way to try and like, make a huge deal out of it, I just rather not sometimes lol. Cause am a very pessimistic person. I get discouraged easily cause of some things that happened when I was younger, so sometimes I have to remind myself that I am writing myself and no one else. But I also get discouraged lol. Idk maybe I am just being too hard on myself but I just, I just start to talk down on myself and agree with the ‘haters’ cause I still don’t know what possessed me to hit post on my first ever headcanon HAHAHA

[crazycookiemaniac]

Omg why are you losing so many followers youve been drawing gay shit for forever??? (Or maybe i as a gay was just interpreting it that way)

Because I literally spammed people every day for one week lmao. And also, a lot of people follow others for specific content. The moment I stop drawing that exact thing they followed me for, they unfollow me. There are also accounts that follow just to make you follow them & if you don’t, they unfollow you after a while. There’s people who followed me for haikyuu & weren’t interested in BC content, and there were people who followed me for BC content but got showered in gay art instead and that was not their cuppa tea. 

But mostly, i start appearing on people’s feed the more I post. So having me post incessantly for one week made me show up on feeds that I hadn’t shown up for  a good while, so there were probably people who forgot they had followed me in the first place & me posting was a reminder to unfollow.

Truthfully, follower counts are dumb. Yes, it is important for you to have a high follower count for you to get attention, but the amount of people actually following you if you don’t have a consistent art style & rarely ever post something with different vibes than your usual ones, is equal or less than 1% of your total amount of following.

My instagram tells me I have 43k. I do not have 43k people following me. I’ve had 43k that once saw my account & pressed the follow button, but their feeds are filled up with other people’s accs that interest them more than mine (as well as my own feed does not show all the content of the 200+ something people I follow, unless I scroll down till the depths of hell to find every single post on that day and then do so on the next day as well).

Essentially, 95% of your followers are there because of content. They want to see what entertains them. Most of them don’t care about the artist and don’t interact with them at all. Many of them are scared to, given the high follower count. Social media & big accounts make people forget that there are other, real, living & breathing people that are behind them all.

So, to many, I was just a random artist they found and “lol”ed at one of my comics & pressed follow without thinking about it. Most of them don’t go to my account and see all other art I’ve posted to see if they actually like what I do, or me as a person and as an artist at all.

People who don’t know this get really discouraged when they don’t earn a lot of followers, or when they lose a lot (like I did). And some people think you gotta have hundreds of thousands to be famous. I’ve seen accs going around that paid for ads, that had over 150k followers and less than 1k likes on their posts.

Truly famous, loved, growing and/or steady accounts have an amount of likes per post proportional to their follower count. For example, if someone has 150k followers, most of their posts will vary from 20k to 100k likes.

When I was growing my account because I hopped in the fandom bandwagon and stupid little me didn’t know that would only make me crash later, I had like 20~30k and some of my posts reached more than 20k likes (because people liked my stupid comics). Nowadays, I’m not part of the fandom that made me grow anymore. I’m part of a very underrated one (Black Clover), as well a I am drawing a very underrated ship (LuGna) that above all else is getting hated on. I have everything against me in this, so it’s no wonder I lost so many followers.

They didn’t wanna see gay art. They didn’t wanna see Black Clover. They didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Not everyone paid attention or kept up with my warnings. Despite me explaining multiple times in multiple posts what the Thunder Flames project was about, a lot of people still didn’t know what I was doing that for.

The thing about being a big follower count is that, unless you’re actually loved for what you do (and to do that, once again, I need to emphasize that you need to keep a steady rhythm, a steady vibe, a steady you. Because people follow you for your first impression on them, and you gotta keep up to that first impression if you wanna keep your followers.

I’m unsteady. One look at my gallery and you’ll see how disorganized everything is. Oh, lookit, a 1 min speedpaint of a random drawing I did on an old piece of paper! And right on the left there’s a stupid random comic I did–on the right there’s this super detailed, shaded drawing I’ve done that actually looks terrible to me and I will 100% archive it later, and then there’s B&W mixed with gray shaded, flat colored and fully shaded characters of different fandoms + OCs from commissions and whatever else. 

The thing is, I made my follower count based on a fandom, and now that I’m not there most of that follower count does not have me on their feed. And most of them do not want me on their feed. Now, I’m trying to build a follower count for who I am as an artist, because the few people who have actually stayed and followed me throughout the years know how inconsistent I am in terms of art style, fandoms and everything else.

A solution to this would me either keep creating/posting the same thing all over again (just in different patterns), or creating original content (which I do plan on doing at some point). But for now? Since my follower count does absolutely not reflect on how many people actually like me and/or my art, I’m going to be as chaotic as fucking ever and do whatever the fuck I want.

So yes, I do find it comical that I lost 1k followers over this and am not fazed in the very least, especially because I literally foreshadowed losing 1k and hit the fucking jackpot.

The only reason I’m talking about this at all is because 1- it’s impossible not to notice my follower count decreasing, especially because every new 1k I thank people publicly through stories; 2- some people were actually worried I was upset over it and I have to 3- show that I am not, while simultaneously trying to show people that just because you’re losing followers doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you want to create content to please people. It doesn’t mean you should be upset, and it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is bad or wrong.

