#sorry for being overbearingly down horrendous in the tags again

[papertowness]

i’m so sorry but comedy peaked when the shameless writers made lip gallagher have anger issues and then decided he was absolute shit at fighting like you can’t get any fucking funnier than that

[blackwolfzbane]

Come Home

Summary: Famous inventor and heir to Berk Enterprises, Hiccup Haddock III has become somewhat of a well-known name across Europe. And thanks to an interview with the popular magazine The Archipelago, fans have begun to wonder about the private life of Europe’s most avid inventor. Does he have any hobbies besides inventing? Has he always wanted to take over his father’s company? Does he have a significant other? Is he gay? Straight? Bi? What better way to answer these questions than in yet another interview, but live and hosted by the one and only Anna Wynters on her talk show?

He should have never agreed to that damn interview with The Archipelago in the first place. It was a courtesy and a compromise between his father and him when he agreed to it anyway, so why did it have to be such a hit? Couldn’t his new model to aid handicapped animals be the thing that suddenly caught the public’s eye rather than his mysterious, unknown background with the affairs of society?

Looking back on the interview, Hiccup regrets not stopping the interviewer, a woman who went by M.K., at the more personal questions. For nineteen years, the latest magazines and the paparazzi never saw any sign or sighting of Hiccup to prove he wasn’t dead. Stoick Haddock, the head of Berk Enterprises and a man who was and is still very used to the demands in the world of cameras and interviews, didn’t want his son to be exposed to that life so early especially after an incident that involved Hiccup and a misplaced bag. So, when Hiccup showed up to the interview instead of Stoick for The Archipelago magazine, questions were thrown at him that were so random and rather personal that Hiccup honestly couldn’t process fast enough.

And for once, he was glad Gobber had shown up right on time in the family car to pick him up from something.

“Hiccup?”

His head snaps up from where he sits at his desk, in his room of the Haddock home. From where he sits at his desk that faces a serene view of the untouched forest through tall windows, Hiccup turns to his left and is met with the slouched figure of the one and only Jackson Overland. His best friend is slumped against the door frame sporting his signature blue and white frosted hoodie, black jeans and combat boots. He raises his hand to pull back the hood of his sweatshirt to reveal his strange, white head of hair.

“What is it now, Jack? I have to leave for this stupid interview soon.” Hiccup grouses as he turns back to his computer where his is working out possible hindrances on a digital, 3D model of the latest prosthetic he’s designed.

“Relax, man, I’m here for… we’ll call it moral support.” Jack offers as he makes his way over to Hiccup’s side.

Hiccup scoffs at him. “‘Moral support’? Is that what they’re calling an excuse to go see one’s girlfriend now? Besides, you work there.”

He listens for an answer as Jack let’s out a chuckle as he crosses the room to stand before Hiccup. “That’s what I’m calling it. But in all seriousness, I am going for your sake. Elsa’s letting me work today and it gave Andy an extra say off, so what’s he gonna complain about?” Insists Jack before adding, “Seeing her is just the up side to this whole trip.”

Rolling his eye in response, Hiccup smirks a bit. “You also just like hitching rides with Gobber because you know damn well that he doesn’t give a shit if you tag along and we’ll end up going Thor knows where afterwards.” He turns to face Jack in the swiveling desk chair.

With his hands held up in mock surrender, Jack lets out yet another chuckle. “Also guilty for that. But come on, Hiccup, admit it. You’re completely relieved that I’m going with you to this dumb interview that we both know all too well you’re going to hate.”

As much as Hiccup doesn’t want to admit it right now, Jack has a point. Though he loathes the idea of heading over to Arendelle Studios, it probably won’t be too unbearable with at least one person to express his annoyance and disdain with.

Just as Hiccup is about to retort with one of his witty comebacks, the door swings open with a loud bang. In hobbles Gobber Belch, lovely name yeah? But Hiccup doesn’t really have much to say about Gobber’s name, instead he sympathizes with him when it comes to the names that they have been given. Because, unfortunately for him, 'Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III’ is his legal name. Do you know how much teasing he received in school for his damn name? It’s not like he had a say in it!

