#sorry for getting serious on main but 'm sick of feeling horrifically guilty for no fucking reason

[soapdi-spencer]

Kinda doubting that I actually have OCD (still waiting for the results of my assessment) because I don't have many compulsions. The only few I can think of are hand washing, avoiding the cracks in the pavement, counting up to four over and over again in my head and having to lift/touch the kettle immediately after it finishes boiling lest something bad happens but I think I'm just sorta lying to myself about it. I do definitely get intrusive thoughts that are so vile that they would fundamentally change the way people look at me, but I'm not sure if it's OCD related. They're probably not. I feel like I'm making everything up subconsciously just to make people feel sorry for me and to trick professionals into diagnosing me with something I don't have. It feels like I'm just constantly lying about everything because I "want" to be mentally ill.