It means you’re fucking renewing your followers & you’ll now grow for what you’re trying to grow for, bitch. That’s what it’s all about.

Obviously, people do take a great risk doing this. I am taking a great risk doing this. I could’ve lost 5k, I could’ve lost 10k. But I only lost 1k! And that’s because I believe in the project I worked on; I knew there were people out there who enjoyed what I was doing and it’s on them that I was focused on. On the people who supported me AND my art, not just that one single funny comic post I did 3 years ago.

This answer is 100% a lot longer than what you could’ve possibly expected for and I am typing this while being awake for more than 24h so I’m sure that I’ve repeated myself a lot and that there are a lotta typos or w/e and I apologize for that!! But I’m too lazy to go back to read everything over & turn this into a neat post & I’m pretty sure I could answer your question in the first paragraph.

Oh and also. Yes. Yes I have been drawing gay shit ever since I’ve become an artist because I’m so fucking pissed at the lack of canon gay content in a way that it’s depicted as a normal fucking romantic couple instead of having eeeeeeeeveryone point their finger to the gay couple and scream “HEY THAT’S GAY!!! THIS CAN’T BE PART OF THIS VERY HETEROSEXUAL SHOW WHERE EVERYONE IS OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE EVER SAID THAT EXPLICITLY BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT THE CREATORS ARE EITHER HETEROSEXUAL OR TOO AFRAID TO LOSE AUDIENCE IF THEY TREAT GAY PEOPLE AS NORMAL PEOPLE!??!! WHAT SORT OF ABSURD NONSENSE IS THAT??!! GAY PEOPLE AREN’T NORMAL!! THEY’RE GAY AND THEY SHOULD HAVE A GAY SHOW JUST FOR THEM IF THEY WANNA GET SCREENTIME” and yadda yadda yadda.

I’m tired of this bullshit. Ever since I was an artist I’ve been rooting for gay ships in shonen manga while knowing they would never happen just because they were gay, and now that we are in our Blessed-By-Satan, Pandemic-Chaotic, What-The-Fuck-Is-Going-On, We-Don’t-Know-If-We-Wanna-Go-Back-Or-To-The-Future-Or-Just-IDK-Fucking-Die year 2020, in which the LGBT community is thriving and being louder than ever to fight for our rights, Me, in my twenty four years of fucking age, having gone through several fucking disappointments ONLY regarding this matter, am sitting here on my ass, hopeful as all galactic, glittery shit that for some fucking reason, my new OTP formed by very underrated characters from this very underrated franchise in the southern and western communities, becomes canon because my stupid eyes can see chemistry between them even though those stupid haters’ can’t. But that’s because they’re stupid and homophobic, and they really should just shut the fuck up. I don’t wanna dream, I want to believe. Let a bitch pray in peace.

But even if I’m getting ready for disappointment, I’m gonna make this project happen and I’m gonna have a shit ton of artbooks from this Thunder Flames project inside my fucking garage if no one wants to buy them. But I am going to invest a shit ton of money in it and I am going to have these artbooks come to life. Because I am spiteful and petty and homophobes should shut the fuck up, and I wanna do what I wanna do bc as an independent artist, I’m building my future with my own two, very toned and buff by now from all the drawing I did, hands. 

God fucking damn it.

Jesus christ I’m just rambling at this point, I’m so sorry. If anyone ever reads this out of context people are going to be so confused.

But that’s fine. They won’t. You know why? Cuz I got almost 11k followers here on tumblr but less than 0.5% gives a shit that I’m here, so I’m safe.

Have a nice day, drink your water and fuck homophobes. Peace

[shera-dnd]

A Day at a Time - Flirtation

I have a feeling y’all are gonna appreciate this one just from the title

Have some quality glitra content as we start making our way to angst glitradora end game

Also with a link to AO3 for those who prefer to read it over there

Catra had accepted the fact that Melog was trying to kill her at this point, because once more the little bastard dragged her through the building and straight to one of the prettiest girls she had ever seen, just so she could die of embarrassment.

“I’m fine.” Catra answered, trying to keep her cool considering everything that's happening right now. “My cat just decided to be a little bastard today.”

“You sure you don’t want any help?” The woman insisted. “I could hold your groceries for you, or your cat!” And as if he had somehow understood what had been said, Melog ran for the other woman and tried to climb her. She calmly picked him up, smiling at him as she did so. “Looks like they made the choice for you!”

Catra sighed, not wanting to bother yet another neighbour. “Thanks.” 

“So I’ve seen you around a lot,” She commented as she followed Catra back to her apartment. “Don’t think we ever talked though.”

“Yeah I didn’t want to bother you.” Catra shrugged. “You look pretty exhausted most of the time.”

“A shitty office job does that to you.” She commented, “And just a ‘hello’ every once in a while wouldn’t hurt.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” That would certainly make their random meetings in the hallway a lot less awkward. “I’m Catra by the way.”

“Glimmer,” She answered with a smile. “ Pleasure to meet you!”