“Hiccup, it’s time ta head out now.” Gobber announces in his loud and heavily accented voice. “Oh, hullo there, Jack. I s'ppose you’ll be joinin’ Hiccup at Arendelle Studios?”

Jack nods his head just as Hiccup teasingly mutters 'unfortunately’ under his breath at the same time he closes his laptop.

“Sorry, didn’t hear that, Haddock? What did you say about your dear best friend?” Jack asks feigning an innocent tone as he bends over at the waist, his eyes right at the same level as Hiccup’s.

“Nothing at all.” Hiccup shrugs nonchalantly as he stands to his feet and walks over to his closet to grab a coat from his closet to pull on over his grey dress shirt and black vest.

“Well you sure know how to clean up yourself.” Jack jokes as Hiccup emerges from the closet.

“Shut the hell up,” Hiccup mumbles as he pushes past Jack to grab his phone off his desk before joining Gobber at the door with Jack just steps behind him.

He leads the other two through the familiar, tall, white and maroon decorated hallways and down the marble steps. Then he takes a left at the end of the staircase and heads towards the garage filled with cars and gets into the car that has been 'Gobber’s’ for the last fifteen years.

Once Gobber himself and Jack are seated in the car, his guardian revs the car to life and the three of them settle into comfortable silence. After the garage door lifts up and the car rolls out of its place among the others, Hiccup is soon met with the lush, green space that surrounds the Haddock’s luxurious mansion. As he watches the familiar green space fly by in a blur, he sighs. He would much rather spend his time with Toothless, his black german shepherd, in the woods rather than in a studio with overbearingly bright, florescent lighting and the stench of terrible coffee.

Suddenly, it hits him that the car is far too quiet for one that contains the infamous chatterbox that is Jack Overland. He glances over to his counterpart who is slumped against the car door, hood pulled up over his head, and phone in hand with is eyes glued to the screen.

Hiccup’s watch as the forest soon turned into tall, city buildings. For the next twenty minutes, the trio drive in silence, and the only one who apparently thought it was a little odd was himself. But he doesn’t bother saying anything about it. Maybe it’s just the anxiety from the interview that he’s about to do is playing weird mind tricks on him.

“Hiccup!”

Gobber’s voice snaps him awake suddenly from his short nap and he can hear Jack sniggering from beside him.

“We’re here.” His driver announces.

Hiccup nods his head and glares at a still sniggering Jack before opening the car door and climbing out with Jack in tow. He whips out his phone to check and see if he’s missed anything important, however, the only notification on his screen is a single snapchat from the one and only Jack. He quirks an eyebrow at the screen as security allows him and his suddenly chatty friend through the door and escort them to the proper level of Arendelle Studios. As soon as he taps the chat, he is met with his own slumbering face, mouth open, with little snores being let out every once in a while. 'Pre-interview napping by the heir to Berk Enterprises…what a successor’ the text reads.

Narrowed eyes fixate themselves on a certain snowy-haired friend of his. “What the fuck is this?” Hiccup demands as Jack bursts out into laughter.

“I just couldn’t not take the chance, Hiccup. You practically asked for it when you fell asleep beside me!”

Hiccup whacks Jack on the back of the head before shoving the phone back in his pocket and rolling his eyes. “Why did I let you tag along again? Also, what kind of moral support is this?”

“The frosty kind.” Jack shrugs as they near the correct stage.

“I’m laughing so hard I can’t show it through the annoyance written all over my face.” Hiccup deadpans which only sends Jack into another fit of laughter.

“Hello, Mister Haddock!” A cheery voice greets.

Pulling his attention away from Jack, Hiccup focuses on the woman standing before him who can’t be any older than his own twenty years of age. Her hair is a soft orange-red that has been knotted and piled neatly on top of her head. She has bright, teal eyes that stand out greatly against her fair skin and a few freckles dust along the tops of her cheeks as well as under her eyes. She’s about a head and a few inches shorter than his one hundred and eighty-five centimeter frame, but she must be even shorter than that considering she is wearing heels.

