#sorry for being insane with the commentary but i'm not normal about these guys okay

[ruvviks]

// ocs as patron saints. [x]

tagged by; @katsigian, @deadrlngers and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @dickytwister, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf and YOU!

– PATRON SAINT OF RELICS.

patron saint of remembering. patron saint of holding something close. patron saint of holding on for too long. for a saint, a relic is often a part of the body, kept for some physical memento of their holiness. they are all in your hands, now: does it feel like remembrance? does it feel sanctified? are the dust and blood as precious as they're supposed to be?

hindsight carries the gun of his deceased father, the last memory he holds of the past and of what used to be his family; he is alone, a vessel for all that used to be, carrying the burden of remembrance like a chain around his neck. he has made himself easily digestible, to fit in, to not stand out; yet the past clings to him tighter than the present and forces him on his knees, forced to worship a twisted and faux idyllic retelling of a place he can no longer get back to.

– PATRON SAINT OF HEARTBREAK.

not of comfort. not of condolences. there is a heart and there is a fissure, a fracture, something that starts to splinter and break open. you're the patron saint of the way a heart is rent open. the way it tears itself apart. patron saint of the rift. patron saint of the gash. when they say to "open your heart" to somebody, you are the patron saint of bleeding out.

erytheia is a grave domain cleric, and has witnessed more burials in her lifetime than any being ever should. she has seen the countless ways in which the best of her abilities still did not suffice, her healing more than often merely prolonging a life rather than saving it; and she carries the consequences of it wherever she goes, the faces of those who were left behind, the broken hearts and wails of sorrow like a symphony in the dead of night, chasing after the trail of blood left by her bleeding heart.

– PATRON SAINT OF BLOOD.

patron saint of the life that flows through our bodies. patron saint of violence. patron saint of love. something that does not watch over but exists within: not for protection but for vitality. there is no passion without a beating heart at its core. when that heart breaks open, someone has to be responsible for what it bleeds.

juniper is full of life, full of passion. her heart hungers and beats viciously within her ribcage, threatening to burst out; all of which shows in her unexpected ferocity in battle, as well as in the way her hands hold the waist of her lover, whoever is within her reach when her desire threatens to spill over. a mouth that kisses as much as it bites, and teeth that graze vulnerable skin and dig into tender flesh; she is a predator, and gods save whoever becomes her next prey.

[cakemoney]

oh hell yeah fuck the heart of darkness !! i love shitting on the heart of darkness !!

i think for the most part what made me so constantly annoyed and disgusted by the book is what you described with regards to conrad's portrayal of africa. it felt increasingly uncomfortable and gross that despite being a book explicitly about the evils that the local african population was put through, it felt like the actual african people on the book were just setpieces used to depict a horrible backdrop, without any agency of their own or even any distinguishing characteristics other than Suffering, treated as less than human by white men but also by the language and framing of the narrative. and like blah blah blah narrator cannot escape his inherent complicity in the evil because he's white etc I'm sure there's something to that, but also, african people wrote books and told stories too, ya know, we don't have to keep listening to white men talk about how bad they feel about [whatever atrocity is being depicted] all year (my teacher, who is quite used to this: thanks for your thoughts I'll submit this to the district for consideration. does anyone else have anything to share please)

but i also just had so much frustration with how it is treated like a Classic, all the discussions about it critiquing imperialism and racism--because, i mean, did it really? what did it have to say? what is it saying about imperialism and racism? that it's bad? no shit my guy, i think maybe most people (the peoples being colonized for instance) already knew that. like, i wouldn't even hate it this much, i think (okay maybe i still would), if it was just treated as White Man Discovers Glorified Conquest Is Actually Horrifying, And This Was Relevant To Europeans At The Time. if it was just meant to be as it is. but the curriculum the scholarship the discussions keep insisting that it's Deep, there is Meaningful Commentary, and I'm digging through all that blood and dirt going Bitch Where???? I'm looking for it, i WANT to find it, I've been handed a historical classic about a heavy and complicated subject and i am TRYING to engage, so where??? is the meaningful commentary?????

i think the epitome of this frustration could be summed up with kurtz. the entire story felt like such a miserable road (boat) trip, just meandering from plot point to plot point, in search of Kurtz, The Man, The Myth, The Asshole. he's built up throughout the narrative as this Pinnacle; they keep traveling further and further inland, searching through physical barriers and conplicated lies for him, for the Real Kurtz. literarily you might say he's at the heart of all this darkness, or something. and then we find him, and???? he's insane and dying of disease. that's it. that's all? like we haven't met a billion other people who are actively dying? was i supposed to be shocked that kurtz wasn't what people thought he was? what am i supposed to do (analytically speaking) with this pathetic man? we FINALLY find him and he just gets to peace out without facing the normal world again and we (metaphorically, along with the narrator) just have to carry on with the knowledge of The Horrors

so that's the true face of imperialism? civilized men reverting to savage instinct until they lose their sense of humanity and self? no, you dickhead (addressed to conrad, not my teacher, sorry sir). imperialism is the extraction of resources. it's asserting ownership of whole countries and bleeding them dry for profit, in the process stripping the actual human beings in it of autonomy (among other things), rationalized through the belief that the Free Market means taking anything you can get away with taking to enrich yourself. the dehumanization and enslavement of a local population is not something that happened (happens) by accident, nor is it an unintended consequence of otherwise fair and noble goals, and it's certainly not human nature in the absence of the law/when given power over others or whatever; it's a critical, deliberate part of the entire process, because it justifies all the rest. and you can see some parts of this in the story; this book was based on conrad's personal experiences, and he witnessed real events, and there is value in that, but it just doesn't GET THERE. it doesn't point the gun at the real perpetrators. we got to kurtz, and then we went home. we sailed all the way there, got SO close, just to not get at this at all, so what was the point? where was the goddamn point, conrad?

in conclusion, Fuck the Heart of Darkness, i have a very specific memory of writing "in short, the true horror kurtz saw in his madness was me being forced to read this book" on some assignment and my teacher just going (paraphrased): "lol"

the only redeeming quality to heart of darkness is that when i was like "ma'am please i attempted to do the reading assignment but my brain did not absorb the words and what it did absorb it detested with every fiber of my being" my english teacher was like okay if you can phrase why you hate this book in terms of literary analysis that is a valid learning experience and so i got to be like AYO FUCK THIS BOOK in class for a grade