Catra questioned what goes through a person’s mind to name their kid ‘Glimmer’, but the girl’s trans pride flower tattoo on her arm made it clear her parents probably had nothing to do with that name. That was not the only tattoo adorning her, as Glimmer’s body was almost entirely covered in them.

“And what is this little cutie’s name?” Glimmer asked as she petted the little creature, earning a pleased purr from Melog.

“Don’t encourage him,” Catra complained. “And his name is Melog.”

“I’m sure Melog just wanted to stretch his legs.” She commented, “Maybe he thought you needed to meet new people!”

“He could do that without making me run around like an idiot and annoy the neighbors.” Catra shot a death glare at her pet, who seemed completely unbothered.

“Well, I’m not annoyed.” Glimmer replied, defending the little cat. “He did give me an excuse to talk to a pretty girl.”

“What?” Catra did not expect that. Nor did she expect Melog to jump off of Glimmer’s arms and run back to his napping spot. She had been so distracted she hadn’t even noticed they arrived. “Thanks for the help.”

“No worries.” Glimmer waved off. Both of them stood in the corridor for a moment, waiting to see if the other would say anything. “I think I should get going.”

“Yeah… Wait!” Catra ran into her apartment, grabbed a little post it note and wrote on it quickly. She turned back to hand it to Glimmer, but she stopped herself and added a little smiling cat face to the note before doing so. “Here! It’s my phone number.”

“Oh just like that?” It was Glimmer’s turn to be surprised. “Not gonna keep your distance from the ‘weird pink bitch’?” 

“You seem nice and Melog likes you, so you can’t be a bad person.” Catra shrugged.

“‘Can’t be a bad person?’” Glimmer repeated and Catra worried it didn’t exactly come off as a compliment, but the ‘weird pink bitch’ smiled and answered “Thanks, Catra. Talk to you later.”

And with a smile and a wave, she was gone.

~~~

Unlike Catra, Glimmer hadn’t wasted a single second and started her just a few minutes later. Thankfully, baking required a lot of waiting, so she had plenty of time to just talk to her. ‘Hey, Glimmer’ she wrote, but hesitated before sending. Thinking back to the girl’s tattoos, she decided to change that text a bit. “Hey, Sparkles” much better.

“Is this about the star tattoos? Because if it is I’ll fight you.” Catra chuckled when she read that message. She would make fun of how feisty Glimmer was being, but she remembered she had said something similar to Adora the other day.

“You know where I live, Sparkles.” Catra sent, challenging Glimmer. The response took a while as the three dots kept showing up, disappearing and then showing up again.

“I won’t fight you, but only because I don’t want Melog to think I’m mean.” That earned a laugh from Catra.

“I’ll let him know that the weird pink bitch is a nice person.” She joked, but then got a little curious. “Where did that come from by the way?”

“You can thank my coworkers for that one.” Catra suspected something like that, but did raise another question.

“How the hell are you keeping an office job with multicolored hair and tattoos?” This was all relevant information in case Catra ever had to take an office job.

“They wanted to get rid of me, but there were no real rules about colorful hair and I dared their asses to fire the only queer woman working there because they didn’t like her look. Would love to see them trying to recover from that HR disaster.” Apparently Glimmer had a very ‘Fuck you. Fight me’ attitude about everything. “Also they don’t know about the tattoos, so I trust you to keep that secret.” She added, with a little winky face at the end.

She was halfway through writing a witty remark when her line of thought was interrupted by the smell of burning bread. She dropped her phone on the kitchen counter and scrambled to save what was left of her attempt at baking.

~~~

Friday night at the bar was going unusually slow. Catra wasn’t exactly worried about it, she was smart enough to save up some extra money in case she got too many slow shifts. Still, it wasn’t like anything could really bring her mood down right now.

These past two weeks talking to Glimmer and Adora every day had done wonders to improve her disposition, to the point even her boss noticed. Hordak found it all extremely suspicious as he had never been Catra this genuinely happy when she wasn’t up to something. Catra couldn’t exactly blame him for assuming shit, but it was still very rude.

It’s not like Catra was ever planning to introduce the two of them to her boss just to prove him wrong, but it looked like the universe had other plans, because she could see a familiar face approaching the counter.

“Hey, Sparkles.” Catra greeted. “Didn’t expect to see you here. You stalking me or something?” She joked.

“I guess it was a lucky accident.” Glimmer answered, with a strained smile, before taking a seat. “First lucky thing to happen to me today.”

“Shitty day at work?” She guessed.

“Worse,” She answered, pulling up the sleeves of her work clothes, revealing the myriad of tattoos that covered her arm. “My boss found the bar I like to relax at and I’m so not getting drunk in the same room as the asshole that’s been trying to fire me.”

“And this is what? The least shady bar you’ve found all night?” Glimmer nodded “Well, you’re in good hands now and I promise not to use any of your drunk ramblings against you in the future.”

“Why do I find that hard to believe?” She asked, earning Catra’s most innocent look. It wasn’t very convincing.

“I wonder,” She started, playfully “Do you get even more fighty when you’re drunk or are you one of those, ‘You know I’ve always thought of you as a friend’ kind of drunks?”