Hiccup clears his throat a little before offering her a small smile. “Hello, Miss Wynters. Thank you for having me today.” He hopes his tone doesn’t make him sound too rehearsed.

“I should be thanking you, Mister Haddock. It means a lot to me that you accepted my invitation to agree to be interviewed.” Anna replies still smiling widely.

“Hey, Anna,” Jack greets casually from Hiccup’s side.

She turns her attention to Jack and smiles up at him as well. “Hi, Jack. Elsa will be down in a bit. She said to tell you not to get into too much trouble while she’s not here.”

Jack dramatically clutches his chest where his heart rests. “You mean to tell me that she still doesn’t trust me? After being my girlfriend for five months, she still doesn’t trust me around one of the stages in her studio?”

Anna rolls her eye playfully and shakes her head. “Yes, and I can understand why.” She laughs a little before turning her attention back to Hiccup. “We’ll be on in ten, okay? I know it’s sudden since you just got here and all, but I just thought that since I asked so quickly, you’d like to get out of here as soon as possible.”

Hell yeah I would. He thinks to himself, but, of course, he doesn’t voice that thought. “No, no, take all the time you need, Miss Wynters, I did, in fact, agree to spend time on your show.” He finishes awkwardly. Besides, it’s not like I have much planned afterwards. Though he may detest the idea of being there at all, he might as well spend an hour doing someone else some good.

“Yes, but I believe we have chosen a fantastic gift to present you with when we’re nearing the end of the show. Oh, and please, call me 'Anna’. I think we’re past former names for each other.” Anna says before she tells him that she’ll see him soon and thanks him one time.

The guest who agree to appear on Anna’s talk show always receive a gift at the end of the show to show how appreciative the hostess is that they took the time to stop by and chat. Gifts have ranged from a free dinner at some hoity-toity restaurant and an all-expense paid weekend getaway to some hotel by the see or on a tropical island. But somehow, Hiccup forgot about that little tidbit. He didn’t accept the interview because of the possible prize that he may obtain out of it; he accepted the invitation out courtesy and a desire to fulfill one of the Wynters sister’s wishes. In the past, the Haddocks and the Wynters have had a good relationship with one another, even going so far as to collaborate business with each other from time to time.

Before he knows it, ten minutes is up and he hasn’t even moved from the spot he stood in from the moment Anna stopped to greet him and Jack.

A stage hand was soon showing him to way to the seat across from where Anna sat and as he glances over the stage from this new perspective, he can see the audience’s seats as well as a window high on the wall where the lights and the screens are controlled. There in the box, sits Jack who gives him a thumbs up and a smirk before being accompanied by the oldest Wynters sister, Elsa. All Hiccup has to say is that Jack got lucky that Elsa came around about the twenty-fourth time Jack asked her out in some kind of insane or goofy way. With platinum blonde hair, eyes as blue as the northern lights, and skin so light it could be snow, Elsa Wynters is a beautiful girl that Jack was lucky enough to annoy to the point of her saying 'yes’ to a date just to get him to stop all the grand gestures.

“We’re live in two minutes!” Hiccup hears someone announce.

After a deep breath, Hiccup shrugs his coat off, gives it to one of the crew members, who in exchange for his coat attaches a microphone to the collar of his shirt, before Hiccup shoves his hands into his pocket while the other goes to rub the back of his neck anxiously. Soon, Anna is standing behind him as she prepares herself and attempts to soothe his nerves that he is so desperately trying to hide.

“You’ll do just fine. I promise the questions aren’t too intense.” Anna guarantees him as the audience files in from the three double doors. “I know it’s a lot to look at with the live audience, the bright lights, and all, but you can do it! Besides, if you need a laugh, just look up at my sister’s goofball of a boyfriend and he’ll set you back on track.”

Hiccup offers her a curt nod and a muttered 'thanks’ before she takes her place in her chair on stage as he silently asks Thor why he agreed to this again.

