#sorry for errors or unhingedess I am on a megabus on a Bank Holiday evening so anything goes

[bikelock28]

What kind of parents to Ted do you think Remus and Tonks would've been if they survived?

I don't know why but I imagine that Tonks would be the 'easy one', the one who Ted could tell some juicy details from his teenage life and Tonks would be like 'ooh yeah I understand, tell me more!' and would sometimes behave like she's his friend rather than a mum (which sounds good but could be bad xD) I also imagine lots of cringe nicknames that would embarrass Teddy and lots of hugs and kisses, basically very affectionate and warm, like she was in books.

For Remus... I can't help but imagine him being loving but also strict and a bit cold. He would LOVE Tonks and Teddy obviously, but Remus is not naturally affectionate or open about his feelings and I don't think he would be a natural Family Man (like Arthur Weasley), so he would be reserved. He would express his love towards Teddy by saying how proud he was of Ted's Head Boy badge and ruffle his hair and clap him on the back. I also think his lycanthropy might affect their relationship - Remus would get grumpy, in turn Ted might also get sarcastic and grumpy if he's in a bad mood, which could result in a fight. Also, Remus gives me the ~old fashioned father~ vibes when it comes to discipline, if you know what I mean. BUT in spite of all this, Teddy would be a complete daddy's boy! Especially if he's more like Remus in personality and looks, and he and Remus could talk endlessly and understand each other.

Sorry for long post 🤡 what are your headcanons?

Thank you for your question. Don’t apologise for a long post- I love long posts:) and this reply has turned out v long also.

I touched on the answer a bit here: https://bikelock28.tumblr.com/post/624514058632232960/i-lobed-the-chapters-about-what-happened-to.

I don’t think either Tonks or Lupin would be very strict parents, but I also don’t think either would be the “friends with the kids” type. I don’t think either would be the Cool Parent, because frankly by the time children are old enough to fully understand/appreciate coolness, they’re too old to reckon it applies to their parents.

I think Lupin does most of the childcare. This means he and Teddy are close. Being a dad makes lupin happier than anything. He has a lovely relationship with Teddy: loves teaching Teddy stuff and is also good at being silly with him (remember this is a man who dressed Snape as Neville’s gran and who laughs at James’ jokes 20 years later! Do not underestimate the daftness Remus Lupin is capable of). I think Tonks would absolutely love all of the above.

I write Lupin as allergic to PDA with Tonks, and I think it would largely remain that way. But I don’t think he can keep his hands off Teddy, he is always hugging, tickling, kissing, ruffling hair, having Teddy climb on him, etc. It feels natural to him, he doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it in front of others.

If you grew up in a family where one parent was stay-at-home and the other went to work, you’ll remember that the latter coming home was a bit of a big daily occasion. I think that defo happens with Tonks- “MUMMY IS HOME! Mummy let me show you my drawing, mummy I scored a goal today” etc, hurling himself at her when she comes through the door. Plus it allows her to be Fun Mummy. 

However, Aurors presumably work many evenings, weekends, early mornings. If you grow up with a parent who works shifts like that then as the child it’s normal to you. But for many mums that‘s guilt-inducing. I think Tonks would really struggle with that, which makes me sad. Though I suppose the good thing about being married to Lupin is that you’d always have someone to talk to about guilt lol! I reckon she’d buy Teddy all sort of daft and unnecessary toys to make up for missing bedtimes etc. These presents would largely be junk Teddy didn't actually want or need. Lupin would find this habit extremely irritating and it would probably be something they'd argue about: "It's just a silly plastic frog, it was ten knuts," "So why did you bother getting it?" "It's just a little token to say sorry for being away so much this week," "It's clutter we don't need, like that whistle you got him in the Summer. He knows you wish you were home more, Tonks- you don't need to spoil him with junk to prove it," etc etc.

BUT I also reckon Lupin would also be indulgent of Teddy in a different way, e.g:

I bet he’d hate leaving him to cry as a baby. 

He’d have phases of extreme anxiety about Teddy’s safety. 

Because Lupin’s self-loathing means that he believes he Is Bad, and because he carries a lot of shame, he would be weird and paranoid about Teddy growing up with similar problems. This would lead to him struggling with if an how to punish Teddy when he’s naughty, and with even the idea/wording of “naughty”/“good”/“you’re in trouble” etc.

Tonks, like many people, would find all the above bemusing and infuriating. I headcanon that Andromeda was quite a strict parent to her, and as far as Tonks is concerned she (Tonks) turned out OK. Therefore i think Tonks would have a more normal and healthy approach to punishment: “sending Teddy to bed without his pudding will teach him not to steal biscuits from the tin again”, “telling him he’s been naughty isn’t shaming him”, “he knows we love him even if we get cross sometimes”. Whereas Lupin, with his aforementioned shame and self-loathing would be troubled by all that. I think he would defo argue with Tonks about it. E.g a battleground would be if Teddy can/should sleep in his parents’ bed: "It helps him sleep," "No, Remus, it helps you sleep, but not me, and I'm the one who has to be up at five to go to work," "I'll have him on my side, then" "It doesn't matter, he'll still end up keeping us awake. You've got to get over this clinginess," "He isn't clingy," "He's going to be because of you, and you are because of him. Look, I know you get anxious sometimes about him being alone at night, but he's safe here. He's in the room nextdoor. Nobody is going to hurt him," "That's not what I'm worried about," "Remus, that's exactly what you're worried about. We both know it. It's OK, I understand, but you can't let it effect how we are with Teddy," etc etc.

As for their family relationships when Teddy’s older:

I don’t agree with you about Tonks being keen to hear the juicy details of teddy’s teen life, or him being keen to tell her- remember this is his mum! Plus, if Teddy’s anything like his dad, he’s a closed book. And Tonks has enough experience of Remus by then to respect that in Teddy.

I also disagree with you about Lupin getting grumpy around the full moon. In canon he gets ill, not bad-tempered, so there’s nothing there to cause arguments with Teddy. I don’t think having a werewolf dad would make school easy for Teddy (even though said dad is also a war hero). But I don’t believe Teddy would ever directly blame Lupin for that, because Teddy’s grown up seeing first-hand how being a werewolf is an illness.

Overall I think Teddy’s Hogwarts years would be a happy time for the family (as much as they can be when you have a teenager in the house!). I headcanon Teddy as always pretty independent, so him growing up and making choices would be cool for his parents to watch. Especially as he’s a bright lad, and I don’t head cannon him as having any interest in being an Auror or going into politics. Probably a relief for his parents on a personal level, but also a big signifier for them (and their Order friends) that the war’s over, and they won it so Teddy didn’t have to fight or campaign or be afraid. He can live the life he chooses. He can be normal. Well, as normal as you can be when you have turquoise hair ;)

However, by the time Teddy’s in 4th/5th year I headcanon that Lupin would be getting increasingly unwell. Probably walking with a stick and tiring easily. Of course that’s a difficult thing for a parent to experience, and a child to witness. I think Tonks would try to make this all seem OK and fail, and everyone would be miserable about it. But being a loving family makes even a miserable time a little better.

Hope you enjoyed this long answer. As always, feel free to weigh in or send Asks or Messages.