“Sorry, but I’m only planning on getting a little tipsy.” She explained, “And I’m a flirty drunk, thank you very much.”

“Damn it.” Catra faked annoyance. “Looks like I’m not finding out what that looks like.”

“Maybe some other time.” Glimmer offered.

“But now that you’re not flirting and you’re not gonna start an argument with someone, what are you going to do to pass the time?”

“Very funny.” Glimmer rolled her eyes. “I think I’m gonna relax with a friend and enjoy some good music. Mind making me a Bright Moon?”

“Ugh looks like you share my boss’s awful taste in music.” Catra complained as she started making her drink.

“What is wrong with Fright Zone? Their music is great!”

“Yeah. If you like listening to a sad emo boy groaning about losing his girlfriend.” Catra countered, having heard most their songs more times than she’d like.

“Okay fine, the lyrics aren’t all that great” She admitted “I could try to find something you and your boss would like. Maybe something by Sadie Killer or The Scream Queens.”

“I have no fucking clue what any of those bands sound like, but I like the names a lot more than ‘Fright Zone’.” She commented, placing the finished Bright Moon on the counter. “Here is your drink, Sparkles.”

“A pretty drink from a pretty girl. What else could I ask for?” Glimmer said with a smile.

“You sure you aren’t drunk already?”

“Maybe I’m always a little drunk.” Glimmer joked.

“That sure would explain things.” Catra teased, earning a playful death glare that she happily matched. They kept the stares going until they couldn’t hold it anymore and burst out laughing.

“You’re the worst.” Glimmer said when she finally stopped laughing.

“Hate you too, Sparkles.” She answered, with the biggest smile on her face.

And for the first time in a long time, she was genuinely happy.

[sherlollydramoine]

Can you write an imagine of you and Rami being friends with benefits for a few months but no one knows about it. And then one night you come over to bang and he’s acting really weird because he wants to be more than that, and he asks you to be his girlfriend? Please add some rough smut in there if you can. :)

Warnings: Language, awkward reader, mentions of sex- but sadly no smut in this one. Sorry anon, so sorry. I have another piece that I’m working on though that I promise will make up for the lack of sex in this one!

Word Count: 1010

You and Rami weren’t really together in any formal kind of way but rather you were both comfortable in a friends with benefits situation but noone in either of your lives are aware of the fact. The two of you had actually met over a year ago while you were working as an assistant on one of his films. Your relationship was mostly casual, neither of you really going on dates or anything, but sometimes you’d meet for drinks and would end up hooking up later that night. 

Tonight you were on his way to his place as he had sent the text. The one that meant ‘booty call’ which you were always too weak to decline. Sex between the two of you was always passionate and satisfying, which is probably why you never said no. 

Pulling up to his place, you do a quick check in the mirror to make sure you looked alright before getting out and heading to his door. You were just reaching up to knock when the door swung open and Rami greeted you with a big smile. 

“Hey YN. I’m glad you decided to come over.” he says, though he was shifting his weight almost nervously.

Raising a brow and smirking at him,”You know I never say ‘no’ to you. Ever. You want this ass you got this ass. It’s all yours to do whatever rude things you want with.” 

He nervously chuckled and scratched the back of his head. Okay, weird. Usually he’d usually have something to say back but he didn’t tonight. Maybe he was just in a weird mood. No random quips. Nothing. 

You follow him into the house but instead of heading into his bedroom he leads you into the living room. Again, this is kind of weird. You’ve been in his living room before but it was usually after sex where you both hung out post-coitally and watched a movie or some random tv. 

“YN, umm, would you like a drink or something? I’ve got different kinds of alcohol, beer, soda, water, or juice.”

“No, I’m alright thank you. I’ve got my water bottle in my bag.” you say while wondering exactly what is going on. He’s a nice guy, but this is just-different. You take a seat on the couch curious as to what he has planned for this evening.

He just chuckles a little nervously as he grabbed a beer out of the fridge and settles next to you on the couch. He just looks at you with a wide smile before shifting his weight awkwardly. 

“So-um-so. This is different. Not that I’m complaining, it’s nice. It’s just. Well, honestly Rami this isn’t what I was expecting when I came over. This is. It’s nice. I like it.” you awkwardly stutter out, not sure why you are trying to make conversation at the current moment. 

“Yeah I thought maybe we could change it up a little bit. I mean, I absoluely LOVE having sex with you. I know that we are casual but I haven’t been hooking up with anyone else since you and I started our relationship. Not that. Oh man.Yeah.” was his awkward reply. When it comes to awkwardness this boy has it in spades. 

“If it matters, which I’m not sure it does, I haven’t been hooking up with anyone else either. Just you.” you say, hoping that it might ease some of the tension in the room.

“That’s good to know. Though, I’m just curious. How do you feel about exclusivity?”

“What? Like relationship exclusivity? I am monogamous, so when I’m hooking up with someone regularly I’m not inclined to be hooking up with anyone else. I do love relationships though, but I’m not-I haven’t-it’s been a long time since I’ve actually had a real boyfriend though. Sometimes I- nevermind.” you mumble out, while catching a glimpse of a small smile on his face.