“And we’re on in three two…”

The intro music to the show blares out the speakers placed throughout the room and Anna welcomes the audience as well as the viewers at him while Hiccup does his best to look like he’s not about to have an anxiety attack.

“Tonight, we have a very special guest, who’s been off the radar for the last few years. Please give Hiccup Haddock a warm welcome to his first live interview on TV.” Anna encourages as Hiccup makes his way out from behind the curtain and to the white and golden accented couch.

“Hello, Hiccup, and welcome to Melting Wynter’s Ice. I’m so glad you could make it!” She says as she smiles brightly at him.

He returns the smile as he sits down and attempts to get comfortable. “Thanks for asking me, Anna.”

The audience claps for him as he offers them another smile and a shy, awkward wave which gets the girls going and results in some swooning in the crowd.

And now I’m even more out of my comfort zone. Fantastic. He thinks sarcastically to himself.

“So, Hiccup, it’s been a while since the media has heard anything about Berk Enterprise’s heir, and if it’s okay with you, we’d like to know why that is.” Anna says from a white chair lined in gold like the couch he sits upon.

Hiccup chuckles awkwardly before shrugging his shoulders a little. “Well, I-I mean, after an accident with my five year old self and a misplaced bag.”

The crowd give a short chuckle, so he takes this as a que to continue.

“Five year old Hiccup was a weird kid, okay? That’s, I guess, the first thing you gotta understand.” Hiccup starts. “He would go hunting for trolls in his back yard when his left socks were missing. Which, mind you, he wouldn’t have done if Uncle Gobber hadn’t told him that trolls are, in fact, real and that when little boys upset them by taking their rocks from the creek, they take their left sock.” Hiccup stops for a second as the crowd laughs and giggles at his five year old self. “I think that was just Gobber’s way of trying to convince a five year old that bringing moss-covered rocks into the house wasn’t the best idea. Five-year-old Hiccup also loved the idea of finding new fantasy inspired worlds through the woods and I, personally, blame it on the movies Bridge to Terabithia and Mary Poppins. Oh, and the Harry Potter and Narnia books. So, you can imagine what a five year old thought at a gala that was very, very boring to him when he saw a large, fluorescent patterned bag sitting by a staircase. Now, I’m still a talking fishbone, but back then I was even smaller. So, I get this grand idea to climb into this purse that resembles Mary Poppins’ and possibly get transported into Narnia or something.”

Anna, along with the audience is openly laughing at the story of five-year-old Hiccup and he hopes that he can keep this up for the rest of the hour.

“This bag, by the way, is just big enough and five-year-old me is just small enough so that if I were to lay down and curl up into the fetal position in this bag, I could easily not be seen. So that’s what I did. And, you can imagine what happens next.” Hiccup says as he rubs the back of his neck again. “Yeah, I fell asleep in this random purse for like two hours or something. So you can imagine the shock and horror the woman was in she found some weird, super skinny kid curled up in the fetal position in her purse for absolutely no reason. After that, dad decided it was probably best if I was kept under the radar, which I was alright with honestly.”

There’s not one person who’s not laughing in the studio. And once Anna has calmed down enough to speak again the audience is ready for more.

“Oh my gosh, Hiccup. That’s insane!” Anna chuckles a little. “You’re what like, what, a hundred and seventy-eight centimeters tall?”

“A hundred and eighty-five, yeah, sure.”

“You had to have had some kind of growth spurt right?” She jokes.

He laughs along a little and shrugs his shoulders again. “Around my fifth year, I had a weird growth spurt which didn’t help my awkwardness or my inability to control my oddly long arms and legs. I’m pretty sure I grew eighteen or twenty centimeters or something like that.”

“So did you have any hobbies back then that you still like to do today?”

“I like to hang out with my german shepherd, Toothless. He’s my best friend and the reason I even began to work on designs to aid handicapped animals of all kinds. He’s what started it all.” Hiccup explains. “See, when I found Toothless abandoned on the side of the road and hurt, I refused to leave him to suffer. I got my cousin, Scott or as I call him 'Lout’, to help me get him in the back of the car before driving straight to the nearest vet and getting him patched up best as possible. Later, we realized, his back left leg was infected and he’d die if he didn’t get rid of it.”

