#sorry dagna. love you to pieces. i don’t know why this is happening either

[vigilskeep]

i find it kind of funny that my being gay happens to be largely irrelevant to how i play videogames including romances, except whatever it is that sera does to my brain

[heartslogos]

the declassified texts of the inquisition’s elite [134]

(408): the raccoons are back... - (224):  I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened. (1-224):  I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?! -

“I wasn’t aware that there was a raccoon problem,” Evelyn says, pausing with her hand on the door handle as she turns to Cullen. “Since when did we have a raccoon problem?”

“I wasn’t aware that the raccoons left,” Cullen replies, stepping back a bit to glance around the exterior of the building. “Josephine, are you sure that they left?”

“We had people scouring this place top to bottom, they were definitely gone for a while.” Josephine turns to Evelyn. “We were able to buy the building and the surrounding area because they were abandoned. Let’s just say that nature has a way of reclaiming spaces. Raccoons were the least of our troubles in this specific area.”

“Are you telling me that this,” Evelyn gestures to the building, “Was an abandoned building filled with raccoons and other such wild animals? And no one told me?”

“It cleaned up rather nicely,” Josephine says, “It certainly isn’t abandoned now. We’ve finished our remodeling and updating of the building and it’s been an active Inquisition outpost for almost six months. It’s a wonderful location and — “

“I’m not arguing us buying abandoned buildings and making them into something useable,” Evelyn interrupts, “I’m trying to figure out who you’ve told about us buying the abandoned buildings.”

“Might I ask why? I can promise you this will not effect our image,” Josephine says. “And it’s all very good, financially speaking. The cost of renovation is offset by the low cost of the land. Especially in remote areas like these that are really hurting for the business.”

Evelyn turns around to face Josephine, expression softening. “It isn’t that either. I’m just — look. Listen. Nature has a way of getting into spaces when left to itself. That’s what nature does. Right?”

“Right.”

“And even if people come back to try and tame that nature and make use of those spaces, it can be hard to get nature to stop coming back in. Like raccoons. Right?”

“Right.”

“You know who else is like that?” Evelyn says. “The Lavellans. Specifically Ellana Lavellan. What I’m trying to ask is if anyone’s told Ellana Lavellan that we’ve been buying up abandoned lots and trying to get evict the furry little residents of said abandoned lots to little success.”

Josephine turns to Cullen. Cullen turns to Josephine. If Leliana were present they’d also turn to Leliana, who would no doubt be laughing for such a drastic oversight.

“If you got Ellana Lavellan into an abandoned building filled basement to rafters with all manner of wild creatures I would be wiling to be every single piece of capitalist, material wealth tied to my name that not only would she be able to get all of them out of the building and off of the property unharmed and unbothered, but they also wouldn’t come back.” Evelyn points over her shoulder at the building. “So. Anyone get Ellana in on this action, or am I really the first one to be having that idea?”

Josephine laughs as she covers her face. “That’s…truly an inspired idea. I don’t know why we didn’t think of it sooner.”

“To be fair, no one’s first thought to problem solve anything is to get Ellana Lavellan,” Cullen says to her, “Since usually Ellana is the source of the original problem.”

“Ellana has a very wide array of talents and skills to her name. Unfortunately all of these talents and skills are very esoteric and have very specific applications. This just happens to be one of them. Call Ellana and have her come over, and send her to any other abandoned lots you’re thinking of buying ahead of time. Maybe send her with some cages and she can convince whatever’s living there to be a bother on the property of someone we don’t like. Might as well weaponize her ability to be…like that.” - “And this is why I don’t know why you people think I’m the train wreck disaster of a twenty year old,” Sera rolls her eyes. “Everyone’s all like, Dagna’s the responsible one, oh she’s so mature and grown up and whatever. Dagna left her family at sixteen to pursue her dreams. She’s a genius and pioneer in her field. Yeah, sure, love that. Totally deserves the rep for that. But like. In no way does Dagna being an absolute genius equate to Dagna being a put together twenty year old. I’m not the bad influence. Dagna definitely has part of her brain doing all the bad decisions without me saying shit.”

“How do you chip a tooth on a cheese puff?” Kaaras asks himself softly, looking quite nervous. “Why are they harder than teeth?”

“Was it like…a real tooth?” Malika asks. “Or was it, you know, a cap or something?’

“Didn’t ask,” Sera shrugs as she types out a response to Dagna on her phone, “Good thing Inquisition’s got dental, yeah? Okay, so I’m asking Dagna why she made that sandwich. And she’s saying she wanted some texture. Also we only have the shitty plastic wrapped individual slices in terms of cheese. Which sounds like a good excuse, but I think she did it to mess with me. I’m pretty sure the cheese puffs are like…the wee crumby bits at the bottom of the bag that are rock hard because they’re stale and have been at the bottom of the bag for months. I’ve been on her case to just throw out the bag but she keeps saying she’s gonna eat it. Well. She definitely ate it. And it fucked her over. Ha. Karma.”

“I don’t think Dagna’s taking this as karma, Sera,” Malika points out, “Because she’s texting me to pick up more cheese puffs for her.”

“Do you want me to ask if the dentist has any open appointments today?” Kaaras asks. “I know Herah’d gone in earlier to get a new filling, maybe she can reserve a spot for Dagna.”

“Let’s see how big this chip is first,” Sera answers, “If it’s just a little one it can wait. Hold on, Dagna’s now texting me a grocery list. Oh come on, a baguette? Has she learned nothing?”