“Sometimes what?” he implores, now wearing a smirk. The little shit is going to make you say the one thing that you don’t really want to admit out loud. At least you think that’s what he’s trying to do you aren’t exactly sure.

“Sometimes-sometimes I wonder, no I wish that-”you sigh, unable to form the words out of fear that speaking them into existence will alter or ruin whatever good thing you have going with him now, and that you wouldn’t ever allow to happen.

“Wish what?” 

“Rami, what’s with the questions? I came here to fuck because that’s what I thought you wanted. This-this-whatever we’re doing it feels too-” you gesture wildly around the room, again words failing you and your cheeks are heating with embarrassment. 

You weren’t expecting his next move and it showed. You flailed about for a second when you were roughly yanked out of your seat and into his lap and his lips crashed into yours. Bringing your hands up to his face momentarily before threading your fingers through his hair. 

He pulls his face away from yours, wearing a smirk. “Feels too romantic? Relationship-y?”

“Yes Rami, that’s exactly it!” you said.

“Well then let’s call it what it is. I like you, you like me so let’s be an us?”

You laughed. You couldn’t help it, you thought he was joking because he was a joker. 

“I don’t know why you’re laughing because I was serious.” he says, eyes wide and looking concerned.

“Oh my God Rami! You-you-you weren’t joking. I’m so sorry boo, I thought you were joking. And I’m only laughing because I want it to be true and I just- I just think that-I thought that-it’s not a joke. Oh God.” you rambled.

He’s just watching your face and all of the emotions that are playing across it. Smug and amused, with you still perched in his lap he decides to speak up.

“Sooooooo? Is that a yes? A no? I was being serious.” he asks. 

“Yes! That’s what I want! I just-I’m sorry for laughing.”

“Good!” is all he says before his lips find yours again. 

@txmel @free-rami @xmxisxforxmaybe @mrhoemazzello @ramimedley @itsme690 @mezzomercury @happy-rami @r-ahh-mi @hissom1933 @spacedustmazzello @safinsscar @itslula1991 @sassystrawberryk @sasha–1996 @ladyr0b0t @the-real-ramimalekpeen @youthtea @ramimalekpan @breadnbutternips @warmommy @doing-all-write @imnottiredofgettingoveryou @alottanothing

[aka-willow]

The Looking Glass

gif

Words: 1978

Characters: Willow Wren, Marty Fields, Phil Coulson, Daisy Johnson, Melinda May

Prompt/Tag:

“We have to leave the country.”

Summary: Willow receives unexpected visitors following the library incident

Timeline: October 2015

Song: The Hall of Mirrors - Kraftwerk

A/N: uh-oh sisters!

—————————————————————————–

It seemed that my prayers weren’t answered. I spent the days after the library incident completely paranoid, feeling like this was becoming a pattern, some incident escalating, the fallout paranoia, and then the eventual slide back into normalcy until the next one.

I need to stop. I need to stop.

That Thursday was the first day I was able to not obsess over what happened. Marty and I made a pact to not talk about it, and I made a promise to never let Marty get that close again. That was a mistake. He saved me, but what if it went differently? No more help.

I got home from school early that day, only feeling a little better after learning that Adrian Lester had been arrested, and the fire alarm pull had been attributed to him as well, as an escape tactic. I tried not to let it get to my head, but I was shocked that I had gotten away with it, right out in the open, in broad daylight. Stop this, stop this Willow. We’re going down a dangerous path.

I had texted the Lab Rats group chat, asking if they remembered anything about a book, but so far, no one had remembered anything. Was it… like… a Bible? Some HYDRA Nazi book? Just a random bedtime story? Is that what Monster was? Just a bedtime story?

I was so deep in thought that I didn’t even hear someone approached our door until they knocked. I froze in my room and opened my bedroom door, poking my head out. Both Marty and his dad were out—it was just me home.

“Oh, what the fuck?” I whispered. I considered just not answering it, maybe they would think no one was home. Okay, we go out through the window, fly to the roof, regroup from there—

No. No powers. I have to face this as a normal person would. I didn’t do anything wrong. I have nothing to hide. It’s that simple. Besides, what if it’s just like UPS dropping off a package?

They knocked again and I crept towards the apartment’s front door before peering through the peephole. There were three people outside—official looking. Oh shit. HYDRA?

I should run, right now. Leave.                           

But if it was HYDRA, they would have come for me while I was at school. They wouldn’t knock, right?

I took another deep breath, checked to make sure my wings were hidden, and slowly opened the door, just enough to poke my head out. “Hello?” It was a man and two women. The man seemed to be the one in charge, which was one suckaroo for feminism.

“Hi, Willow?” the man asked. “Mind if we come in? We have a few questions about an incident you may have witnessed at the Henry Clay Public Library the other day.”

Oh SHIT.

I pushed away my panic and tried to remain calm and keep my expression neutral. “What? What incident?”

“It would be easier if we could sit down,” said one of the women. She wasn’t smiling like the man was.

“Is anyone else home?” The other woman asked.

I opened the door a little more, my heart pounding as I considered my options. “No…? Maybe… maybe I should call our lawyer or something. Are you police?”