Sounds of sympathy washed over the crowd.

“That’s amazing that your dog is such an inspiration to you. Not many people are inspired by something so negative that turned into something positive.” Anna commends. “So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to change the topic to something a little lighter.”

“Go ahead, I’m ready when you are.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought I read something about you being in an ice hockey club, and being quite spectacular as well. When you were in school, did you, in fact, participate in the ice hockey club?” Anna asks curiously.

Slowly, Hiccup nods his head. “Yes, I was in an ice hockey club during the majority of my years of secondary schooling.”

“Where the rumors right about you being great enough to play professionally someday?”

A blush blooms on Hiccup’s cheeks and spreads down his neck as he runs a hand through his hair and with the same hand, he rubs the back of his neck yet again. “I guess I was good enough.” He relents, embarrassed. “But, obviously, it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Oh,” Anna breathes and he can tell that she’s feeling bad for bringing up the subject.

“Besides, originally, I didn’t want to be a professional ice hockey player. That was just something I did to help get me into shape to join the army.” Hiccup reveals as he makes it a goal to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room.

“The army?” Anna questions.

He nods his head sheepishly. “Yeah, the army. See, a year into my secondary schooling, my friends and I all agreed that we wanted to serve. It wasn’t a sudden or abrupt decision, obviously. Some of us wanted to serve from a very young age, and others decided to join over time. Just, some of us didn’t get to.”

“These friends of yours, are you still close?”

Hiccup chuckles a little as he pictures their faces vividly before him as if they were sitting there with him right now. “Of course. I’ve never been so excited to get mail in my entire life.” He jokes lightly.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why can’t you?” Anna asks, treading lightly.

For a moment Hiccup is silent to gather his thoughts before sitting up a little straighter. “The reason I don’t – can’t – play hockey anymore is the same reason I can’t join my friends in the military. I was out in the woods with Toothless trying to get him used to his new prosthetic. He was doing far better than I thought he would so I kept getting him to run and maybe jump a little every so often. It got dark and I lost track of time. We were pretty deep in the woods and I hadn’t brought a light with me or anything so I was heading back to the house on pure instinct. I fell into a ditch, skinned myself up pretty bad, broke my left foot, and even managed a huge gash at the ankle. Toothless, thankfully, cried loud enough for Gobber and my father to hear. But when they found me, I was in so much pain I don’t remember much of what happened. Like my own dog, my leg was infected and if it didn’t come then…”

Silence washes over the room and even a few tears were silently shed.

“So yeah,” Hiccup mumbles awkwardly. “I, uh, don’t have a left leg.”

More silence.

Finally, Anna breaks the lack of noise. “I’m so sorry, Hiccup. It must have been so hard to let your dream go.”

“Yeah,” He mutters. “It was.”

“Why don’t you tell us about your friends?” Anna inquires.

Offering her a small smile, Hiccup nods his head. “Well, Lout was definitely one that took time to realize what he wanted to do. He’s stubborn and doesn’t like to admit he’s wrong so you can imagine the conversation that took place when the twins brought up the idea and he wasn’t too keen on it. But, I think he made the right decision. It’s been good for him. The twins, Taylor and Rebelle Thorston took time as well, but they took less time. They’ve always been a bit too reckless and like Lout, I believe that it’s been good for them. Finn Ingerman wanted to do something with intelligence, but he decided that in the end, the military just wasn’t for him. However, for his girlfriend, Heather Osvald, it gave her purpose. All her life, she’s been a survivor, and being out there, doing something that she’s all too familiar with but having a purpose while doing the one thing she’s always known is relieving for her.”

“You speak very passionately about your friends, but her specifically very strongly. Tell us, Hiccup, do you have to disappoint all the lovely ladies in audience by confirming that you do indeed have feelings for Miss Osvald despite her involvement with another?”