“No, not police,” said the man. “I’m Phil Coulson. We specialize in strange occurrences, like the ones you may have witnessed, as part of the Strategic Homeland, Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. And this is Agent May and Agent Johnson.”

I worked through the letters in my head. “Shield?” OH SHIT. “Wait… aren’t you guys… wait also hold on, who came up with the letters thingy was it really necessary, it’s kind of a lot…” I couldn’t stop talking, words were just pouring out of my mouth, my usual nervous rambles starting.

“Everything all right?” Agent May asked.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. So… uh…” I cleared my throat. “What about the library? How did you even know…?”

“Oh,” said Phil, looking towards Agent Johnson for an explanation. “Agent Johnson, can you…”

“You posted on Instagram and tagged the library about ten minutes before it happened,” Agent Johnson said simply. She pulled out her phone and showed me a picture. “This one?”

Oh… fuck. It was a selfie of me and Marty with the caption come to Henry Clay Public Library if you want an ass kicking in the next 30 minutes.

Phil chuckled. “It’s amazing. Every year this part of our job gets easier. Between Facebook, Instagram, and Flickr—”

“Flickr?” I interrupted. “No one uses that anymore. I mean, Snapchat, for example, might be way more helpful if you used the—" I stopped, realized I was rambling again.

“Use the…?” Agent Johnson asked.

“There’s… uh…” I glanced out the window. “A vulnerability that uh…allows you to view Snaps under a specific um… geotag… never mind.” Can you stop talking? Is that possible for you?

“Well, as much as I would love to talk about what’s hip with the kids these days,” Phil said, “We just need to know if you saw anything out of sorts at the library yesterday. Anything strange, unusual?”

Just play dumb.

“I mean... the fire alarm went off. Why would they call you guys in for that?” I plopped down on the couch, putting my shaking hands underneath my legs as the other agents sat down across from me. Get it together! I forced myself to make eye contact with Phil since Agent May wouldn’t stop staring me down. “

“Willow, our team learned of the arrest of a person of interest that took place at the same time you evacuated the building.” Phil pulled out a photo of Adrian Lester and showed it to me. “However, a security camera by the front desk captured the agent being thrown back by an unknown force before his arrest and the injuries sustained are believe were inflicted by a powered individual. That’s why we were called in. Here.” He pulled up the security footage and I watched Adrian hit the desk again, flinching as he did so. Did I really throw him that hard?

“Damn, that’s crazy,” I said, not sure of what else to say, kicking myself for forgetting about the camera by the front desk. “I didn’t see anyone though if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Did you see anyone talking to him before the alarms went off?” Phil asked. “Or perhaps what he was doing?”

“I was just there studying,” I said evenly. “No, I didn’t see anything.”

“You didn’t seem him get approached by anyone, or anyone else suspicious in the building?” Agent May clarified.

“No,” I said again, this time a little more forcefully. “Look, I have a lot of homework, so…”

“Okay, all right,” said Phil gently. “We’re just going around and trying to figure out our next steps and questioning anyone who may have seen anything. Thank you for your time.”

I saw Agent Johnson glancing around the apartment, and it was making me nervous. None of this felt quite real and I was already thinking about what this meant for our Rat Revolution, for the others. If SHIELD finds out about us, about what we’ve been doing, we’re going to be in some real hot shit.

This was exactly what Jessica warned you about and you ignored her.

“Who else do you live here with again?” Agent Johnson asked, suddenly.

“Uh… don’t you guys know?” I asked. “I mean, government and all? NSA shit?”

The others looked to Phil as he answered. “Well, actually, you were a bit difficult to track down. Did you move recently? Your records were a bit…well… sparse, to be frank.”

Oh, no. Answer this one carefully.

“Uh… actually yeah,” I said. “Um… there was a big fire.” Why the fuck would you say that? “House burned down… and then uh… my parents died.” Where did that come from? “You can look it up. The Gideon Barn fire.” Willow—stop! Are you on crack or something? “Small farming community. Came to stay with these guys. Family friends.” I shifted my pose to the same one I did when I didn’t do my homework, elbows on the knees, leaned forward like I was going through something, so the teacher would feel bad.

“Sorry for your loss,” Agent May said.

“It’s fine.” No, don’t say that! “Is that everything?” I asked.

“I think so,” said Phil, standing up, the tone in the room shifting again. “We’ll be in touch if we need anything else.”

“Cool,” I led them over to the door. “Well, yeah, stay in touch. Would love to talk again sometime. Sorry I couldn’t help.”

“Nice meeting you,” said Agent Johnson and I forced a smile.

As soon as I shut the door behind them, I huffed a deep breath in, leaning against the door for support, all the anxiety from the interview filling me at once. I felt lightheaded and sat down instead, my head against the wall. This is bad. This is really bad.

I could still hear their voices as they waited for the elevator, and even though they talked in whispers, I could hear them.

“Think she was hiding something?” Agent Johnson asked. “I mean, we can agree that was weird, right?”

Ouch, thanks for that jab to my self-esteem.

“Perhaps,” said Phil. “The question is, why?

“Do you think it was her?” Agent Johnson asked. “I mean if the ACTU finds this person before we do…”

“We’ll find them,” said Phil. “But for now, until we know what we’re dealing with, we’re not equipped to—”

Their voices faded as the elevator descended and I was shaking again. Why didn’t they ask to talk to Marty? Why come here? How much do they know? And why not just scoop me up now?

I went to the window and stared out, half-expecting to see a bunch of black SUVs parked in the street.  

My first instinct was to talk to Fanisimo and some of the other Lab Rats and see if we could put together a hack, but if we made a wrong move, it would expose all of us, plus then I’d have to admit to them what I had been doing behind their backs—straying away from our original plan to just expose the old Facility workers, but confronting them, using my powers in the open. Drawing attention to myself.

The door opened and I jumped, stumbling back, only to see Marty slipping his shoes off.

“Hey,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

“We need to leave the country,” I said, and then paused and put a finger over my lips. Bugs. They could have left bugs.

“What are you…” Marty started, and I turned on my phone light to check under the coffee table and furniture, anything the agents had made contact with. When I saw they were empty, I turned off my flashlight and motioned to Marty.

“Turn off your phone.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

When he powered it off, I told him about the agents. “They were here, Marty. In the apartment,” I whispered. “They know stuff, and I don’t know how much.”

“So, what does that mean? What now?”

“It means that I’m done. Everything has to be back to normal. I don’t know how many resources they have or what they know. From here on out, I promise, everything is going to have to be normal.”

It means I’m shouldn’t take my phone with me anymore when I do these operations. It means I have to be twice as careful, no more sloppy work. It means I need to finish this before anyone else finds me.

And what do I mean by finish?

Find Subject Zero. Find Doctor Turner. Find out what Monster was. Destroy anything that’s left of it.

[aslanjadecarlyle]

book review: call me by your name

note: I posted this review on Goodreads in September of 2019. I’ve considered posting it here too, and finally caved.

enjoy.

My Review: (Edited To Add: When I first read this book, I, at the very least, thought that the author, Andre Aciman, was part of the LGBT+ community, but... NOPE! Asshole is a fucking STRAIGHT MAN. MOTHERFUCK.) And the most disappointing read of the year goes to...