Hiccup’s eyes widen. “No. Not at all. We’re closer to brother and sister.”

“Well, since we are on the topic, if you don’t mind too much, can we have the privilege of knowing whether or not you have that special person?” Anna asks dramatically.

Another blush darkens his cheeks and neck as his hand repeats its nervous habit once more. Instead of speaking, he simply nods and the crowd 'oh’s and 'ah’s.

“Can you give us a name? Gender?”

Silence engulfs the room again and Hiccup’s blush apparently refuses to fade. When he opens his mouth to speak, he only hopes his voice doesn’t waver or come out as a stutter. “Astrid Hofferson.”

“Astrid Hofferson.” Anna repeats.

“Astrid was born to be in combat. She’s fiercely loyal and she’s resourceful and insanely determined.” Hiccup claims. “If anyone was meant to be out there, it’s her. I’ve never known anyone more passionate than her about being a soldier. And she doesn’t want to be a soldier for honor or personal glory, she wants to be a soldier because she’s dreamed about it her whole life. The other soldiers in her unit have given her a nickname: Fearless Astrid Hofferson. And that’s what I love about her. She’s not like anyone I’ve ever met and for some insane reason, she hasn’t realized what a total fishbone I really am.” He jokes. “But, of course, I miss her when she’s away like any normal person.”

“How long until she gets back?” Anna asks with a sympathetic smile on her lips.

“About two months. But if I’m lucky she’ll be back sooner.” Hiccup says as her runs a hand through his hair.

“What would you say to her if she had the opportunity to watch this live stream?”

“I’d tell her Stormfly, that’s her weimaraner, misses her, that I love her and miss her. I’d tell her that her house plants are dying but it’s not my fault and that I miss her scent and her laugh. I’d tell her than when she gets home, it’ll be falling in love with her all over again as soon as I see her in front of me and know it’s not a dream or some trick Jack could play on me.”

“Then I can assure you that this is not a trick Jack is playing on you.”

He freezes, but soon he’s on his feet in the blink of an eye and when he turns to see where that all too familiar voice is coming from, he almost can’t believe the sight before his eyes.

Only meters away, clad in her green uniform and combat boots, stands the very person he has not seen in the last eight months. And as soon as he lays eyes upon her he knew he was right about what he said earlier. At the sight of her, he feels as if he’s fallen in love with her all over again. Her eyes are just as blue as he remembers, but her hair seems to be longer, still braided none the less though. He doesn’t know how long he stands there staring at her with his mouth open in shock, but he doesn’t care when he just barely whispers her name and she meets him half way across the stage.

As soon as she’s in his arms, he breathes in her scent and he knows this is the smell of home. Astrid is home. His home.

Her vice-like grip around his waist doesn’t bother him in the slightest. As long as she’s here where he can see her face to face and hold her just like this, he’d say yes to another interview and another.

Hiccup feels her hands move higher so that now they rest behind his neck as she beckons him down for a kiss that they so desperately desire from each other.

“Hey, Hiccstrid.” Comes the familiar voice of his cousin.

Hiccup and Astrid break apart reluctantly and turn to face the direction from which Astrid came. Standing in the same uniform and combat boots, are the friends he me missed so much over the course of eight months.

“Now, I don’t want a kiss or anything like that, but-” Taylor, the male twin says.

“Buy we’d at least like a hug.” Rebelle finishes.

While everyone surrounded Hiccup as they became reunited with each other, Astrid made eye contact with Anna, first and then Jack and Elsa up in the control panel.

She mouths 'thank you’ to all three and offers them a smile as they give her one in return.

“And there you have it, everyone. Hiccup’s gift as a 'thank you’ for stopping by and chatting for the first time. Thanks for watching, and I hope you’ll tune in next week on Melting Wynters Ice.”

AN: I really hope you all enjoyed this one shot! Let me know what you think and if you want, follow me on tumblr blackwolfzbane! Feedback is greatly appreciated.

OR

read here on fanfiction.net and ao3:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12780923/1/Come-Home

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214700