Lads, I hated this book. Absolutely fucking hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. Words cannot describe how much I fucking regret reading this book — it just might be one of the worst books I have /ever/ read. I literally cannot deal. There were a few different reasons why I hated this book, all of which I will go into, but there was one reason why I hated it most of all, and I’ll put that reason here: Elio. I. COULD. NOT. STAND. HIM. OH MY GOD. This asshole. Full disclosure, before I go on, I am asexual as fuck. I do not feel sexual attraction, never have, probably never will. I am also sex-repulsed — However, I AM sex-positive. Normally, I do not give a single fuck what people do in their sex lives as long as everything is legal and consensual, and as long as it doesn’t involve me. However, this little asshole was a motherfucking CREEP. I get it. He’s 17. Most 17 year olds who actually do feel sexual attraction are horny as fuck, all day, every day. They probably, like, look up porn and shit — before PornHub, there was Playboy. Can’t relate, but okay. It’s whatever. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY OF WHAT THIS KID DID. (Pretty big spoilers from here on out, heyo). Right, so he pretty much starts lusting after Oliver 0.2 seconds after meeting the dude. It is literally your textbook definition of instalust, and if you looked it up in the dictionary you would see Elio’s face (do we ever even learn his last name???) in the dictionary. He starts fantasizing about Oliver’s cock right off the bat. Fine. Creepy, but whatever. I thought his little comment comparing Oliver’s ass and balls to an apricot was pretty cringey (he literally went as far as to call it Oliver’s “apricock”), but I would EASILY take a million apricocks over the bullfuckery (no pun intended) that happens next. But first, before we even get into the cringey sex shit, I would like to point out that there is a point somewhere in the beginning part of this book where Elio literally wishes that, “Oliver was a cripple in a wheelchair so he couldn’t run away.” If that’s not the direct quote, it’s pretty damn close. UMMM. Nice dose of casual ableism there, but okay. Moving on. Okay, so basically the context of the relationship is that Elio is a kid from Italy, and during the summer his parents run a vacation home. They rent out some rooms in the house, including Elio’s bedroom (he temporarily moves into a smaller spare bedroom whenever this happens). Oliver is an American and he’s vacationing in Italy for like 6 weeks, so they rent out Elio’s room and he moves into the spare during this time. Fantastic. So, pretty quickly after Oliver moves in for the summer, Elio catches him wearing swim trunks. Totally normal, it’s summer, it’s hot, and Oliver is staying at a resort near the beach. He is totally justified in wearing swim trunks during this time. Except Elio takes things to a whole new damn level, and after seeing Oliver in these evidently very sexy swim trunks, he sneaks into Oliver’s room. His justification of this very brilliant decision is basically, “Well, it’s actually MY room and he’s just borrowing it so I am TOTALLY JUSTIFIED in going through his belongings.” Right. Anyway, so this kid starts snooping through Oliver’s room (I will be calling it Oliver’s room during this review since he’s renting it). He starts snooping through their guest’s clothes and shit, starts going through his closet... and, lo and behold, what is the very first thing Elio finds in said closet? The very smexy swim trunks. (They’re red, in case you wanted to know). And so. What does Elio do upon finding these sexy red swim trunks? This absolute treasure among treasures? First, he takes the swim trunks out of the closet. And then... He :) holds the swim trunks up to his face :) and INHALES the scent of the inside of the crotch area :) where Oliver’s dick goes. :) BONUS POINTS: He also narrates that he wishes! he could find! “some sort of bodily fluid or a pubic hair!” 😍 I mean, what a guy, hey? *TV Announcer Voice* BUT! THAT’S! NOT! ALL! So while Elio is in Oliver’s room, he, naturally, has to strip naked and try on Oliver’s swim trunks. Because that is very clearly the next step in creepiness after inhaling some random dude’s cock-smelling swim trunks like it’s a goddamn Yankee candle. But that’s not even the weirdest thing that happens. I can’t remember if this happened before, during, or after Elio tried on the trunks (this entire scene was a goddamn nightmare — one of many), but at some point before leaving Oliver’s room, Elio gets on the bed, finds a pillow that Oliver brought with him, and :) dry humps :) the goddamn thing. :) Literally puts it between his legs and rides it out like a goddamn pony. Why I didn’t stop reading at that point, I will never know, but sometime after all this happens, a sort-of relationship forms between Elio and Oliver (more like a summer fling). I have no idea what Italy’s age of consent laws are, so that’s really not my place to say — I don’t want to seem like I’m defending the situation, and I know that most of my rant has been about Elio, but I just... the whole situation is really hard to judge, in my opinion. Oliver’s in his early 20s so the age gap isn’t HUGE huge, but he is American while Elio is Italian, different countries with different laws, so like... that further muddies the age of consent shit. But, even if the ages WEREN’T a problem, the relationship itself is a goddamn train wreck. Overthinking it all highkey stresses me out. Instead, Imma just tell y’all about an ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING thing that happened afterwards because WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WAS THIS IN A FUCKING BOOK. OH MY GOD. (I feel like I’m radiating strong Gus from How To Be A Normal Person vibes right now and, honestly, I need my inner Gus to get me through this shit because WHAT THE FUCK). So, they hook up and have sex for the first time. Whatever. I don’t even know what the fuck happened because, honestly, the writing style was not the best (I’ll rant about that later, if I make it through this shit) and they did this thing where they called each other by each other’s names during sex (which is, I guess, where the title comes from — hardy har har). The idea is fine in retrospect, but between the name-swapping and the shitty writing style, the scene overall was very confusing to read. All I got out of it was that Elio bottomed and Oliver topped. (<—— Almost accidentally typed Gus there and, um, Gustavo Tiberius deserves better than that. I am so sorry, Gus). After they have sex, Elio starts to question whether that was a good idea, whether he was actually into Oliver like that, etc., etc.. And at some point during all of this — I don’t even know how or why this became a thing — he ends up fucking a peach. You read that right. He :) fucks :) a :) peach. :) Like, I’m talking, splits it open and just! shoves his cock right on through! He even cums in the damn thing! ... And, like, I have never seen the movie, but I looked it up, AND THAT SCENE IS IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE. LITERALLY COMES UP AS “THE PEACH SCENE.” WHY. WHY. WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY. What kind of American Pie, 50 Shades bullshit did I just read AND WHY DID ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT IT. Oh, and, uh, Oliver eats the peach. Just. Gobbles that thing up like it’s his favorite piece of goddamn candy. At that point, my soul just kinda detached itself from my body and plummeted straight into hell. I have become numb to any sort of emotion, and I am never touching a goddamn peach ever again, oh my god. So um. Yeah. Outside of the creepy sex shit and questionable age shit, the book was actually boring as fuck. I thought I would actually like the Italian setting, but nope! Outside of being traumatized, I have absolutely no recollection of what happens after Oliver and Elio go to Rome together. All I remember is that I’m pretty sure the ending was bullshit. And the writing style was Not Great either. The author tried SO HARD to be stupidly poetic and it absolutely did not work in the goddamn slightest (especially during the sex scenes, with fruit and otherwise). The paragraphs were super long and rambling, and the author went through patches of writing where he just. Straight up did not break the paragraphs at all when a conversation happened. I read whole paragraphs where I had no idea who was talking because it went back and forth so much. I have no idea if that was done as a stylistic choice, but it was bullshit and I’m judging everyone who liked it. Why??? Did this??? Goddamn book??? Become a movie??? I have never wanted to roundhouse kick a book into the goddamn ocean so badly. I regret ever buying it. I regret not stopping after the goddamn swim trunks shit. I want my money back. In conclusion, to sum up this goddam monstrosity of a book: WHY. (If you want better LGBT+ books, please consider reading How To Be A Normal Person by T.J. Klune, A Light Amongst Shadows by Kelley York & Rowan Altwood, or A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice & Virtue by Mackenzi Lee, just to name a few. They are all SO much better than this goddamn... experience... and do not include questionable age laws. And also, the first two titles are written by indie authors who are part of the LGBT+ community!).